The World Is My Jester

Confession: I’m A Little Sad

Berrak — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 18:42:05 +0000

The title of my blog may be misleading at times. While I do my best to find a reason to smile/laugh every day, I’m not Little Miss Sunshine.

I’m not the kind of person to send my friends care packages full of cutesy stuff.

I’m not the kind of person to be all inspirational, and cheery on a daily basis. My friends know that if they need me, I’m here. I will message to let them know they’re on my mind on a daily basis but when it comes to being upbeat and full of sunshine?

That’s not me.

I try not to be a negative person. I do my best to stay positive, and I try not to fake it. If I’m having an off-day, I pretty much hide from the world and deal with it in my own way.

I’ve been fighting this sadness and bitterness the past couple of months and I try not to have it out in the open because I can’t deal with that unwanted advice, and the “you’re better off than so-and-so” or the “When I went through the same thing, only it was completely not the same, I did this” speeches.

I know people are trying to help, but sometimes, I just need to be sad.

And a little broken.

Maybe a little bitter and cynical.

So that’s where I am right now.

A little sad. A little bitter. A lot cynical.

Maybe I’ll be better tomorrow but for today?

I’ll crawl under my rock and be sad.

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Winners, Words, Links, Etc Etc

Berrak — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 15:31:18 +0000

Happy Friday y’all!

I’ll keep this short! First, the winner of our Etsy giveaway! I took all your entries, made them a little more random and then entered them into the random.org generator.

And according to the spreadsheet, lucky winner that had entry #174 was…

Congrats Angie!! You can email Michelle at michelle@cynicalredhead.com to tell her which one of the awesome goodies you want!

Thanks to everyone who entered! We’ll be having another Etsy giveaway in March. If you have an Etsy shop and want to do a giveaway, shoot me an email at berrakdc@gmail.com. I think I’m going to do one every month or so.

***

I’ve been keeping busy writing this past week. If you missed my last couple of blog entries, you can read about my confession and my road trip if you would like.

I was also over at Brazen Careerist, talking about 15 smart & fun blogs that will inspire you all day long!

Speaking of inspiration, my good friend Matt paid me the ultimate compliment by quoting one of my blog posts in his post yesterday. If you haven’t been reading his blog, you really should start!

***

Words with Friends is my new addiction. I usually have at least 10 games going at once! Want to play?

***

Hope everyone has a FANTASTIC weekend!

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Confession: I Can’t Do It All

Berrak — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 17:50:50 +0000

I know. You’re shocked.

SHOCKED.

This realization makes me feel crummy, and weak like a cop-out but the fact is, I’m not that 18 year old that can take 17 credits/semester, work two jobs, commute and manage to get on the Dean’s List. My brain isn’t wired like that anymore. I really thought I could do it.

Two classes. Piece of cake.

Sure, if I leave my business behind.

Right now, at this point in my life, I’m bursting at the seams with ideas for my business, and once I’m done with client work for the day, I have to dive into school work, which leaves me no time at all for writing. Because my brain is tired and I can’t focus like I used to be able to.

It makes me feel weak because there are people out there who are raising kids, going to school AND working. There are college students starting businesses that are thriving. I thought I could do it too but it drives me nuts when I sign into my class discussion and have to regurgitate shit.

I’m over that.

I’m in my 8th year of undergrad. God, it pains me to even write that.

This isn’t to say that I don’t want to learn. I have so much passion for ALL THE THINGS and I love reading non-fiction and nerding out in my free time. Put it in the form of a required discussion and all passion flies out the window.

I’ve never really been the person to stick around and have mind-numbing conversations in class. When I was a senior in high school, I spent most of my time volunteering in administrative offices while my teachers still marked me down as ‘Present’ in class because senioritis had taken over my classmates and I had no patience for stupidity.

I’m not being challenged. At all. I took a grad level class in my second year at GW and was bored because it wasn’t challenging enough. I’m not saying I’m smart. I’m not, at all. I fake it.

I just don’t have patience for small talk. I don’t have patience for beating around the bush.

So, where’s all this going?

Right now, I’m going to finish out the next four weeks in my classes, faking it as best as I can.

Then I’m going to take a break and pour my everything into my business. Because that’s where I am in my life.

I have a list of things I want to do but they require concentration and devotion.

I can’t do it all. Maybe, one day down the line, I’ll be able to go back to being a full-time student, giving it my all.

Because that’s how I do things. I give it my all and lately, I don’t have enough of me to give to two full-time passions.

For now, school will have to take a backseat. By school, I mean the classroom and the grades.

Because I’ll never stop educating myself.

Kudos to the superstars out there who can do it all.

Oh hey, don’t forget about the giveaway

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Bucket List: Cross-Country Road Trip

Berrak — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:37:05 +0000

In 2011, I traveled a lot more than I had before, seeing parts of the U.S. I hadn’t yet seen, and falling in love with travel more and more (minus the part where I got stranded at airports for hours at end).

In 2012, I intend to continue this tradition of travel since I’m now fully location-independent, both work and school wise since UMUC stopped requiring proctored exams (YAY!).

I’m kicking off this year with a trip to Ann Arbor, MI at the end of this month for a birthday weekend of one of my dearest friends. I’ve never been to Michigan so I’m super excited, though I’m not sure if I’ll do a lot of exploring this time around.

At the end of May, I’m going back to NY for a weekend trip (or possibly a week) because I can never get enough of New York. (And then back to NY in August for BlogHer ’12. I’m still looking for a roomie!)

But the biggest trip of this year?

That’ll happen in June/July. I was planning on taking a cross-country road trip this summer, ending in Seattle for a camping trip with my best friend and her family. Nicole, who has become one of my best friends in DC (we get a little lost if we don’t see each other once a week), jumped in and said she’d join me.

“Really?” I asked, because these things get thrown out, plans get made in the middle of mimosa-filled brunches and they never actually happen.

“Really,” she said, whipping out her phone so we could take a look at the calendar and plan when she can take time off from work.

So, I’m 90% sure this is happening. We’re planning on taking the southern route, making a couple of stops in Texas, Cali and everything in between, ending up in Seattle.

So, 2012 will be the year I go on my first cross-country road trip. It will also likely be the year I drive back to DC by myself since Nicole will have to fly back for work.

This is huge and it couldn’t have happened at a better time in my life. It’s that kind of year when I need to take a step back, get away and really take the time to figure out the direction of my path.

Who knows? Maybe 2013 will be the year I start traveling around the world more.

PS: Don’t forget there’s a giveaway happening on my blog right now! Details are here.

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A Fancy-Schmancy Etsy Giveaway

Berrak — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:41:41 +0000

I have awesomely talented friends. Sometimes, their talents happen to feed certain addictions of mine, like handmade jewelry and polka dots.

Michelle is the creative genius behind Cynical Redhead Creations. In her own words:

“I love pinup girls, kawaii fabrics, fluffy kitties and all things pulp fiction-y.

I make accessories and jewelry that can be enjoyed by women and girls of ALL ages and sizes (with a sprinkling of goodies for men and boys).

Everyone deserves to own something unique, and I always go out of my way to make sure it doesn’t cost much to do so. “

I was thrilled when she said she’d do a giveaway on my blog because I want to share all the goodies with you! If you’ve seen me wearing polka dot barrettes or my polka dot earrings, you can thank Michelle for making me so happy with her awesome creations. In addition to making awesome jewelry, she’s also a whiz at mixed media collages & embroidery hoop art. Check out her website and Etsy shop for yourself!

Now, on to the giveaway. You can win one of the 4 items below:

Yellow Giant Mum Ring

Petite Lolita Skull Earrings

Fairy Cameo Necklace (I kind of want this myself!!)

Green VW Bug Ring

Obviously, this is just a sampling of what she has to offer so be sure to check out her shop!

The giveaway will run until Midnight on February 15, 2012!

I’ve even made it easy for you so just follow the widget below! It’s the first time I’m using RaffleCopter so leave a comment letting me know that you’ve entered using the widget below. (It says login with Facebook but you can also use your name & email)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Vampires, Mockingjays, Writers, and Giveaways

Berrak — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:32:11 +0000

When I first heard about Vampire Diaries, I cringed. I said “Hahaha, no” because, let’s be honest: We’ve all been a little scarred about vampires in today’s pop culture thanks to a sparkling, brooding one we all know and hate.

Then it was on Netflix. As someone who works from home and needs background noise during the day, I figured, why not? It’d play on the background and I wouldn’t have to pay attention because I’d probably end up hating it anyway.

I really should know better.

I finished the first two seasons in 5ish days. Because that’s how I do shows. I marathon, I obsess and then if the show is no longer on the air, go through withdrawals. Lucky for me, there’s a new episode of Vampire Diaries tonight because I need my Damon fix.

Speaking of obsessions, did you guys know that Hunger Games movie is coming out? I mean, in case you’ve been living under a rock, you probably know. And if you’re on any of my social networks, you’re also aware of my obsession.

I have never gone to a midnight screening of a movie.

Ever.

You bet your sweet ass that I will be buying my tickets early and going to the midnight show for this movie, because, I’m a little obsessed.

I even have a “May the odds be ever in your favor” bracelet.

I will, more than likely, read the books again before the movie comes out.

In case you missed it, there’s a new trailer for it.

Moving on, I have two announcements:

1) If you’re a freelance writer looking for work, or know of someone who’s looking for work, I need a few great writers for a few of my clients. All the information can be found in this post.

2) I have an AWESOME giveaway for you guys on Monday. Get ready because you’re going to love it.

I know I’ve been MIA lately but what’s going on in your world? How did the first month of 2012 treat ya?

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Kristen Bell, Please Be My Best Friend

Berrak — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 17:02:43 +0000

I’m not one of those people who follows celebrity lives. I have a few celebrities whose work I enjoy, who I have girl crushes on and the guys who make me drool.

But then there’s Kristen Bell. I have to be honest, I was kind of annoyed with her in Heroes but she won me over in Veronica Mars. She’s also kind of awesome in House of Lies.

If I had the chance to be friends with any celebrity, it’d be her.

Then I saw this incredibly endearing video and I’m putting out the call to the Universe.

Kristen Bell, please be my best friend. I have a Penguin Posse. We’ll love you forever and ever.

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The Dangerous Thing About Complacency

Berrak — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:43:40 +0000

in·de·pend·ence

noun

2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like,of others.

free·dom

noun

2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation,etc.

3. the power to determine action without restraint.

These are words we’re all familiar with and love to flaunt around whenever we get the chance. For some people, independence is the first time they get a job, or when they get their license, because that leads to freedom. For others, it’s when they move out to go to college, etc etc. You get the point. We know the definitions and how these words apply to us and some of us think that because we’re finally grown-ups, we’re exempt from influence (mostly from our parents).

What I’ve come to discover in the last few months is that complacency and the need for a comfort zone can chip away at that independence below the surface. While we go on making our decisions, thinking that we’re making them freely and damn it, “it’s my life,” we don’t pay attention to the subtle hints that our decisions are actually being influenced. [I promise I won't get too philosophical on you.]

Mostly, this influence is harmless for harmless decisions.

It gets dangerous when you work hard for your independence only to find yourself burrowed in a ‘safe, comfortable situation’ that’s keeping you from pushing your limits too far.

I found myself having to make difficult decisions lately. I had to actually pause and face the decision head-on. A decision I’ve been avoiding because I considered everyone’s feelings but my own. I went into protective mode when the person who was really hurting was me.

Whenever I start completely ignoring my own feelings and worries, Andrew always reminds me of the airplane crash scenario.

You must put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help the person next to you.

Me?

I hold my breath and wait until every single person has their masks on. Next thing I know, there’s no air left for me.

So I’ve been suffocating.

My close friends have been waiting for me to finally realize I was out of oxygen. They listened to me whenever I vented without any action. I made excuses. I weighed every decision, except for the one I needed to make.

The kicker was when multiple friends who are in different circles (some who haven’t even met each other) and have been in my life for as little as a year and as long as 7 years told me the same thing:

“I’ve been waiting for you to make this decision for a while.”

The one thing you can’t forget is that you are not alone. You have people who love you. The ones who see the real you through the bullshit walls that you sometimes put up. When you lose faith in yourself or you forget how strong you are, let them remind you.

You’ll probably push them away. They’ll push back. You won’t be ready to let them in immediately but that’s why they’re there.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
– Unknown

They’re patient. They’ll wait until you’re ready – until you look up and say “Alright. I’m ready and I’m scared beyond belief. I want the truth. Let me have it.”

And they will.

You know what ‘freedom from influence‘ really means?

That moment you stop making excuses, strip away the ‘what ifs’ and actually put yourself first.

It means faith and trust in the unknown. Because your ass will go into uncharted territory and sometimes, that means you go into it with just your gut feelings and the decision to find what you really want in life.

You know what?

Sometimes, that just plain sucks but I promise, you’ll pull through

One day at a time.

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We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming…

Berrak — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:21:00 +0000

Important: If you haven’t been paying attention to SOPA/PIPA, you really need to. Right now. Go read this post by Copyblogger and educate yourself.

Oh HAI there. It’s the 11th day of 2012 and I still haven’t delivered a new blog. I have a good ~~excuse~~ reason. I’ve been busy with a new client, as well as launching a brand new blogger network. We’re in the stages of having a logo created for it since we finally picked a name. (Also: Squee). If you want more info or want to get involved, shoot me an email at berrakdc@gmail.com.

I promise to write a new blog soon.

I also promise to reply to comments from the last few blogs so if you suddenly start getting emails from me, it’s my delayed replies.

In the meantime, I had to share a couple of videos with you that are currently in my “Let’s start this day off right” playlist.

Enjoy!

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Ten on Tuesday

Berrak — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 14:06:12 +0000

First one of the year! And so perfect since I haven’t been able to get a real post out yet. Thanks Chelsea!

1. What did you get for Christmas?

All practical stuff, which I love. The in-laws got us a vacuum, the bro-in-law got me a Starbucks card, and my parents got me a bottle of perfume since I was out and a new pair of sneakers.

2. Have you taken down your Christmas decorations?

Yup. We didn’t put up a tree this year so I made a “Christmas wall” with cards we got, our stockings and ornaments my friends gave me. Took them down last week (except for the cards)

3. What did you do for New Years Eve?

Went out to a bar for the first time ever. Came home pretty early though.

4. Do you like accents?

Considering I have one…yeah. I don’t like my own though, ha.

5. What kind of television do you have?

The flat kind.

6. Did you make any changes at the beginning of 2012?

Nothing that I haven’t already been working towards in the last few months.

7. What’s the last book you read and do you recommend it?

The Hunger Games series. YES.

8. Do you stay current on celebrity gossip?

Not really.
9. Do you know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody? Gangstas Paradise? Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

Do you want me to bust out in song right now? Because I just started singing Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song to my cat.

10. What is your favorite education television show?

It’s Academic. I have a warm spot in my heart for that show since I was on the team for a bit in high school.

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