There are many evil plots in the world.

Unicorns, for example, have always seemed a tad suspicious.

As have people from Toledo.

But, above all others, there’s one group that’s reign of terror is only beginning.

I speak, naturally, about the Canadians.

I address you not from a place of superiority for I am as weak as the rest of you – I’ve let some wily northerners worm their way into my affection.

Kimberly, from All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something, is one such Canadian.

So I was quite honored when she asked me to write a post exposing the Evil Canadian Plan for World Domination.

(That might not have been exactly what she requested.)

(But I read between the lines.)

(I’m clever like that.)

So if your weekend is dragging, you’d like to try and save your nation or you’ve always wanted to read about beaver stickers, head on over to Kimberly’s place and check it out.

Canadians? Evil? What Are You Talking Aboot?

Now with 73% more Canadian stereotype reaffirmation,

Megan

'Don’t Get Me Started On Canadian Bacon

Cork is a cruel mistress.

At least, I’m assuming.

I’ve only spent a few nights with her, but our time together has been frustratingly painful.

Not that I absolve glue of the part it’s played in my mental breakdown.

Oh, there’s plenty of angst-y anger to go around.

Remember my first attempt at embroidery hoop cork boards?

It took a whole week of hiding indoors and girding my loins and making guacamole, but I found the strength to try again.

First I tried to adhere my cork together with ModPodge.

(That was such a failure I don’t even have a photograph.)

Then I tested rubber cement.

Which, shockingly, actually held the cork together.

(Halleluiah, y’all.)

(I know, I can’t actually pull off y’all, I just can’t resist my bi-annual try.)

If you did such a bad job cutting the initial circles that they don’t match up, just take an x-acto knife and slice away.

You obviously no longer care about detail.

Then use the small amount of energy left in our soul to spread that cement.

I was told that you should let the rubber cement sit on the cork for a few moments until it becomes sticky.

I followed this advice, but am still not sure if it was a joke at my expense, so I urge caution before trusting me.

This might be a good time to peel off the hot glue gun glue from the last failed attempt.

(If you wish, you could just skip the glue gun attempt in the first place.)

(If you want to be like that.)

Try not to remove tons of cork with the glue.

(I tried but did not succeed.)

My hand wasn’t quite large enough for the pressing stage.

(Hand stretching classes, wherefore art thou?)

So, welcome back for their second embroidery hoop cork board post appearance, Playbill Yearbooks!

Don’t know what I’d do without you guys.

(I’d use other books, but don’t let them know that, they’re very sensitive regarding their importance.)

Snip snip snip.

Snip snip snip.

Snip that fabric.

(Using the exact measurement of whatever looks like a good amount and not being very precise, as seen below.)

Putting my cork in my embroidery hoop was a tad more difficult than I’d hoped – after shoving it in the cork bowed out slightly.

I considered caring, then realized it just wasn’t in me.

This was also the stage at which I realized the rubber cement didn’t actually stick the two pieces of cork together.

That, too, seemed like a problem best left ignored.

Have I told you lately that I hate hot glue guns?

(I do.)

So after rubber cement’s last failure, I thought it sensible to give him another go.

Like a male chicken, he continued to disappoint.

(You know, ’cause they don’t lay eggs.)

(In case you’re mistakenly happy with your male chicken, don’t be.)

(Is basically what I’m saying.)

I’ve come to know quite a few kinds of glue over the course of this project, so I just turned to the next in line, Fast Grab Tacky Glue.

It, too, let me down.

I’m not saying I’ve now developed a glue complex.

But if you see me having a breakdown while passing the Elmer’s in Giant, don’t be surprised.

Thus, the dreaded hot glue gun made his return.

And, thus, my fingers all still hurt for pressing the very thin fabric down on the very hot glue.

(I’ll get you gun, and your little glue sticks too.)

(One day…)

If you’ve done as dreadful a job as me on the initial fabric cutting stage, feel free to try and rectify it now.

(Or don’t.)

(I gave up halfway through that one, so it’s probably not that important.)

Rinse and repeat.

It was night when I finished, so it seemed polite not to hammer nails into my walls.

(Silly neighbors, sleep is for people who don’t chose predictably disastrous crafts.)

Tape seemed the obvious solution.

(It was not.)

So then I remembered Mardi Gras beads and the hooks on my wall, where I’ve been intending to hang picture frames.

(True story: that shelf has been up for over two years, and the frames still rest against the wall beneath it.)

I’d assure this this is only temporary, but given my track record, this is likely

The Perfect Storm should probably refer to glue and cork

As they’ve surely taken more lives in their time than some inclement weather,

Megan

Mindee at Our Front Door is hosting a month-long Pinterest Post Party, where bloggers link up their experiments with actually following Pinterest how-tos.

With the exception of me, everyone has been very successful at this.

Oh, and follow me on Pinterest.

I talk far too much about cheese.

'Embroidery Hoop Cork Board, The Reckoning

The first thing that failed.

That was my mom’s suggestion for my introductory photo for the post.

The obvious choice would be the finished embroidery hoop cork boards, but that would require that I have finished embroidery hoop cork boards.

(I do not.)

I based my plans on this embroidery pin which I eventually clicked through to find this embroidery hoop corkboard tutorial.

(Have I told you lately that you should totally follow me on Pinterest?)

(‘Cause you should.)

Based on the above tutorial, these were the items I thought I’d need: embroidery hoops, fabric, x-acto knife, glue gun, fabric, cork, & a staple gun.

My actual supplies ended up being quite a longer list.

But I’ll get to that in a moment.

First I had to choose fabric.

As someone who lies and tells herself she can sew, (see homemade bridesmaid dress disaster for an example), I happen to have quite a bit of excess fabric lying about.

I eventually settled on the pink polka dot, brown, and tiny blue flowers on the right.

I couldn’t quite decide if they clash, but figured I’d deal with that later.

(Always a good plan when crafting.)

Still following the tutorial, I used my embroidery hoops as stencils and drew circles on my cork.

I then used the x-acto knife to cut out said circles.

I then used Playbill Broadway Yearbooks to try and flatten said circles.

Lesson #1 of Embroidery Hoop Cork Board Catastrophe?

Buy flat cork.

You’ll thank yourself.

(And, yes, I used that pot to try and hold down the cork roll while marking and cutting and am so lazy I just left it there after it fell.)

According to the tutorial, I now cover my cork circle with fabric and put it in the inner layer of the embroidery hoop, tightening the outer layer until it’s snug inside.

I feared this made absolutely no sense, but first struggled with my twisty, deformed cork.

See?

There was only one obvious solution.

So I took my book sandwiched cork and placed it under a living room chair.

I was going to put it under the couch, but apparently I’m not as strong as I think I am.

(Shocking.)

Exhausted by the effort already exerted, I went and laid down for a couple of hours.

Only to return to this.

Apparently?

Book/chair pressure doesn’t work.

It was at this point that I did what I do whenever I encounter massive problems with crafts.

(Also known as every time I attempt a craft.)

I called my mom.

And she arrived to help just in time to suggest ironing.

This was both quick and easy, obviously why I hadn’t thought of it.

Now I was once again faced with the tightening problem – embroidery hoops really only hold things that are tightened between their two hoops – it’s kinda their thing.

But no matter how I struggled, tightening an embroidery hoop does not securely hold fabric-covered cork within.

In reality, it doesn’t really do anything at all.

So I decided to switch it up and put the fabric through the hoop, placing the cut cork on the back.

(I originally wrote “laying,” then crossed it out and spent five minutes trying to remember the correct form and then gave up and wrote “placing.”)

(You know, in case you thought I’ve mastered basic English.)

As the staple gun was handy, it seemed an obvious choice to adhere the fabric to the cork.

Only the staples went right through the cork and burst through the front of the fabric.

When they weren’t just chilling in the original fabric, declining their stated duty to staple things together, that is.

So I started again.

Only this time, the glue gun made an appearance.

Shockingly, this step actually worked.

Though I then realized the cork was so thin, any push pin would go right through.

Time to double down on cork.

(I love using gambling phrases.)

(Especially when they don’t really make sense.)

(It’s the rebel in me.)

Had I known I’d be gluing something on top of it, I possibly would have taken more care with my fabric cutting.

Probably not, I’m still rather lazy.

But we’ll never know.

Clearly, this is time for super glue.

I covered the inner cork layer with super glue and the outer, fabric layer with the glue gun’s emissions.

This worked in only the most half-hazard of fashions.

(As in, when I suggested trying something else, my mom replied that we should just wait the few days it would take to fall apart, then do it differently then.)

I decided to try a hail mary stapling.

It was, as I’ve come to accept from my staple gun, a disappointment.

For the other embroidery hoops’ cork, it seemed sensible to glue the two cork pieces together first, then put them in the embroidery hoop.

I glued with my gun as much as I dared.

Only glue gun glue? Does absolutely nothing to adhere cork to other pieces of cork.

At which point I became so terribly exhausted and spirt broken that I decided to go to sleep and live to glue another day.

So stay tuned for next Tuesday’s Pinterest Post Party, to find out if I’ve managed to conquer these embroidery hoop cork boards.

Or if I’ve lost my mind and retreated to a mountaintop somewhere.

I’d have to devote all my energy to growing a beard

It’d be difficult

But you gotta give the people what they expect,

Megan

This post is part of Mindee’s Pinterest Post Party series for the month of May.

The ides is that every Tuesday and Thursday for the month of a May, you can attempt to create something from your Pinterest board, and then share the results with the world.

There’s a linky up on Mindee’s site, so if I haven’t frightened you away from the idea, join in – it can only help to make me feel less of a lone, crazy crafter.

I’m attempting to complete a series of “26″ goals before I turn 27 on December 9th, 2012. One such goal is to make 26 craft projects. Check out my first craft project, yarn balls, or read about the impetus behind my 26 Goals.

'Embroidery Hoop Cork Board – Pinterest Post Party