Five years ago this month I completed my certification as a birth doula! I can hardly believe how much has changed and how much my business has grown over that time. It's been an amazing, overwhelming, and beautiful, challenging experience.

As you may have heard, our family has recently relocated from DFW, Texas to Nottingham, England! We're thrilled, and loving our new home. However, I'll also be taking a step back from attending births for awhile, and making some changes here on the website. Until now the Tips for Doulas has been offered as a yearly subscription. Starting at the start of the new year, as we hit the three year anniversary of the Tips and the six year anniversary of my website, we'll be switching over from the annual subscription option to a one time fee for access to the Tips. The cost will be one time only, as I will no longer be adding new content. You'll continue to have access to the archives with well over a hundred posts crammed full of helpful information.  If you are a current subscriber then your access will remain the same through the year, but you will receive an email that your subscription payment has been cancelled. This is because going forward you will not pay the annual fee - your membership will be switched over, and you will still be able to come explore the entire website and Tips for Doulas posts. If you have any questions with this change, please contact me here - at heidi@thadenpierce.org.

Whether you are a new or experienced doula you'll still find wonderful information and you can read what others have thought about my Tips for Doulas here.

And thank you for joining me on this journey!

So go check out my post on January's blog, whether you are a parent or a birth professional - hopefully it will help you or someone yo know. Here are the suggestions we shared, but check out Birth Without Fear if you want more of the story:

- Talk openly with your partner. Often they’re experiencing similar feelings but may be concerned about adding to your stress by expressing their fears.

- Give yourself permission to grieve. It sounds so simple, but we often skip this crucial step. Take your time.

- Be aware that milestones and anniversaries, such as the date of your loss or premature arrival, can be especially challenging.

- Connect with others who have had experiences similar to yours, either locally or online. Email support groups can be incredibly valuable!

- Request support from Sidelines.org, a program matching expectant mothers with volunteers who have experienced similar pregnancy complications in the past.

- Pray, meditate, or seek spiritual comfort in whatever way best suits your faith.

- Visit with friends and family, either in person or through calls and online contact.

- Try to get exercise, such as yoga, walking outside (sunshine!) or doing gentle stretches. If on any restrictions be sure to speak with your care provider first.

- Eat nutritiously and take any supplements as advised by your care provider.

- Keep a journal where you can write down all of your thoughts and fears, as well as your anticipation and joy!

- Write letters to or journal for your baby, sharing your excitement and anticipation!

- Create family projects focusing on your baby, like decorating onesies with older siblings, making a belly cast, painting your belly, etc.

- Celebrate this pregnancy with photographs — professional or candid.

- Indulge in a massage or pedicure, invest some time in a hobby you love, or watch a favorite movie. Take time to treat yourself well!

- Accept the offer of a baby shower or blessingway in your honor only if you’re comfortable with that. If you’re not, convey to your loved ones your desire to wait or not have a celebration yet.

- If you’re uncomfortable attending pregnancy focused activities such as friend’s baby showers, it’s okay to skip and send a card or gift instead!

- Give yourself permission to hold off on certain things such as buying baby clothes or decorating a nursery if it helps you feel more at peace. Do what feels best to YOU.

- If you feel you may be experiencing PTSD, anxiety, or depression, then explore the option of professional therapy. Research counselors specializing in pregnancy and birth-related issues.

- Work closely with your care provider to ensure your questions and concerns are addressed. Ask how you can reach them after hours if you need them, if you can come in for extra visits for your peace of mind, etc. Our medical team’s support was instrumental in helping ease our anxiety.

- Create a birth plan that informs your care team of any special concerns you may have because of your history and how they can best help you through the pregnancy and birth.

- Consider hiring a doula and speak openly with her about how she can best support you through your birth experience. Our doula was an invaluable asset during our pregnancy, birth, and postpartum time!

- Reach out to others. While we all want pregnancy to be a joyous experience, the reality is that pregnancy after a loss or traumatic arrival can be terrifying. Connecting with others can make such a difference in helping you cope!

While it is specific to preemies, this is an excellent article on coping after a traumatic birth - HELPING PARENTS COPE WITH A HIGH-RISK BIRTH:
TERROR, GRIEF, IMPOTENCE, AND ANGER.

Also, next week I'll be sure a REALLY important resource for overcoming fear related to pregnancy and childbirth. I'm incredibly excited about it and can't wait for you to learn about Alexia and her work.

In some posts there may be links for books I suggest, and as a member of Amazon Associates I earn from qualifying purchases.  This does not impact your purchase price in any way, and I will only suggest books that I've personally purchased and recommend.

Whether you are a birth professional or a new parents, I hope my website will provide useful information for you. Please feel free to drop me a line directly if you have any questions, as this site will no longer be updated. I can be reached at heidi@thadenpierce.org.  Thanks!

TED Birth Talks

I try to incorporate my own branding into my business. It's simple to get creative with some gifts, wrapped up special to fit into my brand with a wrapping paper. These are Trader Joe's belgium chocolate bars. (Delicious!) Any gift can be made more personalized by incorporating your colors or logo, such as using a custom stamp or stickers. You can also find cute ribbons to hole punch and hang your business card along with these gifts.

I've used a variety of little thank you gifts to share with birth professionals I work with, clients, or anyone who has provided referrals. Sometimes parents will ask me for ideas to provide thank you gifts for their OB, midwife, or nurse. Here are some ideas I've used, received, or shared. Some of these are more for a fellow professional, others for the parents.

* warm baked cookies!
* chocolates
* a small plant for their home or office in a cute pot (succulents are great, and low maintenance)
* fruit or muffin baskets
* a photo print, framed or not
* a photo album from the birth
* Willow Tree Figurines
* a charm bracelet or necklace
* Picasso's nursing mother poster
* a "doula" jacket (gift from a client after a cold hospital birth - in July!)
* a gift for the birth professional's family (I've received presents for my kids.)
* Christmas ornament (with baby's photo!)
* onesie or t-shirt for baby
* gift cards for gas, a restaurant, or their favorite store
* gift certificates for a manicure or massage
* their favorite essential oil
* something for their work place, such as a birth supply

Truly the most wonderful gift of thanks I've ever received are the notes of thanks, and hearing that I've helped a family have a better birth experience. Knowing how much that has meant to me I try to take the time and send a note to thank care providers, nursing staff, and anyone who has referred clients to me. I also try to thank parents, to let them know how honored I am to be given their trust. Never pass up an opportunity to express your gratitude. It can make them feel wonderful, builds your personal and professional network, and makes you feel great, too!

This photo makes me tear up - this sweet momma worked so hard to welcome her third baby into the world, and the joy and triumph and relief is so apparent on her face. Her little one looks a bit startled, but was absolutely content so long as he was there in his momma's arms.

* I do NOT provide medical care or advice. I am increasingly concerned when I hear of moms calling their doula with pressing medical concerns rather than calling their care providers. If you are experiencing any signs of preterm labor then you call your care provider FIRST (or head straight to the hospital) and you call your doula on your way so we can meet you there. But if you call me and are experiencing any significant physical symptoms then I will tell you to hang up on me and call your midwife/OB. If you are having round ligament pain or sciatica or heartburn then of course - I can help give you some tips, but I'll still tell you to discuss this at your next visit with your provider. Sometimes people confuse the roles of doula and midwife so to reiterate - a doula is NOT a medical professional and provides absolutely no medical care. We do not check your blood pressure, perform cervical exams, listen to your baby's heart tone, or monitor you in any medical way. We cannot tell you when it's time to go the the hospital/birth center (but we can help read your cues and support you and your partner as you decide when it's time) and we absolutely do NOT provide medical advice. That is the job of your midwife or OB.

* I do not speak for you. The hospital staff will listen to YOU (the patient) and your partner (if they are listed on your paperwork as someone they may discuss your care with.) In some circumstances when I've known the staff I've been able to mention things and they are happy to respond, like a gentle reminder, "They wanted delayed cord clamping." But I am your guest in the hospital, and the staff has absolutely no obligation to listen to anything I have to say. In fact they cannot legally even discuss the situation with me without having your consent and making note in your records! I've had parents say it would be nice to have someone at the birth to speak for them and to tell the staff what to do - that is NOT the role of a doula. I can remind you of your birth plan, I can make sure you are informed of what's going on in the room, I can encourage you and your partner to speak to the staff and ask questions, I'll remind you about BRAIN. But as a doula I do NOT speak for you.

* I cannot guarantee any specific outcome. While I work with you to help express your desires for the birth and to work towards that goal, a doula cannot ever promise anything will go the way you hoped! (Wouldn't that be an incredible skill??) Many parents hire a doula because they want to increase their chances of a natural, vaginal birth. But sometimes plans need to change and that epidural or cesarean may become necessary. This does not mean you (or your doula!) have failed in any way - it means birth is full of surprises and we cannot predict what may happen. Yes, births with a doula present are on average shorter, less likely to have an epidural, and less likely to be cesarean births. But having a doula does not guarantee any of those things. Having a doula means that no matter what happens, you'll have the support and care you need to make the best decision for you and your baby for YOUR situation.

For doulas, clarifying our role at the birth is so important to avoid any assumptions, incorrect expectations, or miscommunication with clients. This should be addressed in our consults, prenatal visits, and specified in our contracts. Doulas are invaluable and beneficial and amazing! But we have a specific role on the birth team, and it's crucial we help parents understand how we can help.

For parents, I hope this helps to better define what my role is - and is not - at a birth! By ensuring everyone is on the same page as to what a doula offers, we can help ensure we provide the best possible support to families.