NOTICE: There is 6 seconds of silence at the beginning of this episode (the mic was not pressed). Don’t crank up your speakers or your head will be blasted off.

I went to the new media expo. I love the expo. I am not a fan of Vegas. I saw many things that made me sad. It seemed everyone I saw, I would write in a back story that was just horrible. The one thing that really bugged me two fold was one night when I was leaving the Rio (where the expo was) one of the “drink girls” got up on a table (complete with loud music, lights, etc) and for lack of a better phrase began to shake her ass. She wasn’t naked, and for the most part had a bathing suit on with some lace over top. The commotion caught my attention, and when I realized what was going on I decided to continue looking for my friend. Then I noticed that nobody was paying attention.

As a musician, I’ve had my experience as the “Human Juke Box” and it’s not fun. At least in those instances I was part of a band. There was no mistaking this, we were ignoring her. Consequently, when the music was over she returned to serving drinks. I noticed that nobody clapped. I thought, I wonder what causes more internal scars, the fact that part of your paycheck is earned shaking your butt or the fact that nobody notices and appreciates that you are shaking your butt. I felt bad for her.

The scene that played over and over in my hotel (the Gold Coast) were older people in their 60;s and 70′s with a dead pan stare on their face just pushing “the button” (you no longer have to pull a lever) and watching their money evaporate. I don’t understand it. I spent $1 in the airport on the way back and it took me about 5 of my 20 tries to figure out this was a game that was geared to leave me on the losing end.

Next episode I’m not that guy anymore….

In this short mobile episode I am at a place where I went in to eat lunch, and listen to podcasts. I had my volume up all the way, and the music coming from the sound system over-powered my headphones. I couldn’t hear my podcasts.

This lead me to ask, “What is up with all the over-stimulation?” I mean do we ever relax? I understand music is played so you can’t hear what the table next to you is talking about, but do we need it so loud that it shakes the fillings out of my teeth?

Today I talk about the frighteneing situation where my wife had a “fake” heart attack. It looked like a heart attack, smelled like a heart attack, but in the end it was her gallbaldder. Looking back, I didn’t want to freak her out when I thought she was having a heart attack. Meanwhile she was trying to remain calm so she wouldn’t freak me out. I went to work because she was so calm about it. This has lead me to believe that I can’t read my wife’s mind at all. In the end I went to work (I was teaching a class that day). It was very weird driving to work and thinking, “What if she was wrong?”

Top 10 Memories of Life

After her procedure I was with her at night. We flipped thorugh 8 million channels (with nothing worth watching), and eventualy found two shows we watched growing up. Sandford and Son, and Good Times. After having the crap scared out of me, having my wife “out of the woods” and back in my arms, where it was just the two of us, is now one of my most cherrished moments. I also talk about the first time the frist time I told her I loved her (next the to drain pipe decorated for Christmas). Another favorite memory was when I got to play guitar for my step-daughter as she sang (here that episode).

In watching some of the shows I grew up with, I was su

I just got voting today and was amazed at the number of people who were on the ballet to be the next President of the United states of America and I had NO IDEA who they were. I

had never heard of their name. I was amazed. The whole process kind of made me sick. It just points out how corrupt the political process in America is.

Isn’t saying the American political system is better than any other country like saying the Egg McMuffin is the healthiest choice on the McDonald’s menu.  I don’t Governor Romney has a clue what the price of milk is, and President Obama put into place laws that allow the Government to come in and arrest you for no apparent reason. Enjoy your Tyranny America.

Meanwhile I have students at my job who are doing everything they physically can to legally stay in this country. Its fun as most of the time he just makes noises at me. He is an obvious caring, compassionate person, he just wants help. I can see him asking for more evening classes so he can spend ore time studying.  He is hungry for any help to stay in this country.

On the other side of the lab I have a 20 something year old male who is sleeping in class, loading software to watch DVDs, and completely ignoring the free education that he will eventually run out of. He has no idea what is sitting in front of him. He feels entitled. It will all be ok. It’s just such a difference of opinion.

I think as American’s we take for granted the opportunities that are here in America. We need to wake up and start getting our news from places like www.noagendashow.com

Dear GayFan,

I’m sorry I offended you. I was only imitating my friend Fausto from the Feast of Fun podcast http://feastoffun.com I got to hang with Fausto and Marc in 2005. Two truly awesome people who took the fun of the night to a whole new level. Instead of focusing on our differences, we focused on what we had in common. It was a blast.

All stereotypes have some form of truth in them. A hint. A spec. I know a LOT of Christians who are judgmental right wing nut jobs. I know a lot of country music fans who drive trucks, own guns, and drink beer. I lead classes at a college where the predominantly African American student body could not get to class on time. What about all the pregnant white teenage mothers who couldn’t seem to get to that school on time even though Grandma was watching the kid? It also turned out most of these young mothers were on welfare. Does it mean all? Never.

I worked with two, hard working, compassionate, funny, gay men at a company. Both had a huge understanding of Broadway plays, and both of them had a unique way of pronouncing their “S’s”. They were great friends.

When I see someone on the street, as an average white male I have at times said the word “Howdy!” (Can I sound any more WHITE?).  Does this mean that all country music fans are high school drop outs who marry their cousin? NO! That all African American people are lazy and eat chicken? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Does this mean that all Gay men sound this way? Nope, but enough do that every comedian seems it OK to lisp when talking gay, nasal when talking white, stupid when talking southern, and Yo! use Ebonics when talking “Black” (you know what I’m sayin?). It is never my intention to offend, if we can’t embrace our own cultures and embrace our differences than soon freedom of speech will be a thing of the past.

If someone did an imitation of me and it contained me saying “Ya know” or some other type of stammering (which I do) I couldn’t argue that I stammer. I understand YOU don’t talk like in a stereotypical gay male fashion. In that case I suggest that I was not talking about you.

As a guitarist who has never smoked a joint and didn’t have a sip of alcohol until his early twenties, I do not get offended when people assumed I did drugs. When I tell them I grew up listening to Ozzy Osbourne, and Judas Priest (fronted by a Gay Male by the way – who is still one of my favorite singers) I understand why they jump to this conclusion. Why? Because I realize that most musicians get up around the crack of three, wake and bake, and look for a girlfriend so they have some place to live. I am the exception to the rule, and I enjoy breaking stereotypes.

I apologize for hurting you. As a person who tries to be the same on mic as I do off mic, I will more than likely do this again. The show is unscripted. My show is me talking to my favorite people including you. As there are thousands of you, if I had to worry about every word that didn’t offend Native Americans, African Americans, Gay, Straight, Bi, transgendered, Lesbian, I would have to stop at the “Welcome to the Logical Weight Loss” podcast. With this in mind I apologize in advance. You will hear (poorly executed) accents from time to time. It’s just me being me. I can’t help myself. My apologies for every English person when I start off a sentence with “Right-O!” (but when I was in England my instructor did that every day).

I’m not sure why talking like a Faux gay men is offensive? If you listen to their last podcast from October 2010 when Fausto says “FabuouS” I would say I’m pretty spot on. Are you saying Fausto is offensive? I’m sure that would hurt his feelings.

Today I talk about how I was at a football game and we all joined in on a good old fashioned BOO!

Oddly enough nothing changed. The referees didn’t change their call. Did this ever work? Back in the 1700s if you shouted BOO at someone, were they obligated to change their mind?

Also on the show today I talk about my two weekends that I worked in a haunted School House. There is nothing more fun than trying to hide your 6″ 1″ frame behind a three foot wall.

Get a free audio book by going to www.audibletrial.com/dave

The nurse and I attended a football game (as the senator play claronete in the band). This week we were the visiting team and the home team was having a homecoming week. It was interesting. So this week I’m shaing my thought on:

Cheerleaders: How many minutes into that first game does to take for you to realize you tried out, you made the squad, and nobody is listening to you.

Song Selection: Hey! Here is a lovely soft melodic tune. Let’s find an arrangment for a high school band!

Why Sweet Caroline was sweet.

If you right a great song, we don’t care if you molest children.

Having fun reliving our high school days.

Have someone who is 5 foot 2 stick up for you when you’re five foot 10.

Girls who only date rock stars.

Doing ESPN style game assessment of a high school football game, and giving the same assessment to the cheerleaders.

Today I talk about a few things

1. I will be moving home soon. I will be separating my office from my house.

2. The nurse lost her job – thank you Oboma Care!

3. Honey Boo Boo is the devil

Mentioned in this podcast

Weight of the Nation Video and Book

Its little old Dave again, just reminding everyone not to blow off Mother’s Day. For whatever reason I decided to do the math and see how many years my Mother has been gone. It’s been 23 years. I had her for 24, and for whatever reason this bothered me. From this point forward I will have had less time with my mother than the actual time I did.

In going to therapy, its weird what bubbles up to the top. I remember two instances in grade school where I got left of lists. I hope this wasn’t intentional, but there is that little voice in my head that will always wonder. I believe that’s when I started working on my “shields.” You know the one you put up when there are people around who might hurt you. This can be dangerous as you might find that while you don’t get hurt, you also can’t let anyone near you. As good as you think your shields are, there are those occasions where something gets by you and knocks the wind out of you.

In some of my podcasts I spoke about visiting this page to hear about my trip to Texas (where we attended a Smalley Marriage Intensive). I had hoped to record that episode last night with my wife, but we ran out of time. I hope to record it this evening. Here are some bullet points that I’ve spoken on before.

Men are Typically:

More “logical”  Like to talk about facts.
Like to “fix” things when they are broken.
Are “simpler” in makeup, or generally work on one thing at a time.

Women are Typically:

More emotional. They want to talk about feelings.
Need to talk.
Can have multiple conversations going.

What I Learned in Texas

Feelings are not wrong. You think I’m selfish with my time? You are right to think that. This does NOT mean I’m selfish. It means that it’s true that based on your feelings, I’m selfish with my time. Your spouse does NOT want to think bad things about you. They don’t. However circumstances, actions, and words can lead people to feel and think certain ways.  So here is what usually happens.

Woman: I never see you
Man: What? We just went grocery shopping last night!
Let’s peel this back a bit and look underneath

Woman: I never see you (what she really means is I miss those times when we connect. I feel lonely)
So you can see that the answer of “What? We just went grocery shopping last night!” does not address her feelings of loneliness. Instead it basically sends the message that her feelings are wrong. Remember Feelings aren’t wrong.

The other thing that could cause a problem for men is the word Never. Again we deal in facts, and when you save Never, Always, etc (any kind of absolute) you will distract your man from listening. He will be waiting to point out how your acts are wrong. He did empty the dish washer, so the statement “You never help with the dishes” is wrong. So we should avoid absolute references.

We should also avoid the word divorce at all cost. Don’t try to mask it with phrases like, “I’m done with this,” or “I’m out of here.” We  know what that means and it undercuts your commitment to each other.

Let’s get back to our discussion.

What We Really Mean

When the woman says, “I never see you,” as men we need to get out our woman to man translation book out and see that “I never see you” is translated to “I’m lonely.” This is a fact. This is true. As a husband you don’t want your wife to feel lonely.  However, as a man we want to “fix” our wife so we give her facts (our native tongue) which requires her to translate it from man speak to woman speak. We have things lost in translation.

For me this is very, very, hard. I live in factville. My wife lives in feelingsburgh. When I don’t acknwledge her feelings, it makes her feel like her feelings are worth anything, and consequently she will get defensive. She may feel you’re not listening (as she hasn’t been acknowledged) and raise her voice. Her raised voice causes her husband to become defensive as he feels attacked. We get on the crazy cycle and go for a ride.

Key Points When Responding

 Guys: Step one – validate her feelings. This means you’re going to have to leave factville, and travel to feelingsburgh. This is not going to be a natural step. You will need to ignore the reflex like reaction to FIX her. She’s not broken. You need to listen. This requires focus. To validate her feelings you’re going to have to step out of your shoes, and into hers. This doesn’t mean that you are agreeing with what she said (she never sees you). Your goal is to understand how she feels, and then respond to her feelings (I am lonely). Instead of saying “What?” (invalidation – you’re wrong), “I just saw you yesterday” (more invalidation, and now it appears you don’t care). The better response would be: “I’m sorry. I miss you too.” This validates her feelings, and shows you care. If you feel you MUST do something (being a guy who wants to fix things) it would be good to add, “Let’s plan somehthing for the two of us..” 

Good Heart - Bad Execution

Ladies when a man bombards you with facts, we understand that this is not addressing your feelings. Instead of thinking of him as an insensitive jerk, realize he is trying to “fix” you. He doesn’t want you to feel this way. Yes, we know it’s not working and this doesn’t get him “off the hook,” but I want you to to acknowledge your man is trying. He doesn’t want you to hurt. Keep in mind, that men are not mind readers. You are not married to the amazing Kreskin (I”m dating myself), and he can’t acknowledge what he doesn’t know. This is where woman appear “Complex” and men appear “Simple.” In other words, tell us what you want. It’s not fair to assume your man can read your mind. To say, “He should after all these years.” NOPE. Remembering is not our strong suit. It’s a man – not an elephant. Phrases like, “If he loved me he would ___” may be setting up expectations that arean’t realistic (especially if your man has no idea you want this). Also when you put pressure on him, he is more than likely to retreat to his “man cave” and not come out until he feels its safe (a place where he won’t be judged, or scolded).

Put Your Name On It

One of the keys to marriage is accepting responsibility for your actions (those who have been here a while know I have no problem with this – to a fault). This means you need to realize you could be a better spouse. If you want to see a change in your spouse the easiest way to do this is to change YOU. When you work on being more patient. When you work on those little things that annoy your partner. When you work on you, you will see (eventually) a reaction in your spouse.  Mirror the reaction you want to see in your spouse in you. You want them to remain calm? Then you need to model that behaviour. You want them to admit when they’re wrong? Then it starts with you. If you are going to counseling to “fix” your spouse (cause nothing is wrong with you), then you’re going to be wasting your time (unless in extreme cases of abuse). You need to start with you.

In today’s podcast I talk about how the Old testament is full of jacked up, hard to believe stories. I was listening on my Youversion app to Judges today and heard the story of Samson. I don’t know if you consider him a bible hero (this website thinks so), but in this story we learn:

Don’t drink when you’re pregnant.

Wives can whine their way into anything. It’s ok to betray your husband. Great lessons for young ladies.

Samson takes revenge on his first wife for betraying him. Revenge seems justified here. Hmmm.. Great lessons for young males right?

Samson gets another wife name Delilah who also nags him and cries a lot. Eventually this tactic works.Reinforcing the great advice from before.

Samson gives into his wife which result in him being a slave and having his eyes gouged out. Thanks wife. Reinforcing that you should ignore a Woman’s tears.

Blind people were entertainment back in the day. They don’t say doing what, but I’m guessing it wasn’t juggling.

Samson prays to God, and God gives him his super strength one last time and gets revenge and kills everyone. – If you have faith in God he will help you open up a can of whoop-ass.

I’m pretty sure I could learn the same lessons from watching a few episodes of the Jersey Shore Television Show.?????? ?? ???? ?????

????????Today I talk about some “Weird” things that have been happening like thousands (that’s four digits) have been awarded for my wife and I to go to an INTENSE marriage counseling in Texas. I heard about a national marriage expert named Mark Gungor, and days later he was calling me on the phone. I had a friend of mine turn me on to John McCarthur only to find out that he has a podcast about (you guessed it) MARRIAGE. The church I attend is having a five week series on MARRIAGE.

I reached out to my immediate family and was ignored. These are the people who wish I would get divorced. Meanwhile on my birthday it was my wife and one of my step children who posted birthday wishes on my facebook page. I just purchased Weird for my Kindle. This is a book that points out that if you are truly taking the words of the bible and LIVING them in your life. You should look pretty weird compared to most people today. So when I know all of the crap that my wife and I have gone through and we are still trying to save a marriage that I wrote off three months ago -it’s weird.

I realized that if you are getting married to “complete” yourself you are in for a very RUDE experience. IN FACT, whatever is “Wrong” with you will be AMPLIFIED when you get married. You will probably be messier, (or more of a neat freak), or if you are selfish, you would be MORE selfish (in my situation).

I read that fear was not created by God (although the story of Korah in Numbers 16 may produce some fear as a bi-product). I also read that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I have family members who will probably disown me if I stay with my wife. What should I fear more, God or losing my Family? If I truly believe that the bible is the sinpred word of God. If I truly believe every word. If I’m not giving people lips service, I should fear God (as should my family for not forgiving me for being an idiot). In his book The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness John MaCarthur talks about how we should be running to see who can forgive each other the fastest. That when we forgive each other, we imitate God (again, slightly confused where the forgiveness was in Numbers 16). None the less, if I want God to forgive me, I need to forgive others.

What kind of legacy will you leave for your kids. What will they say of your actions? My Grandfather was in church every Sunday. I remember that. He sang in the choir. He was a deacon. His ACTIONS are what come to mind. He put his wife first when her health began to fail even if it meant leaving his home. I’ve always strived to be like my Grandfather. I failed at that challenge. But I also know that I have not seen the last of him and will be reunited with him. He is a Christian. He worked hard. Never lived beyond his means. Was happy even when he was poor. Cherished his wife and kids, and adored his Grandchildren. I never heard him swear. I never heard him raise his voice. How weird.

Websites Mentioned:

Mark Gungor Radio

John MaCarthur Grace To You Podcast

Scott Eiland

Astroid Writer

????????

Note: I originally released this episode, and (and this is why I hate talking about the present) I was asked to edit out a portion that didn’t agree with some people’s “truth.” If you for whatever reason you get this episode again (I don’t think you should if you’ve already downloaded it in iTunes – it was only available for about an hour in its unedited version). With this in mind, I present this episode again where I still ask what the difference is between courage and stupidity.

I had looked forward to spending Christmas with my family as I had missed it last year. Things had deteriated, and after three days of trying eveything I knew I was asked to leave – and this time I didn’t argue. While my family went to Christmas Eve service at our church, I made mutliple trips moving all of my possessions back to my sisters. It’s not that we don’t knowwhat to do, I’m starting to think that we are just not wired to bend that much. My wife has said everything I wanted to hear. The unfortunate fact is she did it after I left. She is stating that she won’t hurt me, that she is deeply remorseful, and is a new person. She feels spirit filled, and she now knows God is the person that should make her feel whole – not her husband.

I started thinking about Courage and Stupidity. Both cases involve people not having (or overlooking) fear. Staying married during tough times takes courage, but on the other hand is it stupid? I know what God says. I know God hates divorce. and I also know that Paul states that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Should I stay or should I go as the clash sing. Do I run back into the burning building? Part of me thinks it would be cool to be able to turn around my marriage when everyone thinks I should throw in the towel. When everyone is telling us to pack it in. I know I love to help people. I know I love to break stereotypes. However, at this point I see those qualities as a BAD thing that can lead me into the burning building (courageous) covered in gasoline (stupid). I don’t know.

For now I read the bible on a daily basis, and I pray to God for wisdom. I haven’t really felt and answer. In the past I would just flip a coin. Not this time.

????????The last thing I want to do is go into 2012 talk about 2010, so I want to kind of jump to then end of the story. This story has been somewhat depressing, and I could spend HOURS going into details, but I’d rather get back to the sarcasm and yuk yuks.

On November 28th, 2010 my wife and I had a stupid contest and I won. There are those who think I have not “Paid enough,” for my stupidity. One of them being my step daughter who at times would prefer to not be in a room with me (or its a coincidence that family plans that involve me often don’t involve her). In fact when she got accepted into college I asked my wife to hand me the phone so I could tell her how proud I was and she hung up before I could say a word. That was a new kind of pain. Its those kind of “Never saw that coming” moments that make this incident into my top 10 most painful experiences. As I adore all of my step-kids this is something that bothers me DEEPLY every day. In addition it makes my wife’s life harder as well. At one point my wife was put into a position of choosing between her child and her husband. It was hard for me as one minute I was falling on my sword so she wouldn’t have to choose, and then next I was hurt as I was cut off from my wife. I understand her feelings. She does not feel comfortable having a person who she does not trust live with her mother. She listened to us argue for years, so I understand what feeds her fears. For that I apologize.  I had some fantasy that my step kids missed me as much as I missed them. Wow. I ‘m not sure what I was smoking. After pleading guilty to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct (a misdemeanor one step above a traffic ticket), I thought I would be coming home. Instead I stayed with my sister until my step daughter went away to college.

While my step-daughter will tolerate my existence enough to eat a meal with me, my brother refuses to be in the same room with my wife. I am not exaggerating. I’m trying to follow the bible, and follow its advice on marriage (admittedly, I need LOTS of help), but it does say the two shall be one. When it came time to go to my niece’s high school graduation I had to decline (which KILLED me), as my brother could not tolerate her long enough for us to make an appearance. This topic is a whole other podcast, but for now one might say I have lost my relationship with my brother who I love dearly.

When my wife told the church that where I was a minister in training what had happened, to make a long story short, they asked me to resign. I got upset, but in the end I did. At first I didn’t understand why I didn’t get a “Jimmy Swaggert” moment to apologize, but I now understand that one of the priorities of a shepherd is to guard the flock. If my little church would’ve had to vote, and we had 7 people leave over the results, that would’ve been 10% of the congregation. I understand their decision, and in talking with other pastors who now pastor the church they grew up in, ALL of them had to leave and come back. Jesus wasn’t respected in his home town either.

Jesus forgave a woman who was caught fornicating. He told a crowd “He who is without sin cast the first stone.” He said that you will be judged the same way you judge others. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I got 1 year probation, and ordered to get evaluated and take anger management classes (which I’ll discuss in a future episode).  The fun thing is in July I lost my job when I couldn’t physically look at 17 screens in 10 seconds and remember what I saw with a 96% accuracy. I was fired. I was denied unemployment. When I looked for a job, I found some. I have now had five jobs that were very excited to have me come in for an interview until they asked, “Oh by the way have you ever been convicted of a felony (no) or misdemeanor (yes)?” When I answer honestly, I was told point-blank that this disqualified me for the job. This is a cruel joke. I had 5 head hunters on a Saturday morning call me with the same job offer, only to rescind it. Again, stay out of the legal system kiddies.

When my wife packed up her daughter and drove her to college, I volunteered to come and watch the dogs. As things went “OK” when she got back, I decided to stay. However, things are no “OK” at this point and we still struggle to keep our marriage together. We moved in December into an apartment. It will be my wife, myself, and the boy. However, it turned out that my wife had told my step son that I was not going to move into the new place. She told me two days before we moved, and in the end I got to move into the new place. However, my step son voiced his EXTREME displeasure about me sticking around. OUCH

In December of 2011, I was moved to “inactive” for good behavior and can now start the process of getting this thing off my record.ikoni???????? ?? ?????????? ?? ??????

After spending what seemed like eternity in my one night of jail, I waited and waited for them to come open the cell door. I had to give back my uniform (I was bummed as I wanted a souvenir), and prepared to go before the judge. I sat in the same room where I had been “booked” only now there was a television set. I told the cop standing there that I was looking forward to talking to the judge to explain that this was all just a misunderstanding. To this he pointed out that he would not recommend doing that. He suggested I say nothing unless I was addressed/asked by the judge. What? Really? I had no idea what I was getting into, and based on the previous night’s experience this lead me to being scared. Was I really leaving today?

Finally the judge appeared on my television. I had a camera pointed at me so they could see me in all my striped glory. I heard that my wife was in the courtroom. Oh how I ached to see my wife. I hoped that the camera angles were like those you see in a gas station where the security cam switches to different views every 15 seconds. Maybe I could catch a glimpse of my wife. To let me see she was OK. I could just get eye contact…….

But it was a single camera shot. All I get was the judge who wasn’t even looking into the camera. There was another person in the courtroom. My wife had been appointed an advocate. She was now the victim. She had victim’s rights, etc. She needed protected. I didn’t realize it then, but I understand it now. When I closed that cell door, my life changed. Previously I was innocent until proven guilty. Now I was guilty until proven innocent. This goes for the court system, and for certain members of my family. I felt like running to a mirror to see if I had somehow put on a stained white t-shirt with a hole in the shoulder. You know the type of “uniform” that most domestic violence men wear.  It was like someone had placed a “kick me” sign on m back, only it read “wife beater.” I again wanted to scream “STOP!, HOLD ON, Can I PLEASE get someone’s attention?” Instead I sat with my mouth shut listening to the judge. I learned how I would have to pay for a lawyer to defend me and I had another hearing in about two weeks. In the meantime, there would be a protection order against me and I couldn’t be within X-amount of feet of my wife. I could not communicate with her in anyway. If I violated this in any fashion I would be thrown back in jail. Even if she contacted me first, if I answered the phone I could go to jail. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS MISTER JACKSON? “Yes your honor,” I answered. I was scared. I was not going back to jail.

I had to wait for a cop to escort me back to my house where I was not allowed to talk directly to my wife. I had to ask the cop to ask my wife a question. After about four messages back and forth the cop had enough and said, “Look if you guys can be civil, I’ll let you communicate.” We talked about the bills that would need paid. How to run the house going forward. The nurse had done me a favor and packed some clothes for me in. This was not in a “get out now” fashion,” but more as a favor to save me the hassle. She said she didn’t want a divorce. I don’t remember much of the conversation. I just remember having to hurry as we couldn’t keep the cop all day. I had to pack enough in my Toyota Corolla to last me a while. Before I left she asked if she could hug me, and the cop said that was fine. So three feet from where our act of stupidity happened, I hugged my wife fo what would be the last time for a while.

We all take things for granted every day. We are to busy to realize the every day things we do that are a privilege. My wife an I had gome from shouting at each other to talking to each other, to cour ordered silence. The silence was deafening. I couldn’t email, text, chat, call, look, etc at my wife or risk going to jail. She called, but I refused to answer the phone. I wasn’t going back to jail. I didn’t trust the justice system, and for all I knew they had my phone taped and the minute I said a word, the men in blue would bust through the walls and haul me back to jail. I felt like a person must feel in a lifeboat. You are so far off course, but you are breathing. You have the means to make it to shore, but you have no idea what waits for you.

I think I made it two days. I remember going to bed at night and looking at the ceiling. I wanted to somehow telepathically send a message to my wife. I wanted to let her know how much I missed her. I thought long and hard about how to send a message to my wife. To let her know I missed her. To let her know how sorry I was. I couldn’t send any communication to her, or through her children to her. Anything that was intended for her ears could get me thrown back in jail.

Being a musician, I love music. What I decided to do was start telling me friends and family on facebook. I’m not sure how but I stumbled across Ray Charles and posted the video on my facebook page.

I love brother Ray, and these lyrics really hit home (Lyrics by Leone Russle)

I’ve been so many places in my life and time
I’ve sung a lot of songs, I’ve made some bad RHYMES
I’ve acted out my life in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we’re alone now and I’m singin’ this song to you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be, baby
I’ve treated you unkindly but girl can’t you see
There’s no one more important to me
So darling can’t you please see through me
’cause we’re alone now and I’m singin’ my song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth, withholdin’ nothin’
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I’m so much better so if my words don’t come together
Listen to the melody cause my love’s in there hiding

I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I love you for my life, ’cause you’re a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin’ my song for you

I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I’ve loved you for my life, yes, you’re a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin’ my song for you, yes
We were alone and I was singin’ this song for you, baby
We were alone and I was singin’ my song,
Singin’ my song, singin’ my song, singin’ my song
Singin’ my song

There is a Bible Passage that I learned about through the Rock Band Stryper. It’s Isaiah 53:5 Which states, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Well today we talking about the stripes of a jail uniform.

It’s amazing in a way that anything would ever come close to competing for the title of “Worst Day of My Life” with the day my Mother died, the night I spent in jail comes close. In this episode I talk about being booked, and my evening in jail. I’m not sure how anyone ever sleeps in jail. When I finally had to honor “lights out” I found I wasn’t alone in my cell. I know this makes me sound insane, but I believe Satan is real, and the voice in my head was not from God, and the things it said were nothing that I would say to myself.

You see everything God tells you to put down, and not to carry those burdens. However, behind us is Satan taking notes so that when the time is right he can tell you to pick them all up. With the ability to focus on something else removed, Satan said some of the nastiest things in my head, and reminded me of every person who had ever let me down, and how (in general) I was a piece of crap. I know I’ve read that you can cast the devil out by evoking the name Jesus, but when Satan has you on the ropes, you trying to recover from the massive body blows he is delivering.

Eventually I got up out of my cot, and moved the pillow on the cot above me to find a bible. I thought, “Alright you bastard, now I’ve got some ammunition.” Only the voice had already left…

Whatever it takes. Whatever you do. Do everything in your power to stay on the free side of prison bars.

Today I talk about the worst day of my life (or definitely in the top 5).

It started out as a wonderful day. I had a great day at church, I stopped by Play it Again Sports and found a BRAND NEW Total Gym, and not one of the those cheap ones that you find at department stores. This was THE Total Gym, and it was normally 1,200 and this one was $300. A quick call to the nurse and we decided this was my Christmas present. My Christmas shopping was done, it was a warm and sunny day for November. I drove home to Cleveland, and thought to myself, “What is this feeling????”

The Nurse and I had actually put together a few good weeks. We were at least headed in the right direction.
I was going to have money for Christmas thanks to my job.
I had a great wife, and fabulous kids.

Life was good. Praise God. What was that feeling… oh I remember this. I think I was happy.

I took the total gym down and put it on the bed.

Life can change in the blink of an eye. The last two episodes show how I had been having issues with my wife. I have “pulled back the curtain” to show my warts to show you, to BEG you to get counseling before it gets to a point like what we affectionately call “November 28th” at the Jackson house.

I don’t want to spoil the ending. I will tell you that this is just the beginning of the “Crap Cannon” of 2010,” and I’m not looking for a pity party. I’m looking for you to learn, please learn, from my mistakes.

Previous Episodes

Tales From the Couch – removed by request.

The Prelude

Crap Cannon 2010

I remember at my orientation for the Pastor school. One of the graduating students stood up and said, “Protect your marriages.” Satan does not want you to be a minister, and he will attack your marriage. Well good old Satan, if he is nothing else, he is predictable, and reliable. He came at me with both barrels from the minute I said “I do.”

I remember driving back home from my honeymoon. Maybe it’s because everybody and their brother decided to leave at the same time, and it took hours to move yards (and we had hundreds of miles to go), and our wounds from the rafting trip from hell were still healing, but my Wife and I got into an argument. I don’t remember about what, or who, etc., but I do remember that hours later we had crossed state lines a few times and we were still upset with each other.  We are the classic example of a guy being logical, and a woman being emotional. Consequently we often have arguments where I’m talking about A and she is talking about B, and neither one knows it.

Now me in my logical sense, I’m explaining things and my wife doesn’t understand (she’s not stupid). I re-explain time and time again, and I get frustrated with her. Why? Because behind the scenes she is on another page. Consequently, whatever I’m saying is more than likely making her more upset.  While there are times when I think we won’t let go of an opinion cause we want to convince the other person we are right (and that’s wrong), for me being a teacher, I just feel I can get anyone to understand anything. Consequently, I always think if I can make just one more point, the light bulb will come on. When you have two people in this situation, in a car, with no escape hatch it isn’t pretty.

I had signed on to become a minister in training for my small church. We thought it would take a year. I had just finished school, and while it would suck we knew a year would fly by. SURPRISE! The school is three years. My wife had been sitting at home while I put myself through college, and just as she was ready to get off the couch and start enjoying time with her husband, he goes back to school. As this seemed like a good cause, she supported me in this endeavor. But the marriage was starting with too many surprises. When I got my payment book from my student loans I freaked out. The first time I went to school, my payments were $50. Now I was paying on two loans, and they might as well be another car payment. So much for cutting out all the consulting.

Now let’s go back a bit. When I was growing up, there was another person I argued with. He was my Dad. We were both stubborn. I remember once he threatened to pull the car over and let me walk home. I told him to do it. He did. I got out and started walking. My Mom made him stop and told me to get in the car. But this tactic of stopping cars to get attention was now engrained in my head. It was a tactic I would pull on my wife. It was not normal to her. It scared the bejesus out of her.

This did not stop me from doing it a few times. The last time, my wife and I were arguing with each other unfortunately in front of her son. He eventually told us to shut up. Now in my world, if I had told a grown up to shut up I would be killed on the spot. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. So I checked my mirrors, slammed on the brakes, and pulled the car to the side of the road. This again freaked out my wife (who swears I didn’t check my mirrors), and both her and her son got out and walked home. When I told my brother about this episode he replied, “Oh you did the old attention getter.” Different cultures, with different values lead to issues.  To this day the nurse would say I didn’t check my mirrors when I do this (and I would again disagree). This is not the point. The point is when I get frustrated; I was releasing my frustration in ways that was freaking people out. This is bad. I don’t have to convince someone I check my mirrors, I have to acknowledge that the way I handled my frustration was scaring people – and that was wrong. It was wrong when my Dad did it, and its wrong today. There are about a billion options you can choose besides going bonkers.

So let’s talk about getting frustrated. What about those times when I didn’t blow up. I thought I was being the good Christian man by putting things off, and putting my wife first. Even when I disagreed with her, I would put her fist and me last. At the same time, there were plenty of times when I would get consumed in my own projects and spend hours on the computer (and not put my wife first). None the less, planted into the soil of selfishness, the feelings of resentment started to take hold and grow.

My wife will tell you I have an anger problem. I will tell you I have an assertiveness problem. I like to fall on my sword. Well I guess I don’t like it, but I do it. The problem is I later regret this, and resent the person I sacrificed for. The long fuse of Dave Jackson is whittled down. With no communication, I continued this pattern. Consequently, with less fuse, more blows ups happened like the ones mentioned. Anger is a natural emotion. We all get angry. People do things that are wrong to us. We feel abandoned, disrespected, etc. The question is how do you react to that emotion? Our response is our responsibility. This is one of the little catch phrases you learn as you go through therapy.

So let’s stop here a second and reflect on a couple of things.

Your spouse loves you. They are not wrong. Just different. If you can’t come to an understanding, try to come to a compromise.

There is one thing to give for your family, but if you become a martyr for your marriage it won’t work. Remember, a martyr is someone who DIES for the cause. The bible says the two shall become one. If one dies, you both die.

Anger is a natural emotion that needs to be expressed in a healthy way. If you stifle it, and attempt to bury it, it will come out like a coke bottle filled with Mentos.

You can’t fix what you don’t know about. If you are not lovingly telling your spouse about your hopes, fears, dreams, and desires, you may want to head left, and she may want to head right. Why not get together, and chart a course for both of you.

Dictionary.com defines the word “Forgive” as “to grant pardon for or remission of.” We were both trying to forgive. I thnk we did. But forgetting was another story. Because of this baggage, it distorts what we see and hear from our spouse. We hold on to this stuff as we don’t want to get hurt again. We have the Kung Fu death grip, and refuse to let go. We try, but our survival instinct convinces us we need it.

Next Episode. “Tales From the Couch…”

I know it’s been a long time since our last episode. It’s been 316 days. WOW.

Look for a new episode out next week.

Today I’m going to do something stupid and talk about my family on my podcast. This involves moving my father to a long term health care. I live an hour north west of my father and brother. Instead of going with the location I found that was about half way between the two of us, I went with a location that was an additional 30 minutes in the wrong direction. This means that if I want to see my father I have to drive an hour and a half.

He called on Wednesday and asked for my opinion on moving Dad 90 minutes away from my house, and I said “that will not work, you are going in the wrong direction.” There are tons of places that are between the two of us, or worst case scenario, it if was by his house (that would be an hour away). So on Wednesday I explained how this was absolutely not going to work, and on Friday my brother (having power of attorney) moved him there anyway. This is not only further away from me, its further away from everyone in the city where my Dad lives.  I’m not sure how I’m not supposed to be offended. I’m not sure how I’m not supposed to feel invisible, small, and insignificant. So for probably the first time in 30 years, I’m mad at my brother.

When I visited the “wonderful” site my Dad was moved to. It’s a very nice place, but not that really different from the place that was 40 minutes from my house. The biggest difference was paint. It didn’t look so much like a hospital. It had hospital beds, people in nurses uniforms, wheelchairs, etc, but the walls were beige and green instead of white. So I’m driving an additional 50 minutes for a fashion choice. Don’t get me wrong, its a great facility with a talented loving staff – that just so happens to be 90 minutes from my house.

It’s hard to stay mad at my brother (and I won’t). You see:

My brother was the person was running behind balancing the bike the first time I rode without training wheels

My brother was the person who taught me the immortal phrase “lets go piss” which my mother did not find amusing coming from her four year old.

My brother showed how to play some cords on the guitar.

He was the person who helped me fix my first car.

Took me to my first concert

Bought me my first baseball glove

Was the person who insisted I move in with him when I got divorced/bankrupt

Said it was ok to continue living in his house while I got my second degree.

My brother stood by me at both my weddings

Is the only person on the planet who knows what its like to have Dad as a dad, and my sister as a sister.

He is the person who helped me when I got my first house, first car, first guitar, first girlfriend, first……

So I’ve learned my brother isn’t perfect and he made a bad decision. Its partially my family’s fault. When my Dad went into the hospital we should’ve been looking for a place for him to rehab, but we waited instead 9so we didn’t have the luxury of time to find other alternatives).

So I’ve been here. I’m mad at my brother. So this is what it feels like? OK. Time to put it down. I will… eventually.

Music in this Episode

Mad at You by Joe jackson

No Respect – Extreme

It’s funny when you have young kids. How do they get your attention when they are hungry? They scream and cry. You can shake keys at them, put on Barney (or whatever the latest kid tv is), bounce them on your knee and NOTHING matters unless you solve their one problem: THEY’RE HUNGRY.

This week my father was disgnosed with Colon cancer. It’s a scary place to be and a scary situation to live through. The first night in the hospital, my father had gone through a few tests and he thought they had removed his giant tumor. They hadn’t.  What happened was they did a biopsy, and we needed to wait till the next day to get the results.

I had been telling my wife how you can’t tell me Dad what to do. At 80 years old he knows everything, and nothing will get in his way. He once walked 3 miles to the grocery store. Luckily a friend saw him at the store and gave him a ride home (he hadn’t thought throw how he was going to carry the groceries home).

After visiting him at the hospital that first night, we only made it to the parking lot before Dad had removed his IV, and was preparing to “break out” of the hospital. I turned to my wife and said, “Welcome to the world of my Dad.”

We went back to the hospital, and tried to explain to Dad that there was a tumor still inside him. Thankfully my wife still had her nurses uniform on, and she talked some sense into him. He just wanted to eat. He wanted food, and was not going to stop until he got some.

So there I was with the roles reversed, with a better grip on the “big picture” than my Dad did. I was explaining what to do, and why these actions were what was best for him. Much like a teenager, he thinks he knows everything.

He goes in for surgery on Tuesday, and the road after that will be long and hard. There is no manual for this (except the bible), and it’s going to be tough. No human likes change, and nobody likes getting older, or hearing that they “Can’t” do (insert task here) anymore.

Luckily my wife has lived through this (she onced worked at a nursing home, and obsviously deals with all sorts of situations being a nurse) so she has already been a huge help, but none the less this role reversal will be like a new pair of shoes. They may fit, but they’re not comfortable and will take some breaking in?????

Building a Better Dave has a new sponsor. It’s match.com and if you go to www.betterdave.com/match you will receive 25% off when you order. There are 20,000 people joining match.com so you have a great chance of finding “the one” there. By joining at www.betterdave.com/match you help support the show.

I spent the weekend with a bunch of Humor Writer at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I had an absolute blast. I sat in on a session or two. One was lead by Jerry Zezima (Columnist and author of the book Leave it to Boomer).

I have a new appreciation for authors. I do my little stories with sounds and tone of voice. They have words, and only words.

Jerry gave us an exercise to think about “the Wildest Ride I Ever Had.”

My idea came quickly. I was about and we were at Geauga Lake Amusement park (now closed). There was a big wooden coaster that had been around since the days of Howdy Doody, and you were scared to ride it just by looking at it. Not because it was tall and fast, but because you were pretty sure it was going to collapse. Big Dipper was 65 feet high, 2,680 feet long, and had a top speed of 32 mph.  When built in 1927 it was one of the largest roller coasters in America.

With this in mind, my Dad and I were the only ones to get on the ride. I hadn’t ridden on many roller coasters, and it was cool to actually have my Dad (a long distance truck driver) along for some family fun. I put on my seat belt (with enough room for three other people in it), and grabbed on to the bar that would lock down over my legs.

The genius college kids who ran the ride gave some thumbs up and told us to enjoy the ride. As we were going up the hill, I noticed the bar wasn’t locked. I moved it, thinking it would lock in place. It didn’t. About the time I went to tell my father that it wasn’t locked, the coaster shot over the hill. All I remember is my but trying to pass my head, my feet coming off the floor, and my hands clinging on to the bar that was now vertical instead of horizontal. I screamed. I had planned on screaming as I have heard that if you don’t you can get sick (which I do on these things). I looked at my Dad who grabbed the back of my shirt and yanked me down. He was laughing. Another hill and up I would go. He would laugh and pull me down, much like a two year old plays with a balloon. Up and down, up and down… laugh, laugh,laugh.

To this day, I have no idea why he stayed in the car unless he put his seat belt on tight.  It was one of the few things my father and I did together, and it was a complete nightmare.  This by far was the wildest ride of my life.  Thank God my father was there to give me security that I wasn’t going to die. I could count on him pulling me back into my seat. I was scared, and comforted at the same time.

But Jerry had me thinking outside the box.

I walked into my father’s house which to this day is still weird. It’s where I grew up, and he has let the place go. It’s also weird as I expect to see my mother every time I walk in the kitchen (who passed over 20 years ago).

I had to deliver bad news. I had done all I could. My soon to be ex-wife had refused to go back to marriage counseling, and we had come to the conclusion that the marriage was over. So not only were we going through a bankruptcy but we would add divorce to the mix. This was going to be a wild ride.

My father never really expressed like or dislike for my ex-wife. She did paint his house one summer while I was in school. She cleaned, etc.  Consequently, when I had to explain that my marriage was over, my soon to be ex-wife was a drunk, and a cheater, I didn’t know how it would effect him. The number of serious discussions I’ve had with my father can be counted on one hand probably so this was going to be awkward.

When I delivered the news, he was sorry to hear it.  It turns out he knew what I was going through.  He knew the wild ride I was going to go through (even friendly divorces are ugly, and expensive). He knew first hand.

“I don’t know if you know this (I didn’t), but I was married once before I met your Mom.” I was shocked. It turns out he had married some woman right before going into the air force. As the story goes, while the cat was away the mice did play. So he understands the pain of having someone cheat on you.

Then just like a hand that grabs me and pulls me back into safety he said. “Us Jackson men get very lucky. My brother found a great new wife, my father had found my mother, and he said, “I’m sure you’ll find someone too.”

And I did.

I was scared, and comforted at the same time.

Thanks Dad.

Today I talk about a lovely trip to Chicago where we stop at a Burger King to get something to drink. When we go back to the to the car only to find our GPS missing.

We noticed the homeless guy near my car, and like my GPS he was also gone.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all homeless people are thieves, and con artists. You should donate to those organizations that help the homeless.This way we know the money is being (hopefully) used for good.

Today’s sponsor

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Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I’m “Half way to dead.” However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead.

Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ended up using it just like the old woman on the commercial. I have it hooked up to the light right next to my bed.

Dave turns 45 in a few weeks. Check out what he wants for his birthday

Today I share a voicemail I got from a friend of mine Fred Castenada. He is a great guy, great entrepreneur, and has tons of experience. Fred is a Vietnam veteran. Now when I say Vietnam I don’t mean the fun, wacky Vietnam you see in the movies with guys smoking cigs, and joking around in the jungle. Fred was and is the real deal. Fred was on the very front line, and live to tell when many of his friends did not. Thank you Fred for serving your country.

This Thanksgiving maybe we were talking about a new flat screen tv, or a laptop, or other issues that we wanted to fix. Fred’s call lets us see that many of the “problems” we face are really just annoyances. We need to remember to count our blessings that we have food, shelter, and most importantly, nobody shooting at us.

I was very shaken when I got a call on Tuesday letting me know that a friend of mine (a music promoter) had taken his life. Walt was a Vietnam vet as well. I’m not sure what problems he had that made him lose all hope, but I’m pretty sure they were just very strong annoyances. I just can’t stop thinking about how his little girls are dealing with this, and what does a wife say to her children?

Sometimes we get confused as to what a problem is, and what is an annoyance. Thanks Fred for sharing, and for reminding us to count our blessings.

?????So where have I been? Well I got a job I hated, and now I have a job I love.  Then the dog ate a whole box of Trix, and then a WHOLE chocolate cake, and then decided to throw up on the couch. It’s been fun.

The road to happily ever after has taken a new strange twist. I’ve had an urge to become a pastor for about 4 years (I occasionally fill in for the pastor), and to make a long story short, when the pastor asked to me to think about becoming an interim pastor I said “yes.”

This means I get to go back to school to learn how to be a pastor, etc and I will be licensed to preach in my church, eventually Ohio, and from there its up to me.

Today I talk about the sport of having sex when you have children in the house.

I also relive July 1972 when the Stones came to town. I wasn’t allowed out because of the hippies.

Most people talk about the oldest child having very strict parents, the youngest having it too easy (and getting spoiled) and of course the middle child getting lost in the shuffle.  To me none of these apply. The child that has it worst is the child whose bedroom is next to Mom and Dad’s.

Maybe I’m weird, but when I walk into a room with naked people I typically look down, say “I’m sorry” and leave immediately. I thought this was the standard response for most people. But then again, if you had something very important you might stay to make sure you made your point.

Today’s show features music from Apa State Mental and the song is “Eaten By Hippes” from the Podsafe Music Network.

Today we finish up with stories from my honeymoon. This time we relive the “relaxing” trip we had riding inner tubes down the little river in Pigeon Forge TN. We had a great time. We have the scars to prove it.

We talk about scooter and his death defying dives, taking people out of the river, bees, deathly undertows, all for only $8 for the whole day.

According to an AARP article Dolly Parton is worth between 200 and 400 million dollars.  She has done some fine things with her money like she has donated millions of books for parents to read to their children. She created Dollywood and the Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge Tennessee which I’m sure brings in some great tax money for the area. She has had a music career that has outlasted many many artists.

HOWEVER

We went to Dollywood. It was nice. We saw some very beautiful bald eagles. Its interesting in that the typical stereotype of a southerner is a guy named Scooter who has the brains of an ice cube. This then makes you nervous when you hear “Keep you arms and hands inside the ride at all times yall.” When Scooter or Goober or Cletus has your life in his hands it makes you just a wee bit nervous. Another fun fact was  I forgot to take my motion sickness medicine and we were worried about me getting sick. We did a few water rides and were having fun. Nothing too scary. Then we got on this coaster that you could only see a small portion of it. That is becuase the majority of it was inside in the dark. I knew I was going to be in trouble. It whipped us around upside down and backwords, and about the time I thought I was going to hurl it stopped. I was flat on my back looking straight up. I looked at Diane and said, “this is bad I need this to be the end.” About that time it launched us straight up, and pretty much straight down as it blew fire at our face. A couple of more spins and we slammed to stop.

I gagged. I had no good options. If I threw up I had a choice of spewing on the teenagers beside me, hurling on my wife, or swallowing it. I closed my eyes and tried to go to my happy place. I could feel the sweat dripping down my forehead. The little boy turned to me and asked, “Are you ok?” without looking at him I said, “No.” The boy next to him let out a “Man that was awesome.” Diane frantically tried to get somebody’s attention to let me get off quick. He asked again, “Are you OK?” Again without looking at him I said, “No.”

Then the car in front of me emptied and the moved my car up and then stopped it suddenly. Here came the flood. I put my hand over my mouth to stop anything from coming out.  This was one of the grossest things I’ve ever had to do.

Diane again frantically tried to get someone’s attention. The car moved again, and my restraints were loosened. I ran to the nearest waste basket and for whatever reason had a dry heave. The good news bad news. The good news was I wasn’t doing the technicolor yawn. The bad news is I was dizzy, tired, sopping with sweat. We slowly made our way to the park exit. Thankfully we had hit all of the attractions.

We had some issues finding the exit only to find out that the only way to get out of the park is to go through the gift shop. OK, I know Dolly got this from Disney. Seriously though. I know you got this from Disney, but how much money do you need?

We later went to her restaurant the Dixie Stampede which was good entertainment. However they tell you to show up 90 minutes early before the show. It’s imperative that you show up 90 minutes before the show. So we did and they ushered us into this big cantina where you can get a bag of popcorn. Well let me change that, you can get a bag of salt with some popcorn thrown on top of it. Then she will sell you a soft drink (probably about 8 ounces once you take out the ice) in the shape of a boot for 4 bucks. When you exit the place they send you through a weird back hallway down some steps so (you guessed it) you can exit through the gift shop.

Dolly you are the Gene Simmons of country. In fact you look a little like Gene Simmons at this point. I know you say it takes a lot of money to look this cheap, but my God you are scaring the children.  I’m buying stock in botox.

Diane (my wife) and I  headed off for our honeymoon. Destination Pigeon Forge Tennessee. It was about a 9 hour drive and on the way we listened to the radio, and finally popped in an audio book about making your second marriage work.  It helped pass the time, and kept us alert. We got to Tennessee and when we got to Pigeon Forge it looked like a hillbilly version of the Vegas strip. Instead of spectacular hotels, you had a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, followed by, a pancake house. I’m not making this up. In a one mile stretch there were 5 pancake houses. I would also guess that on the other side of the pancake house was a “Barb B Cue” joint and on the other side of the pancake house was a fireworks place. With this in mind, if I ever meet someone with barbecue sauce on his shirt, maple syrup on his chin, and 9 fingers I’m going to guess he is from Pigeon Forge TN. On the other hand the Smokey mountains were breath taking. Seriously. Wow.

Luckily Diane said, “We better find the cabin before it gets dark” as I wanted to get something to eat. The map from the cabin people’s website said, “do not use mapquest or they will send you on dirt roads.” We followed the map and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I mean I know it’s a mountain, but the road went almost straight up, and had serious hair pin turns with no guard rail. If you were to slide off the road, you were going straight down. Needless to say this made Diane just a smidge nervous. It had me clutching the wheel with both hands as I would white knuckle it around a corner hoping there was more road under my tires. Our drive was an even steeper climb which was off the previous steep climb road. It also had another turn “blind” turn where you have no idea what you are turning on to. It had rained a bit before we showed up, and in some cases water would come out of the mountain and make the road wet. Kind of an “instant river” right in the road. Consequently, when I went to climb our driveway I spun my tires. Luckily, I made it up on the second attempt.

Our log cabin was gorgeous. It had a pool table, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, etc. It just oozed cozy. It also had water pressure that dripped out of the shower. Consequently, we spent a large amount of our first day relaxing in the hot tub waiting for Gomer to show up and fix the water pressure issue. Later that day we decided to go hiking and get up close and personal with Mother Nature.

After talking with someone at the visitor center, we decided to go to Laurel Lake Water Fall trail. It was fairly short, paved, and sounded lovely. Now when we thin of bears we think of Yogi, Smokey, the Snuggle bear. All of these are our friends. They are funny, cute, cuddly. However, when we got to the trail, there was a sign that read “Dangers Bears Are Active In This Area Do Not Approach Them. Attacks on Humans Have Occurred inflicting serious injuries and death. Then under that sign was another sign. “DANGER Falling deaths have occurred closely control your children high vertical drop offs ahead and at falls area.” Well this adds a new slant to this lovely relaxing hike.

Then another thing dawns on us. This is the Smokey Mountains and any travel involves going up. A lot. Like turn the corner and there is another hill. And the sign was right. We had a small path about 5 feet wide (big enough for two people) and on the left we had the cliff of death and to the right we had a mountain that went straight up. Also the only straight road in Pigeon Forge is pancake alley. All other roads and paths curve and curve a lot . So we are hiking up the mountain and many times we are walking around rocks that are 8 to 10 feet tall. So you’re thinking if there is a bear on the other side of this rock, um, I’m SCREWED.

The level of awareness goes up tremendously when you are thinking “ACTIVE BEAR AREA.” Diane and both giggled as we admitted to looking at the path for paw prints. We made it to the falls. They were beautiful. We were amazed at the number of children who were not under control, and figured we would surely meet them at a restaurant later where they could scream bloody murder.

Later in the week we went to a little country church where they did church OLD School. I mean singing hymns with no organ out of a hymnal that I’m pretty sure Moses carried down with the 10 commandments. It was one of those fancy hymnals written on paper. But while we were there another couple who were visiting talked about how they too had gone hiking and indeed seen a bear.  To this one of the town folk also told us to “Watch out for snakes – Copperheads to be specific.”

To this Diane announced, “I’m done hiking.”

I’ll have more stories about the honeymoon. It was the best of times it was the not so best of times. I’ve been telling people it was memorable, and it was.

Music: (at the beginning)  Bluesgrass Album band the song is “Home Sweet Home.

Today I’m playing snippets from my wedding to the lovely Diane (formerly known as “the Nurse”).  The wedding day is a bit of a blur. Everything went off without too much stress. The honeymoon stories will be following (much more entertaining than the wedding ceremony probably). So here is what you get:

The Vows

“the countess” (my 16 year old step-daughter) sings (and I play the guitar)

I sing a bit (again snippets).

Pronounced man and wife

Music

From the podsafe music network.  The Root Doctor “Me and My Wife.”

The music this episode is from Root Doctor from the podsafe music network. The song is called “Me and My Wife” and is available on CD, or as a Download at CDbaby. You can also find out more about the band at www.rootdoctorband.com/

Let’s count the people who had had their lives take a turn for the worse after having a reality show about their life. If your show gets an audience, it seems to ruin your life.

Nick and Jessica Simpson (divorce)

Dave Navare and Carmen Electra (divorce)

Jack and Kate + 8 (c’mon – Divorce)

The Osbournes (Kids went to rehab).

Hulk Hogan (divorce)

Anna Nicole Smith (death)

And now MC Hammer is going to have a reality show. He is not well known for making good business choices in the past, and it appears he is still at it.

David Carradine Dies with a Noose Around His Junk

I’m not sure why a “Standard” orgasm is not enough for some people. This puzzles me. I mean,  I don’t think I”ve ever uttered the phrase, “Man that orgasm was awful!” Auto-erotica is some funky way of having sex where you basically bring yourself to the point of orgasm and death at the same time.  So when someone comes to me and says, “Here is your noose,” I’m afraid I’m going to have to say, “I’m sorry this doesn’t sound like a good idea.” There are alegations that he was wearing fishnets and a wig, that he had sex with family member(s). His fourth wife cited his feakiness in their divorce papers. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I’ll just take the “same old sam old” orgasm. No need to super size me, or wrap a noose around my junk.

I went to a concert and saw a small girl who was just F A T. I watched and she shoveled more pizza, pepsi, brownies, popcorn into her pie hole. When she went back for more, her Mother (finally) said no.

The girl cried.

Mom caved.

It was sad and hard to watch.

I had to deliver a punishment to my future step-son. It wasn’t easy, but I know in the end this is what is needed to teach our children to follow rules, respect their parents, and that (unfortunately) you don’t always get to do what you want to do.

Music “Step up” by Dona Oxford from the Podsafe Music Network (http://music.podshow.com ) check out Dona at www.donaoxford.com

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Today I talk about my college experience as it is now complete and behind me. I am amazed at how we learn over and over that we need to get our children to learn math and science. We learn that the United States of America is LOSING to other countries, and we can’t keep saying “We’re Number 1″ too much longer.

I am amazed at the stupid topics, sloppy delivery, unorganized delivery of topics that was my education. I learned the most when I got behind and got my first “F” ever. I learned that I’m not Superman, and I can’t always put things off, and catch up later. I learned that you need balance in your life. That you occasionally have to say “No” to people to keep your sanity.

I’m glad I don’t have to listen how I need to be sure to work examples into my lesson plans that transgendered people can relate to. After all, we all have our own tastes and cultures. Unless I’m teaching a cooking class, and the subject is cutting up hot dogs, I’m not going to be able to related to a transgendered person. I’m not saying these are bad people, but I’m not saying this is a “normal” or better “natural” occurrence. I know, I know, I’m judgmental.  I need to keep my opinion to myself so you can voice your opinion about how wrong my opinion is. Funny how that is… You’re negative opinion about me is ok, my negative opinion about you is “judgmental.”

There are two ways to learn something. You mimic the actions of those who do it exceptionally well, or you do the polar opposite of those who completely, without a doubt, suck at it.

Today I talk about how my life has not been very eventful. Then my ex-wife called me at 3:30 in the morning to let me know that a dog (that used to be my dog) was lost. She had let him outside, but she couldn’t find him.

Now the interesting thing is, this dog had SERIOUS problems walking. So how drunk do you have to be to lose a dog who can’t walk?

This brought up to thoughts for me. First, even though I am an award winning teacher, I can’t get this “Student” to understand the concept that she has a drinking problem. However, I am a huge failure when it comes to this.

Secondly, it has been many years since I separated from my first wife. I have done things, and taken steps to make my life better. I’ve been lucky enough to find a wonderful woman to share my life with me (who has fabulous kids to boot). I’m getting ready to graduate with my second degree. My life has moved on for the better. Meanwhile my ex-wife is still at square one. Sad.

While I could cut off ALL communication with my ex (I talk to her for a few minutes about every 7-12 weeks), but unfortunately when someone talks about “Chrisitans” I would put big money on my face coming into her (or her family’s) mind. So I try to do what Jesus would, and be nice, and hopefully she will see that my life is better due to my faith.

She called again, and I was very tempted to answer the phone with “ARE YOU SOBER THIS TIME?” But instead I took a deep breath, and answered normally. I am glad I held my temper. She again was crying, but this time it was because the dog had seizure and she had to have him put to sleep. My “Little Guy” that I used to watch the Cleveland Browns with was gone. He was so little. So cute. I loved that dog a lot, and I will miss him. catv

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Here are some tips for future grooms as you prepare for your wedding:

If she says she wants a small wedding. marry her immediately do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars.

Saying things really romantic like, “I’m just excited to say I do and spend the rest of my life waking up next to you” have no effect. The marketing machines have hammered a large wedding into her head. You can’t win. No, I’m sorry. You CAN’T WIN.

Realize that while she wants you to be involved in the wedding, she doesn’t actually want your opinion.  Never the less, you need to be there to be “involved.”

Speaking of opinion, you probably don’t have one, especially when it comes to table center pieces, flowers, invitations. DO NOT say “I don’t care.” Instead ask which one she likes and agree with  her.

Also, never say things like “It’s YOUR wedding, it is ALWAYS OUR wedding. Not THE wedding, its OUR WEDDING.

Under no circumstances ever should you ever refer  to your wedding as a “Dog and Pony Show.” This will not go over well.

I’m typically a hard person to find speechless, but when my Ethics teacher presented us a blog posting about a Japanese video game called “Rapelay”  where the goal of the games was to rape women and force them into having abortions. I grew up playing Monopoly and operation.  I was speechless.

I mean how does that go down? Does Hop Sing come running and and go “I’ve got a great idea for a game where YOU can be the rapest,” and everyone goes “By george he’s got it!” I mean seriously. How does this have a market so that people would even ponder the thought of creating it in the first place? What’s next Old McDonald’s Bestiality Video Game?

I suppose if I stand up and say, “I embrace free speach, and I embrace other cultures, but this is messed up” I’m going to be labeled “judgemental.” If this is the case, what would be classified as wrong?

I just know at this point, I’ve seen enough. It’s sad, and I feel ashamed to be human. I want off the planet. “Check please!” lets box it up and get out of here.

When I was growing up I was always amazed at how adults were fascinated about me having an imaginary friend. So I made up a friend that made no sense (he lived on top of a water tower). This delighted the adults. The more ridiculous the story, the more they would laugh, and I like to make people laugh so I would occasionally indulge them and talk about “Fako.”

Our fascination with fake people continues as “Reality TV” shows makes “Stars” out of people (with their fake nails, fake boobs, fake lips, fake tatoos, fake hair, fake tan) who come on the show and try to “keep it real.” The only thing real about reality TV is that IT’S NOT REAL.

This was partly due to Ozzy Osbourne as his show seems crazy. Well guess what folks, Ozzy is NUTS. This is why his show worked, and why almost every show after it has not.

Now we have Rock Of Love (with Brett Michaels from the band Poison). This time its for real.

Where are the real people. Where are the heroes for our children to look up to?

Music By Top Johnny from the Podsafe Music Network “Keep it Real.”

Today I talk about some horrible movie I had to watch for my education. It is some skit done by professors at the University of Akron. The fun part is one of the professors has a horrible speach issue. Now I don’t want to be insensitive, but this guy would be good to work the camera, the lights, hand out bulletins, but NOT have a speaking part where his answers are (literally) three minutes a piece.

Then throw on top of it one of my customers is releasing a hypnosis CD and I get to tweak the audio.

Today I talk about the struggles of my last semester at college. I got quite the run around, and when things were back on track I was grateful, but curious as to why I never received an apology.

I also talk about the joy of paying thousands of dollars for classes that are absolutely crap. My ethics class has spent two days answering the question, “Is murder wrong becuase God commands it, or is murder wrong so God acknowldges this and thus cammands it. I love that we are not saying what is right and wrong, but in this case, we need to beleive that you don’t need God (so we can study ethics). It only took two classes to kick God out of the classroom. Again.

Today I’m talking about my New Year’s eve. I was watching Dick Clark’s rockin’ eve hosted by Ryan Seacrest. It was fairly horrible. The interesting thing is when I was growing up Dick Clark was for the younger people and Guy Lombardo was for the old folks. Now Dick Clark is for the older folk like me.

Well Dick had a stroke 2 years ago and apparently has not recovered a whole lot. They dragged him out last year so we could try to decipher what he was saying. This year I wondered, “Are they going to dust off Dick?” They did and he has had some work done on his face, and apparently has not been attending his speak therapy as regularly as he should. This saddens me. I don’t want to be reminded that he is not the Dick Clark I remember.

TAKE THE POLL

My Petco Advertisement

I wanted to let everyone know that as food was not covered on the petco discounts I have asked to be removed from that advertising campaign. Everyone I asked, “What do you buy at Petco?” answered, “Food.” Thanks to MEvio for letting me out of my contract. Nothing against Petco, but I didn’t feel comfortable with this campaign.

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same.

BONUS TOPIC:

I also took my fiance’s 15 year old daughter driving for the first time in an abandonded Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her liscense.

2009 is going to be the year.

I’m going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has potential to be the best year of my life. I’m also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com

Shopping? Go to www.supportthisshow.com

I was very surprised when I went to the mall and saw there was no line to sit with Santa. Santa looked pretty good (probably an out of work financial consultant), and I thought “Let’s get our picture taken.” It would be interesting to see how things have changed since you sat on his lap and had a polaroid taken. We asked, not the elf, but some college kid (or Santa has put into place “business casual” as the new dress code). We were told, “Here are the packages.” Packages? I just need a picture.

What a lovely greedy con job that if they wanted to they could make $166 an hour, BUT THAT’S NOT ENOUGH. Before we can make $166 an hour ($9.73 profit on a 5 minute CD) you need to spend $20 on a “Package.” That means Santa Will be making $357 an hour. Well here is what I say to you.

SCREW YOU SANTA!

SCREW YOU AND THE REINDEER YOU FLEW IN ON!

Today I talk about me popping the question last week to “The Nurse” and she made me very happy by saying yes.  Today I talk about the absolute guys view to engagement ring shopping. There is a strange aerobic dance that women do when they put on a ring.

She loves choices. I mean she LOOOOOVVVES choices, and I love that she loves choices. I am a very lucky man. We will be tying the knot on June 20, 2008.

Yes I got on one knee. It was nothing too fancy (I had fancier ideas, but if I didn’t give her this ring soon, I was going to be in deep trouble).

Music “She’s the Girl” from Bartdorf & McClean
Batdorf & McLean
“She’s The Girl” (mp3)
from “Don’t You Know”
(ItsAboutMusic.com)

Buy at iTunes Music Store
Buy at Rhapsody
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Stream from Rhapsody
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More On This Album

Buy at iTunes Music Store

Today I talk about something I keep on seeing. I keep seeing divorced parents using their children as a tool to get back at their ex.  This is truly amazing when I think about it. You are so focused on your own grudge, and your hate of your spouse (deserved or not) that you will knowingly put your kid in the crossfire between you and your ex.

Shame on You.

Isn’t one of the biggest parts of being a parent putting your children first?

When you blow off visitation. When you say things that hurt. It hurts 10 times as much because you are their parent. If you keep on hurting and hurting your children you leave them no choice but to “Demote” you and remove the importance of your words. You are a parent on paper only.

When a child is forced to this action, there is no undo. When you lose time with your kids you can’t get it back. They are only this age once, and when you miss it you can’t get it back. There is no “undo” in life like there is on a computer program. You can’t wash off the pain in a few seconds.

This same theory also applies to kids who totally disrespect their parents. If you continue to hurt your parent over and over, eventually they have to disconnect from you (and you are only their child on paper). They are left counting the days until you turn 18.

There is a Christina Aguilera song called “Hurt” and there is a line “I hurt myself by hurting you.” So when we hurt each other, and drive people out of our lives, we deprive ourselves of loving caring relationships.

Today I talk about some interesting “coincidences” that happen as my old car died (199,009 miles ) and I got approved for a car loan (I couldn’t even get a best buy card a few months ago). And I needed a reliable car as I drive about 400 miles a week.

Luckily a nun with a 2003 Toyota Corolla traded in her car (with 39,000 miles on it). I got a car that I will have to work to afford the car payments, but I don’t have to worry about it breaking down.

I had started off the day with Joel Osteen in my head saying “God wants to do you favors if you just ask.” So I did, and he did. Thanks God.

Love and Respect

Key Points:

Your relationship will have issues. Men and Women are different. When you learn how to address the differences, you have a better chance to get off the “Crazy Cycle.” The crazy cycle says that when a man acts in a non-loving way to his spouse, she feels unloved. When she feels unloved she acts disresepectful to the man. When the man feels unrespected, he acts in a non-loving way (and aroudn and around you go).

Its a great book and a great conference. Check out Love and Respect at amazon.com

I’m not making this up. MTV has a new show “Sex with Mom and Dad” where Daddies little skank has been knocking boots with her boyfriend without protection so we bring in Doctor Drew to get her to talk about the details of her sex life with her parents.

They are so proud that she’s going to be a responsible slut.

I couldn’t take it when the switch to the homosexual who dates “bad boys” and his Mom doesn’t approve.

911 Cab Service

People are calling 911 to get an ambulance to take them to the corner drug store. They won’t help themselves. This is an EMERGENCY number.

People Who Have Quit Life

I went to a school for high school children who “couldn’t make it in a normal school.” They are from ages 12-22. There is a probation officer on site. This is funded by you and me via taxes. This is their last chance to get a diploma. All they have to do is show up and breathe. There are no tests, quizzes, OR GRADES. There are competencies. If you can do this, you pass. If you miss three days in a month, you are kicked out (but can sign up again next month).

This opened up my eyes and I just can’t conceive the idea of quiting life, and expecting the world to do everything for them. I was the first kid in my family to graduate from college. I’ve paid for every dime of my college (both times except for a few grants). It’s taken me longer, but I’ve done it. I didn’t sit back, expect someone to do it for me. It’s just sooooooo weird, and yet I saw it with my very own eyes.

I’m happy that there is this oportunity who do want to try. However, for the 25% (my number, just guessing) who are sleeping in class, we are paying for the school, and we are paying for their welfare. It’s time for them to pick up the check. Worst case scenario they go to jail – and WE PAY FOR THAT TOO.

I don’t have an answer. Hope is not a drink we can sell them, they drink it, and they’re fine. It just doesn’t happen. The bad news is the people who are working are paying for these people, and as the economy goes into the toilet we need to look at things to cut. If these people will not even try to help themselves then… I don’t know. Do you?

My New Name is AIG

So the US Government is broke. Here is a solution:

Instead of giving 85 billion to greedy pigs on wallstreet, why not give it to everyone who is an adult in the US? (301,000,000 people). Give the government 30% (so they get 25,500,000,000 back immediately). This would leave everyone with 297,500 to um. PAY OFF THEIR HOUSE, or their credit cards, or their sutdent loans, and nobody is in debt, and everyone wins. This includes the people who screwed up on Wall street, and the people fighting over seas.

Why can’t we do this? If we’re going to pay someone PAY ME!

Dates From Hell Show Launched

The nurse and I have launched a podcast together. Its about finding love online (like we did – celebrating 2 years in about two weeks). If you have a dating horror story, or a success story call it in 866-97-DATES. We will be providing advice to avoid the pitfalls of finding your true love online. Check it out at www.datesfromhellshow.com

MUSIC:

Starewell – Broke and Out of Money courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network www.podsafemusicnetwork.com

Find them at www.starewell.com or buy their stuff at iTunes or get it DRM Free at amazon.com

Being a sports fan in Cleveland is a painful experience.

We have the Cleveland browns who start every year losing every game. Then they kick into gear and back their way into the play offs and lose in the first round.

We have our basketball team with Lebron James. He’s from Akron (thank God, now I can say something besides DEVO came out of Akron), and while he is phenomenal we get to the finals and lose.

Then we have the Indians. We have a mascot (its an Indian name “Chief Wahoo”). So when you go to the stadium to watch a game does Chief Wahoo entertain you? No. Who entertains you? Slider. What’s slider? I DON’T KNOW. All I know is he is ugly. He looks like Barney the dinosaur on heroin with a really bad rash. I just want him to fall. I am filled with glee when I can watch Slider get his ass kicked

The Ryder Cup

I heard a commercial for the Ryder cup. You know that thing where people from the USA and Europe play golf. You think it was a wrestling commercial. I listen and ask, “They are talking about golf right?” For a moment I thought they were going to beat each other with their clubs, but it turns out they are still just chasing the white ball.

Competitive Dude

I have’t played volleyball in about 15 years, but I attempted to a few weeks ago. I like to play sports for fun. It’s great exercise. But inevitably some guy will come along and start saying things like “Aw man!” when you miss a shot and take all the fun out of it. In this case I bounced a ball of my knuckles and “competitive due” comes over and lets me know that you can’t control the ball when you hit it off your knuckles. I never would’ve guess that as I chase the ball into the neighbors yard. Thanks competitive dude!

My sister in law teaches second grade. Did you know the parents of students that get flunked can veto the flunk and send them into the next grade? It’s true. Why? Because nobody wants to make children feel bad. There is no accountability. She had 17 out of 27 students last year that didn’t speak english. These people couldn’t be flunked, well, because they couldn’t spell flunked. They were “ESL.”

So I am doing student teaching now. I’m with these kids 20 years in the future and the can’t comprehend anything because they have not been pushed. There have been no consequences. They still feel good about themselves, but they are so far behind the rest of the world that it will take them a bit to get caught up and be ready. Where if we had told them they “didn’t cut it” and they need to bring their learning skills “up a notch,” they may not be in this bind. Let me say something, these are NOT stupid people. It is a group of people that either their parents, their schools, etc have not held them accountable for their education.

The result is people in their 20s who are ending week 2 of school and haven’t purchased the book yet. We have people who create and online account (login and password), and then can’t remember the password. That’s ok, we sent the password to their e-mail, and they couldn’t remember the password to their email.

Again, these people are not stupid. They’ve just never been held accountable for their learning.

Mentioned in the this episode

Dave Ramsey “Total money Makeover”

Let me know more about you. Go to www.hereiamdave.com

Get 10% off your order at pedmeds.com using the coupon code ” music ” and get free shipping on orders that are $39 or more.

Music “Volume Brothers” http://www.myspace.com/volumebrothers from the Podsafe Music Network. “Hey You, why are you so stupid?”

This show originates from http://www.betterdave.com

This show originates from www.betterdave.com

 Words are fun. I want to know who gets to decide when a word is officially a word. I was at a Cleveland Indians game and the other team had a guy named Chone Figgins. (his full name is Desmond DeChone Figgins ). Why do we name the first poo of a baby meconium If it’s that special why don’t we put it in a jar and sell it? Look at meconium fix this broken coffee cup! Look it’s strong enough to pull this 18 wheel truck! Likewise why do we need to name certain body parts. Do we really need the word Taint? apparently the Taint used be called the perineum. Was that not good enough? Shouldn’t words be taken into committee to see if we really need the word? Be sure to tell your daughters to threaten a “kick to the taint” to pressing males. When they go “a what?” they can then run away.

I still hate Elvis. We all know Little Richard was the king of Rock and Roll and the Beatles and Elvis stole it all from him. I still hate Star Trek

John Lennon liked words…..and acid, but that’s another podcast.

Having a bad day? Too hot for you? Go grab a box fan and a towel. I’ve got the cure.

Do you have a cell phone? Don’t have time to exercise? Walk and Talk people! Walk and talk took me from a size 8 to a size two! Thank you walk and talk!

When I was growing up I used to take a sheet and a box fan and sleep in a blimp. Looking back this is a bad idea. Sounds like a great way to lose a finger.

My Cousin’s memorial service was people explaining how Shawn was “being Shawn” and tale after tale on what a great friend he was, and how he just didn’t care for rules. He definitely would color “outside the lines.”

So as I walked away from the service I thought, “I could stand be to a bit more bold.” I don’t want to be rude, but there are times when I’m sitting at the key counter of life being ignored that I need to stand up and say HEY! MAKE MY KEY!

In my latest class I’m learning that there are no more illegal immigrants. Now we have undocumented immigrants. PAH-LEASE! It’s called illegal. I L L E G A L. I had a friend who marriedan “undocumented immigrant” and one day with his daughter watching immigration came and took him back to Mexico. If he was simply “undocumented” could they have not just said “Oh here you are” and documented it and let him stay? NO! He was ILLEGALLY in the country.

The Nurse is now on my phone plan. oooooh.

Music “Take It In” by www.myspace.com/yearsofstatic courtesy of the podsafe music network at www.podsafemusicnetwork.com

I’ve had enough. We need some common sense in the White House.

Normally I don’t talk about things that involve other people, but this weekend I attended a great event. I went to a family reunion with the Nurse.  I had a phenomenal time.

First thing first this family takes the time once a year to get together and catch up. How cool is that? In a day when many people don’t get along with their families, this one takes time to come from all over the place to get together.

The nurses Mom has an awesome laugh, and she never stopped. It was great.

I met an Uncle who is 92, and his legs didn’t work very well, and he used a Walker. Was he grumpy? Not at all. He had a smile on his face the entire day. When he got up to leave (getting up was a bit of a struggle) did he complain? Not one word. He loves life. He loves his family.

I also met an Uncle who had come in from California. Here was the interesting thing about this guy. He takes family ties very seriously. It sound like he would hunt down a 2nd cousin through marriage twice removed just to say hi. He also was a musician so obviously we started geeking out on music. But the thing that really got me, is how friendly this guy was. And I’m not talking about the plastic kind you get at business parties. When I left, he shook my hand, and I got the felling that if I said “Hey I’m going to be in California for 2 days, can I crash at your crib”; after knowing me for 4 hours he’d would not only say yes, but roll out the red carpet.

I remember when I used ot teach customer service classes I would explain to people to greeet your customers like an old high school buddy that you hadn’t seen in years, and this guy had it down, and the key point here is it was genuine.

I guess in a world of spoiled rich athletes, crooked politicians, greed, etc It’s kind of hard to find someone to say “When I grow I wanna be like him,” but after going to this picnic I want to be like these guys.

I lost my cousin Shawn Steinmetz this week. He was 33, and has two very young daughters. It was a freak bike accident. He was here a few weeks ago for my nieces graduation party, and now he’s gone. I don’t have all the details, and in reality it doesn’t matter.

Hug your kids. Call your parents. Love the one your with.

Speaking of Love…

On the way to Podcamp Ohio the Nurse (my girlfriend) and I drove to Columbus and listened to a book (something like saving your marriage before it even starts). Once again I hear how a man needs to make the woman feel cherished. To do this he has to give up anything she asks for. Then because she loves him, she will give it back. This seems inefficient. Why not just believe me, and we can bypass the giving and giving back. I guess it doesn’t work that way.

UPDATE
Please note: At the end of this podcast I mention how you “have to give up everything.” This is NOT what the book states. This is the “warped” version in my head. The bottom line is a relationship is give and take. My whole comment was its funny how you may need to give up something to show a woman that she is special, and important – and then she will give it back (and that this seems like alot of work to end up where you started).

Here is the Book
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Today I introduce you to my new Great Nephew. He sure is little. It really drove home the point of how absolutely life changing kids are. I can honestly say that at age 43 I’m glad I don’t have this kind of responsibility that is soooo 24/7.

I talk about how “The Countess” has made the “Show Choir.” This scared me as if she had not made it, I would’ve been there for the melt down, and I want the best for all of “The Nurses” kids (and I’m not sure I could take watching the meltdown from the front row).  Luckily I got to be part of the celebration.

One thing as I “Hang out” with children of all shapes and sizes, I can see where the roll of the parent really comes into play. Kids have their own personality. It sure seems like they are preprogrammed to go in a certain direction. It reminds me of “Electric Football.” A game my brother and I got for Christmas (pre-Atari). This game had some vibrating device on the bottom, and a flat (or supposed to be flat) surface that the players would stand on. You could adjust some stuff on the player, and point them in the direction you wanted to go. You had the perfect plan. Then you would turn on the electricity and half the team would fall over, another 20 percent would go in circles, and many of the player would end up in the corner driving straight into the wall because the surface wasn’t flat. As a parent (coach) you picked them back up and pointed them back in the direction you wanted to go, turn on the electricity and hope things turn out for the better.

Music “He’s My Baby!” from www.donaoxford.com (phenominal pianist/singer/songwriter). From the Podsafe Music Network at www.podsafemusicnetwork.com

Today’s show has the F word it. You’ve been warned.  

This is one of the “weird” episodes where I just wonder why things go into my mind at certain times. I happened to notice that Apple Jacks has no mascot while most children’s cereals have a mascot (Tony the Tiger, Lucky for Lucky Charms, The rabbit for Trix, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, The Bee for Cherios).

It turns out there IS a mascot that was launched in 2005, but apprently it never caught on.

Does anyone remember Euell Gibbons and his crazy “Eat a pine cone” commercials for Grape Nuts. What marketing person thougth this made me want to eat this cereal.

Also did you know there was a fourth Crispy Brother? Roy. (OK, I stole that from David Letterman).

NEVER USE THE WORD CLUSTER when talking about food.

Brownies are the bastard son of the cake family. If we didn’t have the word “muffin” we would all be eating cup cakes for breakfast.

Music today by the band Gecko 3 www.gecko3.comfrom the Podsafe Music Network at www.podsafemusicnetwork.com????????

Today I talk about one of my life’s most embarrassing moments. I made a huge mistake, and I thought about not talking about it on the show. However, the “teacher” in me took over and I thought “If someone can learn from my mistake, it’s worth it.”

All signs point to me not passing a class this semester. While I’ve always had good grades, this semester I’m not going to be able to come in at the last minute and save the day. While most politicians don’t understand the concept of accepting your responsibility, I’m here to say “no excuses” and say this was ALL MY FAULT.

I’m very upset that I somehow lost my mojo, I took on things I shouldn’t have, and I should’ve said NO when I said yes. I kept thinking I would get back to school and get caught up. I wonder if subliminally that when I go so far behind, if I just didn’t give up. I think I always could get caught up eventually, and I just flat out ran out of time.

I have done nothing but examine this semester over the last few days trying to figure out what went wrong and why. The biggest thing was I needed to print out the syllabus and put it into my calendar so I could keep track of assignments and know when quizzes were scheduled. Who’s fault is that? MINE. You might say, “But Dave you’re too busy.” I need to learn the word “NO” and USE IT. School and graduation is now priority number 1. That will never change.

So bad things do happen to Dave Jackson. I’m not a super hero who can save the day. Its one thing to get wounded in battle, and it’s another thing shoot yourself in the foot. I don’t like to suck. I hate being average, so to FAIL a class makes me want to die. It’s like Dave Jackson died. I – David Jackson – don’t fail. Well I used to be able to say that. This sucks.

If you don’t learn the word NO, you will learn it when people say it to you as in “No you can’t graduate,” and “No, the class is not offered again this year.”

So now it’s about learning from your mistakes (the only thing positive you can do at this point), and take action. I’ve got a few weeks till Summer session starts. I’m going to come out of the gate like a steamroller from HELL. I know years from now this won’t matter, but right now I’m pretty disappointed in myself. The good news is this has awakened the “real” Dave Jackson.

He has risen – Halleluiah

MUSIC

“NO EXCUSES” from the Band Braquet ( www.braquetband.com ) courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network (www.podsafemusicnetwork.com ) buy their CD from CDBaby.com

LYRICS – ” No excuses for us. Time has come to do what we must.”

Other Sites Mentioned: www.gaincontrolofyourday.com

Today I tell the story of trying to help my niece as she is in labor. The bad news is Hospitals make me physically sick due to some psychological reason beyond my control.

It is very strange as my new great nephew was born on the same day my Mother died 19 years ago (in the same hospital). It made for day full of many emotions.

I also speak about how I regret not asking my Mother to quit smoking more frequently. Quiting smoking is very hard to do. My ex-wife tried every method and the only that worked was the quick keysystem (when she used it it was called something different).

This system slowly weens you off cigarettes using a computer that fits in your hand, You can but it at Amazon.com

I’ve noticed that when you go to just about ANY restaurant these days, if its someone’s birthday they bring the whole kitchen crew out to sing their “Hey It’s Your Birthday” song. I’ve also noticed that after about the 27th time of hearing this song the performance needs some tweaking.

I think this whole thing was started by a mexican food chain called Chi Chi’s (which went out of business after giving many people food poisoning). THANKS CHI CHI’S!

It may be a bit before my next episode. I’m behind in school (been a bad boy) and I need to get caught up. Keep those emails and comments coming! 888-563-3228

So my girlfriend and I listened to the book “Men are from Mars,
women are from Venus in the car ride to Dayton Ohio where I
was talking to the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop.

I learned some new stuff as did my girlfriend.

Men are like rubber bands. They have an intimacy cycle, where they
get close, and then snap away. When they stretch as far as they can they
will then snap back. If a women tries to stop them from “stretching” it causes problems.

Women are like waves. They go up and down. If you try to stop the natural cycle of women.
If you try to stop this cycle, it causes issues as well.

So you can see where if a women is “crashing” and a man is “Stretched out” it could cause a
problem if both parties don’t understand that they are just being male/female.

I found it interested and it has given “The nurse” and myself some valuable insights.

P.S. The song “Rubber band Man” is from The Spinners. Buy it in iTunes using this link

or

Buy it at Amazon.com

P.S. Yes I know there is a typo in the album art. …. sigh….

Today I talk about being in a house that is 75% percent women most of the
time (and how it makes toilet paper and endangered species).

Also, this weeks Cosmopolitan magazine has a headline that says,
“Be a genius in bed.” (or something like that). I mean sex has
been around for a while. Don’t you think we’ve got a pretty good
grip on it (no pun intended). Is there really anything 100% new?

So I talk about some of the things I expect to see if and when I read a cosmopolitan magazine.

So my trust went left of center this weekend as I let some small circumstances get the best of me and get “in my head” making me act like someone I don’t want
to be. I’m not very proud of myself.

In the end, my “suspicious” attitude showed “The Nurse” how much
I TRULY cared, and that made her happy (not a recommended
practice). In the end we put all the cards on the table, and came back
with “Relationship 2.0″ Its stronger, faster, and built to last.

Guys if you find yourself suspicious, its best to get the information directly from the source,
instead of finding bits and pieces and trying t connect the dots.

MUSIC “I Believe in Us” by Marc Doiron off of the Podsafe Music network (music.podshow.com)
Buy his music at cdbaby.com you can also buy the download of the single in itunes

or buy the entire “Time in Precious” album

Today we welcome a new listener – and then piss them off. Wonderful.

This podcast is kind of “my diary.” But not really the truth. You only get MY side of the story so you know there is another two thirds of the story. So my last podcast where
I got to be a “Dad” for a day. It was a joke. It was a strange moment, and
a great memory as the “Countess” won her talent show.

Well double agent 0017 somehow accidentally played that episode for THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. NICE. I understand her loyalty, but if she had not shown him, he never would’ve known. Now we have a lovely bowl of DRAMA STEW. Am I mad? No. I pretty much expected it. Besides she loves cheese (an inside joke). It’s not like we didn’t know it was going to “accidentally” get back to him.

So why was it such a big deal to be Dad for a day? Because I don’t have kids, and won’t have any.
That door has closed. I spent 10-15 thousand dollars trying to bypass the natural obstacles my ex-wife had. So I understand how children are a gift. They are not things you can buy at Wal Mart. So any time I get a glimpse of what it’s like to be “Dad” it’s an honor. The other night I was a hero getting printer paper at 10 PM.

So while it’s fun to play Dad, I will never be. There is no competition. I don’t have the right genes, and I lose every time. All the Father’s Day cards will go to you. All I can do is love the kids like they are my own, try to guide them to success, and to be the best people they can be. So they can avoid any mistakes I’ve made.

It could be worse. I know someone who had a good relationship with their ex until they remarried. Then
the new spouse didn’t like the kids, and made them feel unwelcome in their new home. It put a large strain on the relationship between father and children. I still don’t understand it, or my friend. The good news is your ex-wife is dating someone who adores your children, so while others worry at night (my Brother’s ex-wife’s boyfriends were a treat ) you do not. I am not trying, or can I ever, take your place.

On a less dramatic topic, the nurse and I had a great weekend of communication. I had been busting my butt, and it turns out that everything I was doing was appreciated, but not really wanted.
It sounds stupid, and it took a while to figure out, and it has left the nurse and me even stronger.

Guys don’t try to understand the female brain. Women realize guys are knuckle-heads. Guys
try to do something for your significant other that leaves evidence. Stick a post it note in their car. Leave a note in their purse (but no snooping). Maybe you can leave them a voicemail if they are at work. free nokia tracfone ringtonescellular customer free ringtones usnextel music ringtoneshow to get free alltel ringtones,ringtones for alltel mobile phone,alltel ringtonesdownloadable cell phone ringtoneschristian free info remember ringtones,free christian music ringtones,free christian ringtonesfree real ringtones sprintinfo personal polyphonic remember ringtones wwe,info personal polyphonic remember ringtones sprint,info personal polyphonic remember ringtonescheap music ringtonesphone ringtones,ringtones for prepaid phone,send ringtones to your phonefree yahoo ringtonesfree ringtones verizon wirelessinfo phone remember ringtones,free info phone remember ringtones,info phone remember ringtones sent24 fox ringtonessamsung polyphonic ringtonesdownload free verizon ringtones,ringtones,free nokia ringtonesphone ringtones tmobile,t mobile ringtones,free ringtones for t mobile phonenextel i730 ringtones,i730 info nextel remember ringtonescingular download free ringtonescellular download free phone ringtoneschristian music ringtonesdownload midi ringtonescingular free music real ringtonesdownload wwe ringtones for freeverizon wireless compatible ringtones,ringtones from verizon wireless,ringtones verizon wirelessmobile ringtones converterfree ringtones for alltel phonedownload free cricket ringtonesfree composer ringtones,nokia 3310 composer free ringtones,free sony ericsson ringtones composerdownload free mobile ringtones tfree info personal remember ringtones,free info personal remember ringtones telus,free info personal remember ringtones treodownload boost mobile ringtones,mobile ringtones download,download info mobile remember ringtones24 tv show ringtonesmusic ringtones unlimited,unlimited music ringtonesinfo panasonic polyphonic remember ringtones,info polyphonic remember ringtones,info mp3 polyphonic remember ringtonescheap mobile ringtones virgindownload free ringtones yahoofree nokia 1100 ringtonescingular ringtones shope315 motorola ringtones24 theme ringtones,24 ringtones themeringtones for lg wireless phone,lg phone ringtonesfree ringtones software,free ware ringtones software,free ringtones creator softwarekeypress motorola ringtonescricket free phone ringtones100 mobile ringtones virginmusic real ringtonesinfo nextel personal remember ringtonesfree tv theme ringtones,tv ringtones,ringtones emergency tv showverizon lg vx6000 free ringtones

Today I talk about how “The Countess” and I performed in a talent show.
It was amazing, and I am so proud of her. It was great to make a
memory with such a great kid.

Then I thought about it. As much as we know parents can influence
their kids. Does that mean as adults we influence our parents? I mean
who can drive you more nuts than your kids (or your parents). So as

much as parent should take advantage of every minute they can spend with their children, are
we doing the same thing when our parents are growing older?

The one thing I know is I got to make a great memory with a great kid I enjoy watching
as she grows into a lovely young lady.
]]> http://betterdave.com/2008/03/05/dad-for-a-day/feed/ 0 Building a Better Dave,Dad,Dave Jackson,Talent Show Today I talk about how "The Countess" and I performed in a talent show. It was amazing, and I am so proud of her. It was great to make a memory with such a great kid. - Then I thought about it. As much as we know parents can influence their kids. Today I talk about how "The Countess" and I performed in a talent show. It was amazing, and I am so proud of her. It was great to make a memory with such a great kid. Then I thought about it. As much as we know parents can influence their kids. Does that mean as adults we influence our parents? I mean who can drive you more nuts than your kids (or your parents). So as much as parent should take advantage of every minute they can spend with their children, are we doing the same thing when our parents are growing older? The one thing I know is I got to make a great memory with a great kid I enjoy watching as she grows into a lovely young lady. David Jackson no http://betterdave.com/2008/02/20/congratulations-its-a-boy/ http://betterdave.com/2008/02/20/congratulations-its-a-boy/#comments Wed, 20 Feb 2008 09:02:51 +0000 dave@betterdave.com (David Jackson) http://betterdave.com/2008/02/20/congratulations-its-a-boy/

 I went to a Casting Crowns show last night. It was amazing. I had
never heard of them (I went to see the opening band), and they just
blew me away. Check out their latest CD from iTunes
and AMAZON.COM

 

I’ve always thought about sponsoring a kid. In the end I never did. Well
its time. Sure its not in the budget, but just like having an actual kid, are you ever financially
ready for a kid?

We get some feedback from some folks about quitting vs making wise decisions.

I also talk about some recent shows that I went to, and how they rocked.

For more information about Alan Alex go to www.alanalex.com

I’m trying to learn new things as I try to “better” Dave.  The one thing I think I stink at is quitting.  I’ve been thinking about quitting things. You can only take so much right?

I was watching the movie “Rocky Balboa” (not horrible).  There was a great scene in the movie.  In the movie Rocky is talking to his son and says,

“It aint about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.  Its about how much you can take nad keep moving forward. Thats how winning is done. Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth, but you need to be willing to take the hits.”

So as I watching the movie, and the exercise equipment I was using broke. I went up stairs to take a shower. They are working on the water system in the neighborhood, and you guessed it – NO WATER. To this I say,

Is that all you got life? You think you can get me down?

I’m answering the bell. Quitting is not my stong suit, and I’m not going to start now. My biggest problem is I have a woman who loves me too much. Things could be alot worse.

The music is from Nelson Bragg www.myspace.com/nelsonbragg from the Podsafe Music Network at music.podshow.com

Buy the Rocky Balboa movie at amazon.com by clicking the image to the left.

OK, its official. I don’t understand women.  Today I return to one of my favorite topics which is how men and women are so different. Here are some topics:

Nails: I don’t know a guy who picks a women based on their nails, but women love to do their nails, and comment on other women’s nails.

Listening: Guys are used to fixing things that are wrong. We are used to taking action. For a guy to listen to 2 minutes of complaints and then do NOTHING and by doing NOTHING something is FIXED. I don’t get it, but its true.

Cat Fights: Put women in a room and they will scratch each other eyes out. Put guys together and they will work together to find a television set.

My School has purchased a new WEBCT program with 30% fewer features. My tuition money at work.
]]> http://betterdave.com/2008/01/23/i-dont-undertstand-women/feed/ 0 I love New York,Relationships,understanding women OK, its official. I don't understand women.  Today I return to one of my favorite topics which is how men and women are so different. Here are some topics: - Nails: I don't know a guy who picks a women based on their nails, OK, its official. I don't understand women.  Today I return to one of my favorite topics which is how men and women are so different. Here are some topics: Nails: I don't know a guy who picks a women based on their nails, but women love to do their nails, and comment on other women's nails. Listening: Guys are used to fixing things that are wrong. We are used to taking action. For a guy to listen to 2 minutes of complaints and then do NOTHING and by doing NOTHING something is FIXED. I don't get it, but its true. Cat Fights: Put women in a room and they will scratch each other eyes out. Put guys together and they will work together to find a television set. My School has purchased a new WEBCT program with 30% fewer features. My tuition money at work. David Jackson no http://betterdave.com/2008/01/02/_______-dont-fail-me-now/ http://betterdave.com/2008/01/02/_______-dont-fail-me-now/#comments Wed, 02 Jan 2008 05:45:37 +0000 dave@betterdave.com (David Jackson) http://betterdave.com/2008/01/02/_______-dont-fail-me-now/

Before we even set foot in Fat Fish Blue in Downtown Cleveland, I knew what to expect. You see a large female soul singer (who happened to be African-American)  was going to be on stage. I told the nurse (my girlfriend), “This women will follow the large soul singer formula and sing about grinding it to a nub. 

We weren’t there 10-15 minutes and she starts a song about “Sleeping with one eye open becuase her man won’t leave her alone.” Your honor I rest my case. 

I also made up a couple of songs I might expect to hear including, “I think I done broke it off in me…”

Now it’s just my opinion. These seem like lovely people, but I’m not really into watching a 270+ lb woman grind on stage. It’s just not my thing.  

Speaking of great soul singers, I end the show with a cut from the Podsafe Music Network (music.podshow.com) featuring Shameka Copeland (www.alligatorrecords.com ) “Breakin”
]]> http://betterdave.com/2008/01/02/_______-dont-fail-me-now/feed/ 0 Blues Singer,Shameka Copeland,Soul Singers Before we even set foot in Fat Fish Blue in Downtown Cleveland, I knew what to expect. You see a large female soul singer (who happened to be African-American)  was going to be on stage. I told the nurse (my girlfriend), Before we even set foot in Fat Fish Blue in Downtown Cleveland, I knew what to expect. You see a large female soul singer (who happened to be African-American)  was going to be on stage. I told the nurse (my girlfriend), "This women will follow the large soul singer formula and sing about grinding it to a nub.  We weren't there 10-15 minutes and she starts a song about "Sleeping with one eye open becuase her man won't leave her alone." Your honor I rest my case.  I also made up a couple of songs I might expect to hear including, "I think I done broke it off in me..." Now it's just my opinion. These seem like lovely people, but I'm not really into watching a 270+ lb woman grind on stage. It's just not my thing.   Speaking of great soul singers, I end the show with a cut from the Podsafe Music Network (music.podshow.com) featuring Shameka Copeland (www.alligatorrecords.com ) "Breakin" David Jackson no http://betterdave.com/2007/12/28/top-10-holiday-tips-for-2008-from-jesus/ http://betterdave.com/2007/12/28/top-10-holiday-tips-for-2008-from-jesus/#comments Fri, 28 Dec 2007 08:51:06 +0000 dave@betterdave.com (David Jackson) http://betterdave.com/2007/12/28/top-10-holiday-tips-for-2008-from-jesus/

This year it was interesting as the conductor at the High School said “Happy Holidays” and someone from the audience shouted out MERRY CHRISTMAS. The audience laughed.

Today we have a very special guest who chimes in with some tips for NEXT year around the holidays (or really ANY day).

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My
birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope
to soldiers away from home.  They are terribly afraid and
lonely this time of year.  I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don’t have to know
them personally.  They just need to know that someone cares
about them.

3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on
the cards his staff sent out this year, why don’t you write
and tell him that you’ll be praying for him and his family
this year.  Then follow up.  It will be nice hearing from you
again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can’t
afford and they don’t need, spend time with them.  Tell them
the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down
here.  Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love
them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him
or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take
their own life this season because they feel so alone and
hopeless?  Since you don’t know who that person is, try giving
everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town
calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there.
Give them a warm smile and a kind word.  Even if they aren’t
allowed to wish you a “Merry Christmas” that doesn’t keep you
from wishing them one.  Then stop shopping there on Sunday.
If the store didn’t make so much money on that day they’d
close and let their employees spend the day at home with their
families.

8.. If you really want to make a difference, support a
missionary – especially one who takes My love and Good News to
those who have never heard My name.

9. Here’s a good one.  There are individuals and whole
families in your town who not only will have no “Christmas”
tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or
receive.  If you don’t know them, buy some food and a few
gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other
charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery
for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief
in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian.  Don’t do
things in secret that you wouldn’t do in My presence.  Let
people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don’t forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love
Me and do what I have told you to do. I’ll take care of all
the rest.

Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I’ll
help you, but the ball is now in  your court. And do have a
most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and
remember:
I LOVE YOU, JESUS

(author unknown).

Music from www.mikeandmike.com used with permissionикони

Today I tell the story of Christmas Eve. For a child this was known as “Hours of Torture” followed by some presents. The “finish line” of the waiting for presents was Grandpa (better known as POPO – “poe poe”) reading the Christmas story.

So when my Grandparents left of to go live with relatives in Texas I had my Grandfather read the Christmas story into a cassette tape. I had lost this tape for years. I really thought I had lost it. So I have received a great present this year by having the voice of my Grandfather back in my life after many years of absence. Welcome to the Podcast POPO.

Merry Christmas everyone. Thanks so much for listening.икони

My Grandfather was one of the first people to have an artificial tree. He had a unique way of decorating it. It sticks in my mind even though it was so many years ago.

Music “What Child is This” Jimme Bratcher www.jimmiebratcher.com from the Podsafe Music Network music.podshow.com

Yesterday I talkeds about Surprising your parents on Christmas. As I got older I took this to a new dimented level. I would talk pictures of my parents as they took their first steps out of their bedroom (yes that’s really my Dad). Nothing like facing a flashbulb at 6 in the morning.

Music: Jimmie Bratcher (www.jimmiebratcher.com ) from the Podsafe Music Network.  (Song “What Child is This”)

Today is Day #9 in the Twelve DAVES of Christmas. Today I talk about how we turned the tables on our parents and had a Surprise for them when they woke up. This is a tradition that would take a horrible turn in the near future (tomorrows show). But it did teach me that it doesn’t take much to stand out in a crowd.

Music “What child is this” from Jimmie Bratcher (www.jimmirbratcher.com ) from the Podsafe Music Network music.podshow.com

Welcome to another installment of “The 12 Dave’s of Christmas” (#8 for those keeping Track)

Today I’m going to do something I’ve NEVER done in any of my 100s of podcast episodes. I’m going to SING.

It’s a Christimas song about the true meaning of Chrstmas. It’s me, a guitar, and a microphone (and a touch of reverb).

OK, We all have stories of odd gifts. However, looking back these many of my “unique” gifts came from family members who lived out of town and saw me once or twice a year.  I could’ve won an Oscar for my performance “Best Faking of Appreciation” role.

MUSIC
What Child is This from Jimmie Bratcher (www.jimmirbratcher.com ) from the Podsafe Music Network (music.podshow.com )

This podcast originates at www.betterdave.com

Welcome to day #6 of the “12 dave’s of Christmas”  

When Santa’s line got too long the genious staff of Chappel Hill Mall in Akron, Ohio decided to invent “Archie” this 3 story tall snowman to talk to kids (who would then relay all information to Santa).

Hmmm… back to the drawing board.

Music from Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network at music.podshow.com

This show originates from www.betterdave.com

http://www.betterdave.com/ is the home page of the Podcast.

 Welcome to another installment of “The 12 Dave’s of Christmas”

I talk about the spooky basement with the hand grenade, the shell, and the doorway to hell. A great place to play on Chrismas day.

Music: “what child is this” by Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network (www.jimmiebratcher.com and music.podshow.com )

While my Grandmother was sharp as a tack into her 90′s, the woman could not pick out a Christmas tree to save her life.

One weekend every year my cousins and I would get together to “Decorate the Christmas Bush.” It had old lights, old ornaments, and an old toy soldier that we found to be quite fun.

Music “What Child is This” by Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network

Welcome to Building a Better Dave “12 Dave’s of Christmas” where to day I talk about the joy of waking my parents up when myself (and my brother and sister) had found out that Santa had come!

Music “What Child is this” from www.jimmirbratcher.com and the Podsafe Music Network. (music.podshow.com )

Today I talk about the excitement when Dad would bring home a new LP of Chrstmas music. For me I love warm, cozy music. The albums would have different artist but eventualyl someone would bust out the horn section and blast my head off. Happy Vegas Christmas – no thanks

My favorite Christmas album of all time is Harry Belefonte “To Wish you a Merry Christmas.” It’s so good it was remaster and released as “Harry Belefonte Christmas“with some addtional songs.

My Merry Christmas from Geoff Smith (also from PMN) Buy the CD at CDBaby . Opening “What Child is this” by Jimmie Bratcher.

Welcome to the “12 Daves of Christmas” where over the next 12 days I will be relating Christmas themes memories. Today I relive the tale of almost decapitating my cousing Kevin.

Please note this picture is not my Granpa’s Hill (his was steeper).

Music
What Child Is this from Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network

Its been a while. I had to prepare for and then take my final exams and my first semester at Akron Univeristy is in the books. FINALLY.

Get ready for “12 Daves of Christimas” coming tomorrow!

Dave tells about a fun trip to eat at Friendly’s. Now we can’t complain about children in this restaturant, but if you can’t hear yourself think, it’s time to take some action and THE NURSE STIKES BACK.

MUSIC from the Podsafe Music Network (music.podshow.com )

Hello Operator www.hellooperatormusic.com “So Free” BUY THE EP AT CDBABY.COM

Show #55 from http://www.betterdave.com/

I’ve been saying “It’s going to Get Better” for quite a while. “The Nurse” and I were coming to a crossroads if something didn’t change, and we got some great news in regards to my college career (and how long it will last).

MUSIC
“In Time” from Bari Koral by the CD at CDBaby.com
The Figt Song from the Super Suckers
Oh Happy Day by Shelly Wilson by her CD at CDBaby.com

NOT ENTIRELY WORK SAFE 

I’m amazed at the generation gap when it comes to college kids. I guess I was weird as I grew up listening to everything. I listen to Benny Goodman, Glen Miller, Harry Belefonte, The Beatles, etc. Today’s kids don’t know who Fleetwood Mac is.  Oh, I’m sorry I mean “The Fleetwood Mac.”

I HATE THE DOORS (I believe this is part II on this subject). I couldn’t do enough drugs for this to be good.

New Podcast “The Logical Weight Loss” podcast at www.logicalloss.com

Holiday shopping? www.supporthisshow.com

This show originates at www.betterdave.com

The dumbing of America, Teen Pregnancy are now invading my life. I share my thoughts on the subject and what are possibly some of the reasons.

Parents still bitter from a divorce want to prove the are the “cooler” parent and in the process throw their child under the bus.

Children know that their parents feel bad about the divorce and play on this guilt to get everything they want. I am entitled to this because you screwed up my life by divorcing my other parent. We end up with a society that thinks they get to do whatever they want.

There are consequences. There ARE consequences. Yes it is your fault. No deal with it.

Quit using your kids as a weapon, and quit playing your parents against each other.

MUSIC
Music from the Podsafe Music Network http://music.podshow.com
http://www.patmcdermott.com

Pay the Price by the Scotty Meyer Band www.scottymeyerband.com

Going Shopping? Please Support the show at www.supporthisshow.com

Our website www.betterdave.com

NOT WORK SAFE

For some people it was the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. While I grew up watching Glen Campbell, and Tom Jones on TV. I had my Bachman Turner Overdrive albums, but I walked into my brothers room one day and he had put on Wang Dang Sweet Poontang from the Album

Double Live Gonzo.

Realize there was no Guns N Roses, only James Taylor, Air Supply, Fleetwood Mac, Barry Manilow and Linda Ronstadt. This made Ted Nugent the coolest dude on the planet. His “zero” in the “number of drugs taken” colum is the reason I have never – NEVER taken a drug. It had nothing to do with letting my parents down. I didn’t want to let Unclde Ted down.

Thanks Ted. I’m sure you took alot of crap from Hendrix, Morrison, Bon Scott and all the other people who are now pushing daisies. You held your ground , you stood up for what you beleived in. You also took about four and a half minutes to write your lyrics on your new album.

Everybody sucks. I suck less.  – Ted Nugent

Music
Exerps from Double Live Gonzo 
Need You Bad From ted Nugent Weekend Warriors 

Buy it at iTunes
Wang Dang Sweet Poontang
 

Double Live Gonzo
 

Need You Bad
 

Weekend Warriors
 

Rot Gut – Ted Nugent and the Amboy Dukes
 

Missing the days of comforters and hot chocolate. The joys of living out of a suitcase are slowy eroding my attitude. We take for granted that “Ahhhhh…” feeling of wlking into our homes. Until you don’t have one (or at least one that is truly yours, where you can put some roots down…)

I really hesitated putting out this (and a few other) episodes as they’ve all been kind of “downers” so I put this out for anyone else who might not be feeling as “Up” as they would like to say “Hey you’re not the only one.” Hang in there. If it weren’t for Mountains we’d never have to learn how to climb.

Music – Jim Suhler “Trying to Get Back Home.” From the Podsafe Music Network at music.podshow.com  Buy the CD and Listen to Samples at cdbaby.com

You will not believe this episode as I take on the subject of Menopause and all the joys that it brings…

We also have some listener feedback from Wayne, Rich Palmer (who really liked the episode “Only in America“) and Brian Mundy (who really liked “The Truth about Teenage Boys“). Thanks for the comments guys. Keep em coming at 888-563-3228

Check out Muhammad Ali’s Auto Biography The Soul of a Butterfly: Reflections on Life’s Journey

P.S. I also know its October and Not August (I need a nap)…

I heard about this and I thought, “This is a joke.” However, it is real.

Then when I read about it at www.dietfacts.com I was blown away.

 I mean if you feed this to your kids is it breakfast, a snack, or child abuse?

Only in America.

OK, I just saw a charmin commercial and we now have Soft and Strong toilet paper. STOP THE MADNESS. have you been down the forzen pizza isle lately?

I lost my organizer. Read that again.

The role of the lost and found.

Music from the podsafe music network at http://music.podshow.com

www.astepbehind.com “Back in Action”

Doing some shopping? Check out www.supportthisshow.com

Dave talks about going to his new school that is 4 times as expensive. See www.betterdave.com/support And we listen to an episode of Dr Phil. Kind of…

Kids get good grades so you can get a scholorship. Parents start saving for college now. I’m unemployed and yet somehow still make too much money. I love our country.

Music from the IODA Promo Net http://promonet.iodalliance.com

 
from “Jonesen For Money”
by Deacon Jones
(Kent Blues)
Buy at iTunes Music Store
Stream from Rhapsody
More On This Album

Look if your kid can’t read the menu – LEAVE THEM HOME.

That’s what Babysitters and grandparents are for!

I’m tired of dodging forks during my dinner. Besides your actions are increasing the divorce rate. Would it be too much to ask that you do NOT set your children on fire until you get home?

Is life over at 50? If you didn’t have sex when you were dating the first 10 years of marriage are bearable, so you have something to do. If you’re already discovered each other, then this crying child makes you cranky.

You chose to have the kid – accept the responsibility and STAY HOME.  There is a place for unruly children. It’s called the laundromat.

Teenage boys can be stupid. I talk about a tale that happened right in front of my face, and why I use books to lie to myself. Website is www.betterdave.comMusic From the Podsafe Music Network http://music.podshow.com

The Leaving Trains “Dumb as a Crayon”

I work with teenages alot. I have nieces who are teenagers, my girlfriend has teenage daughters, and I work with the youth of my church.

While I realize that saving yourself for marriage may be a pipe dream, I thought I should let girls know what is going on. I should probably let parents know as well that kids are contemplating sex alot sooner than YOU probably did (as in like 13 and 14 years old).

You have your whole life to have sex. SLOW DOWN.

These poors girls think they are in love, and this is my way to set the record straight on their Knights in Shining Armor. I don’t want you to hate men, but they are raging hormons combined with an insane amount of curiosity.

Oh yeah, then there is the whol AIDS, STDs, Abortion thing….

Music from the podsafe music network at music.podshow.com From Slide Show Baby “Moving Too Fast”

Dave talks about having a “hero” moment with “The Senator” (the 10 year old son of his girlfriend). It was an amazing moment.

Music From the Podsafe Music Network

http://music.podshow.com

Superhero from Anthony Stauffer and Holy Smoke