Better Off Bald

Better Off Bald: Episode 40 — After Adrienne

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 17 Oct 2017 15:50:00 +0000

As for me, time moved forward, but I couldn’t move on. Part of me died with Adrienne, leaving a void so vast that nothing will ever be able to fill it. For years, I tried to relieve my grief.

View of the Hollywood Sign from Adrienne’s grave at Hollywood Forever Cemetery

In 2002, I found this sketch of the Hollywood Sign drawn by Adrienne. She titled it, “Future.”

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. For more information about primary liver cancer, go to Blue Faery: The Adrienne Wilson Liver Cancer Association.

Better Off Bald: Episode 39 — Days 1 – 7 — Without Adrienne

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 15:45:00 +0000

“Look, if you insist on mentioning our mother, you might as well not write the damn thing at all. My sister wouldn’t have wanted that. Don’t you get it? Our mother lost custody! She’s doesn’t deserve to be listed as a surviving relative; she’s not even invited to the funeral.”

Untitled poem by Adrienne

Better Off Bald: Episode 38 — Day 147

Andrea Wilson Woods — Mon, 09 Oct 2017 15:41:00 +0000

Cancer adds to the story of my individual life; it adds to my unique character and sense of humor. John, in my eyes, has never seemed more like a father, and Sissy has never seemed untrapped and free from time and stress. I know that she’s stressed right now, I can see it hiding beneath her smile, but her soul and spirit have never seemed so bright to me before.

Adrienne and Andrea © August 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 37 — Days 145 – 146

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sat, 07 Oct 2017 15:36:00 +0000

“We are taking Adrienne home. She wouldn’t want to be here. I understand the risks. You can’t talk me out of it, so don’t try. Now let’s do what needs to be done and get her home as soon as possible.”
Without flinching, Casey nods and says, “Okay.”
Later, she tells me upon that first impression, her nickname for me was “Andrea Don’t-fuck-with-my-family Wilson.”

Adrienne’s sketch (found after her death)

Better Off Bald: Episode 36 — Days 142 – 144

Andrea Wilson Woods — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 15:31:00 +0000

Adrienne pops up like a jack-in-the-box. Her shrieks are coherent despite the mask. Thrashing her thin arms in mid-air, she pushes doctors and nurses away as they grab her limbs. She spots John and me.
“SISSSYYY! STOP. MAKE—STOP,” she yells.
Oh my god! What have they done?

Adrienne, Halloween © October 1995

Better Off Bald: Episode 35 — Days 139 – 141

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 01 Oct 2017 15:24:00 +0000

Adrienne is angry because her doctor is giving up on her. I remember Dr. Aquino’s email to Kirsten, which she forwarded to me. His last words were I’m sorry I can’t offer her much help. If I were Adrienne lying in that bed, listening to him, I would have said fuck off too. We are fighters and if Dr. Aquino wants to give up, we’ll find another ally.

Adrienne’s cancer poem

Better Off Bald: Episode 34 — Days 131 – 138

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sat, 23 Sep 2017 15:20:00 +0000

You … don’t know my sister or our family. Well, let me tell you something. We don’t believe in numbers so there’s your prognosis. As far as doing her work, ask her teachers. She is more than capable. School is one of the few things that gives her pleasure now. It brings some normality back into her life. She wants to do the work she would be doing if she could attend school. She doesn’t want to be babied. Why are you punishing an honor student? You don’t have the funds? Tough shit. Find them! It’s the law.”

Better Off Bald: Episode 33 — Days 124 – 130

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sat, 16 Sep 2017 15:16:00 +0000

Adrienne’s career list 2000 – present:

Professor of religion
Zoologist
Forensic psychologist
Full-time artist—painter (gallery) or digital art
Webcam star
Fashion designer
Computer programmer
Studio musician

Adrienne dressed as Ozzy Osbourne at her sister Andrea’s 70s-themed birthday party © August 1999

Better Off Bald: Episode 32 — Days 118 – 123

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 10 Sep 2017 15:11:00 +0000

I am asking for an immediate 504 Hearing (504 being the section of the Rehabilitation Act that covers educational programs). Schools must make reasonable (five hours is not reasonable) accommodations to ensure full, meaningful access to educational programs for eligible, handicapped persons. As a cancer patient, Adrienne is protected under the Rehabilitation Act. I expect this hearing to occur as soon as possible. Adrienne deserves the same education as her peers; she should not be punished for having cancer.

Adrienne with her favorite dog Sophie in Arizona © Labor Day weekend 2000

Better Off Bald: Episode 31 — Days 111 – 117

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 03 Sep 2017 22:02:00 +0000

For half a second, my heart soars like a young bird finding its wings, taking its first flight, racing through the air. Then I look into his eyes, and my brain connects the words to the look on his face. My heart stops, forgetting to flap its wing, and falls to the ground, landing with a loud THUMP. There’s been a change. Those words were supposed to be good. I’ve waited so long for a change … I guess I wasn’t specific enough in my wish.

Better Off Bald: Episode 30 — Days 106 – 110

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 29 Aug 2017 22:00:00 +0000

“Wow. It looks great. How bold,” he says as he gestures toward her head. “I love that you shaved your head. What made you decide to do it?” Adrienne looks the bus boy in the eye. “I have cancer.”

Adrienne’s favorite photo of herself; she thought she looked like an elegant mannequin. Make-A-Wish Day © August 28, 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 29 — Day 105

Andrea Wilson Woods — Mon, 28 Aug 2017 21:57:00 +0000

Today was honestly one of the best days of my life. I cannot describe in words how incredible of a person you are. I have never before met someone who was so wise, down to earth, intelligent, talented, and humorous. Throughout most of my childhood, you were that one string of hope that held me together after years of abuse from my mother. I do feel strange telling you that to me you are a dear friend.

Adrienne with Dave Navarro © August 28, 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 28 — Days 99 – 104

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 22 Aug 2017 21:45:00 +0000

Still flushed with excitement, Adrienne greets him by exclaiming in a singsong voice. “DAVE Navarro KNOWS who I am! DAVE Navarro KNOWS who I am!”
Not missing a beat, Dr. Fenn mimics her tone. “WHO is DAVE Navarro?”
Adrienne bursts into giggles and explains the phone call, her wish, and meeting Dave Navarro.

Adrienne only 24 hours old

Better Off Bald: Episode 27 — Days 94 – 98

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 17 Aug 2017 20:59:00 +0000

Until I see a drop of water fall on the keyboard, I don’t even realize I am crying. I touch my face. it is soaked. As the printer churns out each page, each person who had stage IV liver cancer and survived, I weep. Hope floods back into my body, and I welcome it because I need it the way our mother needs her drugs, the way some people need a god. I feel reborn as the papers pile up in the printer feeder; my faith restored by UFT, a miracle drug doctors cannot yet explain.

Andrea & Adrienne © August 15, 2000 (Andrea’s 28th birthday)

Better Off Bald: Episode 26 — Days 90 – 93

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 20:45:00 +0000

I kinda brought this upon myself. A lot of stuff happened in my early youth, and I repressed it for years and I think that’s what caused it (cancer) for some reason. I just have a gut feeling about it. I’ve been going through a breakdown now, because I’m trying to let go of everything that happened and forgive the people that caused it. I don’t think the chemo is doing its job; so I’m turning to anything I can to start healing.

PAWS visit with Raven © August 13, 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 25 — Days 84 – 89

Andrea Wilson Woods — Mon, 07 Aug 2017 20:39:00 +0000

Who will go with me to the Topanga Canyon haunted house on Halloween? Who will stain the entire bathroom blue with hair dye? Who will argue with me I have seen that episode of Law & Order when I think I haven’t, but she is always right? Who will ask me to proofread her paper so “it’s perfect because I need a 4.0 to get into a good college”? Who will insist I watch the USC vs. UCLA football game with her because “you should have school spirit” even though we don’t like the sport? Who will test me on music I don’t even listen to and expect me to know all of the answers and then roll her eyes when I don’t?

Baby Marinol

Better Off Bald: Episode 24 — Days 80 – 83

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 03 Aug 2017 20:35:00 +0000

When Adrienne exits her bedroom, I gasp. She appears … so ethereal with her blue Monarch butterfly wings and blue bobbed wig Marilyn bought for her. I’m looking at a blue fairy from another world. Adrienne is also wearing her brand new blue tie-dyed shirt from Ross along with a blue scarf tied around her neck. On another person, so many shades of blue would be overwhelming, but Adrienne manages to pull off the monochromatic style.

Adrienne at Medieval Times

Better Off Bald: Episode 23 — Days 73 – 79

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 27 Jul 2017 20:23:00 +0000

I picture us sitting in a car at an intersection in the middle of the night. The world feels empty like right after a storm ends. The darkness presses down on us, and we see only a red stoplight blinking: on, off, on, off, on, off. We can’t turn the car around and go back where we were, but we can’t seem to move forward either. The red light taunts us: stop, go, stop, go, stop, go. But we remain stuck. I crack the window for fresh air.

Adrienne with Little Bit

Better Off Bald: Episode 22 — Days 68 – 72

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sat, 22 Jul 2017 20:31:00 +0000

Adrienne has the pleasure of meeting Nurse Bitchy before I do. I step out to use the restroom down the hall since parents are not allowed to use the one in the patient’s room. During the five minutes I am gone, Nurse Bitchy walks into Adrienne’s room and takes away her oxygen mask.

PAWS visit with Vera © July 16, 2001

PAWS visit with Onee © July 23, 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 21 — Days 62 – 67

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 19:56:00 +0000

Like the California wildfires, there are so many hot spots in Adrienne’s body right now; the doctors don’t know which one should be treated first. They are focused on what happened over the weekend, and now there’s the orange pee, the funky rash, and the constant nausea.

Burbank High sophomore is ‘One Tough Cookie’

Better Off Bald: Episode 20 — Days 59 – 61

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 13 Jul 2017 19:52:00 +0000

Dancing has a hidden factor that I cannot describe in words, that hits a nerve and just lets everything flow within me. It is almost as if I am cured from something when I am dancing, but I am not quite sure what I have been cured of once I stop.

Adrienne showing off her new dress

Adrienne showing off the glitter on her bald head

Better Off Bald: Episode 19 — Days 53 – 58

Andrea Wilson Woods — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 19:47:00 +0000

Adrienne laughs. “You mean I can take pot — legally?”
“That’s what I’m recommending,” says Dr. Marco.
I don’t know how to respond. “You said smoking it was better … but I wouldn’t even know where to get it.”
Adrienne laughs harder and says, “I can think of a few people.”

Pitch Letter to Burbank Leader

Better Off Bald: Episode 18 — Days 51 – 52

Andrea Wilson Woods — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 19:44:00 +0000

I can’t look at Adrienne as I read the final line. “Two-Year Survival: Less than five percent.” My throat constricts as I swallow the lump in it. I feel water rushing to my eyes as I bite the dry skin off my lip. I look at Adrienne. “Well, it didn’t say zero percent. I’ll just be one of the less than five percent who survive.” Adrienne smiles at me.

Adrienne marching in her middle school graduation. © June 2000

Better Off Bald: Episode 17 — Days 45 – 50

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 19:40:00 +0000

Adrienne and I decided to explore an old house in the town, ignoring the signs that read, “Don’t go beyond this point. Rattlesnake area.”
My father became agitated. “Girls, didn’t you read the sign?”
“We’ll be fine dad,” I said.
John threw his hands up in the air and stormed away.
“They play by their own rules,” he said to my father.

Adrienne loving Arizona © summer 1995

Better Off Bald: Episode 16 — Days 41 – 44

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 25 Jun 2017 18:57:00 +0000

I will be reborn. I will fight this, pills and all, and it will not kill me. I will be drop-dead gorgeous—even if I don’t have hair. I will help people who have to go through this. I will be amazing and impossible to avoid. ALL OF THIS SHIT IS TEMPORARY, PAIN IS NOT REAL, CANCER DOES NOT SURVIVE IN ME.

Six-year-old Adrienne when she still lived with our mother © December 1992

Better Off Bald: Episode 15 — Days 36 – 40

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 18:54:00 +0000

For the first time in my life, I sleep well for nights at a time. I don’t remember my dreams anymore, which used to wake me up in the middle of the night or leave me feeling tired the next day. My insomnia started in childhood along with the vivid dreams. Mental fatigue, however, proves to be more powerful than my creative subconscious. I’ve never felt more rested and more exhausted at the same time.

Better Off Bald: Episode 14 — Day 35

Andrea Wilson Woods — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 18:50:00 +0000

“Bring Mr. Navarro out to the stage because a young lady would like to meet him.”
I didn’t think it was possible for Adrienne’s smile to get any bigger, but I swear I can see her back molars now. I silently thank Jay for making Adrienne’s dream come true.

Adrienne and Andrea meeting Dave Navarro on The Tonight Show © June 19, 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 13 — Days 31 – 34

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 15 Jun 2017 18:45:00 +0000

I tell the nurse, “To my recollection, Adrienne was never given more than six milligrams of Dilaudid every four hours as a continuous drip except when she pushed the PCA for acute episodes of pain.”
I speak these words, this medical mumbo jumbo, without thinking. I am one of them now, only without the degree. I hate it.

PAWS visit with Rondo & Vera © June 18, 2001

Better Off Bald: Episode 12 — Days 29 – 30

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 13 Jun 2017 18:42:00 +0000

“No,” he says, “there is no change.”
The words hang in the air before falling fast to the ground. No change, which is better than a bad change, but not as good, as “the tumors are smaller now” or “the dots have disappeared from her lungs” or “it’s a miracle.” No change beats me up, and then walks away as if nothing has happened.

Better Off Bald: Episode 11 — Days 24 – 28

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 08 Jun 2017 18:36:00 +0000

I have no job. Yet, I have never worked harder in my life. Tears are always near the surface, but an inner core of strength sucks them back down. Things are not looking up. I cannot face what rock bottom will be this time. I lose myself in research: searching for a clinical trial or herbal medicine that will eradicate the tumors, but somewhere deep inside, a part of me knows the truth.

Better Off Bald: Episode 10 — Days 18 – 23

Andrea Wilson Woods — Fri, 02 Jun 2017 17:36:00 +0000

When Dr. Hale placed Adrienne in my arms for the first time, I didn’t care that she had a big forehead, squishy eyes, and flushed skin covered in dried, yellow crusty stuff. I felt this rush of love jettison through my entire being, so powerful I thought it could knock people down. I would do anything for this kid.

Better Off Bald: Episode 9 — Days 14 – 17

Andrea Wilson Woods — Mon, 29 May 2017 17:32:00 +0000

There are dry goods, which have a long shelf life, but there are also rotting bananas, old apples, day-old muffins, and a cake that expired a week ago. Even as I thank them, I vow not to return. Cancer has consumed Adrienne’s liver, her lungs, and now our lives, but I refuse to let it take our self-respect.

Better Off Bald: Episode 8 — Days 11 – 13

Andrea Wilson Woods — Fri, 26 May 2017 17:23:00 +0000

“Cancer gave me cheekbones and an excuse to wear a strawberry wig. I get to spend time with my family, which was really rare before this. I’m getting a new bed when I get home. All things positive and light have resulted from the tiny bulbs that have decided to live on my liver and lungs.”

Better Off Bald: Episode 7 — Days 8 – 10

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 23 May 2017 17:08:00 +0000

“Here’s the deal: I’m your parent first, then your sister, and when you get older, I hope to be your friend. Got it? One more thing, don’t ever threaten me again.”

Adrienne’s painting “Best Parent, Sister, And Friend”

Better Off Bald: Episode 6 — Days 6 – 7

Andrea Wilson Woods — Sun, 21 May 2017 17:06:00 +0000

Adrienne looks at the four of us with a determined gleam. “I’d rather be dead than deaf.”
I want to strangle her. She would rather be dead than deaf?

Better Off Bald: Episode 5 — Days 4 – 5

Andrea Wilson Woods — Fri, 19 May 2017 17:02:00 +0000

So instead of praying for the cancer to go away, I pray for something more realistic. Please god, if you are out there, please let it be ovarian cancer. Adrienne can live without her ovaries, but not her liver. Women survive ovarian cancer.

Better Off Bald: Episode 4 — Day 3

Andrea Wilson Woods — Thu, 18 May 2017 16:53:00 +0000

I have never heard of liver cancer before. Cirrhosis, yes, too much alcohol causes liver damage. What did he say? H something. Cellular is the second word. Need the fog sucked out of my head. Can’t think.

Better Off Bald: Episode 3 — Day 2

Andrea Wilson Woods — Wed, 17 May 2017 16:46:00 +0000

In my head, I stop speaking. This is the first time I’ve said the ‘C’ word aloud and I say it to this angry, horrible woman whose child, I’m sure, is perfectly healthy.

Better Off Bald: Episode 2 — Day 1

Andrea Wilson Woods — Tue, 16 May 2017 16:34:00 +0000

Working in an ER is supposed to consist of broken bones, chest pains, deep cuts, maybe an occasional gunshot wound. I believe he has never given this kind of news before.

Dr. Lin glances at Adrienne, but then turns to me.

“She has tumors in her liver and lungs.”

Adrienne celebrating her 15th birthday by attending the Rocky Horror Picture Show © April 2001 (one month before diagnosis)

Better Off Bald: Episode 1 — Before Adrienne

Andrea Wilson Woods — Mon, 15 May 2017 22:07:00 +0000

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. While I narrate the story in present tense, I use flashbacks to explain how I gained custody of Adrienne from our mother, how our relationship evolved over time, and how we displayed our unconditional love for each other. Adrienne’s courageous spirit is revealed as she squeezes more life in 147 days than most people do in a lifetime. From meeting Jay Leno to spending the day with Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction, Adrienne makes every moment count. As she lay dying, my younger sister Adrienne taught me how to live.

Birmingham, Alabama