Between Bipolar

Judy Piazza chats with Forrest Fyr aka Poet Tree on her radio interview

2010-06-29T19:30:00.000-04:00

Check this out and let me know what you think. I think it is weird hearing my voice on the radio. It's very different and new for me.

Lately, I have been keeping low regarding my writing. Focusing more on my life and reflecting upon where I want my life to grow. God bless those around me!

Theories of the Holy Spirit

2010-06-21T15:38:00.000-04:00

I have been working very hard on creating a new set of mathematical equations that will hopefully tie science to spirituality. I feel we are lacking a connection to these forces which can be seen and which is invisible. Both have them, but there is far superior invisible spiritual energies and matter than science can prove.... so I am writing possible a book about my discoveries that will enhance our understanding and perhaps lead others to follow my lead and start from the beginning where there was nothing and then something happened. These are the fundamental building blocks upon which we know. Hopefully my research will lead to discovering (I love discovering new things, especially) something that I have never seen or heard of before.

All my material is unique in itself. I have created signs and symbols to rival our math system so that we can combine them both together and create new laws which encompass religion/spiritual world to our world, our world of seeing is believing. I want to change the world's eyes. I want to prove that Hydrogen is NOT the most abundant material in the universe, that there could be something even more abundant that we just cannot sense or see or touch yet. Is it within the realm of dark matter and dark energy...well I believe it could be.... I believe there are other worlds that we cannot even fathom up that have a different set of laws that apply to them depending on what time and space plane you are on.

There are so many possibilities to life. For all we know, we could be already a form of energy that when we die in physical form we are literally born again as something else...perhaps a star this time... how about that? What powerful works of magic behold the wonderful imagination of my mind..... anything is possible...and remember my favorite quote...."Trust Everything, Believe Nothing". This is such a fact of nonfiction, it isn't funny. It's sooooo true...

Scary Dreams as of lately.....

2010-06-20T16:28:00.000-04:00

I have been waking up in the middle of the night because of nightmares that I have been having. I don't know why I am experiencing these treacherous dreams, but my other half seems to think it's because I am in therapy again and I am bringing up the past again...that this happened once before. Who knows....all I know, is that it sucks to have them, and I cannot seem to shake them.

I don't want to go into great detail about this last one, but trying to wake up from a death dream or torture dream is hard enough, when you aren't responding to the normal, pinching of the skin, crushing a light bulb in your hand or even prying open your eyelids. Waking up your partner doesn't seem to work either....like Nightmare on Elm Street, these dreams I have are evil. ::smirk::....what a line from my poetry, from so long ago!

Shadowy figures haunt my mind and I am filled with this sense of someone watching me and trying to get a hold of me. Perhaps it is Satan or his followers at work, trying to wear me down and cause me to become psychotic again. I hope not. Anyway, God Bless you all! Until next I dream....

29CFR825.825.220 - Protection for employees who request leave or otherwise assert FMLA rights.

2010-05-24T16:31:00.000-04:00

29CFR825.825.220 - Protection for employees who request leave or otherwise assert FMLA rights.

I stayed up very late until the wee hours of this morning yesterday. I spent a lot of time researching the FMLA. Did I have my rights denied? Was my employer negligent in telling me about FMLA? They wanted me to file a disability claim and contended that I was disabled, but I didn't think I was. Oh boy, was I wrong. I was sick in the head at the time, very psychotic and very erratic. I couldn't focus and I had major concentration problems. My mind raced all day long thinking of what I needed to do and get accomplished each day. I was unable to work. I spoke to my managers about taking some time off, or working at home and they denied me those accommodations. They never spoke of the FMLA to me and it is a requirement for employers to do so. I feel like I was taken by a powerful company but I am going to fight back. I will assert my rights, talk to an attorney and prove to my previous employer that I indeed was denied FMLA rights and should be reinstated. I want to be compensated for lost certifications and have them all paid for when I have to retake the tests. I will have to ask for reasonable accommodations at the test center to allow me 25% more time to finish each test as well.

I feel that I need to assert myself nowadays. My fiance doesn't like it, she thinks I am just drumming up my past and it's all dark and dreary. But I have to do this for myself because it is the right thing to do when you know you have been done wrong. How was I supposed to know about the FMLA federal law? Did my employer even have this posted on the wall at work? I need to really assert myself more and take back my life and go back to work. I have a right to be reinstated and maybe if I get sick again then I will have disability rights once again and I will be able to use them if I become too sick. I will feel better and although I am not certain what going back to work will mean I know that I will utilize the right to ask for reasonable accommodations for my disability and should regain my status as a full time employee who may not have to be as productive as the normal employee without a disability. I can ask for a waiver to be able to work up to 40 hours a week and ask for a minimum wage as part of my lawsuit deal, that I shall earn commissions as well as be given the special minimum wage requirement by federal law for those who have a disability. It's like getting something for being damaged. So this would pay for my life insurance policies. I would be set to get back to work. All commissions above my minimum wage will go towards bills and the like, so maybe this can be a reality. Maybe I can convince myself that going back to work is a good thing, that I will remain stable and stay focused on a few things rather than a ton of things. I could ask for secretarial support and be included in a mentorship program or even working in another agency by way of a partnership agreement. I could establish a valid business entity and deduct all business expenses from that. I still have some savings left that I would be able to use towards bills while I build up my clientele again. I would retain my previous clients and service them too. All my residual commissions would be active again and I can study for the right to be able to ask for a fee for service business. Establishing this would enable to start right from the beginning as a known fee based business entity. I would like that. I could study for the tests to become licensed again while I am still on disability and have an agreement with agency that I be allowed 6 months to get back up to speed. Having that ability to know what my rights are ahead of time certainly puts a light in my favor knowing that I cannot get screwed again.

Would I have the ability to go out on disability again for being bipolar and too manic? I would have to research this and find out. I will do that know, because I am too excited to find out.

Assert your rights with first knowing what FMLA can do for your situation!

iwriteit.com - The Source For Free eBooks!

2010-05-22T17:58:00.000-04:00

iwriteit.com - The Source For Free eBooks!

I have finally released the entire Poet Tree book "Forrever Memories" as a download for FREE on this website portal. All I ask is that you please comment and rate my work after you read the content. I would really appreciate the feedback!
This is a new first for me, so those who read this blog will gain the ability to receive this book for free for a limited time only! Click on the above link now!
Thanks again. Enjoy.

On my way to creating my first PRESS RELEASE for Poet Tree: Volume One - "Forrever Memories" book

2010-05-03T08:46:00.000-04:00

I am really excited about the prospect of publishing my press release. I am in the editing stage of the process. I have to wait for distribution until an editor approves it. I am using PR.com and PRnewswire.com. I am getting manically excited it seems because this is happening, this is finally happening for me. I want to be able to express myself and get my story out there. I feel that having this press release will help make my newly published book of poetry will help others who are dealing with sexual identity confusion and child sexual abuse.

It wasn't too long ago that I began transcribing poetry into the computer so that I could eventually publish my first year's worth of poems. It kind of amazes me that it's all coming out. I have grown from a boy into a man and with that a record of all my experiences written in a form that everyone can understand and appreciate.

I wouldn't have been able to do this if it wasn't for Penny, my fiancee. She has enabled me to have a voice and speak out about my traumas and pains seemlessly. I owe a lot of thanks to her for being the person I am today. She has shown me so much love and what more could someone ask for. She is truly my angel!

Kerry Lewis awarded $18.5 million for abuse by Boy Scouts

2010-04-24T12:17:00.001-04:00

Is the Bible really true? Did Jesus exist?

2010-04-12T08:32:00.001-04:00

I believe the Bible is true for the most part. I have feelings of doubt for some of it because it has been translated so there could be inconsistencies or errors. Do I feel it is historically correct? Yes for the most part. Ok, I can only say that perhaps because it has been depicted that there were three, that because there are 3 stars aligned in the sky, that there must have been 3 who visited Jesus........also I think that in general people are trying to figure God out. I don't think this is possible in the sense of Him being God, He is so high and mighty that it can only be unimaginable what He is all about. I feel that people try to defend the bible or their faith as a way of stating that "my religion or faith or belief is the correct one".....when in fact I believe so much from each piece of religion that all must be true if God is to be true. He is everywhere and everything. Right? So that's kinda how I feel and that's why I like and appreciate the history lessons I have learned from the Bible and other historical sources. I absolutely agree with you regarding the pyramids thingy. I feel that some of it is true though because of the sources that Acharya S. refers to. I just think more knowledge is better even if false or gives a false opinion or whatever you want to call it because to truly believe in God is to believe that He exists period. Jesus' existence on Earth was to convince people that there was a God, wasn't that the purpose....to show that He would die for our sins on the cross. I may have gotten mixed messages but some of it is true, some might be fable, some might be interpretation, but for the most part, yes I have had experiences where God has touched me. Whether or not Jesus came to Earth doesn't sway my thought that if he did then my actual belief is true, I am just keeping open minded to scientific facts that explain history in general which may.....again, which may explain other parts of the Bible that aren't explained....like Jesus' existence from age 1-30 before he grew up, his teenage years. Although I suppose it is uneccessary, I am curious as I am sure other people are and must have been at the time and now. I have researched other books of the Bible as well, the parts that were not included, which is on YouTube, which is facinating to me too. I am glad that I am able to express my feelings to you, that we are explaining what we think to each other and not getting so frustrated and calling out each other that our faith is better or truer. We are being civil and kind. I am just a learner, love to find out more stuff. And if it is even false, all of it, some of it, none of it, it doesn't matter, because God is in my heart. Jesus is still there (and at this time in my life, I am just questioning His existence-if I put it in a percentage, I believe He came and saved us all. This belief is at about a 75%, so I am not a disbeliever, just a humble curious soul perhaps lost a bit because I got involved in matter that intrigued me, by my OWN curiousness of the fact that maybe perhaps our sun, the solar orb is the Son of God that the Bible speaks of. It's all interpretation and sometimes I really just believe that it is ALL true. I know that the devil comes and makes his way into our thoughts and perhaps that is what is going on, I am not ruling that out.
I believe (and have the right to believe that it could be true and might not be true - because I myself haven't researched the DaVinci code, for instance, enough myself to be an expert in the field other than watching the movies.)....that books can inspire, lie, cheat, deceive us all.....if you make a claim about one book you have to make the claim of all possible books including the Bible. So this is how I feel about that analogy. How do you feel about my opinion about this?

No I don't feel that I am demon possessed and I know you aren't trying to say that I am. Perhaps I am Jesus, like once I did before when I became psychotic enough that I was out of my mind so to speak thinking that I made a cross on my chest, was it upside down when I looked at it, or right side up as people looked at it, so was I impersonating Him, was I so mentally ill back then that I was perhaps in the field of being messiah-like (which I mean, so psychotic, that the nonbelievers of Jesus when He came still doubted His powers)....cuz I realized a many crazy things that made sense and crazy at the same time. When one's mind let's go of reality, you kinda experience a high that is like none other, seeing things in a different light, experiencing life with sides of your brain that are not normally used (as we only use a very very very small portion of our big brains).....

I have a passion for science - always. I have a passion for knowledge - whether it be true or not, knowledge is power, knowledge is God, knowledge is knowing God, knowledge is accepting our faults and successes, knowledge is knowing we are mortal and not always correct. God exists in my world, your world and I don't impose my beliefs upon anyone else's beliefs because although it has been learned that we are to "preach the word" and become more like Jesus, I have a hard time not talking about Jesus because He is important in my life, just at this time, I "learned" other truths which expanded my ability to learn and accept what I already experienced in life. Begs me to learn more and grow, as humans we need and love to grow. I want to grow closer to God and I feel He wants me to understand Him in a way that makes sense to me, it is rather unimportant how I get there, in my case, because I know He exists. In what form? It doesn't really matter to me. What, is God not going to accept me into Heaven because I believe in Him and doubt or have doubts, slight as they may be about Jesus Christ? I love God. He is Love.

And why does He have to be male? Couldn't God be female or androgonous or alien? We....again....if you think about it regardless of books, regardless of opinion or truth.....God is everywhere, why is He masculine????????????????????????

Just thoughts from a once crazy psychotic mind that holds onto the fact that I truly saw a "burning bush" and my fiancee was with me when we both saw it, it was revealed to me at a place of reverence when I was a child, during the day......unless someone came there 15 minutes before I got there and started a small fire and left......it was incredible feeling of amazement because I felt Jesus' presence hugely at this time.....it was like seeing a UFO. Until you experience the Hand of God you cannot really explain His existence to others.

Whew.....sounded crazy sometimes, other times I feel I was inspired by God? Does what I say make sense to you?

Poet Tree: Volume One - Forrever Memories

2010-03-27T21:21:00.000-04:00

Image via CrunchBase

I have finally published my first volume in the Poet Tree series called Forrever Memories. I utilized www.lulu.com to help me publish the book onto the web. I am in the process of preparing a second edition that should work out the kinks that I experienced with the first edition, namely the table of contents. It took some time for me to understand what goes on using Microsoft's Word program. A support guy from the makers of PDF-Xchange has helped me identify the problems I had with my document and in trying to prepare it for conversion to a PDF file he found some errors with the table of contents that had repeating page numbers for different poems.
I am quite proud of myself, being able to put together this book over several years and several PCs worth of saving my transcribed poetry onto disk. My nephew was the first buyer of the book and I am really excited.
If anyone has any questions or would like their own copy of the book, I am selling it through Lulu.com - just look up my title or go to my personal website Forrest Fyr to obtain your copy. I am selling the 180 page book for $18.50 and I of course have to pay for the book to be printed, so my income will be more like $6.99 after everyone else gets their cut. I have about 100 poems, the first hundred I have ever written back in 1991, when I was a pre and post graduate of high school.
Although I love writing poetry, I have taken some time off from working that avenue to explore more creative avenue's with video recording my lipsyncing and dancing to remixed dance and pop music while editing it in a program called Pinnacle Studio 10 Ultimate Collection and Adobe Premiere 3.0. I have not been able to master the editing process yet and have decided to delve deeper into my pockets to purchase another PC, this time a more recent new and faster processor on a laptop which will be new for me. It will support gaming and video editing which I would like to get real good at. I want to be able to upload videos to You Tube and have my own little video creation that I will allow other access to involving my life. I was thinking of doing something similar to that of www.ijoseph.tv. I have found that site to be filled with superb videos of this guy singing with his shirt off to dance music. He lipsycs the music and has fun with his friends and post the videos to You Tube. I like the idea and want to express myself the same way he does.
I should be receiving the laptop computer by AlienWare - a Dell product within the next 2 weeks. This will be my birthday gift and hopefully I can tear myself away from the desktop PC that we both use. I can install Bioshock 2 to the laptop and Pinnace and Adobe Premiere as well so that I can begin to utilize the speed with the new PC. I think I should also try to start to blog more often. I think having the laptop will provide me a way to be at my parents house and play magic with Charles and also blog more often, being that it's portable. I can bring it anywhere and log in my thoughts.

Insurance Agents suffer from Bipolar Disorder

2010-03-23T10:05:00.000-04:00

If you are a financial planner, or an insurance agent and you sell life, health or disability insurance, chances are you suffer from mania and or depression. This is what bipolar disorder looks like. You make several sales and you are all hyped up and then you crash and weeks go by without a sale. All your income is based on commissions that you may or may not earn and you suffer from boughts of heartache. You suffer from sleepless night wondering if your mortgage payments will be made for the month. You wonder if you can afford the utility bills and food for your family.
You become psychotic because you value life and have to - you are forced to view life as a number and you suffer from knowing that if you don't get people to see how you look at their own situation without life insurance and the need they have for it, then you suffer along with them. You die a death with that customer and suffer from the backlash of buyer's remorse and have to pay back a commission that was forwarded to you ahead of time. You realize that life is precious and that all peoples, all your friends and family needs this insurance and so you try your hardest to sell it to them and nothing works. You may have sold a few annuities or a few rollovers from a 401k, but the hard part is selling the life and disability insurances because people don't think they will get hurt or die. They are the ones you target, and if they don't buy you suffer from major depression because you worry about their lives....and the lives that make up your contract to survive in the insurance field. You certifications and long hours of studying didn't prepare you for the feelings that go along with becoming a financial planner. You suffer tremendous guilt and apprehension when it comes to selling and you have to sometimes beg for a income check from your manager that you may have already earned but they control your income flow because you may be a new agent and you got put into a financing program that is supposed to help you survive the battle of being a successful insurance agent.

If you or someone like you is experiencing these symptoms of being a life insurance agent, then perhaps they too suffer from bipolar disorder and don't know it. This happened to me, and after thinking I have bipolar disorder II, the lesser of the two forms, I was diagnosed with the worse form bipolar I disorder in 2004, two years after I thought it went away and that I was just experiencing what I called the "sales cycle", the up and down feelings that accompany a new agent in the field. Don't be alarmed. There is help out there. Let's review in an upcoming blog how to deal with your disease and recognize how to survive once you have been diagnosed with it and you must decide to stay or forgoe your dreams of becoming an certified financial planner, like I had to do for my health and well being. Next we will discuss the social program of social security and how it helped me to survive in this world of danger and intrigue.

Newly published book for sale!

2010-03-22T09:58:00.003-04:00

I encourage you to purchase a copy of my newly released poetry book called Forrever Memories. It has been a painstaking several years in the making and I have finally worked it all out. The book is a special collection of poems written during a time in my life when sin and sex were being questioned in my life. Haunting metaphors encompass the poetry while using my pen name Poet Tree - distinct and significant for a person named Forrest.
Please visit my new website too www.forrestfyr.com. Here I have established a place to record my writings and publish them for all my friends and family. If you ever wanted to delve deeper into the mind of Forrest, then I suggest you pick up a copy today. With 186 pages, the book is filled with lust, homosexuality and passion, along with evil, dark stories of my past experiences as a young adult maturing through high school graduation having to deal with and struggle through what is right and wrong in a moral sense.
Please leave me feedback to help me become a better writer! Enjoy.

Return of Security Deposit: RSA 540:A

2010-02-09T05:12:00.000-05:00

Well - we found out that after moving out of the house in Manchester, NH that we will not be receiving our entire security deposit of $1300.00 back from our previous landlords. However there is a state law that I think applies in this situation which states that if a landlord does not either return our security deposit OR send us an itemized list of defects, damages with receipts to back them up within 30 days then they are at fault for violating RSA 540 A which describes the terms under which a security deposit is supposed to be returned to the tenant.
The landlords not only didn't communicate to us about our funds, they ignored the fact for 32 days after we had moved out of their father's house until I had sent an email to them indicating a demand for our security deposit. They responded by sending a small check back along with another certified letter which has yet to be in our possession at this time. We had listed my fiancee's mom's home as the place to send our security deposit so that we wouldn't get harassed by the landlords in the future at our home in Florida. This is because they talked down to my fiancee and caused great emotional turmoil between our relationship and the relationship between the landlords. It caused much confusion when the landlord's brother decided to call my fiancee as a result of an email that I sent to remind the landlord's that we would like the $1000 to move out of the property prior to the end of our lease and for the inconvenience of having the property shown by a realtor while we lived there. The retracted this money after we had found a place AND after they decided to pull the property off the market while we were still there because us living there caused the landlord and his brother thoughts that it wouldn't sell like it needed to. So because we limited the time for the house to be shown by asking for a 48 hour notice before showing the property and only once maybe twice a week, they didn't like those reasonable terms. They knew there was an illness in the house as well that was being caused undue stress with having to move in just 8 months after we had been there. It was a shock to know that we would have to come up with the money to move again and the stress that this would bring upon me and my illness was devestating. It was easily exacerbating my condition to a point where I became manic and depressed a lot!
We will soon find out what the law states regarding the property we leased and hope that it is regulated by state law so that we can actually receive double our security deposit. That is part of the damages you can claim and demand for nonpayment of this security deposit on time in the state of New Hampshire.

New Doctor takes me off my drug regiment right away

2010-01-27T09:27:00.000-05:00

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When I moved to Florida I had no idea that I would be facing a crisis in my medical care. My new doctor that I have chosen with a specialty in neurology has taken me off 2 of my meds due to his idea of them being contradictory to each other. However, I could chose to not go to this particular doctor. We have to come to agreement that we both can live with in his treatment of my illnesses.
I take Desoxyn for my ADD and have been on this medication for almost 2 years. I cannot believe he just took me off from it, like that. He also took me off of my anti-anxiety medication Valium because he says that it contradicts the ADD meds.
I didn't like what he did. He didn't seem to care or listen to me when I explained that I have been on this regiment for several years, but these particular drugs I have been on for less than 2 years. I also only take my anti-anxiety medication as needed and don't take it every day.
When I see him next month I am going to express my displeasure with his treatment, however I am fearful that he will tell me once again that if I don't like his way of doing things that I can find another doctor. That put me off right away. But what about my rights as a patient? I should look into malpractice with his firm because it is his name on the door and I shouldn't feel like I should just submit to his will. This is my life and my medical care that we are speaking of. He is now my treating doctor and he has to listen to me and my voiced concerns. If he doesn't in this next meeting which will be my 2nd meeting then I will have to do something about it - possibly look into medical malpractice or some sort of disability malpractice. I should find out about my rights because one shouldn't just back down and say well I just will choose another doctor, cuz I cannot see that by eliminating my medications how that will help me.

New Doctor - new medication management program

2010-01-25T09:09:00.000-05:00

I made an appointment with a new medication management psychiatrist down here in Florida and saw him earlier this month. I have my reservations about him though. He changed my medications right away. My regiment was to include meds for ADD and anxiety and he took me off of them. I feel uncomfortable about it and tried to explain myself after our short meeting and he wanted me to be off of the drugs as they were contradicting each other. Well then I let his office know that I may have not told him that I take my ADD medication always but only as needed is my anti-anxiety medication. Mostly because I have situational anxiety. He wouldn't give me scripts for either medication. I was irritated at that. I have been on this routine for over 4 years now and I don't want to upset the balance of my past treatment which seemed to work.

So my next appointment is for the beginning of February and I have to pay a co-pay of like $45 which I never had to with Manchester mental health...so I am going to let them know to bill me. I am going to suggest due to cost savings that I want to see this doctor once every 3 months and that my regiment that I have been accustom to for the past 2 years has been working and that I don't have the $45 an office visit to continue according to his process. I would like to work together as psychiatrist/doctor and patient should. I want to stay better and not relapse in any fashion.

I have been less focused, it's been hard to concentrate on my research I do online, I get distracted very easily. When I speak, I lose track of what I am saying and that makes for a difficult situation for me. I just wish this doctor who is so close to me in distance would just listen to me better. That's what should happen, instead of his normal, I am gonna get you off from all of these drugs. That's the doctor's philosophy. That's not my philosophy however.

Why makes your blood move?

2009-12-24T06:39:00.001-05:00

I love this video and song by AHA. I love haunting songs. I think this guy, the singer is amazing. I grew up with the songs such as Take on Me, but they have a whole assortment of great songs. This is one about a relationship breaking apart. Wishing he had her back. We are all lonely without our partner. Does he kill himself in the video or is it just a metaphor for his pain? Did he have an affair? Looking and searching he tries to reconnect with her, trying to write to her, driving around searching. Walking along a bridge and explaining that he is cold without her.

I have felt cold before and know what it feels like for unrequited love. But in the end he seems to make it without her. Would you be able to? Would you be able to forget? Let me know.

Blogger Labels: song,singer,Take,assortment,relationship,metaphor,pain,affair,bridge,songs

This is a heart shaped figure created by the use of my girlfriend’s and my hands while we were staying at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Supposed to symbolize our love for each other? The ring she gave me on my thumb, symbolizes the long lasting friendship our has lasted. Seven years is a long time and our blood moves our body together as we move forward in our relationship that will last forever.

Last get together with my side of the family

2009-12-21T17:22:00.001-05:00

Well well well. I don’t know what to say. I have been trying to manage putting a going away get together together with my family for Sunday the 27th of December, 2 days before we leave for Florida and now it is turning into a fiasco.

Instead of saying this person said this or that person meant this or we should do this or that, I am putting my hands up and deciding on my own that I am not going to any get together. Plans changed not because of me and so instead of keep changing our plans and driving myself crazy I will just say nope. I am not going anywhere. I am going to stay home and just pack. I don’t need this extra added aggravation. It is not good for my health and mental state. So instead of fighting with everyone, I will just let them know that I don’t want to get together with anyone and that I’m not going to keep changing my plans for anyone else.

I am the one leaving here. We are going away. No one is accommodating us or taking into consideration our feelings, so I am going to just either write to everyone and say that I would rather just pack and not get together because it’s not turning out the way that I had hoped it would be. That’s fair and easy to do. I cannot keep getting myself in the middle of other people not getting along with anyone. It’s not good for me and the drama I need to stay away from. I don’t always see it but my fiancé notices it for me and reminds me to avoid the drama.

So as much as it hurts to have to do this. I am going to just say, I am not doing anything with anyone. I am just going to stay low, keep to myself and if people want to call or write and say their “goodbye’s” that is fine. I don’t hate anyone. I just cannot handle this stress – it is uncalled for. No one has the decency to call and let me know that the plans I made with everyone was changing because of this or that reason. I am not a mind reader, and no one again is taking what struggle I am going through just to have to move and all.

No one is putting their personal differences aside and so I will have to be the brother that puts his foot down and say, I don’t want to get together. What is done is done. If anyone wants to call me I will be here until the 29th. If anyone wants to visit, I will just have to decline for reasons I don’t and shouldn’t have to get into. My health means a lot and it is not going to get pushed around on the inside when I didn’t cause any disagreements within this family.

Why would anyone be interested in Horus, the sun God anyway?

2009-12-18T07:22:00.002-05:00

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First, one the many reasons why I first got interested in this subject was when I first connected the dots that perhaps the sun, our solar orb was actually the son of God. Sun and son play a small part in this for me, and so in doing some research I came across the author Acharya S. aka D.M. Murdock who relates Horus to Christ in the book she authored called “Christ in Egypt”. Could this sun of ours actually be once worshipped as the son of God? And the answer I have come across was and is definitely “yes”.
Why is this important to note? Well, first off if people used to worship the sun as the son of God, who brings light and life into the world, which makes sense, right? Well then looking back over known history, many peoples worshipped the sun as their God or son of God. In the story of Horus and Osiris, Osiris being God, dies and is reborn as the son of God or Horus. As noted in the book I am reading now call “Christ in Egypt”. Horus is reborn everyday as the “little sun”. He also is born therefore on December 25th as well. Rightly so, because during the winter solstice which is around this time, the sun makes a turn upwards towards the sky after stopping for 3 days during its track going downward in the sky. When the sun starts to rise up once again, on December 25th, it is said to be reborn again. That’s one note to consider. The other is that Horus was born everyday as “the little sun”. After being defeated by his brother Set which is when the sun sets and darkness prevails over the land, the sun of God (Osiris) is reborn into Horus.
Knowing these facts lead people to believe, such as myself and Acharya S. that Horus, coming from the Egyptian culture/religion, way before Christianity took hold – it would be wise to state that If Jesus was indeed born on Dec 25th too, then perhaps one should look at these two myths and see if there is any correlation between the two. And in fact there is quite a bit of similarities between the two. Jesus may not have been born on December 25th as everyone in our culture seems to think. He was born sometimes at different times of the year for different reasons. I don’t have all those facts in front of my at this time, but I know this to be true. If so, then Horus and Jesus seem to be born at the same interval in time. Almost everyday, but certainly during the winter solstice, which the Egyptians valued tremendously because they had set up temples facing the eastern sky when the sun rises and during the winter solstice, sun would shine upon the face of these temples in a way that shows us that they put a large significance on this time of year. The winter solstice then becomes a stepping stone marking the beginning of the cycle of life, where you are reborn and the sun rises in the east, worshippers worship on Sunday, and churches in our time, get built facing this eastern sky too, to have their churches capturing the rising sun, as it was once worshipped long ago. A pagan religious rite.
There are many skeptics out there who are trying to debunk Acharya’s work but if they only look at her proofs of hieroglyphics carved in Egyptian stone going way back before Christianity existed, you will find that the Egyptians worshipped the sun during the winter solstice, said to have been reborn during this time and in fact in their religion, Horus was born everyday as “the little sun”.
If anyone has proof otherwise, then let me hear it. I am reading one source with many references to other people’s research, yes, however unlike a sanitized encyclopedia which has material in it to comfort the general public and makes no outlandish claims, such as stating that Jesus is a myth and go into details why this may be true. I feel this book reveals much more than the author intends it to be read. I think that the Bible has been written by unknown sources, potential ones yes, but then where is the proof other than what was written in the bible, any scientific historical facts ever proven from the bible, maybe some, yes more if you look at Egypt’s written history you can find the proofs necessary to confirm some of the writings of the bible. What ever happened to those books that were not included in the bible? Doesn’t that concern anyone who wants to know more about how and why the bible came into existence?
I once was a born again Christian, still am sorta, but I also am opening my mind up once again, like I did as a child liking many religions and now studying the Egyptian culture and where Christianity mainly cam from. If this is true, then is Jesus a myth based on history that occurred in Egypt long before? You decide. But first read the bible, then read this book, “Christ in Egypt”. I have read both, not entirely, but enough to make some comparisons to them both. I suggest you do your homework, if this intrigues you and let me know what you find.

Windy and Cold

2009-12-17T11:41:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up to our front door being wide open. Yikes!!! It was freezing downstairs – down to 50 degrees. I was so glad the bird didn’t freeze to death. I wonder still why the door never shut completely from last night. The windy must have been fierce enough to blow it wide open. No one heard it.

I am happy that the cats are outdoor cats and just avoided going outside because it was so cold outside. I am glad that our dog Orion didn’t sneak outside and run away either. We are very lucky and blessed to have everything been okay after all.

Today we are going to get out Christmas tree from the animal shelter in Bedford, NH. We will put that up, wait a day and then decorate it on Friday. Then we have my girlfriend’s going away party from work that we are hosting at our house. That should be fun.

Anyway, lately I have been feeling depressed, slightly down and out. I have been resorting to sleeping in the early evening to get away from life and just sleep. Actually I just lie in bed awake and just dream awake. It is so boring sometimes, this life of mine. I try to make the best of it, but even with my meds I am just okay.

Horus the Sun God was born everyday!

2009-12-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

Horus the Sun God, according to Acharya S., author of the book Christ in Egypt states in a video by Zeitgeist debunkers that Horus was born everyday as the morning sun. But in her book "Christ in Egpyt", Acharya S. states that Horus was born on December 25h, during the winter solstice. Now, she is not claiming anything but the truth. If Horus was born everyday, then he must have been born on Dec 25th. Just like Jesus...He was supposedly born on several different days, it is just recently due to legislation that Christmas Day falls on Dec 25th, noted to be the birth of Christ.

How can these debunkers really know what Acharya is stating unless they read her 600+ page book. The recite entries from her primary sources from reading the back of her book in her bibliography section. The debunkers state that she has no sources prior to the 18th century because Christians destroyed them. Well you gotta read each of the backgrounds of the sources she lists to make that assessment for yourself. She is relying on evidence of other writers who were not influenced by the Christian era (from what I recall her stating).

Check out this video and you decide.

YouTube - "The 'Real' Zeitgeist Challenge" DEBUNKED (1 of 10) Peter Joseph interviews Acharya S

2009-12-15T22:26:00.001-05:00

YouTube - "The 'Real' Zeitgeist Challenge" DEBUNKED (1 of 10) Peter Joseph interviews Acharya S

Although it is very true that Jesus was not born on December 25th, if you read Acharya S’ book “Christ in Egypt” you would find that she agrees with what this narrator is stating. What Acharya S is mainly stating in this video is that overall, many religions prior to Christianity had dates defined as the date for this or that way before Christ came to earth supposedly. Whether December 25th was the date of Horus’ birth, I believe it was mainly around the time of the winter solstice, which is the same time as when Jesus was born supposedly. But if you read Christ in Egypt, you would find that despite evidence of these dates, Christians have placed Jesus’ birth on or around many different dates. But because of laws recently passed within our own government, we have identified Jesus Christ as being born on Christmas day. This is a myth we are talking about anyway. And the main point it to talk about the sun, our solar orb being born again, rising among the sky from it’s once sinking into the sky movement.

Carol of the Bells

2009-12-13T13:45:00.000-05:00

I found this great Christmas video a few months ago and posted it to my site but lost it since. I found it again and want to share it with you. What spectacular lights and I love the choir singing. Let me know what you think.

Leave me a comment about this song and if you enjoyed this video. Thanks.

I won't miss this cold weather

2009-12-12T07:59:00.000-05:00

To think that I will be in Florida in 20 days is incredible. I never thought I would be moving to a warm state. It will be very different from this damn cold weather I have endured for so long. I hope that the conditions under which I will live down there will be much better for me than up here.

Although I am scared to move, because so many thoughts are racing through my head - from the cost of the move to how this will affect my entire life going forward. I know it is not necessarily a definite thing, but I want it to be. First I will be closer to my parents. Is this a good or bad thing? I think good right now. I hope it will stay that way. Will my girlfriend adapt to the weather and the holiday seasons down there? I know that we will be coming up north for Christmas each year, so for me that is good and bad. I don't like crowds of people and what if the weather is bad, all the cancellations and long hours waiting for a next flight will be hectic. I guess we can leave around the 22nd come back on the 26th. That way we have a good 5 days and the only lines we might face are on our way back home.

I really don't know what to expect in Florida. I really never imagined my life down there and because of my illness it makes sense to be in the warmer more consistent climate full of sunshine and light. I am hoping that it will help to stabilize my condition and make it more manageable. I still experience ups and downs and lately I have been more depressed than ever. I think the fact that I am bored, no where to go and not seeing anyone is making me crazy. I just am a home body now and I don't feel like going anywhere or seeing anyone.

Anyway, I still look forward to the fact that I will be in Florida, but not looking forward to relying on a moving company to move us. I feel scared and helpless. What if something is missing or better yet, what if the truck rolls over in the snow? I cannot help but think of all the negative things that may occur. I just hope that the price of almost $6000 is worth the trip and will make my life a much more enjoyable one.

Does Christianity originate from sun worshipping religions?

2009-12-11T16:37:00.000-05:00

Please check out this video and see if you are interested in knowing more about Acharya S' work. I have purchased this Christ in Egypt book and have only touched upon a mere speckle of pages. I am interested in knowledge about Christianity and have not denounced the religion of Christianity entirely. I have opened my mind up to the possibility that indeed Egyptian religion closely mimics our current understanding of the Christian religion. Because of this, I have wanted to study the works of this author D.M. Murdock aka Acharya S. She seems to know her stuff and I just wanted to give a taste of what she thinks with this video I found on YouTube. Please let me know what you think as you review this and other videos that she has put out there on the subject matter.

Disturbing a grave

2009-12-06T08:52:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to unbury your dog and cat after 2 years, so that you can now afford to cremate them and bring them with you because you no longer will have access to them in the future. That is what we did last week. It was a warmer day in the high 50's, after a night of showers. We came with shovels in hand and a tarp to put them on top of in the back of the car. It wasn't a pleasant experience at all, but we were able to get our german shepard out of the ground and into the vets office without seeing any carcass or tufts of fur. She weighed a lot less than when we first buried her over 2 years ago. Theos was part of our family and it was important to bring her with us, since we were moving to Florida. Theos had been there for the opening of the restaurant in Concord, NH and throughout my entire ordeal with becoming psychotic. She was a good dog.
She was buried beside Mowgli, our orange cat - however because we already disturbed his gravesite the day of his first burial, we never wrapped him in a towel or such, so when I dug him up he was flattened and curled in a ball. We saw no recognizeable parts to him, except for his fur and he along with Theos we drove to the vets for their last rite of passage. They were to be cremated.

It makes me recognize some things about myself and how we might want to be buried or burned and it is a hard decision. Cost wise, it would make sense to have a cremation, like my parents want. But I definitely would want a headstone to be remembered by. Being all for genealogy and such I would want a solid record of where I died to be known to the outside world, but I don't know yet what I want to be done with regards to a showing, during the wake part of any death ceremony. What would you want done? Do you have any desires already planned out? Shouldn't we be thinking seriously about the cost and effectiveness of doing one thing over another around our ages now before it is too late? Let me know what you, my readers think about how you plan to be buried, and what death services you plan to entail in your final days here on earth. I would love to read them. Thank you way ahead of time.

Was Jesus Christ a human that walked the earth?

2009-12-02T08:50:00.007-05:00

If you have doubts that Jesus truly walked this earth, then you are not alone. I too am having doubts. I know that I am not alone. For over 20 years I have studied Christianity and have become a believer in Jesus Christ, that he existed and I got baptised in His name over 4 years ago. I began born-again. However I am starting to expand my eyesight and look at the whole picture surrounding the makings of Christianity. Where the religion started and how it took hold in the middle east. I am not an atheist. I don't know what to call myself, other than a believer in God, but not a believer in Jesus Christ. I believe that Jesus Christ is a myth, like Hercules, Zeus and all of Greek Mythology. I believe that Christianity is a religion that overthrew the Egyptian religion that was so wide spread in the region for such a long time.

I don't believe all the words of the bible as factual or historical. I believe they are tall tales - fiction, mythology if you will. These myths were taken from the Egyptian religion which was created thousands of years before Christ supposedably walked the earth. No one in America is going to believe this, or even will acknowledge it. No one is Egyptian. That is why. There is no proof. Well I have found proof. In a book called "Christ in Egypt - the Horus-Jesus Connection" by D.M. Murdock aka Acharya S. Please go to her website called www.truthbeknown.com and review the scholarly work she has uncovered and researched. She is extremely talented in language, speaking many different ones, including Greek. She studied archeology in Greece and learned about the many different aspects of Christianity and how the religion created years after resembles what the Egyptian's believed - but changed the names around from Horus to Jesus.

Her work has opened my eyes up. Will she open your eyes up to the truth? Will you allow her work to go unstudied and unrevealing to your own search within this life of yours trying to understand God and who He really is? The Egyptians believed in a sun God named Horus and worshipped him thru his son, the sun, our solar orb in the sky. The reading I am doing is extensive and backed up with historical truths that can be verified. The bible cannot be verified for who wrote it, when and why. But if you think about it, hieroglyphics have been around for hundreds of years, thousands really - these or a lot of them at least have survived the times and tell quite a similar story that the fable Jesus Christ entails.

Be it whether you are interested or not, I encourage you to look into Acharya's work and studied her methods and think to yourself which stories sound truthful. All she does is point out the truth, backs it up and explains this information to you, the audience. So I have engrossed myself in her work so that I can get closer to this God we used to call Jesus and now I just call God. God is God and Jesus is a mythical story about how God came to earth. Read Acharya's work if you really want to expand your knowledge of this topic. You owe it to yourself and others around you who may be fooled by the stronghold that Christianity may have imposed itself upon you. Acharya is a wonderfully intelligent person who I respect tremendously.

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