2. I still got it. After months and months of not having sex, I was starting to worry that “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it” was true. It’s not; I confirmed that I’m still awesome this weekend, hehe. Friends with benefits = amazing. You know, a few months ago, I decided I didn’t want to do that with anyone anymore, but at the end of the day…it makes me feel awesome about myself and it’s a ton of fun with someone I trust, so if that’s not respecting myself, I don’t know what is.

3. Financially, my life is…wow. Finally starting to be where I want it to be! I have a savings account now – and there’s money in it! I’m able to take a trip to Florida in May without scraping by. My credit card debt is decreasing every month. Best of all, I’ve started saving to buy land of my own. I’m thinking upstate New York, and my dad may go in on it with me so that I’ll have a house with a lot of land (where he can hunt occasionally). My own home! It makes me all tingly with excitement. *dances around even more*

4. I feel like I’ve turned this major corner with understanding myself and what I want in life as far as romance. I’m always going to have “downs,” and the right guy for me is going to not only understand that, but pull me back up again. Not in a dependency way, but in a way where he knows to chill out and give me hugs, waiting it through, instead of reading too much into every little part of my life and making me feel like I’m crazy. Someone who can do that will be a very special person indeed. He doesn’t need to save me, just hold my hand.

5. Even if it is rainy, the weather is beginning to be beautiful every single day. It’s warm, it’s light out later, and the world is starting to be green again. That’s a reason to dance if I ever heard one!

6. It is soon wine festival season, which is my favorite time of year. And I’ve decided that when the first one does come around, I’m going to invite The Cowboy to come with us (there’s usually a huge group of us that goes), no strings attached. If he says no, reads too much into it, blah blah blah, whatever… that’s his loss. *shrug* I’m no longer afraid that he’ll think badly of me or something. His opinions of me don’t make me who I really am, and hopefully he’ll put his past judgments aside and just opt for an afternoon of fun. It’s just a great time, nothing more, nothing less. Wine festival = no drama! There’s nothing I’d love more than to lay in the grass, sipping out of a bottle, and listen to music with all of my favorite people.

7. I haven’t seen The Student in…months and months! That needs to change, I miss his face.

That’s all for today. Last thought for you all: We’re fools whether we dance or not…so we might as well dance.

1. RE: the previous post I wrote about the Cowboy

He’s not a bad person. He’s actually a very good person. Yes, I think he treats people a certain way, and in me, it ended up causing a meltdown because of who I am and the other things going on in my life at the time. He couldn’t have possibly known that was going to happen, and I didn’t know it either. Sometimes, personalities just fit together in weird ways  at weird times in life and cause weird experiences. But please…don’t think he’s a bad person. He’s one of the best people I know. Troubled, maybe, but a very good person, whether he believes it or not.

2. RE: my toy reviews

Yes, the toys and other products I review here are usually given to me for free. However, I will NOT write a positive review unless I actually like the product. I don’t exchange good reviews for free stuff, and I don’t get paid to write reviews here.

3. RE: the married man

Yes, I’ve spoken here about making out with a married man. No, I’m not exactly proud of it, but then again, everyone’s situation is different, and if he is comfortable with making out even though he is married, I’m not going to lecture him about it. For all I know, they could have an open marriage. I don’t go out of my way to “seduce” him. I never have.

And further clarification on the topic: I’m not in any way planning some kind of relationship with him beyond friendship and perhaps the occasional making out, like we’ve done in the past. Not only is he married, but he lives hours and hours away from me and that wouldn’t change even if he did get a divorce. It is just a friendship, and a little fun because we’re comfortable around one another.

4. RE: erotica you read here

Some of it is true. Some of it is fantasy. Most is a mixture.

That’s all for now. So to close, I’ll say this: If you haven’t seen the new Gaga video yet, for Telephone, please watch it. It is by far one of the funniest/best things I’ve seen in a long time. “See…I told you she doesn’t have a dick…”

And good advice to anyone: Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger.

“Ok.”

“How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

Ever notice how we give these stock answers 99% of the time? It’s almost like a reflex. I’m Ok. Yeah, I’m fine. Nothing is new in my life.

We’re not always ok or fine or up to nothing. Sometimes, there is a lot going on in our lives. So why, then, do we give people these answers? Because we don’t want to share? Because we don’t want to burden them? Because it’s what they want to hear? Or have we, as a society, simply given up?

Let me change gears for a moment. There are people who thrive on being a victim. You know the type. They love collecting pity. They’re dramatic and upset all the time. They’re always the victim, and they play the part well. Somehow, I fell into this victim role last year, even though I didn’t want it.

Over the past month, through being able to talk to someone, I realized something, and I know that I said I wasn’t going to analyze things with him anymore, but allow me this post, dear readers, because it’s an important thing that I’ve come to learn. The Cowboy was creating a victim mentality in me. It was so very unhealthy, and I don’t think he meant to do it. In fact, I believe fully that it isn’t something he realized he was doing. Maybe it made him feel good, to think that he could take care of me? I’m not sure. But it did happen.

What I have realized is that 99% of our conversations turned to how one of my ex-boyfriends sucked or people made fun of me in school or various other problems in my life in the past. In other words, our conversations always led to me talking about how I was some kind of victim. It didn’t start like that, but in the final month or so or talking with him, that’s what it became. I even remember mentioning once that it was odd that he brought up my exes all the time. Most guys would rather cut out their tongues then talk about past relationships.

While it may be true that bad things have happened to me, in relationships and otherwise, I’m not a victim. Bad things happen to everyone. You move on and hopefully learn from it a little.

And talking to him, I got stuck in this ugly rut of dependence. Through our conversations, I would start to feel like a victim. They’d always end on a good note though – The Cowboy was in my life, so things didn’t have to be bad anymore. Yes, I did deserve better. Yes, I was going to find a better life. Yay! But then, I’d panic when I couldn’t talk to him about even the smallest sad or bad feeling I was having, because it was him who I turned to in order to “fix” problems…and he started to resent that, because that wasn’t the girl he met and it put a lot of pressure on him.

The truth was, things weren’t bad before he was in my life. I didn’t need him to save me from anything. Sure, I wanted to find that someone special but in general, my life was pretty good. That’s the girl he met. And really, that’s who I am.

I just fed off of the attention. He gave me attention when he felt sorry for me in some way, and I trusted him enough to start telling him more and more about my life, good and bad. But for some reason, he always focused on the bad, making it seem like “oh, now that I’m in your life, things are never going to be like that again.” And that’s a good thing to know…but it’s really unhealthy when that is the basis for your entire friendship.

This post sounds a bit like I’m blaming him. I’m not; at least, that’s not my intention. I should have stopped it from the start. There’s a difference between being a sub and being a victim, and I think maybe he has the two confused a little. I know better. I should have never let it happen like it did. Thinking about it, from what little he spoke of other people in his life, I suspect that he treats everyone this way to some degree. He likes to take care of the important people in his life. It’s admirable, but at the same time, it can be a bad thing if you’re creating problems that don’t exist or encourage people to depend on you.

Plus, the only way I knew how to respond was to try to take care of him too. And he hated that. I don’t even think I did anything that care-taker-y…but even wanting to return how he treated me made him uncomfortable. He hated feeling like some kind of victim, even though he happily stuck me in that box.

It’s a shame, really. I feel like there’s so much that he never got to know about me because he just focused on the negative. It’s really special to share the bad things that have happened to you, to trust someone that way…I just wish he saw that I was a stronger person, and a happier person because I went through them and made it to the other side without him or an ex or anyone. I wish he wanted to know the good things about Rori as much as he wanted to know the bad things about her. I wish it wouldn’t have always circled back to what was wrong in my life, because our conversations were just magnifying tiny little things that didn’t matter at all in the long run.

I’m ok. For real. I’m fine. Honestly. And there’s nothing wrong in my life. Ok. Fine. Nothing. Sometimes, that’s the truth, sometimes there’s nothing more to read into it. Do I miss him? Of course. Do I wish he’d come back in my life? Absolutely. But I really am ok…whether he wants to be here or not.

And maybe, until he figures out that he can care about someone without treating her like a victim…well, maybe it’s for the best than he’s not.

A small disclaimer before I leave for the night…please always remember that what you read here is one “side” of the story. The Cowboy, along with all of the other men I talk about on this blog, don’t have a voice here, and their experience are probably very different from my own. That doesn’t make my account less true. Just incomplete.

And I was. My short skirt and low-cut shirt may have aided the flirting I was doing with the other boys in the room, but there was never a moment when I wasn’t his. That’s all they were anyway – boys. But he…he was a man, and I belonged to that man.

I felt him pinch at my nipples as his arms crossed my chest. Not enough that others would take notice, though I’m sure that some of the boys staring at my chest from across the bar did. Pressed against me, I could feel his cock straining against his jeans. It’s a powerful feeling, a man wanting you. But it’s also humbling, knowing how much he wants you and how he’s waiting. He wants me on his terms. It takes all the power away instantly, that power that I have over other men…and I love that.

He kissed my neck, licking right behind my ear. I hear his deep breaths, but he didn’t say anything or even make a motion to move. No, he wanted the boys to watch a while longer, to wish they could be him. Ego trip? Maybe. Incredibly hot? Definitely.

They wanted to be him, and they didn’t even know that he would later cum down my throat as my hands were tied behind my back. They didn’t know that he’d hold a vibrator against my clit, but deny me that orgasm until I just couldn’t hold it back…and then force another as punishment for disobeying. Sucking my clit hard, he’d force a third, my body weak and wet, my legs quivering and my makeup running from the tears sliding down my face.

They wanted to be him, and they didn’t even know that afterward, I’d be melting into his arms, kissing his lips, whispering my complete devotion to him. They didn’t know that I’d change the sheets and make him a sandwich and pick up his dirty clothes while he showered…or that I’d be waiting, naked, on my knees, my eyes on the ground, when he walked out of the bathroom. Just like he liked me. For him to claim any time it stuck his fancy.

All they knew is that this red head at the bar would be going home with him tonight, and of that they were jealous. If they only knew what they were really missing.

He paid for a round at the bar, and we left, his hand on the small of my back as we walked out.

And I’m throwing all of those “usually” statements out the window. Because I truly do love the Ultimate Clit Tickler, and I would recommend it to any girl I know.

Ok, let’s talk about what this toy is actually like.

The Ultimate Clit Tickler is made by sex toy company Seven Creations and sells on the Twisted Miss website for £11.99 (around $18 USD). It takes two AAA batteries (not AA like the website says), and has a button to flip it on and off. The whole thing is about five inches long and the shaft is about an inch and a half wide. Then the top has lips and three little prongs and measures about three inches. (There’s a close-up of the top below.) This vibe is only available in pink as far as I can see with Twisted Miss or on any other website, but that’s not a huge deal to me. I like pink.

Usually, I don’t like jelly toys…but with the Ultimate Clit Tickler, I can’t really imagine another material working as well. It really does mimic a mouth, and it needs to be really flexible to get full benefit. A more rigid material wouldn’t feel nearly as good. So, I’m willing to overlook the weird jelly smell and difficulty to keep it clean because it feels so awesome, almost like real lips. Here’s a more close shot of what the top looks like:

What I love most about this vibe is the versatility. Like I said, I usually prefer vaginal or duel-stimulating vibes, like rabbit vibrators, to clit-only vibes. With this toy, you can suction it around your clit for some really powerful vibrations, or you can move it down and angle it so it’s vibrating into the first inch or so of your vag, like real lips. I alternate between the two…love.

Love, love, love.

Oh yeah, and because of the shape, you can use it well as a nipple stimulator as well. I’m not a huge fan of nipple play, but if you are…it definitely works!

The one-speed thing is definitely a downer, but the vibrations are really strong. The button is a little weird. It has a clear on and off switch, but it kinda sticks in the middle unless you push really hard in one direction or the other. At first I saw this as annoying, but actually, I see some benefits. If you’re playing with a partner or even yourself, you can easily play around with the switch to pulse is on and off. The downfall is that if you aren’t completely naked when playing (sometimes, I like to slip a vibe down my sweatpants or panties, for example), brushing against clothing can cause the button to slip or even the top to come unscrewed. No vibe is perfect!

I can’t say enough about the design of this vibe. I haven’t seen other vibes like this, but I hope that Seven Creations or other companies build upon this design. I could see SO MUCH potential into making this one of the best sex toys of all time. Can you imagine if they add more speeds? Or a sucking function? This is already a great design that I love, and it’s a sex toy top seller on the Twisted Miss website, so it looks like others are liking it as well.

Get this vibe. If you’re on the fence, let me push you over. You won’t regret it.

Thanks to Twisted Miss for providing me with this product to review!

It was a good change of plans, though! Hope you all had a great day. I definitely did!

For the record, the three men I talked about last week? None of them called or texted me. Surprise, surprise. Fuck ‘em, I had a great birthday without them.

I drank and danced my face off on Saturday night. I rarely do that, but it was so much fun. And a very nice guy friend of mine took care of me. And I made out with him…a lot. And possibly groped him during the car ride home…a lot. Annnnnd he has a wife. Whoops. Whoops a lot.

This has happened before, with this guy. Well, the kissing a little, but not the cock-grabbing. I wasn’t really surprised that it happened again, though that was not my intention when I invited him to come dancing with us. It’s always so…fun and innocent. I just know that I can’t get too attached, and I hope he doesn’t either. Because, at the end of the day, not only does he have a wife, but he lives 4 hours from me and he’s not a dom (though very kink-friendly, we’ve talked about it). And I know in my heart that it isn’t right to do anything with him, even if he and his wife are basically roommates. For all I know, they could have an arrangement where being with other people is ok or at least don’t ask, don’t tell, but even then, I’m just not comfortable with it. If nothing else, I definitely don’t have any dreams that he’ll leave his wife for me. And I wouldn’t want that, in any case.

But man. Those kisses were so nice. It’s not like he does something special or anything to be a good kisser. I just like it. It’s just always so sweet. Definitely one of the best kissers I’ve ever kissed.

After he dropped me and my friends off, we kissed a little, and his hands brushed against my chest a bit, but I could tell that he was trying to stop himself, even though he really wanted it. We texted a bit before I passed out, which is pretty fuzzy to me, but I read them the next morning, and it was basically both of us saying that we wished we were cuddled up together.

So, Sunday morning, I was feeling a little guilty about the cock-grabbing, haha. We texted throughout the day, so I knew things were fine, but I still felt that I shouldn’t have been quite so ridiculous, regardless of whether not it was my birthday. But he asked me out to lunch on Monday, and I said yes.

I thought to myself, this is either a “thank you for grabbing my cock, even though I’m married” and he’ll pay, or it will be a “I’m sorry for grabbing your cock, even though I was drunk” and I’ll pay.

It wasn’t even a question. He not only bought me lunch, but like, opened the car door, held doors for me, and talked about how much fun he had out with me. It was like…a date almost. And if it was, it was the best date I’ve been on in a long, long time. I wasn’t even back to my friend’s house yet and we were texting again about how much fun we had.

Since I’ve been home, we’ve texted and emailed a little, but I think for both of us, it’s kinda like coming down from a high. We have so much chemistry, but we both know that it isn’t a good idea to pursue anything, so we let it fade. That’s easy when you aren’t around someone and you’re set on doing it. When you build up this fortress and don’t let the person in completely, you can shut it off and go back to your life.

Part of me wishes that it didn’t have to be that way.

The good news is that he has reasons to be in my neck of the woods in March/April, so we might get to hang out then, and I also might see him in May because of all the weird coincidences in the world, we might be in Orlando on vacation the same week.

And even though nothing will come of this, I think for both of us, it is nice to be reminded that someone out there finds you super attractive and wants to be around you. I don’t think his wife gives him that, ever, and it makes me so happy to see his eyes light up. I know mine do too when I’m around him. As long as we both keep our emotions in check, and not pretend that it can develop past some kisses and conversation occasionally, it’s a good thing. Everyone needs to feel good sometimes.

So that spicy story I promised you is coming tomorrow, along with a new review!

And I need it.

I need a little vacation from life. I need to go laugh with some people who care about me, even though I’m sad inside. One weekend away isn’t going to change the fact that I’m painfully lonely. I know that. But at least it makes things a little more bearable. At least it gives me the push to get through the winter until I can start running again.

Running clears my head. It makes me less crazy. It’s the one thing that I can do for myself that really makes me feel good about who I am, even when the world is crumbling. When V and I broke up, I ran through it. The other people at the track probably thought I was nuts, this not-particularly-athletic girl, sprinting around the track and crying.

But it helps. I got through it.

I’ve been playing again (piano), which also helps and doesn’t depend on the weather. Before all the crappy, unnecessary drama of my life in January, I was practicing this piece I love to play for The Cowboy for Valentine’s Day. I rarely play for anyone anymore (that’s an understatement), but it was just a special part of me that I wanted to share with him. Today, I picked it back up again. I thought, what the hell, why not? Maybe someday I’ll get to play it for him, but if I don’t, that’s ok too. It’s still a piece I love to practice, and I like that it reminds me of him. Thinking of our friendship makes me smile, as depressing as that sounds.

It helps, the piano playing. In my own way, I’m working through it, working through all of shit in my life right now. I don’t have my life together, as much as I wish I did, and for once, I’m just kinda sitting back and saying, “And that’s ok.” I can’t be a perfect friend or girlfriend or sub. It’s time to stop pretending. I’m just not perfect, and people can either choose to be in my life or they can choose not to be in my life as I’m working through my problems. To be honest, I don’t really blame anyone for leaving. I’m not sure I would stick around if I was someone faced with a really difficult friendship with me.

And at this point, though he’s the only one I mention here, The Cowboy is not the only one who made the decision to leave in the past two months. There was a mass exodus of people from my life in the first months of 2010. Sigh. Maybe it’s a good thing. I keep telling myself that.

I’m rambling. The point of this post was to celebrate the fact that I have a distraction for the weekend, unless the impending threat of snow gets in my way. Even then, I’m going to try to find a window for driving. Because I need to. I really, really do.

Thank you to all of the wonderful readers who have supported me. The comments, the emails, and even just the lurking if you haven’t contacted me…it all means SO much. I initially wanted to make this blog a place where I could help other people work through their own issues with sexuality and dating, but it turned into this little speck of real estate online that just means so much to me. Here, I feel free, and that’s because of you guys. So, thank you.

I’m leaving on a jet plane…but if I have time, I’ll post a saucy little fantasy for ya’ll to go up while I’m away. If not, first thing when I return. Promise.

The Handbag Hercules is made by Playtime Blue, and this is my first experience reviewing anything from that company. There are some design problems (keep reading), but overall, I’m impressed.

First, some specs: The Handbag Hercules is made of hard plastic, which is phthalate free (woo hoo). It’s about four inches long and about one inch around, and it comes with four interchangeable tops (see left). One of the tops is a smooth dome, and the other three have little nubs on them. It twists on and off and uses one AA battery.

Let me get one major negative out of the way right off the bat – the tops don’t stay on well. It’s annoying that they fall off as I’m playing, but not matter how much I twist and push, I just can pop them on well enough for them to actually stay on while I’m playing. Of course, it’s not a major problem for me, because I like a lot of direct pressure, rather than moving it around a lot. If you go wild, though, be prepared for the tops to go flying across the room!

Other than that…I can’t give you any negatives about this toy. It’s a small little thing, but man is it powerful. I guess the fact that it only has one setting could be seen as a negative, but to be honest, I don’t need my pocket rocket to have a bajillion settings and pulsing actions. Just one is fine, especially when the one it has is this powerful. I like how small and simple it is.

See? It really is small:

As far as “discreet” goes…well, it’s clearly a vibe, so you aren’t going to fool anyone into thinking it’s a makeup tube or anything like that. But, it is small enough to put in a little pocket of your purse, and because it’s made of hard plastic instead of jelly, it doesn’t collect lint or hair at all during travel. It’s not as quiet as I’d like, but you aren’t going to hear it through walls or anything.

I’m not really a fan of the smooth top. It’s ok. The other tops look scary…but they’re not. Actually, the one that looks scariest, the really spikey one? That’s my favorite. It isn’t painful at all, though I’ve heard from others that it is too intense. Maybe it’s because I’m used to a LOT of pain during sex. Or maybe I have a really non-sensitive clit compared to other girls.

By far, that was my favorite top, though…so much so, that I’m considering gluing it in place to avoid the “tops falling off” problem that I told you all about. Actually, that’s what I’d recommend – try all the tops, and glue on your favorite one.

Twisted Miss is selling the Handbag Hercules for just £12.95 £7.95, which comes out to $12 - $13 if you’re in the US. Really, with a price tag like that, how can you go wrong? Comparable vibes I’ve seen cost at least $20, so even with shipping from the UK, you’re looking at a great deal. In my opinion, it’s totally worth the money. Twisted Miss also has a number of other discreet vibrators if you’re looking for something else small enough for travel.

If you’ve used the Handbag Hercules, leave a comment here to tell me how you liked it!

Hey Rori,

I recently got into a relationship and finally told my new boyfriend about my blog. He is very uncomfortable with the fact that I share stories about my sex life on it, even though I don’t give out any identifying personal information. It is really hurting our relationship. Would you ever consider shutting down your blog for someone else? Do you think I should?

~ T

Woah, mama, that’s a major one.

First of all, I think it is important to tell someone that you’re a sex blogger as early as possible. He’s your bf now, so presumably you’ve been casually dating or getting to know one another as friends for a few weeks or months. The fact that you didn’t bring it up before now might seem to him like you were hiding it or being dishonest. I very rarely give anyone this URL, but I do mention as soon as I can work it into conversation that I’m a sex blogger.

As for every shutting down my own blog…well, yes, I would. For the right man, me running this blog would be his call. That isn’t going to be control that I give over to him right away, of course.

I don’t think the right dom for me would want me to stop, because this is such a good creative outlet for me, and he’s realize that. However, I could see the scope of this blog changing, becoming more “assignments” written for him or being more scheduled. I could also see giving him access to this blog to write here as well, or giving him the final say on anything I post (ie, he has to approve something before it goes live).

But at the end of the day, if I ever am at the point where someone collars me, yes. I would give up this blog if it made that man uncomfortable. It’s just a blog. As much work and emotion as I’ve put into it, the dom who collars me will mean more. And I’ll trust him to not demand out of anger or without a lot of thought that I shut down this blog. I trust him to have really good reasons for it, and to give me the chance to be creative in another way if I can’t write here.

Honestly, I don’t think you should give up something you love right away, because your relationship is still very new. Talk to him, and find out his concerns. Maybe you can come to a compromise that would make him more comfortable with you having your blog. Thanks for writing, T!

Have you ever been collared? What does that mean to you?

~ LK

(this is just a piece of a much longer email)

I’ve never been collared. I’ve had two doms, D and V. With D, I think that if we would have continued in our relationship, he would have eventually collared me…but we walked away from it for the sake of being less destructive, and that was a good thing. With V, I’m not sure we would have gotten to that point. Maybe. We only dated for a few months though, so it is hard to say what would have happened.

I know that I’ve written about it here before, but I’ll say it again: being collared is really serious business to me. We’re talking engagement serious. In fact, I wouldn’t agree to be collared by someone I didn’t eventually want to marry. I don’t have to get engaged to this person at the same time, because frankly, engagements and marriages have to do as much with logistics of life as with love, but that’s the place where I want to be, emotionally. It’s really, really special for me.

It means, to me, that I’m committed fully. At that point, I have no limitations or safe words, because it means to me that he’s also committed fully and I trust him to never ask for anything that would put me at risk or hurt me in any way. He’ll push me, I hope, for the rest of our lives, but he’ll know me so deeply that he’ll know when he’s going too far. Collared, to me, means that I give my life to him completely. Thinking about it, it actually might be more serious to me than an engagement or wedding. For some subs, it is not, and I can respect that opinion too.

I’d like to be collared, but I never, ever want to rush into that. It’s a scary thing, to give yourself to someone else, and I think it takes months or even years to build up to that point. The right dom for me wouldn’t want to rush into it either, because he’d feel similarly about it and know how big of a responsibility it is for him to own me. Hope that answers your question, LK!

Have you ever written anything here that you’ve regretted? I recently gave some people I know IRL the address to my blog, and now I kinda regret some of the things I’ve written. I’m considering going back and deleting some posts.

~ Anon

Well, I guess it is first important to note that I don’t give access to people often. D and V know about this site, of course. I suspect they both still read it (I know that V does, and I’m guessing that D at least checks it from time to time). So does The Student, but I know that he doesn’t sit and read it every day – he just likes to know when it is about him. The Cowboy also knows about this site, and while he used to reference it regularly, now that he’s out of my life, I would be surprised if he read it. My best friend knows it exists, but I don’t think he knows the URL. Maybe. I can’t remember. One of my other friends also knows it exists but she definitely does not know the URL.

It’s a big decision for me to share this blog with someone, in part because I need them to understand that I write through filters. I enhance the erotica, because it’s more fun to write/read and because I don’t like, take notes when I have sex with someone. I write about my feelings very much “in the moment,” so things come out much more passionate than they are when I’ve had a few hours to think about it. I leave stuff out because I don’t want to identify myself or other people. Filters. And yet, this blog is a deeper look at who I am than most people get just by talking with me.

I think the people in your real life who now have access to your blog need to understand that too – that what they are reading goes through filters.

I don’t think you should regret anything you’ve written. It was how you felt at the time. Well, unless maybe you wrote something really mean just to spite or manipulate one of your readers. Then maybe regret that! But if you were just being open and honest when writing, I don’t think you should regret anything. I don’t. There are things I’ve written that I think aren’t necessarily true anymore, and maybe weren’t even true an hour after posting…but the great thing about having your own blog is that you get to make the rules.

Instead of deleting posts, try just making them password protected for now. That way, you don’t lose them forever and can repost them if you decide that you don’t regret them after all.