The first thing to remember when dealing with immature men is that they can grow up.  This applies to immature men who are young and perhaps have an excuse but also to men who are in their 50s and even older.  If you live, work with or are managed by an immature man, before you give up on him or (poor thing you) them, implement some of the tips to see if you can make them less immature or, even better, cure them of their immaturity.

The second thing to remember is that there are some men who will, no matter what, always be immature. That’s right, they could live to be 190 and still be immature.  If you try out some of the tips below and they are still immature or – please no – they become more immature, our advice is “abandon ship!”

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 Famous immature men

Image via Wikipedia

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH IMMATURE MEN

Learning By Example

You can try trying to learn by example – or sort of.  First of all locate a mature man.  Once you have located one try and get him to befriend the immature man you are having problems with.  Once and if you can accomplish this – and it’s not easy – attempt to sew seeds of doubt in the immature man’s mind about his immature behaviour.  DON’T SAY “I wish you were like him” (the mature man).  Instead be more subtle about it.  Say things like “Mike (or the name of the mature man you are dealing with) is doing well for himself” or “Mike seems to be a happy/content/fulfilled man”.  Saying things like this might have your immature man analysing the difference between himself and “Mike”.  This could lead to him changing his way – fingers crossed! 

Mimicry Is Not Flattery

To put this tip into play you must first isolate and identify the immature man’s immature behaviours.  Then you must make fun of the behaviours by mimicking it.  For example if he says things that a petulant child might say, repeat them in a childlike voice.  Same with things like foot stamping and sulks exaggerate these when you act them out.  If you want to be more extreme carry out this tip in front of his peers.  Making a fool of immature men is an excellent treatment.

Reward Mature Behaviour; Punish Bad Behaviour

This tip was developed using strategies taken from leading dog trainers.  This is self explanatory.  When the immature man acts in an immature manner punish him.  When he acts in a manner which is not immature then you must reward him.  Punish by withdrawing his favourite food or bedroom activity. Reward him with his favourite food or bedroom activity.

Trial Separation

This is a drastic move but if the man really has feelings for you it should work.  A less severe form is to go away for weekends or even weeks.  We could advise that this can lead to different results – for instance he could find another partner.  Thing is, if he does or if you do (while you are away or on a trial separation) the relationship could not have been very stable in the first place.  Thus you’d probably be better off out of it.

The article concludes below this image of a caterpillar – an immature butterfly – we both know which is the more beautiful!

Image via Wikipedia

If you disagree with the tips above or have other tips which might help those of us suffering the problems inherent with sharing lives with immature men – please add them in the comments section below.

This is the season to sparkle and shine. Your company party or friendly get together may have been scaled back but that doesn’t mean you have to. You can still look glam and gorgeous no matter how small the party. A slick of gloss, a dash of shine, even a spritz of perfume and you’re good to go. What’s even better is that there are so many different trends you can pick and choose one .

1)Twilight hours It must be the vampire craze that’s hitting America. Last year’s fake tan has given way to fake pallor. An ethereal white look is suddenly in vogue. Add a pale luminous shine by dusting a mineral veil over your face. Everyday Minerals and Signature Minerals have the best veils for this – not too sparkly with just the right shimmer. Add a pale pewter grey or purple eye shadow and a pale pink gloss and you’re good to go.

2) Red reigns. Last year’s red lipstick craze hasn’t ended . You can amp up any holiday outfit with a slick of red lipstick. If it’s too much intensity then just experiment with red gloss. elf has some nice ones in the mineral and studio lines that are just downright sexy. If you’re going for red lips then also then add neatly made up eyes and a very little blush. (Think Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie Ann in HBO’s True Blood). Just draw a thin line of navy or blue eyeliner over a natural hued eye along with using the barest sweep of blush.

3) Eye shine Eyes take on a metallic edge this season. Golds, coppers and silvers are all used in varying degrees from highlighter to liner with shadow in between. A popular look is having a sweep of gold or silver over the lid then lining the entire eye either a deep bronze or pewter. Another festive look is a pale gold or champagne eye and line with an iridescent blue , green or purple. You can also buy mascara in these colors to add further oomph. Remember to keep the rest of your face natural with a soft coral or pale pink blush and nude lip gloss.

 4) Smoking allowed. Another great eye look is the smoky one. This is done with varying shades of grey and black swept around lids. Think cat or Egyptian goddess with a slightly elongated line heading towards the brow. The best bet is a sparkly pewter washed over the lid and brow bone. Then layer a sheer iridescent black over the section near the outer corners. Finish with a black gel liner and an dot of sparkly white shadow in your eyes’inner corners. Again the rest of the face should be toned down with a light sweep of blush and a pale pink or nude lipstick or gloss.

 5) Glitterati Glitter is making a big comeback and in a good way. You can have glitter eyes, lips or face. It’s now ground so finely so there’s none of that junior high “sparkle spackle” look.. Still the one rule applies. Use your most attractive feature and play it up with glitter. If you’re still having reservations, then only apply glitter to your nails. Start with a festive color like red or gold and apply a mix of glitter and clear polish over them

6)Winter waves. Look like you‘ve just spent a day at the beach even in December. Create tousled waves for your holiday dos by using a salt spray and a wide barrel curling iron. David Babaii’s Bohemian Beach Spray is the best product for this style. Spray it generously on freshly washed hair and let air dry. Use a large barrel curling iron or heated rollers and wrap sectioned hair around either. . After curling, run fingers through your mane for a textured look and spay with a light hair spray.

7) Bun times. A bun is still the way to go for party updos. Except this time it’s not so tight or sleek . Think more Twilight romantic vampire than uptight “Mad Men” secretary. Again used a salt pray for a better texture to work with and gather hair into a low pony tail. Then wrap the loose hair in a haphazard twist , leaving two sections of loose hair around the face. Secure bun with bobby pins. Separate these into two pieces and braid each section. Work braids into the bun, fastening in place with decorated bobby pins.

False fronts. Nothing says dazzle like sexy eyes. How to get this? That old dress up classic – false eyelashes. These open the face and add a certain amount of glamour to any look. Keep makeup at a minimum. Eye shadow colors should be either a light dusting of a sparkly taupe , or champagne . You can go with a very light sweep of midnight blue or deep purple for a more dramatic look. Keep blush to just a barely there sweep across the cheeks . Lips should be a sophisticated matte color. Stay away from the gloss because this will look too Vegas show girl.

9) The scent of a woman. Sometimes the best look is no look at all. If you are rushing from work to a party, then just spritz on your favorite scent or try something new. Demeter Perfumes has purse sized perfume dispensers as does Burberry, Carolina Herrara and Michael Kors. Store a few in your desk for different types of parties and gatherings. A pretty perfume is sometimes all you need to be party ready!

 This is the season for glamour – no matter how small or scaled back the party. After all it is still party and that deserves a little sprucing up. Choose a look and you’re good to go. Have fun with the different styles and the easy glamour of it all!

No. Vogue is a dream world, its not reality, nor should it be. Let’s be honest. Even the pieces deemed “well-priced”or “inexpensive” or some other adjective to that degree are usually still too pricey for me. I dream of the day when I can buy Jimmy Choos and clothes from Anthropologie (I probably will never buy designer). I hope for a time where I don’t start at the clearance rack. But I don’t see that time coming any day in the near future. Yet I read Vogue. Yet I purchase the obscenely weighty magazines that could serve as some sort of weapon in case of an attack between the newsstand and my loft. 

Fashion has survived some terrible economic times, flourished even in days of distress. In the war-torn days of the 1940’s, housewives used less material, creating the modern swimsuit. I pray those days would resemble our days. Fashion was not built to be reasonable, however. It was built to be whimsical. There is a stark difference between fashion and apparel. Fashion is a statement, a universe, a thesis. Apparel is a guard, a covering, a necessity. If I wanted an apparel magazine, I wouldn’t go to Vogue. Honestly, I will never dress in military boots with thick socks showing, sorry Anna. But I will try some tamer styles. It was through Vogue that the places I buy from: Target, Gap and Kohls made the decision to put my clothes on shelves.

Fashion celebrated the big-belt to enhance the waist trend. And now, years after the birth of the style, I followed the trend today. It was Anna and her minions that gave the OK for designers to create boyfriend jeans, high-waisted skirts and pants, and military jackets. 

In the movie that will forever stamp Anna’s chill into our minds, (The Devil Wears Prada) the adorable Stanley Tucci tells Andi that “her [Miranda's] opinion is the only one that matters”. And it is true. Fashion may need a budget revision meeting, but I wouldn’t worry. Vogue is not going anywhere.

Hmmm. . . the only options you see are a nice little, “hey, give me a call at work tomorrow, ok?” or giving up on him?? This guy you actually like? You want to ditch him because you think he’ll feel pressured if you ask him to call you???

Ok, please excuse all those question marks. I was just a little startled. I forget sometimes that far too many women really do think that to ask for something – something completely acceptable and expected is somehow a sign of impoliteness. Repeat three times: “When I date someone it is ok to expect him to call me.”

Now, I am not completely insensitive to your plight here. If you’ve lived a lifetime of trying not to be demanding, a couple of extra question marks from an online advice columnist isn’t going to snap you out of it. So here are two techniques you need to learn.

First of all get just a tad out of your own head and see things from his perspective. Many people are too busy at work to field personal calls, he might just think he’s being polite. Or he might be shy he knows you have a rapport on e mail after all, talking on the phone might just be a hesitating, complicated disaster. So give him the benefit of the doubt for a moment. He’s working up to calling you, just hasn’t done it yet.

That brings us to technique #2. Learn to be creative. So you can’t bring yourself to say, “Hey buster, call me like a normal paramour already, ok?” Fine. In fact if you said it like that, it’s true you might make him feel defensive just as you worried. But what about an e mail that says, “oh, I’m totally bored at work right now the boss is out and I have nothing to do, give me a call. Here’s my number again.” Or a cute, smiley, this is a little joke between us that I know you’re nervous to call me “um, so do you think you’re ever going to call me?” at the end of a date. If you can get him to call you once or twice, he’s going to be more comfortable with that.

More than anything, he will hear this request as a Big Deal only if you turn it into a Big Deal thing you have to psyche yourself up to tell him. If you can learn to just sneak such things lightly into conversation, you’ll find you’re able to ask your beaux for a lot more. And you’ll realize that asking for the things you deserve isn’t such a trauma after all.

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Do you, like me, enjoy a Sunday afternoon in the garden armed with an MP3 or personal CD player and a good book?  Well, next time you settle yourself down on your sun lounger ensure you have a few squares of dark chocolate to hand!  Recent  research carried out at a private health clinic in renowned Harley Street, London has shown that it may help prevent wrinkles caused by ultraviolet light from the sun.

Apparently if you make it a habit of having just a couple of squares a day you could ward off old age!  This research is also looking into the possibility that it may lower the risk of skin cancer but nothing concrete has come of this yet so “don’t try that at home” and ensure you use a high SPF lotion!

Experiments have indicated that you can’t use just any old dark chocolate but it needs to be very high in flavanols which are antioxidants occurring naturally in cocoa beans.  The study found that those volunteers who ate high flavanol based chocolate could tolerate higher UV light on their skin than those who ate a lower rated variety.

Unfortunately though, chocolate with sufficient flavanols to combat the onset of old age isn’t generally available at your local newsagent.  Seems that by the time I’m able to take advantage of this I’ll be long dead and buried!!  But interesting theory!!

Maybe not the most attractive lingerie in the world, but this Dutch designed bra claims to get rid of cleavage wrinkles when the woman sleeps on her side.

Rachel de Boer who designed it says that it provides cushioning between the breasts to prevent them getting squashed together which, in turn, causes wrinkles.  Apparently this bra has been sold in Holland now for about a year at around £45 a throw (or around £22.50 a boob!) and has now made it available to the rest of Europe via her website and hopes to be able to sell it on our High Streets eventually.

Rachel, who had been an air hostess and so had spent several years in sunny climes, found that the sun had had an effect on her skin and she had begun to notice the cleavage crease.  Having discussed this with a friend, the friend had suggested going to sleep with a cushion shoved into her cleavage so the resourceful Rachel decided to try and come up with a slightly less cumbersome solution! 

The bra is made of Lycra and comes in white or black and fastens at the back.  It’s got no cups but it has a cushion which sits in the middle of the chest.  The padding is filled with an anti-allergenic fibre and the straps can be adjusted to fit a bust between 30 and 42 inches.

Unfortunately for you European ladies out there wishing to purchase one of these wonderful contraptions, I have no website address so, for the time being, I’d suggest waiting for them to come into your local M&S and making do with a cushion secured by a bit of string!!

One of my favorite places to go is Front Street in New Westminster, also known as Antique Alley.  Located right across from beautiful New Westminster Quay,  many of the shops in Antique Alley carry virtually everything from all eras, but one of my favorite historical trends would have to be mid century design. 

Something about mid-century design both for home and fashion has a nostalgic appeal to it and clean open lines which give even a smaller room a sense of space and air. 

This is a typical mid-century inspired living room.  Notice the light bricks on the walls, and clean lines.  This look could be achieved in most spaces, including smaller townhomes or condominiums.  

One of my favorite materials used in mid century design would have to be teak.  Teak is a beautiful, smooth wood which is light golden brown in color, and has a definite nostalgic appeal.  It was very popular during the 1950s and 1960s, and is still used to make furniture today. 

Notice the classic, soft curve of the teak wood in the use of this mid century design floor lamp. 

Another way you can incorporate the vintage elegance of the 1950s is in your wardrobe, particularly where accessories are concerned.  Pearls are not just for your grandmother anymore.  Large, bold pearls are very popular right now, and look fabulous on everything from your Christmas LBD to your power suit.  Oversized, multiple ropes of pearls will add femininity and beauty to virtually every outfit you choose to wear. 

When I think of the 1950s, I can’t help but think about sizzling screen vixen, Marilyn Monroe.  In the 20th Century Fox 1953 film “How to Marry a Millionaire”, Marilyn sports super sexy horn rimmed glasses.  If you haven’t had a chance to see the movie, I can recommend it as one of the ultimate chick flicks ever made.  Starring with Lauren Bacall, Betty Grable and Rory Calhoun (Just to mention a few) Marilyn plays shy fashion model Pola Debevoise.  Not only will it make you laugh, but the movie also is a great way for modern day chicks to get a glimpse of how luxurious the mid century design could be.   

Marilyn looks stunning in her oversized glasses in “How to Marry a Millionaire”

No matter how you do it, everyone can add a little mid-century design into their lives.  It can be something as small as a pair of cultured pearl button earrings, or something as bold as a teak bedroom.  The possibilities are endless, and it will definitely add loads of style to your life.

Image via Wikipedia

For the weekends in November leading up to Black Friday, such stores like Sears and Walmart are offering pre-Black Friday sales.

So, what are this year’s big sales?

Sears

They’ve taken off about $500 for a new big HD TV – although, it’ll still cost you $900.

Also now’s the time to buy a Kenmore Stand Mixer, on sale now for $175.

Walmart

HP Notebook Computer are on sale for $300.

HD Televisions – ranging between $450-$900 depending on size.

Another bonus to shopping at Walmart this month is their deal on turkeys. You can buy a 12-pound turkey for less than 5 bucks!

If you want to avoid the crowds, you’re in luck. Amazon has also begun its holiday sales early. They have lots of deals on electronic items, like TVs and X-Boxes.

But if you’re willing to wait until the official Black Friday, there will of course be other deals you can snatch up (if you’re quick enough). For example, Kmart will be selling TomTom GPS for $80 (one of the hottest gifts last Christmas). 

Image via Wikipedia

So, what are you waiting for? Get your holiday shopping done early for once in your life! And while you’re at it, feel good in knowing that you’re helping our economy – sort of an early Christmas present for America!

As a woman who is proud of reaching the age of 40, I can’t help but still feel like a young, desirable woman still in her twenties.  Back in those earlier, carefree days, labeling the mature, single woman after the powerful mountain cat somehow rendered her to be nothing more than an older, desperately oversexed woman who would devour one hot, young stud after another as they innocently wandered into her neck of the jungle.  She was something to both be marveled and feared; a man eater with insatiable blood lust and sexual appetite to match.   

I am wondering now, at this age, if we haven’t stereotyped older single women unfairly.

While our male counterparts are cheered on and praised for their desire to date young, beautiful women, the cougar should also be commended for her prowess for hot, young boy toys; giving little worry to what others around her may think. 

I think it’s time for older, vibrant women to reclaim the word, and be proud of their cougar status.

With the divorce rate climbing ever higher, there are more cougars on the prowl than ever before.  Expect to see an upsurge of older, financially stable, attractive women ready to compete in the love market.  Of course, antiquated notions still exist in this world, and will probably exist until the end of time but I still think that the Cougar is someone to be admired; a woman who doesn’t allow her age to get in the way of her happiness.  I think it’s fabulous that sexy, powerful women can step out and feel proud of whom they are, not allowing the old double standard to interfere with their happiness.  

In the celebrity world, we see dozens of examples of gorgeous, older stars dating younger actors.

I think of Cameron Diaz with Justin Timberlake, and legendary star Demi Moore dating adorable Ashton Kutcher. 

Reaching the age of forty wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  In many ways, I am a better woman than I was in my twenties.  I am intelligent, experienced and independent.  I don’t need a man to define who I am, or what I do.  I can see why some younger guys would feel compelled to come to us, a refreshing change from needy, insecure younger women.  I should know, because I was once one of them.  Suffice it to say, modern times allows us cougars to leave our homes on a Friday night, dress into our sexiest little black dress, and enjoy ourselves as much as anyone else would.  That, in itself is the most empowering thing of all.   All that is left to say is, Happy Hunting, gals!  

As the roles between men and women blur in our society, so do the dating rules.  Older women put themselves out as being sexy, independent and just as worthy of happiness as anyone else.  She is sure of herself, knows how to flirt, and uses her beauty, intelligence and sophistication to land her next man.  On the flip side, despite what society tells us, young men also enjoy dating older women.  Many young men aptly named “cougar hunters” actively seek out these sleek jungle cats.  Their reasons of seeking out older female partners may vary according to who you speak to;   Some men say that the attraction of the cougar lies less in her confidence, and more in her wallet.  Many cougars have established careers, own their own homes, Mercedes, and have few emotional ties.  The man who is on the search for a woman with money could also be the cougar hunter, the victim suddenly becoming the predator.  The laws of the concrete jungle are always changing and reinventing themselves to suit the needs of those who dwell within its glistening towers.

By: wallyir

It’s bad enough tracking your wife down in a women’s department store at the mall, carefully avoiding the plus-size section so as not to give the impression that you’re actually shopping for yourself. Therefore,  finding her in a panty and bra store presents all kinds of additional logistical problems.

By: wallyir

Yes, by most individuals a panty and bra store is known as a women’s lingerie store, but it’s decorated like Hugh Hefner’s motorcycle room. Part of you wants to just find your wife and leave, but another part wants to appreciate the fabulous talent on display. Let me guess which part will win out.

So you want to get some quality time in this  lingerie store, but you’d rather not get maced or slapped upside of the head. Here are a few simple suggestions to help you enjoy the scenery.

By: wallyir

Do…

… actually walk into the store. Try to avoid standing out front, fogging up the window display with your nose pressed against the glass.

… pretend to look around for your wife as soon as you walk in, bringing your left hand to your face to flash your wedding band. This will emit matrimonial vibes to the other shoppers and give you ample opportunity to check out the giant posters that adorn the walls.

… ask a salesperson if your wife is in a dressing room, rather than squatting down in front of each door to see if you can recognize her by her naked ankles.

… sit perfectly still in the chair by the dressing room and wait for your wife to emerge. Keep your glance downward and your hands a safe distance from your lap.

By: wallyir

Don’t…

… touch, fondle, sniff  or. … giggle like a schoolgirl.

… use the word “panty” under any circumstances.

… ask if they sell anything edible.

By: wallyir

By following these simple suggestions will ensure you qualify as the perfect husband.

Happy Holiday Shopping!  

Rihanna in early 2009 seemed to have it all; a hit record, money, love, acclaim. Everyone was vibing to her hypnotic single “Umbrella” and she was all set to receive awards and accolades from all over the industry. Then, on February 8th, 2009, two of the most up and coming stars of the R&B/Hip-Hop world clashed violently on the way back from a party. Soon, Rihanna’s bruised and battered face was all over the internet. Speculation ran rampant: what caused this young, golden couple to come to such a confrontation? Many rumors where out there, from an argument over cheating to finding out that one of the lover’s had given the other an STD but no one knew for sure what happened, except for the two people involved.

That’s domestic violence. No one outside can really judge or speculate accurately what goes on in an abusive relationship. Why do they stay? Why does he do it? Can they change? Is love enough?

I’ve been a victim. I had a boyfriend named Al (real name) that was very loving, at first. We had a whirlwind romance where within a week he was proposing marriage. He was jealous and possessive. Then he got physical. He’d hit me, beat me, kick me and curse me. He’d apologize. ‘Look what you made me do?’ he’d say. He’d cry with me. He’d acknowledge that he had a temper. ‘I get so angry because I love you so much’ as if strong emotions, good or bad was a good thing.

I don’t know why I bought into it. Maybe it was because I had very few relationships before and had no real frame of reference for what a relationship should be like. All the drama of a “Dynasty” episode? Maybe I wanted to believe his apologies and start fresh; even though we had only just started seeing each other. Low self esteem? Desperation? Loneliness? Naiveté? Sexual desire?

The last straw was when he beat me even though I was carrying his child. The look in his eyes told me that he was enjoyed seeing me in pain. He got a thrill from it. I had to do what any woman has to do in that situation; decide if I wanted to be in that relationship.

Al was never prosecuted for his crimes against me. I never called the police. My neighbors who heard the loud fights and eerie quiet afterward never called. My friends who saw the bruises never spoke about it.

Whether Al had changed his behavior is a mystery. I never saw him again after he left (I would like to say I threw him out, but I didn’t). He could have changed, got help. I felt bad for a long time afterwards that I didn’t get rid of him sooner, or saw the signs. I blamed myself for the beatings he gave me. Rihanna told Diane Sawyer this morning on “Good Morning America” that she went back “eight or nine times” and she was “blinded by love”. I know how that feels. I’m glad she saw the light. Some never do and remain in a dark place.

Then whose fault is it? The abuser or the person who stays? There has been a lot of blaming the victim and coddling of the abuser. The victim feels guilt, once they have the strength to leave, for not leaving sooner. If you leave, it’s a victory. You are only defeated if you stay knowing you should get out.

Stop the violence.