Aphra Behn

Early records of Aphra’s life are hard to come by and there are several opinions that have been put forward as to her birth and her parentage but it seems, in all probability, that Aphra Johnson was born the second daughter of Bartholomew Johnson and Elizabeth Johnson (nee Denham) in the village of Wye near Canterbury in Kent in 1640 and was baptised on 14 December of that year.  Her father, it’s believed, was a barber by trade and her mother was a nurse in the wealthy Colepeper family’s household.

Some time around 1663 she is stated to have visited Suriname in the northern part of South America which is bordered by French Guiana, Guyana, Brazil and the Atlantic Ocean but during the time of Aphra’s visit, Suriname was known as Dutch Guiana.  It’s during this time that she visited a sugar plantation and witnessed first hand the treatment of slaves and, in fact, became friendly with one of the slaves and upon which friendship she’s said to have based one of her most famous novels.

It’s not entirely clear why she initially visited Suriname nor precisely when she returned, but at some stage, possibly around 1664, she met Johan Behn, a Dutch/German merchant and the couple subsequently married  but unfortunately this marriage came to an abrupt end as Johan sadly died.

King Charles II

Aphra lived through extremely politically turbulent times in England and had quite strong beliefs but she certainly didn’t seem to shy away from voicing her opinions, particularly through her literary repertoire!  Based on her writing, she seemed to have followed the Catholic faith and, as a royalist, supported King Charles II.  Indeed by 1666 she had found herself to be a member of the King’s court.  She was so incredibly loyal to the throne that she subsequently acted as a spy, travelling to Antwerp (Belgium).

Unfortunately, Aphra fell on hard times and ended up in the debtor’s prison which led her to take up writing to earn a crust!  In essence, she became a Restoration period JK Rowling, although of course the latter thankfully didn’t find herself in the debtor’s prison.

Nell Gwyn

Aphra’s first successful play was “The Forc’d Marriage” which was first performed around 1670 at The Duke’s Theatre in Lincolns Inn Fields in London but her most successful play, “The Rover” (published in two parts) was produced around 1677 and is thought to be not only a tribute to the Duke of York (a devout Catholic) but also King Charles II.  This latter theory is probably borne out by the fact that, amongst the cast for the play, she chose Charles II’s famous orange selling mistress, Nell Gwyn!!

Aphra wrote a comedic farce “The Emperor of the Moon” around 1667 and, for this work, has been awarded the accolade as possibly being the instigator of our modern day pantomimes, so popular here in the UK during the Christmas period – for those of you who are not aware, basically a pantomime is a farce in which the male hero is acted out by a woman and many of the women are acted out by men.  It’s loved by kids around the country and is known for it’s witty catchphrase “he’s behind you” which kids love to scream out at the poor unwitting hero or heroine when the arch villain suddenly appears behind them.  It normally also contains an “animal” which comprises two men/women in costume, one standing upright as the front half and the other bent over and holding onto the person in front as the back half!!  Having just typed out my description of a panto it sounds utterly perverse, but rest assured, it’s completely innocent and perfect for a family day out!!

Aphra’s best selling novel was “Oroonoko” (around 1688) which took her back to her time in Suriname and her encounter with the slave trade as the main character is an African prince who has been enslaved.

Aphra was undoubtedly a very gifted woman as, not only did she write successful plays and novels but also wrote poetry and  translated French and Latin into English.

Although it was practically unheard of for a woman at the time, Aphra became somewhat of a celebrity.  This was probably not just based on her incredible talent for writing but also for her obvious human rights and sex equality beliefs!

Westminster Abbey, London

Aphra died on 16 April 1689 and was buried in Westminster Abbey in London.  The epitaph on her tombstone reads

“Here lies a Proof that Wit can never be; Defence enough against Mortality”.

I wonder if any of our wannabe writing friends out there will come to lead such a fascinating life?!

You don’t have to please people to get ahead just please yourself? Well, not if you are going to work for or with others. The pressure may be too great not to please but if you are a happy independent writer you don’t need to hang around the fan base and explain what you wrote. The book can speak for itself. Look at Salinger whose Catcher in the Rye still sold many copies even when he went reclusive.

You could just as well generate a friend list on facebook and hardly ever socialize with those contacts or never say hello to them on the street, yet facebook is considered to be the “in” way on meeting or potentially to do so. These are your virtual friends who  for the most part be out of towners, people who you met earlier and keep in touch with now and then.

Some like to think of themselves as self appointed guardians of a new social order and avowing the necessity of the virtual world which for them is a very real way of keeping in contact but for the most part much of what is ‘real’, is still meeting in clubs, bars and and other venues where people can meet face to face. There are those virtual chat rooms where one can even invent a social role and an alias much to the dismay of the recipient if it is undesired or a ploy to gain attention but this would be netter discussed under cyber sites that deal with different needs including those regarding dating and and more intimate purposes.

People are probably just as lonely as before specialized programs for socializing came to the for and people were obliged to go out to the club buy a drink and then wait for some action or solicit the attention of someone at the other corner of the room. Studies are probably being done on how effective social sites are on intenet courtship and friendship bonding and it is safe to say that there is still a lot to be desired no matter how many bells and whistles the site has, no matter of you can speak live and hook up a web-cam for live interaction or whatever. People still want the ability to meet in person and crave recognition that comes with being singled out from a group of guys or girls as the best of the bunch while others could not care less who is more popular than the next. One would expect that meeting in person helps one to be be less anonymous and more present but does it? Some who have met prospective partners over the web may argue that meeting someone genuine over the internet is just as likely to happen as one meets directly, in person.

And conservative families still employ the tradition of having their son or daughter meet their perspective partner through their parents which should also be mentioned here even though one is thinking chiefly of the internet and its potential corruptibility of one has gotten this far. It all depends  on what your values are. Socializing then as has been mentioned earlier may then be limited or unavailable and the person may end up as lonely as before the encounter because of parental interference.

On the other habd if the person is under age and has not yet differentiated between the world of the internet and the real world it is advisable for an adult to explain that the pressures attached to being ridiculed for one behavor or another on the internet should not mean that the youth jusge himself severely. Often enough this can be equivalent to on-line bullying and the parent can step in ad see what is troubling the youth when he is disturbed after a ‘friendly exchange’ that has gone wring whether through the internet or in the real world. Bullying is hot topic today and needs to be addressed especially when severe repercussions can cause am irreversable reaction such as suicide.

“Company twelve, cardiac arrest,” crackled my portable scanner. The dispatcher said the emergency was just across the state line, something like only two miles (3.2 km) from my base, Flintstone Volunteer Fire Company. However, I knew there would be no one available. It was day time and our medical membership were at jobs they could not get away from. I was the only medically trained volunteer available at that moment-and I was fifteen miles (24 km) out from our station.

As I headed toward base, I heard the call repeated. If it was a definite cardiac arrest surely only God would be able to help that person. To my knowledge, biological death sets in around ten minutes.

I forget how and when, but I was able to make a phone call to Allegany County dispatch and told them I knew for sure no one from Flintstone could respond but me. They immediately dispatched an ambulance crew from Oldtown, which met me on the way. I knew the exact location of the person’s home and I was the only CRT available at that moment in the area.

We arrived, did what we were trained to do and continued medical aid as we took him to the hospital. He did not survive.

Though sad, I was impressed with how he died. He had his heart attack while serving lunch to his bedridden wife. His wife had been ailing over the years, but never once, to my knowledge, did he utter the word d-iv- -or-c-e (1). Though he kept busy working hard, he always made time for his wife.

That’s is why I was taken aback when his daughter said it was terrible that he died in front of his wife. I think I gently spoke up that time and said that was one of the best ways to die. He was busy, and was dedicated to his wife.

Christ stated (Mark 10:9), “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” That is a command, not a suggestion.

Being TRULY in Christ is the foundation for a victorious marriage. I have written a number of pages for the married. A few years ago on Triond I had published an article about the agape type of love in marriage as well as its special bond that it can create if we permit it.

If you are married, or are considering marriage, I encourage you to be like the gentleman I have described in this article. He was faithful to his wife, did not leave her when she was ill, and passed from this life as he lovingly served her. What way to live. What a way to go!

Notes:

1 This word was broken apart on purpose to avoid unwanted ads.

God willing, this shall be part of my Bible GemLight series as pyrope006.

Executive Summary

This book is designed for women in the business world who haven’t learned the rules to the game men have been playing for years. Gail Evans gives a descriptive outline for women on how they should conduct themselves in the business world where it’s male dominated. As women, we grew up playing games that involve everyone winning and if they weren’t, we would make a way for everyone to win. Unlike men, who grow up believing there’s only one mission or goal to any game…WIN!! This is the first difference we notice between men and women at a young age. Another fact that the author mentions in this book is at one time women didn’t work outside of the home. During this time is when men made up the rules in the business. When women finally were allowed to enter into the business world, we were thrown into the rules. Women now account for over 46 percent of the total U.S labor force.  Though we occupy a fair percentage of the business world, we will only start to prosper once we familiarize ourselves with the rules to the game.

The main objective of this book is to teach women the rules of the game first then show them how to play smarter and win using their own unique techniques. She demonstrates this by giving readers different scenarios that go on in the office and shows the responses given by men and women. Afterwards, she gives advice on how the situation could be handled better. Ultimately, Gail Evans believes that every woman should know the basic rules so that she can understand the consequences in each action she makes. In this book she guides women on how to begin to learn and understand this concept.

The Ten Things Business Women Need to Know from Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman

   
1.    Learn the rules to the game- In the business world, men have made rules that women have yet to fully understand. This is based on the fact that men made these rules before women entered into the work field. The author of this book states that once women learn the rules of the game they will prosper and begin to play it better by adding their own unique values.

2.    Speak out- Many women feel by doing a great job at work, the work will speak for itself. This is not necessarily the case in the business world. Though your work will be recognized, it cannot get you the promotion that you want. If there’s something that you want or feel that you deserve, speak up about it! Chances are you will get it if you really earned it but without actually expressing that you’re interested doesn’t help.

3.    Don’t expect to make friends- Men understand that once they enter into the office the game begins and no one is no longer your friend, you must play to win for yourself. They also understand outside of the office, friendships can resume. Women must learn this rule in order to advance in the business world because everyone cannot be your friend and we’re accustomed to creating and keeping long-term friendships.

4.    Take a risk- In business, you don’t get ahead without taking some risk along the way. Men are used to taking risk since a young age. Women are often times scared of risk because we allow ourselves to think about the consequences prior to us taking the actually risk, this causes us to sometimes avoid it all together. In the book the author says today’s failures can pave the way to tomorrow’s success. If women begin to believe this statement, risk can become easier to take.

5.    Toot you own horn-It’s not a problem if women take pride in their accomplishments out loud. You should always be able to acknowledge your good work and not ashamed to tell others about it. Men boast about their achievement all the time and like to be recognized for them.  Women should have the same mindset.

6.    Accept Uncertainty- There’s a saying that says, “Fake it until you make it”. Women should learn to use this concept when it comes to business. We are programmed to believe if we don’t know the answer to something or if we are unclear about it, we should stay quiet until we have the correct answer. Men don’t allow themselves to think that way; they take the risk of sometimes guessing and learning as they go to get to the right answer to solve a problem. Many times the outcome of this concept is triumphing over your competition.

7.    Be an Imposter- As a woman, it’s our intuition to plan things out to be close to perfect as we can get it. In business, there is no such thing as anything being perfect. We have convinced ourselves that if we prepare well and begin to know everything about everything in a business we are sure to get ahead. By allowing ourselves to believe this can potentially hurt us. No one will know everything they need to know about a business, there’s always something someone will ask that we may not have an answer to, but it’s ok. You just have to be confident enough to know that you deserve to be were you are in a company and just because you may not have all the answers or know how to tackle a new assignment right away doesn’t mean that you are an imposter.

8.    Don’t Anguish-There’s a thing such as a “poker face” in business. Men have been using this style in business for years; even when the odds are against them, they look as if they will win. Women are more emotional beings than men and we tend to express our true feelings more than they do. In business, this is a pitfall for women. If you don’t know something, you play it off as you do. Having confidence goes a long way in business and so does your ability to improvise in tough situations. If you must anguish, do it in private.

9.    Don’t assume responsibility without authority-Being leaders is one of the roles women know how to perform very well. With dealing with family life on top of other things, it comes natural to most women. In business however, we should never assume a role or offer our services without first knowing if it’s a possible career opportunity and being clear that you’re making a trade-off. Many women fall victim to taking on responsibilities without being offered any incentives and in the end we become upset when our hard work isn’t recognized.  

10.    Sit at the table-Often in companies, women feel as though only the key players can sit at the table when it comes to business meetings and social gatherings. If you want to be heard and recognized, sit at the table with the Big Guys. Men have no problem with sitting at the table because they allow themselves to believe they deserve to be in that seat. Having confidence to know that you are just as important as anyone else in the room helps you move up in the company. Make your presence known everywhere.

Full Summary of Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman

I. Introduction

   
In the Gail Evans starts out with a discussion involving how many women she speaks to after a conference that feel overwhelmed, lost, angry, baffled, and stuck at their business. They have feelings of being able to go so far in the business world and not getting any further up the corporate ladder. After hearing the complaints from the women, she simply asked them one question, have they taken any action towards solving the problem? Most of the women reply by saying “no”. She then gets into before you can change the rules to the game you must first learn the directions. Just as you would read the directions manual to a game before you start to play it, is the same way you should take on a business if you plan to proceed forward. Many women are at a disadvantage, however, due to the fact we had no input in making such rules. During the time where a woman’s job was simply to take care of the household, the men were at work making up rules for the industry. Now since we have entered into the industry were women account for over 46 percent in the labor force, we are forced to improvise, bluff, and guess in certain situations at the office. As we slowly begin to climb the ladder of success we still face challenges and disadvantages that men tend to get by on. Even some of the top women of Fortune 500 companies make less money then the men that hold the same position. A woman’s compensation ranges from $201,001 to 4.9 million. Men on the other hand earn form $220,660 to 31.29 million. All top female executives earn 68 cents of every dollar a male executive earns. The reality of today is that many women will resume a position of power once she starts or inherit her own business. The question of what should women do then comes up. A fair answer would be easy if both men and women were born with similar extinct for social skills. As women, we carry a more nurturing spirit unlike men. We feel that we have to take care of everything for everyone and have things go as they should, even if it’s out of our control. Girls grew up playing with one or two other girls and the objective to any game played was to walk away with building a friendship rather than winning. Boys usually played with a larger group of boys and the objective to any games was to WIN! So, the thoughts of how competitions work were very different in the eyes of women and men at a young age. Since the men created the rules in business and because women are trying now to be effective competitors, they will prosper only after becoming familiar with the rules for the game.
The object of the game
In business you always want to feel comfortable and have a sense of accomplishment. Many people would agree whiten I say that the more you love your job the more productive you are throughout the workday. You will feel a sense of enjoyment when you have to go to work; this is the ultimate winner in the game. If you make the most money and or powerful in your company you cant say you’ve fully won if you hate what you do every single day. Women begin to play as the men do once they can love their business like. This becomes self- powering when you can do this and it also helps to improve the chance of rising to the top.

II. Four Ground Rules

A. You Are Who You Say You Are
    In the game of business you will do well only if you make your decisions from a position of power rather than a position of weakness. As women, we sometimes take on the role of being passive and it’s probably because it’s the one most often taken by our primary role model, our mothers. We must learn to take charge of our own business like and begin sending out the equivalent message about ourselves.
B. One Prize Doesn’t Fit All
    As women we find ourselves concerned about everyone around us first and then we focus on ourselves. Today, more women are being to turn the focus on themselves by finding things they love to do. In this section of the book you find that many women will stay at a company longer or in a position longer if they love what they do, compared to men. You are the ultimate winner win you find a job you love to do instead of just working at a place you hate based on how much compensation you make. By allowing ourselves to be fulfilled by what we do compared to what we make, we are no longer playing the game men would play.
C. Work Isn’t A Sorority
    As young girls, women are use to playing games with the objective of building stronger relationship. When entering into a business the first thought is usually to make friends with fellow co-workers for some women. This is not exactly what you come to work to do but it can be beneficial for women to exercise building relationships when it comes to the clientele in the business.
D. You’re Always the Mother, Daughter, Wife, or Mistress
    Upon entering into a business many women will be placed into one of the four categories. Each one of them have their own unique benefits but it important that women try to stay away from being placed in any one of them. The role of the daughter is profitable but you will never be seen as an equal. If you decide to advance your career and it involves you transferring somewhere else, simply let the “father figure” know that you appreciate where he has got you and ask for his support in you moving forward. The role as the wife is considered the hardest because though you are considered an equal, any wrong word or phrase can shut you out. The mother, if you had to choose, would be the best. It is a traditional role and since you are look at as a “mother”, a boss wouldn’t fire his mother. So, there is some power in this role but it’s only covert only. The mistress is considered the risk taker but you might find yourself walking the tightrope of sexual tension.

III. Preparing To Play

A. Learn the Playing Field
    Women view the playing field in the office as one of a circle when it is, however a pyramid. We tend to want to focus on everything in the office as if we would in our personal lives. Men separate personal life from business life. Women find the comfort in the company’s culture than the position itself. Remembering that your relationship with your workplace is one of the most important relationships in your life.
B. Getting Picked for the Team
    Growing up, women weren’t always taught the best way to sell themselves as men were. When trying to stand out in the workplace, let your presence be known. You can do this by finding ways to exude self-assurance and physical presence and by not acting in ways that confirm any stereotypes given for women. Every move counts, even a simply handshake, so we should make sure there the right moves.
C. Wear the Right Uniform
    A woman’s wardrobe in a business is a crucial factor to our presentation and success as well. Men can simply wear a suit and look the part. Women must make sure that their clothes convey a message saying that they’re suited up and ready to play. Wardrobe can also be used as strategy for women. You should dress for the team but do it with self-confidence, creativity, and within range of your own comfort.
D. Set the Right Goal
    The mark of a good player is one who has the ability to improvise. With sticking to a specific plan with specific goals limits your ability to do so. Any flexible goals allow for new possibilities but sometimes goals stop those possibilities. Having a vision creates them. Therefore, you should combine a good a good strategic plan with a vision.

IV. How to Keep Score

    Men will always keep score in business. From the size of their office, the size of his staff, the size of his salary, the size of anything that can be measured. Women, however, don’t think as men do when it comes to keeping score. They are perceived by men in a lesser way when they don’t.

V. Playing The Game: Fourteen Basic Rules For Success

    In order to play any game, especially the business game, as men do women must first understand the difference between how he plays the game and how they play it. They must understand that his way of playing is the accepted way for the time being. You can then decide if you want to change the way you play.

1. Make a Request
    The only way you can get what you want is by asking. Men make request all the time even if they suspect they’re going to get an unfavorable answer. They don’t allow themselves to personalize the “no” and they’ll keep trying. Women often personalize situations, they hear no as a comment of their abilities and a sign of a failed relationship between superiors.
2. Speak Out
    Men speak out as much as possible. Women can get more concerned about making a mistake or losing face, so this causing them to not speak out. If you don’t talk no one will know you are there.
3. Speak Up
    When men play competitive games they will say what they must as forcefully as the situation warrants. Women are looked at as being too timid, too evasive, or too unsure of themselves. They shouldn’t ask for permission to speak but put some strength around any statement you want to be heard. Conditional talk doesn’t have much power, women must learn to use their voice effectively even if this means taking a course in presentation skills that will train them and allow most voices to become more powerful, more effective in business situation.
4. Toot Your Own Horn
    Getting ahead involves getting noticed. Women should being to take credit for their accomplishments. They should learn to be their own personal PR in a way that’s comfortable for them. Begin to use intuition and learn to bluff as men do.
5. Don’t Expect to Make Friends
    Work is not about making friends than a tough competitive sport is. Men are aware of this rule. They understand that business is business, personal is personal. When they have a disagreement amongst one another they don’t see it as being un-supportive, uncaring, or disloyal.
6. Accept Uncertainty
    Women assume they get ahead because they have done a better job than anyone else. This causes an adopted perfectionist model for women. They don’t say they know something unless they are completely confident that they do. Men start the game with confidence and this allows them a much better chance of triumphing.
7. Take a Risk
    Men are encouraged at a young age to take changes. Women were raised to avoid such situation that is potentially dangerous. In business you can’t get ahead without making risky moves.
8. Be an Imposter
    Women will enter into the workforce believing the only way to advance is to master their subjects backwards and forward. When they make presentation they make sure everything is covered and nothing has been overlooked. The problem with being over prepared is that no one can possible know everything. That makes everyone an imposter. Men, however, use improvisation and self-confidence to get them by.
9. Think Small
    Women become overwhelmed often just by trying to juggle too much at one time. Men take one thing at a time, concentrate on it, and finish it, and moves on to the next assignment. Men are able to work like this because the larger picture doesn’t distract them.
10. Follow the team leader
    Women have problems with this because of the games they are use to playing. Everyone is considered an equal is the circle of women. They must learn to play with the big picture in mind and learn to trust the team and its members. Everyone has a unique talent they bring to the table so women should learn to take advantages of those resources surrounded by them.
11. Don’t Anguish
    Men will wear their game face to the game. Even when the odds are against them, they still try to look as if they’re going to win. Women are brought up to be nice and in turn they want everyone else to be nice. They anguish openly when they should anguish in private.
12. Don’t assume responsibility without authority
    This is a prime issue women face in business. They offer services without making sure the task brings career opportunities. When offering services they should make sure they are making a trade-off.
13. Sit at the Table
    If women want to be recognized as a key player in the game they must sit at the table. Men understand to be seen and heard they must do this because being seen is only half the battle. Make your present felt and fully present.
14. Laugh
    Men have learned time ago that humor could cut the tension in any situation. Women’s humor can be much different from men’s. It leans more toward the observational and situational.

VI. Six Things Men Can Do at Work That Women Can’t

    As women, it known that we’re emotional beings, we like to carry our weight plus the weight of others on our shoulders because we are also nurturing spirits. In this section of the book the author breaks down six things men are allowed to do at work that women cannot. These six things include:

• They can cry. You can’t
• They can have sex. You can’t
• They can fidget. You can’t
• They can yell. You can’t
• They can have bad manners. You can’t
• They can be ugly. You can’t

These are all the things women are expected to do differently and as the players that are learning the rules of the game, it is important that we follow them as written until they find ways to make their own rules better.

VII. He Hears, She Hears: Ten Gender bender Vocabulary Words

    In life men and women usually have different meanings are understandings to words than one another. The same goes for business. In this section the author list ten words that both men and women hear and explains the differences from each gender.
The list include words like as:

• Yes (Exactly what it means)
• No (Not what it means)
• Hope (The worst word in the game)
• Guilt (It means trouble)
• Sorry (It’s a sorry word)
• Aggressive (It’s not assertive)
• Fight (It’s not a pretty word)
• Game (a.k.a: Fun)
• Glass Ceiling (Their phrase, not ours)
• Future (Then and now)

VIII. The Final Two Rules

1. Be a woman
    Women should use every natural trait they have. They should use a win/win attitude about life to make everyone surrounded by them feel like a valued member of the team. They must use their social skills to get them ahead of the game. Most of all, they must use their intuition, it’s the most powerful tool a women has in the marketplace.
2. Be yourself
    This rule not only applies to women but to everyone. Women should find a comfortable fit between who they are and the environment in which they work. If they apply all these rules and begin to learn the rules of the game in business, there’s no way anyone can stop them for making it to the top to win the game!

The Video Lounge

http://premierespeakers.com/Gail_Evans/video/1996

In this video clip, Larry King on Larry King Live interviews Gail Evans where she talks about her book Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman. She describes the concept behind the book and why she decided to write it for women in corporate America.  As an established Executive Vice President of CNN, she felt the need to share her experiences in the business world and what she felt women should know to succeed in their current job positions and future advancements.

Personal Insights

With business conditions today, what the author wrote is still true based on the fact that business is still male-dominated. The number of women present in the workforce has increased over the years but rarely will you see a lot of women at the top of the food chain in business. Most women will get just close enough and then reach the forbidden zone or the “glass ceiling” which is an imaginary barrier placed above women that get higher every time we break one.

If I were the author of the book, I would have done these three things differently:

1.    Given more scenarios- Gail Evans gives scenarios throughout the book on the different titles and subtitles. I would have liked if she could have provided a few more examples, as they were very useful for myself and other readers of the book. Each scenario created a visual for myself and showed how I could handle thing differently if placed in the same situations

2.     Elaborate more on how women can still have time for the rest of their lives once they reach the top- Women feel once they reach a certain point in their careers they may not have time for anything else in there lives. This is completely false. Men who are CEO’s and executives have families and engage in personal activities outside of the office so a woman can do the same thing. As women, we tend to want to do for everyone but sometimes forget to do for ourselves. If we allow our minds to believe we can have a position as a CEO of a company and still maintain our personal lives, we can succeed in doing so.

3.    Made the book longer- This book really is interesting in all aspects of business. It’s a handbook for women to give them a guide on how to succeed in a business world that is male-dominated. I think this probably covered all the aspects of what women should know but I still would like more to read about! I would recommend that every female in corporate America, retail, etc read this book to gain personal insight from a women who has experienced these situations first hand.

Reading this book made me think differently about the topic in these ways:

1.    Classification- Once you enter the workforce you have no idea that you could possibly be put under one of the labels Gail Evans list in this book. After reading this section of the book, I realized that each role is easily recognizable so that if you find yourself beginning to fit into one of them, you can find a way to get out. The role as the mother is said to be one of the better ones out of all of them because you have somewhat of a loyalty to the company and will most likely hold a position longer than anyone else. However, you rarely see women that play this role advance in the company.

2.    Emotions- Women are emotional beings and sometimes we may express this emotion too often. Since men aren’t considered to be emotional, it becomes acceptable for them to have mild emotional periods in the office without anyone perceiving them as being “too emotional”. I learned that sometimes it’s better to express your thoughts of being overwhelmed in private. Don’t allow your emotions to get the best of you.

3.    Work doesn’t’ speak for itself- If I want to get ahead in any business I have to learn to voice my opinions and ideas. I can’t rely on my work to speak on its own but rather I speak up about what I want for myself. If there’s a position in a company I feel I would be great for, I must speak up and show my interest in it. My work will only verify that I’m well qualified for the position of interest.

I’ll apply what I’ve learned in this book in my career by:

1.    Learning the rules-Once I learn the rules of the game of business I will be able to play the game on my own terms while still getting ahead. I will think back to this book and realize business is exactly what it says it is, business. You can’t always make friends and be afraid to speak up in career changing situations. You should always be prepared for anything in the game of business.

2.    Learning the meaning behind “No”- I must understand that in business “no” just means not at the current time. I must always strive to improve and research where I’m trying to get in my career. Once I have all my information ready for presentation I’ll present my claim again and the “no” may turn into a “yes”.

3.    Learn to take risk- In any aspect of your life risk may be difficult to take especially after weighing out the consequences of your actions. After reading this book I find it necessary to take risk throughout business to get ahead. Risk can only pave the way for future success.

Here is a sampling of what others have said about the book and its author:

#1 I thought this book was going to be really lame, but my life coach who I have enlisted to help me find some direction INSISTED that I read it. Actually she insisted that I read it, dog ear pages, underline, and write in the margins! I had previously read “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office,” and assumed it would be similarly well-intentioned but ineffectual. However, once I picked it up and started reading, it was like it was describing my life. I work in a field that is pretty male-dominated, and in an office that has hardly any females in my position. I realized that what I have been doing (and why I have been so frustrated with my job) is the equivalent of playing Monopoly without having read the directions with a bunch of people who already know how to play. And I’m not talking about the subject matter–I passed the bar exam the same as everyone else here. I mean the WAY you play the game. I would recommend this to any woman who is currently feeling isolated or frustrated in her career or for that matter any woman who wants to move forward in her career.

#2 This one is the real deal. Despite its goofy title, Gail gives concrete examples of how things play out in Corporate America, and her personal experiences are right on. I find the representation of corporate life as a competition with men, and of corporate women as nitwits, somewhat distasteful, but it helped her keep her messages simple.
#3 The knowledge that men and women function differently isn’t new and there are plenty of books on the topic already. Most of the books I’ve read on the subject do a great job of identifying our differences and how men and women communicate or socialize but aren’t so good at discussing anything real about how we behave in the workplace. Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman is all about how we work, how we are perceived and motivating factors for success. Gail Evans is my new hero on the topic of career success for women. She writes from her own experience with real life anecdotes from other men and women in management roles. Her style is very easy to read, pleasantly candid, and often humorous which really is refreshing for this type of book. I find a lot of books on gender relations to be overly serious and a bit too textbook for my taste. Evans also counsels women to be themselves and not try to be men but to retain uniquely female qualities such as intuition and emotional intelligence, something that can be lacking from women working at executive level these days. This book is an excellent resource for women in business at any level but particularly useful for new grads or women working in entry level roles who don’t have a great deal of experience with the politics and strategy of dealing with men in management roles. This would also be an extremely valuable read for any men working in a classic male dominated hierarchic management structure with a predominantly female workforce (i.e. health, education).

After looking at these three reviews you can see that everyone has similar feels on what they feel the book teaches other women in the work force. Though the title may throw some people off, it does grab your attention to explore what the author has to say.
Many women can relate to the topics and discussions that Gail Evans presented in her book. Her style of writing is easy to read and understand, which is a plus, considered the type of book it is. The message is very clear about learning the rules of the game and working to succeed once you have learned them.

Bibliography

Charlotte. (2008, June). Retrieved from http://www.goodreads.com/book/ show/ 176681.Play_Like_a_Man_Win_Like_a_Woman

Crittenden, J. (2000). My Book Reviews: The Discrete Guide for Executive Women. Retrieved from http://discretguide.com/book-reviews/

Evans, G. (2000). “Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman”.

Premier Motivational Speakers Bureau. (1996). Retrieved from http://premierspeakers.com/Gail_Evans/video/1996

(2007, March 19). Retrieved from http://www.fishpond.co.nz/Books/Play-Like-Man-Win-Like-Woman-Gail-Evans/9780767904636

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Contact Info

To contact the author of this article, “Management by the Book: An Overview of Play Like A Man, Win Like A Woman by Gail Evans for Practicing and Aspiring Managers” please email Shannon.pope@selu.edu.

About the Publisher  

David C. Wyld (dwyld.kwu@gmail.com) is the Robert Maurin Professor of Management at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana. He is a management consultant, researcher/writer, and executive educator. His blog, Wyld About Business, can be viewed at http://wyld-business.blogspot.com/. He also serves as the Director of the Reverse Auction Research Center (http://reverseauctionresearch.com/), a hub of research and news in the expanding world of competitive bidding. Dr. Wyld also maintains compilations of his student’s publications regarding:

• management concepts (http://toptenmanagement.blogspot.com/)
• book reviews (http://wyld-about-books.blogspot.com/) and
• international foods  (http://wyldaboutinternationalfoods.blogspot.com/)                                             

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When you make a date with a guy you like, of course you want to end up with success. Here are some tips to guide you during a date.

It is important in getting a date is to present a romantic side. Notmany women could be creating an intimate atmosphere while dating a man’s dream.

For that, follow these steps to make your first date continues, as quoted from loving you.

1. Appearance on the first date is crucial. Customize your appearance with a goal date. Do not be too excessive, generallymen like feminine clothes and simple.

2. Delivering the sentence praising his performance. Smallcompliment to the clothing worn or perfume can improve mood and confidence.

3. When eye contact is an important moment. Do not forget to givethe occasional smile when face her.

4. Men are very pleased to be praised. If he is doing more businessor things that make you happy, tell the truth. This could make him feelworthless.

5. Give a little surprise or gift in accordance with his favorite. No need something expensive or hard to come by, his favorite musicCD compilation could be an option.

6. Be a good listener. Men love to talk about himself, take advantage of this moment to recognize him even further. Do not dominate the conversation and make it boring.

7. If the date goes well and you like it, make sure he knows how you feel. You can express it in writing via sms or email as soon as theend date.

Executive Summary

    There are many ways to define the characteristics of a woman. There are different versions of a woman and the way that women should act in life. “Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman” by Gail Evans is an amazing book that explains the rules and game of being a woman in the male-dominated business world. She teaches women how to play the game to make it to the top, without changing who they are. I really enjoyed reading this book and learning so much. I didn’t just learn the rules of the business; I also learned many things about myself as a young woman. Gail Evans begins this book with the object of the game of business. The object of the game is to win. At the end of the day, everyone must remember that in order to succeed in the business world. So many women have different reasons for playing the game, besides winning. Women tend to focus more on other objectives such as making long-life friends and making everyone happy. Men are very different from women. Men are focused on one thing, winning. Also, Gail Evans gives the four ground rules needed to succeed as a woman in the business world. Just like any other job or game, there are rules. Women have to learn certain rules in the business world in order for them to stand out and become winners. Because men and women grow up differently, they look at things differently. The aspects of life and work are completely different. Gail explains how women are supposed to use those aspects of life to become successful. Later in the book, Gail explains how to prepare to play the game. Without preparation, most things that people try to achieve in life are unsuccessful. Being prepared is crucial and very important in the business. If you are not prepared, someone else is. The business can be very dirty and dog-eat-dog. So it is very important to always be prepared. As the book continues,  it discusses keeping the score, Playing the Game: 14 basic rules for success, 6 things Men can do at work that women can’t, He Hears, She Hears: 10 Gender bender vocabulary words, How to enter and exit the game, and the 2 final rules. This is the information being explained in this book. It is the guide to helping women become successful in the male-dominated world of business.

The Ten Things Managers Need to Know from Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman  

   
1.    The Object of the Game: Even though men and women have similar traits as humans. It is clear that women and men think different. Gail Evans explains that women must learn the object of the game in order to succeed. The object of the game is to win and be successful, but in the process of winning a woman must love the job that she is doing.  If a woman is satisfied financially, but doesn’t love what she is doing she is losing. What is the point of working if you don’t love your job?

2.    Four Ground Rules: There are four ground rules to playing the game in the business world. Those four rules are: You are who you say you are, one prize doesn’t fit all, Work isn’t a sorority, and you’re always a mother, daughter, wife, or mistress. Gail goes into detail to explain to women that there are rules that we have to follow as women in order to dominate men.

3.    Preparing to Play: Just like we have to prepare for any other game such as chess, checkers, football, and basketball, we also have to prepare for the business world. Men are already immune to playing games and being competitive. On the other hand, women are not as prepared. Gail explains that in order to prepare we must learn the playing field, check out the team culture, get picked for the team, wear the right uniform, and set the right goals. Any woman that learns this information will be prepared to play.

4.    How To Keep Score:  Gail explains that while playing the game you must make sure that you identify your goal and strive to achieve it. Women must know what they want and how to do it. Women must know the difference between how men play the game and how women play the game, recognize that for now the way men play is the accepted way, and decide if they want to change the way they play the game.

5.    Playing The Game: A woman must learn how to play the game the same way the men play. If women continue to allow men overpower them, they will never move forward on the corporate ladder. Gail gives 14 basic rules for success to help women learn how to play the game.

6.    Six Things Men Can Do At Work That Women Can’t:  Men and women think very different, so of course their rules cause a debate between men and women. Women need to be aware of these six things that men can do: They can cry, have sex, fidget, yell, have bad manners, and be ugly.

7.    10 Gender-bender Vocabulary Words: In the business world words seem to have a different meaning, especially between men and women. Women need to know how to interpret certain words, and be able to react the right way. The 10 words that women need to know are: Yes, No, Hope, Guilt, Sorry, Aggressive, Fight, Game, Glass ceiling, and Future.  

8.    How to Enter and Exit the Game: Once a woman has a place in the business world and she know the rules, she must then know when it is time to leave. Also, a woman must know when it is time to move on to a better position. Women must know when to take risk in order to show men that they are determined and will not settle for less.

9.    Be a Woman: Even though the business world is male dominated, women must remember to never change. As women, we know certain things about life and work that men don’t know. Women can’t be afraid to speak and state their opinions. We must remember that our compassion, concern, and caring ways are advantages as well.

10.    Be Yourself: Gail makes it very clear that in order to be successful, you must remember to be yourself. Women have to accept themselves for whom and what they are before they can enjoy work and life. Everyone, male or female, must love themselves before anything. Anyone that pretends to be someone else is only making themselves miserable and the people around them. Others can tell when someone is being “fake”.

Full Summary of Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman

Introduction

    It the beginning of the book Gail Evans explains what made her write this book. As a successful business woman Gail has come across many women just like her that come to her for advice. They all would basically say the same thing.  The women feel trapped and lost in the business world. They are angry because they don’t know what to do in order to move forward. They feel as though me while are rule the business world and we as women will have to just play the rule they give us. At the end of the day, it is true that women are at a disadvantage. Women have always dealt with disadvantages in the labor force. In 1950 women only accounted for 29.6 % of the labor force. Women have now moved up to 46% of the United States labor force. In 1999, of 11,681 corporate officers in America’s top 500 companies only 11.9 were women. Also, 496 out of 500 companies have male CEOs. Women also have a disadvantage financially. Top female officer’s salary ranges between $210,001 to $4.96 million, while men earn between $220,660 to $31.29 million. As you can see, there is a huge difference between men and women. Outside of the corporate world, I still see where men are paid more than women are. In my life, I see where there are specific jobs that are made for men and women. I understand that men are made to do physical labor work, but there are some women who can do it. Even with our economy going through financial issues, men are still paid more than men and it is easier for them to find a job. The reality is that a woman is most likely to hold a position of power only if she starts the business or inherits it. Of course, every woman asks the same question, “What can-and should-a woman do?”  Gail explains that answers is not simple, it’s not something that is written in black and white. The way men and women think and are raised plays a very important role. She talks about her children as babies, and how they would react to certain things was completely different. When she would feed them, the girl would feel, touch, suck, and then close her eyes. On the other hand, the boy just sucked, filled his diaper, and went to sleep. The girl wanted a social connection, while the boy just wanted to get full. The same thing happens when boy and girls get older. Boys like to play sports to win and be competitive, while most women are more concerned with building friendships. Because men are so competitive, they know the game and make the rules. Now that women want to become more competitive they must learn the rules of the game in order to create their own game.

Chapter 1: The Object Of The Game

    In chapter 1, Gail begins with a quote from Joan Baez that states Action is the antidote to despair. In my opinion, this quote means if you want something, do something to get it. In order to get what you want, you have to know the object of it. Women must know the ultimate object of the game. According to Gail the object is to feel great about what you do. Doing what you want fulfills you and that is how you truly win.  What is point of working if you are not happy? I have always heard that your career is what you do that makes you happy, your job is just what you have to do to get there. I know that everything that we do is not going to make us happy, but we must be happy with ourselves in order to enjoy life. Gail thinks that the ultimate winner is the person that loves his or her work, not the person with the most power or fame. There are so many people that have very important titles and are success, but they are unhappy. At the end of the day, we must remember that money doesn’t rule the world. Being happy and loving life and being true to you is the key to winning the game. Loving what you do gives you self-confidence and self-empowerment. It also you to vision things and be that creative person you know you are. This all helps women climb the corporate ladder. Men on the other hand, just want to get to the top and get rich. In the end, women can’t play the game well if they don’t enjoy playing it.

Chapter 2: Four Ground Rules

    In Chapter 2, Gail explains the four ground rules to playing the game. Women must learn the differences between them and men in order to play the game. The more those women understand men, the more power they will gain. Ignorance is never bliss, and you can never know too much. The first ground rule is: You Are Who You Say You Are. Everyone is different, but everyone must remember to stay true to who you are. Women tend to mix business and pleasure in ways that they shouldn’t.  Women focus on family, while men focus more on their career. Women have to learn how to make tough, smart decision between family and work.  The one thing that a woman should not do is make herself the victim. Every woman has a choice, she just need to learn how to make the right one. If a woman doesn’t like her job, she should quit. Many women are comfortable with the life they have because it is traditional. Women are the ones who take care of the kids, cook dinner, and buy groceries, and work; while men just work. In order to get out of the same routine, a woman has to say and do something about it. The second rule is: One Prize Doesn’t Fit All. What this means it that men and women see success differently. Men think that if they have a nice car, house, and a happy family everything else is good. Women want more sense of fulfillment. It is true that women are more emotional than men. Women are starting to learn to pay attention to the needs of themselves and others, instead of just others. This is definitely going to help when reach the top of the corporate ladder in the future. But in the process women have to know that there will be consequences because the way they play the game is different from me. The third rule is: Work Isn’t A Sorority. Women have a natural instinct to go into a situation wanting to form relationships and friendships and men don’t. Women have to understand that you can’t always mix business with pleasure.  Some women will not hire someone else just because they don’t like that person. That is not the way the system works. Women’s relationship skills may be the way to greater success, only if they learn how to balance it. The last rule is: Your Always, a Mother, Daughter, Wife, or Mistress. At the end of the day, a woman is still a woman. Gail explains the four roles and what a woman should and shouldn’t do at her workplace. First there is the daughter, a daughter in the workplace is a woman that will be exposed to people and places that others don’t see. Like a real dad, that woman will be taken care of. On the other hand, the downside is the fact the men never think of their daughters as equals or bosses. As time goes you will continue to remain in that same position. The next role is Wife, which is the hardest role. In this situation the woman can be accepted as an equal, but the male may treat the situation as a real marriage. If a boss has had problems at home and the woman comes in to work nagging, he may take out his frustration on that woman. The advantage of the role as wife is that the boss speaks to her on his personal time. The next role is the mother. The mother role is more traditional for an older woman. This role normally fits a secretary that has worked at a particular for over 30 years. It is someone with the same position for over a decade. The problem with this role is that the woman will not move up. The advantage is that a boss can never fire his mother. The final role is Mistress. This role is very tricky and goes with mixing business and pleasure. A woman that involves herself with her boss and causes sexual tension is very risky. The advantage is that she gets to make decisions and move up faster than others. The disadvantage is that if she ever gets caught the consequences may be termination and a bad reputation. These are the four rules that a woman must know to play the game.

Chapter 3: Preparing To Play

    In this chapter Gail explains that the work game is played on a board that has the shape of a triangle. As you know, the further you get to the top of the triangle the smaller it becomes. The advantage of this triangle is the clear line of authority. Everyone knows their role and what it takes to get there. The problem is that women seem to look at the business in more of a circle form.  Women tend to want to form relationships and let everyone work together as a team. When everyone has the freedom of speech there is no leader. No company can be run without a leader. Women have to find a way to use our relationship skills to their advantage. This is called learning to play the field.  The next thing a woman needs to do is check out the team culture. This explains how women use their feelings in choosing their career. Value of a company is very important to women. Women care about the total package just like in life. Happiness is important and makes for a happy work place. Your environment is very important, so you should pay attention to learning and getting to know others. The next thing to do is get picked for the team. This is where women need to learn to become more outspoken. Women traditionally wait to be noticed. On the other hand, men are eager to be noticed and will ask for it. We have to sell who we are at all times. With this women must be true to that and commit themselves. Women also have to remember that they are going to be stereotyped by men. Women have to hold up to a certain expectation in order to meet the standard of men.  Women must be able to hold their ground. Even a handshake and eye contact are show presence and strength. Next there is wear the right uniform. This explains how women should dress in the business world. The way a woman dresses tells more about that woman as a person. Gail states that the history of our wardrobe often reflects the history of our careers. A woman’s wardrobe deals with factors such as being attractive but too tight. A woman can also use it to an advantage by having the often to dress more or less feminine. The longer a woman works the more she will learn her personal style as she is promoted. A woman should dress with confidence and creativity. Finally, a woman should set the right goal. A woman should make sure she has a plan. She should set goals that are obtainable. Women should set goals and use their vision to become successful. Having a vision means taking any opportunity that comes to you. Women have to learn to set goals and take more risk.

Chapter 4: How To Keep Score

     Chapter 4 begins with a quote by Carrie Fisher, actress and writer, saying There is no point at which you can say, “Well, I’m successful now. I might take a nap.” Women should always try to achieve more. Even if you have reached your goal, you should continue to work hard. To men everything counts. Men are competitive and want to win. Women tend to settle for satisfied. Women have to speak up and want to win, otherwise they will stay where they are, while men continue to want more. Gail states that women should keep score with décor. A woman can feel comfortable but she must remember that she is setting an image for others.

Chapter 5: Playing The Game: 14 Rules For Success

    Gail explains the 14 rules that a woman should follow in order to be successful. Those rules are: Make A request, meaning that women should ask for what they want. The second rule is Speak Out. Women believe that they are supposed to be smarter than a man. So women work hard to show that, but when it is time to speak out the man overpowers them. Women must believe in themselves and voice their thoughts. The next rule is to Speak Up. Men are comfortable stating their opinion, and sometimes this intimidates women. Because of this some women tend to stay quiet. Women only talk when they have to, or have an important question. It’s a woman’s responsibility to know when to state their opinions. The fourth rule is Toot your own horn. This explains how women should acknowledge their work just as men. Women think that their boss should just acknowledge them after a great performance, but instead women should tell let their boss know about their good work. The fifth rule is Don’t Expect to Make Friends. Many women want to form friendship, and begin mix business with personal. Men are clear that business is business, and personal is personal. Women must learn to not be emotional with all situations. Everyone can’t be your friend and you can’t make everyone happy.
The next rule is Accept Uncertainty. This explains how women should know that you have to take risk. Women should not doubt themselves. They should be confident and daring. The seventh rule is Take a Risk. With taking a risk a woman must be active. Even if she is afraid she must try. It is better to make mistakes and learn from them; than to not make mistakes. Bill Gates says, “I don’t care if a manager makes five serious mistakes. At least that person is making decisions and learning from them.” The next rule is Be an Imposter. Women have always believed that knowledge is how you succeed in life. So women enters work thinking the only way to move up is to know their subject the best. Women should not let the fact that they don’t know everything allow them to not take a chance. Men fake it to make it. They rely on improvisation, self-confidence, and the ability to relate on past experiences. Confidence is half of the game. The ninth rule is Think Small. This explains how women tend to overwhelm themselves with the amount of work they have to do. A way to fix that is to focus on pieces one at a time. Break your picture down and think small. The tenth rule is Don’t Anguish. This explains how women let others know when they are stressed. A man will be stressed, but he will not let it show. Women have to learn how to keep some things to themselves. Some people will use what you say against you. It isn’t fair, but it’s true. The next rule is Follow the Team Leader. This just explains how women should be able to state their opinion, but they have to follow the leader no matter what. Men believe that when you are a part of a team, you do what your leader tells you. The following rule is Don’t Assume Responsibility Without Authority. Women often volunteer to help others to be nice and that is award on its own. In the business world, women have to make sure that they are acknowledged for their work. This way they get credit for their work , and move closer to the top. The next rule is Sit at the Table. This explains how the business world is made for a man, so women have to learn to be comfortable with that. Even though their or more men than women, have the confidence to know that you can sit at the table just like them. The last rule is Laugh. Humor can break the tension in any situation. Women have to know that they can laugh and smile, even the atmosphere is more serious. Also, women have to smile and laugh even something may not be funny or they have heard it before. A smile or laugh is never uncomfortable.

Chapter 6: Six Things Men Can Do At Work That Women Can’t

    There are six things in the business world that man can do, but a woman can’t. The first thing is they can cry, but women can’t. Women are expected to cry, so men think that it’s either a natural instinct or manipulation. However, men are not expected to cry, so when they do men thing that it is a powerful display of emotion. The second thing is they can have sex, and women can’t. Getting caught in sexual situations are work is worse for women. Women should do whatever they can to avoid situations. They consequences of getting caught can be getting fired, transferred, pushed aside and have a bad reputation. The third thing is they can fidget, and women can’t. When a woman fidgets it shows she may be nervous or scared and insecure. These are considered annoying little habits to men. Women have to play the game and not let men think less of them. The fourth thing is they can yell, but women can’t. It is normal to hear a man raise his voice. When a woman raises her voice is shows signs of being difficult and unladylike. This does not mean that women should not stand their ground. It just means they must know when and where it is appropriate. The fifth thing is they can have bad manners, women can’t. Women have to hold up to a certain standard. Women have to act like a lady, and have proper etiquette. Men look for women to always carry certain traits. The last thing is they can be ugly, and women can’t. Men are known to carry a powerful stance and structure.  It is not abnormal for a man to push you, yell, and be mean. On the other hand, when a woman is mean it makes her look like a bad person. It often leads to employees disliking her. These are the six things men can do at work that women can’t.

Chapter 7: He Hears, She Hears: 10 Gender-bender Vocabulary Words

    This chapter explains the 10 words that a woman must know how to interpret in the business world. Men mean and say things that are different from women. The first word is Yes.  Gail explains that yes means exactly that. Women should not question when someone tells them yes. The second word is No. No is not exactly what it means. When a man hears no, it just motivates them to try harder. Men always want to prove themselves. Women have to learn to not take no for an answer. The third word is Hope. Gail states that hope is the most un-empowering words in the English language. If you have hope you have doubt about what you want. Women need to say that they want instead of hope for something. Be confident and know that if you want it, there is nothing stopping you from getting it. The forth word is Guilt. Guilt is the painful feeling of self-reproach resulting from a belief that one has done something wrong. Women feel guilty all the time, because we are more emotional. Guilt can be trouble, because it can lead to failure to work. Just because you can’t do everything right doesn’t mean you do everything wrong. The fifth word is Sorry. Sorry is a word that women use more often that they should. When a man hears sorry, he thinks that a woman has done something wrong. Saying sorry doesn’t change anything. If a woman has truly done something wrong she should apologize. The sixth word is Aggressive. To men in the business world, aggressive means bold and forceful. A man that is aggressive has strength and capabilities. Women a woman in aggressive is comes off as ruthless, and pushy. The seventh word is Fight. To men, fighting is a part of the game. Women take fighting more serious. Women must remember that it is a part of the game and you must play the game to win. The eighth word is Game. Women must remember that men think that games are fun. So, men think of work as a game that they want to win. Women must remember to think of their job as a game. The ninth word is Glass Ceiling. This is where men make the rule that women can only go so far. Women have to push to move the glass ceiling. Women must remember that there is not that can stop them from making it to the top. The last word is Future. Men and women define their future differently. Men are time-limited, while women think in long term. Women are great conceptual thinker, so we think of the bigger picture. This is something they can use to their advantage.

Chapter 8; How To Enter And Exit The Game

    This explains how women should know when to enter and leave a job. Women must learn how to balance life at home and work. Women should be able to take time off to take care of their families. Women must know that they can focus on their career, and then focus on their children. Also once a woman has worked for a long period, they must know when it is time for a change. Once a woman is comfortable it is hard to get her out of that comfort zone. Women must learn when to leave and take a risk on something new.

Chapter 9: The Final Two Rules

    The last chapter explains the final two rules a woman should know to become successful in the business world. The first rule is Be A Woman. Women are known for being compassionate, caring, and emotional people. Women must remember to use this to their advantage. Men don’t have personal conversations with other men, so that is where we fit in. In every situation remember to be a woman. The second rule is Be Yourself. How can you expect someone to believe in you, if you don’t believe in yourself?  Women must remember to stay true to who they are. You must do this at all times, everywhere you are. Don’t hide or pretend to be someone you are not. Be happy with your life and work. Live life to the fullest and love everything about it and you.

The Video Lounge

    In this video Gail Evans explains how it is important to love what you are doing. She explains that without passion, there is no point in work. She explains that in the business world it does get harder the higher your position, but if you love your job you are winning. Be yourself and love what you are doing.

Personal Insights

Why I think:

• The author is one of the most brilliant people around…or is full of $%&#, because:

I think Gail Evan is one of the most brilliant people around because she really goes into depth about men and women. I love the way she goes all the way back when we were children. Men and women have always been different and we just have to adapt to the way things are. She also lets everyone know that in the process, you be true to who you are and what you. She really helped with personal insecurities I have been terrified to deal with in the business world. Her book is amazing.

• If I were the author of the book, I would have done these three things differently:

1.    First I would have given women examples of ways to deal with the stress of trying to reach success. In the process of dealing with the male-dominated business it gets really hard and women need to know how to deal with it outside of work.

2.    Second, I would have acknowledged that even though men do things are certain way, that doesn’t mean that it is right. I would have made it clear that men should learn to think more about everyone being equal. We should not let bad things they do be brushed away just because they are men.

3.    Third, I would have given more steps to how a woman can balance work and personal life. I would give some ideas on how to balance life.

• Reading this book made me think differently about the topic in these ways:

1.    The way men think is very different from women. I have learned to not that everything that a man says or does to heart. I have to have a tough skin for the business world.

2.    I thought that the simpler a person was, the better. But as I see, everyone always looking at you. You should always try to look and be the best. Women should boast to their boss about accomplishments instead of being shy or timid.

3.    I thought that a woman was supposed to be aggressive in the business world, but she doesn’t. A woman must always remember to remain a woman. That is the advantage that we have over men. Our compassion is needed in many ways.

• I’ll apply what I’ve learned in this book in my career by:

1.    I will remember to stay true to who I am. I will always follow my her hear and do what I love. I will remain humble and determined. I will live my life and make sure I am happy with my career and life.

2.    I will remember to remain a woman even when surrounded by men. I will remain confident and self-empowered. I will speak up and out when needed. I will also play the game and know that fighting is a part of it.

3.    I will never settle for less than I deserve because I am a woman. I will fight to get rid of the glass ceiling. I want to become a leader and work on making the system a circle with a leader for women all around.

• Here is a sampling of what others have said about the book and its author:

“Gail Evan has put together a practical, honest, often humorous playbook for career success that every woman (and a few men) should read…Read the book. Learn how to play the game, and win. Men shouldn’t be the only one having fun
                            -Binghamton Press & Sun

I thoroughly enjoyed the author’s book because it enlightened me, as a manager, on areas that need to be discussed with my team members, such as career progression and fair play. I personally will benefit from her ideas–the book is chock full of them. Highly Recommend it.
                            -Mary Langston

This book was enlightening for me. I never had to struggle up the corporate ladder as my history in business has always been as a founding entrepreneur. My discovery was relative to how little I behaved like a woman in business and how much I can share with aspiring entrepreneurs and corporate executives.
                            -Frumi Rachel Barr

I’m annoyed after realizing how true this book is. I think that I might be screwed since I hate sports, games, and “winning” as defined in the traditional sense. It’s going to be an uphill battle for me unfortunately, and it doesn’t look like I am going to end up feeling very fulfilled or rewarded at the end.
                            -Karen

“Gail Evans definitely struck a chord at our Executive Women’s Retreat. Her experience at the highest levels of corporate America confirms the fact that when one woman wins, we all win. Gail walked us through the unwritten rules of the game and energized us all with her fiery spirit and motivational optimism. If we could have bottled her and set her home in our guests’ goody bags, we would have.”

-Kathleen Wu, Partner, Andrews Kurth LLP

Pros: Well-written, up-to-date advice for women in management positions
Cons: Like many management books, it’s a bit too thin in pages and in content

Summary: While I recognize that men and women are socialized differently, I am not a convert to the popular “Men are from Mars” movement, so I was skeptical when I initially picked up this book. Within days I was recognizing how I, a new administrator,…                         -mjfrombuffalo

Bibliography

Frumi Rachel Barr, MBA, Ph.D. – Executive Coach, Break Through Consulting
www.breakthroughconsulting.com/executive_coaches.html

Goodreads. http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/168479093

Premier Speakers Bureau. Kathleen Wu, Partner, Andrews Kurth LLP. http://premierespeakers.com/Gail_Evans

Epinions. Mjfrombuffalo. 1999-2012 Shopping.com. http://www.Epinions.com/reviews/Play_Like_a_Man_Win_Like_a_Woman_What_Men_Know_About_Success_That_Women_Need_to_Learn_by_Gail_Evans?sb=1

Gail Evans. “Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman” . Broadway Books New York

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Contact Info

To contact the author of this article, “A Management in a Minute Book Overview of Play Like A Man Win Like A Woman by Gail Evans for Practicing and Aspiring Managers” please email Amanda.warren@selu.edu.

About the Publisher  

David C. Wyld (dwyld.kwu@gmail.com) is the Robert Maurin Professor of Management at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana. He is a management consultant, researcher/writer, and executive educator. His blog, Wyld About Business, can be viewed at http://wyld-business.blogspot.com/. He also serves as the Director of the Reverse Auction Research Center (http://reverseauctionresearch.com/), a hub of research and news in the expanding world of competitive bidding. Dr. Wyld also maintains compilations of his student’s publications regarding:

• management concepts (http://toptenmanagement.blogspot.com/)
• book reviews (http://wyld-about-books.blogspot.com/) and
• international foods  (http://wyldaboutinternationalfoods.blogspot.com/)                                             

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For the person who has been cheated on, the after-effects may seem more obvious, as their emotional state is usually more open and vulnerable at this point. For the person who had the affair, they may be just wishing that they could take it all back and that it will all just go away, so they want to ignore it as much as possible, even though they really know that this isn’t possible. Some of the after-effects of an affair are described below, for both the person who had the affair and for their spouse.

*The One Who Cheated

For the man or woman who committed the infidelity, there is a huge consequence to pay. They are going to be feeling shameful and guilty, knowing that they caused a great deal of pain to a person that they once loved, and probably still do. They are going to have to endure many questions that are hard for them to answer, yet must be answered in order to help their spouse understand what has happened and why. They are going to have to live for a time with the knowledge that their spouse doesn’t trust them anymore. They are going to have to have a willingness to open up every area of their life to their spouse, due to the lack of trust that has been developed. They are also going to have to possibly deal with the other man or woman, who may not want to let the affair end, and this can make things even more difficult.

*The Spouse of the One Who Cheated

The person who has been cheated on will likely go through a time of asking themselves what’s wrong with them. The answer to that question may be nothing at all, or they may have to come to terms with some things that they were or were not doing in the marriage that contributed to this end result. Their self-esteem will be hurt, or fully shattered, for a time, and will need to be rebuilt. They will be living with trust issues that they probably didn’t have prior to the affair. They will be emotionally hurt and need understanding from their spouse, and they may have to explain what it is that they need. They will have to find a way to forgive, both for themselves and for their spouse.

The spouses together are going to have to practice open and honest communication about what has happened, why it happened, and how it is going to be prevented in the future. Marriage counseling is highly recommended after an affair has occurred, because there were obviously some problems that need to be resolved now. Your marriage can survive an affair, if you are willing to work hard and heal together. Mine did, and it was never as good as it is now.

As for me, I’ve always been intrigued by the ease of meeting people online.  I grew up in the AOL chat room days and remember being exposed to lots of craziness because of that.  As bad as the Internet can be, it can be good as well.

Through online forums, I’ve made plenty of friends online.  I still actually talk to many of them today, through more reasonable means of course.

I found myself in a weird place recently.  My four year long relationship was ending and I found myself consumed in my boyfriend’s life.  Without him, I have no friends and hardly anyone to talk to or see in person. 

Because of that, I decided to join an on line dating site to see what kind of people I could simply meet and talk to.  These days, life is too busy for me to spend time on line on forums and gradually (VERY GRADUALLY) meet people.  Plus, my interests were elsewhere; I was stuck, unsure of what I liked and or how I wanted to spend my future days.

On this site, I got many creepy people trying to talk to me but one came through who looked and seems nice.  So, I gave them a chance and decided to get to know them better.  I should have seen the red flags before I got in touch with them more, but they constantly were in touch with me.  If I didn’t text them back fast enough, they assumed I was scared off or something.  This is extremely frustrating even when it’s not someone new.

Eventually I decided I wanted to cut ties with this person.  They were pushing me to meet them and constantly were telling me things about them that I didn’t so much care for.  The fact that he was a few years older than me should have been enough to make me run, but I can just be too nice.  They wound up still being married, although divorcing, and had a kid.  I felt horrible and stopped communication immediately.

Today, I have deleted my on-line profile from that site.  I am not seeking out any other on-line folk to become friends with.  Maybe one day it will happen without my effort.  However, today, I’m going to go the more traditional route.

I really needed a new person in my life.  My fiance and I have been having some trouble.  We have been having a hard time communicating lately, and to be honest he has driven away all of my friends.  Only having one person to talk to and rely on may seem nice but it really isn’t.  Different people are good at different things and trust me when I tell you my fiance is not the best at comforting me about being sick. He gets annoyed, talks down to me, and lowers my self esteem.

One may ask why I am with him, let alone engaged to be married, but that’s a topic for another article

It’s so nice to have someone else to talk to.  The very action of talking has made me so happy and it’s only been one day.  We have grown apart so it is almost like becoming friends again, and going through that awkward process where you both need to put in a lot of effort to make the friendship work.

It’s nice to hear what my friend has to say.  They have reminded me of some things from the past, and have enlightened me with some new things.  It’s just great!  I’m happy, for one.  This rekindling is something I wish everyone can experience.

When a woman marries, she is usually very excited and anxious to begin this new life with the man that she has fallen in love with.  All seems to be going well until she does that first thing that upsets his mother.  She may not be keeping the house clean enough.  She may not be coddling her husband the way that his mother would.  Or, she may be spending more money than her mother-in-law thinks is reasonable.  Whatever it is that the wife and her mother-in-law can’t see eye to eye on, there is going to be a problem if the mother-in-law is the overbearing sort. 

When the trouble begins, the new wife will often find herself trying to keep things as peaceful as possible.  She may succeed for a time, but eventually, she will begin to feel resentment seeping in.  Instead of trying to hold these feelings in, where they will do nothing but grow like a disease, the difficulties with an overbearing mother-in-law should be addressed and dealt with from the start. 

While it is important that a wife respect the mother of her husband, she need not be trampled on by her.  Learning to stand her ground is going to be very important.  She should not change the way that she does things simply because her mother-in-law says that she should.  However, there are things that the younger woman can learn from her mother-in-law, which will enhance her own relationship with her husband.  There is a balance that should be attained which has nothing to do with either woman being controlling, but with gaining wisdom and knowledge. 

A mother-in-law who is overbearing may simply be feeling unneeded and her daughter-in-law can relieve that feeling by asking her advice occasionally and including her in family events.  She should ensure that the mother-in-law feels appreciated, even if only for the fact that she produced a son that the woman has found love with. 

Overbearing mother-in-laws are very frustrating to the wives of their sons, who generally only want to love and care for him in their own way.  If this is not in the same way that his mother would, watch out!  There may be trouble lurking just around the bend.  While both of these women only want to do what’s best for the man that they love, they will both be hurting him if they can’t learn to have a relationship that is grounded in respect for one another and hopefully, friendliness and love.