I was trying a few salon products and it was a little better than the drugstore brands.  I was seeing commercials for this new brand called Clear with Heidi Klum and figured it was just another brand not worth my money.  I saw it in the drugstore and it was expensive, too!  I couldn’t believe they wanted close to $8 for a small bottle.

I got talking to a girl with awesome hair at my job who really raved about the product.  I talked to her about a few other popular brands, including the god-awful Wen stuff, and she told me to try Clear, and that I’d really be surprised.  She lent me some of her conditioner, since I use conditioner more than shampoo and I really liked it.  So, low and behold, I had a coupon for my local BJ’s and got a decent sized bottle for the same price as what I saw in the drugstore.  I figured, why not and went and picked it up.

I have to say, after being so disgusted with non-salon stuff, I really, really love Clear!  I tried out their shampoo too and it’s great.

The conditioner really doesn’t weigh down my fine hair.  My hair damages easy and has a good amount of spilt ends which it seals up quite nice.  It isn’t greasy and you don’t need to use a ton of it to get a great result.  The smell is very low odor, if anything, I actually haven’t noticed anything.  My hair is hardly tangled when I used Clear.  I feel like my hair is just in its best condition with I use this stuff.

I absolutely love it and recommend it to everyone.  Definitely get it in a BJ’s or something where you can get more for your money.

(BPT) – For years, women have been working at the ends of hair, rather than the foundation – the scalp. Now, it is time to start working at the right end of hair.

Ninety-nine percent of hair’s natural strength and beauty comes from the scalp, CLEAR Scalp-& Hair Beauty Therapy reports. A well-nourished scalp is the right foundation for strong, beautiful hair.

To help women commit to working at the right end of hair, CLEAR Scalp-& Hair Therapy experts Dr. Francesca Fusco, a leading New York City dermatologist, and celebrity stylist Jen Atkin, are sharing their secrets to strong, beautiful hair.

Rule No. 1 – Care for your scalp like your skin 

Dr. Fusco’s advice is to give the scalp the TLC it needs, just like you would the skin on your face. This will create the right foundation for strong, beautiful hair. “Rule No.1 is to wear a hat when outdoors to protect the scalp and hair from UV damage,” she says.

Rule No. 2 – Exfoliate 

Dr. Fusco recommends exfoliating the scalp by shampooing regularly. “It is important to shampoo regularly to prevent product buildup and dulling dead cells on the scalp and hair,” says Dr. Fusco. Regular shampooing also allows for efficient absorption of conditioners.

Rule No. 3 – Moisturize 

It’s essential to moisturize and nourish the scalp to create the right foundation for strong, beautiful hair. The optimal time to moisturize is immediately after shampooing. “While the line of CLEAR shampoos are formulated to feed scalp, regular shampooing also helps to cleanse and remove product buildup. This allows the conditioning product to absorb efficiently and deliver the beneficial ingredients to the hair,” says Dr. Fusco.

Rule No. 4 – Treat your strong, beautiful hair 

Atkin defines strong, beautiful hair as strands that have shine and body, and don’t easily break when combing. For stronger, more beautiful hair, she advises her clients to use a nourishing treatment at least once a week. “All women can benefit from using the CLEAR Damage-& Color Repair Deep Nourishing Treatment Mask. It nourishes the scalp deeply and is formulated to provide up to 95 percent more damage-resistant hair in three minutes, resulting in less breakage when combing, compared to using a non-conditioning shampoo” says Atkin.

For more tips on caring for your scalp and hair visit: www.facebook.com/clearhaircare.

ZipNadaZilch launched on July 14, 2007, they are legit, and are paying. I personally know this because my sponsor made twenty dollars from me signing up. You can do the same.

I will be doing my own 30 day review of ZipNadaZilch starting today.  If you would like follow my post, you can find me at my new blog, http://gptjunkie.blogspot.com/. 

I signed up at ZipNadaZilch yesterday evening.  I followed through the process of choosing a (Trial) offer.  Today I received my one credit that is needed to complete the registration; in order to make money.  Tomorrow I should have referrals.  Stay tuned to part 2. 

ZipNadaZilch members recommends that you sign up under someone or it’s a wasted offer.  If you decide go sign up, make sure my referral link or someone else’s is listed in your address bar before completing the registration process.

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Rip off report review http://www.ripoffreport.com/directory/zip-nada-zilch.aspx

This time around I’m having no serious side effects just like the first time.  Bad dryness is inevitable as that’s what Accutane sets out to do.  There is one thing I noticed that’s different this time though, and I’m sure winter is partly to blame here.  What’s that you ask?  Rough, dry, patchy skin! 

It’s the worst whenever I wash my face.  I figured some those taking Accutane might be having some similar issues so I decided to write this article to share what I’m doing to help.

A mild soap is key.  The less drying the better.
Moisturizing is key.  While you don’t want to clog pores (ever), you need to moisturize your skin.  Even when not on Accutane, think of your skin like leather.  Without some moisture it’s going to dry up, flake, age sooner than it should, wrinkle and generally look awful.  Since we often can’t naturally balance moisture well on our own (it’s normal, and we especially can’t do it while taking Accutane), a good moisturizer is key.  But don’t over it!  After washing your face is good enough.  Remember, you want to basically replace what you took away – from washing your face that is. 

At night I do like to try and use jojoba oil which can be found at health food stores typically, or online.  This stuff is known to try and rebalance your oils, naturally.  Sure that’s tough to do now on Accutane, but it feels nice on your skin and not to heavy as oppose to olive oil which some folks recommend for skin and hair care.

All that is fine and well, you may be saying to yourself, and should already be apart of your routine, but what about your rough, dry skin?

Okay, I hear you!

Drink plenty of water!
Get a humidifier
Don’t wear much make up if you’re a female, and if you do, try to stick to light mineral powders which hide better than foundations and whatnot
Don’t touch your face!  Don’t pick at the flaking!

Last but not least: AQUAPHOR by Eucerin.  Find it where you would Chapstick or lotions (different in every store I’ve found).  Use this at night, it’s a great thing for your lips really.  But at night it really helps sooth those bad spots if nothing else helps.   Vaseline does not penetrate skin to hydrate it; this stuff does.

Good luck and feel free to write your own tips in the comments!  Just remember that this is worth it in the long run, I promise!

Executive Summary

Kate White’s book, 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want is an inspirational read for women as well as empowering. At the time the book was released, Kate White was the editor in chief of Cosmopolitan Magazine and had written the best-selling book, Why Good Girls Don’t Get Ahead…but Gutsy Girls Do. White breaks the book up into nine chapters, which each include a new powerful secret and keep you wanting more. This book makes women readers feel as if they can do anything if they set their mind to it.

Throughout the book, White stresses that no task is too great to accomplish and failure is never the end of road to getting what one wants. For each secret White shares with readers she includes several examples, personal stories, and stories from other powerful women to prove her advice can work if put into real life situations. The author tells women readers what they need to do in order to be successful but she also tells them how to do it. This book will turn the gears in readers’ minds and help them to think outside of the box. White wants readers to figure out what they want in life and then gives them the tools that will make it possible to obtain whatever it may be.   

In each chapter, White has one main piece of advice for readers, within the chapter she shares much more advice that stems off the main piece. White recognizes that women are different and that everyone will handle situations differently so she gives different situational examples to show readers exactly what she means and how to improvise as they go. White is realistic and can connect with readers on a personal level because she has been in their shoes before. In the beginning of the book, she tells a story of living in a bug-infested apartment in New York City, instantly connecting with readers. She also stresses that successful women almost all have failed in life before or have been told no but kept going instead of giving up.  
Some of the pieces of advice White offers to readers are that envy is okay, women really should bite off more than they can chew, and successful women do not wait for the right moment but instead they make a moment the right moment. These are just a few of the things that White talks about in the book. Pretty much everything she recommends goes against what women are taught while growing up. According to White, pushing the envelope is a positive thing and has lead many women to experience success today.
This book was written in 1999, but in my opinion is still relevant today. I think not only women could take something positive away from this book but males as well. Many of White’s words could be put into work by any gender and maybe get them what they want. In my opinion, males have heard that they are better at getting things than women through time and this is why White target women readers.

The best part about this book is that White challenges readers but in a way that seems so possible once, they have read the entire book. White takes it slow and gives so many examples and stories in each chapter so readers will have plenty of chances to figure out exactly what she means. She also realizes that readers may not know exactly what they want in life so she acknowledges this possibility and encourages readers to continue readings and things will fall into place. White also uses several lists and bulleted style writing when giving important pieces of advice making it easy for readers to go back through and find certain things. She leaves no stone unturned and anytime I had a question it seemed like she answered it on the next page. Her credentials are proof that she knows how to get what she wants in life and in return, it left me feeling much respect for her, not only as an author, but also as a powerful woman. After reading this book, I feel that I can do anything if I really want to do it. I would recommend this book to any woman out there young or old because everyone, no matter how old, always has something they want to accomplish in life and this book will undoubtedly lead them on their way.

The Ten Things Managers Need to Know from 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want  

1. Managers, females in particular, should realize that envy can be turned into a positive emotion. White says that when someone is envious of another it’s because that person wants what the other has. Envy can make people realize that they want something when they weren’t aware they did and then can set out to get it. Managers could use this to their advantage by figuring out what they want for themselves and others in the workplace and then making them happen.

2. Managers should realize that they should not wait for the right moment but instead make the right moment come to them at any time. According to White, successful women go after what they want when they want it, not when they think the time is perfect. With this mindset, managers could get a lot done and set positive examples for employees who may begin to do the same.

3. Managers must accept that it’s not possible to get what they want all of the time. This will help them with dealing with customers and employees and become a better leader overall.

4. According to White, managers should bite off more than they can chew. This does not mean to try to complete a ridiculous amount of tasks while at work, it means when a managers think they want something then they should dive into and try to do everything possible to learn about it. If a manager of a bar wants new cash registers with technology that makes taking inventory easier then she should do everything she can in order to find out about the program in order to make the best decision for her business.  

5. Another thing managers should take away from White’s book is to take a breather occasionally. If work is stressing them out then it is ok to take a day off or go on a mini vacation. Everyone, male or female, needs a break from the real world sometimes but once that break is over they should get right back to business.

6. One key piece of advice managers should know from this book is that even if a dream seems far-fetched, it is not impossible to obtain. For example, if a manager wants to expand her business, she needs to realize that even if it seems like it will never happen it in fact can if she puts enough time and effort into it. White stresses this throughout the book that if a woman wants something then she should wholeheartedly try to get it.

7. Managers also need to realize and accept the fact that failure is part of the process to getting what they want. Being able to get back up after failing and trying again is a great leadership quality and all managers should be great leaders. Failure is a fact of life and the sooner a manager realizes that the better off she and her employees will be.

8. White talks about TPB in her book, which means “Their Personal Bonus”. Managers should know what TPB is and take advantage of it. In order to get people to continue being great employees managers must realize that people want something back in return. Even if a manager verbally tells an employee that he or she is doing a good job, it is still considered as a TPB. Even the smallest of recognition can motivate employees to be great.

9. Managers should understand the concept of packaging. Packaging is making something that is good sound even better than what it is. Doing this will attract employees attention easier and will make them want to do things more. For example, if a manager is short handed she should make the small team she has feel as if they are doing a great job and that because of that it doesn’t matter that they are understaffed. This will make the idea of having to work harder not seem so bad because they feel that others can’t do as good of a job.

10. The tenth thing managers should take away from this book is that they should never let work overshadow family. Managers should be hard workers, but if work ever gets to a point where their family is affected by it then they should take a step back and re-evaluate if what they are doing is really worth it. White feels that family is very important and work should never jeopardize that.   

Full Summary of 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want

INTRODUCTION

Kate White’s book 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want was a great read and I would recommend it to any female who is trying to make a name for herself in any sort of way. White keeps readers wanting more throughout the book since she reveals a new secret in each chapter. This book will give female readers a sense of empowerment, along with a small boost of motivation. Overall, this book was a great read even today in 2013.

BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING: THE ART OF HAVING YOUR CAKE AND EATING IT TOO

White begins the book by asking the reader if there is something she wants right now in her life but just do not know how to get, and instantly she gets the reader’s gears to turn. White then goes on to explain that she has somehow become a woman who has learned how to get what she wants in life and gives a little background information on herself. She tells a story of living in a cockroach-infested apartment in New York City when she was fresh out of college and finally landing a job at Glamour Magazine. She shares that she came to a point where she was not making any progress with her job so she knew she had to make some changes. White is honest and confesses that she did not always know how to get what she wanted in life but learned by stealing what she thought were the best ideas from women who are genius at getting what they want.

COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S THINGS

In chapter one, White s shares the first secret for a woman to get what she wants in life and that is to covet thy neighbor’s things. She explains that before one can get what she wants then she must know exactly what it is. Some know what they want from a very young age while others have a career and still are not sure if it is right for them. Unfortunately, many women are on the side of not knowing exactly what they want in life and White knows this. According to White, “Women who get what they want are good at knowing what they want” (White, 17).  One of the main pieces of advice the author offers in chapter one is that being envious of others is okay. To admit that one is envious of another is hard for humans to do, especially women. White says that when a woman is envious of another person then that shows what she really wants. There is nothing wrong envy and can even lead to something positive in life. White feels that “If you can stop and examine the feeling of wanting what someone else has, which takes a lot of energy, you’ll find that what you’re seeing in the other person’s life is really a good thing. She shares a story of a friend who was dealing with problems of having a second child. The woman would try to tell herself that she did not really want another child and that one was plenty but when she came across other women with more than one child she felt envious. In conclusion, envy is how her friend came to realize that she really did want another child very badly and began on her journey to make it possible for her and her husband. White explains that even if a woman feels envious towards another person, the exact thing that she wants may not be completely apparent and should be thoroughly though through in order to figure out exactly it is she wants.

BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW

White’s piece of advice in chapter two is that women should bite off more than they can chew. Throughout life, women hear that they should not try to take on too much and only do things that they can handle, but White disagrees. She feels that in order to figure out what one exactly wants then she should dive into it whole-heartedly and do everything in her power to figure it out. Many of the successful women she has met claim they there was never a moment when they knew exactly what they wanted, but instead they explored and invested a lot of time and energy into finding out exactly what it was. White says you should “Accept the fact that you aren’t necessarily born knowing what you want, that you may have to go out there and find it” (White, 37). Throughout chapter two White shares many different ways in which one can try to find what she is wanting in life. Some ideas White shares are to take classes in something one is interested in, talk to people who have succeeded in the same area of interest, research the topic on the internet, and even talk into a tape recorder about what one may want and then listen to it later. Overall in chapter two, White repeatedly stresses to her readers that figuring out what one wants in life isn’t easy and it may take leaps and bounds of effort and involving ones self in new experiences to figure it out along the way.

DON’T WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT

In chapter three White expresses to readers that having a “perfect plan” in life is not the way to go. She shares that women who are successful do not have a perfect master plan laid out but instead keep their eyes and ears open for new opportunities and never wait for the right moment. White shares a story about a young woman who works for her and meets with a book editor for work one day and ends up coming back to work with her own personal book deal. The young woman was obviously supposed to be talking to the editor about work related things but instead she took a chance and pitched her idea of a book she wanted to write and the editor bit. This is a perfect example of not waiting for the right moment. A quote that I personally enjoyed from chapter three is “All glory comes from daring to begin” and that is exactly what the young woman who worked for White did. She dared to begin.

WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE

In chapter four White shares the secret with women to wear your heart on your sleeve. What she means is if you are passionate about something then show it. Don’t leave people questioning if you want something but instead leave them with no doubt that you do. According to White, being passionate about something and showing enthusiasm can be contagious and make others want to get the ball rolling as well. White lists twelve things one should do if they really want something. A few of these things include: sending a handwritten note that tells how passionate one is about something, when writing a cover letter go into depth more than usual and make it more personable, make a phone call even if it’s a difficult thing to do, and dress to impress. White feels that it is always better to show up somewhere overdressed than under-dressed. While the author knows that pure passion isn’t always going to get everyone what they want, she still feels that one should never leave others with questions about how passionate one really is.

BE TOO BIG FOR YOUR BRITCHES

According to White, women who are successful never quit trying to be successful. To many the word no is a dead end and can even be the end to a dream, but in order to be successful one must become “too big for their britches.” This is when White feels that women should do something bold and over the top in order to still make dreams come true. White says women must have two things in order to turn a dead end road into only a bump and these two things are gumption and cleverness. Women who have gumption tend to take chances and do not always do what they are told. In order to be this way though, women also need energy. They have to be a go-getter and willing to make things happen. Women cannot just assume things will happen without anyone to get them started. At the end of chapter five White shares two things to always keep in mind, “Just because it’s never been done before doesn’t mean you can’t do it, and “Just because someone says you shouldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t” (White 130). I think these words of wisdom may be two of the most influential pieces of advice the author gives throughout the entire book.

NEVER MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

In chapter seven White tells readers to be a snoop and to talk to everyone. An example she gives of being a snoop is to show up to places early. This way one can scope out the area and become familiar with the surroundings before others arrive. Showing up early may also offer opportunities to meet and talk to people who would be busy later. This is where White ties in her advice of talking to everyone. If one talks to as many people possible there is a much better chance of meeting people who can help get you where you want to be or give refer to someone else who can. If someone is no help at all with getting what you want then the worst thing that can happen is casual conversation. Meeting people is great personal marketing and can take you places that you never could have been if you had never introduced yourself to that certain person.

KEEP YOUR ELBOWS ON THE TABLE

In this chapter, White gives a list of pieces of advice in order to stay on top of the game. The first is to be a show-off. White says that one should go to as many places as possible with people who might be able to help their success along the way. She does not necessarily mean to show up and be the loudest and most flamboyant person there but instead to always show your face so people will get to know who you are.  The second thing one should do is to be a blabbermouth. What White means by this is to have a list of people who you know will tell others about you and your success. This list can include former bosses, clients, former clients, and any contact that is willing to put your name out there for people to hear. The next piece of advice from White is to be slick. Do things you would not normally do in order for people to see or hear what you have to say. One should also make something sound better than it is. People do this all the time and many times, it works. According to White, making less seem like more can be a good strategy to getting by without having as much as others do.

DON’T SIT TIGHT

In chapter eight White claims that the strategy she shares of not sitting tight is not only a great way to meet influential people who could help along the way but is also a great way to meet men. She claims that you should host as many social gatherings as possible and after a while, you will start being invited to other’s gatherings in return. White says this strategy is one of the best ways to meet people that you would have never met in a million years. Another point White makes in chapter eight is to present an idea in full and never keep people wondering what else there is to it. She states, “When you present an idea to someone and you don’t hear back, you assume that all they’ve been focusing on is your idea and why it’s pathetic, but what they’ve really been doing is thinking about dinner” (White 169). If you want someone to like and accept your idea then you must tell him or her exactly what your idea is. White stresses to no leave people hanging on this.

REST ON YOUR LAURELS

In the final chapter of the book, White reminds readers to rest on their laurels. Occasionally you need to take a step back and be thankful for what you have. Ways that you can do this is by savoring your accomplishments, rewarding yourself, allow for buyer’s remorse, consider the fringe benefits, rediscover your friends and family, and draw your line in the sand. White says you should do these things, but you should not do them for too long. Once you have had your little moment of happiness there is another opportunity knocking on the door and it’s time to jump into it.

CONCLUSION

Overall, White’s 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want really changed my way of thinking and perspective on things. I have always knows that even as a woman I can be successful in life but from reading this book I have taken away strategies that will help me along the way. This book is the first book I have read that empowers women and I really enjoyed it. White offers a lot of advice that is somewhat intimidating to me but I will always keep it in the back of mind from now on in the workplace and also daily life. I now look up to White not only because of this book, but because she has made a successful life for herself, much like I would like to do for myself. This book encourages me, especially as a young MBA student who will be fresh out of school at my first real job. I would recommend this book to all women and I am definitely interested in reading any other books she has written.

The Video Lounge

In this video Kate White gives advice about making a cover letter. She thinks that this is a great opportunity to show the employer what you can offer to them as an employee. She thinks a cover letter should give an employer a sense of who you are as a person. She also says to know who is interviewing you and to make comments that let them know you have done your research on the company. Finally, she says to let the interviewer know what you admire about the company.

Personal Insights

Why I think:

• With business conditions today, what the author wrote is true – because:

Even though White wrote this book in 1998, her advice is still completely relevant even more than a decade later. I believe her advice will be relevant for many years to come. Her book inspired me to change the way I think about daily life and made me want to go out there and make positive things happen in my life. Women are on the rise in America and White’s book will always empower them and help them along the way, no matter the time period.

• If I were the author of the book, I would have done these three things differently:

1. I personally think White should have talked about herself more. It is nice to know about other successful women, but I found myself to be very curious about her struggles and triumphs in her life instead of other women, after all she is the one who wrote the book, not them.

2. I also think that White eventually starts to be a little repetitive which makes the book die down in excitement. The book was enjoyable until the last page but I did find myself wondering how much was left the closer I got to the end.

3. I would have preferred that she put pictures in the book. When reading a non-fictional book I enjoy being to look at what, or whom, the author is talking about. This may be because it is 2013 and I am used to visual things everywhere but I think it would have made the book more interesting.

• Reading this book made me think differently about the topic in these ways:

1. I have always known I have the ability to be successful but White just reiterated that too me. After reading this book, I have a more positive outlook on being fresh out of college with no experience in the workplace. Sure, I have had jobs but many fields require several years of experience, which is hard to get while in college. Overall, White made me feel that even though I have those factors working against me, I can still easily overcome them.  

2. I now look at the situation differently when I have a negative experience in retail. I currently ordered a necklace from a boutique and when I received it, it was the wrong one. The store manager blamed it on me and said that I ordered the wrong one when I had not. Instead of being rude and trying to demand a new one, I started to think of how she could personally benefit me from giving me a new necklace, which White refers to as TPB, their personal benefit.

3. Before I go after anything I want I usually research it as much as I can and try to plan everything out perfectly. After reading this book, I now know that I do not have to do this and that I can just dive into something and go for it instead of being cautious about everything.  

• I’ll apply what I’ve learned in this book in my career by:

1. I will no longer be scared to speak up and be heard. If I have an idea that I am scared to share I will make myself share it anyways because everyone gets told no during their lives but it only takes one good idea to get me to where I want to be one day.

2. I will ask my manager to introduce me to three different people each time the opportunity arises. This strategy is a great way to meet powerful and influential people who could help my career.

3. This book helped me realize that even the most successful people fail at one point or another in life and that it is bound to happen to me. Knowing this information will make it much easier to put myself out there in my career and if I fail then I will get back up and try again.

• Here is a sampling of what others have said about the book and its author:

Kate White is considered to be a powerful woman who has been influencing women everywhere for more than a decade and she still continues to do so today. At the time White wrote 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want, she was the editor in chief of Cosmopolitan magazine. She has been a bestselling author of both nonfiction and fiction books. White is also a motivational speaker. Many women look up to her and she has a lot of advice to offer.

Since this book was written in 1998 it was difficult to find anything other than short book reviews on websites that sell the book. Overall, readers feel that White’s book has influenced women all over America. Many say they felt empowered and motivated after reading the book. Maria Friedman called White’s book a “double shot of espresso with three lumps of sugar.” Susan liked how White got straight to the point in her book and gave advice that women could actually implement into their lives. I did find a negative review in which Eileen thought that reading the entire book was a waste of time and that just reading the summary would have been better.

Bibliography

Friedman, Mara. 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want. by White, Kate.: Three Rivers Press, Retrieved March 4, 2013, from http://www.abebooks.com/Secrets-Women-Who-Get-Everything-Want/2092927209/bd

Susan. 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want, Kate White. Retrieved March 4, 2013, from http://www.paperbackswap.com/9-Secrets-Women-Kate-White/book/0609804340/

White, Kate: About the Author: HarperCollins Publishers. (n.d.). HarperCollins Publishers — World Leading Book Publisher. Retrieved March 4, 2013, from http://www.harpercollins.com/author/microsite/about.aspx?authorid=34005

White, Kate. (n.d.). Breaking News and Opinion on The Huffington Post. Retrieved March 4, 2013, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-white/

White, K. (1998). 9 secrets of women who get everything they want. New York: Harmony Books.

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Contact Info

To contact the author of this article, “A Summary and Review of 9 Secrets of Women Who Get Everything They Want by Kate White,” please email Courtney.Harris@selu.edu.  

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About the Publisher

David C. Wyld (dwyld@selu.edu) is the Robert Maurin Professor of Management at Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, Louisiana. He is a management consultant, researcher/writer, and executive educator. He also serves as the Director of the Reverse Auction Research Center (http://reverseauctionresearch.com/), a hub of research and news in the expanding world of competitive bidding. His blog, Career News 24/7, can be viewed at http://wyld-about-careers.blogspot.com/.

Yes, indeed. Nearer home, my mom, who regularly attends a religious leader’s katha-kalakshepams (musical discourses) defends her master, who has more than one wife. The leader tied the “three knots” of the thali – or the sacred thread that signifies matrimony – on these devotee-women because of similar threats. Of course, he says he maintains only platonic relationships with them. Ah, sannyasis (renunciates), who have vowed celibacy, marry and claim they remain celibate! The nice thing they have going for them is that they don’t have to defend themselves – their students do it fiercely.

I am fascinated by how well they extricate themselves out of impossible situations and yet maintain a straight face. And now when I read stories about all the exciting political scams around the world in newspapers, I can’t help admiring these swindlers, who come out of every situation unscathed, their reputation intact.

All you need to excel in this art is to have the presence of mind of the young man, a thief, who was caught climbing a coconut tree. The owner confronts the man, so the story goes, demanding to know what he was doing up on the tree. “Picking grass,” replied the young man, nonchalantly.

“And pray, how would you find grass on the coconut tree?” the owner was baffled.

“Precisely. I realized that, and that’s why I got down!!” replied the man, unfazed.

I did develop a presence of mind, thanks to my abiding love for sweets. Those were my childhood days in Allahabad; my mother would prepare sweets like ‘laddoos’ and ‘gulab nds jamuns’ and keep them in stainless steel containers in the loft. My elder sister, a self-appointed ringleader, would conspire with our cousin on how to steal the cookies, but would have none of me, the ‘buddhu’ – or, the nincompoop. How could they forget the way I stood, transfixed, eyes and mouth agape, when the gardener caught me gathering the raw mangoes thrown down by my brother and sister perched on the tree? The duo managed to run away and there I was, absolutely defenseless. But for a child, it is horrible to be ignored by her peers. So I convinced them that I would do better this time around. My sister, being the eldest of us all, climbed the stool and reached for the steel box.

The next minute she was face-to-face with mother, her hands in the cookie jar. I did not lose my cool, but tried putting on an innocent look. I said my sister was counting how many cookies were there, as we had a bet on the number. It would not have convinced my mother, but perhaps it did invoke some kind of pride in having created an object of desire. She gave us some ‘laddoos’ and said ‘you could have asked’.

We kids knew no mother could satisfy our incurable itch. So we perfected our tools. I was always made the guard to the entrance, and I would alert them in ways no mother would guess. But the vanishing cookies and the dental caries that we carried raised such a stink that my mother had to lock the store room. Yet, in her innocence about the ways of the kids’ world, she would leave the keys at accessible points. Later she became wiser, and conspired with a maid servant to keep tabs on us.

Once again, we rose to the occasion. We bribed her with some of the stolen cookies, or if that didn’t work, we would threaten to expose her own misdeeds.

As we entered our teens, we slowly mended our ways. We regaled our parents with all the stories of our escapades, and now, in turn, my parents recount with pride these stories to everyone. For, both my elder sister and cousin work in software companies as administrators in charge of data security. They know how to take care of the ‘cookies’.

Do Not Talk About Your Income

Not only can talking about a high income make you seem like you are bragging but additionally you risk creating a situation where the person continues to date you only because of your money. If you have a high paying job you might even want to fudge the title of your position a bit if asked. For example if you own your own business, when asked what kind of work you do you might say you work in sales rather than saying you own your own store.

Do Not Talk About Your Last Relationship

Nobody wants to hear a long story about how your last relationship did not work out. It may come off either as though you still miss that person, are still “in love” with that person” or as though you are extremely bitter and angry. If asked you should offer a simple reply without going into details.

Do Not Talk About Your Kids

If you have children it is fine to mention them if asked but talking on and on about your kids is boring to the other person. Additionally nothing scares people off more than the complications of entering a relationship where kids are already involved and may complicate things in the future. It is better to get to know a person first, but even then people often do not want to hear you ramble on about how cute your kids are or things your kids just did.

Do Not Talk About Your Sex Life

Again this is a total turn off, unless perhaps you met on a fetish website, but if you are dating a person you just met then talking about what you like sexually is a no-no. Also talking about how “good you are” is a no-no.

Do Not Talk About Yourself Too Much

Of course you want to talk about yourself a bit, but if you go on and on you will appear to be very self centered and nobody wants to be with a person who is only interested in themselves. It is important to balance talking about yourself with asking the other person about themselves. Keep in mind when they are talking about themselves your role is to listen and not try to find every opportunity to turn the conversation into being about you.

Other Things Not to Say On a First Date:

• Do not say you have been planning your wedding since you were a child.
• Do not say how much you hate your job, or how pathetic your life is.
• Do not say what a good catch you are.
• Do not say you will call the person later, if you have no intention of doing so.

Other Reading

Best and Worst Places for a First Date

What is Sexy to a Man

What is Sexy to a Woman

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Caroline Norton

Caroline’s early life was not particularly happy. 

Caroline Sheridan was born in London on 22 March 1808.  She was of relatively high birth, being the granddaughter of the eminent playwright and Whig politician Richard Brinsley Sheridan, probably best remembered for his play “School for Scandal”. 

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Unfortunately her parents had fallen on hard times and, when her father died when Caroline was just eight years old, the family were in severe financial straits.

Being a single parent with no ready income, it was natural that Caroline’s mother needed to find a solution so, when George Norton, the Tory MP for Guildford, asked for Caroline’s hand in marriage just eight years later, when Caroline was 16, her mother gave consent.  Caroline, despite her aversion to the idea, went along with it for the benefit of her family and eventually married Norton in 1827 at the age of 19.

The marriage was a miserable one.  Caroline was consistently abused and beaten by her overpowering husband so, to make her life a little more bearable, she poured her heart out by writing poetry.  The first poem that she had published was “The Sorrows of Rosalie” in 1829 (link below). 

http://spenserians.cath.vt.edu/TextRecord.php?&action=GET&textsid=36773

The following year she published “The Undying One” in 1830 (link below).

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/19920

I urge you to read these beautiful heart felt poems.  They’re written with incredible depth and feeling.  They may be old-fashioned compared to some of our more modern poetry, but it’s easy to interpret the message that she’s trying to get across.

These verses were ultimately highly regarded and so Caroline found herself in the fortunate position of being approached by a ladies magazine publisher inviting her to become editor of “La Belle Assemblee” magazine which she grasped with both hands. 

La Belle Assemblee

The magazine had considerable standing and ran from 1806 to 1832.  In 1832 it became “The Court and La Belle Assemblee” until 1837 when it merged with “Lady’s Magazine and Museum”  It then became known as “The Court Magazine and Monthly Critic”  All of these magazines were aimed at the higher end of female society so, needless to say, produced a good income for Caroline, enabling her for the first time in her life to have some form of financial independence.  The magazine was very much the forerunner to our women’s magazines today.  It was a mix of articles relevant to ladies and, of course, what magazine would miss out on a section devoted to fashion.

Fashion Illustration from La Belle Assemblee

In 1836, due to her much improved financial situation, Caroline was finally able to make the break from her abusive husband.  Whether it be wounded pride or concerns over his standing within the government, George Norton instantly claimed that Caroline had committed adultery with no less than Lord Melbourne, and pursued him through the Courts as he maintained that his wife had been seduced.  The friendship between Caroline and Lord Melbourne had in fact, initially, be encouraged by Norton, presumably to further his parliamentary career, but it seemed that, now Caroline was an independent woman of some means, she was no longer a “bartering asset”.  Norton, of course, lost the case as there was absolutely no evidence of adultery but Caroline’s reputation, being of an inferior species, i.e. a female, ended up in tatters.

Norton then decided to punish Caroline still further by denying her access to their three children.

There’s no doubt that, following these two events and combined with her intellect and inside knowledge of government workings, she began looking into the obvious bias towards men when it came to women’s welfare.  Her campaign started with the child custody issue that existed. 

It seemed ludicrous that, following a separation between husband and wife, the decision as to custody of the children should instantly fall on the husband.  In Caroline’s case, no account was taken for the fact that she had been badly abused and beaten for several years at the hands of her husband and yet, in order to maintain contact with her children, she was expected to endure this treatment for the rest of her life.  Following her untiring efforts, The Infant Custody Bill was passed in 1839.

George Norton, obviously aggravated by his ex wife, then tried to take the proceeds of her writing.  Once again, according to law, upon marriage whatever funds the wife had instantly passed to the husband to be administered as he saw fit (but in the main this went into hubby’s own pocket!).  So, once again Caroline got onto her soap box and, due to her persistence, The Marriage and Divorce Act of 1857 was passed.  This passing was not without other outside influences, namely Queen Victoria who Caroline had approached for support; as a devoted wife and mother and, surprisingly, a supporter of some rights for women, I’m certain she would have taken Caroline’s side.

Caroline however didn’t just limit her campaigning to help women.  She was strongly against child labour and combined this campaign with her literary skills.  She published a verse entitled “Voice from the Factories”  http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/norton/avftf/avftf.html. which showed just how abhorrent child labour was and, once again, she worded it so eloquently and with obvious personal feeling, that it must have made at least a small dent in even the most hardened hearts.

In later life, following the death of George Norton in 1875, Caroline was finally a free agent (she had never obtained a divorce although she had gained some access rights to her children, even though Norton had them residing with him).  She re-married in March 1877 – William Stirling Maxwell, with whom she’d had a long friendship spanning around 25 years.  But regrettably the happiness she’d been seeking over the majority of her life was to be short lived as she died just a few months later – 15 June 1877.

I found Caroline to be quite extraordinary for her time.  It just seems to be so incredibly sad and cruel that she strived all her life to have at least a small amount of happiness, but when she finally got that opportunity and grasped it, it was to be so brief.

Being a mother is the desire of all women. However, to be a good mother is not necessarily felt by all women.

Although there are no written rules about the size of the mother’s success in raising a baby, but the following secrets can help you find the key to the success of a mother.

As quoted from She Knows, there are a few suggestions that come directly from the experts that you can apply.

1. Ask for Help

“Make a list of people who can help you. Just because you’re a mom does not mean as well as a super woman. When my newborn son, my sister called me crying perempuank. Hearing difficulties experienced, he then came all the way from Alaska to make a schedule. So it would be better if a mother is not ashamed to ask for help is really needed. “Says Trisha Idoni, mother of 8-year-old Mallory, in Pensacola, Florida.

2. Helping Kids Homework

According to Karen Schiff Freeman, a 37-year-old mother who already has three children, in Solon, Ohio, “Coming home from school children, they do their homework at the kitchen table so different in their duties are not mixed. That way I can keep doing my work near them at any time if they needed help, but they do not wait.We always do this, so children know what they should do every day. “

3. Overcome Poor Dreams

“When your child is having nightmares, how to cast out their fear is by lying on the bed with your child and ask about her dream, telling him things like a fun book to read a funny story. This method is quite powerful and can help your baby sleep through the night. “Said Lisa Keddy, mother of one child, in Ocean, New Jersey.

4. Express feelings, Good and Bad

“When my son was fussy, I’ll pull it into my lap and said, ‘it is time to complain, so let’s complain together. After a while, she felt calm and ready to resume activity again. In addition, he will also learn about how to express his feelings. “Said Nancy Feingold, a 57-year-old mother in Newton, Massachusetts.

5. Eliminate Sense of Fear

“If a child falls and you feel pain, use a dark cloth to clean the wounds or scratches. Better yet if putting the cloth in a plastic bag in the freezer. The cold will help relieve the pain. “Said Betty Miliano, mother of two children in Belfast, Maine.

6. Prioritize Family Dinner

According Pamesa Robinson – Joseph, a 27-year-old mother in Chicago, Illinois, “I have a problem with the first child rebellious, so I started making dinner time a rule that there should be no TV, phone, and guests. The only time our family have used fatherly. Sharing the night together managed to improve my child’s attitude. “

7. Easy to fall asleep

“Put the baby in the family box during the day, especially if you have other children. That way your child will get used to the noise, and it’s easier to fall asleep anywhere, “said Wendy Marner, a 42-year-old mother in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

8. Teach Social Values

A mother who came from Ivor, Virginia said, “My daughter is happy to be friends. When he looks unhappy because there is a friend who does not like it, I would ask anyone who treats her badly. I also made him feel comfortable and more attention to his responsibilities as a good friend either. Because it is more valuable than being popular, “said April Wade.

Why do so many brides and grooms give up on their marriage?

• People buy into the myth that marriage is for everyone.  Not everyone is called into marriage.
• People wed before they are ready.
• People go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. They expect marriage to make them happy, but marriage does not ensure happiness. It is selfish to go into marriage for that purpose.  Some people buy into the misconception that marriage will end their loneliness.

For marriage to succeed:

• Both husband and wife should be committed for the long haul. They must learn to think of marriage as a permanent relationship.  With this “long haul” mindset, they are more likely to marry right in the first place, and they are more likely to make their marriage work.
• Spouses must seek to understand and embrace each other’s differences and they must learn to love their spouse the way God loves them.
• Spouses must invite God into their relationship. God must be the central part of the husband/wife relationship, because marriage was never meant to be a duet, it was designed to be a Holy Trio.

So, how to stay married for life?

1. Become the right person
2. Walk in love
3. Fix your hope on God and seek to please Him through this relationship
4. If failure occurs, repeat step 1, 2, 3

I’m married for 20 years now, and I have shared our anniversary celebration in my blog, and though we have had so many ups and downs through the years, my husband and I both work hard to make our marriage last for the rest of our lives.

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