bhalababy

A new twist in the river’s tale

bhalababy — Wed, 02 May 2012 11:07:50 +0000

The sediment is settling in my river and, as I sit here considering the distance it has travelled, the rapids it has traversed and the magnificent flight it has taken over waterfalls, I acknowledge every grain of sand and love them. And in the loving of my sediment, I am acutely aware that it isn't here to stay. Related posts:

Resetting the parenting coordinates

bhalababy — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 07:58:49 +0000

I had pulled everything out the bag (and then some) and my body was depleted and in pain. But my soul? ... it was free and open. And this young man was there at my most receptive, just as I had been there for him right at the beginning of the course. No related posts.

Sailing away…

bhalababy — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 05:01:28 +0000

As relieved as I am that my marriage is over, I need to acknowledge that it wasn't All Bad. It just wasn't meant to last so damn Long! If I was born for "till death do us part" then it was the one from many decades ago … when an interpretation of wedding vows meant you would nurse your spouse through sickness and disease until the plague or small pox finally got him (or you) at the age of 35, by which time you couldn't possibly have grown out of love. So, although my husband is one of my soul mates, we were done with our work together many years ago – our souls knew it but our vows made us believe we were physically bound together for life … an eternity when we're still only halfway to Forever. Related posts:

Om lingam ebony heart

Loving being single … (?)

bhalababy — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 20:52:31 +0000

She says she goes out not because she is going out with this guy, but because he's not around. And from experience I know there is one thing worse than having a partner who doesn't care what you have to share about your day or your life … it's not having a partner with whom to share your day or your life. She sends him messages and pictures to make it feel like he's there but, ultimately, it's as though she is in love with an illusion … like she has an imaginary boyfriend. Related posts:

Let’s get there by dreaming …

Blame it on the moon … or the weed … or whatever …

bhalababy — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 19:04:16 +0000

My friend - knuckles white now from clutching her rock - asked me what I am prepared to do to change my behavior in order to find a place of comfort in my current situation. "Well," I said, "I can say if that's all you can offer, that's fine, I'll take it, but then I'm only prepared to give you this, this and this in return." She wanted to know what that meant exactly. "Hmmm, ok, ok, I have to accept that there's a grey area," I said. "But I also have to be able to live in that grey area." And then I laughed. Why? Because I don't know how to. I'd end up giving 100% anyway and then emotionally vomiting on all the wrong people because I'd forget to talk to the chunk of rock. Related posts:

CONTAINED

I AM!

bhalababy — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 06:39:15 +0000

And as the processing began and I started to run too much, work too hard, forget to eat … and then deal with a stuffed Achilles tendon and a fever blister that usually signals my body's plea for help, a fragile Penny limped through the week, unable to fathom what exactly had mowed me down. Related posts:

Love. 2012. Love. Life.

bhalababy — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 14:01:49 +0000

'So what is it they have to say?' you want to know. They tell me that the clandestine nature of a relationship deprives me of my ability to live life with the full breadth of who I am. They say that I am incapable of being in love with one man while playing the field with others. They tell me they still see my vulnerability despite my protestations that I'm fine. But mainly they assert that I don't know how to do these things in half-measures. My friends know that I can't open my heart just a crack without leaking my love all over the pavement, but they also know that I want to believe in love above all things and that I would sacrifice my soul for the chance of just a taste of its sweet nectar. Related posts:

Vein Life

From Rollercoasters to Rapids

bhalababy — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:49:05 +0000

... and "with a calm and equanimous mind" I will embrace that I have moved and shifted and that even while the sediment is settling in my ever-flowing river, the law of nature dictates that nothing is permanent and the rapids will come once more. And the waterfalls with throw me off my feet. But there will be calm again too. Related posts:

All in a Letter

bhalababy — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:05:09 +0000

It's none of my business what anyone thinks of me and if my ex-to-be wants these people in the settlement, he's welcome to them ... I won’t defend myself to people who have known me for years yet make no attempt to find out how I am faring in this saga. Related posts:

SCRATCHING

These boots are made for walking

bhalababy — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:37:58 +0000

So I survived Buddha's Bootcamp! The twelve days felt like over a month and, although I didn't leopard crawl under fences or scale the walls, I did find myself resolutely marching beyond the course boundary to my car a couple of times – day 2 and day 7 I think … although I'm not quite sure what I was planning on doing once I reached it. My key was locked away in an undisclosed location – together with my wallet, my pen, my iPod and my phone – and I've never hot-wired a car before. Related posts: