bhalababy

I AM!

bhalababy — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 06:39:15 +0000

And as the processing began and I started to run too much, work too hard, forget to eat … and then deal with a stuffed Achilles tendon and a fever blister that usually signals my body's plea for help, a fragile Penny limped through the week, unable to fathom what exactly had mowed me down. Related posts:

Love. 2012. Love. Life.

bhalababy — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 14:01:49 +0000

'So what is it they have to say?' you want to know. They tell me that the clandestine nature of a relationship deprives me of my ability to live life with the full breadth of who I am. They say that I am incapable of being in love with one man while playing the field with others. They tell me they still see my vulnerability despite my protestations that I'm fine. But mainly they assert that I don't know how to do these things in half-measures. My friends know that I can't open my heart just a crack without leaking my love all over the pavement, but they also know that I want to believe in love above all things and that I would sacrifice my soul for the chance of just a taste of its sweet nectar. Related posts:

Vein Life

From Rollercoasters to Rapids

bhalababy — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:49:05 +0000

... and "with a calm and equanimous mind" I will embrace that I have moved and shifted and that even while the sediment is settling in my ever-flowing river, the law of nature dictates that nothing is permanent and the rapids will come once more. And the waterfalls with throw me off my feet. But there will be calm again too. Related posts:

All in a Letter

bhalababy — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:05:09 +0000

It's none of my business what anyone thinks of me and if my ex-to-be wants these people in the settlement, he's welcome to them ... I won’t defend myself to people who have known me for years yet make no attempt to find out how I am faring in this saga. Related posts:

SCRATCHING

These boots are made for walking

bhalababy — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 19:37:58 +0000

So I survived Buddha's Bootcamp! The twelve days felt like over a month and, although I didn't leopard crawl under fences or scale the walls, I did find myself resolutely marching beyond the course boundary to my car a couple of times – day 2 and day 7 I think … although I'm not quite sure what I was planning on doing once I reached it. My key was locked away in an undisclosed location – together with my wallet, my pen, my iPod and my phone – and I've never hot-wired a car before. Related posts:

Shhhhh …

bhalababy — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 08:52:46 +0000

No music, no reading, no writing, no mind-altering substances of any kind, no sexual misconduct, practically no food and definitely - absolutely! - NO talking … which obviously means no mobile phones either which, in fact, get confiscated on arrival. The discipline for the duration of the course follows a strict routine of morning bell at 4am followed by mediation sessions and lessons throughout the day, ending with compulsory lights out at 9.30pm - no objection considering the list of banned activities. Related posts:

Addendum to previous post

bhalababy — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 06:35:05 +0000

And just as I was perusing the conflict in my Gemini soul, I found the following quote: “The universe exists only through a constant dance of consistency and change. Through consistency, consciousness finds meaning; through change it finds stimulation and expansion. To find consistency within change is to embrace the unfolding flow.” - Judith Anodea [...] Related posts:

True Fiction

bhalababy — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 18:02:10 +0000

“Know thyself? If I knew myself I would run away.” – Goethe So I question the belief that it is only when I can bring the two poles of my personality together that I will be whole. And I wonder if I can really only be complete when I can be consistent. Related posts:

The cuckoo’s nest …

bhalababy — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 17:28:33 +0000

One of my oldest friends is also my biggest critic and she doesn't let me get away with anything. She won't give opinions when I beg her for them and gives me a lot of lip when I don't. But each time she knocks me down with her lack of compassion or judges me for things that don't fit her profile of reality, normality and common sense, I have to remind myself of the theory that each friend we have is a reflection of a part of ourselves and I use it to learn from her, something about myself. Related posts:

SCRATCHING

Meet my Twin

bhalababy — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 08:23:16 +0000

And then something happened. My mind did what the earth did when the tsunami hit Japan – it shifted – and all the stuff that was under the carpet was washed out by the impact. And I stopped caring. I gathered the trash and I recycled it into bulletproof garments. I claimed my opinions and my ramblings and my crazy attitude to babies and the world in general, and people judging me ... well, they just couldn’t touch me. Related posts:

Reflections in the Dark