Dearest Grammie,

The last time we were able to visit was in May. You were at home, in your own bed, watching birds and flowers outside in your little garden. You told me of the recent flowers that your children had bought for your garden. I saw almost no one else on that 30-minute visit toCambridgebut, by God’s mercy, I did see you. Aunt Cheryl also had the wisdom, perhaps the foresight, to take a photograph of us together. That photograph is now my favorite. Several hours later, as I was on my way back toMontana, I received a phone call and learned that you had been readmitted to the nursing home. I will forever treasure the memory of our visit that spring day.

I have spent the past few days wondering what to write. You were one of my biggest fans as a writer. It was you who encouraged me to continue with my first novella,Treasure Mountain. You were also the first to read the manuscript when I finished, actually you were one of the few ever to read it, and you still managed to find something good to say about what was surely the worst fiction you ever read. You also scoured every newspaper that has published my work to be sure you missed not a word of my writing. How could I do other than to say goodbye for now in writing.

I have struggled to write this letter because no amount of words will do justice to what I wish to say. Your life was too excellent to reduce to several hundred words. Several thoughts do stand out to me though, so I offer them here.

You are one of the best people I have ever known. I don’t know that I have ever heard anyone say a bad word about you. You taught me by your example what it means to live as a good person.

You and Bumpa had a promising career in music and entertaining. I remain certain that you would have gone far and been wealthy and famous. You discovered a higher calling though, and you taught me by your example what it means to forsake all for the sake of conviction and living out what you believe.

You taught me what it means to live a life of influence through service. You have loved others, served others, and had a profound influence on more people than I could ever hope to influence.

You lived a life of integrity and character in a world where these are not common. You taught me what it means to live with character and integrity as defining values.

You taught me to laugh, and to be quick with a witty response. I enjoy making people laugh. You would have been proud of the one-liner I pulled at work on Friday.

Your life also was marked by grace and poise. In trying to define this it occurred to me that you are a lady. You lived your life with such class that I just cannot think of a better term. I have known many good women in my life, each of whom have different strengths and traits. None of them are as much of a lady as you are though. You will always be the standard in my mind when I think of a lady.

You also taught me to love God and the Scriptures. I love the Scripture that reminds us we do not grieve as those who do not have hope. I do grieve your passing terribly, but I also have hope. I also love the psalm which reminds us that precious in the eyes of the Lord is the death of one of His saints. I may mourn that you are no longer with me on this earth, but God rejoices that you are now with Him – which is much better.

The power of a life lived well cannot be overstated, but it can be appreciated, emulated, and celebrated. Thank you, Grammie, for living well. I love you, and I look forward to the day when we meet again and you can take your firstborn grandson for a nature walk through heaven. Until that day, I will treasure the memories we share and continue to celebrate you for there is no one like you.

Love, Robert

But make no mistake about it … you will be wounded in this Epic battle to which we have been called.  Of course, the level of conflict you engage may alter the intensity of the wounds you receive but that’s no reason to hold back.  You have a weapon (The Sword of the Lord) and you have a shield (The Shield of Faith).  You are equipped with everything you need to engage the enemy in hand to hand combat (Ephesians 6:10-20).   And the protective gear provided for you is all for defense of the front of the body.  No provision is made for a retreat.  As  soldiers of the Cross we are expected to be on the offense.  “Upon this rock I will build my church;” said Jesus, “and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.”  (Matthew 16:18)   The implication by the Captain of our Salvation  is that the Gates of Hell will not be able to withstand the attacks of God’s people powered by His Spirit.

But unfortunately, not everyone who wears the uniform of Christ wants to take their place in the battle!  There is a place in line assigned to you and if you choose not to fight … if you are AWOL from your allocated point of duty, there is no one allotted to take your place!  And what do you suppose that does for the person standing next to your empty spot?

William Gurnall, in his classic writings The Christian in Full Armor, enlarges upon this great truth.

 “Be strong and courageous,” the Lord said to Joshua,“the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”   G. K. Chesterton aptly said,

” Courage is almost a contradiction in terms.  It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die.  “He that will lose his life, the same shall save it,” is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes.  It is a piece of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers.  It might be printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book.  The paradox is the whole principle of courage; even of quite earthly or quite brutal courage.  A man cut off by the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice.  He can only get away from death by continually stepping within an inch of it.  A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying.  He must not merely cling to life, for then he would be a coward, and will not escape.  He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape.  He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.”

You will receive wounds!  There’s no way around it!  We are in a war with the forces of evil and the battles are real!  Take pride in the wounds you have taken in the Cause of Christ.  Wear them with honor for you have earned them.  King Henry V encouraged his men,

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,

Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,

And rouse him at the name of Crispian …

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,

And say, “These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.”

Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,

But he’ll remember with advantages

What feats he did that day, then shall our names …

Be in their flowing cups freshly remember’d.

Our Lord Jesus made a comment that has caused a great deal of controversy.  Imagine that, Jesus saying something to stir up a storm!   I have asked  many people what they thought he meant by this statement and the response is usually one of perplexity.  “The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force.”   Matthew 11:12            

John Bunyan, in his classic work Pilgrim’s Progress, visualizes this perfectly.

Then the interpreter took [Christian] and led him up toward the door of the palace, and behold, at the door stood a great company of men, as desirous to go in, but [dared] not.  There also sat a man at a little distance from the door, at the tableside, with a book and his inkhorn before him, to take the names of them that should enter therein; he saw also that in the doorway stood many men in armor to keep it, being resolved to do the men that would enter what hurt and mischief they could.  Now was Christian somewhat in amaze.  At last, when every man [fell] back for fear of the armed men, Christian saw a man of very stout countenance come up to the man that sat there  to write, saying, “Set down my name, sir,” the which when he had done, he saw the man draw his sword, and put a helmet upon his head, and rush toward the door upon the armed men, who laid upon him with deadly force; but the man, not at all discouraged, fell to cutting and hacking most fiercely.  So after he had received and given many wounds to those that attempted to keep him out, he cut his way through them all, and pressed forward into the palace.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:  Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.  1 Peter 5:8-9

So, just what is Peter presuming about the life of the average Christian?  Verse 8 says that we have an adversary (an enemy or opponent) who is walking around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour!  I once heard a beloved pastor teach on this passage many years ago.  He said, “He goes around like a roaring lion, but he’s nothing but a declawed, defanged pussycat!”  I rejoiced in that imagery at the moment but I was still a bit wet behind the ears as a Christian.  Life, personal experience with the adversary, and an intense study of spiritual warfare have led me to understand that Satan is still a very powerful opponent!  When referring to the present power of Satan, renowned spiritual warfare authority Dr. Ed Murphy says, “already, but not yet.”  Yes, Satan was defeated at the Cross!  But the effect of that defeat has not yet been applied.  There is coming a day when the Enemy will be put in his place … and his place is Hell!  But he’s not there yet!  And his power has not yet been taken away from him.  He is not, contrary to popular belief, a declawed, defanged pussycat.  The Apostle Paul encourages us in Romans 16:20,

And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

So, when Paul wrote that it was several decades after the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ and Satan had not yet been bruised.  And notice that Paul’s prophecy says that God will bruise Satan “under your feet” …  Christian friend, you will be involved in the demise of your enemy!  Can anybody say SPIRITUAL WARFARE!!!

And verse 9 indicates that you are not alone in this conflict!  Notice that Peter says, “knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.”  No, you’re not alone!  Every believer in Jesus Christ will suffer affliction from our adversary, the Devil.  Remember Revelation 12:17 which I quoted in my last blog,

And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy …

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy …

“… he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised”  Luke 4:18

… the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.   Romans 16:20

The King of Rohan responded, “I will not risk open warfare!”  Whereupon Aragorn answered, “Open warfare is upon you whether you would risk it or not!”  I love that line!  I got so excited when I saw that scene that I played it over and over again shouting, “That’s it!  That’s it!”  You see, there are so many Christians who have buried their heads in the sand not wanting to risk open warfare, as if ignoring it could make it go away.  Open warfare is upon you, dear brother or sister, whether you would risk it or not.”

The twelfth chapter of Revelation gives us some insight into this phenomenon.  Let’s take a look at a few of those verses:

¹ And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars: ² And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered.

³ And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads. ⁴ And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born. ⁵ And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and to his throne. 

⁷ And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, ⁸ And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. ⁹ And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

¹⁰ And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

 ¹⁷ And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

³¹ And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: ³²But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.   Luke 22:31-32

I have shared my “story” countless times as I have traveled the country singing and preaching wherever the LORD leads me.  But this will be the first time I have put it in print and, thus, the first time many of you will  have heard it.  I have been a Christian since 1956 when, as a six year old boy, I gave my heart to Christ and asked him to be my personal Savior.  Since that time I have been walking with God and growing in my faith.  I attended Bible College and prepared for ministry and have served as a pastor since 1975.  Our family has had many ups and downs and have always found God to be faithful and true.  While in Bible College my wife Linda had a miscarriage and almost hemorrhaged to death in the process.  Those were some difficult times financially and emotionally but God brought us through it.

After Bible College I had started a church in Deerfield, NH and during the first year of that fledgling church Linda became pregnant again.  Our little family was thrilled that we would be expanding.  But our fourth child, Jonathan David Witham did not live.  We were devastated to say the least.  But again, God strengthened us and we endured.  Needless to say this journey has not been an easy one but with the heartaches there have also been innumerable blessings.  God is a Good God … all the time!

During the first decade of this century I pastored a small church in Cambridge, New York, where Linda and I still reside.  It was during this time that I experienced one of the greatest crisis of my life.  Our daughter Bethany and son-in-law Brian were expecting a child.  They had already blessed us with two beautiful granddaughters, Rachel and Bailey, and had experience the loss of a son, Dominick.  But this child was born a healthy baby boy, Kain Gregory.  After he had been home for a few days, Kain began to show signs of distress and Bethany took him to Southwestern Vermont Medical Center in Bennington, VT.  He was immediately shipped to Albany Medical Center in Albany, NY to the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).

We already had two children and one grandchild in Heaven and were not willing to give up another grandson.  The professional staff at NICU labored for more than three weeks when the Doctors told Bethany there was nothing more that could be done.  I had been fasting and praying for Kain and assured Bethany that when all others had given up there was still hope.  I believed in a God a miracles and I trusted that He would hear and answer my prayer.  I even boldly threatened God that if He did not heal my grandson I would never preach again!  Isn’t it amazing how we can argue with God and even try to bargain with Him when we are desperate?  I am so thankful, however, that our God is a loving, caring, forgiving God who does not hold such foolishness against us.  I continued to fast and pray!  I felt that as a minister of the gospel I could offer something that the medical profession could not … and I wanted, like any father, to come through for my daughter and her husband.

The night before Kain died I stood in the NICU with my wife Linda, daughter Bethany and son-in-law Brian as we quietly stared at Kain’s little body lying in a crib with feeding tubes, suction tubes, IVs and other life support maintaining this precious, innocent little soul.  No one spoke but I cried out to the LORD silently, “LORD Jesus, where are you?  We need you!”  (Even as I type these words I still well up with tears)  It was at that moment that I began a journey into the darkest part of my soul.  For the first time in my life I experienced absolute silence from God!  I felt abandoned!  I kept waiting for a response from Him, some assurance that everything was going to be okay … but nothing; nothing but silence.  How could this be?  The God of creation, the LORD of my life, my personal Savior and Shepherd, the Lamb of God … silent!  The silence of the Lamb!

I didn’t know what to make of it but it scared me!  Later that night as I lay in bed in our 28 foot camper next to our burned out farmhouse (yes, we had suffered a fire just a few weeks earlier) I continued to cry out to God.  Again, silently, for I did not want to wake Linda nor did I want her to know how I was struggling.  I said many things to Him that night which I later came to regret, but again He is faithful and true, forgiving and restoring those who love Him.  As the sleepless night went on and my desperation increased I finally began to analyze my hopeless situation.  I said either God hears me and He doesn’t care (and I didn’t believe that), or He hears me but is helpless to do anything about it (and I couldn’t believe that), or He doesn’t hear me because He isn’t really there!  And a little voice spoke into my heart, “That’s right!  He isn’t really there!”

Now who do you suppose could have whispered those words in the dark hour?  Remember Jesus’s words to Simon Peter, “Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat”.  And the sifting began …

In the weeks to come I struggled like never before.   Not only had I lost another grandson but I had lost me faith, I had lost my God!  I didn’t know what to do!  I didn’t know what to believe!  I didn’t know if I could still believe in the One Who had been my Guide, my Shepherd since I was six years old.  I could’t stand behind the pulpit and preach but rather I would sit on a stool in the center isle of the church with open Bible and share, “This is what I believe God is saying to me this week through his Word.”  I am so thankful that while other churches would have retorted, “Throw the bum out!” those dear folks at Whiteside Church continued to love me, show compassion and pray for me until the Spirit of God slowly and gently encouraged and strengthened me.  Among other things, God used the words of a song to minister to me in a special way.  David Patillo, one of my favorite gospel songwriters had sent me his new CD and I was listening to “Let the Living Waters Flow” while driving in my pick up truck.  When I got to the second stanza it was like the balm of Gilead.  I began to weep as I listened to the words:

“There was a time in my valley when it seemed that no one cared

I looked up to search the sky and see if God was still there

He heard my cry and saw the thirsting down inside my soul

And it wasn’t long until a dried up stream began to flow

I later made arrangements with David Patillo to record that song myself since it had ministered to me in such a special way.  It is included on my “Country Gospel” CD and remains one of my favorites today.

There is so much more I could say about this sifting of my soul but time and space will not allow.  I would like to say however that during this whole affliction when I wanted nothing but to turn away from God and never look back that I was haunted by the memory of so many folks I had counseled over the years.  People who had in bitterness walked away from God and found that they had walked a dead end road.  There is no hope on that road; only bitterness, emptiness and heartache can be found there.  It was another way the Spirit of God was watching over me and protecting me.  I don’t know why God allowed me to be sifted like wheat.  I don’t know why the Lamb was silent and I sensed total abandonment.  But I do know that He prayed for me that my faith would not fail and having been changed … I am to tell my story to help strengthen my brothers and sisters.

³¹ And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: ³²But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.     Luke 22:31-32

I’d like to examine these verses a little closer to see just what is going on.  First of all we see Jesus speaking to Simon Peter and using his given name twice.  “Simon, Simon …” reveals to me the concern with which Jesus was about to reveal this message to his disciple.  Jesus knew what was coming and His heart was moved with compassion.

Next Jesus says, “Satan has desired to have you, the he may sift you as wheat.”  A closer look at the word “desired” reveals some insight into the enemy’s motivation.  The word “desired” can also be translated “demanded”.  Immediately I have a vision of Satan standing before the Throne of God and contending for God’s servant Job.  Satan didn’t just desire to have Peter … he boldly demanded to have his way with him.  His intention was to sift him as wheat!  Now, I’m not a farmer but I do live in the country in a very agricultural county and I know enough about the sifting process to know that it refers to a separation of the wheat from the chaff.  To make that analogy of a human being tested indicates to me a very painful process.  What Simon Peter was about to endure would be an agonizing development.  Of course, looking back to the story of Job in the Old Testament, we have the assurance of knowing that Satan can only go as far a God allows him.  It is comforting to know that God places a hedge of thorns of protection around those that are His children and, try as he might, Satan cannot break through that hedge without the express permission of God, our Heavenly Father.

With that in mind, I’d like to be able to read the next verse and hear Jesus saying, “Don’t worry about a thing Simon!  I told Satan, ‘nothing doing’.  You are one of mine and you are off limits to him.”  Oh how wonderful it would be if that were always the case.  Some times it is … but not always.  In reality Jesus said, “But I have prayed for you, that your faith will not fail …”  Imagine, the God of the universe praying for you by name, knowing what you are about to endure at the enemy’s hand and assuring you that you will come through it victoriously!  Jesus knew that Peter would deny Him, curse and swear and disallow he ever knew Him.  But He also knew how it would all turn out!  Peter’s faith would not fail!

Jesus then says to Peter, “When you are converted, strengthen your brothers.”  To be converted means to be changed.  Anyone who goes through deep waters, anyone who survives the storms of life, anyone who has been sifted like wheat by the devices of the enemy will be changed!  You will come through it … but you will arrive on the other shore a changed person!  You will not be the same person you were when you went into it.  Trials and tribulations change us!  Some for better; some for worse.  You will either become better or you will become bitter.  You will either be drawn closer to God or it will drive a wedge between you and your Creator.  Which way it goes depends entirely on our attitude and choices we make in the trial, but it is certain that you will not come out of it the same way you went into it.  You will be changed!  Simon Peter was a changed man and he was changed for the better.  Jesus instructed him to use what he learned in his storm to strengthen and encourage his brothers. 

This is why I take it as a personal commission to share my story with others and in so doing to strengthen and encourage my brothers and sisters with what God has taught me through it all.  I don’t have all the answers as to why God allows suffering and affliction to come into the lives of His children but I do have some insight.  In my next BLOG I will share some of my own experience with you.  It’s a painful story to tell but I have shared it innumerable times as I have been ministering at large.  And the end result is that it has been inspiring to others who have been asking God, “Why?”  Remember, even Jesus in His darkest hour as He hung upon the Cross asked, “My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

A few years ago I recorded a song on my “Country Gospel” CD entitled, “This Turn’s for You” written by David Patillo.  It starts off like this:

You’ve made resolutions to turn your life around,

But sometimes things don’t always turn out right.

I know the solution, let Jesus in your heart,

and if tomorrow never comes, you’d be with Him tonight.

But you turn the handle on the door to your heart …

There was a time just a few years ago when I actually read through my Bible twice in one year.  It’s only happened that one time and that was no compliment to me.  I simply had a lot of time on my hands that summer and decided the second time I read through the Bible I would be looking for something in particular.  You see, I had been fascinated by the study of Spiritual Warfare for several years and had actually preached many sermons and taught even more Bible studies on the subject.  I won’t say that I specialized  in the subject, however, I had certainly done a lot of reading and research … enough to at least be “knowledgeable” on the subject.  So I decided to read my Bible from Genesis to Revelation looking for what the Scriptures had to say about Spiritual Warfare.  My findings were shocking!  I discovered that the background of the entire Word of God was centered around a war between Good and evil.  A conflict between God with His Heavenly angels against Satan and his fallen angels.  My entire world view began to change as I internalized this truth.

Since leaving the pastorate and traveling with my Gospel Music ministry, I have had numerous opportunities to preach and I often find myself returning to the subject of Spiritual Warfare.  I have even been called upon to present a series on this fascinating topic.

My wife, Linda has been encouraging me to write a book and share some of my findings and this year I am making a resolution to begin work on the project.  I have decided on a name, “SIFTED LIKE WHEAT … The Believer’s Journey in the Epic Spiritual Battle”.  In it I will share my own personal battle with the Evil One and how it almost destroyed my faith and my ministry.

So in the days and weeks ahead, I will be posting on this blog and sharing my findings on the subject of Spiritual Warfare.  Not only will I be sharing my thoughts with you but hopefully will be organizing them into something that will fill the pages of the book I have resolved to write.  I invite your comments and opinions and would encourage you to tell your story as well.

May God bless you richly in 2012!

Jay Witham (Proverbs 4:23)

Blessings, JAY