I’m going to do some writing about the subject of connection since it seems a bit ignored in the world discussions around marketing as it applies to business owners and entrepreneurs.
Last Monday I facilitated a session of the Mid-Atlantic Consultants Network. I analyzed all of the different parts of making a deeper connection and then set the group to work on discussing five items each.
It’s a high level group of people who have deep industry experience as well as a real desire to add to their own skills. They came through with great insights.

When a business group was asked the question: “Are you here to sell?” Everyone raised their hands.
When she asked “Who is here to buy?” No one raised their hands.
The lesson is: You hare here neither to buy nor to sell. You are here to create relationships.
Takes the pressure off, doesn’t it?

A couple of other insights:
Be open. Sounds easy. But, think back to a time when you met someone. When you asked them what their profession was they answered: “I’m a CPA.”
How fast did you experience a glaze starting to cover your eyes and your head looking around for someone else with whom to chat?

We tend to sort by putting people in boxes. And, we lose the opportunity to find out anything more because we shut it.

Another aspect that needs attention is the realm of assumptions. Here’s a little quiz: Write down all the assumptions that arise in your mind after each one.
1. I teach at Wharton and have a consulting business.
2. I sell commercial insurance.
3. I consult with large Pharma.

I’d be interested in what assumptions arose for you. Here were mine:
1. Ohmygosh, he’s smarter than I am.
2. Holy cow, what can I say next – that’s polite?
3. Whoa. She’s playing in the big spaces, probably nothing to say here.

See what those assumptions shut down? For sure, a deeper connection. I’m making all kinds of assumptions that I have not tested. Instead, maybe I just need some good questions….which I will discuss on the next post.

The Deeper Level of Connection – Part 2

I have adopted generosity as a tool. I find it most useful – not only for my clients, friends, prospects and others, but for myself; as a tool for growth.

Generosity starts with a conscious acceptance of an attitude. It acknowledges the fact that everyone has worth and something unique to offer. Maybe it comes naturally to some, but I find myself weaving in and out of it. I have to remember every day that this is how I want to live and be. I forget way too easily.

Case in point – Last week I went to an all-day workshop. I was excited to attend knowing that I could make new connections and open myself up to good learning. There were only several people in the room when I arrived. Not one of them said hello, including a fellow I have known as an acquaintance and a competitor for about twelve years. My generosity generator shut down faster than a lawn mower out of gas and I started to feel invisible. As the day progressed, other attendees were friendly, but the fellow I knew had determined that he was NOT going to speak to me. Pretty silly, huh?

During the boring parts of the workshop I had a little chat with myself. The end result was that I talked myself into a much more positive state. I also decided to be open and welcoming to as many people as I could. I changed my spirit into one of openness and giving so that my energy would give off a positive, fun and friendly attitude. By doing this, I made some good contacts that day.

What about the unfriendly competitor? He and his organization were the losers in my mind. (I’m still working on this part. Generosity isn’t connected with judgment – which I’m way too guilty of!) They were all incredibly impressed with themselves. They talked about all the great work that they were doing, the great people they knew, how famous they were . . . the list goes on. At that point, they lost me as someone that would even want to talk to them. When it is all about you, people get bored fast. The imprint you leave probably isn’t one you would choose.

Generosity starts with making up your mind that you are going to share with abundance. It opens up possibilities for things unseen. When you are generous, you are curious. It has a completely different energy to it than business as usual. It lets go of the idea that if I give you something, you owe me; if I have more experience than you, I’m more important; if I make more money than you, it makes me more significant, etc.

It’s a value and a decision. Once made, you start each day from a place of love. It has energy to it. No room for negativity. People are attracted to it like a super magnet. And at the end of the day, it is all about love, generosity, kindness and a positive attitude.

Have you ever heard other business owners say they never get referrals? What they are usually referring to is an association event they have attended, a group they belong to, a person they met, etc.

I met just such a person recently at a party. He told me that he couldn’t seem to get anyone to refer him although his credentials were impeccable. I mentioned a couple of organizations that might be helpful to him and that I had worked with a few clients that had experienced success by attending.

The next thing I knew, I got an email from him asking me if I could introduce him to all the people I know in that space. Excuse me?

What’s wrong with this picture? Hint: the answer could shed some light on your own referral ability.

1. When I met him, he only talked about himself and the woefully hard time he had despite his expertise. Comment: If you have a one-sided conversation about only your needs, expect that hardly anyone will bother to take the time to help you. The bad news is – it’s not about you.

2. When he emailed me, his request was unreasonable considering that I had only had a 10 minute conversation with him. Comment: This is a process and it’s about building a relationship of trust, camaraderie, mutual benefit and mutual respect. If any of those pieces are missing, it has little chance to evolve.

3. Just having a short conversation doesn’t form much of a connection. Comment: What if you started a conversation by asking them some more surprising questions? This gets them to respond more authentically and thereby forms a deeper connection. Isn’t that what this is about?

Finally, the big key is following up. Do you take all the steps necessary to form a deeper connection?

* Write a note of appreciation
* Post a comment on their blog
* Tweet about them to others
* Introduce them to someone on email
* Invite them to lunch with others who have the same target client but are not competitive with them

These things seem obvious, but in 12 years on my own, I see very few people execute the referral process well. What would improve yours?

Are you always:

First called    ●    First  Hired    ●    First Referred ?

Do you know how to:

• Make clear distinctions between your company and your most ambitious competitors?
• Create market awareness with memorable messages?
• Define and articulate your value in the marketplace to launch immediate action?
• Are you ready to stop being the “best kept secret” and build a customized marketing machine?

Big Shoes is a Philadelphia Marketing Consultancy that offers strategic and tactical tools to:

• Become well-known
• Attract More Clients
• Increase Profits 
• Expand Your Pipeline

As a specialist in creating brands it never fails to amaze me how fast they can explode.

How does this happen?

Usually from misunderstanding of what a brand  is and how the misunderstanding arises from any number of incorrect assumptions and even outside pressure.

Here are a couple of examples.

1. You get the branding done and then think: “Well, that’s done, now I can take over and save some money by doing this myself.” The problem here is you lack the understanding or time to make sure you have consistency of look, feel and message. Little by little, small elements that made the brand strong slip away until you are left with nothing that matters.
2. Your staff thinks they have the expertise to do this in-house. The problem is that they were hired for other things and this just looks easy to them. They don’t have the first idea of how to do it and as a result end up exploding the brand in record time.
3. You haven’t educated your staff on the values and elements your company stands for. This is possibly the most critical piece because they are your brand ambassadors. How they relate to customers, vendors, past clients, etc. is how you are represented to the public. It’s incredible how little attention is given to this from owners and CEO’s. They forget the connection between brand and people. Think about the last GREAT customer experience you had. How many people did you tell about it?  Enough said.

A wonderful tool that is hardly ever thought of and infinitely more effective  are brainstorms.  There are many industries being interrupted by new technologies or habit changes of users. A good example is marketing itself. What used to work isn’t working so well anymore. But is everything going electronic – I personally doubt it. It needs to be a customized mix.

In marketing, there are the typical tools you see in every book on the shelf like newsletters, websites, blogs, etc.  And then there are some that are much more unique.

I occasionally offer a brainstorm to past clients, current clients, and sometimes possible alliance partners who are a bit stuck and could benefit from a good group think. ( I use the word group loosely – it may just be two of us!)

Brainstorming is a great visual thinking tool. Getting things out on paper or whiteboard has a way of connecting ideas, inspiring new ones, seeing connections and possibilities. It’s a great tool if you are in a competitive industry and want to excavate some differentiation.

I have offered a brainstorm on occasion for one to two hours. People are knocked over by the generosity of it – it always comes back. But, most of all, I enjoy it. It inspires me and juices my own creativity. It helps to keep me sharp and I always come away with some ideas for myself or others.

If creativity isn’t your top strength,  take a look at what you could offer. Perhaps it’s strategy, maybe leadership, or customer service. Make a list on paper of all the things that are missing. You might uncover a tool that sets you apart from all your competition.

Hey, when you do, share it with us.

So often we don’t think of inspiration as a tangible gift.  But ponder this – Think of a time when you were up against something that was really challenging.  Something that strained all of your resources – interior and exterior.  Did you have someone encouraging you? Was there someone there cheering you on, acting as a good sounding board, telling you that you could reach the goal, that you had the right stuff?

We all need encouragement at times. It is a wonderful surprise to have something come in the mail, email or phone that makes you feel like someone has your back.

Have a look at this video:  A Game of Hope

Think about how it makes you feel and tell me -  “Do you think there’s a place for inspiration in your toolbox?”

One of my favorite quotes goes like this: ” People will often forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

I’ve been speaking lately on what to say – or how to craft a message that is powerful and memorable. After seeing blog posts of several of the people who attended my talks as well as hearing their introductions, I’m beginning to think I should be speaking on What Not to Say! A marketing take off on What Not to Wear.

I thought it might be helpful to give some rules for the road. I am beginning to realize they are not obvious to many people. But, then again, a lot of the principles underlying good marketing aren’t necessarily obvious.

1. Please stop telling me how wonderful, talented, smart, well-traveled,  and in-demand you are. It makes me want to do one of two things (sometimes both): either bolt or throw up. People who really understand good marketing get that it needs to be all about the client and solving their challenges in creative ways.

2. Please don’t tell me all the ways you can hire me. I feel pushed and push never wins a sale. Almost everyone (I know I’m making a gross generality here) hate pushy people. So why would you think that I’m not smart enough to hire you by having a conversation that takes me to a place that quietly shows your expertise?

3.  Please don’t tell me that this week because of your brilliant advice, you picked up 6 new clients. I get an email from a coach who I knew years ago and he includes this in almost every post he sends. In a moment of boredom, I counted how many new clients he got in one month. I hope he is working with them in innovative ways because by my calculations he has no time to sleep. Make sure your numbers add up if you keep doing this.

4. Examine your assumptions. You know what they say about those old assumptions making an ass out of you. It’s all true. I’ve tried it.  I had a conversation this morning with a friend who just sold her first software company and went to a networking event. She happens to be extremely attractive so she was a magnet to certain people in the group. One man came up to her and introduced himself and immediately assumed she was an administrative assistant.

Now of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with admins. They save us from ourselves. I’m the original poster child for that campaign. But this gal has walked in the shoes of the successful entrepreneur. She has her MBA. She has paid her dues.  She never bothered to correct him. She just tossed his card in the trash as she walked out.

5. Try hard not to use acronyms. You are so immersed in a methodology that has a long name and it needs shortening for the people who know you. I get that. But for all of the rest of us don’t bother with the name – just tell us the story of how powerful it is and for whom it has worked.

Now for some positive thoughts.

Concentrate on your prospective client. Talk to them about their challenges, ask them questions, write about things that have worked, help them understand something, and name the pain.  You will get their listening, they will want more, they may engage in a conversation with you – you’ll see, it’s transformative – and a whole lot more fun.

If you decide to go to Italy (my favorite country to visit), you choose a date, make reservations for the plane, your hotel, car, and any special tickets you might need. You make sure your passport is in order, check out your clothes, etc. etc.

So, how ironic is it that we spend more time planning a trip to Italy than consciously using some tools that make our business better and our customers happier?

Have you ever mapped your customer experience? From the beginning of the interaction to the end (if there is one) and all the places along the continum?

You might start with a big piece of paper. Figure out all the points that you would have a chance to create an experience that would make them say “WOW!”.

Next, create some ways you could elevate that experience to make it extraordinary. I promise you that your competition probably isn’t doing this.  (Smile)  Analyze the opportunities that exist for causing extreme happiness, then act on them by putting them into a customer system. You will be amazed at the results.

If you have a chance let me know how you did and I’ll include the story.

The people that think change is easy are either kidding themselves or are just plain liars.

I started thinking about change during the holidays. I was looking at my list of goals and although I accomplished some of them, there were others still hanging out to dry. I decided to postpone thinking about the why till another day ( procrastination being the strong magnet that it is). As an alternative I knew I deserved a break from such tough thinking work and went to the bookstore instead.

Most of us can count the number of books that have changed our lives. It’s not from the fact that there is a dearth of profound material – not at all.  I think most of the time we just aren’t ready for the particular message or sometimes we need the advanced or beginner version of it. But that day  a book hopped off the shelf into my hands that was a game changer for me.

The Happiness Project (www.thehappinessproject.com) did that. It’s writer, as a law graduate, clerked for Sandra Day O’Connor and was editor of the Yale Law Review but decided to scrap her law career at the end of her clerkship. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the Justice.

She realized that maybe she wasn’t as happy as she could be and began a project to take an intentional look at what actually made her happy. The book has some really interesting insights and the author, Gretchen Rubin,  has a light, whimsical sense of humor.

The real meat of the book came later when I decided to use her methods to create  a new customer/prospect experience.  I used a few of her methods for identifying the subsets of my  customer experience from beginning to end. I then modified the way she kept herself accountable to her project for my own goals and I’m happy to report that the effects are startlingly positive. All of a sudden everything is getting done – ahead of time. I am shocking myself in the most wonderful way. I’m having a great time trying out different ideas on clients and prospects – they are all positive, helpful and sometimes fun. The reaction has been extremely satisfying.

I’ve decided change doesn’t have to be so hard – we can, as the author Gretchen Rubin says,: choose our attitude. I’m enjoying mine and I know that when I’m finished analyzing  the customer experience I want to create – my clients will consistently say: “WOW!”