So I’m sitting in this bar, right?.. QUELLE SURPRISE!!! :O haha

So it’s like 3am and there are only two chicks left. Let’s name them A and B.

A is in better physical shape than B. B is cuter than A, facially.

B, the cuter, worse-shapen one is probably hammered, wasted, incredibly drunk, or at least I hope she doesn’t act like that when she’s sober.

SitRep

They’re sitting on the other side of the “L” of the bar. I’m on the long side, they’re on the short side.

A couple of times, I see B attempt to climb on the bar as if someone had asked her to dance.

That was going to be an instant disaster, and fortunately, she was dissuaded each time she started rising up.

At some point, as I was talking to a friend and not paying very much attention to either of these chicks, merely noting the playing field at the time, I look over and A is sitting there by herself, then she asks my friend to watch her stuff because B walked away to go to the bathroom and she wanted to go see if she was ok.

This gained A points, because chicks in this town are known to leave their homegirls laying around in the garbage, billcammack.com/2009/12/10/ass-out-in-the-garbage-homegirl-epic-failure/, and this was good that she was considering her friend’s welfare.

So A goes and retrives B from wherever she had been, and they both return to their seats around the corner of the bar from me.

So more time passes, and I’m really not thinking about them at all, but eventually, I hear this scraping sound and a thud, and I look in the direction of their seats.

Neither A nor B is there, but one of the chairs is way to the side from where it was supposed to be, and people on that side of the bar were all looking towards the floor.

Professor Plum With A Candlestick In The Library

So I put 2 and 2 together and figured out that A had walked away somewhere, and the sound I had heard was the bar stool sliding to the side and scraping against the floor while B buss her ass (fell down on the floor), which is what people were looking at.

So I’m waiting and waiting, because nothing changed. People were still looking at the floor. The chairs were still spread apart. I didn’t hear or see anything different.

Eventually, I see a hand come up to the bar for support in getting back up, and lo and behold, up emerges *A* from bussin’ her ass and cold lampin’ on the ground for half a minute or more.

So she gets up and is dusting herself off and saying how embarrassing that was, while my friend and I are going “nooooooo. noooooooo. happens all the time. noooooooo.”

So now the standings are B = less physically attractive, more facially attractive, looks like she’s about to pass out or vomit at any second, and A = more physically attractive, less facially attractive, doesn’t look so drunk but still can’t figure out how to sit on a bar stool without bussin’ her ass.

The question is.. Being that it’s 3am, which one do you kick it to? o_O

Even though the correct answer would be *BOTH*, because you’re really dealing with a “lesser of the evils” situation here, and it isn’t extremely important which one you select, assuming you can get on at all, and in those situations, it’s easier to hook up with both of the chicks because if you single one out, the other one’s going to cockblock your action, there’s a better option.

Solution

NEITHER ONE!!! :D

Too many times, I find that dudes consider their current tactical situation to be the entirety of their opportunities to get laid.

Unless you live in the sticks, that just isn’t true. You have options. Walk away. Leave those drunk-ass stool-falling chicks where they are, and head to another bar, because the bars aren’t closing in NYC until 4am.

Contact some other chick you already know (known as a Bootie/Booty Call.. Personally, I prefer Bootie, because Booty seems to be the treasure a pirate searches for).

Write the evening off as a loss. Chalk it up to your poor selection of bars to hang out in, where they have a small population of quasi-attractive, dangerously-drunk-to-you-as-they-can’t-remember-what-really-happened-and-want-to-claim-you-took-advantage-of-them-when-THEY’RE-the-ones-that-climbed-up-on-you-and-started-demonstrating-yoga-and-pilates-moves chicks.

Let it slide. You fought the good fight. Wake up in the morning, dust yourself off and try again. You can dust it off and try again. Try again.

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I just became aware of the latest scandal involving an internet bigwig. Some people who used to hang out with this dude ALL THE TIME are now saying “I knew he was a creep for a long time” and/or “I heard horrific rumors about him for a long time”.

I find this situation funny, yet educational, for a few reasons. One of them is that the people that “heard rumors” didn’t say JACK **** until this dude was publicly called out for his rumored behavior, way after the fact of when the situations actually occured, and with, so far, zero evidence of anything occurring at all, other than the word of this guy’s ex-girlfriend, who happens to be his accuser.

What’s funny about that is that by speaking up NOW, you highlight that you FAILED TO or REFUSED to speak up between when you heard these rumors and when the public allegations surfaced = not fly.

Another reason this is educational is “What were the rumor-hearing people supposed to do about it, anyway? \o/” It’s a rumor. They weren’t there. They didn’t SEE anything happen. They aren’t witnesses. Even if they take the complainant’s word for what happened, they have no direct knowledge of it, themselves.

What’s The Problem?

Generally, this situation has to do with “domestic violence”, which is the current classification for people that are hooking up with each other being mentally or physically abusive towards each other.

Back in the day, I knew some guys that were what would be considered in 2013 “abusive” towards chicks they were dating. Not once, but several times. Not as an anomaly, but as an aspect of the relationship.

If things weren’t going the way the guy wanted, things could easily get physical, including all the way up to a fistfight between the guy and gal……. And then she would come back in the near future (assuming she left at all that night, and they didn’t just go to sleep or have sex or whatever they did after the fight) and resume their relationship until the next physical fight, and then she would come back in the near future….. That was the nature of their relationship.

To go off on a tangent for a second, that’s why I told *EVERYBODY* immediately that Chris Brown and Rihanna never broke up. If that car incident had been the first time that would have happened to her, she would have reacted differently. I had already seen women who were very comfortable with the fact that their relationship might come to blows and had no intention of ending their relationship AT. ALL.

In fact, the guys that I knew that used to lay hands on chicks if they deemed it necessary were *ALWAYS* the ones to initiate a final breakup with the chick. Always. The guy had had enough of her being a pain in the neck and ended the relationship. It was never the chick getting tired of having to fight with her boyfriend.

So I was clear that it was for the media and their careers that Chris Brown and Rihanna faked breaking up. They’re back together now.. Just like I told everyone from the giddyap, because I’ve seen/heard this before with my own eyes and ears.

I wanted to mention that because I called a sit-down with one of my friends that conducted himself this way, because I was concerned for his well-being.

I was aware that he was only dating ghetto chicks, who happened to be very very used to getting their asses kicked by their parents, other relatives, their friends, and guys they’re screwing.

It was my obligation, as a friend of his, to tell him that he needed to stop having physical fights with chicks, because as soon as he did that with a normal chick, she was going to press charges on him, and he was going to have to deal with the court system.

We had the conversation, he understood what I said. My job was done.

I don’t think it had any bearing on his current relationship to his current girlfriend, but if he had slipped up in the future, which he never did, as far as I know, I had done my part as a friend to warn him that his behavior was culturally unacceptable, even though his history was with females that accepted it.

So, in this new, 2013 Tech Industry situation, I really wonder how many people sat down with the dude being accused and told him to his face that *IF* (because they weren’t there when the situations occurred. I had been there during situations, so I was speaking from first-hand knowledge) he was doing the things these chicks are claiming he’s doing, he needs to stop, think about it, and or seek help before this becomes a legal issue for him.

Reputation Management

The internet game is interesting, because you get to craft whatever personality you want, and people don’t know whether what you’re saying is real or fake.

As far as the character I play on the internet, I’m Conceited, Condescending, have a Superiority Complex, graduated from the top college on the planet in the history of civilization (alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack), I’m Souped Up, can do ANYTHING I focus my mind and abilities towards, and I refer to myself in third person as “The Kid”.

In reality, I never refer to myself in third person.

This is why it’s very important that people know who you are.. Who you REALLY are… If some chick decides to make up a lie about me and includes saying I called myself “The Kid” while I’m speaking to her IRL (in real life), she’s busted, because I can produce more than 50 chicks that know me better than she does who will say that I have *NEVER* called myself that when I was spending time with them, because that is not what I do. It’s part of the internet show, not my personal reality.

Meanwhile, if the question was whether I screwed some guy’s girlfriend whom I wasn’t friends with… Meaning not friends with the guy, not “not friends with the girl” :) .. Those same 50 chicks would all say “Yeah, he probably did it”, assuming her looks were in the range that they know I’m physically attracted to.

Same thing with drugs and alcohol. Everybody knows I drink beer all the time. Usually, every day.

The people that actually know me also know that I’ve never taken a single drug in my life, and never smoked one cigarette either.

So if someone wants to lie and say I took drugs, that isn’t going to succeed.

Kids were offering me cigarettes in 5th grade, and I declined them then, and nothing’s ever changed.

As far as chicks that I hang out with, if they don’t live far from where we’re chillin’, I make sure they get to the front door of their apartment building safely… Always… If they live far away, I make sure they get to their transportation safely.

Any chick that tells you otherwise is lying.

That’s because an *IMPORTANT* part of any evening for me is security. Not so much my own, but hers. It’s very important to me and an integral fact of my personal life. Historical fact bears this out, and I have many, many witnesses that I don’t leave chicks that I care about in the streets to fend for themselves.

The Bottom Line.. ‘Cause Stone Cold Said So

I don’t have physical fights with chicks I’m hooking up with.

If they’re that much of a jerk that I feel like fighting them, I’m not going to spend time with them at all.

There are literally MILLIONS of chicks in this town. There is NO REASON whatsoever to spend time with someone you can’t get along with, can’t communicate with, can’t debate with, and can’t figure things out intellectually with.

Again.. If some chick decides to say we were hanging out having a good time and I laid hands on her, she’s lying, and I’ll immediately have hundreds of witnesses to that effect.

The people that know me know I don’t give a flying fuck about you enough to physically attack you. I’m just going to act like you never existed, and my life is going to be better off without you.

I’ll tell you what is NOT going to happen…

Nobody’s going to go “I heard rumors that he did that kind of thing”.

Nobody’s going to go “I know chicks that say he roughed them up”.

Nobody’s going to go “I know chicks that are jerks and he STILL spent time with them”.

Nobody’s going to go “I’ve seen him smoking a cigarette (or doing any kinds of drugs)”.

People have to know who you are.

If they don’t know who you are, as a person, what your limits to your personal morals and ethics are, you’re taking a major risk that people will respond to you as the character you portray yourself as on the internet.

That isn’t to say that the person involved in this Tech Industry situation was portraying a character, but rather that the prevailing tide in the face of allegations needs to be “Nah, I don’t believe it, and here are the reasons why”, instead of “Yeah, I had heard that about him in the past, but elected not to say anything about it until it went public”.
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Reader Charles mentioned on Facebook the other day that he was overweight. I found this ridiculous, because Charles isn’t overweight.

When I went to the link he posted, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_mass_index, I found out not only that Charles IS overweight, but so am I!!! :P

Body Mass Index Chart

According to the BMI chart, at 5’9″ and 175 lbs, I’m cold lampin’ in “overweight”, and will be officially obese if I hit 195 lbs. :D

Meanwhile, I have just about ZERO body fat. I’m a genetically and naturally skinny person, and the only weight I have on me, besides maybe 5 pounds worth of beer, is entirely muscle.

You’ll just have to take my word for that or ask one of the ladies on that particular mailing list. ;)

Weight Gain Formula

I’ve done a bunch of stuff to gain weight, and until recently, I couldn’t retain anything above 170 lbs without immediately sweating it off if I did anything physical other than walk back and forth to the gym.

I hornswoggled myself into working four months in a row at the end of 2012 and stayed eating Zinburger every day and never working out, so my base weight increased to 175 lbs.

This was strange for me when I started going back to the gym, because I’ve always had to utilize build and increase cycles, meaning that as soon as I went to the gym, I had to combat my insanely-high metabolism in order to actually gain weight, which worked out perfectly, because I was increasing muscle mass and pushing more weight in the gym.

The strange part is that NOW, I’m already the size I used to be when I could push way more weight than I can right now.

I don’t have to eat all day. I don’t have to utilize protein shakes or creatine. Nothing. All I have to do is work out, which previously did nothing for me, as far as gains in size and strength.

My first reaction to this was thinking that I was going to drop back to 165 by working out and not eating much.

That didn’t happen. I’m stuck now at 175, which is fine with me :) however, I understand now that even though BMI claims I’m overweight, I’m currently starving.

That Was Then, This Is Now

I’m at my absolute lowest weight possible. Actually, I walked into the gym this morning at 177, but 175 is as low as I’m going to go.

The issue with this is that I’m not making strength gains in the gym now.. I mean not quick ones.

If I cared about that, I’d hit the creatine for two weeks and put on a quick 10-15 lbs.

It still leaves an interesting consideration that I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of weeks… I can stay going to the gym for the purposes of carving, and not increase my food intake, or I can go in for strength gains and probably move up to a solid 180 within a month (obviously quicker with creatine).

I feel pretty sleek at 175. My bag-work (punching) is pretty fast and strong. I don’t really have a reason to go up to 180 other than the vanity of pushing more weight in the gym.

Maybe I’m stuck, mentally, on “The reason to be in the gym is to build”, because that’s what I’ve always had to do. It’s just too easy to work out for about an hour and be done for the day when I used to spend half the day in the gym and half the day eating, every day.

Anyway.. I can’t see myself going all the way to obese, but I’ll probably end up going solidly to the middle of “overweight” before t-shirt weather hits. ;)
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Some online dating sites ask people a lot of questions. I know this because I have a couple of fake accounts so I can check out the local talent.

I can’t actually be involved in online dating, because I can’t get into a chick based on some unverified information she typed about herself and a couple of close-cropped pictures of her, spanning from her collarbone to the top of her head.. I actually have to be around a chick to know what I want to do with her.

One of the questions I haven’t seen is “Are You Lonely?”

I didn’t think about it at the time that I was making my accounts, but I was having yet another of the recurring conversation I have with women who can’t understand why guys are trying to touch them and kiss them and get laid when they go on dates with them.

The obvious answer, which hasn’t changed since the beginning of time, is “The only reason he agreed to going on a date with you is that he’s already determined he wants to tap that OR he wants more information to decide WHETHER he wants to hook up with you or not.”

For Context.. I explained 4 years ago, back in 2009, that I don’t “date”. I hang out -> “Dating vs. Hanging Out”. This is for the very reason I just stated. If I go on a date with a chick, it’s because I’m trying to get on.

If I hang out with a chick, it’s because I enjoy her company, and there’s no guarantee that she’s going to get lucky… Although she easily “might could” >;D

This is because I’m not lonely.

I have 3,725 Facebook Friends, several hundred of which live close enough for me to hop on the bus or the subway and see them within an hour or two (depending on how far away they live, and how the trains are running. Sundays are KRAY-ZAY), and several thousand followers on Twitter, Google+, etc.

If I decide to spend time with somebody, it isn’t because I don’t have anything better to do. :) It’s because I’ve decided that out of the list of good things I COULD BE doing, I’ve elected to spend my time with them.

Similarly.. If I were to go on a date, it’s because I’m trying to hook up with that chick, and for NO. OTHER. REASON.

This is what I feel has been the disconnect in these conversations I keep having.

I would not go on a date to have someone to talk to.
I would not go on a date to have someone else sitting next to me at the bar because I don’t feel like going out by myself.
I would not go on a date looking to solidify my relationship to someone I intend to play board games or cards with (I don’t play board games or cards ANYWAY, but I’m just SAYIN’)

The only reason to go on a date is to see what you can do about hooking up with the chick.

Other than that, you’re hanging out.

So I was thinking about this the other day, and I realized that dating situations could be improved if mismatches were avoided.

Women who are LONELY, and don’t have anybody to go for drinks with or to walk in the park with or to play cards with should be hooked up by the dating computer with men who are also LONELY, as both of them would cherish that opportunity to spend platonic time with another human being.

The ‘problem’ occurs when the lonely woman is matched with a non-lonely man who only arrived at the date for the potential of action.

I suppose this could work the other way around, where the woman presses up on the man and he was just there for conversation, tea, and biscuits, but I’ve never heard a guy complain that a woman he went on a date with “tried” to hook up with him.

Anyway, Ladies.. Guys already have people to talk to and go for drinks with and to the movies and whatever else.. Those are called our *FRIENDS*, male and female.

The more friends someone has, the less likely it is that they had nothing better to do than go on a date with you. There’s a reason why they agreed. There’s a reason why they arrive.

Having said that.. If the guy went on the dating site looking to find a wife or some kind of long-term relationship, he’s going to be very interested in your stories about how your chores as a child included churning butter.

I’m sure this adds to women’s confusion, being that they go on some dates that are platonic and other dates where the guy’s on the case from the giddyap.

It also adds to their confusion when guys who aren’t interested in long-term relationships claim to be, because they figure that’s the faster way to get this chick to lay down.

So maybe the answer is for women to have more extensive online conversations with dudes before they go out with them, to see if the guy’s at least going to PRETEND to be on the same page with her as far as what they’re both looking for from meeting up in person.

That way, if he changes his plan on the actual date, she can state Breach Of Contract and bounce, knowing that she put her best foot forward in this situation, and the reason it didn’t work out is all his fault.

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