You are not enough!

In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve experienced two things as a result of the serpent’s trickery and their resulting distrust of God. They experienced both shame and guilt. The shame told them something was wrong with them and therefore they needed to hide – from one another and from God. Shame always does that. It makes us hide the real us from one another. We hear the lies of shame and sew together fig leaves to hide from others because we still think these lies about us are true.

The good news of the gospel is that Jesus took both our guilt and our shame to the cross. II Corinthians 5:21 sums it up so well, “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” This is the great exchange…our sin for his righteousness. God both declares us to be righteous (our justification) and actually implants the DNA of righteous in us (our new nature).

So what do we do when Satan still whispers…and sometimes shouts…these old lies of who we are in our ears? I used to think that one of the indicators of being spiritually mature was I would not hear these lies anymore. But I have changed my mind. I still hear them. Satan uses them constantly against me because every time I believe one of the lies I am invalidating the work of Christ.

So what do we do when we continue to hear that we are not good enough… unacceptable…stupid…a failure? I think the first thing I need to do is what Jesus did as he hung on the cross and heard Satan flinging all kinds of shame statements at him. Hebrews 12:2 tells us he “despised the shame.” Other translations use the words “disregarding” or “scorning.” I like “disregard.” It means to ignore! And I cannot ignore something that is not really there!

I have come to the conclusion that Satan will continue to bombard me with lies. They will be there. He is the “father of lies” (John 8:44). That is his nature and his key strategy. But now because I am in Christ and know these lies are just that, lies – you know what I can do?  The same thing Jesus did on the cross: ignore them!

So is spiritual maturity growing to a point that I no longer hear these shame statements?  I don’t think so. I think maturity is growing to the point where I know and trust the truth, and so can ignore the lies. I just ignore them because I know they are not true.

After I ignore the lies, there is one other thing I need to do. That’s next.

PS: In my book, Lay it Down, I deal extensively with how the gospel sets us free from shame. If you have not yet read it, Amazon has a copy waiting for you!!

The post Do Hearing the Lies of Shame mean I am not Mature? appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

When I look at my behavior, I can’t help but make the same observation that the Apostle Paul did in Romans 7:15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.

As believers, our natural tendency is to do the same thing, to allow our behavior or others behavior against us, to create our identity. We probably use words more like those listed below.

But here is the good news. For believers, our behavior never creates our identity. The obedient, sinless behavior of Jesus creates our identity. We are saints. No place in the New Testament are we as believers ever given the identity of a sinner. Sixty times we are given the identity of a saint.

So what do we do when these shame words and identities flood our mind and try to define us? We do as Paul did in Romans 7:24. First he acknowledges that the solution was not in himself. He cries out, “Who will deliver me from this body of death?” He knew he could do nothing to work or perform his way out of his shame. He knew it would take a redemptive act.

 Then he embraced the solution that was outside of himself and beyond his effort – the work of Christ Jesus in taking both our guilt and our shame to the cross. In Romans 8:1 he declares the miraculous freedom from the identity and condemnation that our behavior tries to paste on us. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Do we still sin? You bet. Do stupid and unwise things? Absolutely. But here is the good news – because of the gospel our behavior no longer creates out identity. God the Father looks at us through the obedient life of Jesus and credits that to our account. Jesus’ behavior creates our identity. We are saints.

Now we have a choice. We can either believe Romans 8:1 or live back in Romans 7:24. Paul looked at his behavior and felt like a “wretch,” but he held on to the truth of Romans 8:1. Here are some words that when we look at our behavior might describe how we feel about ourselves. But in Christ Jesus, every one of them is a lie. (I collected these from sources I have now forgotten – so if you know their source let me know so I can give appropriate credit.)

75 Lies about Who I Am

I am defective (damaged, broken, a mistake, flawed)

I am dirty (soiled, ugly, unclean, impure, filthy, disgusting

I am incompetent (not good enough, inept, ineffectual, useless)

I am unwanted (unloved, unappreciated, uncherished)

I deserve to be abandoned (forgotten, unloved, left-out)

I am weak (small, impotent, puny, feeble)

I am bad (awful, dreadful, evil, despicable)

I am pitiful (contemptible, miserable, insignificant)

I am nothing (worthless, invisible, unnoticed, empty)

I deserve criticism (condemnation, disapproval, destruction)

I fell ashamed (embarrassed, humiliated, mortified, dishonored)

I have no right to exist

I am inadequate

Something is wrong with me

I am not worth loving

I am a mistake

I don’t belong

I deserve to be abandoned

I am ugly

I am dirty

I am a burden to others

I don’t count

I am nothing

I deserve criticism

I am unwanted

I am worthless

I am dishonored

I am not good enough

I am humiliated

I should not be

I am stupid

The post 75 Statements about You That Are Lies! appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

• The most dangerous circumstance we can be in…being alone.
• The most dangerous emotion and how it fosters and perpetuates this dangerous circumstance…being ashamed.
• The most terrifying emotion and how it feeds the most dangerous emotion…being abandoned.
• The only solution to being held in the captivity of aloneness, the grip of shame, and the fear of abandonment.

All of this is in Genesis chapters 2 and 3!

Lets start with the danger of being alone. Genesis 2:18 is an overlooked verse but critically important. The serpent, realizing the danger that God speaks to in this verse, makes use of it in successfully tempting Eve to distrust God and then uses it to create and perpetuate the most dangerous condition that mankind can be in: alone.

“It is not good that man should be alone.”  (Genesis 2:18)

Wow! Pause and ponder that for a moment. When we are alone we are never in a good place. Never in a healthy place – but always in a bad place.  And as we will see in the weeks ahead, in a place of unavoidable danger and great fear.

First we need to understand what it means to be alone. The best way to understand what it means to be alone is to understand the relationship God created so that Adam was not alone. God creates Eve and then  verse 25 says this:

“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” 

There were Adam and Eve. Naked. Totally exposed. Totally known. Nothing hidden. They had no shame that made them want to hide some aspect of their being. That is what it means to not be alone. It means there is someone who knows everything about you and still loves and accepts you. There is nothing you have to hide.

Whenever you and I live with something hidden we are alone…and that is “NOT GOOD.” Does everyone need to know everything?  No. But there needs to be someone with whom we are totally exposed. Totally vulnerable. It is this relationship that God created to solve Adam’s aloneness.

Satan’s key strategy was to move Adam and Eve to a place of being alone. And it is still his number one strategy with us. Understanding how he did it with Adam and Eve is key…because that is how he is doing with us.  That’s next.

“It is not good that man should be alone.” 

Are you alone?

The post The Most Dangerous Circumstance – Being Alone appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

Sue and I have lived on the academic calendar for so long, September means the start of a new year. Not sure what January 1 is all about!  This means the beginning of a new year of “Laying it Down.” I am eager to be back with you.

It has been a good summer break, lots of travel and some good vacation. It has come to a close with the death of Sue’s 97 yr. old mom.

Here is what is coming beginning later this week. For the next couple of months we will be exploring three enemies of healthy living and how the gospel brings good news to each one.  Here are the three:

1. The most dangerous and unhealthy circumstance we can find ourselves in – it is one we naturally and intentional move toward.  Why? Because we are responding to:
2. The most dangerous emotion. It is an emotion that, unfortunately, has affected everyone. It is the one that always moves us to the most dangerous place and gives birth to:
3. The most fearful and controlling emotion.

You will be surprised where and how we find these playing out in the Scriptures and with the incredible power they hold. Yet without understanding these circumstances and emotions, we fail to understand how God comes to our rescue with the Gospel and sets us free.

I will also be altering the weekly quotes from just quotes about the gospel to also include quotes about being a gospel leader. You will want to check these out as well.

If you have not subscribed to receive a short automatic notice in your email alerting you to a new weekly blog post, this would be a great time to do so. And like last year, I will periodically have special content for those who have subscribed. All you need to do is add your email and first name to the boxes above. It’s that simple.

Back with you in just a few days to start this journey.

-bill

The post “Laying it Down” – back for another year & a personal note appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

Independent people make a declaration – they don’t need others. They decide they can be emotionally and relationally healthy, spiritually healthy, and even physically healthy all by themselves. They can mature in isolation. No help needed. No advice needed.

But there is a problem with this thinking; it is wrong. And it is wrong because we were not created to be independent. To be loners. We desperately need each other, more than we are aware. In Genesis 2:18 God looked at Adam in his aloneness and said “It is not good that the man to be alone.” And so God made “a helper fit for him.”

Ever since that creation day in the Garden, it has been evil’s intent to make man alone because when he is alone  “it is not good“. And so the serpent in the Garden devised a strategy to always make man desire to be alone, to hide. And so Adam and Eve hide from each other, they hide from God, and they hide from themselves. They see things in themselves they do not like and are fearful others will see.

What did the enemy use to plant this fear of being fully known so that we create fig leaf masks of independence and competence to hide behind? He planted the most dangerous emotion that exists in mankind. And what is that?  That is next week’s blog!!

Processing question:  Are there some hidden parts of your life that you have never let a trusted friend into? Where you are alone with your memories. What would they be? Who could you reveal them to so that they can embrace you with love and walk together with you into the light of God’s presence where there is healing and forgiveness?

Processing question:  What is the difference between being free and being independent? Galatians 5:1 – “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.”

A personal note:  No doubt you have noticed I have missed a few blogs over the past several weeks, but don’t worry I am not quitting my blogging. Intense ministry travel, sickness, time to process, and it just being summer have all contributed. I suspect there may be more occasional spottiness as the summer progresses,  but what I have on my heart to share is deep and so don’t go away.

The post Why Independent People are Unhealthy People! appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

In Ron’s post he deals with the tough question of conditional promises…ones that contain an “if…” When there is an “if” attached, is meeting the conditions the same as having to earn merit with God? This seems to be in conflict with the grace of God. Ron sorts this out for us and I found his illustration about concert tickets especially helpful. Read on.

A first cousin to the grace/effort tension is the grace/conditions tension.  This tension is exposed by the question, “Are God’s promises unconditional?”  You could substitute any number of spiritual concepts for the underlined word “promises” and create the same tension.

Grace is usually understood as the unmerited favor of God expressed to us out of his loving nature.  Vines NT dictionary defines grace (charis) as:  that which bestows or occasions pleasure, delight, or causes favorable regard…  In the Old Testament the concept is expressed by the word “lovingkindness”.

To this basic understanding of the word grace we often add the concept “unconditional”, but when we read the promises in Scripture, most often they do contain a condition…an “if-then” connection.

This creates a tension because in our minds, fulfilling conditions is the same as trying to earn or merit God’s favor.  A merit based life contradicts a grace based life.  We handle such tension by polarizing what we cannot harmonize and the result is we often claim the promises but disregard the uncomfortable (even unwanted) conditions.

For example:

(6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  (7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7).

The promise is for the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds.  It is clearly a gracious offer by God for our benefit.  Who wouldn’t want to trade anxiety for peace?  But the gracious offer is prefaced by unmistakable conditions:  prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving!

So when we try to live by grace and the “conditions” create angst in our spirit, I suggest we not ignore the conditions but rather decouple conditions from the concept of merit.  It is an unnecessary and detrimental alliance.

Recently some friends of ours called to offer us tickets to the Kansas City Symphony at the Kaufman Center.  They said they were a gift if we wanted them.  When we replied in the affirmative, they said we could pick them up at the “will call” window before the performance.

Arriving a little early to the concert, I stood in line at the will call window to receive the tickets.  Once in hand we eagerly (and gratefully) took our seats in the auditorium.

Nowhere along that process did I think that by standing in line and asking for my tickets I had somehow merited them.  However, had I failed to do just that, the tickets would still be on the shelf and we would not have heard the concert.  The tickets offered without merit required an action on my part for the gift to be experienced.  The action was actually quite trivial compared to the gift itself.  The gift was free but experiencing the gift was not automatic.  It required action, a response on my part.

In the same way the gracious gift of reconciliation with God is freely offered without merit (other than Christ’s,) but it is not unconditional.  Although we need to comply with the conditions, we should not think that by fulfilling them we are somehow meriting the gift.  To do so would be arrogant, foolish, or just naïve.

But conversely we should not expect the gracious gifts of God without respect for the conditions he connects to them.  The conditions are never arbitrary but wisely given as a further expression of his grace.

When our youngest son was about six years old he come to me one day and asked if he could have his own “boys” bike.  I asked him what was wrong with the bike his sister learned on.

He said, “It is pink and has Smurfs on it”.

So, I asked, “What kind would you like?”

“I want a black one with knobby tires!”

That day I made him a promise.  If he learned to ride his sister’s bike without the training wheels, I would get him his own “boys” bike – black with knobby tires.

The condition was not a merit system in which he would earn enough money to buy the bike.  They were given to encourage the development of a helpful life-skill (bike riding) that I knew would help him in life beyond the current desire for a shiny new bike.

A few months later he came to me to claim what I promised.  After riding the pink Smurf bike down the driveway without training wheels, we went to the store and picked out the coolest, black bike with knobby tires.

In a much more significant way, God graciously offers us promises to live by along our journey of discipleship.  We must not ignore the conditions for those promises nor think of them as a form of merit.  Rather they are God’s gracious provision for our walk of faith.

Bill here again. I trust this was helpful – and be sure to check out Ron’s website. It is very well done and makes you think. I’ll be back next week with another inner breeding ground of stress.

The post Why Fulfilling Conditions is not the Same as Earning God’s Merit. appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

So what do I do with the perceived or even actual oughts? There are two shame driven roads I can go down. Both are unhealthy. First I can give in to the oughts and expectations. I will work and work and try harder every day to meet the expectations. In the process I learn that my acceptance and inclusion is dependent upon me. It is so normal that I am desensitized to the pain of it. The wrong of it. And this faulty narrative of how life is to be lived is transferred to my relationship with God. My acceptability to Him is dependent on me. This is a heavy and ultimately unbearable burden. Joy in my life disappears with every trying harder – there is no joy in having to earn acceptance and love. Guess I will look elsewhere.

Another unhealthy path – one that I seldom go down, is to validate and affirm what I perceive you already think of me…not good enough. I live out my unworthiness. I become the victim of my own shame. And because shame is so emotionally painful, there is no joy here either.

Is there an alternative? Can I ever overflow with joy? YES! God tells us that one of the fruits of His working in us is joy; “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…” This tells me there is a place I can avoid the pain of abandonment and shame. By faith in Christ, I know my identity is not in the acceptability of my performance, but in being a child of God. But it is more than just being a child of God…it is being the unconditionally loved child of God. There is my new life story. That is the message I need to keep hearing. I need to hear it everyday from God and from a community of friends who treat me with the unconditional love of God.

Does this new place create instant freedom from the fear and stress of oughts and expectations.? In reality yes, but in our minds no. Author Curt Thompson in describing one of his counseling patients writes this, “… he found himself quite unable to simply disbelieve the lie he had practiced believing for so long.” My mind is inundated with memories of when trying harder was the only thing that brought acceptance at least for a time, or of incidents that affirmed I was no good. So what do I do?

I need to come into the presence of God everyday and give myself permission to receive His unconditional love and to find joy there. To often I have been taught to come to God to find out what to do to be a good person. To be acceptable. To be loved. To not be emotionally abandoned by Him. To often I come to God with fear and leave with apprehension.

I also need to have a community of friends who remind me of the good news of the gospel, not just with their words but with their actions…and with their emotional responses to me. Don’t have a community? Then find one person. The first person I found was an author and I read him over and over and over. I needed the truth he was telling me. Then as I shared with others what I was learning, I began to discover others whose hearts resonated with the same experiences and truths and slowly a community began to grow.

May the reality that is already ours in Christ become our experience.

The post Breeding Grounds of Stress: Oughts, Expectations and Abandonment appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

Two years ago our six month old grandson was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and spent three months in pediatric intensive care. Only two hospitals in the world specialize in little Ezra’s condition, one in Paris, France and the other in Philadelphia, and so he was flown via medical transport from UCLA Children’s Hospital to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). Based on tests done at UCLA the plan was for surgery to be performed at CHOP that would cure him. Hope was high as Ezra and his mom were loaded on the medical jet for the flight to CHOP. But it was not to be. As the world renown surgeon began to operate it became obvious that the 5% chance that the tests could be wrong came true. Smiley and happy little Ezra could not be cured surgically.

I have a hunch all of you have a similar story that launched you on a search for a “why?” It might be something that happened to a close friend or family member. It might be something that has happened to you. In all these it is so easy to keep looking and waiting for the missing puzzle piece that will answer the “why.” Sometimes we look to the past for causes. More often I look to the future, to spot the good that will come out of the situation so that can be the answer to the “why”.

Oh I know all the Christian answers. The cliches. God is sovereign. God is loving and He is always good. And then there is the one that keeps me searching into the future, “God works all things for good…”. I believed all of those, but in the background my radar stayed turned on searching for the missing puzzle piece just in case it came floating by. For sure I didn’t want to miss it. After all, mysteries are to be solved.

That all changed one day over lunch with a young millennial named Josh. Josh had walked through some deep times. Times that left unanswered “whys”. As he shared his journey he turned to Proverbs 3:5,6 – “Trust in the Lord…do not lean on your own understanding.” I knew that verse. Had it memorized…to little effect. And then Josh shared a paraphrase he believed God had given him that changed everything. He shared this, “God gives permission to not understand.“

Freedom! I had permission to turn off the radar, to stop trying to solve the mystery. I did not realize how constant and how much quiet effort I was putting into to figuring out the “whys” of life – to understand. God used Josh to change all that. God is okay with me not understanding. Actually he gives me the freedom and permission to not understand. He knows in this life I never will. He wants me to live contented in the mysteries of His will with a restful trust. He loves my trust. The mysteries of life belong to God and so my attempts to understand them will never be accurate. Therefore don’t rely on my understanding. It won’t be trustworthy. I need to “Trust in the Lord…”, the one I can trust with the mysteries and unknown “whys” that fill my life.

God gives me permission to not understand. My rest is not in understanding, but in trusting. And so is yours.

The post An Inner Breeding Ground of Stress: The continual back-burner search for WHY. appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

One way that stress subtly and slowly grows in me is when I ignore what is restorative to me. I shared about that in the last post. We looked at how it is important to know what restores us. And we looked at how God puts His stamp of approval on our paying attention to our personal needs – that it is okay (and right) to be a steward of the body and soul God has given us.

When I finished the post I thought I was done and ready to move on to share another of my inner breeding grounds of stress…one that I have been anxious to share with you. One I wasn’t aware of until about a year ago, and unaware of how much effort I was putting into it and how much it was draining me. Now that waits to next week.

There is something else I need to share about ignoring what restores me…and that is WHY I ignore it. I can answer my “why” instantaneously. Actually I have more than one why and they are no secret to me. They are familiar battles. Here are my top two reasons I ignore what is good for me.

1. I FEEL GUILTY.

Somehow I feel it is wrong to pay attention to my own desires and needs…to what is restorative to me. I feel guilty to lay down in the green pastures and beside the still waters that refresh me. After all, for years I heard it taught it is better to burn out than rust out. Oh how wrong! What if there is another alternative? What if our fire doesn’t have to go out because we have run out of fuel? What if we can thrive and give of ourselves right up to the end because our fuel is constantly being replenished?

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden…and you will find rest for your soul.”  (Matthew 11:28,29). God invites me to live restoratively. I do not need to feel guilty.

2. I WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK.

They will think I am lazy. Self-centered and unproductive. Not interested in Kingdom work. When my mind plays these tapes I know I have forgotten that my worth and my identity is not in what others think of me, but in being the beloved child of the Father (I John 3:1). God breaks my slavery to the opinions of others and sets me free to enjoy His protection. I do not have to protect myself from what others think.

REFLECTION:  What keeps you from practicing what restores you? What is the lie that has you captive? What is the truth you need to trust? It might be a good idea to put your answers in your journal so you can keep reviewing them.

ACTION:  Let’s help thousands of people discover how the gospel sets them free from stress and how the gospel sets them free from all the holds them captive. Let’s make this good news of the gospel a movement that is transforming people all over the world. Share this with your friends via email, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and encourage them to subscribe to Laying it Down.

The post A Breeding Ground of Stress: Two reasons I won’t do what is good for me. appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .

This week I want to take you to another inner breeding ground of stress, but it is one I don’t go to quite so defiantly and deliberately…it is one that gradually over time sneaks up on me. What is it?  The big category would be not living out of my values. Sometimes that can be a very intentional and deliberate violation. But today’s breeding ground is a more subtle – and that is ignoring what I have discovered and value as restorative to me. When I have ignored this long enough, I find myself depleted and empty. Stressed by the smallest of circumstances. Burned out.

Do you know what is restorative to you that you need to value and regularly practice so you don’t stress out? Here are some of mine.

•  I value alone time.

I am an introvert that loves being in ministry and ministry means people.  But in the midst of all the people, I need time alone to recharge.

Last fall in Singapore I was co-teaching all day and every  breakfast and lunch for the retreat was scheduled with people. So part of the agreement was no appointments for dinner. My co-presenter and I would find a nice quiet restaurant where we could be “alone.”

Sue and I love having the grand-kids visit. It is home-run derby, chess, bike races, multi-day Risk games, horseback rides and ballgames. In the midst of it all, my periodically disappearing into our master bedroom for 30 minutes of alone time is key.

When it is only Sue and me at home, Sue knows there are times I need to retreat to my study…or Starbucks, and be alone. Even when we are camping in the mountains and there is no one around for miles and miles, I will often take my chair and find a place “by myself.”

• I value freedom.

There are a tangled web of reasons for this, but I can’t stand to be controlled, micro-managed, or boxed in. There are a lot of ways that help me feel free, and one is I love vast open spaces. I need a view…to be out and about…and it helps to be alone. Isolated. The vast emptiness of the American West is incredibly restorative. Being with five thousand people cooped up on on a cruise ship sounds dreadfully draining. By the way, my favorite cowboy song is “Don’t Fence Me In.”

• I value learning.

I love it. I always have a new book on my Kindle. Learning and journaling  new ideas and insights is life giving. To go through a day without discovering a new treasure feels depleting.

I have a lot more values, and yours may be very different, but here is the BIG QUESTION: Is it okay to value what is important to me? To focus on my own needs so that I can be healthy – healthy to serve and love others without feeling guilty?

My answer is absolutely yes. Philippians 2:4 has been a huge help to me. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others“. I read this wrong for years…I read it, “Don’t look to your own interests, that is selfish. Always focus on other people’s needs. Give and give and give until you have no more to give.” This took me way beyond stress to a full year of sick leave.

But what God is telling us here is really just the opposite – He says don’t look ONLY to you own interests…in other words, looking after yourself, taking good care of yourself, valuing what is restorative so that you stay healthy is okay. It is permissible. It is just not the ONLY thing we do, we ALSO look to the interests of others. And sensitivity to the Spirit of God in us will help us know when to do which.

So here is a QUESTION for you. Perhaps this could be a little exercise. Do you know your restorative values? Why don’t you write them down and list your top ones. Then ask yourself these questions:

• How do I honor the way God has made me and live out these values?

• How am I subtly ignoring these values and allowing stress to grow in me? What do I need to change? There are a lot of reasons we may choose to subtly ignore our values…and they are usually because we really value something else more. Being able to identify my competing values has really helped.

The post Stress – Ignoring What Restores You appeared first on Lay it Down by Bill Tell .