Bio Girl

Memorial Wrap Up

2012-05-29T09:44:00.004-04:00

Well, for a girl that kept telling people I had no Memorial Day weekend plans besides Morgan's graduation (a little, 'Woe Is ME' like, now that I think about it), we sure as hell managed to fill this weekend to the brim with random holiday weekend appropriate activities. And since I have nothing else to talk about, let me run through them for you. You care about this stuff, right? A rambling list of things I did this weekend? No? Fine. I will add a couple pictures of the kids too. Just for you.

Friday: Both Nick and I were let out of work early (A perk of University work) and so we caught a matinee of Men In Black 3. You guys, I seriously loved that movie. I am not even embarrassed to admit it. I love Men In Black, and I am PROUD! It made me laugh out loud several times, it stayed true to the first two movies and it almost sorta made me want to tear up at the end, but I mean, you can't cry in MEN IN BLACK, so I held it together. All in all, a great summer movie and totally worth seeing. After the early movie we went out to dinner just the two of us because Henry was spending the night with Nanny and Papaw. Even though we had a babysitter we were back home by 8pm. We are wild and crazy like that.

Saturday: Saturday was totally consumed with Graduation and post graduation festivities, which you got to see yesterday. Good times were had with lots of friends. I give the day two thumbs up.

Sunday: Nick and I are on the hunt for a swing set for Henry for his birthday. The grandparents all went in to help pay for it (Thanks grandparents!) So we spent part of the morning out shopping for a wooden set. We think we have settled on a very basic but high quality set that may not be as cool looking as some of the others, but that will last for his entire childhood. After the shopping fun we went to a local park that has some trails around a small stream. The three of us went 'hiking' on the trails and the boys fished. I took pictures. Good times were had. That gets it's own post tomorrow, because some of the pictures are really great, but they are at home on my camera. After the outdoors fun we came home and grilled out with Boo and our friend Andy. You know what is good? Grilled vegetable kabobs. Also, grilled corn on the cob. Also, grilled BBQ Chicken wings. I was a fan of that meal. After dinner we sat around on the patio and drank some beer we found in the fridge while the kids played in the water hose. It was Memorial Weekend at it's best.

Monday: Monday we eventually got up and moving (Henry kept telling me "Henry don't WANT to get up. Henry needs ten more sleeps!") and decided to go to the pool! What Memorial Day weekend is complete without a trip to the pool? Not this one!

Henry had some issues with getting sun screen in his eyes (anybody have a good baby sun screen that doesn't burn the eyes? I feel like we always have this issue. My boy has some sensitive eyes.) but once he got to put on Mama's shades he felt better. He was a little overwhelmed with the splashing and the crowds and the OMG, IT'S AWFULLY LOUD IN HERE, but in the end he had a great time playing on the steps and dumping water on Cici's head.

Cici: An adorable ladybug who is very serious about plotting her revenge.

After the pool we went back out swing set shopping (we are nothing if not thorough) then headed over to Nick's dad's to check out the new house and help unpack boxes. After that we went out to a family dinner with Grandaddy, Val and Aunt Candice, then headed home for the night.

All in all, and awesome long weekend. I just need a day or two off work to catch my breath.

Graduate

2012-05-28T10:02:00.000-04:00

My best best friends daughter, Morgan, graduated from high school this weekend.

And at some point I am going to have to stop calling her my best friends daughter and just start calling her my friend, because for a very long time Morgan has been much more than my friends daughter to me. And who cares about a small age difference, I love this girl as my friend, all on her own accord.

Me, Boo and Cici with the new graduate

The family all outside the ceremony, where it was approximately one million degrees.

The proud parents

After the ceremony the family had a party to celebrate our (I take a little ownership of her) girl. I am in love with this picture of our little group!

Charing knows how to throw a party. For some reason I only photographed the desert table, but the dinner was even more impressive. I sometimes wish I could live with Charing and eat nothing but her food. I sometimes think Nick wishes that too...

speaking of Nick (And Henry too!) They were there. ( I am now discovering I did a terrible job of taking pictures at the actual party. But there were lots of people! Including the graduate! And lots of good times were had!)

Oh, here's one picture! Liz and Candice were there too! ( I think maybe Nick took this picture because I have no memory of it. But it made me laugh when I found it on my camera)

Our own movie star was also present to help celebrate. She is very busy, but always has time for Morgan!

Morgan baby, we are so proud of you. I Love you, sweet girl.

My Newest Addiction Lives at Downton

2012-05-24T14:30:00.000-04:00

You guys, I am so addicted.

(photo from prideandprejudice05.blogspot.com)

Which... you know... shouldn't really be that surprising seeing as how I have this odd obsession with most British things, and Downton Abbey most definitely classifies as British. Nick and I have devoured the first two seasons, which sounds like a lot until you find out that for some reason a "season" consists of 7-9 episodes. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT, BBC? Don't you know I NEED at least 16 episodes to call it a SEASON? How very British of you.

Anyway, we thought we were done with the second season a week or so ago, but then we were at a family dinner and I casually asked if the extra on the DVD about "Christmas at Downton" was worth watching. I thought it was like, a walk through of the house all decked out for the holidays. My dad basically screamed at me that "THAT IS THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE SEASON YOU FOOL!" So... like...good to know. BUT in my defense, all other episodes were called "Episode 1, Episode 2, ect" then at the end there is "Christmas at Downton". WHY NOT CALL IT EPISODE NINE, BBC? Once again, how very British of you. (or maybe PBS puts out these DVD's... who knows. Either way, you should name your episodes in a logical and consistent manner so as to not confuse the simple minded folks addicted to your show)

Anyway again, we watched the finale this week and, spoiler free, lets just say you SHOULD NOT SKIP THAT EPISODE. Important things happen. Things that you want to see! And it is TWO HOURS! Two hours full of important Downton Goodness!

So, I guess the entire point of this post is to say that I have found something new that I love. And I think you will love it too. And I am pretty pushy about these things, so you might as well go ahead and give in and watch it so we can talk about it. Do we have a deal?

What? You want to know what it's about? FINE, I will tell you. Basically it's the running of a huge estate in the early 1900's in England. The story is split pretty evenly between the wealthy family that lives there and the servants that keep the house running. The story line rolls through things like the sinking of the Titanic and World War I, weaving an amazing picture of what life would be like at that time. If... you know... you were insanely wealthy or worked for insanely wealthy people. The acting, the story lines, the location, everything about it is awesome and worth checking out. Even if it's just so you can come here and tell me how you liked it!

These Kids Just Keep Getting Bigger...

2012-05-23T16:22:00.000-04:00

I have both babies today, so I took them to see Carter graduate from Kindergarten. Because who doesn't love a good Kindergarten graduation?

Henry had so much fun and cried when we left because "Henry want to go to SCHOOOL!!"
Because, as you know, school is the COOLEST THING EVER. At least according to Henry. He is bound to be a nerd, just like his mama and papa. God bless his sweet heart.
The fact that Carter (and my godson Wesley too! He just doesn't have a graduation ceremony I can crash) are old enough to graduate from Kindergarten blows my mind and makes me all weepy. Seriously. Like I actually got weepy watching Carter up on stage singing about saying goodbye to Kindergarten and HELLO FIRST GRADE! How are they this big already when it feels like I was JUST blogging about them being born? I HAVE BEEN BLOGGING FOR THESE BOYS ENTIRE LIVES. That blows my mind.
Add in the fact that Carter's big sister is graduating from HIGH SCHOOL this week, and that I met her and fell in love with her sweet heart when she was about the boys age, AND that Nick's best friends daughter (who was our flower girl in our wedding) is graduating from Middle School this year and you can go ahead and put a stamp on my forehead that says I am officially getting O-L-D. Weepy and old and so very in love with all the wonderful children (some of whom aren't really 'children' anymore) that are in my life. Is there a way to make it slow down, just a little?

Here is our other big Kindergarten Graduate, Welsey. So proud of you, sweet boy.

Morgan's graduation pictures to come next week. I will likely move past weepy and official just cry when my girl walks across the stage. Seriously, time. You are sorta pushing me here.

** Right up until this exact moment, I ALWAYS thought it was called KindergarDen, not KindergarTen. Shows what I know. Thanks, spell check. You are always good to me.

Tips for Octopus Hunting

2012-05-21T10:11:00.002-04:00

**I am trying out a new kind of paid campaign for BlogHer, which is what this box is right above here (if you can see it. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not. If it's not there... then never mind!). I hope you all don't mind. I just have two surgeries in two months to pay for, and every little bit helps!**

Now to your regularly scheduled post:

Nick went on his annual boys fishing trip this weekend, so Henry and I were on our own. Actually, Friday night he stayed this night with his Nana, so I was totally on my own. Crazy stuff, that is. We stayed home and relaxed and basically did nothing at all. Well...except for going on an octopus hunt. Henry is an excellent Octopus hunter. Here are a few tips he wanted me to pass on to you.

Always send out a scout to find the lay of the land. Angry Bird was ready and willing, although he took a lot of enemy fire in the process...

Go in fully loaded. The WORST mistake would be running out of ammo at a critical moment.

Watch your Back while reloading. Those Octopi are tricky creatures.

Shoot for the eyes. They are the weak point.

Now... at this point I wish I had a picture of him in hand to hand combat with the octopus. Wouldn't that be an excellent shot and make this post a little more complete? Except... he was sorta too afraid to ever get close enough to run by him, preferring to stay on the perimeter and shoot from just out of Octopus water shooting range. So Mama put down the camera and helped with the hunting, jumping in and taming the evil octopus, grabbing all eight arms and holding them down so the hunter could see they were not too scary after all. Mama actually got completely soaked and our hunter became much more brave seeing Mama in the middle of the Octopus attack.

You will just have to trust me. The hunt was a great success.

Our successful hunter, After the kill. A very proud boy.

Family Pictures

2012-05-18T09:08:00.001-04:00

When Henry was six months We had family pictures made. As soon as they were done, I hated them. Specifically, I hated me in them. (wrong outfit, looked heavy and pale and all around bad) But really, none of the three of us looked that great. Every time since then that we went to get Henry's picture made I thought about trying again, but always decided I didn't like the way I looked in that exact moment, that I needed my hair done, that I wanted to lose a little weight, that I didn't have anything to wear. Every single time I decided against group shots. Just asking them to capture him.

Time passed and all of a sudden I realized I now have a three year old, and no actual professional pictures of us as a family in the last two and a half years. I thought back to my childhood and how few professional pictures we have of our family. Two maybe? Time just flies by. And I know I take a lot of snap shots, but there is something special and timeless about professional ones. They get framed and remembered.

SO I told Nick I wanted to all be in the pictures this time, and said it could be my Mother's Day present. We just took a few quick shots before we did Henry's three year session, but I am SO happy with them.

My little family

Sometimes we clean up nice

So happy we took the time.

I think we will always love these.

Another Post-Op Post

2012-05-17T10:01:00.000-04:00

So, remember how I had that surgery a little over a week ago? I bet you might be curious about that. I mean, maybe you aren't. Maybe you forgot. What with all the birthday posts and stories about balls you might have forgotten that I had surgery at all. But I am here to remind you!

I went to my follow up appointment this week. As I walked in I passed the nurse I talk to the most on the phone. I feel like over the years the two of us have become friends. She asked how I was doing and I said, "I am happy to tell you that I am NOT going to cry today!" and she laughed and so did I. But it's the truth. The fact that I went to the doctor and did not sit there and sob was a big step for me. It was a sign that finally, FINALLY I am on the road to being pain free.

Honestly I feel good. I am still a little sore from surgery. They had to do a bikini line incision in the same place people have c-section scars that is about two inches long. Not to say it is like the pain of having a c-section, but it is more sore than other previous laparoscopic incisions. I am also very sore on my left side incision above where my ovary used to be, but that seems normal. Besides the incisions being sore, I feel pretty great. I know having my ovary out sounds like a much more major surgery than having endometriosis removed, but the recovery has been much easier. Maybe it's because I have been in pain for months and this is better than that. Good lord, almost ANYTHING would be better than that. Whatever the reason, I am just so relieved.

My doctor did say during my appointment that the left ovary was covered in endometriosis, which means it grew all that endo in a matter of two months. He also said my right ovary had a few places of endo on it as well, so he burned those off. Besides that, he said things look great. My only issue is that I am still spotting with the IUD, but it is getting lighter and I think it will stop soon. (please let that be true... ten weeks of spotting every single day is getting very old). Everything else is in line. I am feeling better. I am feeling good. I am feeling like myself again. I was officially cleared to only come back as needed. Hopefully I wont need to for a long long time.

Over the past few months I have told Henry that Mama feels sick so often that now he regularly asks me, "Mama, are you sick??" It breaks my heart. After months of telling him "Mama doesn't feel well...don't hit mama's belly...mama needs to lay down...mama hurts", he know just assumes I am sick. The last few days when he asks if I am sick I tell him no, that Mama is better.

Yesterday we spent the day playing with water guns and his new water table out in the yard. We came in and colored and did a puzzle, then played with his new play-doh set. He looked at me and said "Mama feel better?"

Yes baby. Mama feels better.

The Funny Thing About Balls....

2012-05-15T10:08:00.000-04:00

So you know those bouncy balls that we painted for Henry's party? The ones with the Angry Bird faces on them? They looked like this:

Cute, right? Thanks.

Well. the problem with them was that after we painted them they were really sticky. And I tried all week to cure them of their sticky nature, but it was no good. I knew as soon as they hit the grass they would be covered in crap. So, as a last ditch, right before party start time effort, we decided to just cover them in baby powder. And you know what?? It WORKED! They were no longer sticky! But the party was actually starting as I am trying to round up all the balls and cover them in powder in the yard. Guests are coming in, kids are wanting to play with the angry bird tower, and I am like "HOLD ON! I need to powder my balls!"

So my mother in law, who is awesome, jumps in and is helping me. Her and the kids are grabbing balls and I am dousing them with power. I am sorta flustered. And not really focused. And my mother in law says something along the lines on "This is like Sarah in her single days, Racking up the Balls!".

And here it is. The funny thing about balls: There are lots of kinds of them. Anything round, really, can be called a ball. Bouncy balls, kick balls, basket balls, beach balls....And, you know.... POOL BALLS. Where you use chalk to powder them so they don't stick and you "Rack them Up". But no matter how many innocent balls may exist in the world, my mind went to only one type of ball. Surrounded by children while powdering Angry Bird bouncy balls all I could think of was balls of the testicle variety. And I was SO CONFUSED as to why my other in law was talking about them and talking about me racking them up.

So... I mean... it could have been worse. Because I just started laughing said "Sally! That's is REALLY INAPPROPRIATE for a three year old's birthday!" and I could have said something like "THAT'S RIGHT!" and given her a high five or something much more mortifying. But my reaction was clearly not what she expected because she looked confused. I mean, I am sure she thought it was clear she was talking about POOL because, really, WHO RACKS UP TESTICLES? NOT ME! I feel this need to make that clear. NOT ME! I know lots of people have that kind of wild and crazy single days, and no judgement or anything, but I have been with Nick since I was 19! I HAVE NO WILD AND CRAZY BALL RACKING SINGLE DAYS TO HIGH FIVE WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW ABOUT!

And here is the thing, who talks to their mother in law about it at all, even if they were a ball racker?? AND WHO THINKS THEIR MOTHER IN LAW IS MAKING A SEX JOKE AT THEIR GRANDCHILD'S BIRTHDAY? That, unfortunately, IS ME.

So a minute or two passes and my mother in law is clearly thinking over my response and it finally dawns on her that possibly, just POSSIBLY her daughter in law has an extremely confused and kinda dirty mind and she says "I was talking about POOL BALLS. You know that, right??" And right then, in that moment, I am filled with such mortification. Because No. I did NOT know that, but it all seems very clear and much more logical NOW. But I decide to just lie and let it go and be like "Oh yeah. Of course!" And we drop it. But she still looks confused, and I feel like a fool. And we go back to the party and all is well.

I forget about it during the party, but once it's over the moment keeps coming back to me. Racking up the balls. I am just... so horrified! And so damn tickled about it. Like I continually start laughing out loud over the encounter. Because... who thinks that?? And the way I called it INAPPROPRIATE! Like, I was very... I don't know.... like I was scolding her for her dirty joke. Who SCOLDS their mother in law? So I email her to tell her I was sorry I was so odd about it, and that... you know... I thought in the moment she was talking about s-e-x and I was just a little confused. She wrote back to say for some reason she thought I was a big pool player before I was with Nick, so she thought the pool reference would be clear to me.

Now THIS you all, THIS fact makes my day, and makes the entire situation worth it. My sweet mother in law thought I was a pool hustler back in the day. ME. I am so terribly awful at pool it is embarrassing. And... I don't know... I just think I would be a surprising candidate for "pool shark". But somehow she thought that I was some sharp shooting pool player when I was young and that... I don't even know... I walked away from my pool hall loving ways to settle down and be a wife and mother. It was a hard choice, really.

So anyway. The moral of the story is, if someone says anything to you about balls, think long and hard about what kind of balls they COULD be talking about before you declare the entire conversation INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN! You just MIGHT be embarrassing yourself.

An Angry Bird Birthday Bash!

2012-05-14T12:47:00.000-04:00

So we had Henry's party on Saturday, and you all, it went so great! The weather was PERFECT, Henry thought it was the greatest day of his life, all the other kids had an amazing time (the adults seemed to enjoy it as well), food was great, cakes and decorations looked adorable and it was all around exactly how I wanted it to be. I am just so happy about it! So... PICTURES! (lots of photos ahead.)

Here is my THREE YEAR OLD with his Life Size angry birds game that we made. We painted the faces on the bouncy balls. (You can see how to do that here.)

Angry Bird Cakes! (made in the pampered chef batter bowl)

This streamer wall took poor Boo a very long time. THANKS AUNT BOO! It looks awesome!

The birthday sign, also made by Boo

My mom made these chocolate suckers that were amazing!

The pig fruit bowl says "hello". (Thanks Nicole for making him!)

Gift Bags

We had the kids make Angry Bird feeders and it was so easy and they loved it!

We also played pin the beak on the bird, which was a huge hit with the kids!

But mostly they wanted to do a lot of this

Over and over and over again. (apparently crashing large boxes never gets old!)

And...you know... eating. (of course) here is the kids table.

I just realized we had a boys table...

and a girls table. We are very middle school around here.

Henry did not like the singing of Happy Birthday. He declared it to be TOO LOUD"

On the other hand, he loved the blowing out of the candles and the eating of the Angry Bird Cake!

the Bio Girl Family (and the beloved water gun).

really, the water guns (and the woopie cushions!) were a hit with all ages. Some things you just don't grow out of.

Things like rockets. Boys like rockets.

Okay, now we are rolling into family pictures. Because I have a million good ones. I just can't think of cleaver things to say under each one, so I am just naming people. Sorry about that. SO... Here is Henry with Nanny and Papaw!

Aunt Candice and baby Ethan.

Missy and Mandy.

Boo and Cici

A great one of Boo and Charing. It looks to be like it could be sold in frames as the stock photo that say "friends forever" on the bottom.

Grandaddy and Val

Henry and his Nana. Love this one too.

A sweet one of Nicole and Cici

The girls :) Miss Leighton and Cici

This one makes me laugh because it is the "retake" because in the one before Nieem's eyes were closed. I declared it "GREAT!" and walked away.

Nana and Grandpa hanging out

My sweet Godson, Wesley

A very Happy Birthday boy.

Who loved every second of his Angry Bird Birthday Bash!

**You might be asking how I pulled this party off five days post surgery. The answer is that I accepted LOTS of help! Thanks to all of our amazing family who pitched in to make this all happen for our sweet boy. It means so much to all of us!

**Also, believe it or not, there are still WAY more pictures! If you are interested, click on any of these and you can flip through them on my flickr account!

Three

2012-05-13T05:00:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday, Sweet Henry. We love you so.

Songs: Can't Go Back Now by the Weepies and Beautiful Life by The Lovely Years

**I know. Two songs. BUT, they are both REALLY short, so the video is still only right at five minutes. And the songs were too perfect. It would have been criminal to pick something else.

**If you are in a sentimental kind of mood, here are years one and two for your video viewing enjoyment.

A Three Year Letter

2012-05-11T16:22:00.001-04:00

**Henry's official 3rd birthday is Sunday, so that is when I will post his photo slideshow. Come by and check it out if you have time. Let me know if it makes you cry, or if that's just his mother.**

Dear Henry,

You are so big now. I know later, in a year or two or ten, I will look back and think of how tiny you still were in this moment. that I could still hold you in my arms, that I could still tuck you in at night. But to me, you seem to have grown into your own person in this last year. You have thoughts and opinions on everything around you. You have this amazing sense of humor and you love to make people laugh. You have a kindness inside of you that makes you care about everyone that surrounds you. Somehow, it has all become clear in this year, between two years old and three, that you are your own Henry. And what am amazing little boy you are turning out to be.

You are constantly on the go, always wanting to play. You love being outside. It is your favorite place. On the swings, the slide, riding your 'motorcyle', you don't care what we do, as long as it is out doors. You are amazing how you play pretend. You build towers and bridges, castles and forts. You tell us what your angry birds think and say. You tell us when your stuffed caterpillar is hungry. they are all very real to you, and so they are real to us too. You love reading books and beg us to read to you constantly. At bed time you hold up one finger and will say "Please! Just ONE MORE!" You love playing video games. Maybe I should be embarrassed to tell you that, but it's true. At three years old you already play video games and you are amazingly good at them! To be honestly, you are already better than your mama.

You love your family. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and of course your cousin Cici. You and Cici are together all the time and have so much fun playing and going crazy. You are two balls of energy that adore being together! You really love being with all of your family. You are constantly asking where they are and when we can see them again. We are so lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love you.

Last year you really weren't talking much yet, but that has changed over the last twelve months.You talk all the time! I am amazed at what comes out of your mouth. Smart, thoughtful sentences that sound much too old for a three year old. We will walk into the room and you will say "Mama, I am glad to see you!". It warms my heart. You count and know your alphabet, which you love to sing for us. You know all your shapes and colors, yelling out things like "mama! That's a red Octagon!" when we pass a stop sign. You are very interested in reading and math. Wanting to know what two numbers ad up to, or always asking "what's that spell??" when you see a sign with words. You are like a sponge, soaking up any piece of knowledge we share with you. When we tell you an answer, like two plus two equals four, you say "That's RIGHT, MAMA! THAT'S RIGHT!"

It's funny when I think of you reading these letters someday. Will you ever be interested in yourself at three years old? Will you even want to know what your mama thought of you at that age? Will you just assume that I spend the entire letter telling you how you are perfect in every way? Will you roll your eyes at me, your silly mama, as I go on and on about your love of Angry Birds and The Very Hungry Caterpillar? Maybe. Probably. But I will write you every year, just the same. Because it feels like somewhere it should be documented, this love we have for you. How amazing you are. How absolutely perfect in every way. And your birthday feels like the time to tell you.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy. We love you so.

xoxo
Mama

Top 25 and Other Ramblings

2012-05-09T16:14:00.000-04:00

So I was going to actually write a real post today, but then.... well... you see, I took a shower, a small thing really, and then I dropped Henry off with my mom and ran by the grocery to get like five little things, basically nothing at all. And at the end of all of that, I was EXHAUSTED. Like, hard to keep my eyes open on the 0.2 mile drive home from the grocery exhausted.

So.... good to know. I am not all the way better. I might FEEL all the way better while laying on my couch eating Everything Bagel Chips dipped in whipped cream cheese (OH MY GOD) and drinking iced coffee (I know, my life=hard) but once I actually attempt to move my butt, I realize that yeah... I had surgery to remove a (small) organ 48 hours ago. CHILL OUT AND STOP TRYING TO DO ALL THE STUFF.

So, no real blog post today. (I have no idea why this doesn't count as a real post. I have used plenty of capitol letters) But I did just get an email about the final list for the Circle of Mom's Top 25 Inspirational Blogs! I came in at number 23, which if you think about it, manages to sneak in to the actual top 25! For the record, I sent a cute picture to be included with my answers to the interview, but I guess they didn't get it. Oh well. I guess number 23 is stuck with using the little cartoon character from the header. Such is life.

Anyway, Check out the list. There are a bunch of amazing blogs on it. And thank you all so much for voting me back into the top 25 for the second year in a row! It really does make me very happy.

Now back to these bagel crisps...

Alive and Well

2012-05-08T11:20:00.000-04:00

Hello everybody! Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was very busy sleeping. My surgery went really well. Like this has been the easiest first 24 hours post surgery of any of my four laparoscopic surgeries. I am sure that has to do with the fact that I just had all the endometriosis removed two months ago, so they were really just going in to get out that tube and ovary. The entire thing was pretty fast (or so I am told. It felt like the blink of an eye to me, but it always does).

My doctor said the ovary definitely needed to come out. That it has a large blood supply going to it (I assume he means the cyst did, or the ovary had more of a blood supply that it normally should... I am sorta hazy on that and will talk about it more at my follow up on Monday). He said there was endomteriosis all over it, and between the endo and the increased blood supply it was no wonder it hurt like hell. (my words, not his. He is very professional and doesn't say things like 'hurts like hell' ).

There was a moment, right before we rolled into surgery, where he came to talk to us and mentioned that he really hoped this helped the pain, but it might not. That the pain might not be due to that ovary at all. I had already had my "relaxation medication" shot into my IV so I wasn't even sure he said it, but after we got home Nick and I talked about it and it was definitely put out there. "we hope this helps.. but it might not.". So there is that to think about, but worrying doesn't do me any good. For now, we are just hoping this is my cure.

And sitting here, 24 hours in, I can say that I really think it will be. I am very sore right now (sitting at this desk chair is doing an excellent job of reminding me of that), but I am the right kind of sore. I am "just had surgery 24 hours ago' kind of sore. And as painful as that is, I kinda already feel better than I did the day before surgery. The terrible pain focused on my left side is not there like it was. the sharp shooting pain in my left lower back that would shoot down my leg isn't there. I feel bad, but it's just had surgery bad. Not "How can I ever live with this" bad.

And for me, that is a sign that there is hope. That this might actually have fixed me. And once again, I am crying about it. But this time, they are the good tears. Because I really think I might get to finally feel better. And after months of feeling miserable, that is the best news I have ever heard. Time will tell if it's really true.

***I have a new blog post up today with Bloggers For Hope on living with endometriosis after the infertility treatments are over. Stop by and check it out if you have time!

The New Plan

2012-05-03T11:32:00.000-04:00

Two posts in one day. Things are getting crazy around here.

I talked with the doctors office. I apologized for all the tears yesterday. You all, I can't really discribe them, but they were epic. Like the woman most likely went home and told her family about this crazy girl who couldn't stop crying. She will one day tell her grandchildren about it. There was one of those deep gasping sob things that happened. Okay, it happened twice. It was unfortunate. And today... after a night of rest, I felt the need to tell her "yes. I know that was intense. Sorry about all that emotion..." . I was able to have today's conversations without a single sobbing deep gasp for breath incident. As a matter of fact, I only feel a couple of tears fall, and I like to believe she didn't even know they happened. (LET ME BELIEVE IT)

She of course said it was all fine. (like she could say, "yeah... you were out of control") She also told me the Doctors wife is doing okay. Which is really good to know. Had she been really hurt bad I would feel even worse about my overwhelming display of emotions and being all "What about MEEEEE?!?!". It was just unfortunate timing for the call to come in yesterday. She caught me at a REALLY bad time. I was so uncomfortable, was coming off of a ten hour shift, my third in three days, I had child care and dinners arranged, laundry finished, everything was ready. And I was just so done with dealing with this pain. But still, in the light of day, I was a touch embarrassed. I hate the way I cry when I feel bad, but it is an uncontrollable force and must be accepted.

ANYWAY, my surgery. I was hoping they could get me in with a different doctor tomorrow, but at the same time I was uncomfortable with a stranger doing my surgery. My doctor and I have been together a long time and I see him specifically because he is a great surgeon. But since he only does surgery on Thursday, and as previously mentioned, another week of this pain is out of the question, I was resigned to it. Well, after they talked with my doctor he said he would rather do the surgery, and will come in before the office opens on Monday and do it then.

So... that is the plan. I am at the surgery center Monday morning at 6am. I will have to take more time off work, but that's okay. I am off tomorrow, so I just have to get through the weekend, which will be fine. And with the surgery being on Monday, we should still be a go for Henry's birthday party on Saturday. It is all working out. Thanks god.

Thanks for listening to me as I have emotional meltdowns on here. I know it is a little much to read (think of the poor nurse) but I really do appreciate you all and your support. Hopefully on Monday I will finally start to feel better. Hopefully on Monday I can turn off the damn tears and start feeling like a normal person again. Fingers crossed.

You Have No Idea: A BlogHer Book Club Review

2012-05-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

I know, you thought I would be updating you on my surgery and here I am posting a book review. That's the way it goes sometimes (like when you have a due date for a specific post... like this one here). I will post as soon as I know anything new on when my surgery will be rescheduled. Because I assume you are DYING TO KNOW. For now, let's talk Books!

Also, while we are in italics, I will add that this is a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club. Although I make tons and tons (not really much at all) of money for doing these reviews, my opinions (as always) are completely my own.

Vanessa Williams and her mother, Helen Williams, co-wrote the book You Have No Idea: A Famous Daughter, Her No-nonsense Mother, and How They Survived Pageants, Hollywood, Love, Loss (and Each Other), and I have to say, it has been my first BlogHer Book Club disappointment in a long time. I am not sure what I was expecting from the memoir of Vanessa Williams, but this book was a struggle to read from start to finish.

My issue as I read through the life of Vanessa was that it seemed oddly ordinary. I have not read many memoirs in my life, but the ones I have read have been about normal people who ended up leading amazing lives, and as authors, their ability to tell a story transforms that life into something I feel I am sharing with them as I turn the pages. This book was about someone who was already famous, and who is clearly very talented as a singer, dancer and an actress. But here's the thing, she isn't a great writer . I didn't feel sorry for her when she discussed the scandal of the nude photos that cost her her Miss America crown. I didn't believe her when she talked about how deeply she loved the men she married, and later divorced. She didn't convince me to love them when she relived loving them, and hate them when she relived hating them. And maybe that was my feelings on the entire book. She couldn't talk me in to caring, and I think that is the key to a really good memoir.

As the book progressed, I was much more interested in Vanessa's mother, Helen. I thought the sections of her story, from her own past, were by far the best segments of the book and wish there had been more of that story included. Even her take on Vanessa was more interesting to me than the sections written by her famous daughter. As I read I continued to hope I would soon be to the next section by Helen. They were too few and too far between.

All that being said, the book isn't terrible. I just read like one long People magazine article. If you love celebrity memoirs, you might enjoy this one. If you love Vanessa Williams, you too will most likely really like this. But since I do not love either, I would give this book a pass.

We will be discussing You Have No Idea over at BlogHer for the next several weeks. Come join the conversation!

Postponed

2012-05-02T17:11:00.000-04:00

I just got a call from my doctor. And right as the call came in, I was sitting at work thinking "Thank god my surgery is tomorrow. I cannot deal with this pain for another day." I am so miserable.

The nurse said that my doctors wife fell while out of town. She is hurt and they had to call an ambulance. He is on his way to be with her. They need to move my surgery. And I feel so bad for his wife. How scary to have such a bad fall. I don't mean to ignore that she is hurt. And yet...

I cannot stop crying. (I know. the story of my life right now). They wanted to move it to next Thursday, but another week of this pain is so unthinkable to me. Plus next weekend is Henry's birthday party. And not that we can't cancel it, or move it. But the following several weekends are already full of events and I just can't even focus enough to make a plan right now. I want this to be over. I want this pain gone. And waiting another week to get this pain under control.... or even waiting two to get past his party....it feels like a lifetime from this moment. I am just so heart broken that I can't be fixed now. That I can't start healing tomorrow. That I don't get to finally start feeling like I am putting this pain behind me.

I asked if another doctor can do it. They say not tomorrow. Maybe early next week. I cried harder, they said they will see if anybody can do it Friday. They can't promise anything. They don't know.

I will know more tomorrow. And it's okay. I just need to stop these tears and it will be okay. It will all work out. Eventually. Hopefully on Friday. Hopefully. Maybe. No promises. But it's where I am pinning all my hope for tonight.

A Red Ripe Strawberry (and a Big Hungry Henry)

2012-05-01T07:23:00.003-04:00

Henry absolutely loves the book The Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear. He asks to read it almost every night. He talks about it whenever we eat strawberries (which is pretty regularly this time of year). "Mama! Mama! Cut it in two, and SHARE IT WITH ME!! YUM!" If he seems a mouse on a cartoon he says "He needs to go pick his strawberry". He loves it. So imagine his pure joy when Nick told him that he had is very own red ripe strawberries he could pick in the back yard...

A Very Hungry Henry loves a red ripe strawberry

Especially one that has just been picked

A very Hungry Henry can sniff out a red ripe strawberry no matter how it is disguised.

There is only one thing to do with a red ripe strawberry. *

Quick! Cut it in two...

And share half with me

Yum!

*picture included so I can brag on Nick and his impressive landscaping skills. Don't for a second think any of this was my doing. His green thumb is amazing. My thumb is the black thumb of gardening death.

Back Under the Knife

2012-04-30T07:37:00.000-04:00

So I went back to the doctor once again on Friday. They are really starting to love me around that place. I had a follow up appointment scheduled for this coming Friday, but was just so miserable with pain on my left side that I moved it up a week. They did another ultrasound and found that the cyst on my left side is now 2.5cm (not that much bigger than it was three weeks ago) and that now it looks like a "complex cyst", meaning that it has it's own blood supply. According to the ultrasound tech, that basically means that it is must likely not a classic cyst but a bundle of endometriosis. I asked if if a 2.5cm bundle of endo can spring up in the matter of eight weeks and she looked at me, then pointed to the screen. Right.

So, I will spare you the details on how much I cried (lots). But the final decision by me and the doc is to just go back in and take out my left ovary and tube. Good old trusty righty should be able to keep my hormones regulated on it's own, so I should be okay with one. My doctor said that when he decided to leave the left ovary two months ago it didn't look great, but he thought it would heal. Clearly that isn't happening. He said with a cyst like this, there is really nothing else they can do for it that will get rid of it. That medicines and the IUD should help with my normal endometriosis and my periods, but that this cyst has taken on a life of it's own. So... out it goes. And with it the ovary that seems to love growing cysts to keep it company.

He was also really nice and talked about how long he has known me (like 15 years) and that if I am telling them I am in this much pain, that he knows it must be awful. And you all, it is. It is awful. And I am so tired of complaining about it, and I am so tired of FEELING it. It has been truly terrible and I am just so ready for it to be done.

So Thursday I go back in to surgery for the second time in two months. He is hoping to take out the ovary and the tube laporascopically, but if he can't then I will have to be admitted. For now we are hoping for an out patient deal and I will be home that night. I am just praying that once it's gone, the pain will finally (FINALLY) go away.

**Many of you may be asking why in the heck I am not just having a full hysterectomy and being done with this entire nasty business. GOOD QUESTION! There several reasons. One being that a full hysterectomy with both ovaries at the age of 32 does a real number on your body hormonally. I would have to choose between hormone replacement therapies, which are not great for you, especially if you are on them for a very long time like I would be, or having extreme onset menopause. I won't go in to it all, but there are side effects from either option I would like to avoid.

Also, if I had a hysterectomy I would need to take six weeks off work, and would not be suppose to pick up Henry for that six weeks. That is just not possible right now. Five years from now, yes, but not now. So this is the answer that works best for me. It isn't so I can have another baby. I know that is not in the cards for us. But hopefully with the IUD and this troublesome ovary out of the way I can buy myself some time. The doctor seems to think I can. He thinks this is the right step. And I am really hoping he is right.

My Boy

2012-04-27T08:30:00.001-04:00

He is in love with being outside. From the moment he wakes up he asks if we can go out. To ride his motorcycle, to color with chalk, to SWING! His knees are scabbed and his clothes are grass stained and he loves every second of it.

His pants pockets are filled with treasures. I have to check them all before I do any laundry. pennies, quarters, any little rock that he thinks is worth further investigation. Sometimes he jumps and hears the items click together and smiles. He tells me 'Henry's pockets full!".

He is fascinated with living things. He watches caterpillars as they crawl across the patio. He sets his hand down and says "come on little caterpillar!" and lets it climb across his fingers. Then he laughs with pure joy at the sight. He watches a turtle documentary on Netflix, asking Nick to play it for him, then cheering when it begins. As he watches the baby turtle make it's way to the water he loudly proclaims, "I LOVE TURTLES!!"

He is so big, I sometimes look at him and wonder if my baby is gone.

But then nights like the other night happen. Where I tell him it's bedtime and he looks at me and says "Sit with mama, PLEASE!". I hold out my hands and pull him into the seat where I nursed him every single night for fourteen months. He curls into my arms, much bigger than he seems like he was just days before. His legs are long and he smells of summer and childhood. His breath is on my neck and his hand is wrapped in my hair. I am about to tell him it's time for books and bed when I notice his breathing has slowed and his hands are limp. He is asleep. I hold him longer than I should, or maybe not nearly long enough. Who knows how many more times he will fall asleep in his mama's arms this way. Surely it will happen again, but not nearly enough.

I slowly pick him up and carefully carry him to his room. I lay him down in his toddler bed, kiss his head and tell him how much I love him. Just like I did every night when he was tiny. Just like I do every night still. My big boy. My baby. Either way, he is mine, and I love him so.

Crunch Time

2012-04-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

I am feeling the pressure to get things done.

Little things like the laundry, since our dryer was broken for a few weeks I feel overwhelmed by it. I have been going the laundry matt down the street, so I am not even that far behind. But it feels important. Like something that MUST be done NOW.

Then there are bigger things like my final paper for my Women's Health class. Since the semester is wrapping up and it is worth 25% of my grade, it is pretty important and it's due by next Wednesday. I am writing it on breastfeeding and the early introduction on formula by hospitals in the US and how that effects the success of mothers who were planning to exclusively breastfeed. It is exceptionally interesting to my nerdy heart, but it's ten pages full of medical journal sources and it is taking a lot of time. And time is something I don't feel like I have extra of these days.

Plus, there is this other really BIG THING in two weeks. A BIG THING I am working on and planning for, but trying not to think too much about. Sort of like the way you want to be out in the sun, but you don't look directly AT the sun or it hurts your eyes. This BIG THING sorta hurts my eyes in the same way. (Or... at least it makes them fill with moisture in the same way as that pesky old sun.) We are in full swing of planning someones third birthday party. Because he is nearly three. THREE. And we will discuss that more in detail at a later time. BECAUSE I CANNOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE SUN, I CAN ONLY PLAN A PARTY AROUND IT. (It will be adorable, you all. I can't wait to show you). (PLEASE DON'T LET IT RAIN)

So anyway, with the birthday planning comes his three year professional pictures and the making of the photo montage. I have to find a cake and come up with a food plan. I want games this year, so I really should get on that. And... you know... two weeks. And the only thing checked off the list is "Order Invitations" and "buy stamps".
Then add in all the little stuff. My ten hour days at work where we are in the busy season of the year and I feel like I never stop moving. The birthdays and the baby showers, the graduations and the weddings all on the horizon. I am thrilled about everything, THRILLED. And yet, I look at my calendar and wonder how in the hell it all fits in. When exactly do I find time to sleep? To sit down and rest? To clean my house?

I feel like every single week I am down to crunch time to get the few things done that MUST be done because I am out of time. That I can't ever get ahead. And I don't mean to complain and I know I put all of these things on myself. It's just, for today, crunch time seems to be a little crushing. And I just wish there were a few more hours in the day.

At least I am spending today with these two. They always make my heart a little lighter.

PS. Nick and I started watching Downton Abbey last night. I know, one more thing to do, right? Except I am so hooked already! And I really love when Nick and I watch a new show together. It's one more thing to keep me from going to bed at a reasonable hour, but it is totally worth it. You should check it out!

One in Eight

2012-04-23T09:17:00.001-04:00

We are all around you.

Sometimes our fight is silent. A war that you would never know was being fought, unless you notice the tears we fight so hard to keep from spilling over as we find out we are at the end of yet another failed cycle. As another pregnancy is announced. As another unwanted child is reported on the news.

Sometimes we stand up and make our fight known. We open our hearts and our lives to those around us, making us available for love and support, but also so very vulnerable to your criticisms. Hoping for nothing more or less than understanding in the fact that this is not always easy, and we are struggling.

Sometimes we stay in our smaller starter homes longer, we drive older cars. We skimp and save, we fight for every last dime to cover the medical treatments that might give us what comes so easily for others.

Sometimes it is still not enough. We go from being a couple you assume will have children later to a couple you assume decided to never have children at all.

Sometimes those extra bedrooms never become anything more than a home office or a guest room. Sometimes that perfect nook for a crib never gets filled with anything at all.

But sometimes it does. Sometimes the treatments work and our heart is filled with the love we have been waiting for. And yet still, we are scarred by the war. We love our children differently than we would have, we love each other differently. Our battle has changed our hearts, for better or worse we can't really say. But we are most definitely changed.

We are one in eight women. We are suffering from infertility. Please Don't Ignore us.

This post is to help bring attention to National Infertility Awareness Week.Thank you for always being supportive of our infertility journey here at Bio Girl. I am very blessed.

A Disney (on ICE!) Tale: The Toy Story Edition

2012-04-20T12:05:00.000-04:00

Have I ever mentioned how sometimes I get a touch disgruntled over the way so many things see to be for little girls? Like all kids clothing stores? There are two racks of boy clothes, all which look exactly the same, and then the REST OF THE STORE are adorable girl clothes. And I am sure there is a reason for this. Like, there just aren't that many ways to make boy clothes, or maybe that studies have shown that mothers of boys don't buy anything but jeans and t-shirts NO MATTER WHAT. But it annoys me.

Another item on the list of "it's not far, I want to do cool stuff with my BOY" is the Princess Disney on Ice shows. I keep reading blog post after blog post with adorable pictures of their daughters in princess outfits going to the show. And every time I am like "WELL.. it must be NICE to have entire ice shows make for your little girl!" Until recently. When Boo sent me a picture of an add in our local magazine. And it was for.... TOY STORY ON ICE!

Oh yes, we dressed them up. OF COURSE WE DID. We actually had a Buzz outfit for Henry (thanks Charing!), but he WAS NOT A FAN. So we pulled this out of the closet to he could be a cowboy just like Woody. He was happy!

Getting ready for the show to start!

As soon as we sat down, before the music even started, Henry took on the look you see here. He proclaimed the entire thing to be "TOO LOUD!" and watched the entire first half with his ears covered. Which... you know, wasn't the reaction I was going for. But still, he never cried or asked to go home, which... is good? right?

Sometimes he would allow others to take over the ear covering responsibilities for him. You can't see it in the picture, but he was actually enoying himself by this point. Pointing to the characters and just starting to dance a little. As you can see in the back ground, Cici had NO PROBLEM with the noise.

She was REALLY in to it. Clapping, yelling, jumping up and down. She loved every single second. Right up until the second half when she was like "Whatever... I am DONE" so they headed for home. Still, it was totally worth it for our girl to be there! She made it over an hour into the show and enjoyed every second.

As for the show itself, I found it highly entertaining. Especially all the toys that required two people. Just think of spending your entire life training to be an ice skater and you finally land a role and it's as Slink's butt. THE BIG TIME HAS ARRIVED.

Around the time Cici got antsy, Henry got comfortable. he took his hands off his ears, he clapped, he danced, He had a blast. He was still a little nervous, but it was clear he was really enjoying himself.

After the show was over we asked him if he had a good time. "YEAH!!!!" he told us. So the entire group agreed. Toy Story on Ice, a total hit!

Now, if I could just get the "Barbie World" song out of my head, I would really be thrilled with the entire experience...

Resolution Reevaluation

2012-04-18T14:12:00.000-04:00

So back to those New Year's Resolutions. Okay, I know you all DO NOT CARE about my New Year's resolution list nearly as much as I do. Logically, I see that. But the thing is, this list gives me real goals for my year! And I take those goals very seriously! I mean... sometimes I do. Sometimes (like today) I look at the list and see that I put "start painting" on it and think, "Oh my god, THAT is one of my resolutions?? WHO KNEW?"

And logically the answer should be that I KNEW because I think of the list rather a lot. But apparently I only think of two of them. The diet and the books. Also sometimes the "do fun things" one, but mostly it's the diet and the books.

And guess what this post is about? The.... BOOKS!

(I bet you thought I would go with diet there, didn't you?)

So... the thing is... one of my resolutions... it was to read six classic books, and to also read 24 books in the year. The 24 books thing, not a problem. But the classics.... yeaaaaaaaah. It just isn't going to happen. I see that it's totally my fault. I own that. I mean, sometimes you set a goal and you start that goal and you are like, "you know what, I HATE this goal!" And so today, on April whatever it is, I am changing the goal. Which, for the record, I do not feel like is cheating at all. If you believe it IS cheating...well... I guess you can tell me about that it the comments. BUT WAIT! Let me first explain and then I think you will be on my side about this entire nasty "resolution changing" debate. (is anybody debating me? Does anybody care? Hello??)

Here is the thing. I tried to read a couple different classics. I TRIED. And you guys, they are just not for me. I mean, I am sure they have deep literary meaning and they shaped what writing is today and all that jazz, but I just can't seem to get in to them. And for me, reading is a release. It is what I do to relax and for fun. And feeling like I HAVE to read this DAMN CLASSIC because I promised I would, it is annoying me. And I still have eight and a half entire months to stick to a new resolution, so it isn't like I am presenting this switch on December 21st, right? So here is my ALTERED Resolution.

1. I will read at least six books that are outside of my reading comfort zone. I am going to at least spend some of my reading time reading things I will still enjoy, but that are not young adult stories about dystopian societies* or about witches or vampires. ( bet you thought I would go with The Hunger Games, Harry Potter and Twilight there, right? Wrong.) I will read memoirs and historical non-fiction and maybe even horror stories. As a matter of fact, I already have been working on this, and I am REALLY enjoying it!

So... I guess that's it. Reading new and different books is a good thing. Forcing myself to read things I don't enjoy does nothing but make me not want to read. So I wasn't willing to just give up on my resolution, but I needed to change it to something I can be aware of and work on, but that is still enjoyable for myself. We all good with this plan? GOOD!

*Speaking of Divergent, you guys. YOU GUYS. Have you read this yet? I just reread it to get ready for book two, and although it is talking MORE about young adult distopian societies, I am going to go ahead and tell you to read it. I mean, maybe your reading comfort zone is memoirs and historical nonfiction, and I am doing you a FAVOR HERE. Go get Divergent. Read it. Come back and tell me how awesome it is.

**Also, go read Ready Player One. It is awesome. Like it is now one of my favorite books kinda awesome. It makes my nerdy heart happy.

Wild Nights

2012-04-16T07:31:00.001-04:00

You know how people say when you have kids you stop having wild nights? Well, I am here to prove them wrong! I mean, sure, back when I was in college a wild Saturday night* was full of dancing and drinking and general mayhem. But THESE DAYS, they include things like tattoos.

Or for those in the know...we refer to them at tats.

Some may frown upon the idea of allowing young children to ink their bodies while under the age of three, but we are hard core like that in this family
.
Cars for life, man. Cars for life.

*for the sake of the blog post, we will just go with at least SOME of my college Saturday nights were full of this. Maybe not ALL of them. There is a small chance a few of them were full of card games or movies or maybe even catching up on entire seasons of Sex in the City and Survivor. Clearly I have always been a awesome.

**Thank you for your kind words on my last post about Nora. The entire situation is very complicated and utterly heartbreaking, but we truly appreciate the love and support you all have shown our family. xoxo

Our Sweet Nora

2012-04-13T07:34:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I got a comment on the Easter post where someone asked the question I have been figuring several of you have been thinking for weeks now. Where is Sweet Nora? I talked with Boo last night and said it was okay for me to share the answer with you all.

Sometimes things are so utterly heartbreaking that they are impossible to talk about. For the last several weeks our family has been dealing with one of those heart breaks. Our sweet Nora is no longer with us. She has gone home to be with her birth mother.

She was with us, completely a part of our family, for ten weeks. And the hurt that comes with this loss is not something I will talk about much on here after today.

Not because it isn't worth talking about, but really because it is too personal. Too raw, and completely my sister's story.

We do know that this is the birth mother's right to take her home. She has her reasons which are personal and very complicated. But this loss, oh how it hurts our hearts.

It is hard to believe that things will ever feel okay. But they will. She will be loved by her birth mother. By her mother. And my sister will survive this. We all will. Somehow.

But for today, for these last several weeks, for the next few months, we feel crushed by this loss.

She will be loved, she will be safe. But oh how she was loved here. How she still is.

How she always, always will be.

My sister will not be pursuing another adoption. She is done and is very thankful for Cici. Thank you all for your support and love of our family.