From being able to buy almost anything online to having things delivered within hours, the world is your oyster where shopping is concerned.

The way you shop is heavily influenced by marketing and powerful brands though, and it’s easy to think of certain companies straight away when you need a specific item. This is, naturally, what those brands want but you should always remember to try shopping around and see what else is available to you.

Here are a few purchases where shopping around really has its benefits.

Technology

There are a few brands that really dominate the world of tech. So much so that it’s hard to think of some other companies when you think of these products.

For this reason, when you need a new phone or laptop, it’s natural to just go straight to these brands and consider your options within what they have to offer.

However, considering other options is a major benefit when buying new tech. Not only can you save a lot of money, but you may find that what they have to offer suits you much better.

Somewhere like Lenovo.com has so many budget-friendly options that also pack a punch when it comes to performance.

Clothing

It’s all too easy to get into the habit of sticking to what you know when it comes to buying new clothes for yourself.

This can really be a trap of your own making though as you may find that somewhere else suits your style and ethos better. So many brands have unethical practices regarding how the clothing is made and what materials they use.

Looking around and finding something more sustainably made can be a great way to live a bit of a greener lifestyle.

Housing

While this is a much bigger type of purchase than the others on this list, it’s certainly worth mentioning.

The housing market is always changing and can really differ depending on where you are looking. Often just a few miles from where you want to buy can be so much cheaper than what you were originally looking for.

If you have the luxury of time on your side when house hunting, waiting might also be the best thing you can do for yourself. As the market fluctuates, you may find that a similar property is a completely different price from one year to the next.

It’s all too easy to get into the mindset of sticking with what you know when it comes to shopping. When you’re busy and find that you need to make a purchase, it’s natural to just go with the easiest and most well-known option. However, by just shopping around a little, you can find products that suit what you’re looking for much better and at better value.

The post 3 purchases where shopping around can be a huge benefit appeared first on Bitter Empire.

More Self-Esteem

Having a good level of self-esteem is important for many different reasons in life. The better your self-esteem, the more successful you are and the more opportunities you will have. You’ll believe in yourself, and this is what is so important when you are trying new things and aiming high; your positive attitude in this regard could make all the difference.

So clearly, having self-esteem is crucial, but how can you build it if you don’t currently have a high level? The answer is having a hobby. The more you get involved in something, whether it’s sport, art, collecting something, or learning new information, the better your self-belief will be. You’ll know you can achieve things in life because the evidence is right there before you in your hobby and the skills you’re developing. You don’t have to be an expert in whatever hobby you choose, and you don’t even have to become a professional, or reach that kind of level. As long as you can see progress from where you started to now, your self-esteem will grow.

Hobbies Give You Friends

How many friends do you have? Maybe you have one or two. Maybe you don’t have any at all, and don’t feel as though you want any. What about when you were younger? It’s highly likely you had a lot of friends, and many of those would have been made through your hobbies. Why bring this up? It’s because friends are actually very important, and therefore, if you don’t have many as an adult, it’s a good idea to try to make some, and to do that, a hobby can work wonders.

Studies have actually shown that having friends gives you lower blood pressure, and that means you are at less risk of heart disease and stroke. Depression is something else that can be avoided – or at least reduced – when you have friends, since loneliness is a leading cause of depression (although, of course, there are other reasons). What’s more, hobbies can also be something your children can get involved in. So joining the HSB Academy together as they have both youth and adult activities or starting an evening pottery class, or anything else that sounds appealing will allow you to make friends a lot more easily.

Less Stress

Life is stressful a lot of the time. This might be large stresses, such as not having work, not enjoying your work, having a bad relationship, or perhaps health or financial worries. It could also be smaller stresses such as bad traffic on the way to work or having a deadline to complete something by. Big or small, most people can quite easily find something to feel stressed about on a daily basis.

When you have a hobby, you can reduce your stress. Firstly, it’s something to look forward to, which keeps you feeling positive and reduces the amount of cortisol (the stress hormone) in your body. Secondly, when you are fully immersed in your hobby, you’ll find you aren’t worrying about whatever it is that is causing you stress, and you will feel a lot more relaxed. This is much better for your overall health, as well as your happiness.

The post Why Do You Need A Hobby? appeared first on Bitter Empire.

Due to the recent issue with hiring and unemployment rates, you are probably sitting with your head in your hands wondering ‘why’. This is the natural response to seeing a country, once the land of hopes and dreams, no longer providing to the everyday workers in their society. 

If you are thinking it is the worker’s fault for not investing the time and the money to get a higher-paid job, you’re probably wrong. Not everyone was born into a wealthy family who gained all of their money and social standing by stealing land from those they had colonized. 

But sure, blame it on the ones that have the boot to their neck. 

If you are a business owner and are trying to help society out too by offering higher than the minimum wage, here are some other things that you can do to help your potential staff feel like they will be appreciated and important to your business. 

You should probably be advertising more

You should probably be advertising your job more. If people are looking for a job, and with unemployment rates so high, there is a good chance that you’ll attract a few if you get your job role out there.

Put the pay rate on the advertisement, and you will have a lot more people applying, which gives you more options. If you see a couple that you like, your numbers are probably too low for you to turn away talent. It is amazing what offering a decent wage can do to people’s attitudes, as when they are working for you, they might actually be able to afford basic healthcare, which in turn will mean fewer days off because they will be able to medicate their sickness and not get everyone else in your office ill too. Sounds a lot like good business and common sense, really. 

You should also list the perks of the job. Offering training, especially courses that will provide azure certification, as that kind of works out well for you too. Just about everybody has taken on cloud computing, and having a team that’s clued up in this can only be a good thing. So, not only does it help you, will be a great way to help persuade people to look into your job offer a little more closely. 

You should get your head out of yourself and take a good look at the world around you

If you are wondering why people still aren’t applying to your job with one-million benefits, and you might start thinking that people are just lazy, pull your head out of yourself and look at the world around you. A pandemic is still very much at large, no matter how much people push it to one side, and hundreds of Americans are still dying from it every day. 

People are struggling to afford healthcare, struggling to afford basic education to get the jobs they need to earn more, are being turned away because of who they love, their race, or their gender. If you don’t see that America is too far gone in the wrong direction because you are too busy wondering why people aren’t working or bettering themselves, here’s your answer: they can’t. 

The post Why is hiring so difficult? appeared first on Bitter Empire.

We are writing to you not to complain, but to inquire: what the fuck is going on over there?

It’s not that we don’t like your insane ads. Seriously, what could be better than Ricola’s rocket chair as represented not by CGI flames, but with very precise orange pom-pom streamers? We love that ad, but just an FYI: that chair is NEVER going to fly. NEVER. Have you considered the implications when we all find out we’re NOT about to have rocket chairs?

Credit: Ricola Natural Herb Cough Drops

Or Target’s offering with exploding snowmen heads?

Why Target? Why must all the snowmen die?

Unless they are animated snowmen of the Dr. Who variety, we see no reason for killing snowmen with sonic waves.

Credit: Dr Who/BBC

Not to mention Ziploc’s ridiculously cute potty training advertisement that seems to be completely removed from the topic at hand.

Why is the child being represented by a Lemur? And how does this relate to Ziploc? Is it that the parents are keeping the star stickers in a Ziploc bag? There is no reason to keep the stars in Ziploc. The stars will not go stale if exposed to air.

I mean, sure, whatever floats your boat regarding organization. As one who stores things in all kinds of not storage related items,  we are not judging, we are just mystified as to why this ad is for Ziploc. It’s like someone was like – “Dude, I’ve got a cool concept” and then someone else was like “Bro, you should totally pitch that to Ziploc” and then Ziploc was like “Wait, how does that relate to us?” and the first guy was like, “It’s conceptual. You wouldn’t get it. You’re so old.” and Ziploc was like “No, we totally get it. That guy was just soooo out of touch. He’s gone now. We’re in.”

Seriously, Ad Men and Women, how did you ever talk these companies into airing these bizarre ads? You guys must be able to sell ice to the Eskimos. You talked Asus into using a tufted tit mouse to sell their tablet. A TUFTED TIT MOUSE. Which is apparently the coolest kind of bird?! He has a faux hawk! We don’t even have words.

What is going on here? What will be next? WHERE DOES THE MADNESS END?

For us, the straw on the camel’s back was Skeletor and He-Man working together to sell us Hondas. Complete with a rap. Don’t they know they are MORTAL ENEMIES? Skeletor is totally going to throw He-Man under the bus…oh no. Oh NO! Someone needs to warn He-Man!

Now you’ve done it Ad People. You’ve killed He-Man. What is wrong with you? First the snowmen and now He-Man. It’s like you don’t care who you hurt.

We get it. These ads are fantastic. They leave us thinking, wondering, bemused. We understand why you make them. But how do you convince a boardroom of execubots that this is the kind of insanity that will prompt people to buy their company’s next big doodad gadget thingamabob?

And so, we ask you, what the fuck is going on over there? Are you all high? Your industry has taken a turn towards total non-sequiturs. Where are the jingles, the cheesy mascots? HOW WILL WE KNOW WHAT TO BUY?

We strongly recommend that you write a memo. Stop creating confusing advertisments. No one’s grandparents know what to buy them anymore, leaving a total vacuum for Treasure Chest Pets.

Which we know are only useful for teenagers trying to hide drugs.

Are you trying to create a generation of drug addicts? Well, then, the answer is clear. Stop being entertaining and start patronizing to your audience like REAL ad people. Didn’t you learn anything in your business degree?

Yours Sincerely,

Bitter Empire

The post Dear Ad Industry: Are You High? appeared first on Bitter Empire.

The question is, what exactly does a public safety management position entail?

Public safety managers are responsible for overseeing the safety of the general public and their property and maintaining law enforcement and the protection of civilians.

Getting Into Public Safety

Before you get your new career in public safety, you’ll need to do some studying.

There are a number of courses, such as the mps online, that will give you all of the learning you’ll need, after that, it’s all about getting experience in the field.

One of the first things you need to do is decide what type of public safety career you want to enter.

The certifications and training required for each position will vary, so choosing a specialty as soon as possible will help you decide which certification programs and courses to take.

Career Paths in Public Safety Management

There are many different types of positions in public safety.

Here are a few of the most common opportunities you’ll find in public safety management:

Public Safety Directors

Public safety directors, or PSDs, oversee entire government agencies or organizations.

They are tasked with making sure that the agency meets all laws and organizational goals. The PSD is the highest-ranking official in any organization.

Public Safety Technology Managers

The public safety technology manager (PSTM) is responsible for installing and maintaining the communication equipment used to deliver emergency services and information to consumers.

Public Safety Communications Manager

The Public Safety Communications Manager (PSCM) certification course will give you all of the learning you need to become a public safety tech manager.

The PMCM is typically appointed as a director of a division within a larger organization.

Public Safety Coordinators

Public safety coordinators, or PSCs, work to ensure that specific tasks are completed efficiently and effectively within an organization.

Maintenance Technicians

Systems maintenance technicians install and maintain communication equipment. They are responsible for maintaining communication systems and equipment, including the ability to communicate with dispatchers and other public safety communication staff.

What Do Public Safety Officers Do?

In order to achieve their goals, public safety managers need a keen understanding of their community.

A public safety manager can develop a great deal of knowledge about crime and its impact on a community.

This helps managers to design programs that prevent crime from occurring in the first place and identify those who need help, ranging from education and rehabilitation to criminal justice reform.

Public safety managers must also be adept at the risks associated with crime prevention methods, such as crime mapping and emergency management.

They also need to be aware of how changes in the economy may affect the spread of crime.

Finally, public safety managers must determine what the community really needs and then develop the programs that meet that need.

When public safety managers are successful at their jobs, they are able to ensure that the general public is protected.

They are also able to help protect police officers, firefighters, and other first responders when they are on duty.

Public Safety Careers You Can Get Into

Depending on your preferred area of study, you may be able to pursue one of the following public safety careers:

Emergency dispatchers: Emergency dispatchers are in charge of coordinating the response to an emergency call.

They dispatch police, fire, or other emergency services when they receive calls about incidents that require immediate attention.

Dispatchers also answer questions from callers who need help dealing with emergencies. They give factual information to callers. They usually need a high school degree for this job.

Firefighters: Firefighters are responsible for preventing and extinguishing fires.

They use a variety of materials to get the job done, including extinguishers, fire hoses, and ladders. Firefighters also have to deal with other emergency situations, such as providing first aid. Most firefighters need a high school diploma or GED to get into this job. Many require a college degree in a fire science program.

Police officers: Police officers are responsible for enforcing laws and maintaining order in communities throughout the country. They patrol, investigate crimes and respond to “Code 3” calls that require an immediate response, such as an active shooter or ongoing hostage situation.

Often, police officers are tasked with helping victims of crimes. They will often help victims by searching the area for the perpetrator, gathering evidence, and developing a timeline of events.

Officers are often on call at night or during weekends. Many work more than one job to make ends meet financially. Police officers need a high school diploma or GED to get involved in this career path. Some may need a college degree in criminal justice, law enforcement, or criminology.

Police officers are highly trained professionals who need to possess valuable leadership qualities. They also need excellent interpersonal skills that can be used to build trust within their community.

Emergency Medical Technicians: EMTs are responsible for providing first aid to someone who is injured or having a medical emergency.

They are usually the first people to respond to medical emergencies, such as heart attacks, automobile accidents, and shootings.

EMTs administer treatment until advanced care providers arrive at the scene. They also assist with transporting patients to hospitals. EMTs need a high school diploma or GED for this job. They often need specialized training that can be obtained through career preparation programs at community colleges or technical schools.

Who Is Best Suited To A Career In Public Safety

As you can see, public safety careers are very varied, and as such, it’s one of the few fields that can appeal to everyone. People who are interested in public safety careers must possess strong leadership abilities.

This is because they must be able to lead any number of different types of people, ranging from first responders to community members.

Public safety officers must also possess excellent working knowledge of the law. This is because they will need to know all relevant laws to ensure that public safety staff can do their jobs effectively.

The post What Is Public Safety Management? appeared first on Bitter Empire.

I am a woman back dating men again for the first time in many years which is stressful enough but I’m also in a complicated, non-monogamous situation that has me looking for open-minded, tolerant people to date. I’ve already had many creepy responses to my online dating profile and one chat with someone who seemed really nice but became scary and abusive pretty quickly. It was easy to end it and make myself safe but I worry about how it would have gone if we had been meeting in person. Any advice on screening out the creeps? I had decided to be honest in my profile hoping that would help with screening, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Also, most of the open-relationship people I’ve met online push pretty quickly to switch to text or phone calls and to meet in person. I can understand the push to find out whether there is a connection or not, but the idea of stumbling into another situation like the one I had before makes me really reluctant to move as fast.

Swimming with the Sharks

Dear Swimmer,

First of all, I am very sorry that this man abused you online. How upsetting and infuriating and awful — especially when you are making yourself vulnerable and reaching out and feeling nervous and anxious. Online attacks when you can’t see the person’s face or read his body language can sometimes be even more upsetting than in-person diatribes.

I’m sorry to say that every female I know who dates men has had this experience, whether she was monogamous or not. I’m sure this is not a surprise to you — if men are going to catcall and harass us on the street and in our jobs and at parties and in school, those same guys are going to continue it online.

I don’t think this has anything to do with monogamy or nonmonogamy; my experience has been that creeps exist in every strata of our society — and our incredibly sexist society means that you are going to come across abusive assholes like this sometimes. And I am so so sorry. It makes me really angry.

I think, though, that you already have the tools you need to avoid creeps either IRL or in text. Refusing to give out personal information too soon is a great tool. A reasonable person who asks for a meeting right away, will be totally cool with you saying you’d like to get to know them better online first and you’d like to chat online a bit longer. A person who pushes harder after you’ve just said no (whether you explain you had a bad experience before or not) has just given you really important information about himself: he does not respect your boundaries. He does not take ‘no’ for an answer.

That is not anyone you want to date in any situation.

I suggest you follow your gut — keep guys talking. Get to know more about them before you agree to meet (in a well-lit, public, non-alcohol-consuming place, and with all of his contact information in the hands of a trusted friend who will call you after an hour or two to check in). I think you’re doing great. Getting out there again after a long time not dating, and especially in a nontraditional context, takes a lot of strength and vulnerability. You’re doing the hard thing to hopefully find some joy. Good for you.

And FUCK those guys who make it an even harder thing to do than it already is. I mean, DON’T fuck them. You know what I mean.

BITTER BUTCH aka Haddayr Copley-Woods is a queer, a cripple, a nerd, a mom to two kids with neurological differences, and has a truckload of opinions on everything including sex and relationships, parenting, disability issues, family relationships, work dynamics, gender/sexuality issues, and etiquette. You can reach her with all your questions at bitterbutch@bitterempire.com

[Post image via Shutterstock]

The post Dear Bitter Butch: How Do I Weed Out Creeps? appeared first on Bitter Empire.

There is no doubt that mobile is taking over the internet in terms of use, access and costs and it has changed the digital landscape forever. It is clear that the future of the internet is mobile, especially for the 18-40 age group. There will soon be as many smart phones in use as there are people on the planet and a lot of the use happens online and in the cloud.

The main uses of shopping, gaming and entertainment and social interaction, the future use and any growth will occur via mobile platforms.

Shopping

Over 209 million Americans shop online, have compared products or read a review online at least once in the last year. E-commerce is now done on phones and tablets more than it is on PCs and laptops and has for all intents and purposes become m-commerce. It was expected that mobile commerce would reach 45% of the total e-commerce market in the US and as such it is one of the biggest shopping malls in the planet. The convenience of shopping as you have lunch or commute home is a great use of time. E-commerce site are now optimized for mobile devices and the industry is aware that if a store can’t be accessed via a mobile device its likely to be losing money.

App Development

Apps and games are a massive segment in the mobile device market. Initially the app market focused on entertainment, and this has come full circle with apps now primarily being for business. They are used as a means of interaction and to communicate with your favorite brands. Games are now specifically made for mobile rather than being adapted. A great example is roulette-touch, which is optimized for mobile play. We may think that the constant connection with mobile devices is affecting human interaction and communication, yet it is simply changing it. People are very much still communicating, just through the game, or app that is on their mobile phone.

Social media

One of the premises of social media in a data age is that it must be immediate – people want to be able to react and interact on an immediate/live basis. Having all your social feeds on your mobile device, which also serves as a camera, allows for you to keep your finger on the pulse of what’s occurring online and in your circle of influence. In 2019, more than half of those who accessed social media did so on their mobile devices. There are now more mobile device users in the US than users of laptops and computers and as such it would follow that more will use these devices to communicate.

As mobile devices are responsible for the majority of internet interactions it would serve any business well to remember this and ensure that if you are looking to access customers and clients you will have to have a mobile presence.

The post Why Mobile Is the Future of Internet Interaction appeared first on Bitter Empire.

That wasn’t quite the case when I announced I wanted to go to law school. My parents’ immediate prideful joy precluded any suggestion that I should visit a law school classroom or spend a day with a practicing attorney before making up my mind. To them, it indicated an unspoken sign that I was moving past the septum-pierced, mohawked freaks of my youth and preparing to settle for a Catholic, suit-wearing sedan-driver.

Which is how I entered the realm of law school—unprepared for its harsh, disfigured realities.

I thought there would be a lot of dating potential in law school. I envisioned a slew of JFK Jr. types surrounding me in every class. But alas, there were none. Not only did girls outnumber guys 2.5 to one, but 79% of the guys were either married, engaged, or practically engaged. (Apparently, any decent-looking guy who exhibits equal parts risk aversion and considerable earning potential has been strategically nailed down prior to the start of 1L.)

After subtracting the gay guys from the remaining pool of unattached male law students, I was left with little more than a handful of horrifying mutants to consider. There was the prematurely graying and/or balding set—most of whom were in their late 20s going on 50. Sadly, they often overlapped with the pale and hairy group who had large stomachs and/or man-boobs. There was also a contingency of unacceptably bearded, white-leather-tennis-shoe-wearing squares, and a small number of non-ugly, charming, but deal-breaking-ly short guys.

In other words, the list of guys a relatively attractive girl sleeps with in law school is mostly comprised of non-classmates.

But since it’s a known fact that women are particularly vulnerable to pangs of loneliness and trifling self-worth, extreme conditions call for us to modify our standards in order to have our “needs” met. So, I felt it necessary to represent female law students everywhere with this list of the types of men we girls are forced to turn to for arousal in dire straits. (And note that I said “arousal,” not “satisfaction.”)

This may seem a little personal, but I think there are multitudes of females toting leather- and gold-bound textbooks who will relate.

1. The Always Present Friend of Classmate

For me, he inevitably graduated from Illinois, Iowa, or Iowa State, and his profession was, without fail, either a pharmaceutical sales rep or a trader. His type is most ubiquitous at classmates’ birthday parties and other open-bar functions. This type respectfully disappears almost immediately following whatever after-hours, amorous encounter you’re able to muster on your couch before waking up early on Saturday morning to start your Property outline.

Pro: They’re usually in good shape since their undemanding careers allow for lots of gym time.
Con: They’re drug reps and traders, for God’s sake.

2. Your Appellate Advocacy Instructor

He’s the young partner at a mega-firm whose early, intense career focus left him single and therefore primed to use his adjunct professor status as a form of speed dating.

Pro: Finally get to add a CALI award for highest grade to your resume.
Con: Realizing he never had any intention of buying you a ring—which is a shame, because he could’ve afforded a big one.

3. Your Crim-Pro Tutor

He starts to seem acceptable near the end of the semester when exam hysteria intensifies the effect of the multiple Americanos you consume before visiting him for help during his office hours. This severely impairs your judgment and any semblance of standards.

Pro: Crim-Pro would’ve been a bitch to outline from scratch.
Con: Forced to live with the fact that you disgraced your standards by sleeping with a man whose best line was, “If looking good in jeans was enough for probable cause, then I would be Terry searching you right about now.”

4. The Semi-Hot Classmate “On a Break” from his Longtime Girlfriend Who Just Made a Proposal Ultimatum

He spills his heart out to you over oceans of vodka at a bar crawl following the close of exam week. His vulnerability is insatiably attractive. But he breaks it off with you halfway into the following semester when he decides it’s less risky to put the ring on her finger.

Pro: Since he’s actually attractive, there’s a boost to your self-esteem.
Con: The blow to your self-esteem resulting from being dumped by the only attractive guy you’ve hooked up with in three years.

5. (& 6.) The Socially Awkward First-Year Who Seduces You as a Summer

He’s the newly minted associate at the law firm cocktail party who first catches your eye while welcoming your summer associate class. You’re so lonely after having practically killed yourself to get grades warranting a spot in the summer program that you can’t help but be briefly charmed. Following that night, you will spend the rest of the summer hiding from him. Not to be confused with:

6. The Unhappily Married Sixth-Year Associate Just Passed Over for Partner Who is Morally Troubled and Seems to Understand You in Ways that No One Else Can After Pouring Several Scotches at the End-of-Summer Dinner Party

Pro: You won’t have to see either of them for the entirety of 3L, and they’ll likely forget about you before you become a full-time associate.
Con: Therapy centering on guilt issues can be expensive.

7. The Underachieving Leftover from Undergrad

His inauspicious career status seemed okay when you got accepted into law school as a college senior after lifting your head from a bong and realizing you needed a career. But after a few half-hearted romps in your apartment—surrounded by stacks of Civil Procedure textbooks and copies of the Federal Rules of Evidence—he hightails it from the scene just after 1L Thanksgiving break. Something to do with the insecurity sparked by innocent questioning when one of your classmates at a booze function asked, “Which building do work in downtown?” To which he responded with the cross streets for Maggiano’s. Your subsequent drunken remark about wishing he was an investment banker certainly didn’t help either.

Pro: The break up grants you a reprieve from nightmares of being forced financially to continue practicing law after bearing children.
Con:His departure severs your final remaining link to the outside world.

Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly since law firms are full of former law students, it doesn’t get any better when you start practicing. In fact, it gets worse. Whereas in law school you viewed traders and drug reps as practically untouchable, you now find yourself weighing the pros and cons of a fling with a male paralegal. And given that all the semi-decent “spoken for” men in law school are now primarily divorced, giving up a majority of their paychecks to alimony and child support, it’s like staring into a sea of potential gone wrong. Meaning there’s no wonder why girls like me fall for “It’s Just Lunch”-style traps.

The post The Seven Guys You Sleep With in Law School appeared first on Bitter Empire.

Proper malls, the big ones you never actually go to, have an Atomic Age air about them, like they were designed for an unsustainable level of prosperity. Going to a real mall off-hours feels like going to a ruin. This was an idea for a different time, a place for John Hughes characters to discover themselves, and it’s outmoded now. You can visualize the end of The Mall as an AP story: “Glenbrook Square Mall in Fort Wayne, Indiana will shut down on Tuesday.” “Richard Linklater to film Glenbrook’s last day of operation for the Library of Congress.”

But strip malls lack that baggage of false hope slowly normalizing. Everybody who goes to a strip mall needs to be at a strip mall, because they need flu medication at 10:42 p.m. on a Wednesday and Wal-Mart is 17 miles in the other direction. So you get the idea that strip malls can survive the apocalypse. Nothing can kill the bad dream imagery of the laundromat with the analog TV, or the Thai place you’ve never been to because it feels like only divorced people between 43 and 57 are allowed inside. Not even nuclear winter can’t kill that. People will still need flu medication at 10:42 p.m. on a Wednesday after the food rationing kicks in and we have to import our corn from Brazil.

I don’t like going to my neighborhood strip mall, it just has an air of death around it, but when I do, I’m hyper-aware of its narrative heft. “Is this the part of the movie where the college football player fallen on hard times starts drinking or stops? Where Uncle Sam calls me up to take down the Martians? Or is it where the gut-shot CIA agent tells me to send the telegram?”

It’s the most nowhere place on earth, so the temptation is overpowering to make it somewhere. For about six months I’ve been doing this by planning a bank robbery. See, there’s a bank at the end of this strip mall. It’s not one of the big popular banks with nice signs where you hear ambient discussion about new housing developments. It’s one of those banks where people go to quietly withdraw forty dollars and deposit a roll of quarters and get the hell out.

I know the faces of everybody who works at that bank, but it’s not my bank so they don’t know my face. I know how to get there on foot and where to park my getaway car. I know the surveillance cameras are old and fairly low-resolution. I have a track suit from high school that I’ve never worn, and a ski mask I’ve worn once. I have a pair of tennis shoes I could wear and throw away. I have no criminal record and I’m good at fake voices. If I could find my left work glove, I’d be set.

It’s in the bank’s best interest to comply with a bank robbery. There’s no need to go cowboy on everybody. I’ll hand the teller a note, pretend I have a gun, collect my spoils and roll. After that it’s just an exercise in discretion. I won’t spend the money, I’ll just put it in the wall of my coat closet. For a year or two, that will be enough to satisfy me. It gives me a mysterious backstory and an appealing moral ambiguity.

It’ll be the most boring bank robbery ever devised: a desperate sober fella sticks up the last bank on earth and disappears. That’s not even hard. I don’t have friends, really, if we define friends as people we regularly talk to who know how our faces contort in moments of shame. I’m basically a recluse. I’m reasonably intelligent, I have virtually no paper trail in this town, and I know how to disappear. I could pull this off. I could walk in there at 4 p.m. tomorrow and have the money in the wall by 5:30. Only 20% of bank robbery loot ever gets recovered, and I’m more discreet than most real life crooks. It’ll be safer than the pretend money on my debit card.

My other advantage is that real life criminals aren’t like movie criminals. A bank robbery doesn’t need the jewel heist level of preparation I’ve given it in my head since last fall. Most bank robbers are dumbasses and they still get away with it. All I have to do is listen to one intrusive thought and ride out the statute of limitations, then make a fictionalized middle-tier crime thriller about it. Critics will compliment the dialogue and depiction of spiritual exile but find it anticlimactic, and I’ll have a fun story for, I dunno, the nurse who happens to be in the room when I die.

The ultimate goal here is pretty reasonable. Rob a bank and pay off my student loans. Do one wrong thing to evade the debtor’s dread that makes me squint when I open the mailbox. But my debt is north of twenty thousand dollars and the average bank robbery doesn’t even net five grand. To pay off my student loans, I’ll have to rob four or five banks. That’s way too many. It’s out of the question. One bank robbery at my neighborhood strip mall is doable. I have just enough vigor to psych myself into that. If I were to press my luck, I’d get sloppy, make mistakes, leave a paper trail, require alibi juggling. It would easily cause almost as much dread as the student loan payments. I’d have to go out of town on weekends and get hotels. It’s exhausting.

So I would never rob a bank for the simple utilitarian reason that if I robbed one, I’d have to rob five. But I’ll never stop planning that robbery, because it’s the most entertaining hobby available once you get too dull for problem-drinking. And sometimes have to make those drives to get flu medication at 10:42 p.m. feel like the shading that precipitates your real story, the story that never happens.

Last week I went back to that strip mall a little past noon, to buy baking soda. About ten minutes after I left, somebody went and robbed that bank. He was my age. He looked a lot like me. The surveillance footage wasn’t enough to identify him. He also lived within walking distance of the bank. But he had a record a mile long and couldn’t maintain discretion and somebody ratted him out.

After they busted him, I drove around his neighborhood to see what was different about his circumstances and mine. What turned him into a bank robber and me into somebody who just wants a story that’s more exotic than the one I inherited. He had about as much money as I did and less debt. What was the difference? I looked around and realized he lived in one of those places you feel like you can’t escape, with suspicious neighbors, where the freeway seems 50,000 miles away and that strip mall becomes the only place you ever go. Where you sit around high in a lawn chair and realize you have nothing better to do than rob a bank that’s asking for it. But I’m content just to daydream about a life that’s so eventful I have to hide money in walls. I can tell the story and forget all about it when I’m done. It’s easy to forget I have that luxury.

The post On Planning A Mediocre Bank Robbery appeared first on Bitter Empire.

Why Bitcoin Vs. Other Assets?

Despite the price drops, it’s likely that you have seen a lot of positive things about Bitcoin. Many investors have compared it to gold since, unlike fiat currencies, Bitcoin will not fall victim to hyperinflation. This is because it is coded to ensure that there are never any more than 21 million bitcoins in existence. And right now, only around 2.8 million of that finite number of Bitcoins are left and available to mine.

Understanding the Risks

Just like any other investment, it’s important to understand the risks that you face when investing in Bitcoin. For example, if you have purchased Bitcoin at a time when the value was increasing, it’s likely that your investment will have lost, rather than gained value by now. Like any other kind of investment, 2021 might be a good time to consider investing in Bitcoin as the general advice is to buy low and sell high. However, Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies can be very volatile.

Why Invest in Bitcoin?

Once you have some understanding of the market and the risks involved with investing in Bitcoin, there are several reasons to choose this cryptocurrency as your next investment. Digital assets such as Bitcoin are considered to be an ideal option for investors who are looking to diversify their portfolio. Bitcoin is also thought to be a wise investment for those who are looking for an investment that acts as a hedge against inflation and geopolitical uncertainty.

Should You Buy Bitcoin?

Just because it might seem like everybody is jumping on the Bitcoin bandwagon, doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a great investment opportunity for everybody. Before you decide whether Bitcoin is going to be a good investment for you, it’s important that you are aware of the risks and have an understanding of the potential returns just as you would when making any other kind of investment. Experts advise to only invest in assets that you have an understanding of, so it’s important to do your research into cryptocurrency and learn more about how it works before you decide if buying it is the best investment for you. The good news is that, today, with hundreds of resources, videos, blogs and courses available, learning more about Bitcoin before deciding to invest in it has become easier than ever.

It’s clear to see that Bitcoin is an ideal investment opportunity for both beginners and those who are looking to diversify their portfolio in 2021.

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