If it is, then I don’t want to be right! This guy has one foot in the creepy zone and the other in the hilarious zone. Alright, probably more than one foot in the creepy zone, but still.

Part of you has to wonder if the wife should have done a better job of seeing it coming. I mean, we are talking about a 28 year old virgin who married the first girl he boned. That is rarely the start of a good story. That includes you, ‘wait until marriage’ crowd.

My favorite part has to be the guy telling strangers that the wife is forcing him to get his own panties to wear. Strange, yes, but funny? You betcha. This is a good example of how unique fetishes are. You hear “humiliation fetish” and you think whips, leather, public embarrassment, yada yada yada. Here, the part about him getting off on her making fun of his tiny penis comes completely out of left field and sets the tone for the story.

It is never good to see a family in disarray, especially with kids involved, but again, there had to be all sorts of red flags before the wedding bells rang. These guys can never hide the weirdness that well.

In all seriousness, though, what do you do in a situation like this? What can you tell the wife here? The kids complicate things, but you have to figure out a way to get out of that situation or force drastic changes. Like right now.

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Since agreeing to share my thoughts on BizarreSex, I’ve been pondering what exactly is “bizarre”? As with all things in life, I think the answer is relative. Some activities — midget sex, bestiality and other past stories I’ve read about here on this blog included — are clearly defined by the vast majority of the population as being bizarre. However, most sexual proclivities and fetishes are in a gray area where some consider them bizarre while others think of them as just another Tuesday night. Tom and I are quite open minded. He has no problem watching me suck our accountant’s cock while he fucks a second grade teacher at our local elementary school. Many, including most of our neighbors, consider this to be bizarre behavior, but to us it is just having fun.

We’re looking to make a splash with the first event that we are soon hosting for our club, but we are wary of crossing the fine line which defines when something becomes just too bizarre. The members of our club are certainly open minded and are obviously far from the prude end of the spectrum, however, we are typical professional couples who are far from hardcore fetishists. Past events have often included games, rooms and contests touching upon fetishes including BDSM (in a very light way), feet, and obviously exhibitionism — but nothing on the extreme end like watersports. We’re trying to come up with ideas which will elicit an initial Oh My God from fellow members, but not completely freak them out. I’ll be back to post what we come up with.. bye for now!

Barbie

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Many — especially guys — think that anything goes when at lifestyle (swinging) parties/events. This is far from the case. In actuality, the rules which govern behavior while at lifestyle events are more codified and strict than those which apply to the bar scene. First and foremost, safe sex practices are strictly enforced. Our club addresses these safety concerns with several levels of defenses. Firstly, all members of our club must provide proof of a clean STD status on a regular basis. Secondly, condom use is mandatory — no exceptions. We feel that despite the multitude of partners one has when in this lifestyle, our odds of being infected with an STD are far less than those engaging in random hook-ups either online or within the bar scene.

Another misconception is that a swinger’s party is akin to a free-for-all orgy. The truth is that men may not initiate uninvited contact — it only is allowed when a desire for it is expressed. Women are not obligated to do anything which they are not completely comfortable with. Most envision these events happening in a seedy motel or in a dinghy basement. Although I can’t speak for other clubs around the country, I can confidently say that our club creates events which are more analogous to a nice wedding — albeit with a lot more nudity. My husband Tom and I recently took over management of our club, and are in the midst of planning our first event. Many thanks to those of you who have written in with suggestions — we’ll keep you updated on the juicy details as they emerge.

XXXXOOOO

Barbie

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Hi, everyone — we’re Tom and Barbie, and we’ve agreed to share our ongoing saga with this site’s audience. We are a sex positive couple, and we have always had an open relationship. We are in our early 30′s and live in a mid-sized city in the U.S. Midwest. Tom makes a nice living, and I am currently a stay at home mom to our precious 2 year old daughter — who can be quite a handful. From all outward appearances we are a typical all-American family, and our neighbors would be beyond shocked if they knew the full truth. Part of that truth now includes the fact that Tom and I are now in charge of running a fairly large swingers club.

We’ve been members of our “club” for just over three years now. It was originally founded by a great couple — who recently had to relocate to the West Coast. Although the club started small, it has subsequently grown to over 100 couples, and over 50 couples attended our last event. We were honored — and a bit intimidated — when we were asked to take over management of the club, and we were initially inclined to decline the offer. However, after a long discussion, we decided to go for it and give it a shot. Our first event is coming up soon, and we are busy making plans.

A lot goes into planning these events ranging from the venue (not easy around these parts), food, drink and, of course, special toys and attractions. One of the reasons this club has been so successful is that each event features a new twist — something to always keep everyone on their toes. So we’ve now been invited by the owners of this blog to share with everyone (sans identifying details of course) our exploits as we delve further into the world of swinging. We’re also open to feedback from the many readers of BizarreSex — especially ideas for our first event!

I’ll keep everyone updated as our plans progress. Bye for now,

Barbie

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Who knew glory holes were real? Apparently they are, and make for some priceless police blotter. Here are a couple of gems:

• An investigation of a damaged fire alarm in a Louisiana hotel room turned odd when hotel staff and the sheriff found some other problems with the room. The bedroom door had been replaced with a large piece of plywood that had a crotch-high hole cut into it and was padded with duct tape. Hotel guests complained that the main door to the room had been propped open, young men had been in and out of the room all night, and they heard “sex noises” from the room. The culprit? Russell Vanderwerf, a Houston based federal gun regulator who had rented the room. Police found caulk and paint in the room as well, implying the ATF agent wanted to fix the damage himself before checking out. That was nice of him at least. These are exactly the kind of people we need protecting us from illegal guns and booze, right?

• In the small town of Oak Harbor in Washington, police busted a local prostitution ring and their investigation led them to good old Craigslist. The officer said the classifieds site has exposed the town’s “unwholesome underbelly,” after finding a glory hole ad on the site. The cop expressed his concern by pointing out, “you have no way of knowing what’s on the other side of that door.” That’s kind of the idea, officer. Interestingly, they found no laws being broken with the glory hole situation.

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Although not at all specific to the Japanese, they certainly embrace the spirit of ballbusting in this workplace clip which some will find arousing while it inspires others to cringe. Ballbusting comes under the umbrella of CBT (cock and ball torture) within the BDSM world, and — although it is hard for many guys to comprehend — an appreciable universe of men get off by getting kicked in the nuts. The subservience and humiliation entailed by such an act is at the core of this fetish, and even those who do not understand a word of Japanese can easily decipher exactly what is going on in the above clip.

The men who subject themselves to this pain and indignity derive enjoyment which many find hard to understand — conversely, the majority of women can understand why a female would enjoy assuming the role of kicker. The power and dominance women hold within the CBT arena is surely liberating — and the office scene in this video allows them to turn the tables in what is ordinarily an environment run by males. Amateur practitioners of this fetish should take great care — one kick too many could lead to an obvious litany of injuries and adverse health effects. Despite this, rumors are that the women starring in this clip are being sought by Gulf Coast officials to conduct a special session for top BP executives at their London headquarters.

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• Biblical scholars have identified innuendos in the Good Book about sexual techniques including female orgasm and ejaculation.

• Indian writings including the Kama Sutra and Ananga Ranga have referenced squirting, and several Indian temples depict it (see above).

• Chinese sex books dating back to about 600 AD poetically described that “copious emissions from her inner heart begin to exude outward.”

• Greek and Roman thinkers in ancient times debated whether the fluid played a part in the reproductive process. Hippocrates himself, the man who’s oath doctors still swear by, wrongly believed female ejaculation was needed to produce a child. His contemporary, Galen, said it was only for pleasure and “is poured outside when it has done its service.”

• 16^th Century Japanese woodcut prints showed female ejaculation as a cherished substance, with containers set up below sexually engaged women to capture and preserve the goodness.

This is the kind of ancient wisdom we like to see. Are there any we missed? Let us know below.

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Many of us have fond memories of carefree games of tag as a youth — harmless fun involving a light tap on the back or shoulder. However, times have changed, and kids these days have devised a version which is a bit more extreme. The current popularity of “sack tapping” is causing great concern among parents — as well as consternation among billions of aspiring sperm cells. This game entails mostly teenage boys slapping each other on the balls. The old adage says that “everything’s fun until someone loses an eye” — in this case, one boy recently had to have a testicle amputated after a particularly hard slap. In addition to the loss of a testicle, this poor boy is destined to be designated by Google as the kid who lost a nut when future employers and prospective girlfriends search his name.

Previously only present within the dark shadows of the BDSM fetish community, it appears that CBT is having a mainstream moment. Just like all teenage shenanigans, hours of footage of sack tapping hijinks have made their way onto Youtube — providing ample free footage to those who formerly would have to travel to some obscure third world destination in order to see shows revolving around teen boys getting slapped in the nuts. Parents and frightened testicles across the country are hoping that this proves to be a short lived fad.

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Many environmentally conscious consumers pay attention to what they buy when it comes to food, cars, household chemicals as well as many other products needed for everyday life. However, even the greenest among us rarely consider the impact on the environment from our sex toys. Yes — one can “go green” even within the realm of vibrators and butt plugs. As the video above explains, many popular sex toys contain PVC’s which can leech into the environment — in addition to your body.

“Kara Sutra” asserts in this video that she has spent “countless hours” researching sex toys — a claim many readers with lesser education can also probably make. However, Kara additionally has perused through thousands of documents from regulatory agencies in order to support her thesis. She says that research has shown that substances found within some sex toys can cause hormonal imbalances, kidney problems and even reduce a man’s sperm count. How do the manufacturers of toxic sex toys get away with it? Many sex toys are labeled as “novelties not intended for any actual use”. This allows them to escape the scrutiny of the FDA, but they apparently still have Kara Sutra up their ass (no pun intended). Watch the full video for all of the frightening details.

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There is an old joke:

Q: What do you call couples who use the rhythm method for birth control?

A: Parents.

Despite the notoriously ineffective nature of this birth control method, it seems it is experiencing a revival of sorts. According to a new study conducted by the U.S. Center for Disease Control, just under one in five sexually active teenage girls rely upon the rhythm method when it comes to birth control. This study was based upon data obtained during over 2500 face to face interviews with girls between the ages of 15 and 19, and it was concluded in 2008. The notoriously unreliable rhythm method — which is based upon timing sex with a female’s unfertile period — more than doubled in popularity when compared to the previous study conducted in 2002.

The proclivity for girls who use this birth control method to end up pregnant appears not to be a deterrent — especially when taken in context with the evolving views on teen pregnancy. Whereas unmarried teen pregnancy entailed serious social stigma only a few decades ago, this study quantified that today 64% of teenage boys today think it’s ok, and a whopping 70% of teen girls think there is no problem with getting pregnant while still an unmarried teen. If more of them decide to abandon condoms and/or the pill in favor of the rhythm method, then it is a sure bet that teen pregnancy rates in America will continue to rise.

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