Blessings in Pain

Book Review: Hope for Your Heart

2011-03-29T12:38:00.001-04:00

I hadn’t planned on making a book review my first post back from my unintentional holiday, but here it is. This book can be a real resource for those of us in pain. This review was written for LibraryThing.com as part of an agreement I have with their Early Reviewers Program. If it is not available now, it should be anywhere that sells Crossway books soon.

Hope for Your Heart: Finding Strength in Life’s Storms by June Hunt

I did not have very high hopes for this book because hope is one of those words that seems almost impossible to describe on its own. June Hunt has proven me wrong! I found her writing to be completely engaging, informative, and imaginative. Hunt uses anchors as a metaphor for hope and then goes into a deep study of the types and use of anchors; showing each anchor as a particular level of hope. In this book you will find theology, history, story-telling, nautical lessons, and one of the best examinations of hope I have ever come across. A great "how-to" for anyone who needs to grab onto the True anchor and have hope for the future. The book is broken into three major categories; the Reasons of hope, the Sources of hope, and the Benefits of hope, reminding us that this hope is Guaranteed. Using Scripture, hymns, personal experience (her own and from her radio show, which I have not heard), and other stories to bring out these three concepts of this otherwise ethereal word "hope". Hunt also uses this opportunity to go over forgiveness and reconciliation, showing how to have hope in securing a potential mend for a broken relationship.

One of the reasons I believe I was so blown away by this book is because I have been physically disabled for the past six years from an injury to my back. During this time, I have met many men who are ill or injured and they have told me of their lack of hope. Hope for Your Heart gives "real meat" answers to questions and concerns many of them have expressed to me over the years. She accomplishes this without pontificating or platitudes; just a true spirit of faith and her passion to come along side and support her brothers and sisters. I have already recommended this book to people I know and will continue to do so.

**I hope this helps. Depending on how this goes over with everyone, I’ll start to add books that have helped me over the years accept and grow in my pain. Granted, depending on your level of pain or suffering it may help to have audiobooks for a while; we’ll make a note of those books that are available this way also. The above book is not yet available via audiobook yet, but I’ll post if it gets that way. What do you think? Do you want to see book reviews here? Do you have books that you have found helpful and others may enjoy also? I’d really like to know what you think about this.

Technorati Tags: Books,Hope

Medication: A Love/Hate Thing

2011-03-09T06:28:00.001-05:00

**This post is a day late because of medication changes, which is also the subject of the posting. Sorry for not getting this out, I can only pray that the next two days go well. Tom

This week we’re looking at my own issues with chronic pain. Today, that would be my wonderful relationship with my pain medication. I know we’ve talked about medication before, but I can honestly say, I wasn’t completely honest before. I mean, I didn’t lie, unless you count lying by omission. So, it’s time to come clean about me, my chronic pain, and the medicine that’s suppose to keep it at bay.

I tried several types of medication early on in my quest to vanquish my chronic pain, but there was not a pill that was up to the task. The morphine pills put me to sleep for 23 hours a day. The oxycodone wasn’t as harsh on my wakefulness, but the pills had a terrible side effect on my stomach. My upper stomach turned raw and my lower intestines stopped working completely. I know how much you want to hear this, but it’s full disclosure time. On a normal day now, I have to use a powder laxative (I use Metamucil, although Mirilax is also good) and a stool softener. Even then, it’s not always, well, pleasant. With the pills, I used the powder twice a day and three laxatives, but it didn’t work at all. No, the only thing that covered my pain was a patch; Duragesic to be precise. I tried the generic form, fentanyl transdermal, but that was not the real thing; I needed the brand name. The generic would fall off before the 72 hours was up and it didn’t give the relief the brand name did. I must use Provigil (Modafinil) to combat any lethargy from the narcotics in the patch, but I need it.

The two main drugs that I use today, not only help with my pain, but also have joint side effects that include: nausea, constipation, gas, heartburn, dry mouth, flushing, sweating, confusion, mood swings, and back pain. That’s right, back pain is a side effect, brilliant. The sweating doesn’t help the patch stay on either. In the last few months, the effectiveness of the patch isn’t the same as it had been at the start. I need to change my patch every 48 hours, but that’s not protocol which is strange because I know several people who have found the same problem, but you would think I was the only one who has ever asked for this. After two and a half months of dealing with the doctor and the insurance company, and the pharmacy; I finally was able to get a prescription for my patches to change every 48 hours. Of course, that’s not the end of the story, the pharmacy doesn’t carry enough of the patches on hand, won’t hold my prescription for more than a day or two, but takes a week to get the other box of patches. Brilliant…again. Whether insurance will pay for this is also up in the air. My medication is needed, but isn’t easy; it’s a love/hate thing. How about you? Do you have medications you use for your pain? Is it an easy path? What kind of problems have come up? I have yet to meet someone that has had an easy go of things when it come to medication.

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Suffering,Medication,Duragesic,Fentanyl. Provigil

It’s All About Me! It’s My Pain, Ain’t It?

2011-03-07T08:53:00.001-05:00

This week, I’ve decided to share the five areas of my life that have been most effected by my chronic pain and whether I’m dealing with them. This actually come from that old joke that says, “The old man looked at his grandson and said, ‘I’m old enough to know only two things for certain. There is a God, and I’m not Him.’” I have found blessings in my pain, but that doesn’t mean I’ve got it made; I still battle certain issues.

To start off with, I want to discuss the loss of my manhood. Now, my disability is a low back problem and not some kind of castration mind you; but not being able to do those manly things still bothers me. I have come to believe that when God really wants our attention, he strikes us where we keep our reserves. For me, I could always rely on my body. I loved being physical, I used to go to karate class two to three nights a week and Saturday mornings days before I became injured. As a younger man, I would go rappelling, white water rafting, scuba diving, and thoroughly enjoyed a number of different ways of working out. I remember how I used to be the jungle Jim climbing apparatus, first for our eldest, and then for our second daughter. I could flip them around, toss them up, and let them climb all over me. I was excited at all the things we would be able to do when they became older. My wife loves the beach and I love the mountains, and the girls would be able to enjoy both. As long as Stef and I earned a living, the girls could enjoy going places with us. In truth, I did spend a period of time not working, that was when our first daughter was born. I had gone from the medical field to working in restaurants and wasn’t making as much as Stefanie was, and she was travelling most of the time. I stayed home for just under two years, but I always knew I could go back to work, and I did.

Now, however, I can’t go out for a job even though I want to. Those people that do not have chronic pain like we do may say, “So, you can still do something! You write a blog, have some mental faculties left, what’s the problem?” The problem is I take medicine for this chromic pain and I can’t always say it’s working. I still can’t sit for more than twenty minutes, and can only stand for a short amount of time without doing more damage and increasing my pain and the numbness in my legs. What do I do then? I have lost the ability to do; to provide, to fight, to lift, to fix, to push, to dance, to run (okay, I hated running and didn’t do much of that since I left the Army!), to be a man in my own eyes. There’s the rub in all this, though. I am no longer a man in my own eyes because of what I can’t do. In many ways, I need to learn to equate this with being a Christian. In Christianity, it is not what we can do for our own salvation, but what Christ has done for us. As long as you can accept that Jesus died for your sins, repent of what you have done, and ask Jesus into your heart, then God accepts you as His own. It should be the same for my own manhood. If my wife and daughters can accept me for who I am, and not for what I can or cannot do, then I should accept it as well. After more than six years, I still have a problem with this. I can go along for a while, but then I see my wife putting in long hours at the office, or my oldest working on a dance or even when she was learning how to drive, or my youngest working on her gymnastics; all I can do is sit on the sideline and watch. It makes me hurt, frustrated, angry, and bitter. I may try and help in some way, but it usually doesn’t work out well. It won’t until I accept my current position and learn to support them by my words and prayer. I have a feeling this will be a lesson I struggle with for a long time to come. How about you? Do you struggle with not being able to do? Does your disability end what had been large parts of your life? I hope that this week we enter into some discussion, as last week was a more informative posting, not as much for discussion.

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Suffering,Manhood,Christian

Who’s Who in Asian Movement?

2011-03-04T08:52:00.001-05:00

The final look at our movement week is in the Asian styles of getting chronic pain patients back on their feet. I have had the opportunity to partake in both of these disciplines and I may be a little too close to the subject matter. The fact is, I thoroughly enjoyed both of these methods. I would recommend either of these methods gladly, if only insurance would recognize their benefits as well and pay for them! Se la vie. Here’s the information on our Asian methods:

Acupuncture/Traditional Chinese Medicine: I put these two together because, although many people think of acupuncture as a therapy by itself, it is actually just a part of Traditional Chinese Medicine. TCM and Acupuncture are over 5,000 years old and they work with the body’s qi (chi) or vital energy/life force. The FDA did not move acupuncture from the experimental to “medical device” until 1997, but it has been used in the US since the first Chinese immigrants arrived. For Westerners, we can only speculate about how acupuncture works. We do know that practitioners use blunted needles that are placed along the meridian lines and this causes the qi to flow more optimally. Acupuncture has been used successfully for pain relief, nausea and vomiting reduction, and other problems including smoking and weight loss help. As we said, acupuncture is part of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and should be used as such, not by itself. TCM is based on the concepts of yin-yang (direct opposites) and the five elements theory; fire, earth, metal, water, and wood. A practitioner of TCM has a master’s degree with 2,175 hours of TCM specific studies and clinical internship. They are tested by the National Commission for the Certification of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine's (NCCAOM). Many students go on to receive further studies in Herbal Medicine. A session with a TCM will start off with the practitioner evaluation. They will observe (especially the tongue), use hearing & smelling, interviewing the patient, and palpating (touching). The treatment can offer heat (via lamps and pads), Chinese massage, cupping, moxibustion, acupuncture, Qigong (meditative movement), and herbal medicine. On a personal note. I have never been more cared for than when I was being treated by my TCM. Now if it was only covered by insurance.

Tai Chi & Qigong: I was a practitioner, or player, of Tai Chi Chuan years before my disability. The name means “Grand Ultimate Fist (or Boxing)”, and is a martial art that has been found to have great health benefits above and beyond the martial aspect. There are three family styles of Tai Chi, but all have the same principle. They go through postures, very slowly and never really stopping at each one, but moving through them fluidly. It focuses on the proper shapes for the transmission of energy, the methods of single weightedness, and techniques of breath control and relaxation. Practiced regularly, one becomes supple, calm, and has increased balance. One of the key problems of Tai Chi today is finding a proper teacher. Too many people today have taken only a year or so of practice and only focus on the meditative qualities, which means they miss the proper movements. A good practitioner should have spent a minimum of five years practice, know the family history of their style, understand the martial application of Tai Chi, and be calm but firm in their training. I was quite blessed, my teacher was already 75 years old, had spent his whole life as a martial arts teacher in China and Taiwan before moving to the US, and had a wonderful way of teaching; even if it was only in his native Mandarin!

Qigong is much the same. The translation is loosely read as “energy cultivation”. It is attributed to the Yellow Emperor, c. 168BC, and his classic work, Book of Internal Medicine. The original meditative practice of breathing and gymnastic movements. Although there can be different types of Qi Gong, the term today normally means the static training; those are standing exercises done individually. Each exercise is done slowly and with specific breathing, based on the same concepts as all TCM. This method is also one that would require the patient to be able to concentrate for long periods of time. The forms can be tiring, although not exactly taxing upon the body. Working with a proper teacher is essential, but like it’s brother Tai Chi, difficult to find. Look at the Qi Gong Institute on the web to hopefully find a teacher in your area.

I have enjoyed my time with these therapies. How about you? Have you tried any of these movement therapies? Do you have concerns about using something you don’t understand? My hope is that I’ve given you some ways to get moving that you may not have thought of before. That will also wrap up our week related to getting moving again. Is there anything I missed? Do you have a favorite? I pray you have a safe and relatively pain free weekend. God bless.

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Suffering,Tai Chi,TCM. Qi Gong,Movement

Who’s Who in Movement? pt.2

2011-03-03T06:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday we went over Physical Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Yoga Teachers, Alexander Technique, and the Feldenkrais Method. Today, we will continue with a few more of these movement therapies.

Trager Approach: We’ll start with another method named for its developer. This one is named for a native Chicagoan, Milton Trager (1908-1997) who was born with a congenital spinal deformity. He worked with different forms of exercise and when he felt healthy, he turned to boxing. After his sparring, his trainer would give Trager a rub down. Once, when it was the trainer who felt low, Trager offered to rub down his mentor. His trainer felt so good, Trager started to rub down and manipulate anyone he could find. Most reported that he was doing something that was different than anyone else. It wasn’t until after WWII Trager tried to move ahead in his own training. Fifty medical schools turned him down because of his age, so he found a way into a medical school in Mexico and six years later received his MD. In 1980, he and Betty Fuller (who knew and helped Milton Feldenkrais) opened the Trager Institute. Apparently the first part of the method is passive where the practitioner moves you, never to a painful point. Then, you move onto a second point in which you are taught to move yourself; this is called Mentastics. Practitioners are certified by Trager International after 226 hours of instruction.

Dance Therapy: According to the American Dance Therapy Association, dance therapy is “the psychotherapeutic use of movement to promote emotional, cognitive, physical, and social integration of individuals”. It focuses on movement behavior and has been practiced for the past fifty years. The ADTA certifies practitioners with two levels. The first is the Registered Dance Movement Therapist (R-DMT) after achieving a master’s degree and 700 hours of supervised clinical internship. Then, a practitioner can move on towards a Board Certified Dance Movement Therapist (BC-DMT) attains an additional 3,640 hours of supervised clinical work and an examination. There are also state licenses and a possible doctorate. This type of therapy is most definitely for those patients who have more of a depressive or emotional issue, and their pain is not rooted in the physical.

Pilates: This will conclude our movement method based on the originators name. Joseph Pilates (1883-1967) was a German living in Britain during WWI. He was a circus performer and a boxer, and was placed in an interment camp during the war. While there, he continued to exercise and also began working with rehabilitating detainees who were ill or injured. His exercises proved to be of great help to his fellow Germans. He started using things that were available to him there, like bed springs and barrels to help certain problem areas. These were later perfected and became his apparatus. After the war, he returned to Germany for a time and his reputation for healing and training preceded him. He briefly taught the Hamburg Police Department in health and combat, but left in 1925 when he was asked to train the German Army. He landed in New York City, and while on the boat he met his future wife who was a nurse named Clara. Together, they opened up a studio in Manhattan and continued to evolve the Pilate’s Method. His main clientele were dancers and some worked with Joseph to become the very first teachers trained by Joseph himself. Even today, teachers will work back to show they are from a direct lineage of teachers of some of these early elders. When looking for a Pilates teacher, look for the proper certification which requires many months of training, roughly 500 hours. This will include anatomy, mat work, and apparatus that is quite special to Pilates. I have taken Pilates mat classes and have found it to be the absolute best abdominal workout I have ever taken. It also works towards making your posture better as well as increasing general flexibility.

Well, that’s all for today. I hope I have been able to introduce some different methods to get moving. How about you? Have you tried any of these? Is there one that you have really received relief from? Tomorrow, I will go over the Asian methods; Traditional Chinese Medicine, Acupuncture, and Tai Chi/Qigong. I hope to see you then.

Technorati Tags: chronic Pain,Movement,Pilates

Who’s Who in Movement?

2011-03-02T06:33:00.001-05:00

This week we’ve been discussing movement therapy to get chronic pain patients moving again, at least hopefully. Today I want to go over some of the practitioners and what their specialty is about. If you haven’t heard of some of these, you may want to try them out; with your doctor’s permission, of course.

Physical Therapist: A physical therapist is probably one of the first technicians you’ll come in contact with to get you moving again. This practitioner must have a masters degree (some go on for their doctorate) and pass a national and state qualifications test. Beware of PT assistants or techs, they are not the same, but work under a full PT. The PT is concerned with strength, range of motion, and your balance. With their education and lab work, a PT learns to deal with a wide variety of patients and conditions, and each patient receives a personal care plan. The PT will also use a wide variety of modalities, so if one type is not working, talk to your therapist and see if there is a different method they can try.
Occupational Therapist: These therapists also must have a masters degree or better and pass a national examination. Whereas the PT works on movement in general, the OT works with patients on very specific tasks related to employment or your activities of daily living (ADL’s), which would included bathing, brushing your teeth, dressing, etc.. A patient may very well see a PT, then an OT for more specific or specialty training for a desired outcome.
Yoga: If you want to use yoga to help get you moving, you have to be very careful about the teacher you use. There is no “requirement” for teaching yoga today. Currently, the Yoga Alliance has both a 200 hour and a 500 hour training program for certification. After a person completes the 200 hour program, they may use the initials, RYT, for Registered Yoga Trainer after their name. Also, there are different styles or yoga; Bikram, Hatha, Sivananda, and others. Ask if the teacher has time to describe their style to you, and if you can sit in on a class without actually doing the movements. Let them know what condition you have, limitations put on you by that condition or your doctor, and any medications that could complicate things. I use a pain patch, the type of yoga that is done in very hot rooms would not be good for me!
Alexander Technique: Named for Frederick Matthias Alexander (1869-1955) who was an Australian actor. Having no luck finding help for his persistent laryngitis, he decided his body held too much tension and developed a way to hold better posture and movement. Said to be simple and practical, AT teaches a person how to move with better balance and ease. During a class, one can expect about 30 to 45 minutes of a teacher watching your posture and using their hands, the teacher will find and correct any improper movement. The number of classes you will need are individual, but usually around 20 to 40 lessons over a period of a few months is normal. If you want to explore this avenue, real teachers of AT should have a three year, full-time study program, roughly 1500-1600 hours of study and apprentice with an experienced teacher. This is done through a few professional societies, but not a federal license at this time. It is practiced within the US, UK, Canada, and many other countries.
Feldenkrais Method: Also named for its founder, Moshe Pinhas Feldenkrais (1904-1984), was a Ukrainian who was a truly remarkable man. Having many interests, he was a martial artist, a cartographer, graduated with a degree in mechanical and electrical engineering, worked on atomic fission, conducted submarine research for Britain during WWII, published many works, and worked for the Israeli Army Department of Physics. After that, he made his living teaching judo and his method of movement. With all of his work and interests, he worked on functional integration and over the years developed a unique mind/body awareness method. More precise, it has both private classes in functional integration and group classes in awareness through movement. A practitioner must have 740-800 hours of education, and in North America be a member of the Feldenkrais Guild. Again, there is no current federal licensing for this method. It can be of great benefit for someone who can concentrate for an hour at at time, and wishes to have a better understanding of how and why they move; looking for the most effective means of movement.

How about you? Have you had experience with any of these practitioners? Have you found some relief or benefit from your time? Tomorrow, I will continue with a few more methods available.

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Movement,Physical Therapy,Occupational Therapry,Alexander Technique,Feldenkrais Method

Finding the One That Moves You

2011-03-01T06:17:00.001-05:00

After all my time in the medical field and now as a patient for over six years. I have found that too often patients take the first medical professional that comes along without asking any questions. However, I know women who will go through a platoon of hair stylists before settling for the right one. Why is that?

If your doctor prescribes either physical therapy or another type of movement therapy, ask who they recommend and why. Then, ask for a day or two to find out more about that professional. Google them, call friends who have used a physical therapist or whomever, and interview the therapist on the first visit—before they start putting their hands on you and telling you what to do. Remember, ultimately you are the one paying their fees. It will be you who is the recipient of their handiwork, good and bad. You should know something about them, you should feel comfortable with them, and you should have a good idea about what they believe they can, and can’t, do for you. A good PT should be a tough coach and an excellent teacher. You must be able to leave their care knowing how to do your exercises, and also why you are doing them.

There is, as with all things in this world, another side to the coin regarding finding the right person. If you were to Google “back pain therapies” or “back pain help”, the listings would be almost endless. Many of them will be legit, many more will not be. Even ones with professional sounding names and “Institutes” will be nothing but black holes for your money. You can have great therapists at second rate clinics, and terrible therapists at some of the most expensive and exclusive universities. All I ask is that you do more than go to where you are sent, do what you are told, and in the end have no idea what or why you’re doing things. That’s not getting better, that’s just moving around.

Finding the best person for you is a very personal matter, and you may make a mistake. It is for that reason I ask fellow patients to pray, have an anam cara (soul friend), and to keep a journal. All of this will help you, and your friend, to see when something your doing isn’t working or is making things worse. And always be open and honest with your PT, if you’re not giving them feedback they won’t change course; even if it’s hurting you because they can’t read your mind! Working with all medical personnel is a relationship, this one even more so; wouldn’t you agree? How about you? Have you had good experiences with physical therapy or other movement therapy? Did you do something that hurt, but didn’t say anything? Do you know why you do this but not that? Tomorrow, I’ll go into some specifics on the different disciplines.

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Suffering,Physical Therapy,Movement

Let’s Get Physical

2011-02-28T06:26:00.001-05:00

This week I would like to discuss how chronic pain patients can, and do, get physical. This can come in a variety of ways and be directed by a number of medical disciplines. On the one side, it can be something as simple as walking. However for anyone with certain brain injuries or illnesses, low back pain, joint replacement anywhere below the waist, foot problems, arthritis, or any number of other ailments; walking is not at all a simple way to get in physical activity. On the other extreme, some people with chronic pain can indeed go to the extreme trying to maintain a certain level of physical activity. Take, for instance, the football player who gets a rather large dose of corticosteroids shot into the problem joint so he can continue to play. We’re not speaking of anabolic steroids, that’s another issue entirely.

For now, let’s keep the question simple. How can someone with chronic pain, a chronic condition that makes movement difficult and painful, keep mobile? It’s not just a question of getting from one place to another, but rather getting from unable to actually being able. There are three steps to moving out of or through chronic pain. The first is the learning and can be the most difficult. You may need to relearn how to do certain things, or you may need to get rid of old ideas about how to move, or you may need to embrace movement--which not everyone does. After the mental imaging has started, you’ll quickly move onto retraining your body. Often times that requires Physical Therapy or PT, which we know really stands for Pain & Torture. Movement can also be trained by Occupational Therapists, or even some professionals in specific areas; Tai Chi & Qigong, Yoga, Alexander Technique, Feldenkrais Method, Trager Approach, Dance Therapy, and others. The learning and practicing leads to that entering of the marathon, the long habit of continued practice. Doesn’t mean you’ll never go back and forth, learning new ways and not being able to do others any longer. It happens. How about you? Where are you when it comes to movement? Have you found a favorite? Have you been fortunate enough to find a really good instructor? Has it made a difference in your pain level?

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Suffering,Movement,Physical Therapy

The Never Ending Marathon

2011-02-25T06:11:00.001-05:00

All week we have been discussing what happens when you are originally hurt and then realize it has become long term suffering. When it finally settles in, you have to work on living each day for something. It’s not that easy. Even if you have accepted your fate as it were, if you do not have a reason to get through the day it will just drag on and on. Recently while at the school of one of my daughters, one of the staff and I had a conversation about age. I told her, “I’m already retired and on Medicare; not a whole lot to look forward to now. I mean, it’s not like any other age is going to give me something different!” That’s true, which is why you need a reason to live. The question is, how do you live when the pain says die?

Living in chronic pain takes a careful combination of planning and adaptability. You have to know what you’re going to do, but when something comes up you need to be able to bend with the wind. However, you also have to be able to distinguish between a true wind and giving into the pain; like I said, not easy. I have come to believe in another three or trinity. For those faithful readers, you know that I believe each person has their own trinity of sorts; body, mind, soul. Now, I would like to introduce you to the threes of living with chronic pain; Faith in God, an anam cara (soul friend), and a few different hobbies that you can use. The first should fall under “no brainer”, because it is God who can give you a peace beyond understanding. The second is to help keep you honest. You need a friend that can help you through, but not enable you to just lay on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. The hobbies should be a few things you can do. You should be doing your exercises as your doctor or PT has advised, but I know there are days this is the last thing you want to do. Then you should have some activities that you can do even a little while during the day. Reading can be great, but there are also times when the pain is bad and you can read the same paragraph over and over and not comprehend a thing. I would advise doing something other than staring at the boob tube all day. It’s okay for a while, but it could be disastrous long term; just look at the studies that are out there. You may even write a blog! How about you? Did you have, or are you having, a difficult time adjusting? Do the days drag on without hope, without meaning?

Technorati Tags: Chronic Pain,Suffering,Time. Trinity,Faith,Hope

Dealing With, Instead of Better From

2011-02-24T06:39:00.001-05:00

Now that you have realized that your condition isn’t a short term issue, it’s time to change your perspective from getting back your total health to just getting by. Now, I don’t want to say that no one ever gets better. There are certainly miracles today and don’t want to take anyone’s hope away. That said, there are many of us who will (whether we want to or not) have to get used to always being in pain. That’s an easy statement for someone else to say, or write, but not so easy to live with. As I wrote about yesterday, you should grieve for your body and your loss. It’s going to be really hard to celebrate your newfound suffering, so grieving your loss is your best bet. Then, you have to learn to live much differently than you have before.

The weekend before my injury, which happened on a Tuesday, I spent Saturday morning doing karate katas and sparring with fellow students of Kempo Karate. Sunday, we went to church as a family. Everything was “normal”, which is a word I have since stopped using. Now, as for the injury that took me out of the workforce, well that's a story. Actually, it’s not. I was stooping down to sit, twisted to put my briefcase down, and that was it. My disc blew out and the pain was something unimaginable. By the time I returned to my own office, I couldn’t even make it into the front door. As we traveled on the bus (see the previous posts) I found out I had an abnormally shaped L5 spinal bone, bone spurs at the foramen, other discs were involved, as was my sciatic nerve, and the L5 bone slipped forward 9mm from center. All without me doing much at all, my entire life changed. If I hadn’t had faith in my God beforehand, I’m not sure how I would have gotten through this time. I know that without my wife and daughters, I wouldn’t have.

My story is just one of millions that are out there. I had to go from relying on my body which could do everything I wanted it to, to hoping I could get off the couch to go to bed. The rollercoaster I’ve been on since that fateful day has been a bumpy ride. Only recently have the ups and downs been a little easier to take, although I have not plateaued, I don’t think I ever will. It is possible though, to learn to live again, it’s just different than you had before. The pain is constant, the medicine, side effects, the ringing in my ears, the loss of my own idea of manliness; it’s all a part of me now, nothing I ever planned on. It’s not easy just trying to deal with the pain and not actually getting better from it. It takes time, patience, and faith. How about you? What’s your story? Are you still fighting to be better, or have you resigned to dealing with? Have you discovered a way to deal? Do you share your burdens with someone?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Suffering,Chronic Pain,Coping

When the Sprint Becomes a Marathon

2011-02-23T05:18:00.001-05:00

A dear friend of mine has just had his one year anniversary of being disabled. In his case, I don’t think there was ever a time he thought he would be better in short order. For others though, the initial injury or illness seems like it will last just a little while. As we said yesterday, the patient gets put on a bus of sorts, going through tests and treatments in a particular order. Depending on what you’re battling, you may think that the first drug, the routine at physical therapy, or the surgery will work. When it doesn’t, you start to realize that what you thought was just a sprint to better health, is a marathon of being disabled.

Running a sprint is completely different from running a marathon. If you try and run the latter like a sprint, you’ll die out long before the others have just hit their stride. What happens when a patient goes from acute to chronic is very much the same thing. Your winded, not thinking straight, hurting, like having that stitch in your side. It can be confusing, hard to comprehend. How did this happen? I thought it was just a “enter short-term condition”. The initial thought can also trigger the five stages of grief as outlined by the famous Kubler-Ross. Briefly, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was able to outline different stages that people go through when faced with loss. Whether you’ve lost a family member, or your own body, you can go through these four stages before the final one.

Denial and Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Do not be surprised if you, or the person you’re caring for, goes through these either in a different order or goes back and forth with them before getting to number five. In fact, sometimes acceptance can be so elusive, some people unfortunately never get there. Please, don’t let that be you. How about you? When did you realize you were in a marathon? Are you going through the stages of grief, or have you been blessed with acceptance?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Suffering,Grief,Chronic Pain,Acute.

Your First Steps to Healing

2011-02-22T06:37:00.001-05:00

After you’re hurt, you need to heal. Depending on how you got hurt can often alter how you start that healing. Sometimes, there’s such a denial of the initial pain or suffering that you delay getting the proper care; that’s not good. One of the worst things that can happen is for your initial care to take forever because they don’t believe you, or don’t know what’s wrong, or you don’t have money so you don’t seek out treatment. Then you have cases that offer you an enormous amount of care up front, but then it seems to fade away. The journey to healing can take several twists and turns. I know for me, I was put on the “bad-back bus”. There’s a lot of buses our there, headache, backaches, jaw pain, different cancers each have their own buses, the cardiac bus, and the list goes on. Right when you need to be looked at as an individual, you get stamped with a number and put into a queue. I know it can be tough, having to try this medication, that physical therapy, or have this surgery; all without feeling better.

So, you’ve just come into an injury or illness and you need to be treated. You’re dealing with doctors, and possibly pharmacies, physical therapists, radiology, maybe other offices in the hospital, then there’s insurance companies, maybe lawyers, and even your job. All in all, you need to be cared for, but you’re sent all over and have to deal with all this craziness. Certainly far from the day ol’ doc would come to the house and offer some help and tell you to convalesce; unless of course you need to be bled out a little, so maybe newer medicine isn’t all bad. If I can offer any help at all, I ask you to do three things:

Don’t go through this alone. If you don’t have an immediate family member, find someone that can be your anam cara (soul friend), You need someone you can be totally honest with, then you must be totally honest with them.
Keep two detailed books, one needs to be a calendar with all your appointments, pharmacy visits, physical therapy, etc.. The other, although it might be the same one if you have enough room, needs to be a journal of sorts. Trust me when I tell you that you will not remember what worked when. Keeping a journal of your pain, suffering, and sleep, as well as medication, intake, and activity will help your healing greatly.
Make peace with God and others. God may allow this to have happened, but that doesn’t mean he wants you to be miserable. All things happen for a reason, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” You also can’t spend time angry at others.

How about you? Have you found something that made those early days more bearable? Did you feel like you were treated well in the beginning or was it an uphill battle? What would you say to someone who just entered the pain realm?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Suffering,Care,Prayer,God

The Start of it All

2011-02-21T06:37:00.001-05:00

This week I want to do something that was big in restaurants a short while back, I want to deconstruct your chronic pain issue. The first thing to do is to go back to the original injury. This isn’t some therapy trick, instead I want to discuss how you came to this pain and how that effects your ability to deal with it. If your pain was from a care accident, and you were strictly the passenger, or standing still, have you forgiven the other party? What if the accident was your fault? If this was a sports or hobby injury, do you still enjoy that activity or do you curse it? What if this was caused by a crime? How angry or afraid are you? Sometimes, it’s nothing more than a failed body. Like me, after several years and many injuries, my body just gave out. The result was a permanent disability. I could easily be bitter, especially with no one to blame but myself, fate, or worse—God. Then we have suffering that isn’t physical, suffering from loss or some unrequited desire. Of course, there’s mental anguish as well. When your mind won’t, or can’t, obey your own commands, what do you do?

The start of chronic pain has a point in history. What happened to you? How this whole thing started can be important. If you weren’t treated correctly at first, all future treatments can be adversely effected. Remember what we discussed regarding lack of sleep? It can have the effects of anger, lack of concentration, irritability, and a host of other problems. That first moment, if it is festering within you, can be doing the same. How about you? Do you understand what happened? Are you content with the journey you’re on? Are you able to move forward?

Technorati Tags: pain. Suffering,Injury,Illness,Coping

True Rest Comes From His Presence

2011-02-18T06:57:00.001-05:00

I have said before that chronic pain is just one form of suffering. In ancient times, when the Hebrews were brought out of slavery, they were unsure of what the future would bring. We read that this uncertainty caused them to rebel and cry out; repeated too many times. Over years we see His people suffer. Early on, when Moses spoke with the Lord, the prophet asked the Lord to teach His ways to Moses so the Lord’s people could find favor with him. “The Lord replied, ‘My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest’.” Generations later, we can still hold onto His promise. Even in your worst pain, God is with you and you will have rest. I know that God’s time isn’t our time, and sometimes it feels like He has left the building; but nothing could be farther from the truth.

The questions then becomes; why me, why now, or when will this end? Those questions can’t be answered now. When you’re not finding rest, you just need to learn to be okay with it and allow God to come to you in His time. One of the blessings I have received in my time with my pain is the peace beyond understanding. I have learned to wait on the Lord, as He has always come to my aid; although I may have preferred a quicker response. Insomnia, as we have discussed this week, has a devastating effect on the mind, body, and the spirit. This last post of the week is to put forth the real question: Will you allow this lack of sleep block you from finding true rest in the Lord? How about you? Can you wait on the Lord? Are you so sleepy, you’re forgetting what is the real rest? As we close the week, let me know how insomnia has effected you. Until we meet again, God bless, Tom.

Technorati Tags: Pain. Suffering,Insomnia,God,Rest

Let’s Shed Some Light on Getting to Sleep

2011-02-17T06:43:00.001-05:00

After all that we go through with chronic pain, to loose sleep is truly unfair; and that comes from someone who doesn’t even believe in the concept of fairness in this life. If insomnia can create all sorts of havoc in healthy individuals, it can be devastating for sufferers of chronic pain. So what’s an invalid to do? Well, I’m going to go over some ideas that have been medically tested and approved. Please understand, this will not be an automatic cure all, you will not enjoy blissful sleep just because your room temperature is between 67 to 70 degrees. However, if you’re not doing the basics, you’re fighting yourself. Here are some of the tried and true:

No caffeine past 2pm.
If you smoke, either put the fire out or quit. Period.
With pain medication on board, I’m assuming you’re not adding alcohol to the mix. If you are--stop. Period (Again).
Try not to nap during the day. This can be very difficult, but what you are trying to do here is make sure your circadian cycle doesn’t get so out of whack you lose “normalcy”. Keep the day, day and the night, night.
If, like me, you spend a lot of your day in bed, make sure the room is bright during the day, dark at night. Most experts believe that a bed is only for sleep (and marriage perks) and nothing else. The idea, bed should equal sleep. If you’re confined to your bed, can you move to the couch sometimes? If that’s not possible, use clothing and covers as your body’s cues. For instance, dress for the day, pajamas at night. Cover the bed and use a light cover during the day, turn down your bed at night. Mints on the pillow, optional.
Turn your clock around if you find yourself fixated on it. It’s like watching the clock at the DMV, doesn’t do anything but get you more revved up.
Try journaling an hour before sleep time. Get it all out so there’s nothing on your mind when you want to shut it down.
Hot baths or showers may make you feel good, but increasing your body’s core temperature before sleep could be a mistake. If you must, try a cool one instead.
On the other hand by all means use a hot cup of herbal tea before sleep. Chamomile, mint, or any flavor without caffeine that you enjoy. I’m not a warm milk kind of guy, but if that works for you, then go ahead and enjoy.
When it comes to eating, this will also be a personal preference. If you must eat, try and make it a small protein snack. Try an apple with peanut butter, or a half a sandwich on whole wheat bread. Some people swear by a bowl of cereal, they believe the milk really helps. Well, okay, but easy on the sugary, kids cereals; which by the way, the kids shouldn’t be eating at anytime.
Watching the tele before sleep? Don’t. You can catch that episode the next day on the station’s website, or hulu, or your DVR. And if you don’t, it won’t really matter all that much. At least you’ll get some sleep!
Use eye masks, ear plugs, nose strips, anything that either cuts out external irritants or makes you more comfortable.
Conversely, a fan may help make the temperature more comfortable and give you some white noise if that works for you.
Do some light reading. Be careful of getting sucked into a mystery or true crime lit though, you may not want to find yourself with a great page turner at 2am!
Pray. Here again, this isn’t the time for a deep theological discussion with your Creator. Use nighttime for praises and thanksgiving.

I am hoping that at least some of these will be new to you and can help give you some relief. I’ve been on the long insomnia stretches and it’s no carnival cruise. One item I didn’t put in the bullet points is more of a product endorsement. My wife and I use a Select Comfort, king size bed with dual controls; one for her side and one for mine. Other than an old, traditional futon we had for years after we first got married, this is the greatest mattress we could possibly own at this time. It’s pricey, but it has been worth it for us. Finally, you’ll notice I didn’t mention sleep aids as in medication. That is such a precarious topic for chronic pain patients, it must be discussed between you and your doctor; that means over-the-counter medicine as well. How about you? Did I miss something? Do you have a no fail method? Have you been there, tried that and still can’t get some zzzz’s? I’d love to hear from you and see what works for you.

Technorati Tags: Pain. Suffering,Sleep,Insomnia

Sandman Lost My Address!!!

2011-02-16T08:29:00.001-05:00

Okay, so maybe it’s not Sandman. but there is a reason those with chronic pain don’t rest well. There are two obvious reasons for this, and by obvious I mean you could state them without this blog. That said, I’ll give them to you anyway so you don’t say I hold back. You have chronic pain and that means laying down puts pressure all over your body. Second, you’re probably taking medication. That medication not only has side effects, but the side effects have side effects. On the other hand, “normal” people have problems sleeping too. Sandman don’t like them either?

Remember when I said that I believe we have our own trinity? Well, there are mental reasons for insomnia like stress, anxiety, and depression. On the physical side, you can lose sleep over a decrease in melatonin, asthma, allergies, hyperthyroidism, hypertension, sleep apnea, and women can add hormonal changes. Of course, a combination of the two would be using caffeine or alcohol before bed, a change in noise or light level for some reason (like the dog that all of a sudden has started barking the other night), and for those of you that can—jet lag. On the spiritual side of things, St John of the Cross discusses the long, dark night of the soul. There are many who feel like God has given them the pain, or that He has actually cursed them with it; either way, feelings like that would disturb anyone’s sleep. How about you? Have you looked at reasons outside of your pain? Are you adding to your medication with alcohol? Have you taken time to look for “other” reasons that may be interrupting you sleep? It may be worth the look before you just blame the pain and think it’s inevitable.

Technorati Tags: Pain,Sleep,Insomnia

If I Could Just..Get…Some….Sleep.…..

2011-02-15T05:22:00.001-05:00

One of the aspects of chronic pain that I still can’t get a real handle on is sleep. So many nights I laid in bed wide awake wondering why the pain seemed worse at night. Sometimes I can’t sleep at all, and other times I fall asleep, but wake up within a few minutes or hours with excruciating pain. Do you remember the old joke that goes: “A man goes to the doctor and says, ‘Doc, it hurts when I do this.’ The doctor looks at the guy and says, “Don’t do that.’”. Well, it’s kind of hard to stop doing something when you’re not doing anything! After a night of poor sleep, the day is like moving through molasses. My brain is even more foggy than usual and according to my daughter’s, that’s not good. I’ve scared my wife in the middle of going back and forth on IM while she’s at work; I’ve fallen asleep and she has no idea of what has happened to me.

When a person lacks sleep, the body has a hard time processing carbohydrates and glucose. It can effect weight, as lack of sleep inhibits human growth hormone. Without sleep, one has slower reaction times, memory problems, impaired judgment, as well as daytime sleepiness. Less than five hours of sleep/night can cause more stress, anger, and sadness. Insomnia can have the same effects on a person as being intoxicated, which doesn’t help when you’re taking enough pain medicine to make a crack addict jealous. Considering how much chronic pain patients have to deal with, adding any of these conditions to your repertoire is a bad thing. How about you? Have you battled insomnia at times? Do you notice an increase of issues when you’re not sleeping?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Suffering,Sleep,Insomnia

Pain Makes Time Crawl; But Should it Crawl to a Stop?

2011-02-11T05:48:00.001-05:00

This week we’ve been discussing time, basically how slow it seems to crawl when you’re in pain. For the last question, let’s talk about when there is no time. When we are in deep pain, when it is so unbearable, when time crawls so slowly, do you think about dying? Chronic suffering can so easily lead to suicide, in fact chronic pain sufferers (other than arthritis) are four times more likely to have attempted suicide. If you suffer from severe headaches, your twice as likely to attempt taking your own life. This is an important discussion folks. According to Psychiatric News, “Suicidal thoughts may be triggered in chronic-pain patients who think they'll never get well.”. Sound like anyone you know of?

Thinking. When time crawls and we are left alone with our thoughts, when we want to be alone because we’re not exactly the best of company at the moment, when we’ve been there and done that and still the pain interrupts our life; what thoughts are we left with? A few weeks ago, I mentioned that at those times all I could mutter was the three word prayer, “God, help me”. What happens when you don’t believe God hears you, or that He doesn’t care, or that He wants you in pain, or even worse—that God doesn’t exist at all? As time slowly marches on and you’re feeling every movement of that second hand sweep, tic after toc, what are you thinking about? I want to make sure that there is more on your mind than just ending the pain. Chronic pain can be all encompassing, but does it need to be life ending? This is not a new problem. In the Old Testament, Job cursed the day he was born because of his suffering. In the early 19th century, Alexander Pope wrote, “You purchase pain with all that joy can give, And die of nothing but a rage to live.” For me, when the pain is really bad I turn to God and I’m okay with that. I choose to count my blessings and remember I have my family, my friends. Not everyone can do that. How about you? Does the crawl of the clock have you counting down? Do you want it to get better, or just stop? Do you have something to hold onto, to have faith in; or or you alone inside and out? This is the end of the week, but I don’t want it to be the end of our conversation. If you are alone, please reach out, let me know you are there and we’ll talk. I pray that you have a blessed weekend and may God be with you. Tom

Technorati Tags: Pain,Suffering,Suicide,Time

Does Having All That Time Get Easier in Time?

2011-02-10T06:10:00.001-05:00

At first, when the pain enters your life there are many avenues you can take. There are doctors to see, pharmacies to drop off and pick up at, physical therapists to be manipulated by, and possibly even lawyers to deal with. As time goes on, you exhaust the frequency of doctor’s visits, you can pick up your medication on a regular basis, exercise is done at home, and your case is solved (eventually). So now you’ve got time on your hands…all the time. Hours turn into days, which turn into weeks, which turn into months, which turns into “Who wants to live like this?!?”.

You try not to consider all the time you’re spending down in the early days, but after a few months you have to face it; “Invalid, this is your life!” For me, I’ve gone through the ups and downs; thinking of ways to get back to work, language studies to occupy my time, work at home schemes, lots and lots of prayer time, but I couldn’t keep to one thing, I couldn’t maintain concentration. After my surgery last March, things became a little easier as I can stand more. However, I still can’t maintain concentration for too long, but hopefully I’m getting through these posts! There are times, even now though, when I get anxious because I have nothing to do, well, nothing that I can actually accomplish due to pain and medication levels; luckily those times aren’t as bad as they used to be. Still, I know people don’t understand when you can’t do. I see the looks on their faces when they ask me what I do all day, which is not a lot actually. It bothers me as a man, and it still bothers me at times when I’m alone—just me and the ticking of the clock. How about you? Has it gotten easier with time? Have you found a way to whittle away the hours? Is it meaningful to you?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Time,Concentration,Disability

Can’t Do Much, but Time to Do It All

2011-02-09T05:43:00.001-05:00

What do you do when you have all the time in the day, but your body, mind, or spirit won’t allow you to do those things? When I was a kid, staying inside was never a choice, nor an option. We would play whatever sport was in season. If there weren’t enough kids for two teams, we always had our bikes. On the rare occasion when the weather was disagreeable, we played in our room. Well, my room, I was an only child for the first eleven years of life (not that I’m complaining). On those rare occasions, or at night, one of the things I enjoyed besides playing was reading. I would spend hours getting lost in the pages of great stories. This started when I was very young, as I remember making a weekly trip to the library with my mom. So before 900 channels, MP3’s, video games, or iAnything, boredom was simply not a possibility.

Fast forward a few years…well….decades, and I have those 900 channels, MP3’s, (never did get into the video games), and I have a laptop at my fingertips; but I find myself getting bored. Maybe because going out to play is no longer an option, but I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that I can’t do a whole lot of anything. Even that joy of reading, which I can do laying down, isn’t what it used to be. The pain level, when it goes past a certain point, seems to block all manner of focus. The day drags on, but the mind is just a drag. It’s not that I don’t have interests, I do, but chronic pain can stop all activity in a New York minute. The bond that connects the body, mind, and spirit is incredibly strong and I believe that how our pain overrides our concentration shows this. Now I know that some say laughter is the best medicine, or it’s just mind over matter, even the old, “This too shall pass”. Those mottos only go so far though. Some days it’s more like, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”. I’m sorry, I don’t have an answer to this laying and waiting; I’m not sure how to beat this. There are days when I want to do so many things, whether it’s in the house, something with my girls, working with my dogs, or just reading; but I have had to learn to just wait. This one of the hardest lessons of having chronic pain; one I am still working on when I can’t do much, but there’s plenty of time. How about you? Do you have trouble concentrating? Do you get bored, but can’t break out of it? Do you still plan, or have you just given up?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Boredom,Mind,Spirit,Time,Interets,Reading,Concentration

Time Flies When You’re Having Fun; Pain Makes it Crawl!

2011-02-08T06:50:00.001-05:00

Many years ago when I worked for a bank, “management” made a decision to change all the branch interiors. One of the changes was to take all the clocks down, in fact we weren’t allowed to have one that could be seen by a customer. Now that may not be a big deal, but “management” wasn’t finished. They also implemented a customer satisfaction call program. If you went to the bank and saw a teller, it automatically put you into a chance to be called and asked seven questions about your visit. What do you think was one of the seven questions? Yep, “How long did you wait?” So, let me ask you something. If you have to wait in line, and you don’t have a watch or time piece (okay, dating myself; let’s say no phone, iWhatever, etc.) how long do you feel you waited?

A study was done years ago with ambulances. They would put the subjects on a sidewalk and have an ambulance drive down the street at 35mph. Most of the subjects could correctly guess the approximate speed as well as describe it as a safe speed for the street. Then, the ambulance would drive down the same street, same speed, same subjects, but this time the ambulance would have their lights and sirens on. What do you think the subjects said about the ambulance’s speed? Oh yeah, now it was racing, speeding, even flying down the street! It took the ambulance the same amount of time to get down that street, but the perspective of the subjects was skewed, their own hearts were racing because of the lights and sound.

I normally have a pretty good sense of my “inner” clock. I know how long I’m taking at a task, the general time of day, I can even wake up just before the alarm goes off. Well, maybe all that should have been written in the past tense. Since my injury, the pain, and the medication, my clock is crashed. My circadian is sunk. My perception of time has tanked. How about you? Does time seem to crawl? Do you feel like you’re in a line waiting for nothing? Is life like being at the DMV all the time? This week we’re going to discuss time and how you occupy it. (Speaking of which, I failed to post Monday because I watched the Super Bowl, forgetting it was Sunday and I hadn’t written. Obviously, I need to look at time!) Thanks for stopping by, Tom

Technorati Tags: Pain,Time

When Your Journey is More Like Going Off-Road

2011-02-04T06:04:00.001-05:00

This whole week we’ve talked about going through our personal journey with chronic pain. Anyone who has gotten either hurt or become ill during a vacation away from home knows how discombobulating it can be. Even if you’re lucky enough to be cared for, it’s still not home. Of course, if you do travel back home hurt or sick, well that’s really no ride in the park either. Oddly enough, with as many people that have stories about vacations gone bad, or just knowing people who have chronic pain or suffering, so few understand what it’s like. Why is that?

Life, in this world of ours, is not easy for anyone. For those of us with chronic pain, a disability, or just suffering; life is a climb up a craggy rock face, using only one hand. Oh, and it’s raining and windy, it’s bitter cold and the climb can be so lonely and tiring. As a soldier, I drove a jeep through the woods at night in the rain. I was bounced around, cold and wet, and felt like I was lost even though I knew the old, dirt road well. It was just a tough place to get around even though I knew the area. I’d hit that odd hole and get bounced and bang a knee or my head. It’s like that with a disability; pretty tough to deal with for myself and it’s not so easy on the rest of the family either. That said, I will always take a physical pain as opposed to the pain of the spirit. I have found that the soul is the foundation of a person. The mind can go, the body break down, but when the soul belongs to the Lord all is well. How about you? Are you taking a journey and suffering? Is it your body, mind, or spirit? Do you feel like you’re on the highway of life, or is it more like going off-road?

Thank you to all those of you who stop by. I appreciate your comments and look forward to hearing from even more folks. That wraps it up for the week. I hope everyone stays safe and may God bless.

Technorati Tags: Pain,Disability,Soul,Suffering

When You Can’t Move On, Is It Still a Journey?

2011-02-03T06:34:00.001-05:00

This week has been about being on this journey of life, all the while having pain. There have been times in my journey when I slept 23 hours a day. Now, I may never have been a big marathon runner, but I’m pretty sure you don’t get far sleeping that much of the day away. I mean, if I knew Aesop it would have been the Tortoise, the Hare, and the Lump. The Lump doesn’t win either. I mean, it’s one thing to be the Tortoise and take it slow and steady, it’s another to be the Lump and take it…well, not at all. Even now I find I may need recuperation days, sometimes a whole weekend, to be able to stand without my whole body going into spasms. So in those times when we can’t do anything, nothing at all, are we still on our journey? Do we have to be physical to be truly “active”?

I had to learn very early on that a man is not his job. Long before I was disabled, I walked away from a career I thought I was made for, but could no longer do. It was my wife who taught me that there is more to a man than what he does; what he is can do anything for a job. Years later, that concept was truly put to the test. After I blew out my back, there were days when I had to actually grieve for my body. I had to let go of what was, and find something to hang my manhood on. One thing that didn’t bother me was God’s role in all of this. I knew the Lord was in control and I didn’t blame Him for my situation; I just couldn’t believe that I had no role in this now. During those early days, my wife would tell people about my pain but that I was okay; just waiting on the Lord and staying in His Word and praying (when I was awake enough). They would get in touch with me, or just talk to her, and tell us they were “inspired”. I’m not sure I understand even now, but it seems that I was helping others by being okay with where I was in life. As it turns out, I was on my journey. Apparently, we are able to follow the Lord’s plan without actually moving. How about you? Does not moving make you feel like you’re not doing? Have you grieved for what was? Do you recognize how the Lord is using you right now?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Disability,Journey,Inspire,God,Moving

On the Road of Life, or In a Ditch?

2011-02-02T07:46:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was one of those days I don’t normally have. No, no, I still had pain; in fact late in the afternoon, I had a lot of it. However, earlier yesterday I taught a class of sixth grade girls some aspects of being an entrepreneur. Part of a Junior Achievement curriculum, I get to do this once a week for six weeks. Same day, same time, same girls, and they are all wonderful. The subject yesterday was the importance of having plans, a personal and a business plan. What was interesting to me was how every single girl expected to complete high school, go on to college, and work in their chosen field. When I told them that the high school graduation rate for South Carolina was 66%, they were stunned. Now this is not a private school, but it is exceptional. It is a culture that teaches leadership and community service. From the principal, the board of directors, teachers, staff and parents; the students simply assume they will press on and succeed.

After being a district manager for a financial planning firm, I can tell you first hand that most people don’t plan. Most of us didn’t attend this type of school, or have this kind of environment or this kind of class. In fact, the planning field has a saying that demonstrates this; “People do not plan to fail, they simply fail to plan.”

There is a place though, where it doesn’t matter if you were a driven planner, or someone who simply went along. The onset of an injury or illness, when pain stays and you realize it has become chronic, when suffering hits you from behind; these types of issues will knock any of us off the road of life and into a ditch. Now what? Does it matter if you were a planner or not? How do you get out of the ditch, and back on your journey? I believe having a plan in life is important, but if you accept that a plan suggests control in life you’re going to have a tough time getting back on the road. There’s only One with control, we’re just here for the ride. In the ditch, you need hope, flexibility, faith, and support to get back on the road; although maybe you’ll need the service road for a while. How about you? Are you still in the ditch? Did your plan go down in flames? How are you able to continue on your journey?

Technorati Tags: Pain,Journey,Life,Plan,Planning

New Life, New Journey?

2011-02-01T06:20:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I asked about what you missed, things like when was the last time you danced? Today, I wonder about the other side; now that you have a new life, are you on a new journey? If so, where does i t lead? Why are you on this new road? How are you doing without a GPS?

Not long ago, someone told me that is was good I was around. It was one of those back handed compliments you sometimes get. It could be said another way, “I’m so glad you’re an invalid and can’t work”. Actually, it was my teenage daughter, so I really did look past it. Funny enough though, she isn’t the only one who has said that over the years. After my surgery, I needed to walk up to two miles a day. Instead of walking aimlessly through the neighborhood, I instead spend time directing traffic at my youngest daughter’s school when they break for the day. One day a lady asked, “Look, I see you with your cane and the way you walk; may I ask you if it’s your back or you leg?” Once we talked, it turned out that her blue collar husband was also down with back pain and was in a bad way. He and I spoke on the phone, shared some experiences and I mentioned my surgeon. In mid-February, he’ll be having surgery also. Now it probably will not be a cure, but because it gives hope and just the possibility of a better life he’s ready for it. Some days after they made the surgery appointment, his wife told me, “I truly believe you are here for a reason.” That’s just one story of many, mostly for family, that have been made possible because I can’t do anything else.

On those days when I want to throw my pity party, when I feel like I can’t do anything but lay here and feel pain; those are the times I have to realize that I’m simply in a pit stop of this new journey. I do have an impact, or rather God seems to be able to use me in spite of myself. How about you? Do you see your journey? Do others help you to remember that you are worthwhile? Are you stuck in a pit stop. or are you on the road? Do you see God using you in your pain?

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