At 41 weeks and 2 days I had a midwife appointment where I bore all my fears of being post term, and what that could mean for our plan of a homebirth. You see, Arlo’s birth was planned to be a homebirth, and his full story has yet to be birthed from my being into written words (there is this poem). His story is just as miraculous as this, and is what initiated me to motherhood, and what birthed me into this incarnation of myself that was strong enough to do this next big work. His birth did not happen at home though, he was a rare hospital water birth, as he was a patience Wombside baby, waiting until 42 weeks and 3 days to arrive Earthside. Those fears still lingered in my body, of having to make that hard, hard decision again of surrendering to the mysteries of birth.

Those fears I laid out on Tuesday, released to the ethers & walked away from my midwife’s home lighter & with a couple of natural nudges in my purse to try. Wednesday I choose to begin taking evening primrose oil to aid in the ripening of my cervix, and for six hours I took cottonroot bark extract, which can help stimulate uterine contractions. Nothing of significance developed during the day. That evening we all took a walk as a family, enjoying unseasonably warm Missouri weather. I watched the moon shine down as I felt silly “curb walking” to encourage labor. 

When we got home and I began making dinner I started having contractions that felt a bit different than the ones I had grown accustom to coming and going. Since my body has been doing work for quite awhile I was hesitant to put any type of label on what I was beginning to feel, and so I fixed dinner, ate dinner, paying attention to what was happening but not focusing on it too much. 

After dinner I began to chart how frequent the contractions would come. They were about 7 minutes apart, and the sensations that I began to feel told me that my body was opening. Josh had planned on going to a show that night, one that he had booked and promoted, and though the thought of being home alone with Arlo felt particularly intimidating with what my body had begun to engage in, I was prepared to allow for that. 

I spoke honestly to Josh about what I was feeling and how I didn’t know if it would progress, and such. Almost right as he walked out the door I simultaneously had a contraction and had to pee, running to the bathroom pee dripping down my legs from the pressure of the contraction I felt a bit scared at the thought of being alone. Thankfully as I sat on the toilet I heard Josh’s footsteps coming back up the deck and I felt so freaking grateful. 

He chose to stay, and we called the midwife and my parents just to let them know what was beginning to shift. My midwife suggested getting some rest. I believe Arlo could sense something deep and wide was happening and he was fitful going to sleep. Finally around 1am he was asleep and I got up and cleaned the bathroom just in case. I also sent out messages to my circle sisters & mother letting them know what was happening. 

My contractions continued all through the night. I layed in bed with a pillow between my knees breathing deeply through the rushes. The most sensation would last about 45 seconds, and so I would focus on the relief that would transpire in just a short amount of time… I can survive anything for 45 seconds. I also entered into a deep meditative state. As the rush would begin I would begin breathing deeply, reciting “So Hum” mantra with my breath, I would visualize a circle being painted, one side on the inside of my body, one side on the outside… I believe this helped me integrate the energy of what was happening. Also, when the sensation of pain would become intense I would visualize it rooting into the ground through my feet, allowing the earth to absorb that big, big, energy. These meditation were incredibly powerful. (I found this particular meditation online)

Around 5am I could no longer lay in bed. I got up and had to use the bathroom a lot, I actually put on a Depends diaper because the contraction made it difficult to control my bladder. I sat in the recliner for about an hour with the heating pad on my back, charting my contractions. They had quickened to about 3 minutes apart. At around 6am I called my midwife to let her know what was going on. We carried on a conversation, which made it difficult for her to gauge where I was at in labor (she mentioned later that there were women who she has talked to with my composure that did not birth until a good 12 hours later). While I was on the phone with her Arlo got up, and soon after so did Josh. I called my mom to ask her to begin their trip to town to care for Arlo.

Shortly before my midwife called my legs began to shake, and my teeth began to chatter. This was familiar to me from Arlo’s birth, as it happened during transition (my cervix opening from 8 to 10, after which I could push)… I did not think that it was at all possible that this was what was happening. I thought it had something to do with having to have a bowel movement, which happened shortly after. 

As Arlo played around me in the living room I continued to meditate deeply with the energy that was coursing through my body. To be honest I did feel rather overwhelmed with managing both his energy, and that of the cosmos opening me for this New One. We decided to call Josh’s parents to come get Arlo, because, though I did not know when Analee would arrive, I did begin to realize that it would be before my parents got here. 

Around that same time I decided to call my midwife back and tell her that I thought she probably should be on her way, since we live about 30 minutes from her. As I picked up the phone to call her she was calling me, I answered and she was on her way.

Josh rushed around the house putting together bags for Arlo. I focused all my efforts on maintaining my composure, my peace and internal calm. My thighs began to shake worse, and Arlo brought his play dough to my lap so I could begin rolling him “snakes.” There I was sitting in our yellow recliner, my body doing deeper work that I consciously knew, rolling out play dough for my son, the one who made me Mother. 

With the shaky feeling I was having I thought perhaps eating something and drinking would help. So I gathered myself and made the journey to the kitchen. I peeled an apple, holding onto the kitchen counter for support, smeared it with almond butter, grabbed a coconut water and got back to the chair as quickly as possible. Standing up had intensified things and I did not feel prepared to go that quickly with Arlo still present. I believe I was able to eat two slices of the apple, Arlo helped himself to the others.

Arlo wanted to climb into my lap and with the sensations that I was managing I knew that I could not maintain if that happened… I had to tell him no, it was a very heartbreaking, and tense moment. Tears overwhelmed me as he began to cry. Feeling that surge of emotion caused the sensations I was experiencing to intensify, I felt drawn to warm water to try to calm myself. 

I walked to the bathroom, sat on the toilet feeling the need to bear down. Then I drew a warm bath and sank in, willing my body to relax and my mind to calm. Arlo came in wanting to bathe with me, thankfully Josh’s parents arrive at that time and we were able to finally distract him from the lure of the bath and he set off on his adventure. I bid my goodbyes and I love yous calmly, and with great intention, focusing on sending as much love, peace and comforting energy to Arlo as I could, sending my heart with him. 

Josh took Arlo out to the truck and another rush swept through me, I was overcome with the need to push, it was not voluntary, it was something my body was going to do… After that rush I felt this overwhelming feeling that I did not wish for this to continue much longer. With the desire to push in my consciousness, I decided to check myself to see if I could tell where I was at in labor. My fingers told me that my bag of water was about two inches above the opening of my yoni. I cannot express the relief I felt realizing that my daughter was about to slide into my hands. The next rush came and my body pushed, I focused all my energy downward. I will never forget my water bag bursting just seconds before Josh came into the bathroom— her head was crowning, my hands welcoming her, and he exclaimed, “Babe!” He knelt and together our hands guided our daughter into this world. The sensation of her body emerging from mine is something that has changed me forever. We checked her cord to assure it was not around her neck in anyway, and then she was up on my chest.

She did not cry out in alarm or distress. She calmly began clearing her air passages for this new realm, and I spoke my first words to her. My little Goddess, daugher of Brigid. Josh sat on the toilet with tears in his eyes. Our daughter. 

We called the midwife shortly after, and it was by that call that we had to gauge what time Analee was born… 7:28am was when the call was made. We estimate she was born at about 7:25am. My midwife got to our home about 15 minutes later, and helped me deliver the placenta. She took care of us the rest of the morning… 

We called both sets of grandparents with the news. My parents arrived about 30 minutes after their granddaughter was born… Josh’s parents and Arlo about an hour later.

It turns out I was in transition sitting in that yellow recliner rolling out play dough. I am still in a space of awe and disbelief at how this birth developed. It was not exactly what I had visualized, but the sheer magnitude and miracle of it all has blown me away with gratitude and wonder at the instinct of my body, and what we as humans are capable of doing in a place of love, peace, and focused awareness. 

One of my greatest intentions with this birth was to open in a space free from fear. I can honestly say, with my whole being that I birthed fearlessly. It was as though, even in that space of mystery, I still deeply knew the next step and how to proceed with taking it. 

It was another one of my intentions with this birth to receive my daughter into my own hands… To be able to experience that, with my lover’s hand receiving as well, oh my… I have no words. 

There are many words here, in this story so far.
And yet, there is also a speechlessness as well.
I cannot begin to express certain aspects of this process… Outside of it being radical, a soul revolution. This birth has shifted me in ways that I know will be spiralling out for a long, long time.

For right now, though, this is our story. It will be built upon I am sure, it will ripple out, yes. These are my words of it, for now. And I feel released.