bllix on the internet, lol

A glock has needs.

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:00:08 -0700

A glock has needs.

Just kidding, I didn’t tell her shit.

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 17:53:27 -0700

Just kidding, I didn’t tell her shit.

I was going to say something hilarious about the correlation...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 19:25:48 -0800

I was going to say something hilarious about the correlation between a fictional vampire and the Wu-Tang single “Protect Ya Neck”, but I’m really busy with proliferating the spirit of bond-diversification right now.

This has happened to me. Today. Because I like my documents like...

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 13:00:12 -0800

This has happened to me. Today. Because I like my documents like I like my emotions—sensitive and unavailable.

My stance on political policies about dominating gun controllism...

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 17:34:02 -0700

My stance on political policies about dominating gun controllism bikini.

Got the C.R.E.A.M.

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 12:28:35 -0700

Got the C.R.E.A.M.

Photo

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 12:40:38 -0700

Don’t cry, there’s always this.

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 12:32:17 -0700

Don’t cry, there’s always this.

These clouds are on my lawn. I know they are on my lawn because...

Thu, 31 May 2012 14:11:29 -0700

These clouds are on my lawn. I know they are on my lawn because there are skylights throughout my home with which I can monitor errant clouds. This is extremely futuristic. I am a hacker. (Taken with instagram)

Today’s installment of Gangsta-Ass Monday focuses on...

Mon, 07 May 2012 14:58:03 -0700

Today’s installment of Gangsta-Ass Monday focuses on education and shit. This instructional video will show you how to become an instructional hustler. Bitches will listen to you. Bitches will follow your directions. It’s like Simon Says, but for bitches.

[Author’s Note: Bitches and cars.]

This is very upsetting. I told her my name and location; she...

Thu, 03 May 2012 11:03:42 -0700

This is very upsetting. I told her my name and location; she told me her marital status and profile URL. We were building rapport. It felt like we’d known each other for years. I couldn’t imagine a life without her spiteful horny.

I trusted her.

She signed off, and hasn’t spoken to me since. Her scent clings to my dynamic multi-platform instant messenger client. I am inconsolable and probably Zuul, possibly The Gatekeeper, but mostly inconsolable. Maybe The Highlander. Stop trying to change the subject. What’s important here is that I live on a fucking volcano full of orcs, and my penis can’t use the Internet.

I needed her.

Getting a hot and hexy lap dance. (Taken with instagram)

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 04:03:37 -0700

Getting a hot and hexy lap dance. (Taken with instagram)

[Unrelated Prologue: WHAT THE HOLLY JOLLY FUCK, TUMBLR. Your...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:57:00 -0700

[Unrelated Prologue: WHAT THE HOLLY JOLLY FUCK, TUMBLR. Your service may be free, but your service sucks—which part of SAVE AS DRAFT meant PUBLISH? Are your employees too busy Instagramming their hipster dicks off and bragging about Tumblr’s popularity to notice that every other popular service has their shit together? Are you aware that many of those functional services are run by ONE person? Are you paying people in iPhones and PBR? Are you even a real company? Are you hiring? I need a job. Check out my LinkedIn profile sometime, if you’re in the mood to masturbate.]

BUT ANYWAYS

This is a bacon reproduction of a popular helm in Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. My character, whose boobs are not as impressive as they should be, wore this for a few levels, and I was very fond of it despite that her boobs were still disappointing. I recently replaced it with a similar helm that has YET ANOTHER HORN, looted from the corpse of some bandit punk motherfucker trying to violate at the 21 and Lewis.

Everybody knows ‘Skyrim’ sounds like a fucking awesome gay bar, but it’s actually a video game. It’s part of the Elder Scrolls series. Everybody knows ‘Elder Scrolls’ sounds like a fucking awesome black metal band, but it’s actually a video game series. Skyrim is the latest release. While there is a sky, I haven’t unlocked the power to rim it. I’m a little nervous because the last version of Elder Scrolls had rain storms and stuff, while I haven’t seen a single drop in this one. This implies that the previous version had a way cleaner sky than this new one and I’d probably be better off rimming that one. Now I’ve got to decide whether I prefer jelly or syrup. I can’t handle this much longer.

This is my thing that came out of my thing before my other thing...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 21:45:17 -0700

This is my thing that came out of my thing before my other thing came out of my thing. He’s holding his very first shank, as I prepare to jump him in. (Taken with instagram)

Hella important shit going on here.

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 22:53:00 -0700

Hella important shit going on here.

This, basically.

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 21:06:45 -0700

This, basically.

This is a very unique and interesting photograph of my cats....

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 18:26:19 -0700

This is a very unique and interesting photograph of my cats. They are both adhesive, nameless, and live in the exact same trash can where I store some of my garbage. (Taken with instagram)

This is my first Instagram photograph. You can check it out by...

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:16:24 -0700

This is my first Instagram photograph. You can check it out by using your eyeballs to “look” at it. Do not check it out too hard, but if you “look” very closely, there is a book. You may not check that out. This is not a library. This is Sparta. (Taken with instagram)

Even I don’t understand what the fuck I’m saying...

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 16:18:14 -0700

Even I don’t understand what the fuck I’m saying sometimes.

BREAKING NEWS: The RZA confirms departure from Wu-Tang Clan,...

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:12:00 -0700

BREAKING NEWS:

The RZA confirms departure from Wu-Tang Clan, announcing new affiliation with…um…Vu-Tang Clan, possibly U-Tang Clan or I guess Whatever The Fuck Letter That’s Supposed to Look Like-Tang Clan. Sources close to the Ruler Zig-Zag-Zig Allah say the change came about when his chessboxing trainer shamefully tried to run game on a nigga, The opponent was later identified as a distant cousin of Shymeek from 212 who had got bust two times in his head, word is bond.