Strange And Pretty

Mental Health Awareness Month.

Monica Williams — Mon, 18 May 2026 13:30:00 +0000

I always want to be aware and cognizant of the mental struggles people go through. But for the month of May, we put a little extra emphasis on being aware of what’s going on in the everyday person’s mind. Pay a little extra attention to your friend. Call your uncle one night when you wanna talk to him. And most importantly, take care of yourself.

If you or someone you know needs some extra support, here are some places you can get it:

National Institue For Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org

U.S. Department Of Housing And Urban Development: http://www.hud.gov/findshelter

SMART Recovery: https://www.smartrecovery.org/

Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Born This Way Foundation: https://bornthisway.foundation/get-help-now/

Strange & Pretty GIVEAWAY!

Monica Williams — Fri, 08 May 2026 13:30:00 +0000

With the relaunch of the blog, I wanted to show how thankful I’ve been for everyone’s support. So I’ll be giving away a $75 Amazon gift card!

How To Enter:

Follow me on Instagram here.

Bonus Entry: Subscribe to the blog’s newsletter. This isn’t required to be entered, but gives you one extra entry into the giveaway.

And….that’s it!

Dates:

The giveaway will be live from May 9, 2026 until May 23, 2026 11:59pm EST.

Rules:

Open to U.S. residents only.

Must be 18+ years of age.

Winner:

The winner will be chosen randomly on May 24, 2026. I’ll tag them on the original Instagram post.

Disclaimer:

This promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed, or administered by, or associated with Instagram.

Good look darlings!

3 Things I Learned From My Therapist

Monica Williams — Thu, 07 May 2026 13:30:00 +0000

I’ve been going to therapy since I was 10 years old (I will be 38 in August, go ahead and do that math). I’ve had various ones throughout my life. My most recent therapist, who I’ve been with for about 7+ years, is amazing. Here’s some of the (out of many) things she’s taught me.

Rational vs. Irrational Thinking

I know this comes from a few of my mental disorders, but my therapist often stops me and says “Hold on, say what you just said again, and tell me if that’s really true or not”. She does this to make me really listen to what I’m saying and have me figure out if what I’m saying/thinking is actually rational, or something I made up/assumed in my head and really isn’t based in reality. I’ll say something like “She’s going to despise me if I don’t go to her birthday party, but I’m just not sure cause the whole idea of the party is giving me so much anxiety”. That “She’s going to despise me” part is where the problem is - let’s say I’m referring to my best friend. We’ve been best friends for over 20 years, and she obviously knows about my mental disorders. She would never despise me over my mental state - she understands and has never ever been offended, hurt, or upset by an action I did because of any of my disorders. So in reality, that just isn’t rational, or close to the truth.

Stop Downplaying The Awesome Stuff I’ve Done/Accomplished

When I was finishing up my Bachelor’s degree, I was in my 30s. I had a lot of self esteem issues revolving around my age when I finished that degree. I wished I would have focused on college at the same age as most of the other people from my high school - many of my friends from the time went straight to college right after we graduated. I didn’t. But I went back to truly get my degrees later in life. In undergrad (not so much graduate school), I talked down on myself in therapy a lot because I didn’t think what I was doing was a big deal, since most people do what I was doing in their late teens/early 20s. So while I was an amazing student (I lost count how many times I was on the Dean’s and President’s lists), I’d often say things that minimized my successes. She not only made me realize how much I did this, she got me into the habit of being my own hype woman. Now, I remind myself how amazing I am often, and call myself a bad bitch in regular conversation to remind other people who the eff they’re talking to.

I Can’t Force Mental Change In People No Matter How Hard I Cry To Them About My Trauma

Now, this one sounds very…specific. And that’s because it is. I’m not going to get deep into this one because, well, it involves my deep rooted trauma. And while this is my blog and I can write whatever I want, I’m not gonna get ALL into that because it hurts, it’s a lot, and it’s unresolved. Anyway, this lesson is still being learned by me as we speak. I find it very hard to believe that someone who cares about me and loves me deeply won’t change (what I see) as one simple thing. In my eyes, this will resolve some of my trauma. It will also make me respect them more. It’ll also make me feel safer - for them, and for myself. But nope, they won’t do this one thing - it’s been 28 years and they haven’t done it. My therapist told me I should stop expecting them to. That they may have their own traumatic reasoning as to why they won’t do this thing. I have to work on my healing knowing what I really want this person to do will never happen. It hurts - it hurts like hell and it has all 28 of these years. But I need to continue to heal, and I can’t keep waiting for this one thing to tell me “Okay, NOW you can heal”.

What do you wish you had a therapist or counselor tell you sooner?

What I Use For Blogging

Monica Williams — Tue, 05 May 2026 13:30:00 +0000

So my blogging setup is a bit different than it was a few years ago. I’ve gotten tired of my Macbook Air (I think it’s a 2021 M1). It still totally works, but I just wanted something new. So I got an iPad Air M4. That’s just one of the newer tools I’ve been using in the 2026 relaunch of Strange And Pretty. Here are some more things I’ve been using for my blog in its relaunch.

iPad Air M4 (purchase here*)

I love this damn thing. I will say, I’m pretty sure it’s the same screen size as the MacBook Air I mentioned earlier. So yes, she’s a big girl. But because my plan was to replace my laptop, I’m totally fine with that. I love that I finally upgraded from the base model of iPad to a fancier one. This one gets the job of a laptop done, while having the touch screen feature as a nice bonus.

ESR Typecase Keyboard Case (purchase here*)

As I wanted to use my iPad as a computer, I knew I’d need a keyboard case. And I was not paying the ridiculous price of the Apple keyboard that came in two boring colors to do that. I researched hard to find a keyboard case that I liked, and I’ve been enjoying this one so far.

Apple Pencil Pro (purchase here*)

This is my first Apple Pencil that actually magnetically connects to the iPad to charge. I’ve been rocking with the Generation 1 Apple Pencil since I’ve been using Apple Pencils, which is kind of wild. I wouldn’t say this has changed my life or anything. But it’s nice to always have the pencil connected to the iPad AND not have to worry about connecting adapters and all that to charge it.

Squarespace

When I first started this blog, it was hosted on Blogger (that’s me aging myself and my blog). But I wanted to be a big girl blogger and actually pay for hosting. Squarespace is nice. It’s really user friendly and it has a lot of perks and integrations that make things super simple to host a website.

Fedica

I needed a content/social media scheduler that was more up to date than Hootsuite, which is what I used to use for my scheduled post. I like Fedica so far. It gives you many options of places to post, and even allows you to use your blog’s RSS feed to automatically post content.

Notion

I was introduced to Notion when I was in Graduate school. The way this (free!) app got me ALL the way together during school. It’s fully customizable, or you can use templates, and it can be used for every single thing you need to write things down for. It will organize you life in minutes and I truly can’t believe it’s still free.

Phone Tripod (purchase here*)

I originally bought this for something else (streaming, I was considering streaming because I made the choice to blog again). But now I’m using it to film video for Instagram. I’m still getting used the whole video editing thing (and by “getting used to” I mean I truly have no clue what I’m doing). But I’m learning and I’ve made SOME kind of progress in getting the jyst of the basics.

What have you been using for your productivity tasks?

Products with an asterisk (*) include an affiliate link.

Strange And Pretty In 2026.

Monica Williams — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 13:00:00 +0000

So….It’s Been A While.

I haven’t updated my blog in what seems like forever. That’s for a few reasons - I finished Graduate School and I was looking for work. I found work and was focusing on acclimating to that. And here I am, almost 2 years into that job, wanting to blog again.

Why Am I blogging In 2026?

Well, because…I enjoy it. Many people will say blogging’s dead in 2026. I don’t care. I like writing, I like posting it on the internet, and I like sharing my thoughts with people who care. So I’ll continue doing it.

What Will Strange & Pretty Look Like In This New Era?

It’ll look very similar to what it did before - a main focus on mental health, my journey with my mental health issues, what’s going on with me, and ways to help other people get through their own mental health journey.

What New Stuff Do You Have Cooking Up?

As much as I didn’t want to, I will be using social media with this blog. And not just to promote, but to interact with you guys in ways I didn’t before. I plan on going live on my Instagram to talk to you guys in real time and connect. I want to show a little more of myself in my blog posts (which says a lot, since I’ve always been open and honest on here). And I wanna just try new and fun ways to make this blog something people want to come to every week and see what’s going on.

When Will All This Happen?

I’m currently writing posts as we speak. I’d like to have a decent amount of posts ready to go before I do the official official relaunch. If you guys have any ideas of posts or content you’d like to see on Strange & Pretty, feel free to reach out to me and let me know. Your ideas are golden and they’ll help me out a ton.

So expect new stuff here within the next few weeks.

Where Can I Find You In The Meantime?

I’m usually on Bluesky - that’s where I’m unhinged and love spouting my random thoughts. But do follow my new Instagram too - I’ll go live on there to hang out with you guys and just chill out. Also, make sure to subscribe to my mailing list so you’re updated when new posts are up.

Permalink

I Quit Smoking.

Monica Williams — Tue, 08 Aug 2023 15:30:00 +0000

When I was a kid I hated the fact that I smelled like cigarette smoke and a stuffy house, and thought people judge me for it.

But in my mid-to-late 20s, I started smoking on my own. Yes, I started smoking when one of my friends from college (I was still getting my Criminal Justice degree at the time) offered me one. But no, I don’t blame them for my cigarette habit. I chose to take that cigarette and smoke it. Peer pressure? I don’t know her.

After that first smoke it was a social thing, then it became a…me thing. I bought my first pack of Newports and my world was changed. I wouldn’t say I was addicted to smoking, I was just…dependent on it. I had to have my Morning Cigarette to get me started, and heaven forbid someone bothered me during it. After a while people close to me kept saying “Hey, when do you think you’re gonna stop?”, and my answer was always “Soon”. I didn’t know when the fuck I was gonna stop smoking, but I knew that I eventually would stop, because I didn’t wanna end up like my grandparents in a stuffy one bedroom apartment smoking packs on end.

Last year I went to see the movie Nope with my landlord, my close friend (my landlord’s granddaughter), and her boyfriend. When we got home from the movie, I saw my landlord outside that night. She came to me and said, very calmly, “You know, when we were out today you didn’t smoke one cigarette”. I was kinda - taken aback by this. First off the fact that she noticed it (I really shouldn’t have been surprised, she’s a ridiculously smart woman and she does notice stuff, she just doesn’t always comment on it), and, how accurate it was. I didn’t smoke a cigarette that day (I did share a blunt with my friends, but that’s not the focus here). And I said to my landlord “I didn’t even realize that. I guess it’s because I was enjoying myself so much that it didn’t cross my mind”. After that conversation with her, I thought this was the time I should cut this smoking shit out.

So I stopped. I went the vaping route, which I know isn’t healthy in itself, but I knew I’d need something to ween myself off of the actual cigarettes cause cold turkey wasn’t gonna be the move.

It’s now been about 7 months (give or take) since I’ve smoked a real cigarette. I’m still kind of shocked that It was as easy as it was, but I’m not even gonna ask questions. I no longer crave cigarettes and that’s fucking progress. Eventually I plan on taking the vape completely out of the equation, because who the fuck wants to be sitting here sucking on an ElfBar the rest of their lives.

But, one step at a time.

I Finished My First Year Of Grad School & How I'm Adjusting

Monica Williams — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 15:30:00 +0000

It’s wild to even be able to type it, but, I have completed my first year of graduate school. The last year has been….a journey. Let’s get into that journey.

Workload

I knew this would be a lot. And well, it is. I have 5 classes that I HAVE to take every semester; each with its own decent amount of work (one of those classes is Field Seminar though - we only meet once a month and it’s really just us discussing our internship/field). When I was doing my undergraduate degree I capped at about 3 classes a semester because I knew that’s all I could handle.

This kind of concerned me when I first got into my university, but after a full year I’ve realized it’s not THAT bad. Yes, I’ve had weeks where I was stressed as fuck and thought I’d never get it all done. Yes, I’ve had mental breakdowns and considered saying “Fuck this” and just giving up. And yes, I do procrastinate and hate myself for it. But I still go on because this is something I really want. Like, really really want. The classes I’m taking are directly related to my future career as a therapist/social worker, so they’re interesting as fuck. That in itself makes me want to keep going and make sure I get everything done. It’s a lot of hard work and headache now, but I know it will lead to me being able to do something I love, so I’m here for it.

Social Life

All the stuff I read and watched before I got into my program was that getting to know your cohort was pretty important. People said things’ll be just a little easier if I had friends around me who were going through and learning the same stuff as me. So, I went in fully open to making friends, having study buddies, and just being cool with the people in my classes. And being that I was popular as fuck in undergrad, I thought this would be easy peasy.

But around the beginning of my second semester I realized - I don’t want to be friends with these people. That sounds mean, but hear me out. There were a few types of classmates I’ve had so far: the ones who barely seemed to give a fuck about engagement, participating, and just learning the material, the ones who did speak and were social but dumb as fuck, and the ones who I saw really cared about stuff, were smart, I talked to a lot and admired, but were just so busy with their own lives (work, kids, school, etc) to ever have time for me. After realizing this was the set of people I’m dealing with, I kind of accepted that I was gonna be pretty solo for my time here. Which is kind of disappointing, but that’s just how it is.

Material I’m Learning

The material I’m actually being taught is fascinating as fuck to me. There’s history that I was never taught anywhere else, how to interact with humans, and ethics-based ways to do things. It’s all very new to me, and it’s all fun. My Social Work Practice 2 class focused a lot on family therapy. I never thought I’d want to work with entire families (yes I know mezzo work is a key part in therapy), but that particular class kinda made me want to.

I Hate Virtual Learning, But It’s Nice Sometimes

My university is hybrid right now - one week is in person, the next week via Zoom, and so on. When this was implemented I hated it. I finished my undergrad degree fully online, and I hated having to teach myself content. Also, I was fully ready to show up in my cute outfits with my Longchamp bag and sit in an actual classroom. That was my dream. So hearing that we’d spend about half the time in a Zoom class pissed me off. However, my anxiety had other plans. I guess because I hadn’t had a regular routine that involved going out of the house in forever, my brain was not used to it. So there were days when I just did not want to leave the house. This made me appreciate the Zoom weeks where I was able to sit in my PJs in front of a computer screen. I also understand that since the pandemic people have realized that we can get stuff done from the comfort of our own homes. I still truly believe that actual human contact and being out is important for us all (I’m really afraid we’re going to turn into a bunch of shut-ins, but I will leave that for another post). But I know things change and there can be benefits from that change.

And Finally…

This entire graduate school experience is amazing. I am learning - which is one of my favorite things to do. And I’m preparing to be the person I want to be - a therapist. I complain about the workload, I have mental breakdowns mid-semester, and I wait until the last minute to finish huge assignments. But all of this is exciting to me and another goal I know I’m going to reach. I cannot wait until September comes around.

I'm In Graduate School.

Monica Williams — Sat, 05 Nov 2022 13:18:59 +0000

Hello hello.

I’ve been learning the ins and outs of graduate school. I’m super busy with studying and assignments. But, I like this kind of busy. I’m really enjoying it all. It’s a brand new experience and I am 100% here for it.

And that is the reason why I haven’t been posting. But don’t fret, I am here. I have multiple posts already written and ideas for even more. Just give me some time.

You can see me spiral, stress, and flourish if you follow me on Twitter. And email me if you have any questions or suggestions.

Love you!

Fear Of COVID But Love For Concerts: What Do I Do?

Monica Williams — Fri, 23 Sep 2022 15:49:31 +0000

Image credit: Dailybruin.com

It’s been about…4 years since I’ve gone to a concert. I’m pretty sure my last concert was Melanie Martinez, and it was amazing. I love the concert experience - being there live with your favorite artist singing and dancing along is something everyone should do at least once in their lives. I truly do miss concerts.

But…pandemic.

One of my favorite bands is Panic! At The Disco - I’ve seen them live twice. They’re coming to New York City in September and I’ve already bought tickets for myself and the bestie. Concert experience solidified.

But…pandemic.

The only time I’ve done something public or involving a large amount of people during the pandemic was take a weekend trip to New Jersey. We weren’t even really around crowds - it was a group of five friends (including myself) in a beach house. We were able to see the beach from our balcony (yes, balcony…this trip was fancy as fuck to me). And the part of the beach we went to wasn’t even packed with people - it was a more private part and there weren’t many people there whenever we went. The only time we were around large groups of people was when we went to Cape May and walked around, shopped, and ate outside at a restaurant. I went somewhere, but kept away from the general public most of the time.

A concert is an entirely different experience though. This Panic! At The Disco show will be at Madison Square Garden. I have seats, not general admission. I know when I purchased my tickets there was a disclaimer on the Ticketmaster website saying we would have to follow their safety protocols as far as social distancing goes. Other than that, I don’t really know how they’re going to make things “safe”. Will we have to have proof of vaccination? Will we be given COVID tests when we get there? Even with that, we know rapid tests aren’t always accurate and there’s weirdos out there with counterfeit vaccination cards.

I’m really excited to finally see one of my favorite bands again. But I’m also scared as fuck about getting COVID. I’ve been wearing my mask nonstop these past 2 years. I’m not one of those people going out and acting like COVID just disappeared. But the idea of wearing a mask during a 2+ hour show where I know I’ll be singing, dancing, and breathing hard is off-putting to me. Is this me being hypocritical? Am I just following the herd at this point? Have I thrown my ideals out the window just to see a band play? I do not know.

But I’m going to see Panic! At The Disco in September.

My Semicolon Tattoo.

Monica Williams — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 13:30:00 +0000

So I have a couple of tattoos. I haven’t always been the tattoo type - I started off with a ton of piercings. But since I’ve pretty much pierced everything I could (some I’ve taken out, some have stayed), I’m going in the direction of tattoos now. I know they obviously last longer, which is why I know that I need to really research and look into things before I get permanently inked.

A major part of my life and passion is devoted to mental health - sufferers (as myself), treatment, and overall study of it intrigues the hell out of me. So one of the tattoos I’ve for a while was the semicolon tattoo. Dictionary.com explains its meaning best:

A semicolon tattoo is a tattoo of the semicolon punctuation mark (;) used as a message of affirmation and solidarity against suicide, depression, addiction, and other mental health issues.

(Credit: dictionary.com)

Through my years of suffering from depression, I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts and attempts. I’m happy to say I am in a much better place in my life, and those thoughts no longer linger in my head. However, and unfortunately, there are millions of people everyday who deal with the traumatic thoughts of going to the point of no return. I feel for these people, and always hope that something - even the smallest thing, will make them think twice and see that there are better ways to cope with the negative feelings they have.

In honor of that, I decided to get this symbol tattooed on me. I have three tattoos, and this is quite honestly my favorite of them all (and the smallest). It’s on my left thumb for a reason - I’m left handed and whenever I do most things (like writing), I always have it in view. It reminds me of what I’ve overcome, and shows my support for people who still need help with the issue, as well as other survivors such as myself.

If you or someone you know need help with your mental state and/or thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website at Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you're not in the States, visit the International Association For Suicide Prevention.

33 Things I've Learned At 33.

Monica Williams — Mon, 15 Aug 2022 13:30:00 +0000

I’m gonna be 34 years old on August 28th of this year. I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, fucked up a lot, while also somehow becoming a better person. Here’s 33 things I’ve learned at 33.

1. I can’t control everything.

2. I’m too old to settle for nonsense.

3. Being unnecessarily mean isn’t cute.

4. There are still things in the world that can make me smile.

5. Being quiet and intelligent is much better than being loud and wrong.

6. Pets really do become your family. Sometimes, better than family.

7. Change can be good.

8. Generational trauma is not your fault.

9. I am STILL way too critical of myself.

10. My accomplishments are valid no matter how much I try to downplay them.

11. You should care what people say about you - constructive criticism should be looked at it for what it is and handled accordingly.

12. I am not broken, I am a work in progress.

13. I fucking love concerts.

14. It’s okay if I’m not knowledgeable about a certain topic, as long as I’m willing to listen and learn more about it.

15. It’s okay if things don’t go exactly as planned. Getting to your destination is still awesome.

16. Basic human rights shouldn’t be up for debate.

17. Cherishing the people I love and care about is something I need to do on a regular basis.

18. I’m not letting negativity come into my life and ruin things.

19. I am still socially anxious. I’ve gotten better at dealing with it, but I still need to work on coping with it.

20. Worrying about my actual weight (as a number) isn’t needed - how I feel, how much energy I have, and my overall wellness is what matters.

21. It’s okay to stop being friends with someone you’ve grown close to. The good experiences you’ve had with them are still valid, but you’re just not meant to be in each other’s lives.

22. I’m too old for Instagram.

23. It’s okay to love someone, but not like them.

24. My inner child is REALLY loud sometimes and nostalgia makes me feel good.

25. Maybe New York isn’t the best place for me to settle down and start my family. Maybe not even the United States.

26. Talking things out is the move.

27. Your zodiac sign is not an excuse to be an asshole unwilling to change for the better.

28. American history is much more complex than I thought it was.

29. My mental illnesses do not make me any less deserving of love and compassion.

30. Just because I have high standards/expectations does not mean I’m “stuck up”. It means I know my worth and I refuse to settle.

31. It takes a lot of time, maturity, and genuine emotional work to become a better person.

32. I’m awesome and that’s never gonna change.

33. Beat me black and blue, every wound will shape me, every scar will build my throne.

Finally Having A Break From Academia.

Monica Williams — Mon, 08 Aug 2022 13:00:00 +0000

I’ve been in college non-stop during this entire pandemic. Working hard, teaching myself course material while still paying thousands of dollars in tuition, you know the deal. This summer is the first time I have more than just two weeks to chill out and not worry about any type of homework or studying. I’m in between completing my undergraduate degree (I had to take one extra accelerated course to be done with my Criminal Justice degree) and waiting for my first semester of graduate school.

It feels so good to not be obligated to do any type of work. No papers to write, no finals to worry about, no “Saturday at 11:59 pm” deadlines. I’m done with that for now. I can actually relax and not do anything and feel like I’m procrastinating something. I can work on this blog finally. I am free.

I plan on enjoying doing mostly nothing while I can. I know once graduate school starts I will be overwhelmed as hell from day one. Field study AND five classes a semester? That is WILD to me.

But for now, I rest.

5 Ways To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone.

Monica Williams — Mon, 01 Aug 2022 13:30:00 +0000

Accepting It As A Fear, But Getting Over It

Every human has a fear. Heights, small spaces, large groups of people. In my case, it’s spiders. Some of these are deep-rooted and you can’t just do without proper therapy and things, but some stuff you can just go for. I think I might be afraid of heights as well - I’ve never been on a proper roller coaster or even a plane (I know, this is WILD) to really come to this conclusion (I’ve been taking elevated trains here in NYC since I was about fourteen years old, and sometimes that scares me). However, I kind of want to go zip-lining. Also, I’d eventually like to travel to places that a train or a car can’t take me. I’m not about to hold a wolf spider in my hand any time soon, but I would love to travel somewhere other than the east coast.

Being Okay With It Not Working

Not everything we do is going to be perfect. Not everything we set out to accomplish is going to work out. That is life and a part of being human. I think sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a positive outcome for every single thing that we do. It’s fine to want to do well, that’s great. But just because the result we get from doing the thing isn’t as positive as we had hoped, doesn’t mean it was all for nothing. Every single thing is an experience, and we learn more about ourselves and life in general once we come out of the other end of it.

Knowing Whether You’re Good Or Bad At It Doesn’t Define You

With #2 being said, you are not a failure because something you tried failed. Do you hear that? You are not a failure. No matter what. Having the guts to go out and try something different already makes you cooler than most, and whether you like the experience or not does not mean you’re better or lesser than before you did it. It means you have one more thing to add to your life bank that you can say “Hey, I did that” to.

Having Someone To Do It With You

Accountability is another great thing that’ll get you doing new and exciting things. If you have a good friend that wants to try something you might consider wacky, think about doing it with them. If it’s a close friend you most likely already want to spend time with them. But tell them you’ll go with them on this new adventure - that’s already putting it out into the universe (and in your friend’s expectations) that you’ll do it.

Just Do It

Sometimes you really just gotta say to yourself “Fuck it, I’m doing it”. This may take a lot of courage and nerve, but if you have that, run with it. We only live once, so let’s do some weird shit that we never thought we’d do in our lives. Who knows, it might be fucking awesome.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder And Anxiety: My Inner Demons.

Monica Williams — Mon, 25 Jul 2022 13:30:00 +0000

I’ve been in therapy since I was about 11 years old, and I’m 33 now. I’ve discussed so many of my issues, illnesses, and disorders with so many mental health professionals. I thought I was doing the best I could to make sure I laid everything out on the table to get as mentally healthy as I can.

But recently, I’ve realized that there are major things I still have not tackled in therapy. A few days ago I had an in-person psychiatry appointment - my first one in about six months due to the pandemic. I really just needed to go and give urine (my psychiatrist tests patients to see what’s doing). Giving urine has never been a problem for me - the substance I abused could not show up in urine anyway.

Hours before my appointment I had one of the most severe panic attacks I’ve had in a long time. I did not want to leave the house, my counting and repeating was a 25/10, and there were also tears. I was scared and I was mentally breaking down. I called to try to reschedule the urine testing, but my psychiatrist said I needed to come in because of the testing. So I had no choice. An Uber ride was always an option - my mom is very supportive of my mental wellness and will use her last dime to get me an Uber to where ever I need to go if she knows I’m struggling. But even that did not make me feel much better.

In my panic, I came to a major realization - I have serious obsessive-compulsive disorder and I have not discussed it in the last 20 years of my therapy and psychiatry sessions. It is debilitating. It stops me from functioning. The main reason I have not talked about it is that just saying it out loud gives me anxiety. It scares me. I do not want to go there.

But I need to. It’s one thing to have something that you can cope with and still get through your day. But this problem of mine has stopped me from doing things I need to do. I’ve had panic attacks in public where I get dizzy and physically cannot move. That is a problem. I think now that I’m a better person mentally than I was 20 years ago, I need to tackle it. I truly don’t know how, and I’m terrified. But it needs to be done.

I have to keep telling myself that.

The New Strange And Pretty.

Monica Williams — Fri, 22 Jul 2022 11:42:00 +0000

Hey yall hey! So, this is the new Strange And Pretty. Many of you have no clue who I am, and that’s great. The former Strange And Pretty was focused on makeup and beauty, with a little bit of lifestyle mixed in.

The 2022 version of this blog will be about a few things: mental health, my mental health, my (probably scary) graduate school experience, and just everyday things I feel like sharing. This will be a combination of a personal journal, conversations into the ether (hopefully that gets filled with you wonderful people), and me trying to do my best to help people who feel and think like me.

So stick around, grab a snack, a cold Red Bull, and get ready for this ride with me.

Follow me on Twitter for my random blabberings and updates on new posts!