So how DO we exit the feelings of shame if we’re faced with a damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario?

Let’s look at each scenario…

First, silence IS the jail keeper of shame

It breaks my heart when I think of how many people are imprisoned by the feelings of shame because of things they’ve done, or worse, because of things that were done to them. The most important thing to begin to understand is that maintaining silence is precisely what keeps the shame in place, making it impossible to heal or move out of its confinement. In silence, we remain the hostages of shame.

Shame holds an intense fear that we will be completely shunned and outcast by our community. We therefore stay silent for the fear of being judged, rejected, and ridiculed.

But the danger is that sometimes speaking can make matters worse.

When Speaking Brings on More Harm

Far too many people have discovered that sometimes when they have attempted to speak about the painful things that happened to them, the discomfort of those who were listening made the shame feel even worse. For instance, I have a client whose family told her she was just trying to get attention any time she talked about the difficult feelings she was having as a result of being molested. She learned early in her life to silence her feelings and not talk about what happened so as to not upset her family.

She experienced ridiculing, invalidation, and minimizing.

Another client frequently heard her family talk about “trashy” people and how “trashy girls were just asking for it”. She had good reason to believe that if she spoke about what happened to her, she would be made to feel “like one of those girls”.

She knew the judgment that could be there.

Sometimes, speaking is met with deep immaturity and even cruelty, further traumatizing a person in pain. One client teen client shared with a friend that she had been assaulted. Her teen “friends” proceeded to shame her publicly and label her a “whore”. Sadly, I’ve had a number of clients experienced similar situations as teenagers.

They experienced being shunned and publicly ridiculed.

When a person speaking of their trauma is not met with deep emotional maturity and compassion, it will typically lead to the deepening of shame.

When Speaking Accomplishes Nothing

Sometimes people get used to telling the stories of what happened to them. The story rolls off their tongue and they can seem as though they’re “healed”. However, some of us can detect a pang of discomfort in their voice; an uncanny weirdness in our guts that tells us, “oh no… this person is talking about it but they’re not totally whole around this trauma.” When I see and hear these people, I can tell there’s a disconnect between the story they’re telling and their heart.

What often is overlooked or ignored by people who openly talk about their traumatic experiences is that shame can run far deeper than the experience itself.

I’ll use my own story as an illustration. For ten years, I thought I had healed from the sexual assault I experienced in college. I could openly talk about it and name it without feeling pangs of discomfort about the assault itself. However, one day I discovered the DEEP shame I was still carrying about my own decisions and actions before and after the assault. THOSE I had never talked about.

Speaking accomplishes nothing when we have found a tidy way to skirt around the thing that still deeply hurts and lingers.

Furthermore, even in therapy, speaking itself accomplishes nothing because it isn’t the telling of the story itself that heals. What heals is when we are able to tap into deep personal compassion for ourselves AND experience compassionate witnessing from those who are listening.

When Speaking Opens Up Healing

As I just mentioned, speaking moves us into a transformative space of healing when we have come to touch a deep compassion for ourselves and can speak about the events from that compassion. And then, when we have self-compassion, we tend to find the people who will have the capacity to witness us and hold us in that light.

Speaking is Healing When Compassion Is Present

My client who was told by her family that she was seeking attention was not met with compassion. The teenagers who shamed my teen client were not capable of compassion. I hadn’t yet arrived a full compassion for myself during the years that I was telling my tidy story of my assault.

Whereas shame holds the intense fear that we will be completely shunned by our community, achieving self-compassion and being witnessed by compassionate community will bring about the healing of shame. It is a transformative experience to feel completely held, and to be reassured that we are loved and that we belong, even as we have shared our deepest shame.

An invitation to join compassionate community…

If you have had an experience like the ones I’ve written about here (or know someone who has), you are welcome to consider joining my upcoming Reclaiming Wholeness virtual group. Compassionate community is precisely what this group will offer, and so much more.

The more we develop a deep compassion for ourselves, the greater compassion we can hold for others and for humanity as a whole.

The Tao speaks of being vs. non-being --in other words, of the material world vs. emptiness (or presence)-- and it says that though we see and engage with the material, what really matters is the emptiness (the experience, our inner presence).

In order to awaken, to heal and transform... we must come into the dimension of BEING (of emptiness) instead of being consumed with the dimension of DOING (of engaging with the material world).

This is something we can practice. Like a muscle, we get better and better at residing in BEING and operating from there... through meditation. Through mindfulness. Through choosing to be aware.

If you'd like to practice with me, join me for my first Monday of the month "Meditation Open House". On Monday June 1st I will be leading the group in a couple different exercises to move into pure presence, the inner dimension. To join us, just RSVP through this page.

Your entelechy... Your inner, unexpressed potential beckons to come forth into expression. It speaks to you in the yearnings of your heart.

So how DO you fulfill this potential?

Just like the acorn only needs nurturing in order for the oak to emerge, your entelechy, your destiny is not something you need to work hard towards. You nurture it.

Like the acorn, which needs the proper soil, water and light… in the video I share with you what are the “soil”, “water”, and “light” that the seed of your potential needs in order to flourish.

THAT is exactly the type of nurturing we will set in motion with the Reboot program.

YouTube link: https://youtu.be/Z8wxyotdsv0

It’s amazing what happens when you start to clear the way for the natural, extraordinary expression of who you are meant to be.

What's coming up for you? Is it anxiety over getting sick? Is it the financial uncertainty? Is it the concerns about what is being done/not being done?

The truth is that we are in a MASSIVE transition point both at the individual and collective level. This IS ABSOLUTELY an opportunity to transform ourselves... BUT in order to achieve that, we must confront the junk that's still lurking in the backs of our minds: the old stories and old limiting beliefs that peek their nasty heads and make us feel shaky, uncertain, afraid, anxious or even panicked.

Deep breath...

Today I share two very personal things that have come up for me and how I'm tackling them. I hope my 2 strategies might help you too!

AND... if you'd like to join me for a REBOOT of your body, mind, heart and spirit, registration is open for the May 2020 Reboot -- With $100 off for the first few people who sign up :)

These are hard times we're going through. There is little we can control and it's easy to feel angry at what is being done or not done. It's reasonable to be extremely anxious about all of the ways in which things can get really bad. And it's easy to feel despair at our inability to change the trajectory of things.

I want to share this question with you, so you can explore the possibility that asking this question for yourself might help you as it always helps me. 

YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/d4m5rjbILBg

And if you’d like support in practicing presence and centeredness, so you can find peace and strength even during these challenging times, I’d love to have you join us at the TWM Meditation Club.

I’m hosting another “meditation open house” this Monday at 6:30 pm EST.

It’s a really beautiful space we create together.

Today I share two meditations that can help. I facilitated them last night for my meditation open house, and folks really loved them.

• Meditation #1 starts at minute 2:18 (it's about 9 minutes in length)

• Meditation #2 starts at minute 11:50 (it's about 18 minutes in length)

If you'd like to join me LIVE, I’ll be hosting another Open House next Monday April 6, 2020. Just register here: https://www.thrivewithmorella.com/join-meditation-club

For more details about the Meditation Club, see that page here.

AND… if you want to get a glimpse of our RV life during a pandemic, watch until the end :)

Much love!

Coronavirus has upended all of our lives, but it doesn't have to translate into fear, or overwhelm about the future. There are many ways in which we can actually find beauty, peace and strength in the midst of this.

And if you'd like to connect with us LIVE on Monday nights, join the Thrive With Morella Meditation Club here: https://www.thrivewithmorella.com/med...

And if you find this video helpful or inspiring, please spread the love by liking, subscribing and sharing! :) Thank you!!!

We live in interesting times, don't we?

This global pandemic experience is certainly uniting all of humanity in a way no event I can think of has ever done. Can you think of any other time where all around the world, humanity was all on the same side, with the same uniting experience? Save from alien invasion movies, I think we'd be hard pressed to find another event quite like this.

It's also bringing out the best in people.

Beautiful expressions of shared humanity are increasingly emerging in places like Siena (where an empty city street was awash with song), the NBA (where Kevin Love and Mark Cuban have been joined by others in donating funds to support the staffs of their arenas), companies like Zoom (making their platform free for all schools), and leaders like Chinese Alibaba co-founder (donating test kits and masks to the US and countries around Europe).

The most important thing we can each do is to choose what we contribute to this experience.

Here are some ideas of what you can contribute:

#1 Share your centeredness, positivity & calmness:

I would invite you to refrain from sharing the news about the virus spread on social media. Accelerating fear and anxiety contributes to depress the immune system. Conversely, positivity and calmness boost immune system function. 

If you're feeling worried about the virus, go for nature walks, listen to calming music, do yoga or meditate to help you nurture inner stillness. The more calm you are, the better your immune system works, and the more you spread calm around you.

Share positive news stories and uplifting information on social media. Help to boost immunity for everyone.

#2 Share tips on boosting immunity naturally:

There's lots of great information on good hygiene practices to curb the spread of the virus, AND there are many things you can do to improve your immune system's ability to deal with this and all viruses and bacteria. Here are some fundamental immune boosters:

·      Vitamin C: dosage depends on age, body size and health conditions. But adults can take 1,000 mg and more daily.

·      Vitamin D3: dosage really should depend on how deficient you are (hint: if you live anywhere outside of the tropics and you don't supplement regularly during the winter, you're somewhat deficient). Vitamin D experts typically recommend around 35 IU per pound of body weight.

·      Fermented foods & probiotics: your intestinal flora is your immune system's first line of defense. This is a good time to take a probiotic, especially if you don't eat fermented foods (i.e. raw sauerkraut, kimchi and kefir) on a regular basis. Choose a probiotic with a variety of live cultures.

·      Colorful foods: greens, reds, purples, blues and oranges carry the antioxidants that naturally boost immunity. They also come accompanied with vegetable fibers that feed your intestinal flora.

·      Rest, relax and exercise: as the point in #1, the more you cultivate inner calmness and help your body secrete endorphins from exercise, the better your immune system functions.

#3 Share your awakening:

Every crisis is an opportunity to awaken. Choosing to take advantage of the crisis as a doorway into a higher level of consciousness within you, allows you to contribute this higher awareness into the collective field of humanity. You raise everyone's vibrations and awareness. 

Quantum mechanics has demonstrated that "reality" is shaped by our thoughts about it. What you think (and feel) is what you contribute to the collective field. So you get to choose! You get to decide if you get swept away and join everyone else's anxiety, or if you choose to be the prevailing calmness and awareness.

We are indeed one single humanity. What we choose to think and feel shapes all of it. Even sitting by yourself at home, in perfect contentedness and calmness is a positive contribution. If you add the power of your intention to spreading this calmness into the collective field, you more powerfully influence it.

These are powerful, interesting times. And all of humanity is awakening, even (and especially) in the midst of apparent mayhem.

This is good news.

Much love, peace and positivity to you.

Here I share with you why this stance actually keeps us stuck and what exactly does it mean to move towards acceptance. Let me show you the doorway to massive transformation.

So think of a health issue you want to change, or perhaps a relationship that isn’t working, or your financial struggles... and join me in the video.

And if you, or someone you love is ready to create a big shift in a chronic health challenge, I’d be honored to help. If you’re not sure how to connect us, here’s some text that might help.

Why is it so important, and why is it that we associate self-love with selfishness?

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share some thoughts on accessing self-love, realizing why it’s so important, and three meaningful avenues for expressing your love for yourself.

…we’re not talking bubble baths and massages, but the true expression of love that fills us with life.

What do you think?

Those of us who've known what it's like to feel stuck for many years, we know how painful it is to be there. How massive the hopelessness can feel.

This is for you, if you've known that place, or you've been in that place.

And if this helps you or inspires you, will you do me a favor?

Will you share this video either in social media or with someone you love who might just need this kind of support? It helps me continue to share these tools with people who can benefit from them. So thank you for helping me spread the love!

1. Prescription-drugs only work to make symptoms disappear -not address the cause of the issue; and

2. When we try to go deeper, we typically make changes in nutrition too... and while that may help, it often doesn't get at the CAUSE of it either.

Chronic health issues originate and are held in place by emotion.

Acid reflux? Chronic stress, coupled with eating too fast and not chewing. IBS? Typically LOTS and LOTS of anxiety (and sometimes other emotions) that's been swallowed. Arthritis? Rigidity in thinking often times coupled with resentment and inflexibility. Acne? Shame, anger, and self-hatred.

All of these debilitating conditions (and everything else) can completely resolve with the correct movement of the emotional energy that has been frozen in place.

How do you even get started?

Watch the video to learn my first step.

And will you do me a huge favor?

Will you share this video with those you know and love, who are dealing with a chronic health issue? I can guarantee they will benefit from beginning to explore and resolve the emotional patterns that keep their health issue in place.

Where in your life might you need to “turn on the light”?

And if you’d like to witness my rawness at discovering my own fix-it attitude, you can read my poem below the video.

Back in 2012, when it dawned on me that I had been perpetually trying to fix myself and fix my life, I wrote this poem:

I’ve been fixing my life

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fixing my life.
Dreaming of the future, when my life will start
Imagining the things I will do and have
Escaping what’s in front of me, now
I’ve been fixing my life.
In the analysis, and the journaling, and the coaching,
And the eating, and the hypnosis, and the searching,
And the processing, and the grieving, and the ‘insighting’,
And the crying, and the dancing, and the dating,
I’ve been fixing my life
I’ve been judging my life
I’ve been hating my life
I’ve been resisting my life
And now I see, as this new awareness dawns on me
Like the warm soothing rays at daybreak,
In all the fixing and pushing and doing,
I have not received me, have not held me
Have not accepted me
Have not loved me.

The problem is this: THAT core fear runs our lives far more than we realize.

There's one powerful thing we begin to realize when we start turning towards that fear. At the end of the video, I share what I have found when I turn and look at my core fear squarely in the face. :)

And if you'd ready to reset yourself, to empty the closet of your fears, your programs, your unhealthy habits... then I’d love to invite you to join me for the Reboot Your Life program. Details right here.

You know that within you lies the seed for so much more.

More life. More radiance. More joy. Deeper peace. More enjoyment of life. Contributions to your family, your community, and the world around you. Glowing health...

It is your inner nature to grow. Always.

Just as the universe is forever expanding, you too are the leading edge of creation. Every event unfolding of your life is part of that expansion. And the universal momentum towards evolution means there’s an inner drive within you to always grow, expand, evolve. It’s inescapable.

That inner drive of evolution means there’s always unexpressed potential within all of us.

So what if you could tap into that potential in order to make the next decade your best decade yet?

What if in the next decade you are able to unfold into a more magnificent expression of your inner potential? One that expresses itself in numerous ways, such as…

• Oozing life force, feeling vibrantly alive and energized about your life

• Experiencing deep satisfaction within yourself and loving the expression of your uniqueness in the world

• Feeling your body’s radiance as it beams vitality for all to see 

• Rich, interconnected harmony, joy and true cherishing within all of your relationships

• An expansive, grounded sense of accomplishment with your creation in the world… whether it’s in your career, family, volunteerism or creative expression

• A home environment & community that nurtures you

• Miracles & synchronicities around you left and right

• A deep, expansive sense of peace

Fast-forward to December 31, 2029. Imagine yourself 10 years older than you are today.

And now imagine yourself looking back at the 2020’s and saying, “Wow! This has been the BEST decade of my life so far!”

Take a moment.  Put yourself there.

Imagine what would have to unfold for you in order to feel that way…  

What do you see, hear or feel?  It may be crystal clear or it may be subtle. However it emerges for you, simply reach into that aspiration…

This is the calling of the unexpressed potential within you.

This is my invitation to you.

I want to invite you to turn towards your yearnings. Turn towards the inner drive that beckons you to grow, evolve, and express an even greater version of you.

And let’s get you planting the seed of intention that as the 2020’s dawn, you are unfolding into your greater destiny.

What steps will you take?

Care to join me and together start the decade powerfully?

That’s what we’re doing in “Reboot Your Life” starting January 15.

It’s a 5-week program to clear the physical, mental and emotional fog that dulls and stagnates the unfolding of your greatest life. It’s a body, mind and heart detox that allows you to:

• Sleep better, feel more energized, and notice your health improving.

• Discover greater awareness of your negative thoughts, better ability to cultivate more positive ones, and gain clarity about the challenges or projects in your life.

• Feel more calm and balanced, and begin to access a deeper love and appreciation for yourself.

When you feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally, you have access to all of your greatest skills, gifts and talents. Your life unfolds with more grace.

How about starting your best decade yet with this extraordinary gift to yourself?

You can check out the Reboot Your Life program details here.

And if it’s not right for you at this time, then think about what steps you can take to bring out the best in you and realize your greatest potential and growth.