BurntHam

A Leaders Enemy

2017-07-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

“Good is the enemy of great.” Jim Collins

Greatness is hard to find because it is comfortable and alluring to be simply good. Once we become good we often feel good about being better than mediocre or bad so we settle and sometimes enjoy it too much. Truth be told, good to most of us is good enough. And this is why good is the enemy of the best.

Pushing for greatness requires a relentless drive that isn’t common. Greatness involves desire and a high-level of consistency and discipline. It is hard to be great, it requires the very best of us.

One thing about being great is we have to be willing to make mistakes and not be perfect. This is hard, especially for people who are good. Good makes us feel like we need to protect what we have and not lose hold of the good thing we have going. When this happens, when we begin to feel this way, our chances of becoming great are limited.

Though short and sweet today, my challenge is for all of us to strive to be great, to not be ok with good, to push through the place so many get stuck in. Good is the enemy of great so let’s not let it hold us back! Let it be for us that good is not good enough when we know we can be great!

Time Management like You've Never Considered Before

2017-07-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

“You multiple your time by giving yourself the emotional permission to spend time on things today that will give you more time tomorrow.” Rory Vaden

I recently listened to a TED talk by Rory Vaden about time management. At the heart of his message was the idea of multiplication or multiplying our time and how this is different than what most time management experts or theories teach.

Two of the most commonly used theories for time management over the years have to do with efficiency and prioritization both of which are good but are ineffective in “creating” more time. Unlike many time management strategies, time multipliers factor in the “significance” of what they are doing which in essence, creates more time. In doing this, they change the time allocation question from ‘what is the most important thing I can do right now’ to ‘what can I do today that will make tomorrow better?’

With this in mind, when it comes to deciding how to utilize our time, rather than asking ourselves ‘how much does it matter’ we should be asking ‘how long will it matter?’ Vaden calls this the significance calculation and he implies this is how a multiplier “creates” time. So, time multipliers focus on what tasks will make the future better by doing these three things.

#1 Eliminate

Time multipliers eliminate things that won’t matter long-term. There are many things we can eliminate from our life that aren’t really worth doing or at least won’t have a lasting impact. Elimination of unhelpful or short lived activities will help us free up more time.

#2 Automate

Again the question for time multipliers is what can we do now that helps create more time tomorrow? Spending 3 hours to automate something today may not be the most important thing right at that moment or what matters most to you at that moment but it potentially saves you hours and hours of time in the future. In a way, whenever we are able to automate, it takes our time and makes it in to more time.

#3 Delegate

Those who multiple their time delegate. They realize that since they’ve mastered a task others can as well. And although there may be a little bit of extra time invested up front, in the long run it saves a multiplier a ton of time.

What time management strategies will you use? I suggest we think like a multiplier and improve our ability to “manage our time” through elimination, automation, and delegation.

The Essence of Happiness

2017-06-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

“The essence of true happiness is subordinating what we want now for what we want eventually.” Stephen R. Covey

I enjoy basketball and have been playing the sport since I was very young and one of my favorite times of the year is during the NBA Championship. Watching the two best basketball teams with some of the greatest athletes in the world compete for the title of Champion is exhilarating.

This year while watching the championship series I noticed I was not only anticipatory of the games but also down right impatient. After one game would end, I was ready to watch another! And having to wait several days in between them was torturous—so much so that by the time the game would finally arrive I was almost angry by the wait, which caused me to not enjoy the game as much.

I think this level of impatience is pretty common in our society today. We see it all the time. Rather than wait and work and put in the effort before we get something, we just want it right now! Often times we see others with what we want so we just click a few buttons and then voila, we have it. Waiting has become almost nonexistent in our world with modern technology and the World Wide Web that I fear we may be missing out. Rather than giving up what we want now for a better good or a higher cause, we take what we can get and refuse to wait.

I believe those that are happiest in life are patient. They have a vision for the future and put in the work and wait to get what they eventually want most in life. They don’t expect instant results and supplant their everyday wants with a focus toward their ultimate goal. They understand that waiting is an important part of the process. Normally in life, the most personal satisfaction comes from those things that take time, effort, and energy before we earn them. And this is the “essence of happiness.”

Vision for Life

2017-06-01T05:27:00.001-07:00

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage, non-apologetically, to say “no” to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside.” Stephen R. Covey

Having a vision for our life is so important. Without a vision we surely will never become what we ought to become or do what we ought to do. There are too many distractions in our world today, too many voices pulling us one way or another. Without a vision we will be like a wave in the ocean, driven by the wind and tossed around without direction.

The ability to say “no” when something is not aligned with our vision is an important leadership trait. Establishing a vision and living true to it is not easy. There are so many enticing and alluring things thrown at us all of the time that can easily derail us and distract us from what we want most in life. Having the discipline to say “no” when others are saying “yes” is difficult for all of us.

Having a vision for our life, an ultimate destiny and desire, is so critical though. When properly created and properly held in our mind, our vision can guide our actions, help us establish and align our goals, and lead us on a path that is focused and disciplined. Having a vision will allow us to become our best selves.

So what is your highest priority in life? What do you hope to accomplish more than anything else? What or who do you want to become? If you aren’t sure, decide today what is most important, create a clear vision of what that looks like in your mind, let it burn within you, and then move toward it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

Inevitably there will be slip ups, wrong roads we will take, and time wasted along the way but don’t get discouraged and don’t give up. Keep focused on who you really are and what you really want!

Accepting Self

2017-05-24T05:49:00.002-07:00

“I find that when we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works.” Louise Hay

Our success in life is often determined by our view of self. When we have a negative outlook on ourselves, our faults and short comings, our weaknesses and mistakes, it can derail us from what we are capable of accomplishing. Poor self-image is plaguing people’s lives throughout the world and limiting our happiness and success in life.

Often a poor view of self comes from comparison. Too often we compare ourselves to others wondering why we aren’t more like someone else; someone who is seemingly happy, or successful, or without blemish. The reality is that all of us struggle in one way or another, that’s what being human is all about, and no one is perfect or without faults or challenges.

Unfortunately social media has created a false sense of reality where we have the opportunity to post and brag about only the good, easy, fun parts of life. Rather than portraying truth, what we see on social media is a skewed and biased view on life. We have to remember that social media is a very small part of someone’s complete story.

So what do we do if we have a poor image of self and want to improve? First, I’d stop comparing. We don’t need to or can we accurately and thoroughly compare ourselves to others—we just don’t have the full picture. Comparisons are a waste of time and lead to unnecessary worry and stress. Second, I’d stay away from social media completely. If you just can’t stomach that idea, at the very least, limit your consumption of it to a very minimal amount of time.

Finally, our view of self typically starts with our mind and thoughts. Changing and controlling our thoughts will help us improve our view of self. When you have negative thought, don’t dwell on it or beat yourself up because of it but recognize it, label it (that’s a negative thought) and push it out and replace it with something positive and new.

Improving our self-image will help us improve our success in life. Find ways to accept yourself including your flaws and warts and believe that everyone has them. As we improve our self-image our ability to reach our potential, influence others, and find success will grow.

The Strongest Way to Lead

2017-05-12T04:42:00.002-07:00

"I cannot trust a man to control others who cannot control himself." Robert E. Lee

Being a leader is never easy. In fact, I believe in today’s world it is becoming more difficult than before to influence and motivate others to follow because of all the distractions that constantly surround us. There are many impactful leadership methods, strategizes, and personal traits however one thing continues to be the most important in my mind and separates “real” leaders for those who are leaders in name or perhaps position only.

Great leaders set a great personal example. Studies have shown that this is the number one way to influence and impact those you lead, through your personal example. Too often leaders rely on other methods, strategies, or perhaps even personality traits to influences others and though these may help, our personal examples as leaders is what will truly inspire and earn the trust of our team.

One reason why personal example is so impactful is because it is hard to do and so few follow through with it. Many leaders fail to live up to their own standards or at least those standards and expectations they profess to others. More and more we see leaders who claim one thing but do another. A leader who is able to not only talk but also act will inspire others to follow. For this reason, those who may not have the “title” or the formal position of authority can be, and sometimes are, the best leaders. Their power and influence of their examples cannot be denied.

So you want to be a great leader, then set a great example! A leader leads by example whether he intends to or not. Our personal example will have the greatest influence on those we lead and will permit us to be the kind of leaders we ought to be.

The No Complaining Rule

2017-03-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

“The measure of our success will not be determined by how we act during the great times in our life but rather by how we think and respond to the challenges of our most difficult moments.” Jon Gordon

I hate it when people complain (though I’m sure I do my fair share) so I thought I’d enjoy the book The No Complaining Rule by Jon Gordon. Though the substance of the book was not as full and complete as I had hoped, there were a few concepts which I enjoyed.

Number one was the idea of our organizations (whether our businesses, community, or even our family etc.) being likened to a tree. Too often we focus only on the fruit and we neglect the roots. The author points out that the people of an organization are the roots and if we focus on them first and most often, we will be pleased with the fruits. Unfortunately the fruit can be so enticing that it is all we focus on and we often neglect the roots. And when we neglect the roots, our fruit is not very good. I love this idea and emphasis on focusing on our people in any organization because the people are really what matter. When we have great people who are engaged and excited about what we are doing, good things happen. Smart leaders invest their time and energy in to their people! Rather than focusing only on the results, we must focus on those who produce them.

Number two is the idea that we need to give three times as much praise as criticism. Unfortunately I believe I am bad at this and tend to focus on things that need to be fixed rather than things that are going right. I believe however there is power in being positive and pointing out the good often. When we point out the good and focus on it, it tends to grow and the same can be true of the bad. In order to be better leaders and better people, we must strive to focus more on praise.

Number three is the idea that it is all up to us. When we complain and are negative it is our choice. No one can force us to complain or be negative. The power is within us to be positive and focus on the good no matter what life may bring our way. We can be in the most difficult of circumstances and maintain a positive attitude or we can be in the best of circumstances and still choose to complain about something. The choice is always ours and those who avoid complaining bring positive energy to themselves and others which helps create positive results.

No complaining is hard but worth the effort. If we could wipe negativity out of our life and replace it with positive energy, we’d be much happier and successful in life and become better people and leaders. And the same can be said for our organizations. So, let’s do this, here is to No Complaining!

The Road Less Traveled

2017-01-30T04:28:00.001-08:00

“The road to success is dotted with many attractive parking lots.”

Unknown

Now more than ever in the history of man is the road to success littered with many attractive parking spots that wish to pull us off the road and limit our ability to succeed. The challenge of our day is to stay focused on our goals and long-term hopes and dreams in order to avoid the short term gains or temporary satisfactions that constantly surround us.

Many seemingly talented, capable, and success-bound individuals are lured away to things that add little value in life. Instead of pressing on they decide to take a detour and before long, they miss out on opportunities that could have and should have been theirs. Too many tempting parking lots rob us of our will and desire to continue down the road.

Having a clear vision of what we want in life, what we hope to become, and what we ultimately want to achieve can help keep us on the road to success. Becoming the person we ought to be by staying disciplined will help us experience the joy, satisfaction, and success this life has to offer.

I would encourage all to not follow the masses and get caught up in the temporary joys in life but instead to steadily move down the road of success. This is not easy and will require great conscious effort on our part. Attractive as they may be, we must have the discipline to avoid the thrills in life that never last and keep us from our ultimate goals. Happy driving!

Our Biggest Obstacle Each of Us Face this Year

2017-01-19T06:11:00.000-08:00

“People are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves. They therefore remain bound.” James Allen

There are very few people I know who wouldn’t like to improve their circumstance this year and the best way to do that is by focusing on ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us look at this backwards. We tell ourselves that if we fix our circumstance first, then we will be able to improve ourselves. We blame our poor performance in life on our circumstance rather than blaming our circumstance on our poor performance. This is sad because the truth is we can improve ourselves regardless of circumstance and when we do, we naturally improve our circumstance.

Recently I had to meet with someone to let them know the feedback from their peers at work on their performance wasn’t great and that we would need to make some adjustments to their duties and responsibilities. I worried about the conversation and the reaction the individual would have. I knew she was talented and capable and could contribute a lot to the team but I also knew about her struggles in working with the team. As probably most of us would, her immediate reaction was anger and blame. As I tried to help her take ownership and control of the situation, and essentially her future, she refused to put blame aside and made the determination that others’ perceptions were the problem and not her. She gave up her control and ultimately her destiny by not seeing herself as at least part of the problem and someone who should share the bulk of the blame. Though I’m hopeful, I’m also still afraid that things won’t end well for this individual.

We are our own worse enemies. No matter what others say or do, or the circumstances we find ourselves in, our biggest obstacle will always be ourselves.

With this in mind, I hope in this new year each of has made commitments to improve ourselves. As we focus on ourselves we take control of our fate and the circumstances we find ourselves in. Here is to overcoming our biggest obstacle this year!

New Year Goals

2016-12-30T07:03:00.000-08:00

Goals can be a powerful accelerator toward achievement and success in life. Without them, it is difficult to get very far, and with them there is no telling what we can accomplish. Goal setting can raise our vision, encourage our heart, engage our passion, and excite our mind to achieve the unthinkable. Goals can change the direction of our lives and help us see our true potential. Goals can bring purpose and meaning to the mundane and routine. Goals can inspire a life worth living and dreams worth chasing. Goals can set us apart and make us stand out. Goals can bring accomplishments and changes little believed possible. Indeed, goals are a powerful force in this world and can and should be a powerful force in your lives.

I hope during this time of year we will all set goals that inspire and motivate us to be our best selves. I hope we will track our progress and never give up, even when we falter. I hope we will put aside the naysayers, negative propaganda, and unbelievers and set goals for this New Year. By setting goals now at the end of one year and the beginning of another I’m confident it will bring new opportunities, new energy, and new possibilities in to our life. Here’s to a glorious New Year! Let’s do this!!

Pathway to Success

2016-12-01T05:21:00.000-08:00

I love the idea and believe that success in many ways is a sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out. Many of us are not successful simply because we struggle with the daily discipline required to do the small things consistently. We justify in our minds, ‘this is a small thing so not a big deal’, when in actuality it is the small things that matter most.

In sports, many games are won by inches, or during a few seconds in the game, or by a play or two, or at one critical moment. To win in life, it is often the same. Small moments, a few seconds, one or two decisions, or one critical moment day in and day out can and will make all of the difference for us.

Unfortunately, too often we only see the prize, celebration, and rewards that come after an achievement and we miss out on seeing the path that got that individual or that team to the success they now enjoy. If we could see all of the small things that lead up to that victory, I’m sure we’d be surprised and amazed.

The good news is that most of us can do the small stuff. It doesn’t take an unordinary amount of talent, or extreme strength, or lots of experience, or gobs of money, or unprecedented wisdom and intelligence, it really just takes an unmatched level of discipline to do the little things. Little choices make all of the difference.

So, we need to in reality sweat the small stuff because really it is the small stuff that adds up to something big. In nearly every instance that I know, success is really just a result of small efforts repeated over and over again. Therefore to be successful, we most become fanatical about the small stuff that matters.

Crucial Accountability

2016-11-17T06:14:00.000-08:00

Accountability is a big buzzword in the workplace today and even in our society in general but what does it really mean and how can we effectively hold others accountable? And with how busy, chaotic, and overly sensitive people seem to be these days is it really even possible or worth it? The authors of the book Crucial Accountability believe it is and they provide ideas and tools that can help anyone effectively hold others accountable. Today I’d like to share just a few of my favorite thoughts from the book.

#1 Prepare Yourself

Going in to any accountability conversation we should ask ourselves what do I want for me, for this person, and for our relationship. Answering these questions honestly will put us in the right frame of mind and will help use focus on what really matters and what is really at stake. Hopefully, we realize that almost always do we truly only want to help someone be successful or we want to understand them better or both. When this is the case, we need to take the risk of holding them accountable. Having these difficult conversations can be uncomfortable but reminding ourselves what we want for ourselves, for others, and for our relationship will help us think through our crucial accountability discussion and push forward.

#2 Don’t start with ‘can’ start with ‘should’

Many accountability discussion never happen and the reason is because we start with ‘can’ rather than ‘should’. We shouldn’t ask ourselves ‘how can I do this’ but rather ‘how should I’. When important accountability discussion do not take place we lose opportunities to strengthen relationships and help things move forward in a positive way. The authors of the book point out that our two favorite “silence-driving mind tricks” are (1) we down play the cost of not speaking out and (2) we exaggerate the cost of expressing our views. Sweeping accountability discussions under the rug by asking ‘can’ rather than ‘should’ can lead to lasting feelings of regret, anger, frustrations, confusion, and disdain.

#3 Create Safety

Though it takes effort and patience, one point I love from the book is the need to create safety. When people feel safe, we can talk to anyone about anything. Letting people know you care, what your true intentions are, what you mean and don’t mean, and what you want for them and your relationship will help. Other skills and techniques are given in the book to create safety which is so important because when safety exists, difficult accountability conversations can take place and will be effective.

#4 Clarity is Key

According to the authors, clarity is accountabilities worst enemy. When things are unclear, it is so hard to hold people accountable effectively because people will feel they didn’t understand. Making sure clarity exists as much, and as often as possible will help us have meaningful/positive accountability discussions.

#5 Consequences Matter A lot

Consequences, or perceived consequences, drive behavior. Often people do things because of the consequences they see from behaving in a certain way. Being a good leader requires us to help people see the consequences of their actions whether good or bad. Often times this requires a leader “to make the invisible visible.” Too often in organizations, consequences are not very clear, so if we can expand the vision of those we lead and help them see the true consequences of certain behaviors and actions we can help them be successful and get the right results. Those who are good at accountability are good at showing others the consequences.

A lot of people in our society talk about accountability but is it worth the effort? This book answers with an emphatic yes and gives us some real tools on how to do it. Crucial Accountability is a good book that provides many worthwhile techniques and strategies to help us communicate better. And as we communicate more effectively we become better leaders, influencers, and individuals.

Click here to see how I rated this book

Two Leadership Traits Never Talked About... (especially during this presidential election)

2016-10-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

During this hot political time leadership is talked about often as our country scrutinizes and compares presidential candidates hoping to choose the best leader. I love the idea however that being a leader is less about position, experience, or title and more about actions, attitude, and behaviors. Leaders are everywhere and come from all walks of life and are often not the people we presume to be leaders. And yes, each of us has the opportunity to be a leader regardless of our station in life.

There are many qualities that are regularly attributed to leaders however today I’d like to focus on two less talked about attributes that I believe are super important to great leadership.

Number one is a great leader has self-control. Having self-control allows a person to stay cool under pressure, manage their emotions, and think logical and rational at all times. With self-control a person will have the ability to develop good habits and avoid things that diminish one’s ability to lead. Self-control also allows a person to set a good example for others to follow which is perhaps the most powerful way a leader influences others. Self-control also results in “private victories” that are needed in order to have “public victories”, an idea shared in Stephen R. Covey’s book on the 7 Habits. At the end of the day, self-control is a crucial quality to being a great leader.

Number two is love. I once read in a book about John Wooden that a leader who doesn’t truly love others will turn around one day and find no one is following. Love matters. And love for others is leadership in its purest form. Love is a powerful influencer and can change hearts and minds. Love makes one sacrifice their own wants and desires for the wants and desires of others or for a cause greater than themselves. When we love others, truly love others, we lead.

Leadership is all around us in unexpected places. Though rarely mentioned if at all when discussing leadership, self-control and love are two traits of great leaders. As we develop as leaders, and look for leaders to lead our country, I believe we need to strongly consider these two qualities. God bless America!

Thoughts and Drugs

2016-10-06T07:03:00.001-07:00

“He who wants to keep his garden tidy never leaves a plot for weeds.” Stephen R. Covey

Our thoughts have a powerful impact on our lives. What we choose to think can and will eventually have a strong influence on our health and well-being as well as our success in life. As a man thinks so does he become, therefore we must be careful and ensure that we think the right thoughts.

Most of us would never dare damaging our body or brains with the use of hard drugs. We realize that doing so can have great and lasting consequences on our health and well-being and happiness in life and therefore we stay far away from them and avoid them. Unfortunately however, many of us do not treat negative thoughts the same way. Some of us even find ourselves indulging in them day after day. The full negative impact of bad thoughts on our lives really cannot be measured but the reality is we should avoid them just as we do hard drugs because of their potentially addicting and damaging consequences.

A root cause to negative thoughts is the type and kind of media we consume. If we are constantly involved in watching or listening to what might be considered lewd, crude, vulgar, or immoral than it will be difficult to maintain good, positive thoughts. Consuming this kind of media which is so prevalent in our society is like being the frog that sat in warm water while the temperature gradually increased until the frog boiled. Filling our minds with filth will slowly erode and eventually damage our character and who we are.

So although the immediate effects are not as readily noticeable as hard drugs, the impact of negative thoughts can be just as destructive over time. Therefore we must mind our thoughts and treat negative ones as we would any dangerous, destructive, and addictive habit for that is what they are. We can’t be lulled in to the belief that thoughts don’t really matter all that much...

When we discipline ourselves to rise above the filth and maintain clean positive thoughts we can only then truly become our best selves and reach our full potential. Those who are able to control their thoughts and keep them positive will have greater success and happiness in life.

When Fast is Slow and Slow is Fast!

2016-09-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

It’s confession time. A concept that I struggle with from Steven R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Successful People is the idea that with people slow is fast and fast is slow. In our world, speed is valued. And unfortunately I am someone who thrives on checking things off my list, sticking to a schedule, getting things done quickly, and working as efficiently as possible. Because of this “always fast” mentality, I struggle with what I believe is truth and that is with people fast is actually slow and slow in reality is fast.

So what does this mean that with people slow is fast? This means that when approaching a “people situation” we need to slow down—it can’t be scheduled or hurried because we never know how long the conversation may need to go in order for it to be effective. People won’t be rushed or at least they won’t like it. So in order for “people situations” to go well, we must prepare to take time upfront, to build the relationship, to establish trust so that we can move forward effectively and efficiently.

Let’s take a look at how this might work. Let’s say for example I’ve unintentionally offended a co-worker and I know I need to apologize but the reality is I have a ton on my plate and we have work to do to meet a pressing deadline. It may be easy to think to myself that my co-worker doesn’t need to be so sensitive and that we really just need to concentrate on our deadline. With this in mind I may choose to quickly pass by his office and say “hey I’m sorry about that”, and move along to my next task. Though this “solution” is fast, the question is, will it be very meaningful or effective?

Now what if I instead take the time to slow down, look him in the eye, and share a sincere apology and then wait and listen to anything he may want to share to ensure our feelings towards each other are back on solid ground before moving on? This will certainly take longer but which will help us strengthen our relationship and eventually help us work more effectively together to meet our deadline? Fast is slow and slow is fast.

Or let’s say I want my son to begin mowing the lawn and he has never done it before. Do you think things would turn out better for both him and for me if I just yelled down the stairs that he needed to mow the lawn right now giving a few quick instruction on how to do it? Or would going outside with him, showing him the different parts and features of the mower, explaining what to look out for in the yard and how to properly mow, and then even coaching and teaching him at his side as he begins to mow for the first time be better? Obviously the latter would take longer but it would also be better for him and for me because he’d know how to mow properly and I hopefully wouldn’t find myself constantly mowing after him—going over missed spots in the lawn, or repairing sprinkler heads that were run over, or picking up a shredded newspaper he mowed, etc. Do you see how taking the time up front to teach and train him properly will save me a lot of time on the back end?

When we slow down with people, and show that we truly care and value them, it will help us be fast. This can be hard and seem counterintuitive for us who are wired to go fast. But not slowing down with people is truly counterproductive and we will pay for it. With things, tasks, and objects fast is fast but when working with people, we must remember that fast is actually slow and slow is actually fast.

So, no matter how difficult it may be, when in a people situation, be prepared to slow down. I know it is hard, and I really struggle with it, but slowing down and taking time when confronting people issues and situations will actually help us be fast.

Be Builders!

2016-08-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

Recently a teenage boy posted a drawing of a picture of a dragon on Instagram. This drawing was less than perfect and well below what most of us would believe a teenage boy would be capable of drawing. For example, the wings were different sizes and looked more like wings that belonged to a bumble bee rather than a dragon, the head was way too big for the skinny little body, and the legs were simply straight lines like a stick figure drawing. The truth was, the drawing was very poor by any standard but obviously this teenage boy felt proud of it since he had posted it on Instagram for all of the world to see.

Shortly after the post of this drawing, one of his friends couldn’t resist so he made a funny comment, poking some good hearted fun at the drawing. Then another comment followed and another until many of this teenage boy’s Instagram “friends” were openly mocking him and ridiculing him for his ridiculous and pathetic drawing of a dragon. Only after many comments had been made, some of which were mean-spirited and inappropriate did the teenage boy respond that the drawing was not done by him but was given to him by a close family friend who he had just visited in the hospital earlier that day and who was dying of cancer.

Seeing this unfold on Instagram I realized that at times in our lives, we probably all of have been on the two different sides of this story. We all have probably been ridiculed and mocked by insensitive people who didn’t understand or see the whole picture. And even worse, all of us probably at times have been the one who was insensitive and maybe even mean not knowing the whole story. I was sure glad it never crossed my mind to join in on the fun by making some flippant comment and my guess is that the majority of his “friends”, if not all of them, would have never left most of the comments they had if they had known the whole story.

Situations like this happen every day and I fear that more and more of us default to our instant emotions rather than being more careful and considerate of others. To me, we are choosing more and more often to see people as objects and not as people. The Internet and social media has made it easy to hide behind screens and unleash whatever first thought, criticism, or opinion comes to our mind. We barrage and ridicule sometimes complete strangers.

We can be better than this though. Rarely do we know the whole story behind others actions or words. Rather than being harsh or judgmental we should strive to be more aware, more sensitive, and more kind. Let’s build rather than tear down. There are enough people out there who destroy so let’s be builders! In my mind this can only make us better people and ultimately better leaders.

At the end of the day, all of us fall victim to our own incorrect assumptions. We are wired to “fill in the blanks” and create a story. Often however these stories are wrong and inaccurate and cause us to do or say or even feel unwise things. Understanding this, we must think through our assumptions and the stories we tell ourselves. If we want to strengthen our relationships and our ability to influence and motivate others, we must learn to remove assumptions as often as possible and see people as people.

After all, we are all people with wants, needs, fears, and desires, each just as important as the next. Learning to control our assumptions and stories and seeking to understand first before we comment or react will help us be much more successful in life.

A lot of life is about our perspective, the assumptions we make, and the stories we tell ourselves. Let’s control our stories and strive to always see people as people. Let’s remember the teenage boy and his dragon picture—let’s remember others we may have hurt in the past not knowing the whole story. As we strive to do this we will strengthen our relationships and have much better results in life.

Hopes or Fears?

2016-08-10T14:19:00.000-07:00

We really have two choices; to go after our hopes or listen to our fears. Therefore, our life is about deciding whether our fears or our hopes matter most. Sadly, too often in life we are governed by fear rather than hope. And sometimes we don’t even realize it or are willing to admit it, but what we decide is not based on our goals, dreams, and aspirations but rather on our fears, concerns, and worries. We allow these fears to lead us through life rather than taking charge of our own outcomes and destiny. As you can imagine, living this way never leads us to the kind of life we’d like to have.

Allowing fear to direct our life leads to so many negative things such as low satisfaction with life, low energy, a feeling of having little or no control, and even eventually remorse and regret. We don’t want this to be us! So, learning to make decisions based on hope and what we want most in life is how we ought to live. This of course is not easy as so many of us have become accustomed to making decisions out of fear. For this reason, changing our course will require deliberate effort, as well as some patience and time. When we are faced with an important decision, or really any decision at all, we need to ask ourselves am I choosing this because it is truly what I hope for in life or is out of fear? If we are able to begin doing this even once out of every 10 decisions it will give us a good starting place. And putting forth this effort will eventually grow to 1 out of every 8 decisions then 1 out of 5 then hopefully, eventually 9 out of 10 decisions we are faced with. As we begin this process, we can start to live out of hope!

And believe me, I know that making decisions based on our hopes and dreams can, is, and will be scary at times. What we need to remember during these moments of uncertainty is that we have only one life to live, so the risk is worth it. Living a life where we never even tried to live our dreams, one where we realize nearly all of our decisions were governed by fears will only lead to serious disappointment. The time is now to make our hopes matter more than our fears and the only way to do that is through our actions and choices.

So what is controlling you and how are you living your life? Eventually all of us decide whether our fears or hopes matter most to us. I hope more of us will begin today to choose our hopes!

The Abundance of Possibility

2016-07-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

“The more attention you shine on a particular subject, the more evidence of it will grow. Attention is like light and air and water. Shine attention on obstacles and problems and they multiply lavishly.” Benjamin Zander

What we hope for in life too often is drowned out by all of the perceived challenges and obstacles we see in front of us, preventing us from achieving our hopes and dreams. The interesting thing I’ve learned in life is that often, the challenges and obstacles we face are all invented.

Each of us sees life through a different set of lenses. We all have our own frameworks that have been built over years based on our experiences, beliefs, heartaches, and understanding of how the world operates. Because of these unique frameworks that each of us carry around, we see situations in a certain light and frequently neglect to see all of the other possibilities that surround us.

Two people can view a certain problem and circumstance very differently. For example, as a youth basketball coach I recently showed an incredible video of a very young child doing very difficult basketball drills. To me this video broadened my view of what I believed to be possible and I felt inspired. With this in mind, I hoped showing the video to my players would do the same for them. Unfortunately they quickly noticed something that I had failed to notice the first time around and that is that this young athlete in the video was a young daughter of an all-time NBA great. Seeing this immediately invocated feelings in my players of how lucky and naturally gifted this young child must be how they could never compare or compete.

Life is often like that. We see obstacles and impossibilities where others may see opportunities. Rather than digging to find all of the opportunities and possibilities, we instead look for the obstacles and impossibilities. And then rather than reaching for the stars, we settle for something much less with a belief that the stars we seek are always out of reach. We get stuck in a framework of limitation and impossibility.

If we can all learn to change and expand our framework however, and expand what we see, we can then begin to achieve so much more. Doing this requires a close examination of the assumptions we have, that often we don’t even realize we have, that are keeping us from achieving what we truly want. And then we need to determine how we can change these assumptions to different assumptions that allow us pathways of possibility.

Because the truth is, often every presumed dead-end we face, is only a dead-end because of the framework we’ve developed around that particular problem. There are always new frameworks to create and possibilities to invent! Look for a fresh set of eyes, a new approach, uncommon assumptions, and new avenues will immediately come in to focus. There is always an abundance of possibility. As we shine light on possibilities rather than limitations and reasons why we can’t accomplish our hopes and dreams, our capacity to achieve what we want in life will grow exponentially.

The Correct Way to Measure Greatness

2016-03-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

“Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you are today.”

Lorenzo Snow

How do you define personal greatness? To be great in your eyes does it require that you achieve some great accomplishment, earn a certain dollar amount, or receive a certain recognition or position? Too many of us define greatness by comparing ourselves against others. And though I’m not opposed to comparisons and competition, I think basing our feelings, thoughts, and even often our self-esteem in measuring our personal greatness to others is unfruitful, unwise, and unhealthy.

To me personal greatness is doing our very best every day and helping others to do the same. Each of us has different limitations, skills, and talents. Each of us has unique experiences, education, and backgrounds. Regardless of all of our many differences, I believe each of us has an opportunity to be great every single day. When we truly strive to do our personal best every day, we will be able to accomplish things beyond anyone’s imagination—including our own.

Notice also that personal greatness as I define it requires us to help others. This is contrary to our competitive, often cut throat society though I believe when we truly help others be great, we become greater ourselves. Again we can be great every single day by helping and encouraging others to do their personal best.

So rather than determine our personal greatness on accolades, awards, or recognition from others we should base it on our personal effort. Are we doing our personal best today? Are we helping others to do the same? When we can honestly answer yes to these questions we are achieving personal greatness—and we can make this happen every single day. Being personally great every single day should be a lifelong pursuit for us all. Here’s to being GREAT!

What Have I Given Up Lately?: A Simple thought to Measure Sacrifice and Commitment

2016-03-17T04:07:00.000-07:00

Hopefully all of us have dreams and goals in life that are aligned with what matters most to us. One way I’ve found to measure my commitment and drive to achieve my dreams is to ask myself “what have I given up lately?”

Sacrificing something we care about, or like, or want for something that is even more important is one of the ultimate confirmations that we are serious about our dreams. As I reflect on my commitment level to those things I care about most, I can see times in my life when I’ve given up things I liked to better achieve my goals. And though the sacrifice was hard and even sometimes painful at the time, the decision to let go of a few things in order to obtain what I wanted most was always worth it.

Truly successful people know what they want and are willing to make sacrifices for it. Those who can’t let go, struggle to make the real progress they hope to in reaching their goals and desires. As we analyze our commitment to our dreams, we should ask ourselves frequently, “what have I given up lately?” in order to measure our commitment. As we make sacrifices today, we will in time receive the benefits from doing so as we achieve our wildest dreams.

The Strangest Secret

2016-03-03T04:35:00.001-08:00

“The way we think directly affects the results we get in life; our thoughts lead to actions which determine our success.” Unknown

Ernest Nightingale became famous for his book The Strangest Secret which secret is that “we become what we think about.” Managing our thoughts is difficult and too often I find myself with less than admirable, helpful, and positive thoughts. Learning to master our thoughts can pay big dividends in our life and help us live a more successful and happier one. Below are some ideas on how to manage our thoughts.

#1 Think Stop

When you notice your thoughts are less than ideal, tell yourself to “stop”. Commanding yourself to stop will interrupt your thought and will allow you to take control. Remember you are the master of your thoughts so when they are poor command that they stop.

#2 Lists are good

Have a list of positive thoughts, thoughts you’d like to have and write them down. Refer to the list often and look at the list whenever you are in need of some positive thoughts.

#3 Change Activities

When negatives thoughts are plaguing your mind, change what you are doing. If you are reading a book and your mind is running wild, perhaps go do some chores around the home, call a friend, or go for a run. If you are working at your desk and your thoughts are less than ideal perhaps move to the couch or take a break. Changing up what you are doing can help distract your mind and help it “reboot” and focus on something else. Also, pay attention to those activities that seem to lead you to poor thoughts more often than others and then avoid doing those things whenever possible.

#4 Write it down

Sometimes thoughts are stuck and remain that way until we get them out. Many have found it to be helpful to write down their negative thoughts on paper and then throw them away. This exercise at times can free your mind and get rid of nasty thoughts.

#5 Watch your Feelings

At times we may not even realize our thoughts are poor. By paying attention to our feelings and emotions we can often identify the kinds of thoughts we are having. Our thoughts often create and control our feelings and emotions therefore if we are feeling sad or angry or apathetic, it is an indication our thoughts have been less than ideal and that we need to change them.

Using the ideas above we can become better at mastering our thoughts. Though not easy, the effort we exert in managing our thoughts will pay off. Having better thought now will help us become better people and better leaders and ultimately allow us to gain better results and satisfaction in life.

Perspective on Failures

2016-02-11T04:55:00.000-08:00

“Try and fail, but never fail to try.”
Jared Leto

Life is hard. Especially when things do not go our way or turnout how we had hoped or wanted. So what are we to do? Should we give up and give in—allowing depression and failures to seep in to our precious minds? Do we stop trying hoping that this will somehow resolve the pain and hurt we feel? Unfortunately many of us do this and we end up living a life well below our potential.

Life hurts and the pain of failures is real. Recently I’ve had several setbacks and unexpected failures in my life and it hurts and is hard. Like most of us, I am someone who hates to fail and hates not to win and succeed. So what are we to do?

Have Perspective.

What I can say is that I believe these failures and setbacks will somehow be a good thing. I’m not sure how and I am not sure why but I trust they are preparing me for something good, something big, something that will help me. These failures are changing me and are making me more humble whether I want it or not. They’ve also given me an opportunity to reflect on my mistakes and consider things I can and should do differently in the future to avoid future failures. They are a teacher of sorts and I am trying to learn all that I can so that I can avoid the disappointment and pain in the future.

The good news is, things can always be worse. Though these recent failures in my life are difficult, thankfully they are not catastrophic or life-threatening. So hopefully they will prepare me and help me to avoid such failures.

And the other thing I can say is I’m not disappointed I tried. In retrospect, yes I should have done things differently, handle some things better, and been smarter but hind sight is 20/20 and there is little I can do to change the past. All I can control is right now and what is in front of me and through it all I have learned to be better.

So are my failures in life over? No. Will the pain soon end? I’m not sure but probably in time. And with that being said I will continue to try. I will try and try again. I will hold my head up high with the resolve that I will not succumb to depression, anxiety, or apathy. I did not give up and give in nor will I. Life will have its blows but I will always get up and try again.

Where Happiness Lays

2016-01-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”

Marcus Aurelius

Our thoughts are powerful things. If we have figured that out yet or not it is irrelevant. Our thoughts can and will influence our lives for better or for worse. If I think I cannot do something, then I am probably right however if I believe that I can, then I am probably right as well.

Our thoughts can determine our happiness in life. So many look for happiness in all the wrong places hoping the next thing they find will bring it when happiness lies within us. It lies within our capacity and ability to control our thoughts. When we have positive, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, and inspiring thoughts we are happy. When our thoughts are filled with fear, remorse, anger, greed, criticism, and degradation we are surely led to being unhappy.

So how are you thoughts? Do you control them or do they run wild and really control you? Are they positive, motivating, and inspiring? Do they lift you to new heights and make you want to become the best person you can be? Or do they drag you down, divert your attention from what is important, and bring negativity in to your life?

If you haven’t already or if you are struggling with this or even if you are good but realize you can always do better, I would encourage you to have as a new year’s resolution to develop the ability to control your thoughts. As we make efforts in this regard, our life can change. A man is what he thinks about therefore we must think the right things. Learning to have quality thoughts will help us fulfill our potential.

Action for the New Year!

2015-12-31T01:49:00.000-08:00

“An inch of movement will bring us closer to our goals than a mile of intention.” Dr. Steve Maraboli

It is the start of a new year, a new beginning, a new opportunity to reset the course of our lives and the direction we are heading, and start anew. The New Year brings hope, a rekindling of our inner fire, a reinvigorated focus and excitement for that which is to come. The New Year brings with it new opportunities, a fresh start, and hopefully new goals that will push us toward our greatest desires.

As we set New Year resolutions or goals there is one word to keep in mind and that is action. Action is what is required to become what we want to become. Action is what is needed to achieve our goals. Action is what will lead to success. Without acting, we are stuck.

Fear, despair, anxiety, or indifference, are all things that keep us from action. We must push these feelings aside and move forward. Taking action, taking steps to achieve our goals is what matters now. Don’t let these negative feelings hold you down any more. Don’t become lazy or indifferent, don’t make excuses. Take action this moment that will help you achieve your wildest dreams.

That is my hope for you this New Year that you will be able to move to action, and move closer toward achieving your wildest dreams. We can’t make progress without acting so let’s make 2016 the year for action. Let’s start moving now, today—for the sooner we start moving the harder it will become to slow us down. Action will lead us to becoming our best selves.

I wish you all the best this coming New Year and know that as we take action we will see greater results than we ever have before. Great feats begin with acting today. Happy New Year!

Christmas is Love

2015-12-23T05:12:00.000-08:00

“Christmas is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.”

Dale Evans

I love Christmas because Christmas is about love. It is about finding a perfect gift that will make others light up with joy and excitement. It is about sending warm wishes to friends, families, and neighbors. It is about sharing and helping others. It is about excitement and anticipation for what is to come. It is about warm hearts and warm feelings. It is about family and getting together with those we care about most. It is about unity and harmony.

The most powerful force in the world is love. Love can motivate us to do incredible things, to achieve remarkable feats, to do what otherwise would be unimaginable. Love changes hearts, and changes minds. Love mends relationships and brings the entire human family together. Love squashes ill feelings and replaces them with the most desirable ones. Love pushes us to be our best selves.

From a religious perspective the story of Christmas is all about love. It is about a Father sending his son, and allowing him to be sacrificed for the sake of others. It is about a king being born in the most humble of circumstances. It is about a son being willing to do whatever his father asks him to do. And it is about a savior and redeemer who willingly suffers and dies for others. Indeed the Christmas story recounts the greatest demonstration of love in the history of mankind.

Love requires work and sacrifice, but as we allow it to fill our hearts, it will change us for good. Love transcends all differences, ills, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings. Love has the power to make everything ok, better, wonderful. Without love, we are nothing.

If we are struggling in life, if we face a challenge that seems insurmountable, if we feel unsatisfied or unhappy, then we must simply love. Love will heal all and will help us all to overcome any circumstance or difficulty we face. Love will help us be successful in anything we do and fill us with joy and satisfaction. If we want to be a great leader, if we want to influence others, if we want to make a difference in the world, we must love others.

I pray that love will fill each of our hearts this Christmas season. May you and your loved ones be blessed during this time and throughout all the year!