I am trying to figure out the best way to convey a lot of information without overwhelming everyone with a lot of information.  Let’s start with the upcoming changes that sort of got this discussion started.  Steve has been paying private school tuition since 1996 when his eldest (OS= Older Son) started Montessori.  That son will graduate from a catholic high school in a few days.  The younger son  (YS) is graduating from 8th grade and will be continuing on to the same private high school.  We pay $800 per month for OS’s tuition and $500 per month for the YS.  As of June 1, Steve is reaching the end of this marathon.

Simultaneously we have really been trying to nail down a more precise budget and see what we can do to pay off the credit card debt earlier than December 2014.  (I do have good news to share on that front…but that must wait for another post). He spent a lot of time and energy today updating the spreadsheet and I am thankful.  Let me preface this with the fact that all of the credit card debt is mine and Steve is only on the car loans.  His 1996 BMW with 275,000 miles fell out from under him and due to his own income changes (went to salary after an entire career in sales–with very nice commission checks) he took out a car loan for the first time since 1999.   Steve will admit that he may not have gone into debt but he also did not save money when those huge checks came in.  Oh I must share (trying to be objective) that he got one last hefty commission check in September of 2010 ($24K or so) and spent a lot of it moving us out of one house into another and all the associated expenses.  He also spent $2500 of that on the now dead BMW.

So where is the disagreement?  As I have previously posted we currently each get $200 every Friday.  Out of this $200 we split groceries (running about $50 per person, $100 total for the week),  we pay for our gas (currently at $40 for him, $60 for me) and then any and all other expenses.  Haircuts, kid school expenses, gifts, dog food, incidentals, mad money, and unknown other crap! The good news is we are hearing you (okay I am hearing you loud and clear…Steve…slow to hear but I think we have progress) and know that this $200 has GOT to be broken down.  I really believe I can do groceries at $125 per week (I am turning into a maniac on planning and couponing) and then gas is $100 per week.  Deducting this from our current $400 per week amount we have $175 total, $87.50 per week for “no explanation needed” spending….do what you will…mad money!

I think that is plenty if everything else is taken care of ESPECIALLY because this is supposed to be uncomfortable!  Steve, on the other hand, wants an additional $100 per week in spending money so that he can create a “savings” to get things that he has put off b/c so much income was going to tuition.  I disagree.  My argument is that we have been on this plan for much too little time to be making that kind of increase.  Again…back to my drunk analogy…just when it starts getting uncomfy and there’s access to booze…should you partake?  NO.

Steve’s argument is that he also walked into this relationship as well with a $90,000 debt  of sorts–because of his boys’ private school tuition.  He has come to a major milestone of paying off a big chunk of his obligation so he thinks it is reasonable to be rewarded with $100 additional spending money per week.  He began the race when OS was 2 years old and he has been running it for 16 years.  He’s down to his last 15% of the debt and his payments have dropped 50%.  He is going from $1300 per month to $800 a month effective August 2012 and he wants $400 of that $500 savings in his pocket to spend on what he has done without (clothing, shoes, gym membership, bicycle…etc).   Side note:  These are Steve’s words and he has approved this message.

I suggested taking a full month’s tuition ($1300) on June 1–which I don’t think is a good idea really but I figured it could be the reward for crossing the finish line for him–and doing what he will.  He refuses. I suggested taking the $500 “raise” and putting it toward his mortgage on the pre-marriage house.  He refuses. He wants more control over more spending money and my fear is no behavior modification is taking place.  If our respective spending habits don’t change we are in for a world of hurt!

He wants me to share that he will have two extra paychecks this year totaling $4000 that will all be going toward debt reduction and that he is not sabotaging my efforts.

What do you think?

I was reminded to update you on my progress in this area because I received a message from my longtime hair dresser. He wrote to ask what I was doing for my color now that I am in major money saving mode and not coming to see him at the salon.  I wrote back and gave him the scoop.  He was very understanding and the conversation turn to my sharing info about Hulu and Netflix!  He and his wife just had a baby so they are looking for places to save.  I thought that was a fun…and encouraging turn of events!

I estimate that my hair was costing about $2400 a year.  I’m glad to have that to $20 for 4 months and counting!

Flylady is back amongst us and we are working her routines.  Perfectionism is not the goal and even the little stuff we did get done on this restful weekend is making a difference.

I remember reading that Beks faced vet costs and I think she borrowed to pay those—but I haven’t had a chance to go back and look at the related posts. 

It is easy to say that we’d have a dollar limit set ahead of time but the reality is all bets are off if something were to happen to a family pet.  Obviously our emergency savings is pathetic so we can’t afford a pet..at all..let alone an injured pet! 

Anyway, I hope this isn’t something we have to deal with during this journey but my friend’s request reminds me of the importance of an emergency fund as well as the reality that pet ownership is like anything else…expensive.  Oh…and my husband’s employer now offers pet insurance…any thoughts on that?  We haven’t even discussed it or looked into it but I do know it is offered.    I am not going to sign up for it tomorrow but I am curious to know if any of your have experience with this.

For those of you who are moms—enjoy your day!  For all stepmoms–know that you are valued on this day and all days…even if stepkids aren’t able to make that known loud and clear.  For all of us blessed to have our mothers with us…enjoy celebrating your mom in whatever way you are able.  For those of you who have lost your mothers, savor the memories and for those of you hurting over your relationship with your mom…may you find peace.   

And remember…the best advice of all…listen to your mother!

The segment can be read here:  http://www.npr.org/2012/05/08/152258879/can-mo-money-really-mean-mo-problems

The portion that really struck me was the story about the author’s son’s credit card debt. His son, Todd, was a student at the University of Southern California.  Todd was put on a budget but the lifestyle he led was not attainable on that budget so he went to town with credit cards–without his parents knowledge.  Upon graduation, Todd had $48,000 in credit card debt.  Gulp. What’s a parent to do?!

The paragraph that answers that question is this:

“And it was horrific and it created a situation where my wife and I sat looking at each other and my wife said, he’s a great kid. He got great grades. He’s going on to graduate school. Pay it off. Just write a check and pay it off. And I said, first of all, I can’t do that and, second of all, I won’t do that. And we made him pay and, over the next years, he lived with four guys in an apartment. He had very little he could do for four years.”

Yes, that is the correct answer indeed!  But what really, really, REALLY jumped out at me from this paragraph was that last sentence…”He had very little he could do for four years.”  Yes, four years is a long time.  And, in my case, 2.5 to 3 years is a long time.  BUT…in the grand scheme…I think we can all remember 3 years ago and also marvel at just how fast that time has gone!

On my good days I “get” that “to have very little I can do” for the next 3 years is my reality.  On the days I feel strong I know it will be worth every “pass” I have to make…every “no thank you…not now”  because the reward is freedom from the albatross that this debt has become.  A comment from reader Debt-Free Dan hit the nail on the head—I’m not reverting to bad behaviors when I share that I am about to spend money but instead recalibrating (thanks Dan!).  I have to be vigilant about sharing those thoughts so they get out there and I learn to make better decisions.

Final thought–I am confident there are many, MANY readers out there that CAN relate to my crazy debt and that will keep me writing!  Keep reading because we are in this together!

As a result of where I am at in my recovery, my readers will have to put up with my popping off with what I WANT to do NOW or what I WANT to get NOW.  Will you want to shake your monitor to get me to stop my crazy thoughts?!  Yep.  Will I disappoint you when I report that I DID do something I probably shouldn’t have? You betcha! Will you think I’m a complete lunatic with decisions I consider and maybe eventually  make?  Without a doubt. But, I’ll continue to open myself up to the risk because that’s why I am here. 

It is a process and a very difficult one at that!  An advance thank you to everyone who tolerates my whining and responds kindly, yet sternly.  I’m like a drunk really…and when a drunk announces they’re really craving a drink but they are stopping to think before they partake, I’m pretty sure saying “YOU JUST DON’T GET IT, DO YOU DRUNK?  YOU DON’T SEE THAT ALCOHOL IS RUINING YOU AND YOU’VE DONE NOTHING FOR YOUR FUTURE OR YOUR KIDS’ FUTURE. YOU FEEL JUSTIFIED IN DRINKING SO YOU WILL FEEL GOOD” would not fall in the “Top Ten Things to Say to a Recovering Drunk.”  If I didn’t have a good head on my shoulders I might have gone on a binge last night and hired 3 housekeepers! 

The vehicles–with the minimums–will be paid of in June 2017 but we SHOULD have a lot freed up to knock those out sooner rather than later.

With the issues regarding my Aunt in a nursing home and then my own aging parents, I just don’t put this stuff off.  What’s the state of your estate?  Take time this week to talk to your loved ones and make a plan of some sort.  It may not be feasible to buy your pre-paid funeral plan or figure out all details right now, but do something to move in that direction! Losing a parent at any time is a traumatic event, please don’t leave your kids with more trauma because you have not communicated anything about your desires for your funeral and done nothing to deal with the property you have at the time of your passing.  It will cost your loved one dearly on the financial front if they have to start from scratch.

In Texas, we can do a hand written will.  It isn’t ideal, but it is an option.  Look into your state’s laws and see what you can do yourself.  If you need help, there are a lot of very reasonably priced options for basic will drafting.  Be sure to have the various power of attorney documents as well and don’t forget the advanced directive.  I’m not giving legal advice here…this stuff is important and easily accessible on the internet.

Why the sudden rant?  I just spent 2 hours messing with stuff related to my Aunt not being able to handle her legal affairs.  It is a nightmare as it is…I can’t imagine if I didn’t have the proper legal documents to get me through much of the red tape.

Now…with that said…I want to share that the children DO have rotating chores on a chore board.  We had been very good about following this but in recent months, we have fallen off a bit.  It is on the “to do” list to get us all back on board.  The rotating chore list is great for us.  We have 12 “to do’s” ranging from the good, to the bad to the ugly.  These are not “daily chores” of picking up rooms, making beds, unpacking lunchboxes, etc…but instead taking out garbage, emptying dishwasher, loading dishwasher, dusting, sweeping, bathrooms, folding laundry, setting table, clearing table, cleaning out cars and the dreaded “backyard dog poo pickup.”  Each child has 3 chores per week.  We divide them in such a way that everyone has one they really dislike each week.  If the youngest one has chores that are sometimes difficult for her to do alone, one of the older ones steps in to help.  This worked like a charm for quite some time but even so the house needed a “deep cleaning” at least once a month.  The kids even joke about “oh I am almost done with the dog poo pickup and then it is all YOURS!” 

My “Money Mate” at the office (she doesn’t yet know I’ve bestowed this title upon her but she is my support system during the work week so this is what I have taken to calling her–) and I were discussing the issue of housecleaning today.  I shared that I was tired of the MESS that I can’t seem to get a complete handle on and that I felt guilty wanting a housekeeper…but I do!  Well, it just so happened that MM (Money Mate) had just read a blog post on how hiring a maid can actually save you money.  Time IS money so I know there is that factor but what I didn’t think about is what I could do with the time I do save…which is to save more money or make more money…something to think about!

I would have to make some budget shifts to make this happen and I think I am ready to at least scroll through the budget to see where I might free up some money to do this.  I am sick sick sick of cleaning my house.

Today I just felt like I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  There were errands that needed to be made involving small purchases–and I think b/c I went about running the errands without a real plan in place AND had the 2 youngest kids with me I somehow ended up spending more money than I thought I would.  The kids didn’t ask for anything and I can’t identify anything that I bought simply b/c they were with me but there IS something to be said for that distraction factor.  I feel a bit incapable for some reason that I don’t stay on budget or task b/c I have the kids with me while shopping.  Is it that it involves a lot of talking and explaining on this and that so that my attention is divided and then I end up just buying what I first find so I can move on?  I’m not sure at this point but I definitely see the difference.  Saying that I can and will only shop alone is not an option–so I need to figure this out.

I caved on the way home tonight and we stopped for fast food.  It was not at their request or suggestion but totally mine.  Frustrating but I guess it is bound to happen and I can’t totally freak out.  This is the first fast food we’ve had in a very long time. It stung to hand over $17.00 for 3 of us to eat and it wasn’t even good tasting or good for us food.   Meanwhile hubby was home with the 8th grader and 2 of his classmates as they worked on a school project.  After the friends went home hubby spent $12 on fast food for the two of them.  That’s $30 right there…GONE….Blah.

Tomorrow is a new day…

I think registries started with weddings, didn’t they?  I can see the rationale behind that I guess–if you think about out of town guests wanting to send gifts that they know the couple need and want, but even that has gone extreme.  In the mid-nineties it was still about knowing what dishes and silverware-maybe towels– a couple chose but the last gift registry I printed up had things like outdoor patio furniture and cleaning supplies!  It almost looked as though the couple had everything they really needed so they were adding stuff just to add stuff.

The baby registry probably started with good intentions too but is now off the charts.  Everyone should just give the new parents diapers….period.

But the one that took the cake for me were the friend of friend who was expecting a baby at the time of her marriage.  I’m not so out of it to find that unusual these days–it happens–but she actually registered with Target’s Club Wedd AND Lullaby Club at the same time! Oh…wait…there was another one that took the cake.  The parish priest who arrived at a new parish and a “welcome” party was put together for him.  Imagine my shock and awe when a note was included that Father So-in-So was registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond!  Maybe put word out verbally about what he may need at his new residence but a registry?!  Really?!

And forget road trips….I DO remember not knowing what to take as a new parent so I took everything we had but with experience I figured it out.  These days there’s just more stuff for the road trips too!

A quick estimate with a groovy calculator on Babycenter.com says the first year of baby will cost new parents $10,000 to $12,000. That’s childcare, diaper, food and miscellaneous items.  I know many of you are expecting a baby or have a new baby and this truly is an awesome time—don’t read this as saying anything else.  For those of you who haven’t yet started families…beware of the baby stuff syndrome!  It can getcha when you least expect it!

The baby phase is so much fun in so many ways, but I am thankful this season is behind us! 

This post has triggered thoughts for my next post…gift registries…

The kids don’t bug us to go to games at all—each of them have been before–with school, scouts, etc…and we aren’t rabid basketball fans.  As I look through my new “debt free” lenses and really thought about where the kids have the most fun, the local high school games definitely came to mind.  We have gone out to support friends’ kids at their “amateur” games and what fun that has been for all of us.

While on business recently in Houston, the local news reported on “opening day” for the Astros and the changes put in place at their home field–Minute Maid Park.  Due to struggling ticket sales and overall fan dissatisfaction, the team owner changed things up by allowing people to bring in coolers full of drinks and snacks!  The prices on everything –from tickets to the snack bar—\were also dropped to encourage famlies to come out to the ball game.  I haven’t checked in to see how that plan is going but it sounds like a great idea to me!

We’ll continue saying with pride, “GO! SPURS! GO!” all from the comfort of home while watching our television with an antenna!  And if it isn’t on a channel that we get….we’ll be sure to recap the win over dinner that night. 

You may or may not notice that the lowest balance credit card increased since last month.  That is a card in DH’s name and thanks to this blog and the new habit of keeping an eye on things…we discovered that some random $19.99 charge hit.  I googled the name of the charging entity and sure enough it appears to be a scam!  We are working with the bank to have that charge removed and then stopping it from being charged again.  Stinks that it happened but I’m feeling good about keeping our eye on things b/c in the past it would have taken us much longer to even be aware of it…so that’s a good thing.  When I was googling and finding info on it I noticed that a lot of people said they had looked back and the scam charge had been showing up for months and they had not noticed!

So there you have it–farewell April, hello May.  Here’s to keeping the focus, finding ways to cut even more and having fun while doing it!

DH does not fear the awkwardness I’m speaking about here and he definitely has the persistent tip covered.  I tease him sometimes that he often gets what he wants in a purchase setting bc the seller just wants him to stop!  He isn’t afraid to walk away and he does the haggling with such friendliness that people don’t get angry…they end up (like the article talks about) wanting to help someone they like.  I think I’ve ruined this for him on more than one occasion.  I get so uncomfortable with that silence that really DOES give you leverage that I start talking and…we lose the leverage!  I’m getting better at walking away and not ruining things but I need to learn to sit and just be quiet!

Thanks Brandon Ballenger at Money Talks News!

Here are the tips:

1. Do your homework

It’s easier to bargain for a deal (and recognize if you’re really getting one) when you understand the numbers. Before you go shopping, research prices and competitors. Check on store policies to see if a business matches prices, and under what conditions. And while this obviously applies to big purchases like appliances, don’t stop there. If the dry cleaner down the street is charging $1 for shirts, why should you pay $1.25 at yours?

2. Don’t be afraid to walk away

Your biggest bargaining chip is the fact your business isn’t guaranteed. If a seller is convinced you’re going to buy (or continue buying) from them regardless, you’re at their mercy. They should be at yours. Not getting the price you want? Say you’re going to see if the next competitor down the list can do better. If they don’t care, neither will you – because you’ll mean it.

The person with the power is the one who doesn’t care if the deal gets done.

3. Ask the right person

Not everybody has the authority to negotiate, so seek out the decision-maker. Customer service, billing issues, and cancellations are often handled by different people, especially on the phone. In a store, the salespeople might not have the authority to negotiate. Ask. If they don’t, speak to a manager. In fact, any time someone can’t or won’t help you with any purchase or problem, don’t be afraid to say, “OK. Now I understand you can’t help me. May I please speak with someone who can?”

4. Time it right

One trick to negotiating is understanding the other person’s business. For instance, at certain times of the year, clothing stores are eager to get rid of seasonal merchandise. Car dealers might be pushing to meet an end-of-month quota. And every salesperson is more attentive when business is slow. New Year’s Eve is traditionally one of the best times to shop for a car – it’s end of the month, end of the year, and there are no customers in the showroom.

In short, try to buy when others aren’t and when stores need to either clear inventory or make quota.

5. Pay with paper instead of plastic

Businesses can pay up to 3 percent in transaction costs by accepting credit cards. If you’re paying cash, you deserve to take at least that much off the purchase price.

6. Don’t fear awkwardness

If you have little experience haggling, don’t sell yourself short just because it feels weird. You’re not being a cheapskate, and the other party isn’t going to hate you. Don’t get flustered by a momentary silence, and don’t be afraid to pause and think. In fact, silence can be a bargaining tool. According to Stacy, who was in securities sales for 10 years, “In any negotiation, make an offer, then shut up. Wait 10 minutes in silence if you have to. Because more often than not, the next person to speak loses.”

7. Be friendly

Being aggressive only works when you’re in the superior position. If you lack power – which you do when trying to negotiate something like a discounted hotel room – play nice. Rude customers are the rule for most people in customer service. Be the exception. Smile, be patient, make a joke. Nobody wants to help a jerk, but everyone wants to do a favor for a friend.

That being said, it’s important to be real. You don’t have to be Donald Trump or Mr. Rogers to get a deal – just be yourself. Use the person’s name as often as possible, look them in the eye, and treat people like you like being treated.

8. Be firm

Being nice doesn’t mean rolling over. If you’re a steady customer, don’t be shy about pointing that out. Your loyalty should be worth something. And if not, your future business definitely is.

9. Be persistent

Stacy’s rule: ask three times. “When I go into a hotel, I ask for a discount. If they say no, I say, “Are you sure there’s not some special rate you can give me?” If they still say no, then I use my fallback. I smile big and say, “Well, you can at least give me the Elvis suite for the same price, right?” They invariably laugh, and almost invariably give me the best deal they possibly can.

Speaking of upgrades…

10. Go for extras

If the price is non-negotiable, don’t give up. There are other ways to sweeten a deal – like a free upgrade, accessories, a future discount, free shipping, free delivery, or free installation. Sometimes, businesses are already prepared to offer these concessions – because they’re cheaper than dropping the price but still make customers happy.

Bottom line? Like conversation, negotiation is an art that cries out to be practiced. It’s not just acceptable, it’s fun. It often results in lively banter and nearly as often a better deal.

As I prepare to do this now, I see that I am faced with a dreaded trip to the dry cleaner.  I am now much better about checking the labels before making a clothing purchase to avoid dry clean garments entirely but some of my more professional selections require dry cleaning.  This dry cleaning industry baffles me.  It bugs me that they don’t have to have their prices posted AND don’t get me started on women’s clothing costing so much more than men’s.  I just don’t see a huge difference between my standard button down dress shirts and my husband’s dress shir-except mine is smaller so it should cost less!  And…wouldn’t a skirt be easier to dry clean than men’s slacks?  Why is the skirt always more expensive?!  Is it like this everywhere in the country?  I’ve tried the $1.29 sort of places and sometimes they are good and other times they are bad…and then there was the one that hit the news here that just shut down and customers could not get their clothing.  I try to use coupons when I can but either way–it is an expensive option.  Has anyone used those home dry cleaning kits?  Dryel I think is one brand.

Anyway, back to the closet…I’ll find something for sure but my stack of black slacks (can you ever really have too many black slacks?) need to be dry cleaned!!

There ARE kid friendly events and we do usually make at least one of the 3 major parades, but as the kids get older even that is a take it or leave it event.  So, it wasn’t a huge adjustment with the new spending plan this year to avoid Fiesta events…but all the planning by others did get me paying attention in a new way this year.  Festivals/Carnivals can easily set us back over $200 when all 6 of us go!  The last time we did this was for a Church Festival and yes that is a very good cause…but with our current financial situation, donations will need to be made in a different way!  Side note:  We continue to make regular donations in a smaller amount than in the past—short term until we make some progress on the debt and then we will build that back up.  We are also giving more of our time which is so great for us and the kids).

The kids have never “bugged” us to go to these things—honestly, it was more force of habit.  “It’s April–time for Fiesta” or “It’s February, time for the Rodeo.”  And these events have now almost come and gone for 2012 and our kids aren’t inquiring…the Boy Scout did his service for the fundraiser of selling parade seats (set up and take down of chairs) and no one is begging to go to Fiesta.  That’s nice to see and compute–it makes changing the habit very doable.

It is because of Flylady that I am a regular menu maker and why I still take 15 minutes a day to clean up a “hotspot’ in the house.  Good stuff here…give it a look…and THANKS FLYLADY!  And thanks to those of you who have reminded me to get back to checking in with her!

-Mint Mobile

-Can I Buy?

-Debt Snowball Pro (Dave Ramsey plan)

-Doxo

-Paypal

-Manila

-Smartypig

-TurboTax

-Shoeboxed

-Yahoo! Finance Apps

Let me know if you are already using any of these and what you think!

For the first time, we are comfortable with the boys staying alone BUT we still aren’t willing to leave them alone for more than 30 minutes at a time–and never with the youngest child at home with them.  We’ve done a couple of 30 minute runs to the store and all has gone well….but longer than that just isn’t in our comfort zone yet.  They’ve done nothing to worry us mind you–this is more our adjustment to the concept I think.  As for the 7-year-old–we definitely need all day care for her throughout the summer.

I’ve done just about every arrangment you can think of and am fortunate to have help from family for at least part of each summer.  For the last three summers I have created an online calendar for my ex and I to access.  We then fill in the weeks with various options–his parents always take one week for Vacation Bible School and my parents take another week…sometimes a sibling of his or a sibling of mine takes another week…we each take a week of vacation…and then the rest is usually filled by summer day camps but those do not come cheap!  So, this year we are trying something new.  We are going to have someone come to the house on the weeks we need care and my ex and I will be splitting the fees.  My friend is actually semi-retired and is not looking to make a lot of money. We will each pay $100 per week.  I know this sounds like a lot but summer camps are running $150 to $250 per week and the lower end is only 9 am to 3 pm–it is about $30-$40 additional per week if we need morning or afternoon care.  By having someone at home, this will allow some indirect supervision of the boys–they’re allowed to ride bikes in our neighborhood and go to the neighborhood pool (lifeguard all summer and over age 12 can go without an adult) and I like the idea of someone being at “home base” for them to check in with throughout the day.  My son also has boy scout camp and will be volunteering at least half days at the nursing home my Aunt resides at.  The youngest one will have various low cost (girl scouts) and free events to attend that the sitter will take her to and from.   That is a HUGE help that I am willing to pay for—to have someone run the kids here and there all summer b/c the time I  lose at the office really adds up by mid-June!  I will supply the vehicle and the gas but everything is nearby and the sitter is fully aware of our budget constraints–so I’m hoping that works.  Looking at 12 weeks of summer–we hope to arrange free childcare for 5, possibly 6, weeks of that timeframe.  It is a logistical challenge but the kids are at least not stuck in one place in front of a television for the entire summer.  The other aspect that ALWAYS impacts is the amount of food that is consumed when they are home…something to think about and start planning for NOW.

We pay $200/month right now for afterschool care for the youngest.  While I am sick of paying even that, I am glad the diaper/preschool days are over…that was running $600/month for just one.  I don’t know how young families are doing that these days.  If there are 2 kids in day care that’s easily $1000 a month in Texas…I’m sure it is more in other parts of the country.  That’s just crazy!

Now, before you think I’m throwing my shoulder out patting myself on the back–please know that I am painfully aware of just how far we have to go.  I anticipate speedbumps along the way and pray that we have the fortitude to dust ourselves off and start again.  I haven’t faced too many moments of discouragement because the adjustments to our lifestyle are yielding tangible results.  While we are sometimes forced to deny ourselves in ways we have not denied ourselves before—with momentary discomfort—the rewards of finding breathing room and seeing  a savings account grow are definitely worth it.

There is a long road ahead but comparing how we are living life now with how we were living life then is a good exercise.  I do not ever want to have to worry about there being enough money in my checking account.  I’ve lived life too long like that and the energy and time the worry of that has taken from me is already too, too much.  Financial freedom is critical for our overall well-being.  I can’t get over how long it took me to get that!  I guess many people never do…and I’m thankful for seeing that reality while I still have time to do something about it.

Our daughter received several gifts and a total of $40 cash.  I haven’t yet but will work with her on splitting that up b/w giving, spending and saving.  I sometimes forget to do that with her b/c she is young and that is dumb—she’s at a great age to learn skills about money.

We are trucking along on the savings and paying debt.  I’m excited to share new numbers on May 1.

I am still not great at yoga.  I’m not able to focus ALL the time as I battle my mind wandering to a to do list or things I forgot to do before getting to yoga.  I feel completely silly most of the time (although…side note…I feel MUCH sillier in Zumba).   But yoga HAS shown me in a very tangible way that slow and steady wins the race.  This practice has brought me into an area that I’m not entirely comfortable in but where I do accept the challenge.  I am not naturally good at being still and focusing and pretty much have the upper body strength of Kermit the Frog.  HOWEVER, in six months I CAN see improvement in all areas…I can focus longer than I was able to in the beginning and I can do asanas that were completely impossible at the beginning. That is SO empowering.

And so today as the comments became very negative and anger and frustration started to creep in, I was able to go back to my thoughts on yoga.  And then I saw this post:  http://blogs.yogajournal.com/guestblog/2012/04/money-and-the-truth-practicing-satya.html#.T5Bjfhrb3WQ.facebook 

Take a look when you have a chance–I know some of you will find something you can relate to in this article.  I know my sharing here on the blog has led to my sharing with trusted friends–with no details being held back….and I cannot say I have done that before.  The truth IS setting me free…one day at a time.  Challenge yourself to tell one person about your debt dirt today.    Namaste.

I also used a couple of retirement calculators to see where we are at and what we need to do in order to get where we want to be by age 60.  While certainly not in a fantabulous position, we also aren’t destitute.  With the debt payments decreasing in the next couple of years I would hope that by retirement we are talking about living expenses, medical expenses (which I know have got to be horrendous), housing and basic living stuff…maybe we won’t need to die within 18 months of retirement.  Funny timing as I was doing these calculations today, my husband was dining at what he did not know was a “Senior Friendly” restaurant on his current business trip. I’m sure as he enjoyed what he described as exceptionally bland food…surrounded by the senior crowd…he really wanted to see a text from his wife about retirement! 

Anyway,  I’ve gathered all the retirement numbers and that prompted me to get things moving on the account transfers and such so that’s a plus to posting this info.  I really hate this stuff–like almost rather eat a big bug instead of look at and thinking about my retirement accounts.  Sigh.  I know it is a reality but it is like I have a teflon brain for getting this!  In some ways I think it is simply a mental roadblock that will eventually lift on its own…other times I am pretty sure I will never understand investing.  Maybe there’s a community education course I can look into to help–b/c not even reading books on my own is doing it!  This reminds me of high school geometry when even the very patient teacher finally just gave me a D to get me out of her class!  My only D ever and she was so good about telling me she knew I was working so hard and giving it all I had…but…it was time for me to go!  Ah…good times!

The 529 College Fund is for my two children.  They each have 75 hours of an undergraduate degree paid for due to their father’s military service (a perk of being a Texas veteran that served during wartime) but we aren’t putting all of our eggs in that basket.  My ex and I were on a pretty regular deposit schedule until the divorce.  It isn’t that we agreed to stop investing…we just didn’t cover it like we should have when we divorced.   The oldest (12 years old) knows how to log on and check the balance AND has made a few deposits of birthday money and such.  I want to get on some sort of schedule again.  Oh and their paternal grandparents are very generous (read: too generous) with birthday and holiday dollar amounts and I’ve asked that they consider depositing a portion of that directly into the 529 but…since it was my idea, apparently it was a bad one!  LOL!  So, I’ve recently put my energy into teaching the kids about how to split up that $ and put some away.  That’s better anyway.

Tomorrow I will provide our current 401K balances.  If I am not mistaken…we figured out a few months back that together we have $80,000 total (that is the below AND the 401K accounts).  I am not currently adding to the below accounts but I am putting 8% (4% with a match) in my 401K.

$18,818.55 in Mutual Funds

$8,812.43 that I need to move from its current location.

$10,481.22 529 College Fund

$1,000.00 in an IRA

It was a good weekend for spending.  I cut the grocery budget yet again and spent $80 on what should cover us for TWO weeks!  I really worked the ads and coupons today and it took entirely too long (that has to improve with time I am guessing…) but I saved so much money the time is worth it!  Actually, I took a little quiet time in the process too by sitting at a local coffeeshop with my cup of coffee and clipping coupons.  And I’m a cheap coffee date—Americano please…nothing fancy.  It was nice me time actually.  Thankfully the little one is happy to help with cutting coupons still—a HUGE help.

I have also made a dent in the gas budget–even with the climbing prices.  This is just taking a little extra time to think things out but so far I’ve shaved off about $20 a week.

I caught myself at the store tonight having a moment like I’m sure many of you had when you first read my blog.  A man in front of me at Walgreens was using a small handheld basket and only had one…although it was full.  As I watched the cashier ring up his purchases there were several items that I KNEW there were easily accessible, good coupons for and had to bite my tongue when the cashier gave him his total….and no mention of coupons was made!  His total was $41.73!  For a handheld basket full of just grocery itmes!  My how times have changed!  I used to be that person–using Walgreens as a regular grocery store thinking nothing of the extra I was paying for the convenience!  I am pretty outspoken but I did not feel comfortable gently telling this older fellow how much he could have saved—just didn’t feel right at the time–but all the way home I was laughing at the irony!  Maybe I am optimistic but I already cannot imagine going back to such reckless spending.

If you are anything like me, paying off debt has become the lens through which you see the world. I hesitate to do anything that would take away from the goal of paying down debt. This can be good and bad. Good in that it helps me to get out of debt faster and bad in that it can cause me to make bad decisions about issues that are more important than money.

A friend recently suggested that everyone in our area have their house tested for Radon. I didn’t think much of it as I have heard the term before, but no one I knew had ever been very concerned about it. To be perfectly honest, I was afraid that something would be wrong and I would have to pay a lot of money and derail my debt payments. It was easier, but stupider, to assume that everything was fine as it was. After my wife asked me a few more times I finally went to our local health department and purchased a $7 detection kit. I’m very glad that I did.

So what is Radon?

Radon is the second leading cause of lung cancer in the US. It’s a radioactive gas that derives from the decay of uranium and thorium in the soil and bedrock. Certain areas are worse than others, but every home is at risk. Your house acts like a chimney for it due to the lower air pressure versus outside. Over time, as you breathe, the radioactive particles get into your lung tissue and then decay, giving off a burst of energy that can cause dangerous cell mutations to occur, the first step in a cancerous growth. Generally your immune system destroys these cells before they can become a tumor, but it isn’t a guarantee so minimizing your exposure is a must. Outside air usually contains about 4.0 pCi/L (Picocuries Per Liter). This is now considered to be the upper limit for safety indoors. Our test showed levels of 106.5 pCi/L!! To put that into perspective, a level of 20.0 is equivalent to smoking five packs of cigarettes a day.

So, obviously, we set about figuring out what to do about this. I was feeling pretty guilty about having exposed our family to this (albeit unknowingly) for the last three plus years, but realized that I couldn’t change the past and finding a solution was my top priority. We ended up having two different Radon specialists come to our house to give us an estimate. My biggest fear was that they were going to tell us that there was nothing they could do, leaving us in an unsellable and unhealthy home. Thankfully there are solutions and they’re pretty affective.

The contractor that we decided to go with tells us that his system can generally get the levels down to about 0.6 pCi/L. A huge improvement over where things stand now. The process involves drilling a hole in the foundation and inserting a pipe. The pipe extends all the way above the roof and an inline fan pulls the bad air from below the foundation and exhausts it where it is diluted and swept away before it can enter the house.

The cost for the system is about $925 installed. Thankfully we had a $1000 emergency fund in place. I always have to fight to keep from feeling down about losing debt reduction time when stuff like this happens. It means one more month of paying on our debts. When I feel that way, I remind myself that this was going to happen anyway, and because we were prepared, we won’t be incurring more debt to get it fixed.

The lesson I want to pass on here is to not neglect important things just to get out of debt a little faster. Get a physical every year and maybe even keep the gym membership. Your health is more important than your debt free date. And you should contact your local health department for information on a Radon detection test kit.

We’re always on the lookout for interesing, motivational and real life personal debt stories. It doesn’t matter whether you are an established debt blogger or have just started blogging. We’d love to have you share your personal debt story. Feel free to contact us at any time with your personal debt story.

Our baby girl will be receiving her First Holy Communion on Saturday the 21st.  This is such an exciting time!  BUT talk about the opportunity to spend a lot of money!  Sheesh. Ridiculous really. Good news is she is wearing a beautiful dress she wore in a wedding last summer and thankfully it was big on her at the wedding and now she’s grown into it!  This was a wedding on her Dad’s side and his family took care of the original purchase price so we are definitely getting their money’s worth out of it.  I searched at a few of the local kids’ resales for a headpiece of some sort as DD is a girly girl through and through.  No luck in town but I did find a great deal on ebay and it arrived today!  She already has shoes from an end of season clearance last year that I bought big…and so with those shoes the total spent on her ensemble is $20.  That’s not bad at all.

We’ll have about 12 people attending and we have budgeted for the meal after Mass.  In fact, I think we put it in the spreadsheet back in March. Once again, I am thankful for the very good friendship I have with my ex-husband.  We have agreements on everything really-time, money, etc.  We do not exchange child support b/c the children are with each of us for what works out to be a pretty even amount of time.  So, we always split events like this 50/50 which helps everyone’s budget.  For other religious events we’ve had meals at the house but with my remarriage that has become somewhat more difficult (ex-in-laws aren’t nearly as pleasant as their son) so we have to go to a neutral place in order for our daughter to be best served.  I DID spend some time thinking about how to forego the celebration—but we’ve done it for all the boys…so the guilt thing got me.  We are going very simple and I’ve pre-selected the menu so we KNOW what we are paying going in and people won’t be left to choose from the menu.  We will spend $250 (divide by 2) for a nice Italian meal at DD’s favorite restaurant.

WOW!  I think before I started thinking I would have spent closer to $500  just on my own (without counting what her Dad would have spent) on this event–using a credit card of course.  That’s progress.

So, while on business travel I am obviously on an expense account.  I can’t cook a meal so I find myself in restaurants.  Even on the company’s dime I found myself hesitating and making decisions based on $$$.  I take this as a good sign that I am learning new habits.  It would be very easy to just go wild and not be a good steward of what is entrusted to me…and I’m pretty sure no one approving my expense report would even notice.  This is a very good sign!

I also learned from someone “in the know” today that the decision to postpone the hire is likely due to the fiscal year and how a pay increase would impact the bottom line.  I am trying very hard not to put all my stock in that statement but it DID make my “travels across Texas” worth it. 

Final funny to share.  Last night I broke down and took the three kids out to eat.  My husband–Steve–was in Houston on business and with my early flight to Dallas this morning…well, I just did not have cooking in me!  I had everything to make spaghetti but after taking an hour after work to just hang out at the neighborhood pool while the kids swam…completing a First Communion lesson with the youngest…and preparing for a presentation I made today for work…I admit it..I was spent.  This is the first time we have taken the kids out to eat in 3 months!  They’ve been great about it.  I had a coupon for $5.99 all-you-can-eat buffets at Souper Salad.  The youngest one’s meal was only $4.00 so while certainly more than I’d spend making something at home…I still gave in.  As we pulled up to the restaurant I reminded everyone “water only guys.”   We all know how those drinks rack up the final bill and the two boys knew what I was talking about.  The 7-year-old girl said, with eyes wide, “you mean we can’t get food?!” 

 Okay then…I guess our changes ARE having an impact!   

I know that some readers will assume our kids are overindulged…but I beg to differ.  They saved money from chores (more on that in a post to come), birthdays, holidays, little “jobs” and have bought ALL of the gadgets they have.  One bought an iTouch after over a year of saving. Honestly I didn’t think he’d be so determined but I’m proud he was!  We supply the bottom of the barrel cell phones b/c my husband has a stash of old phones at his disposal and I’m the only one in this house with an iPhone!  And that was only after it was reduced to an employee discount price.   The middle schoolers just got their phones this school year and friends don’t believe them when they learn their Dad works for a cell company…b/c they definitely don’t have the cutting edge phones.  Three of the four kids seem to be naturally thrifty and the one that isn’t…is learning from the others.  We provide basics and even the PS3 that is now serving as our television supply was split–we paid 50%, they paid the other 50%.   So, all this is to say that I’m not surprised by the lack of drama or pushback from them…but I am surprised at each of them articulating it in the manner they do.  As a new blended family we’ve needed a common goal.  It hit me today that saving money and paying off debt is the perfect common goal!   In some bizarre way (truly bizarre thinking here) I wish I COULD point to a bunch of crap for the kids to explain this debt!  But that’s CRAZY talk!  I am sure the days ahead will see unhappiness and disappointment as the novelty of this battle wears off and we all realize it is a long war ahead.

Anyway, this  is just a random share to celebrate the entire family’s progress.  I like the idea someone put in a comment about recruiting them for my ebay sales.  I know they would love that!

This is so exciting!  We are even more motivated and looking forward to finding additional ways to cut spending!  I did more minor couponing last night getting some staples and my beloved Special K Cereal Bars (if these are bad for me, please don’t say so…    ) and our grocery bill was only $40 for the week.  We have some schedule issues that have kids out of the house at unusual times but instead of buying like we normally do, we thought ahead and made the money saving adjustments.

Quick question—do I close all of the credit cards I paid off with this loan?   I can’t figure out from my own quick googling if that is good or bad for my credit score so I  look to you for advice.

The next thing you know I am on our credit union’s website completing a “signature loan” application!  I double checked with the hubs of course. I’ve banked with this credit union since 1985 and my Dad since long before that year–the 1950′s I believe.  My husband and I opened our joint account there even before we married as we saved money for our wedding trip with the kids.  He had banked with traditional banks in the past and liked what he saw with the credit union. We have a very good history with them and they have always been very good to us—this doesn’t mean they’ve always given me the credit I’ve asked for (thank goodness!) but always very fair.  We asked for $11,000 to pay off 4 credit cards.  Within 2 hours we received the email letting us know we were approved!!!  While not the 10% I envisioned, we did get 11.4%!!!  It is a 48 month pay off but that makes the minimum payment $280 and we already pay $340 on those cards each month.  Taking that $340 (and yes, we plan to pay more than that) this credit union signature loan would be paid off in 40 months.  If we pay $500 per month (completely doable barring any unforeseen issues), we are looking at 25 months to payoff.  We did some quick calculations–taking just the minimums on these 4 cards…if we had never started paying attention and just kept paying the minimums, we would have paid $26,230.46 in interest!!!!! Barf.  If we go with the $340 “minimum” that would be $2,356.13 and if we do the $500 per month…that amount goes down to $1,485.15!  That’s an approximate $25,000 savings!!!!  And as I type this my husband is saying that we will do $800.00 a month and that means 15 months and only $893.14 in interest.  UNBELIEVABLE!

We’ll finalize this loan this coming week.  I am feeling very, very thankful for the options I DO have.  Please know none of this is lost on me.  I am so grateful that we have options—and so, so grateful that my path led me to this blog and that I was selected to share my story.    Thank you to everyone who has nudged me via comments.  While I may not be able to respond to all, I read every single one and truly take the advice to heart.  Is there an emoticon for “beaming!”  ??? Thank you!

We are waiting on Roku b/c we need to educate ourselves on perhaps using the Playstation 3 and Wii that we already have.  I understand they can do the wifi feed but we need to figure out how that works.  Let me know if you have info on this topic.

Today marked our first volunteer time at Mobile Loaves and Fishes.  We can see that being a wonderful addition to our busy schedules!  It was a great time for all as we made 100 meals for the homeless.  It was empowering to see how the power of many can knock out a task like this in absolutely no time.  We were finished in an hour!  We hope to go out on the truck next time but there were other volunteers for that duty today.

The evening ended with trips to CVS and Walgreens where, with the help of coupons, we bought two 6-paks of Bounty papertowels, two 6-pack “double rolls” of Charmin, 2 large bottles of olive oil on clearance, 5 boxes of cereal (to include Life–my all time fave happened to be on clearance for $1.50 b/c it expires in May), a gallon of milk and a pack of gum for $9!  So exciting for us!  We laughed as we looked at this Friday evening compared to Fridays in the past—we used to eat at a nice restaurant and drop at least $80…but tonight we happily saved a lot of money on things we need and use and celebrated no cable television!  I am so excited to be done with that bill—and the $105 will go straight toward savings and debt!

Notice the slightly updated numbers–the savings is up to $650 and a $145 line of credit is paid off! 

I am currently in Houston on business.  As I shared before I am up for a promotion and was told about 2 weeks ago that the position was not going to be filled until summer.  As I was told this news, I asked for clarification on that decision in a sort of “charades without clues” manner.  I asked my boss several questions as he explained that they needed to see more “leadership” displayed by their final choice.  That puzzled me for several reasons so I pushed more with my boss asking him for specifics on what exactly needs to be seen.  While he wasn’t willing to share specifics in the way I wanted to hear them, he was able to offer some form of “answers” to my very specific questions.   My understanding of his responses were that the final choice needs to be more connected to the people we support in other parts of the state.  I asked if an expense report would be approved for travel to other parts of the state even if not directly tied to a specific matter.  He indicated that they would and that getting out and about would be a good thing.  Much of what we do for these groups of people happens remotely and we often never meet the people face-to-face.  I gathered through this question and answer session that the concern re: “leadership skills” had more to do with connecting with these people in other offices.  That may be completely wrong but it is what I took away from the chat.  Thankfully, relationship building comes easily to me and I set out to meet as many people as possible by calling/emailing/instant messaging to set up one-on-one chats to find out how I and, more importantly, my office could better help them in meeting their goals.  That’s why I’m in Houston and why I’ll be in Dallas next week.

Here’s the lesson:  I have no idea if this is what will get me this promotion.  I am surprisingly okay with that reality.  While I am a fierce competitor, I also understand that I may not be the right fit for this job at this time.  What I do completely “get” is that what I am doing is a GOOD thing no matter the outcome.  I am growing professionally and getting to know other parts of our business from a safe place.  I am watching and learning and already see the benefit to the experience.  For most of my life I’ve only done things that I know I will succeed at so this is sort of new territory and I’m enthusiastic about the calm I feel about it all. 

After a long day of what I call “meet and greet” activities (some people in my life asked if I’d be shaking hands and kissing babies) I’m back in the hotel now and hopped online to take care of a few things.  That’s when I remembered that a reader sent an email referring me to a blog she follows.  It is http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/ and I just went and took a look it and loved what I found.  The entry today is a guest post but it is so exactly what I needed to see after this long day!  Basically, it is a reminder that we all have things to learn and unlearn in this life.  The writer talks about how our childhood experience with money certainly impacts what we do as adults but she makes the point that while we most often think in the obvious way of “frugal parents raise frugal kids” or “spenders raise spenders” there’s another valid point to be made when we look at our view on finances.  Basically, just b/c you were raised in a frugal household making do with what you had…be careful not to let this set you up for a belief that you can’t EARN more.  Don’t let this prevent you from pursuing that promotion or asking for a raise is the message in the post.

This made me very thankful for my parents.  While they may not have raised a frugal child–although they did live very frugally–I’m sure my financial woes started well after I left their household–they DID raise a child who (as evidenced today) is not afraid to take risks even when they are out of my comfort zone.  That’s such a great realization for me!  I may not get the job but I will know that I gave it my all–and that’s a great feeling to have as I call it a night! 

Another long post!    Will you all be shocked to know that I timed myself tonight and I just wrote this in 8 minutes?  That’s why you see so many posts from me–when it starts to flow, there it is and I intentionally don’t read and reread and read again.  It is what it is…free flowing, stream of consciousness…all me.   And yes, I talk faster than I type…that should sufficiently terrify some of you!

And now the bad news…as to our debt payoff approach, it’s a “snowball hybrid” of sorts. We have decided that we will pay off the second line of credit of $145 this week.  That’s just to motivate us to scratch one more off the list.  Then we are going to work to knock out the debt with higher payments–not the highest, but not the small $25 minimum payment accounts either.  More specifically, we are going to snowball the minimums from the two we’ve paid off (the $60 something first one and the first line of credit= $45 freed up) to the Dad debt.  That will pay him off in June.  That will then free up $145 in minimums to go to that heinous 24.9% store credit card with the approximate $2000 balance.  That card has a $105 minimum payment.  By increasing the payment to $250 in June we estimate that one will be paid off in 10 months.  Let me take a moment to express just how much that sucks!  I was sure those calculations were wrong but that is the beast called “denial” creeping in again. Hello.  It’s a 25% interest rate!  What would I expect?!  Totally stinks. 

Next, we discussed tackling the Discover card that sits right around $7,000 @ 18% and with a $140 minimum payment.  Using the snowball we’d be paying $390 per month toward that and using a very basic calculation that would result in a 1 year, 10 month payoff timeframe.  That’s looking pretty far down the road but that is good to keep all of this very, very real.

On the upside now–digging deep to find an upside–these numbers do not reflect any additional income we can put toward this mess.  We aren’t considering an income increase,we aren’t consider any additional money we free up by cutting monthly expenditures and we haven’t taken into consideration the $400 extra per month that we will be putting into the emergency fund for now.  I have to keep those numbers at bay in the calculations but I can allow myself to keep them in mind so I don’t go running out into traffic!    Good thing I’m a pretty upbeat person or I could see me spiraling into a very dark place! 

Until next time…

Speaking of the little stuff…I tiptoed into the world of couponing today.  I was very deliberate in my approach and managed to save a total of $32.  I only went to Walgreens and CVS and purchased regularly used allergy medicine (that alone usually sets me back $20), my usual coffee, toothpaste, toothbrushes, Easter treats for the kids, jello pudding mix and 4 boxes of regular Rice Krispies.  I used my usual spending amount and didn’t dip into what sits in the account which is the only way I will do this.  All of these are items that we would have bought anyway–but at FULL price.  So I say… yippee!

I’m sitting at my dining room table right now with the coupon circulars spread about.  There’s a whole world out there on this couponing thing!  Wow!  I had no idea!  As expected, we learned that we live in a tough market given the market control held by one giant, but I like what I hear about CVS, Walgreens and Target.  www.coupondad.net has a great “CVS 101″ and “Walgreens 101″ bit that I found tremendously helpful. It can be very intimidating so my goal is to just start with health and beauty items.  If I can save on soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrushes, dental floss and hair color…oh and batteries…that’s a great place to start.  I can’t seem to get a handle on stockpiling groceries yet but I’m open to it…especially pasta.  Please don’t tell me to make my own pasta.  I will not make my own pasta–although I AM often very taken by all of that fun and expensive pasta making stuff when I visit the high end culinary stores.  “Culinary.”  Even using that word makes me chuckle.  You know…the Williams-Sonoma, Sur le table…oh my goodness I love going in those stores.  I don’t buy anything mind you but the idea of having all those kitchen gadgets is so fun!  But…I digress…

Anyway…I’ll report back on my success on this baby step…and all the other baby steps.  I’m feeling a little bit like I have all of these great ideas but I haven’t taken a whole lot of ACTION.

When I first started trying to improve my financial situation, I went through a series of phases:

Denial

I didn’t think I had that much to learn. I mean, I was already balancing my checkbook and reviewing my statement each month, and I could tell you about what I was spending as I knew how little much we had left over each month. We weren’t doing anything wrong, we just needed more money and then we’d be fine.

But, I didn’t think it could hurt to at least read a book and make sure.

Shock and awe

One of the first things any personal finance book will tell you is that you have to start recording every purchase you make and associating it with a category. Cash, check, credit card, everything gets recorded.

After a week or so of recording everything, you’re told to go back and add up what you spent in every category. So I complied and dutifully went about adding up each category, thinking that it shouldn’t take too long to find that you can’t get blood from a turnip…

Anger

Holy (insert family friendly expletive here)!

I spent how much on work lunches?

Why do groceries cost that much?

I could buy a coffee maker every month and STILL spend less on coffee!

“This is crazy!” I said and quickly set out to see how we could reduce our spending.

On a mission

Suddenly, I became Ima Schwartzasaver, the Terminator.

And every category suddenly read “Sara O’Connor” in big bold letters.

“Are you Sara O’Connor?” I said to the cable bill.

“Yes”, replied Ms. Sara Cable Bill O’Connor nervously.

Well, I’m fixin’ to terminate you.

(gratuituous violence scene)

Repeat. Lather. Rinse.

Closing in on total annihilation

After surveying the trail of “reckless spending” carcasses in my wake, my eye caught one of the behemoths of my budget.

(queue the suspenseful music, preferably something from “300“)

Groceries.

(Hopefully when you read that word, in your mind it sounded like the guy who does the movie trailers for the summer blockbusters)

That one should be easy to cut, especially after all the stories I heard about couponing. Heck, I’m such a bad dude I bet extreme couponing would be more my style.

And off I went.

I did the research.

Read the forums.

Got the book from the library (Did I mention I’m frugal?).

Watched the show.

And so, a couple of weeks later I was ready, having laid the foundation:

• Bought multiple copies of the newspapers for my area, and filed the coupons by coupon source and date
• Saved the coupons in the mail
• Scavenged coupons left behind by others at restaurants
• Set aside a storage area for my bounty
• Registered for all of the in store reward cards
• Used websites to figure out when my coupons would line up with store sales
• Compiled a list of which stores I would visit (4 in total), which coupons I would use, and how many different transactions it would take at each store.

Operation “Grocery Store Domination” is a GO!

And it really did work.

I came home that day, exhausted after several hours of shopping and driving between stores, but I had saved over 50% on my grocery bill.

So I gleefully set about unloading the car and marveling at my loot, feeling like the modern-day metro sexual version of a pirate.

The fact that I was the “wench” because I did all the shopping and cooking kind of ruined my fantasy, but I did have a pretty cool parrot.

Anyway, about an hour later I had everything stowed and had bragged about my success to my wife (who actually accompanied me on some of the trips).

Having worked up a big appetite, we were starving, so I casually remarked something about whipping up something that would probably cost us pennies on the dollar.

Off I went to the pantry to see what we had.

Hmm.

20 boxes of cereal.

Nah, not for dinner.

30 boxes of spaghetti.

Rats, the spaghetti sauce was on next week’s attack list so that won’t work.

3 blood sugar test kits.

What the? Oh yeah, that was so I could get that rebate thing that made them free and gave me cash back in the store so that I can……never mind. I can’t eat them anyway.

10 Air fresheners.

Well, that’s good. If I cook something that smells nasty I can overpower it with that fresh pine scent.

10 pounds of chicken breast, boneless / skinless.

NOW we’re talking! I’ve got a bunch of great recipes for those….

(rummage through the recipe box)

Well, I’ve got about a dozen great recipes, but we’re missing at least one ingredient for each of them, which means another trip to the store.

Man down!

So we ordered pizza that night, and I quickly realized that couponing wasn’t going to work for me. It was hard enough (and I failed) coming up with something on a weekend after I had just went shopping, I couldn’t imaging trying to do that after working all day.

So back to the drawing board I went, and I stumbled across a site called emeals (at the time they were E-mealz).

The premise of emeals is that they provide a one week menu for you (they offer menus by store or food type, i.e. low carb, low fat gluten free, etc.) with the shopping list to go along with it.

And, their menus are designed to average (now) around $85 per week to feed a family of 4. For us, the “family of 4″ has been very inaccurate in that we’re able to feed a family of 5 (including a teen that wears a size 14 shoe and his younger brother who eats more than he does) to satiety and we have had leftovers every single meal.

They have sample plans available under the “How it works” section on their website if you’d like to see the types of meals they offer. We have a couple of picky eaters and we’ve only found one or two dishes that we didn’t like.

How do I know what my grocery budget should be?

Even after implementing emeals, I still struggled with determining how I was doing in my grocery budget. Most of the personal finance books I’ve read speak in percentages, but those were always way off and didn’t seem to make much sense to me.

How can one percentage work for a retired couple, a house full of teenagers, and a single person?

What if there are special dietary needs that are required medically?

Doesn’t the cost of food change? If this book was written in 1999, are the percentages still accurate?

Get your slide rule out…

And then I discovered the USDA (United States Department of Agriculture) website. On their site, they have a document (PDF) that is updated monthly. In that document, they list the average cost of food necessary to eat according to the food pyramid broken out by age, sex, and four different budget levels.

Even though I’m not necessarily a huge fan of the pyramid, that seemed like a reasonable model and the fact that they tied it to the consumer price index made it very factual to me.

So I pulled up the PDF and began to calculate what our average monthly cost should be:

• Let’s see, I’m a 42 year old male so, let’s start with “Thrifty” (jot that number down) from the “19-50″ column.
• Next, my wife…find her age range….find thrifty….jot that number down
• (Repeat for the other 3 family members)
• Cool, here’s my total. Wait…..what’s the text at the bottom?
• Oh, I need to adjust the total by 5 percent because these figures are based on 4 family members. Makes sense, but a pain in the butt.
• So there’s my total. Oh. I should probably do the other 3 spending levels as well just so I know them.

Needless to say, this became a lengthy, tedious process that I wasn’t anxious to repeat.

Here he comes to save the day!

Never fear though, dear reader. Not only is this the “Blogging Away Debt” blog, but you happen to be reading the “Blogging Away a Pain in the Butt” guest post.

Luckily for you, I designed and hired someone to code the math behind the table and present in a homely but very efficient and beneficial (not me, the calculator smarty pants) page where all the math is done for you.

All you have to do is select the sex and age range for each family member and press the “Calc” button to see what the average spend in each food category for your family should be.

The table supports up to 10 family members; if you have more than that you already have your own reality show on TLC, so what do you care how much groceries cost? Sheesh…celebrities are so needy.

Anywho, here’s the link to the calculator: Food Costs Calculator (don’t worry, it opens in a separate window)

For us, thanks to emeals, we fall just above the “Thrifty” average and just below the “Low” average for most normal months. If we have company or cook a holiday meal it creeps up to “Low”, but we average below that.

So how do you fare?

Are you at the “Thrifty”, “Low”, “Moderate” or “Liberal” level?

If you’re at the “Thrifty” level or below, how do you do it?

If you’re at the “Moderate” or “Liberal” level, can you think of ways to lower your bill besides becoming a Republican? (Sorry, couldn’t resist. Get it? Liberal? Republican?. Never mind.)

Have you had success at couponing, and if so, how did you overcome the challenge of finding meals easily based on what you have in hand?

We are always looking for interesing, motivational and real life personal debt stories. If you have a personal debt story that you’d like to share, feel free to contact us so that we can share it with all the readers.

Disclaimer: This post is sprinkled liberally with links to emeals, a site where I am both a customer and (like every customer) an affiliate, receiving a 25% commission when you sign up. However, I post these affiliate links with no shame as 100% of the profits I receive from emeals (and from my blog) go directly to a non-profit charitable corporation I’m launching this summer. Currently, the funds are going towards incorporating costs as I tapped out my “dream” budget balance pretty quickly working on developing the concept. If you’re interested, there is more information about the charity on the calculator page.

One accountability note–I’ve realized that I have an addiction to the “shell game.”  What does that mean?  I like the rush of moving money from one place to another and back again…often before I even have the money in my account.  Case in point:  The first $145 line of credit balance  you see here…I initially put $0 there…not because I am a LIAR Sarah  …but b/c I know I have money in my account that I can use for that right now (b/c it is earmarked for an expense later in time) and then I have money coming in that can replace that money I took out so I get the good feeling of paying something off EARLIER than I otherwise would….but…I realize in my frontal lobe (wikipedia break: frontal lobes involve the ability to recognize future consequences resulting from current actions, to choose between good and bad actions, override and suppress unacceptable social responses, and determine similarities and differences between things or events. Therefore, it is involved in higher mental functions) that this thing I do is ALL A FICTION!  I’m a Dream Weaver!  I don’t at all have an intent to be DECEITFUL but…do you see what I’m saying here?  And so, my husband is RIGHT (yes dear, that’s in writing for the world to see)…I can’t do that anymore!  That’s a bad, bad habit that must stop and I feel super charged that I’m stopping it today with the posting of these new numbers!  Woo-hoo!

For the next few years my elderly parents did their best to care for my aging aunt.  She was not in good health and the stress was taking its toll on my sweet parents.  My two sisters and I along with my parents then handled another few years working all together to get her what she needed and to keep her in her own home.  Ultimately we had to move her to a “senior apartment” where she lived well for about 5 years.  Then–last year–things got to the point that we knew we had to put her in a nursing home.  I hold power of attorney to handle financial and legal issues and I knew it fell to me to make this tough decision.  I say tough not because my aunt was objecting (really–she was pretty cooperative but sadly somewhat unable to fully understand) but instead because of my own mother.  At 80 years old herself the task of putting a loved one in a nursing home while facing her own physical limitations was very stressful for my mom.  We all got through it but not without a lot of tears, frustration, disagreements….etc.

Aside from the emotional impact that this had, I was ASTONISHED at the financial impact!  My aunt worked much of her life as a Registered Nurse and her husband worked for the City of New York.  Her monthly income was right around $2500 a month and as some of you know I’m sure…that won’t touch the monthly cost of a nursing home.  I was forced to do a spendown of her accounts so that she could receive assistance for her long term care.  She didn’t have a lot of money in her accounts and no longer owned property but it was SO SAD and felt just SO WRONG to have to handle it this way.  After months and months of getting everything in order things are okay now and she is well taken care of and doing much better overall.  The kids and I visit as often as possible.  I think this is both good for the kids but I also love brightening the faces of the nursing home residents!

So I am writing this post because this experience made me stop and think about long term care.  I have done no research at this point but am curious if any of you have insight on the topic of purchasing a long term care insurance policy.  I’m not going to run out and get this tomorrow but after seeing what this did to my aunt and to my parents (thankfully they DO have their long term care plans in place…as well as their funeral arrangements DONE…thank you Dad for saving your five children that stress!), I just want a timeline in my head at this point.  Feedback welcome! 

Here’s the link to what we are doing on Friday night.  If you live in the Atlanta, GA area there’s one there next week.  I’ll report back with details.

http://www.5dollardinners.com/2012/03/san-antonio-coupon-class.html

My 7-year-old daughter was completely inspired at this little 10 minute tour.  All she kept saying was how “neat” she thought the director’s “job” was b/c she got to feed people who were hungry.  From that night on (about 2 weeks ago) this is all my daughter has talked about.  So, I reached out to the director to find out where our services might be needed.  As of April 6, we will begin volunteering on the “prep team” on the first Friday of each month.

In addition to teaching the kids about our own money matters, this will serve as a reminder of just how blessed we are to have what we do have and inspire us to live more grateful lives.

After 2 years of separate and individual accounts we had an “a-ha!” moment in December of 2011 and by January 1, 2012 we agreed to combine everything–the good, the bad and the ugly.  SO, it is to be expected that we will have these growing pains.  We DO need help finding and maintaining open dialogue so that issues don’t fester and then overflow in a bad way.  It is a matter of trial and error to a great extent and we have to be patient and give ourselves a break.  Let’s face it–there is a reasongthat a full 70% of second marriages don’t make it…the stress is nothing that can be explained until you experience it.  I believe we can make a choice each and every day to respect,  honor and celebrate one another instead of engaging in negative behavior based in resentment.  When we do that, we see the beautiful gift that we are to one another.

We are adjusting to a new way of thinking.  It can be very frustrating to stop and think about what we spend when we’ve never done that before.  That is not to say that stopping and thinking are bad things but instead NEW things.  Change is uncomfortable!  Change takes thought.  I think that sometimes it is easier to criticize the other for a perception that they are unwilling or slow to change instead of just focusing on our individual shortcomings.

Sigh.  It’s just hard work.  That’s all it boils down to…but the rewards are worth it!  I can’t wait to look back and see how far we’ve come! 

At this time I was not ready to face my own crisis with debt.  In fact, his financial situation was a nice distraction from my own.  Let me clear about something–yes, the $55K or so in credit card debt is in my name but at least a small portion of that is from this time period where I bridged a gap created by the unfortunate work situation he faced.  While he does not have debt, he is a spender and definitely spent more than he was “guaranteed” to earn but would then “take care of it” with the big commission checks that always seemed to come at the right time. He ended up being hired in a new position with the same company and for the first time in his career, there was no commission involved with this position.  That appeals to my personality because I like the “known” but it doesn’t really match his personality as he rather have the opportunity to work harder and make more money.  He does now have a salary that covers all of his obligations which is very important to him and I am able to meet all of my obligations with my salary, but neither of us would have a lot left over to make progress of savings or debt reduction without combining our efforts. I think it is critical that we not look at this as “yours and mine” b/c it creates such tension and resentment.  That is what kept us stuck for so long.  I really believe that it all happened for a reason and that is to teach two fiercely independent personalities that relying on one another can be mutually beneficial, humbling AND empowering all at the same time.  And I was and am completely ready to move forward with a joint effort to tackle our financial demons…but…

As we enter the fourth week of “Operation Debt Wipe Out” I sense some tension similar to those early days of our marriage.  Maybe he resents the fact that the majority of the credit card debt is mine or maybe he wishes he saved more money when he got those huge commission checks…I’m not sure.   I know there needs to be open communication about all of this and am taking to heart the very, very valid tips you provide in your comments…and we will get there.  But as someone pointed out in a comment, a blended family is a tough, tough situation!  Thank you to the 33-year survivor for sharing b/c sometimes you do feel very much like you are alone so that was wonderful to read.  We’ve been married just 2 years and 3 months and have faced some gigantic challenges already with more to come and some days it just seems like we’ll never be in the same financial book…let alone on the same page.

Finally, as for the question about my husband doing a guest post…oh how I hope one day that will come to be!  At this point, his place on the journey is such that I’m not sure he is even looking at the blog.  I DID discuss it with him at length before agreeing to proceed and I know he wanted to be supportive of this option but it does make him (and me) feel very, VERY vulnerable…clearly not our strongest trait…which also happened for a reason. Time is all that can help–that and progress–so that he can see the good out of my sharing.

Oh and if this post is too long well…so be it.  Writing comes very easily to me and I regret if reading it isn’t as easy for some of you readers.

This is me.

In the next few days I will be sharing this part of the journey.  The tension I’ve noticed this weekend reminded me of this part of our history and I want to share it as much as for you to know the background and for me to remember that part of our history– so we don’t find ourselves repeating it.

After a couple of u-turns and a total of more miles than necessary, we found the location.  We knew it was the location b/c there were cars parked everywhere and then…a line that was definitely at least 30 minutes and I only had about 20 to give!  It was not nearly as organized as I expected it to be and I can see that there is a shortage of volunteers.  If we contiue with this we will definitely have to sign up to help.  So as I am watching the clock and my already nervous son becomes more nervous, I had to bail.  While the priority was certainly getting him to the school…I will share that once again all of you popped into my head!  I did NOT want to have to report that I just threw $20 in the trash AND the $20 of my girlfriend in the trash!  I could hear your collective groan!

But I knew I had to get my son where he needed to be.  As it turned out I was just completely wrong about where I was taking him to begin with and as I made my way to the school I thought was the correct location he corrected me…this added about 10 minutes to the drive but thankfully…I got him there with 15 to spare.  Now it was decision time…do I go back to see if they are still at the produce distribution site?!  I DID think about the gas I was using (progress) and DID hesitate to now drive 10 or 15 miles back…but I also hated the thought of just giving up.

So away I went!  That’s when I heard from my co-conspirator on this grand produce idea by telephone.  The produce police HAD BEEN looking for me and I better just turn right around b/c they were leaving and that was that.  Oh!  I was SO disappointed!  While we chatted she had a call interrupt ours and sure enough…it was last chance Produce Paula grumbling to my friend that she would wait for me if I was nearby!  I was nearby having JUST entered the turnaround to head back to my house.  So I quickly ducked into a parking lot in an attempt to get back to the main street that goes toward the produce place instead of making a complete, near 1.5 mile turnaround by having to go up to the next exit!  Easy enough, right?  Wrong.  I chose a parking lot to a NEW GIGANTIC HEB PLUS and then got trapped in a maze of detours!  Finally finding my way to an exit back on the access road I am slowing down to yield and someone turns in, stops and proceeds to roll down their window asking me for directions!!!   Uh…really? Because I look like I know what I am doing?  “Don’t go that way!” I said pointing to the store parking lot!  What a fiasco.  So I am forced to turn right….make my way ALL the way down the access road, hit the turnaround, change my direction back toward the produce place and what is my thought?

“The readers are going to say I am using too much gas on this adventure for $20 worth of produce!!!”

I knew I was at that point but was SO close to success I couldn’t stop now!  I round the corner coming up on the 5 volunteers all waiting for me and all not looking very pleased to be doing so!  I exited my vehicle profusely apologizing trying to outline my insane morning and no one was amused.  I proceeded to receive a lecture of sorts from Produce Polly and yes, it was well deserved.  Those ladies DO work hard and get up very early and should not have to wait for a maniac like me to get my act together and pick up produce.

I am happy to report that I LOVE what my produce collection came with though!  We got lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, aspargus, green beans, yellow onions, garlic, cilantro, poblano and anaheim peppers, a spaghetti squash, the pineapples, green onions, key limes, apples and other things I can’t remember right now.  AND hubby made migas (okay y’all are going to think all we eat is some version of a taco every day and…you  might be right) and I made a yummy salsa with the peppers, onion and tomatillos.    Not bad after that exhausting journey to get produce!  I’ll give it another try now that I understand what I am doing and most importantly I won’t have somewhere else to be after pick up!!!

My older brother had been in dire financial straits for sometime, and was far too proud to ask his little sister for help. It’s a standard personal finance rule to resist getting involved in the money messes of relatives, but of all the money management rules we’re meant to follow, this one is broken the most. So if I was going to decide to help my big brother get out of debt, how was I going to go about it without getting myself in trouble or robbing him of his self-respect?

I decided to sit down and devise a series of rules and regulations to follow. Not only have they helped to minimize risk while maximizing my ability to get involved, they’ve also helped to reduce the embarrassment my brother doesn’t want to experience, which was one of the main reasons he wasn’t seeking help in the first place.

The following is my very own how to help a loved one in debt manifesto, which so far has been working out quite well:

Demand to See Everything

I decided that before getting involved financially with my brother’s debt problems, it was imperative that I have a complete understanding of his entire situation. By asking my brother to fetch every shred of paper proof of his total debt, he actually discovered he owed a little bit more than he thought he did. While it would have been an innocent mistake, his underestimation could have potentially made any efforts of mine to help utterly irrelevant.

Exhaust All Third Party Resources

Upon talking with my brother about his debt, I discovered he hadn’t even bothered to call his student loan lender, let alone anyone else he owed money to. I wanted to make sure that all the obvious moves had been made before getting myself involved any further than as an acting advisor. You’d be surprised what people won’t do simply because of pride.

Provide Tools and Offer Limited-Risk Options

Before I lent any money, I wanted to makes sure that all other non monetary options had been explored. I was willing to offer a spare bedroom if my brother was willing to sell hi home to pay off his debtdebt. I had a used compact car that I was willing to sell at discount to him if he was willing to sell his brand new truck to reduce his debt. While my brother didn’t take me up on all of my offers, it gave me the opportunity to explore options that didn’t mean a cash hand out plus see how serious he was at getting rid of his debt. I think it’s important to see if these sorts of options can solve a loved one’s personal debt crisis before choosing to lend cash instead.

Write up a Contract if Money Is Exchanged

I decided early on that if the only way my brother was going to get out of debt was if he borrowed money from me, that we would get it in writing. While it may seem as though such a formal agreement would alienate a loved one looking for help, I found that a personal loan contract had the opposite affect. My brother was ashamed of his debt and he felt as though a contract made it less like charity and more like a business transaction.

Virtually every personal finance guru out there tells you to avoid helping relatives get out of debt at all costs. But the honest truth is that when loved ones that are close to you need help, it’s almost impossible to say no. With that being said, it’s critical that you take the proper steps to ensure that such assistance actually helps and that it doesn’t put you at risk for getting into debt yourself.

We are always looking for interesing, motivational and real life personal debt stories. If you have a personal debt story that you’d like to share, feel free to contact us so that we can share it with all the readers.