As for my summer travel, I read and thought about all of your comments.  I’ve decided to challenge myself to save a separate little nest egg from my PC business and my ongoing selling of things on craigslist and ebay.  If I save $1,000 by the proposed late July travel date, I do.  If I don’t, I stay home.  I will not lose money on the airfare.  If I cancel I just get the credit on Southwest.  I won’t be putting money down on the condo so there’s no risk on that front.  I feel comfortable with this decision as it sets limits and both addresses the danger of impulsive decisions but also is realistic.  For the last few months (as I’ve shared) I’ve had some tough days where I fear I am about to go out and spend crazy, unplanned money!  So far I’ve done well to avoid bad decisions but remember I even had to take random purchases back to the store?  I don’t want to be a nomad in the desert.  I honestly worry that when the debt is paid off I am going to go crazy and in the span of just a short time, be back in debt.  I want to learn to be balanced and measured about it and I think this Puerto Rico thing is a test.  I’ll have to be very honest with myself and with all of you if this test is to work and be most beneficial.  Fingers crossed.

Now I’m off to find stuff to sell…

Quick.  Stop me!

I got sucked into a few television shows via Hulu and the internet.  Some were truly mind-numbing (did you know there’s a reality show called “Pregnant and Dating?”  Don’t judge me for watching that one!) while others were very informative!  I watched House Hunters (both domestic and international) as well as “Love It or List It.”  I think I’ve seen one episode of House Hunters before and “Love It or List It” was new for my TV watching list.  There were a couple that caught my attention but two stand out.  The first was the family from Houston who was transferred to Brussels for the husband’s job.  I tend to watch things now with a “pre-blog” and “post-blog” take.  I could relate to so many things about this family under my “pre-blog” brain.  They were trying to make Europe fit their very American (and dare I say very Texan) ways.  The wife kept saying she had a vision of what their European house would be like but then kept including very American aspects to that vision.  And they had SO MUCH STUFF that I don’t know how they walked around the final set up of their home.  The second episode was the single, female Dallas lawyer who up and moved to Rome.  She had a business idea it seemed for consulting on American legal issues for European businesses but the show didn’t go into exactly how that worked.  She had an $1,800 budget and decided on an apartment that wasn’t her top choice (the top choice was $2,400 per month) and she recognized that she could not overextend like that until the business was more stable.  I have a secret little dream that after my kids are grown and I retire, I will live at least part time in Europe–so it was fun to watch that one.

Then there was “Love It or List It.”  The premise of this one is a family’s home no longer meets their needs and one spouse wants to sell while the other wants to stay.  So the show brings in a design/remodeling team to convert the current home into what the couple says they need and also brings in a real estate agent to find the couple a new home to buy.  After all of the renovations are done and an available for purchase home is decided upon, the couple decides to “Love It or Leave It.”  This show is fascinating from a relationship perspective too.  The spouse who wanted to leave (in one episode the husband, in another the wife) really went to great lengths to not like their current home.  It was as though the designer  was dealing with children who did not like the clothes mom picked out and nothing was going to change their minds.  The wife even got hostile with the designer insisting on a wall coming down that the designer knew was going to take too much of the budget–but the wife was insistent.  In the end, both couples decided to “Love It” because the renovations were remarkable but it wasn’t without a lot of angst once they got a taste of the shiny new house.

It is neat to watch these things now with no envy or jealousy.  I used to watch those things and “ooooh “and “ahhh” and want the same.  I’d get the “design bug” and go do something random to my homes (when I owned my homes) just because I was sparked.  Completely impulsive behavior.  Now I still “oooh” and “ahhh” but the prominent thought in my mind is how much everything costs!  I did not walk away from this marathon television day and look at my little apartment with disappointment.  Instead I was grateful for what has become a simple life.

As we drove home my son mentioned that he admires that I don’t need to keep up with others.   He said that because I’m a lawyer people assume we would only shop expensive brands and at certain stores.  I offered that yes, a lot of professionals do that but not all of them.  A lot of people who aren’t professionals do that, but not all of them either.  I suggested that many  people are shopping on borrowed money and incurring debt for material things.  I was proud to see that he wasn’t embarrassed but instead excited about our finds. He also gets that just because his mom is a lawyer doesn’t mean he can’t wear used clothing.  He knows that he grows fast and he knows that it makes little sense to spend $40 on a pair of shorts that aren’t going to fit next year.

To answer a few of your comments I want to share that I hope to be debt free in the early part of 2014.  If I get lucky and find new ways to cut corners, December would be a very lofty goal.  We’ll see.

So the relief I feel right now is not about the dollars I put toward debt but instead the relief of a changed thought process.  It is more empowering to have the spending part of my brain in check than it is to see that $4,000 went to debt this month.  Does that make sense?  That changed thinking is what will keep me out of debt (I pray) so that my “extra” $4K can go to long term goals instead of to making money for others.  That is the victory of this blog and this true metamorphosis I am undergoing.

This change in my life has been reinforced this weekend as TWO friends have confided in me their serious financial worries.  I hear their stress and know it all too well and do not want to go there again.  I share my story in the hope of it helping them but a person has to be ready to make the change in order for anything to stick.  Right now one of them is still in the spending to fill the void place and it’s strange to be on this side where it is so clear what is going on.  He doesn’t want to make major life changes and his situation cannot change without major life changes.  If you’ve been reading the blog for awhile you know I have done big things to find success on this journey.  As I shared them with him you could immediately tell that he isn’t ready.  The thought of downsizing his life is currently more intimidating than the debt load he carries.

You will notice in the debt column info I went ahead and added $500 to the emergency fund.  I did that for the “shot in the arm” impact I think I need.  In addition to seeing debt numbers go down it is nice to see savings dollars increase.  I dream of the months ahead that I pray I am able to sink $3,000 or more into my savings fund.

Final note–I intended to update my numbers over the weekend of course but it was DD’s dance recital weekend.  Her dance studio does a great show but it is a lot of work taking up the entire day on Saturday for the full dress rehearsal and then the show on Sunday evening.  It is all worth it in the end as she enjoys it and it is also an annual event for extended family to get together and celebrate.  I wake today completely exhausted but cannot ignore that my fatigue is not due to all of the recital run around.  Instead it is for this growing resentment toward my children’s father and NW.  They showed up for the show and he had the audacity to seek out my 83-year-old mother to introduce his fiancée to as we are all focused on celebrating a child’s accomplishments.  It isn’t about our daughter’s day for him and that angers me and I want to verbally shut him down.  That would be misplaced and I know in my logical brain that his behavior will take care of the situation in time but wow am I already worn out from holding my tongue.  I went to sleep angry and woke angry and that does NO good for anyone!  He certainly isn’t carrying the burden of negative emotion so I am only harming myself!  I get all of that in that logical brain!  The emotional brain continues to be louder at the moment and I want him to suffer.  I feel like I have the good angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other.  Please pray the angel prevails!  Because that devil has some VERY enticing scenarios I could participate in and get some short term relief from this angst.

Have a great Monday!

I also received a partial refund from the $1,800 security deposit husband #2 and I placed on the rental home.  They are trying to keep $900 for pet stains on the carpet.  I’ve already mailed my objection and  included a copy of my inventory sheet where I meticulously noted all of the pet stains on that carpet.  I even had throw rugs all over the upstairs the entire time we lived there because it was disgusting!  I think I once posted about that in fact.  There is no way I am going to shell out $1000 to fix the crappy carpet they had in there!  The manager at the leasing management company was always very difficult to deal with so I had prepared myself for something like this to happen.  That’s why I was ready with my inventory copy. While I do not want ONE more thing to deal with I wasn’t going to sit back and walk away from that money.  I personally think that places bank on people being busy and letting stuff slip by and it has certainly happened to me in the past, but not this time!

Things continue to deteriorate with husband #1.  He only took the kids from late Monday night until Thursday school drop off and then had to travel for work–or at least that is what he told me via text.  DS has expressed that he wants to talk to the counselor about these changes and that he would like to invite his Dad to visit with the counselor too.  I’m leaving that to him as he is old enough now.  I am pretty proud though that he wants that to happen.  I hope his Dad doesn’t disappoint but (repeat after me…) I do not have control over that!  On the same topic I had a momentary slip down to his level this week.  The cruise he is taking with NW and the kids was booked at the end of January/beginning of February.  He started talking to me about needing passports for the kids in April.  I immediately signed the paperwork and got it back to him.  Since April things have gone downhill and he sent a text last week (on my Friday) saying he was going to take the kids out of school to get their passports.  Uh.  No.  You can do it after school.  He adds that he found out he needs a copy of my license. Sorry–I cannot drop what I am doing at work to get you my license and  sorry you are not taking them out of school.  He was angry.  He left town for the holiday weekend with NW and the kids were with me.  All was well.  I take the kids to him Monday night and then pick up DD from school on Tuesday as is our routine for dance class.  She immediately launches into me asking why I did not let them go get their passports with their Dad.  This is the crap that I used to just step over and move on from.  I wouldn’t call him on it b/c I didn’t want the fight but I’m done with propping him up as Dad of the Year.  I calmly explained that he wanted to take them out of school and I knew her brother had a test that he couldn’t miss.  She eased up but then I went to battle via email with the ex. It ended with my proclamation that I will NOT provide my license and he can make travel plans that don’t require passports–period. I don’t care if he loses $2,000. Things escalated and I was completely dug in on my position.  Friends couldn’t make me budge (even though they made valid points about the time coming that I would want the kids to have passports for our travel), family couldn’t convince me to ease up with reminders that I was only hurting the kids, etc.  I hit a wall with his constant characterization of me as a bad guy and so my thought process was “you want to see bad guy?  here goes!”

I know…I know.  Dumb.  My therapist talked me off the ledge and suggested that I involve the kids in the steps that I go through to get them what they need (in this case, the license).  She urges me to show the kids all the things I do to make his life easier (that he continues to deny I do) and let time do its thing.  I’m so sick of being patient but I will do as she suggests.

I’ll be posting new numbers soon and they are looking good!  I had a big chunk from Pampered Chef and the returned Security Deposit (and yes, I can negotiate the check and still dispute their decision) so stay tuned for that good news!

Happy Friday!

I got my hair cut yesterday.  How silly that a haircut is newsworthy for me, but it is since I stopped spending insane amounts of money at the salon.  I got my hair cut yesterday for the first time since October.    Going into the salon is now a REAL treat instead of the given it had become.  You may recall that before Operation Debt Reduction I was at the salon every eight weeks, like clockwork.  I would spend at least $200 every single visit.  Yesterday I spent $35 because I passed on the stylist styling my hair.  It would have been $50 with a style but with the terrible weather why would I pay $15 for my hair to go frizzy the moment I step outside?  That’s thinking my friends and it is thinking I NEVER would have done 18 months ago!  I walked out of there with my wet hair with my head held high wanting to tell total strangers I saved 15 bucks to look this way! LOL!

Enjoy this holiday and remember why we have the day off at all.  Thanks to the sacrifice of many individuals and families, I am able to stay in my pj’s today and appreciate my freedom!  I’m not trying to make light of the somber reality that got us this day but instead truly sharing my gratitude.  Blessings.

In some financial news for you I want to share I am having a surprisingly busy and successful month with my real food workshops and Pampered Chef events.  I remain low key in my style and I do believe that is encouraging people to step up and ask to host events.  Oh and I have found great success in setting the tone from the beginning that I take orders privately at the end of the event so if they are not in a position to make a purchase at this time, the host will never know that.  I have seen non-verbal signs of relief when I do that and heard verbal comments as well.  I say it with sincerity and a few people have indeed taken me up on it and that has led to booking future shows!  I got that idea from your comments on these home based parties. I feel like I’m doing all of this by accident really and I’m feeling both lucky and proud.  I have somehow managed to earn near $500 in commissions this month.  Super excited!

Now to a personal issue.  This one has the potential to impact finances and I’m pretty sad about it too.  It feels like just as I get myself feeling pretty good about things something else comes my way.  That’s life I suppose and I know I have many, many blessings but it is still tough.

My first ex-husband–the father of my children–has met and become engaged to a woman we’ll call NW for “New Wife.”  They met in December, he confided in me in early January that she broke up with him because she had never dated a divorced man with children (oh how I wish he had never told me that and even as he did I tried to cut him off–I did not need to know that but he has always struggled with boundaries) and then about ten days later she called him back and all I know is that it was back “on.”   Last weekend they became engaged.  She is 41, never married and no children.

This is challenging to talk about because I don’t know that I can convey how our relationship worked via blogging and I imagine there will be readers who jump to the conclusion that I am jealous.  Some of you regular readers know it has been a friendly divorce with the children’s time split 50/50 and no child support exchanged.  I have been told by countless teachers and professionals that my children are as well adjusted as they are BECAUSE of the unique way in which their father and I are divorced.  Friends and family have warned me for years that the potential for this good thing to go bad rested in my ex finding NW.  Everyone around me has recognized for years that I am the reason we are divorced well.  That I do the lion’s share of the parenting and Dad gets credit for a lot of what I do but that didn’t bother me b/c I focused on the kids.  If anyone should be made to experience unpleasant situations, it is the adults in the situation. 

Over the last 3 months the relationship with my ex-husband has deteriorated dramatically.  I do not want to jump to conclusions and assume this was a directive from NW for their relationship to continue but boy am I struggling with that!  It feels like since her return he has done all he can to be a man that was not married before and without children.  I no longer get responses to my inquiries regarding the kids.  The texts go unanswered.  I’m given excuses such as the phone was charging, he was driving, he was in a meeting.  These are logistical questions that I am texting or emailing about that simply do not receive a response.  As we enter summer we’ve had a lot of end of school and summer activity things to discuss and pay for. I am left to chase him down or just make decisions on my own and yes, pay for things too.

It hit a low point earlier this week and for now he is checked out.  He has left the kids with me for the majority of the month of May and that part is great for me–but not great for the kids.  I don’t know where this will go but I’m not looking forward to dealing with it if things don’t correct soon.  Thankfully the activities they are doing this summer are few and inexpensive so I’ve been able to pay the deposits on my own.  I do see the potential for having to escalate things to the courthouse and the very thought of that makes me ill.

When I got to the office I checked my account and learned that I had withdrawn $600 (my daily limit, by the way) because the Compass ATM transaction posted!  ARGH!  What a way to start the week!!!  I immediately called USAA and explained the situation.  A dispute was filed but based upon what I understood from that phone call (although, admittedly I was pretty flustered so I may have heard incorrectly) I cannot get a credit to my account b/c this isn’t a credit card transaction, but instead involves cash.  USAA will contact the ATM owner (which apparently isn’t Compass?  It’s Brinks?) and they will investigate. Worst case scenario I’m looking at 60 days for them to count the money in the machine and confirm it is over and/or check the video to confirm I did not get money.  What a fiasco!!! Oh and I did call the Compass branch where it happened and got the standard response you’d expect from a bank in Texas–”you aren’t our customer so there is not anything we can do.”  I happen to know a little about that “not the bank’s customer” thing from a case I sat second chair on years ago where a bank permitted a wrongdoer to open an account using a DBA and millions were stolen from my firm’s client in a Ponzi-like-scheme.  The Texas Supreme Court declined to hear that case and thereby reinforced the “not the bank’s customer” provision. But, I digress…

I have never heard of this happening before and did some googling to find out if there was anything else I should be doing to get my money back.  Tips online say to immediately call the ATM owner (there will be a number on the machine) so as to keep time on your side but I left there thinking the transaction had cancelled.  I explained not getting a receipt to myself by saying the machine simply broke in the middle of my transaction.  Everything online says it can be a real challenge to correct this situation.  Anyone have any insight on this fun issue?

So while I am super frustrated I am also thankful that I’ve learned to have a cushion.  There was a time not too long ago that losing 300 bucks would have spelled disaster for my budget (well, there was no budget so I guess it would be more appropriate to say it would have spelled disaster for my already existing financial disaster).  Now I am in a position to adjust either what I pay toward my debt or take money from the emergency fund. 

Silver lining I suppose…

On a financial note, these weeks are very good for my budget.  My expenses are on the company’s dime.  Any expenses that would not be covered by the company (outside shopping, outside dining, etc) aren’t happening b/c fatigue has me plopping into hotel beds and falling asleep.  I HAVE been trying to maintain some exercise routine and have discovered running on a treadmill to be much more enjoyable than I ever would have thought.  I used to believe that I would only run when being chased by someone…with a knife…a very big knife…who wouldn’t listen to my verbal persuasion to please stop the chase.  I thought I hated it but I have found that with the work stress increasing–running is very relaxing!  It’s an escape from all of the noise in my head and around me on a daily basis.  No idea if I’ll stick with it but for road trips it is a good way to pass the time and avoid unnecessary spending.  I used to randomly shop.

On a food note, these weeks are very bad.  I did go through a phase of packing a lot of my food but these trips keep sneaking up on me because they are in limbo until the last minute.  It is one tough task to eat well on the road. 

I’ll be in Dallas and South Texas next week and anticipate the next few weeks being a tough schedule.  My posts will likely be more infrequent in the short term but please know I continue to be financially thoughtful and reading a lot on what I have to look forward to in my post-debt life (various blogs and such).

Last thing–I like to respond to comments directly but time does not permit right now.  Regarding Margot’s grammatical critique, I am pretty thick skinned by nature and even moreso since starting this blog so I did okay with the exchange.  It also helps that Margot has been an online ogre of sorts (I mean that in a genuine, sarcastic, humorous way) that has often kept me from making bad financial decisions.  She’s no nonsense and sometimes it is obnoxious but I figure it is a blog and that opens me up to all sorts of people and at least I am not giving an in person presentation and having to deal with her face to face!  I might also envision her to look like Ursula from The Little Mermaid and that helps too.  Gosh I hope she’s laughing!

I’m sure this post is full of errors and I have to let that go as part of my letting things go process.  I run too fast and furious to allow grammatical errors to paralyze me from posting.  Plus, what would Margot have to do? 

As you might recall, I switched the kids and I to “real food” almost one year ago and I am finding it is these group events that are the most challenging.  I portioned out strawberries and grapes for the nine girls on the team.  I was pretty darn proud of myself b/c it would have been SO much easier to grab a box of cookies or candy like they usually receive and be done with it!  As DD saw me packing the snacks she became worried.  My 8-year-old was completely freaking out about the ridicule she would face with our choice in snacks.  By my very nature I am not one to do something different b/c others say I should (and yes, I ‘ll say it for all of you–this in a doubled edged personality trait!), I encouraged her that this was a great snack and that her teammates would love it!  She went on about Oreos and those fruit gummy things but I “gently” stood strong. DS was helpful in that he understands now the value of eating well so he encouraged DD to calm down.

I admit as I got to the game, I got nervous too!  Even had a last second thought that I should drop the fruit and RUN!  Isn’t that SAD?  Isn’t that crazy that our culture has done this to us?!  I found myself explaining my self in an apologetic tone.  I quickly stopped THAT nonsense and got just as excited about fruit as the girls should be and it worked (mostly).  There was one girl who asked for seconds and a couple of girls who only took the bag of fruit because their parents were nearby giving the evil eye.  My daughter got stronger in the moment and I heard her saying that you get good energy and vitamins from this stuff!

And–I saved money!  Fruit is SO much cheaper than the packaged crap!  I had to really hold back from going on my food rant as we are new to this group.  My friend who I’ve known a long time was very supportive and confessed that she wanted to do the same but her daughter “wouldn’t let her.”  I have so been there but for today I stood strong.

Now I’m off to enjoy some strawberries and grapes!  As I picture the scowls of some of those little girls and both laugh and cry a little.

I sat in the courtroom this morning waiting for my case to be called.  The Judge asked for any uncontested matters to be heard first so I heard an uncontested divorce prove up, some property tax judgments being taken, a friendly suit (which is when a minor receives money and the law required the Judge to approve) and then there was a matter that I had not seen before.  An attorney announced that he was seeking an approval of a structured settlement pay out for a woman who I’d put in her mid 50′s.  She was Spanish speaking only so an interpreter was used.  It seems that this woman had received a settlement for the wrongful death of her son back in 1991.  At that time a structured settlement payment was entered into and certain amounts were guaranteed for a certain period of time.  This obviously increased the value of her settlement because the then present day value of the settlement increased over time as it was invested and payments were structured.  She was asking the court to basically release $85,000 of a settlement that would have been worth $140K.  With that money she needed to pay off her $55,000 mortgage and part of her credit card debt.  That’s right…just part of it.  She was carrying another $50K in credit card debt.

The Judge was obviously moved by the situation.  He took a lot of time to explore her situation and asked to see her many, many credit card statements.  All of her credit cards were at 19% interest and above.  Then he asked her about her mortgage and she testified that the interest is 24%!  That blew all of us away and after a few more questions it became evident that hers was not a traditional mortgage (obviously!) and the Judge opted to stop inquiring as that went beyond the scope of what he was being asked to do at this time.  I’m not sure what that 24% interest rate is about–maybe a contract for sale?  It’s been years since I’ve done any property law so I have no real idea. The Judge sternly cautioned her that if she doesn’t change her spending habits, she will be right back in this mess. Even after “selling” her interest in the settlement she still faces $25K in credit card debt.  He agreed to the pay out and she left the courtroom.

Clearly I have no idea what this woman’s circumstances are but based upon what I did hear and observe I was very sad! I am also disgusted by the creditors that extended her this amount of credit!  Her spending habits and choices certainly come into play but what a tragedy to have to use money from the loss of your child to get you out of debt.  It made me think though of the many parents with their children alive and well that are doing a huge disservice to their kids by being in inexcusable consumer debt.  Just food for thought.

That was my sobering day in court today.

We are lucky in that our parents have everything in order on the legal front.  We know who does what and each of us has some responsibility.  We are also lucky that all five of us can be counted on to step up when the time comes; although certainly the two of us that are local face more day-to-day stuff with the parents.  We all use humor to deal with the reality but I like to think we are in a better position than most when it comes to being prepared.

As I go about living my regular life–even these stressful moments–I keep thinking about the blog and what financial issues are arising in the moment.  There was good news and bad.  I always like to start with the bad:  I blew the budget over the last 5 days.  I was on the go like a maniac and any plan I might have had for my spending went out the window as I drove up and down IH35 to help my parents and then also take care of the kids.  I was eating crap out of windows (I don’t know how to spell out the sound of a seagull but please insert it in your head at this time) and running to the store I do not know how many times to get things my parents needed.  I stocked them up on groceries and prepared as many meals as I could before having to plug back into my reality.  I haven’t even sat down yet to see the damage done but this experience did help me decide what to do with my “extra money” once my debt is gone:  I want six months of living expenses socked away in my emergency account.  If I keep this mentality that I’m broke it won’t take long to get there.  Then when things like this week hit (which they inevitably will), it is but a mere speed bump and not a “situation to be solved.”

It’s nice to make decisions and really nice not to have to consult with a difficult husband when I do so! 

The flight was overbooked and so I jumped up to volunteer to go home on a later flight and I got $500 in vouchers!!!  I’m so excited!  The kids are with their Dad anyway so I’d be sitting at home instead of sitting at the airport!  I’ll take that free money!  And did I mention…Southwest flies to Puerto Rico now?!

On the downside, my laptop won’t connect to the Internet so I’m posting this from my phone!  My eyes are too old for this but you have the new numbers!!!

Here are the “wins” of the weekend:

I made a super Swiss chard/artichoke white pizza (minus the artichokes, add sun dried tomatoes)  from scratch and it was DELICIOUS.  Here’s the recipe:

http://www.farmgirlfare.com/2009/01/swiss-chard-and-artichoke-white-pizza.html

Then I had to do something with the radishes, carrots, scallions, red pepper, mint, cilantro and a cucumber I got in my food pickup… so I made these summer rolls:

http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-how-to-make-summer-rolls-with-vegetables-mint-spicy-peanut-sauce-49315

No peanut sauce for me!  I then made some Thai Basil beef to enjoy in lettuce wraps and must say…totally impressed myself.  I took my parents a late lunch and came back home to box up a few more things I do not need and then I thought I would just take a quick little nap around 5:30 pm. 

I slept until 8:30 this morning!  I woke up around 10 pm completely confused about what day and time it was but the thought of shopping did not enter my mind.  I just went back to sleep!

This might mean that I needed to catch up on sleep (both kids were sick this week for the first time since their toddler days…we are blessed in that they do not get sick…and they had me awake during the night much like their toddler days) OR maybe I had a momentary Debtors’ Depression?  Actually, I know myself well enough now to know that when I get fatigued I just get mopey sad!  It’s ridiculous really but a sure sign that I need my rest!  So Saturday morning you all witnessed a mopey, sad Claire who just had a little fit.  I ended up not having to shop at all (although the $5 budget did have me cracking up!) and just kept myself busy!  Oh wait…I DID go to HEB (the grocery store).  Rice paper for the summer rolls and noodles.  I think total spent was $4.49?  So I stayed within budget!  I had everything else for those recipes which ALSO totally impressed myself!  I did not eat out this weekend and only used what I got in my CSA pack.

So before I throw my shoulder out patting myself on the back here, I’ll close this post.  It was a successful weekend even if sleeping 15 hours of it kept me from spending $!  And I confirmed I do not like kale or beets!    Does anyone have a kale chip recipe that they REALLY like? I think the whole concept of a good kale chip is a myth!

Insert pleasant hold music here.

I want to write a whole bunch of words that encourage me to be strong and sit still and not cave…but they aren’t coming to me.  Instead the words that are screaming in my head are all about those great outlet stores in between San Antonio and Austin.  Then my brain says if I am that far north I might as well hit IKEA.  I need to visit the parents in New Braunfels and I should take them some of this food I just got but I want to stop and get them something random too!

So welcome to my brain this morning…I wonder which part of it will win.  The smart gal who has kicked debt’s a** over the last year…or the brat who just wants a fix.

I’ll report back…

Here’s the one I joined: http://www.kochranches.net/community-supported-ag.html

Please share about your experiences with local agriculture!

The thought blows me away!  I know buying cash would be just awesome but at the same time it is as though my brain cannot compute that possibility.  That’s sad.  I need to get to a point where financing a car seems like the absurd idea and not the other way around, right?  If I save for 6 months I’d have roughly $18K.  That’s certainly enough to get something reliable and with good mileage.  I tell you what–one of the best things about this journey is to have OPTIONS.  In the past life was about trying to figure out how I’d squeeze another monthly payment out of my monthly income and here I am with the option of saving for a pretty short amount of time and buying cash.  What a luxury!

I’ve also wondered if I could just buy this little RAV4 from my parents but I think if I were to try to do that they would want to give it to me outright.  I don’t want to do that for a whole host of reasons.  They are elderly and with four siblings in the mix (all of whom have been helped at some point or another in life), things might get sticky.  No one has said anything to me b/c I think they are all aware of the favors they’ve been granted, but I’m sensitive to minimizing family drama.  Life is dramatic enough.  I just don’t think my folks would take payment for the vehicle and then it would be all sorts of silliness between me and them.

Anyway, just something to think about as I pedal on to financial freedom.

There will be some compensation for this position although it won’t be a lot to begin. That being said, there is the potential to grow it into a decent amount over time. If you think that you could do an excellent job with a project like this, please feel free to contact us and I’ll give you more specific information, ask a few questions and request a couple of writing samples.

Jeffrey Strain

Here is what I pay that is NOT debt related:

Rent:  $1075

Insurance (car and rental): $80

Orthodontist: $65

Verizon: $100

Piano: $90

Life Ins (this is a separate policy from what I have through work): $30

Utilities: $75

Water: $40

Afterschool Care: $190

Netflix/Hulu: $20

Gym:  $25

TOTAL of known monthly expenses:  $1790

REMAINING: $4,270

Groceries:  $300

Gas:  $100

Dogs: $50

Entertainment: $50

Drycleaning: $25

Kids School Fees/Supplies: $25

Health/Beauty (hair, skin, etc) $30

Additional Items Total: $530

REMAINING: $3,690

My minimum payments on the remaining debt total $1,100.  This leaves me an extra $2,590 to put toward debt each month!  I look at that number and I am amazed!  I have had to make some very uncomfortable and humbling decisions over the last 8 months but to see that number and know what it means makes it all worth it.  Wow.  I’ll pay off that villain Bank of America in the  month of May (I’ll be about $165 short for a total payoff but I am hoping for some found money that month either via PC or taking more kids’ clothing to the resale shop…something…) and then that whopping $520 can be sent to the card with the $12,770 balance making a huge dent in that one.  I should be able to knock that out in 4 months.  At that point a full $3,680 will go toward the final $19,000 signature loan.  Can you believe it?!

I’m more comfortable with my budget now b/c I’ve paid attention to what I spend on these categories and for the last few months this has worked.  Budgeting is such a fluid thing and the danger for someone like me is that when things go off track I want to go completely off track and give up.  That isn’t how this can ever work and when I think about that I get tired.  Then I remember that with each passing day I am simplifying my life and if my income maintains (and hopefully increases) this will get easier SO LONG AS I keep my focus.  Whew.  It’s daunting to think about but I am in such a better place that I was a year ago.

Using some debt payoff calculators, I’m looking at roughly 6-8 months to be debt free.  I think I’m gonna cry.  No, really…and I am not a crier!  I am holding my breath though as I type that out because if I have learned nothing else from this journey I have learned that having a plan doesn’t always mean much.  Life comes at you non-stop with the unexpected.  I am very proud that I once predicted (when I was married) that we’d be debt free by December 2013.  If things go really well I might very well be finishing before that date!

I had about an hour left on the road after the shop stop to get to my party.  Thankfully there was a LOT of traffic and I had a LOT of time to think.  I thought about the fact that I would be just fine in my suit, minus the coat, as I talked to these gals about food.  I talk to juries about all sorts of random things while wearing a suit.  Two more hours in a suit in front of 10 women was not going to kill me.  But boy did I want out of those work clothes!  I sucked it up though and left the clothing with the tags on in the car.  As of this afternoon they have been returned.

Yes, that’s progress I suppose.  I didn’t keep the items.  Too bad I had to go through the craziness of the stop and then the stress of the thought process though.  I hope one day to be strong always but I am human after all.

The PC real food thing is still going pretty well.  I bring in at least a two hundred dollars each month and all of my friends are still speaking to me.    I don’t nag for parties but do keep the product in their thinking with just simple emails and texts letting them know when I order.  All very non-threatening and I find it helps for both friends and strangers to know that I am an attorney who is not making my sole income from this venture. It puts everyone at ease I’ve noticed.  I encourage people to make their wish list and then contact me as they budget for the purchase.  Yes, I am now preaching what I practice.  Two of the gals at the party last night paid in cash which prompted me to discuss what a great habit that was to practice.  I never want to be party to someone getting into debt for cooking products!

Sunday was a very good day and as I write this I’m not feeling any remorse about my visit to The Container Store.  Yes, there’s a stream of thought in my mind that is telling me I deserved that shopping trip.  I’ll let you collectively groan as you read that.  I spent $225.  Yes, I could have sent that $225 to debt and while I am not trying to be flip I need you all to know I don’t feel bad about this spending decision.

Did I buy things that I could have done without?  Yes, probably.  Did I get sucked into consumerism disguised as organization?  Uh huh, definitely.  Did I put a lot of things away to pull me off of the $600 I almost spent?  I did.  Did I get that exciting feeling inside that I get when I shop?  Yep.  Does that worry me?  Not a bit!

This shopping trip was planned.  It was not impulse.  I intentionally walked every single aisle of that beautiful store and picked up what I wanted on the first pass.  My cart was pretty full.  I did have a list upon entering but I decided on that first pass to just ignore the list.  It was sort of an experiment in many ways to remember the old Claire and stay true to the new Claire.  I was in the store for almost three hours and I feel that was time well spent!

I bought the grooviest dresser drawer organizers that essentially double the space of my no-longer-scary dresser.  I bought a Simply Human trash can–yes, I did.  I have watched those trash cans for years and didn’t need one until this move when the prior plastic trash can finally bit the dust.  I love my trash can.  It has a side for trash and a side for recycling and it is pretty.  They WERE having their Spring Organization sale  so the trash can was $50 off.  I never knew I’d find so much happiness in a trash can but I have.  I gave some thought to why that is and concluded it is because I no longer make impulse purchases.  I no longer borrow to “buy” stuff I want.  I own this trash can free and clear and there is joy in that reality!  I’m not kidding when I tell you I stared at that trash can all evening and see it as so much more than a really nice trash can.  It is a symbol of good decisions and that you CAN get nice things when you exercise SELF-CONTROL and wait until you have the money saved.

I also bought a few space saving tools that will come in handy in our new smaller space.  I continue to be very content in my apartment and enjoy finding new ways to take up less space!  I did not go crazy and will not go crazy but I also shopped and returned home with no buyer’s remorse.  THAT is a great feeling!  I highly recommend it! 

That’s the good news!  The not-so-good news is after finishing the dresser yesterday I went to The Container Store (insert scary music here).  More on that tomorrow.  I can’t keep my eyes open!

I’ll also issue the disclaimer that I am not suggesting that marriages should end.  I am not saying that marriage is bad.  I truly believe in marriage–even after two divorces!  I value marriage.  I celebrate marriage.  I know some of you will be irritated that I don’t have a purely money post today but that’s okay.  I ask that you indulge me and remember that relationships and money are oh-so-very-tied-together-for-better-for-worse-but-seemingly-more-often-for worse so I’m not COMPLETELY irrelevant here. PLUS, my divorce has pretty quickly led to at least a little good news on my own financial journey!

This post hit so close to home as it perfectly describes much of my thought process through my not quite 3 year marriage to my second husband.  ESPECIALLY the “when I get sick…” part! Take a look at it and do with it what you will!  For some of you it may ring true and for most of you (I hope) it will make no sense at all.  And my wish for ALL of us is that we are in that latter group!

Enjoy.

Taken from www.apracticalwedding.com

Posts from APW moms are among my favorite (there is some wisdom there, y’all). But today’s post is extra special because it comes from my mom. My mother (who goes by Jennifer when it’s not me) often jokes that she doesn’t know where I learned about relationships, but that she thinks some of it might have to do with learning from her mistakes. But the reality is, what she calls mistakes actually look a lot like successes to me. Because if my mom has taught me anything about marriage and divorce, it’s that self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your relationship. And sometimes self-care looks like getting out of a relationship that isn’t making you happy and never will. As I get older, I’ve witnessed many friends stay in unhappy marriages out of fear. Fear of failure, fear of being alone, you name it. And it kills me. So for today, I asked her to write a post about leaving a marriage when it’s just not working. Because sometimes all it takes is knowing you can do something to give you the courage to go ahead and do it. And now I’ll give the floor to my mom, with some of the smartest words I’ve ever seen grace these pages. Not that I’m biased.  -Maddie Eisenhart

Starting over from scratch. No one sees this coming when they’re marching down the aisle—whether the aisle is church stone, beach sand, or hardwood in a local VFW club—till death do us part is embedded deep in our hearts on that wedding march, and in our partner who’s waiting at the end, face beaming at the thought of you growing old together and retiring to a porch swing, sipping fresh lemonade.

Fast forward to the day you’re sitting on a beach in Mexico on a “girl’s trip” realizing how short life is, and that death-do-us part is a really, really long time when you’re married to a guy who prefers watching ESPN over viewing any part of you…even when you’re rocking lingerie. Or a guy who isn’t who you thought he was when you said yes.

This was me at thirty-one years old. Life had recently taught me I controlled nothing. I learned I could attempt to protect everything in my life—my family, friends, relationships, and my heart—but bad things happen despite efforts to prevent them. That trip to Mexico was an escape. Everything about me was broken. I had just lost my nine-year-old daughter to brain cancer, and during the time she was sick, had gradually discovered that my husband didn’t have the emotional capacity to help my dying heart survive the process of losing her. He wasn’t cruel or apathetic. He just didn’t get it. The day before I left for Mexico, my friend and neighbor Ray died of a heart attack alone in a hotel on a business trip. I was devastated by his death, as much for losing him as for losing any belief that life would be there waiting for me to live again if I ever healed. I learned the hard way that life is too short. I knew then there were things I needed to think about. Big things.

So there I sat at thirty-one years old—five kids, a cat, two dogs, and a husband I needed to decide on. Sitting there on that white, sandy beach at 6:45am, while my intentionally childfree girlfriends slept till noon, I thought about things. A lot. On that beach—day four of thinking—I finally decided. It was over. I was indeed—done. I could not come up with one reason to stay with my husband that had anything to do with my own happiness or comfort, just those around me. My husband was a great guy, I thought no one would understand my choice. My kids would be crushed. My family might be disappointed in me. My financial stability would be suddenly unstable. People would talk.

On that beach, none of it mattered. I would always take care of my kids. My family would get over it. I could make my own money. And who gives a sh*t what people say. The final decision came down to a crude, possible future reality—some day I may not have teeth or control of my bladder. I may get sick. Really sick. Would I feel loved and cared for no matter what? I didn’t think I would. Would he cry with me and for me if I did get really sick? I didn’t think he would. I thought a lot about this in particular. I shouldn’t have had to. This was not how I was going to live the rest of my life.

Over doesn’t always happen like mine did. It happens in many ways—getting dumped out of the blue, cheated on, or just realizing you plain old made a mistake in choosing your life partner and need to end it. No matter how the end happens, it sucks. Those first two scenarios are full of shock and awe. They’re rugged. Everything you thought was—wasn’t. Everything happening to you is out of your control. You can’t sleep or eat, and friends worry. It’s the making of a Carrie Underwood song. In these situations, you are forced to survive. You don’t weigh options, such as financial independence, who gets the kids, house, friends, dog, or cat, or what it will be like with way too much time alone. You successfully wing it all and make it because you have to. This is important to remember as you look at scenario number three—you will always survive the end and be better on the other side.

Because then there’s the third scenario: Deciding you’re done. This path allows for way too much contemplation. In this case, knowing you’re done is the real done, not the temporary, annoyed, “I hate the way he or she chews cereal” kind of done. I’m talking about the done when your smart-brain knows your relationship is unhealthy or awful, but your excuse-making, crowd-pleasing, desperate-for-it-to-work brain takes over and wrecks everything. This part of the brain allows for fear to creep in and trump your gut instincts and smart-brain knowledge that you are in the wrong place with the wrong person. If your brain is functioning in this manner, you may need an intervention. By me. Right now. So please pay attention.

If you read my first APW post, you’ll know I love lists. If you didn’t read it, then know this—I love lists. If you are in need of an I’m done intervention right now, I am going to offer you scenarios (some I’ve been through, some I’ve watched others endure) in list form, that will help you know that no matter what you’re afraid of, or don’t know how to do, everything will be okay. For real.

Scenario One: You’ve never lived alone. You know who you are—you lived with your parents, then a roommate in college, and now your current partner. You have no idea how to be alone. That’s okay. Alone, at first, is terrifying. Time drags. The phone never rings. Notifications don’t come. I’ll be honest. It’s tough. Don’t tackle this on your own at first if you don’t think you can handle it. Most can’t. Stay with anyone who will take you—temporarily. I stayed with my good friends Kate and Joel. Three or four days. Maybe twenty-five. It’s a blur. Joel asked me to surrender my phone so I wouldn’t torture myself through the night waiting for calls or notifications—even though I was the one who was done. He wanted to be sure, more than anything, that I didn’t make any calls or send messages I would regret based on my fear of being done and alone. I gave him the phone. It worked. I made it over that initial panic-filled hump. You will, too. Lean on the people who love you. They want to help. Doing this will help you stay true to your decision to be done and your decision to be where you need to be.

Scenario Two: You don’t know how to do anything—like pump your own gas. While this may sound extreme, it happened to a friend of mine. She had decided to leave her husband for another man—gasp! She didn’t mean to, but she fell in love with a close family friend. Her teenaged daughters took the side of her husband, her husband was destroyed, and her new lover’s wife was set on revenge. She could work through all of that, and rebuild, but could not get past what she didn’t know how to do—pump gas. Her dad had done it for her when she was young, and her husband had picked up where he left off after they were married. As she sat in my classroom crying about pumping gas, I offered to take her to the 7-Eleven to teach her. She learned. There are teachers everywhere. Look to them to teach you how to do what you don’t know how to do—the things that make you stay where you don’t belong.

Scenario Three: You don’t know how to start the conversation. Don’t over think this. Just say it. Be kind, empathetic, and gentle, but say it. I remember riding in the car on the way home to Portland from Boston after that Mexico trip. It was Valentine’s Day, by chance. My husband offered up a diamond bracelet, which made it tough to spit out the words. It wasn’t the bling biting my tongue, it was the thought and effort. Finally. It was weird. And nice. And confusing. But not enough to change my mind. I told him that things were not what I needed. I didn’t know what I needed, but I knew it wasn’t stuff. He knew what I meant. We drove the rest of the way home in silence, both beginning the end. For the next few years, we rode the stages of grief—the loss of our daughter and the end of our marriage—trying to figure out how to keep our kids stable and healing. He’d leave to stay with a friend four days a week, and I’d leave for three. We focused on keeping the kids in one place to give them a shot at normalcy. It worked for a while. We split accounts, talked to lawyers, and went to grief counseling together. I bought an apartment building, he and Joel moved me in, and it was done. I was alone. And I was okay. Alone let me learn more about me and what I wanted and needed. At times it was lonely and quiet, but I was okay. I called on Kate and Joel often. I stayed with my brother and his wife here and there to get through the quiet. I said yes to every invitation to do just about anything because it took my mind off of my doubts. I made it.

Weighing all of your options—reasons to stay, reasons to go—is a great way to convince yourself that staying in a shitty relationship is the best way to go. Do not do this.

Do this:

Be loved. Know that you will feel loved when sh*t unexpectedly hits the fan in life. Accept nothing less than living your life with your one great love—the one who has your back—thick and thin—sickness and health—your best friend— even if it means being alone long enough to figure out what that means to you. Don’t be bought out to stay. Don’t stay for the kids, or the dog, or the cat—they will all see right through you. Go. It’s worth the leap. You will figure it out and find your way to the real thing.

I finally figured it out. I have my real thing. He’s sitting behind me in the recliner waiting for me to turn around and watch The Voice with him while the Bruins play the Canadiens on another channel—because he knows I love me some Adam Levine. Now that’s great love.

Now before some of you say it, I’ll readily admit I am not yet two weeks into this new place.  I could be sick of it in just a few months and that remains to be seen.  Things are very quiet so far and the neighbors are appropriately friendly.  The kids are excited and that helps tremendously.  I love that I can clean the apartment in all of 20 minutes and that there are a whole host of things that I do not have to worry about by living in a community setting like this.

But the criticism is out there for my choice to move to an apartment.  I do think this is even more pronounced in my part of the country–Texas–where bigger truly is seen as better.  A good friend originally from the Northeast was most shocked by the size of the “regular” neighborhood lots, the size of the houses on those lots and the seemingly mandatory 6-foot tall privacy fences around the backyard.  Texans like their space.  But I’ve learned the hard way that human nature is to FILL UP that space with STUFF and then what do you have?  TOO MUCH STUFF.  I also know the criticism about raising kids in apartments.  I’ve never bought into that one though because much of our country and our world raise happy, healthy children in “apartment” like settings ALL the time.  I’ll admit though this is a tough stigma to choose to overcome.  I am better at it now than I was in my 20′s and 30′s but the stigma is definitely there.  The kids seem okay with it but again–that might be the novelty of the whole situation.  Time will tell.

Final thought:  I’ve been talking to my Mom a lot lately about all of her stuff.  My mom is almost 82 years old and was orphaned at age 5.  I think her childhood experiences have turned her into the extreme pack rat that she is now.  By no means is she a hoarder b/c everything is very neatly organized but serious amounts of stuff.  My Dad now wishes they had moved out of my childhood home about 10-15 years ago into a more manageable space.  At their age now their physical limitations make the idea of moving too much to bear.  And so being the realist I am (a product, I am convinced, of having parents who were in their 40′s when they had me at a time that 40 year old women were not having babies and a mother who was sure she would die before the end of the school day–lol–not kidding…she would put me on the bus and say she hoped she’d be there when I came home…I WAS 8!  There is a book waiting to be written about my mom…but I digress) I wonder why we all chase a house with lots of space when in the end…we need and should want to downsize to adjust to our inevitable physical, mental and perhaps financial limitations?!

So as I drove by this really nice Senior Apartment Complex right by our place it hit me.  I think I want to live in one of those places!  Hey…they include meal plans and activities!  I could travel and have a small home base!

In June of 2012 I started making serious changes to our diet and eating habits.  I wish I knew exactly how much of my debt can be attributed to eating out because my guess is that a good chunk of what I owe came from food!  How pathetic is THAT?!  But as I talk to friends and family about this, I know I am not alone in that very bad habit of eating meals out.  Eating out is not only bad for us from a nutritional standpoint–it is just darn expensive!  This last week I did not have a plan for meals after the move and I am sick of dropping $25 to Subway for a meal…not to mention sick of the food!

But how do we avoid it?  As a mom who works outside the home while raising two very busy kids, I have to have a plan.  And Sunday is my day to execute that plan.  I spent five hours cooking today.  I made our meals for the evening and lunches/snacks using the same ingredients.  I start every week with the goal that we will not find ourselves in a drive thru window eating like seagulls!  That’s a running joke with the kids “only seagulls should eat out of windows!”  This is a huge challenge given our weekday schedules.  This week we even have “to go” items for our evenings that we will eat “on the go” but they are made from all real food ingredients.  While eating in the car is not great we DO make it a family meal!  I am super proud of that and love to hear my kids tell other kids that we do this!  And I cannot tell you how far this is from the old Claire.   My sister (a dietician) STILL cannot believe my transformation.  I used to make fun of her for her refusal to buy pre-shredded cheese. 

So challenge yourself and your family to not eat out for ONE week or maybe even a MONTH!  If you are doing two drive thru meals per week and we estimate $25 per visit, you’re saving 50 bucks per week and eventually $200 per month! Make eating out a treat and not the norm!  Seeing restaurants as undesirable and making better choices at the grocery store has made an enormous difference in my debt snowball.  Our grocery budget is $300 per month!  The bulk of that savings has come from a dramatic reduction in packaged foods and instead making things from scratch.  Eating at home is always better than eating out and then I took it a step beyond and started making a lot of our food with unprocessed ingredients which keeps us full longer and cost less to make in the long run. 

For those of you that might be interested, my go to meal planning websites are www.thescramble.com and www.momables.com.  Check them out!

So where to pick up on sharing stories from the move?  I mentioned there was just a bit of drama.  I’ve shared before that I have a total obsession with doing laundry.  It is truly a household chore that I enjoy.  And so one of the first “must dos” upon getting into the apartment was hooking up my washer and dryer.  Backing up a bit you should know that I bought the washer and dryer upon husband #2′s first move out in August 2011. (Short recap for new readers…my second husband moved out first in August 2011, came back in October 2011, I started blogging in March of 2012 and he again left the building in September 2012–this time for good). My Dad is retired military and while I paid for the washer and dryer, Dad did get me a very good deal through AAFES.  And while my Dad is not a usual warranty buyer he insisted I get a warranty for this GE washer and dryer.  No particular concerns with the products but given my circumstances at the time this was another way my Dad was trying to take care of me.  I paid $99 for 3 years beyond the 1 year manufacturer warranty. 

We’ve had some interesting discussions on this blog about extended warranties and I think the general consensus has been they aren’t worth the money.  I still agree with that position but have found the rare purchase of this warranty to be one of my best decisions yet. 

The washer began leaking in August 2012 just before the wuzband left.  With all of the madness going on I did not get to call in the issue until after the 1 year manufacturer’s warranty expired.  Thankfully the extended warranty kicked in and a repairman came out to tell me that my washer was fine but the design of the water jets does not do so well with the very hard water of South Texas.  So as the calcium deposits built up and the water jets got clogged, the machine would continue to force water out of them with such force that the water would shoot right out of the machine!  So the repairman said he had seen several of these calls for this particular model and he recommended tiny filters to go in the washer hoses to trap some of the sediment and prevent it from going into the washer.  The call was covered at 100% but given the issue it was a one time only deal. 

Any guesses about where this story is going?

I never got around to buying those very inexpensive filters and putting them on.  It was just one of those things that fell by the wayside.  Moving into the apartment was obviously the best time to set this up.  I went to Home Depot and got help finding these tiny washer hose rings with filters and the simple instructions for putting them on.  I’m familiar with hooking up washers (Dad made sure before I left for college that I knew how to do a lot of household stuff.  Little did he know how much I’d need that knowledge).  I’m not so familiar with those little filter things. 

Last Sunday morning before I left to clean the house I fired up a load of laundry.  Like an idiot I didn’t stick around the apt to make sure it was all going well and instead zipped right out the door.  4 hours later I returned to find water on the concrete outside my apartment!  A lot of water.  I completely freaked out!  I entered the apartment expecting to find an all out flood (thinking all the while that I am thankful that my world is insurance and that I always, always have insurance issues taken care of and the renters policy had already been switched over).  There WAS some water inside the apartment but it was just about 2-3 feet front of the washer with the bulk of it going out the back side.    The water was coming from the connections at the wall it seemed but the apartment maintenance man (that I bothered on Easter Sunday b/c I’m just a Dudley Do Right and wanted to let them know immediately) noted that the washer was off balance and that may have contributed to the water overflow as well. 

Mr. Maintenance Man was kind enough to send out a carpet cleaning company that very day and they went ahead and did a water removal just to be safe.  I offered to pay but the offer was refused.  Maybe a case of feeling sorry for the woman who can’t hook up a washer?  Whatever it was I was very thankful.  We disconnected the washer and I got to make a second claim on my warranty!

In the end I learned that I not only had the filter thingys on incorrectly,  I had the wrong type!  I also learned that the leg of my washer that handles the self-adjusting/balancing had broken.  And so the leg was fixed (which was a 2 hour ordeal b/c of the location and the guy had much difficulty) and I got the proper filters and I was back in business by Wednesday. 

So, the moral of this story?  I have a lot to thank my Dad for in this life and never, be kind to apartment maintenance staff and never leave the first load of laundry unattended after you hook up the washer!

I still cannot believe how well my move went. I’ll compliment myself with my prep work but am also realistic enough to give thanks where thanks is due. I did budget in and pay $100 to a cleaning lady who cleaned the upstairs of the house while I cleaned the downstairs. Money well spent and by Easter Sunday at noon I was completely moved out and the house was clean.

It was an exhausting day. I realized that I may have an addiction to kitchen gadgets. Seriously. My name is Claire and I have an addiction to kitchen gadgets. On the upside with my Pampered Chef business I am at least making money from my gadgets. Every possible inch of kitchen space is occupied! I am so thankful that I downsized dramatically in the last six months! And so far I am loving our new space. Will the novelty wear off? I don’t know. I just know that at this moment in time I am so very content. So peaceful. So thankful. So happy with all of my kitchen gadgets that I DO indeed use.

The move was not without drama that I will post more about tomorrow….

I’ll be back tomorrow!

Enjoy your day!

Here’s to a GREAT moving day!

I am home this morning waiting for the carpet cleaner.  As my kids are picked up by their Dad he and I notice (and thankfully the children didn’t) the truck parked parallel across the street has “White Power” written in the dirt on the side of the truck.  Now this truck has been a problem in the past.  It is driven by the 18-year-old boy that lives there.  He is a teenager–I get it–but we’ve had issues with speeding and partying and basically obnoxious behavior.  I knew of his racist ways b/c of confederate flags being flown but only briefly and never out long enough for me to say anything.  So, I knew he either knew this was on his truck or was at the very least okay with it being there.  Never has it been this over the top though.  So the kids and their Dad leave and I am still standing in my driveway debating if I go have the obvious confrontation that needs to be had.  I don’t know these neighbors really and with the partying I have heard, might I bet met by a hungover 18-year-old that could easily take me out with one punch?! Literally less than 10 seconds later, along comes the carpet cleaning van driven by an older black man!  Well that ended my mental debate pretty quickly and sure enough the carpet cleaning guy gets out of his van pointing at that stupid truck!

And so I marched right over and rang the doorbell.  The carpet guy asked if I was sure about doing this and I said yes–asked him to just keep an eye on me and then he tells me he has a big stick in his van!  LOL! That’s funny now but at the time this man and I were genuinely concerned for our well being and that is just sad.  So the idiot son answers the door in his t-shirt with cut off sleeves.  I pounced and told him that he needed to clean the side of his truck and remove the offensive racist statement.  He was shocked that I came to his front door.  He froze for a bit and I told him he can be an idiot but I will not be made to look at his stupidity.  So I told him to go get a cleaning rag and he said he’d do it later.  I pushed and said that I didn’t believe him so I wasn’t leaving until he cleaned it off.  We walked to the street together all while I continued to hen peck him about his stupidity.  He missed a spot and I told him so.  I ended it with telling him that it shouldn’t be one’s goal to be the poster child for white trash and he’s young…there’s still time to make different decisions.

I returned to the carpet guy thanking me and then adding that I’m crazy!  LOL!  That’s okay.  I’ll take it.  I think this makes me officially old b/c this is absolutely, positively something my mother does on a regular basis!

After trying I don’t know how many different programs I decided I needed to stop the jumping around (it was taking WAY too much time to input info, link accounts, etc) and commit.  So, I’m here to tell you I’m on day 21 of using Quicken.  I am shooting for a full month with the program–which will be a record by about 27 days for me with Quicken!

I’ve found with patience and practice that there are a lot of things I like about the set up of Quicken.  There’s also a lot that this non-financial brain just does not get!  But I will keep trying.  I know I am missing out on so much with the application simply because I don’t fully understand.  BUT, it is helping me keep very good track of all of my spending.  I figure just like an exercise program that I often started and stopped in the past (yes, I AM still using my gym membership that I fought so hard for on the blog!), I have got to do this for 30 days.

Seriously, I get a little anxious when any document opens up looking remotely like a spreadsheet.  Give me a Word document and I am at ease!  Let me write about my finances and I’m good!  But make me look at them on a ledger type sheet?   I shut down!

Practice makes perfect but in this case I don’t need perfect…just consistent!

The finance article I read in the April 2013 issue can’t be located online yet (or at least I can’t locate it) but I did find another good one on their website.  This ties in nicely to what I shared yesterday re: all that “stuff” in our lives that lead to bad spending habits.  Oh and funny timing on something else: I am starting to be contacted by my ex-husband’s (#2) creditors. Seems he isn’t paying his bills and they have started looking for him!  I can breathe another sigh of relief, sing another song of gratitude that I was not tied to him financially!

Take a quick look at this one and cringe over this woman’s situation!  The emotions tied to money are dangerous!

http://www.more.com/reinvention-money/money/how-i-lost-500000-love

I’ll keep an eye out for a link to the one I read yesterday.  It is all about unequal earning power between spouses and how that did (and didn’t) impact their marriage.  Good stuff!

Speaking of church, we had a sad event strike our community recently.  A church member and employee stole $25,000.  We have learned that this individual is battling addiction and the money went to support his habit.  What a tragedy!  This man is someone we all know and saw on a regular basis as a man dedicated to faith and family.  Our pastor sent out a beautiful email reminding all of us of our own human frailty and that this person is deserving of love and support in this difficult time.  The email was one I went back to and read several times.  While struck by the pain of this individual family and our church community, I also read it from a very personal perspective.

We are all flawed.  That is what it means to be human.  A huge part of my recovery from bad relationship choices is recognizing I am human and forgiving myself.  In spite of my debt load, I am a perfectionist and my second marriage was the result of excessive berating of myself for the failure of the first.  Now I’ve said before this isn’t a self-help blog but so much of this stuff is tied to my financial mistakes too.  I married the second husband knowing, on some level, that it was a bad choice.  But in my confused state that was the result of huge disappointment related to the first marriage, I somehow thought that I deserved an unpleasant relationship!  Unpleasant is a very nice way of describing my second marriage and I have to use that word right now b/c every other word that comes to mind is profane. 

That’s the rough news.  The good news is I am connecting the dots!  With the help of a phenomenal family therapist (that #2 and I did marriage counseling through), I am connecting the dots!  And that is another reason I’m finding financial “wins.”  My entire mindset is changing and instead of seeking out negative reinforcements of my negative mental programming, I am seeking very different, positive self-talk.  I DO deserve financial freedom.  I DO NOT need more stuff to distract myself from the recordings in my head!  It’s that change that is creating the snowball effect in all areas of my life! I realize all of this sounds very Stuart Smalley of me but what can I say?  The moment struck me that this needed to be shared!

Woo Hoo!  Let’s hear it for forgiveness and mercy and always knowing that today is a new day!

I am a new person!  Truly!  I never thought I could do this.  Just a year ago I was spiraling out of control.  Bouncing checks!  Yes, seriously.  Only making minimum payments and sometimes scrounging to do even that!  I didn’t have money left after pay day and could not figure out why!  My debit card was flaming hot with the constant use!  And then I started blogging.  I slowly, SLOWLY started keeping track of every dime I spent and started downsizing my life in every possible way I could think of.  Remember when I went to the hair salon every 6-8 weeks for a $200 cut/color/style?!  My last salon visit was in December and I don’t plan to go back until June.  The examples are many and for those of you who have been reading since the beginning, you’ll surely remember the changes.  Have I hit major bumps in the road?  Uh, yea.  Like a surprise divorce!  And other smaller hiccups too.

I want people who are in debt to see my story!  I want to motivate others and, in turn, be motivated!  It has not and will not be easy but each of us can make changes to turn our sinking financial ship around.  Don’t be afraid and don’t wait another day to start this process.  You will find freedom like you’ve never known.

Upon his move out I called all of the utility companies to remove him entirely from the bills. You’ll recall that the water company wanted to charge me a $75 “admin fee” for making that change.  I only thought that was the most absurd moment of all of this.  The cable bill was in his name alone.   I don’t even recall how that came to be but it is only in his name (the electric bill was only in mine).  When I called right after his move out to have it put in my name they said they required both signatures on a name change form.  I then tried to open a new account in my name only but the mothly fees were going to double!  We had some special deal on the original account.  What a racket!  So I left it in his name and carried on. 

Fast forward to today.  I call to have the service transferred to the apartment.  I hit the same snag because of the name issue.  I tell them I can provide a certified divorce decree.  That establishes that he is no longer at this address.  “You aren’t authorized to make any changes to the account ma’am.”  We need his signature.  Okay that is not going to happen so I am forced to get a new account for the apartment.  The irony with the cable company being so stubborn about the name issue is that I could now stop paying the bill and let them pursue the accountholder–which isn’t me!  Oh and I can’t disconnect it either…so…the outcome is the same!

I understand the protection of the account from arbitrary changes but at some point I wish human logic could come into play!

As I went about pricing carpet cleaning services I only became more irritated because it was going to cost me a couple of hundred bucks.  That is until I found a groupon coupon!  The upstairs is approximately 1000 square feet and the coupon is for carpet cleaning of 1000 square feet for $40!  I read and reread the requirements from the management company and all it says is I must produce a receipt from a professional carpet cleaning company.  So I chalk this up as a win and the carpet cleaning is set for 3/29.  Score!

In other move news, we are almost completely packed.  Spring Break was productive and we are all very excited.  At this point I am looking forward to less space.  I wonder how I will feel in a few months?  Cramped?  Confined?  Or liberated?  I’m not sure but for now I am enthusiastic if nothing else.  I’ve sold a few more things and sent the money straight to debt which feels good considering this is going to be an expensive month with the move.  I decided no garage sale is needed as I got rid of most garage sale type items via Craigslist.  All of those transactions went so well!  Everyone showed up when they said they would and payment was made in cash!

Rocking along here and feeling good.  Could NOT have done this without this blog!!!!

And so here we are just on the other side of Spring Break which is always my trigger for summer care searching.  With my kids at age 13 and 8, it is in some ways easier than when they were younger but in some ways it is more difficult.   I do allow the 13 year old to stay home alone for longer stretches of time now but to leave them both at home just doesn’t sit well just yet.  I have allowed the 13 year old to “watch” the 8 year old for an hour or two on occasion and all has gone well but I don’t want them alone for longer than that just yet.  Add to this that I am moving to an apartment and I’m sure you understand my hesitancy.

Right now I pay $190 per month for after school care for my 3rd grade DD.  I do not split that with her father for a few reasons–I take the child care deduction and now I am using the flex plan at work. He pays other things that balance out what I pay in day care.  Summer care can be MUCH more expensive!  Last year, if you remember, we started with a home child care provider and that went down the tubes over last Spring Break.  So, we did the Girl Scout day camps but DD wasn’t crazy about them.  They were a huge savings and I believe I will still use them for at least part of the summer.  DS has a lot of activities related to boy scouts, band and athletics so it will be a hodge podge for sure. Budgeting for all of this is tough b/c there are so many unknowns but I am an early bird and can start gathering information now.  I would also like to send DD to an overnight camp if possible.  Her dad is on board with that too as we like what summer camp brings to the kids (life and social skills).

What are some unique child care options you’ve used in the past?  And best of luck to those of you who work outside the home and face this same challenge!

I won’t be posting much this week as it is Spring Break and I’m spending lots of time with the kids.  Be well! 

And as I fell asleep it made me think about how we can all so easily be little versions of this craziness.  I’ve been talking a lot about downsizing in recent weeks and just like my food journey–I feel the change really taking root and taking hold.  I’m happy about that.  It feels great! 

To address a couple of questions about my upcoming move:  Yes, I will move car load of things that will lower my moving cost a bit, but the real reason is there are just those items that I prefer to move myself.  I never got an answer to my garage sale question from the HOA and haven’t had a chance to follow up on it but I imagine I’ll still have some things I can sell.  We move on Easter weekend though so I don’t know if that would be a good or bad weekend for a sale.  Maybe I can be ready the week before.  I have been doing a little each day and the downstairs is completely packed.  We have one cabinet of stuff in the kitchen but otherwise all of the boxes are packed!  I’ll tackle the upstairs this weekend although that should be light b/c we underwent major clean out upon my ex’s move out.

I’m still excited about the move and all of the upcoming changes!  Thanks for hanging in there with me and the kids along the way!

All in all, I feel nothing but relief as I find myself with less stuff.  The sermon this morning at church was about consumerism.  The priest made such valid points about all of the empty things we chase trying to find fulfillment when really it is all very simple–and the answer is not in a new television set.

I sincerely feel like this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now.  I think I AM supposed to be slightly uncomfortable as I undo my past mistakes.  I think I am supposed to cringe a bit as I think about where I am at right now.  I am working hard to find motivation in the positive position it puts me in as I move forward.  It isn’t always easy as there is a very real sense of shame about everything but most days I do okay.

I sense there are many readers out there who are still in a hopeless situation about their debt.  If that’s you, go back and read some of my early posts and see where I’ve come in just 12 months (March 1 was my one year anniversary as the blogger on this site).  I hope you find encouragement in what you read.  Remember it could always be worse and you do have something to be grateful for in this world.  That could be family or your job or whatever…but we all have something.  Take a baby step today and watch how you gain momentum.  While I do not recommend going through a SECOND divorce as you are trying to dig out, I can say the divorce is very likely the best thing that could have happened to me on my debt journey.  I am excited to see where I will be in just another 12 months!

Happy Sunday.

WOW!  WOW! WOW!  I was also able to pay a little extra (just to say I did) to the signature loan.  I set a little goal of putting the cash from my regular spending money that I did not use toward that note.  That’s a fun little debt reduction game I can play b/c it is very easy to transfer money anytime to that signature loan via my credit union’s website.  It made me make very different spending decisions all month long.

I hope you are as proud as I am!  I’m working out details on my March goals and hope to have incredible results to share on April 1!   I have to be realistic I know because the chance of burn out increases if I set the goals too lofty and I don’t want to fall off the wagon.

On a totally unrelated note, the owner of the house I’m renting called today. He kindly extended an open ended “if you need more time moving out we are TOTALLY open to that!” offer.  I’m sure you are!  Kinda scary saying goodbye to my consistent $1795 in rent, isn’t it?  There have been all of 5 showings since February 8.  They were asking entirely too much at $259K with all that needs to be done.   They lowered the price to $248,500 today.   As crazy as my life is I am thankful to not have a mortgage at this moment.

I’m looking forward to my numbers update!  Kicking some debt a** this month! 

Next, I took your advice on my Craigslist items.  I had to step back and realize that there is a little money value in someone coming and picking up this furniture.  My bedroom set is on the second floor.  It is gigantic, solid furniture and my stairs have a “turn” in them.  The amount of time it would take movers to get this out is significant.  So, I lowered my  price by what I estimated movers would cost me to get it out of here, plus the cost of storage bc this furniture will not fit in the apartment and the reduction in price got it sold pretty quickly.  I bought this furniture 10 years ago for $2600 (it was a floor sample at a nice furniture store) and I sold it for $1000.

The table and buffet sold too.  I got $750 for those.  The two buyers have given me a cash deposit and they’ll come pick up this weekend. So excited!  We have a folding table that will serve as our dining table for now and my bed will just be on a metal frame.  Somehow I am finding even MORE motivation in this reality because a bit of discomfort in my living conditions (which really isn’t all that uncomfortable, but hopefully you know what I mean) will push me to get out of debt even faster I think.  I have a big dresser in my master closet that I call the ugly dresser bc it is in terrible condition as far as appearance goes but it is old school, solid furniture.  It was my grandmother’s and it is one of those dressers that has drawers so big that you just can’t find these days.  One day I hope to sand it down, paint or stain it and add new hardware but for now the scary dresser will do just fine!

There’s the sales frenzy update.  I’ve emailed the Homeowner’s Association because I can’t find any rules on yard sales but I know there has to be rules.  This neighborhood has A LOT of them and as I thought about it–I can’t remember a yard sale in the 3 years I’ve been here.  There are other options but the idea of selling the smaller stuff at a yard sale sounds very efficient.

Have a great day!  I’m off to look around my house for more stuff to sell!  I feel “lighter” by each moment! 

By way of update, I am going to go ahead and sign up for the Dave Ramsey group at church.  I have surely learned a lot in the last year but have a long way to go.  I like the idea of having a real live support group in this process and meeting people with an interest in personal finance.  I imagine people will be in different places on their journey and I do believe in strength in numbers.  I’ll take all the extra motivation and support I can get and for $100 for 8 week, it’s doable.

The house is officially on the market.  I really liked the sellers’ real estate agent and that says something b/c I’m not going to lie… Realtors are sometimes challenging for me to like.  That’s a VERY broad statement so don’t freak out on me (after all I am of the most hated profession).  I know there are great agents out there but my past experiences have been less than pleasant.  The sellers continue to be delusional listing the house at $259K.  Their own agent expressed frustration with the price they decided upon and believes they’ll find more motivation after my rent stops.  I’m not bothered by the showings really as the constant threat of having people in my house is a great motivator to keep things picked up!  I will be shocked if the house sells before I leave.

And finally–Happy Valentine’s Day–the most absurd holiday of all in my opinion.  And no, that isn’t because I am single.  It has always been silly to me and the commercialism of our culture really shines with this one!  I like to tell the kids they are my Valentine every single day of the year and this day should inspire us to just be kinder to one another.  My two bickering children were kinder to each other this morning so that’s something I will take as a gift from this silly holiday!   Have a kind day!

My church is offering Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University beginning in early March.  $100.  I am thinking about making that investment.