Adventure of

Adventure #33, Day Three

2016-11-01T19:40:00.002-04:00

I feel like this adventure is going really slowly.
And yet.
Moving full steam ahead.
This morning's shake was amazing!
Another rice protein that I love.

As a psoriasis sufferer, I really can't do:
gluten
dairy
night shade fruits and veggies
citrus
and obviously too much sodium.

So I'm looking to find the best protein powder to both digest and also to ensure that my skin remains flare up free.

Lots of water.
The berries I've chosen are amazing.
And I'm so thankful to be on this journey.

#Mornin

A photo posted by Miss Witherell (@misswitherell3rd) on Nov 1, 2016 at 4:00am PDT

Adventure #33, Day Three

2016-10-31T21:39:00.001-04:00

Mmmmm...
Day #3
Started out DELICIOUS.
DEEEE LICIOUS.

#Canneverfindablenderbottle #pioneerwoman to the rescue Mason love

A photo posted by Miss Witherell (@misswitherell3rd) on Oct 31, 2016 at 4:04am PDT

OF COURSE, I can never find my blender bottle.
Never fear.
Pioneer Woman's GORGEOUS GLASS TO THE RESCUE!

Started this day with a great shake.
Successfully moved my shake to lunch, no just need to get some fruit and figure out how to do salmon every night...again. LOL.

Skin check - good.
Hair check - still thinning.
B Check - no episodes.
But boy howdy, how I've thought about it.

Adventure #33, Day Two

2016-10-30T19:22:00.002-04:00

I think so many things about day two.
I started with a walk to town.
And made it a second day of healthy Halloween.
See insta below.

I picked out a weeks worth of new herb protein powders to try - dairy free, gluten free, sugar and sodium free.

We'll see.
I didn't buy a lot, just single portions.
And we'll test.

I also found some coconut milk, instead of almond milk.
Just to mix things up.
I'm going to move my green shake to the morning and my bode burn to lunch.
Which means...
I'm going to have fight Monday morning...caffeine free.

Oof.
We'll be okay.
I'm looking forward to Halloween tomorrow-not for passing out candy or anything like that, but for our afternoon all school parade. And salmon. :)

#healthyhalloween #Yamandredonionandgarlic

A photo posted by Miss Witherell (@misswitherell3rd) on Oct 30, 2016 at 3:45pm PDT

Adventure #33, Day One

2016-10-29T18:40:00.002-04:00

The absolute best part of this blogspot?

The anonymity it provides.

I can say what I want.

How I want.

To whomever I want.

And there it is.

And so.

Here we go.

I'm off on another adventure.

It's beginning today.

Ironies aside, today is almost over.

The beginning walked in quiet.

In a pile of dirty dishes.

A vacuum whirring and the sound of texts pinging back and forth.

I found it in an old picture.

The one above actually.

One of the last few times I had actually...seen myself.

And known something had to change.

It had been the worst year of my life.

The actual worst year.

And the year that followed would be the best.

But.

I didn't get to relish in that adventure.

It was relished for me.

This adventure.

33 and half day one?

Is the beginning of a really critical one.

I want it documented.

So that sometime down the road, when the steps are rockiest, I have a place to remember when they weren't so bad.

When everything was as clear as it was this day.

When Mr. Matt wrapped his arm around me, inside of Shelton Hall's top floor to say goodbye.

Another summer at the Boston Ballet in the proverbial books.

I ponder in some random way the life lessons that job taught me, the people it brought into my life and the wanderlust I have for that time and those people, but knowing that as Wendy did from Peter Pan, we grow up and move on and hope to hold to the shortest of tethers the people and places that really mattered.

Life.

As it so often does has changed so wonderfully in the weeks and years since.

But the journey, has oft gone undocumented.

And so. dear reader, from here on out.

I'll have something to say.

And today, is just the beginning.

CrossFit Family

2012-07-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

Since I've started this journey of a thousand miles, I never completely comprehended how dramastically (bahahahaha), my life would change.

Ehem, drastically and dramatically.

I was certainly not happy.

Not even close.

But outwardly to the world?

No one ever had a clue.

People saw me as resilient and cheerful.

Life of the party.

Bad day? You'd want me around to help you see that the sun will rise tomorrow.

My faith in God and his plan was deep.

And unwavering even in my darkest hours.

And believe me, last year, this time, things were pretty D-A-R-K.

----------

If I had to measure my value, or self worth this time last year?

Negative 3.

Negative.

I had no self worth and worst of all, the mirror and the scale OWNed me.

----------

Obviously - things are changing.

I'm growing.

I'm learning.

Opening up.

Sharing.

Loving.

Working out.

Generally, I'm on the up and up :)

And it all FEELS so very GOOD!

----------

That all being stated, I'm not doing any of it alone.

I couldn't be.

I don't think you try to change your life on your own time and time again and fail, and then one day wake up and suddenly you can change.

SUPPORT networks are my personal key to change.

I've never had one.

Never knew I was missing one.

I have incredible friends. But. No one that really sits in my support team corner

Support teams are different.

When they speak, you listen and process.

You reflect.

You discuss.

They love.

They ask you to look at it from a variety of vantage points.

----------

And so, where did I find my support network, you ask?

Because if you know me, it's not my family.

It can't be.

They need their own support network and that's not going to be me anymore.

And I just said there is a big difference between friends and support.

One word changed my life and provided support.

----------

Crossfit.

----------

My "box", my coaches, my trainer, my team.

Changed.

My.

Life.

They've become my family.

Going to my box everyday is like going home.

I leave my house and head to my second home and for a few short minutes, I can be the warrior.

That's my name, you know?

At the box, the warrior can come out.

And I can jump rope and sit up.

And I can run and row.

And I can lift and dream.

And I am free to be me.

Imperfections and all.

And boy howdy, can I be imperfect.

My crossfit family has saved/changed my life.

And while that may seem a bit of a big thing to say - I guess it's more important to say that I'VE SAVED my own life.

I have.

And the warrior who lives within, gets saved everyday by a family of people who really know nothing about me or my journey.

Just that I work hard.

Every day.

And finish.

And try for standard.

And do my best.

And that, is why they love me.

And even more, why I love them.

☮, , ♥,

A Good Laugh

2012-05-15T21:42:00.000-04:00

I am a mom.

Okay.

You caught me.

I'm not really a mom.

But I take care of 32 kids.

I'm like their mom.

One of them is 14.

She is a ballerina.

She makes me laugh, a lot.

14 is SUCH a fun age. It really is.

14 and innocent. I can't speak for 14 and dating. Or 14 and pregnant. Or 14 and defiant.

But 14 and innocent.

It's amazeballs.

Anyways, "Abster" as she'll forever be known and I were walking to get her cell phone, which, surprise, surprise, she left at school.

While we were walking I asked about her new costume for dance.

Her reply was, "It's okay."

I probed and asked what okay meant.

"I look like a sparkly car wash," she retorted matter of factly.

I could picture her in her magenta and sequenced sparkly car wash instantly.

LOVE that child.

☮, , ♥,

When The Summer Came

2012-05-12T15:14:00.001-04:00

July 2011

These days?

Oh, these days.

Crazy busy, crazy crazy, crazy good days.

These are the days when I miss blogging.

What I wouldn't give to read the thoughts that were in my head 5 months ago!

What I wouldn't give to speak to myself from January.

Or even September.

Or even June.

"It's going to be AWESOME."

"It's going to be better than you've ever imagined."

"I have plans for you, Daughter of mine."

I'd tell myself to LET GO and LET GOD.

I'd listen to the Jayne when she told me that Philadelphia was too far.

And to Little Man George when he told me he knew I couldn't stay away too long.

I'd listen to my heart.

I'd learn to love myself.

I…

Truth is, we can't really go back and tell ourselves anything, but if I could, the most important thing I'd relay is TO HANG IN THERE.

The getting is going to be so good.

And things are getting better by the minute.

Capital P promise!

☮, , ♥,

Whit.

2012-02-11T21:25:00.000-05:00

Seriously?

A whole bunch of my girls arrived home from a night out announcing loudly her passing.

The news kinda washed over me.

I lasted about 5 minutes before I excused myself.

And teared up.

When I was growing up, she was my LIFE.

She and Mariah Carey.

Raised me.

I could spend, probably will at some point, a considerable amount of time recounting all the things she meant to me growing up.

But.

This song.

This movie.

For a little brown girl in Massachusetts…

Well, it was up their with Dr. King.

Busy like a Bee and YOU LOVE IT!

2012-02-06T20:29:00.001-05:00

Did I fail to mention how much I love my job?

AND.

HOW BUSY I AM?

I love it.

No, I mean like…really love it.

But I barely have time for people I need to make time for.

All of YE in blog land being a part of this.

SPECIFICALLY THE BERTRAMS.

Who got neglected today for a 3 hour phone call with the Foote's and then the Engelson's. :)

I LOVE YOU ALL.

Philadelphia is still amazing.

I'm still loving all my residents and the school, while painfully unorganized is coming together.

My LOVES this week go out to:

*The Gingers. All of them, yes, Maggles, even you.

*Boston. Yes, Maggles, even you.

*Little Man George gift boxes with home made drawings and I love you posters.

*AMAZING 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and last dates :) BAHAHAHAHA.

*INCREDIBLE staff who allow me to be me. Including T, who can laugh at me when I'm being ridiculous. G-LU-M, yes I did just spell glum. :) Oh, and rend dez vows. And all of it.

*Philadelphia. PA. You know how we do.

*Shout out to Mace, in a pink bottle.

*Oh hey, SYTYCD auditions.

*What Up, Extremely Loud and Incredible Close - you were more than I imagined your movie could be. Less than the book, but still, pretty impactful.

*What's real good? Going out to my GH in Chi Town, Santa Monica, and Ohio. I lurve you, like brothers.

I think that's it.

Oh.

Hey.

Look what I can do:

Our new sign in and out board curtesy of the beautiful mind of Miss Heather.

His Dreams

2012-01-25T14:02:00.001-05:00

I learned a long time ago that in life, it is FAR, FAR, FAR better to help others than to help yourself.

Sometimes you have to take care of #1, but in reality, I FEEL better, my WHOLE heart feels whole, when I'm in service to the Lord and in service to others.

So that is why.

His Dreams.

The ones he has kept since he was a little boy in a town in Columbia touch me the way they do.

His Dreams.

The ones where he dances and all eyes are on him.

His Dreams.

The one where money doesn't hold him back, but comes to him in reward for his effort.

His Dreams.

Where his family sees his success.

Those dreams.

Keep me up at night.

Toss me in my bed.

Where I wonder if I can go without pay this week for his dreams.

Where I wonder if I can go without meals this week for this dreams.

He is not my son.

He's old enough to be a sibling.

But, he is in my heart the way a son would be.

And his Dreams fill my heart with the joy and hope he lives his life with.

I suppose that's what parents really feel like.

Like they carry their child's dreams in their heart and it breaks when the road is difficult.

It breaks when the road is not fair.

Or people are unkind.

It breaks.

His dreams.

Are beautiful.

☮, , ♥,

Journeys have no end?

2012-01-23T20:10:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl, like, little, little, I wanted to go on an epic journey.

Like the one Miss Rumphius takes in her story.

Around the world. A journey of a hundred thousand miles.

And I would see the world and travel to many great places and meet many wonderful people.

My prayers every night included some for the orphans of the world and that maybe one day, I would be able to help them.

My prayers included one day being able to give back some of what had been given to me.

My belief in God as my salvation was strong growing up.

I'd wake to him every morning, invite him to stay with me throughout the day and watch as his majesty was thrust upon me in so many wonderful ways.

When I was little, like a teenager little, I still dreamed in bright colors but realized that bringing those dreams to fruition would not be as easy as I had originally planned. They cost money and you'd never want to travel alone, and sometimes your dreams are just that, dreams you can never realize but that propel you forward in your pursuit.

When I was 21, I realized one big dream. I finished my bachelors. When I was 22, I realized a second, and finished my masters.

Fulfilling dreams is EMPOWERING. Like, change your life empowering.

Then.

My dreams stalled.

They fell to the wayside and life started happening. 8 years later, I am still trying to figure out where they went and why I stopped caring about them. I have a strong suspicion that God has hand in that.

That old, never more than you can handle idea.

BRB :)

☮, , ♥,

LMG, OMG.

2012-01-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

Little Man George and I had an early morning, on the way to school kinda of conversation this morning.

I miss the heck outta that child.

It's insane.

Technically, I miss the heck out of the Bertram's, but LMG and I.

Well, you know.

"That's why she's so awesome."

Every sentence he started was, "Do you remember when?"

And then he'd have a funny story.

Half of them I remembered.

Half of them, I'm not really sure LMG even did.

But I j'adore that child.

"Do you remember that movie that had that big thing like, a big purple monster?"

"Sort of."

"And do you remember, when it was like, I'm going to…GRRRRRROWL!?"

"Um, sure."

"That was pretty cool, wasn't it?"

I die laughing.

I watched an episode of Modern Family for like 5 minutes today.

My supposed day off.

Which is really code for: your boss will come over at 9am, you're not dressed, not showered, in dirty pi's, and making appointments.

Great times.

Anyways, Lily had a funny part and Cam was laughing at her and it reminded me of LMG. And how everything that child says is hysterical.

Hys. Terical.

And I miss him.

I had a pretty great night with some of my residents. We had a s'mores and would you rather night. Tonight, I think we'll play…mafia perhaps?

Philadelphia Fun

2012-01-17T11:33:00.000-05:00

Today was…er….is, an Alexander kind of day.

You know?

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

That Alexander kind of day.

New jobs are GREAT. Especially when they pay for you to live, and eat, and survive in a new city.

New jobs are TOUGH when you're not exactly sure what you're doing, and if you're doing it right.

New jobs are tough when old people leave nothing and so you reinvent the wheel.

Joy.

My "Free" Wall Calendar. Created with extra scrap squares and hung with ticky tack. :) Joy.

I received a phone call last night.

A weird, LA number.

And they left a message.

Maybe that's the start of something new.

I told the people on the phone that I'd only been in Philly for 36 hours.

Actually it's more like three weeks.

But.

In exploring the city, 36 hours is pretty accurate. 2 dates.

1 dinner.

That's about all of this city I've seen.

I'm hoping tomorrow (my sort of day off), I'll be able to run errands, mail thank you notes, and see something else in the city besides my building, the studios, or I-95.

The entryway to my new loft :). Double Joy.

2012 and Oil Drip Pans

2012-01-10T22:52:00.000-05:00

Here we are. Philadelphia.

A lot of fun.

A lot of work.

I've been busy crafting some new things for my studio apartment.

There are some exhausting and some exciting things coming up.

I started with my favorite Oil Drip Pan from Wal Mart.

and my new bedding, $40 at Walmart for my queen sized bed, plus 20 sheets from Le Target, inspired my new color scheme.

The Color Scheme:

Where to hang? Headboard needed. I have a beautiful exposed brick wall in my room that flanks the bed, but needs some pizzaz.

Pizzazz!

More Pizzazz!

It has been difficult to leave the Bertrams, and especially my boys, but something tells me this city has something amazing for me.

It's weird the way 2011 began with such anxiety and ended with such hope.

Hope that I think will make 2012 one of the best years ever.

When I arrived to the condo provided by my new employer, and took a look at my surroundings, I immediately felt a piece of me was home, it reminds of being at the ballet in Boston.

Philadelphia Love

2012-01-06T12:04:00.000-05:00

If you even knew?!

How many pictures I have to share of all my new adventures!

You'd freak out.

FREAK OUT!

BUT.

I can't up load them to my new work mac (which I'm working on right now).

But as soon as I sit down to my own computer, which seems like forever from now, right?

I'll load those bad boys, they include new Moroccan bedding, exposed brick walls, homemade magnetic head boards and lots of other excitement!

Most important.

~Miss the Bertrams like Whoa!

~Falling in love with the City and falling in love!

~BEST STAFF EVER.

~Majorino and Shore are my new favs.

~BEST RESIDENTS EVER. (okay, well, arguable summer '09 was the best residents ever...but you know what I mean.)

~Miss my family like WHOA!

~LOVED getting to see NINA ninners.

~Le Target Boutique and I are in a LOVE AFFIAR.

LOVE. AFFAIR.

And finally, my "sister" who has, at times, been referred to as annoying on the blog, will temporarily relieve herself of that status by bringing me the rest of my life from Massachusetts.

Hooray.

The City of Brotherly Love

2011-12-29T07:45:00.001-05:00

So you might remember, from say - the majority of my posting - that I've been looking for work.

Well…

I GOT a job.

Okay, not just any job.

My DREAM job.

A lot of work.

Not a ton of pay.

A place to live included.

Meals and bills covered.

Not in the city of my dreams.

But my Dream JOB.

I live in MA.

But as of TOMORROW, yes, tomorrow.

I'm a MA transplant to Philadelphia.

Hooray.

I'm playing crazy today as I run around packing my life into Cora the Corolla.

Visit with Friends.

And, of course, saying Goodbye to the Bertram Clan.

Which feels impossible.

I drove over there this morning to have breakfast and I think we were all in tears by bite one.

To tell you that I've become ridiculously close to their entire family is an understatement and while I feel their enthusiasm for my new job, and making money again…I could feel the unease this morning.

The absolute worst part was Little Man George.

Who looked at me with a better understanding this morning that I was leaving.

For good.

"Philadelphia," he said staring at me, "Is far away, right?"

"Well," I responded, "Not that far. I'll be up to visit when ever I can."

"Uh huh. But will you be able to come to my birthday or how about to get a Valentine or see the Easter Bunny?"

"Well," I said, feeling those adult tears well, "Probably not for everything, but I'll absolutely skype you on your birthday and I'm pretty sure there is a Lego place we can go."

"That will be fun," Jayne said.

But he looked at me with Puss in Boots eyes and I could tell he was sad.

Because I was sad.

He and the AMAZING Bertram's will see me off tomorrow AM.

And I will cherish EVERY minute of that. :)

Happy Holidays! :)

2011-12-25T08:16:00.001-05:00

I'm a little back logged with holiday pictures, so now this skirt is full with presents. :)

Yesterday was spent with cousins and uncles. Our family has grown so much this past year.

To see 3 babies under a year and a 2 and a 5 year old…nothing sweeter.

Highlights from yesterday:

Cora (5) and Aidan (2) sitting in the chair together, "I'm holding Aidan for case he gets scared."

I would publicly like to thank cousin Nick and my Cousin in Law, Shannon for the baby time they shared Logan with me for. He's THE happiest baby I know. HAPPIEST! Which in turn, made me the happiest cousin you'll ever know. :)

I asked Aidan if I could sit next to him to which he responded, "Uh, huh." Loves.

Logan liked his farm.

And Nana Ruth, at 89 1/2 managed to survive the day - tired, but just joyful for our family.

...

It's 11am and my mother is STILL sleeping. Way to go, Christmas Day! :)

I was up at 7am preparing the beef tips in a cherry wine sauce for dinner tonight (crock pot).

I went to Savory Suppers this week and prepared Christmas Dinner.

Along with the beef, we'll feast on Pork Medallions in a gorgonzola cream sauce, Meatballs, and Crab Cakes. Yumm Yumm!

I've also got to make some Peppermint Swirl Cupcakes (Recipe Here: Mindika Moments)

and I'm trying to find my marbles! :)

To pull off this pinterest gem:

Source: musesofmegret.com via Amy on Pinterest

Wherever you are, with whatever you have, with whomever you're celebrating with, I hope you find the reason for the season all around you and may you be filled with the joy of his spirit all Christmas long.

I KNOW Santa!

2011-12-20T14:21:00.001-05:00

So, MONDAY the ENTIRE BERTRAM CLAN was home again, together, including their new GORGEOUS toddler, Emerson Jayne.

J'Adore.

New family holiday photos were taken.

Lots of hugs.

LOTS and LOTS.

LMG and I even got to go out and do some SUPER SECRET shopping for his family.

Which they loved.

While we were out I was telling Little Man George that we should stop and see Santa.

Of course, he was a little thrilled.

However, the coolest part is…I KNOW SANTA.

No.

Seriously.

We're related by marriage.

Honest to goodness.

That's my Uncle.

Er….I mean Santa.

When I was little-er…he used to go out to eat with a Santa Hat stuffed in his back pocket.

And he'd wink.

So you'd know.

LMG….a little stoked about that.

Okay, a lot a bit.

Guess what I was stoked about?

LMG still believing as a 2nd grader.

Amazeballs.

I hope he holds on to that for awhile.

Strong belief - not so much strong faith - after all - we're not talking about God, but strong belief in the goodness of a stranger in red - that's a christmas miracle in and of itself.

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-18T18:20:00.003-05:00

Epic Fail.

2011-12-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

Crafting is good for my spirit.

Free crafting?

Good for my spirit and wallet.

This week I'll begin creating a lot of homemade presents for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Last week, I tried to be like Meg {speaking of - get over to that blog and donate to project 320 and enter her giveaway…she's beyond ridiculously awesome.}

'Member, I TRIED to be like Meg.

Bahahaha.

This is my broke version.

Like.

I'll "take two" later this week.

Sad.

Epic Fail.

Nana?

LOVED it.

So, she's the {proud} recipient. :)

FLINCH!

2011-12-17T21:33:00.002-05:00

I realized tonight that you have never met my 89 and 1/2 year old Nana Ruth.

The one who took the fall.

You need to.

She's amazeballs.

AMAZEBALLS.

Tonight, a nice saturday night, after working on a craft and knitting, she asked if I'd like to play flinch.

At first, my answer was no.

I had a craft to finish, presents to wrap and a few other things to get ready for tomorrow.

The way she said, "Oh, you're busy…", woke my heart.

I fixed her pills, crushed the big ones, added the pudding and brought my crafts home. When I returned, I walked over to her hutch and took down this box:

I mean, seriously?

Could you just die?

How many rounds of this game have these cards seen?

1938?

72 years of games.

It's probably been to Florida.

Seen 3 children born.

Played through 7 grandchildren.

Over thanksgiving it met the hands of it's first great grandchildren.

Love.

Look at those GORGEOUS hands.

She lost my Grandfather 24 years ago when he was 67.

And yet, there is an indelible spirit and kindness that lives in her.

Sure, a bit of loneliness.

But mostly, unending joy.

A joy that won one round and lost round two.

I let her cheat a little bit. :)

Because, 22 years ago…she let me:

Lady A is NEVER ALONE :)

2011-12-16T19:00:00.000-05:00

Thursday Night Mr B. surprise Surprised me with an early Christmas Gift I was NOT expecting.

Tickets to Lady Antebellum at the Mullins Center.

You know I love me some Lady A {sort of} and anything UMASS.

Away.

We.

Went.

It was loverly.

Considering my broker than broke status, I SO appreciated a night - out - ANYWHERE.

:0)

This is my favorite Lady A song {Which is actually a Jim Brickman Song}:

Growing up, this was my biological mother's song to me.

Okay.

Not really.

But in my mind it was.

"My love will follow you, stay with you, baby, you're never alone."

When she found me a few years ago - on Facebook - from Chile - and we started emailing - I KNEW this was our song. She had always been with me.

"Wrap my arms around you, you're never alone."

Cross Those Fingers!

2011-12-16T13:41:00.001-05:00

UPDATE on the job hunt:

1 interview for a teaching preschool job.

1 offer for a teaching preschool job.

Not enough money.

I say no. Boo. I LUUUURVE preschool, but, I'm trying to get OUT of debt.

1 interview for a residence director job @ at a Ballet School.

2nd interview for a residence director job next Wednesday.

Possibly big move?

Woot.

I've also applied to 3 (in about an hour) Admissions Jobs.

So.

As I rant over being debt.

There is, as always, hope.

LMG and I have been hanging out after school with Baby Ellie and Little Buddy Frank while Papa Bertram returns to work and we wait for Mama Bertram and Toddler Emerson Jayne to make their way home from Quito. We had hoped this weekend, now, we hope to have them back in the states by Christmas. As I understand it now, it's a matter of the consulate signing some document. And it's not that we're worried they won't, just that they're in a line of others awaiting a signature as well. CROSS those FINGERS.

LMG says that anytime we hang out, "CROSS THOSE FINGERS! And TOES! And ARMS! And EYES!"

Then he starts laughing hysterically.

Baby Ellie misses her Mama, but has been surprisingly content chilling with me and the boys.

LBF had new batteries put in or something because from last week to this his energy level has quadrupled.

We ventured to the park earlier this week and I finally understand the need for toddler leashes.

He almost went for a swim with the ducks…again :).

I can NOT believe it's the 18th of DECEMBER and that Christmas is just 7 days away.

What the what?! Huh?

Maybe we'll all get a Christmas Miracle this holiday and Mama Bertram and Emerson Jayne will be home and Rena will have a job.

CROSS THOSE FINGERS!

Freak OUT!

2011-12-14T11:15:00.001-05:00

Real lifers know.

I know you know.

My personality can, in two words, be described as, a lot.

I'm on - a lot.

I'm happy - a lot.

I'm loving - a lot.

If you're not a fan of a lot, like a lot of people, it's TOO MUCH.

But.

That's alright.

I adjust.

I can tone it down.

Especially when we're in a group.

All of us.

I tailor it down.

I'm not the loudest.

Or craziest.

Or a lot-est.

When we're all together.

SO.

Last night, when we were bon-firing it up.

In the ARTIC chilliness of December in Massachusetts.

You'd have THOUGHT it was ME.

Because I usually say things that can offend.

Because I'm a lot.

A lot of the time.

But not last night.

I was sipping hot chocolate with no baileys and enjoying being snuggled in a big, plaid blanket, and with friends.

All I heard was the yelling.

That's all we heard.

Then those words.

The kind you take offense to, even though they don't apply to you.

Words that you know as an adult, are just mean.

"Yeah?! Well, excuse me for having a LIFE. I'm sorry you're 32 and all you have to show for it is two kids. It's been 10 years?! I have a career. Excuse ME!"

Yeah. Those words.

Did you feel the stomach punch?

The big gulp.

It got quiet.

F-A-S-T.

I cry, a lot.

I felt hot tears well up inside me.

Sad tears.

The kind that would fall for friends that I love.

The kind that would fall for friends who can be so mean.

It's the kind of mean thing to say that none of us want to touch with 10-foot pole.

This "Mommy Friend" of ours can be A LOT.

A lot of holier than thou.

I'm a lot, but.

I know I'm NO WHERE close to even okay.

Our "Mommy Friend" tends to talk A LOT.

I'm not really sure what she said to invoke our "Career Friend", but I know she said it.

Our "Career Friend" is SO level headed.

She's our intaker friend.

The one who soaks us up, shares a few stories occasionally, but I think she could write novels about us, where I could probably only put together a good chapter on her.

She works A LOT.

And has an AMAZING job.

AND, is AMAZING at it.

And I'm sure, it was a last straw that broke the camel's back kind of comment from "Mommy Friend" that led to the freak out.

She grabbed her bag, her canisters, and in tears walked out of the yard.

"Mommy Friend", because she's a lot, slammed the door {I KNOW!} to the house and told her "Daddy Friend Husband" they were gone.

And that left 8 of us.

Silent.

Unmoved.

A good 10 minutes passed before ANYONE dared.

First it was just, "Can I have that blanket?"

and

"Where are you going? To get more cocoa?"

And then.

I cried.

I KNOW.

I'm a lot.

It felt like that friendship ending kind of freak out.

But.

Then.

"Daddy Friend Husband" came back around the side of the house.

With "Career Friend"!

And she stayed.

And she apologized.

And "Mommy Friend" came back, too.

And she apologized.

And we sipped out cocoa.

Smiled.

And I thought.

I'm a lot.

But.

I'm not that much.

Then.

I thought.

I have incredible friends.

I know you know :)

2011-12-12T17:07:00.000-05:00

That's how I start a lot of my conversations lately.

"I know you know…I have no money…"

"I know you know…it's all my fault…"

"I know you know…I'm not doing so well…"

Etc.

Okay, glummy glummininny.

You have an interview tomorrow.

Not.

For your dream job.

But.

A job.

Two months ago.

We'd say, wait for that dream job.

Wait.

Wait for it…

"I know you know that, but, times have changed."

So in your evening prayers, the ones where we pray for little Xander,

and Sirdeaner,

and children everywhere,

especially these kids: MARE Photolisting

{two of the middle grade boys are MINE from my first 3rd grade classroom…BREAK…MY….HEART!},

and Toddler Emerson and the Entire BERTRAM family,

say an itty, bitty, teeny, tiny, small one for me.

Seriously.

Doesn't have to be big.

{May Rena find her way} {Just five 3 and 4 letter words}.

And Maybe, tomorrow, well,

I know you know. :)

It's a journey.

Life.

It's a journey, of a thousand miles.

Some roads are easier traveled than others.

I know you know.