Blogging for Adoption

A Big Decision

2018-06-17T22:58:00.000-05:00

It's hard to believe, but it's been 4 years 2 weeks and 2 days since we prayerfully started thinking about trying to adopt another child and it's officially been 3 years 4 months 3 weeks and 5 days since we started that process. The days, weeks, and years can become so long, but God has been faithful to give us the strength to continue on through all of the waiting.

Over the past several months we had the opportunity to have our profile shown to three different expectant Moms who were considering adoption for their baby. We learned about each case through the referral service we signed up with back in December. Through each instance we waited hopefully and expectantly that this might be our child, however all three of those cases ended with the expectant Mom choosing another adoptive family or choosing to parent instead. We also learned about several expectant Moms who were considering adoption through our local adoption agency, but the risk factors were very high and our agency didn't feel it would be a good fit since Olivia has such a great relationship with her birth family. They felt it would cause jealousy between the children as they grew up if one were able to see and get to know their biological family and the other couldn't. As difficult as it was to listen to their advice, we agreed it wouldn't be the best situation either.

Since we knew our home study was expiring on June 12th we prayerfully considered if we should renew our home study for a fourth year and continue to wait, or if we should just be done. For the past year this was our prayer. It's been such a struggle for me especially to let go and give it to God. If I'm being honest, I still would love to have another child and for Olivia to have a sibling, but we have been praying for God to give us peace about everything and He has done that. We had and still do have faith that God could still miraculous make a way for us to have a baby tomorrow if He wanted, but sometimes our prayers aren't always answered the way we want. We don't understand why things didn't work out differently this time, but are trusting that God has our best at heart. It has been such a difficult decision, but we have decided not to renew our home study this year.

Before reaching this decision, I researched international adoption again and inquired about several waiting children, but most of the children had difficult special medical and behavioral needs that would require lots of one on one attention that I can't give to them while having another child so close in age. We considered Asian countries as well, but their adoption requirements are so strict we didn't meet them. Then we considered fostering in the hopes of adopting or adopting straight from foster care again. We found out that the average age of a waiting child in foster care that's available to straight adopt without fostering is 6-7 years old...Since Olivia is just about to turn 6 we felt this wouldn't be a good option right now. I also inquired about several waiting children that I saw on heart galleries in the United States, but those that were under 6 years old had difficult pasts and risky behaviors that might impact Olivia's safety. My heart breaks for them. When we prayed about it, God clearly closed those doors to each case and even brought friends and family that confirmed that decision through conversations when they didn't even know we were considering these options. We briefly explored the option of embryo or snowflake adoption again as well, but in the end we just didn't feel at peace about it since I'm 36 years old. Even if the embryos thawed and the pregnancy took, I would be 37-38 years old before the baby was born and the pregnancy could be high risk. It's not a chance we are willing to take at this point in our lives.

All of our years of waiting and the struggles we have been through together on this journey have made us all the more thankful that we have been blessed with such a beautiful and amazing daughter who will be turning 6 years old soon! One of the most difficult parts of our decision was explaining to Olivia that we have decided not to adopt anymore. We told her that even though we would love for her to have a baby brother or sister that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want, but that it doesn't mean God loves us any less. It just means that we can't always see the big picture and why things happen the way they do. I believe she understands how hard we have prayed and tried to adopt another baby and one day she will fully understand it when she becomes a Mother herself. She is such a people person and continues to be blessed with lots of new friendships. I'm so thankful for each and every one of them and am trusting that God will use this to help mold and shape her into the person He wants her to become.

So thank you to all of our friends and family that have prayed for us over the past 8-9 years and have encouraged us along the way. Your prayers and encouraging words have meant more than you could ever know. We may revisit foster care adoption down the road when Olivia is a little older, or we may decide not to at all, but for now we are choosing to be thankful and at peace with our decision to remain a family of three.

Pressing On

2018-01-22T09:30:00.003-06:00

Sometimes when you're going through a difficult or long trial, it's so easy to feel like you're all alone and no one else understands what you're going through (even when it's not true). When I start to doubt or tell myself it's just too hard, that's when God reminds me that I'm not alone. Not only does he place other's in my life who pray for me and encourage me, but God promises He will never leave us or forsake us if we have trusted Him. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

I recently heard "Press On" by Mandisa and love the lyrics and all of God's promises in this song.

Press On

When I’m alone, when I’m afraid
When I have had all I can take
Losing my grip, I start to slip away
When I can hear the voice of doubt
Inside my head, screaming loud
Strengthen my faith, and help me say today
Today

I will follow, I will press on
Even when the walk feels long
Your hands hold me together
Your love is with me forever
Through the broken, through the victory
I will praise You through it all
And run hard ‘til the race is done
I, I’m gonna press on, press on
I’m gonna press on, press on

How many storms have I been through
How many led me right to You
You’re using the pain, the hardest days for my good,
My good
So what do I fear God, You are with me
Guiding my steps today
Through the mountains, valleys, sun and rain
Lord, lead the way, lead the way

One step in front of the other
No looking back, no looking back
One step in front of the other
I’m gonna press on, I’m gonna press on

One step in front of the other
No looking back, no looking back
One step in front of the other

I’m gonna press on
I’m gonna press on
I, I’m gonna press on, press on

I’m gonna press on
I’m gonna press on
I’m gonna press on, press on

One step in front of the other
No looking back, no looking back
One step in front of the other
I’m gonna press on, I’m gonna press on I’m gonna press on

Songwriters: Chuck Butler / Jeff Pardo / Juan Otero

Press On lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

While I'm Waiting

2017-12-30T16:00:00.002-06:00

While I'm Waiting (John Waller)

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Takeing every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on you, Lord.

What Can We Learn From Waiting?

2017-12-27T16:46:00.002-06:00

An acquaintance shared a beautiful poem today from Russell Kelfer called Wait and I wanted to share it to encourage anyone else that might also be in a season of waiting on something or someone special like we are. Like me, you may have lost hope more times than you care to admit or questioned "Why?!" Then God picks you back up again and gives you the strength to keep on keeping on.

When I read it, I was reminded of Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that He is God".

You can read the poem here: http://www.hannahshopebook.com/blog/2008/01/wait-poem.html

Adoption referral agency

2017-12-12T14:17:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since I last posted an update. It's been very quiet on the adoption front as there has been no news from the agency or the attorney we are signed up with about any potential adoptions. The waiting can be so difficult, especially during the holidays. Since we have decided that this will be the last year we pursue private domestic infant adoption (our home study expires in June of 2018) we recently decided to sign up with an adoption referral agency. They assist families in connecting prospective adoptive parents with adoption agencies and attorneys who are working with birth parents hoping to place their baby for adoption. There was a small $100 application fee to sign up on their referral list and we hope it may open up some more possibilities for us in the final 6 remaining months as we wait. Adoption fees have increased astronomically from when we adopted in 2012 and we have asked to only be considered for adoptions between $15,000-$23,000 (their lowest brackets). I've heard of many adoption professionals looking for adoptive parents, but the fees were so outrageous we would never consider it. It's nothing for fees to be $35,00-$45,000 for domestic infant adoption... It can be a little discouraging, but we are praying that if we are supposed to adopt another infant domestically, God will place the right child in our family at the perfect time. Please continue to pray for us as we wait to see what happens in the next 6 months.

Trusting Even When We Can't See What's Ahead

2017-07-19T15:14:00.000-05:00

I heard this verse on the radio today and had to bookmark it again. I needed to hear this yet again and it was a perfect reminder of how good God is to fight our battles, especially when we don't know what's ahead.

We found out yesterday that the expectant mom we matched with in May and then were advised to un-match with (due to her admitting recent drug usage) had her baby yesterday. But she chose to parent and not go through with the adoption plan with the new adoptive family. While I didn't completely understand things at the time and had lots of questions as to why it happened, there was a reason and now I can see why. We were being spared from another heartache. God always knows what is best for us even when we can't see what's ahead.

5 Years Old!

2017-07-13T20:52:00.001-05:00

I can hardly believe it, but it's been five years ago since God brought our beautiful baby girl into our lives and we received the call that would forever change our lives as we became parents. Time flies by so fast when you have children and we are so thankful and blessed to be able to be Olivia's parents!

Olivia, we love your sparkling personality and your passion for life. You're a natural born leader and we are blessed to watch you grow! We are so thankful for you! Happy 5th Birthday!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Year Three!

2017-06-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Our home study is almost up to date and we're just waiting on the social worker to finish editing the document and then we will officially be starting year three of waiting.

We have been earnestly praying about it and no matter what happens, this will be our last year of waiting. We're both at peace with whether that means adding another child or being happy with our daughter as an only child. Here's to year three!

Hills and Valleys

2017-06-23T17:28:00.001-05:00

I heard this song on the day we made the difficult decision to unmatch from baby girl's expectant Mom. I know this is just another hill and valley on our journey and what a beautiful testament to His love it is no matter what may happen!

Tauren Wells - Hills and Valleys
I've walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I've felt the pain of heartbreak
And I've seen the brighter days
And I've prayed prayers to heaven from my lowestplace
And I have held the blessings
God, you give and take away

No matter what I have, Your grace is enough
No matter where I am, I'm standing in Your love

On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain aft, didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You're God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!

I've watched my dreams get broken
In you I hope again!
No matter what I know
Know I'm safe inside Your hand

On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain aft, didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You're God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!

Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all you will remain
Over it all!

Father, you give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all you will remain
Over it all!

On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the one who set me there (to the one who set me there)
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain aft, didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley end, no I am not alone!
You're God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!

God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!
You're God of the hills and valleys!
Hills and Valleys!
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone!

And I will choose to say "Blessed be Your name, yeah, yeah"

And I am not alone

Songwriters: Chuck Butler / Jonathan Lindley Smith / Tauren Wells

Hills and Valleys lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing

An Almost Baby - Matched and Unmatched

2017-06-23T17:19:00.000-05:00

May was an exciting month in that we learned about an expectant Mother due with a biracial baby boy due in late July or August. We were cautiously optimistic as there were some complications and risk factors involved. We chose to only tell a handful of close family and friends so they could be praying.

The expectant Mother officially chose us as the adoptive parents a week and a half after we found out about the baby boy. The baby boy then turned out to be a baby GIRL at a doctor's appointment! We were still cautious about getting too excited because some of the unknowns, but earnestly prayed that if this was to be our child we would have peace about it.

It probably wasn't our best decision ever, but we told Olivia there was a possibility she was going to have a baby sister. We explained that it would be a few months and that we still were not for sure if she would become her sister, but that we were praying for the baby and her Mommy. She was sooo excited! She has prayed for a baby sister for such a long time.

Unfortunately, about two weeks after learning it was a girl we had to pull out of the match when we learned the baby will be born with lots of special needs due to the expectant Mom's drug usage. The adoption agency advised us it might be better to wait for another child that will have a healthier birth family relationship and less risk factors. Olivia has such a wonderful relationship with her birth family and it would not be the same with this child. They said it could cause major jealousy issues as the child grows up if their relationship with their birth parents looked drastically different than Olivia's. It was a very difficult decision to make and one we didn't take lightly. Since we already have one child we have to take in consideration many other factors that might impact us and them in different ways now and in the future. It's such a sad situation and we pray for the expectant Mother and this baby girl and that they will both get the treatment needed to be healthy.

Through it all, God has given me the strength to have peace and I remember the verse that keeps echoing in my heart, "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10.

Don't Give Up!

2017-04-24T00:24:00.002-05:00

The other day I was teaching Olivia how to ride a real big girl bike (complete with training wheels) and she was having trouble going up the incline on the road. She stopped and frantically said, "Mommy! I can't do it! Help! It's too hard!" and she took her feet off the pedals and started to roll backwards. She started to give up before she ever got up the hill.

As I gently pushed her up the hill, and talked her through what to do, I was reminded of how I do the same thing in my life sometimes when things get difficult. And God gently guides me through what I'm facing by giving me strength and direction to help me in this same way. When we don't think we can make it up the hills of our life, He is right beside us guiding us and giving us the strength to make it if we ask Him. I'm so thankful for God's love and that He uses my daughter and others to encourage and remind me of this, especially with what has been on our hearts lately.

After much prayer, we have decided to renew our home study and wait for another year. Since some of the documents expire soon we will start updating them now instead of waiting until the end of June. We are going to remain with the same two adoption agencies and attorney and see what God has in store for us and if we are to become a family of four. Thank you so much for your continued prayers as we wait.

In the Silence

2017-04-17T15:34:00.002-05:00

Our home study will expire at the end of June this year and it will mark the end of our second year of formally being home study approved. We've been praying about if we should continue to wait to adopt for another year or not. The past few months have been difficult for me especially as we have contemplated all of these things. Are we supposed to have another child or is our answer "No" or "Not right now"? Should we adopt an older child from foster care down the road instead? Before we started the adoption process in 2010, I always wondered why adoptive parents were all so old. Well now I understand. We are 9 years older than we were when we first started to think about adoption and it's almost been 5 years ago since we brought Olivia home as a baby. Michael is 6 years older than me and already past 40 so these are all things we have to consider this time around. I know if it's meant to be, we could receive a call tomorrow saying we've been chosen, but for whatever reason, sometimes things don't always happen like we hope and pray.

In the silence, I've questioned what we should do and what God want us to do. Am I just being impatient? I've prayed for peace and contentment if we are to only have one child, even though my heart aches for Olivia to experience the joy of having a sibling. Its drudged up the past heartache of losing baby boy Matthew just over 6 years ago, and the pain of our infertility struggles and how we can't have a biological child together. It's crazy how you can think you're over something and then out of nowhere the grief comes back.

One of the most difficult parts of waiting to adopt is the lack of control and feelings of helplessness and that we can't do anything in our own power to speed things along. I know God is using this to grow my faith and wants us to fully trust in Him alone. I'm such a planner and have to fight the urge to take control and try to make something happen myself. There have been so many thoughts and questions going through my mind lately, but through it all God has been reminding me to just be still.

“Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

He has continually brought me to this verse through several encouraging blogs I follow, a devotional book I'm reading, and through a friend who thought of me and purchased a devotional book with "Be Still and Know" on the front cover! I've been asking God to take these worries and pain from me because I can't bear it on my own and I know only He can give me peace. Whatever is meant to be, He can do it in His perfect timing; I only need to be still.

I heard this song on the radio recently and love the lyrics. It describes so much of what I've been experiencing lately and this is my prayer:

Mercy Me - Even If

It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now

But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful, You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You

Come what may

Faith Like A Child

2017-02-06T10:07:00.000-06:00

Don't you love it when God uses our children to teach us more about ourselves? There have been so many times that God has used my daughter, Olivia to teach me more about Him. Last week was one of those moments. While I was out grocery shopping, I decided to pickup a few baby shower gifts for some friends who are expecting. Olivia is all about shopping for baby things and was so excited to be able to pick out an outfit. We found the cutest football onesie and pant set and dinosaur outfit and put it in the cart. Olivia was chattering on about how cute the outfits were and she just knew the babies would love them. She couldn't wait until her baby came so she could shop for them.

As we were looking for bibs and burp cloths in a matching dinosaur print, a little girl about Olivia's age and her Mother strolled by us obviously looking for baby items. Olivia saw the little girl and said "Hi, My name is Olivia." The little girl said "Hi" and told her what her name was and that she was having a baby brother soon so she and her Mom were shopping for the new baby. She was so excited.

Olivia proudly replied, "Well, we are shopping for a baby shower gift." The little girl anxiously said "Where's your baby at?" Olivia paused for a moment and said, "I don't have a baby brother or sister yet...we are waiting. Yeah, we don't know how long it's going to be..."

The little girl obviously didn't understand what she was talking about and said "Silly, babies grow in your Mom's tummy! Your baby's in your Mom's tummy!"

Olivia responded so seriously, "No. Not my baby sister. She's growing in another Mommy's tummy and we are just waiting for her."

I'm really not sure what the little girl thought about that response because my back was turned away from them while I pretended to shop taking in this whole conversation. I guess she was happy with that answer though because then they both started holding hands and skipping around in a circle laughing. Can you say faith like a child?

I'm going to be honest, the past few months we have started to feel the sting of the wait. It's been difficult. It's been two years since we officially started this adoption wait and it seems like the second year mark is always the hardest for me. We've thought and prayed about just being happy with Olivia and not renewing our home study when it expires this summer. However, when God allows me to witness moments like this at the grocery store, I stand in awe at His goodness and faithfulness. How can we not continue on and have faith when our own 4 year old is so certain and faithful that her baby sister (or brother) is coming? I'm so thankful God forgives me when I lose hope and feel like giving up. I'm thankful He reminds me in small and big ways to have faith like a child.

Officially Starting Year 2 of Waiting!

2016-06-27T21:57:00.000-05:00

Our home study update is finally complete and we have officially started our second year of waiting to adopt. Our daughter, Olivia is more excited than ever at the thought of having a sibling and talks about it quite often. She is praying for a baby sister. While we hope it's a little boy, quite honestly we will be happy with any child God decides to bless us with.

Hold On Just A Little Longer...

2016-06-03T17:36:00.002-05:00

I was grocery shopping the other day picking up a few items to make cookies for Olivia's 4th Birthday. Yikes! Yes, her 4th Birthday! I can hardly believe she will be 4 soon. We were at the checkout aisle when I noticed a beautiful baby boy sitting in a shopping cart in the aisle next to us. He looked to be about a year to a year and a half old and had beautiful brown skin like Olivia and a curly head of ringlets. As I was waiting in line, Olivia and I watched him as he was yelling out "Mama! Mama!" to his Mom who was busily unpacking her groceries on the conveyor belt. He had a huge smile on his face and it reminded me so much of Olivia at that age. As we pulled up next to the lady and the little boy, Olivia started looking at him smiling and singing a song. I smiled at the baby and told Olivia to tell him "Hi" and she did and continued singing her song to him. It was such a sweet moment. As we paid for our groceries and left the store, Olivia said "Mom, he was so cute! He was watching me while I was singing."

As we were walking away all kinds of emotions stirred up in me as we have been waiting a year to adopt and I've at times started to feel a little weary of waiting. I started to pray that God would bless us with another child in His timing again if it's His will. As I prayed, I was reminded of the personal story of the adoptive Mom who I listened to on the recent webinar and our own personal story of how we met Olivia. I told myself to have faith and "Hold on just a little longer..."

"The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:25

"Let your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead."

Proverbs 4:25

The Importance of Community While Waiting To Adopt

2016-06-01T17:18:00.000-05:00

As we've been waiting for our background checks to come back, we have been completing yet again more training. The adoption agency in our state requires 15 hours of training each year. Even though we've already adopted once before and have completed numerous hours of training before we started and after we started this adoption, we're still required to do this annually. The agency has a support group for the waiting families that we could attend each month which would count towards our training, but it's several hours away and it's more cost effective to do training on our own by reading books or listening to webinars. Since we've already listened to many of the training sessions from Adoption Learning Partners before, I tried to find ways to earn hours towards are training that wouldn't cost so much. Another adoptive Mom I met online told me about some free webinars offered online through a well known national adoption agency. We were able to listen to several of the pre recorded online webinars and have met our 15 hours of training.

I personally benefited from listening to each of the webinars. When you're waiting to adopt, it can seem like you're all alone on this journey and that no one else really understands what you're going through. It's a very unique experience and most certainly a faith building journey for me as I wait on God's timing and not my own. One of the webinars I listened to was from an adoptive Mom whose family adopted three times. She talked about the waiting involved in the process and how the second and third adoptions weighed heavily on her emotions. Her story resonated with our story of how we met Olivia and I was so blessed by her encouragement. She explained that during the wait on their second adoption she was getting so tired of waiting and felt emotionally dragged down like she couldn't do it any longer. They were waiting a little over two years and they experienced a failed adoption where the birth mom changed her mind. The adoptive Mom wasn't sure she could hold on any longer. She thought maybe one child would be enough and they would just stop and be a family of three.

She talked about a picture of their family that was taken just one day before they received a call that they were chosen to be parents of a beautiful baby born that next day! She explained how she was so ready to give up the day before when the family photo was taken and how little faith she had that day. She said if she could go back and tell herself one thing it would be "Hang on just a little longer, you're almost there! Have faith!"

Wow, I can totally relate to her story as the same thing happened to us before we got the call that Olivia was born. She also talked about how God seems to wait until we have fully surrendered our all before He moves in our lives. We have to be willing to trust Him and that no matter what, He has our best interest at heart. She explained that after their failed adoption they prayed and asked God to protect them and not let that happen again if at all possible. As she looks back on the situation she said she really believes that's why it was taking so long, because they were waiting on their child and that God was protecting them from another potentially hurtful situation.

I'm so thankful for the support I have from other adoptive families, even when we don't know one another. God used her story to give me encouragement and strength as we continue on our journey to adopt again.

It's Time To Update Our Home Study

2016-04-19T16:31:00.001-05:00

Well it's almost time to update our home study again. Our home study is valid through May 6th so we will be updating all of our background checks and references again soon. Thankfully we don't have to get finger printed again since those last for 5 years. I am SO thankful for this since I had such a difficult time getting my prints to take last year. We will have to pay another $700 in fees to update everything and schedule an appointment for the social worker to come out to our home and interview us again to see if anything has changed.

Here's a few of the items we will have to complete before our home study can be updated:

Motor Vehicle checks
State Child Abuse/Neglect Background checks
Physicals for everyone in the family (including Olivia)
Pet Vaccinations (yup Fido is even included too! haha)
Updated personal references and Pastoral reference
15 hours of training related to adoption
Home interview with social worker

I'm not too excited about all of these things as they become more of annoyance than anything, but I know why they are required and the importance of making sure adoptive parents are fit to adopt. It's just more hoops to jump through as we are waiting to adopt. Thanks for your continued prayers.

You Brought Me This Far

2016-04-08T17:10:00.003-05:00

I love how God uses music to speak to my heart when I'm feeling impatient, hurt, or just need to be encouraged. It's almost been a year since we were officially home study approved to adopt and in my impatience I can be so easily discouraged by the waiting. I heard "Lift My Life Up" by Unspoken on the radio while driving down the road today. As I listened to the words of the song and looked in the rear view mirror at our sleeping daughter, I was reminded of how long we prayed and waited for her and what a blessing and absolute joy she is in our lives. She is our answer to many prayers. I know our next child is worth the long wait as well and today I was reminded again that God already knows what our future holds and I have to remember to give all of my worries, fears, doubts, etc... to Him, daily.

"Lift My Life Up" by Unspoken

You brought me this far so why would I question You now
You have provided so why would I start to doubt
I've never been stranded, abandoned or left here to fight alone
So I'm giving You control

I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me

If peace is a river then let it sweep over me
If I'm under fire I know it's refining me
When I hear You calling out I follow now wherever the road may go
I know You're leading me home

I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me

Take my life and let it be all for You
Take my life and let it be all for You

I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
(Take my life)

I lift my life, lift my life up
I give it all in surrender
(Take my heart)
I lift my heart, lift my heart up
You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, lift my life up

Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me
Have Your way in me

Take my life and let it be all for You

Spring Updates!

2016-03-24T15:16:00.001-05:00

I haven't been very good about updating the blog with what's been happening this year. We are still waiting, but last month the adoption agency contacted us to let us know our profile book has been shown several times. They have been non-stop busy from October-January with 4-5 babies being born. In an average year, 4-5 adoptions would be a good number for them since they are so small. This has been a very busy and exciting year for them! Several of those babies born were very high risk meaning they were born addicted to drugs and since we already have one child, we don't feel we can be open to those children right now. There have also been several full African American babies born too, but since we have been asked to only be considered for babies born who are mixed race like our daughter, we were not considered. It breaks my heart to say that, but we believe very strongly in this. I've read so many personal accounts of adults who were adopted who were mixed race and didn't grow up with any other siblings the same race as them and how difficult it was for them and how they didn't feel like they ever truly fit in.

We know of one other family at our agency who are also waiting for a mixed race child for the same reasons as we are. Recently, the agency told us that for one of the situations we were considered for, a birth mother chose the other family because they had a swimming pool. Sometimes expectant mothers choose families for the smallest reasons, but we know it's just not our time yet and are happy for the family she chose. I think what's most exciting though is knowing we are probably the only one family (maybe two) who are open to a mixed race child now so when the next expectant mother comes through, we may be chosen!

Our home study is valid through mid May of this year. (Home studies have to be updated each year.) This means we will have to go have new updated physicals, new state background checks, driving record checks, and a visit with the social worker to update our home study, and of course pay them more money to update everything. We know everything happens in God's perfect timing and are eagerly and expectantly waiting for what He will do in our lives.

Quilting a baby blanket!

2016-03-24T14:57:00.000-05:00

Growing up I learned how to do some basic sewing from my Mom and since I've been married I've learned a few new skills from my Mother-in-law too. I've always wanted to make a quilt. I guess you could say sewing a quilt was one of my bucket list items. I've been collecting fabric to decorate the new nursery for some time, but decided chevron and dots were too plain and I wanted to mix it up a bit. I went to the fabric store to see what other patterns I could add to my existing finds. I found the most perfect print! It's a white background with inspirational words of "Faith, Hope, Wish, Dream, Joy, Believe" on it. I bought enough to make some quilt squares and found a few other colorful contrasting patterns to go with it. I was so excited I decided to lookup youtube videos on how to make a quilt and got started right away. My personal goal was to finish the entire quilt in one weekend. A little ambitious maybe, but I was determined to finish it before the demands of daily life kept me from completing it. I think I did pretty well considering this was my first quilt! It will be a quilt for the new baby's room, whenever they join our family. Yes, it's a little crooked on some rows and on the edges, but it's fun to look back and say I did this on my own and it has such special meaning to us. I even found some crib sheets online that have matching stars! I still have a few more items to sew, but here's what it looks like so far:

I also found some Chevron arrow print that I plan to use for

the crib skirt. Now I just need to find the time to sew it.

"But I really don't like waiting..."

2016-01-05T18:25:00.004-06:00

Even before she could understand what adoption really meant, we began telling Olivia she was adopted. We created a storybook to read to her which includes pictures of her birth family and the first time we met. We began reading it to her at about 6 months old so it wouldn't be uncomfortable or difficult to tell her as she grows older. Now that she's 3.5 years old, and we have started our second adoption journey, she's starting to put the pieces together and is beginning to understand what adoption truly means.

Many of her friends have had baby brothers or sisters born in the past year and she keeps telling me "Mama you're going to have a baby in your tummy" as she pats my stomach. It breaks my heart to tell her that Mommy and Daddy are broken and can't have a baby together and that instead we are adopting. She then asks me if she was in my tummy when she was a baby and I have to reply with "No sweetie, you were in Miss A's tummy". I explain how we are waiting to adopt another baby who will be her baby brother or sister and that's one of the many reasons why she is so special because we prayed for her and waited for a very long time to become parents and that we just have to wait and see. Like an honest and sincere three year old she says to me, "But I really DON'T like waiting...I really wish I could have a baby brother or sister now..." I have to say, I'm right there with her. I don't like waiting either, but I know God is using this time to grow me spiritually and bring me closer to Him even if the process is not always easy.

There have been lots of babies born at the adoption agency this fall although most of them were very high risk so we were not considered. The agency will be a little more picky in who they show our profile to since we already have one child and it could be difficult to try to care for a newborn suffering drug withdrawals. We are also being picky in that we really want to adopt another bi-racial child so both of our children will share a similar racial background. Please continue to pray for us as we wait.

Strength While Waiting

2015-10-20T10:34:00.002-05:00

One of the many reasons adoption is difficult for me and many other waiting families is the waiting. I've learned over the years that I am not patient. While adopting the second time around is easier in many ways than adopting for the first time, the waiting still gets to me some days. Recently, I was having a particular difficult time with patience and feeling like the enemy was trying to throw doubts and frustration at me, when I opened up my Bible to Psalm 18 and read this:

"31 For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
³²It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
³³He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.

³⁴He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
³⁵You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.

³⁶You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way."

Psalm 18:31-36

I'm so thankful that when I start to feel discouraged I can open my Bible and read words of encouragement from God. No matter what I'm facing or how I'm feeling defeated all I have to do is cry out to God for strength.

August Update

2015-08-06T23:22:00.002-05:00

It's been two months since we have been officially approved to adopt. As exciting as it is to be approved and waiting, there really hasn't been much going on at either of the agencies we are signed up with. They said things have been pretty slow and they are not currently working with any new expectant mother's. However, that can change at any moment in time. The agency in our home state has also been encouraging us to branch out and network with local attorneys to match more quickly with an expectant mother. Sometimes adoption attorneys can be so expensive so I really didn't investigate further until recently. A friend of a friend recommended a local adoption attorney they were signed up with and after talking to the attorney I found out their fee to sign on is very minimal. We decided to sign up with the adoption attorney so this will give us three possible avenues to adopt. Now all we can do is continue to enjoy the summer as a family of three as we wait patiently and pray for the right expectant mother to find us. Thanks for your continued prayers as we wait for God's perfect timing to meet our next child.

We're Officially Paper Pregnant!

2015-06-03T22:04:00.002-05:00

As of last week, we are officially approved and are "paper pregnant". Yay! However, unlike a normal pregnancy, we have no idea how long it might take. There's no way to guess or estimate how long we will wait. It's all in God's hands. We met with the agency director and they said their placements have been pretty slow lately and they are not currently working with any expectant mother's as of right now. We plan to continue to save money towards the adoption each month and enjoy the summer with our daughter until we get the call. Thanks for your continued prayers!

Our Home Study Is Complete!

2015-05-09T10:10:00.002-05:00

Yay!! Our home study is now complete! We looked over the final draft earlier this week for any mistakes and now our social work has signed off on it. We are essentially approved, but since we are working with a new adoption agency in our current state, they have a slightly different approval process before we can become official and they will begin to show our profile book to expectant Mom's. They first have to read over it, approve it before their committee, and then schedule a time for us to meet with them again in person to go over possible risk factors. So we are almost there!

Since our previous adoption agency is already familiar with us and we completed our daughter's adoption through them, our current home study is more of an update and we don't have quite as much red tape to go through. I have already mailed our profile book to them and our book was even shown to an expectant mother! It was exciting, but this time around we are trying not to get too excited about any specific situation since it can be so emotionally draining. I told myself I wasn't getting on that emotional roller coaster and would just wait to see what God has in store. The expectant mother ended up deciding to parent. In some ways it is easier waiting to adopt the second time around, but in other ways, it's just as difficult because you don't know how long it will take or have any control in the situation. So we will just wait and see what happens.