Laura the Island Belle

Reflections and Upcoming

2012-01-03T14:51:00.001-05:00

Look out for my post on reflections and what is up and coming for me and my blog. Looking forward to 2012 with you.

Day 1 2012

2012-01-03T14:50:00.001-05:00

So this new year, I spent with my Dad in the country. O beautiful country! Everytime I go anywhere where there is flush green life and water I want to make it my permanent home. I get thoughts about leaving my life in the city and just finding joy in the simplicity of life of growing and raising what you eat and living from the land and finding peace with oneself. God is so amazing to have created all of this.

When the clock struck January 1, 2012:12:00:00 AM. I was sleeping.
I woke up around 12:03AM and chatted with some friends at that time until I dozed off again.

So while getting ready to visit family I stepped on a destroyer stand. People!! The tip of the stand went straight up into my poor little foot. It hurt more to pull it out. It felt like I was performing surgery on myself. I went on to continue getting dolled up on my tip toe and looked down on the floor a few minutes later to find drops of deep red blood on the ground!!!!!After I got that cleaned up I dressed the wound and went on my merry way.

I drove from Westmoreland to Mobay and I really enjoyed the scenery, Jamaica is so beautiful and lush and green and once again I was fighting the urge to move to the country.

While driving into Mobay my sis looked over at me and exclaimed "Is that a bee on your leg?" I looked down and saw a seemingly dead bee and replied "Yes, but it looks dead." Continuing on my journey and our conversation I made a gesture that lifted my body a bit off the car seat, Well Ladies and Gents! I got stung by a bee and it huuuuurrrtttttt like wow!!!!!!. The good thing was that the sting didnt get lodged into my skin I almost lost my cool while the venom entered my delicate body.

We arrived safely to my Aunt's house and got to see my family whom I haven't seen in a few months. My uncle encouraged us to stay the night so we did and enjoyed the company and the food.

We left out Monday morning to journey back to Kingston, to get ready for work.

That was my eventful New Years Day. How did you spend yours?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2011-12-25T10:35:00.001-05:00

The power of sickness - Crystal Clear

2011-12-20T17:07:00.001-05:00

Clearly my body is trying to tell me something. It is tired! and I am not taking very good care of it.
I have been prescribed one week of bed rest and not that it will be too difficult for me to do considering I'm trying to break a fever that wont break and I have a cough that sounds like a volcano erupting and hurts like ever. I have chest pains that remind me I'm human. Thank God body pains have subsided! The wonders of pain killers.
I am being forced to slow down and this whole bed rest thing is already getting to my mental state. *stir crazy*
Still I will not be foolish and not use this time wisely, clearly some things have to change. I mean yes God I can see it very crystal clear.

Doctor says its asthma .... blah blah blah. I mean who wants to live on a pump? Anyway before I go off blasting the wonders of medicine, I will have to prove that living healthier and loving myself harder than any other human being can, and being totally in-tune with my mind, body and soul is all the healing I need.

Christmas is right here... Will be posting soon, sorry for the tardiness on these.
2012 is a new year, so why the heck don't we start it now!
Love

Update - November

2011-12-03T20:40:00.001-05:00

Man am I exhausted! Pheewh!

Today I went to my third class of reflexology! Yes you read right! Reflexology! Home girl went and did something she wanted to and Boy it feels soooo good. Like cuddling up with your man good.

It's been an important highlight of my week. I'm loving it.

The last couple of weeks have been exhausting but I'm making time for myself, after all I've got somethings to do with myself.
A few weeks ago I had a very important talk with a lecturer, a mentor a friend about forgiveness and the importance of it all. Can I tell you wake up call!

God knows what to say to me and what to repeat when he needs to repeat and shout it out He definitely knows how to get it across.

So I've made my list and can I tell you! I didn't know I had a list!!!!! Seriously, Laura you got shit to deal with. What?

***Big Sigh***
I'm not worrying about anything. God has been sooo good to me. He has provided everything I needed for this journey and I know he won't fail now!

I'm off to get some shut-eye.

Love you til the next post.

Verse for LIFE - Job 23: 10

2011-11-29T12:41:00.001-05:00

But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

You are what you Learn

2011-11-29T10:18:00.000-05:00

I know I have been absent for awhile! I know!
Will update shortly on all the things you have missed out on.
*Blooper Alert* I can rub your feet *
Anyway the point of this post is: As I was randomly perusing a favourite blog of mine Mighty Girl
I cam across one of her recent posts and just had to share! It is so profound yet so simple.
Let me know what you think!

“You are what you learn. If all you know is how to be a gang member, that’s what you’ll be, at least until you learn something else. If you go to law school, you’ll see the world as a competition. If you study engineering, you’ll start to see the world as a complicated machine that needs tweaking. A person changes at a fundamental level as he or she merges with a particular field of knowledge. If you don’t like who you are, you have the option of learning until you become someone else. There’s almost nothing you can’t learn your way out of. Life is like a jail with an unlocked, heavy door. You’re free the minute you realize the door will open if you simply lean into it.” -Scott Adams

Feel it

2011-11-10T21:09:00.000-05:00

Sometimes my pain

2011-11-05T20:58:00.000-05:00

Pay Attention for Happiness

2011-11-05T20:05:00.001-05:00

After another stressful week...I think I should try and eliminate that word from my vocabulary, its becoming too much of a constant adjective.
Today I spent the day chilling wit my sister, running errands and doing a little pampering.
I was just reading one of the blogs I subscribe to and came across this post about Finding Happiness By Paying Attention.
Practice makes perfect! It has inspired this post.
Although my week was stressful It was a pretty awesome week. I watched God come through for me financially in a way that I can only say, "That was God."

I am forever grateful for His hands, guiding me.

Grateful for my sister, for helping me laugh at my problems, she has a knack of making things funny to me. I totally get her sense of humour.
So very, very, thankful for my mother, now where would I be without you? You are a Steady woman.

I am thankful for my friend J. For really sticking with me for the past couple weeks.

For my job, it pays the bills and it challenges my mind. It has given me a viable excuse for not thinking about my personal problems and it is a get-away.

For Aunt Hope, for listening to my tired rants about my current issues and giving an ear.

For my nail technician, loc technician and salon for making me feel extra pretty today.

SO to Silver Slipper Salon in Premier Plaza the entire Salon is a place of laughs and sweet souls.

For my Optometrist for giving me my eye-sight back although for couple seconds he made me feel rather blind.(New pair of glasses coming soon)

For the Assitant Miss Outar, today at Optical Express for being very patient with my 'Clara' sister and her indecisiveness.

SO to Optical Express they are having a special right now free Doctors visit providing that you fill your prescription with them

For Errol the bestest tint guy ever, your presence is a beautiful one and you did a great job.

Did you pay attention for Happiness in your day/week?

Go Ahead and Just Live... Even for a Little

2011-11-04T19:49:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday I decided to do something I have not done in years, go out ALONE!
*Insert deep sigh here*
I'm kidding. It was GREAT!

I had carefully thought about this day coming up and had even invited a close friend of mine to join me, but that didn't work out. Needless to say the day before I was rather anxious and almost wussed out on going by myself, but who really wants to go down punking out? I don't. So when Saturday morning rolled around, I had spent the morning indulging in a good daily dose of my favourite game SIMS, taking a nap and then had dinner. For my soul preparation I had a long hot shower and then I got all dolled up for ME to some happy music. I was gorgeous.

I had spent the evening attending a dance presentation by the Dance Theatre Xaymaca- GREAT SHOW. A friend of mine, participated in a few of the dances (Kels, You are still a beautiful dancer!). I thought it was a very epic ending to a rather difficult week. I was able to reinforce some self-love lessons and I was able to get out and laugh and smile and be inspired by the human body and human bodies moving to soulful music.

I got enough juice to say "Laura, You are going to get through this." Before the show Kels called to say she had another friend who was also attending solo and if it was OK if she sat with me, I said sure, it was fine. As it turns out because of her I am inspired to do right by God and to continue on this path He has laid out for me. Funnily she shared that a mutual friend of ours referred her to my blog and that she was actually trying to practice on one such post about;Perfect Love.
While she is still in her relationship she is trying to figure out how to spend some time with herself alone. I wish you all the best Paige, just remember every habit starts with a thought, and I hope everything works out.

All in all it was a beautiful evening. I am really happy and proud of myself that I went because the truth is that Life starts right now. Right in this moment. Whether I like it or not, whether I have money or not, or a man or not. It is happening and there isn't anything I can do to stop it and unfortunately I can't walk into the Life Store and request a refund on all the times I didn't LIVE. So if you are like me- Trying to find contentment in what you have right now and Learning to love yourself inspite of. Go Ahead and Just Live... even for a little :)

Have you ever gone out by yourself? What was the experience like for you?

2011-10-30T21:58:00.001-05:00

I don't need to suffer to prove my love.

What I Found

2011-10-27T15:12:00.002-05:00

Mantra : I AM NOT PERFECT AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING
I AM GOOD ENOUGH EXACTLY LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW! - Robin Lee

Song for the day

2011-10-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

Avril Lavigne -Remember When
Remember when I cried to you a thousand times
I told you everything
You know my feelings
It never crossed my mind
That there would be a time
For us to say goodbye
What a big surprise

But I’m not lost
I’m not gone
I haven’t forgot

[chorus]
These feelings I can’t shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I’m not coming back around
These feelings I can’t take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It’s getting harder to pretend
And I’m not coming back around again
Remember when…

I remember when
It was together ‘til the end
Now I’m alone again
Where do I begin?
I cried a little bit
You died a little bit
Please say there’s no regrets
And say you won’t forget
But I’m not lost
I’m not gone
I haven’t forgot

[chorus]
These feelings I can’t shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I’m not coming back around
These feelings I can’t take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It’s getting harder to pretend
And I’m not coming back around again
Remember when…

That was then
Now it’s the end
I’m not coming back
I can’t pretend
Remember When

[chorus]
These feelings I can’t shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I’m not coming back around
These feelings I can’t take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It’s getting harder to pretend
And I’m not coming back around again

Love isn't compromise and it isn't Settling.

2011-10-23T11:18:00.001-05:00

For those of you who are close to me, you will know that something very, very important happened recently.

I'm still processing my feelings and my thoughts, and hope to share them as I go through them.

Today I wanted to share with you a lesson I'm learning.

"When it comes to love, don't compromise."

It sounds simple enough, but I know that there are very few of us that figure out what this really means on the first try. When I use to think of love, I rarely ever thought about what it would look like when it was returned to me but more of what it would look like when I gave it, I suppose I expected it to resemble, something out of romance novels or from the movies. You know, the roses/chocolates, kissing in the rain/ or simply saying I love you. And yes while those are grand sweet gestures, the truth is they are gestures everyone mimics. I know love is more than that, but I had often thought of love and the way I would give it to the person I love; I did that banking on the fact that he would consider how he would reciprocate this kind of love to me.

This chapter of this lesson I'm currently trying to process, is loving myself. I consider if I had loved myself the way I'm trying to now, I wouldn't have settled or compromised for a love that was less than mine, thinking it would be enough if I loved him enough, if I was good enough, if he saw how much I was willing to do for him. Big big big mistake! Needless to say, if I had loved myself the way I do, even this little, I would have recognized what I needed; and if it didn't resemble what I'm use to, what I give myself then I would have been able to know that this isn't it.

I'm trying to live and love without regrets, but this lesson stands out so clear in my mind right now, even as the dust settles around me.

I've come to realise that if my relationship with God was on par, growing and not stagnant, if I had known Him the way I do now, I would be able to recognise perfect love and anything that comes close to the way He loves me. I would have learnt earlier how to love myself, and then be able to see that love when it is given to me and be able to give it in return.

So today I ask you this: How do you love yourself? Does the love you currently show yourself resemble God's Love for you? And does the love you currently receive from your significant other mimic that?

Hakuna Matata - Success in my eyes.

2011-10-09T17:28:00.000-05:00

Last night my sis took me to see Lion King 3D; what can I say my inner child loooooovveeess this movie.

While standing on the outskirts of all the parents trying to get food for their kids I watched a teenage boy and a girl interact. As they stood in the lobby the young man made fun of the girl's hair and her nose; It was obvious that she was disappointed; I overheard him ask her what it was that she wanted to eat and she said throwing her hands up in the air "I guess I'll have M&M's" the boy then streteched out his hand and jested for the money. The young girl clearly tired / embarrassed of his antics just rolled her eyes and walked into the theatre obviously frustrated. I can imagine this would not be date to call the girlfriends up and gush over.

I said a prayer for that young girl, that she won't compromise herself to make love happen, because that isn't love. I prayed she would be confident in herself to know she would be alright and that she doesn't need to chase love or men. That in time the right one will find her. I prayed for the young man too, that he would learn soon how a woman deserves to be treated and that being cocky and putting down a woman doesn't make you cool but mean.

I remember being a teenager, I remember the compromises I made because I wanted someone to like me. Boy don't I wish I was honest with myself then, like I am learning to be now, would have saved myself a lot of heartache. But my mistakes, they are memories and they are lessons and I'm still learning, still becoming.

I wish I could say I don't worry for Love, I do. I have a view of success and it may not fit into everyone else's view but that's the point of success, its yours to own. So mine is, Being the best I can be at all I put my mind to; to be found by love; having a family;raising my children to be good people; to have good morals and values; to teach them the way of Christ in the hope that some day they can find Him and teach others. My view of success is living with love and fighting your battles together as man & woman & family& friends; its growing old and having realized, I did the best I could with what I got; to have been blessed and been a blessing. To hear God say "Well done my good and faithful servant".

And as many of you may know, I've had a major setback on my road to success. I could totally use this time to go on an ultimate freak out because Hello I'm 25 and how in heavens am I gonna have 6 kids if I don't start now?????? but as Timon and Pumba reminded me last night Hakuna Matata which is Swahili for "There are no worries." And its true; there are no worries in God, I know God has got this; after all He knew me before I existed and my life is in His hand.

So as I sit here on my bed this cloudy Sunday evening with a strep throat to kill and an ear infection to die from, I'm encouraging you guys to Live and don't compromise yourself; and to not do that you have to know yourself; you have to be yourself.

What's your view of success?

Bucket List_ Work in Progress

2011-10-09T13:29:00.000-05:00

Here is my bucket list which is a Work in Progress.

Life: I'm at the front of the class.

2011-10-07T17:25:00.001-05:00

Last week was a good week. As I intended it to be. The weekend however, was very difficult. I learnt a valuable lesson about love, people and friends.

I'm coming into myself and I must say the ones who have hurt me along the way they have been the best teachers. I wish I was able to divulge all the details but for now, please bear with me, the wound is still a bit raw.

This week, I was a bit skeptic entering it, I didn't have the balls to dream it a big one, all I had in my back pocket was the guts to say "Whatever happens, this is my life and I'm at the front of the class."

Today is Friday October 7, 2011. What can I say? I made it and have made some life-changing decisions as well as reinforced some lessons learnt.

I've always known myself to be happy person, for the last year, I've struggled with depression and enough hurt, I'm still amazed at myself. But then it has been a year I won't forget. One valuable lesson I'm still learning is that there is a time and place to be nice to people and then there comes a time when you have to put your foot down and acknowledge "<<Insert name here>> enough is enough." And there comes a time when you need to protect yourself at all cost. Listen to your innerself.

I have grown so much and I look forward to sharing my stories with you. One interesting habit I've recently developed is singing when I feel like crying. May not sound too odd to people who know that I do sing, but trust me, I'm singing my own original lyrics and to my own beat, whether they are songs of praise to God or literally singing out my feelings. I'm not too bashful about the habit, as we all have our own coping mechanism. At the very least I'm not ready to be signed up for Bellevue and get my cup of Milo yet (Psychiatric hospital in Jamaica).

It would be easy to just give in to everything that is going on and just be insane and pop some pills to function,O trust me I know! But I'm encouraging you to just show up, and take the seat that is front and centre. This is your life!

P.S. A friend of mine made a comment to me the other day, "You have a lot of stuff that you 'want' to do." And it got me thinking that I really do. So I'm currently on a mini-project to compile my Life List (Bucket list of all the things I would like to do before I die.) Drop me a line and share any one thing from your bucket list and lets get crack-a-lacking at living.

Follow me @ilanbelle on Twitter.

Good Friends help me get by

2011-09-27T19:07:00.000-05:00

I started this week, quite upbeat, wanting to make it a different one from last week *insert sick face here* Monday I welcomed a friend back to work, and I got to thinking how some people add to the happy value of our lives.

The truth is life is hard, some roads require us to travel them alone and that makes it more difficult. But our friends, our true friends, the ones that stick by us when we are ready to just pull over and say "I aint got no more"; the friends that pray us up, the friends that have that 6th sense to message you when you really need someone, the friends that pull up our bootstraps for us; rough us up a bit and tell it like it is, and the friends who are quiet when you just need their presence and nothing more. Thank God for Good friends.

Needless to say, I'm on this hard road, and sometimes the rains beat down on me, the sun is just too hot and the road won't end; but then I look over and there is a good friend, and I remember, we are all traveling on a road, maybe a different kind.

The way I see it is that we are never alone. If no other human is in sight, God is. And isn't He more than enough? He is for me. We will never really be able to enjoy life with others if we can't enjoy it with just us and God.

Isaiah 43:2
"When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze. "

Be encouraged and lets aim to look at the glass half full. God is on our side and he is right there with you on this journey.

Don't Give Up!

Follow me @ilanbelle

Celebration of Life

2011-09-24T23:12:00.003-05:00

September.

Is not my birth month, but it is for my dad, sister, cousins, friends and now my beloved God-Daughter.

In one week, I have planned two celebrations, highly anticipated I may add, of my sister's 24th and my god-daughters first birthday.

My sister has always been a laid-back kind of gal; she has mastered the art of accepting whatever is given to her on her special day and still have her own dreams and ideals. While she didn't want a big blown out celebration, she did want her black-forest cake and wine. For my God-daughter, well she was getting a nice little pool party to celebrate hers, with anticipated 50+ invitees from her neighbourhood.

And for all those big event planners this may not seem like a lot, but for me, it was a big shiznit!

Anyway with the grace of God everything came together even with my sister not wanting to cut a cake on her birthday and then deciding last minute she wanted to cut it on Friday, the day before my god-daughter's birthday party. Don't get me wrong, my sister is a darling, hence why she can get away with this. All in all her cake cutting and wine sipping occasion was memorable, the cake and wine were both delish.

My god-daughter's party was just too special with her family being there including her 6 sisters and her biological mom and her adopted mom, along with friends from all over. Is it possible to have a celebration without any fuss? I don't know. I just know you can't please everyone. The only person I was interested in pleasing today was my little Tia! and I must say, she was elated and very enthused with the day's activities.

At the end of the day, my back and feet are sore, I'm in dire need of a serious tender massage.
I'm looking forward to some well needed rest now.

Ciao for now.

Follow me on twitter: @ilanbelle

Let the waters rise

2011-09-20T12:43:00.000-05:00

I'm a devout Christian, well I try to be... And for the past year I've been going through a Job season. Through it all I know my God will come through, He is more than enough for my fears, for my hurt, for my mistakes, for my sins, for every part of me.

Whatever it may be I will follow you.

The words of this song say just how I am feeling right now.

Let The Waters Rise - MikesChair
Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

Changes... The hair cut

2011-09-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me, know I have locks; I've had them for two years. This is my second attempt at wearing them, so far I have been loving them. I had paid to have my locks started with extensions, because I've had difficulty in the past with my natural hair locking. I loved it from the beginning.

Last week I cut my hair I felt for a change I asked my sister to cut my extensions off and let me be with my natural tresses. I basically just jumped off into the deep end. When she was through I thought to myself "Laura what the hell did you do???" By the time I fell asleep and woke up, ten times lighter I may add, I was over it and was ready for a new day with a new look for a new chapter.

I was a bit worried about what people were going to say but needless to say, majority of them didn't even notice that I had cut it and for those that I cared to bring their attention to it, well they loved it! and the fact that I did jump off into the deep end *have to love my friends

Needless to say my life has been under construction ever since, with a story of changes * updates to follow soon. I think I have been taking them in stride, I am simply opening my mind and heart to what God has in store and I thank Him for His love and guidance and look forward to where He leads.

Something I wanted to share with you guys, Sunday one of our pastors encouraged us to try a chapter of Proverbs a day, and I am now extending the invitation to you guys. I will try and post my findings with you and if you so desire please feel free to share your thoughts with me. The invite is to read one chapter of Proverbs a day between 5:30-6:30 a.m. or 12-1 p.m. or 7-8 p.m. choose any reading time you choose, I have been working with the 7- 8 P.M.

So today I will be reading Chapter 18 at 7:00 p.m.

Pic of new do:

What to do about the past

2011-09-09T19:06:00.000-05:00

What do you do when nostalgia sweeps over your very core of being?
When memories taunt you of what was and your dreams tease you with the-could-have-beens?

I tell you what I did.
I took a deep breath,
I dove into the nostalgia and I allowed my feelings to respond
Responded to my memories and I nodded at my dreams.
Then when the chill of the familiarity was gone, and my memories ran into my dreams and the could-have-beens.

I left it in that moment.
I took another step, smiled and moved on.

Lessons 1.0

2011-09-06T20:15:00.001-05:00

Make friends wherever you go;

Forgive yourself for the people that you have hurt;

Love yourself with your flaws;

Take chances; Tread lightly; Live.

Live it is your only chance;

Love as if it is your last;

Do not worry about what tomorrow holds,

God is in control.

Time and Honesty

2011-08-29T22:29:00.003-05:00