Love to the MAX

We are back!

2012-08-08T15:51:00.003-04:00

It's been a very long time I know! I wonder if anyone will even notice we're back lol! Oh well, I keep up with this blog for my kids and I.

My last post was when Miss Vivian was born, and now she is over 3 months old. Time seriously flew by! I have been busy and just neglected this poor blog. We have been having fun too! I can't imagine our lives without Vivian! She is absolutely perfect in every way, maybe just a touch spoiled too. Words can't describe how we love this little girl! Her sister and brother adore her too! It will take me a few posts to describe Vivian and all our experiences, but all I will say for now is God is so good to us! I just sit and watch her along with Gracelyn and Max and I am so grateful! I don't regret at all having our 3 kiddos so close!

Max is doing great too! He is doing a bunch of new things and I believe I can say he is actually getting closer to walking! He just had surgery last week to close his hole where his G-button was and surgery went perfect! We had many many prayers going up for us, and that is why we always make it through! He is still the sweetest thing in the world, but his rotten side is showing more and more.

Gracelyn is going to be 4 very soon and I can't believe it! It breaks my heart that she is getting so big! She is the greastest. She is so nurturing and caring and smart! She definitely helps me out a ton!

I will keep this post short. I really want to start keeping up with this blog..I do I do! I keep trying to upload some pics but for whatever reason I can't, so when my hubby gets home, I will have him!

Vivian Renea

2012-04-23T12:02:00.001-04:00

Miss Vivian Renea made her grand entrance on Friday, April 20th at 1:19pm. Her crazy mother decided to go all natural again, and oh man is she regretting it! It wouldn't have been so bad if Vivian didn't weigh 9lbs 3oz, but thankful to her father she did. She was born very fast and when I said I had to push, I had to push! She came literally flying out and due to that fun ride, her face was very bruised at her clavicle is mildly fractured. She is excited to say she is the first Martin kid with a broken bone! She says beat that Max! She is beautiful and is an identical twin to her father and lots of dark brown hair, which makes her the first of the Martin kids to have any hair. She is very alert and spunky already, and this girl loves her boobie milk! She wanted to make sure her brother didn't go down as the only one who could cause problems, so she decided to compete. She has an infection in her blood, which is a common one and very easily treated with iv antibiotics, so guess what....yep, we are back in the nicu for 7 days. Oh man, my kids know how to be rotten! Everyone is so excited to see us again and just want to know when Max is coming up! I am not excited to be here lol! Vivian is showing no signs of infection, her blood work just came back positive. For all you weird medical people like me, it is gbs which is what they test you for when you are pregnant. I got tested and I was negative so we thought we were in the clear. They said either I had a false negative or somehow she just go it, who knows. Since we caught it so early, the doctors have no worries at all and tell us we have to just do routine antibiotics for seven days. How fun! Gracelyn and Max are not happy about this because they are anxiously waiting to torture their new sister. All in all, we are incredibly blessed and couldn't be happier to have Vivian. God didn't have to give us another child, but he did and we will be forever thankful! She already has our hearts in the palms of her hands, I am addicted to her and can't imagine our lives without her. She is perfect! I will post pics later on.

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

2012-03-21T15:28:00.001-04:00

Today is a day we not only celebrate Max but all the people with Down Syndrome!

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How I love this little girl!

2012-03-09T12:27:00.002-05:00

Fridays are now Gracelyn and I's day. I take her to school and then we do something special afterwards. She loves it and so do I. Sometimes, I feel like Max consumes all my time with his therapy and him just flat out needing me more. So I wanted one day where it was just us girls.

This girl is something else let me tell you! She may be 3 years old, but she is much wiser than that. She knows things that most 3 year olds shouldn't. She knows what it means to have a bubby that had a bad heart but God healed it. Every time she prays for her food, she asks God to continue to heal her bubby's heart. She knows how to clean a g-tube site and what cream goes on it. She knows how to comfort her bubby when he is screaming in pain from his monthly shots. She knows her bubby has a thing called Down syndrome and she could care less. She loves her brother unconditonally and wouldn't change him for the world. Why can't we all have this type of love for everyone? If children ruled the world, it would be much better.

I am so thankful God gave me my daugther. I know he made her for Max. She is his biggest supporter. Alot of people have said to me that Gracelyn will suffer some from having Max as a sibling, and I totally disagree! I think Max will make our kids more humble, more accepting of others that may be different, and have more compassion and love for others. Gracelyn and Max's relationship is no different than any other sister and brother. They fight like cats and dogs and then make-up.

There is something so special about having a daughter and I am so thankful for Gracelyn and I can't wait to meet my next daughter here very shortly! I am so blessed.

A few things on my mind...

2012-02-17T12:54:00.005-05:00

I actually had a different post in mind until I read Patti's blog (Dearest Lilly). She said everything that has been in my heart for awhile. So please go read it. I still haven't figured out how to make it where you just click on the word and it takes you there, so here is the address for you to copy and paste...http://babynumber10.blogspot.com/2012/02/enough.html or just go over to her blog and read 'enough'.

Being the parent of a child that has different needs is like being on some wild ride. It has many highs and is fun, but then it has it's lows and scary moments. I have been struggling lately because I feel there are not many people that get us. It is hard for me to relate to people now because of what my life is like now. Most people won't even get what I just said. That is why it is so nice to read other mom's blogs that have children like I do. Because they get me. They know the struggles I go through and worries that I have. They get that every time someone says the word retarded around me, it tears my heart apart instantly. Other people see it as no big deal and I am just being too sensitive, but the ironic thing is the people that say this to me do not have children with Down sydrome or any different needs at all. Trust me when I say that I don't want it to hurt but it does. People say they understand but they really don't. As much as I love Max to death and would never change him, I do often wonder what would have been if he didn't have an extra chromosome. So again, thanks to Patti for writing an awesome post because sometimes it is hard to blog our true emotions out of fear how people will judge. Also thanks to my wonderful husband who gets me through so much. When I am having 'my moments', I go to him and he makes me feel better. Him and I are in this for life and I couldn't think of a better partner for me. I always tell him that he was made to be Max's dad because he is perfect at it. He doesn't care what people think or what they say like I do. He doesn't care how many hours of therapy we actually do with Max. God knew what he was doing when he gave Tyler to me.

Have I said lately that I hate flu season. My kids have had fevers going on eight days now. Before that Tyler was really sick and now I am. I finally took them to the doctor this week and they both have double ear infections on top the their virus. I am so sick of sickness. I am sick of watching Max and Ruby too! We have had to cancel therapy for two weeks now and we haven't left our house so we don't share our bugs. My kiddos are pooped out and so is their parents...

One thing Tyler and I have learned since having Max is that he is tough. This week has proved it to us. Gracelyn has been milking us for everything we got and whining like no other. Max is the same. He could get his foot sawed off and he would just look at you. He has been taking advantage of this situation and giving his sister a hard time, and I love every minute of it.

One more thing and then I am done...I am asking you all to say a prayer for our rotten Max. I haven't blogged about it because I am secretly waiting until we can do some hard-core celebrating, but Max got his g-button out almost a month ago. We are so proud of him and happy...but there is just one tiny little thing. Before the doctor pulled his button out, he warned us that a very slight and small percentage of kid's stomachs don't close on their own like they should. At this moment, Tyler and I laughed because we knew this would be Max. But, the doctor reassured us this was very rare. So after calling Riley's hospital because Max's button site was still leaking nasty stomach goo, they said give it 30 days to stop leaking. At the end of the 30 days if it was still leaking, they said to go ahead and schedule surgery so he could get it surgically closed. Well his 30 days are up next week and it is still leaking nasty stomach goo, not as bad as before but still leaking. So please pray that his little rotten stomach will close on it's own and we do not have to have another surgery, but if we do that all goes well. Thank you!

Reflecting...

2012-01-18T14:07:00.004-05:00

This week it seems like I have heard of so many babies being born with Down Syndrome. It has caused me to go back to the 'earlier days' and reflect on everything. Every time I hear of baby with Down Syndrome being born, I instantly get excited. Then at the same time, I get sad for the parents. I know the feelings they are probably experiencing at first and the all the fear they see. I haven't been our this journey long so I know I am not even close to being an expert. But I do know it gets so much better. I think everyone that has a baby born with Down Syndrome goes through their own emotions and we all handle it differently. There is no right way to deal with it. For me personally, I really struggled with Down Syndrome for awhile. Anyone that read my blog in the beginning would agree. I never beat myself up over that though. I let myself go through all the emotions even if no one else understood where I was coming from. Some people would like to give us their own advice on how they would do things, but the only problem with that is they had no idea what we were going through. If you don't walk in the same shoes as someone, you really have no idea. I really try to remember this before I open my mouth up now to give any advice.

I just wish I could tell all the new parents out there to just hang on and trust in God. There are moments that are so rough that you think you will never get through, but you do. I remember thinking that my 'storm' was never going to settle down. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was one thing after another the first year of Max's life. Between his heart and feeding issues, I was a crazy woman. I am still trying to recover...lol. There was a song that I always thought of when we were struggling with things. It's "Ride out Your Storm". I love that song so much. Every single word of it is so true. My favorite part was "you're hurting now, but your morning is coming". Everything comes to pass. I knew if I held on, my morning would come. And it did and I am loving every minute of it. I would go through everything we did ten times if it meant I got Max. He was worth it all and still is.

If I had it to do over, the moment Max came out and I knew he had Down Syndrome, I would laugh and say 'here we go buddy'. I wouldn't cry sad tears, I would cry happy ones. I would never have let the nurses take him from me, I would have snuggled up with him every single minute. I also wouldn't have let people hurt me like they did. I wouldn't have cared what people said about Down Syndrome because none of it matters. We know we hit the 1 in 1300 jackpot and we know God doesn't ever make mistakes.

We are back

2012-01-14T19:08:00.010-05:00

We have been a little busy since our last post. We moved right before all the holidays hit and we have been trying to get settled in since then. Here are some pics...

On New Years day, Max decided he wanted to do something cool and fall down our basement stairs and then land on the concrete. Mom and dad almost had a heart attack. We took him to the ER just to make sure that head of his was fine. Here he is in the ER..loving every minute of it!

Here is Max and daddy enjoying some very nice weather in January.

Here is my little diva herself...she is pure rotten but I love here to death!

She loves to feed her bubby and does quite well too...

Finally, Mr. Max was way overdue for a hair cut so we finally did. He beat his sister to it...the poor girl hasn't needed a hair cut yet. Max did so well and looks so stinking handsome. Here is the before, during, and after. The after isn't that greatest but he was so sick of pictures by then.

You might be wondering why this kid never has his glasses on...well I am too. This boy fights me every single time I put those things on. I am going crazy over his glasses. Maybe after a year or two..he will keep them on!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T20:59:00.003-05:00

We want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! We also want to share our Christmas spirit with all!

New look...

2011-12-04T21:12:00.003-05:00

Thanks to my hubby, my blog finally got a new look...I know it was much needed. The pictures needed updated very badly. Max is no longer a cubby little baby. He is a 24 pound toddler that is very active.

I told my hubby the new change in my blog is like my way of saying we are changing too. When I first started this blog, I was a different person in a totally different emotional state. It was quite obvious too. Sometimes I go back and read my early posts and get embarassed. I think I lost my mind a few times..lol. But, I was honest. It was how I felt at that time. Things are different now. Acceptance has happened and now we are embracing this new journey. I had a good friend tell me that the older Max gets, the easier it is because we love him more everyday and the things we think that will bother us, don't. This is so true. Everyday we fall in love with this little boy more and more and it just gets sweeter. Sure, things are still hard sometimes. I still has my moments when I feel I can't do 'this Down Syndrome thing'. Those times are getting fewer though. Tyler and I know how blessed we are to have our sweet little boy and we thank God for him everyday. He brings so much more to our lives and to all he is around. We are thankful that he is alive and doing so well now.

I want to share a little something about today. We went out to eat after church and as soon as we sat down Tyler told me to look to my left. I did and instantly fell in love. There was a young man sitting next to us who had Down Syndrome. I couldn't help but stare a bit. Not only was he very handsome and it took everything in me not to go grab him and hug him, but he was so normal...I hate using that word because what is normal...but it is the only thing I can think of to say...lol. I know that most adults with Down Syndrome are more alike that different but I want everyone to know that. I think people think that people with Down Syndrome can't do this or can't do that, but they can and they will. This young man was such an inspiration to Tyler and I. Of course I made Tyler go and talk to his parents and explain why his crazy wife was staring. The young man then came and talked to us (his speech was excellent by the way) and told my husband that he sure had a nice wife..lol. I told Tyler when I left that this made me excited. We are both so excited to see the young man that Max will be. It doesn't matter to us if Max might have to live with us forever, I know that scares some, but not us. If he chooses to live with us then we will always have a buddy to hang with and keep us going in our old ages, but Max very well might choose to leave us and pursue his own life. Either way is fine with us. We love him and whatever he needs from us, he will get.

I then had a visit with some good friends tonight that had a daughter with Down Syndrome. It is so nice to talk with other parents that share this same experience as we do. I love hearing their advice and wisdom. We were talking about how we wish people could only know what we know. I think a lot of people look at us in pity because we have 'been handed this bad card'. But if they only knew! It is like we have a secret of this different life that is out there that no one dares to want or get, but once you get it, it is truely life changing. I thank God that he chose Tyler and I. I am thankful to for everyone he sends our way for the inspiration we need. What a great day!

Professor Max Martin

2011-12-03T22:10:00.002-05:00

Even though I think Max is the cutest thing ever in glasses, I still hate them! They are seriously going to be the death of me. All week I have fought with this boy to keep his glasses on, and it isn't getting any easier! So I gave in, I am weak I know. It is Saturday night and I don't care where those crazy glasses are for the time bing!

A great Thanksgiving!

2011-11-27T22:29:00.002-05:00

I know it is a little late but we had a great Thanksgiving. We didn't do anything too big or exciting, but we are just extra thankful this year. We have so much to be thankful for. Last Thanksgiving was so different. Max's health wasn't the greatest and we were struggling with his feeding issues. This year was so nice. I can finally say we are all healthy. Max ate everything we did and drank anything we would let him. He didn't have a tube hanging out of his nose like last year. He does still have a stinky button, but thank God we haven't used it since January (our doctor doesn't want to take it out until flu season to be extra careful).

Another big reason we are so thankful is becase we got a great report from Max's heart doctor last week. As soon as he walked in the door, he looked at me and said Max's echo was beautiful! I have NEVER heard that before and I almost started crying and shouting right there in the office. There is nothing more that I could ever want more than to hear Max's heart is healthy. The doctor said his mitral valve is just leaking mildly now. We even got to decrease a dose of his heart medication which is very exciting too. So this goes to show you, God hears our prayers. So please please keep praying for Max's heart. We see him again in six months and if everything is still good, we start yearly visits.

We got Max's glasses in too. I am not sure how I feel about these yet. I am wondering if I should get a second opinion. They told me his eyes weren't that bad, but his glasses are horrible to look through. It is like looking through a magnifying glass. Also, he seems to see worse through them. We made him wear them one day and he actually did well. He fought me for about 5 minutes and then left them on. We call him our little professor with them on.

We didn't get to move yet :) But I know God is working on the solution and it will be better than it was before. Like I have said many times, never question God. His ways are so much better than ours.

I am also almost to the half way point in my pregnancy which is so crazy. It seems just like yesterday we found out. This little girl is finally being nice to her momma because I feel good. Another reason to be thankful!

All in all, I am so thankful for so many things. I could go on and on and on. God is truly amazing and has been so good to my family and I. I am most thankful that he sent his son to die for me and because of that I have eternal life. I am thankful for my amazing husband. I am sorry to say ladies, but I truely feel I have the best. Last week made 12 years since we have been together and I love him more every day. I have watched him go through so much the past year and a half and he has remained strong and never let me or the kids down. I am thankful for the Christian he is. I am truely blessed to be his wife.

I am thankful for my two beautiful children and the little girl growing inside me! Where would I be without my children? They are what make me happy. They are my everything. I am thankful for Gracelyn's strong will and unconditional love she has for everyone, mostly her bubby. She is crazy about her brother and doesn't care about anything else. She will always be his biggest fan. I am thankful for my my sweet Max. I am thankful for his extra chromosome too. Without it, we wouldn't be who we are now. It has completely changed us and opened our eyes up to so much. I am thankful God gave me supportive people in my life to help me get where I am now. I am thankful for both our parents and my sister who are there for us whenever we need them no matter what. I am thankful for an awesome church who is like family. I am thankful for all our friends we have that has helped us through the past year and a half too. I know I have to stop, but seriously I have so much to thank him for. We all do!

Family Pictures

2011-11-13T20:04:00.007-05:00

Playing catch up

2011-11-10T16:10:00.005-05:00

I have neglected my poor blog so bad! For one, we have no internet at the house we are renting which makes it tough. Secondly, we have been very busy and I seriously just don't have time. Sometimes I wonder if I need to let this blogging thing go for good..

So I have many things to catch you all up on. First of all, one of the most exciting things is we are finally moving next week...if all goes well! I am so excited and ready to start living in our own home. The kids are very excited too. We will also finally have phone reception! So I can actually talk on the phone without going out to the middle of the driveway!

We also had an ultrasound this week for baby #3. Everything looked good and we found out we are having a baby GIRL! I am most thankful that everything looked good at this point. After you have a baby with health problems, to say you are paranoid is an understatement. Words can't tell you how happy we are to have another rotten girl. I am in total shock because I truely thought it was a boy, and we would have been excited if it was. I was right with my other two though so I can't believe I am wrong. I wanted another girl very very badly and Tyler did too! I think girls will be very good for Max and for my husband.

Where to start with Max? Max is doing fantastic in my eyes. He truely is the sweetest thing in this world. That boy does things to my heart that no one else can do. He has his moments though and here lately those moments happen alot. He has been working on his stinking molars for forever now and they bother him so badly. He is all over the house now, and I love it. I hate it when people told me, "just wait until he starts moving, you will wish he didn't". I love that I have to chase him all over! He is getting fast too. Before I brag too much, I will let you in on a little secret. Yes, Max crawls, but not the proper way! He does the army crawl, which like I said before, I am very thankful for! But, we are working on getting him to 4-point crawl. He could care less. He loves to stand and he is getting better at it all the time. We got his sure steps ordered for him and will pick them up next week. For those of you that don't know what those are, they are braces that go on his feet to give him more support to help him with standing and walking. We still work hard on his speech. His speech is very important to us. He is doing well in this department according to his therapist. We are so thankful for all 3 of our therapists, and I can't say that enough.

November is our month of appointments. We have at least two every week. Today Max saw his eye doctor. Going in, I thought the only issue was his left eye went in at times. I thought maybe glasses for a little while or maybe a patch. Oh boy, was I wrong. After a 2-hour appointment, we found out Max has astigmatism (no idea how to spell that word) and some mild far-sightedness. So yep, guess what we are getting...glasses! I knew they were coming one day, but was hoping it wasn't so soon. I know Max is look breath-taking in whatever glasses we choose, but I am wondering how in the world we are going to keep them on his face. I guess just another thing to add to Max's stuff. I swear this kid loves to see how much stress and money he can make his parents have and spend.

That is it for now. Hopefully, once we move I will try to blog more and I can start making comments on others' blogs. Here are some pics. The first is from today. The medication they give him to dilate his eyes made him really goofy!

Two reasons why my life is so blessed!

Look at his good sitting! Please don't pay attention to the messy house or naked lady!

Finally introducing...

2011-10-13T19:52:00.003-04:00

Baby Martin #3!!

We are very grateful that God is giving us another child! We prayed for his will to be done, and one month later we got our answer. Baby #3 will be here sometime in April. It has been a rough three months for this momma and daddy because this baby has made mommy very very sick, just like the other two did.

Most people know we are expecting, but I never made it official to our blogging friends. Max is very excited to be a big brother and there is no doubt in my mind that he will be the best one ever. Gracelyn is excited too, but she says she only wants the baby if it is a girl. I guess her brother has proven to be a bit too difficult for her!

It is funny how many very shocked looks we get when we tell people. People must think we are crazy I guess, but who cares! I don't think bringing another life in this world is crazy at all. I am sure after this baby gets here, Tyler and I will be crazy.

In November, we should find out what this little bean is and I can't wait to share the news.

Another anniversary!

2011-09-27T16:29:00.005-04:00

Today is another special day for us Martins. Today makes one year since Gracelyn had her last seizure!! Can I get a whoot whoot?? We are very very extremely thankful that she hasn't had anymore. Trust me when I say they are not fun to watch!! Lets hope we continue on this good streak!

Both kids saw our favorite pediatrician yesterday, which was very fun to say the least. Both kids are doing great for now. Gracelyn just keeps growing and is now way off the charts on both height and weight, but I can't remember the last time she was actually on the charts. Our biggest worry with her is her amazingly strong will.

Max had a good check-up too. He has actually lost weight and only weighs a little over 23lbs. It is all the crawling he is doing, he burning a zillion calories! He got shots and never shed a tear.

Here is a picture of both kiddos waiting in the doctor's office. Max loved this table!

I then took them to the park at our hospital. They had a blast. The weather was perfect and I actually had some energy :)

Happy Heart Day Max Charles

2011-09-23T13:40:00.001-04:00

One year ago today, Tyler and I had to hand over our baby to the hands of surgeon to fix his broken heart. One year ago, God healed our baby's heart. There are so many emotions that come with this day. It was one of the hardest days of our lives but then it is one of the greatest days. Words could never explain how Tyler and I felt when we had to hand Max over to the nurse. Part of me wondered if I would ever get to hold him again. But, praise God Max did great through surgery. I know God guided the surgeon's hands, and I will forever give him praise for that. I have been thinking today how far Max has come since last year. Last year, Max was so very weak. His breathing was horrible and labored, his color was mostly blue, and he was too sick to eat so he had that dreadful NG tube down his nose. Now, he is doing fantastic. He is healthy and good size at 24-25lbs. He is our champion eater and his breathing is NORMAL. He is nice and pink all the time. It is just amazing how God has changed our baby. There will never come a time when I don't remember last year.

Whenever I think I am having a bad day now, I often go back to 9-23-10. It puts things in perspective. I remember waiting in the surgery room, praying the nurse would never come to get him because I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. Then she came. I could barely keep it together. It was hard just to breathe. I went out and got our family so my dad could say a prayer over Max. Then she said it was time, and I put Max in her arms. The next thing I remember was falling on my knees crying in Tyler's lap. I knew there was nothing I could do. It was all in God's hands now and I just had to have faith. Another thing I remember is how strangely calm Tyler and I were during the actual surgery. I thought we would be a mess but we really weren't. I owe that all to God. I felt his present the whole time. I knew he was taking care of Max and I knew it was all going to be ok. That was really the first time I had felt that way. Recovery was a pain in my bottom, but we survived it. Max never looked back. He has gotten stronger each day. Praise God!

I know I rambled, but all the parents that have went through this know what a special day this is. It is like a birthday but sweeter.

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Heaven is for Real

2011-09-22T12:39:00.003-04:00

I just read the most amazing book ever last night. It's called "Heaven is for Real". I read it in an hour because I could not put it down. I'm sure alot of you have heard about it because it got awesome reviews. But if not, it is written by a father whose 4-year old son had a near-death experience and the little boy talks about how he went to heaven for a little bit. He tells details about heaven and Jesus. Words can't do it justice. God must have known I needed to read it, because it lit a flame under my faith and got me really excited. I cried my eyes out reading it. I was able to relate to the father on many levels with my experiences with Max. I challenge anyone who doesn't believe in heaven or God to read this book and see what it does to you!

I have always believed in heaven. I know if you accept Jesus in your heart, heaven is where you are going when this life is over. I really never thought about all the details though. When you read about how a child explains heaven, it makes it so real. It made me start thinking about the details and everything we are going to see when we get there. If you are a Christian, this is something to get excited about.

There is a part that really touched me and I want to share. When this man's little boy goes in for emergency surgery, they really didn't know how the little boy would do because he was in such bad condition. Prior to this, the poor dad had been through some many things and this really sent him over the edge. When they took his little boy away for surgery, the dad went into a little room by himself and had a melt down. He was angry with God for allowing this to happen to his son. He yelled at him and and questioned him. All during this time when he was yelling at God, he later finds out this is when Jesus was holding his son on his lap and answering his prayers. It really humbled the dad because here he was yelling and angry with God, and God was answering his prayers the whole time. This takes me back to almost a year ago. The title to my post was "Where is God". It was the day Max had taken a turn the worse and Gracelyn had her seizure, Tyler had left and I was all alone. They kicked me out of Max's room because they had to work on him and they didn't want me to watch. So I went out in the hallway and just sat down with my head in my lap. I was so low and so desperate. I was crying out loud and saying some very mean things to God. People probably thought I had lost my mind because I had. I was so angry and couldn't understand why he was allowing this to happen to my children. But you know, while I was yelling at God, he was holding my children and healing them. It wasn't too long after that, Max started doing good. God heard my prayers even though I didn't deserve it. This humbles me down to my core. I am very ashamed of how I acted that day towards God. God didn't hold that against me though, instead he has showered my family with lots of blessings since then.

After reading this book, there is one question that keeps going over and over in my mind. Did Max go to heaven for a bit and sit on Jesus's lap? I guess we will see one day when he can start telling us stories.

Button blues and crossed eyes!

2011-09-08T11:39:00.002-04:00

That is what is on our minds these days, button blues and crossed eyes! Max is going on 3 months now without needing his button, and that is great!! But now, everyone keeps asking me when I am going to take out that button. The truth is, I don't want to, I don't think anyways. I love the fact knowing that button is there. I think every baby should have an emergency g-button, just in case. What really scares me is that flu season is here, and that means Max will probably be sick alot and what if he gets so sick, he can't eat? We would have to go to the hospital and gets fluids, but if he had his button, I could fill him up myself! On the other hand, that button drives me nuts! It stinks. It leaks on his shirts and it smells like puke. It is constantly popping open and he pulls at it. He always has to wear onesies to protect it. Then we have to clean it and put cream on it...see why I am confused! We have a love hate relationship.

Then Max's poor little crossed eye! It is cute at times, but all I see is glasses in the future. I keep telling him it is not cool to be cross-eyed, but he thinks the ladies will like it. I guess we will see. We can't get into our eye doctor until November. I think he likes to see how much money he can make his mom and dad spend on him.

We will be staying busy the next couple of months with doctor's appointments. This is one of the fun things that come along with that extra chromosome I guess!! We have the regular pediatrician, the eye doctor, the ear doctor, the heart doctor, and the GI doctor. Sometimes I have no idea how I can do it all, but somehow I always do. All I can say, is thank goodness I have God on my side!

Gracelyn's Bible Verse

2011-09-02T22:19:00.002-04:00

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Gracelyn's Bible verse she learned from Vacation Bible School that she still says over and over.

"Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever more." Hebrews 13:8

Thanks to my new fancy phone I can post pics!!

2011-09-02T21:58:00.004-04:00

One of my most favorite pics of Max. This shows his personality so much. Seriously how much cuter can he get?

My two angels!!

A quick scrub the easy way before church.

He is getting good at feeding himself.

Max LOVES pudding and has one per day! No matter what I did, it stays upside down!

My acceptance

2011-08-30T23:39:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking alot lately about my acceptance and feelings on having a son with Down Syndrome. I have all these thoughts and I rarely blog about them anymore, but I need to. I want to give hope to those that did or are having a hard time accepting it. I was that person not to long ago. Sometimes I feel very guilty about how hard it was for me to accept Max having Down Syndrome. But it was hard, very hard and then throw heart problems on top of that, I was a big fat mess! I have talked to several other moms that struggled too, and unless you have walked the walk, you could never understand.

It is all so different now. I knew it would be. I totally, open-heartedly accept Max having Down Syndrome. I really do. It is a part of what makes him Max, and I love everything about that little boy. What I dislike is all the medical issues that come along with Down Syndrome!! But, we work through them. Everything we have went through has been so worth it because we get him. He is our prize, our blessing. I feel God gave us something very incredible when he gave us Max. I didn't always realize this and I am sure as more time goes on, I will realize it even more. What seemed to be a huge big burden has turned into one of the biggest blessings that has happened to Tyler and I.

Max is one incredible little dude. I look at him and I see how much he has endured in his short life, and it melts my heart. He is so strong and so able to do anything. One of my worries was he wouldn't be able to learn things very easily. But he does! He amazes me with his smartness, I always tell him he is the smartest son I have :) He is a big lover. One french kiss from him can cure many problems. He is just awesome.

I always see new stats on the abortion rate of babies with Down Syndrome, and they are anywhere from 90-95% from what I have seen. This tears my heart out. For one, abortion is wrong all the time, no matter what in my opinion, but to abort a baby just because he has Down Syndrome is even more wrong, if that is possible. I think most women are just scared of the unknown and what society and other people will think of their baby. I was very scared. Sometimes, I still am. People have said mean things to me about Max and they will continue to do so I am sure, but it doesn't matter. Max is my son and I love him unconditonally. Whatever problems come his way, me and his daddy will be right there. It doesn't matter what society thinks. I know God gives us all the babies we were meant to have. God never makes mistakes. I just want to give hope to anyone who needs it. My life would not be the same without Max. I don't know the words to explain what he does to me. All I know is I am so thankful he is my son!

My two little blessings

2011-08-27T09:01:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I don't know why I am so blessed, but I am. God has blessed me with so many things and I am so unworthy. Every morning I wake up, this is what I see!!

Life is good!

One tired little girl...

2011-08-22T20:53:00.003-04:00

Gracelyn and I went grocery shopping yesterday at our new favorite store. The only reason she went with me is because I promised to buy her candy. Her brother got out of it because he was sleeping at his Mamaw's house. Anyways, she did very good the whole time. She helped me pick out things and even offered to hold them because our cart was so loaded down. I was looking at something and when I came back to the cart, I noticed someone had fallen asleep. I guess grocery shopping just wore her out!

Weekly update

2011-08-11T14:28:00.002-04:00

Nothing too new around here. We are enjoying this cooler weather so much. Tyler goes back to work next week, and my fun begins. My goal for the first month is to get my kids into a schedule. We have no routine whatsoever. Honestly, I am a little embarrassed to say this, but my kids usually stay up until midnight. We have been sleeping in until like 9:30 too, that is very nice though. Tyler and I have gotten caught up on some much needed sleep this summer.

For us, the summer is basically over because dad is back to work. But you know, I am kind of happy about this. I love fall season so much and I am ready for it. I get so excited thinking about the good fall foods and the leaves, and I am so sick of this hot weather. The older I get, the more I dislike summer. When summer started, Tyler and I made two big goals that we wanted to reach before the end, and I can thankfully say we met them!!! We wanted Gracelyn to be potty trained and we wanted Max off his tube feeding. Gracelyn has been potty trained for about a month now. She would have been a long time ago probably, but I never really had time to work on it because of Max, so I give her all the credit. Then, I think the last day Max had tube feeding was June 25! I never fail to thank God for that either. We worked so hard to get where we are, and it is worth it every time I see him suck a straw. I always say it, but God has been so good to my family.

This leads me to another thought..most of you know where this is going. I have been thinking alot about our trials we go through. When Max was first born, I thought God was punishing me for something I did or didn't do. I didn't know why else he would allow me and my family to go through so much pain. By thinking this way, it made it seem Max was a punishment. Let me tell you this...my baby was never a punishment! He has been one of the biggest blessing ever but I just didn't realize it at first. As the months go by and the more I read my bible, I have realized something. God doesn't use our trials to punish us. God would not do that. He uses our trials to draw us closer to him. He uses them to make us look closer at ourselves to see where we fall short. Once I realized this, my heart changed. Through everything I have been through with Max, I have gotten so much closer to God. It made me realize that I was slacking in my christian walk. You think you know stuff when you actually don't. This is how I was. I always knew God was everything, but didn't realize how much. When my son was near death, God is all I had. There was nobody that could help me or my son except God. I was so low, I wouldn't to give up many times, but God kept carrying me. He carried me through it all. I have talked to a couple of Max's doctors in the past few months, and they always tell me that they thought he wasn't going to pull through. I never want to fail to give God the glory for what he was done. Through the trials, I am closer to God and so is Tyler. If you are going through something, don't think he is punishing you. He is using it for your own good, just hang on and you will see that you will thank him in the end.

Max has been surprising us alot lately with his speech. He seems he learns a new word all the time, and I love it. It never gets old hearing him talk. Now we just need to get his gross motor rolling!!

I got a team started for the Buddy Walk. It is October 1st in Fort Wayne. I know this is Apple Festival weekend, but I am still hoping that we get alot of people to come with us. For those of you that don't know what it is, it is a walk for people with Down Syndrome and all their supporters. They raise money for Down Syndrome Awareness and many other things. I have never been to one (Max was at Riley last year), but I have heard that are alot of fun. So please, if you can make it, we would love to have you. Also I am trying to raise a little money for it, if you have extra and want to give a little, don't feel bad if you don't honestly, let me know and it will be very much appreciated. Please don't feel like you have to!

I think that is it for now!

Thankful Thursday

2011-08-04T15:21:00.002-04:00

Thursdays and Fridays are our therapy days, and Max is usually pretty pooped on Thursday afternoons! Tyler and I are tired too and I'm not sure why. Anyways, I have GREAT therapists! I am very thankful for that. When we moved in May, I was so scared to get new therapists. I was afraid they wouldn't be good and that Max wouldn't take to them, but how blessed we have been! I loved my old therapists (especially my speech), but I just feel like the 3 women we have now just complete us. I know that might sound weird to some, but trust me, around here therapy is huge. They are part of our family. They see me at my worst and I truely feel they celebrate just as much as we do when Max does something new. They know everything that goes on here, so it is a must to have a great bond with your therapists. All three therapists are Christians and we talk about God in probably every session, and that is what we needed and wanted. I have learned so much from these women in a short amount of time. They are all so smart and talented. To make it even better, Max loves them all too. He gave our OT some fits at first, but he takes it easy on her now:) Max has already made so much progress too, and I am very thankful for that. I know God put these women in our lives for a reason, and I am beyond grateful! I also want to thank my friend, Becky, who actually was the one that introduced me to my PT and got us two together!

Today is just one of those days where my cup is full! I know I am blessed but sometimes it is hard to see all your blessings because you think about the bad things. I am trying to look around and see all the good things because there is so many. Usually, I get stressed after Thursdays because of all the therapy, but today instead of getting stressed, I realized how blessed we are to have therapy in the first place and for having the best therapists around! God knew how worried I was about getting new therapists, and as always, he came through and answered my prayers and gave me a little extra.