Perspectives

The Creation of Woman

2013-01-11T03:18:00.002-08:00

After God created man, he (man) was bored, restless and tired of doing the same old stuff over and over again. It's not like he was busy feeding the animals or plant trees to keep him busy; God had made those functions automatic. So he (man) approached God and said, "G-man, I need a companion. Even the animals have partners"...

God: Adam, I created you in my image and likeness... I don't have a companion, and neither should you.

Adam: But you have the power to create, so why don't you make yourself a companion?

God: Well Adam, I don't want to share my glory with anyone. Having a companion means I have to give her power and glory, etc, etc. I can't handle that.

Adam: Well then, If you created me in your image and likeness, then gimme some of that power.

God: No!

Adam: Then give me a companion!

God: No! Adam, trust me you don't want either of the two!

Adam: Then UNCREATE ME! you either give me the power or you give me a companion.

(....and that's how Adam won the argument)

God: Ok Adam, I shall give you a companion.... *whispers* woe unto man *whispers*

Adam: What did you say?

God: Oh nothing. I just said womb of a man.... Yes! I shall create a partner from your womb. Let's call him woman shall we?

Adam: Wonderful! But can I be referred to as "him" and the woman "her"?

God: Why are you bothering yourself with pronouns right now? Just give her a name!

Adam: What are pronouns?

God: Don't worry about it. Your descendants will come up with the word later.

Adam: Ok. So how does this work?

God: I haven't the faintest clue. Making you out of clay was easy, but clay is for men only. I think I'll take out one of your ribs and make the woman. I guess we'll do a surgical procedure which will require me to put you to sleep.

Adam: A surgi-what now?

God: Nigga JUST SLEEP!! *Adam was black*

God: Before you do though, are you sure you want this?

Adam: Yes! I can't cook. I really need this woman being.

God: Ok. Here goes nothing......

...........after a few hours...........

God: Oh good. Adam, you're awake.

Adam: Did you do it? Where is my woman?

God: It was largely successful.

Adam: What do you mean "largely"?

God: Err.... Well to begin with, there wasn't enough rib to create one part of the body so I made it hollow...somewhere between the legs. Secondly, her chest area is rather much. There are a few more differences but I'm sure you won't mind. With regards to the first two I'm sure we can work something out.

Adam: Is that all? I don't want any surprises.

God: One last thing....

Adam: What?

God: A few blue wires are crossing red wires in the brain.

Adam: What does that even mean??

God: ....it's complicated. But you'll learn to live with it.

Adam: Well, can she cook?

God: Yup, among other thing.

Adam: Then we're all good. Show her to me now, please?

God: WOMAN, COME FORTH!

........

Woman: Hi Adam, I'm Steve.

Adam: G-man, I thought I get to name her. Why did you name her?

God: I didn't she named herself.

Adam: Well I don't like the "ST" in her name. How about Eve?

God: Whatever you say man.

Woman: Wait a minute Adam. How would you like it if I took the first two letters off your name and called you Am?

God: You can't call him Am

Woman: Why not?

God: Because, I Am. *lol*

Woman: Ok what if I called you Dam, Adam?

Adam: ENOUGH!! You shall be Eve, flesh of my flesh, and that's FINAL!!

Woman: Yes, Daddy. *a bit scared*

God: That's what I'm talking about Adam. I was beginning to wonder if I left out the authoritative DNA when creating you.

Adam: It's there alright.
God: Don't get cocky with me, son!
Eve: Haha! Someone got told.

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2012-09-01T11:24:00.001-07:00

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The Angry Birds Show - The Dictator

2012-08-11T04:05:00.002-07:00

Dictatorship

Conspiracy...

Strategy...

Busted...

The Meeting...

The Shock!

The Horror!

The Shame!

The Disbelief!

Stunned!

Your turn, Porky...

Punishment Aftermath...

You're NEXT!

Pork DOMINATION!!

Opposing Similarity

2012-08-04T07:59:00.001-07:00

Forget mum's advice. Mind the chicken instead

2012-08-04T07:57:00.003-07:00

Are you my mummy?

2012-08-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

Mercedes Benz

2012-08-04T07:55:00.002-07:00

Number 5

2012-08-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

Patiently waiting

2012-08-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

Akuko Nam! (Chicken)

2012-08-04T07:53:00.001-07:00

Coming around...

2012-08-04T07:50:00.002-07:00

Marigold

2012-08-04T07:49:00.001-07:00

The Trap

2012-08-03T04:05:00.000-07:00

Spin Doctors, 419ers, Scammers...

Ridiculous

2012-07-21T11:10:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting at in the Lounge at Golden Tulip, sipping on some coke adulterated with a shot of Jack Daniels, and browsing, reading, exploring the creative side of life while stealing glances at the poolside intermittently. Across my set is a gentleman who after waiting for what seems to be a long time, finally 'received' solicited company from a lady and gentleman. It was soon to be realized that they were far from the description, "lady and gentlemen"....

AH! Nkurasifo ah wo'aba abehu hotel mu chilli! (villagers who have come to learn how to chill at a hotel!) The earlier guy kept praising himself about how he has is a champion and chills on a different bourgie level. He recommended -sadly- the same thing I had to drink, and told the two that it was a fine choice he was making This dude was boasting and laughing, showing them the beauty of the lounge and asked them to take a picture of him and themselves (proof of fine living), and comfortably crossed his legs and stretched his arm over the couch (like there was another girl sitting beside him). As I type he is talking to a girl on the phone, talking about how he's gonna go over to hers and smooch her. He is demanding that she smooches him too... and the worst part is this: he's deliberately on speaker phone.
The other two are just sitting and looking on in amazement apparently. Their 'god' has showed them a good time.... OMG he just said "Daddy is gonna break your virginity, w'ate ase3!!"

That's it! I'm plugging in my earpiece!!!

Availability

2012-07-20T10:30:00.001-07:00

It's nice to not have a woman tied to your next. Especially one who doesn't like to share your platonic affection with everyone else.

"I'm single again! YES!", is what I said to myself a week or so after we separated. Don't get me wrong, relationships are good (and a tad bit bitter at the same time). But you never are ready for the air of liberty that hits you when you get out of one that just didn't work out. It's not to say that you have the chance to be irresponsible or a cliche guy who chases girls and parties everyday. It's just knowing that everyday is an opportunity to meet people, make personal plans and follow through with them, get to enjoy others' company and possibly share that smile and sparkle-eyed look that marks the beginning of another relationship, which at first seems like "this is it!" but later you realize "DAMN! not again!" and the whole cycle repeats itself..... or not.

Responsibility is key. Makes a whole lot of difference, beginning from when you're available.

Trotro Dynamics

2012-04-21T09:33:00.001-07:00

A great part of the “Ghanaian hustle” is how to move from one place to another. I stand to be corrected but my guess is it’s the greatest hustle of all, and especially so if you have to move by commercial transport. And by commercial I mean to reserve the right to exclude taxis; they are considered expensive luxuries. The minivan and benz 207, affectionately known in Ghana as trotro, is a more conspicuous representation of this transport hustle. It’s a cheaper alternative and will take you close to where you want to go most of the time, but you are guaranteed much discomfort coupled with arguments and, if you carry luck with you, some hilarious moments. But before I get into the details of the experience let me brief you on the trotro dynamics.
First of all there’s the vehicle (usually in a deplorable condition) manned by two males: the driver and his mate. The driver’s job is obvious except for conditions where his fists apply. The driver’s mate sits closest to the door so he can call out the destination of the trotro and usher customers in and, of course take their money. Warning: the mate has had no training whatsoever in customer service and should therefore be expected to be obnoxious at any given time. Trotros are registered to particular stations and destinations so depending on where you want to go, you may want to pick the one that follows your route. Hailing one is very easy because they typically draw your attention to them by calling out but during rush hours it’s a little different – the hustle, struggle, dirt and sweat begins.
For me, rush hour is the most exciting and self-satisfying time to pick the trotro. There’s always a massive crowd gathered at every bus stop, waiting, or should I say hoping to catch the next trotro either to work, school or home. This is where wits will have to play exceptionally well because trust me, everyone’s on the edge and those with spider senses are more alert than ever. There are those that come to steal and pick pockets so care is vital. People in the crowd can spot trotro’s from afar and some even run to meet it. When it gets closer, the bus stop turns into a battlefield. On this battlefield there are no rules except push, struggle ‘elbow’ and sometimes bite your competitor till you get a seat. You hear ‘AGYEI!’ ‘KWASIA!’ ‘NA BRA AD3N?!!’, and what not. If you happen to meet a long time archenemy at the bus stop, you may want to make good use of the opportunity. Just make sure he/she doesn’t eventually get in with you. Hardly do rush hour struggles end up in street brawls. The exchanges usually happen after everyone’s settled and it usually goes on and on until someone says something politically incorrect on the radio, then there’s a change of subject.
A trotro ride is quite cumbersome and long because the driver stops at almost every bus stop to either drop off or pick up a passenger. One thing that is constant is the exasperating voice of the mate, shouting and soliciting passengers. Besides the mentally handicapped you can find almost every type of Ghanaian in the trotro: the workers, students, market women, the sick, pick-pockets, traditionalists, hawkers, sheep, goats, chicken (I once had to place someone’s chicken on my lap). So you can imagine that conversation, if any, is diverse with a bleet and ‘cluck cluck’ where necessary. There’s also the regular mate-passenger/passenger-passenger quarrel/fight, an overheated engine, a tyre burst, ‘one-gallon’ situation, and police encounters at which point you’ll have to get off and find another vehicle. Most of these incidents are circumstantial so you might be fortunate not to chance upon any when you’re late for work or an appointment.
Experience will tell you that there are latent rules to follow when taking the trotro:
 Never consider it if your life or job is on the line. You will lose either.
 Never board a trotro if you’re in anything white
 Watch your head, and any other body part
 Beware of pick-pockets, and lately, beware of everyone else.
 Insist on your change, IMMEDIATELY!
 Don’t upset the driver. Your life is in his inexperienced, careless hands.
 In a trotro size matters. Pick your fights carefully.
 Expect anything.
Besides all the hustle and bustle, taking the trotro is an exciting way to be Ghanaian or experience Ghana if you’re a foreigner. It’s also a great avenue to compare and contrast different issues with people from diverse backgrounds. I can even go as far as to say that it’s possible to have a market research done in trotros and for the romantics, maybe find a partner. To say the very least, it’s inexpensive and remember, five pesewas may not matter to you now but in a trotro it makes all the difference in the world.

Green Light

2012-04-21T09:29:00.005-07:00

I'm driving home after a long day
Stuck in a menacing traffic jam at Tetteh Quarshie interchange
Trying to manoeuvre throught like a turtle in a puzzle piece
Red. I pull up my hand break and turn my head to the left
She's trying to look uninterested and nods to her soft music
I caught her staring at me and she knew it!
Slowly she turns back and I wave
My short hand motion merits a shy, pretty smile
as if to give me a green light to proceed but,
Before I can step out to do something crazy...
The light turns green.

How to Drive in Ghana

2012-04-20T09:09:00.001-07:00

Wo Maame Tw*!!

Ever heard that on the road? I bet you have, countless times. Hands up if it's been said to you before (mine are up). Stand up if you've said that to another driver before (I admit, but it was the devil, not me). It's fascinating how the foolishness of other people on the road can make a naturally calm person (like me) get into a fit, roll down the window, and let out a "KWASHIA!! BUUUULU!!" or "ONY3 S**MI". Traffic rules just aren't strict enough in Ghana and really, once there's no police in sight, the law is out the window; it's worse when the traffic lights don't work.... And you've gotta love the trotro drivers and taxis; if you think TNT knows drama (watch this video), think again. These guys are bloody dramatic. They will do either or all of these to you: scratch your car - intentionally sometimes, insult you, try to overtake you at 70.5kmph when you're going 70kmph, spit on you and pick a fight with you (they'll probably win the fight if you're a banker).

All this drama, only because someone is careless, asleep, drunk, talking on the phone, does not have/look in their mirrors, doing makeup, feeding their baby (I've seen it, promise), kissing someone in the passenger's seat (Ghanafo aba so papa!), makes a wrong turn, cuts into a lane unannounced, did not go to driving school, or is just plain stupid.... BUT I heard its worse in India, minus the insults and petty quarrels (check this video)

So, you want to drive in Ghana? Follow these rules:

1. Before you get on the road, make sure you have your license.

2. Arm yourself with either of these: a duck tape over your mouth to prevent insults from coming out of it, or a mental list of insults and comebacks you can use. You don't want to be dissed, roll down your window and start fumbling or worse, stuttering.

3. Always play scenarios and practise evasive maneuvers in your mind. You don't want any type of mishap to catch you off guard.

4. Still on mental pictures, work on your "I-made-a-dumb-move-and-everyone-is-looking-at-me" face. You still want to look like a BOSS even if you are at fault.

5. Avoid getting hit/scratched by a trotro. They can't pay for it, unless your car is worse than their. Even then they would think you have no case.

6. When you disallow someone from joining your lane in traffic, don't look into their car to see who they are. You are likely to be scorned.

7. When someone disallows you, you have no right to, but, you're free to say something cheeky or talk about his receding hair, fat nose, long lower lip or his/her ugly car (if it's ugly, otherwise you're just hating). Or you can playfully crack a joke. It eases your pain, really.

8. NEVER CROSS A TRUCK. YOU-WILL-MOST LIKELY-DIE!

9. If you don't have a license or it's expired, or you forgot to renew your insurance, do these... drive like a BOSS. Twa Seven(7), listen to bbc, and put up your "the-police-ain't-got-nothing-on-me" look. When they stop you, say "Chief, how be", with a deep voice. If you're a girl, just smile and be a girl. (Disclaimer: Don't try this at Nima, Awoshie, Abobloshi, Kaneshie, Teshie, High Street, James Town. Not a single f**k is given there)

10. If you get lost anywhere, use Google Maps on your smartphone. It's great with directions!

picture credit: a certain someone out there on the web :)

10 Amazing Scents

2012-04-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

1. Smelling your armpit after a long day and... OMG!.... it actually still smells fresh!! (Krintin Yankey likes this)
2. Playing with your belly button and smelling it. It's a stench but it's YOURS so it's COOL!
3. The smell of cologne that reminds your of someone or a special moment
4. The smell of rain; before and after it pours
5. Aroma of good cooking. Smells good... tastes like crap! (credit: Krintin)
6. PETROL! ROTHMANS! GOAT LIGHT SOUP!
7. A fresh pair of camboo!! (sneakers)
8. Your girlfriend's hair just after she's from the salon. 'Your girlfriend' because she would make it extra special for you :)
9. This might be nasty but I kinda like the smell of my pimple's puss. Sorry but it had to be said
10. Brand new stuff! (cars, clothes, books, bags, etc)

Do comment and don't be shy/afraid to share!

#TGIF!!

10 Amazing Moments in Life

2012-04-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

1. That moment when you let out one huge dump after constipating for days.

2. When you wake up thinking you have to go to work and suddenly remember, "Hey! It's SATURDAY!!"

3. When you are finally alone and let out that fart you'd been keeping inside you.

4. When you bend to smell of your own fart.

5. The moment right after you hang up after making a girl laugh on the phone.

6. When you finally remove that piece of meat stuck in between your teeth for hours.

7. When you wake up in the AM to pee.

8. That shiver that sometimes runs down your spine when you pee.

9. Watching a bootleg movie before it shows in the cinema.

10. Telling others how stupid a song/show is but silently enjoying the song/show.

Happy People

2012-04-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

A few pictures I recently took. Some edited, others not so much, the rest, Just RAW. Basically a few happy moments. Took them with my phone, an HTC EVO 3D. Picture quality is spec! Edited with Pixlr-O-Matic. Fine photo editor. It does all the work for you.

Oh by the way, the chic in the grad picture(s) is Doctor Sandra Danso-Bamfo. She just graduated from medical school. Congrats to her

Happy Monday Everyone!

My Weekend's Highlight

2012-04-02T03:25:00.000-07:00

I have a neighbour, well in his forties. He's got the cutest little daughter I know. She's playful, always happy; and even in her dullest moments she manages to raise the corners of her mouth with a little help from anything exciting. Yesterday, as I walked towards the garage, I saw her across our wall, washing her hands like her life depended on it, like it was the most self actualizing project she was accomplishing. "Michelle!", I called out with a chocolate delight voice (you know what I'm talking about), and just when she looked up I gave her the deuces with a hardcore face.... and then she smiled. Chale I weak! Sunshine smile, white, bright teeth, her gorgeous eyes lit up... and my joy is relived, even as I type this.

P.S. The girl in the picture isn't Michelle. Will put up her picture later when I get a good shot of her.
Picture credit: web: BHCP kid's club

African Toasting

2012-03-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

I've always been a huge fan of this video. I think it emulates proper African "ronning/toasting/conning", not the "wassup babe" line we use these days. I think girls are tired of that. It makes every guy come across as a player; and frankly they probably are beginning to settle for it because they're not getting any better toasting. It's long but, chale, it's fun: especially when you know she's interested but just trying to take calculated steps. Then you get the thrill of sweet-talking her, being silly with her, making her laugh and enjoy your company. It's really simple, unless the chic naa she be sh3p33. Those ones... I reserve my comments. But even for them, it's a nice experience once they get to taste an african man's toasting.

The song is Nigerain, by a guy called Dipo. I found him out a couple of months ago while randomly YouTubing (at work). I had initially found Paapa Yankson's "Tena Menkyen" and Akyeame's "Mesan Aba", also two very traditional songs that describe an African's way of toasting a girl (I think I'll stick to toasting, it's sounds nicer).

A Year of Soul

2012-03-30T05:15:00.002-07:00

It's been almost a year since I communicated via blogging. I know I've definitely lost touch with a few fans, disappointed many, others may have given up on reading something from this page. I would apologize, except, let's face it..... you don't pay me to do this. (joking)

During the past year I've learned a lot of things, gained some weight (I'm not fat, not even borderline), some wisdom as well, I still own a Honda Civic (we've had two minor accidents so far, nothing serious), fallen for an amazing girl, broken up with the amazing girl, reconnected with friends, managed to stay at the same job, got promoted to Manager, etc.
I know the question you want to ask, "Why did you break up if she was so amazing?" Good question! Moving on....
So this year is dedicated to all things simple, happy and pure. I've decided to blog about the simple things that make life worth living, like sneezing, scratching an itch (especially when it's on your butt).... all of that. I figured there are more exciting things than Range Rover, so much money and pretty women, so why not write about them. My next post delve into a whole new Perspective, rich with life's very essence.

I'm excited :)

End of Discussion

2011-04-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

I finally settled on buying myself a Honda Civic, 2009 model. Yes, I have done well for myself and God has been merciful. Frankly I don't deserve it.
The date was April 5th 2011, time was around 3:40pm and I was not feeling too excited because I was so very tired from running up and down chasing something that was going to be mine anyway; God had ordained it so. It's a blue Civic, 1.8 litre engine, digital psychedelic dashboard that everyone thinks looks like an airplane's cockpit and sure enough, the hand break is said to be akin to a cock (the genital, not the chicken). The steering wheel is sporty, adjustable in four directions but the horn needs to break its voice mehn. It honks like a tiny car.
On it's first weekend I took her to Akosombo to test it's speed and durability... and have a little fun with the boys and some girls, few of which I knew. Good Charlotte drives with magnificence, splendor and style. Gracefully along the highways, unafraid and unshaken by competition because she knows that a grand Meister wields her in his strong protective arms. She's been good for 23 days, and counting. I love her, she feels so right for a first car.....

And in case you're wonder what the title of this post has to do with the car, it is/was Honda's slogan; and I digg it!