Something for Entertainment

Footprints

2011-10-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with the poem, "Footprints." I still love the idea of the poem, but its meaning was deeper than the story of the poem. Something about the poem and the title constantly reminded me of the footprints people were leaving on my life. At that point in my life I had moved quite a bit, and something inside me told me I'd be moving more.

That has held true.

Somehow Facebook helps and, yet, I don't know that it does. Through Facebook I am able to "stalk" those who left deep and permanent footprints on my life. These are people that have influenced my personality to the point that I would be a completely different person if it weren't for them. Yet, Facebook just reminds me of the distance...physical, emotional, time and space from who I carry with me on my heart. To call someone up today to thank them would probably really freak them out. To call them up and mention you saw they're having a bad day and you'd like to be there for them in a way they were for you ten plus years ago...that'd probably freak them out. I also get the impulse to congratulate them; to tell them how happy it makes me that they found happiness in something big or small....that could probably freak them out too.

So, if you're reading this and you have known me at some point in time, please know this....thank you. I am who I am because of who you were to me. I still hold you dear. And, if you're ever in the area, please look me up. I would love to catch up over coffee, pizza, beer or wine. :)

Your footprints on me remain.

What I Learned at Chick-fil-A

2011-03-19T14:25:00.000-05:00

I recently left a job at Chick-fil-A. It was not the best work experience I have had, but I learned so much. I spent the majority of my tenure at CFA as the night manager leading mostly teenagers. Here's what they taught me...

Teenagers are much like dogs and snakes. Like dogs they can be loyal to a fault. Like snakes they will attack when they feel threatened. Like both they can smell fear a mile away.
Teenagers are smart, hardworking and willing to do almost anything for a product, a person or idea they believe in. With that in mind, they will not respond to a product, person or idea that is inauthentic.
Give a teenager respect first, and you will receive it back tenfold. Do not demand respect from them or require it before you will respect them.
Teenagers will not just mimic but form themselves around who you are as a role model. Be careful not just with your personal decisions but your words, actions and decisions around them all of the time.
Teenagers are between adult and child. Give them responsibilities of an adult and then give them the attention of a child. It will nurture their self-confidence and allow them to learn and grow with the security of your supervision.
Keep their best interests at heart as they may not.
Never assume you know them. Never assume you know yourself around them. Like all people, you're both changing while in relation with each other.

I know they have changed me. Thank you to each and every one of you.

Don't Be Fooled, History Will Repeat Itself

2010-06-16T02:10:00.000-05:00

Have you ever considered what words you say that have already been said? Or, maybe you wonder as you go through some action, if someone before has done the same thing. If you look at the history of humankind we have a tendency to repeat our mistakes over and over again. I to have made mistakes over and over again struggling to learn the lesson I'm meant to learn.

For example in the fourth grade on the third day of the school year, my friends and I were enjoying a pleasant lunch. It was a Friday, so those of us required by our cruel and unusual parents to eat school lunches had the joy of at least drinking chocolate milk instead of the white milk served Monday through Thursday. As I was sipping this refreshing chocolate milk, Rachel James said something hilarious. Now, I wish I knew now what it was, but considering it was the fourth grade, I'm not sure I'd still find it funny. Anyways, she was funny. We all broke into laughter. And, because I had not timed my chocolate milk consumption with the delivery of her punch line, as I laughed chocolate milk came out my nose. For those of you who have not had this experience, let me spare you. Chocolate milk burns the nose.

So, fast forward almost 20 years, and I have been fortunate to avoid this combination of humor and poorly timed nourishment. That is until tonight. Tonight as I ate a chicken sandwich with hot sauce and ranch on it, Susan just had to be funny. She's usually just funny looking while I eat, which I can maintain my composure while I eat (I've practiced over the years). But, tonight she timed her funny looks with her witty comments at the same time as my dinner munching. Next thing I know, a tiny piece of chicken with hot sauce came out my nose.

Now, I know this story will not win me my future husband. But, I'm hoping to protect those innocents still left out there. There is no need to test this at home. Chocolate milk and chicken with hot sauce both burn equally when passing through the nasal canal. Oh, I don't remember what Susan said either. However, both of these ladies are quite hilarious. Final lesson, history will repeat itself even when least expected.

When You Find Yourself Through the Fingerprints of Others

2010-04-15T14:07:00.000-05:00

Twenty-one years ago today, I received a bouquet of flowers and a balloon at school from my grandparents who lived 60+ miles away. I remember wondering how they found a florist who would drive so far for a delivery. We had moved to Richland Center, WI only a few months before, and that moment when I read the card was the first time I had felt like myself since moving there.

Please understand; the teachers and students were very welcoming and friendly. In fact Rachel used to tell the story about how she and Jenny Larson argued about who would show me, the new girl, around on her first day. Unfortunately, I only remember the girls' bathroom from that tour. This move though was not my family's first, and I think they were just wearing me down. That day though with the flowers and balloon; it was a turning point for me in Richland Center.

The following weekend I had my first and last birthday party of my childhood. Yes, I had sleepovers with one or two friends for my birthdays growing up, but this was my only authentic birthday party. For my 8th birthday, we invited Rachel James, Kelly Keene, Jenny Larson, Nicole Krug, Danielle Stussy, Marci Hill and Maria King to my house for games and cake. I wonder if there is a picture of all of us somewhere. I remember at one point crying in our fort because I thought people were having more fun with my aunt Pati than with me. She did make a cool cake and rocked at tetherball. I remember thinking though that the crying really made it my party. "It's My Party" by Lesley Gore seemed to be influencing my understanding of a successful part.

Something about that birthday - the bouquet from my grandparents, my mom and aunt throwing me a party, the friends I had only known a few weeks coming to celebrate with me - has influenced how people permanently affect my heart and personality. I wonder if people realize the emotional impact the connections we had have had on me. I feel as though my heart and soul are much like the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Hollywood Blvd and Vine St; each person whom I've had a relationship with has left their mark - their fingerprints perhaps - on whom I am.

If you're reading this and have been a part of my life, I want you to know that I would not be who I am today if it weren't for you. Thank you for touching my life.

*Note: If you were at my 8th birthday party and I didn't list you, please forgive me. I'm getting old.*

Living Beyond the Television

2009-09-14T00:08:00.004-05:00

Tonight slipped away before I even realized it. As the afternoon wasted away, my roommate sat reading homework while I considered doing laundry or dishes. We had discussed going to a restaurant or bar to watch the second half of the football game, Green Bay Packers vs Chicago Bears. It's not that either of us is a huge football fan; but I'm from Wisconsin, she's from Illinois and this is only one of two games a season that we can agree to disagree.

Note: we need to go to a restaurant or bar to watch the game because we don't have television. We have a television for DVDs, PS2 and such, but we don't get cable, dish, etc.

Then, it happens. Up until this point we were following the game and score by checking online every so often, but this was to keep us in the loop before we got to watch some of it. However my night was ripped away from me when the headline pops up on the computer screen about Taylor Swift winning her first moonman just to have Kanye West interupt to tell the world he thought Beyonce deserved the award.

Susan, my roommate, and I spent the next two hours surfing for performance videos, articles on the drama at the VMAs, checking the battle between the Pack and the Bears, trying to see more videos, checking Twitter for celebrity responses, checking the score, reading headlines...you get the picture.

It wasn't until the Pack finished off the Bears and the VMAs came to a close that I realized this whole evening ties into my Web 2.0 blogging series. We were completely entertained with two televised events without having television. The internet served as a venue for connecting with friends, catching up on the news, connecting with those at the events, seeing different videos and so forth. I was actually able to gather more info via the web than I would by watching one of the two events on a television at home or out at a restaurant.

Tonight reminded me that even when I'm absorbed in my Web 2.0 world, I may be learning and experiencing things in new ways without even realizing it. Without it I would still be catching up on headlines now after returning from watching the game, and really having no depth of understanding of the VMAs. On that note...Go Pack! Go Taylor! And, honorable mention for Beyonce. I'm not a fan and not sure of your motives, but no matter what you handled tonight with class.

What to blog about...Web 2.0?

2009-09-12T21:58:00.010-05:00

I am rarely consistent about my postings. Often when I do write, it is about how I don't write. I'd like to call it irony, but I think a more appropriate term is lazy.

So recently I've been pondering the wide array of topics I could write about. My blog does not have a theme, so there is no good reason for a lack of topics. I could address books I'm reading, recent movies I've seen, crazy or less intelligent people I interact with and so much more. Now, while I would like to address each of these entertaining topics, I want one that I can regularly turn to for an immediate blog post idea. Here is where Web 2.0 comes in.

I love the internet. I could spend all day on it. I read the news, browse Facebook and Twitter, track my calories, listen to music, and then go back to the news to start it all over again. I am spending most of my time interacting with what people call Web 2.0.

Now Wikipedia's article (linked to above) is a bit obscure as are most of the websites on Web 2.0. And, that's because it hasn't really been defined. That leaves you with my definition...in the past we used paper. There was an upgrade to computers with software. Internet connected us, but that was for surfing product sites, getting directions and stuff. Now, we've progressed to Web 2.0; we're not using software on our computers or paper notes. The websites themselves are interacting with us and serving as our tools for connectivity and communication. The desktop of the computer screen is no longer our "homepage," but the browser (what you're using to "browse" the web) is!

When I haven't finished a book or movie or run into some amusing characters on the street, I'm going to introduce you to another Web 2.0 tool I use and why. Perhaps it'll be something you've heard of or are using. But, there is always a chance I can introduce something new to you.

What tools do you use online that are most likely part of Web 2.0?

Dog Leash Confusion

2009-08-31T15:06:00.002-05:00

I'm hoping someone reading this can explain it back to me. I have had a situation today that just isn't calculating, so I'm reaching out for help.

First, there are some points of clarification. I live in the City of Denver, the County of Arapahoe and the State of Colorado which require your dog, unless in a designated area (e.g. a dog park) to be on a leash. It's called a Leash Law.

Okay, so with that in mind I also want to clarify that my dogs, Maddie and Kodiak, while sweet and innocent most of the time, are extremely protective of our apartment and surrounding areas. These two dogs are well behaved towards friends and strangers alike everywhere but our apartment complex. Around our apartment complex they feel the need to bark and sometimes growl at most people and every dog. It's something we're working on, but with limited success.

Finally, the story that I need help understanding. This morning I take the two pups outside for a little walk to take care of their business. We're only out and about for a short while before a small Terrier-like dog approaches without a leash. I think to myself, well that sucks but it happens. While my dogs go ballistic, I try to keep a distance between this dog and my insane and out of control, barking and growling, pulling and leaping pets. The dog keeps about 4 feet between itself and them, but then comes another dog, a chocolate chihuahua who isn't as interested in keeping away from Maddie and Kodiak. With one are extended holding the leashes of Kodiak and Maddie, I'm trying to use the other arm to keep these two other dogs away from mine. A woman casually strolls up, apologizes, picks up the two loose dogs (neither is wearing a leash that I can see) and walks away.

Okay, folks, that was my daily freebie. I understand dogs get loose. I understand people bend the rules about the leashes. It drives me absolutely nuts, but I'm not going to get myself labeled and the "cranky dog lady" in the neighborhood over it.

Four hours pass. The dogs and I are again outside for their benefit. I'm not 100 yards from my door when the same small Terrier-like dog is running for Kodiak and Maddie, who are again going out of their mind. This time the owner is kind enough to jog over, and she again apologizes. I respond with "that's why there are leash laws." Her rebuttal, "I know. She just always runs away. She always does this." And, her dog is now running away from her with the lady in pursuit. Again, I see no leash on this dog.

Here's where my question lies. Does a leash not tether the dog and person together, so unless the dog is significantly larger than you, the person can prevent the dog from getting away from the owner? Orrr, is there a new leash available that is invisible? I'm fairly tech savvy; I'd even say geeky. I'd think I'd have heard of it somewhere, but maybe I missed something. If you've seen a web page about this invisible leash, please link to it in the comments; I'd love to invest in some for Kodiak and Maddie.

This woman and her dogs are starting to really get on my nerves! And, while I am seeking some clarification, I also wanted to vent about this inept neighbor of mine. Thank you for your thoughts, support and willingness to read this pathetic and frustrating story.

Can I have your fanciest most expensive car please?

2009-07-26T21:10:00.002-05:00

Today I saw a man and his wife return two smartphones because they were "too much" for them. Now, please do not immediately assume I am going to judge people to try another step beyond their comfort zone for technology. I applaud that. I encourage people to step a little outside of their comfort zone and try something new. However, I think one should utilize the resources they have available to them to learn the new technology. It drives me nuts when someone assumes that by touching their new toy telekinetically they'll know how it works - the user manual just uploading to their brain through touch.

Today's witnessed return and my personal resulting frustration with people's lack of desire to learn - the American need for instant gratification - made me wonder...what if we bought everything the way we buy technology?

Can you imagine someone walking onto a car lot and telling the salesperson they want whatever is the latest and greatest? How many sports cars would be stalled before leaving the car lot? How many would get on the interstate unable to handle the power of the engine?

Can you imagine someone wanting to learn how to shoot a gun? They walk into the store telling the salesperson they want the one that does the most. How many high powered semi-automatic guns with laser scopes and more be sold to people firing a gun for the first time? Can you imagine the emergency rooms? "The, uh, gun had a bit too much kick back for me."

Even sporting equipment could be an example. High priced top of the line skis, snowboards, bicycles, golf clubs and more could all be bought for their name, their features, their price point and more simply being "too much" for the customer.

Here's my thing. Don't buy anything you're not interested in learning how to use. Don't waste a salesperson's time if you're not going to ask questions. Don't buy something based on anything but your needs. People, it is a waste of resources - all resources - to buy something just to return it a week later. Ask questions, utilize resources provided to you, seek out additional resources and take the time to learn how to use what you bought. Nobody buys cars, guns, sporting equipment or anything else simply because it's the newest one with the most features unless they have an idea of what they're doing with it. Use the same common sense when buying consumer electronics.

Television Shows That Keep Me Entertained

2009-07-08T02:13:00.008-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

Without actual television I watch a lot of "television" on dvd. Susan and I both buy seasons of television on dvd which has a number of pros and cons. For example is disappointing that I can't watch episodes when they air. This keeps me out of the loop when conversations about television are taking place. It is rare that someone discusses that one episode three years ago on 24. However, I can watch episode after episode without waiting a weeks time. There is also the amazing technology of pause and rewind. It's a crazy concept.

Looking over the television shows Susan or I own I've realized that I like two types of shows. One - I like crime shows. I spent most of my winter break this past December, when we did have television, watching immense amounts of CSI (all variants) and Law & Order (again all variants). There must be something about the basic formula of problem, discussion and solving that appeals to me. At least that's what I tell myself. It's that or I have a morbid sense of entertainment.

This is a great segway for the second type of television I enjoy. This one has less interest in the structure of the show and more focus on the script writing style. I like quick and flippant interchanges, and they get a special pat on the back if they integrate society and cultural references and quips. Top contenders include Gilmore Girls, Sports Night and Bones. And, while Bones is not my favorite show of all time, it holds a special place in the lineup as it is a crime show and has quick script with cultural quips.

I enjoy television because it's mindless. I appreciate the fact that my brain is used more when I sleep is a lovely bonus. However, I think I really like it to be intellectual in some way hence my interest in the two types of shows listed above.

What kind of television shows do you like? Oh, and if your answer is reality tv, not only am I not accepting that answer but maybe you should do some reflection as I have.

Giving it to God...at the Airport

2009-07-07T00:00:00.002-05:00

I'll try to keep this concise...

Today a good friend of mine was traveling and sent me a text message in response to me wishing her safe travels. As with any international flight, there was a long leg of the trip she expressed grief over. It made me think back to when I was in college.

Soon after my sophomore year of college began, my family relocated from 4 hours driving away to 4 hours flying away. Needless to say I began a stretch of time where I was traveling fairly regularly to visit on breaks. It was during that part of my life standing in O'Hare Airport often with two flights and a layover ahead of me (2 flights are cheaper than 1 ironically), that I learned to give things up to God.

Some would argue I was giving up to which ever airline I was flying that day, but in hindsight I think I was giving up to God. I realized talking to the ticket agents and flight attendants that these men and women completely determined if I was going to get where I wanted when I wanted. The harder I fought, the less likely things were going to improve. I also realized, simply by watching other disgruntled travelers, that yelling, pouting, screaming and threatening the airline employees would not make the delays shorter, the flights quicker or the weather more clear. It got to the point where I would prepare for the whole day to be consumed with travel, sometimes more than one day.

My goal was to get to my destination. And, that was as complex as it got - I removed time and comfort from the equation. I paid a significant amount of money to a company to get me from Point A to Point B, and with that exchange of money I transferred all control and responsibility. I was to simply show up and do my best to not become emotionally involved in the process.

Looking back I think I was learning to give things up to God. I give God my life and try not to get too emotionally involved in the process, and God gets me from Point A to Point B on God's schedule on God's route with and without weather delays.

How does your travel habits reflect your relationship with God?

Mobile Web Server

2009-07-06T23:56:00.002-05:00

Previously I mentioned a mobile web server/website. It's not gonna happen. I'm not sure I understand the benefits and point to it. If I want to blog from my phone, I can simply message into Blogger. If I want to post photos, I have a number of ways of doing that. If I want people to know where I am, I use Google Latitude. And, if you want a photo of where I'm at, text me. If you don't know my number, it's not hard to find...or, I don't know you so you shouldn't be able to request a photo.

All and all, it seems like a waste of memory on my phone and energy for management. I will continue to try new services and technologies crossing mobile, computer and internet...a mobile web server will just not be one of them.

I'll try to remove the sidebar link soon...just not right now.

None of that Sissy Crap (from a good friend)

2009-07-01T12:47:00.004-05:00

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces; just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8.. When you fall --- I'll pick you up and dust you off---After I laugh my butt off!!

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Integration

2009-06-23T20:53:00.002-05:00

I'm trying now to better integrate my presence online. I am on Facebook and Twitter, but I'm trying to incorporate all of my different things on here, my personal website. So, while I haven't been posting like I said I would, I have been on here doing stuff. You'll notice I've added my Twitter postings to the top. That way even when I'm not making a full blog posting, you'll still see my "micro-posts."

I'm also working on a mobile website. I tried this years ago to no avail but have decided to try it once again. Technology has improved as has my mobile device. I've added a badge on the left side of the page linking you to my mobile site. I'm not making any promises, but we'll find out together how it'll all work out.

Commitments

2009-06-11T12:47:00.012-05:00

Okay, so I really can make a commitment and stand by it. However, I did not keep the commitment I made on here. I already missed blogging yesterday! The really sad part is that I had stuff to blog about.

Yesterday I went up to Boulder and had a lovely lunch with Susan and Terry. It was originally going to be at The Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse, but due to a wait we relocated to the delish Boulder Cafe. We checked out some shops and then headed home due to the inclement weather. Walking Pearl Street just isn't fun in the rain without an umbrella.

Later on though we caught some amazing shots of rainbows.

Wrapped up the day with a jaunt to the local county library, some salt and pepper chips, white wine and Ghostbusters. It was a great summer day off from work. I'm looking forward to planning next week's "weekend," and hoping to squeeze in some camping.

Blog Postings

2009-06-09T13:26:00.003-05:00

Why don't I post on here more often? Will having more time this summer move me to post on here? Does anyone read this blog? (Well, it does post of FB which may increase readership) And, does it matter if anyone reads it?

This is my wussy post. My goal is to post every day for a week. Let's see if I can keep this brain in gear for writing and get interesting stuff down on the screen. Maybe I'll even post again today. :)

Decades ago

2009-04-29T17:59:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about this blog post for a while now. It's just taken me a bit to get around to actually writing. Now, I have homework to do, but I think I'll pound this out. As it is, I really don't blog as often as I'd like.

So, I've been thinking about 10 years ago. And, when one does that, they begin to think about 20 years ago. I am currently in a place - time, space, location, relationships, etc - that makes me happy. I am content and pleased with where I'm at. When I really think about it though, I realize that 10 years ago I didn't think life could get any better.

10 years ago I had just recently completed an incredible trip to New York City. I saw Les Miserables on Broadway, Ellis Island, Mahanttan from the top of the Statue of Liberty (including the WTC), Strawberry Fields in Central Park, FAO Swartz (and I did play on the giant piano), Lincoln Center, Madison Square Gardens, Teresa Witherspoon (yes, I got a pic with her) and so much more. I also just celebrated my 18th birthday 10 years ago. Is there a bigger birthday than 18? Really now, I was finally an "adult"...as if I had any idea what that meant. And, quickly approaching was my graduation from high school. I truly believed that 1999 would be the best year of my life.

20 years ago I was sitting in a new town and new school. Now, I had been there for a few months. The whole experience though was surreal. I had my first, and last group, birthday party. I had balloons and flowers (from my grandparents) sent to school on my birthday for the first time. I also was getting invited to birthday parties and went to my first slumber party.

Looking back I just wonder. It's crazy to realize how much time has passed from April 1989 and April 1999. I'm connecting with people for the first time in decades online through services like Facebook. I'm remembering people whom were developing great relationships and friendships with me. I find it still very surreal.

I know I'm not old. And, I know I'm not alone. I just find it interesting how pinnacle those years were. It makes me wonder what's in store this year. It makes me wonder the next time I'll think "life doesn't get better than this" or "will life ever get better than this." How will I remember your influence on my life in 10 years?

Hancock and my hometown

2009-03-15T21:40:00.002-05:00

Note: if you have not seen Hancock and intend to, there may be content that could be considered spoiler material. I wouldn't continue reading.

Tonight I watched Hancock for the first time. With unique timing I received an email regarding my high school reunion being this year. Reflecting back on the movie and my relationship (we'll call it that for simplicity's sake) with my hometown, I found some intriguing parallels.

In the movie John and Mary are drawn to each other. She says something along the lines of: it doesn't matter where or how far she goes, he always finds her. There is always something bringing them back...and it's cosmic therefore unbreakable. Yet, when they're together, emotionally and physically, they become weak. They get hurt by each other and hurt by others. Essentially they are each other's worst enemies.

I think that's me and my hometown. I can't get away. I have family there. I have emotional ties to that community and the people within it. Yet, when I get close, emotionally or physically, I get hurt. All I want to do is wash my hands of it. And, I do all I can to not completely cut myself off. On the other hand, if I don't get hurt, it's usually because I'm not letting myself. I build myself up to someone I'm not, so I can look down my nose at those who have hurt me so bad in my life.

I don't think I'll go to my high school reunion. I might; I have a tendency to randomly change my mind. But, like John and Mary, perhaps life is better from a distance. Less people get hurt, and I don't wake up ashamed of myself.

Don't Get Attached

2009-02-08T17:06:00.003-06:00

This past Christmas break I took a class called Spiritual Leadership. It was amazing. We met for maybe 6 hours a day for Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and on Wednesday and Friday for only 4 hours. It was fairly intense, and we covered a lot of material. Interestingly enough, we addressed a lot of spiritual exercises for ourselves to help us be better spiritual leaders.

One of the ideas we addressed was our attachment to outcomes. We discussed how we become emotionally attached to specific outcomes, the stress related to it, how our communities (i.e. family, friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, etc) are affected by it and so forth. I realized in the self-reflection how much this applied to me. I have been taught to be goal oriented. It wasn't uncommon to be encouraged to "visualize your success" in sports (i.e. making the free throw) and every other aspect of life. Seeing the end result would help you accomplish the steps in between.

Now, I find myself encouraging others not to grow attached to the outcome. Perhaps we will learn and experience more on the journey. Perhaps we were never meant to succeed on that path. It has happened countless times while on one course, I discover another along the way that better suits me for that time and place.

Please don't assume that it's an easy mindset to have. Even looking back, I realize new paths that were better (in my 20/20 hindsight) still can stir up emotions of anger, frustration or sadness. But, I have to acknowledge that I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't taken a new path. Often the toughest changes are ones invoked by someone other than myself like when I didn't get a job or promotion I wanted.

What I'm struggling with now isn't the examining of choices and decisions of my past but those of my future. I know I want certain things, but I'm not alone. I'm not the only factor. God has a plan. And, humans have the gift of free will. Just because I want something doesn't mean I'll get it, or get it the way I want it. It is a tough pill to swallow when you tell yourself, "don't get attached to the outcome."

Could you do it? Admit lack of control and find acceptance in it?

Crafty Things

2009-01-28T20:31:00.002-06:00

So, today I was asked to create a display for a fund-raiser. I didn't know to tell her I don't really have any crafty skills. Here it is. My display that is easy to put away and yet flashy. I used glitter. :) There's a good chance they sold their first products today all because of this great set up. Can you tell my undergrad degree is in marketing? :)

Anyways, if any of my Iliff buddies want one of these, or two or three, let me know. It's a fundraiser, and I got the hook-up.

Where do you draw the line?

2009-01-28T20:03:00.002-06:00

Today I helped break up a fight between two fourth grade boys. Both come from rough situations. We were at an after school program that is there to provide children a safe and consistant place to hang out. It also provides a meal/snacks.

I think what I'm struggling with is that both boys were right even though they both were wrong. One wanted to take extra snacks home for his family. The other was upset that the he was taking extra snacks.

Yes, the language they were using was atrocious. And yes, getting physical won't solve any problems. But, when push comes to shove (no pun intended) how do you decide who was right?

One was hungry and knew his family was too.

One saw food for the kids program going out the door.

Where would you draw the line? What do you say to those two boys probably only 11 or 12 years old? They both had their snacks. They both were thinking of others not themselves. And, it doesn't justify their behavior, but they both have to be upset and angry about their situations. Nobody likes to be hungry or see their family struggle. Where do you tell these kids to direct their anger instead of each other?

So that's where I find myself...struggling with two boys who were both trying to do the right thing the wrong way...and, I'm sure they felt better releasing some of that emotion. I, however, do not.

Growing Up

2009-01-25T22:22:00.003-06:00

So, I feel like I'm taking another step towards adulthood. Yes, some would say I've been an adult for a while, but I've mastered the ability to vote, drive, live on my own and still take no responsibility for things. Lately I've made a point to be aware of what I'm eating. I've also started working out. I've been walking/jogging about 2 miles 3-4 times a week. I am coming off the treadmill dripping in sweat. I don't think I've ever pushed myself to the point of sweating before. And, it's been close to a decade since a coach pushed me. For some reason I'm finding my health to be a lil' more of a priority. Perhaps it's the passing of my mid-twenties in the near future? No matter what the reason, I've minimized pizza as a meal option to only 3 times a week. :)

I wonder what else will mature next? Maybe I'll finally develop some study/work skills in the morning hours. We can keep hoping and praying.

What would you say?

2009-01-04T01:15:00.003-06:00

If you had to write a letter to every person who has influenced who you are today, what would you say? Would you only talk about the good memories? Would you lash out at those who caused you pain making you stronger? Would you tell the truth or what you thought they wanted to hear? Would you remember those who thought they were insignificant? Would you apologize to those you hurt? What would guide your words...Happiness? Pain? Pride? Humility? Wisdom? Ignorance? A desire to please? Or, honesty?

What would you say to each person who influenced who you are today?

I'm Swamped

2008-10-04T16:55:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I keep promising to write. And, I intend to. As we all know, though, the road to Hell was paved with good intentions. I'm not making any promises. I just wanted to let you know I have no idea what to write about on here right now. However, I do have ideas for my other blog Ever Wonder, so if you'd like, feel free to read there for a while. If and when I figure this blog out again, and my time management, I'll pop over for some posts.

Thank you for your time and patience!

Back to School

2008-09-23T14:45:00.001-05:00

I am now in Denver and in my third week of grad school. I don't think I can put into words the rollercoaster of emotions and stresses each day. I can swing from not worried to panicked in about 5 minutes and these can be about readings, classes, exams, money, dinner, the puppies, who knows what. It's just been insane.

Part of my About Me

2008-07-28T16:25:00.002-05:00

What seems like a long time ago, I had an awful nickname. While that nickname was only with me for a few years, the way it made me feel summarized my whole childhood in one full swoop. I felt as though I never belonged any where because we moved so often. Even when we didn't move often, the long stays were in small towns that I would never be a 'native.' Unfortunately for those who did accept me for who I was, I always had that underlying nagging of the not belonging.

When I graduated high school I had an opportunity. I was going to a new school in a new state. No one can be "from" the college, so all students are at the same starting block. No one knew my nickname. No one knew my history. I had a clean slate handed to me at a school that didn't have any other students from my hometown. After one year of school my parents moved again. With that I did something I will never fully recover from.

I walked away from my hometown.

Almost a decade later I've begun the process of reestablishing contact with those who meant the most to me in middle and high school. I'm realizing that getting completely wrapped up in the bubble called college I neglected some relationships that didn't deserve to be ignored. I didn't fight with these friends. I didn't even say good bye. I just stopped communicating with all of them. I didn't visit because my parents and sisters were across the country. I just disappeared, and I didn't mind until now.

I hope to keep pursuing these old friends and the friendships we once had. I hope that a hello here and there will instigate further conversations. Maybe we can catch up. Maybe a new relationship will flourish between to the new people we are today. I'm not confident, but I am persistant. I'm also sorry. I wonder if those who meant the most realize that. And, I hope someday they give me a chance to tell them face to face.

Have you neglected a relationship beyond repair? Did you ever work to fix it? Did who you were in the past buy you a second chance today or ruin it?