Far Above Rubies

A Defense of Mars Hill's Discipline Contracts...

2012-02-07T18:00:00.000-05:00

... from faithful FAR fan Aja. She actually tried to post this in the comment section of the last MH post, but Blogger was trippin', so with her permission, I'm making it a post of it's own.

Hey there! Super commenter, Aja, in the house! You said it, Alisha, not me :) Hehe... {Yup, yup, I did!}

My initial reaction to this post was sort of, "what's the big deal"... I may be missing something that the two of you ladies know because I didn't read anything in the post about the man's issues being broadcast on a public forum so I'm not really versed on that part.

I do, however, believe that lust is a really, really, really serious issue in today's church and ESPECIALLY today's marriages. First of all, this man was a leader in the church (not literally, but he was involved in ministry, which means he was trusted and other people could have been looking up to him as an example). I know in our church (Times Square Church, in NYC) you can't drink if you are ministry, for example, and you certainly shouldn't be having sex with or cheating on your fiance.

It seems like this man had grave issues with lust and seeing as how he was soon going to be taking on a wife and in the future, maybe children of his own, maybe the church wanted to take an extra hard line in order to drive home exactly how serious an issue this could potentially be and the many lives that it could detrimentally effect in the future.

Being married and having dealt with sexual sin from my past, I can tell you, it is no joke. Lust is never satisfied and things that aren't addressed before you're married usually become bigger and bigger issues once you are, because the enemy really uses them to accuse, tempt and torture you. If this issue wasn't addressed seriously, it could have led to this man being adulterous and even to divorce and maybe a broken family if children were involved in the future. Being a child of divorce due to infidelity (although not from a Christian family), I for one, can tell you that I am still dealing with and in the very process of being freed from emotional bondage due to my dad's infidelity and serious lust issues, so I don't fault the church for taking a hard line and really making this man accountable for his actions against God, his fiance and the church in general, because really he was in a position of privilege and was bringing some very unseemly baggage into the church... That being said, yes, we all have it, everyone sins, everyone has baggage, me included. My husband and I weren't perfect during our courtship (although we did wait until marriage to have sex) but we were honest about that with our marriage counselors and they dealt with it how they saw fit, which wasn't to throw us out of ministry or make us sign any contracts.

That leads me to my next point, which is that I am assuming here that these meetings, since they were church meetings, were led by prayer and that the men who were in charge were prayerfully seeking the Holy Spirit and how He would have them handle this situation. None of us were there and none of us know how the Spirit was leading them. Maybe they felt God leading them to be especially hard on this guy. Jesus says if your eye sins against you pluck it out. That doesn't exactly sound like a joyful process, but sin is grievous enough to God and to the human heart, that it needs to be completely repented of and cast away or else it will lead to death, for Jesus does say that it's better to have one eye in heaven than both in hell (not quoting exactly, but I think you catch my drift).

So ya, once again, I am supporting Mars Hill, I feel like I'm Mark Driscoll's Mama or something, haha. I'm not, but I do like his church and I know that in listening to his sermons on marriage from his book (haven't read the book though) that he takes a very hard line against men not living up to their godly role as head of the household, as leader of their family under Jesus. I think that Mark Driscoll takes such a hard line with this because it is an INCREDIBLY serious and meaningful topic to the church. If it wasn't, why would so many Christian marriages be headed for divorce? If more men took their role as leader more seriously and saw how incredibly detrimental their lusts could be to the sanctification of their whole household and to God even hearing their prayers, because Peter says that if you don't honor your wife, God won't even entertain your prayers, then maybe the church could hold up it's track record for godly marriages as the example to the world it should be and not the opposite. This is really really really important stuff, ladies. The porn industry and the lusts of the world in general are eating Christian marriages alive and I don't think Mars Hill is wrong to take a serious approach against it and I definitely don't think it's wrong to ask him to sign a contract for accountability reasons...

That being said, and I really do have to go now, I do think that meetings within the church should be confidential and I also do know that if we repent honestly to God, He is faithful and just to forgive us. But, we do submit ourselves to church leadership for a reason, just like Jesus submitted to His Father for a reason, and if we do the crime, which this guy did, we've gotta do the time, which in this case was lots of embarrassing meetings and signing a paper which doesn't seem that terrible to me if it saves his marriage from falling apart in the future and keeps honesty and accountability in the church ministry.

Glad I could show a differing opinion, although I do think you two had some great points as well! Thank goodness for the everlasting Grace, Forgiveness and Love of Almighty God!

In The Depths

2012-02-04T15:25:00.000-05:00

My cerebus for 9 days.

For ten days in December, I was hospitalized for treatment of a sensory neuropathy caused by an autoimmune disease. This is my first essay discussing it. Keep me in prayer. Thanks!

I lay on the elevated hospital bed with a thin paper sheet over my face. I felt sweat beading on my forehead. On my palms. Behind my knees.

The doctor tried in vain to relax me. He told joke after corny joke about doctors, nurses and residents. His residents were busy giving me lidacaine. Lidacaine that could not block out the searing pain of a needle being pushed into the main vein of my neck.

Which was followed by a long white tube that was inserted deep into my chest. The top of it hung out of my neck like some sort of medical cerebus with its three ports.

I felt my eyes starting to roll back in my head. Do you know what's worse than searing pain? Suddenly feeling nothing. I struggled to speak. It felt impossible. Considering I'd spent the past three years losing the ability to control my legs like normal thanks to a sensory neuropathy, you'd think this would not be too frightening. But it was. Horribly frightening.

I mumbled out a weak "Help". The doctor with his corny jokes told me it would be okay. God, no, no, please help me speak... "My heart is racing...". One of the residents ran to grab a monitor. She put my right pointer finger in a tiny clip on cuff and sure enough, my heart rate had jumped extremely high.

"Oh no... Sweetie, Sweetie, calm down..." the corny doctor said in his thick Pakistani accent.

I had calmed down enough to hear his Pakistani accent. Enough to realize I hadn't passed out.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The bed lowered, my dad and stepmom were ushered back in my hospital room. They had been standing outside the door. Now they were at the foot of my bed with tears in their eyes.

My 74 year old roomate told them how brave I was. She was crying, too. I wiped away the tears that were streaking down my face and put my glasses back on.

For some reason, I couldn't bear the thought of everyone in that crummy little room crying.

"I'm okay..." Who's voice was that? Damn, I sounded horrible. I couldn't fool a soul sounding like that.

I couldn't fool my soul feeling like that.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I stared at the crucifix on the wall across from me. I couldn't think clearly. Not enough to even pray. Just stare. Stare at tiny metal Jesus. Stare at his tiny feet with the single nail through them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Recently, I read a great quote by the late Catholic priest Father Daniel Lord. It was shared with me by Dawn Eden, an amzing writer who is no stranger to pain and perseverance herself. The quote says, "It may well be that I shall find you in the depths before I shall find you upon the heights."

That night, at St. Francis hospital, in the deep, in the valley, I found Him.

Forgiveness & Signing on the Dotted Line

2012-02-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

I love reading other Christian blogs, especially a number over on the Patheos Christian portal. Even when I don't agree with them, I enjoy their "higher than the average blog" approach to writing and topics.

Anyway, one of the topics which came up on Karen Spears Zacharias' blog is on spiritual discipline. She linked to Matthew Paul Turner's blog which details the story of a young man from Mark Driscoll's church Mars Hill who, after cheating on his fiance, found himself being pushed to sign a church discipline contract. The man, Andrew, had been a member of the church's security team and was active in several small groups.

... shortly after becoming engaged, Andrew made a costly choice, one that involved hanging out alone with a female friend he knew from the community college he attended. Andrew and his college friend messed around. They didn’t have sex. But they got close. But what they did and didn’t do isn’t the issue. He cheated on the woman he was planning to marry. On the following morning, Andrew felt devastated, his brain flashing memories of what he’d done the night before, his heart full of shame, guilt, and hindsight’s remorse.

That evening, Andrew met his fiancee at community group. As soon as she saw his face, she knew something was wrong. After the meeting was finished, they walked outside to his car (he was planning to give her a ride home). A long hard conversation ensued, but at some point in the middle, Andrew confessed...

As so often is the case with church drama like this, the following month was, for Andrew, filled up with meetings. A meeting with his old community group leader (he was forced to join a new community group). A meeting with his new community group leader. A meeting with his fiancée’s step-father. A meeting with his trusted friend who also happened to be the leader of his mens small group. So many meetings. And some of those meetings required second meetings.

Over the course of that month, Andrew also confessed more of his sexual baggage/history.

“I confessed to my mens small group leader–a close friend of mine–that my relationship with my fiancée was physical, too.”

That confession led to more meetings and more than enough long (and sometimes ridiculous) text message conversations with church leadership at Mars Hill.

“On several occasions, I was called a Wolf,” says Andrew, “which at Mars Hill, is like the worst thing you can be called.”...

On the evening of December 18, Andrew met with the pastor and small group leader. It was during this meeting that Andrew first learned that he was being “brought under church discipline.” Despite it feeling like he’d been going through church discipline for a little more than a month, he didn’t say much. He did a lot of listening.

And his ears listened, his eyes began opening, too. For a couple weeks, amid all of the various conversations/meetings/confession sessions, Andrew had noticed what he believed was a strange shift in how people were treating him.

The things he noticed weren’t exactly subtle differences either. There was something about their tones, a certain change from being serious and kind toward him to always coming across intentionally serious and sometimes harsh. He’d also noticed a difference in the words they used, a switch from words and phrases that depicted gentle care and concern to words/phrases that sometimes caused him to feel like a criminal on trial, certainly not a longtime member of a loving, forgiving church environment.

But now. During that meeting. All of the things he noticed. The tones. The words. The differences. They were definitely not his imagination.

Andrew sat in that meeting wondering, questioning whether he could/should trust the two men sitting in front of him. The two men that he was supposed to trust, that he was supposed to deeply respect.

But something made him doubt that.

Something in his spirit told him not to trust them. Something caused him to believe that the men sitting in front of him were far less interested in restoring him than they were in having control, feeling powerful, throwing their spiritual weight around. Beating down a sinner like Andrew.

Andrew was then sent a Church Discipline Contract via email which he was expected to sign. When, after careful thought and prayer, he declined and informed leadership of his decision to leave the church, things grew considerably worse. Sigh.

The Mars Hill leaders claimed they were following Mattthew 18:15-18 in taking such a hard line.

I want to make a few things clear. Despite my recent posts about Driscoll's new marriage advice book, I don't have anything against the guy or his church. I usually post things on this blog based on their popularity at the moment, which is why I've posted on Creflo Dollar, Ray J, Amy Winehouse and naked celebs over the past three years. So please don't think I have it out for him.

But this did get me thinking on the proper role of discipline within the church. Some comments I've read have pretty mich advocated doing away with it altogether. I personally don't think this is a good idea. Not only would we be violating Scripture, but we would be sending the message that purposeful disobedience against God is okay. Which most definitely is NOT.

But what is the proper way to handle this? Do you think Mars Hill's contracts are a good idea? Why or why not? I'd love some feedback.

Jefferson Takes on Marriage

2012-01-31T16:18:00.000-05:00

Now high profile Christian rapper Jefferson Bethke has released another spoken work piece, this one on Marriage, love and sex. What do you think?

WOW! Fred Hammond's Powerful Testimony!

2012-01-29T14:40:00.000-05:00

Mark Driscoll Responds to Critics

2012-01-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

Shortly after reading super commentor Aja's defense of Seattle megachurch pastor Mark Driscoll, I read a response written by the man of the hour himself. From CNN:

... My wife, Grace, and I recently published "Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together," which quickly became a No. 1 New York Times best-seller.

In it, we’re brutally honest about our past struggles, share the lessons we learned along the way and talk frankly about sex. Criticism has ensued.

... We knew before we wrote the book that we’d catch a lot of flak, especially on the chapters dealing with sex. We also knew the criticism would come from every direction, as some people would think we went too far and others would think we didn’t go far enough.

But we wrote it anyway. Why? Simply put, we want to help marriages — and single people aspiring to marry — and we wanted to do so in a way that is practical, biblical and applicable to the reality of today’s culture...

The book identifies three ways people tend to view sex: as gross, as a god and as a gift.

Sex as gross

Some people are very uncomfortable talking about sex, even with their spouses.
Many Christians, because of upbringing and past church experiences, view sex as gross and something that should not be talked about in public.

Unfortunately, this view is pervasive in the church. Many couples have honest questions about sex and various sexual acts but struggle to find a pastor willing to teach on these topics.

With nowhere else to turn, these couples find wrong and damaging answers in magazines, television, movies, porn and more.

The practical result is that couples divorce their sex from their spirituality, talking to their pastors about “spiritual” issues and ordering their love life around advice from “secular” sources.

Next time you’re in line at the grocery store, read the headlines on the women’s magazines that are shouting at little kids standing in line with their parents. Our culture has made the wrong answers about sex far easier to find than the church has made the right answers to find...

You can read the entire post here. I admit, he does make a lot of good points. BUT... I'm still curious as to why I, as a Christian woman, should feel compelled to get all Salt n Peppa "Let's Talk About Sex, Baby" with my pastor. I'm NOT saying it's wrong. Just that I still don't see why a sex therapist, marriage therapist or Christian psychologist might not be a better idea. Unless of course the pastor IS one, too.

I do agree that the "sex is gross" meme is still all too common in churches today. So, even Driscoll's critics should give him and Grace credit for getting the faithful to openly discuss this. And you can't blame them that thousands of people want to know if they can get kinky tonight... like SWV and Missy.

After all, they could've just held a bed-in like one pastor and his wife did...

Tea Party Jesus?!?

2012-01-18T20:24:00.000-05:00

Yeah, pretty weird stuff. From God's Politics:

The American Values Network (AVN) just released a few teasers for its Tea Party Jesus — Sermon on the Mall animated film coming out later this week.

The video will be a satirical take on the Sermon on the Mount with various quotes, signs and policy positions of the Tea Party. While I don’t think the creators of the video would argue that this same test be applied to every piece of legislation Congress considers, it is an interesting experiment.
How often do we divorce the things we say and do or the beliefs we hold from what we read in the Gospels about the person and teachings of Jesus?

Yeah, guess that's a good question, but I can't even start to ponder it because I'm stuck on "Atheist Ayn", as in Ayn Rand, which is this merry band's "patron saint".

Weird.

"Real Marriage" & Real Manliness?

2012-01-18T17:24:00.000-05:00

Geesh. It seems I can't click on my little Firefox icon without soon seeing yet another eyebrow raising blog about Seattle megachurch pastor Mark Driscoll.

A couple of weeks ago, I read a really great review of Driscoll's new book, "Real Marriage" by Rachel Held Evans. Here's an excerpt:

Given Driscoll’s alarming preoccupation with sex and “masculinity,” and the immaturity with which he has addressed these subjects in the past, one would think Christians would approach this book the way they would approach a book about nutrition written by a pastor who struggles with obesity...(or a book about overcoming procrastination written by me!) But Pastor Mark continues to grow a devoted and impassioned following, which means thousands of couples around the world will be looking to his new book, Real Marriage, which he co-authored with his wife Grace, for advice.

... As others have noted, the book focuses so much on sex that it can create the impression that it’s the most important element of marriage. Also, as I’ve noticed before, Mark has the tendency to project. Because his wife was abused in the past, he believes that the majority of women were abused in the past. Because he and Grace struggled with their sexual relationship, he believes that most couples struggle with their sexual relationship. Because he likes sports and hunting, he assumes that “real men” like sports and hunting. Because his marriage is based on a hierarchal pattern of submission, he believes that “real marriage” is based on a hierarchal pattern of submission.

...By his own admission, Driscoll’s troubled sex life affected his teaching of Scripture, so it will not do for Christians to continue to insist that pastors who teach the “timeless truths of Scripture,” cannot be wrong.

Which brings me back to my original point: Just because someone is a pastor does not mean that he or she is an expert on sex...or money or relationships or marriage. Christian couples struggling in their marriage should seek professional counseling, and not rely exclusively on a single pastor (or his or her interpretation of Scripture) for help.

I have to agree with Rachel about turning to your pastor for EVERYTHING. What is that about, anyway? If a minister is qualified and experienced in counseling, great. But he or she does not know all. Would I go to my plumber for investment advice? My lawyer to install new windows in my house?

Nothing says I'm a manly-man for Christ like the ever so tough combo of hoody, leather jacket, scruffy face and hipster hair.

Anyway, today I read yet another SMH article about Driscoll, this time excerpts from a British radio show in which he was supposed to be talking about "Real Marriage" (H/T: Catholic & Enjoying It!). From Cognitive Discopants (isn't that like, the coolest name for a blog?!):

Justin Brierley, the unfailingly polite host of the British radio program, Unbelievable, recently podcast the entirety of his hour-long interview with Mark Driscoll.

Things did not go well.

There are many moments in this interview that could provide fodder for discussion.

... Much of the interview revolved around Driscoll’s views on women and their role in marriage and the church. When Brierley confessed that his own wife is, in fact, the pastor of his church, things got incredibly awkward:

Driscoll: I’m not shocked by the answer, by the questions you ask. I love you, but you’re annoying. ‘Cause you’re picking on all the same issues that those who are classically evangelical, kind of liberal, kind of feminist do.

Brierley: I think it’s because those are the issues here that people are thinking about. … [Brierley says he's impressed by much of what Mars Hill Church is doing].

Driscoll: Kay, let me ask you a few hard questions.

Brierley: Go ahead, go ahead.

Driscoll: So, in the church that your wife pastors, how many young men have come to Christ in the last year?

[It's clear from the tone of Driscoll's question that this is not a bona fide inquiry about the souls in Brierley's church. It's a veiled criticism. Driscoll is going to prove that women pastors can't get the job done (i.e. attracting men to the church) and he's going to belittle Brierley's wife & church to do it.]

Brierley: Well we’re not a huge church, unlike yours, but I’d say there’s two or three probably in the last year who certainly, yah, I’d say have come to Christ in a pretty meaningful way.

Driscoll: Okay and in the church, what percentage is young men, single men?

Brierley: It’s difficult to say off the top of my head, but I’ll freely say it’s certainly not a big percentage, no.

Driscoll: Kay, and are you okay with that? Do you think that’s the best way to go?

Brierley: No, but can it be so easily put down to the fact that the church is being run by a woman? I mean, is that …

Driscoll: Yup. Yup. You look at your results, you look at my results, and you look at the variable that’s most obvious.

[Yes, he did just say that. His results are better than hers. And it's because he's a man and she's a woman.]

Ewww. I know over on the FAR Facebook page from past postings, Driscoll has a few devoted fans. And looking at some of the comments in the blogs I quoted from, many of them are quite vocal (if not always pleasant) in their defense of him.

But I personally shudder at some of these celebu-pastors. We've had a long history with seeing many of them fall shamefully from grace (Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker, Ted Haggard). I'm hoping the city that gave us Starbucks and Microsoft hasn't given us the next great Evangelical Pulpit Fail.

Is A Christian Rap Battle Brewing?

2012-01-17T15:06:00.000-05:00

Move over Common & Drake. There's a new rap battle heating up.

First up, Washingtonian YouTube sensation Jefferson Bethke, who's video "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus" has been viewed by millions in a matter of days (when I watched it like a week ago, it was at 3 million views; as of this writing, it's at over 13 million).

My friend Mary (hi, Mary!) facebooked me the link to this video, "Freestylin': Jesus= Religion", which takes Bethke to task over the meaning of "religion", what Jesus actually said (and didn't say), and the Law. This video features a Lutheran brother "freestyling"- at least that's what they claim. But considering this song's less-than spontaneous flow (in spots, he just stops and talks altogether), I really think it's more of a spoken word piece.

Okay, so it's not "Ether". But there were a few solid points made. Here's another:

There are tons of them popping up from Orthodox Christians, Muslims and even atheists. I think the coolest part of this "beef" is just how many people are talking about it, debating and sharing. It's funny to me since just a couple of weeks ago, I was reading an article about the rising levels of indifference regarding religion in this country. While I believe this is undoubtedly true, Bethke's video and the many counter arguments being read and heard all over the internet prove that many people are passionate on the subject.

Hating Religion... Loving Jesus. Are these the only two choices?

2012-01-14T19:36:00.000-05:00

Jefferson Bethke. The most controversial figure in the world of Christian blogging since last week's tizzy over Mark Driscoll's latest book.

If you haven't heard by now, there's a little spoken word video made by a young Christian named Jefferson Bethke of Washington state that's making the interwebs go all aflutter. If you haven't seen this on your Facebook news feed yet, you will. You can also go ahead and click "Like" to this blog's Facebook page by clicking here if you have not done so yet. Go ahead, click it.... CLICK IT!

Ahem, anyway, the video:

Of course, Mr. Bethke's video could not be a bona fide hit without critiques. Like this one. Or this one. Or this one.

I posted this video on my personal Facebook page and received a lot of great comments. My brother Joe wrote:

I believe this is a wonderful poem, a great discussion starter, and if this piece can get anyone interested in knowing more about the Christ, his life and what he did; I say job well done.

Then I believe it is up to us to the church (which this young man said he loved during his clarification verse) to educate them in more detail. After all how much can you pack into a four min. poem (and still make it flow)

Finally I think this was inspired. If we through out all of our thoughts on what he could have further clarified, or we wish that he included, I believe what he actually said has weight. Now that this video is going viral, in our discussions I hope that our conversations can be as honest, and fresh, and inspired as this young mans.

... The word religion itself is pretty much a blank slate, dependent on how one uses it. I think to say that "Jesus loved religion" in the context of the religious orders of that day, would be false, and since this young man draws his references from Jesus's Life and death, then I see no great contradiction in what he has stated. After all, the church that the early disciples would build was not yet created, but he does warn against the dangers of being like the leaders of that time. Hypocrites and elitist law loving judges.

Another friend wrote:

To me it got out the fact that religion as we have come to know it is man made and really has very little to do with Jesus and His intent. I love it because though there is so much debate, that video has over 9 million and rapidly growing and this guy got the main message across and every pair of ears that heard it is accountable for the information and it will spark discussions about the topics relayed which is much needed within the church and religious sectors. GOD is going to get the glory anyway because JESUS as SAVIOR is mentioned! God is still doing His thang! I'm impressed! :)

A third friend took issue with the Kevin DeYoung rebuttal in particular. He wrote:

Sorry, but Kevin Deyoung and others like him need to get a life. I mean, really... you're going to analyze this kid's poem line by line? How about trying to come to grips with why this thing went viral in the first place? This poem has clearly tapped into something deep in the hearts of many, many people who are truly dissatisfied with what they've been experiencing as "church." E.g., the cult of leadership, pastor as CEO, abusive authority, the Sunday morning "showtime," organizational priorities trumping the needs of people... I could go on but you get the idea. People today are desperately looking for something real, and the only reality that will ever satisfy is an actual full-blown encounter with the living God. More and more people are simply done with church as we have known it because that kind of reality just ain't happening there.

Anytime I hear people defending organized religion, or the church as we have known it, it's usually because they have a vested interest in play. And lo and behold, there it is on his webpage: Mr. Deyoung pastors a Reformed church in Michigan. And for someone who mentions Matthew 18 in their critique without actually following Jesus' words there (i.e. how about contacting Jefferson first before tearing his work apart?), well, it's just typical of the mindset: I'll tell you what to do but don't expect me to do it. Nothing against him personally, he seems like a nice guy, but the intellectual equivocation over the real issues just gets a bit much to take sometimes.

I contemplated writing a response, but... nah. I'm wrapping up maternity leave and heading back to work on Tuesday. Plus I have much to discuss (I spent a third of last month in the hospital...!). BUT, please feel free to comment here. Do you agree with the video? Or do you have reservations about it? Share!

And Happy 2012! To my 3 new followers, welcome abord!

I Want YOU!

2012-01-14T18:27:00.002-05:00

I want YOU... artists, singers, dancers, writers, photographers, small business owners, designers, beauticians, painters, poets, actors, producers, composers, musicians, story tellers, travelers, rappers...

...to share your story, gifts, talents, purpose. Let the world know what drives you to pursue your dreams, however they are taking shape in your life. Email me at jumpingatthesun@gmail.com. Spread the word!

Being A Christian Woman In A Feminist World

2011-12-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

I read this really awesome post by Andrea Lucado about being a Christian in a feminist world. It's the second of a two parter. I recommend you read the whole thing, but I wanted to share an excerpt from this part :

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Mary. As in Mary-and-Martha Mary.

When Jesus went to Mary and Martha’s house and Martha was all frantic and nervous about dinner getting on the table and the candles being lit just right, or the oil lamp, or whatever, Mary was sitting at Jesus’s feet, literally. Like he was her teacher, and students were only male then, mind you. She was sitting by his feet, listening to him while chaos was occurring in the next room. Then Jesus said, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42). The best reward.

And she was a woman. She was not praised for her work, for her social status or ability to rise above female oppression and be highlighted in the most important literary work of all time.

What was she praised for? Her ability to be oblivious to all but Jesus.

Seeing as how Mary has exemplified the Christian life ever since she appeared in the gospels, I think that’s what being a Christian in the midst of feminist society is supposed to look like: to be so obsessed with Jesus, we just don’t care about much else. And to be so steady at his feet that we find ourselves able to love as he did. Love ourselves, love our gender, and love men, even the ones we think should value us a little more.

How beautiful! Read the whole thing here!

Kentucky Church Overturns Racist Ban

2011-12-10T16:06:00.000-05:00

I got a lot of heated comments about the racist and sinful ban on interracial couples by a Kentucky church. Well, good news: the ban has been overturned. But is it too little, too late? From WYMT:

"Controversy about a freewill baptist church's decision not to condone interracial marriage in Pike County has caught national attention.

The Sandy Valley Conference includes more than a dozen member churches, and they voted Saturday in Bowling Fork to reinforce rules to help the Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church.

The Sandy Valley Conference's meeting was closed to the public.

The meeting was scheduled before the controversy erupted at Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church, but it was still a hot topic on the agenda.

"I don't believe it's right. People should be able to worship. I don't care what color their skin is," said Mr. Bowling, who lives in Bowling Fork and attends the church that the meeting was held in.

"We believe that everyone is welcome in the house of God, and we are not a racist group of people," said Bobby Mullins, the pastor at Martin County Freewill Baptist Church.

A vote conducted by Pastor Stacy Stepp banned interracial couples membership at his church.

Members of the Sandy Valley Conference say that Pastor Stacy Stepp asked for their assistance.

Conference members say Pastor Stepp's vote was not in proper order.

"No motion is in order that conflicts with the laws of the nation or state or with the assembly's constitution of by laws. And if such motion is adopted, even by an unanimous vote, it is null and void," said Jim Patton, the pastor at Pikeville Freewill Baptist Church and a member of the Sandy Valley Conference.

Pastor Stepp plans on bringing his church together to vote on the matter one last time.

But members of the conference say racism of any form is unacceptable and another vote will not change their decision.

"It's done. It's over. It's against our rules," said Patton.

The interracial couple in question is Stella Harville and her fiance from Zimbabwe.

The Harville family says they have no hard feelings.

"My daughter is doing good on this. She's moving forward. It's time to get it behind us. She's doing okay," said Dean Harville, who is Stella's father and a member of Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church.

The Harvilles say they are ready for their church to get back to normal by allowing all people of all races to attend.

Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church's final vote on interracial marriage is set for Sunday following the church's morning service."

Interracial Couple Banned From Kentucky Church

2011-12-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

This story is almost unbelievable to me. And very sad. From HuffPo:

In a move to "promote greater unity" among its body and the Pike County community it serves, a small Kentucky church voted to ban interracial couples from membership and from participating in certain worship activities, Kentucky.com reports.

Though reminiscent of some Jim Crow-era mandate, the Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church actually made the decision earlier this month, following a visit from 24-year-old Stella Harville, daughter of the church's secretary and clerk, and her 29-year-old fiance, Ticha Chikuni, a native of Zimbabwe.

According to Harville's father, Dean Harville, Stella brought Chikuni to the church in June where they performed a song for the congregation.
Following the visit, former pastor Melvin Thompson told Harville that his daughter and her fiance could not sing at the church again. Thompson later proposed that the church go on record saying that while all people were welcome to attend public worship services there, the church did not condone interracial marriage.

His proposal, which was accepted by a 9-6 vote last week, also suggested that married interracial couples be prohibited from becoming members and used in worship activities, except for funerals.

"It's not the spirit of the community in any way, shape or form," said Randy Johnson, president of the Pike County Ministerial Association, according to Kentucky.com.
While Pike County and the surrounding community come to grips with the church's decision, researchers at Ohio State University and Cornell University say black-white marriages in the United States are soaring, increasing threefold, from 3 percent in 1980 to 10.7 percent in 2008.

An Eddie Long Update

2011-12-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

Things have gotten pretty bad for embattled Bishop Eddie Long. While his marriage is collapsing, his ministry is being put on hold. From the Atlanta Constitution Journal:

The reconciliation of Vanessa and Eddie Long didn't make it through the day, as the wife of the charismatic New Birth Missionary Baptist pastor has decided against withdrawing her petition for divorce filed late Thursday afternoon.

"Mrs. Long continues to hope that this matter may be resolved expeditiously, harmoniously and fairly; however, she has determined that dismissal of her divorce petition is not appropriate at this time," Kilpatrick Townsend partner Michael W. Tyler said in a prepared statement.

"To avoid any undue confusion, Mrs. Long's future statements, if any, will be issued through her attorneys," he said. A spokesman for Kilpatrick Townsend refused further comment.

Three statements regarding the divorce were sent to media outlets Friday. In the first, Vanessa Long announced she was seeking to end her 21-year-marriage following "a great deal of deliberation and prayer."
Then, around lunchtime, in a statement sent through New Birth's public relations firm, Vanessa Long was quoted as saying, upon further "prayerful reflection," she was withdrawing the divorce petition.

"I love my husband," she was quoted in the second press release. "I believe in him and admire his strength and courage."
Long, a New Birth elder, said her decision to seek a divorce was driven by "years of attacks in the media that frustrated and overwhelmed me." She and her husband "mutually agreed to find healing," Vanessa Long is quoted in the release.
Six hours later, her attorneys announced she was proceeding with the divorce "consistent with her original [statement] made this morning."

Read the whole post here. And from HuffPo:

Bishop Eddie Long, the embattled pastor of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church near Atlanta, told his congregation this morning that he was taking a leave of absence from his duties in the pulpit.

Long was defiant as ever when he announced his decision to a supportive audience."If you go out there, the news said I stepped down," Long said. " I haven't stepped down, I've actually stepped up."

"I'm still your pastor. You'll still receive my direction," Long said Sunday. "You've given me some weeks to take care of some family business."

Read the rest of the article here.

Poll: Americans Aren't Sipping Tea or Being Occupied

2011-12-04T14:29:00.001-05:00

From Religion News Services:

In a war between the Tea Party and the Occupy Wall Street movement to capture the hearts of Americans, who wins? According to a new poll, it’s a draw.

Less than a third of Americans say either movement represents their values, according to a poll released Wednesday (Nov. 16) by the Public Religion Research Institute in partnership with Religion News Service.

One thing, however, is clear: neither movement can make a strong claim to speak for Americans. Near identical majorities say neither movement represents their values—57 percent for the Tea Party, and 56 percent for Occupy Wall Street.

What’s more, one in five Americans say each of the movements has a negative impact on society, and about four in 10 Americans see both as largely irrelevant.

“They’re mirror images of each other, but the symmetry at the national level hides a very different distribution,” said Robert Jones, the research firm’s CEO. “Support for the Tea Party is more intensely concentrated among Republicans, but support for the OWS movement is less intense among Democrats and more evenly spread among other groups.”

The poll—designed to gauge Americans’ views about economic hardship and the proper responses to it—also revealed some striking divides and ambivalences, particularly in the way people view opportunity in America.

A significant majority (eight in 10) believes the gap between rich and poor has widened during the past 20 years, a finding that held true across generational, religious and political lines. Nearly half of those polled believe the American Dream—the idea that if you work hard you’ll get ahead—once held true but no longer does.

And while two-thirds of Americans agree that the government should do more to reduce the gap between rich and poor, an even higher proportion (71 percent) say poor people have become too dependent on government assistance programs.

Read the rest here.

Black Catholics More Engaged in Church than White Catholics, Survey Says

2011-11-30T17:37:00.001-05:00

(Photo Credit)

From the National Catholic Reporter:

African-American Catholics are much more engaged in their church on a variety of levels than are white Catholics, concludes the first National Black Catholic Survey.

Whether in a majority black church, a mixed or mostly white parish, the survey found African-American Catholics feel satisfied and fulfilled in their parishes, explained retired Bishop John H. Ricard of Pensacola-Tallahassee, Fla., who is president of the National Black Catholic Congress.

By "engaged," Bishop Ricard explained, the authors of the report mean African-Americans are involved in their parishes well beyond simply attending Mass somewhat regularly. That includes having strong networks of friends and family in their churches, participating in multiple parish activities and saying their spiritual, emotional and social needs are met there.

Bishop Ricard, who is rector of the Washington seminary of his religious order, the Josephites, said the results of the survey surprised and pleased him and the leaders of the National Black Catholic Congress who commissioned it, along with the University of Notre Dame's Institute for Church Life and the office of the school's president. The survey will be used as the basis of a pastoral plan for evangelization that will be presented during next July's National Black Catholic Congress in Indianapolis.

"This is a bright spot for the church," said Bishop Ricard in an interview Nov. 28 at St. Joseph's Seminary. Whatever their parish situation, a majority of African-American participants in the attitudinal survey conducted by Knowledge Networks, "feel affirmed and have decided they are going to stay Catholic," he said. "It's a very optimistic message."

Among the conclusions of the survey were that black Catholics feel more committed to their parishes emotionally, spiritually and socially than do white Catholics. In those respects, as in many other aspects of the survey, black Catholics were shown to be much more like black Protestants in their approach to church than they are like white Catholics.

"Compared with other religious and racial groups, African-American Catholics behave and look like African-American Protestants," said the executive summary written by study authors Darren W. Davis, a professor of political science and associate vice president for research at Notre Dame, and Donald B. Pope-Davis, professor of psychology and vice president and associate provost Notre Dame.

Still, "African-American Protestants are clearly more highly involved by every measure of engagement," they continued. Therefore, they said, the pattern "is taken as suggestive of a cultural effect, as opposed to a Catholic effect, whereby the historical and cultural norms of the African-American community weigh just as heavily on African-American Catholics as on African-American Protestants."

Read the rest of the story here.

Be My Guest: "Christmas Lists" by Marc Koellhoffer

2011-11-22T16:57:00.001-05:00

Yes, Christmas is still over a month away. Most stores already have up at least some decorations, well before Thanksgiving! This got me thinking of how some of us wrote Christmas wish lists as kids, full of the gifts we wanted. I guess this was okay, after all, we were only kids! But how many of us pray with lists? We go to God and say “oh, I need this, and oh, I really need that...” The truth is, God already knows what we need, and we need to trust that if it is His will, He will deliver it unto us! Our worldly desires often will not match with His heavenly intentions, though, or His timing may not match ours, so continue to have faith and trust in Him.

Here’s a challenge for this season: try to pray at least a few times without asking for anything at all for yourself. Instead, go before the Lord in prayer with only praise for Him and rejoice for what He has already done in your life, and thanks for what He has yet to do. If you do ask for something, how about asking that someone who is not saved come to know and accept the Lord? What better gift could someone possibly receive?

1 Timothy 2:1-2 First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people... that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.)

Marc has guest blogged here in the past. Fingers crossed that this talented Engligh teacher, faithful Christian, loving dog owner and bad- and by bad, I mean Michael Jackson "bad", not Joe Jackson bad- pool player, will find time to start his own blog. For the time being, you can check out his occasional posts along with fellow members and ministers of Christ Fellowship Church (Elizabeth, NJ) share their faith here.

~Alisha

Why Marriages Can't Be 50/50

2011-11-18T15:02:00.001-05:00

This article from Black and Married With Kids really rings true to me.

Four Reasons A 50/50 Relationship Isn’t Possible Marriage by Franchesca Lane-Warren (www.bossygirl1980.com)

When I got married five years ago, I was under the impression that because I was now a married women that me and my husband would do everything equally. You know, if I cooked dinner one night he would cook the next night. If I happened to clean up the closet one week, the next week he would do the same. To make matters worse, my mother-in-law’s favorite song, “When Someone Loves You,” constantly played in her house. I was being brainwashed about what to expect in a marriage.

I got married in a glorious wedding ceremony and we had the perfect honeymoon, but as the days, weeks, and months started to pass by I started to get pissed off. Where was all of this 50/50 love I had heard so much about? There were some days were everything was 50/50, but there were some days were it was 60/40 or 70/30! (GASP!)

Were we doing something wrong? Did this mean we would not “make it”? Nope, I was about to get “schooled” on why a 50/50 relationship is a thing of the past.

Tired of feeling like I was doing everything, I decided to approach this topic as diplomatic as possible. One night (fed up) I screamed during an argument, “I do everything around this house!” In his ever-calm way he replied, “Everything in our marriage can’t be equal. Sometimes I will do more than you and sometimes you will do more than me.” Still salty about cleaning the house more than him, I gave him the side eye to make sure he understood that I was serious and we cleaned up together but this comment made me think. Could a marriage survive if everything wasn’t 50/50? I was about to find out how this 50/50 model was not in our cards because I decided to go to graduate school. In the two years I was in this program, I became the slacker around the house. I couldn’t clean like I wanted to and he picked up my slack. I couldn’t cook like I wanted to and he cooked for the whole family. There were times I had to miss school events for our son because I was preparing my thesis and he went. Were tables turning? Was I going to have eat those words I had screamed a couple of years prior? Of course I had to and with that I developed four reasons why I do not buy into a totally 50/50 love.

1. A 50/50 relationship implies that you are keeping score of every deed you do. Everything I did in the marriage I expected him to reciprocate in some way. So if I cleaned out the kitchen one morning, I expected him to do the same. This created a “you owe me” attitude (by yours truly), which eventually translated as me being angry. There were times when he would come home from working 12 hours; would I really expect him to cook dinner because I did the night before? Absolutely not. Or what about days when he cleaned out my truck; would he expect me to clean out his? Heck, no. We just understand that we do as much as we can for each other without a record of doing. A relationship is not about keeping tabs; it’s about helping your partner in areas they are weak in.

Read the whole post here.

Another Porn Post (Made You Look, Made You Look!)

2011-11-11T09:19:00.001-05:00

Porn- it can lead to erectile dysfunction. Which leads to guys looking forlornly into the distance while wearing white underclothes.

When I did a post on one of the possible side effects of porn some weeks ago, I received a few emails and messages agreeing that pornography could definitely be a problem and thanking me for discussing it. However, they didn't want to do so publicly. Incidentally, they are all guys.

I also noticed a slight uptick in the number of hits, too- much like porn, posts about porn is something people want to gawk at, but not openly discuss.

So, I guess I'll get some more Looky-loos with this one, and I totally understand the reason you'll avoid the combox.

I wanted to share a couple more stories on the subject. First, one from Gizmodo that my husband passed on to me after the first posting:

"... Too much web porn! It's killing our libidos, lads, one frantically one-handed mouse click at a time.

So says a report from the University of Padua in Italy anyway, which purportedly discovered that randy gents with a penchant for hardcore sex on the Net were more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction when preparing to perform the real deal themselves.

The study focused on late teens and men in their 20's, and the crux of its findings was that the ever-increasing and diversifying selection of online porn and porn experiences has actually led to a numbing of men's pleasure receptacles, specifically to the response of dopamine (the "reward" neurochemical).

By hammering on the reward button so often and with such a wide range of experiences, Internet porn effectively subdues or eliminates the physiological sense of reward that sex so wonderfully provides.
Ergo, when she's lying there naked waiting for you, you realize that the whole situation feels a bit numb, you get subconsciously scared, and then things stop working. Awkward!

Worse still, the study apparently found that "quitting" web porn created a whole host of withdrawal symptoms. Insomnia, flu-like symptoms—all of which, in my opinion, pale in comparison to the actual ED that sets it all off."

See picture caption above, only with Black models.

The second article is from the latest issue of The Christian Research Journal. I definitely recommend this periodical, by the way. "The Effects of Porn on the Male Brain" by William M. Struthers, begins with this powerful opening:

"In a 2010 interview with Playboy Magazine, Grammy Award-winning musician John Mayer garnered a great deal of attention for his thoughts on former girlfriends (including Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson), racist comments, and altogether boorish behavior.

What went under the radar, however, we're some revealing comments about his experiences with pornography. In a startling series of quotes, he gave his impressions about how the availability and access to porn may be affecting our expectations of sexuality and sexual intimacy.

'Pornography? It's a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora's Box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [women] before I got out of bed... Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation's expectations... You're looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don't finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back... How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It's got to.'"

Struthers continues the piece by going into great detail about the science- neurotransmitters, testosterone, dopamine, endogenous opiates- behind the attraction to porn. His closing of the article says it all: "Sexual intimacy is a complex neuroxchemical, hormonal, and spiritual event. It is one of the most powerful God-given means by which human beings form attachments.... There is no such thing as "just looking at porn". There can be no doubt that it affects us neurologically in long lasting ways...."

Techie geek writer, Dr. Struthers and even John Mayer know it. Watching porn can lead to some serious problems in your relationship and how you view people. Is it really worth it?

Why the World is Wrong About Marriage

2011-11-10T16:01:00.001-05:00

Great piece from the Resurgence by Jen Smidt:

Flipping through a popular women’s magazine recently, I came across an article on marriage.
Since I am married and regularly teach on marriage, I was interested in what advice today’s culture would bestow upon me. I was not surprised and more than a little disturbed. While I did not expect that biblically sound wisdom would flow from the glossy pages, I did hope for something more than a completely self-absorbed, wicked plan for marital bliss.

"Good Advice"

I found myself immediately refuting each point with truth from Scripture–realizing that God, much more so than culture, has graciously shaped and redeemed my understanding of his purpose for marriage. The article claimed that couples stay in love by taking chances. The 3 suggested risks were:

Call a time-out. Apparently, the happiest couples spend much of their time apart.
Have another man in your life. The article claimed that friendships with men allow you to “experience that rush of newness.”
Satisfy yourself. Enough said.

Good advice is just that…a suggestion that may or may not work. In the case of this advice, I’d call it downright dangerous. Spending large chunks of time away from your husband, flirting with other men, and seeking selfish pleasures are invitations to disaster.

“ God calls us to a vision and purpose for marriage that is radically different than how the world views this union.
”

Good News

Let me call you to something different than what this magazine offers: Good News. Here's the revised version of the above list grounded in the good news of the gospel:

Call a time-out with God. "I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me" (Proverbs 8:17). As both a daily habit and in the midst of conflict, the happiest couples have regular time with God. They pray, seek, study and listen for the wisdom that comes from above. They look for ways to build oneness, not distance.
Have another man in your life…his name is Jesus. "The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant" (Psalm 25:14). Friendship with Jesus is the only possibility for a life reconciled to God and a marriage that reflects his covenant made with us: I will never leave you or forsake you.
Deny yourself. Over and over and over. Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). The greatest threat to your marriage is you. Seeking to satisfy yourself first is a surefire marital destruction plan. Dying to self is rooted in living in Christ. He alone makes self-sacrifice possible and pleasurable in marriage.

God calls us to a vision and purpose for marriage that is radically different than how the world views this union. May we be married couples that reject the world’s shallow and selfish advice for marriage and embrace God’s glorious call to selfless, Jesus-filled marriages.

Cain Is Able, But Gen Y Might Not Be

2011-11-07T20:47:00.000-05:00

The second leading story of the past week after all things Kardashian was the claims of sexual harassment against Republican Presidential nominee Herman Cain. From USA Today:

"Joel Bennett, a lawyer for one of Herman Cain's accusers, says there was a "series of inappropriate behaviors and unwanted advances" by Cain that led his client to file a sexual harassment claim.

Bennett issued a statement on behalf of his client, who does not wish to be identified or speak publicly.
Cain, who is leading polls for the GOP presidential nomination, has repeatedly said he was "falsely accused" of sexual harassment when he led the National Restaurant Association from 1996-1999.

In an impromptu news conference, Bennett told reporters the incidents occurred over "a month or two" but declined to say what specifically took place. He said "it qualified as sexual harassment in our opinion."
"Beyond what's in this statement she has decided not to relive the specifics of the incidents so I cannot give any further details," said. "She has made a decision that she does not want to do that."

Asked about the other two women referred to this week in news stories about Cain's alleged behavior, Bennett said: "Where there's smoke, there's fire ... more likely than not, there was some sexual harassment activity."...

The allegations of misconduct don't seem to be making an impact with GOP voters.

Seven in 10 Republicans in a new ABC News/Washington Post survey say the allegations don't matter when it comes to picking a presidential candidate. A majority of GOP and GOP-leaning voters, or 55%, say the allegations are not a "serious matter."

Read the rest here. Over the past week, I've been asked by no less than three people how I feel about Cain. Okay, so three isn't that many. But considering I've only been out of the house once in the past week, that's pretty impressive. Anyway, I don't know how I feel about him. He kind of reminds me of a deacon from a storefront church in Jersey City or Irvington (woot woot, big up Jersey!) I met at some Women's Day Service back in the day. Notice I said deacon and not elder or pastor.

I do know I'll most likely pay MORE in taxes under his "9-9-9" plan than I do now, and I already pay a lot so that makes it a major "womp womp" to me. I actually think the whole "9-9-9" thing sounds like a leftover from his Godfather's Pizza days. Like, "get your choice of 9 different toppings on 9 different crusts for only $9!"

The highlighted portion reveals that Cain seems to have staying power- despite reported shortcomings- something Bachmann and Perry don't have at this point. When it comes to the support of the Millennial Generation, President Obama is lacking as well. From NPR:

It felt like 2008 all over again in Philadelphia this week. A DJ played a song by the Black Eyed Peas to warm up a crowd of about 500 students from local colleges. President Obama's campaign manager, Jim Messina, exhorted the crowd at the University of Pennsylvania to volunteer, to apply for internships and, of course, to vote.

"There's 8 million registered voters who are 18 to 21 who weren't old enough to vote last time, who are going to cast their first vote, and they're going to do it for Barack Obama," Messina said. "Raise your hand if you're 18 to 21!"

President Obama needs a lot of help from this demographic if he's going to win a second term. In 2008, millennials — born between 1981 and 1993 — voted for Obama by a ratio of 2 to 1. They gave time, money and a sense of excitement to the campaign. And they came out to vote in record numbers.That's the largest margin of victory within any age group since 1972, according to the Pew Research Center.

Alec Tyson, a research associate at the Pew Research Center, calls himself a card-carrying millennial.
Tyson — who was born in 1983 — helped prepare a Pew report called "Generational Politics." He says millennials are more ethnically diverse than other age groups. They're more likely than older voters to hold liberal views on social issues, and to express support for an activist government. Millennials still give the president a higher job approval rating than do other groups, at 49 percent. But Tyson says they're not as enamored of Obama as they used to be.

"Shortly after Obama took office, millennials expressed very positive emotions towards Obama," Tyson says. "They felt inspired or hopeful by him. Two years later, there's a sign that they've become, to use their own word, disappointed."

Read the rest here. Election Day 2011 is tomorrow, but Election Day 2012 is right around the corner.

If You Came Here From Wintery Knight...

2011-11-02T13:54:00.001-04:00

... then welcome! I'm so glad you clicked the link. I hope you enjoy your visit and come back often. If you'd like to know a little more about this blog, then you can go to the Not-So Frequently Asked Questions. They are a bit dated now since I wrote them in 2009, but you'll get somewhat of an idea on things.

You can read on Christianity or Christ, or Religion. I also cover a lot of lighter fare, too, in Pop Culture and Music.

And of course, there is the Moi section. I talk about what I think I know best, me, lol. Friends, family, personal struggle. My neurological problems. Wrestling with doubt. The times I've been a b****. Yup, I lay it out there. So I hope you like what you read, and I definitely encourage compliments... uh, er, comments. And if you want to write a guest post (or two, I'm looking at you, Mary!), email me at alishadefreitas@gmail.com.

An Obligatory Kim Kardashian Post

2011-11-02T13:10:00.000-04:00

As even those living under a rock now know, Kim and Kris have split. The interwebs are all a twitter. Twitter is now all a twitter.

So much has been said and written, and then wriiten about what has been said, that I don't have much to add. Not much. Just a little.

First, whether she made a windfall for tying the knot on E! contributes to my head shake, but is not the cause of it. After all, she is paid nicely for opening up her life to the world anyway. We've learned, with heavy doses of editing, about her sadness over the leaked sex tape, her annoyance with big sis Kourtney's baby daddy, and even how she battles cellulite. Her life is an open book. No, that's not right. It's an open Life & Style Weekly.

Second, whether she donates money and/or her wedding gifts to charity is none of my business. I didn't attend or buy the newlysplits a thing, so it doesn't bother me one way or the other.

Finally, what does bother me is the way marriage has once again, taken a beating at the manicured hands of a celebrity. Kris- Kim's mommy, not her soon-to-be ex- made the morning "news" show rounds a couple of hours ago (who am I kidding, there's a three hour time difference on the West Coast, so she's probably blabbing away about the divorce and her new book right now for those in the Central Zone)- kept repeating that her daughter is not the first to get a divorce or will she be the last. This is true. There have been thousands of filings across the country in the two days since Ms.K filed hers, but they'll remain in the shadows of this glittery split.

This doesn't change the fact that divorce is not what God intends for matrimony. Sadly, an increasing number of people have seen this flippancy regarding marriage as evidence that it has nothing to do with God whatsoever. In Good's "Marriage Isn't Sacred", Cord Jefferson opines: "In retrospect, the Kim-Kris union appears to have been less a consecration of love and more an elaborate moneymaking scheme, a lucrative sideshow pawned off to suckers as true love. Now that it's all officially over, let's let Kardashian's loss serve as a lesson gained: Marriage isn't sacred.

... In 2004, when Britney Spears married her friend, Jason Allen Alexander, for 55 hours, her record label later released a statement claiming that the whole thing had been "a joke." Neither Spears nor her momentary husband were persecuted or prosecuted for treating a wedding, something that's supposed to be sanctified, like some sort of carnival ride.

... Marriage is a tax shelter and a smart way for a couple to combine assets. Love is the thing that's sacrosanct..."

I agree that love, in it's truest form, is holy. After all, God is Love. But his argument empties marriage, which isn't just a contract for tax purposes, but a covenant, of not just sacredness, but tragically,of even a lasting purpose. Love, on the other hand, is extolled as holy, yet he offers up no definition of what love actually is. So no one should knock Kim then, when she claims she married for love. Because, then, she was only acting on holiness, right?

I know that aq growing number of people in my generation aren't feeling the whole marriage thing (except for Bridezillas and many Gay folks), but some are and have allowed us a peek into their lives. If you haven't done so, please check out my series "Two Become One" to see their stories. And if you'd like to contribute, email me at alishadefreitas@gmail.com.

iDef: We Bit the Apple

2011-11-02T11:08:00.000-04:00

For the past month, it's been return of the Mac around the DeFreitas home. My Compu-tech hubby is still "officially" a PC guy, but I know deep down, there is a battle raging, and Jobs is beating the pants off Gates in an epic, mental e-war.

I know this is true by his reaction when we stopped in to the Apple Store last month. His eyes were ablaze by the glow of the gadgets, laid out on clean-lined, maple tables.

The decor, sparsely modern. His face, hardly able to hide the fascination. And I stood by his side, the Eve who had lured him to this tree of temptation, cheesing from ear to ear. I was even more amazed.

Zoe was there, too, strapped in her little baby backpack, little mouth agape, staring at the bright lights in the ceiling. Those, and her Daddy's chin. Of course, there's not too much she can actually see, riding around like that.

Our ilove continues daily. Just this morning, I read about Hermain Cain and Kim Kardashian on my iPad (look, there's like not much else out there to read about today, apparently... charges of sexual harrasment against a presidential candidate and a celebutante's dead marriage... um, media, this is kind of par for the course. 24/7 news coverage on these two stories is totally unnecessary. And boring.). Over the weekend, I listened to Janelle Monae streaming on my iTunes. K is currently reading Steve Jobs' biography. And at naptime yesterday, Zoe was blissfully unaware of being watched by Steve, although many others are.

So, from our home to yours, enjoy the following ifun, and have a golden delicious day!

Check out this totally hilarious blog, Watched by Steve, which is weird. And creepy. But mostly hilarious.

Read "Steve, Myself And i: The Big Story of a Little Prefix" on NPR which discusses that all important and spellcheck-red squiggly line causing, lower case "i".

Or pull up a chair at the Brainiac Bar next to Lisa at the Mapple Store at the Springfield Mall.