Romantic Love Tips!

ROMANTIC IDEAS

2010-11-02T07:39:00.001-07:00

IDEA # 1
If your partner is going away for a few days, tell her that you are worried about her so you have organized a bodyguard to look after her. Then give her a small teddy bear.
IDEA # 2
Buy a packet of glow in the dark stars and stick the stars on the roof above your bed to spell out a message such as "I Love You" When the lights go down, your message will be revealed!
IDEA # 3
On a special occasion, buy your partner eleven real red roses and one artificial red rose. Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet.
Attach a card that says:
“I will love you until the last rose fades.”
IDEA # 4
Buy the domain name of your partner's name if it is available for example www.TanyaJohnston.com. Create a web page containing a romantic poem and a picture of a rose. When your partner is surfing the web, casually ask whether she has ever checked to see whether her domain name is taken. Let her type it in to discover her page.

IDEA # 5
Buy a stylish hand mirror and give it to your partner as a gift. Include a card in the box saying
“In this mirror you will see the image of
the most beautiful woman in the world.”
IDEA # 6
Take a book that your partner is reading and using a pencil, underline letters in a section of the book she has yet to read to spell out a love letter. For example in the following exert from a novel, the underlined letters come together to spell out the secret message "I love you"
The palace was a labyrinth, their passage through it tortuous and interminable. Initially they passed from building to building under the sodden sky. Steve's feet ached; he might have laughed at himself, the tireless traveler, grown too soft from his months in the city to walk any proper distance. Abruptly the guards halted.
The underlined letters will make your partner curious and with a bit of luck she will write them down. Spend time to encode a proper message such as "Dear Belinda, I love you honey"
IDEA # 7
Have flowers delivered to your partner's workplace. She will not only enjoy the flowers but will also receive comments and attention from her office mates which will add to her enjoyment.

IDEA # 8
While walking with your partner on a weekend getaway, pick up a smooth stone and say that you're going to keep it as a special memento of your trip. Later, have a message such as
"I Love Rebecca"
engraved into the stone by a jeweler and give it to your partner.
IDEA # 9
Drive into the country, find a grassy hill and lie with your partner and look up at the clouds.
Play the kid’s game of looking for shapes in the cloud formations.
IDEA # 10
Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write "I Love You" inside a heart.
Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner's work such as:
For the immediate and urgent attention of:
Rebecca Jones
Level 20
Collins & Smith Solicitors
New York
Mail it to your partner so she receives it in the middle of a busy day.

IDEA # 11
Memorize one of Shakespeare's love sonnets and recite it to your partner when you are in a romantic setting like a botanical garden. Don't just suddenly start reciting poetry as this will just sound corny.
While you are cuddling your partner, ask in a joking manner, "So is now a good time to recite a love poem to you?" She will probably say yes, expecting you to come up with something of the "Roses are Red..." variety.
Instead, look into her eyes, smile and recite the sonnet while you gently stroke her face. Try the sonnet below. If this is too long, just memorize the first four lines and the last two.
Shakespeare Love Sonnet 18
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest,
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

IDEA # 12
If your partner has to work late, take a lunch box and fill it with some of her favorite things such as chocolates, herbal tea, cookies, a small teddy bear.
Next, get a piece of paper and write
"Michelle's Late Night Survival Pack"
Draw a big red cross below this and stick the paper to the top of the box. Tell your partner to open the box when things get really tough.
IDEA # 13
If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. This will often bring back happy memories from her childhood.
IDEA # 14
Leave a long stem rose where your partner will find it with a note on it saying:
"Thank you for coming into my life."
IDEA # 15
If your partner is starting a new job, buy a copy of "The Sound Of Music" sound track. Tape the song, "I Have Confidence" onto a tape and add your own message at the end of the song saying,
"Good Luck honey, I have confidence in you."
Give the tape to your partner to play on the way to work in the car.

IDEA # 16
Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a sheet of colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card.
Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card:
I know a great Masseur.
For an appointment ring:
(Your Phone Number)
IDEA # 17
When your spouse has had a really long hard day, run a hot bath for her. Pour some fragrant bath oil into the tub and gently bathe her from head to toe. Carry her into the bedroom. Gently towel her dry and tuck her into a freshly made bed with a kiss on the forehead.
IDEA # 18
For this idea you will need a portable CD player. If you and your partner have a favorite song, get a copy of it on CD and take it with you when you go away for a romantic weekend.
When you are in a romantic spot, ask your partner if she would like to dance. Place one earpiece in her ear and one in your own and enjoy your private dance floor.
This technique is particularly effective if the romantic spot you have chosen is somewhere where people would not normally dance, for example, the top of the Empire State building at sunset or on top of a mountain during a camping trip.

IDEA # 19
If your partner has a pet that she adores, at Christmas, in addition to buying a gift for your partner, buy a small present for her pet.
IDEA # 20
Go for a walk on the beach. Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partner as you watch the sun go down.

ROMANTIC IDEAS

2010-11-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

IDEA # 21
Invite your partner to go for a walk. Get a back pack and pack the following items: A picnic blanket, a selection of fruit in small containers eg. strawberries, grapes, watermelon and kiwi fruit. Some cheese and crackers. Some sandwiches. A small tin of caviar. A half bottle of champagne and two plastic champagne glasses. If your partner asks what's in the backpack, just say a jacket and some lunch.
When you find a romantic spot, ask if she would like to stop for a bite to eat. Open your pack and remove the items one by one to set up your picnic. The last item you remove should be the glasses and champagne.

IDEA # 22
If you play a musical instrument, create a romantic environment in which to play for your partner. For example, let's say you play the saxophone. Contact your partner's roommate and arrange for her to make sure that your partner steps out onto the balcony of their apartment at exactly 9.30pm.
Drive to her apartment and set up before hand. Place a large sparkler in the music holder of your sax and light it as your partner steps on to the balcony. Play something slow and romantic.
IDEA # 23
Use this idea if your partner is going to work and you are staying at home for some reason (Perhaps you are sick or are working from home).
Say goodbye to her at the front door and then immediately send an email to her work address. The email should simply say,
"Miss you already".
The email will be in her in-box when she does her morning email check.
IDEA # 24
If your partner has long hair, take the time to brush it using long slow strokes. This is particularly effective after she has had a shower or when she is getting ready for bed.

IDEA # 25
On a special occasion like your partner's birthday, plan a treasure hunt for her. The fun begins when you suggest going for a walk on the beach.
When you get to the beach, carry a small bag with you. The bag contains a bottle that you prepared earlier. Inside the bottle is a treasure map. To make the treasure map look authentic, burn the edges with a match.
As you are walking, slip the bottle out of your bag and let it drop to the sand near the water's edge. You may have to pause and kiss your partner to do this unnoticed. Walk a little further up the beach then turn around and retrace your steps to 'discover' the bottle.
On the map have a dotted line leading from the beach to a nearby cafe. At the cafe, your partner won't know what to look for so suggest that you just sit down and have a cup of coffee.
When the waitress delivers the coffee, she suggests to your partner that she might find what she is looking for under the coaster. When your partner turns over the coaster she finds a key taped to the bottom. Obviously you will have to set this up before hand with the waitress. Most waitresses will be happy to help a romantic guy out with this type of thing.
At the next stop on the map, your partner finds or is given a spade. Then at the last stop on the map your partner finds a large 'X' made up of two crossed sticks. She digs and discovers a locked box. The key unlocks the box to reveal her present.

IDEA # 26
Invite your partner on a date by sending her a plain brown envelope containing a tape. On the tape, record the Mission Impossible sound track and then record yourself saying, “Your mission if you choose to accept it is to make your way to Café Venoli, 123 Park Lane at 18.30 Eastern Standard Time. There you will rendezvous with a stunningly attractive man wearing a red carnation. The future of the free world is now in your hands. This tape will self destruct in five seconds.” Then record ten beeps from a stopwatch and record yourself saying, “Would you believe ten seconds…” Its corny but it usually gets a laugh!
IDEA # 27
Contact your partner's family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl.
For example if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted.
IDEA # 28
Organize a professional photo shoot to obtain a portrait of the two of you as a couple. Frame the picture and put it somewhere prominent. Remember to make sure you give your partner plenty of notice so that she can get ready.

IDEA # 29
Write a note saying
"I thought of you today, and it made me smile."
Leave the note somewhere where your partner is sure to find it.
IDEA # 30
For Valentines Day, buy your partner a charm bracelet with at least 14 charms.
Remove all the charms and let your partner 'find' one charm each day for the first fourteen days of February. On Valentines Day give her the bracelet and any remaining charms.
IDEA # 31
When you and your partner are in a shopping center or airport, stop at one of those booths that allow you to take an instant photo and print them out as stickers.
Choose a romantic background and kiss your partner while the photo is being taken.

IDEA # 32
If your partner has voice mail at work or on her mobile, leave a message saying
"Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you."
She will appreciate this anytime but especially when she is going through a rough period.
IDEA # 33
Organize a mystery trip for you and your partner. Some travel agents will organize mystery packages where the destination of the trip is kept secret until you are actually on the plane or arrive at the destination.
IDEA # 34
Buy some rose petals and place them behind the sun visor on the passenger side of your car. Take a post it note and write, "I Love You" on it and stick it to the back of the sun visor.
As you are driving to a romantic destination, look at your partner and tell her she has a mark on her cheek. She will pull down the sun visor to use the mirror and be showered in rose petals and see your note.
IDEA # 35
If your partner is going on a trip, pack a small present into the corner of her suitcase that she will find when she is away.

IDEA # 36
When you and your partner are having an anniversary, buy two champagne glasses and get them engraved with your names and the date, for example:
Mal and Kate
7 May 2002
Go to the restaurant where you have made your reservations and request that when you and your partner arrive that your champagne be served in your special glasses. This will be a great surprise for your partner and a wonderful keepsake for you both.
IDEA # 37
On a special occasion such as your partner's birthday, buy twenty-four red roses. Arrange to meet her at a specific spot in a shopping mall before going out for dinner. Get to the shopping mall early and position yourself around the corner from your meeting spot.
Ask a guy who is walking by whether he would mind helping you out. Give him a rose, point out your partner and ask him to walk up to her and say, "Happy Birthday Meagan" and give her the rose and then walk away. Repeat this with eleven other guys. Choose guys who are not too good looking and choose guys of different ages. A nice touch is to have the last rose delivered by a small child who could even by accompanied by his parents.
After the first twelve flowers have been delivered, approach your partner with the twelve remaining roses.

IDEA # 38
Always listen for things that your partner reminisces about and jot them down somewhere. For example, perhaps she talks about the ice cream that she had from a particular shop when she was a little girl.
When a special occasion comes along, check your list of things that your partner talks about and try to recreate one of them, for example, visit the shop and buy a tub of ice cream making sure that the name of the shop is on the container.
IDEA # 39
Create a love montage by collecting some photographs of you and your partner, some ticket stubs of places you have visited and any other small odds and ends that have special meaning to you both.
Take these items and get them professionally framed in a three dimensional montage. Alternatively, buy a frame and create a simple montage yourself.
IDEA # 40
Buy an ornately carved wooden box which is lined with green or red felt. Find an old fashioned key and place it in the box.
Next, get a small gold plaque and have it engraved with the words
The Key To My Heart
Fix the plaque to the inside of the top of the box so that it can be read when the box is opened.

ROMANTIC IDEAS

2010-11-02T07:38:00.001-07:00

IDEA # 41
Buy a tree with your partner and plant it in a special spot. Each year on your anniversary, have a glass of champagne next to your tree and talk about how your love and the tree have grown.
IDEA # 42
If you shower first in the morning. Steam up the bathroom and write a message such as "Pete Loves Kathy" on the mirror for your partner to read when she uses the bathroom. This also works on car windows when it's cold.
IDEA # 43
As a special gift, name a Star after your partner. A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive formal documentation identifying the star that you have named. See the following website for details:
http://www.theromantic.com/gifts.htm

IDEA # 44
Find a comic strip that relates to something that you and your partner have shared together, for example perhaps you both work in the same office and you find a Dilbert cartoon that relates to the politics at your workplace.
Enlarge the cartoon using a photocopier and use white-out to cover the cartoon text. Type up your own text that relates to you and your partner and paste it in the appropriate places and then photocopy the cartoon again so that it looks like your text was the actual text of the cartoon.
For an added touch, get your customized cartoon laminated before giving it to your partner.
IDEA # 45
When you and your partner are enjoying a restful time away, organize to wake up early one morning and go to a scenic spot to watch the sun rise.
This may seem difficult but it is something which is definitely worth doing at least once. Seeing a new day being born is something really special to share with your partner.
IDEA # 46
When you have access to a spa, create a romantic atmosphere by placing some candles around the tub and some rose petals floating on the surface of the water.
As your partner enjoys the water, serve champagne and chocolate covered strawberries before joining her.

IDEA # 47
Create some love coupons that your partner can exchange for romantic favors.
For example you could have a coupon that reads
This coupon entitles the bearer to:
One Foot Massage.
Use by 07/08/2045
Use a date many years in the future if you want to suggest that you and your partner will always be together. Get 50 love coupons at this site: http://www.theromantic.com/lovecoupons.htm
IDEA # 48
On a warm summers night, organize a backyard picnic. Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the stars together.
IDEA # 49
Next time it is raining really heavily, go for a walk with your partner. Forget the umbrellas and the raincoats. Run through the streets together, jump in puddles and get totally saturated.
Pick her up, twirl her around and kiss her while the rain falls. Taste the water off her face and hold her close.
When you get back home have a hot shower and then share a warm drink preferably in front of an open fire.

IDEA # 50
Organize a hot air ballooning trip as a special surprise. Most trips begin with a glass of champagne before you float over the countryside with your partner.
IDEA # 51
When your partner is sitting at a table or desk, come up behind him or her and give her a back, shoulder and head massage. Finish with a gentle kiss on the cheek.
IDEA # 52
Place an ad in the paper on a normal day saying something like:
Dear Amanda,
With you by my side, everyday
feels like Valentines Day.
Thank you for being you.
Love,
Graham
IDEA # 53
Buy a book that you and your partner are both interested in reading.
Read one chapter each night in bed with each of you taking turns to read out loud.
This can be a great alternative to television.

IDEA # 54
When your partner is having a shower or bath, take her towel and place it in the dryer to make it really warm and then wrap her up in it when she is done.
IDEA # 55
Photocopy your hand and fax a copy of it to your partner with a message saying, "Do ya wanna hold hands?"
IDEA # 56
Next time you order a pizza, ask to have it cut into a heart shape before it is delivered to your home.
IDEA # 57
Buy a box of chocolates and very carefully open one side of the plastic wrap so that you can gently slide the box out. Open the box and place a love note inside. Then slide the box back into its plastic wrap and reseal it.
IDEA # 58
Rent a tandem bike and go for a ride with your partner. At the end of your ride have a picnic in the park.

IDEA # 59
If you are away on a business trip, document a day in your life for your partner. For example:
'A Day In The Life Of Mark'
6am: Just woke up and thought of you - Wish you were laying next to me. Well, I better get ready for work.
7am: Am on the train. It's crowded; everyone looks like they are half dead. I miss ya heaps.
8.30am: Have just organized my day, it's going to be a busy one.
9.30am: Am in the middle of a really boring meeting. I am trying to concentrate on this months sales figures but I keep thinking of your beautiful eyes.
...
6.30pm: Thank goodness the day is over. I am counting the days until we’re together again.
Send your letter to your partner. This is a wonderful way to tell your partner how often you think about her during the day and to share your life with her in a special way.

IDEA # 60
Speak to your partner's family and find out what her favorite book was when she was a little girl.
Buy a copy of the book and read it to her in bed.

Books By Michael Webb:
What you ABSOLUTELY MUST know about the person you are with. This ebook also comes with a free 300 Days of Questions e-course. www.questionsforcouples.com
Have you ever had a dull date? No more. This book features nearly 6 years worth of creative date nights. Tips on first dates and asking someone out for a date too. www.300creativedates.com

ROMANTIC IDEAS

2010-11-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

IDEA # 61
Write an email story with your partner. Start the ball rolling with an email that says something like:
Chapter 1:
This is the story of Pete and Kate who met at a friend's engagement party one summer afternoon.
The email can then continue to develop the beginnings of a story which can be completely fictitious or a combination of fiction and reality.
Finish your email by saying, "And now for Chapter 2, its over to you..."
IDEA # 62
Buy a kite and on a windy day find a park and fly the kite with your partner.
If you can afford it, buy a large kite that you control with two hand lines. These kites are great fun.

IDEA # 63
When you and your partner are planning to go out for dinner, suggest that you have an 'Adventure Dinner'. Here's how it works
Set the timer on your stopwatch to count down twenty minutes. Next, ask your partner to choose a number between 5 and 10. Lets say she chooses 7.
Give your partner a coin and tell her that at every 7th intersection, she has to flip the coin. If it is heads you will turn left. If it is tails you will turn right. When your watch timer goes off you have to both keep a look out for the nearest place to eat.
This is a fun way to get out and about and try new places to eat.
IDEA # 64
When you and your partner are going somewhere special, get your camera, buy a new roll of film and wait for her to come out of the house.
When she appears, act like a professional photographer and go wild taking pictures of her with the flash. While you are taking photos, bombard her with questions as though she was a famous actress and you are trying to get a scoop for the magazine you represent.
Not only is this fun but you will also get some great photos to look back on together.

IDEA # 65
When your partner is sick at home, take a day off to look after her.
Rent some videos, make her some soup, wrap her up in a blanket and just be with her.
IDEA # 66
When you are having dinner one night, ask your partner about the things she has always wanted to do.
Later on, write these things down so you don't forget them and over time try and help make them happen. For example she may say that one thing she has always wanted to do is swim with dolphins. Find out where she can do this and organize it for her as a special surprise.
IDEA # 67
Rent the video, "An Affair To Remember". Buy some popcorn, champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and have a special film night at home.
IDEA # 68
Go to the drive in but instead of sitting in the car, spread a picnic blanket on the ground. Light a candle and buy popcorn. Cuddle your partner and enjoy the film.

IDEA # 69
Create a personalized magazine cover for your partner. To do this, get hold of a good quality photo of her and a copy of a popular entertainment magazine.
Take these two items to a print shop or graphic design agency. Ask them to scan your partner's photo and develop a magazine cover with the lead story being, "The 30 most beautiful women of 2003".
When you get the cover, stick it on the front of a real magazine and ask your local shop owner whether you can place it in the magazine rack. Organize to meet your partner at the shop before going out. When she arrives, tell her that you are just looking for a magazine. Let her browse the rack and discover her magazine.
IDEA # 70
Fill the trunk of your car with helium balloons. Drive to a romantic spot in the country to go for a walk. The ideal spot is somewhere up high with a clear view of the surrounding countryside.
Get out of the car and act as though you are about to set off for your walk. Make sure your partner is closer to the car than you and then throw her the keys and ask if she can get your jacket from the trunk while you tie your shoelace.
When she opens the boot the balloons will be released. You can also place a sign saying, "I Love You" on the inside of the trunk so that it will be revealed when the trunk opens.

IDEA # 71
On a special occasion create a unique present for your partner by buying two white t-shirts and some fabric paint. Draw half a heart and the letters LO on one t-shirt and the half a heart and the letters VE on the other t-shirt.
When you walk down the street holding each other close, the heart will be made whole and your message of love revealed.
An example is shown below.
IDEA # 72
On a hot summers day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you.
Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight.
IDEA # 73
Share your food with your partner. When you go out for a meal, hold a forkful up to her mouth and say, "You've got to try this."
Sharing your food and even feeding each other is a great way to become closer as a couple.

IDEA # 74
Compliment your partner in public. If you are talking in a group and it is appropriate to the conversation say something like, "Kate makes the most incredible roast." Squeeze her hand while you are talking about her.
IDEA # 75
Arrange a special day off from work. Start with breakfast, go for a walk in the park, go shopping, have afternoon tea in a cozy cafe and finish off with a romantic dinner.
IDEA # 76
Buy a gift voucher for a facial at a local beauty clinic and place it in a card accompanied by the message,
A special treat for
someone special
IDEA # 77
Even if you are just going down the road to buy some milk, act as though you are returning home after a major adventure.
Say something like, "Well it was touch and go there for a while with the snow and the wolves but I made it!" and then give your partner a huge bear hug.

IDEA # 78
Send your partner a thank-you note. For example:
Dear Bec,
Thanks for helping me move house.
Having you there made a huge difference.
I really appreciate your help and your love.
Tim
IDEA # 79
If you have kids, organize for them to stay at their grandparents for the weekend.
On Friday evening, announce that the weekend is yours and start planning how you are going to spend your special time together.
IDEA # 80
Give your partner a magic gift box. Every month, place a new small gift in the box for her to discover.

ROMANTIC IDEAS

2010-11-02T04:33:00.000-07:00

IDEA # 81
Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have. Talk to her friends and family and use the Net to find the information you need.

IDEA # 82
Go to a masquerade ball. Send an invitation to your partner telling her to meet you at a specific spot at the stroke of eight.
Wear a mask and when you meet her, don't say a word. Just take her hand and lead her on to the dance floor.
IDEA # 83
On Thursday, ask your partner to pack a bag for the weekend. Tell her she'll need casual clothes and walking shoes but don't tell her what you have got planned.
Pick her up after work on Friday and drive to a romantic bed and breakfast for a romantic weekend of relaxation.
IDEA # 84
When you are relaxing at home one night, take two large sheets of paper and some pencils or crayons. On each piece of paper, draw the outline of a large crystal ball sitting on a stand.
Tell your partner to look into her crystal ball and draw what she sees five years in the future. Do the same thing yourself and then come together to share and discuss your drawings.
IDEA # 85
Create a loving nickname for your partner. This could be the name she was called by her family when she was a little girl or something that is special just for the two of you.

IDEA # 86
If you are musically inclined, write a love song for your partner. Call it something like "Natasha's Song".
Produce a professional looking manuscript, print it out and get it framed. Record your song onto CD and take a photo of your partner and get a print shop to create a CD cover if you can’t create one on your computer.
Place the framed manuscript and the CD in a box and give it to your partner as a special gift.
IDEA # 87
Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before driving to a special destination.
Try to make the destination something really unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she removes the blindfold.
IDEA # 88
Have a really big pillow fight. Set up for it by buying two pillows that are filled with feathers. Put holes in the pillows so the feathers will start to fly and then attack your partner when you feel the time is right.
IDEA # 89
Get out into the great outdoors. After a day of hiking, build an open fire. Sit by the fire with your partner, toast marshmallows and watch as the embers of the fire climb into the night sky.
IDEA # 90
If your partner uses a computer, take a photo of the two of you and get it scanned at a print shop (or scan it at home) and store it on disk as a .bmp file.
Transfer the file onto your partner's computer and set the image as the computer's wallpaper.
To do this on a Windows machine, select Start / Settings / Control Panel / Display. Choose the Background tab and click the Browse button to find your .bmp file.
IDEA # 91
If you are artistically inclined, do a life drawing course, practice until you are confident and then ask your partner to pose for you.
IDEA # 92
Take your partner to a carnival or festival. Try the following:
(1) Food festival
(2) Jazz festival
(3) Wine festival
(4) Music festival

IDEA # 93
Develop a video time capsule. Start with the two of you sitting together on a couch introducing the video. Say something like, "It is currently July 14th 2002. We have decided to make this video so that we can watch it together on our 25th wedding anniversary."
Then have a section where you talk to the camera by yourself, telling the camera how you feel about your partner and why you love her. Get her to do the same thing. When you are done, place the video in a bank vault and on your 25th wedding anniversary you will be able to look back in time and reminisce about everything that you have shared.
IDEA # 94
If you are in a secluded spot near a beach or lake and the weather is warm, go for an impromptu skinny dip with your partner.
IDEA # 95
This one is great for long distance relationships. It takes a bit of organization but if you can pull it off, it is sure to be a surprise that your partner will never forget. Organize to catch up with her regularly over the internet using either a chat room or an Instant Messenger program. Then arrange a secret trip to meet her without telling her that you’re coming.
When it comes time for your usual chat over the Net, arrange for a close friend back home to log on using your nickname while you position yourself outside her door. Phone your friend on your mobile and be speaking to him in real time. Tell him to type in the following sentence, “I really miss you honey, I wish I could be there and just reach out and knock on your door.” As soon as he has sent the message, knock on the door!

IDEA # 96
Buy your partner a gold fish in a bowl and give it to her with a card saying,
“Of all the fish in the sea,
you're the fish for me!”
IDEA # 97
Go for a drive either early in the morning or at dusk. Get a CD/tape that contains sounds of nature such as Sounds Of the Rainforest and play it as you hold your partner's hand and drive.
IDEA # 98
The day before your partner's birthday buy some helium balloons, streamers and flowers and hide them in a closet.
When your partner has fallen asleep, string the streamers around the room and bring out the balloons and flowers. Place them around the bed so that your partner wakes up to a real birthday surprise.
IDEA # 99
Spend a leisurely afternoon with your partner in a large book shop such as Borders where you can browse the shelves, share a coffee and sit down to peruse your purchases.
IDEA # 100
If you can afford it, hire a sports car for a weekend. Pick up your partner and give her a long white cashmere scarf to wear with her sunglasses. Go for a drive along the coast with the top down.

IDEA # 101
Serve your partner breakfast in bed. Try the following:
(1) A poached egg in the shape of a heart - you can pick up a heart shaped poacher at most shops that sell kitchen wares.
(2) French toast with cinnamon and maple syrup.
(3) Cereal.
(4) Fruit juice.
(5) A fresh flower.

The Dating Pre Tips 5

2010-08-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

Chivalry

Even in this enlightened age of female equality, you must be a chivalrous gentleman.

The more confidently you do this, the better your presentation will be. Here are some examples

of chivalry:

- Open doors for her: This includes car doors, front doors, etc. Women like this and

expect it, period.

- Let the woman go first: Getting on buses, going in doors, sitting down, etc. Let her

order first. Women go first.

- Pull out her chair for her: When you go to restaurants, the waiter will sometimes do

this for you, but you should try to do it where possible. Don’t overdo this one as it can

come across as a bit over the top.

- Order for her: If you can find out what she’s decided on, you can place the order for

her at a restaurant.

- Take her coat/help her put on her coat

- When walking down the street, walk between her and the street. I did not realize

this but this tradition is so if a car jumps the curb, you’ll be the first to go. I think this

situation is still rare enough that you don’t have to worry.

When you perform these acts, it is important to not make too much of a display of them.

You must act as though this is natural, even routine for you. It’s not just special treatment for her

because you’re trying to impress her. You convey that you do this all the time for the women in your life.

The Woman You Want

There are characteristics of a woman that are more conducive to a relationship, and

these are fairly universal. While I realize that there are unhealthy couples out there that thrive off

unnecessary drama and dysfunction, I will highlight the questions that normal guys like you and

me need to ask in your search. You’ll find that you will be much happier in the long run if you

make these a priority. (See also “The Woman You Want.”)

Low-Maintenance: You want to have as little grief as possible if you’re going to have a

woman around for any period of time. Relationships are hard enough without adding more

challenges into the mix.

_ Flexibility is the primary trait of the low-maintenance woman. Does she need a lot of

coddling or constant attention to keep her happy?

_ Does she communicate effectively, meaning no nagging or complaining? Does she

communicate her needs rather than expecting you to read her mind?

_ Is she competent? Can she cope with life on her own, or is she looking for a stable

man to keep her level?

Integrity:

_ You have to be able to trust the woman you choose to stay with. If she is

untrustworthy, you’ll never be able to feel comfortable around her, and especially

when you’re not around her.

_ Is she honest? If she has a tendency to stretch or alter the truth to suit her, you will

always feel as if you’re on shaky ground.

Respect:

_ Does she treat you as an equal?

_ Does she try to control or otherwise rule the relationship?

_ Does she trust you?

Good Attitude:

_ Is she a giver or a taker? Does she seem as concerned about your well being as her

own?

_ Does she manipulate you or others?

_ Is she growing as a person? Does she work on the relationship as hard as you?

_ Is she stable?

_ Does she have a positive outlook? There’s nothing more draining and soul-sucking

than being with someone who sees everything in life as a problem or a reason to cry

or bitch at you.

_ A compatible sex drive: Does she want sex about as frequently as you do?

Every woman you meet and date should be put on an eight-week probation period. If

you see any yellow or red flags, you may need to extend the period. Until she gets through her

probation, proving her ability to meet your requirements, you are watchful and wary of her

actions. You are not going to “fall” for her until you can be sure that she is a good candidate.

Any large issues you have while dating or are in courtship will NEVER get better by getting

married or in moving in together. In fact, most will get worse. Make sure you resolve red flags

before further commitment.

I know that all the Nice Guys out there are saying, “But it’s better to have loved and lost

than never to have loved at all…” “Love is risking…” and a thousand other platitudes. I actually

do believe in most of the romantic ideals, but the Truth is that most men (and women) don’t

have the emotional reserves to risk themselves too far, too many times. You don’t invest more

than you can afford to lose, or you will wind up bitter and dysfunctional in whatever relationship

you end up in. Yes, you can and should risk in order to further your romantic situation – it is a

necessity. But don’t overextend your credit! The world is full of emotionally bankrupt people, and

you have to avoid this trap.

The Dating Pre Tips 4

2010-08-27T03:57:00.000-07:00

What Women Really Want

Ah, the age-old question. I think I’ve gone a long way toward answering this, but I would

like to summarize it here:

The Kind of Man Women Want:

- Will make women think.

- Will make women feel excited, sexy, and turned-on rather than bored.

- Will prioritize his life and doesn’t let anyone walk over him.

- Will make her feel important to him

- Is not afraid to speak his opinion.

- Keeps them on their toes through challenge. (i.e., the Three S’s: Self-confidence,

Self-discipline, Sense of Humor)

- Holds and maintains an element of mystery. (More challenge through slow

disclosure)

- Is spontaneous.

- Gives them plenty of space and freedom, and keeps his own space.

- Is a lover, not her son.

- Is a Romeo, not a Fabio.

- Is chivalrous. (i.e., he’s confident enough to give a woman what she wants.)

Women need many things from a man. These needs are the currency of relationships,

and giving them to her allows her to build up enough in her account to give you what you want.

You’ve been confused most of your life about what women want because they always

seem to be saying one thing while meaning another. To them, however, this doesn’t seem weird

at all. It’s how they communicate things they don’t know even understand about themselves.

Women don’t talk in code; they are just talking from a different part of their brain than the part

that actually responds to men. When she says she wants a “nice guy,” she’s really saying that

she knows the emotional part of her brain – the part without a true verbal language – wants

someone 1) who won’t hurt her (trust) and 2) who is attractive to her, not a wimp who has

trouble deciding what to order from a menu. She knows what makes her trust, but not always

what makes her attracted to a man.

A woman’s emotional mind is like a subwoofer: all resonance and feeling, but very little

of the sound from it can actually be understood or is intelligible. They speak in an abstracted

and indirect way because there is no direct connection between these “speakers” in their brain.

Here, then, are the qualities that a woman wants in a relationship. (Remember: Now that

you know, you can’t claim ignorance anymore. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

_ Safety – Trust

o Emotionally stable

o Non-violent

o Good character (isn’t “sleeping around”)

_ Appreciation/Affection – to feel unique and special

o Gives massages/baths

o Treats her (on occasion) like royalty

o Cuddling
_ Drama/Intrigue

o Talk just to talk/Share drama

o Emotional charge

_ The Three S’s in a Man = Challenge

o Self-confidence

o Self-discipline

o Sense of humor

_ Consistent behavior (in a long-term mate)

_ Security

o Provides for her

o Loyal to her

_ Fun/Excitement

o Being different

_ Mystery

o Slow disclosure of information

_ Teases her and treats like another person, not a goddess

Women Want Sex

Up until the last twenty years or so, it was a commonly held misconception that women

were somehow frigid by nature and had no interest in sex. This fallacy was created by men who

thought that since a woman postpones sex, she only “gives it up” to get what she wants – a

faithful husband to provide for her.

Women want sex as much as men, they just have a different timetable and requirements

before they do. There has been a lot of sexual liberation for women, and even though there are

a lot of women that have occasional casual sex, they are still programmed since birth with the

fear of being labeled promiscuous. The label of “slut” is still a fundamental fear of almost all

women, and it’s probably the most damning of judgments a woman can feel is placed on her

value. To avoid thinking of herself as a slut, or “easy,” she manages her cognitive dissonance in

several ways:

- She will probably want to wait until at least the third date to sleep with you – and

that’s if things go very well. There is a certain American cultural norm accepted in

recent years that says that sex is generally acceptable (sometimes expected) on the

third date. Ultimately, though, when you have sex will be dictated by her level of trust

and attraction for you.

- She will be turned off by any overt verbal or physical sexual suggestions by you,

even when she wants sex and might like to talk a little trashy. In her mind, she wants

to maintain her ladylike persona, and you should not challenge this. Let her be the

one to bring up sexual topics.

The Dating Pre Tips 3

2010-08-27T03:27:00.000-07:00

Female Behavior

One common topic of discussion among guys is why women are so concerned about

appearances, and how this relates to their catty behavior. First of all, it’s generally understood

that women dress nice not for men, but for other women. So that they can one-up their rivals, who are all buying into a myth of male perfection: Five foot five, one hundred pounds, with legs

to her neck and boobs like prize-winning cantaloupes.

I think this is generally true, but needs to be amended. Women do use the "butterfly"

behavior to attract men, but it’s not in the sense of “Aren’t you impressed at how good I look in

these clothes/shoes?" It is actually in the sense of "Aren’t you impressed at how much better I

look than other women in these clothes/shoes?"

You see, women are catty because they live in comparison. Everything they have been

brought up with tells them that they exist only in comparison to other women, typically the stick bug

models on the cover of “Cosmopolitan” or “Vogue.” So, their concern is not as much on

impressing us with their stand-alone looks and qualities as it is with standing out from the herd

of other Kitty-kats. I suspect this also ties to other behavior, such as their heart-stopping

question of "Do I look fat?" They’re thinking about how they look in comparison to other women,

not because they’re worried about not satisfying their man’s ideal. This may help men in

addressing women’s seemingly neurotic questions by phrasing answers the way they really want to hear them – not the way they are asked. Your answer should always say that there is no

other woman that compares. (But maybe with just a hint of doubt...)

Profile of a Good Woman – The Four Essential Qualities

After covering all these negative qualities, I wanted to take a moment to suggest some of

the positive traits of the woman that most men find amenable to them. This is a simple formula

for judging her essence. I consider these the Four Essential Qualities of a good woman.

1) Flexible/Positive Attitude: Her philosophy of life has to be upbeat, not dark. She’s

conscious of her health. She expects the best from life. She has an open and adventurous spirit. She has an intellect you find engaging, not condescending and

dismissive. She’s giving. She respects you. When you suggest an activity, you don’t

get a bunch of excuses. This woman is low to reasonable maintenance. She’s also

patient, not jumping to conclusions or having to be soothed all the time.

2) High-integrity/Trust: You need a woman of good moral fiber. You need to be able

to trust her. This woman could end up raising your children. You can’t accept a

woman who you have to worry about. If she engages in a lot of backstabbing,

chances are she is a resentful type who will stow away her slights and hit you with

them like a grocery list when the time is right. You’ve got to be able to trust her with

your life

3) Sexually and intellectually attractive: You have to be able to interact and talk on a

fairly equitable level. She has to excite you physically and mentally. (You’d be

surprised how much longer the sex lasts when she isn’t as dumb as a box of rocks.)

She also needs to have at least a comparable sex drive with you. You don’t want to

struggle over satisfying physical needs. If she has a good attitude, you should at

least be able to discuss this and reach agreements where needed, but start with a

healthy sex drive. It makes the road much easier to travel.

4) Capable and competent: I’ve dated more than my fair share of women who were

looking for father figures or saviors, and I’ll tell you that their maturity level always

leaves you wanting. There are a great deal of men who like this role, but they don’t

realize how badly their attitude suffers and how much resentment they build up

having to be a boyfriend and a daddy. Your woman should be able to take care of

herself and live her own life. She should have her own job and stable source of

income. If you’re looking to go long term with someone, they should also be capable

and competent communicators. Shortcut: People are usually a wreck on the outside

when they’re a wreck on the inside.

It’s really pretty simple. You don’t have to share the exact same five outdoor hobbies or

love only Jazz and Swing. If you can establish a solid foundation of flexibility, attraction, trust,

and competency, you’ve got enough to work from.

The Dating Pre Tips 2

2010-07-15T01:40:00.001-07:00

Online Dating

Online dating has started from a geek-only last resort of the social misfit, to one of the

most active methods to meet women. For those men out there who may be dealing with a lot of

shyness and "Nice Guy" issues, you should take a look at online resources as an excellent tool

to expand your dating circle and increase your experience. These are the personal ads of the

future, and they are a great way to get active and meeting women.

One caveat you should know up front about online matching services is that they attempt

to answer only one of the two initial questions of relationships: Are we compatible? The other

question -- Do we have chemistry? -- is up to you to determine. As a result, you’ll meet many

people who have similar interests (but by all means this is not guaranteed), and you’ll also meet

a lot of them that you won’t be very attracted to. It’s the nature of the game. You can only

answer one of these questions at a time, and by throwing your line and hook into a pool of fish

that are essentially looking to be caught, you will get a lot of throw-backs. Sure, they put up

pictures, but from my experience they can be very misleading. You won’t know until you meet

her in person if she actually meets your requirements for attraction. I have to emphasize that in

spite of this, being able to get out and fish and catch a few is the best reinforcing dating

experience you can have. I like to refer to these as lab experiments, and it takes a lot of the

pressure off finding Ms. Right on the first coffee date.

Some rules for online dates:

- Your profile should be written very poetically and non-specifically. You have to be

different. Don’t list out all your must-haves in here, like “must love Irish folk music,

must love asparagus.” Just start with some appealing romantic imagery. Mix in some

humor and make it different. You want it to spark her interest so that you can get a

chance to sell yourself in person. Don’t be too dodgy; just write something different

from the other guys who are looking for approval.

Try something like this, by a guy who feels he might be a little chunkier than most:

o ‘Describe the woman you are looking for:’ “I’m not looking for her - I’ve

already seen her. She saw me and thought: Wow! What an interesting way to

package such an interesting man. He’s not a super-size, but what a Happy

meal! She just needs to come back to find out where I get the rest of my fire

and ambition.”

o Or, something more poetic than humorous: “She likes to dream, but she’s

afraid to trust, sometimes afraid to risk. But now she knows that even the best

time alone doesn’t compare to a good time with someone to share it with. Her

eyes see grace and poetry in the world, but she’s still a little afraid to tell

others about it for fear of looking too sentimental.”

- When you send out emails to the women on the service, you don’t have to custom write

a letter for each one, if you are careful about your approach. You include one

personal item that tells them you read the profile (not just drooled over the photo),

and the rest can be stock. You want to be funny and different, and challenge her

usual sensibilities. Something like this:

o “Well, after you get done reading the fifty emails from loser guys telling you

that they’re newly divorced and looking for a job and a new wife, I wanted to

send you something a little different.

Anyways, I’m 30, I’m happy, well-adjusted, and I have a refreshing

abundance of personality. (I hope you like laughing a lot. I saw that you like

Robin Williams in your profile, so I certainly hope so.)

I thought you might make an interesting friend, so let’s talk and find out if

getting a delicious cup of fun with me is better than dating old men from

Tallahassee…”

o “Tell me if this sounds familiar: ‘Hey, I just read your ad, and I wanted to tell

you how beauuuuutiful you are! I’m nineteen, but I’m very sophisticated, and

if I can borrow my dad’s car, I’d love to take you out to see a skateboarding

movie!’

NOT!

Well, if you’d rather have some great conversation with Pierce Brosnan’s notso-

bad looking third cousin, you should hit that Reply button. And I’ve got my

own car. Honest!”

- If she replies to you, email her once or twice, but switch to the phone as soon as

possible. Do not continue to banter back and forth for weeks with her. She’s getting

hundreds of emails every day, and you’ve got to take it to the next step as soon as

possible.

- Once you get her on the phone, you will have to talk for a little while with her to help

her build up a little in her trust account. Remember, except the information you put in

your profile, she doesn’t know you from Adam. When you do talk about yourself,

make it light and fun. No heavy stuff about your family or your ex-wife that boiled a

rabbit on your stove. Cut the conversation short (you’re busy, remember?) and get

off the phone. Then call her back two days later to meet for a coffee date. Don’t

seem too eager, just relax into it. From here on, it’s just like any other meeting.

Another possible detriment of online dating you should be aware of is what I call the

"Candy Store" Syndrome. Women who get this much attention and opportunity can become a

bit jaded. Especially if they know they have a large reservoir to draw more potential prospects

from, and then you will have to work harder to stand out from the rest. So remember that if she

doesn’t reply to you, it’s probably because she’s overwhelmed with other loser letters. Try again.

Speed Dating

I suppose it’s a symptom of our fast-food society that this had to happen, but speed dating

is the latest in a line of methods for getting single people together. It has its origins in the

Jewish community, and it’s actually very fun and effective. Essentially, a group of men and

women (roughly equal numbers of each) meet at a restaurant or bar. They are then paired up to

talk to each person for just a couple minutes, to talk a little bit and share some information. After

most of the people have met, you rate them as to whether you would be interested in meeting them again. If they rated you highly as well, you will be sent an email or letter with contact

information so that you can continue the possibility.

The advantages:

- Great exposure. It gets you in front of a larger number of people than going to a bar

and meeting one-at-a-time

- There is no pretense - you’re there to meet people and see who you like. And they

are too.

- Excellent practice in learning how to sell yourself in a short period of time. Even if

you don’t match with anyone, you feel great just engaging with the opposite sex.

The disadvantages:

- Time is limited, and it is hard to be able to stick out in their minds when so many

people are run by.

If you live in a large metropolitan area (or even smaller areas may offer them) you

should look into these events and opportunities.

TOP TEN DATING MISTAKES

There are a lot of potential traps during your first meetings with a woman, probably more

than I can warn you against here. However, there are some fairly predictable errors made on

dates. Here is a list of the most prominent:

1) Talking too much – (especially about yourself): This includes bragging. You want to

focus at least 70% of the conversation on her. Her experience is that the man who listens to her

will understand her, and she believes that the man who understands her will be a good lover.

The reverse is doubly True – if you yammer on and on, she’ll nod and smile, but she’ll be

thinking about what a bore you are, and how unlikely it is you’ll give her good loving. Take a

lesson from the great talk show hosts. Watch them as they ask questions and get everyone

laughing along the way.

2) Spending too much money/try too hard to impress: Don’t buy her flowers or gifts

or trinkets. When a car salesman comes at you with all these glitzy sales lures, your initial

reaction is to step back and see what he’s selling you. The same thing happens with a woman.

Any man that tries to buy her affections is demonstrating low self-confidence and low selfdiscipline.

Any woman that needs those gifts to date you is not worth your time or energy.

3) Drinking too much – (and then talking too much): You can meet for a beer at a

pub, but you should only have one or two drinks (remember: Restraint!) The problems of having

a few drinks are mostly with the impairment of your judgment. It’s tempting to “loosen things up”

by having a few, but it’s a slippery slope. Dating is tough enough sober, why would you make it

any more difficult? One or two drinks are enough to lubricate the conversation and relax both of

you. Any more distorts the situation.

4) Trying to sell the next date too early: You want to increase the mystery of your

rendezvous. When things go well, most guys start asking her out for the next time before this

meeting is over. You want to end the date well, get a kiss, and tell her nothing! You don’t hint or

say that you’ll call her. You don’t say, “Let’s get together soon.” Just say, “I had a great time,”

and then leave. For the next couple of days, you want her wondering if you’ll be calling her or

asking her out again. What she doesn’t know will only help you. Don’t try to pin her down to

several dates just to satisfy your insecurity.

5) Moving too fast: SLOW DOWN. If there’s one mistake guys make when they’re with

women is that they move way too fast. They haven’t had any sex in months, and now they think

they can hurry the next woman along so they can either get a score, or get on to the next one.

Impatience shows a severe lack of self-discipline.

There’s a joke about two bulls standing up on a hill overlooking a herd of grazing cows.

One bull says to the other, “Hey, let’s run down there and have a couple of those ladies!” The

other bull smiles and says, “Let’s walk down there and have them all.”

6) Moving too slow: If you do not take progressive steps toward demonstrating your

romantic intentions, she will lose attraction since you won’t be demonstrating self-confidence.

The longer you wait, the worse the situation gets. At some point, she will call a time-out and give

you the line about wanting to just be friends. Romance has an expiration date, and you don’t

want it to go bad on you. Always move forward toward your next romantic goal with her.

7) Not relaxing: Don’t be hyper and visibly uneasy. If you aren’t relaxed, you’ll convey

nothing but nervous desperation, and she’ll be repelled. Women aren’t attracted to manic, hyper

men. Take some time before the date to relax and let go of your anxiety and expectations. I find

that I’m most relaxed meeting women after I’ve worked out. I’m at ease, the endorphins are in

my bloodstream, and my overall confidence is higher. Try that for a relaxation therapy. Overall,

the more women you meet and date, the more you’ll relax.

8) Acting too needy and clingy: Frequently on dates, men and women are too focused

on what the other one is doing and saying. The man tends to hover around the woman too

much, showing that his ability to feel good and happy is dependent on her experience of the

date. Back off enough to let her breathe. Cast your interest somewhere else during the date, like

talking with someone nearby, or just let a comfortable pause enter the conversation. Pauses are

especially tolerable if you are smiling and look secure with yourself. If you’re in a shopping

environment, don’t be afraid to walk away and have her come to find you.

9) Going too long when things are good: You must end the date. You have to have

the self-discipline to end things on a good note. Again, many guys keep her out too long when they’ve found that she’s interested, and turn a good date into boredom. Unless she’s asking you

back to her place, you have to pack it in politely. Don’t overstay your welcome.

10) Not having a plan of attack: You should always have an idea of where and how to

proceed next. You should make a backup plan for your meeting, that way you have an alternate

in case of a problem. If you get a goodnight kiss that turns into a heated make-out session, you

have to decide how you want to progress this. Do you have a condom? Do you have a place to

go?

Also, keep in mind that your initial meetings with a woman should be just you and her.

No roommates tagging along or chaperones. If she cannot meet with you in a public place

without supervision, she’s either too young or she may have a trust issue that you can’t

overcome. You can accept a tag-along once, if you choose, but that’s all.

Dating and Friendship

Dating and Friendship are mutually exclusive. Every man has heard a woman say, “I’d

just like for us to be friends,” and every man wonders, What the hell did I do wrong? Here’s what

happens in this dynamic:

o The man comes on too strong, or demonstrates very little of the Three S’s. The

woman senses this, and even though she doesn’t necessarily refuse dates with him,

she already knows subconsciously that she isn’t going to sleep with him or even let

this progress beyond a kiss on the cheek. She will eventually reach a point, however,

where she can’t feel good about leading him on any longer. She waits until he makes

a move of some kind, and then she tells him that she thinks he’s a nice guy, but she

would like to be friends.

o An alternate situation occurs where a man doesn’t come on strong enough, again

demonstrating very little of the Three S’s. She sees that you’re not attractive when

you can’t act on your desire for her (self-confidence), and her subconscious will

decide that she will not be sleeping with you or letting this go any further than a peck

on the cheek. She reaches a point where she can’t feel good about leading you on

any longer. She waits until you make a move of some kind, and then she tells you

that she thinks you’re a nice guy, but she would just like to be friends.

Have you ever played Skee-ball at the arcade? It’s the game where you roll a ball up a

ramp and it is caught in one of several concentric rings with scoring holes in it. If you aim poorly

or roll it too fast or too hard, the ball ends up rolling down into a no-score hole at the bottom. If

you roll it too lightly, the ball ends up in the same no-score bucket. Friendships are the no-score

default bucket of male-female dynamics. If you fail to engage her attraction to the right level,

lighting her passion, she will lose interest. And – forgive the pun – your balls will be out of play.

She only wants to be your friend when she thinks you’re either

too safe or too scary to make her feel trust and attraction.

When you’re disqualified from her game, you fall into the friend bucket. A woman is

always looking for a reason to drop you into that bucket, because she wants to avoid the

potential for pain that a new relationship presents. You’re an element of disruption, of chaos in

her otherwise orderly existence. You must always provide her with the excitement and attraction

behaviors that keep her wanting to find out more, and willing to risk that pain.

Women and men can and should be friends, but you do not want to have an imbalance

in your ratio. Men should have only a few female friends, and women should only have a few

male friends. Just a couple of reasons for this are:

_ Having too many friends of the opposite sex is confusing to your gender identity.

Very often, men will make himself a part of a woman’s clique, and then discover he’s

losing his masculinity. He will start identifying with female issues too closely, and he

ends up becoming the Nice Guy, too afraid to hurt a woman the way all those Bad

Men do.

_ Having too many friends of the opposite sex removes the dynamic sexual tension

you need to take action. You need a certain level of sexual tension in your life to

drive you to date women. Very often, I see people of both sexes who lose their

initiative to date because they can keep a safe level of unrequited tension in their

opposite-sex friendships. They can play around with their male-female interactions,

but it can never lead to sex or a relationship. (Also prevalent when straight women

hang around gay men.)

Short term

I consider a short-term relationship to be six months or less. Typically, if you survive the

first six months you’re likely to be in for a while, and there is a more distinct emotional bond

between you as well. During the short-term romance, you are looking to accomplish several

things:

First of all, you’re still in decision mode. If you see red flags, you need to resolve them,

accept them, or move on. Don’t try to change her. You might achieve some short-term success,

but long-term you will only reap resentment.

Second, you need to limit your time with her strategically. If you’re still dating casually,

you should not be seeing any one woman more than once a week. If you start seeing them

more frequently, you’ll trigger their relationship instincts, and they’ll expect this to be serious and

exclusive. If that’s your goal then go for it. However, if this isn’t your goal, be very clear with her

that you are not looking to get serious. Just be prepared that your unavailability will eventually

induce her to be more interested in you and she will want to turn this exclusive.

Women want monogamous relationships by nature. They don’t want to date around, and

when they do it is typically only after a breakup or when they are dealing with more issues in their life. So understand that your ability to keep things ‘casual’ with any particular woman will

depend first on her disposition (is she looking for more than something casual), and then the

frequency with which you see her. If you get together every month or so, you’ll probably keep

the monogamy beast at bay.

By keeping your time with her limited, you’ll be developing more response potential from

her. Your availability is in inverse proportion to her desire. The less she gets of you, the more

she’ll want.

Next, you want to be moving forward at each step in the game. You don’t have to try to

one-up every experience you have, but you should be making each meeting move deliberately

forward with respect to the building of attraction between you. At the end of the first date, you

must go for a kiss. At the end of the second, you may want to shoot for some prolonged kissing

and evocative touching. From there, you progress into more of the same, including some even

more erotic touching and removing clothes. Eventually, you will get to the point of going to bed

with her. The steps are as follows:

1. First meeting – decide on attraction/interest

2. Second meeting, kiss

3. Third meeting, extended kissing, more seductive behavior, light touching

4. Fourth meeting, even more kissing, more erotic touching, possibly removing

clothes

5. Heavy touching, moving toward sex. Relocate to the bedroom.

Along this progression, you must be dancing the steps I told you about – two forward,

one back; two forward, one back. This way you will be building up her attraction, yet never

coming on too strong. Now, these steps that you take forward must always be in proportion to

the attraction between you. If you are with a cautious and slower moving woman, your steps will

be shorter and slower. If she is much more open and willing, your steps will be longer and

bolder. Whatever you do, you must keep the progression of your romantic interests out front.

Another potential trap is when a guy starts to date a woman and he lets off the accelerator for

fear of creating discomfort. He stops teasing and starts “getting serious.” Soon afterwards, he

senses that things are rapidly de-escalating into a friendship instead of a romance. Keep

moving forward!

Another option is to use what I call “Tweener” meetings to keep things moving. Some

women have extremely busy schedules, and they are often difficult to work into yours. You often

have to resort to getting small meetings in between from time to time. This might include more

coffee dates and shorter rendezvous, like a lunch in a park. Again, stay aggressive on your

goal. Even short meetings can maintain your forward motion. Keep going for kisses and trying to

up the ante on your physical attraction where you can.

During the first sixty days of a relationship, you should keep things light and fun. Do not

come on strong. Keep your compliments to a minimum, give no extravagant or expensive gifts,

don’t talk about your feelings, and please, please, no romantic poetry. When you confirm what

you feel about with her, she has no room to fantasize and build her romantic infatuations for you.

The Long-Term Relationship

A good portion of the men reading this book will want a long term relationship, while

many others will only want casual dating. Your background and beliefs will play a large role in

your decisions and goals with women. I will share my own personal philosophy with respect to

long-term relationships, and you can hold this up in light of your own situation.

I decided at an early age that I didn’t want to get married before I was 30. (That seemed

a respectable age at the time, and I still feel that way now that I’m older.) I knew in my heart that

I would not have enough worldly experience to bond to another person for the rest of my life

until well down the road. So I held out, and I’m glad I did, because I can almost guarantee I

would have had a miserable divorce along the way, and I’m pretty sure a child could have been

caught in the middle along the way. Those risks are always there, but I chose to wait out the

part where it was too likely.

Mistakes often made in long-term relationships and marriages:

- Mistaking lust for love

- Unwilling to grow and change, or growing apart rather than together

- Desire for a family and children (without understanding the sacrifices and effort)

- Unhealthy needs being fueled in a relationship

- Going along with societal expectations rather than your own judgment

- Desire for a long-term sex partner

- Fear of dating and engaging in the search for another (otherwise known as settling,

or “better the devil you know than the one you don’t.”)

The list goes on and on. The underlying factor is inevitably understanding and

experience. Most people don’t know enough about themselves when they’re young to make the

kind of decisions and choices that a long-term commitment requires. There’s no rush. There will

always be a sizeable pool of eligible candidates for you to choose from, at any age. Don’t let

fear of being “left out” or “missing out” persuade you into making a hasty decision. Women have

a time limit on their biological imperative (having children.) You do not.

Women will want a monogamous, committed relationship as soon as they have

determined that you are a marriageable option. She will want to lock you in and keep you from

dating around, so you must be clear and careful in your communication early on as to your

intentions. If you have no intention of getting married, say so. If you have no intention to date

just one woman, say so. But also be sure to say this with your actions. If you court a woman

intensely, and spend a great deal of time with her, she will want to be exclusive with you. It’s a

perfectly understandable protection mechanism. You’d want a woman you were getting serious

with to date only you, as well.

My recommendation is to get yourself to a point where you are comfortable in your own

skin (develop the Three S’s), get enough experience under your belt to make better decisions,

and then decide what woman you want in your life, and then you’re ready (possibly) for a long term

relationship. Until then, you are merely a seeker and learner.

Remember: You do not have to have a committed relationship to enjoy the company of a

MOVE ON

There is a breakup progression that usually takes place near the end. This progression

usually goes something like this:

_ The man stops being a Dynamic Man (demonstrating the Three S’s) because he

figures he’s made it, why work? Another conquered.

_ The woman loses interest and attraction for him, gradually. He thinks she’s becoming

more comfortable in their relationship, but she’s really just bored.

_ They argue more often (usually about sex and how he’s not getting any), and she

starts to distance herself from him. He thinks that the way to get things back to the

way they were is to bug her about it rather than be the man she was attracted to in

the beginning.

_ Eventually, they can’t take it any longer and they break up because she either “wants

to see other people,” or “doesn’t think they’re right for each other.”

_ She’s dating another guy within a week because she had an emotional cushion lined

up several weeks ago. The man sits at home and cries in his beer.

I oversimplify here, but the point is still valid. If you want to keep her around, you’ll have

to expend some effort. (I’ll cover the Maintenance Plan in a bit.) If you want to move on, you can either break up with her, or engage in all the wimpy behavior you know will turn her off and force

her to fade away.

Don’t break up just because you wonder about greener grass – it usually isn’t, and it has

to be mowed, too. Do it because you know you aren’t going to reach your goal this way. It’s time

to refresh your memory as to why you’re in this game in the first place.

Here are some indications that you should consider ending it:

_ Her attraction to you is low. Chances are, she’s not as attracted to you because you

stopped growing and challenging her.

_ She has clearly lost interest in sex with you. Your sex life is not what you desire.

_ You are not happy when you’re with her, or you find you are happier without her.

_ She has changed in ways that do not mesh with your personality.

_ She goes from low-maintenance to high-maintenance.

_ Respect is lost – yours for her, or hers for you.

_ She attempts to take control of your life.

_ She develops emotional problems.

_ She cheats on you.

_ You cheat on her.

The Dating Pre Tips 1

2010-07-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

Behaviors That Reduce Attraction

You should be aware up front of the behaviors that men exhibit which turn off a woman’s

attraction mechanism. As we progress, you will be given alternatives to these behaviors and

ways to avoid demonstrating them.

- Clingy/Needy behavior: The root cause of this is insecurity. Any actions that

tell a woman that you are going to smother her or be an insecure wimp are

sure to turn her off. Things like calling her several times a day, or calling

several days in a row, or acting jealous of her friends. If you threaten her

freedom, she’ll run from you.

- Trying too hard: If you’re over-eager or too zealous, she gets suspicious.

- Bragging/loud mouthing: What makes you think she will be attracted to you

when you brag? If you let her find out what you’ve accomplished a bit at a

time, she’ll want to know more. Don’t give away all your mystery.

- Angry or violent temper: You must have self-discipline over your emotions.

A woman can’t trust a man with a short fuse; she can only live in fear and

intimidation from him.

- Insensitivity: Meaning your inability to tell when you’re teasing and playful

with her as opposed to mean and insulting.

- Boring: This really translates into being unable to show women your

personality, most often because of shyness.

- Pushy: Getting your way by coercion. Some men whine and push their way

into getting a woman to have sex with them, and then they wonder why it’s

not fulfilling or lasting.

- Passive and indecisive: You have to be able to demonstrate some

leadership qualities. Decisive, dominant behavior shows you are an Alpha

Man, and can provide when the time comes.

- Inability to listen: I’m sorry … what were you saying? To keep a woman’s

interest, you must demonstrate the ability to pay attention and not stare at her

nipples.

- Acting like a pig: There are men out there that think if they behave as

coarse as possible, a woman will just jump at the chance to rehabilitate him.

Guess again.

- Being obvious about sex: Yes, we all want sex. Even women. But if you

come across with this agenda written on your forehead, you’ll strike out

before ever getting to bat. You must learn how to be subtle and let her

wonder.

- Impatience: If you are too eager, you will come across as having no self-discipline.

Relax.

- Defensiveness: Guys tend to get pissy and defensive in response to a

woman’s moods and negative behaviors. What she will respond to is your

self-discipline and your ability to keep your reactions under control. (More of

this in the section on “Arguments.”)

- Negativity: A bad attitude is a turn-off for all women.

- Not Providing: This covers stinginess, being cheap, etc. You don’t have to

be giving up money to her on every date, but if you plan a meeting at a

restaurant, you better be prepared to pay. This is why you plan meetings that

are out of the traditional stereotype of “dating.”

Delayed Gratification – Go SLOW

You can’t go into dating with an expectancy of getting, or especially getting quickly. It’s a

lot like an investment plan: You put a little faith money into a few stocks that you think look good

(after researching those stocks adequately, of course.) You check in from time to time to see

what the return is. Some are losers, and you promptly drop those from your portfolio. Some will

appreciate and give you a little return, and those are the ones you invest more in when you see

the action. Put your faith money where you can, and remember to never invest more than you

can afford to lose. Doing this builds a pipeline of dating potential that you have available to

explore.

People avoid commitments. This is why most salespeople are not good, because they

rush for a commitment from their customer before they’re ready. If you try to get a commitment

from a woman too soon, you will raise subconscious defense mechanisms in her. She’ll start to

feel closed-in and smothered. Do not threaten her freedom.

As long as you are initiating the next step (from getting the phone number to getting the

date to getting a kiss, etc.) you can’t go too slow for her. If you can go even slower than she

does without losing her attraction and trust, you have won 90% of the game. She’ll be pursuing you.

Remember: It’s better to go too slow than too fast.

Role Models

I’ve been asked many times in the past to point out role models that would help men

understand by example what they should emulate when it comes to behavior. There are a few

that have stood the test of time, and when you watch them in action, you understand why. Real

men are timeless, even if they sometimes appear chauvinistic in their context.

The first is the ultimate example: James Bond. A fictional character, true, but the

various actors who have portrayed him over the years have found that essence of his allure and

brought it to life. Sean Connery was perhaps the best example. Some of James Bond’s defining

male characteristics are:

- Confidence – Can you think of anyone exuding more confidence? He never looks

uncertain, and even when he isn’t sure, he projects an aura of confidence.

- Humor – When he screws up or fails, he always has a clever comment to pull a smile

out, even when tied to a slab with a laser slicing towards his crotch.

- Sophistication – James knows his stuff when it comes to food, perfume, wine, foreign

languages, technology, you name it. He doesn’t jump in bragging, either. He waits

until the time is right to let you know you’re not getting one past him.

- Anger – I’ve said it before: Anger is a good quality to demonstrate from time to time.

I’m not talking about physical violence, but the ability to call a woman on her childish

or disrespectful behavior when it’s needed. You never hear James saying, “Yes,

dear.” You must be able to demonstrate appropriate anger. There must be a penalty

for violating your rules. Get mad when appropriate! Women respect controlled and

justifiable anger.

Another good example of male behavior is Indiana Jones. Again, he’s another fictional

character, but this one is rooted firmly in Harrison Ford’s presentation. Some of Dr. Jones’

attraction qualities are:

- Confidence: As with James Bond, he’s willing to just jump in the game and do

something when the time comes, not wait around to be told what to do. When he’s

got no idea, he grabs a horse and his whip and hee-ya’s right into the thick of it.

- Humor: Another of Indiana’s abilities was to find and enjoy the humor in a situation.

- Anger: Just like Mr. Bond, when a woman acts like a princess or pisses him off, he’ll

let her know. Remember the second movie, when he walked out on Willie (Kate

Capshaw) when she was throwing herself at him? He had the balls to turn her down.

If you’ve seen any of the old movies (Pre-1965), you’ll notice how differently men are

portrayed there. They can be very two-dimensional at times, but they always derive their

characters from the essence of masculinity. When you hear James Dean, James Cagney,

Humphrey Bogart, you don’t think wussy; you think strong, confident men. Of the older role

models, none stands out as being better developed than Cary Grant. If you’ve seen him at

work, you’ve seen a master.

- Confidence: Again, the hallmark of male attractiveness. Cary never looked like he

was going to give up or fall back on crying on a woman’s shoulder. See him in “North

by Northwest” as he runs across country to discover why his life is in danger. And he

still finds the time to hook up with Eva Marie Saint on a train.

- Humor: Cary has some of the best banter with his leading ladies, and he’s sharp and

on the ball. He knows how to keep conversation crackling with fun and wit. And you

sense that he’s not just reciting a script – this guy owns it.

There are others, to be sure. Clint Eastwood in most of his man-with-no-name westerns

comes to mind. Judd Nelson in “The Breakfast Club” shows just how calling a woman on her

behavior works. Tom Cruise in “Top Gun” is another excellent example, with his cocky attitude.

“Back to the Future” is another good case, almost deceivingly simple in its message.

The traits in common for these role models are fairly obvious, and they will be explained

in complete detail through this program. Of course, these role models should not be imitated;

they should be emulated. What this means is that you do not start ordering vodka martinis

(shaken or stirred), carry a Walther PPK sidearm, and wear tuxedos when you go bar-hopping.

You should seek to recognize the behaviors that these men exhibit, understand why they work,

and then use this essence for yourself. Own it. Use these traits to enhance your approach and strengthen your foundation. Emulate the masters: James Dean, Sean Connery, Cary

Grant,

John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, etc. Yes, they were a bit sexist in their day, but

they displayed the stoic example of male posture: Their personas said they didn’t give a damn if

the woman they were with wanted them or not, and that is why they were admired by men and

women alike.

The traits that run contrary to the self-confident male qualities I’ve noted stand out in

stark comparison. I won’t cover them in detail, since we’re here to focus on what to do, not on

what not to do. Suffice to say that you should watch out for any actions that undermine a

presentation of cool calm confidence. The examples of anti-male role models are out there in

droves today. While I enjoy the television show “Scrubs” as a funny diversion, the men on that

show are a pitiful example of masculinity, openly backing down from any kind of confrontation

with a woman as if she owns their balls. They all act as though the scariest thing in their lives is

to stand up to disrespectful and demeaning behavior from the women in their lives. Any

entertainment that addresses women as superior by virtue of sexual power is a bad choice.

Send Mixed Signals

Women don’t feel attraction to men who are too consistent. If you are consistent all the

time, you’re demonstrating your intention to prove yourself as a good mate and husband, a

possible father to her children. To stir up her passion and lust, you must learn how to be

inconsistent at the right times and send her mixed signals so that she is not entirely sure of your

intentions. A predictable man is boring, and boring does not make her attracted to you. (I hope

this isn’t news to you.)

Some deliberate mixed signals:

- Acting aloof from time to time on a date. Go silent and ignore her

occasionally.

- Show up unexpectedly after telling her you are busy and can’t see her

- Kiss her or hug her, then push her away to do something else.

- Tell her you like what she’s wearing, then change your mind on it later.

- Memorize her phone number, and make sure she knows you have. Then

complain to have forgotten it and ask for it again later.

- Occasionally do things that are out of character, such as choosing a chick

flick to go see, or go to an offbeat restaurant. Defy her expectations.

Contradictions like this show that you have an unpredictable side, and that while she

may have thought she had you figured out, she doesn’t. Be careful not to do this too frequently

or too radically, or else you’ll start to look a little crazy. Just every so often is enough to give

things a healthy uncertainty.

Creating attraction is a blend of opposites, acting firm and flexible, attracted and aloof,

interested and disengaged. The best analogy of the way to treat your dating relationship with a

woman is the way you would carry a full mug of hot coffee. You can either walk very slowly and

very carefully, trying not to jostle the contents too much (which takes forever), or you can walk

at a normal pace, only you must walk with irregular footsteps so that you don’t set up a sloshing

motion that spills the hot coffee down your arm. If you’ve ever tried to carry an open container

with a lot of fluid in it, you know that walking at a regular pace will start a feedback pattern

where each step gets the liquid splashing back and forth until it spills. Your irregularity will work

the same way, keeping the cup of attraction full, and her engaged.

Your Appearance and Presentation

The areas of personal attention are:

- Hair

- Nails

- Mouth

- Skin

- Sounds and Smells (hygiene)

- Fashion: Clothes, shoes, etc.

- Overall Fitness

- Posture (physical and mental) – projection of inner game, and Mannerisms –

grace/suave, poetry in motion

Your appearance speaks volumes about you, so much so that you need to be very

concerned with this single area the most when it comes to your external game. Do not

misunderstand this to mean that women will evaluate you solely on your appearance. However,

you will put yourself far ahead of the competition if you attend to the basics of your appearance.

Understand: Your objective isn’t about trying to turn them on with your looks as much as it is

about not turning them off. You want to avoid giving her the wrong impression before you get

a foot in the door.

Not only this, but you will also raise your own level of self-confidence when you are

looking and feeling your best. What you are looking to accomplish is to give yourself the edge

over any of the guys who think that their best outfit is a 49’ers sweatshirt, baseball cap, and

jeans.

Studies have been done to show that when people in the workforce wear dress attire

(suits, ties, dresses, etc.) they have a higher productivity. This also ties in greatly to your selfesteem.

For example, is it possible to feel bad when you’re dressed in a tuxedo? Not usually.

We feel significantly better about ourselves when we’re able to look our best. It sends a

message to your subconscious – and hers – that you are worthwhile and noteworthy.

I will add a caveat here: Women are less concerned with your appearance than how you

make them feel. You could look like a slob, but still have a personality that draws women in like flies. The reality, though, is that people do often make judgments based on initial appearances,

and to get a chance at the starting line, your appearance should give you that initial opportunity.

A Shelby Mustang may outrun any vehicle on the street, but I bet if you had one you’d wash and

wax it with exacting care. You should demand no different for yourself.

Let me define a term I’ll use in this section: Affectations. Affectations are those things we

wear or do that are a bit on the extreme side, and can sometimes come across with a certain

amount of pretentiousness. They seem exaggerated in the overall makeup of a person. For

example, I live in San Francisco, CA, and there are many people who live in the Bay Area that

have the counter-culture look: body piercings, tattoos, pink hair, and every other imaginable

adornment. Most of the time, these people tend to come across with a “Hey! Look at me!”

appearance. While I’m not judging or condemning them in any way, I feel it’s necessary to point

out that if you are going to reflect your personality in your appearance this strongly, you will risk

limiting your options. The grooming and personal hygiene that I’m proposing here supposes that

you are not of the radical appearance variety, and that you want to make yourself as

presentable as possible. I’m asking that you think over your style and make it your own,

whatever it may be, and make your choices based on your goals – not on a need to make a

statement.

Hair

This covers all areas where you have hair – and shouldn’t have hair. Starting with your

melon, the hair on your head should be cut neatly. If you choose to have long hair, so be it,

however, you should understand that when you make certain choices for yourself, you are also

making choices about who will be attracted to you. If your goal is to leave your options open,

you should accept a certain flexibility in your personal grooming standards. This means that

your green hair, pony tail, or Mohawk will likely reduce the available group of women who will be

interested in you. For maximum flexibility, you should consider a reasonably short cut, trimmed

neatly over the ears. If your hair is thinning, you might decide to go with the super-short or even

completely bald look.

To address baldness, many men have hair loss as they get older, and it is a source of

some concern, since this can impact a man’s self-confidence when he feels that he may appear

older than he actually is. The negative associations with baldness are numerous, including the

concept that women are not attracted to bald men. The Truth of the matter is that women are

attracted to any man who can make them feel good about themselves. Baldness is even an

asset for many women who are looking for a sign of maturity in their men, not boy-toys.

Remember how Patrick Stewart (Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek) was the hot ticket for women for

years? He is bald, but he carried himself with such self-confidence and sophistication that he

earned raves from women who watched the show just for him.

Your overall hairstyle should simply make you look your best, long or short. The best

haircut is one that doesn’t look like you tried too hard. To find out what look would be best for

you, go to a woman hairstylist and get her advice, then let her try it out on you. Use a good

shampoo and conditioner to keep it soft, and watch for dandruff.

Mustaches and beards are stylish, and I’ve seen just as many polls that say women like

them as don’t like them. My personal feeling is that facial hair can be irritating to a woman when

you’re kissing her, so I stay clean-shaven most of the time. Whatever you choose, be sure to

keep it neat and trimmed, whether it’s a soul-patch or a goatee. I do know for a fact that women do not like unkempt and shaggy facial hair, especially when it makes you look like a lunatic

vagrant.

Hair on the rest of your body should be severely scrutinized. You should not have

excessive hair on your back or neck, even if it requires waxing from time to time. When it comes

to your nose and ears, you should trim away all unnecessary hair. Also, your eyebrows should

not meet in the middle, if you can possibly avoid it. Most women do appreciate chest hair, more

often than not, so don’t be too concerned about that area. As for your nether-regions, you

should trim your pubic hair to a manageable level as well. Not only for good hygiene, but it can

actually make your plumbing look a bit longer if it’s not obscured.

Nails

Your nails play a significant part in the overall appearance of your hands, and they do

reflect your personality to some degree. For maximum flexibility, nails should be kept trimmed

neatly to within 1/16 of an inch or shorter. Any longer than this and you tend to raise more

questions than you answer. If you are a chronic nail-biter, you may want to look into breaking

this habit, as it tends to make your fingers look ragged and not very soothing to touch. Keep all

nails free of dirt. You may even consider a manicure – just be sure to skip the nail polish. Your

toenails should be kept trimmed and neat at all times.

Mouth

Your mouth should be as appealing as you can make it, after all, you want her lips

spending a great deal of time here, don’t you?

Your lips should never be dry or chapped. There are plenty of lip balms out there to help

keep them moist. As for the inside, you want to be sure to keep your teeth and gums clean (yes,

brush after each meal, just like the toothpaste tubes say.) Don’t forget to brush your tongue, as

this is where a great deal of bacteria develops. Flossing is also a necessity, not an option. Use

mouthwash regularly, and if you have a problem with bad-breath, you may want to discuss it

with a dentist. There is nothing more unattractive to a woman than having to tolerate foul breath.

Make sure you visit a dentist every six months for a cleaning.

If you are a coffee or tea drinker, you should be sure to make sure your teeth are not

discolored or stained. There are plenty of off-the-shelf bleaching products available that work

very well, as well as treatments available from your dentist.

Skin

Your skin is the largest organ in your body, and is the part you’re most concerned about

getting her in contact with. Be sure to do a once-over on your body to ensure that you aren’t too

rugged for her. You don’t have to make your skin like velvet, but hard, cracked, callused skin is

not attractive to a woman. You want her to want to get close to you, and that means taking care

of areas you may not have considered before. Use lotion on your hands and any other areas to

get your skin soft enough to handle. If you have any blemishes or acne, there are many

products on the market that will help you keep the breakouts to a minimum, and help you make

them a little less noticeable.

Remember that women are keenly sensitive to touch, and look forward to touching men

they’re interested in.

Sounds and Smells

I didn’t want to have to make a point of this area of hygiene, but it’s very important that

you be aware of more than just the visual and tactile parts of your appearance. Here are just a

few of the more unattractive sounds men make that decrease a woman’s attraction to them:

- Snorting and other assorted throat noises. Keep these to a minimum, since they are

easily controlled. Phlegm noises of any kind are repulsive to women.

- Burping. Do not burp, not even at the most laid back party. If you have a need to

release the pressure, excuse yourself and do it somewhere out of earshot.

- Farting. Gosh, I wish I didn’t have to say this, but please don’t fart, guys. If you have

a problem with gas, review your diet and consider a medicinal supplement to help

you with your digestion.

- Foot Odor: Change your socks frequently, and use the shoe deodorizers available.

- Breath: As above, please do check your breath on occasion. If you lick your skin and

smell your saliva, you’ve got a good idea as to whether your breath is good or bad.

Carry breath mints (not gum) to use when needed.

The other nasty turn-off for women is the big B.O. Body odor is unattractive to all but the

women you might date in the underdeveloped countries of the world. Some men just don’t

shower enough, and some men can’t shower enough. Deodorant is a requirement for your

armpits. You should use antiperspirants if sweating is an issue for you. Do not try to cover up

your lack of cleanliness with a “gypsy bath,” meaning that you don’t use cologne or after-shave

to cover up your stinky body or clothes. I once worked with a guy who applied Brut to his clothes

each morning and smelled like he’d fallen out of a rotting pig carcass. I gently brought his

hygiene situation to his attention, but it is often a rare event that someone will tell you about it.

The topic is so uncomfortable, in fact, that many people would never tell you when your body

odor is strong, so you’ll have to monitor this closely yourself.

If you are going to use cologne or after-shave, be sure to use a high-quality scent. Try to

find something that suits you and is different enough to stand out. Most men use some variety of

the Calvin Klein brand, but there are many that are unique and appealing. Apply just enough to

give off a slight scent. This may take some trial and error. You want her to have to get nice and

close to you to smell your cologne, not running to get away from it.

Shoes and Clothes

Women pay attention to shoes. Let me repeat that: Women will notice your shoes. They

notice their own, and they notice yours. You don’t have to spend a fortune to get good shoes,

but you will have to pay more than $15 at the local Payless. Go to a discount store that sells

many of the brand names on sale. You can get a long-lasting pair of shoes for around $50 or so,

and they will do more to enhance your image than those ragged Hush Puppies you’ve had since

you were a kid. Keep your shoes shined and in good condition and you’ll avoid raising any red

flags with her. Keep your socks in good shape (no holes or tears) and matching. Memorize the

golden rules: Socks match your pant color, not the shoes, and the belt matches the shoes.

When it comes to clothes, keep it simple – especially if you don’t have any

understanding of fashion. You don’t have to be Mr. Armani to look decent, especially if you stick

to the basics. Remember: black is always good, just not too much or you’ll look like Johnny

Cash. Black makes you look slim, it’s always in, it’s hard to stain, and it goes with most

everything. Go with subdued colors until you know which ones work for you. Again, the best

thing you can do is to find a woman to go shopping with you and help you pick out some

clothes, or get the sales gal to help you find a good look. (And don’t forget to get her phone

number, while you’re at it.)

Another part of your overall fashion appearance is to keep your lines clean. This means

that, aside from choosing a good fit from your clothes, you should keep the creases and

contours of your clothes smooth so that they look as if they fit well. Don’t carry large objects

(anything noticeable) in your pockets, like your cell phone, a pager, a Palm Pilot, whatever geek

toys you usually keep. Also, watch out for the Batman Syndrome, where you end up carrying all

this junk on your utility belt. Keep it all out of sight whenever possible. Women are not

impressed with or attracted to geeky-ness as much as you might think.

Take a good long look at that lumpy wallet you’ve been carrying around since the eighth

grade – you know, the one with the worn circle from where you keep that condom stowed away.

Traditional wallets, I must inform you, are for old married guys. Most men are carrying around

pictures, business cards, credit cards, driver’s license, fortunes from Chinese meals gone-by,

change, a few George Washingtons, and that worn out backup rubber. This amounts to about

three inches of lump in your ass pocket. Not attractive. My recommendation is to ditch your

beat-up lambskin tri-fold for a sleek billfold that holds only the essentials, and keep it in a front

jacket pocket where possible. I now carry one that holds my license in a see-through window, a

few credit cards, and a clip for money.

If you can afford to, use a dry cleaner where possible to handle your nicer clothes. An

added bonus is that when they launder your shirts, they’ll press them. I know how much guys

(and gals) hate to iron, and you can’t afford to run around looking like you fished that shirt from

the bottom of your laundry basket. Dry cleaners also provide repair services, so use them to reattach

buttons, fix seams, etc.

Another tip for clothing care is to use only a small amount of detergent when you wash.

The smell of too much soap can be overwhelming. Also, the over-use of soaps will fade and

wear your clothes out early.

I have an easy formula for clothes that should help you build a simple, versatile, and

effective wardrobe:

Buy one pair of pants in navy blue, olive, tan, charcoal, and black. (5 Total)

Buy one black, one light or medium blue, and one shirt of a color that works for you. Buy

two white, long-sleeve dress shirts (Oxford pinpoint, button-down collar). (5 Total) Increase your

shirts as needed. These colors should give you a great deal of combining options. When you

can afford it, a sport coat or two should be added in to the mix, but in the meantime, a simple

black jacket will suffice.

Physical Fitness

You don’t have to have a muscle-bound body off of the latest issue of “Muscle-Boy” to

be appealing to a woman. (In fact, more women are turned off by heavily muscled physiques

than are turned on.) They prefer sleek and fit men, not Arnold-wannabes.

Every man should exercise regularly each week and demonstrate some care as to his

eating habits. I recommend a subscription to Men’s Health or a similar fitness magazine that

addresses all areas of health, from exercise to diet. A man with a “spare tire” around his middle

is not going to impress a woman. If you’re severely overweight, you will not only be limiting your

successes with women, but limiting your lifespan as well.

I’m not here to preach good health to you. However, your physical fitness level is a very

obvious indicator of your attitude toward life and yourself, and women look to this to figure out

how you’ll treat them.

Smoking

This is one that I left off the appearance list, but should be reflected upon. We live in a

time where most everyone within reach of a newspaper is now aware of the detrimental affects

of smoking. If you decide to smoke, that’s your choice, but keep in mind that our social attitude

is shifting with respect to where and when you smoke. In California, for instance, you are no

longer able to smoke indoors in public places, and New York is planning a ban on smoking in

restaurants. Others are sure to follow.

The Truth of the matter is that if you do smoke, you will be effectively limiting your pool

of available women drastically. A non-smoking man will appeal to almost any woman, whereas

a smoking man will be mostly attractive to smoking women. It’s your decision in the long run,

both for your health and your dating flexibility.

Posture and Presentation

There are many behavioral cues you can use to demonstrate self-confidence, style, and

sophistication. One of the examples we cited previously is James Bond. Watch Sean Connery

as he walks and moves in the older movies, or Pierce Brosnan most recently. They demonstrate

how a self-confident and self-disciplined man looks and moves.

- Speak slowly and insert deliberate pauses: Don’t hurry your sentences along,

inserting uhms and uhs everywhere. Take your time. You won’t seem stupid; you’ll

seem thoughtful and mysterious. Pause between things you want to carry more

emphasis. It’s not always what you say that’s important; it’s how you say it.

- Walk with swagger and style: The way you move is a direct reflection of your

personality. If you walk hunched over, avoiding people’s eyes, you appear unsure

and insecure. You want to stand up straight, chest out, and with a quick but sure

pace. Look like you’ve got someplace to be.

- Use your hands and body as poetry: The way you gesture and move your body in

general should be very loose and circular. Don’t move in jerky motions, like a

nervous squirrel. When you reach for things, you move carefully and deliberately.

Imagine that you have to act out a poem with your motions. Don’t overdo this and

become a ballet dancer for her, just make your movements fluid and relaxed.

- Stand Proud: Many men don’t have a very secure looking pose when they’re just

standing. They tend to cross their arms most of the time, which everyone knows is

closed body language. You should find a way to stand that suits you, yet feels

attractive. As corny as they seem, the poses many men make on the covers of

catalogs or GQ magazine are actually very confident and statuesque. Your ability to

look calm and confident when standing still is important.

- SMILE: Practice your smile in front of a mirror if you have to, but develop your ability

to show a good smile. This one behavior says that you have a core of happiness

more than anything else, and it will rub off on her. Smiling also says you’re secure

with yourself, and you have a sense of humor.