Flowers by the Wayside

When the Money Ran Out

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 13:55:00 +0000

For several months or maybe more than a year, my husband and I had been struggling financially. We are always tired and overworked but it seems that our money was being siphoned somewhere.

Somehow, our money just finds its way out. Even if we tithe and give our offerings, we are having such a bad time.

Yesterday, I got a text message from a friend that she wanted to talk to me about money problems. She said that she feels comfortable talking to me because she could not openly share to her discipler about money problems. She doesn't think that they could relate because they never knew poverty.

My husband said that was already the answer to my question why we are going through this phase. And it struck me that he is right. All the happenings in our life do not just occur without a reason--even our lack.

So it is never really a losing situation that we are in lack. Whereas some may think that being poor is a curse, it can actually be an instrument of God to minister to others. As long as we live in God's will, His purposes will prevail and His name be glorified, even if we are down to our last peso.

Work and Expense

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 11:12:00 +0000

I am so thankful that I have a lot of things to do lately. Well, my projects keep me from doing housework, but well, I have a deadline to meet and my clients' requirements are almost always rush jobs.

But I realized is that, if I am busy, I cannot go out and just go malling. Sometimes we go to the mall to unwind, but we end up buying something on sale. But now that I am busy, I get work and earn, and at the same time, I am kept from spending.

Cool. I think that is God's economy working here. An idle mind is the devil's workshop, tempting you with materialism and consumerism. But when you are busy, you cannot think about it.

Change of Plans

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 02:52:00 +0000

I am home because my interview got canceled. I need to interview somebody for a magazine and my deadline is on the 15th.

Actually, I don't understand why my cellphone alarm did not set off. Instead of waking up at 7am in order to prepare for my trip, I woke up to my husband telling me that it is already 8:30am. Even Dindin did not ask for her milk at 7am. Imagine that.

So I rushed over breakfast and took a bath. But my husband called out to me while I was in the shower that my contact sent a message that they may be late in picking me up because it is raining really hard in their place.

Ahhh really? That is a pleasant surprise. And I am thankful because at least I could still spend some more minutes with Dindin who woke up already.

After my bath, we exchanged messages and we decided to move the interview on Thursday.

I think that God intended for my alarm not to set off because He was going to let it rain. He knew that I would feel bad waking up so early just to learn that my appointment would be cancelled.

Thank You, Lord. Your ways are higher than ours. Your plans more magnificent.

Temper, temper

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 01:40:00 +0000

I can really have a bad temper...I can sometimes control myself whenever I get to talk to myself and MY self will listen.

But this is not always the case. And most of the time, my anger is lashed out at my poor daughter who sometimes has nothing to do with it or maybe she did something that irritated me but she did not really deserve to be treated that way.

When I opened the bible this morning, I was led to Galatians 5:22 that talks about the fruit of the Spirit. In the passages before that, the words talk about the sinful nature and one of the things highlighted there was "fits of rage."

I could very well describe myself when angry as having fits of rage. True. I could be like that. Like the Incredible Hulk who has no control over his rage, I can be like that. But I am aware and I know that even if I cannot control myself there is Someone who can and can help me.

Dindin is already getting nervous. She knows when I am angry and becomes jittery. That is why I hate what I am doing to her.

"God, I totally surrender myself to you. I acknowledge that I am helpless with my temper tantrums. I dislike it, I abhor it, and I do not approve of it because I consider it as sin. Yet I continue to do it. Lord I don't know how to pray about this, if You will take this away from me or that You will give me strength to control this. I can only pray for healing upon the damages of my temper upon my daughter as well as protection that whenever I will once again lose my temper."

Being Prepared

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 15:21:00 +0000

I like to be prepared. If there is one thing that I learned from my mother, that is to prepare my things if I am going to do or go somewhere else the next day. She doesn't like cramming and she has instilled in us the disciplining of planning ahead and preparing.

I think this is so because my mother is a stickler to time and doesn't want to be late. If you procrastinate and work on something hurriedly, then chances are you are going to forget something. That is the wisdom of my mother. And she is right.

Anyway, this is still not my concern yet as we are not going anywhere. My husband and I could not afford to rent much more to buy own house so we are not moving anytime soon. But if ever, I will really prepare for it.

Firstly, I need to get moving quotes so that I will know how much I will be spending on transportation and on the hired hands. Of course, the more stuff that we need to move, the more people that we need to hire. So we really have to consider this.

Secondly, I will need to have secure containers so that when we move, I will be able to put our things in them and keep them safe in the handling and transportation.

And thirdly, I will need to hire at least two people who will help out in the unpacking and in the arranging of things so that we can get settled in our new home as soon as possible. I would not want to live with stuff still in boxes, so I would like to unpack and put everything in their proper place as soon as possible.

Well, at least in my mind I am already to move! haha

Snack Time

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 02:51:00 +0000

Yesterday, I had a meeting. After my meeting, I thought of going around downtown Bacolod. After getting what I needed, I took the jeepney going home. My husband texted me if I wanted to be fetched, I said I can take the jeep after all it is just one ride and that would save him the trouble and well, our gas.

It was around 6:00pm and many employees are already going home for the night.

In the jeepney, I got hungry and remembered the chicken sandwich from Roli's in my bag. I could eat it there but I thought of bringing it to my husband as a gift. He has worked hard all day and thought of giving him a treat. I did not buy it actually. It was our snacks from the meeting and our boss just let us bring our share if we were not hungry. And so I did.

When I went aboard the jeep, it was half full. One guy went up after me and ate off a pack of salted peanuts. Then the girl behind me opened her big ensaimada and started chomping on it. Then another girl came up and ate off a fried chicken that can be bought in push carts on the sidewalk. Then the other guy at the end of the jeep, seeing that everybody was eating, probably got hungry, and took out a banana from his bag, which was part of a bigger bunch that he was probably going to take home.

Ahhh...The working class.

My husband and I may as well be considered part of the lower middle class because of our income.

I am writing this because sometimes I can be a grumbler and a complainer but seeing these guys in the jeepney keeps me reminded that we have so much more blessings. While they were eating, I remembered that I too have food in my bag, but it was not something off the streets (though I do not mind eating street food), it was a Roli's chicken sandwich.

While the guy had bananas for his family, I had with me a box of small dolls that I could take home for my daughter.

While we were together in the jeep, I know that I can go home and know that we have a family car. While we all go home, I can still go to an airconditioned room and play with my daughter afterwards.

I am writing this, not to lord it over others who have less, but as a remember to all of us who have a little more. Sometimes, we grumble and complain at some difficulty but we have to be reminded that we always have something to be thankful for if we just open our eyes.

That jeepney trip yesterday was a lesson in itself. I was reminded to give thanks in all circumstances.

Thank You, Lord for all your blessings.

Constant Reminder

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 00:25:00 +0000

"It is easy to worry about many things. And almost everyone has something to worry about."

Last night I slept late, around 2 am, because I finished some work. But I woke up early today to continue working. I wanted to do it earlier, but my eyes are just sore from the long hours in front of my laptop last night.

Anyway, I made my morning coffee and then got to work.

While I was drowned in my work, I started contemplating my attitude towards a certain client. Although I have my perks with this client, the people there can sometimes make my life difficult. About the second half of 2010, I had tough times with them and I was really stressed out that I got to the point that I no longer want to answer their phone calls.

But then I thought, I have to change my attitude towards them, like I am working towards God and not for them.

Last night, I got a text message that I am to re-do some of their ads. Although that is a fine request, the words that came with it are not. So I thought this morning that I will change my attitude and just do it.

Just then, I heard some loud chirping just outside our bedroom window. In the stillness of our bedroom, I can really hear them. And despite my head being buried deep in work, I noticed them. So I got up and checked the chirping out.

It was a small yellowish bird chirping happily. I smiled. Then another one flew past. And another one. There were three of them! No wonder they made so much noise!

But their was a happy noise. And I could not help but smile and say "Thank you."

Yep! God has sent me a message this morning. "No worries."

Cool.

Thank you Lord.

A Child's Prayers

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 03:02:00 +0000

Ever since she was 9 months old, my daughter wanted a Baby Alive doll. But it was much to expensive. At P3,600, my husband and I thought that we have better things to spend our money on, such as her supplements, vaccines, and her educational plans/insurance policies.

But every time we went to the mall, she would ask to be brought to the doll section and play with the Baby Alive dolls on display. She would insert her little finger in the small hole that says "Try Me" and just watch whatever it was the doll would do.

Then one day, we brought home a catalog from Toys R Us. We did not notice what she was doing when all of a sudden, we heard her giggling. When we tiptoed towards her, we realized that she was reading the catalog and it was open on the page where the Baby Alive doll was. She was pointing at it and giggling. The next thing she did blew our minds.

She put her hands together, closed her eyes and mumbled a prayer. We knew she was praying because in the end, she said, "Amen." I forgot how old she was then, maybe 17 months.

Because of that, I asked God to please answer my child's prayers. Not because I want a Baby Alive doll but because a one-year old child exercised her faith and prayed for a doll. And well, I thought that it would be nice if Dindin learned first hand that God does answer prayers.

And guess what?? Last night a client gave her a Baby Alive doll! We sort of talked about Dindin in the past and how she liked the doll. But I did not expect that someone who was not even a relative, would be willing so much money on a doll for my daughter! God does answer my prayers...and that is what my daughter will find out on Christmas day! :-D

Thank you God for hearing Dindin's prayers. Yeah, if we know how to bless her with good things, You know better because You are our heavenly father.

Living by Faith

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 06:35:00 +0000

"I just want to be able to save some money. It is not even to save so much but just enough so that we will not be concerned with our next credit card bill payment. Or we should live like this? Is this living by faith?"

From my dear husband:

"Both is living by faith. But it is a question on what do we put our faith on. If we put our faith in money, then we try to earn enough--to let the money that we have assure us that we will not be hungry, that we will not be in need. If we have enough money, we put our faith in the fact that we still have money for tomorrow. But if it is God that we fully trust, then even if we don't see the money, it is faith in Him that will give us peace."

Other People's Problems

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 05:56:00 +0000

People come to you and share their problems. With all your heart, you try to be with them because you love them and care about their problems.

But because of one instance that you could not, not because you don't want, but because you can't for you also have your own troubles, they ignore you and think that you no longer care...

Sad, it was their opportunity to show that they also care. It was their time to show that they are real friends.

I am still hoping that I am mistaken. I don't want to think of people as selfish. But I guess that is reality.

Divine Appointment

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 06:01:00 +0000

Waking up in the middle of the night with my headache gone (a miracle that a migraine of that intensity was gone without mefenamic acid or any pain reliever of some sort) was without a purpose. I had a divine appointment with a friend on Facebook.

Bless Your name, Lord!!! :-D Be glorified Jesus.

Rain, Don't Go Away

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 06:05:00 +0000

Coming home from His Life Ministries in Mandalagan, the rain poured while I was walking in the middle of the stretch to the highway. At first I ran, but eventually I gave in and bathed in the rain!

This was the my first time again in years and it felt great! It seemed that the rain was the pouring I needed to be revived...refreshed...Thank you, Lord. :-D

P.S. I just got curious stares from people as I was all dressed and carrying a handbag and walking slowly like there was no rain. People must have thought I was nuts!

Bad Mix

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 05:25:00 +0000

Having PMS, going on a low-carb/low-sugar diet, and some spats with friends do not go well together.

Greed

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 05:08:00 +0000

In their desire to become rich, people forget others, including their families. How sad can that be?

But the sadder part is, yeah, they get very rich, which adds up to their puffed up heads.

Surface

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:00:00 +0000

They say that if you have no available surface in the house or room because you have piled up so many things there, then you have a problem with keeping yourself sane. Is this true?

Sharing of Resources

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:18:00 +0000

...and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.-- Acts 4:35

I really marveled at this verse. The people at that time were so fired up with the Holy Spirit that those who had much sold what they had in order to share to the poor or the needy. It was like they allowed the apostles to become the managers of their earthly belongings and so resources were distributed according to "need." Amazing! And I really wondered what it was like then.

But little did I realize that I was actually living in similar circumstances in the present. My new family is among the many who are struggling to make both ends meet with the coming of a child. Our baby is a real blessing, but reality check, our expenses have increased because of our growing needs.

Primarily, our baby needs milk. Despite my lack in the production of breast milk, God has placed in our sphere two new mothers who willingly gave some of their milk to my child to augment the formula until the time that she would no longer take them. A month later, another new mother offered her breast milk, as her baby could not consume all that she produced, and thankfully, our daughter accepted it up until now.

Aside from the milk, I can probably say that 98% of her clothes were all given--from Day 1 to the present. I am not a picky mom, so even if the clothes are already 2nd, 3rd, or 4th hand, as long as our baby can use them, we let her use them. Then there is the comforter, pillows, crib, chair, stroller, toys, and even the walker. The walker has a funny story though, as a friend bought this for her son who is older than our daughter. And yet, she related that her son hated that walker, in fact she showed me a photo of her son crying while in the walker. But our daughter loved it!

We are so thankful because the extra money that we have is what we used to buy the things that we could only hope for if her needs were not met, like books, educational toys, and some other things that would make her comfortable and our lives easier.

I am so blessed and thankful to the people around me who not only poured our their hearts and prayers to our new family, but who also lovingly shared so that our needs can be met. You are all a present-day reminder for me of the time in the New Testament when people embodied the love of Christ towards their brothers and sisters.

"Yes, Boss!"

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 23:37:00 +0000

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. -- 1 Peter 3:5-6

I am very happy with serving my husband, taking care of his needs, budgeting the expenses of our family, and contributing to the family's finances.

However, there are also times when I can be very bossy and domineering over my husband. I want him to follow my way of doing things, as if my techniques or methods are the ONLY option. I think that my system is more cost efficient, time saving, and requires minimal effort but achieves great results nonetheless. However, this is not necessarily the case.

In the past, when these instances happen, I would argue with my husband (especially when things go awry) as to why he did not follow my instructions literally. Eventually, he would tell me off, “Yes, boss!” And that would be the signal of a long fight, as I would really insist that I was right and it really irked me to be called boss.

But one day, I read this passage in 1 Peter about wives being submissive to their husbands and how their manner should be toward them. The part that struck me the most was Sarah’s devotion to Abraham, whom she even addressed to as her master. Sarah knew her place as a wife, not as a servant, but a submissive partner to her husband.

I was so ashamed by my actions that I immediately asked for forgiveness and prayed that God would enable me to repent and change my ways. Thankfully, the Lord honored my request and because I am aware now of my behavior, I became more careful with how I deal with my husband. I asked him recently if he is happier now in our marriage and he said, “Yes, because you make me happy.”

My husband is not demanding. But like most men, he also desires the respect and submission of his wife. I asked the Lord that I be made into a wife who not only loves but also respects and submits to her husband. Although things are not perfect, God’s strength has enabled me to consider my husband first, not just my feelings. God’s grace has also gradually restored my husband’s place as master of our family, not the other way around.

A Glimpse of Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:50:00 +0000

"...that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. --Philippines 2:10-11

I am not talking about a comfortable life. I am not talking about riches. But I am talking about a blessed event that happened recently.

Last weekend, I saw a glimpse of heaven. Hundreds of members from different churches from all over Bacolod City gathered together to worship and praise the Lord. It was the launching of the citywide 40 Days of Grace Campaign that was organized by the Bacolod Pastors' Prayer Fellowship.

I felt all the physical manifestations of God's spirit working amongst the people present. But at the same time, my heart was stirred at the sight of people from different Christian denominations in one room, worshipping one God, and getting blessed by it. I know that the congregation was not composed of people from other countries but mostly residents of our city, but I felt like I was in heaven worshipping with all the saints, bowing before the throne of grace.

Oh how wonderful it would be when the time comes when we can all worship the Lord together as one body. People from every tribe, every nation, giving glory to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Privacy Policy

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 06:53:00 +0000

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Undignified Worship

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:05:00 +0000

David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might...- 2 Samuel 6:14

I sometimes envy my husband.

Yes, I am jealous of him, not because of anything but because of how he worships the Lord. Oh how my husband can worship! He just adores the Lord and can lift up his voice, sing his praise, and even dance because of joyful worship to the King of Kings.

My husband really has the heart of a worshipper. Although I may consider myself a worshipper, too, as I would worship the Lord on my alone times with Him and during worship services, but when I look at my husband, I see King David.

Too bad Michal didn't share in what King David had for the Lord. But in my case, I do wish I can worship the Lord like my husband does--with sheer abandon! And he is not just doing carefree prancing, his is focused revelry, adoration, and extravagant praise to his beloved Savior.

King David said, in 2 Samuel 6:21-22, "...I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." And that is what I see in my husband.

Indeed if there is anything we should be undignified about, it should be our worship to our Creator and Savior. We express our love, appreciation, adoration, fear, and joy through worship.

And like my husband, I, too would want to be able to say that "I am undignified of my celebration of the Lord."

Waiting For People

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:32:00 +0000

...the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. -- 1 Peter 3:4

I have always been an impatient person. And it irks me so much when people are late for our appointments. It is because I am a stickler to time. When I make an appointment, I make sure that I am already at the appointed place about 10 to 15 minutes earlier in order to settle down. So when the person I am going to meet is 15 minutes late, that means I have been waiting for already half an hour. Unless otherwise there was really an emergency that kept me long, I can be expected to arrive before the time. Or else, I would send word that I will be late.

I remember having a cold war with a friend in college. We were supposed to meet in school at 3pm. I live very far from our school, so I had to travel almost an hour just to make the appointment. I got there at 2:45pm. At 3:30pm, my friend still wasn't there. When I called up their home phone to check if she had already left, she was the one who answered the phone. And to my dismay, I learned that she had not taken a bath yet. I knew that she takes a bath for about an hour and consumes about 30 minutes drying her hair. And the travel time from her house to our school is 30 minutes. So how much longer would I have to wait? No, I did not wait any longer. I went home. She didn't speak to me for several days.

I thought up of a solution to this problem of waiting. Instead of keeping the time of appointment, I would arrive "fashionably" later, like about 10-20 minutes later than the appointment. So if the other party arrives 30 minutes late, I only get to wait 10 minutes. And I am not harassed trying to keep the schedule. I did this for a few years. It did work well. But for those who arrived on time, they had to wait for me.

I have done this for several years until lately. As I read this verse in 1 Peter, I realized that my solution had been less than honorable. Not only did I join the ranks of Filipinos known to arrive late for appointments, I have been inconsiderate because I have made others wait as well. So instead, now I have decided to ask God, not really for the people that I am supposed to meet to arrive on time (although it will be much appreciated), but to have a gentle and quiet spirit as I wait for them.

The verse may be talking about other things, but for me, having a gentle and quiet spirit should affect all aspects of my life. Instead of grumbling because my friend or client is late, I am asking God for the serenity as I wait for them. Who knows? God may have a purpose for that time and I can use it to do other things, among which is to praise Him and listen to Him speak while I wait.

Repent from Worry

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:53:00 +0000

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -- Matthew 6:34

My husband would often tell me not to worry. Especially when finances are running low or already in the negative, I worry on where to get money to pay the bills. So I would tell him that it is just easy for him to say, because I am the one keeping the budget anyway.

But then I realized as I re-read Matthew 6, this passage is not just a story. This is not about the birds in the air and the lilies in the field. This is a direct command from Jesus telling us not to worry. He just presented it in a story to make it very simple in order that we may understand.

Yet, still we don't. Or at least, I don't. Because I keep on worrying.

And because of this, I am already sinning because I am disobeying a direct command by the Lord. It also follows that because I worry, I do not trust the Lord completely, and thus making me sin some more.

With that realization, I asked forgiveness and repented of worrying. I have committed myself not to worry and to trust the Lord completely. May God enable me as I tread this new path of a life without worries.

Who is More Suplada?

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:36:00 +0000

But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace. -- Psalm 37:11

I consider myself very "suplada"--a snobbish person. Or it could also connote "meanness" or having a bad attitude, someone capable of nasty remarks and who can do nasty things to people. I am not entirely a bad person in what other people would consider bad, however, if angered, my only option is to fight back. I am also very mataray (sarcastic).

But when I became a Christian, I mellowed down. Many people can attest that I have become more cheerful, less mataray, and more patient with other people.

There is still one problem though--if I am angered, I can still be really sarcastic and mean. And I would often say, which could refer to anybody, "If she is suplada, I am more suplada than her." Or, "If she's mataray, I can be more mataray." Or something to that effect. And I will really prove it. If the other person will snob or ignore me, I will do worse.

But I realized that is not what Jesus taught. Meekness was what Jesus heralded. He displayed meekness throughout His life here on earth, even at the point of death in the hands of an angry people.

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." That is the message of Matthew 5:5.

That means that if I were to follow Christ, meekness should be one of my values...ingrained in my character. That means to remain peaceable even when other people are mataray to me, when other people are suplada, when other people physically push me aside, are inconsiderate, or when people ignore me for one reason or the other. I am to be meek even when people gossip about or malign me. I don't know what inheriting the earth means in its entirety. But I do know what meekness is.

This world promotes fairness. Jesus promotes meekness.

What do I do? I repent.

So from now on. I will no longer make myself more suplada or more mataray than others. I will rather strive to be meeker each day.

In Publishing a Book

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 04 May 2009 23:00:00 +0000

Run in such a way as to get the prize. -- 1Corinthians 9:24

I have always wanted to publish the contents of flowersbythewayside.com. But it seems, I don't have the opportunity of getting it done.

I know that God wanted me to do this in order to help spread His fame in the internet. I know that I was led to do this several years ago. And that I have continued to do.

It is not every week that I get to write something because of one reason or another, but there those times when I get discouraged because there seems to be no hope of getting the entire thing published in book form.

However a couple of weeks I was convicted. Whether or not Flowers By the Wayside the book gets published or not, I am to continue writing because that is what God called me to do--to share my life's experiences and what I learned from them through the web. The book part was not really included in the original call.

At the same time, I also felt that getting it published in book form is not really for God's glory but for my pride already, which is probably the main reason why it does not see its light among publishers.

So if Flowers by the Wayside gets published, it is already a bonus. If not, flowersbythewayside.blogspot.com will continue to live for as long as Google continues to host it. After all, the main prize is not getting this published but in reaping God's approval.

Enduring a Very Painful Childbirth

noreply@blogger.com (d and b) — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 01:17:00 +0000

"...apart from me you can do nothing." -- John 15:5

I could probably say that the my first pregnancy was moderately difficult. The first trimester was easy and it only got kind of hard on the fifth month when a kidney, which I never knew I had, got dislodged in my ureter and I was hospitalized twice to manage the pain.

Then the third trimester came. Braxton-Hicks contractions came early and strong. On the eighth month, I thought I was already giving birth. It was difficult to get around because of the contractions and the pain on my back and the cramps on my legs. But I was not dilated still.

However, a day before the 38th week, my bag of water leaked--minimally at first. But I was hospitalized, given drugs to soften the cervix as I was only 1cm dilated, and then induced the next morning. The contractions were so strong that I would pass out every two minutes after a 30-second contraction. I thought I was lying in the labor room for several hours already as I was already having dreams, when in reality only a few minutes had passed. By around 6pm of the second day, I already begged for an epidural because I couldn't stand the pain anymore.

I thought I was just a weakling, but the doctor said that my contractions were really strong, according to the fetal monitor. My uterus, my doctor said, could possibly rupture because of the strength of the contractions.

Despite drumming myself up for the most positive and efficient childbirth scenario, mine was less than inspirational. The pregnant women who would talk me after my delivery ended up getting scared for their impending delivery.

During the early part of the induced labor while the pain was still tolerable, I would keep on singing praises to God. But during the more intense contractions, I would cry out to God when I was conscious, "Lord, please deliver me from this pain, I can't take this anymore." Then I would again praise Him.

Although I was short of complaining to God why I had to go through such pain, when I look back, I can't help but think if God wasn't with me. Could I really have gone through so much pain and survive? It was His strength that not just augment but perfected my weakness in my toughest moment.

Today, when I read John 15:5, I was reminded of what I went through and how God was with me. Why He allowed me to go through such an experience is beyond me, but what I know is, He was and still continues to be with me all the time. In fact, if He were not with me, I don't think I was able to endure the pain.