Tales from the Dark Side

READ BEFORE SENDING.

2018-08-12T10:22:00.001+01:00

The perils of voice activation software. I was sending a text to my driver to tell him where to pick me up. Instead of it saying Sauchiehall Street, it came out as “Suck your whole.” A good trick if you can do it. I didn’t press send.

This reminded me of another incident. Some years ago I had been at a difficult meeting. Afterwards a colleague asked me how it had gone. Instead of my text saying; “their was allot of long faces.” it came out as; “allot of long faeces.” I did say it had been a difficult meeting.

BEING GRUMPY

2018-07-29T18:33:00.001+01:00

I know there is a danger I’m going to sound like a really grumpy old man, but does no one know how to use a telephone these days? I don’t mean how to operate one, I mean how to answer one properly without grunting down”arg” down the receiver. you are forced to ask “who am I talking to?” I end up fealing like I’m interrogating someone just to confirm I’ve got the correct person or department. The thing is, it’s widespread and the BBC is no better. Everyone has a phone, but appear incapable of actually holding a conversation on one. If you intend to work in the Communication industry, try communicating and not grunting down the line.

Major one year on

2018-07-28T13:01:00.001+01:00

I have real mixed emotions at this time of year. Just over Two years ago Renton my 7 1/2 stone guide dog German Shepherd fell suddenly ill with a very aggressive form of cancer. Sadly he had to be put to sleep. Last June, 1 year on from that sad occasion, major came into my life.

I can’t believe that was a year ago when I had my first test walk. The thing was, I couldn’t tell anyone. It was all very secretive. The final decision hadn’t been made whether major would be my new Guide dog or not. Something that was made very clear to me when I met the instructor outside Queen Street station in the centre of Glasgow. I was told in advance of our meeting that Major was a cross Shepherd retriever, on paper he looked like a good match. It was all very clandestine, because the Guide Dog Association didn’t wish to over commit themselves encase it didn’t work out. After all, Major was only 17 months old and had just been collected from the dog trainers in Forfar by the instructor, who would finish off his training and do the match up with the blind handler. Hopefully me. At that stage things could still go wrong, so I understood their reluctance to commit.

For the first time in over a year I held on to the handle on the dog harness and off we went whizzing around the merchant city. It felt strange after such a lengthy break. The longest time I had experience since being trained with my first dog over 30 years earlier. When I first got my hands on Major, he didn’t feal anything like a shepherd. No pointy ears. he didn’t feel anything like a retriever either. Major did guide like a shepherd. That’s hard to explain. Shepherds are very definite in their moves. For example They read a situation far further ahead than a Labrador. They are also very driven. When they find a door, by god you know. Straight in with no hesitation. They are also brilliant at finding pelican crossings. Incapable of making a decision, That’s not the Shepherd way.

After a couple more test walks around my home area the decision was made that my training would go ahead in the August. one year on from that first walk, he’s been a fantastic guide dog so far. I’m not saying we’ve not had our challenges, but that is true of every new guide dog partnership. Months go by and you realise your bad days get further and further appart. To such an extent, I can’t remember our last one. I hope I’m not jinxing myself with that statement.

Having fun with iMovie

2016-09-14T18:00:00.001+01:00

We have been having some fun with iMovie the film editing app.

if you press the link below you will get to see me sawing wood....I know, but its better than watching paint dry!!

blind man with a saw!

The Dark Way Home Documentary about the innovations that came out of soldiers who were blinded in WW1

2016-05-22T20:46:00.001+01:00

I have been working on a documentary about the soldiers who were blinded in the first world war. The numbers who came home with sight issues were enormous and society back home had to find ways of teaching and inventing new ways of surviving day to day life

Thursday 26th May BBC 2 Scotland 7pm or for those outside Scotland

BBC Two Scotland can be viewed on Sky 142 (HD) & 970, Freesat 970.

A few more videos added to my Channel

2016-04-09T18:57:00.002+01:00

I have added a few more videos to my You Tube Channel

On the Road Again

2016-04-05T21:37:00.001+01:00

A short film of my team preparing to go "On the road again" for the Scottish Elections.

The tough decision of Rentons retirement

2016-04-02T17:41:00.003+01:00

Renton sitting in the drivers seat of the car looking in the wing mirror

Unless there is a snap general UK election in the next 12 months, this forthcoming Scottish Election at the beginning of May, will be my guide dog’s last one before he retires! Bit of a shock I know! One of the reasons I started this blog was to explain the process of how a blind person is trained to work with the new dog and all the bonding and frustrations that go along with it. So far he’s been on the road with me on two UK elections, one local council election, a Scottish Referendum on independence and oh yes, a referendum on the UK’s membership of the EU still to come at the end of June.

So Renton has certainly seen his fair share of political action.

It’s never easy making the decision to retire a guide dog, but as he’s coming up for 8 and it can take some time to get the exact dog for my needs, it was suggested it may be time to start the process of retiring him.

So, before the Easter break, I sat down with one of the guide dog instructors to set out a plan and timetable for Renton’s retirement. The one thing I didn’t want to do was have a last minute rush to stop him working, which would leave me with no dog at all or push me into getting a dog that doesn't quite fit my needs. Because of this we’ve put a plan in place that he will retire sometime over the next 18months!

There are two things I have to consider when retiring a guide dog. His welfare and my mobility. One doesn’t supersede the other, they are both equally important. It’s very easy to get sentimental, but it doesn’t help. Fundamentally, I’m blind and need a dog to get about. Plus he needs some time to enjoy life without the stress of work.

picture of the bag of Ian and Rentons heads as they sit in the car

A colleague at work had said that they thought that 8yrs old sounded young to retire a guide dog? Well, in many cases this may be true. However, it does come down to the dogs work load and breed. German shepherds are larger dogs so do tend to age a bit quicker than the average Lab.8-9yrs old is about an average age for a dog which is so big...and he is huge! So to give them some kind of quality after work life it’s best to retire them a bit earlier.

So anytime over the next year and a half, I could get that call saying we’ve a new dog for you. Then the real emotion kicks in and the next big decision. Do we keep Renton? Or find him a new home for his retirement?

To sleep per chance to dream

2016-03-27T12:48:00.001+01:00

So... the clocks have gone forward an hour and we’ll all lose extra time in bed. However, the up-side is that long sultry summer days are just around the corner - fantastic! (You can’t say I’m not an optimist.) However, being blind, apart from the hot sun against my face I won’t detect any difference, as I can’t distinguish between day and night.

It is estimated that 70% of totally blind people have a sleep disorder and as many as half of everyone with a significant sight loss could also be affected. It’s because they can’t tell light from dark.

I’ve discovered that I’m one of the unfortunate 70% of totally blind people who have trouble sleeping. It’s like having permanent jetlag. There I am laying in bed, wide awake at 4 am in the morning, physically exhausted - wondering why I can’t sleep. It wasn’t until I presented a radio programme that I discovered my poor sleep pattern may have something to do with my blindness.

The problem is caused by the disruption of the melatonin in the body. It controls the circadian rhythm, so we sleep at night and stay alert during daylight hours. The amount of light which reaches the eyes controls the quantity of melatonin that the pineal gland produces. Light slows down the production of the hormone. So on a bright sunny day, you are alert and filled with energy. On a dull day when the house is full of dark shadows, you become more lacklustre and sleepy. When evening falls and the lights go out, the pineal gland increases its production of melatonin. The hormone flows throughout the body and makes people sleepy. However, if you’re blind, this doesn’t work affectively and the body’s natural rhythm becomes disrupted throwing the sleep pattern out of kilter.

I’ve been visually impaired since birth, but because I had a little vision and the light was getting through to my pineal gland, my body was still excreting the melatonin hormone, so disturbed sleep patterns were not really an issue, until I lost all my sight a few years ago. A blind friend of mine had been complaining for years of not being able to get to sleep at night and he didn’t understand why. Consequently he would be shattered the following day at work, making it very difficult for him to function affectively. He also believed that his lack of sleep was much more disabling than his lack of vision.

Like him, if I’ve had a good night's sleep I can function quite normally. Moving around independently, operating my computer and interacting with my colleagues doesn’t present any difficulty. But if I’ve not slept, it’s quite a different matter.

It’s a very difficult thing to describe. Another blind friend who suffered badly from sleep deficiency explained it as having a squishy shield between you and the rest of the world. I know exactly what they meant. In this state of semi awakeness, combined with blindness, it can be extremely dangerous when moving around. It’s so easy to get disoriented and misjudge stairs, traffic and other obstacles. Although it’s largely incurable, the worst aspects can be significantly reduced by taking the drug Melatonin before going to bed. Oddly, you would imagine that this would be commonly known, both among the blind community and the medical profession, but it’s not.

Nearly three years ago I presented a documentary for BBC Radio Scotland on this subject and I was astonished how people were not aware of the problem. Many of the blind people I talked to admitted 'Yes I do have a sleep problem'. However, few knew why, and even worse, when some went to their GP to get help, hardly any of the doctors linked their patient’s blindness to their sleeping difficulties. Melatonin doesn’t work for everyone though; some people can suffer from side affects, like headaches. So it’s still worth getting medical advice, even if the GP is not fully aware of what you are talking about.

Over 24 hours my body clock can slip by 30 minutes and over a six-week period, will do a complete 24-hour cycle with the added complication of no two days being the same However, if I take my Melatonin every night before retiring, it can stabilise my sleep pattern.

It’s not only visually impaired people who suffer from a sleep disorder. Shift workers who do irregular working hours, can also be badly affected. Parents with small children can also find their circadian rhythm being thrown off balance by having to get up at irregular times during the night.

It is very difficult to get Melatonin from your doctor here in the UK, as it’s not on the list of approved drugs for prescription. Although, it is relatively easy to get it from the internet.

Sleep deprivation is only a problem because, as a blind person, I have to fit into a sighted world. If I didn’t have to go to work at the same time every day or sit down to eat with everyone else, I could let my body clock fall into its own natural sleep pattern: Breakfast at midnight, lunch at four in the morning and be home for dinner at around nine. However, the reality is that I do have to fit in, so for that reason I will keep taking the pills.

Sting in the tail movie link. Should've gone to spec sellers!!!!!

2016-03-25T17:26:00.001+00:00

Sting in the tail my new Silent Movie...not for Blind people, but by me and Christine about my humorous take on every day advertising.

2015-03-24T15:00:00.001+00:00

For those of you who know me well, will also know how laid back and easy going I am. You’ll never hear me complain, grump or moan about anything. [Please note this is a rhetorical statement and doesn’t require a response from anyone. Thanks.] Anyway, there is nothing annoys me more when I’m being asked for a particular form of ID.

There I am this morning standing with a bloody huge guide dog in the bank with his harness on and they ask me; Mr Hamilton, “do you have a drivers licence?” "What do you think?” It’s not as if I’ve not been in there before and they don’t know who I am. Plus they can see the dog as I come in. They know I’m blind. I think the question; “do you have a drivers licence?” is just a stock question they ask everyone when they are looking for ID and it’s out their mouth before they’ve engaged their brain.

Anyone fancy a lift? “Ok Renton, which way do we go now?”

Newsnight Scotland tonight on BBC 2

2014-01-13T21:09:00.001+00:00

In my latest film Renton and I travel in the Tardis to the year 2034 to findout what happened after Scotland voted YES to INdependence at the 2014 Referendum. This is one of two films the second one to be shown next Monday night, looking at what happens if Scotland votes NO in the Independence Referendum.

I met four people with very different views, of how a future Scotland might be. So watch tonight at 11pm BBC2 Scotland to see me with my time traveling dog

Our nerves are shredded.....and breath....

2014-01-10T16:57:00.002+00:00

I don’t want any of you folks to fret, but I’ve had a monitor fitted for the last 24 hours to check on my blood pressure. No! No! I mean it, don’t concern yourself about my possible demise. No tears please, it’s embarrassing. It’s just one of these things you have to go through when you get to a certain age. I’ve been informed its preventative encase I have a heart attack or a stroke in the future.

I had my blood pressure done in the surgery as part of a general check-up, but every time I have had my blood pressure taken by the nurse the pressure increased.

I hate anything medical. “It’s probably white coat syndrome.” the same nurse said. So this is why I’ve got this monitor fitted and it’s driving me nuts as it goes off every 30 minutes with a bleeping and whirling sound, as the arm band inflates.

Having a sensitive German Shepherd in the house is not helping my readings at all. As every time it bleeps and whirls, Renton gets a fright and starts barking as he doesn’t know where the noise is coming from. Which then gives me a fright which then probably increases my blood pressure. Both of our nerves are shredded. I expect the reading on this monitor when it returns to the surgery will not make happy reading. I’m anticipating when the nurse plugs it in to her computer to analyse the data all kinds of alarms will be set off and an ambulance will be sent automatically to my door to cart me off to the local heart ward.

Bleep, bleep, whiz, whiz Oh their it goes again must remember to breath out. WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! “Shut up Renton.” Breath in breath out..ning ning nang nang nang and relax...grrr woof.

Integrated Education - I recently completed a TV piece on mixed ability education and here is a piece "wat I wrote" for the Herald newspaper

2013-11-06T10:47:00.001+00:00

Integrated Education.

I suspect I’m out of line with other disabled people when I say that integrated education doesn’t work well for the majority of blind children. Personally, I believe that the drive to integrate blind children into mainstream schools has more to do with political dogma than providing visually impaired pupils with a rounded education. I can speak with a little authority, as I’ve experienced three different flavours of our education system: mainstream Primary education, a specialist secondary school for a range of children with various disabilities and latterly a college education aimed exclusively at visually impaired students. So I’ve been at the receiving end of the entire array of educational experiences. Admittedly, it was some years ago. However, I’m in no doubt which one I preferred and more crucially the one I benefited most from both educationally and socially. The Royal National College for the Blind, was the best for me, as, it is an institution which is aimed not only at academia but also towards developing a person who can function as independently as possible in their own local community setting. They do this by focusing on mobility, daily living skills, social skills, and academic qualifications.

Crucially it was the support of a peer group which I missed throughout my primary and secondary education. It wasn’t until the age of 18 that I met with other people who had a significant visual loss like my own. Until then, I felt like the only blind boy in the village. To meet and find out about the world with other visually impaired people was vital for me to understand my own value. It helped me to learn about how blind people operate. For example: The first time I was able to play football with other blind people was an incredible experience. On this occasion there was a bell in the ball to help us play the game. Now I felt part of the team rather than hanging about the edges hoping that the ball would just suddenly find me! As a blind person in a sighted school I would never have got into the school football team. I was also taught mobility skills in order to move around safely using a white cane. The college also started to teach me brail. As an 18 year old this was far to late, I should have been taught how to use this from the age of 5!. I was also shown how to look after myself: cook, clean and navigating home whilst under the influence of alcohol! A skill that wasn’t on the college prospective, but one that was passed on from one generation of blind student to the next.

There has been no evidence in recent years to change my opinion that a specialist education for blind children isn’t still superior.

Blind children need to be taught that they have a rightful place in the visual world and have the confidence that they are being taught the right range of skills from as young an age as possible. Being the only blind person in the classroom, with the talking computer and the classroom assistant only highlights the fact that you are different from everyone else, which is why peer support is vital.

Now, I’m deliberately saying ‘blind’, as opposed to those children who are ‘partially sighted’ and have some useful vision. These children, can gain a great deal from a mainstream education but for those of us who have no or little vision, the experience can be a frustrating and isolating one.

The difficulty is, it all comes down to individual circumstances, for example: the involvement of parents by giving them proper information and choices, how confident the child feels about their blindness, plus does the school have the proper resources in place to support a blind child and do they have a positive attitude to make integration within the classroom actually happen.

To underline my argument for specialist education I would like to compare state schools that specialise in subjects for high achievers like sport and music. These children have to travel many miles every day in order that they get every opportunity to focus on their talents with the best coaches and teachers. Why can’t we see blindness as a talent that has to be mastered and ensure that all resources are gathered together to hone that talent.

As a society we must be cautious not to force children into their local school because of specific labels like, disability, and integration etc. Disabled children are not a homogenous group and have different specialist needs and skills. Politicians tell us that mainstream education is what the disabled community wants. That’s certainly the formal view of the disability movement. However, I hear from more and more blind people that perhaps integration has not enhanced blind children’s education. That the mainstream class room, is full of visual influences that exclude blind children. Glancing up and down at the blackboard at a mathematical equation, is not equalised by using a talking computer, the learning experience is utterly different.

Moss on the left says to Renton. "I'm not going out there it's chucking it down" Renton, "I'm not either, I'll get my ears wet." The problems for a dog in a Scottish summer Sunday.

2013-07-28T19:01:00.001+01:00

For those people outside Scotland

2013-01-05T14:31:00.004+00:00

The Documentary will be shown at various times over this weekend and is back on BBC iPlayer

This weekend they are showing my documentary “in Dogs We Trust on the BBC News Sky 503channel. Presented by myself, wonderfully produced and directed by Nicola Blackmore and I certainly shouldn’t forget the cameraman Chas Ross who did such a sterling job under a tough shooting schedule.

It was first shown on BBC1 Scotland on December the 17^th. So it is fantastic that more people in the UK are getting a chance to see it. Particularly as so much of it was shot in England.

This documentary is a follow up from one I made in 2010 Called “Taking the Lead” It followed the process of retiring my guide dog Moss and getting my new one Renton. Renton is a large German Shepherd and is my 6^th guide dog. I started young. In fact, this year will be my 30^th year as a guide dog owner. A momentous occasion. Sadly, not all of my dogs saw it through to a full working life. One retired early because he couldn’t cope with the workload and the other passed away early with a sudden illness.

Other than that, the other 4 dogs had good and happy working life.

It was fascinating making “in Dogs We Trust”. We didn’t have a massive amount of time to make it, in fact, we didn’t start filming until the end of October and it had to be in edit by the middle of November. However, fortunately, I knew some of the people to talk to already. so it wasn’t such a panic as it could have been.

If you want to watch "in dogs we trust" (click on this link for the bbciplayer) there are a few opportunities to view it over the weekend, if not, it’s back on the iPlayer. However, it is 3 minutes shorter than the original. This was to fit in to the news channels schedule.

BBC Iplayer...did you miss it first time around?

2012-12-20T10:54:00.005+00:00

people in the Uk can see the film on the BBC iPlayer for the next week

2012-12-17T13:31:00.004+00:00

Picture of..PUPPIES!

In dogs we trust tonight Monday the 17th on BBC Scotland 7.30pm or on sky TV 951

2012-12-17T13:29:00.001+00:00

In Dogs We Trust 9th December 2012

Picture of Renton giving Ian a paw at the dinner table

It was November 1980, I wasn’t long out of school and my only experience of moving about in the street, park, or school playground was to slowly tap my way around my environment with a white cane. I am completely blind, so my world was full of noises with a cane e.g.... Whack the bin, click some plastic on the ground. tap of the brick wall. I had never moved quickly using a white stick and I will never forget the sensation the first time I got to test drive a guide dog. The dog was a large shaggy golden retriever, the Harley Davidson of the doggy world. The way the dog could move and sway around obstacles was thrilling as I hung on to the handle attached to the harness. I moved down the pavement quickly and smoothly, wind was blowing through my hair and my journey was filled with normal people shopping sounds rather than damn tapping which just reminded me that I was blind and couldn’t easily find my way about. I loved working with the dog and two years later, I finally got my first ever Guide Dog. I have to say here that the dogs don't arrive, shrink wrapped ready to go. A huge amount of work has still to be done building up the relationship and trust, between blind person and dog.

In March 2010 I made a documentary for BBC Scotland called “Born to Lead.” This documentary followed the process of retiring one guide dog and being matched with a new guide dog. This new seven stone German Shepherd was called Renton while being a beautiful worker had a personalty to match his bulk!

Daisy the Cancer detection dog chomping on a bone

Now we are a solid working team as he guides me across the country covering all kinds of news stories for BBC Scotland.

My latest documentary; “In Dogs We Trust?” not only brings viewers uptodate with Rentons development but introduces the new ground breaking world of assistance dogs.

I was keen to explore how dogs are helping people with other disabilities. The program highlights, the hidden talents of dogs which can help humans in a variety of ways, not just being a guide or sniffer dog. For example Serena, trusts the family pet spaniel, Molly to let her know when her ten year old son Steven is about to have a diabetic hypo. Molly can do something that science can’t. That is, let Steven and his mother know in advance that his blood sugar is falling and that they need to take action. As part of my documentary, we witness the remarkable experience of Molly alerting Steven to his blood level dropping. As the crew and I were filming, Molly was the only one that was aware of Steven’s blood sugar changing.

So, we discover that dogs can work with humans who have an array of requirements, diabetes, epilepsy, deafness, physical disability and autism. With epilepsy, the dogs have an astonishing ability to predict seizures, 100% of the time. A remarkable figure, which is backed up by the Support Dog Charity who we visit during the programme(they train the dogs)

If that wasn’t impressive enough, we meet a dog on the edge of medical science. It’s being trained to detect one of humans prevalent diseases, cancer. There have been no shortage of anecdotal stories of dogs discovering cancer in their owners. Yet, there is still plenty of scepticism among the cancer research community about using dogs to detect cancer. We talked to one dog training charity who claim that they are getting closer to finding an affective way of training dogs to detect this decease.

Dizzy the diabetic alerter dog with his young owner

So, we humans are trusting dogs to assist in saving lives where technology is struggling to find the same practical solutions. It is amazing to think that there are over 6 million dogs in the UK and yet such little research has been done to understand how the dog\human symbiotic relationship can be developed further.

Ian and Midas the dog during filming

“In Dogs we Trust” Monday 17th December on BB1 Scotland, presented by Ian Hamilton @ihamiltonbbc

Camera Charles Ross

Director/Producer Nichola Blackmore

Executive Producer Marcus Ryder

Blast from the past - what is in a name?

2012-06-22T10:05:00.000+01:00

A number of people have been asking me about Rentons' name. So, here is what I have found..this a repeat..hey I work for the BBC what can I say?

It is from day three of my blog way back in October 2010 -

Among friends and colleagues there has been some discussion about the origin of Renton’s name. I’ve heard: Ring tone, Rent boy and to top it off Rectum.

Well, to throw some more light on the reasoning behind the names, I did some digging about and it appears all 7 puppies from Renton's litter are named after characters and writers from Scottish literature. Two of his brothers are called: Rebus and Rankin. Rebus after the Edinburgh detective and Rankin after it’s author Ian Rankin. Renton’s name comes from the book “Train Spotting” by Irvin Welsh. The main character in the novel is Renton, which is played by Ewan Mcgregor.

I’m currently trying to find out about the other names in the litter.

It could have been so much worse though, his litter could have been named after diminutive characters from Walt Disney and I could have ended up with Dopey. What was that?.I've just heard my first virtual global blogger groan......made me laugh!

Seize the day

2012-06-03T16:16:00.000+01:00

Cartoon fo elderly man climbing rope by Lorne Brown

Being blind, I never get hung up on appearances and so am open to people just being - well…just being themselves… no matter how they may look. I guess my prejudices tend to be dictated by what age they are, but even this is proving to be deceptive. Adventurous, thrill seeking, willing to learn new things, not hung up on appearances, keen to get out and “do” things; does this describe a seventy something to you? Well, at the moment I appear to be surrounded by a gang of four of them, who all appear to be mutating into some strange adventurous characters and it’s all happening without the aide of plastic surgery and medication. It’s occurring because the changes are happening in their attitude to life as opposed to their appearance and physical condition.

I’m not aware of them looking any different from when I could see them years ago. However, by all accounts, they just look like any 70 plus year old men have always looked. Either thin with grey hair and beards, or not so thin with not so much hair. Faces, by all accounts, have definitely seen a bit of life with some certainly looking wiser than others. Most of them have more than one pair of glasses for every circumstance, reading, driving, seeing when the glass is empty! . They all have their own limbs and can walk upright more or less unaided. So all and all, they aren’t doing too badly.

However, the four mature chaps I’m talking of aren’t growing old without a fight; it’s more a fully blown nuclear attack. The difficulty is they are leaving nothing for us younger generations to aim for. I’m not naming them, but they know who they are.

Cartoon of mature gentleman ski-ing by Lorne Brown

The first pensioner took up skiing again six years ago at the age of 65 after a spell away from the hills. He’s not down on the nursery slopes quivering with the beginners and the toddlers. No! He’s on the Black runs leaping off six feet slopes whilst slaloming in and out of ice moguls. To illustrate his toughness; three years ago after a fall on such a run, he hadn’t realised that he had dislocated his shoulder, until he had removed his jacket back at the hotel. Tough or what. Every day he’s in the gym for an hour training and just to add insult to injury, he can still drink me under the table.

Cartoon sketch of an elderly gentleman climbing a rope by Lorne Brown

The second pensioner is a keen climber. five years ago at the age of 76 he tried ice climbing in Austria for the first time. There is nothing he loves more than hanging off mountains by one arm. In the last two years he’s got his husky licence in Greenland and climbed eight Via Ferrata in eight days for his eightieth birthday in the Italian Dolomites. Raising 8,000 pounds for the Guide Dogs on his way)

Elderly gentleman rowing in a choppy sea cartoon by Lorne Brown

The Third pensioner bought himself a Canoe. Nothing he enjoys more than going down to the loch in front of his house and paddling up and down.. This may sound sedate, but with health and safety always uppermost in his thoughts, no matter the time of year or temperature, he will deliberately throw himself in as a test to make sure he will survive should he fall in accidentally. The air may just be above freezing, but yet he believes it’s a thrilling experience and makes him “feel alive.” He says “wet suits are so good these days.” Hang on! Aren’t pensioners meant to be prone to hypothermia and that’s just sitting quietly in their living rooms watching the snooker with not enough cash for the electricity meter.

Cartoon sketch of man and woman sharing a cocktail and some love across the table..cartoon by Lorne Brown

The Forth pensioner has a different perspective on the world. It appears love and romance is always uppermost in his mind. A man who has already had two marriages and umpteen long term relationships. At the age of 70 he’s now embarking on another one. Clearly, he’s exhausted the supply of eligible women in this country, as he has now crossed the Atlantic for his new conquest in the USA. Sadly the state pension and the exchange rate make it hard to sustain a long distance romance, but his determination and love will always win through.

We all discriminate, age, sex, weight, clothes, money, disability and appearances. When I was a child, men of a certain age would sit around tables playing dominos, smoking in dingy bars and coughing their last. I knew where I was with this kind of male pensioner. I guess they were my inspiration, of sorts.

How can my generation compete with today’s pensioner? I shudder at the thought of trying to live up to their lofty standards. What’s waiting for me: blind naked sky diving, blind crocodile wrestling, what about blind bungee jumping into a shallow bath of piranhas?

Come on guys, calm down a bit and give us a chance. Leave something for us that wont result in permanent injury or death. Given that my generation is very much part of the baby boomers, perhaps future Governments wont be too unhappy with these hobbies . At least it will save them paying out future pensions should the parachute fail to open.

Mr Moss

2012-05-29T13:28:00.000+01:00

Picture of Mr Moss looking really happy

It’s hard to believe that it’s two years since Moss my black faithful old Labrador retired after many years of hard work. Friends and colleagues are regularly asking me how he’s getting on, so on this milestone of his retirement this is probably as good a time as any to bring you up to date with his progress.

For those who don’t know, The reason why he had to stop working a little earlier was because the arthritis in his hips was making it tough for him to work on any longer. So after some advice from the vet it was decided Mr Moss should hang up his harness for the final time in June 2010. This resulted in me having no dog to guide me about for a few months while the Guide Dogs searched for a suitable replacement. I thought it would be best for Moss to stop rather than me working him while he was in pain.

Moss loved working, but in the last few months of his working life, he had certainly lost his enthusiasm for slipping on his harness and hitting the road. He had slowed down so much, it would have been faster some days for me to pick him up and carry him. Plus at his peak he would run to get his harness on. By the end he would go back to bed and reluctantly come back down stairs to go to work. So the signs were clear, Moss had to stop.

Oddly, or perhaps not that oddly when he stopped working his enthusiasm for life returned. Keen to go for a walk, run around the park with other dogs, Moss certainly got his mojo back for a while. In fact, he was so full of life I was beginning to wonder if he had anything wrong with him at all. Perhaps I had retired him too soon. It could be he stopped liking me, because he perked up when he was at home with Christine while I was at work. [Clearly, that can’t be the case] maybe it wasn’t physical, may be it was mental and Moss was suffering from depression. Then when he stopped working his depression disappeared.

Unhappily, Moss is now really struggling to get up and down stairs. We’ve now had to significantly increase the strength of his pain killers. Their is no doubt in the last six months he has declined quite considerably.

The muscles in his back legs have wasted away at an alarming rate. The vet said once the current pain killers stop working their isn’t much left for Moss to take apart from very strong medication that would dampen his personality and would mark the beginning of the end of his life.

Picture of Moss in the sitting in the sunshine

Picture of Moss letting the wind blow between his ears

However, he still appears to be up for a laugh and on a flat walk he still likes a good run and his zest for life hasn’t disappeared even if his muscles have. What makes it particularly hard about Moss and it’s something the vet has also said, Moss never complains, winces, yelps..he is one immensely stoical dog and it is really hard to tell when he is in real pain. We do get an idea from his body language, licking his lips and how he takes himself off to a quiet corner quite often now.

Moss is and has been, such an important part of our lives. His nature is second to none. We always call him Mr Moss because of his refined and dignified personality around the office Fingers crossed we’ve still got some time with him yet.

Adorable puppies

2012-05-18T14:24:00.001+01:00

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Hello everyone, I'm helping my friend whose dog has had some adorable puppies...if you live in the UK and are interested in giving a puppy a good home please contact her directly.

PUPS FOR SALE

ENGLISH SPRINGER SPANIELS

KC REGISTERED

BRED IN TROON

MUM GOOD NATURED FAMILY PET

DAD WORKING DOG

READY 5^TH JUNE

CONTACT Jackie Houston

07764 335312

Who’s the most regal?

2012-05-12T14:18:00.000+01:00

Renton befriending the Royal couple at BBC Scotland..Pic: by S. Mclundie

I don’t think they believed me at work this week when I managed to get my face on TV as part of a royal visit.

I had hurt my back playing blind golf..and trapped a nerve. Because of this, it was my plan to work from home. Typically, the very day I was wanting to rest my back, my BBC Laptop decided to stop talking to me. (I use a speech software called JAWS, which reads out everything on the screen to me] So this meant having to drag my sorry painful self into the office to get it repaired. In the back of my mind I remembered that there was a royal visit on, but I never thought it would affect me, I would be in and away quickly. I wasn’t in long, when a couple of colleagues told me.., “They’ll be coming past your desk and Renton”. I said, “I think I’ll head up stairs for an early lunch and get well out the way.” Then I felt the hand of one of the producers pressing down on my shoulder as I began to stand. “Just you stay exactly where you are.” When Ali M tells you to stay, you don’t argue. She added, “I’ll give you a warning when they are heading your way. They are bound to stop when they see Renton.”

Before I new it they were at my desk shaking hands and being all..well..you know... "royal".

We had a general conversation which moved quickly on to the topic of the other regal figure in our midst, that of Renton. They were very keen to hear all about him. All the usual questions. where was he trained? who trained him? how old he is? Then finally, “Oh he is a big boy” said Camilla. I assumed she was still talking about Renton, well, lets hope so…

Then before I new it they had moved on to my colleagues on Newsnight Scotland.

Prince Charles and Camilla approach Ian and Renton

Renton getting a pat from Camilla, he was a really good boy.lovely crochted blanket curtesy of Aunty maureen

So you can imagine the amount of ribbing I’ve had since a short clip of me meeting them was shown on our local dinner time news programme. My Aunty said...were you wearing a tie?...oops...nope..well I never thought that I would be meeting them....she's disappointed in me.....aw!

All Paparazzi pictures by Susan McLundie

The Hamilton Filming Team Have Gone Down.

2012-05-09T15:43:00.001+01:00

Would you believe it we've all gone down with something. I've got a trapped nerve in my back. [This proves reporters do have feelings]. Renton is limping around the garden with a painful paw. Moss can't get up the stairs because of his bad hips and our camera person is recovering from flue.

So when it comes to getting any sympathy I'm way down the line behind 2 dogs.

I'm going to try to get to work tomorrow. For no other reason than my laptop has gone on the blink again. Thank god for my iPhone or I would be stuffed. I've got more on iphones and technology coming soon in my next blog.