Big Black Girl Politics

Becoming Me: "No Compromising" Season

2013-03-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

So… I found myself getting a little too comfortable with being mediocre. Or should I say… I got content with doing nothing exceptional.

When I say this, I’m talking about my fitness journey. But, I’ve mentioned before that there’s a positive correlation to my fitness journey and my relationship with God. In other words… when one gets better so does the other, but on the flip-side of that… when one is bad, so is the other. As such, here I sit, looking at the buttons on this shirt gaping simply because I’m sitting down and I find myself thinking…

Where the heck am I slipping?!

I’ve been noticing my weight gain for the past month, but I’ve pretty much ignored it. Or rather… avoided it, because you can’t ignore your weight gain when you’re a person who stares in the mirror as much as I do (lol) or examines your body as much as I do. You can’t ignore the fact that you’ve started to allow yourself to eat fried food and Cheetos again, after saying how you can’t eat those things right now. And… you can’t ignore the fact that the clothes that you have been complaining about being way too baggy, now fit more than a little too right…

Yea… there’s no ignoring that. So avoided. Yea, I’ve been doing that.

The funny thing is, ok, maybe not “funny”, but the interesting thing is… I’ve been praying about this thing for a while now. As soon as my 4-week gym challenge was over and I decided to take a “break” from the gym, I probably started praying a week after that. Simply because… I never went back to the gym. lol But seriously. I saw the shift occurring in my mind, so, I started praying. It was probably a preventative prayer because clearly I still went weeks without hitting up the gym.

But the issue didn’t just stop with the gym. At the very end of my church’s corporate 3-week fast, I got the urge to listen to secular music. Now, those who are close to me know that I haven’t willfully listened to secular music since about early November, October (except when I went to the Lauryn Hill concert on Nov 28^th). So, when I got the desire to listen to secular music, I immediately questioned, Is this okay? This has GOT to be something the devil is tryna pull while I’m fasting. So I ignored the urge… until after my fast. And immediately I felt convicted.

The thought was Why do you think you have the right to compromise because you finished the fast when before the fast you didn’t?

I did ignore that voice.

I did ignore that conviction because I wanted it to be okay since it was “just music” and I didn’t understand how others had the ability to listen to it and be okay, but I couldn’t. I’m just condemning myself…

Or so I convinced myself…

The reality was… it took maybe a week of alternating between secular and Christian music (‘cause I have to start my day off with Him in mind) for me to begin thinking about the times I spent listening to those songs before. It took me back to memories that I had actually forgotten about.

And then the voice came back:

You don’t have the right to compromise right now.

I listened this time. Accepted what He was telling me because I didn’t like where the alternative was taking my mind. So I let the music go and went back to my usual rotation, but decided to add some variety to it. Found some good songs on Amazon too. (:

But I was avoiding that other thing… I still wasn’t going to the gym.

The place that I knew I needed to be at if I wanted to, at least maintain my weight. Then my eating habits started getting worse and then shift in the scale exceeded my 5lbs warning zone…

But yet… I still avoided the issue. But, there went that pesky conviction: Why exactly do you think you need to “maintain” anything? You haven’t even hit your SHORT-TERM goal yet? Why would you want to maintain… this?? YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPROMISE! This is NO COMPROMISING SEASON.

Since then the thoughts have entered my mind weekly…

No compromising season.

Don’t get comfortable.

STOP getting comfortable

You don’t have the right to “maintain” anything right now

You need “consistency”, not comfort.

I think the reason I rebuked these thoughts was simple:

laziness and… doubt.

All schemes of the devil.

I found myself questioning why I couldn’t stabilize a little, maintain for a while before I worried about taking the next step?

But, the proof is in the pudding… well the reason is in the product.

My gaping shirt

The increasing number on the scale

My less than healthy appetite

And… in other areas of my life where I have been slacking.

Here I am, questioning why I can’t “maintain”… mediocrity. Why I can’t compromise my form of worship. As if, I have the right to slack on something that is supposed to be my way of glorifying God. I’ve been told before “Don’t lose the revelation” when I found myself in a similar situation last fall, and I guess I lost it again.

I’m human & God’s grace is sufficient so this is not me condemning myself. This is how I

1) motivate myself.

2) hold myself accountable and

3) hopefully motivate someone else.

Those of us in the journey to lose weight, be healthier, or just change, can often get to a point where we just think This is getting too hard or redundant. So we lose focus, inevitably allowing Satan to enter our thoughts and we lose the revelation of why we started our journeys in the first place.

But when you hold on to what God has told you. When you constantly check yourself, your situation, and remind yourself that your goal is realistic, desired, and in some cases, REQUIRED, for you to be the best you… Then you can decrease the likelihood of losing that revelation and can call out the devil for who he is-- A liar intent on stopping you from fulfilling your purpose.

I say… Access DENIED Satan.

In this life… There’s NO ROOM for Compromising, especially in the Year of the Miraculous…

No… We ain’t got time fo’ dat

Stay Blessed,

Benita Angela (:

Will The Real Benita Please Stand Up?!

2012-04-07T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have not given an update on my "Becoming Me Journey" in several months. I apologize for that. I've been pretty busy... Becoming me.
For anyone who ever saw my video from when I began this journey you know that my journey is 3 parts.

1) My Natural Hair Journey
2) My Fitness Journey
And... Most importantly
3) My Journey closer to God

Over the past few months I have made mention of my Natural Hair progress, even creating an album on Facebook. I have also posted more than a few posts relating to Christianity (mostly Bible verses). But... I have not made ONE mention of my progress towards my Fitness Journey.
Why?, you may ask... Well that is because I had made absolutely no real progress towards that goal. I think back & realize that even posting my lack of motivation or progress could have been helpful, but... That would have also been admitting that I just wasn't trying. Yes, I was in denial. Denial that I really couldn't identify what I needed to get healthy.
But I was also in denial of something else. I was in denial that I was afraid to lose weight. Yup, I said it. I was afraid to lose weight.

*woosah*

I've now admitted it. Out loud.

You see, like it or not, once you've carried around some LB's for most of your life you find yourself making them a part of you. Not just physically, but they become a part of your identity. Being overweight has become a significant part of who I have created myself to be. My weight & a few other things (I'll address those in a Closer to God update). And yes, I said "created myself to be"... Because I am NOT an overweight person. I am a person... I am Benita, and I am overweight. Putting it like that causes some convictions to enter my heart & I won't dismiss it this time... Or ever again.
You see... My personality, who I am, has NOTHING to do with my weight. Absolutely nothing. It may be a symptom, but it's not a part of my identity. I think I'll break down the "symptom" in a future post.
Back to what I was saying... I am overweight & being overweight has become so much of who I am that subconsciously I was afraid to lose that part of myself.
I still confront the denial. I tell myself that I'm only going to allow myself to reach a certain weight and see how I like it before I lose more.
That's my mind fighting against what my spirit tells me. 50lbs lighter is scary to me.
What will I look like? Will I still be me?
The answers are, Thinner... And OF COURSE.
But my mind can't yet comprehend that. And if I said something like 80lbs lighter... Oh no, my mind is not ready. My spirit leaps at the idea, but my body... Nervous immediately.
So I rebuke my body; Remind it that a big part of this journey is recognizing that I'm not at all who I thought I was; who I tried to be. I'm Not who I WAS.
Have to continue to stay motivated & Become who God created me to be and no, overweight is not it. Time to embrace who I am!

R.I.P. to Ignorance: Another look into the Trayvon Martin... Bandwagon

2012-03-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

So…

As this Trayvon Martin case continues to spiral out of control, I feel forced to put my 20 cents into the mix. I’ve been looking into this case a little bit since I heard about it last week. Since that time I have seen a plethora of ridiculousness on various sites such as YouTube, Twitter, and especially Facebook. Everything from comparing Trayvon’s case to the Michael Vick case from several years ago to holding parties “in memory of Trayvon”.

I’m just not understanding this mindset.

Let me start with the first onset of ridiculous behavior:

I first peeped this comparison photo on Monday and have since been experiencing a migraine.

Let’s analyze why this is so inaccurate right quick.

Michael Vick’s case took place in Virginia and involved dogs. vs. Trayvon’s death took place in Florida and involved the killing of a 17-year old boy.
Michael Vick was not charged or sentenced until several months of investigation (if not a year and some change) took place vs. Trayvon’s case took place less than a month ago.
And the FINAL most important thing to note... Mike Vick did not just "know" about the dog fighting... Vick organized and funded the dog fighting organization for a significant period of time... He admitted to as much in his autobiography as well as his BET special a few years ago.

I’m sensing that EVERYone who “shared” or “reblogged” that photo didn't do a BIT of research. So, now that we have that cleared away... let's not compare these two again...

Oh, and I'm concerned that some have no understanding of how our criminal justice system works.

For instance:

Virginia state laws differ from Florida state laws and how Virginia would have handled this death may be vastly different.
I would think that we would not want a speedy trial or investigation due to the seriousness of this case. I say this because there will only be ONE change for Zimmerman to get convicted once he is charged. If the investigation is sped up and there is not enough evidence gathered to convict Zimmerman, although he, in fact (and this is not my opinion per say) did murder Trayvon, we’re going to be looking at an acquittal which… my dear, dear friends, would mean he can NEVER be charged for Trayvon's death again.

I’m just going to let that sink in a little longer….

Alright… you getting anything from this yet??

Let’s go another route…

Zimmerman is NOT white. *gasps*

In FACT Zimmerman is more of a minority than Trayvon. *double gasp*

Let’s view this photo right quick.

Now’ let’s view this article:

Zimmerman's Lawyer: 'Stand your ground' doesn't apply in Trayvon Martin case

Peep the description of Zimmerman as “white Hispanic” as in… this young man is mixed with white and Latino…

And before you say… “He’s still white” I’ll beg to differ and leave it at that because I’m pretty sure on the Census we ALL filled out 2 years ago you are either “White/Non-Hispanic” or “Hispanic” so that’s all I’m going to say.

(I'll refrain from making further comments about the ONE mugshot photo of Zimmerman being the only one currently circulating OR that the only pictures of Trayvon appear to be from when he was about 13-15 instead of the 17 year old that he was... that's another post altogether)

*lets that sink in as well*

Okay… now that I have finished with that little tidbit, let me go into the second picture I have seen this week that made me want to smack EVERYone who shared it on Facebook:

I don’t thinks I REALLY need to comment on this, but I’m just going to say that SOMETIMES you people do THE most with controversy… making serious matters, EXTREMELY ignorant and this is a prime example.

Here’ another that I posted on my Facebook earlier this week as well:

"Hoodies and Heels"

*deep sigh*

The last complaint I have currently is how some people have managed to take President Obama's statement on the case out of context. To me, he just confirmed what I mentioned earlier... It is IMPERATIVE that we allow this investigation to take place due to the seriousness of this matter.

I really do think it is best that everyone let it go for a second. DO NOT FORGET! Just stop talking about it and let the investigation continue. Hop off of the Bandwagon! Better yet, DON'T LET THIS BE A BANDWAGON like Jena 6 or KONY 2012.

I think I’ll take a brief break to gather my thoughts before I continue…

Should My Vote Be American or Christian?

2012-02-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

I had a discussion, or two, with the young adult minister at my church several months ago regarding voting in America. It began with a discussion of the dynamics behind how the candidates for the last election were recognized and why we thought it was interesting that most of the Presidential candidates were not a part of the major debates. Then eventually my minister discussed that the 2009 election had been one of the first elections in which he willfully researched and weighed all of his options before casting his vote for President. I discussed that it had been the first time I had done any research of the politicians’ platforms (although I had definitely not researched all of them). During the conversation, my minister discussed that he had based his vote wholly on his Christian beliefs. Call me crazy, but that may have been the first time that option had popped into my head.

Please, let me explain…

Throughout college, I have learned a multitude of things and had begun to classify myself as many things in regards to my moral and societal beliefs. I am a feminist, and then when I learned more, I preferred the term Womanist to describe what I am. I am an avid advocate for victims of Intimate Partner Violence and Domestic Violence. I advocate for mentoring and helping at-risk youth. All of these things and many more.

The thing is…

My Christian beliefs rarely intersected with the above mentioned although Christian is something I have ALWAYS identified myself as.

So when my minister brought to my attention that Christianity and voting in America could and should actually not only intersect, but intertwine and become one… my mind felt a little un-easy. I mean if you really think about voting based solely on Christianity… I’m not sure WHO I would vote for or WHY I would even want to live in America (I laugh).

Truthfully, though, in this journey that I have decided to go on this past year, I have still managed to maintain certain compartments in my mind and in my beliefs. I had one that focused on Benita: the Black College Educated Woman living in America. Then I had Benita: the Christian. As the “Christian compartment grows I have realized how much of the other part will have to shift if not decreased exponentially. I first realized this a few years ago when I realized what marriage truly is and how a marriage was created to function. When I started thinking about egalitarian marriages and their propensity to fail and how marriages almost support some of the most sexist notions, we see today, a big shift occurred. I realized that being submissive does not mean subordinate and/or having less power. I learned some other things regarding this, but I won’t go into that on this blog. Interestingly enough I didn’t come to this conclusion in church, but rather a summer that I took Women’s Studies and Diverse Families and Children class.

Even with that realization, as a stubborn young woman I think I mentally and spiritually refused to acknowledge that there are several other ideologies that will need to change as a Christian. Here is where I could discuss gay rights, women’s rights, and some other stuff, but again, this particular blog is not about that. The fact remains that at that moment when my minister said those words I was forced to think about, if only for a second, the possibility that many of the things that I value and/or believe are based on ideals that were developed without concern or thought towards what God wants.

Now I sit here wondering… Should my vote, when I cast it, be American or Christian? Should our votes, my fellow American Christians, be based solely on the Constitution (which we know has various Christian foundations) or based solely on God’s will for us as a people, as His children.

*Enter the uneasiness…*

When I pose that question, I’m literally having an inward battle. One side is saying, that in the context of things such as LGBTQ rights “It is unjust to say that they should not have equality".

Then the other side pops in and says’ something like… “But it’s not about them, it’s about HIM.”

Then the one side says, “But the Constitution doesn’t make that distinction and it is unjust to tell someone that they should believe the same religion as I do”.

Then there goes that other side saying, “It is unrighteous to support the actions that God hates.”

*See my dilemma??*

At this point, I have just decided that I need to begin praying for discernment and continuous guidance because I want my actions to please God above all, not man.

I think in a future post when things are made clearer, or even while I’m still contemplating, I will write about some of the above-mentioned beliefs in more detail. Until then I must pose the title question to you all…

Do you think that your religious beliefs should be the sole criteria for who you vote for politically?

How much of your religious/spiritual beliefs should be reflected in your political views?

A Natural Girl's Vent

2012-02-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

I’m beginning to really… dislike when people say things like, “Going natural isn’t for everyone”. When really they just mean “everyone can’t pull off short hair or an afro”… as if that’s the only style choice we’re going for once we BC.

Like a temporary TWA is the goal during the transition (not knocking those who rock the short cuts).
Some of these women are out here rocking ragged relaxed hair that never makes it past the nap of their necks. But those of us who choose to go natural have to hear people comment on our short (& hopefully healthy) curly hair, simply because it’s curly AND short… For now.
I think that a lot of women who BC’d or transitioned can say that they weren’t necessarily happy with the length of their hair. The one thing you realize, however, is that the journey is only temporary & that means the length will grow out (if you take care of your hair). You learn to accept that the current situation may not be preferable, especially of you DO want longer hair, but the end makes it worth it. I guess people just don’t get that part yet?? I mean the reality is… If you don’t want to lose length… Transition. I just got annoyed with transitioning. Speaking of which… I was gonna BC this month (to retain my length), but clearly that didn’t work out.
Anywho… Comments like that just perturb me a little…

[just a little something previously posted on my Tumblr]

I'm Not Dead (:

2010-09-13T23:49:00.000-07:00

It's kind of weird to me that I haven't blogged in almost a month. I move to Arizona and all of a sudden I am less... motivated to write about issues?? I don't know. I have been working on a few other pieces, but have not really had the desire to finish them. I was going to take this opportunity to write about my problem with Black people and our relationship with churches, but I will tackle that another day. I just wanted to take the opportunity to say that I'm not going away (well I DID go away, but I'm not going to stop blogging). I always wonder if anyone ever bothers to read my blogs... It doesn't really matter. I mostly do this to vent or say things that I think NEED to be said.

I'm still reading the MLK book I started reading in May(?), but I AM almost done. So when I start reviewing the notes I took on that, I should have some wonderful epiphanies to write about. I do just want to say, in reference to MLK, it is somewhat disheartening to think about how far we have not come since he died. It's a little sad to realize that so many of the issues Blacks faced then, still affect us now. And it is frustrating to see how ignorant people have remained. It's 2010 and a book from the the 1960s still rings true in pretty much EVERY way. BUT that makes me respect and admire MLK SO much more. It's a lot different reading hi thoughts than just being told about hos life. He was SUCH an awesome person. Just a blessing.

To the Single, Black, Mother

2010-08-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

I posted this on a blog that I no longer use a few months ago, but I felt that it was fitting for this blog as well.

I get that a lot of women think that the main problem with Black people is the "fall" of the Black man, but from where I'm standing... It's actually the fall of the Black woman. It's the mothers who raise these Black men, marry them, have their children, and allow them to think that money is the only way. THAT'S the real issue. When we expect a man who was only taught how to be a provider to teach his son something more... You've failed. I truly am beginning to see that it takes a real woman to raise a son. The problem is that either women are looking for a man to do it for them, or they forget the values that prevented their son's father from being their son's role model. All the while, this boy is growing up and seeing you treated with disrespect or allowing others to take advantage of you. They see you giving yourself to a man who has yet to give himself to you. When you had this son... What were the values you intended to instill in them? What possibilities did you see him having? How did you anticipate him being the man you now see his father is not? If you cannot answer these questions... I dare say... You shouldn't have had a child. What values are you now instilling in your child(ren) that they can be better than their parents? What ADVANTAGES have you allotted him that he will be smarter, better equipped than you? These, my dearies are VITAL factors that a mother MUST take into thought while raising a child. Otherwise, your complaints are in vain.

I do not blame the fathers (although they are a SERIOUS disappointment at various times), but I blame the mothers because many times you have not only put yourselves in impossible situations, but you have now passed that situation, that circumstance onto your child. It was YOU who chose to raise a child without truly knowing his father. It was YOU who chose to have sex with this man. It was YOU who chose to say you understand him, but yet have not analyzed (in even the smallest capacity) the relationship this man has with his father & his mother. You have not taken into consideration his values and that someone who values only the visual advantages of money may not be a good person to teach your child the value of hard work and family, community, love, respect... How dare YOU blame him, when you are... raising him? Your son, he is, in essence, the remake of his father. And it is not just the absence of his father, or the lack of participation from his father that has caused your child to have problems. It is the lack of thought, participation from his mother when deciding to create her child. If you allowed yourself to be seduced by whatever this man (or boy, depending on your age) was offering you, then, my dear, that is what you have taught your son to be motivated to have. “A man is only going to do what you allow him to do” I HATE that quote, mainly because… it is true. The problem is… that NO ONE seems to see the problem in that. WHY are we not teaching our sons, the future men, to treat people with fairness and respect, NO MATTER what the person allows you to do? THAT is a problem. I REFUSE to let my son think that treating a girl like a dog is ok if she lets him. You slapping me does not make it right just because I did not do anything to stop you from slapping me. Now, you may say I’m dumb if I let someone slap me. And AGAIN you miss the point. The point is not that I “let” someone do something to me; it IS that they thought it was okay to do it in the first place. People who victim blame, or who say that “you let…”, are only taking away from the real issue, and to me are just in denial of the mistakes that they made.

A child is a WONDERFUL gift. Parents want to make sure that their child has what they were not able to. But in order to do that, you have to think differently. And you should give yourself the chance to grow up, yourself before you put yourself in the position to be responsible for someone else's development. How can you possibly be prepared to teach your child values when you are currently at the beginning stages of developing your own? Why would you do that? A child gives you the opportunity to pass on your legacy, your beliefs, your dreams, to someone else and you waste such an opportunity when you tackle that task too soon. You waste it when you have yet to experience yourself; yet to know who you are or who you can become.

Now, I applaud the women who have managed to raise a child without experiencing any sad repercussions and those women who have been able to raise their child with wonderful values, but for the majority of the single mothers out there... This last note will not be condemning in its nature. Simply put: We HAVE to do better and we HAVE to grow up. Our children are dependent on it.

Using Their Words To "Prove" Your Point Part III

2010-08-06T08:19:00.002-07:00

This is my last installment of "arguments" my friends made to prove their point although these same arguments were the ones that were used to keep our ancestors and even our parents in an oppressed state.
Hope you enjoyed these five arguments I attempt to make with a little more time.

~~Argument #4~~:
Black people are lazy, unprofessional, and generally unsuccessful compared to immigrants & whites. Now you KNOW this one pisses me off the most. First, I have to say, what characteristics from either of the competing ethnicities' experiences in the U.S. makes them legit enough to be compared to Blacks in the first place? I don't know of any other ethnicity that was held in slavery for the first 300+ years they were in the U.S., but maybe I didn't learn that in my history classes??? Then to go further. Do NOT take the actions of the Black people from lower SES areas as the actions of the race as a whole. THAT is something White racists do to justify their beliefs. There are certain things that the majority of Black people do because they are Black in America and there are certain things that the majority of Black people do because most of them live in poverty and did not have the same educational or social opportunities as other ethnicities in the U.S. An example you say? Things Black people do because they are Black: they have Family Reunions; they practice egalitarian (equal responsibility) marriages; they probably even have a family member who knows how to cook chitterlings (laaauuugh). Things Black people do because they are probably poor or are influenced by people in the "hood": Speak real "hood" (whether it is the use of ebonics or a loud volume, it is the things); Dress real "hood"; Have an upper-arm tattoo & you're a female (sorry, but it is, lol); wear fronts (and yes, Diddy has done it, but where did he grow up again?? Oh, ok, point proven); and have a significant number of teen or young adult mothers who are not married to the father of their child (and probably never will be). I will say that people from rural areas (aka the country) qualify in this category as well.

Another important thing to consider when this argument is brought up is that the “lazy, unprofessional, and unsuccessful” Black people in which this refers to are usually the outliers. What I call “loud and wrong”. And it doesn’t help that people are looking for us to act this way so when we prove their point they convince themselves that this is fact. The loud and wrong people stand out. You could be in a group of ALL Black people and there is ALWAYS one who is just extra. Makes you look &/or feel bad or embarrassed about yourself, but they are ONE (or two) in the group and the rest of the people in the group are probably chill. Yet, people focus on those extra people. So what if there is an unprofessional cashier at Walmart? The rest of the cashiers aren’t doing anything special, except for their jobs.

~~Argument #5~~:
And my one directed towards the women: This one is quite simple... "She did something to make him hit (or rape) her"--- Victim blaming in a society that has significant problems with violence against women (normally at the hands of a man) is NEVER a good look. Although common couple violence DOES exist, even when that is CLEARLY not the case, people still try to find a way to point the finger at the victim. I'm not sure if people realize it or not, but victim-blaming occurs in WAY too many (i will not say most because I doubt I can prove it) cases of intimate partner violence. People do it with rape victims as well, which REALLY makes me angrier. In fact I saw a blog that discussed that people like Natalee Holloway basically put themselves in the position to be raped and/or murdered. That disgusted me. Instead of focusing on the need of the minds of the people who rape and abuse to change, people tell us that we shouldn't have gone out and partied with your friends. I'm a SERIOUS activist when it comes to intimate partner violence & sexual assault so I can go in on this topic, but not for this blog.

The fact is that we often find ways to blame the victim for their circumstance instead of blaming the real culprit. The system, that doesn't educate about how to not be a rapist or an abuser, but definitely tells women how to "avoid rape"; that refused Black people jobs and adequate housing for over half a century; that made Black people feel less than human and therefore making many Black people HATE the system and all of those who enforced it; that refuses to provide an equal education to those in Lower socio-economic status areas. The system and those who refuse to change it or at least try, are the people who are the true failures.

Niggers Niggas & Niggaz

2010-08-02T22:32:00.001-07:00

Not only do I love this poem because he discusses reasons why I hate the "arguments" people make for using the word, BUT I also found the comments that people make on youtube under this video to be interesting. It's kind of sad to observe the hate, ignorance, and confusion that people spew out of their... fingers under such a poem. Then it is also interesting to see other people's points of views. I myself use the word, but I also don't make up some kind of reasoning behind it. I simply say that I use it because it has been used so much in my culture. It's like every other profane word out there; offensive in almost every other way, except when it's convenient to say it isn't. Honestly, I feel like the only reason why people use profanity is because everyone else does and the only time they try to come up with an excuse behind why they use it is when people question them or give them reasons why they shouldn't. It's the stubbornness of my generation and the generation before me. *sigh* But either way, I LOVE this poem. Enjoy

Using Their Words To "Prove" Your Point Part II

2010-08-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

I've continued with my attempt to make my argument against those who made stupid racism-enforcing arguments. I love my friends dearly, but... They should think more before they speak. Like me. lol

~~Argument #2:~~
Black people are a different race---said the White man when he decided we deserved to be in chains AND apparently the Black girl when she said that is why Black men choose to date/marry White women *rolls eyes at both*. But let me tell you why, very briefly.
First things first… Race was created as, not a way of “classifying”, but rather a way of segregating, isolating. I firmly believe that there is one “race”, the human race. All that other -ish is b.s. So when people make this argument I’m probably not going to agree.
What is race anyways? What does it REALLY mean? Are you saying I’m a different species because??? A different form of the same species?? I need to know how it works. Well, actually, I don’t because it’s irrelevant. Especially since there are only 3 classifiable races?? Yea, I’m not buying it, but I fill out the for checking “Black” because I know what it means to me and can only assume what it REALLY means to the people who check that stuff.

~~Argument #3:~~
If you give them the right tools, they still wouldn't know what to do with it---said the White man when he kept us in chains for paternalisms sake AND said the Black girl about reasons why Black people in lower SES areas don't deserve equal opportunities for education? Housing? Jobs? I'm not sure exactly what she was talking about, but as you can see, none of the fill-ins seem good. If the other people WITH the opportunities know what to do with it, what makes Black people so "incapable"?? This must feed into the Black people being a different race thing?? *rolls eyes at the ignorance again*

"Imagine"

2010-07-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

I just love this poem. "What ever happened to that we shall overcome shit?"
Matter of fact... What ever happened to DefPoetry??? *sigh* But... either way, this poem is SO real.

Using Their Words To "Prove" Your Point

2010-07-21T20:42:00.001-07:00

I often have discussions of race and inequality among my friends. I argue terribly because, well, I'm not a bullshitter. I don't do the, "My opinion is right & I know it is, no matter what facts you can pull up" thing. I prefer to think before I speak. I prefer accuracy over loudness. I prefer to use experience + facts + intuition in a discussion & that culmination of things is hard to gather together in a random argument, so, I suck @ it. I'll usually end up giving up or feeling cheated for time somehow. So, I am reclaiming my time with this blog and making an effort to prove MY point.

This particular entry is a list of different arguments I have been in that talk about race, mostly about Black people. During these arguments, though, I found that my friends had a habit of saying things that, basically encouraged racism. In fact, they pretty much used the same arguments used by the people who made the racist laws used to uphold slavery & Jim Crow laws. Since all of the people I argued with are Black, I thought it was important that they come up with a better argument. I think I will also have a mention of why the Feminist movements were necessary as well. I have a feeling that this is going to be a long blog, so I may post it in parts, hopefully no one minds too much?? Well, let's hop to it!

Argument #1:
This one annoys me the most because, it's something my mom said, but I take into consideration that my mom was born in 1954 and experienced racism first-hand for many years of her life, so she's quite biased. This argument is easiest described as: If I'm good, they're evil. These words aren't the words used, of course, but rather this is the general idea expressed behind the argument. Had a discussion with my mom and sister. She mentioned how many racist blogs she had come across on Craigslist. She stated that she had read how White people were saying that Black people are so dirty for not washing their hair every day. When that was said, I got annoyed, of course. And so did my mom. My mom, then proceeds to say that “White people are the dirty ones, they HAVE to wash their hair everyday….[blah] [blah] [blah]. Me and my sister interrupted her because, it was an ignorant statement as well. I love my mother, but because she was a DIRECT receiver of the oppression exhibited in this beautiful country we live in… her heart and mind are hurt. This leads to my point. In order for my mother to justify why these white people were wrong for thinking the way they thought, she had to insult them and make them deviant in some way. In order for Black people to be okay, normal (whatever that even MEANS!), White people had to be bad, unusual. That’s not how the world works. Sorry. The fact is, we ARE different.

Our hair and skin look and act differently, but it has NOTHING to do with being unnatural or anything like that. White people just have fine hair in the hair texture spectrum and Black people have more course hair. Therefore… while white people’s hair can go about a max of 2 days?? Before the natural oils in their hair affect its functionality and smell… Black people, whose natural oils are actually not enough to make it functional, can go upwards of a month before our natural oils affect our hair (although when our hair is natural we SHOULD wash it every 2 weeks and once a week when it is relaxed). In fact Black people normally have to add oils of some sort to our hair more than once a week to keep it functional. Another important factor is that there are PLENTY of Black people close to the fine end of the spectrum and they sometimes have to wash their hair a maximum of every 5 days. We’re lucky in some sense because we get to spend a little less on shampoo and conditioner. Then again, Black hair products are actually MADE for our hair are JUST now getting highly marketed, so we are still technically learning what it is we can do.

Needless to say me and my sister told her this and we made sure that she was aware of the dangerous line she had crossed. She was being no better that the racists. In my women’s studies courses I learned that the oppressed population can’t fall into the “-ist/-ism” category because they were oppressed so there is a reason for them to feel prejudice against the oppressor, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t prejudice; it doesn’t make it okay. So my mom isn’t racist, but she has a CLEAR prejudice against white people. I still love her, but I call her out on her ignorance as well. After all, the only way to overcome ignorance is love and knowledge.

These VERY false binaries are going to kill us. When I say this I mean, the myth that something is either, good OR evil; black OR white; quiet OR loud; even man OR woman. It’s killing us because if you “know” that you fall at one end of the spectrum, then you force someone who is different from you to fall on the other end (i.e. if I am Black and good then she is White and evil). It is something that needs to stop and this was my effort towards that effort, but I would LOVE to hear what you think.

Leave a comment. Am I justified for thinking such a way?

What You Ask Of Me

2010-07-12T09:55:00.004-07:00

"Latinos work jobs that most Americans won't work in order to make sure they survive. They also live all together to make bills cheaper per person. They do this so that their children will have a better life. But Black people complain about what they don't have. We didn't get here by being individualistic like we are." These are the ideas that float in many people's heads when they discuss the reasons why so many Black people live in poverty. I must say, I am one of the many people who have been arguing this same thing for years. I have also made it a point to say the other side of this... Black people know better. Black people know what it is they deserve as a U.S. Citizen and THAT is why they will not work a job that does NOT offer them benefits like health care and a salary; that will NOT provide them with basic needs without using governmental assistance. I still believe that our new found individualism has been at our detriment, but I have also argued that Black people have the belief that the reason White people have their privilege is because of the money they have. I think that the real reason is their access to information.Either way it is important to remember that Black people have worked those jobs... For the past 350 years. Not because they wanted a better life, but because they had no choice but to do so. They have had to put aside their dreams so that, maybe, their children will be able to live theirs. This is fact.

What you are asking me to do:

You are asking me to continue, in 2010, to watch my white "peers" continue to receive better education, which leads to better secondary education, which leads to a better job, & more money to better provide for their families, but put aside my dreams so that maybe my kids will have a better life? You are asking me to sacrifice myself so that the next generations may have better opportunities? But I was told I could be anything I wanted to be! I was told we ALL have the same opportunities now! I was taught that all I have to do is go to school & I will be better. Now you say, maybe I need to work a little harder than my white "peers" to get where I want to be in life. I have to know the "right" information to work around the system. But how do I get this information if the schools don't give it to me? How do I know this information when my school is being funded by my fellow impoverished peers? Do they know the information? Then why are they still living in poverty? Why don't white people have to search for this information? Why don't they have to work a little harder to receive it? But I have to be willing to sacrifice for my children. Still? In 2010? I can't dream of greatness? I just have to dream of making enough money so that my children will eventually be able to go to college.

That is what you are asking of me? I STILL have to sacrifice? I have to watch these people gain so much success, but because I am Black I STILL cannot share in this? In 2010???

How is this supposed to be fair? How is this right? You are asking me to be content with the idea that I will have to struggle for the rest of my life, just so my children will have a larger glimpse at one? You cannot honestly believe that would be encouraging… I know that that is the burden that Black people have to bear and one I am willing to, but it is unfair to expect that of everyone. To this I know that world is not fair, but just think about how disheartening this is. What I’m trying to say is… that I get it. I get why people have that desire not to struggle anymore and are tired of having to do so. I get that you get tired of being Black sometimes. It’s exhausting and sad and hard. But… I also get that it’s not about us… even in 2010… it’s not about how we’re going to end up. It IS, however, about our future; the future of Black people. It IS about how well they will end up. I think if our current state in the U.S. says nothing else, it should let us know that the struggle is not over and it is not going to be over until we ALL can stand together and say we want better and that we are going to struggle together to make sure our future children get it.

I mentioned in a previous blog that I am reading a book by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and that it has inspired more than a little blog ideas. This was one of them and I will write a few more that piggy back off of this. Leave a comment to let me know what you think about my “epiphany”.

What I Learned: About My Public School Education

2010-07-04T12:29:00.003-07:00

There is a problem, I have noticed, with education in the "hood". I know you probably read that sentence thinking, “Well, DUH! Tell me something I don’t know.” Well, I think, that for many, there are a few things that I will write, that you did not know. The main reason I am writing this is because I believe that the main hindrance for the lack of education in schools is the lack of funds going to schools. I have noticed that a lot of people have this belief that “We all received the same type of schooling, education, resources etc… it’s what we did with it that makes us so different.” Sadly, that is definitely NOT the case. The poorer schools (since taxes from the area dictate the funding) receive the more cost efficient education; cheaper teachers and staff, older books, less college prep, and a strong emphasis on vocational education.

Now, I don’t think that the vocational education is bad because those schools provide the skills needed for children who either do not perform as well in school or who are likely to go straight to work after high school (some even need those resources while in high school). When I think of vocational schools, I not only think of the other side of necessary education, but I also think about the industries in different areas. Vocational schools provide for the training needed to work in the majority of those industries. In fact, I have noticed that high schools in general provide for the careers that are populous in those areas. The sad thing about that is that we never really learn to dream BIGGER, that is unless you are fortunate enough to have other family of friends who know about something else.

If we are telling these kids that they MUST go to school & that an education is NECESSARY then we need to give these kids a reason to feel like the schools are worth their time. We need to make sure that the education that we are providing for them is going to give them the right opportunities. The programs in the schools need to be working towards their benefit as well. They should not feel like the system doesn't work to help them be better. They should not be able to see kids who are in the same city, but yet are receiving better and more relevant resources. How is that a motivator when they know that there is really nothing they can do to receive those benefits? To them the only thing that is making the big difference is money (and they would be right). When the only reason they aren't getting taught the same, or learning about different programs out there for them is because the people WITH money are withholding these resources & using their money only to benefit themselves... Why would they believe otherwise. When the people who came from the same schools as they did and grew up in the same areas as they did... Are still in their area, doing the same things & still struggling. How are they to believe that money isn't the only thing holding them back. You wonder why they sell drugs with the belief that it's going to get them ahead in life. You wonder why they define success as having money & being able to spend it without struggling or impatiently waiting for their next pay check??

Little do they realize that the main difference between them and the "rich kids" is the distribution of information. Although money is the reason the information is not being distributed evenly among them and their peers, it is the information that gets them the money in the first place. It is the information that determines how you view life. It is the information that determines how life and society views you. And that lack of information, that lack of knowledge or what we all know as ignorance is what has caused the most harm to many of the people. It is ignorance that has kept so many of my fellow African Americans in an internalized state of slavery. They don't know how to get the knowledge because the people with it still refuse to give them a chance. They hold that patriarchal view that if we give it to them, they still wouldn't know what to do with it. And it is THAT kind of thinking that is the MOST ignorant.

How often has a Black man/ or woman with a college degree proved detrimental to society? Now how often has a Black Man or Woman without a college degree, or worse, without a high school diploma, proven harmful, to others as well as themselves?? But yet if you give us the opportunity, the knowledge, the power, to be something else, we wouldn't know what to do with it?! If you ask me that sounds more like fear. Fear that there will just be more competition, for jobs. I don't know WHY people have gotten in the mindset that making someone else better, makes YOU bad, or worse. But that idea has radiated itself in so many forms throughout our society from the ideas of beauty (if this fuller figured girl is pretty, then because I am small, I am ugly?), to the classism (if the poor are given the opportunity, then I/the wealthy will be less powerful). People can't think in terms of the fact that when a bigger variety is "allowed" in... It creates more OPPORTUNITY, not more COMPETITION. UGH!

Our True Failure

2010-07-02T21:08:00.007-07:00

I get that a lot of women think that the main problem with Black people is the "fall" of the Black man, but from where I'm standing... It's actually the fall of the Black woman. It's the mothers who raise these Black men, marry them, have their children, and allow them to think that money is the only way. THAT'S the real issue. When we expect a man who was only taught how to be a provider to teach his son something more... You've failed. I truly am beginning to see that it takes a real woman to raise a son. The problem is that either women are looking for a man to do it for them, or they forget the values that prevented their son's father from being their son's role model. All the while, this boy is growing up and seeing you treated with disrespect or allowing others to take advantage of you. They see you giving yourself to a man who has yet to give himself to you. When you had this son... What were the values you intended to instill in them? What possibilities did you see him having? How did you anticipate him being the man you now see his father is not? If you cannot answer these questions... I dare say... You shouldn't have had a child. What values are you now instilling in your child(ren) that they can be better than their parents? What ADVANTAGES have you allotted him that he will be smarter, better equipped than you? These, my dearies are VITAL factors that a mother MUST take into thought while raising a child. Otherwise, your complaints are in vain.

I do not blame the fathers (although they are a SERIOUS disappointment at various times), but I blame the mothers because many times you have not only put yourselves in impossible situations, but you have now passed that situation, that circumstance onto your child. It was YOU who chose to raise a child without truly knowing his father. It was YOU who chose to have sex with this man. It was YOU who chose to say you understand him, but yet have not analyzed (in even the smallest capacity) the relationship this man has with his father & his mother. You have not taken into consideration his values and that someone who values only the visual advantages of money may not be a good person to teach your child the value of hard work and family, community, love, respect... How dare YOU blame him, when you are... raising him? Your son, he is, in essence, the remake of his father. And it is not just the absence of his father, or the lack of participation from his father that has caused your child to have problems. It is the lack of thought, participation from his mother when deciding to create her child. If you allowed yourself to be seduced by whatever this man (or boy, depending on your age) was offering you, then, my dear, that is what you have taught your son to be motivated to have. “A man is only going to do what you allow him to do” I HATE that quote, mainly because… it is true. The problem is… that NO ONE seems to see the problem in that. WHY are we not teaching our sons, the future men, to treat people with fairness and respect, NO MATTER what the person allows you to do? THAT is a problem. I REFUSE to let my future son (if I ever have one) think that treating a girl like a dog is ok if she lets him. You slapping me does not make it right just because I did not do anything to stop you from slapping me. Now, you may say I’m dumb if I let someone slap me. And AGAIN you miss the point. The point is not that I “let” someone do something to me; it IS that they thought it was okay to do it in the first place. People who victim blame, or who say that “you let…”, are only taking away from the real issue, and to me are just in denial of the mistakes that they made.

A child is a WONDERFUL gift. Parents want to make sure that their child has what they were not able to. But in order to do that, you have to think differently. And you should give yourself the chance to grow up, yourself before you put yourself in the position to be responsible for someone else's development. How can you possibly be prepared to teach your child values when you are currently at the beginning stages of developing your own? Why would you do that? A child gives you the opportunity to pass on your legacy, your beliefs, your dreams, to someone else and you waste such an opportunity when you tackle that task too soon. You waste it when you have yet to experience yourself; yet to know who you are or who you can become.

Now, I applaud the women who have managed to raise a child without experiencing any sad repercussions and those women who have been able to raise their child with wonderful values, but for the majority of the single mothers out there... This last note will not be condemning in its nature. Simply put: We HAVE to do better and we HAVE to grow up. Our children are dependent on it.

The "Crisis" of the Successful Black Woman

2010-07-01T11:51:00.005-07:00

This was the first episode I watched of The Spark and I was HOOKED. I just love how she talks about the issues. I ESPECIALLY think that the last 3 minutes are DEFINITELY on point! I think it is SO necessary for women to spend time working on themselves. I've learned that I need to be comfortable being single before I even worry about being in a relationship. I'm only 22, settling down is not in the near future so I don't have to focus so much of my attention and efforts on pursuing a man. I think there are SO many women out there who go out based on trying to find a man or trying to find a potential boo. It's just ridiculous. So like Bansu said: "If you're right then, if a man DOES come around next week, you'll be even better" But YOU have to be right first. And like Tionna said" FIND A HOBBY!!" I think I'm going to do a separate blog on this issue soon because I am seeing that this is something that needs to be in the minds of so many Black women... So... Here's the episode. PLEASE watch it.

Watch more AOL Black Voices videos on AOL Video

"She's Pretty For A Dark Skinned Girl..."

2010-06-30T09:43:00.003-07:00

Hey Guys!
Well, here I go again. In my attempt to learn a little bit more about Tameka Raymond, I decided to Google her and came across this wonderfully written article. The Title: "She's Pretty For A Dark-Skinned Girl..." I was immediately drawn to this title because I too have a darker complexion and I have heard that too many times, luckily, not targeted towards me. Either way, I have felt it. I have to agree with everything she has said. It is sad to bear witness to this idea that the closest thing to white is the closest thing to beautiful in the eyes of society. It has permeated and destroyed our community and it is always wonderful to hear someone speak about it. So I have posted the link to this article she has written for The Huffington Post last August. It is a must read. Enjoy.

The Spark with Amanda Diva

2010-06-29T15:42:00.001-07:00

Ok, as I mentioned in the last post, I watch The Spark with Amanda Diva on AOL Black Voices [online]. Well, I just watched another episode and it has me intrigued yet again. I just HAD to blog about it. I'm not going to say much because the video speaks for itself, but I think this woman always speaks truth on so many levels and I am finding it necessary to constantly post her episodes up. I didn't know about the woman who got punched by the cop... ok scratch that, I didn't know much about the woman who got punched by the cop, so this was something new I learned today. Anywho... I think we all should watch this episode. I may add my two cents in her comment box, but idk, because I want to learn more on the issue. But anyways: Here's the episode.

Watch more AOL Black Voices videos on AOL Video

I LOVE IT!

2010-06-29T14:11:00.000-07:00

So I watch this online show called The Spark with Amanda Diva and on one of the episodes she interviewed Tameka Raymond [aka Usher's ex-wife]. Well after the show I became slightly obsessed with her [trust me, it's a healthy obsession]. It just made me want to know more about her. She has started this organization called the Lost Ones Foundation. It focuses on basically empowering young girls and women. I became obsessed because her organization's goals are the same as those for the foundation I soon [well within the net 4 years] hope to start. I was soo excited to hear her speak about the same things that I believe as well. It was refreshing. I was impressed. So, I sought to learn more about her organization and luckily found her website & her twitter. So I'm following her. lol Here's the link to her website: http://lostonesfoundation.org/. I think its goals are AWESOME. I think that my org. will be a little more than this, but I still believe that this foundation is SOOO important. I have now gained some respect for her [not that she needs it].

My Cause

2010-06-27T22:29:00.003-07:00

So, I recently went on dosomething.org and while visiting the site I felt encouraged to start a blog particularly related to issues affecting and involving at-risk youth and families. Growing up I always knew that I wanted to work with children, but it was not until I became a high school student that I realized how, in particular, I wanted to work with them. I became a psyc major with the objective of being a counselor in the school system. Not a guidance counselor, but more of a school psychologist. After being in college a few years, that changed and I am now working on being a social worker, well I will when I go to graduate school next year. This means that now, I will be dedicating my career towards assisting others reach their full potential. It is what makes me happy. Being black and from a lower income area has given me the opportunity to understand certain needs of my communities and I have found that it is necessary for us to help each other.

In essence this blog will be some of my own thoughts, but it will also include videos, articles, and books that dig a little into this topic. I'm currently reading Martin Luther King Jr.'s book Where Do We Go From Here Chaos or Community? I'm over half way through and think the thoughts that have developed from what I have read so far will be my first few blogs. Until I post those, I just wanted to write this first. Hope you enjoy...