A bambina's diary...

Our Effortlessly Imperfect Marriage

2016-05-04T04:23:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today, we decided to name our love story and promised to spend the rest of our life together and I was officially allowed to annoy you for a lifetime. Finally, our hidden ‘I love yous’ and dates could come in public. It always amazes me how fast time files by, three years already??? WOW!!!

It’s been 16 years now since we know each other and yet it feels like just yesterday. I can never forget the day when we met, I mean, really looked at each other. I will not lie; it was never a first sight love for us but even then I couldn’t understand a word our faculty said that day. Travelling back to 16 years, to the days when all I wanted was to keep talking to you endlessly, to the days when we didn’t know what love was, is so easy for me, like I can reliving those moments just by closing my eyes.

Marrying you was my life’s best decision. Together we make one great team, a team where two idiots laugh on their idiotism to the core. Yet in this idiotism, we have created prefect gift for ourselves, our bundle of joy, our son – Advik.

Love, romance and marriage were always like Mills & Boon stories to me (you really can’t blame me because that was my only source of information). I was welcomed to reality after marrying you. True love is not always kisses and romance; it’s about loving someone selflessly. It’s about conquering the toughest ride together.

It’s not like our marriage is perfect or full of lollipops and butterflies. We too had our share of blue days – days when my pair of green eyes was overly vigilant, days when your phone was extremely busy, and the days when our tongues were far too active. Just like others, we do fight, we make up, we get over it, and eventually, we laugh and that’s what really matters.

Infact, I really don’t know what a perfect marriage is. Whatever it would be, I love what we have, ‘Our Effortlessly Imperfect Marriage.’A marriage where one is way too romantic while the other half is still discovering what surprises are. A marriage where one doesn’t really plan for a rainy day while the other half plans for all coming seasons. A marriage where one doesn’t really bother about reflection while the other half wants it to be impeccable. A marriage where one loves to pen down each and every feelings and emotions while the other half finds words difficult.

The only time I am ever wordless is when someone asks me why I love you. Deepak, there is no I love you because…it’s simply I just love you.

I get amazed how on somedays I forget how to love you and then how effortlessly I fall for you all over again. You still surprise me every day with your obvious unashamed love for me. I guess I will never get over with this feeling.

I know we will get caught up in the little everyday moments of life but one thing that is lasting and forever is “US”.

And finally, thank you for being my husband and loving me so selflessly with all my flaws. Let’s begin another year of you being you, me being me, and us being us.

Happy Anniversary Love!!!

BROKEN

2013-08-27T19:36:00.001-07:00

Did my dress make them come after me?

Was my friend the reason?

Some say its all my fault,

Some say I shouldn't have been out,

What I am about to learn is a lesson with myself as an expensive cost.

Some blame my parents for the liberty,

Some raised questions on my upbringing,

Some showed pity but accused me deep inside,

But wasn't I allowed to live, my peers?

They smelled me,

They touched me,

They were ripping my clothes apart,

Every drop of my blood was turning cold,

The world slowly going dark,

But there I was still searching for a light.

RUN, HIT, SCREAM,

I choked wanting to cry NO,

My mind completely lost,

My heart was pierced with their lusty spears,
But nothing stirred.

BEG, MERCY, DIE,

Even god turned out to be deaf,

Filthy desire licked every inch of mine,
Mom, it felt like ages passed by,

Now, I envy those who died.

I am still wondering what turned my life upside down,

I am still thinking was it my fault?

I still feel their disgusting breathe on me,

Now, my body is beyond broken,

My soul is sliced beyond repairs,

All I know I wasn't the first and I won't be the last.

But, I am still looking for a change somewhere… Hoping someday my voice, my pain, my death will make a noise and you will make a choice…

The LAST WALK

2013-06-12T11:21:00.003-07:00

There are times when I wish that I was immune to certain emotions… It’s harder to stop when I know it’s everything I've always wanted… It's hard to decide whether to have a heart that’s nothing but numb or a heart that’s broken but in love…

I was unable to look into those dark yet lovely eyes. I know what I am doing is not right. A part of me was still dreaming of a life with him but reality had its own choice. My heart was longing for a change which it can't afford. He has every right to know this but my soul was yearning with the thought of seeing tears into those mesmerizing eyes.

I wanted to the moment to last for lifetime, to hold him for rest of my life but what I had was just a night. We walked hands in hands on the busy street. I was too immersed to notice anything apart from those changing lines of his face. I know he was looking at me from edge of his eyes. Sometimes I looked around to avoid his questioning vibes but my senses did otherwise. I know he wanted to ask something that mere words could explain.

He was busy explaining things that he did today but all I could remember was how his hand fits perfectly with mine like it’s made for me. Oh god, how can I think of even leaving those endlessly caring voice, those kisses that makes me feel like I can't live without.

My heart was soaked with sorrow and agony with the thought of seeing him for the last time. I guess he could already feel what was coming. I know I will never be the same after this. The hole in my heart will always stay with me as a fazed memory. I was unable to hold myself with heaviness of parting away but I know I have to do this at least for him.

“You know I have decided. I don’t think it’s working out… we should move on. I don’t see a future of us together. Beside, papa already has someone on his mind.”

My heart losing its beats… I have to let him free from emotions... I have to...

I don’t know for how long he was just stoned. He was looking into my eyes and asking why??? Please GOD, give me the strength to hold on just for a while. He stood there holding my hands... He stood there caressing me cheeks... He stood there as if nothing happened...

Then from nowhere a tear drop on my hand. I know this was the sign that I have to start moving. Few more seconds, I would collapse. I started walking leaving his hands, leaving his touch, leaving his spell.

I started moving away from my life, my smile, my soul...

There he stood like a stranger not moving a muscle... There he stood like an angle... My heart ached... it cried and then it died...

He was my life, my smile, my jokes... Spark of my eyes and my soul...

Waiting to see you...

2012-12-24T22:46:00.004-08:00

A cloth that you wear all day long,

A song that you know by heart,

A car that we share and fight,

I tried it all but still feeling cold inside,

So here I am waiting to see you....

A joke that you laughed on,

A blanket that we snuggled,

A chocolate that we hide and ate,

I tried it all but still feeling cold inside,

So here I am waiting to feel you...

A temple where we got unite,

A path that we took all the time,

A photo in which we cried and smiled,

I tried it all but still feeling cold inside,

So here I am waiting to love you...

The FIGHT

2012-08-14T20:38:00.002-07:00

It started when moon was at its peek,

It started when your attention was least.

It started when heavier was my plight,

It started when I was not in a state to decide.

It started when my soul was leaning for your smile,

It started when the enigma was building inside.

It started when pain was only thing that I could sight,

It started when the salty water was cutting edge of my eyes.

It started when my wounded heart was searching for the warmth beside...
It started when I was feeling not that STRONG inside...

THE KNOT

2012-02-20T05:59:00.004-08:00

I say give him a chance,

They say others wouldn't do...

I say life should about me,

They say others will raise a finger on you...

I say I don't care,

They say but they do...

They say u have to forget him,

I say can a body breathe without d soul?

They say love can happen twice,

I say only when first one dies...

They say family come first,

I say true but does my life holds the least?

They say sacrifice is all they need,

I say this will make me weak...

They say you will survive,

I say surviving isn't living...

They say it's important to tie it,

I say let me decide it...

They say everyone does it,

I say I don't want to be lost in d crowd...

They say life is better when shared,

I say only when love is there...

They say you need to change,

I say OK and become like whom?

They say others live with it so can you,

I say maybe I can change others too...

STORY of an anonymous GAL….

2011-07-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Little gal opens her eyes,
Finds people around her full of life,

With roses on her cheeks,

She starts every day with a smile…

How blissful was her life,

Having what she wished at her sight,

With pain and loneliness boarded long flight,

She blossomed like god’s own child…

But, soon life around her took an atrocious plight,

Shattering her life into pieces of dark nights,

Now all the attention she once had was out of sight,

Her feeble eyes couldn’t see but cried…

With her little brother now gone,

She wished to hold him tight for one last time,

But, soon she realised her longings couldn’t fill the hollowness inside,

Belongings were only left to have the warmth for lifetime…

Days and nights passed over the despair grave,

She even forget the melody and efficacy of her own smile,

Masking was the art that she mastered in the meantime,

But, failed to convince her soul about the devoid inside…

There she stood up again and looked at the cloudy sky,

She stepped out of the harrowing crowd,

With rain washing the heaviness out,

She was now determined to conquer the gloomiest mount….

But, she was hit harder this time,

The tiny soul whom they brought to dismount the cinerary of their life,

Was snatched back by GOD in no time,

She was again entrusted with black thoughts and ashes inside…

Her life seems to be written by the most vicious pen,

Where her waking hours were filled with the colour and stench of dread,

She was about to embraces the black rose and fall in the depressing well,

But, then there came a shoulder allowing her to rest on himself…

Both the young hearts wanted to share their life,

They promised to stay by each other till the vicinity of the sky,

Some said they were in love but she believed it to be heaven,

But, then her future was already meant to be uneven…

She was now coined between her love and loved ones,

He was standing outside her window; pleading to give him a chance,

But, she was bind with faith, custom and sacrifice,

And chose a path where grieving smiles could only be heard…

She now lay awake waiting for HIM,

Then, she realised there is no light and no hope,

She wonders why she was destined on such melancholy and wistful road,

All she desired was just to be free and let her be,

Her soul couldn’t survive with the slaying heart,

She felt like thousand knives piercing within,

But, she had smile on her face and soon she’ll be with them,

Neither soul survived nor a breath, only a soulless body was LEFT….

OPTions of LYFE….

2011-06-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have a vision to chase,

But shadows of customs are on my way,

I want to run as fast as I can,

But the baggage of duties nabs me down,

I have love to share,

But they tend to brush off my heart,

I want to live life the right way,

But the way keeps my loved ones at a bay,

I don’t want to miss the kiss I shared,

But I guess that is the last thing I could ever have,

I wish to bring the odds together,

But this calls for a sacrifice forever…….

You will ALWAYS be around me….

2011-05-16T23:47:00.000-07:00

I feel it in my heartbeats,
I feel it in my clothes,

But I amazed to see that still you don’t know….

You are always on my mind,

You are always in my chores,

But I amazed to see that still you don’t know…

Sitting right beside you,

My eyes keep dripping those vows,

But I amazed to see that still you don’t know…

I feel your face before me as I lay on bed,

My dreams keep intoning the things you said,

But I amazed to see that still you don’t know…

You know I love you and I always will,

Waiting for things to happen would lead me nowhere,

But living life without you is worse than the rest….

PYAR Ke side EFFECTs…

2011-04-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I agree when you are in true love, even mythological song seems romantic. It’s LOVE, when you come up with dopey excuses just to hear his/her voice on other side of the line. It’s LOVE, when you don’t mind waiting for hours at STATION just to have that five minutes of nearness. And finally, it’s LOVE, when your fingers automatically clubs into his/her fingers…. TRUST ME. You won’t even realise that your hands have already agreed to enter into the selflessness bond…

This may sound filmy to you, BUT it’s really love when start you loving the colour RED… RED BAG… RED SHIRT… RED NAILPAINT….

NOW that you already know all the cheesy and mushy part of LOVE, let us find out some of its DARKER sides…

SIDE EEFCT 1: WHEN you say you are not JEALOUS... YOU actually are… Love comes with a pair of GREEN eye too. No matter how hard you try to hide, you cannot deny… Seeing you partner spending time with opposite sex creates slight pain in our heart. Some smart asses would try and argue this feeling with possessiveness, but it’s not the same. A bit of jealousness should always be there. AFTER all, the FUNDA of SHARING is CARING can’t be implemented everywhere ;-)

SIDE EEFCT 2: He/she doesn’t go on my LOOKS… OUR love is beyond external beauty… Aaa AAN! CUT the crap… he/she may not accept it openly but it does matter… It’s like an open secret. For example, girls keep saying facial looks don't matter, but they still keep doing thousands of marummat of their face and BODY… Boys! Now don’t think that I don’t have anything for you in the store… Lemme ask you one thing why do your eyeballs come out when you see a girl in MINI Skirt???

SIDE EEFCT 3: NO its my MISTAKE/FAULT…OHkkkk... I M SORI… This definitely means you should go down on your knees right now and apologies... It’s all your fault… The sooner you realise, the smother your life would be.

SIDE EEFCT 4: ALL in the name of SPACE! “Honey, whose call was it??? Gimme some space shonna... you don’t have to keep an eye on me all the TYME”... Saala he/she just asked about the call… Didn’t your parents ask about it earlier? Did you react in the same manner? When you are in love, by default you become overly sensitive to such matters. It’s like love orders your sensitivity hormones to work in double SHIFT.

SIDE EEFCT 5: OVER night you start behaving like Pranab Mukherjee’s right HAND. “Honey, let’s be practical. We can’t waste money like this.” Yaaa RIGHT! Earlier, 2000 rupees of mobile bill was FINE… I CAN MANAGE. Now, 500 rupees of mobile bill seems like USD 500. Feel lucky if you beau gives you two calls a day… N if it’s more than then you really ought to be on cloud NINE.

SIDE EFFECT 6: YOU always want be reassured: No matter how many times you have said those three golden words to you partner… I swear those words every time bring smile on my face…. And a Muaahhhh… should be treated as TOPPING ;-)

SIDE EFFECT 7: S-EX talk always hurt them. NO matter how open they are. If you want to be tension free, don’t ever talk about your EX. I know most of the love gurus would argue this with TRANSPARENCY. You can be transparent at loads of place and events (Now don’t go wild) but just not HERE… Nobody likes to hear how their property was invaded by someone else before… Now this leads us to the next effect. PROPERTY.

SIDE EFECT 8: It’s my PROPERTY. The moment you two agree to enter into a nuptial bond, you start treating your partner as your PROPERTY. Hence, you became a majority stake holder of all property and subsidiaries owned by your partners. It can be Cell phone, Wallet, Credit Cards, Emails and FACEBOOK A/C too…. the list can go on….

LOVE is still the most beautiful feeling despite all this petty drawbacks… Love is all about giving yourself away without any expectations (I know this is contradicting to some of the points mentioned above… but as I told you those are petty DRAWBACKS and can be ignored).

LOVE IS WHEN you smile in tears…

STILL HOLDING ON….

2011-04-04T11:34:00.001-07:00

For years, I prayed to be your angel,

But now I get this feeling that you haven’t heard…

For years, I longed to be loved back,

But now I get this feeling that you have already shared your share…

For years, I wished for a life next to you,

But now I get this feeling your future doesn’t want my shadow on it…

I know you can’t fake the feelings…

But I still keep hoping just to keep my dying heart alive…

A lifetime narrated in SOMETIMES….

2011-03-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I cry more than heart can ever hold…

Sometimes I laugh until my body pains…

Sometimes I hide to make you feel the ache….

Sometime I just immerse in you to feel complete…

Sometimes I force my eyes not to blink… sacred with the thought of losing you from my sight….

Sometimes I forget to breathe in the chase of having a glimpse of you…

Sometimes I start smiling in the middle of street…

Sometimes a tear rolls down from nowhere…

Sometimes I feel like reining you with my love…. to make you last for lifetime…

Sometime just the word ‘LOVE’ gives solace to all my angst….

Sometime I wish if the world could understand ME just once….

Sometime I wish to close my eyes before the harrowing day arrives…

You Will Still Be In My Thoughts

2010-10-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

Stars are coming out of blanket,
Yet an another night is to fall,
But my heart refuses to sleep with your thought.

I tried hard to conceal the longing,
Thinking about the days when our smiles were broad,
But my eyes soon gave up after your thought.

Mama begs me to be strong,
Papa makes efforts to move me away from your logs,
But my senses are still encircled by your thought.

Beneath the bed are hidden the memories you left,
I did my best to leave you behind,
But my every breath of mine lingers around your thought.

I begged to GOD to make me immune from your holdings,
He spells the wish and turns me apart,
But this time you chose to be in my thought...

OPINION – We need to CHANGE

2010-08-04T00:29:00.000-07:00

- 17yrs boy commits suicide after being rejected by girlfriend’s dad
- 24yrs goon assaults co-passenger after being chided for eve-teasing the latter’s wife
- 25yrs girl kills a 2yrs old nipper after having a tiff with the child’s grandma

Practically I am not related to any of the above listed news but the bulletins signalize at something which bothers me. With every leap in generation, we anticipate growth and improvements in terms of urbanization, civilization and economization, but we forget the most crucial part i.e. the generation’s PSYCHE development.

Last morning I was awoken by my sis’s high pitched vox... “Take divorce girl... how many times should I repeat this... he is a moron with no money... he just knows to f*** and blabber bullshit.”

Of course, I am aware about these explicit words being part of my sis’s daily lingo and am not concerned about it as the words have existence in my dictionary too; however, the word “DIVORCE” is still lingering around my head.

When I asked my sis about the friend to whom she was suggesting split-up, she enlightened me that the girl has been married only for one year and finding it difficult to adapt with her hubby for whom she abandoned her family a year ago. I was also informed that the couple dated for two years and then decided to enter into a nuptial bondage. Now, this is quite shocking to me. Despite this being a love marriage, it is falling apart in such a short interval. I mean what you would call this – IMPATIENT DECISION or LACK OF ADAPTABILITY or WRONG JUDGEMENT???

These are not the only incidents which disturb me. With everyday passing, my experience with today’s generation is amplifying my concern. Of course, even I belong to the same coeval and even I tend to do things which later on bother me.

The most deplorable part is that today’s youth react or I would rather say fight on almost anything. For instance: dumbest things would be on stepping over shoes and looking at someone's man, hilarious thing would be over farthing and the jerkiest would be on hearsay. Trust me, travel for one month by locals and I am sure you would be able to give some input here.

We tend to make fuss over such stupid things because today we are overly confused, insecure, fragile, diffident, weak, impatient, lazy, immature, egoist, coward and irresponsible. We are scared of taking responsibilities and accepting failure. In addition, we tend to defend our reputations by any means necessary, even if it requires choosing the vicious path.

I am no exception to this behaviour. Till date, I never went to take my marksheet. Result days were most palled days for me and hence, it was always my dad who did the honour and fortunately I never let him down. You all must have already gauged the reason behind the cowardice.

With this type of mindset, we would never be able to grow. The sooner we let go of this state of mind, we can start working out solutions to our problems and concentrate towards improvement and empowerment. If not, as rightly said we must be prepared to face the consequences or our actions and wait for our next generation to follow our footprint and carry the same trend which lead them nowhere.

Its annihilating to lose someone... but life moves on...

2010-04-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

I know death is the ineluctable truth, an end of every living being. Still, why is it so difficult to face it? Why it still makes me cry?

Why life has to be so brutal on me?
I want to say so many things,
But falling short of words.

What should I do to salve him?
I can see him running,
But was unable to match his pace.

Why is everyone feigning?
I knew what was coming,
But chose to be blind.

Should I be happy for him?
I knew I should let him go,
But was too selfish to accept it.

Finally the demise arrived, should I cry?
I knew it would make him feel worse,
But felt like helpless child after losing my deary toy.

What was left in life without him?
I should soon cease my life too,
But behaved like a coward and underwent thousand deaths.

What should I do with the blanket we shared?
I knew I would never be able snuggle him again,
But kept on searching for him.

Why expressing something is sometimes so difficult,
I can feel the fume building in me,
But unable to find water in my eyes.

Why should I smile after losing the warmth?
I should be mourning for him,
But was forced to carry a facade all the time.

Life moves on... I am still alive even after losing my most beautiful gift...

I love you Nikhil.... you will still be my bestest bro.... infact the only one I had... and Miss you too...

A JOURNEY BACK HOME

2010-03-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

It was 12th February 2010. A very special and the same time agonizing day for my family, it was my brother’s birthday today. I wanted to leave early so that I could share my mom’s grief but work comes first. This is what I have been following since past three years, chasing deadlines irrespective of how awful my personal life is.

As usually my 8 hrs shift got extended to 11 hrs and I ended up abstracting articles till 9:00 pm.

There were many things going into my head when I left office. How will my mummy take the day? Oh! Did I send the delivery file? What will I say to him if he calls? How can I be two timing?

I was so engrossed in these anxieties of mine that I didn’t realize that it’s only me who was walking on the frightening and dreadful Ashwin palace road. Now let me explain you as to why this place is so dreadful especially for females, in fact only for females.

First, you can hardly find a female walking alone on this road after 8:00 pm. Second, the street lights are so strong and bright that you got to stand just right below the pole to see each others’ faces. Third, you can only find those kind of men who would any time hop on a female. Fourth, to act as topping, drunkards are all time guarding the street.

I reached Ashwin palace bus stop (comes before Mahape bus stop while going towards Kalyan) at around 9:15 pm and started listening to songs. I was ignoring the drunkard who was sitting on the filthy bus stop bench, which seemed anytime-ready-to fall- material, and desperately waiting for the bus to come.

Soon I heard the drunkard’s dyspnoeal coughing, at least I thought so initially. When I turn around to see him (it’s not that I was concerned, just curious to know as to what was wrong with him), I realized that I-don’t care man was puking what he gulped today. Oh God! How badly I wanted the bus to come. I was praying to God, “if not bus, please send someone” and within fraction my prayed was answered. A husky man (must be in mid-30s) was standing right in front of me, just 30 inch away from me. My answered prayer was so shoddily dressed that I swear to mom of never asking god for help.

The newly arrived character scanned me as if I was wearing a see-through or perhaps nothing and asked with his tobacco filled mouth “chalti kya, bike bhi hai”. Yeah right! This was all I wanted, a drunkard who was standing just 10 feet away from me and a cruddy man who was considering me a slut.

To save myself from any ravishment and mugging, I started hurriedly walking towards the Mahape bus stop.

“Why.. why I have to leave so late... I hate myself..”, I was walking and cursing myself simultaneously. I knew walking all alone at 9:45 PM towards creeping Mahape bus stop is not great but how can I let somebody know that I was frightened like chicken, so I avoided asking for help. Instead I thought of distracting myself by talking to someone (of-course over the phone) and covering the distance.

Called my swain ... but he was unavailable...
Called mummy... but she was making roti...
Thought of calling dad but knew he would be busy too...
So gave up the idea.

Usually, I cover the distance between Ashwani palace bus stop and Mahape in 10 minutes when I am with my friends but today wasn’t a usual day for me. I covered the distance in just six minutes and noticed some urbane people around. What a relief it was...

After 11 hrs of shift and encountering some shuddery situations, I was desperately longing to get home. My legs were so badly aching that I was sure of collapsing any moment. Considering a direct auto to home was out of question. Only 50 bucks was left with me that day, a direct auto to Kalyan would at least cost 200 bucks.

Bus! Bus! When is the damm thing gonna come??? It was already 9:50 pm then. In every two seconds I was checking time, even the cell songs were unable to unlax me now.

“20 rupaye mein Kalyan”... “20 rupaye mein Kalyan”...

I heard an auto driver calling “20 rupaye mein Kalyan”. Initially I thought maybe because of tiredness, I heard 20 bucks instead of 200 or perhaps my subconscious mind was playing games with me. But I heard it again... “20 rupaye aur Kalyan”.

This time I was sure of what went into my ears so I went ahead and asked the driver “bhaiya kitna”... he replied “madam 20 rupaye”. Without giving it a second thought I hopped inside the auto.

Wow..! 20 bucks and Kalyan... What a deal!!! I should fix the auto on a monthly basis... preoccupied with the great deal I made... I totally ignored my share-auto-neighbours for five minutes. After making myself fully comfortable, I angled my head to see the neighbours.

I was sure now. I would not reach home in safe-mode today. There were two hefty males sitting right next to me. Both seemed sort of drunk. If I had a slightest hint as to these guys would be my sharing partners, I would have never opted for the auto even for one buck.

I wanted to run as far as I can from the auto... but the vehicle already entered the mountainous area.

I was sure by then that those horrifying guys would rape me and throw me in the hills and I would never be found.

I was sure that this was a big conspiracy and that even the auto driver was involved. First, they would rape me and then ask for a ransom or perhaps take me to a red-light area.

I was so frightened to attract their attention towards me that even breathing was becoming impossible for me. The mountainous area, which was always felt as a lovely place while driving with my boyfriend for its peace and loneliness, seemed never-ending.

Every time when the auto moved towards the edge of the road, I considered it to be my last minute. Despite swearing of never asking God for help, I pleaded Him again. And this time too my prayer was answered in a fraction. When I opened my eyes, a police man was riding right next to my auto. I thanked god thousands of times in one minute. But I guess God took the swear seriously. Soon the police man was out of my sight and again I was left alone with my half-drunk partners.

I closed my eyes again to recall all the beautiful moments I had... to feel them for one last time. Mummy, Papa, Chimpu, Komal, Neha..... Everyone’s face was flashing in my head. But my extinct thoughts came to an end when the driver applied a sudden break.

Soon my half-drunk partners were out of the auto and I had new partners... both of them were college students.

I reached home in one piece but never shared the story of my journey back home with my family...

BOYFRIEND – A synonym to CANCER or COMPANION

2010-02-27T01:44:00.000-08:00

Boyfriend has become a life-sustaining tool for majority of women these days (no wonder it includes me as well). Wake up call, matinee talk and goodnight kisses from THE boyfriend is part & parcel of a girl’s daily routine today. But are these things so important that we can’t suffice without it?! Of course, I know our prompt answers would be ‘NO..!, we can live without boyfriends but deep inside it daunts us.

In a scenario where every female is trying to be a sovereign and prove that they are no longer reliant on men for bread and butter, it would be difficult for them to agree on this as far as their emotional dependency is concerned.

When a girl enters into a relationship, she starts giving it so much time and grandness that all the other relationships take a total backseat. Every free time and space is being so faithful consecrated to boyfriend that friends, parents and relatives start to disappear gradually. With this, we tend to make our boyfriends larger than life. We start being dependent on them instinctively though we may never directly agree to this.

We enter into a phase where we find ourselves surrounded by our respective boyfriends. Movie, party, pub, night outs – everywhere we just concentrate on him. Even a single day without the boyfriend makes us restless and impatient. There is nothing wrong in this. Everyone needs a companion to rely on. But the problem is that the word ‘COMPANION’ has never been interpreted properly. Companion can be anyone - dad, mummy, sis, friends; but the generation is in a perception that it can be only a boyfriend.

Have we given a thought as to why break-ups are so awful? After a break-up, we usually think that life has been kiboshed and it should be ended. We find no meaning and desire to live ahead. We feel lonely and depressed. We feel so because by this time our other relationships had already been vanished from our lives. Since long time the only person who existed and mattered in life was the boyfriend.

There is nothing wrong in having a boyfriend but one should always remember that he is not the only one who exists in the world. We should try and balance relationships. We should allot time to other relationships as well and enjoy space & events without boyfriends, sometimes. This will reduce our dependency on him.

I am sure we all must have heard about risk-sharing wherein risk is distributed among several participants in an enterprise. In real life, risk is dependency, an enterprise is you and several participants are the relations which you share. So even if one party leaves, it won’t destroy you. Of course it will affect you up-to some extend but would be curable. Just try and apply the management mantra in life as well and prove that every relationship has its own value.

Should migration be really a big concern for Mumbai???

2010-02-16T08:34:00.000-08:00

Migration has always been a sensitive issue in Mumbai which is the commercial capital of India. The city offers many opportunities of employment and is a dream land for many of the rural crowds.

According to a study, 69% of male migrants consider employment as the main motive behind their movement. The study also revealed that 75% of the migrant originate from the rural areas compared to 23% from the urban areas. This means, people are running for the opportunities not for the so called cosmopolitan culture. If there are better job opportunities in UP and Bihar, people will then start running towards these states.

There is no doubt that political parties such as Shiv Sena and MNS have given rise to the political ideology of ‘sons of the soil’. The ideology says that the native population of Mumbai is deprived of access to job opportunities and other related amenities because of migrants. The ideology also blames migrants for rapid increase in Mumbai’s population.

However, it has been proved that the sudden increase in the population has been contributed by the natural growth itself. The increased population of both migrants and non-migrants can be managed with the expansion of industrial, regional and rural development.

This gives an impression that the above mentioned political parties have never gone through these statistics. They are just trying to gain publicity. First it was South Indians in Mumbai and now it is North Indians in the city. Every time they come up with a new issue and stunt to gain attention from public and media, which is an open secret now. Do these parties care as to how much the ‘BANDHs’ called by them cost to the economy - to be precise, Mumbai’s economy, the economy for whose welfare they are fighting for?

And how can one conclude that North Indians, especially the Biharis, are polluting the Mumbai culture?! It would be very dismaying to accuse the whole community without any concrete evidence, for obviously one should never reach to conclusion based on two or three instances.

How can one justify the regular attacks on North Indian candidates apprearing for the all-India Railway Recruitment Board entrance exams? Additionally, Pawan Mahto, a resident of Bara-Khurd village in Nalanda district, Bihar, died after being assaulted by MNS activists. What arguments can one give to justify this as well?

The parties and we need to understand that it is the lack of appropriate policy of integrated development on a national level which is a matter of concern, and not migration.

Instead of blaming the North Indians for polluting and vandalising the city, the concerned parties should question the police and the BMC (Bruhanmumbai Municipal Corporation) for the same.

We say law itself is manipulated. But, have we given a thought as to who manipulates or allows this to happen? The answer is ‘WE’ to a larger extent. How many times have we come across a youngster who wishes to join politics? We say politics is dirty and filthy place to go. However, it will never change unless we start getting into it.

It is time to practicalise the pledge we took during school days - “ALL INDIANS ARE MY BOTHERS AND SISTERS”. It is also time to prove that India’s strength is “UNITY IN DIVERSITY”.

Is it difficult to be a girl???

2010-02-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

I often wonder why my dad is so anxious about my MARRIAGE. Why can't I just stay alone with them forever? Why have I to change my nest? Why do I have to change my philosophy and behaviour to match others thinking and conceptions? Why can't I just be myself? I seldom get the answers of these questions.

According to my mother, it’s a way of living which everyone has to accept and adapt. I keep telling my parents that I am not mature enough to get involved in any kind of serious relationship now. I can't handle myself properly, how can it be expected that I would marry and handle a whole bunch of strangers (I mean my would-be in-laws...). I am sure that I am not the only one or rather the chosen one who is going through this dilemma. Technically, we gained independence long back in 1947. But, practically we are still grounded --- caged in society's rules & regulation and in parents' wishes.

Legroom, freedom to achieve dreams, expectation to be a caring daughter and faithful companion are the new cause of anxiety in aspirant women's life today. Firstly, we strive to maintain a pace between this co-operate and ruthless world. Secondly we have tough time managing our respective mummies and papas and there thousands of queries, which is the most mattered one too. We have changed our thinking; but are we sure whether our parents are on the same page too?

The only solution I can see now is to become a ‘NUN’ but I doubt if we would be able to meet the required sacrifices? It would be difficult for us to forego with the kind of lifestyle and lingo we have. Then, the only option left is to face the world (I mean parents) and their demands.

Now, the question arises, how to do this? How to face the world and conquer them when you know any scratch on them will hurt you as well. The irony is you want them to be happy but at same time you can’t give them what they desire. The best way to do this is be ‘YOU’. Be bold enough to blabber your dreams and opinions in front of your parents. Show them that you are not scared of any kind of commitment but first you need time to think straight and prove yourself. Make them feel how important your career is to you and how focused you are. Flaunt to the world how much YOU LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR WISDOM.