Winning the Polyglottery!

mxdwn Moment: A Dorky Dimebag of Fun

2012-01-27T18:15:00.000-08:00

“With their 10th studio album, What Happened to the La Las, care-free prog rockers moe. prove they’re like a well-worn pair of boots: comfortable, still kicking, and down for a good time.”

mxdwn Moment: The Dark Knight Rocks?

2012-01-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

By Owen Schumacher

“Released in tandem with the omnipresent pan-platform game Batman: Arkham City—which you’re probably breaking from right now—comes what essentially serves as the mega-hit’s quirky sidekick: the trendy and colorful soundtrack. It’s a “various artists” romp with all-original material performed by a cross section of acts, including Serj Tankian, Coheed & Cambria, and Bruce Wayne’s personal favorite, Daughtry.”

Drawing Inspiration: William Blake [π]

2012-01-16T10:15:00.000-08:00

～PROFILE～

Painter / Poet / Mystical Weirdo

Assumed to be nuts by his contemporaries

Huge influence on Allen Ginsberg, Bob Dylan and Jim Morrison

A Freemason?

Remember: Albion is divided into four Zoas

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Sega Mega Drive: Altered Beast Edition

2011-12-27T00:30:00.000-08:00

I command you to rise from your grave and rescue my daughter, Hermione. She's the one with the pink peplos. While you're at it, bring me back a gyro sandwich, OK? —Zeus' Uncle, Nic

Drawing Inspiration: Hans Memling [ο]

2011-12-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

～PROFILE～

Painter / Giant of Medieval Painting

Wounded in war and nursed to health by The Knights Hospitaller

Studied under Van Der Weyden

Painted the best Last Judgment

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Drawing Inspiration: Francisco Goya [ξ]

2011-11-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

～PROFILE～

Painter / Printmaker / "The Sleep of Reason..."

became deaf mid-career from... lead paint?

An artist in protest

Died alone, leaving his Black Paintings

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Goodbye, Libya's Rose

2011-10-24T00:00:00.000-07:00

"Colonel Gaddafi's daughter phoned her father after learning of his capture – only for the call to be answered by a rebel who told her: 'Old Fuzzhead is dead.'"

Drawing Inspiration: Jacques-Louis David [ν]

2011-10-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

～PROFILE～

Painter / Talented Jerk

Father killed in a duel

Supporter of Robespierre, then Napoleon

Signed over 300 execution orders during the Reign of Terror

Left with facial scar from a sword wound

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Candies From Heaven Pt. III

2011-09-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

THE SPITTING MACHINE

Candies From Heaven Pt. II

2011-09-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

MAMMON FROM HEAVEN

Sega Genesis: Space Harrier II Edition

2011-09-19T18:00:00.000-07:00

I wanna bring you to life, but I don't know how—except to paint you with a mouse and view you on a backlit screen. —Modern Pygmalion

If you have a background in modding old consoles and the wherewithall to turn this fantasy into a reality, e-mail me. And yes, I'll pay you. (In the hundreds and not the thousands. Let's not get crazy.)

If you don't care about me or my dream, I guess Billy Joel put it best (as usual): Sometimes a fantasy is all you need.

Drawing Inspiration: Ub Iwerks [μ]

2011-08-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

～PROFILE～

Animator / Inventor / Da Vinci of Disney

Yes, he created Mickey Mouse

Made the birds on Hitchcock's the Birds

Oscar-winning FX pioneer

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Candies From Heaven Pt. I

2011-08-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

I'M NOT LIKE YOU

Drawing Inspiration: Edmund Dulac [λ]

2011-07-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

～PROFILE～

Golden Age Giant / 'Arabian Nights' Artist

Studied to become a lawyer... then got bored of it

Designed many UK stamps and even European currency

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Drawing Inspiration: Howard Pyle [κ]

2011-06-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

～PROFILE～

Illustrator / N.C. Wyeth's Teacher

Known for his novel, The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood

Painted Captain Kid like no one's business

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Naked Brunch: Burroughs Mulls Over 'Celebrity Apprentice' Finale

2011-05-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

[From the POV of a resurrected Burroughs turned Hollywood gossip writer, Naked Brunch is my periodically updated, bizarro parody column for Patrick DeLaney's Nations-Strange.]

Great, the Mugwump's show. Twitching tiny lips and squinting eyes, orange soft serve running down a thick salmon pate, slow-motion walking, "For the Love of Money"—all the makings for a junk-sick Sunday evening.

And then I watched the Celebrity Apprentice finale.

Seriously, rubes and fruits—I kid like a eunuch Ginsburg on an Aztec ayahuasca binge. Even a wino walking his Afghan knew the Disk last night: Twang Man vs. the Signer, another dirty cement dustup for a few sawskis and a 7 Up can. A bunko job. Nothing less than for the King or Queen Gimp.

Had all the heat of the fuzz on me for heading a boy-toy ring in dark neon. Marlee looked good, too—sequined and high. A real albino Candace, hands like a madame. She flecks on the Night like an Occidental Geisha. I'd eat Chop Suey off a bathroom floor just to inhale her pink-yen cloud for one mum night.

Then there's the Twang Man: rich John Rich, all business—Rockefeller with a J. Paul lariat, a Texas T in the word, "tycoon." ("Trump," even.) Went so far as to put a Stetson on the Pink Protoplasm himself—a wink and a nod for pale kids in teal gowns, St. Jude Children's Hospital, the "keeyuds." God's work with salt-of-the-Earth melisma and a calculated guitar chord. Something too solid about him, maybe. Like there's more in the sausage gravy than he's letting on.

And talk about askew: This finale's about as padded as a grasser with a wire and a mission—stuffed and ill-at-ease, beefing on his dealer for kicks and a new thing to do. I could smoke mescaline in a Lincoln Park rest stop, blear through the haunt of a Transylvanian fever dream, and still wake up to Star and NeNe fussing over Week 8's Bitter Suites.

Too much. Caught some Zs in a deprivation chamber. (I dreamt of Busey's smile, a kite, and Omaha Steaks—the usual. )

Then it's back to the Waking World. The MugTrump huffed with no break in his words aloft some amethyst throne like a sci-fi Genghis Khan:

"...Soon, I'll pick the winner. After these messages, the winner. I'll pick the winner. The winner will soon be chosen. Next, the winner. I'll choose the winner..."

And he did. Finally. Rich is the new Celebrity Apprentice. Now back to the chamber. The outcome's always better there.

R.I.P. "Macho Man" Randy Savage 1952-2011

2011-05-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

"...The 58-year-old, known as Macho Man, is thought to have suffered a heart attack at the wheel of his vehicle. He lost control of the car and hit a tree around 9:25am this morning, Savage's brother, Lanny Poffo, told TMZ."

Hero's Ancient Blender: Sappho Garofalo

2011-05-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

"...In the progressive city of Seattolis, a Northwestern section of Crete known for its sexual liberty, poetry, and vegan baklava, the unveiling of a new civic sculpture went sour. Four-day-old-lamb-in-tzatziki-sauce sour."

Drawing Inspiration: Marie Bashkirtseff [ι]

2011-04-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

～PROFILE～

Painter / Humble author of I Am the Most Interesting Book of All

Studied at the Académie Julian, one of the few schools to accept women at the time

Died of TB at 25

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

My First Snazzy: Two Tulas

2011-04-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm pleased to announce I'm now on the artist roster at Snazzy Canvas, a modern-day service of the "patron commissions a portrait" variety. The idea is you pick your artist, furnish him (or her) with a quality reference photo, then kick back and watch your picture turn into a memento for the ages—a masterful giclée print on canvas!

My first commission was of our dear Tula. Her owner liked her in blue and brown, so she'll be hanging up both, side by side. Lovely! Somewhere, Master Warhol smiles.

Thanks for doing it, Tula's mom! Also, for a quote on ordering a piece from me, please visit my Snazzy profile.

Hero's Ancient Blender: Dylan Diogenes

2011-04-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

"...One might recall his unforeseen dabbling in an obscure Thracian cult, including a so-called 'born-again' experience with Dionysus, leading to a string of puzzling religious songs that challenged even his most ardent students. Some—including yours truly—remember him otherwise."

Naked Brunch: Burroughs Takes On 'Top Chef All-Stars' Finale

2011-03-31T22:45:00.000-07:00

[From the POV of a resurrected Burroughs turned Hollywood gossip writer, Naked Brunch is my periodically updated, bizarro parody column for Patrick DeLaney's Nations-Strange.]

There I was staring. Saw it on the Glow Box, like a rube, eyes like sandpaper. Took it in like a shot of junk in a dark alley. Blais vs. Isabella? Sounds like a spectral French whore with a glow-tipped iron pricking hot olive skin on a gondola ride.

And Padma's the Cat, an electric magenta happenstance. I'd drink her oily Darjeeling on the petals of a nubile rose, pulling on her braids like the ropes of a Ghost Ship. I'd thunder like a cloud: "I'm your IBM Powder Man, up the nose and your ever-living end."

Perched like a sideways U with a shakey-hand drum, long-dripping stale joe, my eyebrows raised. Richard, Blais, "Blaze," made his chip raise: Hungarian foie gras ice cream. Mike's hand better be good. $200,000 good. Huffing-pod-in-a-fruit's-bathroom good.

Then Gail wigged. Mikey Isabella countered as a Bronx Zoo cobra. Pepporoni sauce. Pork shoulder. Like Moussalini's ghost with glinting tall boots, the whim of a giant among day-glow thieves. None lesser than a Buzz Disk in Mexico City. A real dazzler. Colicchio glimmed like an ice-eyed Hannibal, Alps and all.

I took a break. Too tense. Drank a Clamato and ate Popchips from a dirty drawer.

Then back on the Sitter. Corduroy sewage for a ruddy lap. Padma streams on my satellite eyes like a rainbow Hindu WASP. Krishna, take the wheel! And just in time for Judgement Day. High chins and ballpoint pens.

Blais makes a soft-eyed plea like some blind pigeon on the lip of a volcano. Not much for him, raw talent withstanding. He's an overthinker. But Mikey's a Bronx-throated dealer opening his coat, assuaging me to "dive head-first into the Long Time." My kind of creep.

Now the decision. The throbbing music voodoos my ear like a white-eyed shaman. The tribe has spoken: "Blais is Top Chef."

I need some junk.

Drawing Inspiration: Caspar David Friedrich [θ]

2011-03-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

～PROFILE～

Painter / German Romantic

Master of mystical landscapes

Had early success, died poor and lonely

Work co-opted by the Nazis for its inherent Germanness

Wikipedia Bio

[Drawing Inspiration is a portrait-and-profile feature highlighting the outstanding figures of the art world—and!—my monthly contribution to the art and design blog, Illustration Pages.]

Hi-5: One for the Elephants

2011-03-20T18:15:00.000-07:00

2nd City Council Art Gallery presents: The Elephant In the Room
March 26, 2011, 5-10 PM, 435 Alamitos Ave. Long Beach, CA 90802

Come visit this one night-only group event with proceeds benefitting the Land For Elephants program at Elephantstay in Ayutthaya Thailand.

Written inside the frame:

I saw Bacchus once, outside the Aegean and beyond the brush of some Dravidian place. (How he got there I don't know.) I saw gold, turbans, and sex—pale bodies and dark bodies twisting and writhing in an orgiastic free-for-all. They huffed the fumes of an obscure smoke and gave themselves to madness.

And who was I to watch? And so I indulged my yetzer hara, as the Jews might say, and it's to my demerit I permitted my flesh to enjoy such sights. This picture, then, is a monument and a reminder to never indulge in such a way again, G-d willing.

Featured on Fallon: Tobler-OWNED

2011-02-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

Hey, how fun is this? One of my jokes for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon's Twitter hashtag segment, Late Night Hashtags, made it on the airwaves! My thanks to Jimmy and the staff for thinking I'm funny. 'Cause I kinda am. The topic was #NewActionMovieQuotes, so I wrote a few silly quips in the spirit of a late-night Chuck Norris movie, and bingo bango: One of 'em did the trick.

So check it out! My Twitter handle is Exner83—and yes, you're welcome to follow me.