No Hippie Johnny

Shooting: February 11, 2011

2012-02-10T03:21:00.000-08:00

For most of the last year I worked as part of Americorps VISTA in El Paso. I was assigned to the Boys & Girls Club in the Montana Vista area. And I had a great experience generally, but one day stands out as a particularly tough one. On February 11, 2011, I witnessed a 19-year-old attack a sheriffs deputy, take his gun and commit suicide.

I arrived to work and greeted my co-worker outside. Normally she would be inside getting everything ready for the kids to start, so this was abnormal. She explained that because one of our members was competing in the West Texas Youth of the Year competition, we were going to close in order to take her to an event in a few hours. I stood out there and helped my co-worker tell kids we would not be opened.

From Google Maps

Two more employees showed up and started hanging out with us. It was right before Valentine's Day and they were showing us the candies they had taken to give out at the school they worked at before coming to the Club. On the map you can see where we were standing, the green box marked "My starting point." As the four of us stood out there in the sun and wind, a normal El Paso day, we were met by three teen members, the girl competing in the competition, my boss' son and his friend.

Outside the chain link fence that separates the Club from the street, three gangster-looking kids were walking past. A sheriffs car pulled up beside them and made them stop. They were right beside the entrance to the Club. After talking to the kids for some time he had them kneel with their hands on the car. One jumped up and started running. However, due to the long fence on one side and the houses on the other, he did not get far. He ran into the yard of a house across the street, behind the house and back onto the street. During this time, the sheriffs deputy kept telling him not to run and that generally tried to calm him down. The deputy chased him at first, but quit soon after when it became apparent the runner would not be getting far. After maybe two minutes, the kid simply returned to the car, got on his knees and put his hands behind his head. At that point I figured that would be the interesting thing that happened all day. It is not often you get to see a guy run from the police. I remember making fun of the guy to my friends. From our distance, it seemed funny to run around and then quit and return passively.

It must have been thirty minutes later, our boss had arrived with another employee, we remain standing outside talking, joking, having a good time. The same kid jumps up and rushes the deputy, who looks caught off guard. We watch, frozen, as the two wrestled. The other two kids who had been pulled over and remain at the car, stay there and plead with their friend to stop. The attacker reaches for the deputy's gun. The deputy has his hand over it. He takes his taser out and slams it into the kid's side two, three times. I would hear later that it broke as he hit his attacker. Still, those are some strong punches to the ribs. In any event, the kid manages to upend the officer and fall with him.

My then-boss is a tough lady. She is from Los Angeles and at one time was the head of security for an L.A. nightclub. Her employee and friend an equally tough lady is also from California. And while both are short, it is not a stretch to image they could hurt someone if need be.

As we watch the people now on the ground, my boss yells, "Let's go help him!" She starts running along with the other employee. I know I can not allow them to go alone, so I run towards the fight too. I get to the point on the map marked "Ending Point" when the kid emerges from the scrum, gun in hand. All of us running towards them stop. He points the gun at the deputy. The deputy is on his knees. I feel this kid is going to shoot the cop and then me and my boss and coworker. I know it.

Instead, he lifts the gun to his own head and pulls the trigger. He falls to the ground. I was ready to run, but now I relax and just stand there. The deputy stands up and walks around in a circle slowly, his hands on his hips. I look over at the kids who kept their hands on the car and stayed on their knees. They both have lowered their heads and begun to cry. I turn back to where my friends and coworkers stood. One of the girls sobs. There is a look of shock on everyone's face. Next door is a clinic. The workers come out with medical kits and the deputy waves them off. One of them comes back with a blanket to cover the body.

I expected the gun shot to be louder.

I turn to go back and my other two coworkers start crying. The third has lost control and goes to the restroom, overwhelmed. The rest of us go inside and wait. I can hear sirens as the police arrive on the scene. Crime scene tape goes up from the chain link fence to the wall across the street. The entire street is blocked off. Everyone starts calling and texting their loved ones and friends. I contact my friend who works for the local NBC affiliate news. She wants a picture of the scene to use for the web story.

We meet the investigators and they tell us they are questioning people and need us to sit in that room and wait to also be questioned. The reaction to all of this is interesting. The crying has stopped for two co-workers, the other one is freaking out. The teenage boys and I are serious at first and keep trying to make sense of everything. All of us (minus the one co-worker) talk about what we saw and felt. Then, as the day drags on, the boys and I begin making jokes and trying to lighten the mood. We joke about being able to become rappers now.

I get the nerve to go take the picture. Journalism was my major in college, but I have misgivings about taking a photo of a dead person. I decide just to do it and walk outside. On the map you can see where my car is. I start walking across the dirt lot and am stopped by a police officer. He asks where I am going and I say to my car to get my mp3 player. I receive permission and go to my car. I grab my mp3 player and take out my phone. It is not a great phone, much less camera, but it is all I have. The fence is serving as the police tape at that point. I walk up to the fence, point my camera and take two pictures. There is no zoom on my camera and even though I wanted to get closer, I kept my hand inside the fence.

Just then I hear two voices yelling at me. One is the officer who allowed me to go to my car, the other is coming from where the investigators have set up shop on the other side of the fence and down the street a little ways. They surround me and begin yelling at me. The younger one in particular looks like he wanted to tackle me right there. I am told I could go to jail. I say I did nothing wrong. I am told I lied. I say I did not not say I would take a picture. The older officer says he could have me thrown in jail and threatens to take me to his supervisor. I say, "Sure. I know my rights. Let's go." And I brazenly start walking towards where all the investigators are.

I have a degree in journalism; I know what my rights are. I took a law class and an ethics class. I know I did nothing wrong. It is a public place. I stayed behind the police line. I did not interfere in any way with the investigation. I did not even use a flash (I did not have one), nor a zoom. There were no people even near the body at the time. And the body was covered in a blanket too.

The younger officer tells me to give him my phone and I do. He asks, "What am I going to find on here?" I reply, "Two pictures of a blanket and a bunch of my cat." The older officer has calmed down and laughs. The younger one walks off, looking for my pictures. My boss runs over and starts yelling at them. She is often very protective when we deal with outsiders. The older officer and I try to calm her down and she finally goes toward the younger officer to berate him. I speak to the older officer and we come to an understanding. He says they overreacted, but did not want people in the neighborhood coming around shooting pictures and interfering. I say I was not interfering, but I can see how he needs to keep order. He also says that it is hard for them to do their job when the news media puts stories out before all the facts are in. I say nothing because that would just be another argument. I get my phone back and he did not erase the pictures. I am pretty sure he could not figure out how to. I send the picture to my friend. I hope that helps her and the station.

We end up staying there for hours and hours. I allow everyone to go first in their questioning. After I go we are allowed to leave in a caravan. By that time the sun had set and all the news crews were there. I drive to my parents' house to tell them I am okay.

I never watched the news after that night to see the story, nor did I read about it until writing this. The kid's name was Salome Alvarez, a 19-year-old. The strange thing is I kept trying to feel shocked or depressed or somehow affected, but I could not. I tried uncovering something. Perhaps I was traumatized and covering it. I could not. Here is what I feel now after thinking about it for some time:

It is possible that I could have stopped this by either running to help earlier or running faster. I know I am considerably faster than I ran that day. That is always going to be on my mind. I could have stopped this from happening if only I realized the gravity of the situation. No way did I think the deputy would lose control of his gun. Still, I feel like a failure. That will never go away.
Alvarez shot himself because he felt trapped. In a way I contributed to this by rushing him. And I can understand feeling trapped.
People, even bad people who make bad decisions, can do good things. Somehow, Alvarez must have known he had a gun and could have killed all of us and run away. He did not. He chose not to take away the lives of four people. I do not know what he was thinking at that moment, it was not even ten seconds. But he made a decision to not kill me. And I am thankful for whatever made him make that decision.
Seeing someone die is terrible. I can imagine when he was born his parents thought he would go on to do great things. And he dies at 19. I can not imagine the pain that caused. But he could have inflicted that pain upon the loved ones of multiple people and did not. I hope his mother can take solice in that as a positive thing. In the end he did not make a selfish choice. But I wish we could have had the time to talk him down. Everything happened too fast.

First Inclinations that Racism Is a Thing

2012-01-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

I remember being about five years old and coloring a religious coloring book. All the depictions I had ever seen of Jesus was of a light-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed man; so naturally I colored it thusly. Then my mom informed me that, from what we know, Jesus had dark hair and brown eyes. I asked why he was never shown that way. She said because the people who depicted him like blonde-haired people with blue eyes more.

There I sat at the entrance to the living room wondering what is so terrible about dark hair and brown eyes. I have dark hair and brown eyes. My entire family has dark hair and brown eyes. Most of the people I know too. Do people out there think there is something wrong with us?

Eventually I learned through more blatant lessons that racism continues to be a real thing. And I also learned that there is nothing wrong with me. I like my dark hair. And I like my brown eyes. And as I grew older, depictions of Jesus became more historically accurate fortunately.

Christmas Music

2011-12-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

These are my thoughts on Christmas music while listening to so much of it this season:

Why are reindeer such jerks? And what are "reindeer games?" Why is Rudolph only accepted after proving his worth, not on his personality, but on his natural physical ability; and what message does that send to children? (If you are physically exceptional, you too will be accepted. Or perhaps, people will only like you if you are of use to them)
Also, if "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" were rewritten today, it would center around cyber-bullying. The other reindeer would talk poorly about him on Facebook and Twitter. They would make rude comments on his status updates.
Why is Nixon one of the reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen. Comet and Cupid and Donder and Nixon. How strange. I suppose after resigning from the presidency, Nixon got a job pulling Santa's sleigh. And that is probably why the reindeer are so mean. They more than likely bugged Rudolph to get more dirt on him.
"Let It Snow" was obviously written by someone who has not had to work after Christmas Day. I am referring especially to the line
And since we've no place to go/Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
When you need the money, as you more than likely do if you are working in retail the day after Christmas, you do not want it to snow. That would make if difficult to get to work.
I have always wondered what a "one horse slopin' sleigh" could be. Maybe it is an east coast thing of which I am unaware.
Why does the baby Jesus hate the masculine form of "the" in Spanish so much? No "el," ever. Strange.

A Look Back at My Plaza Classic Film Festival Experience

2011-10-23T01:40:00.000-07:00

I already wrote about what I hoped to see at Plaza Classic Film Festival. These are my impressions now that it is over.

August 4
I went to see Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979, IMDB rating: 6.7/10) at the top of the Mills Parking Garage. The view was amazing! You could see the city all lit up, which always looks nice. While sitting looking at the screen all I had to do was turn my head slightly to the left to see the huge star on the side of the mountain. It was windy and the screen, decently big as it was, moved a lot. The screen was not a normal screen though. It inflated and was a cube. So it moved with the wind, but didn't just fall over. A side effect of that was the image on the screen would warp as the wind blew and affected the screen cube. This turned out to actually be kind of cool. Very psychedelic. The whole time it I watched the thunder off in the distance. Luckily it never threatened where we sat. The sound was a bit too quiet for my taste. Seeing as this is a movie that features so many great rock 'n' roll songs, it should have been very loud. I went with the twins from work. That was nice because I easily had the two best looking girls there at my side. I must have looked so cool!

As for the movie itself, it was campy but fun. Of course the music is amazing. The Ramones music dominates the soundtrack, but you also get songs from the MC5 and Eddie & The Hot Rods, among others. Immediately noticeable was how much the movie reminded me of those silly beach movies from the 1960s. The dancing is hilarious! Still, the whole thing was simply fun to watch. The Ramones could not act their way out of a paper bag. That was great too though. At one point the ever cute Riff Randell meets her heroes, the Ramones, and she's freaking out about them eating pizza. Dee Dee gives her this disgusted, confused look and just holds it there for what seems like an eternity while she's geeking out. It is the funniest part of the movie! It was hard to keep from dancing the whole movie. And with that, my festival week started off very well.

August 6
I wanted to go to A Day at the Races, but my car was boxed in (a consequence of having to briefly move back to my parents' house). So I missed it. I love the Marx Brothers too. Dang. That night, though, I went to see Taxi Driver (1976, IMDB rating: 8.5/10). This movie was actually inside the Kendle Kidd Performance Hall. The Performance Hall is a beautifully restored 1930s theater. While waiting for the movie to start you listen to a person playing the organ live down by the stage. The music ranges from old standards to classic rock songs to jazz. Then, before the movie begins, a light show tells the story of a day in nature. It is hard to explain, but the effect is amazing. By the time the movie started I was already very entertained.

Taxi Driver... Insane. I had actually seen it before. But to see it on the big screen is a totally different experience. It is easy to understand how he could become this vicious killer during the course of the movie. Being disassociated from people, seeing the ugly side of humanity, loneliness, poverty and a lack of direction all contribute to his breaking point. And the fact that Travis manages to walk down a path that could easily lead him to become a criminal or hero makes the whole thing suspenseful. I decided during the movie that I wanted to be Travis Bickle for Halloween this year. That means shaving my hair into a mohawk... If I have plans for Halloween (I have not had any plans since I was a child going trick-or-treating) I will do it. I know I could pull of looking insane. I am pretty close already! This could be me:

August 7
On this day I was supposed to go see Last Year at Marienbad (L’année dernière à Marienbad), but work ran very long and I missed it. Instead I went to an art and music show at the Percolator, a great little coffee shop nearby. That was a lot of fun. But the movie seemed so interesting, I was sad to miss it.

August 8

I needed some time away so I skipped town. I missed The Muppet Movie unfortunately...

August 9
I drove back to El Paso this night, but I missed so many great movies: Frankenstein, Dracula and The Godfather, Part II. I saw The Godfather at last year's festival and I was looking forward to seeing Part II.

August 10
Now that I was back in town I could go see more movies. Yes! The movie for the night was Fantasia (1940, IMBD rating: 7.9/10). I remember my mom renting this for us when I was a kid. I also remember not being able to sit through the whole thing. I ended up watching parts of it upside down while hanging off the edge of the couch.

Fantasia is designed to imitate an orchestra concert. Therefore, there is an intermission. Before the movie a man came out to introduce the movie and talk for a bit. He informed us of the intermission, but said the movie would continue after a minute and asked for us to stay in our seats. Of course, when the time came, half the crowd got up. Everyone forgot I guess? It was dumb. That annoyed me.

As for the film itself? Great. The music is incredible and the images range from trippy to beautiful to...kind of strange. Certain songs are interpreted as abstract images while others are fully fleshed out stories. Before the film a gentleman introduced us to the movie. He said it did not do well at the box office. Despite this, one of the songs became a Disney classic outside the rest of the film. Most people will recognize the image of Mickey Mouse dressed as a wizard losing control of the brooms he brought to life and nearly drowning in the process.

August 11
On Thursday I knew I wanted to see Head (1968, IMDB rating 6.2/10), but I was not sure about Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981, IMDB rating 8.7/10). I had never seen it before and, frankly, was not that interested. I was never a fan of Harrison Ford. Not that I did not like him; I just never made it a point to see anything he was in. On a whim I decided, what the hell, everybody loves this movie. I'll check it out. So I did. There were two showings of Raiders of the Lost Ark and I went to the first one.

We were told before the movie that, this being the 30th anniversary of Raiders of the Lost Ark, it had been restored. AND we were the first group to see the restored version in public. Wow. So here I was, a guy who was not particularly interested in the movie beforehand, getting to participate in such an honor. Then the movie started.

And
It
Was
Incredible

The energy in the theater was incredible. Raiders has so much excitment built into it, it was seemingly transfered to the crowd. After the movie ended, I noticed multiple people try to jump over seats. I did too! At that moment I wanted to be Indiana Jones just like everybody else did!

I knew Head started very soon after Raiders, so I rushed up the stairs, running, jumping, energetic. I made it to the top of the parking garage in no time. The night was nice as the movie started. Before the movie started, a man introduced it and said nobody knew what it was about, jokingly. The thing is, it is pretty easy to deduce what the Monkees were thinking while making the movie. Multiple scenes poke fun at pop bands/music and their own celebrity. Obviously, they felt used by the music and television industries and were trying to regain some sort of credibility inside themselves.

Head is very psychedelic. The plot is very loose and ends up looping around. So, theoretically, you get to the end and you see the beginning, which leads to the rest of the movie and the end again. And you could do it again and again. Mostly it is just fun and crazy. CRAZY. At one point the Monkees open fire with guns. That was unexpected, but awesome. It tries to do a thing like a Mel Brooks movie, particularly Blazing Saddles, where the movie breaks down into the filming of a movie and switches back and forth. You end up not knowing if you are watching the movie or the movie within a movie. I thought it was pretty cool.

I thoroghly enjoyed the Plaza Classic Film Festival. There were more movies I would have liked to go to. Perhaps next year I can make it back to El Paso to watch a bunch more. It is certainly worth it.

Adventures in Driving Home

2011-09-21T09:18:00.002-07:00

I park on the street now because there are too many cars to park in the driveway. That's not a big deal really. But last night something happened which disturbed me.

Work for me ends at 8 p.m. generally. After picking up some things at Walmart, I got home at about 8:45. A lady, most likely in her mid-to-late 40s, was out for a walk on the sidewalk by where I park my car. She wore sweat pants, a tank top and cross training shoes. I put on my turn signal and pull up to "my spot" and she is about 15 feet away. She turns and sees me in the car. Suddenly she looks startled and begins to run.

It made me feel like crap. I do not think I look like a criminal or a threat. So then it would appear that she was running simply based on the fact that I am a man near her at night. Is that the world we live in, where a woman has to fear for herself when near a man she does not know in a neighborhood? (It is not as if the neighborhood is even in the ghetto or something. It is a normal, middle class place) I suppose it is. (Everything I read and see confirms it is) And I hate that.

I wanted to yell, "I'm just going home! You don't have to be afraid, damn it!" Instead I walked to my house. But I was mad. Mad at the situation. Mad that she was walking alone at night instead of during the evening or during the morning when people are out. Mad that men have done such horrible things that the thought that I would attack her even existed.

Wandering the Desert

2011-08-13T17:55:00.002-07:00

I am exhausted... On Sunday I had to help at the fashion show for the Boys & Girls Club. It was fine; I got to wear a tie. The bad part is I wanted to go see a movie at the Plaza Classic Film Festival, but the fashion show ran long so I missed it. Then I went to an art show/live music show at the Percolator and ran into one of my old coworkers from KRUX (I also ran into some other guy I do not know, the smelliest human being ever...). So that was fine, but I was very tired from running around all day. Made a new friend to finish the day off (Got her number and everything. That counts for something I guess).

On Monday I decided I would go to the zoo in Albuquerque. I grabbed a change of clothes because I planned to stay there overnight and go to Pecos in the morning, jumped in my car and took off. A word of advice: if you are at the checkstop and they ask you where you are going and you happen to be one young person, do not say "the zoo." It is not a believable answer apparently. I was questioned a lot after answering that. Whatever. I made it to Albuquerque later than I expected and one of my other coworkers from KRUX happened to have the day off. We tried to go to the zoo, but it had already closed its doors. I guess they close early on Mondays for maintenance. Instead we went to the tramway.

I went on the tram in El Paso. It was nice. But this one went much, much higher. You end up 10,378 feet high. And the view is amazing.

We walked around a bunch. It was very steep. A great workout! There was a bird that would not let me take a picture. Every single time I got close it flew away. Then I would try to sneak up on it and it would fly away before I could get a picture. There is a metaphor in there somewhere. (Check on the top shelf) We checked out where the ski area is and just wandered the forest for a bit. I enjoyed it.

That night I stayed at my friend's house. Him and his cousin made dinner. That was awesome. We watched It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It was the one where Mac and Charlie die. Actually the name of the episode was Mac and Charlie Die. I can not find the video (you have failed me, Google), but it has one of the funniest scenes in it. I am unable to stop laughing when Mac purposefully crashes his car into the wall thinking he will jump out in time. Oh yeah! I found out Pecos, New Mexico, where I would be going the next day, is where this beer they had at the house is from. Interesting.

The next day I woke up at seven and got ready to head out. My dad's side of the family is from the Pecos area. I loved being out there. Of course, since my grandma died a few years ago I have only been back twice (for her's and then my grandpa's funerals). The Pecos National Monument is a great place. My dad actually used to work there during the summers when he was in college. The last time I went he was our tour guide since he knew everything anyway. Okay. Here is the problem. I usually go to this part of the state when with my family. Therefore, my dad is driving. So I can get to my grandma's house just fine. But finding the Monument is totally different. I have never driven there before. The night before I looked up directions. Of course I messed it up.

I was supposed to take state highway 63 and apparently there is a Santa Fe county road 63 too. And the county road comes first. So like an idiot I took that road. It went on and on, eventually turning into a dirt road. At that point I knew I was lost, but there was no way to turn around, the road was too narrow and it dropped off on the sides. If only I had a Jeep or something! I had to keep going for about 15 minutes until I found a place to turn around. It was very pretty though. If I could have pulled over I would have taken pictures, but there was a truck behind me the whole time and no way for it to get around me. And while it was pretty, I was annoyed I had messed up. I also had no way of knowing how to find myself. If only I had a fancy phone with Google Maps! Or even a regular map...

I drove and drove, found a paved road and took it. I saw a sign that said I was entering the Pecos National Forest so I figured I was going the right way. I was not. The road ended at a parking lot with a locked gate keeping me out. So, annoyed again, I drove back on the road, all the way back to where I just was. From there I continued on the other opposite way. What the hell, I figured, if I am going to be lost I may as well just drive and see where I end up. At this point I had all but given up on seeing the Monument. The cool thing is I ran into a giant pink ranch. How often do you see one of those?

Suddenly I ran into the road I was supposed to take in the first place. Yeah! I could have given up and gone home, but I did not and instead found a cool pink ranch and the place I was trying to get to. It was just an hour detour. No big deal.

I pulled up to the parking lot and bought my pass. I was there minutes before the 10:00 guided tour was about to start. I waited for it to start here:

Our tour guide was a retired redhead lady from the Midwest. She lived in Rowe, New Mexico. I have family there too. The tour group consisted of myself, two older ladies, one from Santa Fe, the other from Austin, a couple from Switzerland who were traveling along Route 66 on their vacation (they were also giants), and a college group from Glendale College with a whole lot of really cute girls. The day was nice, not too hot. We began the tour.

I can not begin to explain to you how much I love this place. Aside from Carlsbad Caverns, this is my favorite place in the world. It smells incredible. You can see everything. As the guide told us the history, I could imagine all these people who ruled their corner of the world and what their everyday lives must have been. People wake up, smile, eat, breathe, love, hate, work, sleep. All of it. All of that happened to thousands of people for a very long time. And now there is very little physically remaining.

Outside this wall the Pecos kept outsiders. Even the people they traded with (and this was a major trading spot) had to do everything out there.

This is the same clearing. Imagine all the people bringing their goods and trading in this same spot not that long ago.

There is a hole you get to go down here too. It was used as a meeting place. They have waterproofed and restored the place, but otherwise it looks just like it would have back then. That is an interesting experience.

The tour group was all down in here. After we were done listening to the tour guide, everybody went back out one by one. I wanted to go last so I could take pictures without anyone in the way. However there was only one girl in there with me at the end. She was wearing a dress. I am pretty sure she did not want me looking up there because she nervously asked me to go first. Rather than explain why I wanted to go last, I just left and came back later. The light was not as good then, but oh well. Do I look like that much of a creep though!?!

As they say, the tour must go on. (Nobody says that) Most of the ruins here are...ruined. They were built of material that needed constant work to stay standing. So, while at the time the pueblo stood at four stories, now this is all that is left. The picture below shows the bit left and the sign depicting what it used to look like in the same spot based on Spanish notes about the area.

Eventually we came upon an old Spanish church. This stayed standing because the Spanish used bricks. The building you see now is actually the second church built. When the Spanish first came to the area they were greeted as friends. Since the Spanish were looking for cities of gold, the Pecos sent them off to Kansas, intending them to die in the middle of nowhere. That did not happen. The Spanish realized they had been fooled and left. Decades later a different group of Spanish returned and claimed the area, building a giant church at the pueblo. At the time the pueblo was a busy and well populated. However, a massive revolt by various pueblo groups banished the Spanish from the region. The church was destroyed.

That would not be the end though. The Spanish returned a dozen years later and established a smaller church in the same place the first one had been. In the next picture you can see the second church still standing and the foundation of the first.

The two older ladies were the first in our group to check the place out.

And that was just about the end of the tour. Remember I said I had to go back to take pictures when nobody was around? I went to do that. After getting all the shots I wanted I started walking back to the visitor's center. Along the way I passed a bench with a couple, probably in the 70s, sitting. As I passed the man put on his sunglasses and asked his wife, "Do you think I look good in these?" She replied, "I think you look great." It was the sweetest thing to see that he cared how he looked to her and that she still liked the way he looked. Geez. I loved hearing that. They were just sitting there taking in the view and enjoying one another's company.

Anyway, I got back to the visitor's center and checked out all the artifacts they had. I also bought two books: Bless Me Ultima and Kiva, Cross & Crown: The Pecos Indians and New Mexico, 1540-1840. Apparently my dad bought Kiva, Cross & Crown a long time ago, but it is put away somewhere. Meh. Now I have a copy I guess. And I read Bless Me Ultima early in high school. It is about where my family is from and I knew that from the towns and cities they would talk about. One thing I remember about the book in particular, for some reason they have to go to Las Vegas quickly. Now, there is a town very near Pecos called Las Vegas. It is not the Nevada one. I have been there many times for church. I told my teacher that because she kept referring to it as the one in Nevada, but it would take forever to get to that city! It does not make any sense. She refused to believe me. Luckily, I know I am right about everything. SO THERE.

By this time it was not even one in the afternoon yet. I decided to see if I could make it to the zoo on time. Luckily I did. I grabbed some pizza inside and had a few hours until they closed. The only thing different on this trip to the zoo was the elephant exhibit was finally ready. I also mistook a duck for an elephant... ("Hm... I don't see the African elephants. Wait! There's one! Nope. That was a duck...") After seeing everything I wanted I took a nap in the grass field in the park at the zoo and left for El Paso.

As I passed into Las Cruces I went to my friend's house. She gave me a copy of Abbey Road on vinyl. Yeah! It must have rained before I got there because the streets were all very wet. Just my luck to miss the rain...Then I drove to El Paso. There was a large amount of traffic trying to get onto Loop 375 because they had closed a bunch of lanes off. I almost fell asleep a few times waiting to move. Finally I made my way home, tired as heck, but happy.

Third Grade Letters to Me, 1994

2011-08-06T15:43:00.001-07:00

We had to write letters to each other in the third grade at O'Shea Keleher Elementary. Then our teacher, Mrs. Bailey put them into a book. I just found it. Here they are (without editing):

June 21, 1994

Dear J.D,

J.D. your a fantastic person with alot of capability. Your capability is enormus. Your great at classwork. Your also good at sports. My favorite sport is basketball. Whats your favorite sport? Your fun to play with. I've learned alot from you. Barney stupied don't you think? You hate the song didn't you. I figured it out when we were sitting next to Kimberly. Do you remember. I hope I see you when I'm older. :)

Sincerly
Audra

June 16, 1994

Dear, J.D.,

You have been a good friend to me. We got to play backetball a lot of times. Do you remember when you where afraid to shoot the ball. Now you can shoot two pointers. You would be amazet of the shots I mayed. You were not hard to teach backetball so you learned fast. I wish you could be in my fourth grade class.

Your friend,

Abba

June 25, 1994

Dear JD,

You have always been a good friend to me. I think you are very smart. You never liked when we would sing the barney song to you. Remember when we played basket ball with Abb he went crazy! I know that you like the power rangers. When you are in partners with Chris you alway laughing? I like the way you laugh. Your alway yawning in class. I wish you could have beat Abba at basketball. I hope you get beater at basketball next year.

Your friend,
Kimberly

June 20, 1994

Dear J.D.,

I have aprecheated you being my best friend. You have never put me down. I know your one best friend I ever had. I will never forget you, in my mind you will always stay. You will be my friend for ever until you die. I am sure you tink of me bieing your best friend. Remember when we used to play Sonic the Hedgehog and tails it was fun. When we played Kickball Basketball you always mabe it from beginning to the end, you were pretty good at baskets. Boy do I hope to see you next year.

Your till I dont know when
Chris

(That one was a bit weird...Moving on)

June 16, 1994

Dear J.D.,

When I met you I thought that you were nice. We've shared some good times. I remember when we did work stations and we did the shark packet and did the shark crossword. Do you remember when we went to the computer lab together? Remember when we made daffodils, lilies and tissue paper flowers that we made for Mother's Day. Did you think they were hard to make when you made them? I did. When I finished I thought they look good.

Your friend,

Jacquelyn

June 22, 1994

Dear J.D.,

I've Known you since first grade. You are funny and wise. You now play basketball every day.

You are smart and funny. You have had manny achivements and your enomous thoughts have increesed. I'll never forget you.

Friends Forever,
Dana

6/24/94

Dear J.D.

Do you know that every singol thing you do for me I just love it? Did you now that all the thing I have done for you don't, even thankme. I know that you share lots of things with me and I realy like them alot but I realy want to thank you for sharing that sheet of paper with me.

(This is either Stephanie, Christina or Ashlee. It's not signed. I think it's Christina. I vaguely remember talking to her most because...she was really cute.)

Dear. J.D.

I think you are very smart. At lots of things... like Kick bascket ball, or just plain bascketball. You are very nice to the girls every day. You are not mean, you are generiss and helpfull

Sincerely
Yvette

Dear J.D,

March 16, 1994

In January we I first came you were the first friend I had and your also a very good basketball. When you go to play basketball your the best at it. Do you ever practice basketball? When you do you times tables your also good at it. I like you as a friend beacause you'ed helped me out so much your my bestiest friend. When you make me laugh I laugh so hard. I think I'm going to burst. Then remember! that time when we could'nt climb up to the rings I did but I fell.

Your friend,
Paul

June 21, 1994

Dear J.D.,

Since I met you I new you were going to be a good friend to me and I still think you are a good frieand to me. You are really smart. Me and you never fight and I like that alot. Do you remember when you shot a basket and you said you coulden't shut a basket I wish someday you could show me how? I hope I see you in 4rt grade.

Your frieand,
Jackie

June 22, 1994

Dear J.D.

Remember when we would play Power Rangers, you would always be Jason. Remember when I had to be Trini. Do you remember when we would play basketball, and you were on the other team. Well I do, remember when you would get the ball, and I would always try to get it. Remember when you would get the ball you would always pass it to Abba, and Abba would pass it to me. I hope you have a nice life.

Your friend,
Desiree

June 24, 1994

Dear JD,

You always make a person think. For example you are very good on spelling. Have you heard of a spelling bee. I have it a teumonet for the people know to spell really good. J.D have you try out a gym to work on your mucles. I haven't I just workout at home. J.D I will rember I how spell things for years.

Your Class mate,
Janet

(Go to hell, Janet. I will never go to a gym, particularly not in the THIRD GRADE)

June 17 1994

Dear J.D,

Remember when you bring your water bottle and we play basketball with Abba. When you drible the ball I can't steal it away from you? When you shout I can't block it away from you. Remember when we play Steal the Bacon. Then Dana keebs on geting me. When we play Kick ball Basketball and you kick it on the ground and we don't get you out. I have a great time with you J.D.

Your friend
David

The End

2011-08-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

If only that I could accept that one can be happy and love and laugh and it not be me, the source. That I could be strong and nice and caring and sane. The end was along the second the wind changed and I could feel it. And the whole thing crashed into the wall at a million miles an hour and smashed in a billion pieces.

I made the wrong decision and I want to cry out I made a mistake. And take me back. And forget I made a decision. And let's recapture the days before. And take away the rotted part of my mind that eats away at all happiness and kills me slowly, though not subtly. And keep me alive.

But that's too much pressure for any person. And I can't blame her. Only me. And the god damn irrationality of everything. What matters to us?

Where the roads crossed we met on a whim. Onward we went with one another. Time, though, seemed like an eternity but only lasted a few months. In a whirlwind of a week everything became real and the future seemed bright. Warnings of pain were ignored, only happiness mattered. The week ended and it was given to someone else.

And the game ended. And it laughed in my face. And it continued on. And I want it to end. And I want it back. All of it. All the pain. All the life. All the smiles. All the laughs. All the sighs. All the love.

Plaza Classic Film Festival

2011-07-31T21:07:00.001-07:00

This is still what it looks like now. But, you know, in color.

Here are the films I will go see during El Paso's Plaza Classic Film Festival. I am really excited about the lineup this year!

August 4: Rock 'n' Roll High School (Mills Drive-in/Walk-Up, 9:00 PM, $5)
August 6: Taxi Driver (Kendle Kidd Performance Hall, 10:00 PM, $10)
August 7: Last Year at Marienbad (Philanthropy Theatre, 7 PM, $4)
August 9: The Godfather, Part II (Kendle Kidd Performance Hall, 6:30 PM, $10)
August 10: Fantasia (Kendle Kidd Performance Hall, 6:30 PM, $10)
August 11: Head (Mills Drive-in/Walk-Up, 9:00 PM • $5)
August 12: A Clockwork Orange (Kendle Kidd Performance Hall, 10:00 PM, $10)
August 13: One of the following...

Monterey Pop (Arts Festival Plaza, 9:00 PM, Free)
Elevator to the Gallows (Kendle Kidd Performance Hall, 10:00 PM, $10)

Last year I saw The Godfather at the Festival and it was amazing. The movie had such a greater effect on the big screen and in front of a crowd of people. I loved it. I got dressed up and everything. I will do that again this year. I can not wait!

On the Precipice of the Move

2011-07-31T02:22:00.001-07:00

As I realize how ridiculous I look laying on the floor scrubbing the carcasses of bed bugs off the baseboards of someone else's room, I had one of those moments were you wonder how the hell you got to this point. In the past two weeks I have been as happy as I have ever been and as low too. And now everything is up in the air. It is the last few hours I have in Las Cruces.

The past week in particular was a whirlwind of emotions. I slept very little. Perhaps that attributed to the feeling. In the past three days I have slept four hours. And I will not sleep tonight...

Soon I will be in El Paso and in a worse situation than I am in now. I do not want to live with my parents, even if it is only for a month. It is a hassle to live with five other people. I like my parents, but it is too much to worry about. I have to be quiet at night, much earlier than now, because they get up so early for work. And the house is incredibly hot. They do not have refrigerated air like I have had in my apartment for the last two years. Plus there is the fact that I am 26 years old. That is too old to live with your parents in my opinion.

Hopefully I will be in Portland in a month. What will happen there I do not know. I suspect it will be the same. People are the same everywhere. So my social life will probably stay as boring as now. But, hey, it is a beautiful city, especially compared to the dirt and rocks of El Paso. I can not wait to live in a place with trees. That alone is worth moving. And I get to be on my own again. I have to admit I am a bit worried about being so far away from home. When I am in Las Cruces I always have family an hour away to help with things like moving into and apartment and whatnot. Portland will be different. I do not know what I will have there.

Still, I can not wait to see what the future holds. (I am hoping it will be a lot less cleaning dead bed bugs off baseboards)

Leaving

2011-07-27T21:39:00.001-07:00

It is kind of funny, I've lived in Las Cruces on and off for eight years, yet, now that I am leaving, nobody seems to care. That isn't exactly true. Probably two people have made an effort to hang out with me in the last few months. I appreciate it. But it feels like all the different places I have worked, the supposed friends I've made, it should be a bigger deal. And when I leave El Paso in a month I am willing to bet only one person will care there too.

Perhaps I haven't been a good enough friend. I don't know. I try to be a good person and listen to people's problems and be there if anyone needs me. It seems like people enjoy having me around. Maybe I should have been more aggressively social. Maybe social networking sites allowed people to keep in touch with me and have no need to ever see me despite us living minutes away from one another. Whatever the reason, I know when I leave I will not miss this place. There are things I like about Las Cruces (the NMSU campus, Mesilla, the mountains) and El Paso (downtown, my parents' house, the Plaza Classic Film Festival), but I will not miss those things.

The last nearly decade of my life seems like I wasted it and that is why nobody cares here. No matter though. I am moving to Portland. And I feel I will be happy enough to make up for what I did not do here. I am not sad at all about this. Disappointed in the way it is winding down, but if I am not good enough for the people here it is their loss. Ha! Not really.

It is just best for me to get out of here quickly before I bore myself to death.

The 1977 NBA All-Star Game

2011-07-15T00:37:00.001-07:00

I just finished watching the 1977 NBA All-Star Game played in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. No, this is not a blog post written in February of 1977 and left in an internet time capsule, only to be uncovered in 2011; NBA-TV showed the game tonight as one of their Greatest Games series. My favorite thing about having NBA-TV (and NFL Network too) is being able to see classic games. I have been reading about these guys for my whole life, but I have not seen too many of their games.

What impressed me the most, and does every single time I see him play, was Julius Erving. Nobody could slow him down. Those gigantic hands control the ball effortlessly; he can go up for a dunk right off the bounce without warning because he can grip it so easily, no gathering required. He has this long stride that allows him to cover long stretches of court and jump from further out than it seemed everyone was used to. And even though this was an All-Star game, not traditionally known to be super competitive events in any professional sport, he played with a lot of hustle.

Actually, everyone played with a lot of hustle. That was the second most impressive thing. These guys battled hard. Bob McAdoo (it is fun to say his name, Maaaaaac-ah-doo) scored like crazy, but then had to go downcourt and defend either Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Bob Lanier. McAdoo was giving up 40 pounds and a couple inches to Lanier and five inches to Abdul-Jabbar (not to mention those Go Go Gadget arms). Still, he would go on the block and try to prevent them from scoring. Lanier really beat him up. Those old school guys were tough I guess because he kept at it.

Another player I noticed was Paul Westphal. I know him as the coach of the Phoenix Suns in the 90s (and today with the Kings), but, man, could he play. I had no idea. He had a couple of hard dunks that blew me away, a left handed jam and a two-handed reverse.

Other impressions:

Rudy Tomjanovich played terribly. He shot too much and missed too often. I do not think his play in that game warranted the 22 minutes he received. (I am guessing he just had an off night. Really, the only thing I know about his playing days is he was nearly killed by one punch by a guy named Kermit on the court)
Jo Jo White was really fast.
There was a guy I had never heard of, Don Buse, Indiana Pacers' point guard, who played outstanding. One of the announcers described him in mostly negative terms (he has no range on his jump shot and and is not quick enough to be a point guard), but ended with, "But there is one problem with him: he wins." Later they mentioned he was leading the league in assists and steals. So apparently there are some positives other than him simply lucking into wins. Oh, a guy who can not shoot, but wins a lot and passes and steals the ball well? Kind of sounds like a poor man's Rajon Rondo.
All the bigs in this game could shoot from 15-18 feet and yet they still went inside. It seems today it is either/or. Either you are an outside shooter or a post up player.
Free throw shooting. The two teams combined to shoot 31-37 from the line. How many times would you run across that today?
It looked like the professionalism was lacking in 1977. Somebody forgot to paint the three point line on the court... (There was an interesting conversation during the game between the announcers about how much more difficult it was for slasher/drivers to score in the NBA because defenses packed the lane due to not having a three point line to worry about. Teams today pack the lane and stop Lebron James even with the three point line. It would be a totally different game if it was not around)
And yet, Dr. J still dominated. Yes, I am going to talk about him some more. He dunked hard on Kareem. It was like Jordan over Ewing that one time. Vicious. He dunked over someone else too (I think it was Rick Barry or Dan Issel). And when I say over I mean over. The guy tried to take a charge and Dr. J would not have any of it. He jumped ridiculously high and extended to stuff it.
Dr. J's defense was good too. It helped get the East back into the game. At one point in the fourth quarter, with the West leading by not much, Barry cut to the basket and Kareem found him with a well placed pass. Erving came out of nowhere to reject him right at the rim. Later, Erving ran downcourt and intercepted the deep outlet pass like a free safety in football.
AND still, despite Dr. J doing everything to keep the team in the game, East Coach Gene Shue decided to go with Maravich playing pick and roll with McAdoo to close the game out. Three times they tried it and three times it failed. The screens were not good enough, Pistol Pete did set it up right either. It would have been more sensible to let Erving close the game with the ball in his hands or draw up a play to get Maravich going to the basket with the option of Dr. J cutting. That worked out earlier in the quarter. Pistol Pete hit Erving with a beautiful no look, over-the-shoulder pass for a reverse layup and with a between the legs of the defender pass for another easy bucket. Instead the game ended with a anemic pick and roll and a turnover.
It was funny to see a young Larry Brown. The West's second to last possession was preceeded by a timeout. Brown gave the team defensive directions (get back on defense) and some general offensive direction. Then Rick Barry decided he would draw up a play. Very confident of him to take over the huddle like that. Brown let him, but it was kind of funny to see Barry start telling the team what they were going to do without the legendary coach's input.
Leisure suits...
How did Dr. J do all that running and jumping with so much hair? It had to weigh him down and could not have been aerodynamic.

Things I Have No Patience For

2011-04-25T01:23:00.004-07:00

I know how you feel.

I am a pretty patient person when it comes to some things (I can wait and wait for something with no problem), but there are some things that just drive me crazy. And since I am already a bit crazy naturally, I become super crazy.

1) Exceptionally Poor Grammar:

I understand the occasional typo. Still, people these days have no respect for my eyes when they type without a single capital letter or any hint of proper punctuation. And these are people with, at the very least, high school degrees! Some with COLLEGE DEGREES! That is unacceptable.

So maybe this says more about my personal life than I would like it to, um...Last night I looked at the Craigslist personal ads for the first time and the writing was absolutely horrible. That was all I could think about (a close second: how gross most of them were). I guess there is that...

2) Dumb People in General

I suppose these two go hand-in-hand. And yet, this deserves its own category. I define dumb people as those who show no interest in expanding themselves, the incurious. I have no idea how to talk to these people and they are always selfish assholes. It makes sense. You think you are perfect, so you have no interest in anything outside your purview. It would feel sad for them if it was not so annoying.

3) Terrible Music

Nothing ruins my mood more than terrible music. I can not be happy with crap playing. The problem, however, is most popular music today is bad; almost as if they are trying to piss me off. Autotune can die forever. Mainstream hip-hop has been dead for a long time and mainstream rock is in even worse shape. Soul music is nonexistent. How sad. Luckily there are music blogs out there that can turn me on to the less popular acts that are putting out good stuff.

Surreal War Dream

2011-04-13T02:44:00.001-07:00

This dream was so strange I had to make sure I remembered it. I have been pretty exhausted the past week or so; I think that may have contributed to how weird it turned out.

I started off in a warzone in a city in Libya, except it the buildings looked more like multiple story adobe buildings in the Southwest United States, particularly the way Santa Fe makes all their buildings look. Why I knew it was supposed to be Libya when it looked nothing like it I do not know. I am hiding around the corner of a building dressed like some sort of soldier. Against the wall across from me I see Saddam Hussein... I know he is dead and isn't even from Libya, even in my dream I was questioning what was going on, but there he was. Whatever. He pretty much dared the man in the second story of this adobe building to shoot him. Despite the red sniper target camped directly on his forehead, he managed to not be shot multiple times while standing there taunting everyone. Finally the shooter hit him. I left.

While leaving I spotted some of my buddies, who I figured out quickly were on my side in this war (against whom, I don't know). Somebody started firing at me before I could get to them tried to dodge the shots in a stupid way, by running around like a kick returner in football who has no blockers in front of him. It did not take long before they killed me. But I decided I deserved another chance, so my body turned completely red, where you could only see a silhouette of my figure, and disappeared. I came back to life and this time sprinted across the alley to safety.

At this point I am a bit discombobulated. What am I here for? Who are these people? I seem to be familiar to them, but I could not tell you any of their names. Who is attacking us? Nevertheless, I know we have to find shelter. That is a pretty basic thing. Myself and another guy in the group manage to bust into a metal garage door and get everyone inside.

All five of us went into this dimly lit room that appeared to be a cheap motel room. There were two twins beds separated by a night stand with a lamp from the 1970s. A wooden door was behind the beds and night stand. The door cracked open and I could hear yelling behind it. They were coming to get us. One guy in military gear stuck his head in and managed to get half his body in before we started beating him back. A firefight ensued. We managed to lock the door.

The group decided to look for a way out of this situation. We looked for trap doors, a telephone, other doors, windows and anything to get us out or bring help. Nothing. But the room started to spin slowly and rock. It became obvious we were floating on water. How this happened when we were in the middle of a desert I do not know. But it happened and we could not see where we were headed.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, I turned my back to the wall parallel to the metal garage door and, suddenly, there appeared a window with a thick, cross-shaped wooden frame dividing the window into four segments. Out the window I was drawn to the fine sand surrounding us. A road ran out toward the horizon left from our building. To the right was a hill with a maybe six-foot tall Statue of Liberty replica covered up to the shins with sand. Further away and larger than the Statue of Liberty was a blue peace sign leaning to the left (from my point of view) also partially covered in sand. There were also a few monstrous creatures. One looked like the Lorax on steroids. The other looked like slightly like a camel, but just was not right. Closer to us was a tank that was not moving. Various soldiers ran to and fro aimlessly it seemed, not shooting or communicating, just moving hurriedly.

The came crash to a halt on the shore. Looking out the window I could see we were still in some similar looking desert. Whatever people stood behind the metal door cautiously opened the door. Apparently we were in Mexico and these people were Mexican military, except they spoke English. So...yeah. They asked us who we were and I lied, saying we were Mexican. Of course I do not speak Spanish. I knew instantly this was a terrible idea. The problem was I did not know the rules of this new (probably) World War. It could have been possible we were the enemies.

Now, because I do not know Spanish, yet I knew more than everyone else, I was looked to as the spokesperson for the group. On of my buddies had been shot in the leg, though I had not noticed it until that moment. I am such a great friend of course. The Mexican military seemed to buy our story or at least not mind we were there. They offered to take my injured friend to the hospital. I told him they said this, but I could not remember how to say "hospital" in Spanish. I made up some word that I am pretty confident means something totally different. And instead of mumbling it quietly to him to make up for knowing I was about to blow our cover, I essentially yelled it at him. I am so dumb.

The Mexicans took us into custody and I was annoyed. That is when I woke up.

The End

Gold Sheets

2011-03-29T00:09:00.001-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

I have had the same sheets since I first went to college in the fall of 2003. It has been almost nine years! So I decided I needed some new ones. Kohl's was having a sale. Perfect opportunity.

After searching for what seemed hours, I picked some brown sheets. I was looking for something a bit lighter, but it was no big deal. However, when I went to put them on my bed I noticed how shiny they are. Oh geez! I bought gold sheets! Why did it have to be so dark in that damned place?

Now I have gold sheets. Great. Who do I think I am? Freaking Nino Brown? A pimp? A vampire? I am not a drug dealer because I have seen the documentary, Scarface. And I am no longer a pimp because, I found out, it ain't easy.

That leaves vampire. Crap. So I bought tons of those tall, skinny candle holder things. What are they called? Oh right, candlestick holders. And I bought some goblets from which to drink. Blood (that is not my own) tastes pretty gross though. To solve that problem I purchased many gallons of Hawaiian Punch. That will have to do. I also bought a leather jacket.

Long story short: I have gold sheets and am a vampire.

The End.

Death Cat

2011-03-26T02:13:00.001-07:00

This is something that frightens me everyday: Sometimes my cat meows at me and I meow back at him. I, however, have no idea what I am saying in Cat. Maybe I am saying, "Yo' momma, you punk ass cat!" And I keep saying this to him so he becomes angrier as each day passes.

Now, he may act all cute and whatever, but I am sure he is plotting his revenge for months of verbal abuse at the unwitting hands of myself. All day long he sits there on the couch, on the shelves, on the chairs, on the tables, floor, bed, radio, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. And when that moment comes, when I am at my most vulnerable, he will destroy me.

I do not want that to happen! I really do not! But I fear it is too late. So if I suddenly am poisoned or just plain disappear, I want you to know it was the cat all along. Catface Meowmers killed me.

Nightmare

2010-11-07T01:22:00.000-07:00

I never have nightmares. Ever. But last night I had kind of a scary dream, more suspenseful really.

First of all, it seemed totally real. I laid down and put my arm over my eyes. My dream started from that point of view and I was convinced I wasn't dreaming. It didn't even occur to me what was happening could be a dream.

My upper body felt heavy. I kept trying to sit up and I did not have the energy to do it. That freaked me out. But I thought maybe I was getting sick (I've been on the verge for a few weeks) and simply was fatigued. Then the noises started. Moaning, scratching, crashing, sirens.

Silence.

Whispering surrounded me. It sounded like people commenting on my condition. I kept trying to lift myself up, but nothing worked. And I could only see the ceiling and part of the wall in front of me. There was nothing to do but wait. Suddenly things sounded like they were being dragged around my room. Why these unseen beings would want to rearrange my room, I have no idea.

Finally I could sit up and everything was thrown around. I couldn't even walk because there was a bunch of my stuff (my desk, television, chair, shelves, books, clothes) piled up next to my bed, making a wall.

And that is when I realized I was dreaming. I thought my eyes had been opened the whole time, but suddenly I noticed I had not even sat up. And nothing was thrown around. And all of that must not have been real. So I went back to sleep.

Okay, maybe that isn't the most frightening thing ever. But not being able to control my body is scary to me. I couldn't stand not being able to move.

Bears

2010-10-04T03:49:00.002-07:00

Image by Zooomabooma via Flickr

If you are a bear, do you think you feel pressure to be a fan of the Chicago Bears? I suppose your entire family would be Bears fans, but maybe you always had an affinity for those awesome Bengals helmets, the classic Packers uniforms, the bad-ass Raiders legacy or the beauty of the Colts offense. And anyway, when was the last time a bear was in Chicago? It's just a stupid nickname for a sports team. You shouldn't be locked into fandom because of a name. It means nothing.

On the other hand, however, why create drama in your family of die-hard bear Bears fans? (It isn't actually hard for them to die by the way. Just like anything else, all you have to do is shoot them) It is already hard enough to be a bear. People are always wanting you to do funny tricks, or shoot you and make you into a rug. Plus, Stephen Colbert hates you and that is just a drag, you know?

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Exclusive - Godless Killing Machines Mash-up

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

2010 Election

March to Keep Fear Alive

(And you know you aren't a godless killing machine! You go to church every Sunday!)

Okay, I've gotten off topic now. Basically, I was wondering what it would be like to be a Bear and this was all I could think of. Bears must have it tough.

Philo: TV Check-in

2010-09-29T03:07:00.000-07:00

Everybody seems to be using those check-in services such as Foursquare. Now, I don't own a fancy phone to be able to use them (and, anyway, my check-ins would only be for home and work; that kind of defeats the purpose...). But one check-in service I do use is Philo, a service centered around television.

Philo is pretty straight forward. You simply use the site (or the phone app) to enter what you are watching. Either you can find the program you are watching one the TV Guide-esqe list

or by typing into a search bar (useful if you are watching via DVR or Hulu).

Of course, a check-in site would be nothing without some kind of "badges" or "awards." At this moment I have earned 24 (including "Wildcard" for watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and "Baller" for watching ten sports programs).

The problem with Philo, though I do like it a lot, is nobody I know uses it. In fact, sometimes it seems as if I'm the only one using it. I know that isn't true because there is a news stream that shows what everybody is watching. But I am the number one viewer of nearly every show I watch, including:

The Office
Wizards of Waverly Place
Mad Men
College Football
M*A*S*H
Curb Your Enthusiasm
My Name Is Earl
Around the Horn
NFL Redzone
Everybody Hates Chris

And there are certainly more. That is just a sampling.

So, if you watch the tv box, join Philo (it's free) and, I guess, be my friend on it or whatever. You can find me here.

New Bed?

2010-09-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

I've had the same sheets on my bed for the past seven years. Last night I was thinking about buying some new ones and then I found this picture from Sick Sad World.

I NEED THIS BED.

I dream about sleeping in this bed the way every young Mexican girl dreams about sleeping in a taco bed.

New Kitty!

2010-09-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

My awesome friend, Julie, needed to give away her cat, I asked her for it and now I have my first pet! His name is Catface Meowmers. I'm really excited because, even though I never really wanted a pet before, this cat is great. He loves to sleep in my lap and just hang out and listen to the Beatles (especially Revolver; he wasn't a big fan of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon by the way). He's always purring and meowing too. It's great!

Here are some pictures:

Pretty, pretty kitty!

It took about an hour for him to sleep in my lap

And then later he fell asleep on the recliner

The first thing he did was check out the apartment, including under the recliner

He liked this cabinet in my room more though

Awwwwwwwww! He fell asleep in there too

This is his jam.

My Favorite Comfort Food

2010-08-02T22:22:00.002-07:00

My favorite comfort food is vanilla ice cream. There are a couple of different things I put on it. Bananas are a mainstay. Not only are they tasty, they are also good for you! Ice cream certainly needs whipped cream too. That isn't healthy, but it's still good.

What else? Sometimes I put Reece's Peanut Butter cups in there. Other times chocolate syrup. And still others an apple cinnamon topping (it makes the ice cream taste like apple pie!). Never do any of those go on the ice cream at the same time. I believe it is good to have Standards.

"Sideways Stories From Wayside School" Makes Me Nostalgic

2010-08-01T03:06:00.002-07:00

I remember reading Sideways Stories from Wayside School back in grade school. I would read a lot in those days. We had a competition to see who could read the most and I was only ever really challenged by one person. Kind of nerdy actually.

Anyway, this book is weird. The school was supposed to be built with thirty classrooms side by side, but was instead built thirty stories high (there is also no 19th floor, sort of). All the students and teachers appear to be slightly crazy, kooky at the very least and one of them turns out to be a dead rat wearing a bunch of raincoats.

Yeah, I was just as insane back then as I am today.

Miami Douchebags

2010-07-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

Lebron is worse than Hitler and another midget Hitler combined.

The Most Insulting People I've Ever Been Told I Look Like

2010-07-17T03:10:00.002-07:00

A few times in my life I have been called some...not flattering things, especially as it pertains to my appearance. Why would someone who isn't mad at me tell me something so messed up? I don't know. These are the worst two. And they are terrible.

1) Egon Spengler from Ghostbusters (as played by Harold Ramis)

I have tried my whole life to not look or act like Egon. Then I say ONE science-y thing and boom! My mom brings this comparison out. But it still is only the second most insulting comparison.

2) Steve Buscemi

This one really made me want to take a cheese grater to my face. Seriously. What possessed the person who told me I looked like him to do it? I will never know. But it haunts me to this day... I am way better looking than Steve freakin' Buscemi! (And even then I still fall in the "ugly" category, but still!)

These are two of the ugliest guys ever! Damn! Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to find a really high cliff from which to jump.