Best of Both worlds

More than meets the eye!!

2011-07-18T20:02:00.003+08:00

Tranformers 3 was a movie that was a real enigma to me. Now the story wasn't too bad though predictable. Then again, this is Transformers not Sherlock Holmes' detective hour. So there aren't going to be any last second twist to the plot. Bad guy gets technology that humans don't understand and bad guy tries to bring Cybertron (Transformers' home) to earth. It is up to the robots and good guys to stop them.

Keeping with the theme of the movie, the humans are fringe players and don't do very much. They don't even have weapons that can do real harm to the robots! You mean to tell me that the Autobots didn't have the decency to share their weaponry knowledge so that they can do some serious damage and contribute to the battle?! What we had were some sad excuse of ex-Marines being scared to go into battle.

That was my problem with this sequel. There were too many fringe players. Roles that were not necessary at all. The biggest of them all was John Malkovich. Really!! Do you really need that whiny, stupidly stereotyped role??? Then there was the team of ex-Marines that Epps went to ask for help. Of course they would need help but just use the extras. No need to give them lines. No need for comic relief (they weren't even close).

I am not sure about the girl as well. At least Megan Fox was hot, could hot wire cars and bikes and could run and fight. This one only had a set of extremely long legs and the sausage lips. She can't act, fight, talk back, no humour and she wasn't even seductive. Seriously, if she wasn't in the movie, will she be missed? I tell you who would be missed.....Megan Fox!! Patrick Dempsey also played more of a cameo role than a main. So it was like a cameo for some big stars except for the girl, which only has big lips.

Even Shia was not as active. Didn't do much or anything that directly helped with saving the world. This was an Optimus Prime movie. While it was not as bad as some made it to be, it was a very poorly executed movie. This is a movie, you will see no matter what....so good luck and don't be too anal about the historical details.

The List goes on?

2011-07-14T14:45:00.000+08:00

It just keeps on going!!

1. Watching Sunday Morning cartoon in big spongebob underwear
Nobody needs to see full frontal butt and thighs exposure in the morning, especially in such hideous pants.

2. Hanging Justin Timberlake's / Nick Carter's / cute boyband member poster's on my wall
I already stopped doing this in junior high when I got out of boy band phase and entered hip-hop phase. Most rappers I like aren't hot enough to stare at anyway.

3. Eating really huge lollipop / box of oreos or caramel popcorn... and finish them
I barely eat candies now. I love oreos and popcorn but if I eat a lot of them, tummy ache will surely happen.4. Checking out hot guys in the mall, approach them, and ask for their numbers
Don't judge, it was junior high school and us girls bet a lot on it.

5. Crying when getting a vaccine
Needles scare me, even until this very moment. I'm not crying anymore though, or am I?

6. Joining a girly clique and having cat fights with other cliques
Don't tell me you never had this phase. It started since junior high and ended in high school. Girls thinking they're all that and be insecure bitches and hate on other girls. Some people are still like this though, yes? Ladies, we're way too old for this shit.

7. Full frontal making out in a parked car or movie theaters
If a guy I date groped me so much in a movie theater, I would have been offended. And annoyed for being distracted during a movie. I think guys our age or older should pick a better place to do 'the business', no?

8. Playing dance dance revolution in mall’s game arcades
I used to kick so much ass in this. Now I need to get a grip and maintain grown up's calmness or something.

9. Dye my hair in bright blue / red color
I never dyed ALL my hair with these colors, a few highlights maybe. But I'm over it, and over my teenage angst phase. So tacky. I wanna be classy and sophisticated now, thank you.

10. Throwing up for being too drunk
Again, very tacky. No matter how much it feels fun at the time. I still read a lot of blogs when people tell me they drink so much up until the point of throwing up and blacking out, where they did embarrassing things they thought hilarious, like flashing or waking up somewhere unknown. Let me be open now and say that all those things make you look like cheap whores. Getting tipsy is fun, too drunk? Ew.

11. Not sleeping at all in a day
I used to be able to not sleep for 2-3 days and still do all my activities alright. My age is catching up on me, I have to sleep at least 4 hours if I don't wanna be grumpy and tired the next day.

12. Finishing a flaming drink by myself
Whatever the type is : flaming bikini, flaming combustion, or whatever it is alcoholic drink that requires to be lit up in fire before you drink it. I gotta have at least two people with me to drink it together now, otherwise I'll just be really sick.

13. Drinking and partying so much in weekdays / a few nights in a row
There are still times when I have to do it for work, like when I have a gig. But it always means I'll be queasy and super tired the next day. Not my option to have fun now, just weekends please.

14. Do real stupid and embarrassing dares in public
Been there, done that. I did a dare when I had to go up to an empty stage right in the center of the mall and dance to old school Britney Spears tracks. Talking about never going there again.

15. Pulling pranks on the professors / teachers
if I do it now, they would just fail me. Yikes. However I had fun putting a frog once inside my art teacher's briefcase. He almost peed in his pants.

16. Being loud in the theaters
Oh teenage memories. Laughing and goofing off during movies until one of those boring older people shush us rudely. Sadly, I'm becoming one of those boring older people now. I just can't stand noisy giggling teenagers when I'm trying to enjoy the movie.

17. Listening to popular pop music of today and not cringe
Popular pop music used to be so enjoyable during Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys era, or was it my age that time? Now it's all Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Jonas Brothers, and a few others, giving me unhealthy desires to slam the radio until it breaks.

18. Talking on the phone all night
Why is it that I could handle hours and hours of pointless conversation on the phone and now it irritates me? Unless my close friend crying about something in the end of the line, more than 15 minutes call will annoy me. I'll stick to instant messengers and texts.

19. Wearing shirts or pants with provocative writings / pictures on them
I wonder why we thought it's cute. The word "juicy" on your ass or the hand prints on your boobs will make you look nastier than Lil Kim in a heat wearing latex suits.

2o. Writing LiKe tHisss
How Myspace and Friendster! Especially adding the word "baby" and stars to your name. Examples? **JaMieeBabbiee** or "$$mIsZkAci$$ . Please, please, let me punch your face if you do it.

More older shit to add to the Murtaugh List

2011-07-14T14:40:00.002+08:00

I read this list on someone's blog from the US. Not too bad.....

1. I can’t stand radio stations that play “today’s hits”

2. While at the Apple Store, a kid probably aged 10, totally embarrassed me at Star Wars Lego

3. My son told me I had hot breath

4. I saw a car just 3 days ago driving down a major street with the driver and passenger dancing. I thought, this is why kids shouldn’t have licenses

5. I rather appreciate talk radio and will only listen to sports radio or NPR

6. The other day I was actually listening to the radio and I heard 3 great songs strung together and then the station identification came on and it was an Easy Listening station. Easy, freakin, Listening Man!

7. I identify my age by music

8. When I get up in the morning I used to view going to the bathroom as a good thing to do, now it’s a necessity and don’t get in my way

9. When I get up needing to go to the bathroom, all my muscles hurt, which complicates the necessity

10. I feel the need to tell you my bathroom habits

11. I complain about how much milk (soy) my family drinks a week

12. I actually told my son, as he was getting milk, to “close the refrigerator door, I’m not paying to cool the house and you’ll break the motor”

13. I enjoy going to Home Depot and Loews more than going to electronic stores (RIP CompUSA)

14. When I get online, I research gardening tips and landscaping ideas or medical situations instead of going immediately to fark.com or other time wasting sites.

I am too old for this shit!

2011-07-14T12:08:00.002+08:00

Those of us born in the 80s have this phenomenon called "getting old" or "mid-life crisis". Some of us more profound than others. For example, some of us are losing hair on our head and getting it in our ears, back and some nether regions.

As we get on with life, many things change. Mentally and especially physically. We change mentally in terms of our opinion of something, how we start to appreciate a starlit night, how a sad movie makes us cry, blah, blah, blah....ya ya, all that psycho stuff. Let's get to the fun part.

So as you are now in your 40s, what part of your 20's can you do anymore? Either because you physically can't or you would just look like a total brain-dead moron!

1. Staying up all night with your buds drinking beer and sharing stupid stories
2. Ermm...just staying up all night
3. Piercing ear - it will hurt like hell plus you look like an abandoned, left out gay man.
4. Hanging posters without frames
5. Sleep on your friend's canvas bed or hammock or anything that does not remotely resemble a nice, warm, soft bed!
6. Eating an entire pizza in one sitting or a "Tai Pau" or anything major food group for that matter.
7. Put off going to the doctor for ANY medical reason!!
8. Drinking with strangers in a bar because no ones wants to be friends with you in a bar.
9. Help someone move out of a flat without elevators in exchange for pizza and beer
10. Beer Bong - Gawd, I was never good at this even when I was in my 20s
11. Going to a rave
12. Sleep past 8am
13. Talk on the phone all night because of item 1.
14. I cannot be TyPiNg LikE diS
15. Do stupid dares in public because I may be arrested or beaten up.
16. To “understand” the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber
17. Drive around with really loud music, bass pumping, and windows rolled down
18. Wear leather clothes
19. Eat whatever I want without putting on weight or getting a heartburn - I now put on weight purely through osmosis.
20. MTV
21. New Year Eve parties and concerts end right after midnight.

There are many more that I will try to remember doing then and cannot now. What is your list?

What is the best way to pick up chicks?

2011-06-24T22:26:00.003+08:00

The best way is to use a fork lift or a trolley. That way she is comfortable and you don't exert yourself. Hahaha....just dry humour to start the article. Anyway, I get asked a lot on this topic and I am not saying this because people think I am some kind of master at this. Truth is, they think we Chindians know better because we have both culture.

Let me ask you, who are the best pickers? Gorgeous guys or ugly guys? The answer is confident guys. If they are gorgeous, they are not going to work hard to get the girls. They don't need to. If you are ugly and have no confidence, nothing is going to happen for you as well. But if you are confident, there is a chance that something can happen for you. There are more girls than dudes in the world so that odds are stacked in our favour. Even though you may strike out a lot, eventually you will get a hit.

The first thing you gotta to do is to get over some mental blocks that you have built up in that mind of yours. Blocks like "What if she thinks I am ugly?", "What if I can't measure up to her previous dates?", "What if I am not cool?", "What if I don't know where to take her?" and the most common "What is she thinks I am stupid, or weird or laughs at me?".

Well the problem is, she probably will but if you keep at it, you WILL strike gold. Someone will like you. In fact many one will like you. So some tips for you to get the mental blocks away.

Concept 1 : When picking up a girl, you must be detached from the outcome.

If you care about what the girl thinks of you, you are destined to fail. Let’s face it, there are going to be many girls that you are just not compatible with. Many of them just won’t live up to your expectations and you won’t live up to many of theirs. You must get over this and not care if you succeed or get rejected. If you care, then you will do everything you can NOT to screw up, and consequently, this makes you screw up.

Concept 2: When picking up a girl, YOU are choosing her.

When you talk to someone for the first time, you must realize that there’s a reason that you are talking to them. If you’re talking to a woman for the first time, it’s likely that she already knows you’re trying to pick her up. Many guys have tried to pick her up before and many will in the future. This does not mean that she decides if she will accept your approach or not. When you go shopping for a car, you might walk into a dealership, but does that mean that you will purchase the car? No way! The only way you’re going purchase the car is if it’s a good investment and the salesman is competent. The same applies to dating. When you go out and you meet a girl, keep in mind that YOU won’t take her home unless you like her.

Concept 3: Be happy, enjoy what you do and she will too.

Many guys approach this as a horrifying experience when in reality, it should really be a pleasurable one. If your objective is to find out what kind of person this girl is and then make her smile, then you’re likely to have many good and enjoyable interactions. If you try to “win” by picking her up, you’re doomed for failure. Most of the time, the best pick ups are when you aren’t even trying.

Concept 4: No immediate compliments!

What ever you do, do NOT compliment her on her looks. Paying attention to detail is good, but as soon as you mention her physical appearance, things start to turn ugly. If anything, you can mention her clothing, accessories or anything out of the ordinary, but do NOT mention her appearance. Even if she has the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, refrain from mentioning it. You can tell her later… much later.

Concept 5: Building attraction immediately

In order to build attraction, you must be able to convey signs of a good and desirable mate. These will naturally be present in men whom workout often and are already successful with women. However, what if you don’t have time to work out often and you aren’t already successful with women ? There is always your personality. Personally, working out was never my thing and the good thing is it's probably not the girls as well. Exercise to stay healthy and the attraction will come.

Now with all that tips and you still need a boost, I have one more piece of wisdom for you. Take a baby (could be yours or borrow one) and look hopelessly lost at the supermarket. Pick one supermarket where it's in a neighbourhood full of single working people. A girl cannot resist a man lost in the food section with baby. Food, cooking and baby is their world. It's their maternal instinct to not resist a MAN getting lost in their world.

Coz you read my blog, that one was free!

Dylan Dog....what can I say??

2011-06-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

What kind of person has a family name called "Dog"? An Italian comic book hero, that's who. That's right, Dylan Dog was surprising an Italian comic book hero. How it got to the silver screen is beyond me. So anyway, it's about a hero that is some kind of private investigator. He has been selected to be the go-between with the humans and the creatures of the night. Then his fiance is murdered and that pushed poor Dylan over the edge.

As with all plots, fate will drag him kicking and screaming back into his old world with his trademark black jacket, red shirt and jeans. There a war going on between the vampires (which are stereotyped to be gangland members, 5,000 bucks suit wearing snobs) and the werewolves (which are portrayed as the hard working class people. There are also zombies but they are just cowards....bad smelling at that. In this movie, they provide the comic relief...unlike Resident Evil.

I am not sure if this is an action movie, comedy or horror. It tried to be a bit of all. The comedy was welcoming and the horror was predictable. It has its moments but if life doesn't give you any free time, you can skip this.

Brandon Routh was not too bad. He reminds me of Keanu Reeves...can play only one expression and one type of role. He is typecasted into the serious, brooding, puppy eyes hero that has the same expression for EVERY situation. Geez! So this movie suited him. He played a person in dilemma and suffering for something....maybe lack of expression.

I give it a popcorn and some nuggets because that's what I had. Bottomline, it has some entertaining features but not enough for me to want to watch it again.

Green Power! In the brightest of day and blackest of nights

2011-06-24T21:10:00.003+08:00

Nope, not talking about money. I am talking Green Lantern movie. Hollywood has done a good job taking comic book heroes into the silver screen. Some were badly done (ie Batman early years) and some were great (ie Batman later years). Green Lantern was the latest to grace the silver screen and while it didn't really follow the absolute origin, I thought it was not too bad.

It starts with a cliche character called Hal Jordan. A super hot-shot pilot that can have any woman he wants, is reckless, suicidal, had authority and daddy issues. Just someone trying to live up to his father's rep and screwing up everything in his path. Then he gets chosen by this green ring that needs to be recharged by some tacky-plasticky looking water tumbler-look-a-like lantern. Next thing you know, instant super hero. So now he has to learn responsibility, blah blah.

Don't get me wrong, I think Green Lantern is cool! Ryan Reynolds is a superb comedian. I love him in all his movies. I thought he did very well here though it was a bit of a challenge to take him too seriously. Even when he was suffering, you half expect him to start laughing out loud.

I thought Blake Lively (love interest) was just too hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Acting wise, was not too challenging. The other downsides for me is that the ring looked too cheap. I mean, the center of the power is the ring. Give it more ummph! I was also hoping there would be more fight scenes and that the climatic scene could have been longer. The effects for the ring was just awesome and I was left wanting more of the ring.

It looks to have a sequel and I will look forward to it.

In the brightest of day and blackest of nights.....

There is no price for awesomeness or attractiveness!!

2011-06-12T10:17:00.005+08:00

I can really relate to the movie for 2 reasons.
1.It is really, really funny!!
2.For some reason I remind people of Po both is size and character

It doesn't try to make it like any other improbable kung fu movies, where exponents will be doing gravity defying moves without human fear and doubt. At the same time it does include just the right amount for it to be funny. Jack Black, to me is an enigma. His comedy can be entertaining and timely.....when you don't see him. I can't enjoy his movies like Gulliver's Travel or Tropic Thunder. But here his personality (or voice) suits the Po, his still insecurity, reliving childhood dreams with his heroes and just being his all round clumsy self.

There are new characters added, like Gary Oldman who made the villain deliciously....err...villainy. The soothsayer was voiced by my personal favourite celeb, our very own Dato Michelle Yeoh. She has a peculiarity which is not noticed by many. She (the soothsayer goat not Michelle) keeps eating the silk robe of the villain. She does it because she is a goat. Did you know Jean Claude Van Damme voiced Master Croc? He probably had 3 lines and I didn't even notice how he delivered it as with Jackie Chan's Monkey. Hmmmm....that was a weird sentence.

As with all sequels, the element of surprise is not there but I wouldn't have missed this for the world. I still laughed and guffawed to my heart's content. There was a scene towards the end where Po and Shen attempted a conversation when Po was on a roof that just cracked me up. You just have to see it.

At any rate, this is a very enjoyable movie which I totally just enjoyed. Fun for the whole family and truly there is no price on awesomeness!!!

Wives better than first class prostitutes???

2011-06-05T13:11:00.002+08:00

This is one headline that I just had to read over and over and over again....then got my wife to read it over and over and over....you get the picture.

Check this article out. "Obedient Wives Club"

According to this article, that my giving free sex lessons to wives so that they become better than first class prostitutes, will make the family stronger and cure social ills such as husbands going to prostitutes. Hmmm......so if I as a husband frequent prostitutes, it is my wife's fault as she is not one.

This is a very interesting and new concept. I wonder if the women who ran this club are not first class prostitutes and how much do they charge? Do they also make their students LOOK like first class prostitutes? Of course I am probably taking this out of context and some of you are saying "Big Al, why does your chindian brain always think about sex and focus on the wrong things?".

To that I say, "Well, this article came from a club run by women whose sole purpose is to ensure women are obedient to the husband especially in bed and.....I don't care what you think." I am not sure what the general sentiment is but if I were the women, I will take up this class and if your husbands still don't appreciate or get cured from "social ills" at least you have an alternative career to consider.

Boo Yah!!!

A pirates life for me...yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

2011-06-05T12:21:00.002+08:00

Yes, it's time to set sail on the high seas and check out everybody's favourite pirate, Capt Jack Sparrow. It is Jack's 4th installment is one of my favourite movie franchises. Despite my fears, I thought the movie was well played and had a good feel to it. I certainly preferred Penelope Cruz to Kiera Knightley and I know I am going to get some hate mail over this.

After part 3 "At World's End", I had given up on Pirates of the Caribbean. It was a very confusing story with a very bad ending and really poor, misguided plot. "Stranger Tides" kept the story simple, plot easy and some additional unnecessary characters, like the clergyman and the mermaid. Yes there is a mermaid.

It's about Jack meeting an old flame and together sail the high seas looking for the fabled Fountain of Youth that was first searched by Ponce de Leon (seriously folks, do some reading!!). The villain this time is Capt Blackbeard, the most notorious pirate (this is real, folks) of his time. So off they go, looking for the items to capture the fountain's water. Ponce de Leon's chalice, mermaid tears, Penelope's buttoned down blouse and the usual Johnny Depp genius.

There were moments but I am sad to say despite all the effort, POC has run it's course. Johnny Depp has said, he will not shoot another installment and if they do it with Johnny for the next sequel, no one is going to watch. Capt Jack belongs to Mr Depp. So enjoy this while you can. It will not set the world on fire was how the first part and even the second did but it will give you something to remember Capt Jack Sparrow.

Walk the plank yer scurvy dogs....Arrrrr....

The Mighty Thor - movie for both guys and gals

2011-06-05T11:49:00.004+08:00

Now why do I say that? When I mentioned to my friends and colleagues that the movie Thor was opening last month, I got some very varied reactions. The guys were excited and we chatted, made plans to watch and talked a bit about the comic book. Girls though, looked at me like deers caught in headlights. No clue! Then the Chinese educated, regardless of sex, thought I was mentioning a new restaurant. I don't create the stereotypes, I just see them.

However, after the movie, I reported back to these same friends that it was very decent and indeed a lot of "plex" for the gals to enjoy. Many of them went to see it, even though they had no idea what the movie was about.

For those of you not living in a cave somewhere in Kashmir, you would know that Thor is the mythical God of Thunder in Norse mythology (Norse are referred to Scandinavians....Norway, Sweden, Denmark! A little help people). He is the son of the "Head God", Odin and one of his brothers is the God of Mischief, Loki who incidentally is the inspiration of the movie "Mask" by Jim Carrey. Look it up people!

Thor carries a hammer called Mjölnir, pronounced something like Me-ol-nay (hey I am not Scandinavian!). This is not your hardware-hammer-in-a-nail ordinary tool. This is used to level mountains and create lightning. It is one ass-kicking piece of equipment and only Thor can lift it.

Anyway, this movie talks about Thor being proclaimed as the next successor to Odin but not just there yet. He gets arrogant and cocky, blah, blah and is betrayed. He is banished to earth where he meet the beautiful mortal Natalie Portman's character. And so the race begins to save his own kingdom, earth and to reclaim his right. On the way, he learns to be humble, sacrificial, blah, blah...you have heard this all before.

Thor was a very stiff and uptight superhero in the comic books but here I guess Hollywood gave him a little bit of coolness and of course his plexs don't hurt him one bit. As usual, this is a very guy movie which means, there is action, some love interest, explosions, humour and very little logic. The guy played Thor is a new actor and he did it quite well, though risking the rain on his parade, it was not a difficult role to play.

I enjoyed it and I will recommend it to all but before you go see it, please or please...read up about Thor first!!!

Vary Pasta - Affordable and Delectable!!

2011-01-28T21:11:00.003+08:00

My wife and I don't share many things in common. In fact, if you wanna know what I don't like, you only need to see what she likes and vice versa. However, we do share some interest like our children....we are in the same mind where we will go everywhere with them. But that's another story. We are also very keen food tasters. We are can be adventurous when it comes to checking out food at far off restaurants and different ethnic cuisine. I should write more about the food I taste.

One of our common love is pasta. We only love olive oil pasta. I can take in a cabonara once in a while but no tomato pls. We both love capellini or angel hair and spagetti. Nothing else! And our most loved olive oil pasta place is Dave's at 1Utama. This is not the forum for it. For many years we have been looking for a place that is nearer and provided easier access than a mall.

Recently we found out this quaint place run by a husband and wife team called Vary Pasta. The place is small, tucked in the corner opposite Atria's KFC corner. It doesn't offer much frills but the pasta is great!

Another love of mine, is pork! I take anything pork. I don't eat fish because they can't put pork in it!! But this place has some really good pasta with pork, pork sausages and pork salad.

If you like garlic like me, my favourite is their garlic and herb pasta. You can take it plain (RM9.50) or with grilled chicken, lamb chop and park chop. They are all equally well done and marinated to my absolute liking.

They have other dishes like mixed grill (which is very normal) and sausages (which is not too bad). Pork knuckle was ok though I wouldn't really recommend it. They also do catering and I used them for our Christmas party where the were very accommodating and even customized the menu for us. There was hardly any food left, even the tomato based pasta. So check it out and write me to tell me what you think!

Enjoy!

I wanted to post some photos but I found lost of it on the internet. Just google it and it will show up.

Super Dog.....NOT!!

2011-01-28T19:13:00.003+08:00

I wrote a little bit about the dog that we got a year ago from my sis-in-law from Kuantan. He is a mongrel or mutt or pariah...whatever your fancy. The weird thing is that we share the same birthday, so as of last Dec, our puppy turned 1. His name is Boomer, one of the world's stupidest dogs.

I am not someone who jumps to conclusion without facts or evidence. Even then convincing me takes a bit, but when your dog starts to bite and eat your car's plastic number plates, I think that would qualify them as stupid or at least....dense!! I have changed my plates 4 times and he continues to chow on them. I have since refused to change them and if the police were to stop me, I will just feign ignorance and innocence. If they give me a ticket, I will gift wrap my dog for them.

He will be on a leash for most of the day and before you yell animal abuse, let me break it down for you. If allowed to run around, he will bite, eat, destroy our potted plants and the pot. Maybe it's urge to dig is too strong to subdue. There will be scratch marks on the wooden panels and gate. Once he bit through our auto-gate wires as to render our gate immobile.

Every night when I get back, he will be trashing on his leash trying to jump on me as if, the leash will magically disappear despite being around his neck for the better part of the day. So he will jump.....and get choked back by the chain. Jump....choke.....jump.....choke....At this point, you may think that instead of choking maybe the chain is tickling him. Got to be!!! Why else would he inflict self pain??

The moment I go near him, he will pee. On my shoe and pants. Not the "lift-up-hind-leg peeing stance. Just standing there on all fours and peeing. I read on the internet, it's because as a puppy it has issues holding back it's bladder and it's just excited to see me. I should be flattered and show him with affection. I tried that on my wife.....you don't wanna know.

He is also afraid of the thunder and rain...yes rain!! Whenever it rains....regardless of thunder, he will crawl under my car to seek shelter. I let him out every night so that he could run, sniff and pee. I guess it's just the animal kingdom instinct to pee on everything to mark their territory and possessions. Boomer will be darting from one car to the other, smelling, hind leg up....pee! Move to our neighbour's gate, sniff, sniff, hind leg up....pee!

I guess it's just a secret instinctual competition that dogs have with each other and is only known to them. They have a competition going on who is going to be the biggest, baddest, pee-on-the-most-items, dog of the world. Incidentally you don't see that so much in female dogs. Hmmmm........

So my dog is going around like a brown wad of sponge soaked in pee and he is fighting against time to get rid of it on as many items in the world. Don't even get me started on the butt sniffing thing. The next time I see an ad about dogs saving their master like Lassie, I am putting an axe through the TV. But not after I pee on it.

Happy 2011 and I killed a snail!

2011-01-05T19:05:00.004+08:00

This is my first post for 2011. I was so tied up with work and also the most favourite holiday and time of the year for me....CHRISTMAS! So to my reading crowd, I apologize for the long absence. The year ended very well work wise and personal wise. We had a family holiday to Guangzhou, PunYi, Hong Kong and Macau. More of that in later posts.

Every year, I get plenty stressed over buying Christmas presents. I can get grumpy, irritated and a little anxious. Then on Christmas Day, when the presents are opened, you know it's all worth it. This year, I got my girl toys which wasn't that big a deal but she loved it...My son, asked for a bike and I didn't realize how expensive bikes got.

I could have gotten those from the hypermarket or some shop in a small suburb but you know those are just going to break down after a while and it will hurt your ass! The bike I wanted to buy him should have gears, is light, won't hurt your ass so much but not needed to take down the Himalayas or sprout wings and fly to the mesosphere!

When I visited some of the bicycle shops, they had bikes ranging from 1,200 to 30,000!!! I am not sure what those bike can do, maybe give you mouth to mouth resuscitation when you are gasping for air after flying through the mesosphere!! I am not sure but I think this bike CAN hear confession and perform last rites.

So we hunted a while and got the bike we wanted but still expensive.

Anyway, that was as exciting Christmas shopping was going to get. I tried a new caterer this year and the food was GREAT! You should check out this restaurant called Vary Pasta in Damansara Jaya. More on that later.

So how did I celebrate the passing of 2010 and the welcoming of 2011? I spent it with my family as well as a few very good friends on top of a hill in Shah Alam. My good friend Siaw Kng stays in a golf resort compound called KGSAAS and is on a hill. His place is a vantage point for 4 locations in KL and PJ for New Year fireworks. So that night I enjoyed fireworks from KLCC, Sunway, Ikana and 1U. There was an unidentified location but what the heck!

It was a great neighbourhood where all came out to the streets to enjoy the party and each other's company. It was great!! I think I should get a place there. The houses are those new contemporary houses without fences. And as the clock ticked 12, I leaned over to my family to hug and kiss them. Before that happened, I step on and killed a garden snail! So that was my first deed for 2011! Anyway, I wish that 2011 would be a fantastic year in terms of health, wealth and happiness!!

Happy New Year!

Sexual Harassment of just wanting to get laid?

2010-11-15T17:28:00.003+08:00

Now before you over-active bozos get any ideas, this topic has absolutely NOTHING to do with me or any of my acquaintances. I was reading about the case of Hewlett-Packard's CEO being asked to leave because he was having an affair with a supplier and there is some unfair advantage thingy or something like that.

That just brought my attention to some of the more famous cases like Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Bill Clinton, etc. I mean, sexual harassment is no kidding matter. Rape is even worst like in the case of Kobe. He is a huge guy and not easy to overcome and rape is a traumatic experience. But let's not make it any bigger than it is. I mean we have to draw the line very clearly and in these cases, it is not always so.

Take Bill Clinton. He was having an affair with Ms Lewinsky, make no mistake. I cannot believe that she would blow him but not screw him. Come on!! Women have needs too!! Therefore, there definitely were other cases and I am not going to discount Paula Jones and all other accusers but when does it start being harassment and stop being a-guy-trying-to-get-laid? I mean we guys are guilty of this. We need to flirt, feel the need to be charming and feel the need to pro-create. I realize I am making a generalization here, and some men can't be charming to save their lives.

Of course this is about levels and most married or those committed to a relationship don't. However, for those who do, they are just trying to get laid. They ask once, twice, three times and if it gets real annoying, you tell him off. Maybe even get HR but is that really sexual harassment. Do you need the Courts for this one?

At the same time, every female magazine you read has women saying the want the men to take the initiative. Be bold, confidence, step up but there is that invisible line that is defined by different women. How the heck are we men supposed to know?? Women rarely take the initiative because they think that will make them a slut? You know who will think that? Other women! Men love it when women take charge.

You know who never gets into this problem, movie stars, rock stars, models and rich guys. If they ask, women will be throwing their panties at them. Some will be throwing themselves even before being asked or at 50 feet away. I myself am glad that I am married and nearing 40 where the effort to flirt and have an affair is just to tiring mentally and physically so I don't fall into this conundrum of when to be nice to women.

.....also, no women are asking me....

The Perfect Girlfriend

2010-11-10T13:46:00.001+08:00

How many of this do you agree with??

- Has a sweet tooth

- Has perky little boobs - more than a handful is a waste

- Has long hair

- Has a pert little bottom

- Loves wine

- Isn't afraid to go without make up

- Is shorter than you

- Is really sporty

- Is skinny and trim

- Is a really good driver

- Is someone who is all about the family and children

- Enjoys a big hearty meal

- Enjoys watching football at the pub or on TV

- Knows her limits when it comes to booze

- Keeps on top of her weight

- Has a high sex drive

- Has a degree

- Employed

- Earns more than you

- Encourages nights out with the lads

- Jokes around and has a laugh

- Is comfortable wearing whatever

- Can get ready in ten minutes

- Enjoys home cooking

- Likes a lie in

- Is liked by your mates

- Likes your mates

- Good with money

Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3219187/Men-list-ideal-girlfriends-traits.html#ixzz14r6i6QqM

What does it got to do with patriotism?

2010-11-09T21:36:00.003+08:00

Also in today's papers, Malaysia's defense minister said that there is a lack of non-Malays in the armed forces because of the lack of patriotism. And in the US, the military is trying to keep gays out of the military. This is just darn wrong.

As for our defense minister, I guess it goes to show that anyone can be a minister or you don't need brains to be in politics. I guess if he can make sweeping statements like that, so can I.

Just a side message to the US Govt; if the gays want to fight, LET THEM FIGHT!! If the gays in Malaysia want to fight, I will the first one advocating for them because I ain't fighting!!! Call me a faggot or a wuss. I am not fighting!!

Back to our predicament by the defense minister. As a non-Malay and representing 2 out of 3 of the major races, I can safely say, we are very patriotic but joining the armed forces is not in my top to do list. There are many reasons why we choose not to. Let me take the liberty to tell you what both races are thinking:-

1. The Govt is biased towards the Malays. They get all kinds of special priviliges that is protected by the constituition. When we ask for similar rights (mind you similar and not to take away any rights from anyone), we are told to be quiet and not raise racial tension, we are called immigrants and have to pay higher taxes, while the Malays enjoy loans at low rates and even get away from repayment (PTPTN) or paying taxes. On top of that, we don't get first choice into top university courses and scholarships. The top law student in Cambridge is a Malaysian sponsored by Singapore. This talent now belongs to Singapore.

So I say, we love our country very much but our country don't seem to love us. So let the sons of the earth, fight and shed blood for the country who pampers them so. Sour puss maybe but....yeah!

2. It doesn't take much to be in the army. It's not like you need a degree. Since we have so many Mat Rempits, drug addicts and lepak-ers, get them into the army. And since we are making sweeping statements, let me make another one; statistically most of them are Malays. Same with those child molester, rapist, animals who raped their own daughters. Send them to the army and since most of them are Malays....

3. We are more interested in making money. Chinese folks are mostly in business, triads, loan sharking while Indians are lawyers, engineering and burning people. Also we are being courted by other countries with scholarships and equality. So not much time for playing soldier boy!

4. It's not like we have the best equipments. Our planes use to fall into the sea more frequent than Tarzan scratches his butt in the morning. We have shoddy guns, no tanks, no night vision goggles, no cool gadgets. In fact we seem to have been stuck in WWII. So what's the incentive? Where is the cool factor?

5. Ration sucks! Other military eat steaks, drink beer and have strong nutrition value in food. We have nasi lemak and dried fish. There is also no pork! You can't tell me, the army doesn't eat wild boar in the jungle to survive.

6. We don't get to be on movies like Predator, Commando, Rambo, etc. The last time we made any movie worth watching was during the time of P.Ramlee back in the 60s and 70s.

7. 99% of the army are Malays and 90% of those can't speak English. We don't want to have a vocabulary dearth and stuck with only Malay. While we want to learn Malay, we also want to learn other languages.

8. Royal Military College which prepares future officers are for Malays....'nuff said.

9. We don't wanna die or at least so horribly.

10. Our country is safe. We don't have any enemies as we are not important enough. So there isn't any excitement factor either.

I don't foresee this changing anytime soon as the military which is run by stubborn hard heads are not going to change anytime soon. So if these factors persist, we are not going to get more non-Malays into the military. So Mr Defense Minister, pls read more and have some ounce of sense and sensitivity in you without making sweeping statements.

It is not lack of patriotism....it's just the thought of protecting ungrateful ingrates, that keeps us away.

Porn to cure PE?? You just know a guy is behind this!

2010-11-09T19:02:00.002+08:00

In today's Star newspaper, you would have read about the possibility of curing premature ejaculation by watching porn! Now come on!! Have we resorted to this? First off, you just know that this is a guy thing. No self respecting woman doctor would make this statement simply because:-

1. It's a man's drawback
2. How is she going to experiment?
3. Guys like porn....there...I said it!!

If a guy tells you he doesn't watch or like porn, it's like Colonel Sanders saying he's going vegetarian (actually....you never know, he could be!). We like porn, that's it! We like it more than women and we don't know why that is so. It's like asking why we pee standing up, spray all over the toilet seat and then leave it up. It just is.

But society takes a very dim light of this simply because the standards of our society are set by women! So we have to like porn secretly without the knowledge of fellow porn admirers especially those of the different sex. But now, we have come to this. Putting it together with medical science. I bet next they will say it will cure caner or the common cold.

Kudos to the professors who thought of this and are trying to put it as part of medical science. We know better...shhh......

Indonesian Maid needs - they need to shut up and work as per their pay!!

2010-10-17T01:45:00.003+08:00

I am writing this in light of the recent newspaper reports stating that the Indonesian Govt is not willing to let their citizens work as maids in Malaysia. This is because of the increase in maid abuse cases by Malaysian employers. They are starting to demand that if the next batch are needed to come in, we will need give them many more benefits that they already enjoy, like one day off, allow them to carry their own passports and an increase in salary.

I do admit that the Indonesian maids are being paid a lot less than if they went to Hong Kong, the Middle East or Singapore. I know for a fact that they aren't allowed elsewhere since Filipino maids are much more in demand elsewhere.

Now, anyone who has hired an Indonesian maid will understand why we are paying lower and why we keep the passports from them and why they don't have a day off. What irks me is how come we are not highlighting the fact that these maids are largely inept, lazy and are dick-crazy!

There have been many cases that have not gone reported of maids abusing the children or old people under their care. Why? It's because we are generally nice people. There were also disturbances at the Malaysian Embassy in Jakarta by a group called Bendera (why would they name themselves "flag" is beyond me) who asked for Malaysian companies to leave Indonesia and for Indonesians to come back. Yeah, come back to what? Poverty?

Just for the record, we are not that hot about them being here either. They enter illegally and are sheltered by our generosity and we get it thrown back in our faces. If they want to demand, we want to impose a few demands of our own:-

1. Learn the language - We don't speak Indonesian and in case you thought we have the same language, think again.

2. Be trained for ALL basic domestic housework - We have maids who have never seen a flush toilet. Learn how to use an iron and understand the concept of the bleach so that my 200 dollar blue shirt doesn't look like it's have a Michael Jackson syndrome.

3. Learn to cook - at least be useful around the kitchen and not use the soya sauce as cooking oil!

4. Stay away from the guys - It's simple. You are here for 2 years and you are going home. There is no future with whatever guy you think you want to be with and these Indonesian blue collars are not in love with you. They are just looking for a convenient lay. Anything with a pulse will do. When you are at the airport going home, you can screw in the latrine for all I care.

5. Don't steal - Maybe from where they came from, stealing is a rule you can bend. Pls train your people that it may be ok to do so in their own country but not in mine.

6. BE diligent - It's a hard life from where you came from. Compared to that, 99% of your employers are God sent. You are fed, clothed and given luxury. Work diligently and do what you are supposed to do.

7. Stop lying! - You are not good liars and still you are lying. On top of that you think we are stupid enough not to figure it out. Maybe your culture tolerates it but pls educate your people that lying and lying stupidly at that is a very bad character flaw.

8. Be grateful - We have the same culture, same food, same religious tolerance and 50% similar language as Indonesia. In the Middle East women have no rights, let alone a foreign domestic maid (yeah I said it1), food is not kosher and you have to learn a new language pretty quick, or you are out of there. The expectations are higher and people are not forgiving.

This is what I can think of in short notice. If you have any ideas you want to share, drop me a line! Let;s hope the alternatives from Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand won't give us a social headache.

Universal Studios

2010-10-13T18:58:00.010+08:00

What's it like to have a taste of Hollywood in Asia? HOT LIKE HELL!!! I doubt even Hell was as hot! The new Universal Studios in SG was a slight disappointment but it was a lot of fun none the less. It was divided to New York, New York which was supposed to be a replica of the Big Apple in the 50s, Sci-Fi, Ancient Egypt, Madagascar, Lost World and Far, Far, Away.

True to our family trend, we got there around 9.30 and met Kwein CC who graciously spent the whole day with us and 7 kids. Now that is no mean feat ok? We had kids with all kinds of characteristics and they can drive a nun to bottle. The disappointment was that some of the rides were either closed or not open yet. Battlestar Galactica's roller coaster ride was closed for repairs because one of the seat flew off! The official reason was that the car was not to their specifications. I want to say something smart here but it would be too easy. There is a boat ride at the Madagascar section but that was not opened yet.

On top of that, the afternoon heat was at least 40 degrees. We were swimming in our own salty sweat in the sweltering heat. There were many characters in costumes who came out to parade, dance and provide photo opps. I felt so much gratitude and admiration to these guys/gals who continued playing their part professionally in being cooked in their furry costumes at 40 degrees. Imagine Alex the Lion in an oven. That guy must have lost at least 10 lbs that day.

Princess Fiona though decided to buck the trend and she came out as sour a puss as you can find. She was so pissed, I mistook her for the evil witch in Snow White. She couldn't crack any smile and looked to upset, I almost asked her if she is having a stroke!!

Ancient Egypt was a lot of fun and scary. There was a Lights, Camera, Action show which showed us how special effects were used in creating a hurricane scene in New York. That was SUPER Cool!!! At least I liked it. There were other shows like Monster Rock (miss it if you can) and Shrek 4D. That's not too bad.

Lost World were also good rides. One is a canopy thingy ride where you are "hung" on the seat with your feet dangling 20 meters above the ground. The merchandises were not too bad but Universal Studio price, so go easy. Just outside of the entrance, there is a huge Hershey shop with the best popcorn sold next door. I was so mesmerised by the popcorn that I didn't notice the name of the shop. Their popcorn was so rich and aromatic. It was great....and expensive. Even the stale popcorn were still good.

Needless to say the food really sucked but it was not as pricey and since we had no choice, cannot complain then lor. Now can complain. We were, however, treated to a sumptuous dinner at the prestigious China Club where "Yau Chin Tou Mm Yap Tak". Got money also cannot enter.

I had a great time with my family and cousins as we usually do. If you are looking forward to visiting anytime soon, I would suggest checking the website to ensure all the rides are ready. You will have more fun that way and getting your money's worth...hey, I am Chindian.

Again TV is to blame????

2010-09-24T19:06:00.003+08:00

If you are from Malaysia, some of you are definitely following the gripping drama that is the murder of a prominent business woman in Banting. What makes this news more gripping is not only was she burned and the ashes scattered in a river, our forensics discovered the DNA of another 20 individuals making that particular field and river a mini-killing field.

I have 2 questions.

One, what the heck does gripping news mean??? How does a new "grip" you and why is that a metaphor for interesting news? Second, we have a forensics dept??? Shows you how powerful TV can be, now with CSI showing hunky man and low-cut dress wearing forensics hotties. Sign me up!!!

So anyway, the murder suspects were caught and they promptly sang like a canary which led to more arrests and the police searching for more people involved. Unfortunately in this case, the suspects happen to be Indian. Now that really ticks me off!

Already the stereotype about Indians burning our wives or at least prone to domestic violence. And here we go doing what the stereotype describes us. So can we blame society for that? There are many Indians who are trying to dispel that but we do get some roti canai brainiacs.

Anyway, with this now in the forefront of our news. of course our Indian community leaders should be taking leadership in helping to solve the crime and ensure that it's not a crime related to any race. We look forward to our fearless leaders advising us on how we should protect the harmony of our society and we got it....sort of.

If you read yesterday's and today's paper, the problem of all this lies in the violence that they find in Indian movies. Bollywood, being violent, is the catalyst of our race being violent. That also means that our race are mindless zombies when we watch violent movies since we only focus on the violence and not on the moral or the ending where the good guys ALWAYS wins and crime doesn't pay. It is also ignorant to say that seeing the TV also has comedy and cookshows but you don't see us suddenly being a race of clowns and cooking mutton varuvel by the pot loads!!!

It's also an insult to us parents seeing that we are less influential than TV. From their hypothesis, these kids spend time watching a few movies and turn into brutal homicidal maniacs. The examples that parents set for us must be just as poor as mindless TV is parents are so easily replaced. So the problem must be bad parenting right?

Well, if you asked a rational, pragmatic, logical and devilishly handsome while aerodynamic in shape Chindian, he will tell you that it's a bit of both. Kids at a certain age are very impressionable. OF course if you leave them be, they may just turn out to whatever it is that was influencing them and 90% of the stimulus comes from home, meaning the family. And parents are the biggest influence. How we treat each other, how we respect and love each other, how do we respond to certain situations, etc. Unless we are screwed up and absolutely loose morals, your kids will turn out fine.

As parents, as least we give them a solid foundation. If we don't even give them that, then the battle is half lost. If we do, the future is good. Now what happens when the kids grow up is up to them. They now have some measure of a brain and can fully differentiate between right and wrong. Putting the blame on TV is ignorant, out dated and simply living in a state of denial. We debated about this and the debate is over. TV is here to stay regardless. How is it that we show successful sport persons living a lavish life but no one seems to be following their example? But shoot a couple of guns and suddenly we are psychos!

This is just me ranting but I am both disappointed and peeved by the way the media stereotypes us, Indians living up to the stereotype and our leaders making absolutely degenerate statements in public. There ought to be a law against that.

For idiotic politicians who make stupid statements like calling other races immigrants when they themselves are such, telling other races they should go back to China if they don't want to fast, saying that they can't take action against such blatant offenders even though he is the Education Minister or saying things like certain races will lose power just because BN loses in the election, the punishment is to burn them in a little field in Banting and scatter their ashes over the river.

How's that? Not just a pretty face!

Authentic Malay food while sweating

2010-09-20T19:17:00.006+08:00

I was recently introduced to a really village styled Malay restaurant right in the heart of our city of Petaling Jaya that is able to combine the authenticity of the food and that of a Malay village ambiance to that of city level pricing. Let's get one thing straight, the food ain't cheap! The variety is absolutely fabulous!! The restaurant appeals to me because it solves my "Malay Dilemma". It is not easy to find good Malay restaurant in the city area that has good food, clean but not price that is going to bore a hole in your pocket.

The variety we get are either at the hawkers or hotels. Hawkers are either selling Thai-Malay food (god knows what's up with that misguided synapse crap) or are dirty. Hotel food tend to be...well....hotel food, by which I mean not great and cost more than kidney transplant surgery.

Images of the Sambal Hijau Menu - Click Here

Sambal Hijau has a wide variety of dishes AND also sauces. Different types of chili and sambal. The vegetable variety is poor though but the rest is good to go. They even have grilled fish and sting ray accompanied by their own made sauce. While the food is not cheap, it's lower than most good Malay restaurant. So my "Malay Dilemma" solved with good food and LOWER (not cheap...did I mention that?) prices. Futhermore, being in Sg Penchala (off TTDI), it's pretty near home and office.

One of the downside to Sambal Hijau is that it is not air-conditioned so if you are going for lunch, dress comfortably. If you are in office attire, you may just get a little sticky and wet. There aren't too many tables and seats so best to get there early for lunch. I would suggest getting there by 12pm. Anytime after that, it's your luck.

We are usually there by 12pm, have a good stuffing, enjoy that green jelly-like substance with "Gula Melaka" or brown sugar and then head off. The other downside is that you can't really stay at the restaurant too long as people are waiting for places. Which is fine, since it's hot anyway. It's very difficult to have a light lunch here. If you are on a diet, going to Sambal Hijau is like taking Tiger Woods on a police operation on a vice bust of prostitutes. After lunch, it's probably best to get to a Starbucks and get a strong latte to pump back your adrenalin for the day. Otherwise it's nighty-night!

Dinner is not as adventurous. Somehow it's not very packed unless it's during the fasting month of Ramadan. We have many folks packing food to break fast with. Sambal Hijau is located in Sg Penchala. I don't have the address, you will have to google it from other who are more considerate than me. For me, I hope you don't find it so that it's not more packed than it already is. I just told you to tease you...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So enjoy the menu as shown in the link above.....MUUAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Movie Review - Grown Ups about Growing Up (BOOORRRRIIINNNGGGG)

2010-09-20T18:42:00.002+08:00

It was a very hyped movie because we are talking Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, Rob Schnieder and the ever impressive Salma Hayek. Man, I was pumped!! In fact, I thought it was going to be gross, you know full of guy jokes, very Adam Sandler but I got a taste of what would happen when jokers grew up. They get BORING! I am a huge Adam Sandler fan, a guy's guy. Movies like Waterboy, The Zohan, Happy Gilmore where it's very slapstick and GROSS. Here we see a transition of that going into Old-Farthood!

I can understand since these guys have kids and they wanna be good role models for their family and all that psychological bull-crap (pardon my German). It's pretty much the same route that Eddie Murphy took. Now he is doing Disney cartoon/movie for goodness. He is "Mr. Fuck-you man" for Pete's sake!

So we get a very docile family comedy. There are some moments but it's all about being together and rediscovering the family life and love and togetherness and friendship and realizing what's important all the way in Sugar Sweetness Hell! Makes you wanna jump off the Empire State Building and hope to catch your eyelid on a nail!!

Now, it wasn't a total lost. Salma Hayek provided the sexiness and there were some comedy, just don't get your hopes to high up. So if you are into Jim Carrey, the Adam Sandler of old, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock or Robin Williams, this movie is going to bum you out. You will feel like you just took a sedative. So calm down, take the excitement down a couple of notches. Have a nice cup of hot tea next to you and some granola bars. Now you are ready.

Top Chuck Norris Facts

2010-09-18T22:10:00.004+08:00

1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

4. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

5. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

7. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

9. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

10. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

11. Chuck Norris been on mars, thats why the're no signs of life there.

12. Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter.

13. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

14. When God said: "Let there be light", Chuck said: "say please".

15. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

16. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

17. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

18. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

19. Before science was invented it was once believed that winter occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

20. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

21. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

22. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

23. If your not handicapped you never met Chuck Norris

24. Chuck Norris took a dump and created whats commonly known as Mt. Everest.

25. The only thing that Chuck Norris can't do is surf. Thats because everytime he gets into the water it parts in half.

26. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

27. Chuck Norris tells Paul the octopus all the answers.

What does a Chindian hate?

2010-09-03T20:15:00.007+08:00

Just to give you some insights into the wondrous mechanism called the Chindian brain, I thought we start with what we normally hate. Why start with hate? Well....it's more fun. Isn't it? Did you really wanna know what we liked? If you do....next posting. Also since it's my blog, I will write what I want.

1. Utensil discrimination
Just because I look Malay, every time I am in a Chinese restaurant and order noodles, I will be given a fork. Hey man!! I know how to use the damn chopsticks! It's not exclusive to Chinese you know!! I know a lot of non-Chinese folks who know how to use the chopstick.

2. Correct utensils
I am very particular of food, table manners and using the right utensils. I get a little miffed when people use fork to eat noodles or fork and spoon for banana leaf rice or just fork to eat rice like how the mat sallehs eat. If you are not a foreigner, you gotta use the right utensils. Use your hands for banana leaf and chopsticks for noodles. Rice is eaten with a spoon, deal with it!

3. Racism
It's very disheartening to see racism in this day and age in a multi cultural country. I remember in the 70s and 80s, we didn't have that much of a problem and I had many Malay friends. Because of the rise in ultra-Islam and the Govt wanting to win votes in the Malay heartland, this has gone unchecked. We have leaders calling other races immigrants, when they themselves are such. We have school principals asking Chinese students to go back to China if they want to eat during fasting month. In school!! From teachers!! What hope is there for our future generations?

This is not isolated to Malays only. How many times have we Chinese and Indians dissed each other? A Chinese parent would rather run his tongue on the sewage than allow his daughter to marry an Indian or Malay man. Indian parents will be playing a Bollywood movie tragedy scene should their kids decide to marry out of race or even out of dialect. What a bunch of hypocrites and ignorant rat droppings. Me? I am ok for my kids to marry any race....as long it's with the opposite gender.

4. Mistaking me for Malay and then getting upset when I am not
I am not sure if you noticed but Malay folks are a very warm and hospitable bunch of people, more so with their own race. Which is more than I can say for other races, except the Punjabis. They always mistake me for a Malay and when they wish me peace in Arabic and I don't answer in Arabic, they get upset. Their warm smile disappears instantly!! More so during the fasting month of Ramadan. I get dirty looks during lunch and more than my fair share, I was refused service. Now during Ramadan, I eat pork. Come and get me sucker!!

5. Can't decide at a fast food restaurant
Tell me if this has happened to you. People who spend 2mins in a queue in a fast food restaurant, get to the counter and only then start deciding what they want!! And this is McDonald's or KFC. How deep in the jungle do you have to stay to not know what to order in McD's or KFC? The menu hasn't changed in 20 years for goodness sake. Then they start having conversations with their kids/friends/spouse/similar-cretin-friends. Totally oblivious of the queue. We need to have a law that allows other customers to carry tranquilizers and shoot a dart or two at these people.

6. Traffic light honkers
These are the folks who think that moving a few inches or saving a few milliseconds at the traffic light is going to give them eternal youth! The moment the light turns green, these honkers come out and start their stupid honking! Sorry but I need a few micro seconds for my hand to change gears and my feet to hit the accelerator.

These are the same cretins, when a car in the queue moves 6 inches, you need to move to. Failure to do so will result in honking and tailgating in a stationary position.

7. Motor bikers
Let me go on record to say I know a lot of bikers who are responsible and careful riders. The bikers I hate are those idiots who cut in and out of traffic, cut on the left side of the car, ride recklessly thinking they are invincible. I have no problems these idiots crashing into the back of truck and their brains spread all over the road like strawberry jam on toast. They only problem is that they create inconvenience to others. They may get innocent people hurt or at least the inconvenience of going to the police station and all those legal procedures. What we gotta do is to improve public transport, increase the number of buses and ban bikes below 500cc. If you want to travel, save to buy a car or take the bus.

8. Credit card/insurance sales people/telemarketers
These are the people who jump at everyone they see trying to get them to get a credit card that is free for life. You see them at the malls, bus-stations, retail outlets, etc. Ironically you don't see them at the bank. Nobody at the bank is selling you anything. That is the safest place to hide from them. It's like if you are a fugitive, the safest to hide from the police is at the police station.

These insurance people are the same. Calling you every weekend so that you can't use the reason of being in a meeting. But calling during my family time is going to just put me in a mood to spend money and time with a perfect stranger on the phone. I think a law should be passed where these people are subjected to telemarketing for 8 hours a day for 3 months and then have others follow them around for another 3 months and jumping out at them to get them to buys something.

9. Parsley
What the heck is the function of parsley on my meals??? Why do I want parsley on my steak, burger, noodles, fries, lasagna, spaghetti, etc. I once asked a chef and he said it's for fragrance and decoration! I told him, the next time you want to make my food smell nice and decorate it, use a sausage or a Fillet Mignon. Better still if you can, find some roast pork knuckle as decoration and I even love the smell!! Let's try that!

10. All that new age dieting
Only in a rich country do we hear people saying things like "Only eat green and vegetables. Red meat will clog your arteries and kill you. Fishes have mercury and just about every poultry is injected with growth hormones". What are we supposed to do for carbo and protein? Take supplements! That's the answer! Red meat won't kill you!! Green meat will. If you have the good fortune to be blessed to have the opportunity to eat steak, bite the hell out of that bitch!!!

Only in rich countries do you hear people being lactose intolerant. They have to take soy cause they are lactose intolerant. You think kids in Rwanda are lactose intolerant??!?!?! These kids eat tree barks and dirt! Life in dieting is about moderation. Don't stuff your face with meat EVERY meal! Diversify and add variety to your diet. And for those who like dieting, don't try to convert people to it! It's not a religion. If a person is not interested the first time, move on!

This is the first list of my dislikes. Next round, LIKES! If you have any dislikes of your own, drop me a note.