The truth of the heart and soul

http://blog-imfdirect.imf.org/bloggers/christine-lagarde/

2013-04-02T15:41:00.001-07:00

http://blog-imfdirect.imf.org/bloggers/christine-lagarde/

Heaven claimed many Angels from my family ....

2013-01-05T18:33:00.001-08:00

My heart is heavy with much sorrow for all the losses my family has suffered this past year.
I dedicate this post to :
Celphon Chan (4/2012) my husbands closest friend
Yen Shen Lew (9/2012) my mother in law
Juanito Lam-Kuo (10/2012) my primo/hermano
Arturito Lopez (10/2012) my cousin
Mommy Chan (11/2012) my friends mom
Carlos Chao(12/2012) my uncle

Heaven chose you all to be with God and watch over us from above and within. It has been a very sad year to say the least. I believe I know now that it is not that we mourn our loss ..it is also for all the future memories we could have had that we mourn. I know now to cherish the memories we were so LUCKY to have..really think of all the good memories we had..which were many. Count them as blessings and never forget the beauty of their spirit that they shared with us. Each person gave us something special that touched our lives. Search deep into your heart and soul or just close your eyes and let it all flow in..
Strength and positive energy from one,, the hearty laughter that came from his soul, the protective nature of his being, the warm maternal embraces she shared with you and a quote I will never forget "nunca se dice que no" never say no".
We were blessed for the time they were here on earth and will continue to be blessed because they were part of our lives and gave so much.
Grief is painful and their is no time limit for any of us. The love and sincere support one gets from family and friends is what gets us through each day.. or at least for me..
I miss you all and will never forget you.

In Search of Waterfalls: Confessions of a Sorta, Kinda, Not Really Grinch.....

2011-12-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

In Search of Waterfalls: Confessions of a Sorta, Kinda, Not Really Grinch.....: TOP TEN THINGS about the Holidays that give my brain frostbite and take the swag out of my eggnog... Sorry ahead of time for bearing my G... Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

2011-12-09T13:23:00.001-08:00

Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

The Biology of Sweat | Active.com

2011-10-04T21:18:00.000-07:00

The Biology of Sweat | Active.com Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

Beads from my "Valentine"

2011-02-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

My son says to me "oh your wearing it" I said of course.. He gave me two beautiful beaded bracelets for Valentines Day.
it was so touching. Colors of green,silver and amber. Peaceful. Love them!!! He has great taste..just like his dad.

2010-07-14T23:57:00.001-07:00

Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

LA LUPE - CUALQUIERA

2010-04-28T05:28:00.000-07:00

Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

Celia Cruz Yo viviré (Live) - I will Survive

2010-04-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!

Living On Utopia Pkwy

2010-03-13T13:49:00.000-08:00

Say what you feel, feel what you say!!!
I have been in this hellhole for ten years now. (Utopia PKWY) Last night, as we are parking the car, in front of our home my son says "why do the men on this block say hi and the women don't" Well only Kitty and Andy's mom say hi"? (they are two other women on the block that do say hello)
I just looked at my husband and said .."see even they noticed!!"
I have no idea why this is ,but it is definitely a pattern, the husbands d0 say hello or even acknowledege you.
WHY IS THAT? I don't know but: I know it is quite OBVIOUS to the point that my children now notice? What does one say? what do you say? uh huh? But you know...I say yes..people are weird! But you don't have to be the same way...
It is just like going to church.!! yes!! my teenage son wrote a powerful essay for his class and it was pretty much about the community being welcoming at the church and how this is a huge factor in his life to want to go to church. Doesn't matter that it is Catholic or Baptist or what ever. It's how the people there are with you.
I wanted my children to have what I didn't as far as religion goes while I was growing up. After my baptism that was it, I had to go in search of "religion" or my "faith'..on my own.
It has been a struggle. I thought maybe.....I would try to do things differently with my kids. Not better, just different. My goal was to make sure that my 3 sons would be baptized, completed their communion, and received their confirmation. When reaching adulthood they will have the foundation.
My three boys have been baptized, two have received their communion,and this year my youngest gets his communion! I am hoping that as they get older they can choose which way they want to go but at least they will have it under their belt and they can choose the path they want.
I don't think or believe this to be true but I can pray and hope for the best.
I am tired..Everything I thought might help has actually backfired on me!or not depending how you look at it.
My oldest hates God, questions his pure excisistance, he is angry all the time. He talks negatively in front of his brothers now about God. The life I thought I was I going to give them is not the one I am living... why must we have so many battles?
Any of you moms or dads been faced with this>. what did you do??

stay at home mom goes to work PART TIME

2010-01-03T11:36:00.000-08:00

2010 is a strange number? two thousand and ten or twenty-ten? I prefer two thousand and ten.!Happy 2010!!
Have you ever started something completely away from what you were planning on doing and watch it take you to a different direction?
I was kind of looking for part time work. My plans were not clear and then I get an email that was sent out to us asking for anyone who knows a stay at home mom looking for part time work? flexible hours, days..Will train etc.. turns out the owner is friend of my husbands. My only question was hmmmmm would you mind if it's a spouse of a friend? .
Before I know it I have a part time job processing orders for some big companies!! Furniture! the pros and cons~ well to start off the pros are it's close to home, easy going boss, great co-worker who has been trying to train me.
The con comes in here~
Get this.... the challenge of going back to work after ten years is overwhelming. Especially when one goes back to somewhere they have never been before. It's ok to be working again.I feel the stress level is way too high for me , especially at a part time level. The stress factor is ME.. I seem to get so brain cluttered with one account. It's like it just does not register with me. I have already given the boss several opportunities to just let us part our ways before I ruin his accounts:)
I have enough guilt with the kids and now I have additional guilt with work. DO I need this? not really, do I want to succeed? of course!@!!! but can I?? is the big question here~!Isokinetics Balance Ball Chair - with Black 52cm Ball and a Pump

Sports Mom

2009-12-02T12:39:00.000-08:00

Mom of three great boys and what happens when all your boys play the same sport? well ya gotta be ready to split yourself 3 ways and enjoy doing it!! This works well with Flag Football.. minimal gear!!LOL.. this year we lucked out..well sort of... they played for the same organization and three different divisions.All at the same park :)

Thats Fit Tweets

2009-09-04T09:25:00.001-07:00

Thats Fit Tweets Shared via AddThis

The truth of the heart and soul: Tree house in Manhattan!!

2009-06-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

The truth of the heart and soul: Tree house in Manhattan!!

Tree house in Manhattan!!

2009-06-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

Isn't this great!! A tree house right in Manhattan!! how cool is that!!!

Too Hot

2009-04-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

I cannot stand this weather!! how my cousins can live in Florida is a miracle to me!!

I have tried but my system won't allow it... People say why is it so hot.. Hello?? hasn't anyone been paying attention to "Global Warming"!! this is why...

Happy Birthday Pacheco!!

2009-03-24T11:33:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOHNNY PACHECO "EL MAESTRO" On Friday the 20th of March 2009, I was lucky enough to go see Johnny Pacheco Live in New York City! He turned 74! He is a conductor, a flutist, a composer a Master musician!. It was a full house. Young,Old and New fans. I have to say how grateful I am that I grew up listening to his music and many more like him~ Celia Cruz, Tito Puente, Miquelito Valdez aka-Mr.Babalu, La Lupe and many many more. I was luckier than most,I met them all! They all use to come to eat at my parent's restaurant, "ASIA Numero Uno" better known as 'El Asia" I was a little girl. With Pacheco it was always unique ~ After the concert on Friday he looked right at me and he said "PETUNIA!" yeap!! this is what he used to call me as a little girl..don't know why...Only know when I heard that name, the memories flowed through me a like a tidal wave. Wonderful times. All the memories of the restaurant and how my parents lived for this. Watching the expression in my mother's eyes showed a whole new side to her, or perhaps a side that I had forgotten even exsisted in her. She was so excited when some songs were played she would nudged me and whisper the name of it before the whole piece even started. I haven't seen my mother that happy since?? We actually understand each other here at the concert, The last time we saw Pacheco perform, it was the same feelings I witnessed with my mom.I can see and feel my moms energy just come alive. Music does that,this is the true beauty in it.Unigue and fabulous music really brings you to life, it energizes you. I grew up with Cuban music, Salsa, it was facinating. I could never understand why our kids aren't exposed to this even more? I put on the spanish radio station in the car and my boys enjoy it. At home I'll pop a CD in and we'll dance to it. Yes, this is our Cuban heritage in our blood but it's the music that moves you , inspires you and teaches us. We can't forget all the good and wonderful times of the past and the new ones to come. It's up to us, Our generation to make sure our kids experience this. Maybe I had some kind of revelation at the concert? Or maybe it's the simple fact that these are really the only special moments I can share with my mom without fighting.:) Whatever it is..I am grateful . Feliz Cumpleanos "Pacheco!"

The truth of the heart and soul: Ever wonder who does the seating arrangements!

2009-03-16T14:45:00.000-07:00
The truth of the heart and soul: Ever wonder who does the seating arrangements!

Ever wonder who does the seating arrangements!

2009-03-16T11:16:00.000-07:00
O.K.!! So we have place cards for dinners,for special occasions like weddings, engagements,sweet 16's just about almost anything!. Who came up with this and why?? I ask Why? because of this~In our family we tried one year to have place cards for "Thanksgiving Dinner" This blew up in our faces like a bomb!.. after that 1 innocent incident.. it was safe to say "NEVER AGAIN" will we try having place cards at dinner" at least not with our family..:):) The best thing is anytime there has been a special occasion~ the big question has to be: "do we sit them together?" "how about we separate them this time" "they'll behave,., won't they?" nope..why should we?? I don't know what it is, I do recall when we got married and staying up all night trying to create ideal seating arrangements We tried to make sure everyone sat with someone they would get along with. We definitely did not sit them with someone they'd had a bad history with. We even tried to seat possible romances together??lol.. We cared.. Nothing is perfect but you can't be blamed for the lack of trying. Tell me, has this changed?? I honestly thought it did for the last 5-7 years but this past Saturday we were at my friends wedding. My thoughts were getting the best of me again.. "OK.. hope the seating arrangement makes sense?" "hope this, hope that, and you know what!! they got it right!!! Yes, I got to sit with my forever friend! Denise. and It couldn't have been more perfect..(Gracias Marisa)..:) this gave me hope again. You might not think it's a big deal but it is... it's several hours these people have to sit where you place them; ..sometimes they are strangers to each other? but think about it.. these people mean something to you , enough so, that they are invited to your wedding, to your sweet 16 or what ever..You are the one asking them to come so why not show how much they mean to you when you are seating them?? Trust me it does make a statement.feelings are involved.. And now I take you to the "Chinese" side~ the banquets..so many of them !The "Wedding" banguet, the "One month" banguet, the ",the "Fundraiser" banguet and yes the "Dragon Boat" banquets" and you know how the seating arrangements are like? Sit anywhere, Bring anyone, just come. LOL! its more like "if you get there first save me a seat or two or a couple" I could never understand this but now I look at the two different ways and they both manage to get under my skin..still...HeeHee

doesn't get better than this!

2009-02-06T11:44:00.001-08:00
Snow,Snow,shorts? nope..
Swimtrunks
! yeap!. this was our Christmas time in Vermont this year. They had a blast! was it cold?? yeah but who cares when you're having so much fun!

Blended Families

2009-02-02T06:03:00.000-08:00
"Blended Families"? I never thought we would come up with a word to describe the families that are emerging everywhere. Did I grow up in a blended family>LOL!! My father would had laughed at this word "BLENDED" like a blender??? Growing up with half siblings or step siblings was such chaos in our home. Our home was really torn apart when this all came out. The fights! oh yeah ,, vivid as the rainbow, clear as day. I recall one fight between my father, mother and half sister.. hands were flying,feet were kicking up in the air, bodies were pushed, antique artifacts thrown, door being slammed and then a whimper from the bedroom. Yep with all the drama, everyone forgot that my younger brother was trying to sleep in the other room. After that nite it was nightmares for months.I was only 10 yrs old. Did it get any better? nope.. I do recall saying to myself!! actually ,promising myself that I would NEVER EVER marry and make people so miserable!! We all lived together for a while and then my sister moved out. the fights were kind of interesting since my mom only spoke Spanish and my sister only spoke Chinese. The only word that they both said to each other was "STU--PID YOU!" yeah! this is why this word cuts through me like knife with a jagged edge.
Holidays
were hell! See,my dad brought his first wife into the United States and my other half sister.! oh.. the drama!! particularly around the holidays.. See, Being part Chinese meant we had to go by certain Chinese traditions even though these traditions would had been really bazaar in the eyes of your average "American"!! Like my brother and myself!! we were sooo confused. Thanksgiving was a big bash for my family! the classic American Turkey and then the Chinese Duck! we always had a large crowd. The bazaar part was my father sitting between wife #1 and wife #2.This made me mad. I think my older sister tried to deal with it and I think she accepted it easier than I ever did. This was the seating arrangements for every holiday dinner, wedding and banquets, yeah ,lots of Chinese banquets!!!I started getting sick(pretended) for every holiday and didn't attend up until I left for college. I spent most of my holidays at my best friend's house,Neemr and her family. I remember all the fights and the heartaches I witnessed my parents go through. AND Not once in all of the madness did either one of my parents try to sit down with us to explain why our family was like this. How we were all together, How we were suppose to treat each other or how we were suppose to respect one another. We just had to deal with it or NOT in my case. I avoided, I fled, I just stayed away. One day I was at work and my father calls me to tell me that his first wife passed away in the middle of a night when complications resulted from an ulcer. I had the worst relationship with her,there was so much hate and hurt. I couldn't understand why he called. I called him back and asked him if he wanted me to attend the funeral.I honestly wasn't going to attend. I did. And you know what...I thought to myself about All the years of anger and isolation from the family.I had truly believed that it was caused by this woman and now it had ended. The moment I looked into the coffin and saw my sisters mother laying there,. I felt NOTHING, not a thing. I was swept away with the realization that this woman was dead and there was no real reason for us to had wasted so many years hating each other. In the End my sisters lost their mother. Did the fights end here? not really; they were just less. would things have been easier? would we had grown up being better parents if we had gone to "Family Therapy" If my mom would had been more accepting of her step-daughter> or my step sister more accepting of my mother?? would our outcome been better?? I don't know. What I do know is that the broken parts in the family kept breaking away piece by piece at my father. He had built an empire of restaurants from nothing,without so much as the knowledge of english! And with all that he couldn't save his family from self destruction. I think we all behaved badly to tell the truth.especially me. I wish I had been more accepting and understanding of our cultural differences. I posted this today because I am going through a similar situation in my home and pieces that make up a family keep breaking apart piece by piece..We went through therapy, we sit down, we talk til we can't talk anymore, cry, fight, and pray.. we all pray except for my husband. What is one to do?? I am living this nightmare over and over again.

Sharing the secret!

2009-01-07T11:56:00.000-08:00
25 Things to Love About ADD 1.Generosity with money, time, and resources. 2.The drive of hyperfocus. 3.Resiliency. 4.A sparkling personality. 5.Insomnia makes for more time to stay up and surf the net. 6.Ingenuity. 7.Always being able to provide a different perspective. 8.Willingness to take a risk. 9.Making far-reaching analogies that no one else understands. 10. Spontaneity. 11. You have a “Ferrari” brain, but with “Chevy” brakes! 12. Pleasant and constant surprises due to finding clothing (or money or spouses) you had forgotten about. 13. Being funny. 14. Being the last of the romantics. 15. Being a good conversationalist. 16. An innate understanding of intuitive technologies, such as computers or PDAs. 17. Honestly believing that anything is possible. 18. Rarely being satisfied with the status quo. 19. Compassion. 20. Persistence. 21. Joining the ranks of artists, musicians, entrepreneurs, and other creative types. 22. A strong sense of what is fair. 23. Willingness to fight for what you believe in. 24. Excellence in motivating others. 25. Being highly organized, punctual, and generally responsible (OK, so we lied!). 25 Things to Love About ADD THE LAST WORD

2008-10-21T05:59:00.000-07:00
Darkness is around me. It has been a sad month for us, my family and my son. Death has surrounded us in different ways and all I do is cry. My heart aches for the losses, my mind is torn with regrets, my soul is uneasy with questions, I wonder about the future. We are all in mourning, different losses for different family members,The pain is no less and unmeasureable regardless of who it is. My heart aches for everyone. I can only imagine what is felt by my cousins,my aunt. I can't imagine what my son feels.It pains me. Tears fill up and pour out of my eyes. No warning no signs.. just gush!! it happens anywhere and anyplace. I miss my Uncle,"mi tio", I know he was getting worse and his body has had to fight the 7 strokes he has had. This last one was the toughtest on him. My uncle was a happy man and lived a happy life.I have never met anyone so tenderhearted and strong at the same time. He was my salvation anytime I got in trouble. He was my escape anytime I had to get a way. He was my safety net when I needed to feel loved and safe. He has passed on. I miss him,I miss what my life stands for with him in it. He was my only Uncle.Mi Tio, I miss him so much. My oldest son's father was killed in a fatal car accident.It is still unreal to me. I still expect to get a phone call from him. Why at this young age was he taken away? I can't seem to understand nor accept it. We fought so much, and for what? to not be able to say good-bye? Was this fair to Russell? to his grandparents? I know it's not about being fair, it's just plain cruel.Why? I ask? Why? Life is a chance, how long someone has here on earth.... nobody knows. Is Life truly a gift? if it is.. then when the gift is taken away in a devastating way can you still call life a gift? The darkness of pain is deep and lonely.Death is so near and so sad.It is hard to breathe, to see any light.

Summer 2008

2008-09-25T05:50:00.000-07:00

this is me..oh yes it is..

See? I can be silly too!! rare times only...

We were up in the mountains this summer.. We all participated in a guided tour on "a strenuous sunset! hike" I must have been delirious when I posed for this picture as we descended from the top.

Let's just say there are no pictures of me going up the hike..

I was making promises with the trees, nature and oh yeah!! my son, Russell who kept me company and encouraging me not to give-up...

I'm glad I didn't ...because of this..
it was worth it....

mi sol

2008-09-25T05:30:00.000-07:00
How beautiful, peaceful and perfect this sunset is! A world like this is how I always want to imagine it. In this last month or two...I wish this would be the image I see when I looked out the window. I haven't been able to sleep at all. I can actually go two days with a maximum of 5 hrs of total sleep. I have never been much of a sleeper.Lately I have learned how horrible this lack of sleep affects the body!! I do believe most of it is true. I lay a wake ... wide a wake...and so I finally get out of bed *again.. I walk room to room.. This morning I ended up in the dark in setting up my son's matchbox cars... yeap.. about 50 of them .. I placed them in 7 lanes and imagined that construction was causing chaos on the roads..... I set up the cars merging from 7 into 6 then 5 then 4, 3, 2 and finally into 1 lane. Need I say.. when it was "wake-up time" my youngest called to his brothers and said.."wow look what mommy did with our cars" then looked at me and said " good job mom" yeaper...doesn't get better than this!!:) Cherish your loved ones.. That is what the sun tell me .."Mi Sol "~ my sun....