Successful Parenting

01. Handling Temper Tantrums

2011-05-03T18:56:00.004-07:00

How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrums

Every child undergoes a period when he is becoming less patient and is somehow frustrated at how limited his abilities can be. This disappointment and struggle to grasp greater control of things is vented through an activity referred to as temper tantrums.

Experts claim that temper tantrums often manifest in children aged one to three years. Temper tantrums are usually the nightmares of parents who often also grow impatient over their children's terrible behavior.

Temper tantrums are manifested through crying, screaming, and breath holding, hitting and kicking. The loud screams and cries usually annoy people. The parents almost always want to just run out of the location where their child is throwing tantrums. Alas, they can never do that.

Psychologists remind parents that temper tantrums are a normal part of the child's growing up years. Some children may throw up regularly, but there are also some who occasionally burst out. It’s also true that some children are more prone to developing the habit of throwing temper tantrums and some tend to cease the habit.

Another setback to this behavioral problem in children is that you will never know when a child will suddenly burst out, and you can never tell where. You might have seen children throwing tantrums at places like the movie house, the grocery, and church or even at the bank.

That is why it is imperative that parents know the basics over handling temper tantrums in their children. First-time parents especially should be educated about the subject. All parents, even those who already have children, can also use a refresher.

Moreover, experts warn that not all parents are dealing with the temper tantrums appropriately. While others may be satisfied with their small strategies to pacify their children, it is not assured that those schemes are healthy.

Dealing with a child who is throwing temper tantrums

There are many simple means on how parents can deal with their children amid a temper tantrum episode. Take note of the following simple guidelines.

Be sure to be firm and in control. Moreover, do not throw tantrums yourself. Spanking and yelling at the child during such episodes is not helpful. Doing this only triggers the child to cry and scream louder.

If it is clearly indicated that the child is having tantrums just to get something, remember not to give in to the child's demands. Children may be small and younger, but do not underestimate them. If you pamper them just to keep them quiet, you may develop an impression that he should just throw tantrums whenever he wants something or whenever he wants a person to do something for him.

When the child throws tantrums at home, just put him in a room or his crib, where he can scream, kick and cry as freely as he chooses. Let him ventilate his frustration. Within a few minutes, he will tire and realize that there is no point continuing the activity. It may be significantly annoying hearing the child do so, but endure it. If the child is put in a room, then close the room until crying ceases.

If you cannot leave your child alone while he is having an episode, just sit away from him. Do not lift a finger or try to pacify him, let him do it voluntarily. Avoid developing eye contact with the child during the tantrum episode.

If you happen to be in a public place when the tantrum occurs, take the child to the car. Put on his seatbelt and let him vent his frustration inside. You may opt to remain inside or step out of the car during the duration of the episode.

If, unfortunately, you are in a long line in a grocery, let the child have his moment. Still, do not try to pacify him. He may be smart enough to capitalize on the fact that there are other people around just to get what he wants. Ignore the nasty comments and the glares of all other people in the line. It is funny how the line will move quickly when there's a child throwing tantrums. Of course, the cashier will aim to move faster just to get rid of the child. That way, you are doing everyone a good and practical favor.

Talk to your child after the temper tantrum episode. Emphasize that what he did was wrong and very inappropriate. Toddlers also understand what his parents tell him, so talk to him also as gently and as patiently as possible. Teach the child the habit of just saying, "I’m angry!" whenever he feels frustrated and disappointment.

Seeking experts' help

Of course, there are situations when the parent should start seeking professional help, like when the parent still feels his measures are inappropriate or when the parent becomes uncomfortable with the recommended responses to the episode.

Professional help should also be sought if the child starts hurting himself amid tantrums, or if he learns to be destructive and throws objects.

Sometimes, tantrums can also be mistaken as regular crying sessions, when the child could not express unbearable pain or discomfort. He may be feeling ill, so check the body temperature for any indication.

Children are born with tantrums. The best way parents can deal with the situation is to be in control. Remember that when your child throws another temper tantrum.

02. Conquering Thumb Sucking

2011-05-03T18:56:00.002-07:00

Help Your Child Conquer the Habit of Thumb Sucking

Studies suggest that about 75% of all babies who are born in industrialized nations develop the habit of thumb sucking. The number is lessened in countries where the babies can easily and readily gain access to their mothers' breast for feeding.

Through that data, you may clearly infer that the habit of thumb sucking develops in babies and toddlers due to their reflexes when they are hungry. Those babies somehow get the perception that they may extract milk from sucking their thumb.

Thumb sucking is regarded as one habit that is comforting and relaxing to children. Experts assert that babies, even prior to birth, may already have developed the sucking habit when they were still in their mothers' wombs.

Thus, some babies are born with calluses in their wrist, finger or thumb, evidence that they may have already been hooked to the habit even before they were born.

Statistics also suggest that babies in industrialized countries to develop the habit more compared to their contemporaries in third world nations. It is because moms in industrialized nations are usually out for work and thus, the babies are not fed regularly by their nannies, wherein those from poor countries easily have access to their moms' breast.

Comforting and calming

The comforting and calming effect of thumb sucking makes babies truly hooked on the behavior. Almost all the babies have resorted or developed the habit at one point of their infancy.

In most cases, babies overgrow the thumb sucking habit when they reach at least three years old. Babies aged one year to three are the most susceptible to developing the habit. Another trivial concern is that 75% of baby girls tend to develop it more, compared to baby boys' 60%.

Take notice that babies are calmed and quiet whenever they suck their thumb. This, for some parents are blessings in disguise. However, some parents may not realize that the habit may tend to be destructive, especially when the child fails to outgrow it.

The findings of a 1970s report were alarming. The report showed that 10% of children around the world who are older than five years old still retain the habit of thumb sucking.

Parents fear that if their child still does not overcome the habit until they reach the age of five, thumb sucking would last until the child grows up. Thumb sucking may become a fixation that would be hard to resist.

Conquering the habit

That is why measures should be taken by parents to help their child conquer the habit of thumb sucking.

Normally the habit ceases when the child reaches the age of four years. Thumb sucking usually recedes by itself even without the child being aware that he is losing the habit.

Otherwise, it is high time, you as a parent take simple and practical steps to step in and break the habit for your child's own welfare.

One measure you may adopt is to pre-empt the habit with other fun and interesting activities. Remember, children with thumb sucking habits execute the annoying activity during idle hours.

Thus, if you keep the child pre-occupied with different activities, he may not suck his thumb. It is also an opportunity to make the child productive.

Second attempt is to divert the child's attention whenever he sucks his thumb. For example, during such hours, give him snacks or perhaps sugarless chewing gum.

Monitor the development of the child each day. Set goals. For example, if the child forgot to suck his thumb for an hour, the parent should take note of that. Then set goals for a whole day, then, for two, then for a week, until the habit is completely eradicated.

Do not resort to punishments as it may push the child into rebellion and further drive him towards thumb sucking. Other concerns and behavioral problems may also arise when the child is punished for a habit he is not aware is bad.

The childhood years are formative years and are crucial to the overall development of children. These years will make and unmake children, so help them by break out from inappropriate habits.

03. How to Stop a Biting Habit

2011-05-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

How to Stop Your Child's Biting Habit

A growing child is truly a work in progress. Children at their very early years normally develop several habits that are inappropriate. These habits maybe annoying as in thumb sucking, destructive as in temper tantrums and dangerous, as is the case of biting.

If you have a pet dog, you may probably have observed that there are times when the dog inevitably bites anything that comes it way. From simple objects, to slippers, to small furniture, the dog will surely have its way to make those objects its outlet of outrage.

In children, especially the toddlers to preschoolers, the same also may happen. Be aware that children are learning a lot and at a rapid pace about the environment. Thus, as they learn, they recognize their own limitation.

The limitation to effectively communicate what he usually feels or desires is the major cause of disappointment, frustration and anger among young children.

Alas, these kids could not appropriately say the words, so they manifest their feelings through action instead. Thus, some children develop the habit of biting.

The habit of biting

Children tend to bite anything that comes their way from simple objects to other people. Yes, some kids tend to bite other kids, which make the habit very dangerous.

Experts claim that biting may occur at toddlers to preschoolers. It is at the age range of about 18 months to 3 years that most children who develop the habit manifest it.

In some cases, even infants, especially those aged at least six months tend to bite, and this habit is indicated when the infant, who must be teething by that age, starts biting the nipple of the breastfeeding mom.

Reported cases also show that most children with the biting habit show off their biting abnormality at kids' social functions, like a play session, a party or at daycare classes.

Take note that during these times, the child is with other children. The biting must then be a product of frustration and annoyance with other kids. Usually, some kids bite other kids who bully them around. By that, the biting habit becomes somehow a defense mechanism.

Helping the child outgrow the biting habit

Experts assert that the biting habit usually, and should, recede by the time the child reaches the age of four. Biting is just one of those unusual habits developed by the child, who is struggling very hard to cope with the environment.

Psychologists say that unusual habits of children, like biting, occur when the child aims to get attention or aims to get something they want. Thus, when the child learns to express himself freely through words, he ceases the need to use annoying acts to express his feelings.

But if you want to help your child overcome the habit because you are becoming too embarrassed whenever he bites other people or kids, then you must take into consideration the following simple tips.

· Be sure to point out to your kid that the behavior he is exhibiting is not normal, not appropriate and not acceptable. Be firm whenever you tell that to your child.

· Never resort to spanking or physically punishing the child whenever he bites. Doing so will only aggravate the situation and would likely result in adverse effects, like your child will start feeling rebellious.

· Usually, children bite when they become agitated or too tired so try to avoid leading him to tedious and annoying activities.

· Set a good example. You are teaching good deeds to your child so be the first example yourself. Do not show the child that it is all right to be violent. He knows that biting is a form of violence because he can see that it hurts other people.

· When a child tends to bite his brother or sister, normally, that child is seeking for your attention. Whenever he does that, get him loose, then approach and hug the child he bit. That way, your child will realize that the habit is only pushing you away from him and into other children, a thought that he will surely shrug off immediately.

· If the infant bites during breastfeeding session, stop for a few minutes. That will help instill in the infant that what he did is not right.

If these measures fail to gain results, perhaps it is time to seek professional help because the problem may aggravate and linger in the child until he grows up.

It is normal for children to develop the biting habit. It is only a matter of time and proper handling before he realizes that the act is not appropriate.

04. Building Self Esteem

2011-05-03T18:55:00.001-07:00

Helping Children Build Self-Esteem

The child's growing up years is very crucial as this stage is formative and will set the overall personality of the child as he heads towards adulthood. That is why, as much as possible, children should develop healthy self-esteem during childhood years.

Positive self-esteem would certainly be a child's asset as he moves on the journey and conquer the world's many challenges. Take note that children who have healthy self-esteem tend to succeed when facing life's negative pressures and conflicts.

Low self-esteem transforms children to become individuals who are frustrated and anxious about how the world works. Such children tend to become societal problems and deprive themselves of the many opportunities that may otherwise come their way.

Children with low self-esteem also become apparently self-critical, withdrawn, depressed and passive. They tend not to become open to challenges and natural changes and underestimate their own capability.

Defining self-esteem

Before attempting to help children develop positive self-esteem, it is imperative that you first know the nature and meaning of self-esteem.

Self-esteem is self-perception and is the set of beliefs and feelings one has about him or herself. Self-esteem is directly implicated with confidence and fighting spirit; the very significant factors that help every individual accomplish tasks and head towards achievement.

Psychologists emphasize that self-esteem begins to be manifested early in life. As a toddler, you may probably remember the sense of achievement you attain when you start learning how to stand or how to reach for objects.

It is important to note that one achievement would pave the way for another achievement. As life goes on, those accomplishments become parts of a chain that define the overall personality of a person.

If the child develops low self-esteem, he may tend to be critical of himself and doubt his ability, leaving him to just sit and not exert effort to achieving any other attainments. Such a situation is truly dangerous.

In contrast, children with high self-esteem exhibit boldness and courage to keep on trying to achieve goals. They are not afraid to try, even fail. They treat failures as learning experiences that would be of great help to achieve many other goals in the future.

Helping children build self-esteem

Here are several simple tips on how you, as a parent, could help foster high self-esteem in your child.

Be careful of what you say. Sometimes, people tend to say out loud expressions that may be taken as comments on people. If you say something bad after learning what your child did or failed to do, like 'stupid', he may retain that and tag himself as stupid. Remember, children are very sensitive to the words their parents say to them. Try to be as positive and praise your child for any achievement, be it simple or great, he may attain.

Set a good role model. Children will always look up to you as a model, so try to act as appropriately as you can, especially when they around. They would tend to imitate your manners and deeds, so be extremely careful in setting out examples.

Be affectionate. Aside from moral and emotional support, experts assert that children need to be loved. Remember, you can never boost your child's self-esteem without making it clear to him that he is unconditionally loved. Another point, if the child perceives that his parents do not leave, he might start wondering, who else will? That would make him feel insignificant.

Give praise. Praise your child whenever he does good deeds or achieves a simple goal. Be lavish in praise and subtle and constructive in criticism. For example, if your child fails a math test, tell him you are proud that he made his best instead of putting pressure by saying that he should have done better.

This topic is discussed in depth in an upcoming chapter.

Make the home his sanctuary, his source of nurturing and love. To do so, make sure you and your spouse do not stage a fight in front of the child. A child who may witness ugly encounters may tend to be depressed and become withdrawn, leading him to a lower self-esteem.

If you think you cannot easily and effectively handle that, try seeking advice and professional help from a child or family counselor.

Do not hesitate to do the best you can to develop healthy self-esteem in your child. It is your responsibility to raise him to become a good and achieving individual in the future.

05. How to Be A Good Listener

2011-05-03T18:54:00.001-07:00

How to be a Good Listener to Your Child

Children are curious and ever-inquisitive individuals who are struggling to understand the full dynamics of the world around them.

It is important that kids should be treated equally, especially when it comes to issues that directly affect them. It is a usual notion of parents to not pay particular attention to the comments, suggestions and objections of their kids.

Children will know and sense that by doing so their parents are ignoring them. As an adult and the person with a broader mind compared to the children, you should make sure that the child feels loved and listened to.

Listening is a key activity in the process of communication. Communication is very necessary to pave the way for a harmonious relationship between the parents and the child. Without communication, a gap can appear that can affect the long-term relationship of both parent and child.

Since children are still in their developing years, it is important that parents instill in them the thought that the parents are behind them, supporting them all the way in every minor and major endeavor.

Thus, to help the kid do good during his formative years, parents will surely play a significant part. That crucial significant role, as parents may usually have been overlooking at, revolves around communication.

Listening is very essential in paving the communication line between the child and the parents. Through listening, the parent communicates verbally that they are willing to understand, reach out and help the child in his every decision.

It is imperative that the parents develop the habit of constant listening to their child.

Unusual habits

Experts assert that kids with busy parents tend to feel like they are being ignored and that they feel unwanted. That feeling of obscurity will dampen the child's self-esteem and can manifest later on in life in many different forms of behavioral problems.

Unusual habits develop when the child feels like his parents are ignoring him. Temper tantrums are often developed in children who aim to catch the attention of people. They get the attention but not in the way they wish. Read more about the temper tantrum subject in an earlier chapter.

Biting habits also arise from that feeling of being ignored. The child may not know that it is wrong to hurt others just to attain attention from parents. And so such habits not only become awkward and annoying, but also destructive.

The key to preventing these habits, or curtailing them when they are already developed, is to listen to the child's every need, demand and comment.

How to effectively listen to your children

Here are several simple guidelines that will help you listen to your children, or at least give your kids the impression that you are indeed listening.

· Listen attentively. If your child asks a question, be sure to drop everything you are doing and listen intently. Maintain eye contact with the child to establish the feeling that you are really listening. Of course it would advisable if you would genuinely listen.

· If a child asks you the same question over and over again, ask him to say what your previous answer was. If the answer was modified, correct him.

· Listen to understand. The main purpose of listening, aside from setting the impression that you are not ignoring your child, is to understand and see things in your child’s perception. You will learn a lot from doing so, and you surely can relate because you were also once a child.

· If you inevitably need to respond or explain something, do so in a manner that is easily comprehended and understood by the child. Be calm and never show annoyance if the child keeps on asking questions.

Remember, if you do not give your child the chance to talk, his self-esteem will be dampened and he would always think that it is not effective to even try.

Listen to your child and see how you could make him a better person simply by lending him your ear.

06. Making Quality Time for your Children

2011-05-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

The Importance of Spending Quality Time with Your Children

The modern set up of the family is truly evolving and ever changing. Nowadays, it is normal that the dad and the mom are both working to help the family make both ends meet.

Thus, in the modern-day situation, the welfare of the child is aggrieved. It is very crucial that a child has his parents to turn to during the critical days of his life, when he experiences new things and realizes new insights.

A child’s formative years are also significant to molding the overall personality of the child as he gears toward adult life. Thus, a child who grew up as a responsible individual will tend to become a good citizen when he becomes an adult.

As parents, you should take note that your responsibility to your child does not end in providing him with his basic needs like food and shelter. It is hard to earn a living nowadays, but that is no excuse for not taking the time to attend to your child's emotional needs.

Spending quality time with children is imperative because that is what creates the finest moments in a child's memory. With the modern family set up, it is hard to maintain a harmonious parent-child relationship, but as a parent, you could always try and realize that it is not actually difficult doing so.

Helpful tips

There are numerous ways you could spend some quality time with your child.

Here are some simple activities and tips that will give you some ideas when you aim to spend quality time with your kids.

· Take a little joyride. Perhaps, you could spend one weekend day driving around. You do not need to get to a destination when you do so. Just taking your kids for a ride, perhaps around the neighborhood, sets a good opportunity for you to laugh along with each other, play jokes, talk or just enjoy sights.

· Play a simple game when you get together. Perhaps, you could play a simple board game or a computer game. By doing so, you are setting the impression to your child that you are game and willing to have fun with him.

· Give individual attention to each child. If you have around three or more children, it is important to set quality time with all of them at the same time. But also be sure to plan or set quality time with each of these kids individually. To do so, you could just tag along a child when you go to the grocery, or simply help one in doing his school homework. Be careful not to get the other kids jealous, though.

· Find a common interest with your child. Your interests may, of course, not be similar and jiving, but for once, be simple and stoop down to the level of the child. Perhaps interest in a cartoon series or a simple action figure toy may put you at the same spot and talk about a lot of things.

· Act like a child for once. By doing so, you could set an example that you are willing to compromise and adjust to your child's needs. Doing so would also let your child know that you are fun to be with and that you could also be just a friend or a playmate to him in addition to being a dad or a mom.

Creating such simple activities make for quality time between you and your kids. You could also set a good quality time by taking meals, like dinner, together. Eating together would set a perfect opportunity to talk about personal things.

Moreover, you should always remember that to spend quality time with your kids and make it work, you should be genuinely interested in doing so. Children will always sense if what you are doing is against your will. When they do that, the quality time is spoiled and you would find it hard to set a fun get-together again.

07. How To Handle Conflict

2011-05-03T18:49:00.001-07:00

Handle Conflict with Care

In any family, there will always be arguments. That’s what makes them normal.

Blood is thicker than mud and these petty arguments can be fixed with parents serving as the referees. But here is a good question: how exactly do you handle conflicts between children?

Here’s a tip. Advise your children to approach the conflict with their sibling(s) in a positive manner. It could be some form of misunderstanding that can be fixed in a peaceful manner. There is no need for kicking or screaming.

Everything starts at home. If there is fighting in your household, your children will have the tendency to bring ill temper to the playground at school during recess. It is advised that parents begin disciplining their child at a young age regarding handling conflict and violence.

1. Mediating is good. By discussing what the problem is exactly, there will be a clearer understanding on why the children had to argue in the first place. Teach kids that they can always communicate with their sibling in a mild manner. No need to raise voices. Parents must teach their children how to discuss their opinions to one another and come up with common solutions.

2. Set some ground rules. This should be discussed when emotions are not clouding their judgment. Discuss the basic rules: no hitting, no kicking, and no pulling of hair, no yelling and no name-calling.

3. You can also set some consequences when they fail to fix an argument and start hitting one another. Some parents term it as punishment but for a positive light, tell them that this is the consequence of their wrong actions. You can separate them for some period or you could ground them both.

4. Talk to them about what they’re feeling and what they are thinking. Children must always come to their parents. They will be able to feel that need and urgency if the parents are open themselves.

5. Children must be aware that a conflict will arise way before it actually does. By becoming more sensitive with their surroundings, children can prevent graver situations from occurring leading to the argument. For example, if a child knows that this action will lead to his sibling getting angry, he must be sensitive not to do it. The parent must increase their kids’ awareness of potential conflicts and sensitivity when it comes to understanding different points of view.

6. Normally, it is the parents who come up with the judgment and have the final say whenever children argue. But at a certain age, like years 11 to 14, the children must be able to do it themselves.

7. Sometimes another sibling serves as the mediator between two fighting siblings. If your children are at that stage, then you as a parent can give yourself a pat on your back. It only comes to show that your children are mature enough to handle the argument themselves. Nonetheless, the parent must still be there to guide.

Now that we have discussed tips among children, the following will be reminders for parents:

1. Never compare children. This can cause jealousy between or among them. Each child is special in his own way. Acknowledge their differences.

2. Do not start competition. Do not let your children compete with one another. A simple “let us see who can run faster” can actually motivate them to be better than a sibling. Not good.

3. Teach them respect among one another. Praise your kids whenever they are courteous and polite, especially when they help each other out.

4. Serve as your children’s example when it comes to solving problems. By watching you and listening to how you discuss the problem, then they will eventually learn how you do it and do it themselves.

5. Try to determine a pattern to why conflicts take place. Does this happen when your children are bored or when they spend too much time together? By providing them time out (quiet time), arguments can be prevented.

Sibling rivalry is normal and cannot be avoided. It will take place eventually. It is all about handling it with care when it does happen.

08. The Pitfalls of Physical Punishment

2011-05-03T18:48:00.003-07:00

Physical Punishment Pitfalls

To spank or not to spank, that is a parent’s question.

Many parents lose their patience and have to fight hard not to spank their child. Spanking may relieve the frustration of the parent for a moment but this is definitely the least effective way to discipline a child.

Spanking is emotionally harmful to the parent and child. It only teaches the child violence and makes him prone to anger. Plus, it may result in emotional pain and resentment.

In the movies, they always depict psycho killers as those who were punished by their parents when they were younger. In fact, even in real life, there is a connection on how a person was raised to what they can be when they get older. When a person is continuously physically punished, there are side effects.

Parental socialization practices often reflect a person’s behavior. Often times, you see it in the movies or read it in books. The background of the character highly depends on how his parents raised him.

If the person is frequently abused physically, there are a number of consequences or what we’ll regard as pitfalls here in this chapter. We call it pitfalls because a grave action of the parent hurting the children can actually lead to the child hurting himself or hurting other people.

The immediate result of physical punishment on children is the misbehaving stops. It really depends on the child. Some children do have to be spanked in order to know that they are doing something wrong. There are times children forget that their parents are authoritative figures.

In an episode of “Desperate Housewives,” Bree Van De Kamp spanked Lynette Scavo’s misbehaving son Porter. Lynette personally didn’t believe in spanking because their mother hit her and her sister, and she wouldn’t want to do that to her children.

But the Scavo children were way over the line that they had to be disciplined. Lynette couldn’t do it so Bree stepped in.

However, parents must be careful. Sometimes the spanking can escalate to child abuse. A parent must know when their children should be spanked or not. If they do decide that their child deserved to be spanked at that point, talk to him later on why it had to be done.

Sadly, physical punishment cannot teach the appropriate or alternate behavior that we want our children to have. Hitting the child does not assure that he will stop repeating that behavior. With some children, physical punishment can actually hinder, instead of improve, compliance.

There are some parents who argue that in hitting the child, the parent merely undermines reasoning and explanation. Lifting their hand on the kid could only prevent the child from explaining his side further. The child will then feel threatened or worse scared of the parent.

The side effect, if this occurs, is that the child will either be terrified of the parent/s or unleash his emotion to the other direction, which is anger. This is often the result that we see in movies and read about books. Those who were physically abused in their childhood have the tendency to be murderers or psychopaths when they get older.

A conducted research shows that getting hit at home led to the child being more aggressive than the other kids in school. Because they experienced or witnessed getting hit, they perceive that hitting is the way to solve problems.

Know that physical punishment results in distance between parent and children. Not only will it indulge resentment and fear, there will also be a huge gap between the two parties.

Furthermore, the long-range effect of physical punishment is that children fail to take responsibility for their own actions. If they’re young, they will not be able to understand why they were punished in the first place. Their reason for not doing the action is to avoid getting hit, instead of not doing it because it is not proper. This will stunt the child’s maturity in comprehending what is right and what is wrong.

The major risk factors include: low self-esteem and morale, alienation, depression, suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, uncontrolled anger, aggression, abusiveness, spouse battering, child abuse, delinquency, vandalism and lessened education, economic and occupational achievement. It should go without saying that you wouldn’t want these to happen to your child, would you?

09. Teach Your Child Teamwork Thru Chores

2011-05-03T18:48:00.001-07:00

Teamwork through Chores for Your Children

You don’t have a dozen children for you to have your own team. What you see in the movie “Cheaper By The Dozen” maybe cool but that is very painful to your wallet.

Two or three children are enough to teach them about teamwork and letting them do their share of chores can do this.

Convince your children to get the job done. A majority of parents have to beg, cajole or even bribe their kids to assist in the household chores. Yet they still end up to be the one mowing the lawn, washing the dirty dishes, making the beds and walking the dog.

Parents often ask this question, “How can we make our children do the chores around the house? More importantly, how do we make them do it without being reminded?”

Chores are the building blocks children need in life. They teach them basic skills and help build personal responsibility. It also teaches them a sense of duty and importance.

Getting chores done will be a lot easier if parents motivate their children by saying that this is a team effort. Their household is the base and each one is a game player. Therefore, the action of one affects everyone, so does one’s inactions.

Failure to clean the bathroom as scheduled means everyone will have to take showers on grimy floors. Failure to walk the dog means a member can simply step on poop inside the house.

Designating chores to the children not only gets the job done, they also help in children’s growth development.

1. Parents can make their child feel important by letting them know that they need an extra pair of hands.

2. Parents can spend more time with their children by teaching them how to do some household work like laundry, cleaning and cooking. Then they can let their children do these themselves. In that way, the children are doing the chores, bonding and also learning how to do it together.

3. Parents must designate the chores depending on how old the child is. Expected chores should be suitable to the child’s ability and skills. Sometimes, for a young child, helping out in the house gives him the idea that he is important – and a crucial part of the team.

4. A majority of the chores are located in the kitchen. The kitchen is the heart of the home. Parents can fix up a schedule on who would do the dishes, the cooking, setting and clearing the table.

5. Laundry is also important and it is advised that children are taught to do it at an early age. By putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, children are already taught the basic laundry rule. As they get older, they can be taught how to sort out the laundry and assist in folding and putting away the clothes. If they are old enough (probably late teens), they must already know how to run the washer and the dryer. This is done before they go off to college.

Teaching children how to do chores is easy. Motivating them how to do their share is another thing.

Here are four factors motivating children to do the chores themselves:

- Parents must serve as responsible models by doing some of the housework themselves.

- Parents must have a caring and nurturing relationship with every child.

- There must be cooperative culture inside the home. Help each other out and do things together.

- Parents must look at chores as opportunities for them to teach their children values and life skills.

Children need different levels of support and help at different ages. Parents must learn how to work side by side with their young children. They older they get then the less the parents must be hovering beside them.

Some households reward children doing chores by giving them an allowance. This shouldn’t be connected to fundamental chores. Chores and allowance must be separated. By accomplishing chores, the child must feel that the action he completed is fulfillment itself. He does not need to get money to feel compensated.

An important point to remember is that parents must try to instill in their children why chores must be done. To add flavor to it, they can give a pep talk on how they, as a family, are one team and there’s pleasure in work when everyone is responsible and productive.

10. Making Discipline Effective

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Effective Discipline

While we discussed punishment earlier, there is a distinctive difference between punishment and discipline. Let’s explore that topic here.

It is very difficult to advise families when it comes to disciplining their children. Pediatricians can only say so much, but in the end, it is always the parents’ final call.

A comprehensive approach considers the parent-child relationship. It also reinforces desired behaviors and serves as consequences for the negative behaviors. Studies show that corporal punishment has limited effect and side effects that are greatly damaging.

It is better to talk to the child than spanking. That is the case. But there are some children who cannot comprehend the importance of discipline. You cannot blame their parents reaching the boiling point and spanking them.

Parents come to pediatricians for advice, asking them what the appropriate actions to discipline their children are.

Discipline comes from the word “disciplinare.” It means 'to instruct' or 'to teach'. The process of nurturing, caring, guiding and teaching prepares the child to achieve controlling his own pleasures, disciplining himself, confident in himself and his abilities and respecting for others.

Effective discipline must have the following:

- A nurturing and guiding environment that is positive and very supportive of the parent-child relationship

- Systematic strengthening and tutoring of the behavior that is desired

- Decrease or eliminate behaviors that are not expected

Each of these components must be functioning adequately to achieve the desired result in child behavior.

Discipline begins as passive and this takes place when the child is still an infant. The parent establishes a schedule of feeding, sleeping and awakening. These biologic rhythms are regular and can easily be adapted into the family routine. In a subtle way, the infant adjusts his body clock.

As the infant becomes more mobile and has more contact with his surroundings, the parent must then learn to set limitations. It is their duty to set safe places for the infant to play and explore.

It is when the infant becomes a toddler that the parent uses verbal discipline. At this stage, children are more complex physically and socially. The parent must then make sure that they are protected and at the same time teach them the desired behavior they want their children to have.

By consistent disciplining, the child will be able to combine the attitude and expectation of his parents in his behavior.

This is when preschoolers start developing a comprehension of rules. Their actions are guided by these rules and the awareness of what is right and wrong. Often times, parents tell the children that there is a consequence if they choose to do the wrong action.

As children reach the school age, the rules they learned at home are internalized and combined with a heightened sense of self-control and responsibility. If the child is mature enough, he will also then extend the care and respect to other people, specifically his classmates.

Parents must be there during the crucial transitioning of childhood to adolescence. Here, the parents must adjust their disciplining strategies because their children will want more independence and responsibility. This can be challenging to both parties.

The transitioning phase often need

- A positive and supportive relationship between the parents and the child}

- Usage of a positive reinforcement strategy in order to increase the possibility of getting the desired behavior

- Total eradication of punishment in order to eliminate the undesired side effects.

An effective discipline take place when the children feel secure and above all, loved. With this setting, the parents respond more to the children’s behavior, be it of approval or disapproval. This has a great effect and importance for the children. Parental responses often build up the loving and secure setting that the children need in order for them to have a stable environment.

By knowing that competent adults are taking care of them, there is more space for development of personal worth. Children respond to a positive relationship and it is easier to discipline in this setting.

Also, parents must serve as the role models of their children. It will be easier to discipline them effectively if they are actually seeing what is expected of them. By imitating their parents’ actions, then the child will understand more why he must do this action.

Successful child-rearing procedures show that desired actions are increased if punishment is scratched out of the picture. Sure, punishment has its ups and downs because a child knows for sure that he did something wrong but it is not advisable. Sometimes, when a child is punished, the parent is not really sure whether the child will take it as a consequence to not do the action again or a reason for him to be afraid of and distant from the parent.

Simply put, effective discipline must involve positive behaviors such as providing special time for the children. Communication is usually the key. If parent and child are open, then there will be no misconstrued ideas between them.

11. Why Children Lie

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Do You Know Why Your Children Lie?

If you think the best liars are actors and lawyers, you’re mistaken. Studies show that the best liars out there surprisingly are children.

It could be because they are still enveloped in this innocent aura that we adults cannot imagine that such angels are liable to make-believe. Perhaps it is also our fault because we encourage their imagination.

But it comes to a point where imagination goes way overboard and turns out to be a lie. How then do you distinguish a white lie from a big fat one? If you indulge this action, will it make your child a compulsive liar? Why does he lie in the first place?

Children learn how to lie. It is a skill, rather a tool, that they use in order to not get blamed or worse, punished. They also lie to build up an image that they want to present to their peers. All children lie, but there are others who do it much more often.

A factor in why a child lies is his emotional well being. A child who is a chronic liar has low self-esteem. By lying repeatedly, he can boost up his self-image.

Another factor why a child lies is response from parents. Some kids do it to get their attention. At first, make-believe is indulged but when a child reaches a certain age, this is when the parent encourages the child to determine what is the truth and what is an outright lie.

As the child gets older, specifically when he enters his teenage years, lying is done because he wants to be more popular. Lying is now a way for the adolescent to fit in. He may claim that he met an actor, a rock star or a sports figure to make him look cool. Often times, he exaggerates information – like their social status.

Occasional lies can be ignored but if this habit is done repeatedly, then it is the parents’ responsibility to bring the child/adolescent to a psychiatrist. However, some parents can handle the problem themselves. They can talk to the child/adolescent and ask him what is the root of all the lying? Does he have a problem? Does he feel ignored? Is he the butt of all jokes? Is he bullied?

Now as the adolescent grows older, he realizes that he can actually control the flow of information he divulges to the public. To his parents, he can just not say something and not get into trouble. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? But that is a totally different case if the lying hurts a parent, a sibling or a friend.

That is often the case of a chronic liar. If you go to forums discussing this “disease”, you can read about stories of people who knew pathological liars. They had a hard time believing what they say. They are so good that sometimes even their identities are just made up.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. That’s like saying you can’t make a pathological stop lying when he is in his adulthood. The habit has become a part of him and it will be very hard to treat it.

This is the reason why parents are encouraged to help their children as soon as possible. The very minute they show signs of pathological lying, they can either talk to the child or consult a psychologist. Better to cut the exaggerating habit now before it gets over board.

As much as a parent loves his child, lying, stealing and cheating are part of growing up. Sooner or later, they will have to encounter these “problems.” But by showing them what is right and wrong, and by accomplishing a mature understanding of what must be done and what shouldn’t, then the parent will succeed.

It is very important for the parent to encourage the child whenever he tells the truth. To make it easier, the parent can also serve as a role model so the child won’t have to look far when it comes to the honesty department. Do not punish the child harshly. Often times, a reason why a child lies is because he is scared to get punished.

Set a good example. Have an open relationship. Discuss what the consequences of an undesired behavior are. In those three simple steps, you will discover that your child need not lie.

12. How to Teach Respect

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

It’s so easy for Aretha Franklin to spell it in a song. But it is a lot more complicated teaching it to children.

Respect is one of the values that a parent must teach his child. This is a core quality that he should possess even at a young age and must maintain through adolescence and adulthood.

Respect is not similar to obedience. Look at it this way: a child obeys quickly because he’s afraid. But if he respects you, then he will obey you because he trusts that you know the best for him.

Therefore, in that paragraph alone, you already see the connection between obedience and respect.

The best way you can actually teach respect to your child is to show him respect yourself. You have to respect your child. In doing so, he will do the same to you because he would feel its importance.

Remind him the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” A child, even if he is in his grade school years will already understand this.

Instill in him that respect is an attitude and he can succeed in life if he has this value. Tell him that if he doesn’t respect his peers, his authority or even himself, there will always be personal obstacles.

You should also tell the child that respect does not only mean one-on-one interaction. It could also be taking care of the belongings of other people. It could also mean doing what is expected of him, or his responsibilities.

A respectful child gets along so well with his peers because he is mature enough to understand that he is not the only person in the entire universe. He is also aware that his actions can affect others around him.

Respect, even though it is taught at school, must also be learned at home. Parents have more influence with regards to respect when compared to the teachers. When the children see how respectful their parents are of other people, then they will do the exact same thing.

Here are some tips for the parent to show respect to their children.

1. If you do something wrong, admit your fault then apologize. Be honest. You may be the parent but that does not mean that you cannot make mistakes.

2. Never insult, embarrass or make fun of your child – especially in public. This will only affect his self-esteem. Always compliment them.

3. When your child is old enough, let him make his own decisions and take responsibility of the consequences from that action.

4. Always let your child have the liberty to explain his side. Let him say his peace and listen.

5. Be there for your child. Give him your full attention.

6. Children can easily learn from anything the parent says or does. Make sure that you as a parent are a good model when it comes to respect.

7. Follow rules. Take for example, driving. Always do what the signs ask of you even if there are no cops around.

8. Show that you are concerned about the welfare of others: people, animals and environment.

9. Whenever you see a public figure that you can refer to as a poor model, discuss them with your child. Make your child aware that these actions must not be done.

10. By teaching your child to respect himself, he will then respect other people. It all begins with self-respect. Once we can respect ourselves, then respecting others is a cinch.

11. Their parents’ opinions matter to them. If the parent believes that the child can succeed, then the child’s confidence will be boosted, thus allowing him to progress more.

12. Build the child’s independence. Give them responsibilities that they can easily handle – like chores around the house, paying the bills, watching over a younger sibling and the like.

13. Set rules in the house but explain to the child why it must be obeyed. Stick to the rules you make as well.

14. Help the child set his goals. Again, self-respect is the secret. With a good amount of self-respect, confidence skyrockets upward, thus the child can really achieve his goals.

15. Honesty is the best policy. Remind your child that if they were able to pull off fooling other people, they can’t fool themselves. Lying, cheating and stealing is not only harmful to others, it is also detrimental to one’s self.

16. Last but definitely not the least, show love! In fact, say, “I love you” often. Hugs and kisses are great.

13. Setting Parameters

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The Rewards of a Responsible Parenting

Facts about Parenting

Parenting is a process by which parents establish a certain kind of relationship with their children. It encompasses all the responsibilities concerned from childbearing to child raising. The responsibilities of a parent never end as long as their child lives.

In the American society, parenting has become a very important issue. The kind of upbringing American parents give to their children is mainly focused on independence.

During teenage years, youngsters already learn how to live by themselves. At the age of eighteen, they already acquire their parents’ blessing of moving out of their homes. At this age, they start to provide for themselves by working. They buy their own food, they rent their own house, and they even sustain their own education.

Despite this situation, it does not mean that parents already resign from being parents to their children. Their responsibility as parents will be a lifetime duty.

The family is a very essential aspect of society. It is a major factor by which people build individual personalities and characters. As one saying goes --Parenting runs in the family! -- It is also the main indicator whether a person would be a good parent or not.

However, studies have shown that majority of the American youth today have been struggling from different kinds of addictions, while some develop a bad attitude, some may have become very shy, timid and insecure. Why is this? The reason would be improper parenting.

Most of the time, children are left in daycares because parents don’t have the time to look for them because of work. By this, parents miss having a personal touch in training and educating their own child.

This scenario has touched the hearts and minds of some of the modern parents today. The schools, government, and especially some religious institutions have been the major factor why parents were enlightened. They have formulated several parenting programs that suit each and every American family.

In reality, parenting is an intrinsic ability of each and every human being in the world. Every individual has his own way of nurturing and training his child to the best person he can be. The only question is –how can one create a child with good character?

How to Create a Child of Good Character?

Why do children become rude and disobedient? Several studies have proven that disrespectful parents raise disrespectful kids. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be tagged as a disrespectful parent.

All you have to do is to discipline your child and make him realize bad things from good ones. Set your parameters and be consistent! But sometimes, kids still become naughty despite all the values taught to them.

If this is the case, you may want to follow some of these parenting tips:

Setting parameters is not that easy especially when it comes to entertainment. Psychologists advise that babies are not supposed to be exposed to television until the age of two. This is to prevent the child from being exposed to harmful elements such as crimes, pornography etc.

Besides, any type of entertainment when introduced at an early age would probably cause you difficulty in getting his attention. Train your child by yourself because if you do, you’ll reap the lifelong benefits of being a parent.

Learn how to communicate in a nice way. Being a parent would be the most difficult task in a person’s life especially when it comes to communication. Discuss with your kid about what’s right and wrong. Share your experiences with him.

Action speaks louder than words. Communication does not always imply words, but even more, you need to show affection. Prevent yourself from nagging your child. Talk things out as peacefully as possible and as seriously as possible with a backrub to show him that he is loved in spite of his mistakes.

Set your own rules and relay them to your child with authority but with gentleness. Be firm in everything you say. If you restrict your child from watching TV until 7pm, be firm enough to shut it off. Joining him from not viewing TV will even strengthen your bonding moments.

Apply the reward system. If you see that your child is excelling in school, treat him in some way that you know he will enjoy. Make him feel that his deeds are appreciated. This way, your child will strive harder.

14. Healthy Hobbies to Share with your child

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Parent-Child Bonding Experience

What are the Essentials in Parent-Child Bonding?

How can a parent establish a harmonious relationship with her child? Generally speaking, love is the answer! Showing genuine love and affection will definitely bond your ties together!

Bonding experiences starts from the time when a mother conceives a baby in her womb. Since the baby is a product of genuine love of the parents, the tendency of the mother as well as the father, is to take care of their little one until he/she comes out.

As a mother, parent-child bonding in this case would be as simple as --feeding your baby, by means of feeding yourself with healthy foods and giving yourself with the right vitamins needed for the baby’s development.

Studies have proven that those children, who feel loved since birth, are the ones who possess exceptional kindness. Those children are also known to have extraordinary skills, talents and intelligence.

In general, the kind of parental upbringing determines the skills and interests of a child. A child learns how to play chess, when his parent trains him how to play chess. Obviously, one cannot do it, if he does not even know how to play it.

Bonding moments are very essential in child rearing. This keeps mother and child or father and child connection alive. It helps maintain an open communication in your family as well.

Whether you’re a single parent or not, find the best bonding experience and share it with your child. It can either be any hobby or any kind of endeavor. Just make sure that it would be enjoyable for both you and your kid!

How to Pick the Right Hobby

As a parent, you should know your kid’s likes and dislikes. You should be the one who knows his interests, skills and talents. However, you will not be able to recognize his interests if you do not discover it yourself.

What are the activities is your child fond of doing? Be watchful, vigilant, and sensitive. When you get the chance to discover his interests, try to get hold of it and slowly incorporate it in your learning so that when you already know how to do it, you can enjoy doing it together.

For example, if your child likes basketball and you don’t, you can learn how to play it. As you enjoy playing with your son, you’ll notice that your social relationship with him will grow stronger.

If your child is still in the stage of discovery, like a toddler, don’t restrict him of learning how to do the things you commonly do. If he sees you wiping the car, and he’s pretty curious of doing the same, allow him to join you, even if wiping takes such a long time to finish. Just make sure that your child won’t be too tired such as letting him do all the wiping.

What are Your Hobbies?

COOKING is a healthy hobby that can be shared with anyone. This is a good activity to share with your little girl. Get a copy of easy recipes and cook together. It will not only teach your child how to prepare some special food, but it will also be a memorable moment for her to cherish.

BASKETBALL is a very enjoyable sport for active people especially kids. If you are a father, you may grab that ball and shoot your way to the ring with your little boy.

WATCHING A MOVIE together is an excellent choice. However, you just have to be careful of the kind of movie you are going to watch. Make sure that it has no porno scenes and be aware of the dialogues of each character. When you watch a movie with your kid, better choose those wholesome ones.

FISHING is an outdoor activity that requires patience and skill. Sharing this hobby with your child will teach him patience as you enjoy the bountiful catch of yummy fishes in the pond!

Aside from these pleasurable activities, there are some other hobbies to share with your child. These are: swimming, badminton, camping, hunting and going to the spa. Whatever it is, always remember that you are doing it for the welfare of your beloved child.

Be an adventurer! Try new things together as a family. If it will cost you to hike or wall climb and you don’t know how -- learn how to discover it and enjoy it together.

As you follow these simple steps, you’ll see a remarkable difference. You will notice that your child becomes more confident in doing schoolwork. Eventually, you will reap the benefits of seeing your child succeed in his life.

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2011-05-01T20:35:00.001-07:00

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15. Don't Forget To Praise Your Child

2011-05-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

The Long-lasting Rewards of Encouragement: Don’t Forget to Praise Your Child!

How can we explain why there are kids who grow up lazy, timid, and very shy, with lots of insecurities and without self-respect? They grow up rude and don’t even respect elders including their parents as well.

How about those kids who lack intelligence? No matter what you do, you have already provided all the books that he need, enrolled him in a good school and tutored him almost everyday, but still he has no interest in education! Why is this?

If, for instance, you are a parent who experiences this kind of dilemma, maybe you should ask yourself why! Perhaps, the fault is in you! Examine your relationship with your child. Are your efforts enough? Maybe not!

Studies have shown that those kids who normally excel in school are those who experience an abounding love from their parents. They are the ones who are well disciplined in school, healthy and lively! They are friendly, playful, and obedient and know how to respect elders.

Parenting is a big factor by which children are molded the right way. However, different people have different ways of showing love and care. Some are very authoritative while some are not.

In parenting you should consider both being authoritative and gentle at the same time. As a parent, you should also learn how to be consistent in carrying out rules to your children. By this way, you’ll be able to inculcate in your child a sense of respect.

However, you need not always demonstrate a very strict attitude, to the point that your child becomes intimidated. It is also important that you let him practice his own authority over things. Just don’t forget to guide him. And whether he succeeds in his decisions or not, always praise him!

Regular praise and encouragement help a child develop self-esteem and confidence. These two factors determine why children succeed in whatever endeavor they are in, whether in academics, sports, music and arts.

As a parent, you feel so fulfilled when you see your child stand out, right? But, it is not a good reason to always push your child to excel in academics if he is not good at it. The best thing to do is continuous encouragement and guidance. Take note that not all kids have the same learning capacities.

One research about grade school students, who came from different socio-economic settings, showed that children do succeed in such activities if they are praised. This study has emphasized that praises would not only mean recognizing their ability and performance towards their work but also their efforts to do it.

As one psychologist quoted – when you only pay tribute to the achievements of your children without seeing their effort and eagerness, you’ll put them to eventual frustration when they fall short of doing well.

Always remember that kids feel a sense of belonging by how their parents communicate certain words and actions. They understand the relevance of doing their best by how the parents respond and react with their works. They also learn how to cooperate outside their homes as they experience some domestic responsibilities within the family.

How to Create a Competitive Child

Creating a competitive child is an enduring process included in the pursuit of good parenting. It is impossible to motivate and train a child overnight. Certain values and standards are understood and applied through the process of internalization and constant reminder. It is not bad to constantly remind your children about doing their homework, just don’t sound like you are nagging them.

A competitive child is determined by his or her self-esteem and confidence. You can say that your child is competitive when he or she genuinely believes in his or her capabilities. It will definitely show in his actions and responses.

Children usually acquire self-esteem from the influence of the parents. It can be genetically acquired or learned through training and education. If the parents don’t have confidence, there is a possibility that the children would not have it also. However, it can be developed through proper training, reminder and encouragement.

How can you promote confidence to your child? You can simply do this by letting him know that he belongs in the family. Showing unconditional love would assure him that he is part of the family.

Let him learn to do new things. Allow him to participate in some household chores. This way, he will learn how to contribute responsibly, thus will make him more confident when tasked to do things on his own.