Beyond the Fried

Sterile

2012-01-22T21:36:00.000-06:00

(Warning: This post may seem really insensitive to those of you experiencing primary or secondary infertility. I'm very sorry if you find it offensive. My goal is to express my feelings and not come across as a martyr.)

I can't have any more children.

Paul and I had always planned to have two children, and since the complications I had with David have a high rate of recurrence, the decision to make him our last child was something about which we were quite sure.

And yet, when the nurse called to schedule my C-section and tubal ligation last year, I flinched.

"And I have you down for a sterilization. Is that correct?" she asked.

A sterilization? Really? I mean, I guess that's what it is, but ick. Tubal ligation is a phrase with which I am comfortable. It's a term for a medical procedure with very little other connotation. But "sterilization" makes me think of Nazis and eugenics.

But I did have a tubal ligation, and now I guess I am "sterile."

In the weeks before David's birth and my surgery, I mourned this loss of reproductive ability. I would never tell any woman that her value is based on her ability to produce children, and yet I felt that a vital part of me was being taken away, even though I never planned to use it again.

Even when David was a few months old, I occasionally found myself crying when I reflected that he would be my last baby. Of course I didn't want to re-live the anguish of bed rest and an endangered pregnancy, but in my hormonal state I would gaze at the sleeping bundle on my chest and long for six more.

Now that my last baby is growing into a toddler, I am finding a bit of peace. For one thing, those hormones are losing their hold.

Yet I do find myself grasping at David's babyhood a bit, unwilling to let it go. I never was the type with Ian to fret as he grew bigger -- I enjoyed each new development and very much lived in the moment. But with David, I do sigh a little as I see him growing up.

And yet I am also ready to move on. I'm excited to know that I don't have to worry about maternity clothes ever again. I'm looking forward to starting Ian in Mothers' Day Out next year and David in a couple of years and one day -- gasp! -- finding myself with free time. And I am already enjoying having two boys who sleep through the night (some of the time).

So while medically I may be considered sterile, personally I find this to be a very fertile time of life, a time for lots of exciting new things.

But I do miss squishy, new babies. So if you have one that needs holding, let me know.

About a Year Ago....

2012-01-18T22:55:00.000-06:00

So now that David is one year old, it's time to blog his birth story, right?

I blogged a lot about being pregnant with David, since it was rather eventful (and yet not eventful at all, you know?). But I realized the other day that I never blogged his birth story. I wrote down Ian's story a few months after he was born, and I want David to have the same record of his entry into this world.

So at the end of 2010, Paul and I were kinda hoping David would decide to make his appearance early. I was eager to be off of bed rest and meet my little guy, and -- quite honestly -- we thought it would be nice financially, since we had already met our insurance deductible. Of course, our OB kindly reminded us that even at 37 weeks a baby really needs more development for optimal nursing and breathing (you know, if you care about that kinda thing). So we waited patiently. -ish.

Cut to the weekend before my C-section -- January 8 and 9. Oh joy, a snowstorm was forecast for the night before David was to be delivered. So we began the debate about whether or not to believe Nashville's meteorologists and reserve a hotel room near the hospital so I could get there by 6am Monday. Despite feeling a bit silly for worrying too much, I decided to play it safe and plan to spend the night two blocks from the hospital. If it didn't snow, I would feel silly. Oh, well. If it did snow, I would still be able to deliver David on time.

Paul's parents graciously agreed to spend the night with Ian so we could go to the hotel. That was another big relief, because even if we could get to the hospital I was worried that no one would be able to get to our house to watch Ian. My parents also got a room a the hotel so they could be at the hospital with us the next day.

So with Ian safely in the care of his grandparents, Paul and I headed to downtown Nashville. We decided to make a mini-date out of it, since I had barely been out of the house for five months. We grabbed a quick bite to eat near our hotel at Cafe Coco, where we felt waaaay out of place amongst the college crowd. This was a momentous occasion, as it was at that point we decided to change David's middle name from Alexander to Andrew. No particular reason, we just liked it better. We then headed back to the hotel to try to get some sleep before our 5am alarms.

Up until that night, I had just been relieved that David was safe and viable. But once I was so close to the operation, I started freaking out a little.

"Oh my gosh! They are going to cut me open! Again! And needles! And tubes! And aaaaaah! Why did I do this again?!"

You know, that sort of thing. Yeah, sleep did not come easily that night. However, I did eventually sleep some. And when I woke up, I saw this out the window:

Yeah, good call on the hotel.

We drove slooooowly to the hospital and got there for my 6am check-in. I felt like the only patient in the hospital at that point. We had to go to a cubicle-filled office area to get registered (despite pre-registering -- weird), and it seemed like we were signing up for insurance or something as opposed to having a baby.

After lots of paperwork, Paul and I headed to a room where several nurses got to experience the joy of my rolling, tiny veins. I think they stuck me four times before they were able to draw blood and get an i.v. started. I was brave for those four sticks, but when they came back to draw MORE blood because they did it incorrectly the first time, I started shaking and crying. I was so embarrassed, but y'all, I don't do needles.

After hanging out for some time in the antepartum room, during which time Paul and I participated in a loving tradition known as "distraction ourselves with our smartphones because we are really nervous," I finally was taken to an operating room for a spinal block and surgical prep. I was still really scared and nervous, but the prep team helped me feel a lot better, as did the random soft rock playing through the room speakers.

As they were preparing my anathesia, I heard the nurses asking each other if my OB was there yet. Um, oops. I was so worried about whether or not I could get to the hospital that I didn't think about whether my doctor could get there. They assured me he was on his way and would be there in a few minutes.

The rest of my time in the operating room was a blur. Paul came in at some point to sit with me, and of course the OB arrived. I remember asking him if his drive was okay, and I remember him double checking that I wanted a tubal ligation after the C-section. A wonderful nurse anesthetist kept me talking and sane and also kept covering me in warm blankets, which was a blessing in that freezing room. During our conversations, we discovered that we had a friend in common.

Once the c-section began, only a few minutes passed until I heard the wonderful and angry cry of my sweet David. They took him over to the isolette to begin examining him and cleaning him. Paul watched him for awhile, and then he came over to let me know about David's birthmark. The staff pediatrician came to examine David to make sure that his spinal cord wasn't exposed and happily found that there were no urgent issues.

And then.....THEN.....

You guys....

They wrapped up my baby and placed him on my chest.

It was beautiful. I cried. I was so happy.

I had a hand on David, and Paul supported him so that he was snuggled close to me.

That meant so much to me. With Ian's birth, he and I had been separated for hours after the operation, and I still mourn that to this day. To be able to hold David while I was still in the operating room, while they were finishing the surgery....amazing. What a gift.

After my surgery I was wheeled back to the antepartum room, while Paul followed David to the nursery (he stayed with David the whole time to make sure he was never alone -- so sweet!). After about 45 minutes David and I were both wheeled to the room that would be our home for the next few days. We got to see Grammy and Papaw, Granddaddy and Grandmamma, and Uncle Matt. Paul went home to get Ian so he could welcome his baby brother into the world. A very curious and excited Ian said hi to David and then eagerly showed me the car and bridge set that was his "big brother" gift from Grandmamma.

The hospital where I delivered encouraged lots of "skin to skin" time between baby and mommy, so we spent much of the next few days snuggled up together. Paul spent the night with us sometimes, and Grammy took some night shifts as well so Paul could go home to be with Ian.

And then on the morning of our checkout, off we went bright and early to get David's ultrasound at Vanderbilt, this beginning the next part of our journey....

One

2012-01-16T21:33:00.002-06:00

Who has two front teeth and turned one last week?

THIS GUY.

Actually, he has five teeth, all of which have broken through his gums in the last six weeks. Ouch.

Yes, our little David is one, and he has quickly moved from babyhood to toddlerness. He is starting to pull up everywhere he can, and he uses a fast, one-legged crawl to escape from Mommy's sight.

David loves to mimic sounds, especially any loud, silly noises made by his big brother. He says "Daddy," "Bye-bye," "Uh-oh," and "Thank you" pretty regularly in context, which is adorably cute (as are all things that he does, I think).

David's favorite games are "Pass the David," which involves him being passed back and forth between two relatives, and "Roll the Ball," for which Daddy and Ian usually are willing participants. Just this last week he developed some major catching, throwing, and rolling skills with his favorite ball. He also likes to improvise his own hockey set involving an ice cream scoop or cooking spoon and a block.

Music is a favorite, and upbeat songs (be they Mozart or Guaraldi) often are cause for much head bopping and arm waving and joyous dancing in general. The kitty cat is another favorite -- David has managed to pet her several times with no blood drawn. One of David's favorite toys is his car set, where he will slide cars down a ramp over and over again for as long as we will let him.

David is tall and skinny for his age, and he is developing quite the mullet. His hair is straight and silky like his daddy's, and it grows so fast that I've been caught unprepared and keep forgetting to cut it. He has a cuddly disposition, although more and more he wants to leave the comfort of Mommy's arms for playtime.

He is a sweet, fun boy, and I am so glad he has added to our family! Happy birthday, sweet David!

Expectant Tribe

2012-01-04T13:48:00.001-06:00

Why do women feel the need to share their pregnancy and birth trials and struggles with women who are currently expecting? I had it happen to me, and I promised that I would never to do it someone else. Yet a few weeks ago, I found myself having a conversation with some new friends at a girls' night out:

Me: Yes, I'm really excited to be having a night out. I was stuck on bed rest last year, and I STILL feel like I'm trying to find my social life.

Friend #1: Wow, you were on bed rest? For how long?

Me: Five months! We thought we were going to lose my little guy at 17 weeks, but he made it!

Friend #1: Yeah, that's so hard. I was told at 30 weeks that my baby wouldn't live due to a heart defect. Happily, we found a wonderful doctor at Vanderbilt who was able to repair the heart defect, and now my son is doing great!

Me: Yes, Vanderbilt is wonderful. We spent some time there when David had spinal surgery at 5 months.

Suddenly, Friend #1 and I become aware that Friend #2 is just looking at us with very wide eyes. And a very pregnant belly.

Me: Um, but of course YOUR pregnancy will be just fine!

Friend #1: Yes! I mean, stuff like that is pretty rare.....

And we trail off awkwardly and try to think of something else to say.....

I remember attending a party when I was expecting my first child. The hostess introduced me to one of her friends-- "And this is Jennifer! She had her baby on the Woodland Street Bridge!"

Yes, just what I needed to hear.

I really feel like we have this deep, female impulse to share these stories. Perhaps they somehow serve to strengthen us as we prepare for a trial of endurance. Perhaps they assure us that even if our babies have surgeries or are born on the side of the road, life will be okay, one way or the other. Or maybe these trials become such an important part of our lives that to share them is to share a vital part of ourselves with our friends.

So, my expectant friends, I will try to keep my mouth shut around you. But if I share a few too many details, just know I can't help it. And besides, YOUR pregnancy will be just fine.

Ian's Greatest Hits

2011-12-09T23:00:00.001-06:00

"The Star-Spangled Banner"

Oh, say, can you see?
By the dawn's early light,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me,
The Bible will keep him so.

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merry, merry, merry,
Life is but again.

"Where is Thumbkin?"

Where is Thumbkin, Where is Thumbkin?
Here I am!
How are you doing today? How are you doing today?
Run away! Run away!

Of course, he sings the chorus of "The Hockey Song" perfectly.

Curls - Kickin' It Old School

2011-11-19T11:14:00.001-06:00

When the kids and I were invited to a Halloween brunch, I decided to make a half-hearted attempt at a Regency Era (Pride and Prejudice) costume. I wore a gray maxi dress with a black shrug and some lace-up boots. However, I knew that to really make the costume, I needed Regency ringlets.

So I did some searching and found this tutorial to make the ringlets using rags. Love it! I'm a big fan of styling without heat and an even bigger fan of a curling method I can do at night while the kids are asleep. So I wrapped my hair and slept on it for a few hours, and here's the result:

Yay!
The curls are actually a lot tighter than I meant for them to be. I think they look a little more Federalist or Victorian

Later in the day I decided to comb out the curls with my fingers. I absolutely loved that effect. I'll probably use it the next time I dress up as Elizabeth Bennett.....you know, next week or whatever.

I'm definitely becoming a fan of old-fashioned styling, using pins and rags to curl my hair rather than heat. I created some pin curls for a photo shoot this summer, and I had lots of fun with that style.

Photo by Paul Nicholson

I used these tutorials, which were very helpful. Recently I bought a vintage silk scarf to wrap my hair at bedtime so I get a frizz-free style.

I think my grandmothers would be proud.

Shhhhh, I escaped

2011-11-10T16:02:00.001-06:00

Don't tell anyone, but I escaped. After another week of the entire household being sick, I broke free and ran away. Joined the circus. Found my bliss.

Okay, so maybe I'm sitting at a coffee shop 5 minutes away from my house while the kids' grandmother watches them, but it sure feels like freedom. And this arctic mint hot chocolate I'm sipping doesn't hurt. (Seriously, East Nashville, have you seen Sip's menu of hot chocolates from around the world? Yum!)

Product Review: Burt's Bees for Sensitive Skin

2011-11-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

My latest fun find as a Bzz Agent is Burt's Bees Natural Skin Solutions for Sensitive Skin (whew! what a mouthful!). BzzAgent.com sent me a full size Daily Cleanser and Daily Moisturizer to try and review. And what can I say? I love it.

I usually like the items I try for Bzz Campaigns (although honestly, there have been a couple of stinkers lately that I didn't even want to blog about). However, it's rare that I find a product I would recommend to almost anyone, a product that I plan to continue to buy long after the campaign is done.

I have long been looking for a skin cleanser that works well and is good for me and for the environment. So many cosmetics these days are filled with icky ingredients. I tried some popular organic skin care lines only to end up with dry or sticky (eek!) skin. I had settled on a locally made skin serum that worked fairly well, but I still found my daily skin regimen a chore.

Enter Burt's Bees. I was excited to try the Sensitive Skin line because I have skin that turns red if I even think about going into the sun or wearing a wool scarf. Plus I find myself wearing more makeup now that I am in my thirties, and I need a gentle way to cleanse my skin every night.

The first thing that hit me about the cleanser and moisturizer was the delicious smell......a wonderful minty-fresh fragrance that feels clean and invigorating. The products are considered fragrance-free, but the ingredients combine into a wonderful smell. Then I found that the cleanser did a terrific job of removing my makeup with just gentle motions on my part. After cleaning, my face felt smooth but not tight. Finally, the moisturizing lotion felt creamy and luxurious without feeling greasy. All in all, I had such a positive experience with the products that I now look forward to cleaning my face every night (whereas I used to be --gulp -- an occasional wear-makeup-to-bed girl).

The best part for me is that the Burt's Bees Sensitive line has no parabens, pthalates, or petrochemicals, which means the products are better for the environment and better for me. I'm not going to claim these products are environmentally perfect, but I love seeing a mainstream brand be so committed to being truly healthy
.
A+++, Burt's Bees.

Mommy as a Milkshake (Not a TMI Post)

2011-10-31T21:54:00.002-05:00

Last week I read a remarkable post on Femina that gave a terrific description of life as a mom. The image of my energy levels as a milkshake quickly being drained by the kiddos is exactly how I feel many days. Check it out.

Lindsay at Suburban Turmoil recently posted a story that made me smile, especially as a mom of boys.

And finally, some old links that I am just getting around to sharing -- Last summer, Adam McHugh hosted a series of guest bloggers examining the task of parenting as an introvert.

Where You'll Find Me...

2011-10-28T22:45:00.000-05:00

http://www.pinterest.com/clarasax

If you don't hear from me for two weeks, you'll know why.

How I Save

2011-10-26T22:09:00.004-05:00

A few of my MOMS Club friends mentioned that I'm always getting free samples and coupons, and they asked me to write down some of my favorite sites for these deals. I wrote a post for that group, and I thought maybe some of y'all would be interested in it as well.

For couponing, I use SouthernSavers.com and FaithfulProvisions.com. They list store sales every week plus coupon matchups. Basically, they do all the work except clipping the coupons! Both sites have Couponing 101 sections to teach the basics of sale shopping.

For samples, I use BzzAgent.com. When you sign up to be a BzzAgent and fill out surveys about your lifestyle, they'll send you products to try. The idea is that you try the products and share your honest opinion about them. It's called word of mouth marketing. In the past three years, I've sampled makeup, gum, virus protection software, and even a smartphone!

A new site I just joined for samples is CrowdTap. On that site you answer various market research questions for certain brands, and you can earn points and cash for answers and activities. Some brands will even send you samples to try -- several people got Old Navy jeans for free. I just joined this one last week, so I don't know as much about it. I am having tons of fun answering the questions, though; I find it's a great activity for when I'm nursing David in the middle of the night. P.S. - If you use this link to join, I get extra points! http://bit.ly/phVo2g

Finally, I love using Ebates whenever I do my online holiday shopping. Stores offer cash back for every purchase you make. I bought a washer and dryer online thorugh Home Depot last year, and I earned $80 back! I get extra cash for each of you that join through my link, so that's cool. Oh, and whenever I shop online through Ebates, I also check RetailMeNot.com for coupons I can use at check out.

Anyway, those are my secret sites! If you have any questions about couponing or sampling, just let me know. I would be happy to answer!

Milestones

2011-10-23T04:40:00.001-05:00

I forgot to mention -
Just before David turned 8 months old, this happened:

Sitting up on his own! Hurray! He's a pro at it now.

Still no crawling, but lots of rolling and spinning around on his tummy. Our pediatrician noted some low muscle tone in David's legs at his 9-month check-up, so we're doing lots of standing practice to help those legs get stronger. Sometimes this involves lots of time in the exersaucer, and sometimes it means a dance party while being supported by Mommy or Daddy!

I'm definitely grateful for both of my healthy boys. They are learning to play and laugh together, which is one of the most amazing things to experience. We have a lot of silly in our house these days.

Need

2011-10-05T21:22:00.000-05:00

Thanks to babysitting grandparents, Paul and I had a date night on Saturday. With the kids sick all week, I definitely needed a break and some time out of the house. However, I had picked up the cold as well, and I resembled a zombie instead of a fun date.

First we stopped by Celebrate Nashville for some dinner. I grabbed some Greek food, planning to get a tasty chocolate dessert on my way out of the festival. After all, a sick girl needs her chocolate to survive the evening. I was considering Maggie's Mobile Slab, but they didn't have the brownie sundae for which I was pining. A search of food stands turned up no acceptable chocolate at all.

We decided to head to our next destination, Bridgestone Arena for the Predators game. After a fruitless search through the concourse for brownies (cookies just weren't going to cut it), Paul brilliantly suggested we hit the Patron Platinum Club and sit down for a nice dessert during the first period. (Let me make sure he gets full credit for this -- he was willing to MISS PART OF THE HOCKEY GAME to make sure I got my brownie.) Unfortunately, the club is now a all-you-can-eat buffet, with no a la carte dessert option. It sounded great for another time but didn't fit our purposes. We walked around both club levels in a fruitless (brownie-less?) search for something to fill my craving.

Giving up, I decided that chocolate frozen yogurt with M&Ms sprinkled on top was going to be my best bet. Paul and I headed up to the 300-level and grabbed a gargantuan cup of chocolate yogurt. I took the yogurt, turned around, and came face-to-face with the BROWNIE CART OF AWESOME.

"OH, NO! THEY HAVE BROWNIES!" I shrieked. The guys running the cart weren't sure if they should laugh or run away.

After a quick detour to grab cash from the ATM, I returned to claim my brownie prize...only to discover they also had hot chocolate! and fruit smoothies! Best Bridgestone Arena concession stand ever! I went for 2 out of 3 and grabbed a brownie and hot chocolate. The smoothie would have to wait until next time.

I thought I would be sending Paul and Ian to most of the hockey games this year while I stayed home with David. But now that I've found my friends at the brownie cart? We'll just have to see about that....

(No, I don't get out much. Why do you ask?)

Sick Week

2011-10-02T20:03:00.001-05:00

The kids had their regularly scheduled cold viruses last week, so we were stuck at home every day. Lots of Yo Gabba Gabba, reading, and snuggles kept us occupied for awhile, but by Friday we were all a bit stir-crazy.

Ian took the craziness to new levels, announcing to me, "I'm going to hit David."

I looked at him in surprise. "What? Ian, why do you want to hit David?" I was glad that David was safely napping upstairs.

"Daddy will take him to the doctor. And Ian, and Mommy, and Daddy, and David."

"But why do you want to hit him? Are you mad at him?" I asked.

"Because Daddy will have to take him to the doctor. And Ian, and Mommy, and Daddy," he replied.

Realization dawning, I probed, "Ian, do you want David to go to the doctor because you're bored and want to go somewhere?"

"Yeah!" he replied.

I carefully explained why we don't hit people, and Ian and I discussed some other things to do if we're bored or agree. "You know, buddy, if you get angry and feel like hitting someone, you can always hit something soft like a pillow or the couch. Since you're bored, would you like to color?"

"Mommy hit Ian, and Ian hit David, and Daddy take us to the doctor, everybody!"

Oh, dear. This wasn't going well.

"Ian, honey, please don't say that I hit you. I mean, if I ever DO hit you, or if anyone hits you, it's important to tell someone. But if I DON'T hit you, then please don't tell people I did."

"Mommy hit me, and Daddy hit Mommy, and Ian hit David, and everybody in the car, go to doctor!"

I sighed in defeat. "Ian, would you like to go outside?"

"Yes!!!!" Ian exclaimed, and we played happily for the rest of the afternoon.

Ian has had several adventures this weekend, including trips to Celebrate Nashville and Hip Zipper, so we haven't had a return of the hitting conversation. But I can tell lots of discussion and Mister Rogers episodes are in our future. And hopefully, no more colds (heh, if only!).

2.5

2011-09-18T17:46:00.001-05:00

Parenting a toddler is hard. Two-and-a-half is turning out to be a particularly difficult age. My days are filled with shouts of "NO!" and "You go away!" and "Mine!" My entreaties to Ian imploring him to share or ask nicely or not play with electrical cords (!) are often met with stony silence and a glare. I'm left wondering if, despite my best efforts, I am raising a spoiled, mean child.

And then there are days like today.

Today I had a headache and vertigo that kept me confined to the bed for most of the afternoon. When Ian heard I was sick, he ran into the room and asked to climb onto the bed.

"Mommy, are you sick?" he asked, while petting my hair.

"Yes, I feel yucky," I replied.

"I love you sooooo much," he said. He laid next to me for a moment, but quickly sat up and proclaimed, "I'll be riiiiiight back."

A few minutes later Ian came running into the room and climbed onto the bed again. He started pulling on his shirt, and eventually he pulled out an ice cream scoop and started playing it like a clarinet. I burst into giggles despite my headache.

"Ian, would you sing the alphabet song for me?"

"Yeah! A B C D A F G, H I K K N N N O P, Q R S, T U V, W X, Y -- Z!!!!!!!!" He finished with a flourish, wagging his head as he sang the last letter. "Want me to sing it again?"

"Sure," I said.

"Did that help you feel better, Mommy?"

"Yes, it did," I replied.

I was treated to several more renditions of the alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star before Ian got called away to naptime by his daddy.

Yes, most days are very, very hard. But occasionally I get a beautiful reminder that my son is not mean or a brat. He's just two-and-a-half, an age of highs and lows, screams and snuggles, conflict and love.

Sick Day

2011-08-22T10:52:00.002-05:00

The kids are sick. AGAIN. David has a cough and runny nose and is very pitiful in general. Ian's nose is dripping as well, so I have a feeling the pitifulness is spreading.

I've lost count how many times the boys have been sick this year. I hate it, but I guess it comes with the territory of playgroups and Y nursery.

But all these sick days beg the question -- what on earth shall I do with two sick kids? How can I keep all of us from going crazy? Our various outings for fellowship and exercise keep us physically and mentally fit, and losing that during a sick week makes everybody a bit stir crazy.

Movies and cartoons are one option, especially when everybody is so sick that they want to be held and snuggled all day. Adding a living room tent to the mix can make that a bit more exciting option that requires at least a bit of imagination.

Ian feels well enough to play today, so while David is napping Ian is creating monkeys and stars with Play-Doh. I'm thinking once David wakes up we may have some marathon book-reading sessions.

Honestly, though, I'm dreading another week where both kids (and possibly both grown-ups) are sick.

How do you keep your brood occupied when sickness comes to call?

Caught a Good One

2011-08-21T22:39:00.001-05:00

On a recent Monday morning, Paul woke me up by bringing me waffles in bed. Two days later, he hit the East Nashville Farmers' Market and brought home a bounty of locally grown food. He used his purchases to create a five-star meal of sweet potato gnocchi with honey sage butter. The Saturday after that, he took our little family to the Tomato Art Fest, where he bought me organic, locally-grown flowers.

Yep, I caught a good husband.

Horn of Africa -- You Can Help

2011-08-14T12:19:00.001-05:00

You guys, things in East Africa are really, really bad. Drought has killed livestock and crops, causing a famine that is threatening millions of people in Somalia. Ethiopa and Kenya are severely affected as well. Some estimates say that up to 2 million children are at risk for starvation.

I cannot imagine not having enough food for my kids. I have never been unable to get the food that my family and I need. To think of watching my children die of malnourishment, unable to do anything......it's unspeakable.

Somalia is also facing a cholera epidemic due to poor sanitation.. The country's plight is magnified by the fact that militants control some of the hardest-hit areas, making it difficult for relief organizations to deliver help.

So I'm doing what I can. For me, this means praying for Africa and donating to World Vision's Horn of Africa Food Crisis Fund. Maybe you know of another organization that is taking action, or perhaps you can spread the word that these people need help NOW. I think everything we do, no matter how small, makes a difference.

What are your ideas for helping malnourished families in Africa?

Freedom!

2011-08-07T11:44:00.001-05:00

Guess who got his restrictions lifted last Monday?

Yep, Mister David has been given the all-clear by his neurosurgeon. We can now pick him up under his arms, give him a bath, and let him play in his bouncer. Paul and I are so much more relaxed when we hold him, and David is a happier, wigglier baby. I'm so grateful that the surgery and recovery went well.

We are still running into surprise issues here and there. Since David hadn't had a bath in six weeks, he wasn't very appreciative the first time I gave him one. Actually, he shrieked and screamed until I decided that a two-minute bath was a good enough start. Yesterday he still screamed at the beginning of bath time, but he settled down eventually and seemed to be adjusting a bit.

The exersaucer also hasn't been popular after six weeks of disuse. David has been crying when we set him in it, refusing to put his feet on the floor -- he bends his legs at the knees to hold his feet up. With lots of entertainment and reassurances from Mommy, Daddy, and Ian, he is gradually warming up to it. Yesterday afternoon he even did a bit of bouncing.

While he rolls over like a pro, David is still working on sitting up, since he spent several weeks mostly in a prone position. He'll get there, though.

Currently we have a follow-up appointment with the neurosurgeon in a year, when we can see how David is walking. There is a chance that David's spinal cord could retether, but the surgeon says he only sees that in about 10% of his cases. The biggest thing we'll need to watch is bladder issues as David gets to potty training age. Those are the nerves most likely to be damaged by the lipomeningocele. Since those issues won't become apparent for several years, for now I'll just enjoy my squeaky, happy baby.

The neurosurgeon did suggest using "common sense" when it comes to sports and perhaps steer David toward individual sports like swimming and track. Definitely no football, and no checking leagues for hockey (if David wants to play, goalie is probably the safest position for him). The combination of the congenital spinal defect plus the laminectomy as part of the surgery means that David's back is a little more vulnerable to injury. I feel petty saying this, but there is a part of me mourning those tiny limitations on David's activity. Part of the joy of childhood for me is all possibilities that exist for the future, and it's sad when any of those possibilities disappear, even if they were unlikely in the first place (NHL career, perhaps?). But overall, I am grateful that we are talking about limitations of sports, not limitations of mobility.

We've had a fun week having a healthy baby again.

The Hedonist

2011-07-14T23:32:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, while nursing my six-month-old early in the morning, I was enviously reading about the weekend plans of hip twentysomethings in my Twitter stream. "Breakfast at Crema, browsing at Grimey's, then the art stroll.......shop at Sephora, see a movie, then dinner with the girls.....Farmer's Market, then Porter Road Flea Market, then Jeni's Ice Creams...."

Gee, I thought. I guess that type of life no longer exists for me. I wish I had taken advantage of weekends and had that kind of fun before I had kids.

And then I realized I had heard that somewhere before.

Before I had kids, I was thinking, "Gee, I wish I had that kind of fun in college."

In college, I was thinking, "Gee, I wish I had that kind of fun in high school."

Suddenly, I saw my life stretched out before me. And the underlying theme? I wish I had more fun. Every age, every era was filled with unnecessary worry and stress, and I didn't realize until much later that the worry was swallowing up my potential, my life.

I've always been the serious, over-responsible type. But today, I'm resolving to have more fun. I'm not likely to lay down my prudish ways any time soon, but I hope I can look to live a lighter, freer life. I aspire to a life of trusting God's plan intrinsically and enjoying His Creation. A life where I rest in His beautiful gift of Grace and teach my children that every day is a celebration of Our Savior. A life of dancing, community, love, forgiveness, faith, and freedom.

And maybe, if I'm really brave, I'll even take my kids to a coffee shop.

Fish = Blegh

2011-07-07T23:02:00.001-05:00

Husband: Ah! Smoked Salmon! That will make firing up the grill for hamburgers worth it.

Me: Are you going to buy a separate grill for the salmon?

MedSquare

2011-07-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

I think we need a social media game for moms of kids with special needs where we can unlock achievements and mayorships a la Foursquare.

Badges I've earned:

-ER Trip
-Shared Bathroom (spending the night in a hospital room where you have to share the bathroom with your neighbor).
-MASH Unit (holding your child when blood is spurting everywhere)

I know Nancy, Mollie, and Bethany would have a few badges to add as well. Maybe Ambulance Ride and Preemie Pride. Ooh, and a special badge for having five doctor appointments in one week.

Just for the record, I am totally the mayor of Bed Rest!

ModCloth Madness

2011-07-01T23:42:00.002-05:00

I love, love, love ModCloth. Their clothes are so retro and fun. I wish I had know about them when I was working in the corporate world; I would have stocked my closet with their dresses and blouses!

This is my current obsession from ModCloth:

Isn't that a fantastic swimsuit? It's a perennial shopper favorite on the site. A friend of mine got one a couple of years ago, and I've been thinking about getting one ever since. They are normally $90, and I just can't make myself pay that for a swimsuit. However, this weekend they are on sale for just under $60 (it's a super secret sale only available to newsletter subscribers). Hmmm....tempting, tempting. I have until Monday to decide, unless they go out of stock (which is entirely possible).

My other modcloth fave is this dress:

It pretty much stays out of stock 75% of the time, so I have to be fast if I ever give in and order it. If I had this dress, I think I could bake the world's best apple pie.

So can you resist the ModCloth madness?

Post Surgery

2011-07-01T23:31:00.000-05:00

Hello, me lovelies.

So sorry I haven't written in a couple of weeks. As you can imagine, life has been a bit hectic.

I am overjoyed to report that David's surgery went very, very well. We were happy and relieved to see him kicking and trying to roll over just a few hours after surgery (it would have been sooner, but he woke up so quickly after the operation that they had to sedate him again -- he's a feisty one, he is).

David, the day after his surgery.

The hospital was so overcrowded that we didn't have a "real" patient room -- we had to stay in a small recovery room and share a bathroom with the patient next door. It really wasn't a bad experience, though. The nurses and medical staff were absolutely wonderful and really helped us sail through everything.

The surgery went so well that the doctors offered to let us go home after only one night instead of two. Being a bit nervous about taking home a baby with a giant incision down his back, I decided to stay the extra night. That turned out to be a good thing -- David was allergic to the pain medicine they originally gave him and vomited all of it, so we needed a few extra hours to get that sorted. The second night David managed to kick out his iv (feisty!), which involved a few seconds of blood, drama, and Mommy trying not to pass out. But all in all things went incredibly well.

Last night we made a return trip to the hospital because I found some sort of fluid on David's sleep sack after his nap, fluid that lined up with his incision. The neurosurgeon's office urged us to go to the emergency room so David could be examined. The doctors and nurses thought the incision looked fine, but neurosurgery decided to admit David for overnight observation just in case. Any leakage from spinal surgery has the potential to be spinal fluid, which is a very bad thing to have leaking.

David got a clean bill of health this morning, and we got to come home. I felt kinda silly about taking him to the ER, but the doctors assured me that I did the right thing. We still don't know if the fluid I saw was sweat, a leaky diaper, or a spinal leak that stopped, but I am thankful that David is healthy and happy. And hey, we did get to stay in a normal room last night, so I got the true children's hospital experience. It was nice!

I do have some sadness and stress post-surgery. I'm really relieved that it is over, but the recovery is much harder than I thought it would be. Honestly, I was expecting a one- or two-inch incision that would be no big deal and a baby I could tote around to playgroups and activities after just a few days. David actually has a rather large, 5-inch incision, and he has several restrictions on his activities. We can't lift him under his arms, give him a bath, send him to a church/Y nursery, or put him in his exersaucer for six weeks. We can't lift his legs when changing his diaper; instead, we have to roll him over.

I'm sad for David that he had to endure such major surgery (although I am thankful it exists!), and I'm sad for Ian and me that we can't quite resume our normal lives yet. I thought post-surgery life would be a stress-free time when I could resume an exercise routine, take the boys to play with friends, and explore our community. It's just a few, short weeks in the grand scheme of things, but the restrictions hit me pretty hard because I wasn't expecting them.

Anyway, that's where we are right now. A bit isolated, a bit crazy, very tired, and very thankful.

The Pre-Surgery Post

2011-06-20T22:42:00.004-05:00

Picture courtesy of Nicholson Photography.

Less than 36 hours until David's surgery, and I'm definitely starting to freak out a little bit. Our little household is trying to function as normally as possible, but the strain is almost palpable at times. Until the last few days, I've dealt with the upcoming surgery largely by ignoring it. Honestly, that's worked well for me. I can't change anything by worrying about the surgery, so when it crops up in my thoughts I say a prayer and try to focus on being mentally present with David and Ian. Yesterday and today, though, I've been facing the reality of what's coming, sharing my hopes and fears (okay, mostly my fears) with those around me. As much as I don't want to think about these fears, stating them out loud -- fears of death, paralysis, etc. -- lessens their hold on me.

To help me wrap my mind around the surgery a little bit more, I reached out to some friends who also have had young children go through surgery or illness. These friends offered some wonderful thoughts on their own experiences, and I would like to share them with you.

Lori prepared for her baby's surgery by talking with other parents with similar experiences. She also took before and after pictures that she gave to the doctor as a gift and a testament to the success of the surgery.
Tara says to be prepared emotionally for the surgery to be delayed if the schedule is running slow that day, and take some toys to distract the little one while waiting for the surgery. A nurse practitioner friend also mentioned that surgeries are sometimes delayed a couple of hours.
Being informed helps Mark when his son goes through procedures. He recommends talking to the doctors to find out exactly what they will be doing, how long it will take, and what will happen if any complications arise. He also recommends finding out what we'll see when David is in recovery as far as ivs, monitors, etc. Mark says, "Tubes and wires and whatnot aren't so bad when you know they're going to be there!" Mark also says the surgeries ALWAYS take longer than they say, so don't panic when that happens. (Tara confirms that one, too.)
To stay calm during the surgery, my friend Mollie recommends saying a prayer and then getting lost in some escape fiction. Chris chose to snuggle his daughter's toy elephant and not fight the tears.
After the surgery, Lori focused on comforting her baby as much as possible with snuggling, holding, and singing. Tara found it difficult to hold her baby because she had an epidural and lots of tubes, but the nurses brought a big hospital bed so Tara could snuggle her and help her sleep.
Tara also recommends being straightforward with questions and concerns, since the doctors and nurses are there to help!
Packing recommendations from everybody: phone chargers, good toilet paper, David's favorite toys, pillows, books/movies/CDs (anything to keep us occupied), snacks, toiletries, Bible, comfy jammies.

I definitely feel better having heard from so many of you about your experiences. Thank you for so honestly sharing your success stories, your fears, your regrets, and your wisdom.

If you, dear readers, have more experiences to share, I would love to hear about them in the comments!