Business Traveler's Dictionary

Air Arching

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:51:00 +0000

-verb

The act of assuming the position to relieve yourself, if you are male, in the restroom on a modern day aircraft to properly hit the target. Depending on your height, this can be an extreme challenge, if you want to keep from pissing all over the front of your pants. For men above 6'6" the arch angle is impossible to achieve without opening the restroom door.

Usage: I was air arching during turbulence, and threw out my back.

Air Princess

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 13:34:00 +0000

-noun

Ah, the princess of the air. A late 20's attractive female that walks down the isle with a designer roller bag being dragged behind (way beyond size limit) banging into everyone as she tries to stroll down the isle. Typically has a matching purse hanging from one arm, and a matching designer laptop bag hanging from the other. Will be talking on her iPhone at high decibel levels while hitting every person on the way down the isle to her seat. It usually takes the help of 2 grown men to jam her overstuffed roller into the overhead.

Usage: The air princess, deep in cellular conversation, paused at the isle entrance to her seat, oblivious to all behind her.

Seat Seeker

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 14:38:00 +0000

-noun

An individual who realizes the absolute and total importance of finding their perfectly exact place in the Southwest line (if you sense sarcasm here you are correct). They will stop at nothing, through coercion or interrogation, to find out if you are before or after them in the order. Typically will flash a smile of victory if they find out they are before you.

Usage: The tired business traveler ignored the Seat Seeker's relentless questioning.

Plasti-stew

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 17:56:00 +0000

-noun

A flight attendant, usually 50+ in years, that has had extreme plastic surgery, and or Botox, to try and stay young looking. This expressionless maven of the air can typically only move her lips, and you cannot tell if she is happy or sad.

Usage: The plasti-stew spoke over the intercom, and it seemed she was an expert ventriloquist as no part of her face moved.

Air Tease

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 17:50:00 +0000

-noun

A flight attendant that take a little too long demonstrating how to blow up your inflatable vest. This can be fairly disturbing if it is a male attendant (depending on your orientation of course).

Usage: The air tease gingerly grabbed the inflation tube, lovingly grasping it with her whole hand, locking eyes with me and demonstrating how to inflate.

Fat Strap

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:08:00 +0000

-noun

The dreaded seat belt extender. Almost always required for a side walker, or a double wide. There is typically one per airplane, and God help you if it is coming to your row.

Usage: Emma requested the fat strap, but she was so wedged between the two arm rests, even the most violent crash would not have dislodged her.

Double Wide

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 15:02:00 +0000

-noun

An individual that requires at least a seat and a half within an airplane row. This individual is usually a side walker as well, and typically requires a fat strap. This individual strikes fear into the hearts of even the common traveler, and can cause hours of anguish.

Usage: The double wide shook her head at me when i tried to put down the arm rest that would provide me safety.

Side Walker

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:47:00 +0000

-noun

Large individual who cannot walk straight down the isle, and must side step, thus slowing the whole boarding process. There are varying levels of side walker, from level 1 to 3. A level 3 side walker typically spans the entire isle, touching seats front and back, and instills absolute fear in all who have ever had one as a seat mate. Typically requires a fat strap, and can also be deemed a double wide.

Usage: The side walker's ass brushed my shoulder as she lumbered by.

Pole Position

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:31:00 +0000

-noun

The A1 ticket holder on a Southwest flight. Can be associated with a smarmy attitude, Levi's action slacks, a company willing to pay for Business Select, and the willingness to wait poised with mouse for two minutes before authorized online check-in. For some unusual reason, always held by a male traveler.

Usage: He swaggered to his pole position, standing in an elite pose, separate from the pack.

High Docker

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 04:52:00 +0000

-Noun

A syndrome associated with the wearing of Levi's Dockers by Southwest personnel. Shorts or pants pulled too high, usually 3-8 inches above the normal waistline. Usually induced in an attempt to make men's cotton khakis fit well on a woman. Can induce other syndromes, such as Camel Docker, or Cottage Docker.

Synonyms: Uncle Buck Syndrome, "The Melvin", "The Erkel"

Usage: The High Docker performed her safety spiel with great gusto, oblivious to the fact that her belt was in her arm pits.

Docker Violation

noreply@blogger.com (Steve) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 04:45:00 +0000

-noun or verb

The erroneous wearing of the most unflattering Levi's Docker shorts or pants that are two sizes too small for one's body. Typically associated with Southwest Airlines personnel. There are 3 separate degrees of violation, with 1 being the least heinous, and 3 being the most disturbing. Violations of level 2 and above can result in seam bursting with a slight bend over, and typically have one of the following associated syndromes as well:

High Docker

Docker Toe

Docker Cheese

Use: Kendra's refusal to buy a new pair of Dockers resulted in a Level 3 Docker Violation, and severe Docker Toe syndrome.