From the mouth of Kevin Stewart

2019-12-05T21:10:00.001-07:00

18 years, so many tears, so many fears.

I’ve now lived longer, without him.

Than I lived while he was alive.

Didn’t even get to teach me to drive.

I hope I’ve done him right.

I hope I’ve done him proud.

All I can say is I miss him, for cryin’ out loud.

I’ll keep on, moving forward.

I’ll keep my head skyward.

And live my life to its fullest.

Because that’s what we do.

Even when we don’t have a clue.

2018-10-03T17:11:00.001-07:00

Socks

In general life is short. We, often times, waste precious time on very useless, trivial pursuits. Be the excuse, vanity, tradition, or routine, unless the act of doing these things makes you happy, or better, you are missing minutes everyday. Minutes add to hours, then to days of wasted time.

An example I mostly refuse to waste time on, is making the bed. I loathe it. (unless it's fresh sheets, then it gets made up tight) it's pointless, the bed will bed will be messed again later on in the evening.... unless it's your job to make beds, and you're using gm it as extra practice to perfect your craft.... why? It helps in no other area of your life. 5 minutes wasted every day... it adds up.

I also don't match my socks. I match TYPES of socks, but if they do happen to be different colors, so be it. No one is gonna notice anyways.

It's not the act of not matching socks that makes me happy, I'm happy in NOT WORRYING about having mismatched socks, I'm happy in not wasting time making the bed.

Life in general is short, so why waste it doing the monotonous tasks that don't add value to it. Why not free up that time for activities that bring peace, and happiness to ones self? Free up time to enjoy the little, oft missed, wonders of life, wonders that are missed, as we're rushing around trying to find that pesky matching sock the dryer ate up.

2018-09-24T21:32:00.001-07:00

How many of us have excuses for things that can be accomplished, right where we are in life?

Mine is/was my garage. I have project vehicles that I have BIG plans for.... and until tonight, I'd used my dirty garage, that a can't/couldn't fathom fitting a vehicle into, let alone work on and around it. It was a maze, of Christmas decoration boxes, boxes of baby clothes, power tools and tool carts, an air tank for a future air compressor... etc etc...

Remember Tetris? (Of course you remember Tetris) Sometimes our lives need a little Tetris to rearrange what we have RIGHT IN FRONT of us, so that we can kick ourselves in the butt. So that we can begin moving forward again. That was my garage, but what is it for you??

Theodore Roosevelt said "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

So play a little Tetris with what is right in front of you. Baby steps. But you can move forward a day at a time, but forward.

2018-09-17T12:34:00.001-07:00

I saw the above meme the other day. It's unfortunate how true this message rings.

Depression isn't an On or Off type of symptom. (I'm not saying depression is like autism don't take it there) Like autism, I believe depression is a spectrum... there's "I don't have enough cash to go to lunch today" depression, to "I'm miserable and feel useless goodbye cruel world" depression.

There's a wide variety of issues that can lead a man into the rabbit hole of depression, but in today's societal standards men aren't "allowed" to talk about it. Sure we have to deal with the repercussions of the events leading to it, but we cannot express how much the situation grinds our gears, wears us down, and breaks us apart. We HAVE to be the head of house, the team leader. We have the broad shoulders to carry the weight, because we're MEN, that's what we do.

It's a double edged sword society has put in our hands, because they want us to keep moving on in the midst of the issues we bear, and when it all comes raining down, so much that we cannot fathom taking anymore, we explode outwardly, with anger or violence, we're labeled dangerous, with our "toxic masculinity" another label slapped across our faces. Or we implode, ending things the only way we have figured, the only option we feel we have left, suicide. Then we're labeled selfish, and rhetorically asked "why wouldn't he talk to us"

So dudes and dudettes..... STOP.... stop teaching your boys societal norms that are so dangerous to us. And START talking about stuff that ails you. Be open from when your children are young, and teach them that it's ok to open up. Society doesn't give a single crap about YOUR feelings, so take that in consideration when restraints are put on you, that they won't accept themselves.

Cuffing Season

2018-09-15T11:13:00.001-07:00

Romance in the air.
Im not gonna lie, when two of my friends "find" each other romantically I KNOW it's gonna get weird eventually... people change when the love chemistry destroys their brains, so I came up with this a few years ago.

Bubba's relationship coverage clause:

Bottom line, I don't want the "matchmaker" responsibility he/she is cool, yeah.

HOWEVER

I make no warranty written or expressed on romances that may, or may not occur.

Nor do I accept responsibility of either party's douchbaggery obliging me to pick sides in the case of an argument.

It never works though.... things go to crap with one or the other person, because they've let their emotions ruin the whole experience, and everyone in the equation. Instead of acting like an adult, and hashing things out, or re-visiting the clause, friendships end...
It's no wonder we haven't found world peace yet, we can't even find peace amongst our peers.

2018-09-12T16:17:00.001-07:00

You deserve to be loved for who you are. Don't ever let other people make you feel like you aren't good enough.We are all deserving of love, Let no one convince you otherwise.

Create

2018-09-10T23:19:00.001-07:00

"They" say to write everyday, even if you think it's trash, get it down. "They" are professional writers, teachers, mentors, "they" can also be friends that enjoy your down to earth writings.
I enjoy sharing my thoughts with friends, family, colleagues, and internet folks. I imagine that MAYBE my ramblings might help someone through a similar situation, that brought me to my writings.

I don't know.

It's hard however, to keep writing things to share.... If I can't seem to place if the sharing is going anywhere.... what's the point? The internet (in general) will share a quote, with ANY famous person's name attached to it, but not their friends'. They won't bat an eye dropping stacks of dough in ANY big name celeb's product, but balk at their friends' creative wears, art, skills, or services.... it's hard to be a creator, when peoples' attention span is shorter than a match lighting.

But maybe the creators don't necessarily don't do it for the recognition... it's nice to be recognized. Rewarding, and wonderful as that may be, creating things, be it thoughts written down, or a more physical product, is all together, the real reward. No one can take away the fact we created SOMETHING.

If you're a creator, of ANYTHING, utilize your skills often. Keep that creativity alive, because that may be the spark you need, to keep your soulfire burning. That's what people will notice, that what will make a difference in the world.

Faster

2017-12-10T00:34:00.000-07:00

I sat and listened to my guts gurgle, like mad, and before I started fasting, I would have taken that as a sign that I was hungry. Most people don't realize, that often when you "feel hungry" you're simply thirsty. There have been a bunch of realizations I have stumbled across since starting intermittent fasting, real eye openers... i DON'T need to eat all the time, I WON'T slow my metabolism by NOT eating. The Hanger ISN'T real (it's in your head)... are just a few.

I've been at it right at a month now. Intermittent fasting. 19:5. Fast5. Whatever a person calls it, I'm not eating all day, every day anymore, and it's wonderful. Monday-Saturday I do the 19:5. That is 19 hours fasting, then a 5 hour window in which I can eat. The normal schedule is 3p-8p is my eating window, the rest of the time is simple clean fasting. Water, tea, and coffee, (all unsweetened) are my drinks of choice, and I'll have a zero calorie,  Pickle Ice midday to keep my electrolytes up. The Sun->Mon fast is at least 24 hours. as I'll eat a lunch at 12p-1p ish but then nothing again after lunch until Monday's window opens back up at 3pm.

This all started thanks to Eric at the Dad Bod Project  over on the Bookface. We were in a different group together, and he shared his YouTube channel about his lifestyle changes to make sure he would be healthy for his kiddos. I watched, and at first I was dumbfounded by not eating for any amount of time.... I mean it went against every single thing I'd been taught since I started paying attention, and trying to actively lose weight.... "this is crazy, I could never do that... it wouldn't work anyways" all things that ran through my mind...

Like I eluded to in the last post, I jumped in, right in the deep end of the Intermittent fasting life, and I haven't looked back. A month in... what's changed?? What hasn't changed??

Since my last post what's the same... I'm still not tired. Lethargy, from not eating, hasn't been an issue in the least. I'm not hungry, in that I haven't gotten those painful hunger pangs like when I was eating throughout the day. I get a "normal" hunger twinge closer to my normal window opening, but even on the Sun->Mon 24+ hour fast, it's nothing but a thing.

Now for the what's different... I'm down about 13 pounds. I've had a few people they can see it in my face already, which is grand. I literally lost 13 lbs, by doing nothing...Another plus for me is my energy level was in waves before, After listening and reading info, on top of info, I think it's caused by the surges in insulin released EVERY time a person eats. Up and down up and down all day... Since I'm not eating throughout the day my body has stabilized that energy curve to a nice level line, at a place I can have great functionality.

If you want more information, you can start at the beginning of Fast-5 D.I.E.T. ...watch that video. If you're on Faceyspace, check out FastClub ~An Intermittent Fasting Support Group  its a great space, with a bunch of great folks on this journey to find the best way to make themselves healthy, all while still enjoying those little things in life... like cheesecake.

Here is my "typical" week, in a graph:

9 days is 216 hours, out of that I was fasted 181.5 hours, right around 84%

I am a fan of this. This is maintainable. This is flexible.This is (one of many) styles of intermittent fasting. Cliche as it may be, it's not a diet... it's a "lifestyle change" D.I.E.T. "Did I Enrich Today"

The fast life.

2017-11-19T09:24:00.003-07:00

I started a .... not a diet, but a new way of eating (for me) ‘spose you could call it a “fasting diet” but diet encompasses what you eat, and this “diet” isn’t restrictive on what I eat, just when.

I fast for 19 hours, yup 19 hours with no food, just zero cal drinks, namely water, coffee and tea. Then I have a 5 hour window in which to eat. I see you shaking your head already, and hear you saying “that’s not healthy” “that’s hard to do” “ I can’t fathom doing that” “you’re starving yourself”. I know, because I said all the same things, not ever even having tried. Basing it on the traditions of my life and the way I’ve eaten that entire time... but doing it the traditironal way got me to this point.... it was time to flip tradition off and try something new.

I came to learn they call this method of eating Fast5. I’ve been at it more than a week, and well... it’s not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s easier than trying to explain to people that I don’t eat until 3 (my 5 hour window is 3-8, so that I can have a good meal with the family.) It’s easier, than trying to explain to them about the diet, and the history & science behind it. It’s easier than trying to explain to them I’m no more tired than before the diet, I have no less energy, it’s easy. It’s easier than trying to explain to them that, contrary to their thinking it’s perfectly safe(for me)... I mean seriously.... there are people that ACTUALLY starve themselves, or take massive amounts of drugs for weight loss, people that literally get their stomachs cut down to eat less (I know the fantastic success stories of gastric surgeries, but I’ve also seen the dreaded complications a dear friend has endured because of a “safe” gastric surgery) folks that eat to boredom so they stay or get to the “thinselves” they want to be. All I’m doing, is not eating for 19 hours..... 8 of that I’m sleeping anyways...and when it comes time to eat... in that 5 hour window (even though they say don’t count your calories) I still get in my few thousand calories.

We’ll see how this goes. I have tried a Keto diet to a loss of 70 lbs, that was great. It sparked in me, the realization that I don’t have to be the big dude I always have been, and I can take control of my own life. Fast5 will be a new tool in the arsenal to help get me to where I want to see myself.

2016-11-27T18:34:00.002-07:00

Happy

I cherish seeing people happy. Watching what makes them happy, who makes them happy. I want people to be happy, with all my heart.

I love seeing people sharing what makes them happy, in whatever way they share. Pictures of their family, their new car, or puppy. Because it makes them happy, it sparks a joy inside of me.

I don't know when I started, nor when I realized, but I like helping people find their happy, find their smile. I feel that because of situations in my life I can help spread the happy, that I have experienced through those situations.

I am one to try and be there for people, but help isn't always wanted, but I will always put myself on the line just in case, because people need to know someone is there.

I've been there, needing someone to sit with, to talk with, to confide in, and no one is there. It's a terrible feeling, like the quicksand in movies, the more you struggle, the faster you sink. I want to be the rope that you can hold onto, and pull yourself up, I'll help pull with all my might, to see you gain your happiness again, to help you find your smile.

2016-07-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

The trail of life

To seek something great, is what we desire.
To set our heart, mind, even our soul on fire.
We start with a roll, then a crawl, stumble & fall.
Dig down deep, before we know how to dig,
This, right here is where our adventure begins.

We gaze in wonderment all the new sights
Since we're off the ground, to new heights.
Soon taking for granted all that we see,
Things we'll miss, and think that never can be.
Things we oft remember far far differently.

We've had ups, and we've certainly had downs,
But what is a hike on level unchanging ground?
Where is the challenge, the goal, the reward?
The easy trail is simple and dull, no benefit
To our soul, a trail like that leaves you bored.

Step up, step out, make yourself uncomfortable
Grow up, grow tall, make yourself vulnerable.
Never stop learning, never stop yearning
To reach a new peak, a new trail, a new goal
This one life you have, you HAVE to live it in full.

Live an epic life, live a story to tell the world
Every day is a paragraph, a page, a chapter
In the book of your life, live it unfurled.
It's your story, write it, strong, write it proud
May it be long, captivating, and ever so loud!

2015-08-30T14:39:00.001-07:00

I think I've become a hiker

Since June (2015) I have hiked every weekend.
At first it was simply for the added fitness, another sustained cardio exercise in my weight loss journey... Simply THAT... I got out and did it because I thought I NEEDED to... For that..

But something clicked, 3rd or 4th time on the trail. I enjoyed it. Like with weight lifting, I really started to LOVE it. Out on the trail (since I'm a newb) I started seeing new things, wonderful, beautiful things that have been in my backyard for years!!! Critters, I've never seen, except in books, or Google. Plants, wildflowers, rocks and dirt, the variety is incredibly vast right here in Southern Arizona!!

Today I realized how much and WHY I love it. Talking to myself on the trail (when you're alone you have conversations too don't lie) went kind of like this..."why am I up so early?" "Sunrise stupid" What a sunrise it was. Watching out over my entire valley, as the sun peeked from behind the mountains to the east....ACTUALLY watching the sun creep over the mountains!!! THAT is why I'm up so early, THAT IS WHY I'm excited to hike... I wondered how many people am I REALLY watching this sunrise with (elsewhere in my area) FEW I dare say. So there is that, I get to see, I get to experience what few others, know happen, but never SEE happen.

Another thing that came to me was how with hiking, I don't HAVE to depend on anyone but myself... Even if I were to make hike plans with someone, and they were to bail on me (which is pretty regular) IM still on the trail... Their loss. I still get to relish in every bit of beauty that comes with every step I take. No one can take that away from me!!

Hiking allows me to have these conversations with myself in an element that makes me realize some of these "problems" that I think I have are rather small and petty.... For goodness sakes I'm a lone man on the slope of a mountain, with no human in eye or earshot, alone... The "problems" of town aren't anything in the grand scheme of things. The seemingly, never ending drama, of the Internet, and being connected to people that may or may not truly care for me, the behind the back gossip, and hate, are non existent out here THERE IS NO INTERNET! IT IS FANTASTIC!!! It allows me to REALLY reflect on the folks in my life that have been there every step of the way, and those that, well are lacking. I think of the people I've been there for, and some perhaps I should have been, and maybe some that I shouldn't have..All of that is replaced with serene, thriving beauty of nature, raw, right in front of me, new every single time.

I don't know if EVERY hiker feels these feels, but they are mine. I've become a hiker, less than some, more than others but altogether, happy in my pursuit of finding my happy place, so that I MIGHT become a better person.

2015-08-10T21:33:00.001-07:00

Legacy

Looking back on my relatively short life, I KNOW I've made a LOT of mistakes. I've hurt a LOT of people, and been hurt deep to my core. I've loved, hated, lost, found, been ecstatically happy, and sat in the pit of despair, the whole spectrum, I think it's safe to say I've experienced it.

All these things have shaped me into the man I am today. I've learned who I want to be, from them, and who I no longer wish to be. I've learned.... And I think that is important....Through my learning these life lessons, I've been able to change, not against my self, nor for anyone else, but I've changed for me, into a better person.(or so I dearly hope) I don't think that I went through everything to be stagnant, and unchanging, clinging to what I once thought was the "ideal" me.... Mostly because THAT ideal me, was throughly unhappy as a whole... I know that now looking back.

I want to leave behind a legacy that my kids can be proud of, that my family and friends can be proud of. I try my hardest, to make them my priority, family and friends, because I've (felt like) been without, there was a period when I was a jerk (big time understatement) and felt abandoned by everyone I thought I knew. I don't ever want to feel that, nor have any of my loved ones go through it. So I do my hardest to let them know what they are to me, that I love them, not just in word, but in action. I hope to pass that on. The biggest things in life are friends and family, they are dear to me, and should know that.

Life is so short sometimes, and we can't be timid and simply watch it pass us by. "Grab life by the horns" they say, and "they're" right! There is stuff out there I never knew of, right in my backyard. I've found INCREDIBLE beauty in the wilderness since I started hiking every weekend, my only regret, is not starting last year, 5 years ago, 10 years ago....15 years ago, get the picture?? I wanna leave behind an example of how important it is to get out and experience everything a person can in life.

Although I am, I don't want to be remembered as the BBQ guy, the car guy, or the guy that likes lifting weights. I want to be remembered as a friend. A type of friend, dad and husband that was always there when needed, for fun, or for comfort, that followed through on promises made. I want to be that friend ALWAYS with open arms, and open doors to friend or family in need or just to visit. I want to be remembered as THAT friend that pushed everyone around me to be their best version of themselves. I want to be an inspiration to them. I want to be a REAL friend, like I've written about previously, to be a part of someone's soul.

I don't know how many folks I've impacted, but I hope it's been positive. I hope somehow if inspired you. I know I've been inspired by a lot of my friends, in ways I don't know if I can ever express to them, in words. But know, I'll never forget what you've instilled in my life, and because of it, I'm a better person.

That's the kind of legacy I want to leave behind, one of inspiration, always trying to be a better human.

2015-08-03T23:17:00.001-07:00

Loss

This is a tough one, and truth be told (not that you will see it) I will most likely cry at some point during the writing of this post, but it's an important one. It's a part of who I am, so for all 23.3 of you that read this, you're gonna learn today!!

My dad died in 2001, 3 days after he turned 38, I was 17. That is the toughest loss I've had in my life, bar none... It still hurts when memories come flooding in, in fact I broke down a few months ago one afternoon, out of nowhere.... Got it all out and moved on.... It's what we gotta do... But when the news broke... I dunno... I froze... While my siblings and mom were obviously devastated, bawling their eyes out, I was frozen, in disbelief, and denial, not a tear shed for many minutes, that seemed like hours... Not sharing in the loving embrace of my family... I was frozen...

I did grieve, but it was short. I think... I don't really know if you can set a timeline on an individual's grieving. It's a personal thing, you can't take that away from someone. They need to go through every step, at their own pace, and hopefully they dont get stuck.. That's where friends and family step in however. I had a great team of friends watching my back, and of course my loving family had each other's backs. Because of them I'm alright, they allowed me to do my thing, but also were there when I needed them to just be my friends, not to talk about my dad's death, but to simply be there.

I came to the realization, that I was hurting, and Dad wouldn't have wanted me like that. None of our loved ones would want us to dwell on the pain of their death, they'd want nothing but happiness, for our future. Once that clicked in my head (which was a few months later) I got back to being me. I had gone through my grieving process, and though it wasn't any less painful he was gone, I was, and am ok.

The breakdown a few months ago, was from a new pain realized. I was 17 when he passed, and at the time, (since he'd been sick for a couple years prior) I missed out on him teaching me to drive, and he didn't get to see me graduate.... But 14 years go by, and there's a snowball effect of stuff that I realized I missed my dad at... He wasn't at my college graduation, which would have made him so proud. My wedding, man would I have loved to look out and see his big smile there, but he was gone. And Makaela, my daughter, he never got to meet her, or her soon to be brother. So I grieved once again, and again, I had a few awesome friends, that were there to listen to me, to be the shoulder I needed. I can't thank them enough.

I want to let my friends know, I WILL be that shoulder when/if you need me. It doesn't matter how far away I am, I am a phone call or text away. I know each situation is different, everyone's process of handling loss is different, but one thing I'll say is I'll be there for you. It's what friends do, it's what family does.

2015-08-01T22:16:00.001-07:00

Adventure

If I've learned ANYTHING as an adult, plans change.... Plans get cancelled, people flake, vehicles break. Weather does what it wants, and sometimes things can just suck....

Things may suck.....that is IF you look at everything, as set plan, written in stone, non flexible... If you cannot bend when the curve is thrown your way, things will seem miserable.

This is why I like to "plan" events more like an adventure. With adventure, unexpected things pop up , and you roll with them, you have no choice either way, but how you deal with it, is what makes a less than desirable situation, bearable, even more fun, than what was planned.

Today was no different. We headed to the mountains an hour and a half away, to have a picnic. But as normal in Arizona the monsoon had different plans. Rain... So instead of a nice picnic on top of the mount, well we had a nice picnic on top of the mount, just in the car, instead of at a picnic table. We still enjoyed time together, we still ate in a place we've never eaten before, we had an adventure.

Eventually the rain ceased and we got to experience some beautiful rock formations, fantastic valley views and I found some fantastic, & new (to me) hiking trails that I cannot wait to hike!!

So make it an adventure, each day live a little, take things in stride. We've only got one life to do what we've got to do, don't waste it regretting plans that didn't line up perfect. Some of the best moments in life are probably wasted planning every detail. Relish in the missteps, mishaps, and unchosen outcome, for they tend to be special.

2015-07-25T12:17:00.001-07:00

Nature

I love nature. I love the deepest corners of it, far from civilization, where it seems no man has been before. I love the struggle as nature must prove itself viable in the midst of the largest cities. I love her caring side, seen in the flowers, and animals rearing their young. I'm astonished by the harshness of the reality of the circle of life.
I am drawn to the harshness of nature because I live it everyday. Living in the desert is fantastic. Most of the country knows Arizona as a wasteland of rocks sand and cactus, and it is a shame. Of all the states I've been too my home is my favorite, probably because it's home, but also, because we have every single climate type right here between our borders.
The plants here must protect themselves, so they are thorny, and will bite you if you're not on your toes. The animals here too will knock ya down if you mess with their turf. And that's another reason it's so cool. Much like the state itself, the animals and plants here won't be told what to do,(daylight savings can kiss it WE DO WHAT WE WANT) they flourish where they shouldn't and survive when most would perish.
The beauty in the desert is everyday, it begins with the sunrise, and oh my what a rise it is. As I stood watch in the sun come up on my last hike it's was amazing to watch the sky come ablaze and the landscape change I front of my eyes. I'm not sure in the rest of the country, but here at sunrise there is a rush of cold air that you can almost feel rush across the land, it's kind of an epic feeling, I hope you get to experience it sometime!
The sun sets and again the sky is set ablaze, with vivid pinks and oranges, purples and reds, our sunsets are epic, our flag is representative of our sunsets, it's a real thing Arizona has them on lock.
The summer here is interrupted when monsoons hit and they are a welcome event. The rains can take a 115° day, and cool it to 65° in a matter of minutes, while at the same time shut down a city with flooded streets. With the monsoons come all kinds of creatures and plant life, exploding to life with the rain. Plants grow like crazy. I mowed my yard this morning, some weeds were shoulder high, when two weeks ago they were nay higher than my ankles.
Some of my favorite animals are the roads tha pop out with the rainy season. Until then they are buried deep within the dirt, dormant hibernating til the next year, so when they come out it's quite an event. It's a party when they pop out, with song and muddy dance. As they croak deep into the night, it's actually quite peaceful, their song.
So if you ever get a chance, come visit. See the grandeur that is Arizona, come see our big hole in the ground, our painted desert, come see our extremes. Come and sit with me while the sun rises and sets, you won't be disappointed.

2015-07-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

Friends
I've had a LOT of people come through my life, and IN GENERAL I make "friends" with a lot of them. I say "friends" but should really say positive acquaintances. I talk to these folks, wish them happy birthday and the like, and sometimes they "return the favor". But we're not really THERE for each other like friends are.
Then there are work "friends" which are like the positive acquaintances but we actually see them everyday, at work and not usaully anywhere else. In that, they are closer to actual friends, and can poentially blossom into a real friendship outside of the workplace even.
True friends, now that's something special. These folks get into your soul, they become part of who you are. It's like they were a part of you, you didn't know was missing, until they came along and filled that invisible missing puzzle piece, with a piece of their very own soul. They are the ones you lean on, when no one else seems to be there. They KNOW you, they SEE you, the one you hide from the "real world", they are YOUR PERSON(s) (yes that was a Grey's Anatomy reference). You know these folks' families, and whether you've met them or not, their families probably know of you.
I have very few REAL friends. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm not, the cliché phrase comes to mind... "I'd rather have one single $1.00 friend, than 100 penny friends." The people I've fallen in friendship with, are amazing, and I'd do anything in the world for these folks, wether it be helping them move, being a shoulder for them to cry on, or bounce crazy career ideas off of, meet them at the airport so they're not alone on a long layover. On first (physical) meeting with true friends you can hang and talk for HOURS deep into the night, or drive hours, just to have breakfast with you. Or meet up with them for a bit of bad Mexican food. These people are special, and I cherish them with all my being, their pain is my pain, and their joy is mine.
Thanks to the electrons running through the internets, I can (in distance) be "close" to my friends, and I absolutely love it! The Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, Twitter are all tools that keep me "close" to my friends, and fantastic tools they are. So today if you have those platforms, let your friends know you love them, the tools are right in front of you, make 'em smile!!

2015-07-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

Art or not?

Art comes in many forms, many materials used to express the artists' vision, and many different templates on which an artist can express their vision.

Graffiti is a sensitive subject for some, and depending on the location of the work, and the nature of it changes my acceptance of it. I don't appreciate vulgar destruction of private or public property, there are enough A-holes in the "graffiti" industry, that cast a negative connotation over all the quality artists.

My specific adoration for graffitis come from the places not many venture to, under bridges, tunnels, locations that are actually brought UP, by a little splash of color. These hurt no one, there is no said "destruction" only an artist bringing something new to the table.

From the regular joe, to the Bansky's of the world whom of which put thought, and heart and soul into their work, I truly appreciate, because some folks would pay millions for a black line drawn on a 30"x25" canvas, because of a name,but look down on a true work, because it is on a pillar, under a bridge..

2015-07-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

I'm starting over.

I'm goin' to bring back this lil ole blog, but it'll be different. Things have changed in my life since I left behind the jumbled electrons in these pages. Good things.

Well shoot, I've had a kiddo for starters, my Lil Makaela, is 2, and there is another on the way, that'll be a lil Bubba II.

I've made a whole new group of fantastic friends, who've somehow, from their far off locales managed to pry me out of my shell, I'm more comfortable with myself than ever before, because of these friends.

I've also introduced fitness into my life, since I've been away. By way of weight lifting, which has led into hiking again, and who knows what's to come.

So stick around, I'm not finished yet, my second wind is coming!!

Sweet Tater bread, not sweet..... potato bread

2012-11-17T10:59:00.001-07:00

I like cookin, it's no secret. I do use recipes, but after I have made the stock recipe, in general, they become.... guideline. They are there to tweak as I see fit. This is no different with this bread recipe.
It started out as a pumpkin bread recipe, from this book, and printed back in the day

I like old recipe books, it's fun to look back and see how some processes have changed, and how the old ways still produce great stuff. Here's the recipe. Pictures make it much easier than typing the whole thing out. :D

Basically I follow everything here, except instead of pumpkin, i use one of the big cans of sweet potatos drained. and instead of water, i swap it out for the drained sweet tater juice. So nix the water, and use the tater juice, there is no flavor in water, and the sweet tater juice is loaded with flavor, and... it's wet so it works. Like i have learned watching Alton Brown's Good Eats, over mixing batter can ruin a good "sweet bread" recipe. so dont do it, just incorporate the flour, there may be clumps, but they will work themselves out, do not use a mixer, use a wood spoon, you'll thank me later. Mix all the wet ingredients together, and separately mix together all the dry ingredients, use a whisk to combine the dry, it is quicker than a sifter...

The recipe makes two loaves which look like this before you bake it

And after, let it cool for a good 10 min in the pan, then i'll set up on a towel, and get them out of the pans, so they dont get ... mushy, yeah that's the word. then after they cool completely, i'll put em in ziploc bags to keep em fresh, usually one will go straight into the freezer, and the other one stays out on the counter, it usually doesn't last long enough to have to be put in the fridge.

Slice it up, and enjoy, your different but similar bread for the season.

OUT

Smoked Salsa Grande

2012-08-10T21:30:00.001-07:00

Last year I tried out a new pepper ...ahem.... chile... 'scuse me, CHILE in the garden. Called Santa Fe Grande. Because of it's pale yellow color, it was a very deceiving pepp....chile. I thought it would be a sweeter pepper, a milder pepper...chile, chile, CHILE!!! boy was I wrong....sooo very wrong. These things are hotter than jales (that's jalepenos to those not in the know), and the heat sticks around. Like glue. On your lips, on your tongue, it's wonderful. It's a liar, but plenty flavorful.

Fast forward to 2012, these things came back on their own, with a vengeance. 4 plants popped back on their own accord. and they went into full production mode. I picked one plant and not knowing what else to do with it, I figured I'd make some smoked chili powder, to spread the love of these wonderful peppers to many things.

Handy torch for startin coals

Gotta start the fire if I want some smoked pep..chiles. Don't need a big one, it's already hot w/o any fire at all. Stacked the coals i did nicely, to get a few hours of goos smoke time. all i used was 2 coals to get things goin, remember I dont need much fire since its so hot already.

NO lighter fluid!!! EVER!!

Stack the now grey hot burnin coals on top of the unlit coals with the wood, just so happened to be a hunka apple wood. Situate the temp probe so it's under the grate. i just bent a peice of safety wire into a hook that stays permanently attached to the probe.

Temp probe hanged in position

Of course set up the grill for indirect heat. I take it one step further by putting a peice of a clay saucer over the top of the fire, to hold in the heat as it's created, and to keep it indirect. You can notice it here as the half circle on the right under the grate.

Once the fire got goin, and smoke started rollin, i threw on the peppers..cough...hgm...chiles and had an idea, threw some maters ( also outta the garden) on to smoke along with the chiles...happy??...very.

then we went out to dinner, nope didnt pay attention to temp, nor did i pay attention to the time they were on the smoke. almost forgot bout em, but remembered, woulda been a shame for these to waste. I went out to check and the skins on the tomatoes' skins were split open, still solid they were, but i figured that they were good and done.

We've gotta stick blender, and a wide mouth mason jar is perfect size for it to fit into, and let it do the work. Threw a few chiles in there all 4 maters, some cilantro, and basil from the garden, a good amount of fresh cracked sea salt, and coarse grind black pepper. Blended it all up, and that's all she wrote.

It's a slightly smoky, mostly spicy, nicely blended concoction of goodness, that so far has been good with chips of course, fantastic topping on my burger for dinner tonight, and I think would make a great addition to any other sauce i'd put it in.

The rest of the chiles will air dry, in the sun. The way we do it in AZ, once dry, i'll grind it up, seeds and all, fine as i can to make a nice smoky chili powder. Then i can spread the love to more of my dishes!!

OUT!!

Lightning

2012-08-08T10:57:00.003-07:00

So you're a BBQ Newb? getting your fire started

2012-06-13T21:04:00.001-07:00

First off WELCOME to the club!!!

I dont want to come off like I know everything about BBQ, far from it, I got all my knowledge, (well lots of it also came from experimenting) from THE BBQ BRETHREN go there, no regrets! Tell them MMMMEAT sent you, that's me.

Dont be scared, click it!

Next we gotta be realistic, you cant buy a smoker and pile o meat and turn out a good result. There are LOTS of factors you need to take into account. You need to learn fire control, the MOST important of the addiction you will soon have controlling your life. To do that, you must practice, that's the only way. I could give you pointers all night long, but if you dont implement them in practice, you'll never learn the ways of your pit.

Definitions:
STICKBURNERS

STICKBURNER

CHARCOAL TYPE

Weber WSM

Brinkmann Smoke n Grill

I guess we'll start the fire, and I SWEAR, if you picked up a bottle of lighter fluid to start your, I'm gonna stab a baby bunny with a pitchfork then feed it to a baby seal, before i club it. Dont do it, get a charcoal chimney starter. It will save you money, and takes just about the same amount of time to light off.

how is it cheaper?? a bottle of lighter fluid is right about 7 bux, and how many cooks does it do for you? lets say 5-6 even 7 that's a dollar per cook. While a WEBER charcoal chimney starter runs 15 bux after your 2nd bottle of lighter fluid ( and the nasty taste thereafter) is gone, you automatically start spending more money than the chimney starter, which will last years BTW.

Fluid BAAAAD

Chimney GOOOOOD

That's if you are using a charcoal smoker you can use charcoal in a stickburner (i do to get it started). What do you do to control the fire in a stickburner?? Well, that'll be another blog.

Next up is the smoke. I do not recommend wood chips. they burn up too quickly to effectively get the smoke flavor out, get chunks, and depending on your smoker you can be sparing with the chunks as they'll last a lil while. In a stickburner here's hoping you'll have a bigole pile of wood to keep things goin for the length of the cook.

Chunks equal smoke

Chips equal fire

The next choice you have is in the charcoal you choose. I am a big fan of the Kingsford Bluebag. It's consistent and that is important for me. Lump charcoal is some people's fav because of how clean it is, pure wood no fillers, it often burns hotter, but in my experience it's inconsistent, from cook to cook, a learning curve, i am too lazy to overcome. But both are ok in my book, no thumbs required.

Kingsford Bluebag

Lump Charcoal

For now i'll leave you to your devices, I'll come back with some insights on each type of smoker (that i use or have used) and some of the modifications you can do to each of em to make them do what you need them to, to get that good Q.

OUT

Down Home BBQ...Sierra Vista

2012-06-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

It's a heck of a time for BBQ, and people are jumping on the 'Que bandwagon, and it's an up and down ride for us that enjoy it to our bones.

There are some restaurants that you can feel the soul of the place before you walk in the door. Some you can tell there is BBQ before you see the place, you can smell it in the air, you can see the faint smoke maybe. These are places that have been and will remain popular, because of what the owners and/or pitmasters put into their craft, they put their heart into it, how they feel into the 'Que. It's something special when you go to a place like this.

This story is not about one of those places unfortunately. This story is about the downward ride that I am seeing too often, where an owner sees dollar signs, because something is so popular, and they aren't in it. The quality of service, and food suffers when there is nothing but dollar signs as a passion.

The place in question... USED to be "The Sub Shop" Owned by the same people as SubStandards you remember that review right?? has put up some BBQ signs.. none of which actually say what the name of the business is now called.... just BBQ.... once inside there are two other signs... one says "Down Home BBQ" so maybe that's what we'll call it.

There is a nice smoker parked out side, with a pretty substantial pile-o-wood next to it, so my hopes were up...until I saw that the smoker is bicycle cable locked shut (to the pillar) so that means nothing fresh is coming off of it, there was not a hint of smoke in the air...hmmm.... things arent...looking that great afterall.

the "never changing" wood pile

Upon walking in I see NOTHING has changed but a menu on the wall the decor is the same as "The Subshop" had up, bummer. It's not bad decor mind you, but it's...."The Sub Shop" decor.

Now is the moment of truth, time to order the grub... ok a few steps away from the moment of truth really. i order the 2 meat one side special...i ask for sauce on the side ( 2 sauces hot and regular....hot...right)...special... doesnt even come with a drink...almost 10 bux and doesnt come with a drink so 13bux after tax. Almost right away I see them prepping my meal... on the flat top... reheating it on the flat top.. .this does not bode well.... my buddy orders a halfslab of ribs, and corn on the cob. I pick mine up noticing i dont even get a slice of white bread... nothing but meat (miserable portions at that for 10bux..)and side...and head to the table. Out of courtesy, i wait for him to get his rib order... and wait.... then wait s'more....10 min later ( after Buddy swears he hears microwave being used) he gets his ribs, and corn on the cobb....which they have no butter in sight... no butter behind the counter... no butter for corn on the cobb...

Pork and brisket portions..

NOW it's the moment of truth... As a KCBS CBJ (certified barbeque judge) i now instinctively pull on the brisket to see the tenderness of it... and boy was this stuff stretchy.... another bad sign of what's about to come... the texture really wasnt that bad...it was ALMOST there... but not quite, it was sliced SUPER thin to make up for it, not the pencil thick slices i'd like to see. There wasnt much smoke... there wasnt even much of a hint of smoke... or much other flavor in any case... onto the pork, it had the slightest amount of smoke, had a decent bark but was lacking in flavor department severely, the texture was spot on however, but dry, ( most likely because it was pulled hours before and reheated on a flattop griddle)

brisket

Onto the sauce.. which looked very familiar to something i lived on while i was in tucson LOVE(d) the stuff, but they kinda made it seem like it was their own, Then i tasted it, and BAM i was certain( i didnt ask but im 99.9% sure) it's Bill Johnson's BBQ Sauce they had original and spicy... there was no, and i mean NO spicy about it, i think ketchup is spicier. Good tasting with the meat though.. made the brisket palatable, but i dont like sauce on my brisket generally. i like the cow to speak to me when i munch down on it.

the slaw was decent, creamy and full of flavor, a lil sweet a lil savory, nothing special (of course mine is better) but not bad by any stretch.

ribs, and butterless corn

the ribs... lackluster by all standards, they were tough, they felt like the were parboiled, they also they had a strange smoke flavor... like it was ....boiled with liquid smoke in the water... not good, there were no "layers" of flavor.. it had a bland smoke like flavor, and Bill Johnson's sauce... and they were a solid half rack, which would be fine if a person had some utensils to cut them into individual ribs, but there were not, so it was kinda a PITA for to eat them, i know Utensils are bad juju in my book for BBQ, but the peices gotta be handleable (yea that's a word)

Corn on the cob... .needs some kinda butter, 'specially if it's standard run of the mill boiled corn on the cobb, (that's possibly reheated in the nuker) that turned out to be bland as well, pity...

Now my recommendation. Would I? No, they should've stuck to gyros, and leave the BBQ to someone with a passion for it, and it alone. The food is lackluster, the service is not up to par with what it should be, and what should be there to complement the 'Que is nowhere to be seen. Skip this place. you arent missing anything by not goin, except a potential long wait for reheated scrap.

OUT

WTF Arizona weather!!

2012-05-10T22:16:00.001-07:00

So there i was, driving to phoenix, wed afternoon and whammo!!! duststorm!! lamesauce

fast forward 6 min RAINSTORM..... talk about bipolar

Mother Nature is a crazy broad out here in AZ...