Poems ...Prayers ...Promises

2012-02-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

Heat

In my head
there burns a thread
that was left like a shred
far removed, unbred

thoughts, like me, now lie low
deeper and deeper
the blood gushes
but where does it go?

asked to keep quiet
I stand up and fight
lose my faith and gain no respite

the mute is defeated
and the mighty grins
far from sight...

I fail to inspire, I set myself on fire
the embers glow bleak
I turn cold and weep

that within is hurt,
the one outside is curt
flowing from every direction is dirt
and I sit and gather...

I cannot get any sleep
tossing and turning I grip myself in need
where do you keep silence?

all that I see is all that I know
I didn't ask what you didn't show
why then am I impudent and inane?

burning in fear, short on tears
and yet hopelessly pitching for sane
I find no takers, where are my makers?
Busy perhaps hatching the mundane...

Divided in fears, we've hurried the years
and journeys and days,
the memories are really the only rays
I bask in...

And neither death nor old age
their is nothing colder than maddening rage
and I know you think I'm of age
but inside I'm all red too

But really, I'm still fire
I can reach where I aspire
even if it means burning
the very castle I admire...

driven by hunger and desire
burning in the heat
of my very own fire...

2012-01-26T12:00:00.000-08:00

Only the ocean and me

I'm just soaking the sun

the last tide did me in

I'm just rolling in wait,

there still some part of you floating in me

the wind may not speak

but like me it longs as it seeks

the breeze doesn't float you away

the remnants of the sand

are in my eyes and in your hands...

the salt just makes it sour

when I inhale the memory today

the silence doesn't seem to cure

the latent answers no longer seem pure

Is my cure out there drifting away?

You don't want, you don't wait

you don't love and you don't hate

and I don't care except that I can't

accept my fate and float on...

Flying in shade, you pour some sun over me

even as I keep sinking under the weight

Drifting from sanity and right through you

I write my tales on the sand,

the tender tide shields my hand,

slipping away with water my tears go,

taking away the only memories I used to know

When the stars come out

I'll finally be free

When you call my name

I'll wake up to my destiny...

2012-01-04T23:33:00.000-08:00

सर्दी

इस सर्द से मौसम की

अपनी एक मजबूरी है

कुछ जमे से पन्ने में

एक आवाज़ अधूरी है

एक गीत सुहाना था

कहते थे सुनाना था

भूले बिसरे लब्जों में

एक अर्थ अनजाना था

एक शीत की लहर सी

उसमें कुछ हवाएं थी

कुछ राज़ जो गहरे थे

लब पर फिर आये हैं

बिखरे कुछ जो कल थे

वोह आज भी कोरे हैं

अपने जो दो पल थे

यादों में समायें हैं

एक अजीब सी जकड़न है

खुद में जो अड़चन है

सोच पर लेकिन रोक कहाँ

थमी तो बस ये धड़कन है

एक याद पुरानी सी

जान के भी अनजानी सी

कुछ अंगड़ाई लेते पलों को साथ

दे गयी एक कम्पन का एहसास

जगती सी कुछ रातों में
अनकही सी कुछ बातों में
मौसम की इन सौगातों में
तुम ही सी तो ये रस्ते आबाद हैं

अड़े कुछ पलों में
हम खड़े कुछ कलों में
समेटे वो याद जिनमे खो कर
आज भी कुछ यादें हकीकत बन जाती हैं

कुछ कोरी सी दीवारों पर कल के निशान हैं

जो छुप गयी वो तसवीरें तो नहीं

बचे तो बस कुछ खालीपन के निशान हैं

तुम्हारी बात मान हम अब जल्दी सो जाते हैं

रातों से बाते क्या करें, तारों से छुपते क्या फिरे

बस खुद को खुद से ढूंढ लाते हैं

ज्यादा वक़्त तो नहीं है

बस जम गए कुछ कदम हैं

कुछ चार कदम पर तुम हो

कुछ कल में डूबे हम हैं

कभी फुर्सत में शायद तुम होके आबाद
करोगे उन लम्हों को याद
जिसमे जुड़े थे हम तुम मजबूरी से

सर्दी के मौसम मैं
नमी आँखों में लिए कुछ दूरी से...

2012-01-04T00:59:00.000-08:00

चल दिए

एक दिन आया
खुद को पाया

खुद से जो मिले
सब कुछ आया

सब कुछ जो मिला
कुछ भी न मिला

जब कुछ न मिला
खुद को पाया

खुद से मिलकर
कुछ ख़ुशी हुई

कुछ ख़ुशी मिली
ग़म भी आया

ग़मगीन रहे ख़ुशी रूठ गयी
हँसना भूले रोना आया

रोते रोते रात गयी
सुबह उठे नया दिन आया

नए दिन का नया सुरूर था
फिर क्यूँ कल में जीने का फितूर था

जब सोचा तो समझ न आया
फिर रात ढली सपना आया

सपने जो थे अपने जो थे
गिन गिन कर उनको अपनाया

कुछ छूटे थे कुछ टूटे थे
आँखों में थे पर रूठे थे

कुछ खो कर भी कितना कुछ पाया
तुम जो आये, सब कुछ आया

मंजिल भी मिली रस्ते भी दिखे
उन रास्तों पर खुद का पाया

दिए चल उस डगर पर, छोड़ पीछे अगर मगर, डर
राहों में हमारी तुम जो थे

2011-12-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

2011

365 reasons and rhymes held dear

I bid goodbye to you, my favourite year

Love, labour and paradise, all so near

up and down and all around

I tasted some life,

a lasting reason for cheer

Some thoughts and some reservations

you presented me with my aspirations

Some fulfilled promises and some unrequited fears,

dancing to life's dynamic beats

now with a memory held dear

Some Shakespearean proses and a bit of King Lear,

the never ending conversations and mentations

I longed to hear and feel...

You brought me day and then some light
even when it rained, the sun sparkled bright

Wiser and patient at the cusp of forthcoming delights

cautious not to fumble the saucerful of dreams,

wanting to relive the journey that began

even as I wait for the tide to rise at the seams

To a journey that shall forever unfold

life and times of a scriber digging for gold

the old gives way to the new

as I seek 365 more memories

With a mouthful of sky and a heart burning bright

my best stories I keep for twilight...

2011-11-26T10:12:00.000-08:00

शून्य

एक अधूरी सी कविता

एक टूटा विचार

शब्दों की कैफियत

एक बदलता संसार

एक खोया समय
एक बिछड़ी घडी
ज़िन्दगी की कसौटी
पे वक़्त के बदलते आसार

कुछ गूंजती आवाजें
खामोशियाँ कुछ
कुछ बहते से आकर

खोयी हुई परछाई
मैली एक दीवार
धुन्दला सा सबका प्यार

क्यूँ कुछ सुनना है
किस से छुपाया है
और किस तक पहुँचाना है

जो गुप्त है उसपे निशाना है
और जो ज़ाहिर... खैर पुराना है

मेरे तेरे में क्या पराया है?
जो नहीं खोया क्या उसे गवाया है?

ख्यालों से लड़ते तुम पर बिगड़ते
दुनिया में बढ़ते
ऐसे क़दमों पर कहाँ था संसार

आँसुओं की भी अपनी रफ़्तार है
जो बहते हैं धुल जाते हैं
नहीं धुलता तोह ये खुरदरा संसार

खुद से खुद को न कर पाए अलग
तुम से खुद को लेकिन कर दिया जुदा

और अब खुद से कुछ खुद ही अनजाने हैं
पहचाने कुछ चेहरे हैं पर लगते बेगाने हैं

हकीकत में पड़ती गिरती संभालती
कुछ पन्नों में ढलती
एक कविता क्या बनेगी इस जीवन का सार

शून्य से बने हम
शून्य से बना संसार

शून्य बन ढले हम
शून्य जब बना आकार

Heartbeat

2011-10-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

There are no breaks to my devotion

that I love you is a lasting emotion

What changes is the flavor of seasons and time

But I'm yours and you're mine

I know the many promises I made

To be by your side is the one I'd never break

And to love you even if I fall apart

Near of far, you're everything that's my heart

Candidly I can say

I'm incomplete and powerless while you're away

I wake through night and wade through the day

the need for you keeps gnawing at me

while I put all else away

I know you love me

I know you do

I wonder if you feel as dead as I do,

lost and incapable, waiting for my turn

to be touched by you, come undone

Blessed are those bitten by desire

lost in daylight with radiance within

wishing and keeping all else away

pushing for greatness with obscurity for keeps

Devotion has no other name

resting in your arms I see all other pleasures turn profane

and dewy eyed I remember all worldly ways

that guide me back towards our sacred race

The clock keeps ticking

the time too passes by

what remains is the reality

that I'm not the me in 'I'

I'm lazy by nature

but hope is my exercise

my heart it pumps on the sole premise

nestled within a dream someday

things will be like they say...

Until then, keep me in your dreams,

I'll keep you in my days

and whenever the glow weakens

I'll look upto your face

Descend dancing in the moonlight

and stay a while, I'll wait my turn

never mind if I wake up

never mind if I don't

I'm keeping my heart where it'll beat

till I know you've returned...

Saucerful

2011-09-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

To the brim and a little tipped over my shoulder for luck

I drink to our todays...

As the light fades, your glow deepens

and intoxication grows

from my eyes to your heart

the silk route and the thread that's

holding ever tender emotion in place

One emotion, one alone

I'm incomplete and you are my own

In a labyrinth of my own device

I run from shadows in which

my old foe loneliness resides...

Bound by ties that run deeper than blood

our love stands testimony to all life,

mortal and beyond

And though I can find you in a million

without a trace

I know with each storm we weather

there long hundreds to join the race

The wind with each storm comes to break my stride

my galloping faith, growing forevermore

with each and every stride

From rustled leaves to nestled oblivion

to every fallen drop of dew

all are but silhouettes of you,

a mere capillary

and the blood that's you...

Drink to me sometime, your sacred cup of salvation

a victory toast to that never ending elation

the forever sensation - love

that gives life meaning...

I thirst for more, even when you leave me humbled like you do

after and before, come on, I can take some more...

People drink for varied reasons, mine is but one

I wish to see no other, when you leave my sight, my sun

I could tell you this intoxication lasts me the day

but at night I struggle when all that's brushed (aside) comes to play

I long for you again, no there is no reprieve...

Insipid believer, oh, whoever said it is a sane virtue...

You couldn't be estranged, you are the one

you could try leaving, and I would be here waiting you return

If love makes one fearless I wouldn't know
I'm a soldier marching on, I know not what lies ahead
but I'm living yours like I've always done

The inebriated state of my love is your divinity
my big gain...

People may call those in love fools
Ah, intelligence is such despicable gain
Never trying is never knowing
what you missed is what you remained

Take these tales, they are all I have
I'll drink to them with you

I seek not sobriety, I make no tall claims

it remains to be seen if I last, when sanity is all that remains

If I ever come to my senses, I'll think about what I could do
die in this vanity or continue living in you...

2011-07-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

पास

आँखों की आज भुझ्ती नहीं प्यास
दूर हो तुम और हर एक आस
कह भी दें, जो न कहें
चुप जो रहे,
न होंगे पूरे आज

पास तो है सब कुछ
बस दूरी के उतने ही
जितने खुद के रहते थे करीब

चलते हुए चुभते कम हैं
जीते जब तक, तब तक ग़म है
और ग़मों से कुछ हम कुछ तुम पूरे
और कुछ कम है

शामें गयी, पर तू नहीं
बंद आँखों में भी न है वोह यकीन
चुप करके कुछ बता दे आज
कहते कहते तो बोहत बोल गए
मगर सुनते तो आज कहाँ ग़म था ....

2011-07-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

If the time has come
there is no way
you can know
for if you still ask
you may never get the
satisfaction
of basking in the afterglow
that comes
with taking a risk,
a leap of faith,
a test of not conviction
but courage
that will stand the test of time
a poetic message that's your song
with a soothing rhyme

If it will make sense
a few years from now
I can't say
If you will cherish this
as much as it scares you today
If you will look back
and smile on this moment
I can but try and guess
and not know for sure

But ask yourself what would you be
who do you seek to emulate,
a convenient yesterday or a
tomorrow full of hope and glee?

I chose not to project my past onto my future
I live for tomorrow not for yesterday
if the past was good
the future will be better

If you agree with any of this
you know what you did
was the best you could
to live up to your dreams
every step of the way...

Laugh when you can
Try when you should
Cry when you need to
but don't look back when
future's too good

Yours' is, I know it only better than you
you are getting there
and you will
at your own pace

Till then just
arrest the dew drops
and numb the gravity
for when you accelerate
they will be bystanders with no footfall

It's time to move on
It's not night if you see carefully
it's breaking dawn...

2011-01-14T22:48:00.000-08:00

NEARNESS OF YOU

Dressed in black and blue

wearing a mischievous smile

Walking as if you own the world

and smiling as if it’s been a while

You come… and serenade the mundane

blow by blow

I ask, where did I let myself go…

Where did I lose focus in time?

The endeavor or the grace,

where did I fall out of my fast pace

and slowly started to live back time...

The moment you start

is the moment I became benign

I know little is known of you

to those standing in line

And I may too end up
waiting in time
but I'll take every chance
that gets me to you

One day at a time
I think we can make it through
till you become me
or I you...

And what would I not give if I could find...

what you hide in silence

Are those the words that will set me free?

But all that you look for

and all that you do

is what makes you true

I try and hide, keep a level head

and grow far out of sight,

keep calm and while away time

Because when you walk away,

each time it causes deep pain

It’s a feeling I’ve not known
and I know somehow I won't again

But it comes to me and remains

with long after I’ve mulled

all that there was to

In silence and at midnight

I am used to being my own cynosure

you’ve come and displaced
that rapture, jolted the core..

Everything there was, I was

after and before...

And I thought I was complete

before you came and chipped me away

and in the most populous of places

I feel more barren than I was yesterday

And yet I long to wait in each line

knowing not what lies ahead..

Could it be a mirage that lulled me in time...

Hoping you'd have me

somewhere in your heart if not mind...

Could I ever call you mine…?

I know I must be losing it

cause somehow I take everything you give me

as a final part of this tale

It kills me to know we’re not conjoined at heart...

we never were and it may stay so; we grow apart

But growing old together is my wistful mind at play

And gnawing at its doorstep is a hope

that this winter will turn

into a romantic autumn someday

And the hope wakes me up each day too

I could die each night

if all my mornings were to begin with you

And all that you leave behind is something

I could never earn...

And what could I say to you but go on…

I’m lying in hope,

only hoping that it brings some respite

I know odds overwhelm me

like nothing else in the world
and its them against my might

And yet I dare to ask you each time
you are the one for me and there's nothing
that will close that thought in time

It’s the audacity of hope that makes me inane

to bleed out any shame, discomfort or pain
and look beyond that dysfunctional logics
that obfuscate the pain

And seek you till you’re far away from my sight

and might... (which I know you never will be)

and nestled in oblivion…

And if curtains fall on this sight

I’ll not be putting up any fight…

I'm in love and always will be...

Somewhere, happy I’ll be dreaming,

gazing down your deep magical eyes

relinquishing alone in my heaven…

of togetherness that would only renew

A vision that remained

while you leapt towards skies…

2011-01-11T13:09:00.000-08:00

AN EQUAL MUSIC

Some new notes from my eyes on display

a few heart to heart tunes

and the music melted everyone away

I don't play for the distinguished wholes

or say it for the unsung souls

I could play though what would fight the light

to keep you where I savor the sight

Far from the prying eyes

I did take you away

but now that you are far from me

I take refuge in the musings of the moments

spent together

a comatose time

no feelings or thoughts spoken

any emotion would do just fine

please just keep indifference at bay

'take some pictures

that you may keep

that will lighten up your day

while I will go for my beauty sleep'

deep within I know you like I never knew myself

and I see what you look for is right through me...

painfully true and truly painful too

Can I stop and apologize,

its just me, just me and its meant to...

Its meant to ache and that's not where

I lose my way

It bites and stings and I would let it too

but this numbness that gnaws at me

in the wake of night...

I could get lost in your eyes

and believe everything in the end

will always be alright

Taking heart, there is another day

some more pain and some love to give away

O selfish heart, why do you seek

how can you keep what isn't yours to stake

Enough now, lets see where this night meets day...

2011-01-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

I'm Yours...

I’ll wait my turn
I’ve waited before
I’ll wait some more

I’ll wait for you to think,

till you can’t think no more

I know you’ve doubts
fears and inhibitions that you can’t flout,
that like clouds exacerbate your pain

I know you do...

And I do long to seek what makes you
lose your sleep, so I could take it all away

Give you love, and make you stay

I’ll loll in wait
Ah! Everyday I’ll take shelter till then
under you long tresses,

the never-ending mane

To let you see that I’m here to stay
I love you so; it gets hard to be away
But I’m willing to,

there is no wait more worth I’ve had to make

I know I came and messed it up

I couldn’t long any more in your wake
You, my muse, kept me wide awake
and swept me up from where I fell last
and picked me up and kept at the task

I know I ask a lot from you too
But liking me will be loving yourself too

I know I said ‘like’ and I know you're yet to feel that too

but the truth is... that I love you

I’m yours,

and that position I know was never mine to take

But I’m here now

and there is nothing I will not stake,

to let you go will be

the biggest mistake I'll never make

To hold you up and to still my doomed fate
and I’m willing to walk the line
If I know you’re mine

I know it sounds cheesy, it made read so too
some old limerick from a 3rd grader, who
can’t seem to think through...

And a kid I’ve become as I know not anyone pure,

who could say it without crossing his heart

that he is sure…

Course, they say love is an adult affair,

two sorted minds who could turn up in pairs
and you fit the bill, I know you do

To think of anyone would kill me,

through and through

And I know you’re as right

as I can get in life

And come what may,

I’ll be here as much as I was yesterday

Your love has made me stronger this way
So keep smiling and let me hold you like you have...

It’s because you’re stronger,

you’ve the strength to guide
my love and fears in your direction

And there isn’t a better form or affection that I know

Thank you,

you’re much more to me

than you’ll ever know…

I’m yours

and I know I’ve got nothing to show (for it)

Except that I...

I’m here to stay,

and I will be here

even if you go away…

2011-01-02T00:58:00.000-08:00

EMPTY SPACES

Talk to me about your soul

tell me the word that best rhymes
with whole

Give me a peek into the black

and let me shine in benign

Keeping all nerves at bay

he's been wanting to say

she's been holding his sleep

and its been that way

I can't tell you how deep

the fable blends in sleek

what changes is little

as night gives way to day

the hope is in kind,

an affection that lives in his mind

a vignette little less than perfect

hangs in dismay

and the feelings inside are but

a cure, no restitution possible

as the ailment is far from pure

the mind plays trivial games

hunts at night and hides all day

no one brings to light

what chiaroscuro is building at the bay

Tell me this is not a rabbit hole

with reflections of past

coming back to life

He moves from hope to courage,

mortgaging his fear

Looking back there were no chances taken

so all that was lost was just never there...

2010-12-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

BREAKING DAWN

An open door

with eyes wide shut

a breathing body

with a decrepit soul

sense of a life of semblance

with no human form to embrace or abhor

For every start the answer is new

the path is unknown

and the reason is you

A sense of fear of not loneliness,

but a dark spell

cast by the envious white light

cursing me with nothing else but insight

Where could this take me, no cure

living inside a mind

I'm trapped and abject

to all around, unsure

And you couldn't come to see

me at dusk

I bared my soul

to the crowd

and yet you could only be

who you were

who you wanted to be

someone, somewhere

but not a cure for my insanity

In broken ways I wonder why I still ask

for you

for myself

for any insipid ask

Should I just mourn or wait for twilight

if you could see me now

I'd disappear into the background of 'despite'

I couldn't ask you question

how could I

what if you had an answer

for all I would have is an alibi

for standing, waiting

not moving or seeing

anything else left for me from yesterday

except you...

Tonight stands for you and me

for all that we are

and for all that we can never be

2010-12-14T11:40:00.000-08:00

ASYLUM

Wake me up

I want to climb up the wall

don't trim me down

I'm not going taking the fall

I'm not looking for shelter

or a place to weep

drink me down with the dew

I'm running through my sleep

Shades in this darkness

have the same hue

silence before the storm

that I'm fighting over you..

Where do you dissipate,

my philandering soul

why do you nest in the

sordid sky

Why when you can't walk

you want to size the earth

spleen the green

and sip the mirth

I prayed for wings

but my tears bled me dry

I leapt in the air

but the ground fell shy

I call for your dreams

mine are far behind my sight

don't think of me when I'm gone

I wouldn't be glad to know

I was right

Kill me if you must

but let me know if we survived

I've lost fear of dying

for its living that I've survived

When I'm done sleeping

I'll gauge my fall

look in the mirror

and wait for you call...

2010-12-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

Perfectly lonely

something somewhere

somewhat amiss

thinking and grieving

I can but ignore

where is the silence

that I've not wanted to endure

in between walls

sounds of hollow shaken beauty

and a myth of

guarded demons shadowing the night

tame the hunger

the desire, the greed

taste the bittersweet

the ride to follow

here comes the sun

no sun to follow

the darkness too hollow

the mystery is

that there is but none

a want to deep

and a rage to run

far and wild

and up and above

to a placed call home

where I will meet love

and but there the story won't end...

2010-12-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

Face-lift

Take me in your stride

I've been an eyesore for long

Or tell me where to hide

Now that I've found you

I can't move on

At least tell me the meaning of this divide

I can't fathom another misfortune

Leaving and parting are meanings

I fail to accept

I've been numb far too long

People came and left

and took with them

what they saw was warm

when you came around and

mended me through

time seemed to stand still

and life seemed to renew

I woke up and sought a new life

and forgot the miseries that befell

Sing me now a victory song

before you move to your seams

I wish there was no more storms

but such is life

and I too will march on

2010-12-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

MINDFUL

I don’t hide it

But I wish I could side it

With my might I can light it

But with your rationality you can sight it…

I can but say and ignore

Wanting before speaking

And thinking after knowing

What I have is most pure

And what I let go

Will get brighter in the day

All those dreams will get stronger

While I keep them at bay

And all the silence that I hold inside

Will keep me farther from you and the light

I wish to tell you that this mad outlaw

Is also a reason of a sordid flaw

That is innate in me, that is me

That is you, that is pure

Of course there are aberrations

How can they not be

When you’re dealing with humans

Who can be emotional but not sure

Pure and impure are transient in time

Can you sing me with sanity any long lost rhyme?

You’ll see the meaning fades away

Faces wrinkle and voices wither away

A pale shadow of our mortal self

Every yesterday will tell you too

Thinking will not cut it

Doing it will make us true

I can hold onto dreams

Till they turn into reality

Till they make me see you

In the morning light

And under the night sky akin

But what do I do with reasons

That tell me I’m not to be myself

Not in front of scores

Not till we’ve see this phase

Not till we've lived in place

In lieu of what we are meant to be...

2010-11-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

OUTLINE

Lying in wait to be found

moving in circles, round and round

asking for wait and waiting too

Oh, I’ve not forgotten what I was to you…

Lovers in meaning and surrogates for fate

blending in healing for welter aftertaste

Quiz me now of a broken bridge

bonds that bend,

and of the twists in the fate

And I’ll sing you a soothing rhyme

Nothing beyond the story I’ve timed

and the reality

that today is so blue....

Twisting and turning and longing for churning

A hope put out off late…

a long forgotten wait...

Oh, but I could be the same to you

I could tear the sky and paint your face

And let it hang there for it to dry

Mortal and pure, neither after nor before

I could wait for signs from up above

and ask for a favorable end...

Wondering into, a dream castle anew

and wet sands clustering my view

One who can endure

could come and be me for sure

But I…

Oh, but I could dig a hole

an incomplete aberration of pure

and lie their while the sand wades

through the helter-skelter sun

Waiting to rob me of my sky

I could come if you close your eyes

Wish in me to keep you alive

And that way I’ll be through

Living and dying, vying for you…

2010-10-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

Somebody's someone

sometimes I feel I know it all

all the hurt, big or small

you could tell me

and I'd not find anything new

of what love is,

of what you need

and what you want

and what you speak

in all your stance

I know what you think

and I know why you do

I think I know something about

everyone but nothing about you

You, my image

that carries my fall

I wonder in question

have we met at all?

My spirit, please rise

lift me up from this veiled disguise

these people I know

sadly know me as much as I

I wonder in scores, and ponder alone too

What am I leaving in what I leave behind for you?

Who will come looking if I'm falling behind,

and what will I leave if it suddenly turns blind

The curse, and this sight

matter no more in darkness than light

for take me back before it mattered

let me see my old world in order

Passing time has left me grim,

there have been smiles

lasting only till I could blink

and in a flash, a new world pans

I look out and keep looking

I see strange faces, no faces or hands...

Cut me to present but present it new

something, a little something

that I must be to anyone you ever knew

and give me a reason to more than live

ask me to feel and grant me to give

A believer not dead but wry

is on a lookout for a religion

to shake some beliefs...

for someone somewhere

may read it too

like I did when I woke up

wishing over what I thought I knew...

2010-10-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

CONTINUUM

keep me where the light is

let me see while I can

strengthen my defenses

while I learn to fill out each blow

Hang me in silence

but don't keep me out of reach

while you go wondering

I'll be learning to breathe

hear me tender and dig down deep

with arms wide open

see the sky under which we seethe

and know the boundaries don't exist

fly by me in the hungered terrain

lean on me when it fails to rain

and shelter me in me

what seems inane

I'm learning to be full again

Even in your sleep

you can hear the cries,

the aftertaste of the dry-swollen eyes

think no more

and don't turn over a new leaf

its in the daylights that we can lose

what in the night we kept trying to seek

hope for answers that don't exist

keep shifting, stifling in time

moving on may seem progressive

only because there is no end in sight

2010-09-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Leave out all the rest

It still hurts,

you’ve changed your name

I’ve lost the game,

and you’re no longer here,

It still hurts,

I’ve cried the tears,

lived the years,

wrinkled in fears

coiled up till today

I move on as I sometimes do,

away from things, away from you

and think of life on a planet new

but why should I?

I can’t follow through

So I sit by the hourglass,

and let time form me a shape,

I watch closely the stars

that still give me light,

I sit right through,

while slumber lulls the night

I read each memory of your name,

and the misfit you said we were to each other’s name,

and it turns out we did move on,

just that I couldn’t outlive that song

I can cry but it hurts just as much

without it too

if I start I still seek you to continue

I watch you from far observing the change,

turning to the mirror that caged me benign

how could I ever give you

a better sign or proof, of my being aloof…

Light years back I could see this day,

yet looking back, memories of us are fading away

I can ask you for time,

I know you will have some,

I could ask you some more

but how could I ever ask...

Yourself, you..?

I’d only return to a night black,

an image of fantasy rusting in time

reasons and love that just didn’t rhyme

I see a couple, and I think it’s you,

moving on towards what you were meant to,

and I picture my name on that door,

creatively, I could still be your core

and you my accessory…

a sultry design,

oh, I could wear you

till my skin would have the impression

on which my heart resigned

I take it, you never felt this way,

in a world of chaos, how can logics come to play

I keep rowing, but I don’t seek the shore…

I’m just looking to run from the skies

that housed us, the one moment

I stepped into life’s pure

And since then this exploration

has been all about the will to explore,

the love she said is all about will,

but my might is wearing thin

Yes, without you, I seem to be wandering thin

not having much to lose

and without having a desire to win…

Though there are desires,

but none that I seek to pursue,

I could ask you to hold me again,

but then it wouldn’t just be me… or you

My solitude takes an admirable shape,

I’m seeking old worlds with a new gaze

but for now, like a miasma,

you seem to grow

and with every heartbeat I can feel that echo...

I gather around my thoughts

and continue to live in peace

and when the darkness becomes too bitter

I close my eyes and pray for release…

2010-08-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

1:30

It was that time of the night,
or perhaps day,
I couldn't speak much,
but I had enough to say

Thoughts in silence,
and emotions in fray
Give or take an aberration,
And two varied fates

would be the face of today

Few will understand

this night of dream,
dream I say

cause it doesn't get whiter in years

from a memory,

growing evenly into fear...

Some steps insipid

printed vastly in time,
and time it was

where the objection lay

Not enough asked,

not well said,
incompletely complete

like this very night,
or the one I sat through reliving it

In hindsight, a linear memory
that borders short of being fond,
yet comes sweeping back in years
the rush my heartbeat gets,
I can but survive...

I have no questions,

no answers nor claims,

only emotions kicking up

that since long I've renamed...

enamored completely

in the sands of time,

my withering projection

and the lust for benign

A static hollow no matter what I do,
a void I can't fill,

and now, neither can you

The spaces broaden

in the space of time
and slowly

even the flashbacks too

I wish there were

fewer names to remember in life,
in time,

when yours' flashes up high
I could look at it with a sigh of relief

And let go the overkill

that drills me to this day,
whatever it was,

was more special than I can say

Cheer up now,

the dawn is breaking fast,
Warm and tender

but emerging at last...

Tell me, oh timekeeper,

who should I bribe to have things my way?

2010-07-21T01:40:00.000-07:00

Of Desire

Dark and red and burning within

much too mellow for any fire

utterly chaotic yet peacefully at ease

melancholy taking it higher

proud of the void within

yet coy of the latent ire

the stranger at the gates

is beckoning to draw my desire

Clawing my way at every find

I'm holding on to the last drawn line

and you too are a part of that pagination

capillary threads blurring in indecision

Don't draw conclusions in haste

I too am a product of confusions

I live to be projected and not withdrawn

so take my hand and taste the dawn

Amongst my score who condemns and abhor

who turn up in numbers everyday ever more

I take not pity and I draw no relief

to a world that lives to conspire

Looking within I see down deep

there is all but a desire

Smoke and fire both delight

when it rages it fills my sight

a sudden passion too pure

of not wanting anything anymore

And if that is confusion

then so be my taste

Ill-ridden and confounded

I no longer live to appraise

or hold down what I feel

Dire be my need

but there's no dowsing this fire...