short snippets

Sunshine Summers

2011-06-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

This morning I opened the refrigerator, looked at the strawberries and instead of adding them to my cereal, I decided to chop the tops off and grind them all into a food processor, transferred the paste onto a thin baking sheet, covered the sheet with a thin white cotton cloth and set it out in the sun to make a strawberry-poli (dried strawberry pulp). Just as we did with mangoes in summer!

I also washed the bed-sheets and hung them out in the sun for drying. The smell of the detergent reminds me of my summer vacations in the village. We would walk atleast half a mile everyday to go to the only well that had water in the middle of summer. My father would walk on the log that was put across the river, which facilitated a pully connected to a huge water container. All you had to do is hold the container (that was connected by a bamboo to this pully) and walk on the log, until you reach the middle of the well. Then dip the water bucket by pulling the rod down and bending in the knees. As you stood up the container full of water would come up. As my father would walk back on the log with a container full of water, 3 little kids, that is us, would be waiting and giggling anticipating the fun we will have when that one big load of water splashes on us. Ahh! summers! Before the second load comes, we had to soap and shampoo and wait to be rinsed, and then the last one came for the final wash. Bathing in open air, at a well surrounded by mango trees and tall coconut palms is unparalleled. An experience I cannot put in words. If you can, close your eyes and imagine yourself being a 5 year old in a floral little underwear jumping and clapping besides a water-well. That was me!

On the side of the well was a rectangular water tank, build for feeding water to animals. Usually there used to be atleast some cows, bullocks or water-buffaloes drinking water from the tank. The grazing cattle must get tired in summers. In the company of these cattle every morning was spent in a paradise!

My mom would help us bathe as she would prepare for washing our clothes. All the waste water from the well was tunneled, via canals made with hollow bamboo to a neighbouring cowpea field. Yes! Cowpeas! I do not know who grew them, but it was like a community vegetable garden. While my mom would wash clothes we would go pick tender cowpea leaves, green pods, eggplants, tomatoes and chillies. Then we would walk back with her holding a bamboo basket on her head filled with clean clothes, and a water container on her side. we had our own little water containers that we had to carry on our heads. My mom would make little towel rolls and use them as padding between our heads and the containers. The half a mile route through dried and cracked up paddy fields used to be a fun walk for some reason.

After we came back we sipped rice starch water. This is supposedly good for health. The way they make it is, they keep red parboiled rice for boiling in an earthern pot for hours. Usually my mom would set it on fire in the morning and by the time we returned at around 11:00 am, it would be ready. We had to drink it up in flat aluminum bowls. It absolutely satiates your thirst. My village home, like every other home has a veranda in the front. Even today my father has tried to preserve the house as it used to be with no modern touches. The floor is made with mud and cow-dung (cowdung helps to keep insects away). We would sit around in the veranda on the floor and play with rocks, a game called pachi (5-rocks). one of the villagers would usually be sitting, chatting with my father. Likewise some lady would always peep in through the backdoor of the kitchen to make small talk with my mother. In return she would offer help in the kitchen. Right past noon it was time for lunch. My mom would start putting banana leaf on the floor. This was our plate. and then she would put a long woven mat in front of it. You sit on the mat and eat on the banana leaf as your plate. Rice, lentil soup and some kind of a vegetable garnished with fresh coconut is usually the lunch! on the side is ripe mango pulp, raw mango pickle, dried fried salted chillies and sliced cucumbers. A very summary meal indeed. Then it was time to call a dog. With all the left over food in big bowl and my mom would stand at the front door and yell out in the woods "yo yo yo yo". Wherever your dog is he can recognize your voice and he will come running for food. We serve the same food we eat to the dog too. It is 15 past noon here and the same heat outside. All I want to do is call vaghya (the dog) "Yo Yo Yo...."

Candy Candidity

2011-05-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

I talk a lot about little things of my life in India, especially from my childhood days, and almost always I realize when I am visualizing and telling those stories, my mom is on my mind. Simplicity is almost inseparable of her. Today I had a tamarind -chilli candy, coated with sugar and BOY! it took me back into the memory lane of candy days of my childhood, or should I say candid days of my childhood. My mom would give us coins and as if it was a big wealth we would grab them tight into our fists, push them in our little pockets and run to the store. Unlike here, stores or shops in India are just 20-50 feet down the street. The shop-owner knows each and every family, extended family and the whole pedigree. Unlike many shops here where you walk into the shop, shops in India have one open end where everything is displayed and a counter where you can ask for things that are not for outside display. The amount of business a shopkeeper has largely depends on his coustomer service. A shopkeeper who knows the family, their taste and always sells the good stuff to them without cheating becomes the family grocer (just like a family doctor). And just like any family doctor, he knows your family, preferred brands and the type of rice and wheat variety you will like. Beginning every month, my mom had to make a list of things she needed and my dad would drop it off at the grocers. And yes, all the dry groceries were delivered by a shop worker on his bicycle. Sometimes you pay money to the grocer and sometimes you pay it to this grocer boy, while some other times the grocer maintains a monthly tab and you pay him at the end of the month. Regardless of what kind of a transaction you do, trust is what builds and keeps businesses.

Coming back to the candy days. So with those saved coins, we would run to the store and stand there looking at the displayed glass jars full of candies, drooling over them until we made up our minds on what to buy. Somehow now it is all amazing to think about. At that moment you are very happy seeing all those colorful candies and anticipating the pleasure of eating them. Your eyes, tongue and your entire body language tells everything about your mind at that point of time. It is overly happy, confused and anticipating. The red hard round candies I think were my favorite, the white peppermint with black lines were also no less and then the orange slice shaped ones, the tamarind coated with sugar and many more. How much happiness could 25 paise buy, its beyond imagination now.

In those days of candies, life was actually about greed, greed for candies and yet if you think of it, it was innocent and candid!

Most times candies were a reward for doing something good or helping mom by quickly running to the store to buy some snack for the unannounced guest. It was very common to have such unannounced guest (perhaps because there were not many telephones and ofcourse because its culturally acceptable). It is almost a ritual to be able to offer them tea and some snack. Did we always just wait for a guest? yes, for one reason, we could then run to the store in favor of which we could get candies and another reason is the fact that the guests always bring something with them for the kids of the host. Biscuits (cookies), chocolates or other snacks. Now, I think that regardless of how well your mom feeds you, as kids you are always greedy for food, especially fancy foods. Us three siblings would wait for the guest to hand over the packet of cookies or choclates to one of us. We were trained not to rip it and eat it in front of the guest. As well-behaved kids we had to hand it over to mom and she would later give it to us in measured amounts :) "No hogging, eat slowly and only 2 cookies, no more" she would train. From what I remember, softly and lovingly my mom had taught us discipline, discipline for life, and even when we grew up to become messy teenagers, she never used power to create a sense of responsibility, it was always love, reasoning and forgiveness.

She could be pleased, by bringing home for her the Parle-caramel candy wrapped in red waxy wrapper. With utmost gratitude she would enjoy the little something we brought for her, even after we grew up to earning substantial. Her simplicity is almost inseparable. :)

I sucked on it in Public! OOPS!

2010-05-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

I open the refrigerator door to munch on something healthy (considering I am trying to eat detox diet this week, fruit is the only likeable option right now , I hate to chew on raw veggies). I wonder how people chew down a bowlful of lettuce, arugula etc. with those annoying vinegery toppings and pay around 6 -higher bucks for that freaking bowlful of grass with a sour pee (YES READ IT PEE). Well, if you were thinking detox = grass, then no, I am not on one of those diets. I am just trying to eat no toxins, and something that is light and easy on my organs.

Anyway, back to the open door of the refrigerator...i wonder pear? apple? orange? plum? strawberries....ya strawberries...this is exactly what happens when I go grocery shopping too..there r tons of varieties of foods and I can't quite make up my mind on one. But there is one fruit on earth I will never get over ! Mango! Today again when I opened the refrigerator I slide back the strawberry box and say to myself, how about a Mango ripened in my bamboo basket!

You can challenge me enough, but you bet I can suck into a mango almost anywhere, even if I were to eat with the Elite British Queen family, I will still suck into a mango! Just serve it on my plate, or serve it on my table cloth, oh why even that let me grab it striaght in my hands; I will smell it deep, chew out the resin end, squeeze it and just suck! and if my mouth makes a weird sound (like someone smooching on an empty glass bottle) be assured I am still fine and enjoying and if I get excessively indulged and the juice squarts, or drains up onto my palms, down to the hand I will not let fall even one drop of the nectar! the life nectar I say! You think I am exagerrating?

Huh! I didn't have a chance as of yet to dine with the Queen, but all amongst a bunch of spoon and fork eaters, right in the middle of the day, in a crowded school bus, I sucked on a mango! sorry, couldn't just wait until lunch :D

Zero!

2010-04-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

Although this would be the state of mind everyone wants to attend, a zero! I am not liking this very moment. I am still struggling to find words to define what i am feeling right now . I have 1000 things right now in my mind, yet I am feeling a blank. But none of these 1000 things I can talk, perhaps to no one.

So, hence although I have started to write this blog, I will close it with something my friend told me today
"Everything has to change".

Ambition

2010-03-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

I don't have a clear definition for this. But I do know what it means.

In a short ambition is not focusing on what you do not want to do, but rather it is to focus on what you want to do.

The goal is to find out what to do and not what you don't want to do. In the latter case, you usually end up finding several options of running away, the focus of gaining something is distributed amongst all several options. In the former however there is only one option and this is why there is most likely a strong focus. The risks of stepping onto a wrong stone with the desperateness of just getting the foot off from what you are already supported on is BIG!! simply BIG!! Ambition is not taking the risk and effort you take to quit something, its the risk you to take to achieve something. Find out that focus of achievement. It is always positive and the outcome is positive and success! and that is ambition!

Health India

2010-02-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

I am not going to write this post from the perspective of a food scienctist/nutritionist telling people how healthy Indian diet is, but I am merely going to talk about my flash backs in the past which occur like day-dreams when I sit amongst a bunch of people talking about "Kashi" "organic market" and all the PURE & diet stuff. I can't avoid but smile back in memories and say "Really?" And then my life in India strolls into my memories and I can feel it deep inside my lungs, a life of Health! a life of purity!! even within the uncleanliness and the crowd I can still think of breathing pure today!

Someone came up with this question the other day "what does this kashi mean" and i interupted the speaker (who obviously did not know) "according to Indian belief (or precisely Hindu belief) Kashi is the purest place on earth. The ganges waters are so pure and holy that they have the power to wash every sin and detoxify you; perhaps kellogs wants to imply that their line of products is the same, pure: with the capacity to bring good and to detoxify bad".

So anyway thus when all these people brag of purity and talk of multi-grains, stone-ground flour etc etc. I say to myself really??? Sarcasm! stone ground? I dont know what that is? all I remember is that my granny washed rice, dried it in the sun and then ground it in between two stones. Sitting in front of it on one side, with her on the other, all we had to do was to hold the upper stone circle and rotate it on the lower and keep up with her speed. While doing so she would tell stories, various stories, and within minutes in front of the folded lap, there was a bowl-full of fresh white rice flour! as white as snow!

The first week of every month I walked with dad to the nearest baniya (shop-keeper), who will have a range of different types and qualities of wheat. By tossing a handful on his palm and watching it in the light I do not know how but dad judged its quality "golden grain, full, looks good, make it 10kg". And within an hour or two my mom chatting with granny would be done cleaning and transferring it to a tin (usually a heavy big aluminum container). Then with her we would be off to the miller (chakki-wala). I always wonder how he has this sharp memory of remembering whose container belongs to whom, but he did. And to avoid any misplacement everyone had their names carved on their own containers when they bought it (very unique in India to posses a metal possession). Most times, you will find him behind the mill, tapping with a stone on the mill "tak tak taktak tak" he only peeps to see you arrive and as you put the tin down he says "come after an hour".

Apart from this, once a year in summer mom would go shopping for red chillies and spices and bring it ground into a super-fine masala for really reasonable price. About Multigrain, multinut.?.I know mom made ladoos with a mix flour of mong, wheat, chanadal and bunch of other legumes and lots of dates and nuts!! every time i chew on a granola bar i can only go half way !! but you give me a ladoo and i can gulp down two at a time.

In the list of FRESH do I have to mention fresh vegetables, fish, free-range chicken, eggs, mushrooms, flowers, home-made products etc?

Kashi people, all you got to do is, go walk the streets of India, spend a couple months with these families and you will know PURITY IS PLENTIFUL!! how only if we do not try to package it in plastic!.

The V-day!

2010-02-12T12:36:00.000-08:00

So, they are selling V-day candies and V-day handmade cards in our department. It is kind of a fundraiser activity for their respective organizations. Since last whole month all these pink & red colors are stuck into my head. All the stores have a love aisle and I have not yet peeped in one. Unlike most girls I hate pink, I am a fan of blood red, but the V-fever is so much around, that I have had an indigestion of the colors already.

Regardless, when I think of V-day surprises I cant avoid thinking of red by default. Perhaps its time for my red wedding gown again. :) If I would have been in nashville a trip to sewanee was sure on cards. Imagine a V-day in a quiet place like sewanee, where you drive up to this valley-overlook, sit in the grass spending hours observing the tiny houses, grazing cows, fields, winding roads and the deep blue sky. Or unwind in front veranda of the small home-style cafe, drinking coffee/passion fruit soda. Or drive around through the town seeing the beautiful wheatish rock buildings which look like old cathedrals and forts. Nowhere, the pink color touched my wish did it? Having said this I am trying to remember what we did last V-day. I cant recollect, i can recollect all other romantic moments, trips etc etc but this one day. I remember how i decorated the house with candles, cooked a wonderful italian meal, wore his favourite black dress when he first came visited me in starkville. I remember how I put 100 colorful stickies on the wall, each of which said "i love you becoz..." and thus i had 100 reasons why i love him. And a lot more small, everyday romantic moments, but I cant remember last years V-day. Vikram doesn't remember either. :D all we remember is we moved to a new place the same day. so perhaps last V-day was of boxes! boxes and boxes!

This V-day I am in this flat wild state of TX. Due to rains this week and last, the town of college station is soggy. with a 50,000 student population I am sure 2moro its going to be all pink and red and crowded. And it will be hard to find a place to eat in any damn restaurant we go. My romance tricks and tips are exhausted and I really cannot think of anything, especially the ones, Vikram cannot guess. He also guessed his gift correctly in one shot before even it has arrived. On one hand thus I have this disappointment that now I am very much an open book to him and on the other I am thinking about what to do...heart-shaped strawberry cookies, strawberry cake?? (oh well he loves those..so perhaps...).

So anyway, whichever way you do it, its important you tell the person you love and care. Say with all heart "I Love You" and to all my friends through this blog I have to say "I love you too"

An update!

2010-01-12T22:38:00.000-08:00

Ruby died yesterday!!

I don't really have to say more than "It's weird to see dr. gould without Ruby walking with her"
Wish peace for both: Dr. Gould and to Ruby's soul!

life after death..: yet another world of my dreams

2010-01-06T21:50:00.001-08:00

So the dream started with a war. We (mom, dad, babli, pintu & I) were living in an old British Building with yellowish stone walls, high roofs, curved doorways, with houses opening into a common gallery made with archways. There are many other families on the same floor with us. All houses/rooms are in a line. The building is 4 sided and has a common square in the centre, everyone can see this square from their backwindow. On the other side. i.e outerside are the hallways.

The enemy in war with us has all the necessary equipment and is gathered in the square. They shoot randomly at houses. As the sun goes down noone wants to have the lights on, so the enemy can shoot the shadows. Mom is scared of darkness he wants the lights on, she insists, cries to keep the lights on. We beg her not to. Suddenly a bunch of our neighbours come dressed and equipped with whatever weapon they have, pistol, bamboos etc. They tell dad that they have decided to fight it back. Dad wants Prasad to join. He shreds off his shoulders and says “I don’t believe in pretentious bravery, we are not equipped and we will die, I would rather not try and live, or perhaps find some other ways to deal with this than go fight with them.” Dad is very disappointed and they all leave.

The next lapse of dream:

In one end of the hallway a man walks from the square to the hallway to check some valve, perhaps its an important valve for them. Other than that there is no enemy in the hallway. During this gap when the man walks back to the square and comes back after another 15 mins or so, people move across the hallway, from one room to another etc. this is the only means of activity. It is during this time that all the neighbors had gathered all equipment and made a group.

The next lapse of dream:

Some recombination has occurred and now me, mom and sonu are together, everyone else is somewhere else. Sonu is little (3-4 yrs age) and wearing a red frock with big white hibiscus like flowers. We three are sitting quietly behind a desk in a room which is near to the other end of the hallway (end opposite from the valve). I intermittently peep to check on the valve man. A new thing occurs. Other than the the valve man, now a little girl keeps walking across the hallway like a guard. I am amazed that the enemy would employ a little girl. She is different in the way she is volatile, she is made of different matter than human beings. She is more like “Casper”. I do not know why in the dream I don’t seem to think in depth about her and just assume her to be on the side of the enemy.

Next lapse of dream:

While we are hiding behind this desk, sonu suddenly starts feeling uneasy, she is frightened. She starts chocking her breath and crying. I try to hold her mouth shut and tell her if she cries they will know and they will come get us/kill us. But she doesn’t stop. The little guard girl comes inside the room and this scares me to death. Mom is fast asleep. I don’t understand what to do. I take sonu on my lap and try to tell her stories….the little guard sits besides her and is amazed and watches sonu stop crying. She seems happy. That very moment I feel she is not the enemy.

Next lapse of dream:

Don’t know how the little guard convinces us, but we start walking with her in the hallway towards the other end of the hallway, opposite to the valve. The very moment the valve man walks up and seeing us he runs straight towards us. The little guard holds sonu tight and I fall to the ground in the attempt to run. We three stand still when we see the valve man right in front of us. I know I was going to be killed. But even in that moment of crisis in my dream I think grandeur: My thoughts : “there is no way I can be killed, I have more meaning to my life than dieing so early, I am born to achieve something great, how can I even die? There is no way that this will happen and things with change within a split second and I will be saved.” Inspite of this high optimism the next moment I am flat on the ground, with his gun pointed on my forehead and I scream loud close my ears and he shots me in my head…….Its unbearably loud…

Next lapse of dream:

I realize I am dead and being walked through the same hallway by a lady to a room. As we walk inside ,there is group of young boys sticking stamps on envelops. Seems like a post office, but it isn’t. the very next moment all the men/boys start rearranging their chairs. I think as if there was going to some meeting or class. But they align in a weird way…all chairs making a square facing each other. And inner square, outer and outermost. I wait for someone to stand up lead, doesn’t happen. They all sit in a square and talk. The talks are pretty light, intimate and fulfilling. This is the feeling I get, but I don’t remember what they talk about. They acknowledge my presence and offer me a chair too, but they don’t ask me any questions about my name, where I come from etc. etc. but I still remember having intimate conversations with them, of what I don’t know. They all are extremely happy. VERY happy & content and I am too. I start to walk to the other rooms and while leaving I notice that the lady who walked me in is using her sewing machine needle without a thread to cut beautiful stamps. Another noticeable thing was that all these people are wearing blue and white medium check shirts and khaki pants. They all look bright, healthy, intelligent and extremely happy.

(After I woke up I was wondering why at that time I did not think of what happened to my family, or what happened to sonu, did he kill her too, if he did why isn’t she here with me? I am surprised now that none of these feelings struck me then and why I was happy?)

I am walking around this building and I come across all these people who are all similar again, dressed white-blue, healthy bright and happy. Each one is engaged in something very likeable to them, some are reading, some are sewing, some are sitting and talking and the place is majestically powerful, in the sense the feeling is absolutely grand and energetic, perhaps spiritually inclined. But again I don’t reason it until later when I am awake. In the dream I am a part, I am not grandeur like I was the moment I died. Even when I see that people are not lead, that there is not herieachial organization to any of these activites and that everyone of them is equal, when in my very nature I have leadership, I still do not try to lead. I unknowingly, unquestioningly become a part. I smile, I talk and I remember having intimate yet emotionally independent conversations. As to what the conversations were? I don’t know. The only odd in the whole world was a young man with a bandaid on his forehead, I quite couldn’t understand it post-dream.

Anyway, so as I am walking in this world, suddenly I come atop a fort. A fort which is build near an ocean. I am in the air and right in front of me babli jumps up on the wall trying to enter the fort. That very moment I scream in overwhelmed emotions I hug her, kiss her. She is on her 2 hands trying to jump across this wall. She stops for second, screams loud to someone, “ehh I feel and smell someone…, I know who it is….weird” and she brushes her head off…and then jumps off the wall inside the fort….That very moment I cry aloud, I scream I hug her…I wish for atleast one single moment she could see me, hear me, but she can’t….she runs …. “ehh sonuuuu thamb me pan yete..” In the centre of the fort on a big stone there is sonu…..jumping around in her red frock with white flowers. (She was saved).

Pet

2010-01-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Sean lost kelly pretty recently on christmas eve. I never thought about the importance of pets in a person's life before this day. At many times I have pondered and wondered why and how dogs or cats become a part of the family. Why people who have them think so adorably about them and why inspite of a 9 billion human population on earth dying unattended we spend so much money on our pets than adopting some child in the world, when in return really pets don't give us any profit in terms of market value. Although, you may think I am being mean and talking more business, but actually I am only wondering human mentality, its not me its overall human thinking, for all we have surrounded ourselves is always weighed in terms of profits and losses, advantages and disadvantages, yet we have pets. So, what are the profits of having a pet? you only understand the loss when they are gone!!

The closest I have known who remembers his pet with almost eye watering blankness in space is my father. Next I have known Sean & now Dr. Gould. I have never had a dog myself but only for 2 days when i was in verona. But since that day I had always wanted to have one...always!! A black lab or a german shepherd would be perfect for my choice. But this goes in the wishlist and will come into picture perhaps as a company to my growing kid. What's so incredible about dogs? Max: "think about it, they are extremely happy to see you after you return from work, noone else in the house is as happy as they are, they jump with energy, you kinda fist fight with them, they are excited and just linger around you!! they relax all the stress of your day!!" really, that was convincing and I had never thought about this before. The 2-days I spent with the black lab in the deserted extension center of Verona were only easy coz I had a company, a company who walked with me, guarded me and happily greeted me!

My father talked often about his dog, how he was really aggressive and mean with strangers but how he only listened to him, how one time he had a wound that kept swelling and since there were no vets in the village that time, how my father used to clean the wound, dress it and he recovered. But eventually in a few days he lost the dog!! It is admirable that you can care for your pets more than anyone else.

An evening that we spent at the sweet eugene's over coffee Sean had to talk a lot about kelly. How she has been with him for almost 10 yrs now, and how its hurting to see her go blind slowly in her eyes and how its very difficult to feed her coz she can't smell the food, how he is hoping that she gets recovered from the fungal infection. Although I was hearing about her recovery for a few days she eventually died.

And now its going to be a short time for Ruby: Dr. Gould's dog. I pet her yday and the day before. She doesnt look the same now, she is growing weak and seems depressed. She ignores you and walks away from you....the vet says she has cancer which according to them was treatable with chemo. Apparantly last week they realise it has spread to her lungs and she only has between 2 weeks to 2 months. The thought disturbed me...but the loss is inevitable now in these few last days whenever best chance I get I decide to see Ruby!

The white tuke @ kutubminar!!

2010-01-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

So now, this is one of the many dreams I have had, although most of them I talk out to vikram and forget some forever, i want to keep this one for me. Mostly coz to me its a dream of depiction of my desire to go back to singleton life (dont get me wrong, getting married is not being unhappy or losing anything, but its still way different than the carefree, curious and a constantly searching for something type of singleton life...once you find your prince charming, the cozy home, the dreams about a family etc. etc....the journey seems stable and to some extent un-adventurous anymore.)

So I am in the dream cruising around India, with a bunch of youth gang, offcourse something like a youth hostel group. I am exploring north I know coz i can see snow, i can see mountains and i can see fog. I am in a bus, suddenly I am in a train, then I am walking the slim lanes of delhi perhaps, and I am puzzled in the walls of jaipur, or I am looking up high up in the sky and hide my face from the scortching noon sun..overall I know I am wandering, enjoying and loving being alone!!.. yet being in a bunch of people i know but in a bunch of many more strangers too, I love travelling and I am enjoying that undisturbed, alone in my dream!! On my way a lot many people peep, talk, sit besides in the train, some I know, some I perhaps know, some I absolutely don't.

Next moment I am walking in the streets of Delhi, street shopping for some colorful bangles, and perhaps I am wearing an equally colorful bright orange skirt, with a white top of lace and pearls...weird combination even in my dreams. I meet kranti, perhaps i meet many i know, but now i remember him, standing besides me while I am looking amazed at kutubminar. He hands over to me a white handwoven tuke that he had just shopped on his way. it has some greyish design incorporated just on the edge, the rest its cotton white. I don't care to look at it as I am more interested in kutubminar......he tells me again "aree yaar this is for you, atleast look at it" ...something like this...And i say "OMG where did you even find this. it looks funky, so you shop in delhi for this weird woven white blank looking tuke when there are so many beautiful bright colors around? " I have no clue to why i said that, Its being such an a**hole to someone, what even if it was a dream. but there begins our argument about its color, design, make etc etc until the end of my dream...

I know even if it is a dream, its arrogant to fight over tuke designs with someone who has got you one...But that was me in my singleton life :) in reality and now also in dreams :D

Sea Shells

2009-11-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

I brought back from home
A handful of shells
The little hearts inside
Are already dead

I brought back from home
Sand in my clothes
I am dusting it off
But it wont go...

I brought back from home
memories of the beach
the sunrise i cant remember
the dusk has hovered me..

I brought back from home
big winged flight...he flew away..
the little chirpie sandpiper
Still keeps twitting my way

I brought back from home
palms with no shade
With might and might
they looked at me cruising away..

Evolving?

2009-11-09T20:31:00.001-08:00

Theories of evolution have tried their best to explain the profundity of the role of nature; how in every manner and degree it has affected the fate of a particular species, its behavior and interactions. Even if you know a little bit of biology you will agree on the fact that nature has the capacity to select and deselect what is an adapative advantage or disadvantage. Increased melanin in the skin of tropical dwellers is the most common advantageous adaptation that I may quote here. For how it deselects here is an example. Most recessive lethal diseases are prevented from inheritance by nature’s mechanism of reproductively quarantining the organism, which means most victims of recessive lethal never survive till the reproductive age or in some cases they are born sterile (sterility although is not a direct symptom of the consequence of this lethal genetic inheritance). In short, nature knows to choose. While doing this I am sure it uses the least energy utilizing and least loss incurring mechanism. Also sometimes the perhaps it uses an adaptive change which is short term and may not be fixed in nature on a longer time scale. Eg. Sex change in south African frogs. Its only the lack of presence of a mating partner that one of the frogs might be changing its sex from all females to male.

So what am I trying to infer or explain? I am try to find out if the increased degree of homosexuality in human beings has an evolutionary significance? Ideally, it should. Consider human beings as an evolutionary entity first and not machines of ethics, religion and principles. Now consider the fact that the human population is expanding gigantically in numbers and its taking over every other species on earth. Wouldn’t nature want to give the human species a time-off or a reproductive pause now? I believe homosexuality is a reproductive pause in the human species. Well, then the question you should ask is, why can’t it wipe off the species by giving a pathogen to develop an advantageous incidence to infect? Yes it is simultaneously doing that, count all the past epidemics along with swine flu now. But because intelligence of human is a very high advantageously selected evolutionary development, it tends to overpower all the other species attempts to fix for themselves a new trait of advantage.

In this said condition apart from other attempts of lowering human population nature has to also select a trait that will help to set a temporary halt to growth of human population. This trait I believe is homosexuality. I would support by theory by several points: 1. nature is doing this coz this is the least energy expending mechanism for reason that it is going to retain the reproductive capacity and sexual urge but going to change the sex-drive, now towards the same sex person. Thus later in time when the population equilibrates /optimizes, nature does not have to work towards developing a functional reproductive mechanism again, but it can only switch it back to normalcy of sex-drive (between opposite sexes). Homosexuality I believe will thus not get fixed in nature, coz if it does then it will lead to the loss of the reproductive capacity of Humans for ever marking us extinct.

Next time you see two guys kissing or girls licking, don’t you forget to give a little thought to this reproductive pause. Remember, its working as an advantage for us: the human species!!

The eastern winds

2009-10-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

Wherever I have lived since my childhood, the Diwali days feel the same. There is some kind of unique aroma in the atmosphere, chilly breeze in the air and bright sunshine during these days!! In the house along the backbay of Coloba coast, in the grassland complex on the beautiful 1st floor house of Assam, the row houses of Bhandup, the slope up slope down complexes of Dombivli, the feilds of Mississippi, the grenery of Nashville or now the flatland prairies of Texas; Diwali seems the same everywhere. Slowly, although we have moved from elaborate customs to real short cut diwalis, it seems nature hasn't done that. I rememeber when we were kids we used to draw a rangoli every day till tulsi lagnam, make diwali snacks starting a week before diwali, light lamps all around in the front of the house, make or buy kandil (paper lamps), decorate the entrance with string of lights, invite people and distrubute snacks to everyone in the neighbourhood, gather and play fire crackers and build killas (forts). Slowly as we grew up all these elaborate things we ourself started cutting off. Our parents and grandparents tried their level best by passing on these traditions down to us. My mom never failed to make all the faral (snacks & sweets) in quantities that would last for the entire vacation period of 21 days. She never failed to take us to the market and buy us fire crackers, she taught us how to put rangoli and how to decorate it with lamps. And to this anytime if she would falll short of enthusisam, I would have my uncles & aunts and grandparents to compensate for that. Happiness for whatever part it was, was always been brought in diwali by my mom and she has tried her level best in her capacity to make it the best diwali she can for us. So, even if I have not remained to be a highly traditional, religious and methodical person, it would be neccesary to introduce my kids to these customs. It will be their choice to follow it further or not. And with experience I can say, that even if I do not try to remind myself of diwali, the weather will always motivate me and keep me reminded!!

Happy Diwali

Appreciation

2009-10-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

You can only bring a horse to the waters and can't make him to drink it. And that is the same with people.

You will find me smiling once in while on my own thoughts. Each one of us does that and its when we recollect small humorous incidences from our past!! So I just recollected one now, while I am reading this book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. This has been on my "to-do" list for quite a few years now and apparently I have never been motivated enough to go get and read it. This is one of the best sellers, a very simply written book and I have seen how it can improve interpersonal relations after myself having gone through mere 3 chapters of the book.....

But let me stop here telling you about the book and tell you about the humor in relation to this. Max was reading this book then and he was totally boggled by it. I could see how he was trying to imply all that he was learning. Although, I always thought him even before, to be excellent in dealing with people without being verbose like most marketing guys are. So anyway, as he was going all ga ga over this book he would read me all that he learnt in short every chance he would get an this is how I was introduced to this book. Shankar was well known for his rude (I would say blundered) words especially with girls, i.e. me and marie the only girls at the research station. I guess all the old secretaries liked him as they liked everyone else. Slowly I had stopped feeling bad about his rudeness as I soon realized that shankar (like most other Indians) does not have the flair to talk to people such that they will be pleased always. I told him onetime he should equally appreciate people so they don't mind listening to critcism or taking those word blunders from him. Only criticism is all the way dangerous and it could get him into trouble when he says things sometimes which dont even intend to criticise. Confused? dont be, read it over again. Max told shankar that girls like to be appreciated..this may not necessarily mean flattery but once in a while if you could tell them that their dress looks good and mostly shoes are the safest thing of girls to talk about ..and girls like hearing that. Shankar, seemed to register all that in his mind.

The next day as we all sit and eat at the lunch table (a tradition of group lunching at workplace was only at Verona), Shankar deliberately peeps down the table to carol's shoes who is sitting next to him. Me and Max sitting right in front of him tried our best to control us from bursting out loud in laughter, but shankar guessed it from our faces and rushed into say it. The very next moment he goes "Oh!! you got some lovely shoes today" and we burst out. Carolyn, I don't know what she thinks but sure is moved by Shankar's words, she blushes, her face goes red and she puts her arm around shankar and pats his back, smiles and says thank you :) . A little twinkle in her old eyes tells us that she loved what he said and that she is totally flattered.

Appreciation however intended, when it comes from an innocent person is always considered precious. :)

But, to Shankar we would say "You can bring a horse to the waters but can you make him drink it?"

Garden spree

2009-09-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

Having a good size patio to an apartment home is always such a great feeling for someone like me. It is sad to see only 1 out of 15 apartments on our side with patio having plants, every other patio seems unused and empty, not even a chair ...what uninteresting people live on earth. I have always been interested in gardening but much to my and other's dismay have lacked in being regular on that. Even if you would think plant science is all about growing plants in the garden, trust me it is just one of the many aspects that we learn. Atleast it was never my cup of tea and the best proof is the fact that I have killed many beautiful plants in the past due to lack of knowledge of how to grow plants. E.g. the Zinnia that susan gave me in our tupelo apartment. To this you would say, then how did you get the job of a greenhouse manager. Trust me I didn't know anything about greenhouses, I didn't know anything about flowering plants nor did I know anything about growing plants on a commercial level. But I knew one thing that I had to get this job. The only growing experience I had were the few chilli, watermelon and eggplants that we had stuck in Max's rows in the unused part of his experimental feild. We grew atleast 40 watermelons, 100s of peppers, 10 eggplants in the whole growing season. The only contribution to this gardening effort from my side was to pick the produce and take it home :D. And why do you think was it so easy? The feild was on auto-watering and auto-fetilizer! all you had to do is dossetron the fertilizer to the feeding lines once a week and switching on and off the water tap once a day!! I still think we wouldn't have been good gardeners coz 90 % watermelons were eaten and destroyed by the kayotes. If any other feild experience that I can add is that I watched Susan growing different kinds of peppers in her trial beds. I would walk her crop whenever I got a chance and during the harvest season I served as her chilli taster :)

Since then, the color of peppers has instilled a liking for plants in me. And today after the few month greenhouse experience I have atleast found a good hobby to myself and that is gardening. Soon you will see my patio flowering and lush green with a number of different plants, flowers, vines and it will be a place you will all wait to be at.

I have already planted rosemary, mint, curry plant, oregano and basil. Looking for some garlic chive seeds, walmart is running out of seeds and i cant find any other place selling them for cheap. For the flowers, i have planted mums -golden yellow and pink. I have made 2 hanging baskets one with vinca (white with purple centre) and an airplant. I will be sowing some pea seeds that I have, it will make a beautiful vine in the patio. + I like the purple color of sweet pea flowers. On another end, morning glory would do just great. I wish I find some honeysuckle, ahh the fragrance is very close to jasmine.

For the house plants I have got a nice pink colored bromelaid, in the living room. the color is real amazing, I have always only seen red and yellow colored bromelaids, like the one Kranti got for me, but the one we got now is different. For the study room we have a lovely cacti. Lowe's has a good collection of them . I dont know what would be good for the bedroom, yet. All the three rooms have good light, so I can go part sun-part shade type of plants.

Gardening is making me feel real happy :) Oh yea!! i forgot about the yellow lily. My MIL packed me some seeds of yellow lilies, they are gorgeous. I have attached a picture of it to this blog. They should grow from spring all through summer.You all are always welcome to visit my garden. :).

The Great-Wall Mart

2009-09-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Yes a little bit of word play there and a whole lot meaning to my blog. I am not going to try to convince you not to buy at Walmart, coz I would be the one amongst many who would have to try not to do that first. I have done it in the past and have followed it strictly, reasons were many and one of them was , me buying for walmart is buying china made which means indirectly supporting communism, rather pseudo-communism. China has grown to a big power in the world market, so much that US is in debt and owes billions to China, but this is at the expense of its own people. Ask a chinese someday, how even if he can't speak good english has wanted to come to the US? and if ever he will want to go back? The answer will be 100% NO! there are no memories of the country that they want to keep other than family (perhaps). Well, let us not go deep into the debate of that, and lets stick to Wall-mart, oops...Walmart. So why not buy at walmart just coz it sells china made ? OH COME ON!! the whole world is doing that now. Every store has low end china made brands? even the pousche stores? They equally sell stuff made in china and still price it higher than Walmart. Have you ever tried to compare Hunt's diced tomatoes at Kroger and Walmart? its always cheaper at Walmart! So yes what big deal, why not I buy the same product at Walmart, not that I am buying china made/great value walmart product! I am buying HUNT's, did you hear me a NON-CHINA Brand. Seems like a valid argument so far, doesn't it?

Why do you think I am writing this post? It should lead me somewhere anti-walmart right? I am writing this so everyone knows that the difference (20 cents/30 cents) we try to save by buying at walmart, comes out for a pretty heavy price for the workers. Have you ever pondered on this question? How can walmart sell this cheap, why no other store tries to over compete by lowering the prices? Walmart saves a lot on depriving its workers of benefits, keeping them on low salaries, not allowing to make labor unions, keeping as many temporary employees as it can and by not maintaining its factory facilites upto the US standards. And this is the price we help them save when we try to save 20 cents on a can of tomato soup. And oh yes! one more thing, have you ever heard of a Walmart Hospital/Walmart primary school/ Walmart orphange? So yes, its one of those non-donating companies too.

Do we care? obviously we dont, that is why we still stuff our houses with great value, home accents and other walmart brand products. Saying NO to walmart will cost 10 dollars extra on our monthly bills, but it would make a huge difference in voicing against communism and in favour of labor laws.

P.S.: Few months back Mumbaities did not allow Walmart to set up its store in Crowford market. Dont feel proud, it wasnt the voice of mumbaikars, nor was it in the interest of the small shopkeepers, it was the politics of the mall-owners and politicians. How can they have a Walmart sell cheaper when they have jumped the prices of even a 1 rs. worth topaz blade and especially when they are planning to raise towers, to make mumbai at par with Shanghai!!

Krishna

2009-09-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

You definitely at this stage and age wouldn't want to believe the story of a small kid and Krishna. He had to pass through a jungle everyday to attend school. His fear was his drawback, and was keeping him off school, until his mother told him about "Krishna", not as god, but as she put forward "Krishna" being an elder brother who lives in the woods and that in any difficult situation of fear he should call upon krishna for help. Being an Indian, i definitely know a whole bunch of such godly, ghostly and mythological stories inherited from parents, grandparents and uncle-aunts. But being an Indian I have also learned to keep the fine balance of science and faith and a fine demarkation of both so none conflict at any time. I do listen and like to propogate the story of samudra manthan or how Brahma created the universe etc. etc. But I certainly don't' advocate those in the perception of science. Science is equally a strong religion that I have accepted, as much is religious faith, just the faith.

Well, why am i going there? No I am not going to talk about the rhetorical topic of evolution in the context of Christianity here. I am just going to write an experience about faith, my faith.

So after all the family and financial hurdles I landed in Verona on a Thursday night. I was ceremoniously picked and placed in a very good hotel for that day and Friday was my day of report. Verona!! OMG came to me as a slow shock. I didn't know that it was off-campus, definitely not that it was 1 hr drive from campus and that there is no public transport that connects it with the main campus. Flying down from a busy city of Bombay into an almost country like place of Verona was quite a shock in many ways. But it was peaceful. I kind of liked the place in the first go. The vast fields were really beautiful. The house of the director, which was empty was provided to me. A huge 4 bedroom, living, kitchen, dinning wooden cottage was all for me to be used!! I bet everyone who has been in the house will budge for its beauty and its home feeling. And it was right in front of my office. Slowly as the day started going down, everyone started winding up and almost before 5 everyone left to their homes, bidding me a bye with smile "Its Friday!!". The place came to a dead silence in a moment. The winter days of January were not very long, and the sun was almost down. The horizon wasn't beautiful with sun rays, unlike the sunset in Bombay and the daylight was already so dimmed. I tried to check for a watchman, couldn't find one. Adjoining the office was a big highway, all you could hear is the passing vehicles, just intermittently. Admiring the beauty of these cold winter days, I wrapped my face in the only scarf that I had brought with me. My dad bought it way back when he was posted in Jammu for his military training. After that it was the first time i was using it. Bombay never was so cold. With hands tugged in tight in my jeans pocket, the leather jacket on and face wrapped in the scarf I just started taking fast steps towards the house. Something zapped right behind me. And I would have almost been dead in fear if I couldn't have seen anyone, but there was a dog!! A huge, black dog (a lab breed). Being a Mumbait i u gotta get used to having stray dogs, but he was different; very very healthy!! Who knew at that time that you wont find any dogs roaming around free in US. So, as i walked he followed me till the house, until the carport and rested himself there. I managed to make a bread butter sandwich, drank and glass of water, read some books and went to sleep and almost forgot about him until the next day Thomas and Max knocked at my door. As I opened Max was playing with this black beauty "Is that your dog? He is quite healthy and active, oh wait, its not yours, where did he come from"?. His questions answered most of my questions. "I don't know, he just walked with me last night, I thought he is a stray dog or something" on that Thomas and Max laughed heartily. "there are no stray dogs here, actually he must have been lost, but i don't see a belt either, but he seems like someone's pet"

I nodded a yes, may be, how do i know. well, so the dog stayed was a good company to me all over the weekend. Saturday night was scary coz it was raining heavily, but the fact that he was in the carport made me have a sound sleep. No one over the weekend came looking for him, nowhere did he go over the weekend, he lived around the house, me and my office as if he was my own pet. Monday morning however he wasn't there anymore. No one knows where he went. I asked everyone at the research station and no one ever knew of such a dog!!

I told my mom about the dog and she said he must not be a DOG, he must be a GOD, remember the story of Krishna!!! :)

TAE-KWON-DO!!

2009-09-08T10:50:00.001-07:00

Tae-Kwon-Do, a form of korean martial art, became my love not long back, only in 2007. It happened so that in the small town of tupelo, 50 miles away from main campus, we had to find something to keep ourselves fit and entertained. In the black-town atmosphere and the high crime rate of tupelo where my brown-golden yellow skin was always really appreciated, it wasn't safe to be swimming in the public pool or jumping my skirt off hitting in the tennis court. The yoga didnt satiate my social craze either. My roomies nd labbies (new word coined by me for labmates), one who was 6 feet tall and the other who says knew the art of kallari, I believed cant be my bodyguards always!! So, finally TKD served the best. Its an art of self-defence!!! unlike most others who would talk of hitting, its about defending!!

No, I never had a chance to use it except for once, when I ventured to walk in the look out for a cab to go from Tupelo to verona. Obviously I was asked if I need a ride and the only trick of "Did you not understand, Thank you, but I can help myself" LOUD, is what I thought would help. Trust me I was really for a moment scared and a shiver ran down through my spine. If only, Mr. Roberts, accidently would have not been driving back home and stopped to help me perhaps I would have ended up using a hand of TKD on that dude....;). So yes tkd had been my love for a long time then, and i have enjoyed the art much for its kicks, punches and flexibility, as much for its grace. It got me in a dreadfully good shape that time, effortlessly and it also helped to socialise a little bit, except for the republican campaigns of my master Dutschky or the church get-togethers, which I never went for!! Republicans duhhhh!!

The sweet "I love you" hugs of Callahan little twins, crisp movements of Nick, lessons from carol, punishment push-ups of Dutscky and mentorship of Max, helped me get through my white, yellow and orange towards green in a year!! The spirit of the National Championship in Alabama is such a memory of my life. To my and my Masters surprise i managed to get 2, second ranked posiitons in my catagory and when we (Max won 2, 1st places in his category), came back with 4 tall trophies, Shankar had to tell us, how Kallari is better than TKD and I remember I said to him "but it still keeps away women right who most need it? TKD doesn't" :)

I am all excited to go back TKD, are you that I am?

My Maroon Heart

2009-08-31T19:02:00.000-07:00

Nope, I am nowhere talking of MSU you bulldawgs!! keep that craze off my shoulder coz I am not maroon-ed by Mississippi!! Never was. Well then? I am talking of my sweetheart- Ford taurus, I miss you sweetheart! She was the perfect match to my taurian (moon-sign) character and has been the best companion of my school days in Mississippi !!

Oh well, don't remind me; I know how she (my car) had a shattered ass. I was backing it and it hit a huge trailer attachment ...it didn't do anything to the truck, but poor girl cracked her own .... But I still drove her around with her broken butt coz replacing a whole new butt was too costly for the small pocket of a graduate student, like me. And plus it didn't have to do anything with the function of the car, but just the cosmetic value. BIG DEAL? I still owned a luxury model, comfort cushions, spacious, family car, with power doors,....did you hear power doors and windows...way back in 1993.

Yes yes!! I also know that I broke the car key inside the cranking knob and that anyone could use a screwdriver to easily crank my Khaar!! (prounce h -just a touch, like 't' in Chipotle...oh forget I know you can't say it right);

OK!! I also know that after that I had to keep one door of the car always open off-course I had broken the key inside and lost the spare key, somewhere in the whole lot of boxes in one of the three places where I juggled my entire MSU life.

And yes I also know the answer to the unasked question "How was it to ride in my car?"Modestly I know that taking a ride from me means making place for your little a** by keeping aside few manageables out of the whole lot of things scattered in my car (shoes, comforter, bag, books, cartons, coke cans, papers, clothes, baking pans etc. etc.), and taking a ride in my car means baking yourself into an omlet in summers (considering you all are egg headed) and chilling to ice-balls in winter ( I wont talk much about the balls ahem ahem.....and anyways none of you have them ...).Does anyone here remember the ride from Jackson to Starkville? Remember we were 6 people including me, freezing in 9 degree, the record lowest of MS? I guess we only survived coz we were so many!! But see only my car can occupy so many..... well, journey to remember...!! forever.

And with all these exotic features my ford (an american make) has been like an Indian gf...low maintence, high returns and higher loyalty.
LOYALTY?? oh talk about it. It would stop in the middle of the road when someone else would take it. It did not happen when I drove and never on the highway drive!! sweet deal!
and she ran pretty well although there were many dents in the car, some which she had already when i bought her, some hit at the curbs and others bumped on the nose....."Chanda mein aur thode khadde, kya farak padta hai" hay ki naahi ankit?

She has been a public vehicle for most part, you can call it a phone cab or shuttle!! she has not just been my car, but airport pick up, off-campus hours shuttle, late for class convience cab, highway miler, on the wheels home and lot more. Hence, she is so much of my sweetheart. she ran till i needed her!! She didn't break down., never in the middle of the road (i remember i had two flat tires, both after I reached starkville) , she helped me achieve my experiments, she made me independent and ultimately she helped me graduate with my MS without compromising on any of my research goals.... A companion in true sense.

After I moved to TN, I sold my maroon heart. In 8 days I hear back that the transmission blew up on him....LOYALTY? ;)

Bahu!!

2009-07-17T02:51:00.000-07:00

Yes I am at Khamgaon, a very small village-town, where Vikram grew up. My life-style has changed 180 degrees within 4 days of stay here. I wear a printed, synthetic (gorgette types) saree, a dozen red glass bangles flanked by gold bangles (I hear my cousin sasuma jumped atleast 10 stores to find me the right color), mangalsutras (a long one and a short one), gold earings,another two pairs of earings pierced newly, finger ring, payal, toe rings (3 pairs: 2 from sasural and 1 from maika), kumkum, mang and an 18 hr SMILE, sometimes ear to ear. Yes I know this is totally not me, but verstality is me too and I have quite adjusted to this type of life in khamgaon for now. Aai (Mom-in-law) makes a mogra gajra for me everyday, both Father in law (FIL) and mom in law (MIL) pluck flowers for the new bahu early morning. (it just started blooming, only for me she says :P) This nishigand also bloomed first time in 5 years ;)....feels quite special eh?? A morning family tea session in the garden on the zhoola, is a custom which now I am rooted in too. Feels nice when the sunrays bathe the whole angan, and while swinging MIL sips the tea and simultaneously makes the gajra, Baba (FIL) has comments to make and laugh out loud to irritate her and their son is as usual busy bird watching. The house garden itself is a big bird sanctuary, vikram has seen atleast 25 different bird species. Slowly as we move inside, watch tv, newspaper, I make some breakfast for all....MIL is not liking eggs in the kitchen, but since we are group of 3 pros she cant help much she knows, although 5 out of 7 days are fixed for her poha. As I set the table for all to eat breakfast, she is ready with a clip and gajra to pin it in my little hair (after the layer cut for hte wedding I can hardle wear a gajra, but she makes a feet long every day), shhhhh and thats not all, she makes one more gajra and puts in the fridge. In the night before we all go to sleep she hands it to me, wear it she says. Upon seeing the embarassment on my face, since last 2 days she has started keeping it on my pillow :d. Quite a sasuma...and with all these gestures of her I am forgetting to be angry on pitty things about her that equally annoy me. Post breakfast FIL drives his bajaj to get the list of things given by MIL. Following this we (Vikram and I ) set on the spirit to the bazaar. Khamgaon is well known since the british rule for silver and cotton. The British built a small railway, that connects khamgaon to the central rail line. This one dabba blue train called thuttuk by the localites whistles through the village twice a day. As it passes through the feilds Vikram gets quite exicted and screams. Old memories!! As we drive around the village with me holding him tight, (I cant quite manage to sit comfortable, without holding tight on the backseat of a bike, especially after having met a head accident), all the villagers and bazaar shopkeepers watch us with a curiosity, very easy to feel shy (although I am not a shy type brides), Still!! and as we drive one of many Vikram's friends who are still in khamgaon whistle him to stop. "Areey Vikram kaha se kaha pohoch gaya tu yaaar, kaha apna khamgaon aur kaha US" one of his friends said to him. His smart wife added "kyo nahi pohoch sakta, udan mein dum ho to koi kahi bhi pohoch sakta hai". Made me feel proud of my husband, one more reason for me to love him (apart from the 100 reasons I stuck on the wall one time during our days of courtship). His friend is an engineer and his wife an advocate; its an irony that they decided to leave their jobs and come to Khamgaon to start their own saree store. Ambition is what lacks in this village (perhaps most villages), and then it doesnt feel my MIL is as much wrong in expecting us to come back and settle in Khamgaon. Sometimes I feel annoyed and other times I just pitty those who lack ambition and then I feel glad that I am married to a man who has risen, dreamt, and succeeded inspite of being brought up in a place like this.

Without wasting much of our morning time we stop at banwari for the chaat..mmm. FIL also loves India fast food like chaat, paavbhaaji etc. but MIL strictly hates it. So without her knowledge we usually have been sneaking and eating on such stuff, although our upset stomach doesnt help much to hide it from her. She pops out a bisleri from the fridge and puts on the lunch table "Dont get impulsive and eat outside food, you still have a lot of travelling to do" :D.

So life has changed since past few months from single to double to square now and MIL in her prayers in asking it to make it 6 in one go (we want twins a gal and boy she says). OMG!!! and then suddenly our geetanjali express which is running fast on this "newly wed" track, brakes us sharp to zero speed and a stopometer reads "PhD" loud in front of our eyes. Even if I try I cant quite go back from the Archy to Bahu, nor can Vikram. We have had several nightmares of staying back in Khamgaon and each time the frustration is similar to the last scene of "Bunty & Babli".
Well, this is not happening....and for now I am enjoying this phase.. quite novel!!

The new world

2009-06-01T09:30:00.001-07:00

Now that I am thinking thoroughly and anticipating my India visit, all the memories like a flash black blink with the pace of my eye-lids, rather they blink instead of my eye-lids. And the first thought picture I can abstractedly draw is a dusty (not dark) canvas crowded with bright colors, streaked randomly by golden lines, glittered by tiny mirrors and in the center shines the peacock blue color representative of my mom!! And when I say so, I can breathe the air in my lungs, DEEP. The anxiety doesn't quite allow it to fill in full, my breathe shivers, my mind hesitates and my eyes dream!!

No its not all about the wedding, I am not really yet excited about the wedding per se...all that weird again I know, but lets keep it aside for the time-being. Lets keep aside the whole idea that I am visiting home for the wedding and lets just say I am going HOME after such a long time. Although I can remain unattached to most people in the world, even my family, I feel am starting to feel attached now, even to many little belongings back home. What a great world of property we own as Indians; 8GB memory of songs, another few GB of recurrently changing video treasure, open CPUs, hard-drive to hard-drive copies, veg hakka (indian style), pani-puri, motorbikes, the local trains, awe inspiring designer wear, jewellery and much more!! VERY INDIAN!! But many things have changed, gitanjali said to me today. The way she was trying to make a list of to-do things for me I was amazed and disappointed too. Loreal haircut (Rs. 350 ), Loreal Body Massage(Rs. 1000), colored disposable lens (Rs. 600 Rs. a pair), silver rings pricked in the upper ears using a gunshot method (Rs. 1000 each pair), designer blouse stitching (Rs. 400) OMG!! is this India I said to myself. This seems much costlier than what I would spend here for the same damn stuff, even after considering the exchange conversion. This was never a part of bridal dressing, rather this was never a part of culture, the change is tremendous for even me to feel that I am old fashioned. 2.5 years has made me lose a big part of witnessing the changing India. Mall culture has hit it hard, brand names have hovered people's mind, "Money is toh not a problem you know" the hinglish bug is everywhere, the handsets are a way to know people's status: irony!!!! Just couldn't avoid thinking of those old days, when I was in college. My father would walk 30 mins one way to save 2 rs. of bus, he used to buy these gift saving certificates for us and everytime it matures we would all be happy as a family, my mom would insist besan-haldi wash everyday, the conventional method of ritha-shikakai or nyle shampoo was routine in hair-wash, body massage was the previledge I would get if i coax my sister to do it, ear piercing means going to the jewellery shop and then crying for the next few days coz it hurts, going to restaurants with the family needed a reason, Mc. D was an upscale eat out place then and much more!! So basically going back is going back to a new world, which was India once, a place where I wont be surprised if there is jive or salsa performance on a wedding, if cutting a cake will be one of the customs for the engagment ceremony, if the comods are a part of every bathroom and i dont have to complain about screwing my knees. But in all these changed things, I am very certain about one that will never change, my MOM. I am going home to meet her.................I dont know for whatelse?

Sapota (Chikku)

2009-05-25T22:15:00.001-07:00

Sapota (Chikku):

Carol, I think that was her name, although I may be wrong. Its been almost 2 years now that I left Taekwando and have lost the memory for most of my classmates. Carol was one of them at TKD classes of Master Durskey. An old southern women approximately in her 60s learning this Korean Martial Art, with such a zeal and passion is a very rare sight, trust me, especially in an obese state like Mississippi. Dont assume that she was any less than others and the proof was her hard earned brown belt, her sleak moves, her confidence, attentiveness and her way of passing the passion for this art to others. Well, so, the story is not about her, neither about me, but about what she thinks about me. :)

It was one of those punishment sessions in class where someone does some extra pushups or demonstrations for the class (Although, whenever I couldn't do push-up, Durksey always made Max do those instead. Quite a punishment for not helping me enough ehhh?). I along with a bunch of ladies sitting off the floor watching someone perform have to obviously talk about something. WOMEN you see. Janet goes "So what is this sapota?" Carol goes "I think its brown and hairy on the outside and light green inside"
I go "I thought that was a kiwi, sapota is different"
Carol : "Ahh you must be the right person to ask you are from the tropics"
I: "Subtropics. yea they grow a lot of sapota back home. Its a light brown, not hairy, but not very smooth either on the outside, and is very sweet inside"

Carol: "Ahh, Just like you" :)

Quite a remark!!!! wit I would say!

1 year past

2009-04-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

about me:

I year past!

Yes it was this day after maroon vibes that I had talked for the first time with him on chat!! 1 year past, some things have changed to a great degree whereas others are still the same!! I am glad they are the same :). The interdependency is remarkably independent in itself. How? I don't know how to explain, but someone like me who needs "Quite a space" even from her friends and who likes to be alone, doesn't even after one year feel that the space is being intruded, attacked or overtaken. I am still the queen of my won fortress. Nothing really has changed, I still set my laptop next to his, like I would with any other friend and write a blog without one little interuption, I still hate eggs and he hasn't tried to put me into eating those by force, I still play "Jai Ho" and such loud numbers and dance once a while, I still am the messy girl I was with the car, I still like to keep my hair uncombed most times of the day, I still don't wake up much before half hour to go to work, I still wear shorts without him showing any possession/jealousy in public, I still click romantisied pictures and he isn't tired yet on that, I still get drunk by only one shot of tequilla, I still love to shop on the weekends and dedicate atleast 4 hours in that, I am still the motivated one towards my career. Not much has changed really!! But, inspite of all the Independence, in everything I do he is besides me, accompanies me or motivates me, so my dependency on him although not visible is slowly becoming a fact of life, not that I want to reverse this :). And hence, things have certainly changed. Now we don't have to worry so much about presenting self, impressing the other, being very careful in conversing or keen in knowing each other, although pretention had never touched our days of relationship........ I am glad. So yes its all changed now and after having known and lived together for 365 days now, we have naturally reached a MID, although in some cases its just one extreme-his or mine. I am not really a person who can wake up early morning over the weekend to watch birds, but now I do, I cant keep away from making friends unlike him the isolated sole, but now he does, I have to watch every new good hindi movie not one of which he know, but slowly he is....So yea, life has changed quite a bit, unknowingly. But overall, 1 year past, I can say we have become "One"! and thats the good news :)

The 10 grand

2009-04-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

Vikram always think's I am a crazy grocery shopper, coz i go to publix and i never say no to try the menu of the day that they have, its always some kind of meat/pasta, followed by the bakery section where they have taster sandwiches, and the icecream section where they have try it icecreams...i just cant say no to food. So can i not say no to filling in lucky draw tickets. Inspite of Vikram telling me several times that they mostly do it to get the email address /ph. no for publicity. I still go drop in those little tickets of my information in their lucky draw boxes.

Last week it was some easter lucky draw at Kroger. I did not hear the prize details, but filled the ticket anyways, and to my sweetest, shocking surprise......i win this lottery.....and today i understand that its hard money $ 10,000...........I really didnt think it was true at first. I thought it was some scam. Until i went to Kroger and saw it myself this morning. The Nashville Festival Organization does this every easter :)

May everyone have a happy and lucky easter like mine :)