Man and Wife Living Life

Book Review: "Healing Your Church Hurt" by Stephen Mansfield

2012-02-23T08:33:00.001-05:00

Stephen Mansfield, author of the book "Healing Your Church Hurt" (Barna), discusses the very necessary and practical art of forgiveness. Both a guidebook for those hurt by the Church and reminder to those hurt by anyone that God both requires and expects forgiveness in order to illustrate His Grace toward us.

Mansfield notes that each person, whether it be a spouse or a customer at Starbucks, has unbelievable potential set into motion by God. The potential to do beautiful things that is within any given person is astounding. And on the flipside, the potential to do the most evil, vile things, sometimes in the same breath, is also present in each and every one of us. We fall short of the Glory of God.

"Christianity is not the absence of stupidity and hurt. Christianity is the message of a God who uses our stupidity and hurt to make us what we are destined to be. It is the truth of a God who became like us in order to lift us from our smallness and spite and make us into people he is willing to call friends. In short, God is more honest about human nature than we are." ("Healing Your Church Hurt", Page 57)

People can build you up and tear you down with their words. Even in those words that are spoken purely for the purpose to injure, there is usually a grain of truth. Mansfield says that it's essential for us to find those grains of truth through our anger, as we are often angry not just at betrayal, but also at the pointing out of a truth we do not want to admit. Finding this iota of truth is the first step in preparing your heart to forgive.

What I appreciate about "Healing Your Church Hurt" is that, unlike many authors writing about forgiveness, Mansfield uses a Biblical model to illustrate what steps you can take to begin a path toward forgiveness. Most "forgivness" topical books are along the lines of, "God forgives us, so you need to forgive others." They don't tell you how to start going about that. I'm a practical gal and I need practical steps.

Mansfield offers three types of Biblical forgiveness in his book. The one that struck me was the concept of "aphiemi" or "to send away or set free". One method to begin to forgive is to use the scrapegoat model from Leviticus 16. Aaron, the High Priest, was to find a perfect specimin of goat and literally place the sins of Israel on the goat by placing his hands on the goat's head as he listed the sins. Then he sent the goat away in the wilderness, carrying the sins of the people with it.

In Christianity, Jesus was the goat who took the sins of the people away. Therefore, as a model for forgiveness, you can say (and I'm paraphrasing), "Lord, I understand that you love [this person]. I put [this person's] sin of [whatever] on you, knowing that [this person] is forgiven." And Mansfield encourages you to make a list of people who have wronged you and to pray this prayer over each item on that list individually.

There are other elements toward forgiveness, but the act of forgiving (and re-forgiving when our nature drudges up the hurt again) is a crucial element to us becoming whole people. As long as we allow others to steal our Joy, we cannot be whole people. Those people "own" that piece of us until we let it go. The process isn't easy but it is possible and it is a mandate from Christ and His apostles that we reconcile ourselves to others in order to be reconciled to God.

The message Mansfield gives is a powerful one. He went beyond what is normally seen in forgiveness books and Biblically layed out types of forgiveness, the importance of forgivness, and how to begin to practically approach Biblical forgiveness. For so many, church hurt drives them away and into the arms of something or someone less edifying. The hurt is an excuse to indulge. But if we follow the Bible we say we follow, the directions are spelled out in black and white. Forgiveness is not an option if we wish to be a whole Church or whole people.

Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book. The opinions expressed are my own and are not affected by the complimentary nature of the book.

Dryer Maintenance: Easy, safe way to clean your filter

2012-02-23T06:49:00.000-05:00

Yes, you probably clean the lint out of your dryer's lint trap between loads and once a year or so you might clean out all the nooks and crannies in your dryer. However, there may be something that's also decreasing the efficacy of your clothes dryer: improper airflow in your reusable lint filter.

I'm the first to say I'm not a dryer expert, but a few of those Rescue 911 shows in the 80's and 90's discussed dryer problems that ended badly and that cemented the need to care for your washer and dryer in my impressionable head!

All of the residue from detergent-washed clothing as well as dryer sheets and liquids builds up in your lint trap. It's probably best to clean it at least once a month, but I'll be both realistic and honest by saying I do it about 2-3 times per year, which does seem to improve the quality of both my drying and lint collection.

Here is the test: Take your reusable lint filter and run some water on it. The filter is supposed to allow air to get through, but not large, linty molecules. If it looks like the photo above where the water is beading up on your filter, it needs to be cleaned!

Luckily it's easy, inexpensive and very safe to clean your own dryer filter. If the water beads up, the first step is to fill a shallow pan or a stopped-up sink with some vinegar. I usually use a 3/4 white vinegar to 1/4 water solution and work in a 9" x 12" baking dish, which I just run through the dishwasher afterward.

After the filter has soaked for about 20 minutes or so, you can put some gloves on (or not, the vinegar shouldn't hurt you, but may irritate sensitive skin), grab a sponge, and scrub the screen. An alternative to a sponge is an old toothbrush, which may even work better for the corners. Make sure to scrub in the liquid while the screen is facing down. Holding the screen up to clean may use too much force and bust your screen.

Once your screen has been scrubbed, you can rinse it well in a clean dish of water or in running water. You'll be amazed that a minimal amount of effort now allows the water to flow through the screen seamlessly. Can you imagine then that the air will flow better, too?

Make sure to fully dry your screen before placing it back into the dryer. (This task isn't a good thing to do when you have a huge laundry list to accomplish, so wait until you have a spare hour or two.) I lay my screen on a kitchen towel for an hour or so, then leave it on the towel, but lean it at an angle against something like a jar or cereal box so any other moisture will run down onto the towel.

The old saying is "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Well, for about five total minutes of active time twice a year, you can help extend and improve the "life" of your dryer. That's much less expensive than going to the laundromat or buying a new dryer, no? Yes!

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Photos © Carrie Burgan.

Jill Sobule at The Ark, Feb. 16, 2012

2012-02-22T06:52:00.002-05:00

I've been waiting to see Jill Sobule for 15 years. I was a not-so-tender 15 years old when I heard a couple of songs on the radio and MTV like "Supermodel" from the Clueless Soundtrack. When I bought her "first" (actually second) CD, Jill Sobule, I came for the pop hits and stayed for the charming, often funny and soulful songwriting.

Following Jill Sobule, Jill released several CDs, each with its own set of "hits" dubbed so by fans and listeners, if not from post-90's MTV. She established herself as a subversive indie darling with a loyal following. I'm happy to count myself in the number.

So fast-forward to February 16, 2012. We picked up great reserved seats in the ultra-cozy venue The Ark in downtown Ann Arbor. Nate knew it was exciting for me to finally get to see her, so despite not knowing more than a handful of songs, my doting husband agreed to go. After a quick dinner, we settled into our seats. Precisely at 8 p.m. (they don't play around at The Ark!) the Ark staffer walked up, gave the opening spiel, and then Jill and Dave, her upright bass accompanist, walked right up on stage and got to "work".

Now this is the part where I say, "I'm a terrible concert reviewer," because I don't write down the order people perform songs, and I don't have any smarmy music background to judge if her tuning was correct. (Although I'm pretty sure when she picked up Dave's bass her hand placement may have been a little off. There, am I smarmy now? Good.)

She played favorites like Resistance Song (my favorite to belt), Heroes, Claire, Mexican Wrestler, Jetpack, Cinnamon Park, and more. She also played several songs from the music she put to the stage play Yentl as well as some one-offs that she has posted to her website and has put on various EPs.

The audience was kindly bantering and banter back she did. Several jokes about The Ark being both a swinger's club (it's not) and a Young Republicans Convention (it's not) and mixes of the two flew back and forth. After the end of the show, Jill stuck around to meet and greet and sign autographs on various merch people brought and bought. It was a pleasure to meet her and take home a new EP in addition to just seeing her play, for sure!

Do I agree with everything Jill writes her songs about and believes about life and liberty and the pursuit of whatever? No, not always. Do I find her songwriting and banter charming and chock full of female talent? Yuh-huh. The concert was worth every penny!

And when she said from the stage, "Is there a masseuse in the house?" let's just say this massage therapist was a happy camper.

Photos © Carrie Burgan. Yes, they're from an iPhone. I'm no Annie Leibovitz.

Burgan Solutions #1: Car Hair Removal

2012-02-21T09:27:00.000-05:00

Do you and your spouse or partner have little "inside secrets", jokes and solutions in your life? My husband Nate and I do! First, let me say that I love that man 'o mine! Second, let me say that together we can be fairly ingenious when it comes to finding solutions. Neither of us are super-mechanically-inclined, but indeed we can figure out a good way to get from Point A to Point B.

When we had to turn our truck, Big Hoss, back in to the dealer's at the end of our lease, we realized the back seat was covered in hair from our dog, Bruce. Bruce has what I like to call "ninja hairs" because they quietly fall out and the little, barbed ends hook under the loops of the fabric. This makes them nearly impossible to vacuum out. We tried vacuums, rollers, etc. to no avail. A light bulb went off in our collective heads and the sale on Duck Tape brand duct tape sealed the deal (puns intended).

We decided to line our seats from top to bottom with lime green duct tape. Working from end to end as a team, we lined the seats and peeeeeeled away the fur! (The photo is from when we were nearly done.)

There you have it! Burgan Solution #1: Car Hair Removal.

Dude Food (Menu Plan Monday)

2012-02-20T07:07:00.000-05:00

Well, I can say without a doubt that the precise reason I have not gotten quality sleep for the last 2.5 months was the addition of our new dog. I realize now that his puppy energy keeps the other dog and cat restless, even though he is kenneled at night. For two nights Winston, Bruce and Fluffer-Nutter slept outside the bedroom and the door was closed. I wasn't sure it helped until last night I let them stay in again and realized I counted up over 3.5 hours that I wasn't sleeping. They have got to go outside the bedroom... as much as I love them. Because this morning what I felt for them was NOT love. Nate, let us reclaim our space as you suggested.

With that nonsense out of the way, it's Monday so let's talk MENU PLAN!

Monday
Dude Food. I thought I'd break out Nate's Dude Food: Recipes For the Modern Guy cookbook and cook something "dudely" to start off the week. Tonight I'll be making Big League Lamb Chili, except I have an aversion to the flavor of lamb and really only care for it once every year or two. Plus, it's about 45 times more expensive (um... hyperbole) than ground beef. So to split the manly difference and "health it up" a bit, we're going with extra-lean ground beef. But it'll still be delish, I'm pretty sure.

Tuesday
"Fend For Self" night. I think in my case, dinner will be salad-based as I have clients until later in the evening. Nate will be heading out to trivia and such it's since a pleasure for him, he'll probably be eating at the establishment while he plays.

Wednesday
Skewer Night! We'll be heading over to our friends' home for what my friend Julie and I have dubbed "SKEWER NIGHT!" They're taking care of the main course and we are bringing salad and dessert, craftily skewered on wooden sticks. I can't wait!

Thursday
BLT Pasta Bake. "BLT" stands for bacon, leeks & tomatoes. This is a Rachel Ray 365: No Repeats recipe. (Here is a slightly adapted BLT Pasta recipe on someone's blog.) Due to our bout with leek food poisoning last year... we're subbing scallions for leeks, but BST Pasta just didn't sound the same. Even though I have to work that night, it will keep well for me to take in a lunch bag and it will keep well in the fridge for Nate to eat when he comes home.

Friday
Sushi Night! Are you not noticing a pattern here? Sushi night at Edamame in Madison Heights, Michigan.

Saturday
Hangin' With Friends. I'm honestly not sure what we'll cook, bring, eat, etc. Based on who is hosting, it's sure to be good.

Sunday
Leftovers 'N Subway. Wow, we eat out a lot. Because I take clients at inconsistent times during the week and because I have a teaching contract on Thursdays that runs through the end of August, I'm not home to make a lot of meals! Nate takes advantage of when I'm out and about so he can do trivia out with his various groups of friends. But Sunday we both are serving at church and then going to the following service and then the gym and back home before we have things to do in the evening. So leftover and Subway post-gym it is!

Photo © vasta | Flickr Creative Commons

Simple Pleasures: Register Dogs

2012-02-19T07:25:00.001-05:00

It's nice to have an audience sometimes. Whenever I am in the office working, writing a blog post, watching Hulu, or organizing papers, my two Man's Best Friends are there, trying to find warmth and keeping an eye on their "beta pack leader". Nate is definitely the Alpha Leader, but "mom" is the one they're with all day, letting them in and out and occasionally knocking the thermostat up a degree or two so they can warm themselves by the register. There is usually one sleeping in a bed and one dog (typically Winston) trying his hardest to press himself against the full span of the heat register. His face drops the moment the heat shuts off and he goes to snuggle in the tiny bed next to his brother Bruce. I'm fairly convinced that indeed, life is just better with dogs. Register Dogs: Simple Pleasures.

Citrus Marinated Chicken and Orange Salad (Rachel Ray)

2012-02-18T09:25:00.004-05:00

Wednesday's meal plan was Citrus Marinated Chicken and Orange Salad from Rachel Ray's 365: No Repeats cookbook. Both of the meals that I made this week from the 365: No Repeats cookbook turned out beautifully. (For the record, we also had Boo's Butternut Squash Mac 'N Cheese last night with beer mug-shaped pastas as the base. Totally delicious.)

The orange chicken salad recipe took several ingredients and as always, I tweaked it a little! But it came out perfectly and it was definitely restaurant-quality food. We paired the salad with Tandoori Naan bread, which was sort of reminiscent of the salad and breads at Così®. That is the description that came up in conversation a couple of times.

Because it's copyrighted text, I'll redirect you to the Food Network website where the recipe is posted. Click here to view Citrus Marinated Chicken and Orange Salad. You can also buy the 365: No Repeats cookbook for a steal here.

Let's just say this week's Menu Plan Monday was a real success. I can't wait for next week!

Photo © Carrie Burgan

Painting With a Twist Review (Ferndale, Michigan)

2012-02-15T21:39:00.005-05:00

Get ten ladies from a women's Bible study together in a room with paint brushes, Valentine's Day snacks, wine and beverages, mix them together and what do you get? Well, a stinkin' good time, that's what!

Melissa, our group's self appointed "entertainment coordinator", suggested that we have a fun group activity one week in lieu of our study. We had been studying "Be Right: Romans" and started delving into "Bad Girls of the Bible" and thought it might be nice to take a week's break to enjoy each other's company and fellowship. Luckily Painting With a Twist was suggested and even luckier for me... The nearest location is just a mile down the road from my house!

I had always wondered exactly what was behind the idea and I was honestly scared for the place when it opened on West 9 Mile Road in Ferndale. I figured it would be gone in six months, but I was definitely wrong. The idea is simple: Get a group of people together, choose a painting to recreate, add snacks and "BYOB" wine and beverages, mix it all together, and voila! As evidenced by the photo at the top of the page, everyone has their own take on a painting.

Our group chose to do "Moonlit Cherry Blossoms" (or something to that effect), which was a good "beginner" painting. They look sort of complicated at first, but the way that our leader, Wendy, broke it down, the painting was actually a snap. Complete with bedazzled apron, Wendy was our homegrown "Bob Ross" and walked us through each step of the painting. I have painted for many years, so it was easier for me than for some. However, everyone people really owned their painting and made each "masterpiece" their own, from changing up the colors (the original was a pinky-purple) to changing the placement of the branches, etc. I was impressed at how well everyone did.

The wine was "BYOW," but you can bring just about anything you like. They provide some tiny snacks and silverware. I brought some dessert to contribute. Others brought wine, non-alcohol beverages, cookies, cheeses, cured sausage, etc. I wouldn't eat a full-on meal, but I'm sure you could probably pull off a pot luck! The rule was if you took yourself too seriously, you're supposed to take another sip of wine and reevaluate. (Wink.) Nobody was getting "drunk," but a nip and sip made the evening fun.

Overall I really have to say that the Ferndale Painting With a Twist has their stuff together! I would absolutely book a private party (minimum 10, prepaid individually or as a group online or in person) or take a couple friends to an open paint session. For Michigan folks, there are two locations, Ferndale and Farmington. Across the country there are over 55 locations in Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas and Utah. If you have a Painting With a Twist in your area, I highly suggest it... Even if you don't have an "artistic bone in your body," you can still make a painting you'd be happy to hang in your house.

Photos by Carrie except top, courtesy of Painting With a Twist Ferndale.

Rockin' the EVOO! (Menu Plan Monday)

2012-02-13T08:19:00.002-05:00

Oh, Rachel Ray with your "sammies" and your "EVOO". People love to hate your foodie slang, but I still think you're "delish," girl.

This week's Menu Plan Monday features plenty of Ms. Ray's favorite food words because I decided to whip out the Rachel Ray 365: No Repeats cookbook we received at my bridal shower some six years ago. We had a lot of Rachel Ray cookbooks, but after some major book cleanses, 365 is the one that remains. Anywho, pair the rediscovery of this book with the fact that it's a very interesting, busy Valentines Day week and voila! Interesting, busy meal plan.

Monday
"Fend For Yourself": Monday is sort of "fend for yourself" day in that I have women's group every other Monday night, which typically involves food. So it's frozen burritos for Nate, but they're homemade... by him!

Tuesday
"Valentine's Sushi Night": We love each other. We love sushi. So why not spend Valentine's Day getting sushi together at our favorite sushi place? This is destined to be a two-sushi week.

Wednesday
"Citrus-Marinated Chicken and Orange Salad": This little gem seemed easy to make and also utilizes things we have around the house, for the most part. An onion and perhaps some fresh oregano will need to come from the store, but otherwise we're set.

Thursday
"Concert In Ann Arbor Night": Well, we bought tickets some weeks ago to go and see singer/songwriter Jill Sobule in concert at The Ark in Ann Arbor. I've been wanting to see her for round-about fifteen years and finally get the chance! So this Thursday we'll be dining at Gizzly Peak, one of our favorite "A2" hangouts.

Friday
"Boo's Butternut Squash Mac 'N Cheese": Ms. Ray seems to have picked a winner with this one. The flavors are all dancing in my head, so I'm assuming Friday night they'll be dancing around on our plates, too.

Saturday
"Sushi 2.0": We like our weekend sushi trips. I'll probably have yasai-itame, which is actually a sauteed veggie dish perhaps with miso soup. I know Nate will have his chili tuna roll, per usual. It's tasty!

Sunday
"Subway and Pasta": Okay, that sounds gross! But we have a mini-ritual after going to church and to the gym of going to the Subway across the parking lot for a quick and inexpensive lunch. Nate likes to do it, so I like to oblige. For supper though, we'll probably have pasta and tomato sauce later in the evening. I like this because it makes good leftovers for Monday lunches.

Photo © Olga Rumiantseva | PhotoXpress.com

Exhaustion Pattern

2012-02-10T17:25:00.002-05:00

"Have you had trouble sleeping lately?"
"I fall asleep at the drop of a hat and sleep for at least eight hours."
"How would you rate your quality of sleep?"

Oh, um... Exhaustion. The conversation above is one that I had with my chiropractor, Dr. Vanloon. She says I exhibit an "exhaustion pattern" and I would agree. For as much sleep as I get, I am exhausted. I go to sleep quickly and can stay asleep for a long time, but it is never enough. Yes, I probably have mineral and nutrition imbalances, acidic pH, etc. I have a needy puppy who needs to go out in the early morning. I'm sure there are some emotional whats-its that I'm holding on to. But why am I just pooped when I get up every morning? This has been going on for nearly a full quarter.

Sometimes when driving or doing work, I get the overpowering urge to shut my eyes. Relief comes with the occasional 20- to 40-minute mid-day nap, when I can sneak it in. My eyes are heavy and I rely on stimulants like caffeine to boost me during the day if I have to keep working.

This cycle is not good. I can't operate at 100% and I'm not used to not feeling rested.

So yes, I am still trying to get to the bottom of my concerns. My KST adjustments with Dr. Vanloon have helped. I feel like I can breathe and rest after an adjustment, which doesn't use the traditional "crack and pop" of what we think of in chiropractic. If only I could get an adjustment every day!

Despite my body's sleepy tendencies though, life seems to be very blessed. I find that despite the gray rain clouds hanging overhead (or over my pillow), it is important to say "Thank You" to God for the amazing things that happen each day. Compared to many of the world's problems, my lack of quality sleep is negligible.

So I'll leave with some gratitudes and perhaps you might leave me with your thoughts and suggestions on getting a night of quality, restful sleep. I would be most grateful.

"Paying your gratidues" is all about publicizing what you're grateful for. If more people did that instead of complaining about what they hate... life would be happier."

Gratidues #234-245

234. Warm, warm blankets (and lots of them)
235. "Rock Your Marriage" date night
236. New challenges to think through
237. Health insurance with chiropractic coverage
238. Booked tickets to Germany & Denmark
239. The promise of growing some veggies this spring
240. Friends' healthy new babies
241. Leading by example
242. Choosing the Next Right Thing
243. Sleep-in Saturday
244. New tires on the PT Cruiser
245. Grace, Mercy, Patience, Love, Kindness

Photo © Jaimie Duplass | Photoxpress.com

Menu Plan Monday?

2012-02-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

I thought I would try my hand at this Menu Plan Monday thing. Maybe pre-planning can help some of our dinner woes, especially with a widely varying schedule? Do you plan weekly, daily, or do you just do what we usually do... Fly by the seat of your pants!?

Monday
Frozen burritos (Nate makes the best burritos! He makes a batch and freezes them individually. Much healthier than frozen burritos from the grocery store.)

Tuesday
Baked chicken breasts with veggie side (Putting some aside for Nate because he's going to trivia)

Wednesday
Roasted Red Pepper Pesto & Pasta (from cookbook La Dolce Vegan! )
See it @ Amazon: La Dolce Vegan!: Vegan Livin' Made Easy

Thursday
"Fend For Yourself" night. We usually keep it simple on Thursdays because I teach. Sometimes I precook food and sometimes we just make a sandwich or heat up leftovers.

Friday
Sushi night! We love Edamame Sushi in Madison Heights!

Saturday
We'll probably have dinner out because we're heading to a hockey game. BUT... Lunch sounds scrumptious in the form of soup & sandwich combos.

Sunday
Sunday lunch comes just after we go to church and then to the gym. I think I'll pre-prep some pirogi to have with veggies when we come back!

Photo © Monika Olszewska | PhotoXpress.com

Gossip Lessons

2012-02-01T15:24:00.003-05:00

Late last week I learned that someone in my life said some disparaging things about me to several other people. Specifically she said something about my business skills and the fact that I was "moody"*. I was angry, as this person holds a certain place of authority. Even this morning I felt a pang of anger and resentment.

Then I stopped to think about her words and her actions and found out several things about myself and about all interpersonal relationships as well.

1.) I do wear my heart on my sleeve. If I'm under stress and I don't want to be doing what I'm doing, or if I'm taking direction from someone I wholeheartedly disagree with... I am moody and I let it be shown. Stoicism is not my strong suit. While I have become more mature about the way I handle it, I think this is an area where I will never "solve" the problem if there is indeed a problem needing solving. Although I disagree with her conclusion regarding my line of work, in her point of view I was rightly moody and she wasn't wrong, though the way she disseminated the information was wrong.

Lesson learned: If you are taken aback by what someone says to others, ask yourself if what they're saying has merit. Don't worry, I'm not "blaming the victim," but I do like to use "negatives" as learning experiences. It's okay to be angry that someone is gossiping about you or if they were lying about you, but ask yourself if you're more angry that they were gossiping or because what they said had a pang of truth that you don't want to hear. Even in lies there is usually a grain of truth, so keen self-examination is always necessary so that you might improve yourself.

2.) I learned how to set boundaries with this person. I know now that choosing to be too friendly up front was a disservice in hindsight. Especially in business, being friendly, not familiar, is what will serve you well. Politely speaking up when the person in question oversteps her bounds is a good idea in my case.

Lesson learned: There is power in what you don't say. Getting too familiar can be a hindrance to relationships, especially professional ones. Gradually letting someone in is much better than laying it all out there and then having to attempt to "take it back" later.

3.) Know the culture and have a game plan in order to react to it. There is a culture in this circumstance to talk and share ideas, which is unfortunately a natural progression to gossiping about other people. I know this full-well now and plan to do what I feel is my Biblical duty (or "Golden Rule" duty if you're not Biblically inclined) to do unto others as I wish others to do unto me. If I go in with the game-plan of being above reproach, I can more easily extricate myself from situations where negative gossip pops up. '

Lesson learned: The right choice is usually the hardest one -or- "Honor the absentee." If someone isn't in the room to stick up for themselves, they probably shouldn't be spoken about, unless you're celebrating them. If you mess up, be willing to admit when you're wrong and ask for forgiveness. If someone starts the gossip train, politely remove yourself from the situation. Stay above reproach and live your values if "do unto others" is one of your values. Saying, "I'm so glad Aunt Sally won that award!" is celebration, but "Aunt Sally's being so snide about her award, don't you think?" is gossip, if you needed an explanation! To quote a childhood friend, "Don't hate... Celebrate!"

Miffed though I was to hear that this person was gossiping about me, and for as many "zingers" as I had running through my head most of the weekend, this really served as a wake-up call to me to listen much, speak little, and mind my values. I will never pretend to be perfect. If I do, feel free to slap me around! But I will certainly proclaim to be enlightened on the subject this week! Trials bring revelations and pain brings with it life lessons. Hopefully this turns a light bulb on for you as well.

*I chose my words carefully to avoid being gossipy myself. Self-restraint is hard, believe me! As an illustration to the point at hand, I feel I chose them fairly well. You may certainly disagree politely in the comments if you feel otherwise.

Photo © Sven Hoffmann / PhotoXpress

All Critters, Big and Small

2012-01-28T08:08:00.004-05:00

Critters! I love critters that look at you soulfully and contentedly. I love critters that look at you playfully with the overt desire to cause mischief. I even love the ornery critters that don't want much to do with me. To quote little Agnes in the movie Despicable Me, "It's so fluffy, I'm gonna DIE!" That's the best summation of how I feel about most animals.

Why is this important today? Frankly, I don't have a big reason. I just really appreciate my cat perching on my arm, and my puppy trying to hone in on all of Nate's and my attention, and our older dog looking stoic as he asks for belly rubs. Perhaps it was this video at Godvine of therapy dogs helping wounded soldiers. The power of an animal to heal, should we let them, is immeasurable. I simply appreciate that today.

"Paying your gratidues" is all about publicizing what you're grateful for. If more people did that instead of complaining about what they hate... life would be happier."

Gratidues #218-233

218. The healing powers of an animal with fur and slobber
219. A Saturday with no work to be done
220. My turn on the receiving end of a massage trade
221. A friendly jewelry party with girlfriends
222. Workouts with my husband despite feeling gross
223. An "old" chiropractor in a new space
224. Louis, a man I met and talked to at Staples (Pray for him as he starts seminary)
225. My apprentices in class at work
226. Evolving friendships, even when the outcome doesn't always suit my preferences
227. Parallel paths
228. Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan's preventative initiatives and health coaches
229. Fancy push pins with "animal skins"
230. A husband that brings you a stack of fresh clothes, neatly folded "just because"
231. Dill and Honey Poached Salmon from the Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook
232. Stories of life and birth and bucking the status quo, reputation-be-damned
233. Morning tea, perfectly brewed, one cup at a time

The photo is by me. It is circa February 2011 of a cat I used to cat-sit, "Whitey". I miss him and his brothers.

Would you willingly put stickers over your paint job?

2012-01-27T08:05:00.000-05:00

I am a fan of bright colors. I'm also a fan of decorating rooms. I'm not a fan of painting or the thought of painting a mural that will one day be covered by another layer of paint, or worse... feeling guilty and not covering it even though trends have moved on!

Nate and I took a brief shopping trip to Five Below, a "finer" dollar store with real, usable items often found in other stores, but at prices of $1-$5. They had calendars on sale for $3 as it was already mid-January. One of the calendars was a "wall art calendar" of birds and a vintage cage. I figured for three dollars we could spruce up a well-scuffed paint job in our massage storage room-slash-reading room between the hall and the office.

I went with a "birds bursting out of the cage" theme and allowed the giant, removable stickers to flow across the wall, anchoring the design with the birdcage, which looks like it is perched neatly on top of a side organizer unit where we keep our Scentsy air freshener lamp. I debated actually putting up the paper calendar pages, but it went so nicely with the birdcage, I figured, "Why not?" After twelve months, it will still look nice.

Overall we enjoy the effect. It's very bright and splashy, and we thought it was a very nice addition to an otherwise boring and overlooked room. I might actually sit and read here now!

Have you used wall art? Painted murals? Removable pressure-based vinyl art? Wall stickers? I'd be interested to hear your experiences.

Busy Pocket

2012-01-20T17:31:00.000-05:00

Some weeks the strife is large. This week is like that. In fact, in the middle of that sentence I got a call from work about a project that made me want to pull my hair out. But in the midst of the craziness, I'm finding some insight, oddly enough.

I'm finding that instead of holding onto healthy habits and behaviors, stress at home and on the job makes me either revert back to unhealthy behaviors, especially where my weight loss and exercise regimen are concerned. But instead of dwelling on the bad or the mistakes, I plan to plan! This means I will chart out my week and find time to squeeze in healthy habits, set realistic goals for work that can get done in certain time frames, and practice saying "no" to adding additional responsibilities.

What do you do when you're stressed? How do you handle it? Are you a planner?

"Paying your gratidues" is all about publicizing what you're grateful for. If more people did that instead of complaining about what they hate... life would be happier."

Gratidues #211-217

211. Delicious coffee with the perfect milk-to-coffee ratio

212. My women's group and the dynamic women who come together to study and socialize

213. Not being afraid to speak up and let people know something's wrong

214. Massage trades

215. Friends' shop-at-home parties

216. Quick thinking on the job

217. The opportunity to grow my massage clients

Image by Lua Ahmed via Flickr. Creative Commons License.

SOPA & PIPA: An Open Letter to Michigan Senators and Representatives

2012-01-18T07:45:00.004-05:00

DATE: January 18, 2012
TO: Congressman Levin, Senator Levin, and Senator Stabenow*
RE: SOPA & PIPA

I am writing as one of your long-time supporters to respectfully request that you do your part to require the SOPA/PIPA to be rewritten so as to avoid costing Americans thousands of dollars by promoting the un-American concept of "guilty without due process".

Piracy isn't right. However, there are a lot of people out there who do things the right way and should not be punished. All should be treated within the tenets of the basic right to due process and the concept of "innocent until proven guilty," rather than simply shutting content providers down who generate massive revenue and provide income streams to hard-working, honest Americans. More government restraints are not the answer. "Big Brother" is not the answer. Good, balanced legislation is the answer.

Passing the legislation as-is will be the epitome of "throwing the baby out with the bathwater". As someone who has supported you through several elections and as someone who provides legal, original Internet content, I urge you to please stand up what is the best interests for ALL, including copyright holders, and the upright Internet content users, by demanding the legislation be changed before it passes.

Very Respectfully,

Carrie Burgan

Oak Park, Michigan

*Edited versions of this letter was sent via e-mail today, January 18, 2012.

Learn more about SOPA and PIPA and why modifying their content is essential by visiting www.americancensorship.org

UPDATE 20 January 2012: https://fightfortheftr.wordpress.com/press-releases/

Image by MVit via PhotoXpress.com. Used with permission.

Auto Show Shenanigans: Massaging the Michelin Man

2012-01-10T16:04:00.005-05:00

It's no secret that I take groups of massage students out and about to work on the public. Each year we take a group to the North American International Auto Show at Cobo Center in Detroit, Michigan to massage the media during Media Preview Week. The Auto Show clinical event is always booked to the gills just hours after we post it, as students also get the chance to look around on the floor.

This year I subbed for another supervisor and headed down amongst the media and car enthusiasts to work the event (versus simply organizing it). The highlight of my few hours there was being the Michelin Man's personal massage therapist. I was able to be in several promo photos for Michelin tires, as the media lounge was sponsored by Michelin and the Michelin Man was making promo appearances. It was campy, but a total treat.

Visit the Michelin Man via the Michelin 2012 NAIAS Website. See Michelin's official "massage photo" here on Michelin's Flickr page (sans Carrie and sans Irene's... boo!).

Simple Pleasures: Instant Tea

2012-01-04T21:05:00.001-05:00

A lot of things in our house are Jerry-rigged. We didn't really do most of those "repairs". Instead, the two previous owners (our home has only had three real owners including us) enjoyed the DIY spirit. Although we find a lot of strife hidden in the DIY projects (especially in things like, oh, wiring) we do like the Insinkerator 190°F faucet they installed. I'm happy to report they installed this one correctly! We were able to ditch the tea kettle and instead just use water directly from the tap. Also handy for cleaning and sterilizing things on the go. Instant Hot Water: Simple Pleasures.

Nate & Carrie Happy Moments #4: Little Debbie Birthday Inferno

2011-12-30T17:55:00.003-05:00

Nate's 30th Birthday "Cake"

May 17, 2006

We celebrated Nate's birthday at home. We weren't going to get a cake, but at the last minute I ran out and got snack cakes to make a towering Little Debbie inferno. I also decorated the townhouse in a kids' soccer theme.

Click for more Burgan Happy Moments

Post-Christmas Gratitude!

2011-12-27T19:49:00.000-05:00

Owen, Nephew- 9 months

Christmas has come and has gone. We expected a super-quiet weekend with little to do and ended up with a full schedule, but it was so great to see family and after everything is said and done I really, really, really appreciate the great times we had with everyone from sisters to cousins to moms and friends! Sometimes it's amazing how great the unplanned can be!

The dogs, Bruce and Winston, have gotten used to each other and are officially as thick as thieves! They snuggle every chance they get... when they're not playing! We're happy to have our "new addition" in Winston and while we talk about him like a brand new [human] baby (obnoxious, yes) but we're just eating up the puppy cuteness. We promise we'll practice a little more restraint on dog stories!

"No mom, I won't be moving, thanks."

Winston, December 25, 2011

"Paying your gratidues" is all about publicizing what you're grateful for. If more people did that instead of complaining about what they hate... life would be happier."

Gratidues #196-210

196. Fuzzy puppies sleeping in little beds

197. Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition on Hulu

198. Finishing my 2012 goal book

199. Surprise presents from a wonderful husband!

200. A great visit with a great friend

201. Cousins who are like sisters and brothers

202. Babies laughing hysterically out of pure joy

203. A long break from work

204. Reprioritizing

205. Making a goal and checking it off The List!

206. Morning workouts, especially when "I don't want to" and I do anyway

207. Flowers from my mother-in-law

208. Richard Simmons VHS tapes on eBay... cheap

209. Hot tea and German cookies (Lebkuchen)

210. Minty tea and open sinuses

Merry Christmas From the Burgan Family!

2011-12-25T07:05:00.001-05:00

Mary, a virgin, was living in Galilee of Nazareth and was engaged to be married to Joseph, a Jewish carpenter. An angel visited her and explained to her that she would conceive a son by the power of the Holy Spirit. She would carry and give birth to this child and she would name him Jesus.

Merry Christmas from the Burgan Family!

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

Winston & Bruce, Christmas Eve 2011

What you could call a beautiful reminder at Christmas as sung by Orthodox Jewish reggae/rapper Matisyahu:

Happy Christmas and Happy Hanukkah <3

God is Great

The Shape Of Things To Come? Losing Weight & Ditching Baggage

2011-12-20T17:56:00.001-05:00

Right about the time that these goofy "edutainment health toys" came out, I developed... issues.

Oh, I had the bangle bops, the ribbon, the sweat bands, and the weights. Mom and Dad wouldn't get me the leotard, though. "Rotten parents." Mmmkay...

Anyway, I won't go into the Freud of it all, but basically I ended up with a crazy-distorted vision of how I was supposed to be. I wasn't that way. I liked to stay at home, reading and playing alone, and cookies that were carefully grabbed by a sneaky girl tasted way sweeter than ones I ate with permission. So yeah, I had body issues.

I still have body issues. I've got a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to fitness, exercise, and moreover, food. I've dealt with it in a number of ways. I've prayed and I've acted and I've waited and I've... fill in the blanks. I'm pleased to say that for ten solid weeks I've been able to leap some major mental hurdles and apply the education and work background that I have in health and wellness. Who would've thought that eating right and exercising would help? (Snicker.)

Seriously, though, it's amazing the feeling of freedom that comes with setting goals and pushing past them. I'm not a crazy personal trainer wanna-be convert or anything, but working out is working out. I've never stuck to anything for two solid weeks, much less ten straight weeks. Daily tracking (via Weight Watchers Online website and iPhone apps) of food and Activity Points (i.e.: exercise) has been working and that right well.

Nate and I joined Planet Fitness in Southfield. He got the value $10 access-only membership and I said that a trip to the complimentary massage chairs would be worth working out, so the $19 Black Card membership is what I got. I had to agree to go at least once a week and I can say I've gone at least 1-5 times per week since we joined in late October. I've picked up running, elliptical, circuit training, weight lifting, and more since joining up. (And yes, I usually visit the massage chairs for 5-10 minutes after each session.)

Thus far I've lost over 2" each on my waist and hips, .5" in the chest, 1" on the arms, and I'm down a dress size. I've lost over 16 pounds and counting and I have increased my running stamina from 25-30 second intervals to about three minute intervals, which I count as a plus since I have NEVER been known to run... ever.

I still have a long, long way to go. I figure that I've got approximately 80 pounds to go until I reach my "lifetime" goal. I have about 10 pounds to go until I've lost 10% of my initial body weight. At every 5% interval I set rewards with Nate's permission for awesome things like spa treatments and overnight trips I normally wouldn't get to take. Nate benefits by having a) a hotter wife and b) overnight trips and date days for most of the rewards, so he's all in.

So there's my Week 9 check-in. I'm not going to be blogging about it too much on here, but I figure I'll keep myself honest and check in at regular intervals. The path to health is spiritual, mental and physical and without working on all three of those things, a person won't get anywhere. I thank God that he flipped a switch somehow that allowed me to push past the crazy mental clutter that has held me up these past umpteen years. It's a great feeling.

Winston: Adaptation Mode

2011-12-19T09:26:00.002-05:00

Winston and Bruce are getting quite used to each other and are playing very well these days. They take turns being dominant and submissive. We haven't had any non-play bites, except a nip from Bruce when he thought Winston was going to take his food treat. (Bruce was punished for food aggression toward animals... his only real flaw, as he's not aggressive toward people touching his food.)

Winston's schedule is now just about:

Out at 1 a.m., 5 a.m., 7 a.m.
Eats at 7-7:30 with Bruce (separate kennels)
Out again at 8 a.m.
Morning naps and play time with Bruce and Mom
Out at 10 or 11, unless in kennel
Out after I come home or around noon
Afternoon naps, training and playtime while mom does chores and work
Out at 2-3
Out again at 5ish
Dinner at 7-7:30 with Bruce (separate kennels)
Outside at 8 p.m.
Play with Bruce and Dad in the evening
10 p.m. - Out before bedtime, then in the bedroom kennel with Bruce and mom
Lather, rinse, repeat!

So yeah, he's basically on a baby's schedule! He weaned himself off of eating three times a day, so he's getting older and more mature in that way. Each day he decides whether he wants to test us or be mellow. Sometimes it's a little of both. Yesterday luckily everyone, mom and dad included, were on major chill pills, which was refreshing!

Anyway, if you throw in "cleaning up pee," "Leave your sister alone!" (the cat) and "Stop eating crud off the floor!" a few times a day or so, that's life around the Burgan house. Right now I have to sleepy dogs in beds next to me in the office.

Happiness is indeed a warm puppy.

Nate & Carrie Happy Moments #3: Carrie's 24th Birthday Packages

2011-12-17T17:52:00.001-05:00

I met my then-boyfriend Nate in August 2004. We traveled on weekends between Columbus and Detroit to visit each other. It so happened that a month into our relationship, Nate went to Germany to visit friends in Regensburg. Because he couldn't be there for my birthday and because he knew I was sad he had to go, he worked with his sister to send one package for every day that I was supposed to open. Some packages had a game or poem and others had a small gift. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me to that point and I was hooked! Here is the "thank you" picture I took to send to him.

But if you want to know what I did on my birthday, well... I went to Bento Go-Go's in Columbus for noodles and sushi with my friend Christina! It was wonderful and I miss Bento Go-Go Asian Yum-Yums.

Awww... I was 24.

Christina, a.k.a. Cee Pee

Banana Bread & Ironing? (Five Question Friday)

2011-12-16T17:40:00.001-05:00

Man & Wife Living Life participates in Five Question Friday for a little pre-weekend fun. Thanks to Five Crooked Halos for the idea and blog hop.

1. What's the best Christmas present you've ever received?
The best Christmas present I ever received was my engagement ring, my grandmother's ring, in my stocking. Technically it wasn't a Christmas present since I got it on New Year's Eve, but Nate billed it as "one last Christmas present". Funnier yet, we had just watched The Family Stone at the theater that same night and Nate was sweating bullets.
2. Worst/Funniest White Elephant gift ever received?
I've been lucky in that most white elephant gifts have been pretty good. The worst white elephant gift I ever received was some sort of tin can snowman sculpture. I think the "artist" was good-natured and actually proud of her work, but let's say that one went into the recycle bin and not proudly on my front porch. I wish I had kept a photo! It was, after all, a white elephant gift, so it wasn't supposed to be a "real" present.
3. Is your Christmas tree plain and simple (white lights and matching ornaments) or is it wild and crazy (colored lights with lots of ornaments collected over the years)?
I think I've posted plenty about our Christmas tree! Country Christmas. Click here to see our Christmas tree.
4. "How" do you iron your clothes? The old fashioned iron/ironing board way, the shower, back in the dryer, etc.
"How" now brown "cow"? Despite a questionable use of quotations, the real question is "How does your husband iron your clothes?" The answer? Infrequently and on an ironing board! I don't iron much, honestly. My husband really enjoys it, so on the very infrequent occasion that I need something ironed, he's all about it. Love that man!
5. How much baking do you do for Christmas and what are your "must make" items? (I'm looking for recipes here, peeps...)
This year? Not much. But if you want something easy to class up with chocolate chips, moist and chewy, check out my vegan banana bread tutorial on Youtube.