Bitchin' Wives Club

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:49:12 PST

Here's a little piece of British culture that I didn't know anything about before moving here. I had heard of Guy Fawkes only through that grim view of the English future V For Vendetta. And that necessitates taking the story with a rather hearty grain of salt.

But the English really do celebrate the capture of Guy Fawkes, a terrorist who in 1605 plotted to blow up the English Parliament.

And by 'celebrate,' I mean 'burn Fawkes in effigy.'

If you click on the picture above for a bigger view, you will see that there are two bodies visible, one is in a chair on the top. There were a few other bodies on there, as well, but they'd already been consumed by the massive flames by the time I arrived with my camera tripod to record all the fun. I'm not sure why the extra bodies were there, perhaps they were Fawlkes' cohorts or maybe the local scout group were over-zealous in their body-making duties?

It was all a bit gruesome, but since I love things like that, it made my heart grow even fonder of my newly adopted country and culture.

Who would guess that beneath their tweedy, dry exteriors that such blood-thirsty hearts were beating in the chests of the English??

Friends in Need

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 08:00:17 PST

This post was written by a fellow blogger who approached me about posting her interview to show support for the Spohr's on November 11th. No links to the author: it's not about self-aggrandizement, it's about caring for people in our blogging community and raising money to help other families in need of support. Please read and donate any little bit that you may have to spare.

I don't think there are too many people reading this who didn't have their heart broken on April 7th of this year. That's the day we learned that Madeline Alice Spohr, whom we all knew as Maddie from The Spohrs Are Multiplying <http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/> , was suddenly taken from her parents, Heather and Mike, when a respiratory infection coupled with a collapsed lung was more than her 17-month-old body could fight. Thousands of people across the country mourned with Heather and Mike, and thousands came to their support by donating to the March of Dimes in Maddie's memory. Since then, the Spohrs, along with family and friends, have created Friends of Maddie <http://friendsofmaddie.org/> , a fund dedicated to supporting families of critically ill or prematurely-born infants during their stay in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) with supplies, help finding temporary lodging (because the NICU isn't always within commuting distance of home), and by creating a network of support. Friends of Maddie uses your donation <http://friendsofmaddie.org/index.php/donate/> to put together Support Packs <http://friendsofmaddie.org/index.php/about/family-support-packs/> for families who find themselves overwhelmed with the care of an at-risk newborn. The packs include items such as reusable water bottles, snack bars, tissues, mints, and most importantly, a tri-fold binder with a note pad and accordion file to keep track of paperwork.

"We're hopeful it will make it at a little easier for parents to keep track of everything," Heather says."You get SO many papers, business cards, etc., every day, and it's hard to keep track of everything." She should know, she lived the experience. Maddie's sixty-eight-day stay in the NICU <http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/category/nicu/> is chronicled on Heather's blog and her husband Mike's blog <http://thenewbornidentity.com/?cat=5> as well. Readers across the country followed every setback and every victory. What message would she like to
pass on to parents in the same situation? "Patience. Take things a day at a time and live in the moment. Don't look down the road or things will get REALLY scary and overwhelming," shared
Heather. The reaction to the packs has been terrific, according to Heather, "We've been getting a FANTASTIC response from everyone! We weren't expecting such a big response so we are really behind in getting back to everyone, but it's a good problem to have!"

By now, you are all wondering how you can help, right? I knew it. You people rock. Your options:

* Donate! <http://friendsofmaddie.org/index.php/donate/> I know, the
economy is bad right now, but every little bit helps. Or...

* Let your local NICU know about Friends of Maddie
<http://friendsofmaddie.org/> , or...

* Do you work for a company that might bring a valuable service to
NICU parents? Contact FoM! <http://friendsofmaddie.org/index.php/contact/>

Or...

* Just spread the word! Write a blog post! Send out a tweet! Y'all know how this works!
Mike and Heather's loss is unimaginable. In spite of their grief, they have found a way to pay forward all the love poured out from thousands of hearts across the internet.

Go get your badge that shows you support this cause here.

RTT: Dreams and Assimilation

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:25:10 PST

I am now officially British. And spoiled. Rotten.
Check out my new coat that I picked up at the Spirit of Christman Expo in London on Sunday. I saw the coat in the morning and thought about it (and it's heavy price tag) all day, fretting one moment that dear Daddy-007 would be pissed if I got it and daydreaming the next moment about walking around in it looking so veddy English I could just burst. I ended up heading back to the booth an hour before the expo ended and asking if they could make a deal on the coat. The salesman explained that I would already be getting the coat for a "deal," as it was being offered for £50 less than the store price. I gave him this look:

And that look got me another £20 off. [Can you hear my patting myself on the back?]

Before I blew all my money on that coat, I managed to find some lovely presents for my gals back home, some really precious little linen dresses for my nieces, and a really sassy new lead for our dear little dog (who is living with Auntie and Uncle) that everyone in the family is missing more than ever. It's like the cold weather has made us all realize that there is a gaping hole where Austin (the little black lab that never grew up; even at 13 she'd still look like a pup if it wasn't for all the gray) used to be. She should be lazing about the house with me all day, going from bed to the couch, to the sheepskin, to whatever comfy spot that is near someone who'll dole out a cuddle. *sniff*

Sometimes, the only people (outside of family) I talk to all day are the ones who are on twitter. Such is life in the country. When it is rainy and dreary. And you have to miss out on coffee with the ladies to drop your husband off in a town called Shirley because his bike was getting a tune-up.

Just sayin'.

BlogHer '10 has been on my mind. I'm struggling because I want to go, honestly, I can barely imagine not going! But, it is going to be on the weekend of August 6th, and if I am going to be in the States for only three weeks to see family and friends, it seems crazy to take four days of that to run off to NYC. I have to make it work somehow, though, or I will forced to eat my liver the entire weekend while everyone else in blogland is making merry at the conference.

And besides that, now that I've been to one BlogHer, I feel like I'll know how to navigate the next one a lot more intelligently and logically. I.e., I won't be going just for the parties. ;)

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, I'm still going for the parties!! But I will totally pick all the right panels that will teach me how to make my blog 100-times more awesome and profitable than it is right now. In between getting free massages, make-up sessions, and styling tips from ladies with too much foundation.

And I will not be talked into buying $300 worth of moisterizer from the Clarins rep again. No matter how many freebies she swears she will throw in the box!! (I still shake my head in disbelief that I did this. Every night as I put on the night cream. And again, every morning as I put on the day cream.)

But doesn't my skin feel so soft?? (I tell myself, through the silent tears.)

Alright, ya'll, it has been another amazing Random Tuesday Thoughts.... brought to you by the Head Mistress of Meandering Mindplay KEELY at Unmom.com.

AND one more thing: I won an Honest Scrap Award! From the beautiful Neesh, over at Powerful Beyond Measure. Thanks, my truthful friend!

Whining + Stupidity = Hearty Laughter at Self

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:04:12 PST

For the past two months I've been whining about how terrible the water here is for my hair. The water is really hard here and the prevailing attitude seems to be that water softeners are for pussies or something.

I don't get it. I've got more "de-scaling" and "lime-away" type cleaning products than I ever thought possible. Don't they realize that a softener would make cleaning soooo much easier? I'm going to have to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it is a space issue, rather than a enjoys-cleaning-lime-scale genetic propensity.

Anyway.... Back to my hair.

My limp, lifeless, uncharacteristically blah hair.

It has been a minor obsession.

I get out of the shower and my hair feels like a pile of hay, despite massive conditioning treatments. I put on some spray-in conditioner and then my Aveda Be Curly lotion with a little Brilliance mixed in... my usual routine... and then my hair is just meh. It feels heavy, hasn't been as curly, and has been feeling filthy really quickly, requiring me to wash it every other day, which is more often than I used to have to. (Stop your grumbling, you people with fine hair! We all have our crosses to bear. It's my hair and I'll whine if I want to.)

I've had a couple good hair days since getting here and they both occurred when I showered at the gym or a hotel, so I assumed it had something to do with their water being softer.

I'm getting round to the point now, so bear with me just a little longer.

Yesterday, I was making preparations for the gym and was very excited to wash my hair while there, but was out of conditioner so started rummaging around in my drawers for the Aveda conditioner that I remembered buying before I left the States. After pawing around awhile, I found a tube of my curl enhancing lotion, but no conditioner.

And then I started thinking, that's weird, why do have an extra tube of that?

And then I looked at the countertop round-up of hair and face creams....

And then I realized that I had been putting conditioner in my hair, instead of my curling lotion, for the past two months.

This lotion is the best thing I have ever found for my curly, thick hair. I love it.

BUT. (and it's a big but)

I have to file a formal complaint that these two containers look so much alike. Aveda?? Are you listening??

(And, yes, I feel like a total ass. Because I really have been whining about it to almost everyone I know. For two months.)

RTT: Stopping By the Leisure World

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:53:43 PST

For realz, yo, they have a movie theatre complex here that is housed in what is called the "LEISURE WORLD" of Southampton. Let me tell you, I've been few places that screamed ~leisure~ like this place. It is a MASSIVE building that has a twelve-screen (or more?) movie theatre, a huge nightclub, and a slew of restaurants. It is designed to siphon £'s off you faster than you can multiply 10 x 1.64 (the current amount of dollar it takes to make one pound).

I brought the two big boys out to the movies on Friday, leaving the Animal with our ~~trainer~~ babysitter. We had a grand time seeing Up in 3D (fine, two of us had seen it back in the USA last May, but it was even better the second time around) and feasting on our treats. BUT, it was £25.50 for the movie tickets and another £15 for our yummies. So... beep boop boop (my calculator at work)... that's $66.00 for one adult and two children to go out to the movies on a Friday afternoon.

I swear I'll stop converting in my head soon. I have to or I will go mad. MAD, I say.

Speaking of... I may be completely behind on everything.... but I just got one of these from a friend and then had to make one of my own.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

In fact, I loved it so much I got suckered into buying a year's membership to JibJab.... woe to the person who purchases crap like this at 1:30 am... and then I let my kids watch it and play with it this morning and let them make a video that ended up saying the word "dammit" in it THREE times...

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

and then left them alone for five minutes to go change and the Animal comes screaming upstairs crying uncontrollably b/c CC has, of course, scared him out of his wits by playing some ultra-violent scary movie that is on the site....

Sometimes I am a totally sucky mom.

Happy random to you all.

Rehearsals: Quiet on the set, please!

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:57:56 PST

Did I mention that I am going to be in a play?

Oh! I didn't?!

(Well, that doesn't sound like me!) No, I must've mentioned it, at least in passing....

Oh, yeah, that's right!! I did. I even posted a ludicrous video of me practicing the song! I remember now.

;-)

Well, I got the part! Rehearsals have been underway for the last month and we've been spending the time learning all the songs that are going to be part of the big group finale, as well as going over the staging for the opening song that everyone will be in. I've been practicing my song, singing in the house, the car, and the fields and running my lines with the ever-obliging Daddy-007.

Last Thursday I finally got a chance to practice my solo song with the pianist! I had been telling my new friends about what terrible stage fright I get and how nervous I am about singing in front of everyone and that I hope I do okay, blah blah blah... Because, honestly, the last time I performed in a play was in high school and I was positively racked with stage fright. Diarrhea, trembling, shaky voice; the whole bit! I also said that my love of karaoke (whilst being perceived as a slightly pathetic past-time, usually reserved for miserable creatures with bad voices and delusions of grandeur), had done wonders for boosting my confidence singing in front of people. Anyway, the director called for a break and then asked if I wanted to run through my number while most of the people were out of the room. I thanked her for the consideration and went over to the piano with her (the director) and her husband who co-wrote the play and who is a musical-type (i.e. he was the fiddler in last year's production of Fiddler on the Roof). The piano started and I just launched into the song with gusto and pretty fairly nailed it. The pianist even added a repeat to the last chorus so I could do one those fabulous, American Idol-type crescendo bits to the ending line of "My looo-ooooooove von't vait!!!!!!!" (Remember that I am singing It's Now or Never), in the character of a former WWII-era, Polish-Russian, French-Cabaret stripper now-married to the vicar of the wee village that the murder mystery is set in. ;)

I was giddy, enjoying my little moment in the spotlight. But then immediately uncomfortable.

I realized that I must've just come off as the biggest fraud in the world! Where was the stage fright?? Where were my nerves??? (None here, I think they all got scared off by that high note....)

So, that leaves, ...what? False modesty?

Great.

So, now I am either 1.) Totally deluded and really stank up the entire number and none of my friends are saying anything because they are protecting my feelings, or 2.) They are like, "What has she been going on about? F**king primadonna.", or 3.) I really am insecure and needy and want the praise that isn't being given to me by them because they all think that I obviously know I have a nice voice and why should they feed my ego by saying anything about it.

And so the spiral of self-doubt and over-analyzing begins.

I'm sure that it is nothing, but won't our minds overwork a scenario when left with nothing else to worry about? Seriously, I need the internet to keep my mind off this kind of stuff!!

Ha!

I'll just have to continue walking that fine line of keeping up the blog for my sanity while limiting my on-line time while the kids are home and away for my sanity.

One more thing: I swear I'm not drunk, but I love you guys! I really appreciated the supportive comments and good ideas for how to keep myself away from the distractions that all your amazing blogs provide. Now, if I could just ween myself off twitter.... (Pshaaaaw! Right. Never!!!)

p.s. In spite of my love for you, I am also going to admonish you for not informing me of Oprah's Karaoke Challenge that I somehow missed! Tragedy!! I coulda been a contendah....!!!

p.p.s. Did someone say delusional?

Old Habits....

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 05:14:04 PDT

Some bad old habits of mine are starting to resurface. Ones that were curbed temporarily by necessity and happenstance, not because of any conscious effort put forth on my part, mind you. I speak, of course, about spending too much time on-line. It is an addiction/compulsion that many of us share. You wouldn’t be here reading this blog right now if you didn’t have an issue with it, too, am I right?

It took over a month to get our internet access up and running when we first moved here. A painful, long month of trying to figure out how the heck we were going to get information every single time we needed an address, a number, a destination, directions, everything! I would keep lists of the things I needed to look up and then check them off dutifully one-by-one each time I managed a trip into town to the library or a café with wi-fi. I was upset that my blog had to go pretty much on hiatus, I lost momentum with my writing, stalled out growth of the site, and lost touch with friends that I wanted to keep informed of the minutia of our transition to English living.

Even while I complained copiously about not having access to all of this at home, though, I knew that it was for the best. I knew in my heart that the kids needed me to be present during this time. They needed all of mommy’s attention, not just the 10% that isn’t focused on daddy, dinner, housework, twitter, and blogging. And that is (sadly) NOT listed in order of importance to me.

Not having internet access for four weeks was one of the best things that could’ve happened to our family.

No wi-fi for the parents + no screen-time for the kids = a happy, connected family.

Total no-brainer, right?

Right??

So, if it is a total no-brainer, then why is it so eff-ing hard to pull myself away from the computer again? I love this blog; I love the feedback to posts, I love the game of it, I love the possibilities, I love the people I’ve met…. But aren’t the people that I love right here in my house more important? I like to think that I always put my family first… well,… that I would put my family first, anyway,… if I needed to. But the truth of the matter is that I can be incredibly selfish and I push my kids and husband away when I am busy writing or editing photos. And that really stinks. Especially because I have time during the day, when all three of the kids & Daddy-007 are at school, to get this work done.

I am going to spend the rest of half-term break (the kids are back in school on Monday) re-aligning my priorities and figuring out a system of internet use that will get me back on track. I’m afraid I’m going to have to make a little ADHD chart, like the ones I used to make for Destructo, for myself that outlines when I can use the ‘net and when I can’t. I know I can make it work, but I need a little space to think about it, scheme up a program for myself, write it down, then put it into practice. The proclivities of the ADD mind make it a lot harder than it sounds, so cut me some slack, okay?

Note: If I resort to using ‘internet time’ as a reward for good behavior, you will know that I have gone totally insane. Please send help!

Weekend in Devon

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:53:18 PDT

Even as I swat hands away from lenses, pluck boys from imminent splashes into rivers, and offer small sounds of frustration after yelling matches between sons, magic seems to swirl in the golden light that filters through the intense green of the forests and meadows of Devon.

I love this new country so much.

(Check my flickrstream this week for more photos from our beautiful weekend in Southwest England. The kids are all home for the week as it is half-term break, so I don't know how much blogging will be going on.)

Friday's Feast: Sticky Toffee Pudding

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:30:49 PDT

Sticky Toffee Pudding
Serves 6

Ingredients
6 oz. whole dates (stoned) (appx. X cups)
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 Tbsp. instant coffee (can use 2 tbsp. strong brewed coffee instead, but adjust water amount)
1 tsp. vanilla

Soak the dates in a bowl with 3/4 cup of boiling water, the instant coffee, vanilla and baking soda. Leave to cool completely. When cooled, remove dates and chop fine, placing chopped dates back in the water mixture when finished.

75g Softened Butter
200g Light Soft Brown Sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp dark molasses (in UK: black treacle)
6 oz. Self Raising Flour (directions to make self-raising flour below)
(optional) 75g of Pecan Nuts or Walnuts, chopped

Ingredients - Sauce
6 oz golden brown Sugar
1 stick Butter
6 Tablespoons of Whipping Cream (in UK: Double Cream)
(optional) 50g Chopped Pecan Nuts or Walnuts

Sticky Toffee Puddings: Sweet, sticky, rich and delicious. Serve with cream or vanilla ice cream. You can make individual puddings, however, these will only need 25 minutes cooking.

Method

Soak the dates in a bowl with 175ml of boiling water, the coffee essence and bicarbonate of soda. Leave to cool completely.

Pre-heat the oven 350˚. Grease a large pudding basin (1 Litre capacity) with butter. Place the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl and mix with an electric mixer until smooth. Beat the eggs and add to the butter and sugar a little at a time continuing to mix until smooth. Beat in the molasses (or black treacle). Fold in the flour to the mixture with the chopped nuts, if using, and add the cooled dates mixture (including the water). Mix well with a wooden spoon until smooth and evenly combined. Pour into the greased pudding basin and cover with greased foil or non-stick foil. Bake in the oven for one hour 20 minutes. Check if cooked by inserting a knife or skewer, if it comes out clean the pudding is cooked. (I cooked mine in two 1/2 liter pyrex bowls, they were done in about 45 minutes.)

To prepare the sauce put the brown sugar, butter, nuts (if using) and cream in a saucepan and heat gently mixing all the time until smooth. Bring to the boil and remove from the heat. This only takes a few minutes, so it is best to do right before serving or you can reheat the sauce easily in the microwave.

Remove the foil from the pudding and turn out onto a serving dish. You can pour over the sauce or cut the pudding into wedges and serve with the sauce separate. Or you can do both! It is helpful to poke the whole cake with a fork several times before adding the sauce, that way it will soak up more. Don't forget the vanilla ice-cream, it does wonders for cutting the richness of this decadent dessert.

Make your own Self-Raising Flour:

1. In a large mixing bowl, measure 6 cups of flour.
2. Add 3 tablespoons baking powder.
3. Add 1 tablespoon salt.
4. Either sift together or mix with a wire whisk until well combined.
5. Can be stored in airtight container for months.

p.s. My apologies for not converting all the measurements. If you have a kitchen scale, it won't be a problem. If you don't .... well, it could get tricky. Leave it in the comments, if you'd like me to send you an email when I convert them. We are off to Devon for the weekend, so I will be incommunicado until Monday, so be patient! xoxo

10 Tips on How to Spot a Scary Mommy

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:49:26 PDT

I am writing on the theme introduced by Scary Mommy in her ~~quest~~ contest to find more scary mommies out there. She was inspired by the new movie Motherhood to throw this little party of scary mommy wanna-be's and, since I view myself as an exceptionally scary mommy, I thought I'd share my ideas on what makes a mommy "scary."

Example No. 1:

When preparing for Halloween a scary mommy is not afraid to arm her brood to the teeth. Boys will be boys, and if her little hooligans' faces are shining and joyous as they "kill all the zombies in our perimeter?" Well, why would she want to deny them that happiness by making them wear some stupid Spongebob outift?

Example No. 2:

A scary mommy will run for her camera to get a picture like this. =============>
First, because it is funny to her to see her son look so deadly serious. Second, because she knows it will definitely be a great shot to use on her blog. And, third, because she knows it will make her son's gun-lovin' relatives smile in pride.

Example No. 2 ½:
And a scary mommy knows that even though she may not want her son to grow up to be a professional sniper, she would be proud of him as long as he was the best darned sniper he could be.

Example No. 3:

A scary mommy fosters independence by making the kids do it for themselves. Sure that stove is hot, but with proper tools (oven mitts!) it is perfectly safe and mommy gets to sit back and enjoy her coffee for another few minutes.

Example No. 4:

A scary mommy lets her kids explore a space in whatever way they will get the most out of it. She calls it "tactile learning" and she believes that her spawn are, indeed, "tactile geniuses" as they have climbed over, crawled under, stuck their fingers into, and their tongues on almost every surface of every museum and historically significant place they've ever been. Like at the Roman Baths, where she looked on in bemusement and horror (alternating) as her children leaped from ancient stones and came dangerously close to ~~falling into~~ swimming in the same archaic pools that the Romans used.

Example No. 5:

A scary mommy still poses for a family portrait, no matter how harried and exhausted she may feel. She will pose, but she won't feel compelled to hide her true emotions at the moment.

Example No. 5 ½:

A scary mommy never pretends she is something she is not.

(Exceptions to this rule apply when in the presence of mothers-in-law and exes.)

Example No. 6:

A scary mommy never underestimates the power of candy over a child. And wields that knowledge to produce the desired behavior from her children by offering it, taking it away, or dangling it as a future benefit.

Example No. 7:

A scary mommy knows that she needs time to pursue the other loves in her life to be truly happy. That means she goes on dates with daddy, hangs out with her girlfriends, and has a hobby that doesn't revolve around her children.

Example No. 8:

A scary mommy may not have the energy to party like she used to, but knows that it's okay to cut loose every once and awhile. And she will still do a shot, on a party plank, even if she really hates them.

Example No. 9:

A scary mommy takes the time to find beauty in the things that her children love. Even if they give her the creeps, the willies, or the heebie-jeebies.

Example No. 10:

A scary mommy never takes herself too seriously.

Never.

Motherhood opens tomorrow and, besides having a personal interest in the subject (it's about a mom/writer/blogger!), I hope that all the moms in America will go see it because the director is a woman and a mom, too. And it is do or die for women directors in Hollywood, people. We have to support movies like this to show the studio heads that there is money to be had by making movies for us. So get your lady-friends together for a night out and show Hollywood that movies about real life issues, not just fantasy fashion (I'm talking to you my Sex & the City sisters), will make us turn out to the movie theaters in droves. I also understand, from early reviews, that the movie is great for husbands. Dads get represented fairly and even get to have a say in how their lives have been changed because of the responsibilities of parenthood. It is unusual for dads in movies or tv to get a fair shake, so it thrills me that Anthony Edwards gets to play a guy that is not being cuckolded or is a buffoon. I can't wait to see it and will be waiting impatiently over here in the UK for its arrival!

More Bits and Bots from the Land of Mist and Rain

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:31:08 PDT

Thank you to Wild Child, from Naked Opinions blog, who awarded me the "Over the Top" award.

In a fit of nostalgia for the simpler days of my first few months of blogging and with a tragic inability to apply my mind to any one thing for more than one minute (two, tops), I filled out the meme attached to the award and am posting it.

Where is your cell phone? coat pocket
Your hair? unruly
Your mother? Missouri
Your father? Missouri
Your favorite food? Italian
Your dream last night? none
Your favorite drink? Propel Berry
Your dream/goal? publish
What room are you in? living room
Your hobby? photography
Your Fear? cancer
Where do you want to be in 6 years? ?????
Where were you last night? bed
Something that you aren’t? organized
Muffins? cranberry-orange
Wish list item? 70-200mm f/2.8 Nikon zoom lens
Where did you grow up? Missouri
Last thing you did? comment
What are you wearing? cashmere
Your TV? off
Your pets? none :(
Friends? tons
Your life? amazing
Your mood? contagious
Missing someone? yes
Vehicle? vw
Something you’re not wearing? ribbons
Your favorite store? waitrose
Your favorite color? blue
When was the last time you laughed? 3 minutes ago
Last time you cried? yesterday
Your best friend? not here!
One place that I go to over and over? kids' school
One person who emails me regularly? Ann
Favorite place to eat? Italy

Thank you and party on, Wild Child!!

p.s. I swear I am working on a really excellent post. *pounding head against wall* I swear! [Profusely.]

Twitter, Mommy Bloggers, the TSA, and Internet Fueled Hysteria

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:56:36 PDT

I don't think I've ever weighed in on one of these Twitter kerfuffles before, but the latest one regarding Nic's (from My Bottle's Up) claims that the TSA separated her from her child while going through Atlanta's airport security and the TSA's blogged response to her post have me almost as engrossed as Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski once did.

I find myself going back to Google to see what new perspectives have been added; if Nic has said anything else and/or if the TSA has offered up any more insight into what did or didn't happen. Nic responded to their initial release of hastily edited together footage of her trip through security by saying that it had been doctored. The TSA then released complete security footage today from 9 different angles. Nic has, sadly, been quiet since then. Probably because the new footage really doesn't leave anything out. It clearly shows that Nic is never separated from her baby.

I really wanted to believe her. I mean, something must've happened for such an emotional post centered around such a serious accusation. Right? (Certainly she thought about the fact that the security agents on hand could lose their jobs if they really did break the rule of never separating children from their parents! Right??)

I really gave her the benefit of the doubt. I couldn't bring myself to echo others who instantly called her a liar after the TSA first posted its response. I admit that I really didn't believe the first footage the TSA released, I agreed that it definitely could've been edited to look like nothing happened. There were short gaps of unaccounted time. It left room for interpretation. I tweeted as much and instantly attracted some heinous twitter troll. A person who seems to have opened a twitter account for the express purpose of monitoring every tweet regarding the TSA and @MyBottlesUp and messaging anyone who dared to show support for her or belief in her claims. I noted another person constantly tweeting negatively about her, using the twitter name @mybottlesupliar. Who are these people, I asked? Don't they have lives? Aren't they so pathetic for not having anything better to do than exacerbate this situation on twitter, I thought? How can they, and hundreds of other verbose online people, be so positive that she is not telling the truth. And, beyond that, reading her blog and then pronouncing her "crazy" or "unstable."

I almost felt like I, too, was being attacked. Why did I feel that way? I barely know Nic! I've followed her on twitter since I joined up a year ago and I've read a few posts on her blog. Why should I care so much that she be telling the truth? And then, I couldn't help but wonder what would people say if they read my blog looking for out-of-context bad-parenting jokes and references to drinking or medications? Ay carumba!

I believed Nic at first and continued to show support for her because she is one of us. I may not want to associate with all the mommy-blogger iterations that are out there....

But I do associate strongly with this wonderful, supportive, sometimes downright magical community of moms that blog about their lives openly, humorously, and honestly. I love these moms and dads who put it all out there for the world to see, should the world care to look.

So, I don't want to believe that Nic is lying about her run-in with the TSA! If she has fabricated the whole thing, well then who's to say that I haven't been lying about my move to England, or that so-and-so hasn't been lying about being out of work, or that the other blogger hasn't been lying about a husband with cancer?

I don't want to believe that my internet friends might be lying to me. I don't want it all to be fiction.

I don't want one person to negate all that we stand for because she was naive enough to think that if she stretched the truth just a bit more then maybe, just maybe her "mommy's-lark" blog could turn itself into an honest-to-goodness money-making venture.

I just can't live my life like that. I want to trust people and have, thus far, lived a pretty charmed life for being that way.

Ultimately, I fear that this sort of bizarre thing could happen to any one of us. Any sort of claim that we make in our writing could turn into a massive internet feeding frenzy with you or me, not on the feeding side, but being eaten.

I hope if that day ever comes for me, that you will give me the benefit of the doubt, too. And wait patiently for a response, rather than decrying my actions to anyone who will listen to fill the void.

Abroad and In Search of American TV: Expat How-To

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 06:24:45 PDT

In my recent move to the UK, the most glaring hole in our new life here is that we have not purchased a new TV that will work with the PAL broadcast system over here. (Alright, did I lose your interest yet?) I know we will break down eventually, but so far it just hasn't ranked up there in the "need to purchase immediately" category. Of course, I've been here since August 17th and just got around to getting a microwave (£15 at a rummage sale, boo-ya!) and am still complaining to pretty much anyone that will listen about the lack of ice in my life (I swear, I will finally part with the money to buy a freezer this month), so my priorities are clearly a little screwy.

Back to my point, though, about the TV. It has actually been a gift to this family that television has been subtracted from the equation. It makes me incredibly happy to cut off the children's non-stop stream of available cartoons and kids' shows 24 hours a day that used to be available to them via the DVR and glut of satellite-TV channels. Sure, I impose time limits like everyone else, but it was a constant fight for their attention. They are better children for it, more involved with me, my husband, their friends, the computer, and the Wii. (Hey, I'm not going to be raising any Luddites in this family!)

Of course when I say 'gift to the family,' I don't actually include myself in that. I am way too immersed in popular culture to just turn my back on all my favorite shows! You are talking to a woman who has been a loyal subscriber of Entertainment Weekly for the last 13 years and still reads it front to back every week, after all! What would happen if I just up and decided that I didn't need to know what happens to our band of castaways/survivors on Lost? Could I survive without the joyous weekly sing-a-longs of Glee? Would I wither away into the autumn woodlands of the ancient forests here without knowing the pleasures of Modern Family or the intrigue of Flash Forward? And God forbid this move get in the way of me living, dying, and living again with the carnal pleasure that is watching True Blood.

So imagine my surprise when I hopped over to CBS.com and found this message, "The video you requested is not available for your geographic region." What the hell? Why does CBS care whether or not I am watching their show here or back home or wherever, right? (Alright, fine, I understand that they have distribution deals with other countries, but how many people really care enough to seek out the shows to watch online at their site?)

So I did what any red-blooded American would do in this situation: I Googled it.

It turns out that there are a few ways to get around the problem, depending on how crafty you want to get. The easiest, highest quality and most expensive option is to buy the content you want to watch on iTunes and then download it to your computer. But 1.) I'm not made of money and 2.) My hard drive is already teetering on the brink of spilling out onto my desk it is so freaking full. So, that's not going to work unless we win the EuroMillions jackpot.

So I headed back to Google and did a search on: "streaming Glee tv" which turned up several online services (surfthechannel.com, yidio.com) that point you to another site that is streaming that content. Because they are not actually streaming the copyrighted video, they are legally OK. But some of the sites you get shunted to have terrible quality video, are obviously illegal, and still charge you if you want to watch more than 72 minutes of TV a day (I'm talking to you, Megavideo.com). And Hulu.com is, uh-oh!, geo-locked like the network sites. Boo!!!

Next I did a search that turned up thisword: VPN. Hmmm. I knew this word, but couldn't quite remember what it stood for. I looked it up on Wikipedia and, voilá, there was the answer! It stands for Virtual Private Network and it allows a person anywhere in the world to connect to a host server in the US (or anywhere else in the world) and assume the IP address of that server. Essentially, as soon as you connect to a VPN, it hides your IP address and you assume the new address. And with the new IP address that is located in the US, one can then connect to hulu.com, ABC, CBS, NBC, you name it, and watch their video content. :) Success!

I have a feeling there are some ~~laws~~ ~~ordinances~~ rules that are in jeopardy of being broken, but this option has got to be preferable to the millions of dollars the Arts Industry loses to Pirate Bay-type torrent downloading or these various other sites that I found streaming almost every tv show you could want to see and don't require you to even watch commercials. I personally don't subscribe to ripping off hard-working people in the movie and television industries (I was a film major once upon a time, after all!), so I really want to be able to watch my shows in the most legitimate way I can.

Which brings me to a company I found called HideIPVPN. Not only do they offer the service of hosting IP servers in the US and the UK, they offer a program to bloggers (disclosure alert!) to get free VPN services for a year if they write a review of their services. So....

I was given a 3-day free trial to get a taste of what American TV is like when accessed from an ocean away. The set-up was a little tricky at first. They sent me a link to a tutorial that would set up the VPN as an application, but when that didn't work, the support person told me to use the PPTP way to connect. I said, "Uh.... what is a PPTP?" and he sent me more directions that I got one step wrong in the process and couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong until that same very-quick-to-respond tech person helped me sort it out via email. The setup, once I realized where I had made the mistake was really kind of ridiculously easy on my Mac and when I was done I just connected to the US server it was done.

I was able to immediately connect to Hulu.com and stream the premiere of Flash Forward (you know, the one from three weeks ago). I was instantly hooked and was pretty frustrated with the slow connection, but realized that if I put the player on pause and left it for a few minutes it will build up a buffer of video to compensate for the slower speed. I am not sure, because of my short window of use, whether my connection speeds were questionable while using the HideIPPVN because of their server or because it was Friday night and everyone in the UK was accessing it to get their hulu on. Of the six or so shows that I saw while using their server, I only watched one show on Sunday that seemed to be able to stream in perfect time with the video. It was, frankly, annoying. But that trick of just letting it sit and download enough video to stay ahead of you worked well, so it wasn't the end of the world.

The company gives away 100 monthly memberships to their service a month (but they apparently are all spoken for within the first hour of release) and offers "premium" accounts for $9.99/month. I am incredibly ~~addicted~~ dedicated to my television shows, so for me this is an expense I would be willing to spring for. We have no intention of getting a TV here, thus not incurring a £200/year TV tax or monthly satellite bills, so I feel like am getting off scott-free only paying $10/month, plus the occasional other must-have that I will pay for via iTunes. But, as I said, I am writing this review because they dangled a "free" option in front of me and I love free best of all. (I guess I can spring for that season ticket to Mad Men now!)

Given the options, I think a VPN makes a lot of sense. It isn't perfect, but short of paying out big bucks for iTunes, it seems to be the most legal option out there if you are living overseas and want to stay on top of American television programming.

I will willingly watch whatever commercials ABC, NBC, HULU.com and any other legal site throw in my way, if it will make them continue to offer their programming online. :)

Random!

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:05:10 PDT

I'm not sure what to make of some of the advertising over here. I mean, is this really the best Princess Cruise Lines could come up with? For the banner ad on the NY Times website?? Really?!? It looks like Captain Steubing from the Love Boat, only less suave and more bald. For the banner ad?!?! Really??

I just started watching the Amazing Race and .... uh.... this has got to be the craziest bunch of couples they have ever put together. I can't wait to see how the self-described "Zen in the 'hood" yoga couple implode. ;) Yes, I am evil like that. [Note: Unbelievable. That couple just got eliminated 12 minutes into the first episode! I can really pick 'em, huh? My new pick for fabulous blow-out are the Poker Chicks.]

Mean teachers really suck. I am not only ready to complain to the principal about my son's teacher, I am thisclose to wanting to go in and slap her across the face with a pair of leather gloves. Wait. Make that a fish:

If my son comes home crying one more time because she has been unnecessarily and/or inexplicably rude to him, there is a trout out there with her name on it. Harumph.

A certain somebody offered me a sincere apology, along with full acknowledgment of past shortcomings, regarding their behavior and lack of support that was offered when I was attempting graduate school over the last couple years. Without naming names, those of you who have been reading a long time will know of whom I speak. You will also know that the past year has been tough, not just because of the move and fear of the unknown, but because I had to spend a lot of time healing and burying a lot of resentment and anger and resetting my expectations on what I'm going to do with my life. I cannot tell you how much it means to me that this person finally understands how I felt. And can doubly appreciate what I do for this family.

This cracks me up:

What cracks me up more? That I did my first search for this clip not in YouTube, like I had intended, but on eBay. And was all like "wtf?!" when it pulled up zero matches. I bet if I had looked it up on American eBay, instead of the UK one, I would've found something pretty interesting. Something like this, maybe?

Yeah.... I am totally getting some of those.

Go check out the awesome, uber-cool Un-Mom, Keely. She hosts this spewing mental meltdown every Tuesday and she will totally go all Mexican Midget wrestler on your ass if you don't like it.

Weekly Winners: October 4th – 10th

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 03:53:48 PDT

October 4th – 10th
All shots taken with Nikon D300 and Sigma 100mm 2.8f macro.

Our favorite place to go with the kids has quickly become Mottisfont Abbey. Not only is is extremely close to where we live, it couldn't be more ideal for rambunctious boys. There is a beautiful stream that runs through the property that is teeming with rainbow trout, massive lawns, sloping areas perfect for rolling down, paths that run hither and yon through the trees, walled gardens filled with flowers and insects that just beg for little boy eyes to hunt out among the leaves, bridges, conkers galore, and a free-roaming cat named Murphy. :) For the photographer in the family, there are never-ending opportunities for capturing the natural beauty of the property AND my family.

His prize.
Ding! Light through the morning dew.
Chocolate sauce, prepared and packaged to say thank you.

Minus the chocolate sauce that went on our morning crêpes, of course.Leftover bread heels make excellent rainbow trout food. So says this fella, anyway.

Sluggy stink-eye.
Boys will be boys.

Thanks to Lotus, aka Sarcastic Mom, for hosting Weekly Winners!

Nom Nom Nom.... Haagen-Dazs Winner Revealed!

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 06:29:00 PDT

sAm is walking away with the year's supply of delicious, creamy, Haagen-Dazs ice cream. Congrats, sAm!! She was the lucky 27th entrant of 61 comments and tweets by US-dwelling readers. Enjoy the ice cream and try and keep up that exercise routine to ward off the evils of excess, darlin'.

In other news.... As many of you know, Ann of Ann's Rants, is my bloggy BFF, occasional partner in writing criminally-funny joint posts, and erstwhile cocktail and dinner companion. *sniff* Well, Ann is celebrating her 1st Blogiversary and has written an excellent post on what to expect after a year of blogging. It is spot on and those of you who have been blogging awhile will identify and laugh your ass off at most of her points because they are just too true. :) If you haven't already been over to read it, please go to her site to read and enjoy.

I can honestly say that I would never have stuck with blogging this long if it was not for her constant inspiration, camaraderie, creativity, friendship, enthusiasm, and a touch of competition.

****Thanks, doll! I'll share a king-sized bed at BlogHer with you anytime!****

Our first lunch together!

Congratulations, Ann!

Dear So and So

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 02:14:49 PDT

Dear Grumpy Old Man Standing By the Hedgerow,

I can sense from your subtle glares and the way you are lurking about clutching your cup of coffee with white knuckled ferocity that you disapprove of my using your neighbor's driveway to turn around. I appreciate your tenacity in remaining outdoors, in the cold and damp weather, to watch in silence while I unbuckle my toddler and slowly convince him that leaving his two Matchbox cars in his seat is a much better idea than bringing them into preschool. I'm sure that it was only boredom and disgust that finally prompted you to give up your mission to verbally accost me with the road rules of English hamlet turnabouts, but no matter what it was, I thank you for not being there when I finally looked up from my toddler extrication maneuvers.

Sincerely,

The Bitchin' Wife

++++++++++++

Dear Children of My Loins,

I am on to you. Each and every one of you.

Always Watching,

Your Bitchin' Mom

++++++++++++

Dear Hackers of the Interwebz,

I am no longer able to resist the siren song of your promised rule-bending via ISOs and downloaded bits of code! I have tried to walk the straight and narrow. I have honestly put my best efforts into only downloading or streaming through legitimate sources and by paying my fair share. However, in the face of moving overseas to a country that uses a different kind of tv (PAL vs NTSC), different region codes for games, and that just makes it generally difficult to access all of one's favorite shows in America has prompted me to get creative.

And you, my dear, clever hackers, are nothing if not creative.

Thank you for all your thoughtful program writing, download points, tutorials, and general glee in circumventing "the man" and his petty rules.

Sincerely,

The Bitchin' Mediaphile

++++++++++

Dear Pheasant That Has Recently Moved to My Garden,

I can see that you are a lovely specimen. But every time you strut by, showing off your elegant plumage and vibrant colors, I wonder how it is possible that you could sound so much like a turkey when you open your beak.

Regretfully,

The Bitchin' Birdwatcher

And P.S. Do you think you could make yourself useful and eat some of those slugs that are currently marauding my garden? Thanks, dearie.

This is my first time participating in Kat's clever meme. Thanks, compatriot!!

Visitors in the Garden

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 08:50:35 PDT

I glanced outside the glass doors in the kitchen this morning and something caught my eye. I thought it was a stick, but a strange one. And then I looked closer and thought, "Is that thing moving?" But I couldn't tell for sure if it was really moving or if it was just a ~~flashback~~ retinal deterioration. So I went outside and found this:

A slug!

And then I looked around the gravel on the patio and found three more of them! It has finally started raining here (making it 'normal' weather, apparently) so the garden slugs haven't made an appearance until now. The boys all hopped around and touched them and squealed when their fingers got slimy. Mommy ooh-ed and aah-ed and ran for her camera to take a photographic essay of slugs. A strange little creature that is not found in the Midwest, at least not at these sizes!

A peachy one:

No, I've got my eye on you, slug.

It had to be mushrooms....Why does it always have to be mushrooms?!
Nom, nom, nom. [gag] (Can you see his little mandible marks in the mushroom layers? Click the pic to make and bigger to see them.)

Good thing I wasn't planning on harvesting them.
Yes, they really do leave slime trails.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway for Haagen-Dazs ice-cream for a year! Leave a comment here or follow me on twitter and re-tweet the contest. You get two chances to win. Can't you hear the dulce de leche calling your name ever so sweetly?

Randomness, Plus a Häagen-Dazs Giveaway!

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:45:45 PDT

I love Random Tuesdays! It's a place to drop all the random awesomeness and thoughts that make up the bulk of my thinking and general way of life.... It is one of the curses and gifts of having ADD, I suppose. ;) I mean to be completely deluded into thinking that everything I do is awesome, fyi.

Guess what happens when Mama has a bad day that culminates in burning precious chocolate chip cookies? They get summarily thrown out of kitchen windows, that's what.

Take that you foocking burnt to a crisp, I hate that my kids broke my kitchen chicken timer, i'm easily distracted by everything, gosh-darned cookies!!!!!!! Gah! Right out the window to smoke and steam on the gravel drive.... [pulse quickening and then quickly turning to despair]

I ran across this advertisement the other day:
It is for British beef. It looks so unappealing that I can't even imagine how awful a really typical steak might look if it was captured on film. The sketchy sear marks make it look more like an oblong hamburger, not a steak and don't even get me started on the red bits in the blog of butter that is placed so jauntily atop this heinous slab....

ICK!----------------------------------->

Maybe I am spoiled by my Midwestern beef-lovin' roots, but in MY book a steak looks like this:

<----------------------------------- YUM! A big, fat filet mignon. Preferably grilled while being basted in butter, garlic, and beef boullion.... that's what we call the "love sauce" in our house. Stop snickering.

I'm not sure exactly how this has happened, though, really, I suppose, it was just a matter of time.... but I've turned into a hacker. Don't worry, N.O.R.A.D. is safe. My Wii, however, is fair game. I've hacked it every which way to Sunday, in fact. You know how these things go.... first you see a little mention of being able to unlock the Region codes on your gaming console (so it will play games from Europe and the USA or any other region), then you find out you can do this, and that, and *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* all of a sudden you are uploading Homebrew Channels, installing IOS's, buying new harddrives to back up all your games to, and possibly even overwriting code that will allow your Wii to.... Oh. Heheheh.... Yeah. Right. I mean to say that everything I plan to do is TOTALLY LEGAL and the only thing I am doing is voiding the warranty. Which it is out of, anyway. So there.

Ahem. Moving on to less nerdy things that still make my socks go up and down....

Remember BlogHer? Back in July?? Well, I actually won something! The nice people from Ketchum hosted this really fab breakfast vodka bar one morning. Here's a pic of OHmommy gettin' her Bloody Mary on: I was guzzling down a screwdriver, as I think that Bloody Mary's, from the name to the tomato juice, to the black pepper to the hot sauce, are the most vile drink ever concocted. (If they threw in a pickled mushroom and some lox, then it might cover all the bases for foods I hate.) (Sorry: Tangent!) I preregistered for one of their giveaways and lo and behold, come August 15th I was contacted and informed that I had won a year's supply of Häagen-Dazs ice cream for myself and one lucky reader of my blog! Hey, that could be YOU!!

I'm not a complicated person, well, okay, yes, I AM a complicated person.... but I want to keep this simple. All you have to do is comment on this post and you have a chance to win. I'll do one of those random number generators on Saturday to pick a winner and will notify you after that. So you've got until about midnight on Friday, Oct. 9 to leave me a comment. If you'd like to tweet the contest, that would be cool and will earn you one extra chance to win. Just leave me a comment that you did it. And please go explore Häagen-Dazs' website to help the honeybees. I can't imagine life without them, can you?

So what does a year's supply of Häagen-Dazs look like? It looks like 12 gift certificates for a 14oz Häagen-Dazs product of your choice, plus two certificates for a 14oz Häagen-Dazs Five product.

So.... leave me a comment. 'Bout whatever. And I will maybe be mailing you something special all the way from the UK. :)

FYI: In a cruel twist of fate, these certificates are only good in the USA, so while you enjoy this awesome ice cream on-the-house, I will NOT be enjoying it over here. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law will be. So congrats to them! But not me.

Also: Nobody paid me to do this giveaway. I was given two year's-supplies of vouchers and was asked by Ketchum to keep one for myself and to please give one away to a reader, but I was not obliged to do anything in particular with them. I could've given them all away to IRL friends, if that was what I wanted. Or just left them on my desk "organizer" where they would've sat until they quietly expired in 12/2010. Which is what I usually do with coupons. So, really this is the best option.

Cougar Village

amysprite@yahoo.com (Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 07:07:26 PDT

It is a rare thing when you truly get to see things from another person's perspective. Really rare, I think, to get to see things through your husband or significant other's eyes. And I don't mean looking at identical items or situations and seeing different things, I mean flipping a situation in a way that allows you to actually see and feel what it would be like for someone else in a similar (and perhaps more commonplace) situation.

Shall I explain myself? In a way that actually makes sense, I mean?

Saturday night we went out to dinner at a new friend's house (delightful! fabulous! much enjoyed!) and had to get a stop-gap babysitter because it was pretty last minute. I ended up getting the 17-year-old brother of one of the (many) girls I had called to agree to the job.

You see where this is going, right?

I imagined Neville Longbottom in my head.... I mean, really, what kind of 17-year-old boy agrees to babysit three little boys on a Saturday night last minute? Right?! Especially a boy named Oliver!

I go to pick him up and this is what walks out the door:

With a little bit of this thrown in:

Yeah. I wasn't expecting that, either.

Needless to say, I was on my best behavior! But even my husband, as soon as the handsome lad was upstairs with the boys, was like "What the ....? I was not expecting THAT to walk through the door with you. Harumph." [teasing 'harumph,' not a real one]

It came to light over dinner that Oliver has a bit of a reputation in the village... as a looker, nothing more (get your mind out of the gutter, please). It turns out that one of the other 30-something moms, upon finding out that Oliver was our babysitter, actually squealed while clutching her bosom, then heaved a big dreamy sigh. We then giddily compared notes on how adorable he was and giggled like schoolgirls in the process.

......

So that is how I now know what it is like for every husband across the land who has to deal with ridiculously hot, young, almost legal babysitters showing up at their doorstep for babysitting duties. Obviously I'd never act on it. But, lordy, I can't help but let my imagination go just a teensy, eensy, tiny little bit.

Rawr.