Outside Looking In

First World Independence

2012-02-21T09:28:00.000-05:00

Living in a third world country has its perks sometimes. For most part of my childhood we were in a middle-income family, yet we have Nannies and maids who cleans the house, takes out the garbage, prepares our lunches, washes the dishes, makes sure we take a bath, brush our teeth. What's not fair is that now that it's my turn to become a parent, I will have to do it myself.

I remember that I joked about my dream of marrying a rich man and not have to work anymore...to live the lives of the rich actresses and politician's wives or businessmen's concubines in the Philippines. Not having to think of how to make more money, but instead, how to spend money. LOL. Of course it was a joke (that is half-meant).

Wouldn't it be nice to meet up with girlfriends in the middle of the day and chat for hours? But then who could afford that?

Seriously though, wouldn't it be nice if we could go about town not having to worry about driving myself in the chaotic streets of Makati but instead having a driver to bring you to your destination...or going to the spa by myself, get a massage or a facial...then meet up with girlfriends at a coffee shop and chat for hours (is this even really happening or does this only happen on TV shows like "Friends"?)...then go shopping, trying on clothes for as long as I want to...or liesurely take my time in working out in the gym.

Shopping without having your spouse signalling you to hurry up all the time would be such a treat.

But then I wake up and realize I'm in America the supposedly land of the free...living the American dream...going through the ratrace like the rest of the middle class populace. I work hard on my day job, drive the car myself to go buy groceries or do errands myself, pick up my daughter myself, go to dance / ice skating lessons, get home make dinner myself, give my daughter a bath, serve dinner, clean up dishes, do my kids' homework with her, do the bills, put her to bed, then work some more at night.

Have you had your child join your evening conference calls at some point? Yeah, sounds familiar.

Yes we have weekends too...we go to the mall go shopping, only with a husband looking over your shoulder as if trying to give you a telephatic signal to hurry up. Yes I do work out also...but no more than an hour in the gym honey because I have to go back home and do the laundry (myself). Don't even get me started on the spa. Seriously, I only get that once a year on my birthday. And also, never mind having coffee with your friends in the coffee shop -- we have a keurig brewer at home, I can have coffee there cheaper. LOL

No, I'm not exactly complaining.

Despite my unpampered, super hectic, stressed out daily routine, there are things I am also thankful for. I realize independence and self-reliance gives you a sense of fulfillment. While I wish to have a little more me time than what I currently have, I am happy I'm not domestically challenged. Sure my hands aren't model-worthy, but I know for sure that I'm no kitchen idiot either. I got down all the routines to a science that I go through it like clockwork. This is where my time-and-motion-study skills and semi-OCD personality come to play also. I discovered unchartered passions...such as baking (but only to clean up after myself but that's fine).

The independence also forced us lazy ass adults to become the hands on parents that we should have. I am glad to say there almost nothing I do not know about my child. I know what she eats, what her schedule at school is, who her friends are, the scars in her body from all that playing...and with the amount of alone time we have together and the amount of talking she does, I know what she's been learning at school, what interests her, what makes her happy, what makes her scared and anxious.

Best of all, our independence have made us become a closer family unit. My husband and I (despite being both youngest in our families) have finally learned not to count score on who's done what in the house. We, as a couple, have made our own respective adjustments, respected each other's strengths, learned how to compromise on mutual decisions...and all this we settled by ourselves (no in-laws, no parents, no friends). After all, it is OUR FAMILY. We cannot depend on other people to take care of our family for us.

My Greatest Adventure

2011-11-09T14:20:00.002-05:00

I love being a parent. Some call it an adventure, or punishment or their personal ball-and-chain. For me though, being a parent even just for one kid has changed my outlook on life immensely.

First time I learned I was pregnant was exciting and scary at the same time. 9 months from that time, would mean I can't go out with friends up to the wee hours in the morning...I can't sleep in on weekends...I can't do things on a whim anymore...or buy things on a whim...and what is this pregnancy going to do to my body? Don't even get me started on the financial burden this is going to be to raise a child because I had no idea how we're going to go through with that as well. Life will definitely change as I knew it.

But it is what it is, and I've heard from a lot of people who have gushed on the wonders of parenthood, that this will all lead to something great. As such I embraced my fate with open arms...frightened, but armed with hope that good things will come.

Then i saw her for the first time and I thought...is she really mine? I thought that the first bonding moments would bring you to tears? I absolutely had none of those. I look at her and I see this dark little thing staring back at me with her huge eyes who refuses to breastfeed from me. But I held her tender little fragile body (seriously little body as she was only a little over 5lbs born at full term...she won't even fit on an Asian newborn diaper) with much care.

Took me a while to bond with her but it was a gradual, blissful process...can't stop talking about her and thinking about her when I went back to work...all the reactions of new love except that I know for sure that this one is for real and is going to be forever. So you don't put boundaries on loving this new person...you don't put on walls or limit yourself (Like I normally would). For her, you drop anything that's going on in your life. This is not because I'm being responsible of another person's life, but mainly because I love her with such purity and sincerity.

It is fascinating too how you look at your kid and feel like you're looking in a mirror. It's like being in an out-of-body experience seeing little pieces of yourself and your spouse all in one body. She absolutely got my smile and my face, but she's got her Dad's eyes for sure. She definitely got my lanky bone structure, but got her Dad's sense of humor.

In almost any phase of parenthood comes power struggle in various degrees (some on the 2's and 3's, and more during the teenage years, I figure). Even if you want to give your kid everything, you realize that this is where we all start with the tough love. Boy, would it be nice to keep a kid from whining by giving her the toy she wants just to get it over with. Unfortunately it's not that easy. If you cave in to what they want, they will just want more like any normal person would.

The higher road is to make them stop whining without the toy, bribing or promises. It is definitely harder to make this happen considering the drama that comes along with the discipline process. At some point, I became the villain in our household because I was the disciplinarian parent (for some reason I took on the role because of my natural tendencies). However, in the end, the long term benefits would outweigh the efforts. It teaches them life lessons and builds their character...delaying gratification and appreciating things in a different way.

I don't claim to be an expert parent or a super mom. I still consider myself a novice as I continue to stuggle figuring if I'm providing enough or too much discipline, if I restrict or if I am lax. At 6yo, my daughter is not allowed to drink soda, chew gum, paint her nails, go on sleepovers and hardly knows who Ronald McDonald is. But I am guilty about not monitoring TV hours, and she goes to bed at 9pm (later than most kids). Yes, I give her treats (yes, sugar!) after dinner and on weekends she has access to video games on her computer, iPad, Wii and DS. Yes, not your perfect mother. But I know for sure that I'm trying my very best to make sure that she grows up as a happy, healthy, well-balanced kid who knows that she is well-loved. I'm thankful too that she is.

Being a mother consumes me more than any other role I have played before. Cliche as it may seem but this is the best adventure I've ever had.

Pedicure Treat

2011-08-13T22:32:00.007-04:00

Today I went to have a pedicure treat for myself. I am due for one since my last one was a month ago and my new nails are showing halfway up to my toes. Besides, I'm heading to Arizona for a business trip next week. Toes need to be exposed on a 120f weather. Exposed toes need to be pretty. :-)

Rates are pretty standard at $30 for a mere regular pedicure. There is a massage chair with a foot soaker. Lotions, oils, callous removers, hot rocks and a warm towels are used to enhance the spa like treatment as your toes are treated by the gentlest Vietnamese touch. After the treatment you get to wear the foam slippers and have your nails dried under an automatic dryer.

Massage chair with foot soaker...ahhh nice!

I can't help but compare a little bit on prices of services from back home. Mani pedi from back home can go as cheap as $3 for the whole thing. Of course this all depends on where you are having it. One thing I know though is that it can't be more expensive than $10. I used to have mine by this small place by the wet market in Imus, Cavite where my friend Virna used to bring me. There is a manual at-home soaker too with foot scrubs and lotions.

as opposed to at-home foot soaker from back home

The materials used were a pink soap based cuticle remover, a red-orange tinted solution called merthiolate. It even gets rubbed on your heels to get the freshly pedicured look. Every once in a while, there are accidents from the nipper clipping. But that is what the merthiolate is for as this is initially intended as antiseptic (which apparently, before this post, I didn't know is already banned for containing mercury and could potentially be harmful. So beware my friends!) ;-). Method of drying is via au naturele air drying.

Still mani pedi's were so dirt cheap we can afford to have them as often as it is safe to have. Virna used to have her nails painted every other week with the most unusual colors such as metallic navy or metallic lavender or plum.

Virna has since then moved to Australia. I don't think she gets her usual bi-weekly mani-pedi's as often as she wanted to. After all we don't have maids like we used to and our mani's will be destroyed with all the house chores that we now do ourselves. But often we both get fascinated how huge the price difference is. Surely the massage chair and auto-drying machines are significant investments to these businesses. However, I don't think it's amount is substantial enough to justify the cost of having these services.

Therefore it all pretty much boils down to cost of labor. The advantages of being back home means not having to do things for yourself. Surely there are things that are worth doing yourself, but mani pedi is definitely not one of them.

My Shoe Fetish

2011-08-08T11:54:00.000-04:00

Like most women, shoes are my weakness. And this is not the need to buy shoes on an impulse ala Imelda Marcos and leave it in a box or corner collecting dust. My affinity for shoes is much related to knowing exactly what I want and need and going through odds and ends to have it.

My process in looking for the shoe I have in mind is very similar to how I look for a boyfriend. I know exactly how I want my perfect shoe to be -- it has to be cute, looks good, works well with my outfits, works well with my lifestyle, dependable, comfortable, is in it for the long haul, comes in my exact size, comes in the color you like...and did I mention cute? LOL

I go through great pains in finding the pair of shoe I want. Hang in there with me, because there is a method to this madness. It could start from a fashion inspiration or a need to align with my existing wardrobe. Then I would get a picture in my head.

this was what I had in mind except it didn't have my size :(

A recent instance was when I felt I needed a high heel shoe this that would go well with bootleg trousers and pants that would be comfortable enough to walk in during the summer. Comfortable means no stilettos and airy enough to for the summer. As such the idea of black platform strappy sandals. Not any kind of platform strappy sandals too -- classy and dressy looking enough that I can use to the office without get malicious advances from people (in other words, no slutty attention hungry looking shoes please).

No. Definitely not this.

This wasn't only a recent post-nomad behavior of mine. During the pre-internet days back in the Philippines, I would scour every single shoe store in every single mall in Metro Manila to find my shoe. I had that much patience and probably that much time in my hands to put this in my priority list. I also wasn't limited on time since the seasons don't really change in the Philippines. I could take my time looking for the shoe I had in mind for as long as I get what I want. Much like looking for the right boyfriend for as long as you are young and had all the time in the world. :-)

Being in a place where there are four seasons, though changes the whole story. If I don't find my platform shoe two months into the summer, I totally lost my window. Being in August, I unfortunately lost my window. As such I did something that I wouldn't have normally done --settle on something else. I had to settle to a strappy platform espadrille wedge -- close to the look I was going for, but not dressy enough as I would have liked it to be. Going back to the boyfriend analogy too, as you're nearer your deadline, you tend to compromise with what's available. LOL

if you're at a deadline, you tend to settle.

Now that we're looking toward spring weather, looks like I may need to look forward to my shoe needs in the fall. What do you think? Leather riding boots? pumps? or clogs that I could wear in the winter too?

Weekend Climb

2011-08-04T02:06:00.001-04:00

Summer is a special time in New England. It's just a 3 months in a year where we don't have to wear jackets. It's not like in Asia where we have the sun all year long and ignore it's presence. Around here, it is precious commodity and people tend to bask in it for as long as they can. They take most vacations and half days off during the summer.

Also, unlike Asia, we don't go to the mall during summer to get air-conditioning (AC) to cool ourselves off. The idea is to go out and have do something. Vermont is one of the outdoors-ier type of places mostly because of the beautiful scenery all year long. Every season is special, and there's no better time to be in Vermont than during the summer. That's also the time when I don't go out of state unless I'm going to the beach.

After the much revered Friday night dinner, what better way to burn it off than by going hiking. We've been in Vermont for quite a while but we've never hiked before because mainly of the fear of having to bring a kid. Now she's a little bigger, so we chose to go up the nearest and easiest place to climb -- Mount Philo.

climbing up the trail

The climb up was relatively easy as advertised, as it was just a mile. If you follow the trail (and that is a big if), things would not be complicated. But when we reached a huge rock a quarter of the way up, we apparently went to the wrong direction and climbed through a scary non-trail path with a 4yo and 6yo. That is not how you do it people!! A few yards up the seemingly wrong path, we noticed our mistake and had to struggle with the steep, mossy, slippery path we created going up. Going through up and down that very short path in itself was a already a workout. When we went through the real path, everything looked smooth sailing from there.

squeamish on frogs for sure

I didn't think hiking could be that fun and challenging. It gives you a work out, but it keeps your body and mind alert at the same time. Surely beats mindlessly and aimlessly running on a treadmill :-) If you're not squeamish about worms, bugs and frogs (guilty on this one!!), it's a perfect weekend past time.

The kids were a little whiny though and were dragging their feet a little bit. I guess it didn't help that my daughter had early morning swimming lessons that day. She was also complaining that she twisted her ankle (which I think she was using as an excuse since she doesn't looked as bothered about it as she should be).

kids were perched

View from the summit

When we reached the summit, it was an awesome site. It boasts of the view of the Adirondack mountains across the lake and the fields right below the mountain. Our appreciation of Vermont was once again heightened. It was a picture of serenity where you could stay and hang out if you just want to contemplate.

We definitely enjoyed the climb and will count it among our favorite places in Vermont.

Friday Night Dinner

2011-07-31T10:09:00.005-04:00

Nomads like us tend to be adaptive to the environment we live in. We embrace differences in culture and try stuff out, as we don't want to miss out on the experience. The idea is to try things at least once. We do this particularly with food. Some people cringe at the sight of blood soup, balut, sashimi or steak tartare. But nomads are more open and, without any judgement, seizes the moment.

Outside of the carpe diem matra, though, they are people just missing the environment they are accustomed to. There are times when we wanted to bask on our comfort zone and not have to tiptoe around other cultures. I am particularly lucky because I have my fellow Filipino family with me. When I come home, I can relax, stop trying to adapt, become comfortable speaking my own language and be who I really am.

It is a different story though for my friend, Pat who is married to an American. Her struggle to remain true to herself is far more difficult because she has to culturally adjust even at the comfort of her own home. She therefore cannot just cook a meal like she did from back home if her husband does not like it. Some Filipino food could admittedly be an acquired taste.

Often Pat would come to our house on a Friday night just to hang out. But mostly because she's craving for Filipino food. Just like today where she chose to hang out and mentioned she's craving for asado.

Sweet-salty Asado

Munggo guisado with shrimp and swiss chard

We devoured on the mixture of sweet-salty goodness of asado and neutralized it with the ever-nutritious munggo guisado (sauteed mung beans with shrimp and swiss chard) with very little words in between. We all let out a sigh of contentment and happiness while recalling how we never really liked munggo until we left the country. It brings a nostalgic feeling of childhood that somehow transports us back home. To complete the all-Filipino meal, I served some bibingka cupcakes from baking mix (with salted eggs and cheese on top).

Bibingka Cupcakes

Yeah not from scratch :-( . Would have been nice to have them on banana leaves too. One of the compromises of being a nomad in this particularly secluded place is not having all the ingredients you need.

Then we capped the evening with a glass of cabernet. Not sure how that all mixes up together, but we were all happy for sure.

Sports Nation

2011-07-28T13:42:00.001-04:00

When we first got here, I have been wondering about the immense (almost fanatical) fascination about sports in this country. Their fascination on sports is so great, it is almost comparable to my country's fascination of musical variety shows and telenovelas. :-) It's a subject in watercooler stations, meeting ice-breakers and lunch break off-work discussion, whether to discuss the game or to have a friendly (and non-so-friendly) bantering. It was part of the American culture that was so alien to me.

The only sport I have eagerly anticipated on my entire life is basketball. In my country, despite the lack of appropriate height generally basketball is the official national sport. It is the only sport I played and understood enough to watch.

So I decided that if I wanted to contribute to any kind of discussion, I would have to join the sports bandwagon. I'd start off by looking at the NBA. Because of regional loyalties, that would mean I'd be cheering for the Boston Celtics. It was no coincidence also that I'm rooting for a championship contender ever since the Big3 got together.

The Boston Celtics Big 3

Because I was bandwagon-ing, I would only follow games during the playoffs or the finals. This year though, was my awakening to this American obsession. What started with a live pre-season game (mostly to see Shaq in person), turned into an anticipation of every Celtic game in the regular season (that means three times a week at the very least). On the days when there were no games, I found myself still watching games of other teams. Then I found myself hating some teams more than others, read about the games in the internet, then came the interest in the personalities and active involvement in fan blogs communities.

We watched the live pre-season game to see this guy

The Big 4

Not only did I come equipped with information during the watercooler discussions ... I came in with a strong opinion of what's going on and willing to go through the mostly unfriendly bantering, even with a mere stranger wearing yellow and purple (or red and black). I guess the last straw was when I spent $160 ticket per person to bring my whole family to the playoff game against Miami Heat. That's it...I've become a fanatic myself. I used to be an observer...but now I've totally immersed and am totally locked-in on this side of the American culture.

The game at TD Garden

Aside from the C's, we like some more than the others

Unfortunately, the Celtics were eliminated in the second round of playoffs this year. But as I was watching the NBA finals, I was watching the Bruins win the Stanley cup on alternate days. Yes, this girl is branching out. Bring it on!!!!!

Tim T. of The Boston Bruins

Summer Lovin'

2011-07-27T11:44:00.001-04:00

We're right smack in the middle of summer and the major heatwave just passed last week. We're going downhill from here all the way to Freezerville once again in a few months.

sun-drenched during a weekend at the lake

sun-bathing on a friend's boat

My daughter pretty much soaked up the sun at camp for the past two months, not realizing that she has more melanin on her skin than most kids around here. Her now very much bronzed skin is the envy of most locals young and old in this place. For most Asians though, this is a tragedy...and I became the mom who doesn't take good care of her daughter's skin by letting her tan out in the sun. The Asian in me still feels like that every time I see her dark shoulders. In my subconsciousness, I feel the urge to make her use papaya soap or whitening lotions to get her color back.

the fact that she's immensely enjoying herself could be enough reason to let her bask under the sun.

On the other end, I (still grudgingly) try to see how lucky she is to have skin that reacts to the sun that way. Asians don't really burn unless we're really careless. From back home, I never really recalled having to put on sunblock at all ever since I was a kid. And this is from a place that's 90 degrees F (and then some, plus humidity) all year long in the middle of the day. The most protection I had against the sun is a shade or an umbrella. But then, back in the day, the ozone layer wasn't as depleted as it is now and sun rays are not as harsh.

A couple of weeks ago when I picked her up at camp, she said, "Mom, I just passed my deep end test. And I went into the high dive...it was 12ft high". This was after her Dad just told her to not get into the water if it's above her waistline. I'm thinking if her Dad had his way, he'd probably have a leash on her and tie it around his waist.

It's a good thing she didn't take Dad's ridiculous advise too seriously. I thought that was really amazing that she learned this precious life skill at camp...a life skill that both her parents never learned themselves even as they lived in the islands all their lives. So yes, maybe her skin getting dark (if you look at it in a bad way like I still do) may have paid off. Her color is bound to come back in the winter, but the things she have learned and the confidence she built is something she can take with her for the rest of her life.

The Modern Day Nomad

2011-07-27T10:52:00.001-04:00

I have been a nomad for the past few years, seemingly lost in an unfamiliar territory. I hauled my family from one place to another trying to follow the end of the rainbow in hopes of finding the pot of gold. Although with the digital age, the world has become smaller and somehow being a nomad is not as unusual as it was before.

Along with these changes, the family concept has changed as well since the mid-century. I am not your typical Stepford wife. I am in a sub-modern family unit where the father and the mother both goes to work and are in equal footing on their roles in bringing home the bacon and domestic responsibilities. I struggle to raise my kid in an environment very different from what I was raised in. So everyday I juggle between trying to keep her true to her ethnicity and make her blend well in the culture that she has grown accustomed to.

So many thoughts run through my head on trying to understand human nature in general. But the fact that I have been transported to practically uncharted waters and the realization of the differences in cultures in the world is something of an adventure in itself.

I think that those thoughts, and my love for writing in general is worth writing a blog about. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you enjoy the read.