Looking for Isis

I’ve failed to assimilate, or have I?

2012-10-15T17:05:00.000-04:00

I was told recently at school that I wasn’t southern enough…

We’ve lived in North Carolina for 9 years, NINE. I’m from a small town in the Midwest. I'm not a Yankee, not that there is anything wrong with that. I don’t sound like I’ve stepped off the set of Grumpy Old Men, or Fargo; and other than Lars Hanson the cast of Little House on the Prairie didn’t have a particular accent. My high school was made up of farm kids and kids from several small towns. Their backgrounds are mostly Scandinavian and German families that attend Catholic or Lutheran churches. The only thing distinct about how we speak is that we hold our vowels. Or, we did, use to, not-so-much anymore.

There are a few colloquial expressions from my childhood that have hung around. I used the word “putzy” the other day describing a step in some paperwork. “Adding the colored lines to the page was putzy, but they turned out okay.” The translation is muddled but I think of it as decorative and time consuming. Another one would be “Uff da” this one a little bit more, straightforward something like an overwhelmed Oh-Boy. “Uff da, school has gotten expensive!”

Queue the Ole and Lena jokes… Go ahead, I’m sure you’ve got one.

If not, here ya go!

The Very Best of Ole & Lena Audio CD

Really, my hometown wasn’t so different from where we are now. Except, I haven’t heard a snowmobile brand debate in North Carolina, and that’s fine by me. Hunting, Fishing and Camouflage where every day things.

As far as food, we haven’t adapted to anything southern. We don’t eat grits, fried okra, fried catfish, hush puppies, biscuits, and gravy or fatback. As far as what we drink, you wont find Sun Drop or Cheerwine here.

I’m all about having sweet tea… yes, please and thank you.

Then-again, come to think of it, we also don’t eat crap northern food either! I don’t have any idea how to make Lefse (although it is yummy) or Lutefisk it’s nasty you don’t want it. No hot-dish, casseroles in this house. Once my husband learned what blutworst was that was gone too! You need to Google that, I’m not going there, Eww.just.ew! In fact, we don’t fry much of anything, not even bacon! On the rare occasions we have bacon, I bake it on a broiler pan. See a trend yet?

As far as us being rude, not holding doors. That’s not true of everywhere, and it’s more of a city thing than a northern thing. But, here’s something to think about…

If 9 month of the year your home has temps below freezing, you’re going to be in a hurry to get your butt inside.

How many times do you think a northern child hears, “Don’t stand there with the door open you’re letting the heat out!”

Should where I’m from really matter in nursing school? So... I’ve failed to assimilate, or have I?

“Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion.” ~ Dalai Lama

I Lost my booty in Nursing school

2012-10-05T23:03:00.004-04:00

No, I really lost it. It's gone.
Okay, compared to what size I was when I started school (wearing an 18 Short) to a single diget number (7/8 regular). finding new jeans has been a bit of a challenge.

I found my new favorite jeans last month Taylor Classic and to my shock they are only $29.00!

Love them!!!

My Nursing Diagnosis...

Acute Anxiety

r/t Nursing School

a/e/b

Social Isolation, Weight gain/LOSS, elevated blood pressure,

Insomnia, mood swings, difficulty concentrating,

Headaches, Preoccupation,

Fears of impending tests,

And night terrors involving NCLEX!

It's all about perspective

2012-08-14T20:04:00.000-04:00

I was feeling overwhelmed today as I stacked up my school supplies.

The pile just seemed to keep growing.

It’s not light reading, even for someone who enjoys reading medical journals.

While I was going over the morning routine, in my head my bitty-girl pointed to my scrubs and cap beside the stack of books. She said, “Momma, Can I try these on now?”

I replied, “Maybe, before bed, you can try them on.” She’s a persistent and inquisitive little thing.

So, I should have known I wouldn’t hear the end of this request so easily.

The moment she was out of the tub, putting my scrubs on was all she could talk about.

Tonight, it’s all about perspective. There is about $3000.00 all stacked up.

Seeing her in the scrubs was just what I needed.

Suddenly, my overwhelming pile of books and supplies has a bigger purpose.

It’s a Bitty-Sized stack of books; we can do this.

Have scrubs ever looked so cute?

The Bucket List

2012-08-09T20:36:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine is saying goodbye to her 20’s planning out everything she wants to do before her 30^th Birthday. She, like me, started being a mom pretty young and never did much of anything crazy. She’s clearly more on the wild side than I am; She’s listing things like skydiving. My Bucket list seems simple and tame by comparison.

1. A Family Vacation to the Beach… I know this might not seem list worthy, but it’s really what I want most. While my husband insists that we need to go visit his family back in Minnesota. We’ve never had a real family vacation- EVER. I’d like to go some place and relax!

2. Visit Salem with my Girls… We all seem to have an affinity for that place and it’s witchy history.

3. Go to Disney & Hershey with the kids... I’d like to give them some memories too. Hershey seems more manageable than Disney.

4. Own cars we want to be driving… His car is tiny fuel efficient and paid for; I’m hoping it lasts until I graduate. The car he’s wishing for changes frequently, who knows what it will end up being. As for me, I never wanted to be a minivan mom, but it was the most functional choice when I was hauling around tiny people.

5. Get the tattoo I’ve wanted for a while… seems self-explanatory. It will be on the top of my foot, Ouch.

6. See my daughter off on her first day of Pre-K & Kindergarten… One happens next week the other is at the mercy of the yet, undecided school calendar.

7. Go to the Darlington Cup Race… Pause, yes a NASCAR event. Anyone who follows the sport has their favorite track, Darlington is mine.

8. Laser vision correction… I’m waiting for science to dial this treatment in a bit more before I have it done. I have Hyperopia and Astigmatism, individually they aren’t so bad but computer work and sleepy eyes create a problem.

9. Finish the Nursing program … again, this seems self-explanatory and I’ve added a little catch to this one. I want to graduate without acquiring a mountain of debt.

10. Have a fulfilling job in Nursing… There are so many areas you can work as a nurse. I really hope to get in a niche I love!

11. Graduate, again! Because I know myself well enough to know I won’t be satisfied with an ADN.

12. Go to a Packers Game… I may need to recruit and import someone to go with me since my husband dislikes football, and my local friends all seem to like the silly Carolina kitties.

13. Las Vegas… Only to say I’ve been there.

14. See one of my girlfriends have her last baby… no pressure; we already have a small village of offspring. That might be the biggest obstacle.

15. Go on our Honeymoon… We’ve been together 15 years, married for nearly 12 years. It might be late but that all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, Punta Cana still sounds good to me!

What's on your list?

My first day back on campus was...

2012-08-08T21:14:00.005-04:00

Now that I am home and in my PJ’s it was comedy, I have to laugh.

You know that little voice in the back of your head that tell you to do something, but at the time it seems silly so you don’t… I didn’t listen.

I rushed this morning; I was getting my daughter and myself ready for our first days back in school. I packed my lunch then while was collecting the things I thought I would need for the day I had an odd thought. Take another pair of shoes. I laughed, no really. I chuckled because I am the one who brings way to much stuff everywhere I go. Then another though crept in. Grab you prescription bottle. Whoa, not happening. I don’t take that anywhere! I grabbed my large travel mug and headed to campus.

I met some classmates outside and in the halls. As a group of us walked through the door to our orientation room, several things happened.

1 I noticed seats were filling fast and I like to be down front.
2 The words BOOT CAMP are on the big board it was right about then that
3 I had a wardrobe malfunction. No breasts were exposed but flip flop came apart. I hobbled to my seat trying to keep from being run over.
4 Glancing back up to the white board KEEP A FULL BLADDER.

It didn’t take long for the voice in the back my head to start her sing-song taunt.

TOLD YA SO!

Complete with the lovely Pre-K faces.

I quickly texted my husband knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to do anything but I also send a text to one of my good friends who lives near by. She’s a work-at-home mom & I wasn’t sure she would be able to do anything or not. She didn’t even pause. She stopped her work, packed up her 4 kids, went to my house grabbed 2 pair of my shoes, and my prescription. Then drove them to me on campus.

She’s Amazing! Not only did she keep me from hobbling around like a car with a flat, she also kept me from failing a drug test because I didn’t have the prescription information.

She’s the kind of person I am so thankful my kids know. She’s an amazing example of how to treat people when you have nothing to gain from the deed. My kids are lucky to have her for an auntie.

As for my first day back on campus, I think I’ve had my turn with bloopers.

It can only get better! Right?

P.S. Sometimes it's ok to listen to the little voice in the back of your head.

What a nightmare finding childcare can be!

2012-07-30T21:16:00.001-04:00

It’s so strange being on this side of things. The past 8 years, I have been a stay-at-home mom with an extra kiddo or two. Once the boys were in school during the year, I picked up more online classes. It’s been far many moons since I graduated high school. I waited so long to return to school so I had to re-take several classes. The beauty of online classes as a stay-at-home mom was the flexibility. I was able to do my work while the kids were in school, napping or after they had gone to bed.

The course work wasn’t any easier, many times I felt like beating my head on the wall. I remember calling one of my more brilliant friends when I just could not “get” a lesson in chemistry. Her reply was simple and yet it clicked; “You know, you’re over thinking this. I know you like to bake. This is just a recipe.” She was right of course, she ~~usually~~ always is correct.

But I digress, the flexibility the online classes gave my schedule was worth the additional frustration.

Right now, I’m facing being on campus daily, and shuttling my 3 kids to the various schools or sitters. Until they begin school as well has been a nightmarish adventure. I need a ~~bottle of vodka~~ advanced degree in schedule weaving, a clone, and a teleportation device. What a nightmare finding childcare can be! I’m still not sure how it will all come together; many things are out of my hands.

Which bring up the next topic… What’s this all going to cost? More on that later.

Summer Blur

2012-07-26T22:02:00.001-04:00

This summer feels like a blur!

There are only…

20 days left until I head back to campus,

32 days until Thing1 & 2 head back to class, and

40 days until the girl begins her last year of Pre-School.

The girl insists I update our calendar board every morning.

For months I’ve been planning…

Day Care for the girl,

After School Care for the boy,

Coordinating Work Schedules,

Budgeting for the program expenses (more on that later),

And finding ways to reorganize make our home life run smoothly.

Collecting meal ideas that everyone in our house will eat is a big part of my planning. Slow Cooker/ Crock Pot meals fit that bill, but mine has developed a gremlin. It shuts itself off at random.

Since the one I had was less than 2 years old,

I’m a bit disappointed.

Tell me, what slow-cooker or crock-pot do you use and love?

Remembering Auntie LaLa

2012-05-11T14:15:00.000-04:00

It’s been 5 days.

I awoke to several missed calls and text messages, all pleading me not to log on to Facebook until I spoke with one of my girls. The shocking news was that someone close to my heart had passed. I didn’t have time to figure out what or how to tell the kids. I still have many questions I'll never have answers for.

The oldest overheard part of my phone conversation and figured out what happened and who was no longer with us. He’s been helpful and well behaved this week.

(Have I mentioned Thing1 scored highest in deductive reasoning?)

Thing2 then heard his brother talking with me about it. The boy lost his teacher earlier this year. Death of a younger adult isn’t a new idea for him, but this is an Auntie and she has children. His questions are about her son Cam, a little boy his age, and how he is doing through this. Landon is a tenderhearted guy.

I met Lara through our local TheMommiesNetwork.com chapter. We would chat online about everything. She loved cooking, singing and writing. When you form a relationship online they don’t always translate well in person, but it was just a natural extension with Lara. My first in-person memory of Lara was at a playgroup, she was wearing her daughter in a sling. Sophie was fascinated by her mommy’s voice and was so happy staring up at her. Lara was obviously smitten as well, leaning down to kiss her head while she nursed and swirling the little hairs on top of her head. Lara had an amazingly contagious laugh, and even as an infant Sophie would coo and giggle along with her momma’s laughter.

Our friendship, like many relationships had its ups and downs. For a time, I was worried about her she seemed to disappear into herself. I later learned that was when she did most of her creative writing. She had a talent for Fiction, which reflected the emotions she felt at the time.

I’ve shared before that I would have never returned to school without the support of my friends, Lara was one of my loudest cheerleaders. She was able to sense when my internal dialogue negative and filled with self-doubt. She was also able to silence it and help me refocus. Lara was gifted, having something close to a photographic memory. She would swear it was a study habit that she learned long ago and I’m thankful she told me about how she did it along with other memory tricks. She was one of the first to volunteer to proof read my essays, and push me to improve making them solid.

My favorite memory of Lara comes from a night over at our friend’s house. There must have been 15 us over that night. The kitchen was filled with copious amounts for food to fill our souls and a plethora of adult beverages filling our glasses. Lara started with her voices. She did a spot on Yoda voice. Then I laughed until I cried when she started speaking for Biscuit (our friend’s Chihuahua) with her Antonio Benderas’ impersonation.

Biscuit

My daughter, much like me, is processing all of this very slowly. After some initial tears she started randomly mentioning Auntie LaLa, asking questions, or crying.

“I want to go see her.” She looked mad; I explained why we couldn’t see her that she’s already gone.

“Are you going to die too, Mommy?” that was my breaking point, I hadn’t cried, but this put me over the edge. I was trying to be strong, I didn’t want to upset them further and it all felt so surreal.

She looked up at me over her brow, “Now Soapy will be with her Daddy, all-the-time?” her tone sounded both disapproving & disgusted this might just be because she doesn’t remember Auntie LaLa’s ex husband. At least I don’t think she does, she has an amazing memory. It may also be that the last time she saw him he startled her while playing, she doesn’t let those things go.

Randomly “Auntie LaLa made me yummy hot chocolate, and I sat at the white squares table with Soapy and we had grapes and a sandwich…”

“Auntie LaLa sings, the call me baby song for me, she sounds so pretty, momma…” sighing heavily

“Do you remember when I danced with my auntie in the kitchen?” That was the last time she saw her Auntie LaLa. I am very thankful that her last memory is of her Auntie spinning and laughing with her before bedtime.

School's Out For the Summer...Except For The Cranky Yankee...

2012-04-30T08:04:00.000-04:00

While everyone else is getting excited about Summer vacation, I'm doing what I do best these days....stressing out over starting (yet again) school.

My life in academia has been a life long affair....and by affair I mean I love it and hate it all at the same time. It's like a red headed step child, you want to embrace it, love it and all that...and at the same time you just really want to throw it in the basement and tell it to hush.

I realize that all of it is my own making. Choices I've made have culminated to right now. And right now is sink or swim. Which is fine, it's kinda how I roll anyway. I know that in the end, even if the journey sucks it dipped in Tang, it will be worth it.

That's what I keep telling myself, otherwise I'd pretty much be in a corner drooling and twitching.

This is a family affair (dang, there's that word again!)...there is no way I'll manage accelerated full time student without the help of my village. The Aunties are all on deck, and they all know what their jobs will be should they see me start to flounder. Each Auntie has a special way of telling me to knock it off and go...ya know...should I end up in that corner.

They also know that peanut M&Ms are the only way to lure me out of that corner too....

The major I've finally decided on is something born out of need on both my part and my girlies. I took into account everyone's feelings and proceeded cautiously into the next chapter. Truth be told I'm still flipping through my last chapter looking for clues to help me get my feet pointing forward.

I have a month to set things in order. A month to schedule camps, weekly visitations, vacations and what not. I have a month to create easy menus, stock up on healthy snacks, and Goddess help me organize my desk.

But not today. Today I will write and drink coffee and enjoy.

***No red headed step children were harmed during this blog post. The author has no feelings toward step children, red headed or not.

A Guest Post by The Cranky Yankee

Haiku for H on a dare.

2012-04-19T14:14:00.002-04:00

A small valley town-

Moist air heavy with decay,

Lightning. Sirens.

Faith in history-

Heart's pounding mutes thunder.

Rapid rising river.

A starless heaven

Sirens. Escape. Higher ground.

Village submerged, lost.

Blame for this attempt at Haiku found HERE

Extras

2012-04-10T17:51:00.003-04:00

I dislike telling people how to spend, not spend their money. The things I feel are worth their price tag are not the same for everyone. When asked, I’d offer my opinion. That’s what friends are for, right? I had a friend of mine mention how she was having trouble adjusting to her husband’s new job, and the pay cut. In the same breath, she just couldn’t go without getting a manicure.

Image property of www.nailsfungus.org

She’s a stay-at-home mom, and she seems to stay busy. While she was getting her nails done she had someone at her house cleaning…She has 2 boys, one in school, on in pre-school several days a week. I have two boys also. I know that just one can do serious damage to a bathroom quickly. Boys really are nasty little creatures. While I can’t imagine feeling like I needed either, I know we have must have items as well.

My Husband has a thing for electronics, gadgets and recently guns. The boys share his interests, less the guns. The girl is obsessed with shoes. My must have luxury is quiet. With three kids it comes at a high price, lack of sleep. I don’t mind the kids noise, but I find it difficult to be me without time to decompress at the end of the day.

I’m not sure my price is all that different from my friends but what price to you put on sanity?

This is E

Dreams and Nightmares

2012-04-10T05:53:00.003-04:00

After going to bed early I was sure I would get a full nights sleep. I was wrong. Two hours in, I glanced up at the clock 12:36. I still hadn’t fallen asleep but was unable to silence my mind. Sometime between then and 3:30 I drifted off…

I was hiking in Minnesota. I came across a down black bear and soon found black bear cub at my feet and a yellow blockhead lab puppy. They seemed harmless enough and I surrendered them to one of the natural zoos I visited as a child, Como Park. They grew rapidly. I was visiting them with my kids when things when horribly wrong…

My kids were missing, but I had the bear and lab at my side. After a foul exchange with a man robbing my truck, a red F150, I was holding him at gunpoint after he admitted he had my kids. However, I also had a gun drawn behind me, it was snowing heavily. My kids were still missing. Some how I managed to call 911 and my husband. They had just arrived but the situation didn’t improve… I forced myself awake.

One of my English professors Mrs. Goldbaugh once told my class she could control her dreams, almost like changing the channel on a TV. I wish I had that ability; I tried to fall back to sleep but my dreams picked up where they left off.

Maybe I’ll be able to nap with my girl, I guess she couldn’t sleep either.

D for Dreams

Pass it on, you've been tagged.

2012-02-27T21:13:00.001-05:00

I blame The Cranky Yankee for this post...

and She blames Red Neck Andrea

There are rules (what?! Rules? This is bigger than rules!)

1. Post the rules (check)
2. Share 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions posted to you from your tagger (make 'em good)
4. Come up with 11 new questions for the people you tag (I'm thinking...I'm thinking)
5. Tag on twitter, facebook, your blog (don't tag me again)

Randoms...
1) I don't wear flats.

2) I don't drink coffee after noon,
3) I like reading medical journals,
4) I have a little crush on Pink- and her hubby.
5) I'm not southern but I may bless you out.
6) I love my chiropractor and his wife.
7) I hate my swagger wagon.
8) I like having plans, and back up plans for any variables.
9) I refer to my favorite teacher as Dr. Jesus the sadist.
10) I think the story of Isis is amazing, but I still love Jesus Christ.
11) After 14 years my husband still gives me butterflies.

My questions-

1. Who is one person you'd like to have a cocktail with (living or dead)?

Oh, just one? Carl Jung, Charles Darwin, Richard Dawkins, maybe Amy Sloan and coven.

2. You're being sent to an Island. You can only take 3 things. What are they? (food and drink are provided)

…am I still being sent?

3. Favorite book ever. The one you go back to over and over again.

I don’t have one… Really just depends on my mood.

4. One piece or two?

Two, what are we talking about? Two is always better than one right?

5. You've joined the circus as....?

A Saboteur… The 3 rings are going down!

6. Dog, cat, reptile, fish, none

Dog… we call her Moo moo

7. Favorite blog?

The Lucas Zoo

8. What's your click and stop movie? The movie that no matter what channel you catch it on, you'll watch.

Practical Magic.

9. One thing you wish you had in your house (money is no object)?

Oh this mixer, It’s so pretty.

10. Slippers, fuzzy socks, or shoes in the house?

Yes, yes, no.

11. Tell me one good thing about today so far.

I had chat time with Jamie, I made cup cakes and then she frosted them for us.

Now for my victims... McBacon Butter Bottom, Superwoman Leslie, Goddess Sheri and YOU

1) What is ONE thing you are going to change in 2012?

2) What is one thing you did as a child you hope your offspring NEVER do?

3) A briefcase full of unmarked one hundred dollar bills is delivered to you by FedEx with a note that says "Spend today, it's gone tomorrow." what do you do?

4) You've hired a full household staff, what will they complain about most?

5) What item is ALWAYS in the pantry for you?

6) What are you reading offline?

7) What was the last thing that made you laugh until you cried?

8) Where do you keep your butter?

9) Some one special is coming to dinner, who are they and what are you serving?

10) Look to the Left, What do you see?

11) Is it Christmas in your pants?

Learning How To Say Goodbye.

2012-02-26T12:14:00.001-05:00

Learning how to say goodbye is a hard, often sad but important event in many stages of life. I believe having some sense of closure with relationships, friendships or otherwise, is good for your heart and mind. Having moved around a bit in my adult years, I’ve noticed the advent of Facebook and social media sites, has made saying goodbye a bit easier.

However, when it’s my babies who have to say good-bye to someone they love, my heart breaks a little.

It’s going to be a hard and very sad week in our house, mostly for my middle child, Landon. He has such a tender heart.

Two weeks ago Landon’s teacher, who had Lupus, became ill. She was so sick; she needed to spend some time in the hospital. Through a series of ill-fated complications her young life came to an end. She touched many lives and will be greatly missed.

The Principal called all of Ms. Melvin’s student’s parents personally to break the news. I wanted to be the one to tell him, I was sure that with all of the sadness in the school he was already going to be aware something was going on. I was right. I pulled him out of school early that day knowing it would take him a while to process. He had a lot of questions, many I couldn’t answer as well as I would have liked.

He’s handling this better than I expected. What his 6 yr old mind came up with is simple and beautiful "She was very sick, her body was weak and could not heal". I expect in the coming weeks there will be more questions I can’t answer.

One of the local papers published a wonderful story about his teacher… Here

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

2012-02-20T19:54:00.000-05:00

My peanut butter blossom cookies always cracked to the point of falling apart,

they are a pain and never turn out well.

So we made a few changes,

I also replaced the kisses with semisweet chocolate chips.

They are a hit with McJammies, he called me evil, Enjoy!

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients

· Semi Sweet Chocolate chips

· 1/2 Butter (soften)

· 3/4 cup Natural Creamy Peanut Butter

· 1/3 cup Granulated Sugar

· 1/3 cup Packed Light Brown Sugar

· 1 Large Egg

· 2 tablespoons Milk

· 1 teaspoon Pure Vanilla Extract

· 1-1/2 cups All-Purpose Flour

· 1 teaspoon Baking Soda

· 1/2 teaspoon Salt

1. Pre-Heat oven to 375°F.

2. Beat Butter and peanut butter in large bowl until well blended. Add 1/3 cup granulated sugar and 1/3brown sugar; beat until fluffy. Add egg, milk and vanilla; beat well. Stir together flour, baking soda and salt; gradually beat into peanut butter mixture.

3. Shape dough into 1-inch balls. Roll in granulated sugar; place on ungreased cookie sheet.

4. Bake 10 minutes or until lightly browned. Let cool and enjoy.

I need a plan, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...

2012-02-12T14:13:00.000-05:00

I have been neglecting things in blog land, sorry about that. Life had gotten away from me. Also, my class this semester is sucking my desire to write much of anything meaningful that isn’t completely self-focused.

So, here is what has been rattling around my head.

The Thinker

I am spent, drained, in many ways. I have many dates looming. The dates have different meanings but they have my anxiety levels up. A dear friend of mine mentioned last week that she felt unsettled; she hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that a shit storm was brewing.

Last night I learned another friend has also been having this feeling. Maybe we all have a case of cabin fever and need a sunny day soaking up some Vit. D. on the beach.

I’ve been attributing my anxiety to waiting to hear back from the schools I’ve been applying, and sending my transcripts.

However, the kid’s schools have also been on my mind.

On Wednesday, I learned I am not eligible for one of the five schools because of a clerical error that was out of my control. It’s annoying but here is nothing that I can do about it, so I am moving on, closing the door on that possibility.

Of the remaining four schools I am considering the application are at varied stages.

For the Charlotte school, the application review is

well underway;

their first round notifications should to be mailed the 15^th.

For my local school,

I sign the final papers tomorrow morning, but I won’t here back from them until late March, if its anything like last year.

For the Hickory school, I am in a holding pattern. They do things differently, and I now have to wait until I am invited to test or until they want to see my TEAS V score.

For the last school Winston-Salem, I have to go to an orientation before I can officially apply for their program. I’m planning to do that the 17^th.

So what does the kid’s schools have to do with it? The oldest will stay at the same school. The middle one might go to a new school and it would be a lot easier if I ended up at the local school. My youngest will need a new pre-school, her current school operates 4 days a week and I know I will have class or clinical work on Friday.

Here is the catch, if I go to the local a preschool that is 9-12 will work since she has an auntie who can pick up and drop off, $150 a month for preschool. However, If I go to another school, my days and commute will be much longer, that will require me to find after-school care for the middle one and daycare for my girl, $600 a month. That’s a pretty big swing in expense, at least for us.

Tick-tock, tick-tock… here that?

That is the sound of registration...

for next year’s daycare and preschool.

And I wait, calculation the variables, wondering what path is going to show itself to me, hoping for choice, and preparing for possible rejection or disappointment. I have not fooled myself. I know my desired program is competitive, and my scores are not picture perfect. I also know they don’t stink.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Fast PayPal Twenty

2012-02-07T21:00:00.001-05:00

ONE DAY ONLY!!!

Here is a quickie giveaway for you! Who doesn't need an extra $20?

Enter below, win by tomorrow!!

Giveaway opens at 9 PM EST 2/7 and ends at 9 PM EST 2/8!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Could you use a little PayPal Love?

2012-01-31T21:25:00.000-05:00

I thought you might be interested...

a Rafflecopter giveaway

MOM, THE SOAP BLEW UP!

2012-01-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

I have no idea who first discovered what happens after

putting a bar of ivory soap in the microwave...

They may be a sick, sick puppy.

1 Bar of Ivory soap

cut in half and put in the microwave

Half a bar on each plate.

On the Left what it looks like fresh out of the microwave,

on the right what it looks like after its was squished.

Close up

But that wasn't the end for this soap,

I didn't feel right just throwing it away.

Bitty crumbled it up and put it in a pot...

I added about 4 cups of water and

boiled the soap until any chunks were disolved.

We then added a couple teaspoons of glycerin.

after it cooled we moved the mixture to a larger container (1 gal.) and added cool water.

It looks slightly pearly and smells wonderful!

Not a bad ending for a Sunday Science Experiment.

Ok admit it, you want to blow up some Ivory soap too!

***update: You may need to play with the amount of cold water you add after the experiment, if you notice its too thick (looks like snot), slowly add a bit more.

Someone, Please tell my husband...

2012-01-27T15:23:00.000-05:00

That a stand mixer shouldn't do this...

and that the cost of this...

is worth it.
But I do think the video is, maybe, a little bit, funny.

Crazy Shit My Friends Said...

2012-01-24T16:24:00.000-05:00

I was challenged to come up with a list of 10 things... so you're getting "Crazy Shit My Friends Said."

10) "If I just don't sleep for a night I can finish my paper, study for the clinical, and help the kids with their homework."... a nursing student

9) "at least when I go to work I don't have tiny people screaming that they hate me, and I can finish my coffee while it's hot!"... a wonderful mom

8) "I wonder if he knows his girlfriend is sleeping with him and her husband?"... an ex-wife

7) "We know just enough to be dangerous... hmm, I really need another bag of lime for the yard"... Ms. Green thumb

6) "Some day those old fake boobs are going to pop and they'll both be screwed"... an observer.

5) "I'm going to feed the kids pancakes and pixie sticks, before I drop them at my mom's house."... annoyed mommy

4) "I've had a headache for two weeks and the doctors just keep throwing more drugs at me. If I was a junkie this would be GREAT!"... She rocks even when she feels crappy.

3) "So we're all screwed: I shouldn't take allergy meds and I shouldn't use my inhaler, clearly breathing isn't a healthy option for me."... nursing student learning drug side effects

2) "Shoes!? I don't need No stinkn' shoes!"... Downtown Savannah, GA

1) "Some people collect Coach bags, other people collect cats, I collect dogs... I am the crazy dog lady, and I like it.".... The Cranky Yankee

And because I could keep going, we may do this again soon.

while waiting for transfer

2012-01-24T14:17:00.000-05:00

Many years ago a good friend of mine told me that writing was a catharsis, by writing down the moment-by-moment descriptions of what we remember our feelings, we then begin to understand our position on related matters. This allows us to associate new feelings with the subjects later.

As fate would have it I never made it up to the labor and delivery floor. I was at the end of a hall I could hear movement outside but not one was coming in, I felt so alone. The same matronly CNA was bring me a warm blanket when in the middle of a contraction, it was over. I felt my water break… and I sobbed. While being held by this woman, what felt like just moments later my baby delivered herself, silently at just 14 weeks.

At some point my husband came in the CNA, filled him in on what he had missed.

The baby would have fit in my palm. Her face completely formed she had my nose and maybe my husbands lips, but she was translucent and red, she seemed to have my husbands build by my feet. I felt a sense of unrest when they placed her in a specimen container.

It was almost immediately after that there was a doctor in the room, filling out forms. Signing prescriptions, and over his raised eye brow he glance up at the monitor and said, “and let’s get some morphine in that IV, hmm?” I was immediately groggy.

Sometime later my husband asked me if I want to be moved to stay or if I wanted to go home. “Home” is all I wanted. When filling out my release papers I noticed one I hadn’t seen before, and I made my husband wait. It was a form relating to “Medical Waste.” It took a while to digest but it was permission to burn DNA materials as medical waste after the pathology exam… “The doctor gave us a form and wants BURN MY BABY AS MEDIAL WASTE?!” Morphine be damned, I was livid. My husband advised the doctor to exit the room.

We didn’t sign the form and the pathologist was given instructions to call us before doing anything. The tests, he planned to run, would prove that the baby was “the product of conception at 14 weeks.” Why they felt this was needed is beyond me. However, after a “nice” chat with the pathologist, our baby was not discarded and burnt as medical waste.

I don’t believe I am a protagonist in some grand plan, I do however know that I learned a lot about myself through that pregnancy and loss. I also, for the first time saw other people in a new way.

“Everything happens for a reason”… came from a stereotypical blonde.

“It was part of God’s plan”… A southern lady, I’m convinced they say this when they have nothing else to say.

“You have one healthy child, be thankful”… A family member I’ve never been sure of their motives for anything.

“Oh, you can always try again”… came from one of my husband’s buddies, a clueless guy who at one point let slip he thought women urinated from their vagina.

For all of their good intentions, these words cut. The worst of it all was the guilt I carried. I had convinced myself I had done something wrong to cause the loss. I felt like I had hurt my family and so just two months later we were expecting again.

Everything was going as planned and because of my history my new OB Dr.M, kept a close eye on things, after saying he saw something interesting, not troubling, he wanted to run addition blood work and wanted me to come back in a few days and run it again. The numbers were…

In our new home

2012-01-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

It had snowed heavily overnight, in North Carolina that is rare. Many people here still talk about how bad that particular storm was. They remember what they did over that weekend when snow is in the forecast again. Many homes were without power for days.

I awoke to blaring light reflecting on the ceiling, daylight intensified by the white ground outside. I hadn’t had time to buy and window treatments yet. Our subdivision was sparsely developed with new homes and mostly wooded. In the distance I heard a faint scraping noise and for just a moment I thought I was back in Minnesota, but that isn’t what woke me up.

It was 7 am I heard the guys down stairs, finishing breakfast, playing a game but that wasn’t what woke me either.

I was cramping, contracting and the bleeding had gotten worse overnight. I had shooting pains radiating around me that took my breath away. I couldn’t call for my husband to help, I could barely move, and I didn’t want to frighten my son.

In trying to get off the bed and into a warm bath, I fell to the floor. The sound of me falling is what eventually got my husbands attention. In spite of looking at me like I was insane, he helped me into the bath. I briefly mentioned wanting to go back to the hospital. When he informed me, “The southerners shut down the roads.”

Bewildered “Because of this snow?” It was daylight and the snow had stopped. But the county wasn’t, and still isn’t, equipped to handle that much snow. He shook his head and told me if I didn’t feel better after a while, we would go anyway.

I forced myself to eat some toast, but fell back to sleep after the warm bath.

It was 1 pm when I next opened my eyes. The contractions and bleeding were back, and this time the contractions were piggy backing. I felt like I had no control. Before I could get down stairs the car was running and our son was strapped in. They had some how cleared a portion of the driveway while I slept. He pulled right up to the Emergency room door, and let me out. I thought I would be ok. I was standing in a line waiting to be checked in. An older woman stood in front of me, a mother and some kids behind me, and then another contraction hit.

I held my stomach, the mother behind me looked a bit disgusted. So I whispered, “I’m not sick, I’m hurting” I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I felt sure she understood. A few minutes later the older woman was being checked in, but I was still waiting, another contraction hit and about the time I had thought it had past, I hit the floor. I had passed out, hitting my head.

I have flashes of getting from the floor to a room, and my husband coming through the door about the same time. I had an IV running and machines hooked up straps pulled tight for the monitors. A matronly CNA came in during the middle of one of my contractions said “Whoa!” and turned around. I was informed the OB on duty didn’t feel I was a priority. So they wouldn’t be coming in to see me. But I could be moved to the LD floor for closer observation after some paperwork was signed…

Eight Years Ago...

2012-01-23T22:23:00.000-05:00

Eight years ago, we bought our first house, and moved from Michigan to North Carolina. The day the moving truck arrived with our things; it was so sunny and warm the movers wore tank tops. But the ground showed evidence that winter was indeed here. I felt sidelined and out of place directing the men where to take boxes. Eventually I took paper and labeled all of the doorways upstairs: master & master bath, boy’s room, spare room, baby’s room.

I was 13 weeks pregnant and on restriction. I wasn’t supposed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. I did my best to stay seated, drink water, keep my feet elevated, and my blood pressure down. But I also had a 4-year-old son to keep out of the way of the movers and a new house to set up. I did most of the kitchen that day after they left and then felt very tired so I took the boy and went back to the tiny efficiency apartment we were staying in until we were settled. I fell asleep around 6pm and didn’t wake up until morning. When my husband kissed me good-bye each day I did a bit more in the house, but became tired by lunch.

By Friday I had worn myself out. I was bleeding much worse; I called my husband home from work to take me to the doctor because the cramping had become so painful. The hospital we had to go to with our out of state insurance is not my first choice in the area, we sat in the waiting room for what felt like an eternity until the triage nurse read my admission papers and hurried us back for an ultrasound. She tried her best to comfort me but I could see fear and then tears in her eyes as she felt the contraction. Slowly she moved the ultrasound to the baby, “there is a heartbeat!” And she exhaled and smiled. Her eyes were still damp and her cheeks were rosy.

The doctor came whistling through the curtain a few moments later, “Ok kid, next we are going to do... Nothing, find yourself an OB to follow up with, here is a list (handing me a piece of paper), but Hey, heartbeat and good movement at 14 weeks means 97% chance things will be just fine.” and he was gone.

We went back to the apartment, and I slept more. Saturday morning my husband, thinking I was over reacting, insisted we move the last of our things and stay at our house the next night. There were still boxes all over but he wanted to be settled. I didn’t get very much rest that day, but I did get to bed early.

At 7 am I heard the guys down stairs, playing a game but that wasn’t what woke me…

My New Super Power

2012-01-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

One of the things I love about being in school is learning new things about myself. Today I learned that when given a vague writing prompt on a broad subject asking for my opinion,

I become...

Tangent Woman.

I wrote and rewrote today's assignment and I'm still not sure I did it the way my instructor intended.

I chopped down my original draft from a page,

to a couple healthy paragraphs.

The minimum required being

one paragraph (four sentences).

I hope I left enough meat on the post.

What is your Super Power?