Barrel of Monkeys

Influenster Reese's Spread VoxBox

2015-02-21T18:53:00.001-05:00

Woohoo!! The lovely folks at Influenster sent me the new Reese's Spread to try out! My entire house has a love affair with peanut butter and chocolate so this spread did not disappoint.

The first night we made S'mores using the oven. I preheated the oven to about 250 and lined a cookie sheet with aluminum foil. Then I placed graham cracker squares with a marshmallow in for a couple of minutes until the marshmallows started to puff out. I had the other half of the grahams ready with the Reese's spread and pressed it down on top of the puffy marshmallow half. So YUMMY!!

We tried this stuff in several recipes. Since we've been hit with an ice storm we have been going through the hot chocolate. My husband scooped out a spoonful of the spread and stirred it into his hot chocolate and now claims he can't drink it any other way.

I love Influenster and being able to try out products for free! Hope over there and create yourself an account. You won't regret it.

Vitality Vox Box

2014-09-30T19:15:00.003-04:00

I had the great pleasure of receiving the Vitality Vox Box from Influenster! I was super excited when I got the email stating that I qualified for this box and I anxiously awaited it's arrival. It finally showed up on my doorstep. I received all these products for FREE to sample and I am not paid to endorse any product. I only post, if I so choose, my review of the products.

Let's start with the Bikini Ready gummies. The flavors were yummy. The texture okay, I just don't care for gummy/chewy candies or snacks. But they got the job done. They are advertised as giving an energy boost, so I ate them in the morning instead of drinking my usual cup of caffeine. They worked as described, with my only complaint being that I got a sample pack and not a full bottle. While you can buy them in the store, check out their website for more information Bikini Ready.
The next up for review is the First Degree Burn Cream Honestly, I didn't think I would need this product for a while so I stored it in our first aid kit and forgot about it. Then one afternoon while I was making Cheer Bows, my youngest grabbed the hot iron I was using. I remembered this cream in my first aid box and she stopped crying pretty instantly. Since I have yet to use it on myself, I think it must have cooling/soothing properties because her only request was a huge (and unnecessary) bandage. The bandage came off a few hours later and she was fine.

Next up, is the Playtex Play On Sport Tampons. And well for modesty sake...they do the job and comfortably.
The Sweet Tea by Pure Leaf and it is the best sweet tea in a bottle I've ever had and I'm pretty picky. My favorite items in this box are the Soft Lips Cube and the Elizabeth Arden Flawless Future Serum. I have always been a fan of both companies. I keep several tubes of the soft lips lip balm in my bag, car, bathroom, etc. And I love Elizabeth Arden's skin care line. This cube is similar to the EOS lip balm, but in my opinion has better flavor and isn't as waxy feeling. The serum left my face feeling soft and after several days it had a luminous sheen.
All in all I would, and did with some items, go and buy these products. I used the coupons provided for the Lip Cube and stocked up on my favorite flavor, pomegranate blueberry.
Again, I am not paid for this. My opinions are my own and I received these products to try for free from Influenster.

What not to say to Kyla...

2014-09-19T00:01:00.000-04:00

My daughter has several combined issues with her ADHD. She is ODD, doesn’t empathize well, and has some sensory issues. Her struggles seem to progress as she ages. She doesn’t wear a sign on her back indicating as much, and we don’t generally mention it. Not because we’re trying to hide it, but because there are so many other interesting things about her that come to mind first: She obsessively loves “My Little Pony” and dancing and singing. She’s witty and has no filter. She’s says the things that no one else will. She’s direct and brutally honest. She reads books that her 10 year old (almost) sister doesn’t even read. And, we love her sassy personality.

That said, I am completely tired of hearing the same ignorant responses and questions from people, some complete strangers and some family members. She is too and I pity the person that has the gall to say one of the following in front of her because she will let you know exactly what is wrong with what you said.

· “All she needs is a good spanking.” Seriously?! I could physically hurt the next person that makes that suggestion.

· “Sometimes I’m a little ADD.” As if Kyla’s condition boils down to a problem with listening, like she’s purposely disobedient, instead of having an actual mental condition.

· “Let me take her for a week and I’ll sort her out.”

· “She’ll grow out of it. A lot of kids just have extra energy.” This is where most people are so completely misinformed. ADHD does not equal constant movement necessarily. Does she fidget? Absolutely! However, her brain requires constant stimulation so you cannot expect her to sit and be quiet without offering some form of stimulation. This is why video games often are associated with ADHD. The games did not create the problem in most cases; the games provide a constant, ever-changing source of stimulation that a child with ADHD benefit from. I’m not saying I plop my child in front of a system, but she has several tools at her disposal and anything she does is educational.

· “Have you tried ?” Like I’m a completely incompetent parent. I have three other children, two of which are older than she is. Before we began her several therapies/appointments, we tried alternate diets and extra activity. I would not medicate or pull her out of school unless it was necessary for her happiness and health.

· “But she’s so smart!” As if she is expected to be otherwise.

· “ADHD was just created by drug companies” Right, I take her to all her appointments and give her medication just for the fun of it.

· “Don’t give her (insert name of medicine)!! I don’t want her taking it, I heard it’s bad.” Seriously, like I didn’t thoroughly research any medication before giving it to her. Like I did not report the slightest thing to her doctor and try 3 medications before we found one that worked best for her. All drugs have bad side effects. But those side effects don’t affect everyone and in most cases the good outweighs the bad. Also, most of the negative you hear is due to other’s without a prescription abusing the medication. Make your opinions after you do research.

· “Oh, she’s just strong-willed” or “typical little girl.” I invite you to join us at our home on a medication free day (weekends).

· “Everyone has issues like that sometimes.”

· “I’m sorry” And for what, exactly?! She’s not broken or somehow incomplete. She’s perfect. In fact, in many ways her thought process and responses are wittier than most adults I know.

· “I don’t know how you do it.” Would you not love, support, and seek every option and opportunity available for your child?

I’m sure I’ve missed some but these are the most prominent. ADHD may be over diagnosed but that does not mean that every child with that diagnosis doesn’t have it. And it does not mean that child is somehow less than perfect. I won’t question your child or your parenting choices when your child shoves his finger up his nose and into his mouth. Or throws a complete, on the floor crying, tantrum in the store when you don’t purchase the toy she wants. So don’t look at my child like she’s out of control or when she has a meltdown due to the suddenly itchy fabric of her shirt or when she loudly tells you to pull your pants up because no one wants to see your booty. (true story)

Freeman Beauty #BAREFOOTbliss Review

2014-06-14T03:21:00.000-04:00

It’s that time of year again when we break out our sandals and flip flops and expose our feet to the sand, sun, and elements. I recently joined Influenster, a community that gives opinions of products, services, and experiences. Once you join you connect all of your social media sites and select badges to work on so that you can qualify for a VoxBox and review products for FREE! Less than a week after I joined, I qualified for the Freeman Beauty Badge. I was thoroughly excited to have been chosen and could not wait to get my hands on the product because I’m never chosen for anything. I received a coupon in the mail to redeem at Walmart for a free Freeman Beauty Barefoot Moisturizing Massage Cream. I had the option to redeem my coupon for the Massage Cream or a foot exfoliator but I feel like I’m always in need of moisture on my feet, so I opted for the cream.

I have been using it for a week now and overall – I like it. It is moisturizing, to be sure, and really made my feet feel great. I do think that the scent was maybe too strong but I wouldn’t say it stunk nor would it keep me from buying in the future. Note: I have since paid the full price of $4.96 for my mom to try as well. The Barefoot Moisturizing Massage Cream is lightweight and comes in a 5.3 ounce foot-shaped tube. I have used this product nightly for a week and still have over half a tube left not to mention super soft, slightly luminous feet. I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes. Please ignore the odd photo of my feet...taking a picture was an afterthought.

Celeb Baby Names

2012-05-07T21:21:00.000-04:00

Did you hear?

Jessica Simpson finally had her baby. She named it Maxwell Drew.

No, she did not have a boy.

She had a girl.

Now, as far as celebrity names go, it isn’t too horrible. Would I name my daughter that? No. But she grew the kid for 500 months, therefore it’s her right to choose. She plans on calling the baby Maxi. I’m sure we’re all thinking of the feminine product now, right?

But again. If that’s what she wants to call her kid, by all means.

As far weird names go, Maxwell is pretty tame compared to what other celebs have named their children.

Pilot Inspektor anyone?

Or….someone named their kid Tabooger. TABOOGER? (Seriously. Dan Cortese and Dee Dee Hemby actually choose that moniker.)

Nicolas Cage must’ve took out his rage on having movie after movie of his bomb so he named his son Kal-el.

And somewhere out there, a child is walking around with the name Moxie CrimeFighter and Fifi TrixieBell.

Now.As I said up there, everyone has a right to name their kid what they want. But why? Is there some secret celeb child society where, if you want your baby to be well liked and accepted, the number one rule is that it MUST be named something bizarre?

I prefer the celebs who refuse to follow this rule and call their children something, well, normal. Think about it. All the actors that are out there now all have basically normal names. Ryan. Brad. Angie. Chris. When the next generation comes through we’re going to get the weirdo names.

The New Spiderman…starring Bahoohoo Jones!

A remake of The Wizard of Oz…starring Apple Orange!

An all new Batman…starring Bee Buzz!

Lucky us, huh?

Nate's 9!

2012-02-27T00:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Nate,

Well, my boy, you are now 9.

You are happy, kind, sweet, and confident. You love and adore the parentals in this house and look forward to time spent together as a family. You obey the rules religiously, and bring logical well-planned arguments for our consideration when you think rules should be altered. Quite honestly, we usually agree with your logic, and make changes accordingly.

Though we don't tell you often enough, we are proud as punch for the maturity you show in times like these. You make it nearly impossible to tell you no, kid.

And you leave me wondering what I ever did to deserve you.

Right now, you are obsessed with all things basketball. Almost every item on your birthday wish list was basketball related. What brings a smile to my face is that most days when I and see you with your sisters, teammates, or friends, offering pointers, and cheering them on, rather than shooing them away to focus on yourself. It's not the game that matters. It's the people who play alongside you that count. A lesson, sweet boy, that we are all learning from you.

Nate, your heart is pure gold.

As you grow into a man, which I know is bound to happen whether I like it or not, I hope you will take this knowledge and lock it deep inside your heart: There is not a day goes by that I don't thank god for sending me you. You are truly a noble soul. Your sweetness of spirit is infectious and brings joy to all those around you. You are quick to laugh, especially at yourself, and so easy to love.

You make me smile each and every day.

Thank you for showing me just how fantastically wonderful boys can be.

I love you, Nate. And I always will.

Love, Mama

To the Tired and Weary:

2012-01-21T02:45:00.000-05:00

This is a letter to the tired and weary, at the beginning of this New Year. I write this to you with MUCH joy and hope for your future.
You can consider this a letter to the past, to the me of January 2011. When I felt indeed alone and lost and weary. Beyond hope and full of despair. I felt my dreams crushed and beyond my reach. I felt isolated and in the dark. It was a tough, tough spot.
And I know that chances are, with the traffic that comes through these "doors,” that some of you reading this know EXACTLY where I was, because you are there. This letter is to you.

Dear sweetly broken girl,

I know you feel hopeless and "done.” I know you are tired of trying and want to give up. I know that you do not know how you will get through the rest of the day, let alone another whole year that looms ahead of you. I know you feel like your prayers fall on deaf ears...that God feels further than he has ever been. Can I gently suggest that he may be closer than ever? That the shadows that surround you may be the hand of God hiding you in the cleft of the rock protecting you?

Exodus 33:22 says, "When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by."

That means His hand is on you. Protecting you from danger. I know it does not feel that way. Believe me, I know. You have never felt further from His touch. You feel punished. You feel deserted. But HE IS THERE. Use this time to push towards Him. When you are sad, read the Bible. When you hurt, read a devotional. When you feel alone, read the Bible. When you are desperate pray...out loud...in a scream if you must. Give it your all, He can take it. DIG your heels in and refuse to let go. Pull from every ounce of stubbornness you can muster up. Stick to your guns. Go through the same motions that you would if things were "normal.” In some areas, I dare say, "Fake it till you make it.”

God has not left you. He is not punishing you. He still loves you. He has a plan FOR YOU. It is better than yours is. I can testify to the facts that if we had gotten all we prayed for in January of 2011, that we would be in worlds of hurt come January 2012.

I can trace most of the steps of both answered and unanswered prayers from the last year and time has brought much confusion into focus, in a way, that only time can. I can tell you, that if God doesn't answer a prayer the way you would like, that He is either protecting you or has something better in mind. Or both.

I just do not want you to give up.

There is good around the corner. This time next year or in the future, you will be wiser. And better. More patient and more kind. If you are seeking Him, you will be closer than ever. You will fight for the presence that you have with him now because...

He is close to the brokenhearted.

Do not waste this chance to grow.
Do not give up.

I have noticed that people, who do these things, do so at the least appropriate time in their lives, ever. By doing these things, you are only doing the bidding of the enemy. He wants you alone and isolated.

You are punishing yourself, not God.

To HEAR God, you have to put yourself in His proximity. You have to know Him and seek Him to HEAR Him. It just does not work with wishing.

I am just here to beg you to not give up. It does get better.

As I sit here, at the start of a new year, I feel like I am carrying around less "junk" than EVER in my life. And I know it is by the grace of God and my stubbornness to BE JOYFUL. I know that I am "better" than ever because instead of isolating myself, I rolled up my sleeves and said, "Let's do this.”

My dreams have been restored. And they gleam more than ever before. Instead of pining that we are not home YET, I am making sure that every decision and action we take takes us closer to that goal. I am restoring and reaching out and pushing forward. I am enjoying THIS day and whatever it brings. I am choosing to be thankful and focus on our blessings.

It is a process to get through a year. But YOU CAN DO IT!

I want you to know that you are not alone. I believe that you can push through.

I will leave you with this fresh thought, for a fresh new year. One that YOU can choose to make awesome:
“Behold, I am making all things new.” Rev 21:5

That is present tense, my friend.

Much love and hope to you in this New Year of the new you,
Lindsey

I am...

2011-12-05T04:06:00.000-05:00

I am the kind of mom that says yes to yet another package of stickers or football cards.

But says no when they want to play in the muddy rain puddles.

I am the kind of mom that always says yes when they beg for a treat at the store.
But says no when they want their treat later for a snack and makes them make a healthier choice instead.

I am the kind of mom that likes to read a story out loud to them.
And to their dismay, if their is a film version they are not allowed to watch it until the book is finished.

I am the mom who hugs, squeezes, and kisses their dad in front of them.
Even when they giggle and pretend to be thoroughly grossed out.

I am the kind of mom that gets frustrated and cleans their rooms when they're at school.
But I never tell them what I throw out in the process. (And they almost always never miss it anyway).

I am the kind of mom that takes time for my own hobbies, dreams, and needs.
And I think that's extremely good for them.

I am not the mom who sits on the floor and plays legos or does puzzles with them every day.
But I am the mom that sits and listens, then dries their tears with encouragement and support.

I am the mom that has fresh-baked cookies and milk waiting when they come home from school.
I am not the mom who buys the Oreos.

I am the mom who loves these four with a fierce intensity that goes down to my core and sometimes nearly consumes me.

I am their mom.
And they are my heart.

Our Son

2011-11-12T05:23:00.000-05:00

Most that read my blog know me. They know my family. They know that my family started as Me and Nathan and Tommy joined us when Nathan was only 2 months old. They know that in the 8 almost 9 years that I have been married that Tommy and I have produced 3 gorgeous blue-eyed girlies. What most don’t know is the story of Nathan. And most don’t ask. I’m sure they make their own assumptions because they don’t want to be rude. However, I will EAGERLY (for many reasons) tell you mine and his story.

We live in East TN and as much as I love this beautiful place, there is still a lot of ignorance within it. Our son is biracial. When we are all together in public people openly assume that he is a foster child, we are babysitting, or his father neglected him and Tommy is just a really good step-father. NONE of these things are true. To sum up all the horrible details…I was raped. 17 going on 18 and my grandmother came to my rescue. I lived in VA at the time. She drove to pick up her badly beaten granddaughter and brought her home to TN. I just knew I was pregnant. I felt it. And 7 tests confirmed it. I hated it. I did not want to accept it. So my mother was making arrangements for a woman she worked with to adopt my baby. This woman and her husband desperately wanted children but were not having any success. I agreed because I didn’t want to give any thought whatsoever to what was going on with me. I remember relaying to my mom that this child would be biracial. I figured that the couple would want to know that information. And while at first there was hesitation, they decided it didn’t matter. Until they too discovered they were pregnant and due shortly before me. This left me with no options in my head. I asked my mom to bring me all the information she could on abortions. She did. I read. And I prayed. I never prayed. But that night I prayed and fell asleep while talking/crying it out with God. I dreamed.

My dream involved a very graphic abortion. And pain. Lots of pain. Pain in my body for what I had put it through and pain in my heart for what I let go. I woke in tears. I knew that no matter the circumstance, this child was mine and I loved it. I needed it. It needed me. And at that moment we were one and I was going to do everything I needed to ensure that it was born healthy, happy, and loved. And he was on February 27, 2003. Throughout my pregnancy I began to pray for a Christian man. One that would love me unconditionally and protect me. And most importantly one that would love my son as his own. One that would take him and be his role model. I was blessed with Tommy in late April and married at the beginning of July. Tommy adopted Nathan and our family doesn’t see color.

Now to the point of this.

Nathan’s beginnings should not have to be explained. My family should not be given second glances when we are all together in public. While I will openly tell anyone who asks our little story (because I am loved and have been blessed TREMENDOUSLY) it hurts my heart to see Nathan’s expression when strangers so openly exclude him when they view our family. He is the most awesome boy I have ever known. He is sensitive and relates to others on a ridiculously mature level. He is a genius. I swear. He excels at everything he tries. He is ours. He loves his dad and his papaw, they are his refuge in the middle of all us girls. And he comes to me when he needs lovin’ or when dad makes him mad because I explain things to him a little more rationally (and I’m a bit of a sucker for those dark brown eyes and shy smile.)

I am bothered when family/friends/strangers point out how much the girls look like their dad or myself but make no notice of Nathan’s similarities. Nathan, Kyla, and Ava share my smile. Nathan and Kira share my freckles. Nathan has my eyes. Nathan (unfortunately) got my habit of biting my nails when he is nervous or stressed. Nathan, Ava, and Kyla have the same shaped face. They all have my feet and toes. And he and Tommy share the same skin tone most of the year. (When Nathan was a baby, complete strangers told us he looked just like his Tommy or Tommy’s mom…it’s the Cherokee) We are all different and alike.

Another issue is this. DO NOT refer to him as mixed or any other cutsie/insulting label you can think of. While he is perfectly mixed like his sisters….this hurts him. Don’t make stereotypical references when we talk about his enormous appetite. I was seriously asked if his favorite food was fried chicken and watermelon. What?! They thought it was funny. Don’t tell him that he should grow a ‘fro just because he is apparently “suppose to”. (A kid said this to him at school) And parents STOP spreading your ignorance to your children. This is one of the main reasons I consider homeschool.

I have so much I could add to this topic…and I will…but I feel that each part should be given appropriate thought and consideration.

Him

2011-10-31T03:17:00.002-04:00

I watched his hands as he worked, dust floating around him in the air. Big, strong hands. Hands I know well.

Hands that held mine continuously through three deliveries, even when I squeezed so hard he feared a broken bone.

Hands that gently supported three newborn heads, each in their turn, as he pulled back the blankets to peek at their beautiful, squishy faces.

Hands that have reached out to wipe many a tear from my freckled cheek.

Hands that hold his face when he is lost in his thoughts.

Hands that load and unload every single grocery bag.

Hands that wash the dishes because he knows I hate it.

I love those hands.

And I love the man attached to them even more.

As I watched him work at his parents, moving furniture unassisted and cleaning messes that were not his, I studied this man of mine. And I came to the conclusion, for what must be the millionth time, that he's one of the good ones.

They say that a good marriage is the ability to fall in love over and over with the same person.

I'd say it just happened again.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

2011-10-25T23:50:00.000-04:00

These are a few of my favorite things. (You're singing aren't you!) I am totally procrastinating with this post. There are so many other things I should be/could be/would be doing. However, here is a list of things I'm currently LOVING!

1. Lipton Iced Tea with Lemon. I love iced tea but only with lemon. Most teas without lemon tastes bitterly sweet. And lately I'm diggin' this.

2. The Harry Potter Books. I know, I know. I'm late in the whole Harry Potter fad. I have been reading them to Kira 2 chapters a night and she LOVES them and I love the time with her doing something she will remember always. I have always read to the kiddos but it more fun now that they can sit through longer stories and read themselves. That and Kira and I are super pumped to have a movie night after we finish each book!!

3. The Smell of Cinnamon. I love this time of year and this scent is everywhere. And there is something about the warm smell of cinnamon that reminds me of home.

4. American Eagle Jeans. These are my absolute favorite and they are oh so comfy!

5. Petticoats and Tutus for My Girls. 'Cause they are cute and girlie and the girls love to spin in them.

6. Target. Who doesn't love this store?! Cute stuff for cheap. I prefer to get the kids clothes from here because they are nicer and seem to hold up better than the stuff from Wally World.

7. M.A.C. Lipglass. I love all M.A.C. products but the lipglass is one of my staples.

On a different note, one of my least favorite things is packing and moving. I have no desire or motivation to do it. I am not looking forward to the end result. But it has to be done *putsgamefaceon*.

Winner of Halloween Giveaway!

2011-10-25T16:26:00.000-04:00

And the winner of the Halloween Giveaway is Syndi Conard

Stay tuned for a Holiday giveaway!!

The Don'ts of FB

2011-10-24T04:44:00.002-04:00

Facebook.

Everyone has one.

Some people don’t seem to understand how to use one.

So I decided to make a Top Ten list of Facebook Don’ts.

10. Don’t like a sad status. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone post “Having an awful day,” and saw someone like it. Um? Or once I posted that I had a headache and someone liked it. Is anyone really reading Facebook or are they liking every status?

9. Don’t post half naked pics of yourself. Or anyone else you might know. That belongs on an entirely different site.

8. Don’t post pics with your tongue out or "duck" lips. 'Nuff said. Why is everyone trying to make out with facebook?

7. Don’t constantly vague book. Fine, if you want to do it once in awhile, great. A little mystery never killed anyone. Constant mystery does. If you aren’t going to spill your guts when someone asks what’s wrong on a daily basis, knock it off.

6. Don’t post a picture of something you cooked and then be like, “Can’t share the recipe, it’s secret!” Don’t tease! That’s mean!

5. Don’t whine if people spoil a show. Stay offline if you’re worried about finding out the score or what happened in the season opener.

4. Don’t repeatedly post a countdown to the new Twilight movie if you’re over 25. It’s creepy.

3. Don’t constantly post political posts and be surprised when not everyone agrees. This also goes for parenting posts.Can you just accept that others will have opinions that differ from yours? The world is an interesting place because we all think differently, people. I wish some people got that.

2. Don’t allow your kids under 13 to join Facebook. I suppose I get it if they HAVE to play Farmville, but don’t let them post. They won’t have anything interesting to say. And plus, the rules sort of state to be over 13 to join. I might ~~won't~~ friend your kid to be polite if they request me, but don’t ask me to watch my language or my content. I won’t.

1. Don’t post about how broke you are and then have your next update be like, “We just bought a new puppy!” That’s annoying. Common sense shows that if you are broke, that buying a new pet might not be the brightest idea and yes, half your Facebook list is thinking this, too.

Ok, I'm done with my ranting now! Happy Monday everyone!

Halloween Giveaway!!

2011-10-20T23:05:00.001-04:00

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Really, it's my favorite because of the time of year. I love the colors, smell, and weather this time of year. I love to crunch the leaves on the sidewalks and wear my favorite cozy sweaters. And I love to bake sweets and cook stews and soups and that seems to fit in perfectly with fall/winter. There is something about this weather that brings out the chef and creativity in me. So in light of the season I am doing a giveaway!!

I want to hear your best costume ideas; past/present/future Submit your ideas in the comments below and I will randomly select a winner. Deadline is October 24. So get on it! Be creative and you could win a $25 giftcard to Target and a yummy bag o' candy of your choice!

What I Learn From My Girls

2011-10-16T20:31:00.001-04:00

Small children are blessed with unabashed pride in their own accomplishments and attributes.

"You are very beautiful," I told Kyla the other day.

"I know," she replied.

Somewhere along the journey to adulthood, however, most women stop taking compliments as undeniable truths about ourselves and instead, start viewing them as cruel jokes. This is proven by the fact that if you ever tell a young mother that she looks pretty or, heaven forbid, sexy, she will first laugh at you, and then insult your intelligence.

"You don't know what you are talking about," she will bark as she pinches a layer of fat around her middle.

I worry sometimes that I am so focused on teaching my kids how to be better people that I forget that I have much to learn from them on the subject in return. Specifically, I fear that if I do not start following my children's example, then they will follow mine.

The next time that someone pays you a compliment, join me in resisting the urge to stomp on it. Instead, smile and simply say "thank you."

My 27

2011-10-15T23:41:00.001-04:00

Today I turn 27. I know. It is sooo exciting. Especially when it's a Sunday and I'm a mom and still have to do all the same old mom things. But I'm not complaining. I have a great life, with great kids (who drive me crazy) and a handsome husband who caters to my every want.

Without further ado here’s 27 things about me:

1. I detest wire hangers.

2. My favorite lunches involve some combination of soup, salad and a sandwich with a girly dessert.

3. I do not like talking on the phone. Texting is easier and faster for me because I am always in an environment that is loud and chaotic. So do us both a favor and send me a message instead.

5. My car is a garbage can on wheels.

6. My favorite treats all involve caramel.

7. If I ever build my own home, the most important feature will be a decent sized mud room with lockers.

8. I am snobby to snobby people.

9. I have a very hard time not spending coupons (ex: friends and family at Old Navy, Crazy 8, etc.) I love a deal.

10. I love black and white together and separate for clothing.

11. I don't believe in fad diets, diet pills, or diets in general. The word "diet" immediately makes me feel ravenous.

12. My favorite gifts from Tommy are cards with meaningful written messages (he hates doing this) and massages--nothing kinky, just like a great food rub.

13. I hate being tickled. Anywhere.

14. I do not think that I will ever get over having a subpar wedding. I had no say. My opinions were never asked. And while I appreciate the effort and love of everyone else, it makes me sad that I did not have MY day.

15. I am the world’s biggest anti-morning person. Regardless of when I go to bed, I always seem to stay exhausted. No matter how much sleep I get, it never seems to be enough.

16. At my funeral, no one will say "She never said a bad word about anyone."

17. They will say “She was fun to be around.”

18. Fountain cokes are my weakness.

19. I consider getting myself showered and dressed for the day to be a major burden now that I have a kids.

20. I am only comfortable in a small range of temperatures ranging from about 72 to 80 degrees Fahrenheit

21. I don’t balance my checkbook because it is easier to follow my account online.

22. I love my girls’ dimples.

23. I am passive aggressive and inherently lazy. I hardly ever make my bed.

24. I can give a one-girl play of the Wizard of Oz. It’s been my favorite since forever.

25. I make friends easily but prefer to keep them at arms length.

26. I would rather get lilies than roses.

27. I like sentimental things but have very few.

Here's to another great year!

My Girl, Kira

2011-10-12T03:24:00.003-04:00

Having a girl is like riding a roller coaster. A fast, exhilarating, slightly out of control roller coaster.

The highs are so high. They are filled with sweetness and joy and all things good. Like cupcakes and rainbows and unicorns. On a sunny day. In a field. Together. They are amazing. And then boom! everything is turned upside down in the most dramatic way possible.

The lows are abrupt and intense and deafening. And then, the highs come back and you forget that the lows ever happened. Rinse and repeat a million times to infinity, and that’s what it’s like having a girl. Like a roller coaster, minus the nausea. Well, minus the nausea, most days. But, it’s certainly always an adventure and I’m forever thankful that I get to go along for the ride.

And now seven things for Kira's seventh birthday:

1. She loves pink and princesses and baby dolls and glitter and perfume and lip gloss and make-up, etc.

2. She loves to sing and dance and sing. This girl sings everywhere; in the shower, in the car, with or without music. Her current favorites are Justin Beiber (HELP!!) and Taylor Swift. She also likes to provide lessons to anyone that will listen.

3. She loves to go to her room and read or play quietly. She is a very easy child and is very sweet to her siblings...even when they don't deserve it.

4. She makes pictures for me everyday that say "Kira and Mom are best friends" or "Kira loves Mom." She doesn't make a dang thing for Tommy.

5. She already talks like a valley girl. She told me a story where another girl told her that she was 9. Kira said, "I was like...um, okay....I will be like 7...but whatever.."

6. A few days ago, we were sitting and watching some show on Nick and she looks over and says, "Mom, you know how if you do something wrong and you feel bad about it, you have to repent?" I said yes, silently patting myself on the back for teaching her about repentance. She replied, "If you feel bad, just don't think about it and then you don't have to repent."

7. She compliments me on my outfit nearly everyday. "Cute shirt mom!" or "I love your boots." or "You look really pretty, Mommy." She makes me feel good.

Happy 7th birthday to the daughter who first brought a little bit of sugar and a whole spice to my life. You add so much love and joy to my days. My world is a billion times better because you are in it. I love you to pieces. You were the first splash of pink and glitter in my otherwise bleak world.
I adore this sweet, sassy little girl.

Family - A little heavy

2011-10-08T03:11:00.002-04:00

Everyone has their own definition of family. Up until tonight, my definition/idea was very narrow. My family is my husband and kids because I know that where ever they are I am too. I depend on them and they depend on me. But I now realize that if something were to happen to any of us, we really wouldn't have the support or love we would need to get through it.

When I was little, I was close to both my dad's and my mom's side (parent's divorced when I was 2). I slept over at my grandparents, I annoyed and followed around my aunts, my cousins were my best friends. Somewhere along the line my dad moved out of state and I gradually lost connection with his family. I moved to be with my dad when I started middle school and my relationships with my mom's family somewhat faded. I went years and years without seeing most of them.

Fast Forward to today....
We all live within 30 miles of each other (if not closer) and not much has changed, I hardly see anyone. Including on holidays.

My husbands family is quite opposite. They all live close...in fact most are neighbors. They are there for every milestone, every good thing, and every bad thing. They help each other out. They are each others best friends. The spouses of his aunts, uncles, and cousins all get along great too. They all grew up in the same area. They share childhoods. They have history. I have never fit into his family. I sit alone at most gatherings because when I do attempt to engage in conversation....it just feels too forced from both sides. I am quite the outsider since I am younger and didn't grow up around here. Even my kids see the difference in how all the cousins play and interact. But I'm ok with all that. You stick to what you know and they know close family, I don't. I don't know how to be a part of that ~~and they probably don't know what to do with me~~. Stepping out of your comfort zone is hard. And while I accept that it is what is it, I do envy their relationships. Of how their kids all play together and spend birthdays together. Of how they know if something were to happen their family is a phone call, or a door knock, away. When a member is sick or in the hospital, everyone of them shows up. They call to chat. They stop to talk real quick when they see you, instead of a passing "hi, how are you?" (I get those often.) I'm envious of THEIR family.

This is all at the forefront of my thoughts because tonight, I saw my grandmother, my dad's mom. She is at home under hospice care and isn't expected to make it through the weekend. All of her children and their kids came and went to spend time with her. While I sat with her for a little while I couldn't help but remember being 4 and spending nights with her and my aunt Sam. She would cook the best chicken n' dumplins in the whole world. I remember the times I stayed there with my dad after he and my mom seperated. I could remember the time I told her I wanted a "wedding cake" for my birthday cake with blue flowers. And that's what I got....it was only a 1/4 sheet, but to me it was a wedding cake. I remember the curio cabinet she had with little trinkets and the box filled with happy meal toys. And sadly those are they majority of my memories. Over the past nine years, I have seen her and visited but not often. Life got in my way and I would always comment that I needed to stop by....but never got around to it. While being reintroduced to family that either didn't know I existed or hadn't seen me since I was 5, I thought this can't happen for my kids.

While I am not close to my husband's family I can follow their example. I can be closer to the people I share interests and memories with. I can make it a point to see how they are doing. I can stop by on the holidays. Their kids can come over for sleep-overs. And my children's cousins can be their best friends. Financial status, the neighborhood you live in, the education you have, all don't matter because you are family. It shouldn't take failing health to bring family and loved ones together. I hated not knowing the names of family members or recognizing faces. I'm sad about the missed opportunities for a quick visit. I'm sad of the memories not made. And I'm sad that my children didn't get to know their great-grandmother; to know her voice, her laugh, see her smile, or taste her yummy cooking. These are all memories that I will cherish.

Fad Diets

2011-10-05T06:00:00.002-04:00

Atkins Diet

Alli Diet

Acai Berry Diet

Beverly Hills Diet

Cabbage Soup Diet

Celery Diet

Cookie Diet

Egg Diet

Fat Free Diet

Grapefruit Diet

HCG Diet

Liquid Diets

Suzanne Somers Diet

Subway Diet

The Zone

3 Day Diet

Phen-Fen

Diet Patches

Diet Pills

Plastic Wrap

Jaws wired shut

Does the list ever end?

After reading about diet after diet and all their restrictions and rules, I just wanted to run to the hills screaming. Frankly, there are little bits of truth within each of the diets. But it seemed like the weirder the diet, the more followers it has.

I found this online and started laughing out loud:

Is this true or what? And why is it?!

I’m no alarmist. Yes, I do recommend certain foods, fitness gear, workouts, and books that offer sound fitness and nutrition advice. I suppose you could call me a moderationist (I just made that word up).
I advocate what works:

Vegetables

Fruits

Lean proteins

Whole grains

Good fats and oil

Low sugar

Low bad fats

Low salt

Nutrient dense foods

Tons of water

Do cardio most days a week

Lift weights a few times a week

Sweat

*CONSISTENCY*

We don’t have to reinvent the wheel here. WE KNOW THIS STUFF. Why do we as a culture keep looking for the next take-twenty-pounds-off-in-a-week program? Why not just use the knowledge we already have, DO IT, then enjoy long term health and fitness? It's HARD work, but aren't YOU worth it?

The diet business is a $40 BILLION a year industry. This is crazy.

I’m taking my money and going to buy some more spinach and fish, thank you.
So, what are your thoughts on fad diets?

Sisters

2011-10-04T07:42:00.003-04:00

Kira: Mommmmmmmaaaaay!!!! Kyla is copying me!
Note: "Mommy" is said in a way that only Kira has perfected. A way that lets you know that a tattle tale of sorts is on it's way and in a shrill that reminds you of nails on a chalkboard.

Me: So, stop talking.

{Insert scowl and three seconds.}

Kira: Mommmaaaay!!! Kyla is still copying me.

Me: Aren’t you not talking? How is she copying you?

Kira: She’s not talking either! Ugh, little sisters are annoying.

Me: Then go clean her room and see if she ~~still~~ stops copying you.

My Enemies

2011-09-16T07:59:00.003-04:00

I’m a proud Momma to what I affectionately call The Monkeys. My oldest, and only son, is 8 years old. His Highness is the calm before the storm. Behind him are our three gorgeous daughters, ages 6, 3, and 5 months, who I refer to as Sassy, Teeny Tiny, and the Bean. Together their personalities closely resemble the cast of Jackass. I have literally spent the last nine years either pregnant or changing diapers. And that’s a LOT of poop.

Yes, they are all mine, yes, they all have the same father, yes, the father and I are still married, and yes, we do know what causes this. We are just exceptionally good at it.

While our family is larger than the average, we are completely normal… normal being a relative term. Let me tell about some of our enemies...

THE DUGGAR FAMILY (TLC): The Duggars bother me, and not just because their oldest son and his wife practically filmed hours of hand porn during their dating episodes. When it comes to educating America on life inside a big family, the show is misleading.

While I wish I could be as sweet natured as Michelle, and never raise my voice to my husband or children, I just can’t. Then again, I also don’t have teenage daughters to help cook all our meals, wash our 18 weekly loads of laundry (which is a domestic enemy to every mother, in and of itself) and watch my babies all day. Perhaps if I could borrow Michelle’s oldest daughters a few mornings a week, I would have more patience with the little howler monkeys who keep begging for sippy cups to be refilled and goldfish to crush on the freshly vacuumed carpet.

APPOINTING A LEGAL GUARDIAN: In the event that (God forbid) something should happen to us both… When His Highness was born, both sets of grandparents would proudly be appointed his legal guardian should something happen. I couldn’t stand the thought of filling out a legal document, stating who was to raise MY child, MY pride and joy. My husband and I argued for days over who would do the better job, both throwing each other’s families under the bus.

Fast forward seven years, and now, instead of arguing with my husband, I’m arguing with the couple we named legal guardian… “What do you mean you only want His Highness and Sassy?? So what you’ve got two kids of your own! Fine then... We’ll see if his aunt will take a few of them.”

PUBLIC OUTINGS-- This is a three part enemy.

A.) Herding Chimpansloths
Getting out the door to go anywhere, whether it is school or amusements parks, takes an act of congress. Instead of “herding turtles” to our gas-guzzler, I feel much more as if I’ve just herded a cross breed of chimpanzees and sloths. While I know the chimp part of their brain is indeed intelligent enough to locate a matching pair of shoes, put them on their feet (“Wrong feet or not, I don’t care, just put them on and let’s GO!!”) and walk to the car, the sloth part of their bodies always seems to take over, making my simple request of finding two shoes (“Matching or not, I don’t care, just put them on and LET’S GO!!”) and getting in the car nearly impossible.

B.)Paparazzish Encounters
Once we arrive at our public destination, there will no doubt be onlookers and gawkers, craning their necks to see and count just how many kids I have in my van/grocery cart/sunscreen assembly line/restaurant booth/etc. It’s sort of like having paparazzi following you all the time, only instead of shouting, “Who are you wearing?” You get to pretend you give a rip about all the “Well-meaning” commenters and their questions like, “Have you thought about how you’ll put them through college?” --Are you offering to do so? Then why is it any of your business? “You’ve got your hands full.” –Thanks, I hadn’t noticed. “Better you than me.” –Yep, my kids would agree.

C.)Humiliation: Public outings with this number almost always results in embarrassing encounters involving one or more members of the motley crew. It never fails. I’m always sorry I take them out in public. For example, when Sassy was three years old, she asked me very loudly in the check-out line during rush hour at the grocery store, “Momma, what smells like button-eggs?” Stupidly, I asked him to repeat his question, since I had no idea what button-eggs were. (Amateur.) Holding her nose she repeated, even louder, “NOT BUTTON-EGGS, Momma. BUTT and EGGS! Something smells like BUTT and EGGS!” At the same time she was assaulting me with embarrassment, I got a whiff of the man standing in line in front of us. Two thoughts immediately came to mind: How in the world did my three year old put those two items together to make such a description… and second, how did she do it so accurately?

GUILT: It’s the common thread that bonds our sisterhood together as Mothers. For me, guilt rears its ugly head daily, leaving me to doubt my capabilities to handle such a fun and spirited group of children. After a long day of Chimpansloth Herding, when my babies’ daddy is off doing daddy/husband/helpful things, I don’t always make time to read “justonemorestory pleeeaaaasssseee” nor do I always explain as sweetly as I should that Mommy is exhausted and just really needs for everyone to close their eyes and go to sleep. Some nights it comes out more like the foot stomping temper tantrums I’m always fussing at them for throwing. After they’re all in the bed, and the house is quiet, I stare mindlessly at reruns on Nick at Nite. That’s when the feelings of inadequacy begin to haunt me. “Am I doing a good job? Do they all know just how much I truly love them? Did I even make eye contact with the middle one…. Oh, what’s her name.. Sassy?” The truth is, while Satan loves for those feelings of doubt to creep into all of our hearts, only we can push them out, and remember, there’s nothing to feel guilty for. Siblings are a gift. Tomorrow is a new day. And no matter how today went, I can always do better tomorrow.

Even though I don’t have the help of Michelle Duggar’s daughters, I wouldn’t trade my life for the world. While a large family may bring with it an abundance of domestic enemies, it also brings an abundance of LOVE. Every day I get to wake up to four times the hugs, kisses, and snuggles. I also get to do the greatest parts of Motherhood four times over— hearing the heartbeat for the first time; kissing booboos; blowing raspberries on their bellies until we’re both laughing so hard, neither of us can breathe; watching my husband rock a cranky kid to sleep, then falling asleep himself, with that child locked tightly in his embrace; seeing the wonderment each child finds with the simple things in life. Those things, no matter how many times over you do them, never get old. These children are my greatest teachers, and most certainly my greatest blessings.

What I Won't be Wearing this Fall

2011-09-15T18:07:00.001-04:00

I spend a fair amount of time flipping through fashion magazines, window shopping, and watching shows geared toward fashion and makeovers (guilty pleasure). I probably should spend more time catching up on cleaning, or laundry, or studying but that is a post for another day. While I generally know what the trends are, I rarely follow them. I much prefer sweats, my comfy clothes. So here is what I won't be wearing:

Anything Menswear Inspired:

I have no desire to dress like a man. And it isn't flattering.

Brogues/oxford shoes:

Goes along with the menswear...I don't understand the appeal of these.

Fur:

Apparently, fur is all the rage this fall. Can you even imagine me putting this on to go to my son's football games or to pick the kids up from school?

Calf Length Hemlines:

Frumpy McFrumpy!

Ponchos:

See Calf Length Hemlines.

Liberty Boots:

I cannot figure out this trend for the life of me...Little House on the Prairie? Pioneer? Amelia Earhart? Not for me.

Marathon?

2011-09-08T18:11:00.001-04:00

In April 2010, I crossed running a half marathon off of my bucket list. I wasn't in it to win it...I just wanted to finish. And I did, in 3 L.O.N.G hours! That is including the 25 minutes I spent waiting in line to pee. (That was also the line where I was told that true marathoners just pee on themselves. Eh, no thanks!) My time was much slower than I was hoping, but realistically I did not train for speed, just distance. At times I'm sure that most could walk faster than my jog but aside from my potty break I swear I ran the full 13.1 miles! I figured if people were peeing on themselves, running with bloody nipples (yes, I said nipples...Google it) and bloody ankles then I had no reason to complain. So here I am again...contemplating another half, at least. (Eventually I would like to cross the 26.2 off my list) It will be a little harder this time, I have had a baby since then and my body is pretty deconditioned. But I learned so much about myself. I learned that you can make time for anything that you have a passion for. I have never set such a goal. At the finish, despite the soreness in my bones, I felt good and happy and I want that again. So....who wants to train with me?!

Ready to go!

Making sure my laces were tight!

The End! Did I mention that the last 5 miles it was raining, hard?!

Riddle: Does Muscle Weigh More Than Fat?

2011-09-06T04:51:00.002-04:00

Come on you know you have heard this and may have said it yourself: Does muscle weigh more than fat?

When asked immediately I come back with the snarky answer: of course not! Five pounds of muscle weighs the exact same as five pounds of fat. Five pounds is five pounds, yes?

I’m being obnoxious, I know. The riddle is actually a play on words.

The following picture can illustrate a more accurate answer much better than I can:

What you are looking at is a replica of 5 lbs. of fat and 5 lbs. of muscle. When put on a scale, they do weigh exactly the same. HOWEVER, they look a whole lot different. And they do on our bodies as well.

The fact is, the five pounds of fat has a whole lot more VOLUME than muscle. Although they weigh exactly the same, the amount of space fat takes up is significantly greater (and it’s a lot bumpier!). Just look at it! Holy cow. Whenever I think I don’t want to do lunges, I just think of that glob of fat hanging off my backside and I start lunging away.

It has always interested me when two people weighing exactly the same, one who has a low percentage of body fat and one who has a high percentage of body fat, stand side by side. Typically, the one with the lower amount of fat and higher amount of lean muscle will be much smaller. Their clothes sizes will often be 2-4 sizes smaller as well.

With lean dense muscle, the inches are reduced. Losing fat and adding lean muscle will change the composition of your body and sculpt like nothing else out there.

I’ve always said, I don’t care if I weigh as much as a two ton semi truck, if my clothes are fitting well and measurements are where I know they should be — then who the heck cares what the number on the scale says!

My point is this: we’ve got to choose — do we want more muscle or fat? It’s one or the other. Of course, I’m not talking about walking around looking like some ultra masculine version of ourselves with muscles busting out of our sleeves, veins popping out in our necks and traps up to our earlobes. NO! I’m just talking about the long, lean, healthy muscles we were born with. We might as well put them to good use by strengthening them regularly and getting them to work for us instead of letting that fat take over.

The benefits of lifting weights and building lean muscle are many. Not only do muscles rev up the ole’ metabolism and give your body the strength it needs to function optimally, they are are INCH REDUCERS to boot!

Things I don't get

2011-09-06T02:52:00.001-04:00

Young men who insist on wearing their pants so large they have to permanenty dedicate one hand to holding them up.

Women over a certain age wearing mini-skirts, short shorts in public. If you have to *ahem* readjust your inseam...they are too short. (Worst, wearing inappropriate clothes to your child's games/activites.)

Ongoing yard/garage sales. If you set your stuff up everyday, you're running a business. At some point you are going to have to throw your junk away!

Mompetitors. "My daughter started walking at 9 months, potty trained right after her first birthday, can read and right before 4, blah blah blah."

Owning an expensive car (you know with pretty paint job, big wheels) and parking it every night in front of a shack. This is especially worse when children apparently live there.

Selffish smokers. Yes, I respect your right to harm your body. However, I would like to be able to make that decision for myself and my kids. Don't smoke next to the enterance of a public building, in cars with children, in homes with children, etc. It stinks. You stink. And I don't want to. Please and Thank You!!

Hoarding of any kind. Don't buy things you don't need, take it home (throw it on a table or in a box), forget about it, then buy again because it's on sale. Just because it is on sale/clearance does not mean you need it.

Lazyness. Do not complain that you need help with something that you aren't willing to do by yourself in the first place. (Worst yet, you aren't willing to do it when help arrives.) You got yourself there, figure it out.
Handle bar mustaches.

People with that foamy saliva built up in the corners of their mouth as they speak. (They have got to feel that...ugh)

Unnecessary product upgrades, e.g., the scented handles on the package of disposable razors.

People who are neither playing beach volley ball nor water skiing, but still insist on securing their sunglasses with those chum things.

What things stump you?